The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,583 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Viks

November 24, 2013 at 2:26 pm

Hey, read you article and it makes sense to me..

My boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me 4 days ago because he said he can’t handle it anymore. I am living in England and he left to work in China till August next year just 1,5 months ago. True that we have talked a lot before he left that we won’t be too obsessive with each other and won’t get angry if we can’t talk for a few days. I guess this was aimed more at me. But since he went there, he changed a lot because it is a totally different country and I don’t think he enjoys it too much, but in front of me he says he is doing great. However, I understood from other people that he is not really happy. I am generally always nice to him and text him these romantic stuff, and sometimes I tell him that I want him to be back to the nice guy he was again, but he gets angry. I guess when you are not happy, he can’t be really romantic and loving.. So yes, 4 days ago he broke up with me saying that he can’t see any change in me and if I loved him enough I would have already been a different person. I was acting like a kid and stuff.. I begged him a lot, for which I regret now. Told him I will change and make him love me again, and he said he never stopped loving me and will always love me as I’m his first real girlfriend. Then I was thinking a lot and came to the conclusion that I don’t need to change, because if you love someone, you will love them for what they are, am I not right? I contacted him two days after that and proposed him to be something more than friends but less than lovers which will be more interesting, but he said he is ok to talk but not often and only as friends. He is hurting me so much and I know he realises this, so why is he being such an a**hole? I want him to understand that he won’t find a better girl than me. We won’t see each other before August 2014 anyway, so I was thinking that if he says he loves me and I love him too, aren’t we just people who verbally say they are apart while their hearts still love? Why is he being so stubborn and rude. I know much is going on around him now but he has no right to hurt me. I was thinking about the NC rule, do you think I should try? Before he broke up with me we were talking that his sis and I will send him a parcel with some sweets and Xmas presents because he will be alone. I already bought him something that he will love and wrote a really loving card. Shall I send them with a note that I got them ready before everything happened but still wanted him to receive them? Thanks in advance.

admin

November 24, 2013 at 8:24 pm

I think you should definitely give it a shot. NC can deifnitely work in your situation
Viks

November 25, 2013 at 2:46 pm

I am doing it now, 3rd day already and haven’t heard anything from him. He is really stubborn.. What if he doesn’t text me either, not because he doesn’t care but because he his ego is just way too big?
admin

November 25, 2013 at 8:41 pm

Have you read the guide on this topic?
Viks

December 1, 2013 at 3:52 pm

Hey Chris,

I’m currently on day 9 of the NC. He hasn’t text me for that time, but yesterday he left a comment (a random one saying that my outfit is nice) on one of my pics on instagram, which I think means that he wants to provoke me to contact him. I ignored ofc and uploaded a few pics after that + one from last night when I went out. Since he is in China, instagram, viber ad skype (we have skyped once for almost 2 months bcs of time difference and bad internet there) are the only means we can communicate, because they don’t have Facebook there.. Anyway, it’s been a few days since he is online everywhere literally all the time and I’m wondering if he is doing it in order to provoke me? I am going home on the 20th for Xmas and my NC finishes on 22nd, but I think I will contact him a few days before that as I don’t want to leave it for when I’m home. What do you think? Was this comment yesterday his first contact with me in your opinion?

Elena

November 24, 2013 at 10:18 am

Hi Chris,
So my boyfriend of a year and I broke up four months ago. He wasn’t the same person a year into our relationship, that he was at the start. I told him that I wanted him, but not this relationship. He said he wasn’t sure he could give me what I needed. It ended up being a mutual decision, with both parties pretty upset and crying. We left it so that if we felt like we didn’t make a wise decision, in a few months, we would talk about it. He was also leaving on a trip and told me he would let me know he was home safely. Well I never heard from him after his trip, nor did I message him to make sure he was okay.

So anyways, it has been four months and we have had no contact whatsoever. I have tried to get back out there and date, but I just can’t seem to move on. I feel like there was no closure as I never heard back from him after his trip.

I texted him last week, asking how things were and suggested us meeting to catchy up (which now I see maybe I should not have done). He did text back the next day, saying he was busy but good, and we could meet up as friends for coffee. When I suggested getting together next week, he said he was busy with a deadline for work and didn’t know when he would be able to. I ended up being super busy that week, so I told him maybe another time. Well a few days passed, and I texted again, asking if he was free the following weekend or week. It’s been a couple days, and I have heard nothing. I am a bit confused. Do I give it more time? Do I take this as he does not want to? Why would he agree to meeting up, but not follow through with it?

admin

November 24, 2013 at 8:05 pm

B/c he just had second thoughts it looks like.
Elena

November 24, 2013 at 10:58 pm

Do I just leave it be then and not text him again?
admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:33 pm

For now yes.

Rose

November 23, 2013 at 11:30 pm

M bf broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We have been on and off for almost 4 years. I live alone and have a very serious life compared to him and he feels pressured that I want more serious things and that we are
Looking for different things. After we came back together this time he was very clear that he wanted me to be more patient and he wanted to avoid arguments, it started great but after 5 months we started fighting and we broke up after a big argument. He said it was not working out for him and he was not sure to be ready for a such a serious
Relationship. For the first weeks I tried to contact him A LOT. I asked him to talk the day after the break up and he said he didn’t want to…. I called him in the week and e answered, we talked and he said he wanted me to take time myself, that he needed to be alone now. On Sunday that week I went to pick up stuff at his house and gave Him a long letter saying I knew that I had pressured a lot and I understood he needed time but I would like to give it another try, and be the person O was at first again….. Then we didn’t talk until 4 days after that I wrote Gina text about how I went to therapy and was helping a lot to see what I have been doing wrong in my life….. Next Saturday I called him at midnight :/ and he did tremolo, I told him the next day that I needed to talk to him please, almost begged to meet him but he ended yo calling me. I cried a lot and told him I was very sad to realize all that I did wrong, that I thing he did the right thing to take time and I was gonna work on myself… He said maybe this was what I needed to realize that….. Then two days after that I wrote an email and sent him pictures of us I found in an email saying that I knew we were not getting back together but that I wouldn’t regret trying to remind him how much I appreciated him… That I knew things would happens if they were meant to be….. I said I didn’t need a response, that I knew he always red my emails…. Then two days after that I sent an I miss u message. That was two days ago. I am convinced I have to start the NC, but, have I completely ruined it now???

admin

November 24, 2013 at 7:12 pm

No you haven’t. But I would go right into it if I was you.
Rose

November 24, 2013 at 8:57 pm

Right into The NC rule? I think I made him feel like being in a relationship equals having no freedom whatsoever. What else Can I do during and after the NC rule to show him I changed? Please ver in mind we have gotten back together many times. He did things to make me insecure and over time I became a little controlling
admin

November 25, 2013 at 7:24 pm

A lot of inner stuff. Like figuring out the behavior that caused him to feel like he had no freedom and not doing it again.
Rose

November 26, 2013 at 1:13 pm

I am domingo all that, but I am affraid that even after I work in myself, he would be so scared and unwilling to go thought the same, that he just wont believe it is posible for us to fix Things or for me to change. When the time comes I need yo show him it really will be diferent. What do you suggest?
Rose

November 26, 2013 at 1:14 pm

I meant doing*

Alexis

November 23, 2013 at 8:42 pm

Hey Chris,

Casey and I were together 8 years, we’ve had our troubles, but we had been working on them and everything was going okay we were both committing to fixing it. Basically a “friend” or so I thought I had confinded in Casey doesn’t trust me he was worried I had moved back in to Hurt him !!! Not true she used this against me and made him believe I was seeing my rebound from are last break up.

I HQVE NOT SEEN HIM I honestly haven’t!

We were cuddling 20 minutes before he busted out my windows which I shouldn’t be so willing to forgive but I know he doesn’t believe me I know he’s hurt I want to be there r

admin

November 24, 2013 at 6:49 pm

8 years is a long time. Longer than a lot of marriages. You two have a bond.

Have you tried NC yet?
Kathryn

November 27, 2013 at 10:39 am

Ok so me and my boyfriend were together 5 years and lived together 2 + 1/2. This last year has been difficult as at the beginning of the year i wasn’t sure i wanted it anymore. He was devastated. We kind of got through it, and carried on together. 2 months ago we started arguing alot, to the point where i moved out for space as we were getting nowhere – i still wanted to be with him but felt like we needed space. The arguing continued and we decided that we would both move back to our parents as our tenancy was due soon anyway. We then started getting on again and decided we would stay together but still move home with parents, so as not to rush into things and to help sort ourselves out. I was still seeing him alot but it started to feel like it was me making all of the effort. I talked to him about it and he said he hadn’t realised, he was sorry, he was going to try, he loved me just as he always had and wanted to be with me. He was telling his friends the same. Then 2 weeks later it felt like it was all my effort again, i got angry and confronted him again, where he said he didn’t know what he wanted and he was confused. Perhaps not the best idea but i went round to see him, crying and not understanding. He just kept saying he was sorry but he would still want to be friends and still love me because we were together so long. The next night we had a drunken argument which i massively regret. Anyway i stayed with him the next 4 days – again probably not the best idea, and we got on well but he was still in the same mind frame – in fact more so towards splitting up due to the argument. I saw him again 2 days later and (again regrettably) i checked his facebook and saw he was messaging a girl from his work. He got angry that i had read his messages and kept saying there is nothing in it, they are just friends etc. the conversation between them was quite flirty and i am worried something may develop if they work together. I havent spoke to him for 1 and a half days now, but need to go round to get the rest of my things as our tenancy ends this week.
What should i do?!
Do you think i have a shot? When shall i initiate the DC? And by doing the DC will that push him more towards the other girl as i have not heard from him either?
admin

November 27, 2013 at 8:31 pm

You mean NC?
Kathryn

November 28, 2013 at 4:16 pm

Yes sorry. So what do you think?
admin

November 29, 2013 at 1:53 am

About what?
Kathryn

November 29, 2013 at 12:51 pm

Do you think i have a shot? When shall i initiate the NC? And by doing the NC will that push him more towards the other girl as i have not heard from him either?
Also i wondered, my birthday and Christmas are coming up within the 30 days, if his family contact me to say happy birthday etc, shall i answer them and just ignore him?
Thanks!
admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:33 am

You have a shot certainly but a shot doesn’t mean it will be an easy one.
Kathryn

November 28, 2013 at 12:04 am

Oops! Yes

Jane

November 23, 2013 at 12:38 pm

I was my ex boyfriends, first girlfriend. And after he broke up with my I begged for him back, I know I shouldn’t of but it was a happen at the moment kinda thing, and he said he didn’t like me anymore since I begged. So I just ignored him and have been doing the no contact rule. He was like in love with me, even his/ my parents could see that. So from me being his first real girlfriend for over a year and a half, what do you think he’ll do/think by me doing the no contact rule?

admin

November 23, 2013 at 8:47 pm

Well hopefully he will contact you but if not it should work enough for you to contact him and get a positive response.

Vicky

November 22, 2013 at 11:49 pm

my bf decided to break up with me after almost 2 yrs of dating. His reason is he feels he is not ready for relationship, he could not understand women even he tried to. During our first yr of dating, everything was fine even we had little fights but they were solved shortly after. We are both the same age and gone to same high second. This yr ,we were both in pressure bc we are prepare to get into uni next yr. I was stressed so i often got into bad mood and picked on fight w him. He tried to make me happy but i let my emotion to control me. we became less talking to each other. just 3 days ago, he said he want break up. i was crying , trying to phone him, ms and begging. but it didnt work. he told me to forget abt him. i told him i will wait for him. i apologized for my behavior and told i wanted a chance to fix my mistake. None of it worked. Next day, i tried again ,but he remained his ground. so i asked if we can be friend and he accepted. that night we chat like be4 we dated each other. but i was the one who initiated the convo. I still feel sad ,but i contact my family and my best friend for support. i feel much better. but i still want him back. i search for help and many suggest “NO CONTACT” . i started yesterday. But im afraid whether it would make him miss me. when we chatted , i tried to avoid any serious issue and he still replied with ” lol, :I” some neutral,but generally short reply. I will have to meet him in a party next month. I want to let him know my feeling at that time and ask if he still love me. DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO IT ? im not sure what to do .

admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:25 pm

What is it specifically about NC that scares you?

Shirley

November 22, 2013 at 10:43 pm

Hi Chris,
I’m doing NC rule right now. My ex is going to have an end year banquet in middle of december. He is rarely contacting me now and of course, i’m assuming he has some special connection with another girl now. So, my questions is, should i go to the banquet and pretending everything i’m totally cool about it? I’m thinking not have much conversations with him or even no conversation at all. There are other people I know at the banquet. Thanks!

admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:20 pm

I think if you are forced to see him be as pleasant as possible. But don’t make things awkward and don’t linger to talk to him too long.
Shirley

November 23, 2013 at 7:49 pm

So, I should go as long as I make it as a pleasant gathering/event? I know if I don’t go that may make him disappointed because he asked me to go before (after we broke up). Or you think I shouldn’t go. My friend time me don’t go.
I’m just thinking that well be after the NC rule, maybe I should try to make some contact a little bit and see what his responses well be.
Please advice me. Thank you so much!!!
admin

November 24, 2013 at 6:43 pm

I agree take things really slow after the NC to kind of test him out.

Ally Oop

November 22, 2013 at 9:06 pm

Hi!

I just had a quick question–How many days (or weeks?) should we let go by between texts after the NC period ends? I’ve got a plan set out, but don’t want to take it too fast or force things. I hope to ask him to see The Hobbit with me on 12/21 (bcz I know he’ll probably go), so I’ve got a goal to meet :).

I started NC on 11/2, and will do first contact on 12/4. After that, I plan on texting him every 5 to 7 days until it’s time to ask him out (which means I’ll initiate 3 texts before it’s time to take the risk). As a general rule of thumb–what time frame do you suggest between texts?

admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:01 pm

3-5 days but the more you text the more frequently you want to space the text.

Natalie

November 22, 2013 at 5:33 am

Hi so my boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me about a week ago. He goes to the naval academy which is about 4 hours away from me. I visited him so much. We started dating a month before he left for the academy but we started to each other in February in the beginning of the relationship it was absolutely perfect. But anyway the break up was just out of the blue. We actually talked two nights before we broke up and was like we got this we can do this it’s not going to be easy or perfect but we will try our hardest at this relationship because we care and love each other a lot. He said he loved me and said goodnight. Then Thursday came along he called me and broke up with me. He said exactly “my grades aren’t where they should be and I’m not blaming you but I need to focus more and he hates how he can’t give me the attention I deserve.” I asked him if the feelings were still there and there was just silence on the phone and he said “not as much as before” and he said that’s because of the stress and the long distance. Btw he broke up with me the day before our 5th anniversary. And I also bought a ticket to come back home early to see him during Christmas because I’ll be on vacation. He said that he will pay me back or if I could forgive him by then and be friends we could hang out. We also agreed to meet with each other when he gets home to talk about everything in person and figure everything out. I texted him and told him I wish that he does well in his games and that I miss him but I respect his decision. He never texted me back. I’m so confused. I’m hurt. I’m sad. And I miss him so much. He was amazing to me in the relationship and I can’t believe it’s over. But I’m taking your advice and going 30 days without contact. I just unfollowed him on everything. But I don’t know if he will get mad at me for doing that. Please help me. I honestly see myself with him for the rest of my life, crazy I know bit my family, his family, and my friends also think so.

admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:48 pm

30 days NC is a good idea yes. But what you do with yourself during that time is important as well.

Grachelle

November 22, 2013 at 4:39 am

I broke the NC rule after 3 solid days of implementing it. I am kind of sad/happy when I did it.

I am happy because I got to talk to him about my thoughts and how I am over him already. But it made me sad too since I knew I was lying. He had signs of wanting to get back together but he is still trying to be firm with his decision and refuse my open expression of love. He is still trying to find words for what had happened is what he reasoned.

This all came from a text conversation string that started innocently. But then my emotions got the best of me upon which I asked him if he can tell me where I stand with a firm deadline which is this weekend. He asked for a few more days for things to settle down at home where his family is currently having some issues. Should I wait and trust him on this reason? I am afraid that he might not take me back after I continued to pressure him for details.

To make matters worse for me, I let myself revert to the cheerleader role that supports him all the way in his problems. To which he just thanked me for my support, despite being hurt by him a lot he said.

My guts tell me that he is having a girl on the side, even if he is reasoning that his family is having some major issues. Honestly, I do not know what to believe at this point.

I should go back and restart the NC.

admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:42 pm

I think you should yes.

Lacee

November 22, 2013 at 12:40 am

I hope this doesn’t turn out to be TOO long of a post, but I am so lost on what to do and your articles have opened my mind immensely!

I have read your LDR getting back together and just finished this article. My ex lives 2000 miles away from me, we met online over a year ago, took the plunge and I moved down there ( so yes, Day 1 we were living together [ his Idea I will note ]) and everything was fantastic! The typical honeymood stage. Things did move fast with meeting his parents but hey, I just moved in with a guy I really did not know so what was the harm? Anyhow, 7 months goes by. We, by this time, had fallen deeply in love. Talked about our future together ( marriage, children ) We had our own apt together as well as a dog! I let him go hang out with his friends whenever he wanted ( bars, strip clubs ) – then the issue came… I was still new to the area, I had zero friends, 2 jobs that took up all of my time being that we were on opposite schedules. So the fighting began with me falling asleep early and not staying up with him so he would go hang out with his friends and that was just back and forth constantly! We had 1 ” serious ” talk about if this was working out about 5 months into the relationship. In my mind, I moved all this way for a man that I now loved and I didn’t want to give up. I actually received a phone call on an awesome job so that ended the ” talk ” we were having and never really resolved anything. We ended up having many of those talks and it just happened that 1 day, after a fight on why he couldn’t just stay by my side ( I had just gotten a concussion ) and why he had to go out with his friends, even if it was ” just for a couple hours ”… the next day ( wednesday ) he broke up with me, said I had to be gone by Friday and bought my a 6 am plane flight back home that Friday morning.

I did the typical ” I miss you ” ” take me back ” ” just talk to me ” blow up texts. He did talk to me a few times via phone call but when I didn’t get the response I wanted ( him taking me back ) he blew up on me and would hang up. This went on for 2 weeks before I realized I had to stop this, well I tried harming myself in a life ending way and with the failure of that, had a major life altering experience. So it has been 2.5 months from the break up, I did your NC and now he is talking to me! I ignored all of his texts that were about him missing me or how he was trying to use the dog to get me to talk to him. Well 3 days ago I responded and we have been talking about getting back together or having the Meet up talk… We were just going to wing it but now he is having what I see as second thoughts.
His exact text: “I’m nervous because I don’t want you to come here and for some reason we don’t get back together. or we keep fighting and not get along. I don’t want you to hate me and say I used your or lead you on ” and now it has gone down to ” I’m leaving it up to you now, I just don’t want to be the A**hole again”

AHH! as of right now, he hasn’t talked to me but it has only been an hour.

Should I go back to the NC rule or did I mess up completely and ruin the chance of us getting back together. I do love him and I can see a future with him, but if I have damaged it beyond repair – I can go back to NC. Thank you in advanced =]

admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:29 pm

Go back into NC for a while.

You didn’t mess it up completely but you do need to take a step back.

Jenn

November 21, 2013 at 9:12 pm

Hey Chris, My boyfriend of two years broke up with me about two weeks ago. We met when we were in high school. I was a junior, and he is younger than me. He was a sophomore. We were friends and then we started dating a year later when I was a senior. I know that this age is immature to be in a serious relationship, but we were very serious. After two years, I still was so crazy about him. He seemed to be crazy about me too. We gave each other everything. I was his first girlfriend though. He had no experience with other girls. But, he was very happy being with me, and he loved me very much. Recently, he had told me that it was hard not to wonder what else is out there. I told him I understand because we all have those thoughts. So I know he was thinking about it. A couple weeks after our two year anniversary (which went amazing by the way) he just ended it. It was right before my birthday too. The day before, he was saying things like “you’re my everything, I’m so in love with you, and I’ve never been more sure about you before.” But then he just ended it. He said he’s running out of time to be single, and he doesn’t know what he wants. So I freaked out. I panicked on him. I said everything I possibly could to get him to stay. But it didn’t work. I know the no contact rule isn’t for everyone. It sometimes makes things worse I think. But we talked quite a bit the last couple weeks. This morning I finally told him that I understand, and its for the best. I just wanted him to see that I was okay. He said “I’m glad you agree, and I hope you will remember me for all of the good things.” I said, “mmhmm we’ll see!” and he said “what do you mean?” Should I just leave it at that? Will this drive him crazy if I start the no contact rule? I love him so much and I just want him back.

Yours truly, Jenn

admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:18 pm

Yup but still do NC rule anyways.

Gracielle

November 21, 2013 at 7:54 pm

Hi Chris! Thank you so much for providing this insightful website that aims to recover our exes. Both of you and my Dad had the same thoughts on how men perceive the “chase”. Like what is listed on here, he had slightly touched on the NC rule, but not in depth.

Being that it has only been 3 full days since I started the NC rule (supposedly 6, but I had to restart twice since I couldn’t resist wondering how he was, without any idea that that I am making myself less attractive to him), I have been carefully thinking about what he meant by space. And then I realized that maybe I didn’t provide the support that he needed during the struggles he had to go through at work and that he is seeking it from someone else. I know it was wrong to accuse him of going to someone for help and it complicated things. But maybe he needed me to trust more in his capabilities and understand what he needs to make it through at work. Given this circumstance, my question to you now is if there is a way to recover him still at this point? Or have I cut him too deep with this one?

My ex and I broke up last week after a 1+ year of LDR together and at the worst time in both of our careers. I thought it would be one of those overnight fight/makeup kind of thing but it wasn’t. It was different this time because when I asked him to break it off with me, he went for it. He ignored me for so many days now and when I text, his response was short and curt. This is where I stumbled upon your website and read on the NC rule and learned about how men should do the control/chasing in the relationship.

I know the time for NC is a time where I can prepare myself to be the best possible version of me possible. But is it okay for me to think about how my guy then thought about me then? I often wonder if he enjoyed the activities (i.e. jazz concerts, play, painting) we went to or if he was just being nice enough to attend it with me when he was in town. The NC rule that you have provided certainly helps me evaluate myself, and that old relationship better. But I just hope that it would work.

Thanks again

admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:11 pm

I can’t guarantee its going to make him come running back *you need to do more than just NC. BUT it will improve your chances definitely.
Gracielle

November 23, 2013 at 12:22 am

More than just NC? What else can I do? Travel to him? I believe I am too weak at this point that I might just break down in front of him if I do.
admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:29 pm

Well, you really need to fix that. Try to get less emotional.

kasandra

November 21, 2013 at 5:30 pm

hi, my boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago but we are still living together until the weekend before Christmas 🙁 I got druk and tweaked out really bad. the next day he said he didn’t want to be with me and it is also because we have been fighting a lot mainly me bitching. we have been together for 3 years. I asked him if he still loves me and he said yes. I have kept talking to him about the breakup since that day. today however, I left the house without saying anything. he is emotionally strong and hates to communicate. we have been having issues and I thought I didn’t want to be with him but I stuck in there and now that he wants to be apart I realize I want to be with him and love him more than I thought. I read this whole page and am not sure what I am supposed to do. I want him back and if he still loves me does that mean there is hope. we went to a few couples therapy sessions and had one coming up next week but I told him to cancel it because I was mad and he did. hehas been being nicer, but he says it is because he is trying to make the time we have left living together go smoothly. plz help

admin

November 22, 2013 at 6:43 pm

I guess right now just treat him like a very respectful roomate.

Liz

November 21, 2013 at 12:39 pm

My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 4 days ago. It was a typical fight that we always had, one that dealt with my insecurities. I’ve always been afraid of losing him because of how happy he made me. We were perfect together until recently when I started becoming jealous, afraid and even more insecure. I’d become that way because I started to become completely emotionally dependent on him due to our increased closeness. He lost his car in an accident and over the past year I had become his ride everywhere. He stopped being able to see his friends and slowly felt he lost his independence. We’d have plenty of fights like this one and we would always make up, but the problem was never really fixed. We would just be so glad to end the fight and going right back to being very happy that we would bury the problems until they resurfaced in a fight. I felt that he would never discuss problems or his feelings with me unless we were already in a heated argument. He broke up while we were fighting through text. He never actually said it was over straight up, he kept saying he needed space and to think and we could talk later but I insisted on talking face to face. I felt that I deserved some kind of explanation. I wanted to talk reasonably but he refused and that made me become unreasonable and desperate. I went to his apartment and tried to get him to talk to me but he refused. I think I would have had a chance to fix things had I listened and walked away but I think I’ve lost him forever by trying to force him to face me. His friend came out and tried talking to me to make me feel better and said to give him space and some time to think and he was sure that things would be fine between us.

I’m losing my mind because if I don’t feel like it’s really over. Arguing through text didn’t seem like actually ending it and it’s killing me because how can I move on if I feel like this? I feel that I need to be told to my face, have him explain calmly. Am I wrong to want this? I want to follow the advice and work on myself but I can’t without having this final confrontation. It’s taking all I have to not contact him. He said he loved me deeply, he wanted a future with me, he said I was perfect in every way except my insecurities. He was always talking about our future, our future house, our future kids, how we would set up finances, how we would travel and be happy. We were planning a future together, going through life together, pushing ourselves to be better but I let my fear of losing him push him away. He was a great boyfriend, he was committed to me and he did so much for me. I was just so scared to lose him to someone else and kept making stupid remarks like “you probably want someone better” or “I wish I was prettier for you..” I know it was stupid. I knew he loved me deeply, but I couldn’t stop myself. I will never forgive myself for causing this..

Please help me. I need advice. He was my best friend before we started dating and I can’t bare to lose him like this..

admin

November 21, 2013 at 8:17 pm

Sounds like you have no self confidence. Men like confidence too.

Its all good though. Start up NC.
Liz

November 22, 2013 at 1:19 am

Is it wrong to have hope? I keep thinking of going into this positively but I don’t know if it’s right because I should think of this as working on me. I keep thinking of it as if he’s guiding me and I’m pushing myself to be better. Is it wrong of me to think of it as we know we’ll be together again but I need this me time? It’s as if I want to follow all the advice he had given me on being successful and more confident but I had ignored in the recent months. I know I need this space probably more than him, but I’m scared to lose him in that time.
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:32 pm

No way its not wrong to have hope. But it is also good to have some me time.
Liz

November 24, 2013 at 1:35 am

Sorry for still bugging but I have one more question. Is it wrong to contact his friend, the one that came out the night of the fight to talk to me, to ask if my ex met someone new/stopped loving me and just used my insecurity as an excuse to break up? He was always coming by my house and my parents asked what happened so I had to tell them about the break up. They asked why and I told them and my dad believes he used that as an excuse to be with someone else or fuck around (i.e. be a man) I don’t want to hope or attempt to fix things at all whatsoever if that is the case. I have gone through enough in my life and I will never let myself be someone’s second choice again or the one least preferred over someone else.
admin

November 24, 2013 at 7:26 pm

I agree. You shouldn’t ever be someones second choice. You should be their FIRST choice.
Liz

November 29, 2013 at 5:06 pm

I messed up and broke the no contact rule..I got into a car accident on Thanksgiving morning. No one was close enough to me to help me right away except for my ex-boyfriend. I panicked and called him but he never responded. I even text him telling him I didn’t want to contact him or talk about anything regarding the relationship I just needed someone to help me get home and figure out what to do with my completely wrecked car. I felt so stupid, it’s a brand new car and I had only driven it about 4 times…my heart is broken worse than before since he refused to help me. I broke down and called him a few more times desperately and texted him saying I thought he was different and I couldn’t believe he would be so malicious. I also realized through facebook that he is talking to a girl that I had asked him not to talk to a year ago. I was always jealous of her and now I feel justified for always having been jealous and thinking he’d leave me for someone else.

What do I do now? Is all hope lost? Does he even deserve to be forgiven when he couldn’t even help me in my time of need? Should I give up and resort to hating him for the rest of my life? I’m completely falling apart. I can no longer eat, drink, sleep or function. I walk around like a zombie and just writing this out is taking all my energy..please help…
admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:43 am

Are you ok?

I think in this case you can be forgiven for messing up.

I think you are being too reliant on him. This same reliance is unattractive to men.
Liz

December 6, 2013 at 6:57 pm

Ok, so I’m horrible at this. I broke the no contact rule, again. It was my birthday and I was out with friends, which is a big deal for me to even have friends for once in my life, and we spent all night having fun and talking. It got me thinking and so I texted my ex saying he didn’t need to respond I just needed to get everything off my chest. I told him I still love him deeply that I’m in pain but I’m going to move on and make my life better the way he thought me how. I said I hoped that one day we could be friends again because that’s how we started off when we met.

I was extremely surprised when he responded. He said he would never hate me, he hoped one day we could be friends again too, he hoped I was ok after the car accident and he said I’d always have a place in his heart.

I decided to risk it all and asked him if it were ok to meet one day to get closure because it wasn’t right the way it ended. He replied and said maybe in a few weeks because he remembered he had to return my DVDs and TV. I asked “Why weeks?” because I guess I just like testing people’s patience…but he replied yet again and said because we have finals at school and he doesn’t have a car.

What do I take from this? Is there a chance for us or is it really over? I’m ready to accept it ending forever, even if it crushes me, but I still have that small ray of hope.
Liz

December 6, 2013 at 7:37 pm

Oh also I forgot to say that I ended the conversation with “I understand” and it looked like he was going to reply back (iPhone iMessaging and all) but he stopped. I ended it at that. Since he said few weeks, I’m taking this to do NC for real. I have said everything I needed to say to him and he has acknowledged that he has to face me eventually to return my belongings. Even if he wanted to suddenly get back together, which I doubt, I still feel that I need the month to work on me. As much as it would make me happy to have him back and be happy I know I’m still vulnerable and in the learning process and I would fall back into the same pattern. That’s why I panicked when he responded to my text because he wasn’t supposed to. I wish I would have read the what’s he thinking during NC article before I texted him. He’s a mixture of the stubborn guy with angry guy. Mostly stubborn. Compromising is basically impossible for him. He’s the kind of guy that believes his way is best and right and that everyone normal thinks like him and anyone who doesn’t agree is wrong. He’s also the kind of guy who prefers logic over feeling.

Is it too late to try to win him back? I know I’ve messed up quite a lot. But I have been working on myself. Surrounding myself with friends, starting to work out, eating better, focusing on my future and I’m proud of those things, however small steps they may be, with the occasional heartbreak meltdown of course.

Anonymous

November 21, 2013 at 8:21 am

Hey Chris, I broke up with my boyfriend 4 months ago of 2 years. Told him I was busy and never called back. Harsh, I know. Before i did that i Constantly expressed my concerns about us not spending time together(he has always made time for me no matter what) and we were arguing more than usual. This went on for a couple months. He told me he was stressed about work and his daughter and i should be more understanding. So i was more understanding. Yet I was the only one making An effort. I felt like what i said went in one ear and out of the other and i felt backed into a corner. I love him and I honestly wanted things to get better. Needless to say I finally responded. Now we have a better friendship but I want him back. Now I did apologize and a month later told him I wanted to be back with him. He expressed he was hesitant because I left the way I did. I can’t blame him. He also stated he wants to get married and have a child with me. I feel that he’s not expressing all his feelings on why he is hesitant. He’s never been good wit that. We see each other atleast 3 times a week and talk everyday all day despite the fact he works 7days 12 hours. I really want this to work. Any advice

admin

November 21, 2013 at 8:07 pm

What have you implemented from this page so far?

Jenn

November 21, 2013 at 5:21 am

We broke up a month ago and I had to move out. The next day he’s in a new relationship! I’m guessing rebound. He says I nagged him, made him feel like he was in jail and wouldn’t let him hang out with his friends, aka: date other girls. We’ve been in NC for weeks until he starts texting me about money he owes me. I ignored his text for a day. I texted him back the following day that I saw something that reminded me of him and it made me smile. He texted me back, 12 hours later saying it probably wasn’t him. Then he went on to say that things r good and talked about his new job assignment. I congratulated him, wished him luck then told him I was out to dinner with a friend and I didn’t wanna be rude (threw out a hint of jealously). I ended the conversation I was hoping he would be curious and text me today. He didn’t. I feel like he does t care and isn’t jealous :(. What’s my next plan of action?

admin

November 21, 2013 at 7:29 pm

Just be patient I suppose. Sometimes it take a while for a guy to reach out but if he doesn’t no worries you just reach out in 3 days.

Grace

November 21, 2013 at 5:17 am

I will try your advice. My ex broke up with me after a week break for a stupid reason..I won’t go into it. but thank you for your information and I will let you know how it goes! Thank you again 🙂 baby steps!

admin

November 21, 2013 at 7:28 pm

Baby steps indeed. Good luck!

Dana

November 21, 2013 at 3:11 am

Hi!
So I should begin by telling you that this is kind of a different situation from the other girls that have posted on here and I’m not the type of girl to blast my personal business on media sites, but I don’t really know what else to do. And trust me, it’s a first for me. My ex and I broke up about a month ago after being together for over a year and a half. I can honestly tell you from the very first time we met, we clicked and rarely does that ever happen to me. (Hence why I’ve only been in 3 relationships my entire life and I am a little picky.) lol. But ever since our first date, we were together everyday, and we always had soo much fun together no matter what we would do. He quickly became my best friend, my partner in crime, and we were truly in love with each other. Anyone who had spent time in the same room with us, could see it too. But after about 2 months of dating my condo was sold and he asked me to move in with him until I found another place. And like any other regular couple, we got comfortable with each other and before I knew it, I had been living with him for over a year. Which up until a month ago, we were still best friends, going out together, taking road trips, having fun, and still in love. I honestly have never felt more connected with another person like I am with him. He is truly an amazing person inside and out. But the night we got into a fight and he told me he couldn’t do this anymore, my heart literally broke into a million pieces. I honestly didn’t think he was serious until the next morning when he left to work without even waking me and talking about it. And ever since then things haven’t been the same. We still talk everyday, crack jokes, and act like we’re friends. But at the end of the day, as hard as try to stay positive and put on a happy face every time I see him, my heart is aching knowing that we are broken up.
And here’s the issue… I have a kid from my past ex, we work together, and we are still living together at the moment. I understand that it is difficult to accept the fact that I come with a plus one and I can tell that it’s hard for him to live with my son and I’ve told him that. I just don’t know what to do anymore… All I know is that I don’t want to lose my best friend! I love him the same as I did the first time we said it to each other and I am willing to take whatever steps possible to strengthen our relationship and get back together.
I think your advice may be the way to accomplish it! I have already stopped calling or texting him and only talk if he calls me a bunch of times or at home. I just want to know what other advice you have for me, now hearing my particular situation? Any advice would be much appreciated! Thank you!

admin

November 21, 2013 at 7:09 pm

Its a weird situation especially with your ex living with you. That can mess with any guy you know?

Lauren H

November 21, 2013 at 12:46 am

Hi, My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me over reasons such as little mistakes, nagging, fighting etc..he just told me he didn’t love me like he did in the middle of the relationship. I really miss him. But now that he’s gone I realize all of the things we both did wrong and how to fix them. At first, I begged for him back. It was terrible. Then I realized if I ever wanted him back, I would have to let him go. Its been almost a month since the breakup. We see each other at school, I’m giving him alot of space this week, and it seems like, already he misses me as a friend. He told me the other day that he really missed me as a best friend. I told him that I just need space because I’m too afraid to spill all of my feelings and be back at square one. I’m not really sure how to get him back now. Please help, it would mean alot.

admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:56 pm

Well are you going into NC?
Lauren

November 22, 2013 at 11:59 pm

Today I told him I still loved him after distancing myself from him this week. He said it was nice to know that I care about him. What is he trying to say?
admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:26 pm

You may have come on too strong… he was saying its nice to hear but he doesn’t feel the same way right now.
Lauren

November 23, 2013 at 8:07 pm

I think your right. Next week I only see him once, I’m moving out of his locker. What should I do then, no contact? I feel like he would get mad and just ignore me if I tried that.
admin

November 24, 2013 at 6:47 pm

Yes I think so.. NC. And sometimes getting him angry is ok.
Lauren

November 26, 2013 at 6:26 pm

The thing is, we just have a good friendship, its hard to ignore him, it makes me feel worse. Is there anything I could do besides NC?
admin

November 27, 2013 at 7:05 pm

Sure, look internally. Try to evolve into the ungettable girl.
Lauren

November 27, 2013 at 10:03 pm

Thanks! Ill keep you posted.
Lauren

November 21, 2013 at 10:27 pm

We see each other alot at school, so I don’t want to be rude. This week I’ve been limited contact, saying hi, texting a little. The thing is, he was already happy with sports and has a lot of friends. I think he is happy, but I know if we got back together if would make both of us happy in the end.

« Previous 1 … 112 113 114 115 116 … 149 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

8,583 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”