The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,583 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Meghan

January 7, 2014 at 5:16 am

Hi Chris
My situation is a little different. My ex and I met online last year, we had a lot of issues this year including him cheating but working through it. In august we found out I was pregnant. He moved in with me in October and everything was great until the month of December. I started nagging a lot and being mean. Not that I didn’t love him or care for him but because I was getting scared the closer we got to our son being born. He moved out the week before Christmas, and then ended things Christmas Eve. He said I needed to change (which I’ve been concentrating on everyday) and that he wanted space. A few days after he contacted me and we went out had dinner and watched a movie-everything went well that night he held my hand gave me a kiss goodnight and when I texted him later that I had fun he replied with I did too I love you. Fast forward a few days-he was completely ignoring me but bouncing on fb every few min and it upset me so I said something-which of course started a fight. Now he says he wants nothing to do with me only our son-and says he doesn’t love me but likes me. Since our son isn’t supposed to be here for another 70 days or so should I just give him space and follow your advice no text no calls no fbing? I really do love this man-he made mistakes yes but I forgave him for them and he flipped his whole attitude after that. Is it worth it or should I just let him go and move on?

admin

January 7, 2014 at 6:48 pm

I think that would be wise.

Shannon

January 7, 2014 at 4:23 am

Hey Chris! My names Shannon and my boyfriend and I had been dating for 6 1/2 months until yesterday. Our relationship was really great when we lived at his mothers and then when we moved with my grandmother things got rocky and stressful. I got irrated, depressed, and easily stressed and would push him away. Sometimes i would even call him stupid not meaning too. He says i really hurt his feelings and always make him feel bad and i really honestly dont try to. 🙁 My grandmother is a very religious person and things always have to be her way or the highway and he was always at risk of being kicked out and he was always in constant anxiety and eventually became depressed. He worked a full time job and when he would come home we were only aloud to be together for a half hour as we had a set bedtime of 10 and no sleeping together. Last sunday him and my grandmother got into a disagreement over him not going to church and he got fed up and finally decided that he had enough and wanted to go back to his mothers. I followed him and stayed over night for about a week at his mothers and we even posted an ad on craigslist looking for a place to stay and met these people and stayed a night there. We liked it there and what not but as soon as we arrived back at his mothers she and her husband told him how they thought it was wrong and that he shouldnt stay with a complete stranger and said that time apart from me would be good for him. He decided to break it off and asked if i promised i would still be his best friend and of course i promised because he is my best friend too. I asked him if he wanted to get back together and he said he just doesnt know and he just isnt ready for a relationship. He says he misses me and that he loves me and that he cant wait to see me again and what not but then he drops the best friend bomb on it afterwards. He acts like we are lovers but as soon as hes done he drops the best friend bomb on it. This weekend he is coming over and wants to go to his favorite resturaunt I just dont know what to do anymore. He says he needs to worry about him and what he wants and i dont know how to help him and help the situation.. He wants to talk and text everyday and wants to say i love you and what not but doesnt want to be together.. I just, i need help chris.. What do i do?

admin

January 7, 2014 at 6:47 pm

I would do a 21 day NC rule. Thats kind of the quickest way I can put it.

Val

January 7, 2014 at 12:10 am

So I started dating my ex about a year ago exactly- we were together for 6 great, happy, romantic months until I had to move to another country. Neither of us wanted to break up PLUS we were both really positive about the situation, so we gave “long disntace” a try. At first we would miss each other so bad, so we would text and call 24/7 for the first month and a half- until his family friend came to his hometown and slept over at his place…. THEN the jealousy started (When my ex introduced me to her at a dinner, she really flirted with him hard core in front of me). I tried not to be too pushy, but it drove him nuts anyways until a point where he would LIE to me about hanging out with her and going out to clubs with her…. a month later HE said it was better to leave things like that. He didnt give me an explanation neither did I want one. I dont know if he cheated on me or not. after a week I was terrified of loosing him as a friend ( we were best friends before dating and we were really close) so I asked him what would happen with us, he said ” I don’t feel that way anymore, I’m sorry… But I do value your friendship a lot and appreciate it” I tried the NC rule for about 2 months, later this past Dec 24th I texted him Merry christmas to his family, and hope he had an amazing happy new year surrounded by pple who valued him. He obvious replied (positive response) and texted me on New years eve….. I’m confused about what to do next… help please?!
Priya

January 6, 2014 at 6:20 pm

Hey, Just read the whole article, its really nice.

well what to do in case of a long distance relationship. My bf came to meet me just during the holidays, we had a real good time and I asked him about the future of our relationship. To be honest we had this discussion/argument so many times. He told me he is not sure about marrying me coz of his parents wont allow it but then he promised me, he will work on it. Then after he went back to his place, suddenly told me he cant marry me so want to break up. I was so shocked, I started acting real stupid, like calling him 100 times, begging him to not take this decision. I am really feeling stupid and helpless. I know its very easy to try to move on (well, not really), so I am starting my NC period from now… plz tell me what to do next….
Kalie

January 6, 2014 at 4:49 pm

Ok so I read this and it helped out tons.!(: butt so here’s the deal. Me and my boyfriend were together for 6 almost 7 months and we just broke up in October, i guess you’d say we were pretty serious he’d asked me to marry him a few times and i laughed at him cause he was drunk every time:p but anyways We’d had a fight that day and then that same day i found out he had cheated on me more then once. I dumped him on the spot. He became friends with everyone i hate (with an absolute passion)>:! We started talking again a bit after cause i thought I was pregnate with his. (False alarm) He admitted that he became friends with them to make me jealous. We agreed to be best friends but we eventually just kinda stopped talking. We got in a fight about somthing so stupid i cant even remember a little bit after that so we stopped talking completely. I’ve had a few boyfriends since but I’ve found that i want him back no matter how much I think I may hate him for cheating:/ I’ve acknowledged mistakes i made in the relationship but i don’t know what to do from here:/ do you have any advice?
Shambi

January 6, 2014 at 1:47 pm

Hi chris hes coming round to get his stuff today after my stupid stunt of visiting him at the hospital. Obviously a break of NC but thats his fault not mine, so i dont know how to act?
Madam

January 6, 2014 at 1:04 am

I just broke up with my ex because I found out he was two timing me. Even with proof and all he still denies it. He was acting like we are still cool. I broke up with him officially a month ago but did not do no contact. That has since changed. He sent me a text yesterday asking to watch a movie on my amazon account. I was like NO! Especially since it was a movie we had seen together. So I called him a fing a-hole and a liar and told him to lose my number. He called me bitter and a psycho and said I should lose his number. I sent a response back and told him his number is blocked then called him an a=hole. So I am in no contact. I blocked his number so if he calls/text I will not know.
Honestly? I donr want him back however I want him to ask to come back so I can tell him to go kick rocks!

admin

January 6, 2014 at 6:29 pm

Kick rocks hahahahahaha.

NC seems to be smartest right now.

Lady Smee

January 6, 2014 at 1:02 am

Dear Chris, I’ve been following NC for 2 months now. My fiancé cancelled our engagement two weeks after the official engagement because his parents don’t like me anymore and told him to break up the engagement. They think I’m too European (they’re Asian, I’m half Asian). We were 2 years in a relationship, his parents used to say I’m the best that happened to their son. All of a sudden the change of mind. I fought two years for this relationship, since my parents weren’t happy with him. The moment they agreed to the engagement all this drama began. We’ve been through break-ups before, I fought for us and got him back…but now, even though I want him so bad, I feel it’s final, because his family is involved…do you think he will change his mind (he said he loves me after the break up). Is it worth fighting another time? Is there a chance fighting his family?

admin

January 6, 2014 at 6:29 pm

Too European? Your half Asian? Besides… whats wrong with Europeans?

I think someone who lets his family control his dating life needs a good talking to.

rebecca

January 5, 2014 at 8:03 pm

I’m in the process of wanting to get back together with my boyfriend of a year and a half. We had a fantastic relationship and rarely fought except over a couple silly things we would just move on from. The last two weeks of our relationship were the first times we had ever seriously argued. For about one week we were both sick and barely seeing each other and we were constantly just butting heads and extremely stressed out from sickness, school, family issues and a big dance performance I had to get ready for. During this stressful week we were fighting a lot, over the same topic because it was not solved in the previous argument. The week after we were completely fine, that Friday we went out on a date and had what we considered a huge fight compared to our normal. We made up afterwards and continued the night and next day completely fine and normal. That Saturday night he called at 10:32pm and left me a voicemail saying he thought it was time to break up. He gave no explanation and refused to talk to me about it. Shocked and confused I ignored the no contact rule for about three weeks when he finally came to get his stuff he had at my house. During these three weeks he mentioned it was because I was “unforgivably rude” during our huge fight and then changed his reasoning to “we should date other people” and “this will be a learning experience.” I know him very well and can tell there is not full truth in the things he has said to me. The weirdest part was he seemed very upset and distressed and looked way more upset about the situation, but still refused to talk to me about it and stood strong in his decision that it was over. It has now been 7 weeks since the first voicemail and I am still left with no true explanation. I have tried to except the fact that it is over and move on but I can not. So I will be continuing a no contact period and then start with the first contact. If this goes well and I reach the Heart-to-Hearts should I incorporate the compliments and values into conversations or should I just randomly text them to him? And also, should I keep all of the texts a few days to a week apart unless he texts me first?
Any advice is appreciated! Thank you!
Jen

January 5, 2014 at 8:01 pm

Thank you for your wonderful advice. It helped me through an earlier breakup.

Here is my situation. I met a guy online and we started dating in September. Early December he told me he was uncertain and wanted to take a week to sort out if he missed me or how he feels.

Two days later he text me and said I miss you and we continued going out.

On NYE after an amazing night together I brought up the exclusive talk and if we have a future. He was uncertain because he loved seeing me on the weekends but wasn’t that much so during the week. He took a couple days to think and finally text me:

I don’t think you are the right one for me and it’s better to end things now.

Effectively ending our four month relationship. He’s back online and dating the next day.

Is there any hope for me to get back with him?
I think I pushed too much and would like a second chance as we had a great relationship.

My response to his break up text was Thanks for your honesty. Enjoyed the time we spent together.

admin

January 6, 2014 at 6:18 pm

Sorry about the breakup.

Are you in NC right now?
Jen

January 6, 2014 at 9:36 pm

Yes I am. We haven’t spoken since I sent that response.

Amanda

January 5, 2014 at 1:55 pm

Hi Chris! I love the post. I am definitely going to try this out. I would love your opinion on my case if you can spare a moment. My boyfriend and I were dating for 5 months and were getting pretty serious. He even took me on a cruise over Christmas break. His parents live in China and also came. Apparently I was super shy around them because I didn’t speak much (mostly because I thought their English was limited). He’s an only child and apparently afterwards they told him to stop seeing me……and that’s what he did! He told me he tried vouching for me and he was upset and didn’t want to lose me either, but I guess his parents got the better of him. Anyway his parents are going to be in town until the end of the month. He will go to China with them at that time and then return during the first week of February. I am going to follow your no contact rule for this month and definitely wait until he gets back to the states. I’m really worried though because I already see his dating profile up on sites and he’s already told me that his parents will be pushing girls on him from both the US and China. I would love your advice if you think this can still work out for me. We were doing so well until the breakup but I think his parents have somehow actually convinced him that I’m all wrong for him and he has quite literally overnight become resentful of me. Thank you! I truly want him back and I’m willing to do anything.

Amanda

January 6, 2014 at 10:49 am

Please let me know if you’ve seen people in similar circumstances who successfully got their ex back.

virgogirl

January 5, 2014 at 11:56 am

I was in relationship since 2010 he used to get jealous even when he has a gf but now he dun get jealous at all
He was so possessive about me … he used to call me and text me but I think he is completely over me
I am so much upset
Tell me what to do
We are classmates
He used to get jealous v easily but now he dun care
abc

January 4, 2014 at 11:56 pm

Chris,

Your website has been extremely helpful and I had a “coffee date” with my ex today and i feel like it went well we just talked an joked for 2 1/2 hours and we keep asking what else each other was doing after but no one took the initiative to make more plans today with each other and I could tell neither of us wanted to end the conversation so i did and he went in for a huge and it was kinda of a long huge and he said he “wants to come over and play with our cat soon” How long do I wait? And this is good right?

admin

January 5, 2014 at 7:56 pm

Very good!

Wait about 2-3 days before you get in touch again.

Stacey

January 3, 2014 at 8:53 pm

Hi really need your help. Me and my bf of a year broke up last night. He told me he was ending it during an argument and after a series of rows over the last few weeks regarding his daughter and daughters mom. I’ve acted like a complete idiot and never knew when to keep my mouth shut and not argue with him over his daughters mom who I believe to be stiring up trouble for us and using his daughter. He says I feel threatened by his daughter which is totally untrue. I do have major insecurities. He says I’ve pushed and pushed and now he doesn’t give a shit anymore. I’ve text him to apologise and told him I’m going to give him space but I’m so afraid of losing him for good and I miss him so much. Apart from the no contact what else can I do?

admin

January 4, 2014 at 6:44 pm

Well, the first step is usually the NC rule.

Maria

January 3, 2014 at 7:10 pm

Hey Chris.
I read all your articles and I feel like my situation isnt addressed much at all. wondering if you have any advice.

Adam and I were together for 3.5 years. We have a home together.(not married) in the last year he grew distant and stopped caring for me the way he used to. i am his first real girlfriend. We got together at 19 and we fell in love. everyone warned me that he would need to break up at some point because he would want to know what else is out there. I ignored and figured love would conquer all. So 3 days before Christmas he break up with me. even though we still live together. we split the house and sleep in different rooms. I understand why he left me, its the reason everyone warned me about. He is mean to me now and i know its cause he is trying to push me away. But i still love him very much. I thought i would be fine and strong and could deal with him needed to date other people, even mature about it. but i heard him the other night in his office talking(he talks quite loud) he has for a month now been planning a trip to vegas for a friends wedding. What i didnt know is that he would be meeting up with a girl there as well. Some old high school friend i assume. I heard him talking about them sharing a hotel room and sleeping togther, and well basically they talked about the great sex they would have. It broke me to hear that. We were each others firsts and i supposed while i was okay with him dating i thought our past would matter enough that he would not jump into bed with a new girl first chance he got. i dont know how to handle this, and i really want him back. but when i heard him talking i kinda threw a fit. I punched a wall and cried he saw me and i told him i hated him and i hoped he would get herpies from her.

please tell me what to do. im falling apart

admin

January 4, 2014 at 6:43 pm

Well, is one of you planning on moving out?

I would just handle the situation the exact opposite as you did, be classy and almost uncaring.

mandy

January 3, 2014 at 6:15 pm

This game plan and stuff didn’t really work for me he isn’t engaged into me anymore like it seems like there are days we would have good chats and then next morning he kills it 🙁

admin

January 3, 2014 at 8:06 pm

I am sorry.. Did you follow it to a T?

Margaret

January 3, 2014 at 5:40 pm

Hey Chris,

Just wondering if you thought there was a chance with my situation. Me and my boyfriend broke up 3 weeks after I moved away for work, even though we were going to be seeing each other at Xmas, he found it too hard to continue being unable to see me and speak to me.
He started seeing another girl 3 weeks later, then I came back home for a few days and we decided to try it again and he ended it with new girl. But within a week, he changed his mind again and got back with new girl. Now I’m home till February (then in September I move back full time), we are hanging out a little bit still and talking and its not awkward, and he doesn’t seeeem to have strong feelings for new girl, but I cant be sure.
I still have strong feelings for him I suppose. Any advice?
Lalune

January 3, 2014 at 3:38 pm

I’m in NC period. But his birthday is coming soon. I really wanna have something for him. Should I do it? Or pretend I forget it?
Lucy

January 3, 2014 at 1:26 pm

Hi, I’m new to this site but wondered if u could help. Me and my boyfriend were together for 2 years, when after working away for a month, he cheated on me with a woman much older than him after a drunken night. When he came back he was very distant, didnt want to see me or speak to me. I found the situation too difficult and I hated his new sudden change of attitude, so I split with him hoping it would be temporary and that we could have some time apart to miss one another. I did text him sometimes during this period although he was the first to make contact saying that he was sorry for his feelings changing. A month later I found out about this other women and his drunken night. He said he regrets it so much and that that was the reason he couldn’t spend time with me because he felt so guilty and was disgusted in himself. But, he didnt ask for me back. Problem is, I really want him back. Me and him had the best of relationships and this is the first serious problem we’ve ever had. When I found out, I would text him at least 4 times a week. Sometimes I was angry, other times emotional, then sometimes happy and normal. Looking back, it wasnt fair or healthy for either of us, I was just so upset and angry. I asked him to get back together, and he said he needed time and we agreed to meet four weeks later, but I couldn’t do it, so then I was texting him asking to try again and he just kept saying he needed space.. I didnt give him it. I regret it so much now, because I overloaded him with texts and calls and my emotions were so up and down. I was just upset and hurt by him cheating and lying when I asked him out straight. Basically, I really miss him, and I know that we have such a wonderful relationship. I havent contacted him now for almost 1 month. But, have I ruined my chances? And how do I let him know that when we next speak it wont be so I can have a go at him or cry (which made him feel bad) without actually getting in contact with him? We’re so great together, I’m just desperate to try and wipe the slate clean and start a new/better relationship. Thanks x

admin

January 3, 2014 at 8:06 pm

Wait… he cheated on you?
Lucy

January 3, 2014 at 1:27 pm

*He was actually away for 2 months x

Jo

January 3, 2014 at 10:57 am

Hi, iv been with my boyfriend(21) I’m (25) for six months and he broke up with me Xmas Eve. We had been falling out a lot and had little break ups here and there but always worked it out. This time was different, he said he wasn’t happy anymore and was trying to make it work but couldn’t. I love him so much that my heart is truly broken. He thinks I used him and don’t appreciate him, yet I moved to the same country to be with him and getting a job so I can support myself to live here. He says he wants to be friends but I’m finding it hard to stop thinking of him being with other girls and not missing me like I miss him. I’m moving back to my home country to make a fresh start but I will see him again in summer as we both will be working in the same program in the states. Should I use NC, I’m afraid he won’t respond to it or after a while be happier without me. I just love him do much, iv never loved someone the way I love him. Please help.

admin

January 3, 2014 at 8:08 pm

On Christmas Eve? Thats pretty cold.

I think you should defintely use NC.

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8,583 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”