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Emma
January 25, 2014 at 8:13 pm
Hey
I need your help. I am on day 2 of my NYC period and my ex just text me asking if I could drop his stuff round to his house sometime this week. I have asked him to come an collect it many times before when I am not in. The problem is I work with his mom and he knows I will be going round to pick stuff up from her. Is this his way of seeing if I will text him back? Should I reply to his text or just take it when I go round?
Liz
January 25, 2014 at 7:50 pm
I am seriously completely lost now. We skipped all of the texting part and went straight for the meet up because he asked to have lunch with me. He seemed really intent on meeting because he asked me 3 times what days I would be available. We met, ate and it was as though we were together and laughing and having fun. The restaurant ran out of the food I wanted so I settled for something else but when my ex got up to get napkins he saw they put a fresh batch out and he surprised me by buying me a to go box of it and he smiled when I was happy with the surprise. We listened to music together for 2 hours and looked at funny photos on his phone and looked at pictures of things he saved to show me. He said “next time we’ll get buffet with ice cream” and when he hugged me it was long and he caressed my head and hair. I got such mixed signals from him occasionally bringing up the breakup and me saying “it’s in the past, let’s not talk about that now” and us having a good time that I decided to take the leap and try to get him to talk so a few days later I asked him if he wanted to hang out and do something fun. He suggested a movie though so that ruled out any talking. This meet up was not as great as the first, he seemed hesitant on riding in the same car and getting a bite to eat after the movie but he agreed to the eating part but we drove in separate cars. I don’t know if it was my imagination or not but I don’t know if he’s interested in reconciling.
I felt that it must’ve gone wrong somehow and after we parted I sat in my car crying and he text me a picture of a song he just downloaded that we both liked from the movie we just watched together. Are these good signs or not? Is he genuinely just being friendly? And is it too late to implement the texting? I sent him a reminder one after the meet up saying that a new episode of our favorite show just came out and he should watch it and he replied “Lol ok”. Does it ruin my chances that we did the meet ups before the texting and building rapport?
admin
January 27, 2014 at 6:59 pm
A little bit but you can just go with it. Progress has been made and that is a positive.
Liz
January 31, 2014 at 5:49 pm
I had decided to give up and not talk to him anymore for my own good when he text me out of nowhere asking where I used to buy a food item we used to share together. It hurt at first because we always bought this and I couldn’t believe he would forget where we would buy it. He hooked me back in and we’ve texted each other occasionally about little things. At one point I sent the wrong text to him that was meant for a friend that was giving relationship advice, fortunately it was nothing that would ruin my chances with him. He was really interested and we ended up talking about that and he was responding quickly and I decided to cut it there by not responding until the next day. He did not respond to that text though, but to be fair it didn’t really require a response. What do I do in the situations when he ends the conversation by not responding before I have a chance to end it first? I feel that I’m starting to look desperate and pathetic by being the first to initiate contact every time. It’s been two weeks since NC ended and we’ve met up twice and texted each other on 4 days spread out in between. He initiated one of those conversations and the first meet up, since then, it’s only me initiating. I wanted to meet up and talk once and for all, lay all the cards on the table and if he only wants friendship, I have to walk away. I feel that since we’ve been in contact again that I’m essentially friend zoned and any progress I’ve made in bettering myself is being reversed and I’m back to sleepless nights and crying as well. I just want to know what’s going on and where we stand? When we were together and we’d talk about what would happen if we broke up, he always said he’d have to get rid of me because of how long we were together and how much he loved me and couldn’t be my friend so that’s why I’m so confused as to why he does have me in his life as his friend. If he wanted me back, wouldn’t he be initiating contact and wanting to meet up more?
I know I’m all over the place again. My questions/concerns are do I continue with the texting? If he doesn’t respond (even to texts that don’t necessarily need a response) when do I text again or do I wait until he reaches out to me? And is it okay to ask for a meet up or do I wait for him this time? Or do I just clear my mind and follow the texting guidelines you have regardless of what’s going on?
Madolyn
January 25, 2014 at 4:40 pm
Hi Chris! Your articles are all brilliant i’m glad i found your website 🙂
So, my story is i had a wonderful relationship with a nice guy, it lasted almost nine months. he was my first boyfriend, and I care about him a lot, still. Unfortunately, he broke up with me and for the first two weeks or so i’d text him about every three days and become a huuuge text gnat, crying and being otherwise pathetic. I started no contact and it was successful, during which a mutual friend of mine asked me out four times becoming a little creepy after i rejected him all four times. however, the last day of NC, this guy had texted my ex saying that i was hopelessly in love with him and i would do anything to date him again and all this stuff (which, however true, is NOT what would help me get him back, which is my ultimate goal.) Then, this mutual “Friend” texts me now saying that my ex told him he never loved me and didn’t want to be friends, which i knew wasn’t true because my ex would never actually say that, and i know he did love me at some point anyway and we’d had a cordial but distanced relationship during NC. Since my NC is done, i texted my ex telling him that what our “friend” said about me was untrue, and pulled a jealousy card and told him about how the friend kept asking me out, which got “He did WHAT?” out of my ex- i’d consider that a success. THEN i told him what the “friend” had said about him to me, and he decided not to talk to this friend of ours for a while. Then we started talking about music (A passion we share) and a play that he has the lead role in, and then I said i had to meet with a friend for coffee, which i did do that day. We were friendly in class the next day and it wasn’t bad. Also, what my ex had ACTUALLY told my “friend” is that he didn’t want to date me if i had expectations of dating him again, so i did tell my ex i had no expectations whatsoever, simply because both of us have changed in the roughly two months it’s been since our breakup and we’re basically two different people meeting again. It got a neutral response. Neither of us have dated since the breakup. I’m asking for some advice- how should i go from here, with the good-memories texts and try to keep on that track or give it more time? My ex tends to close doors on dating again, I want to ask him to give the two of us a complete restart and see what happens. We could be friends, we could date again, etc as we’re two “new” people now, is that a good idea? Thank you for reading all of this 🙂 again, your website is awesome.
admin
January 27, 2014 at 6:57 pm
Don’t ask to be friends..
I think that is a faster way of gettin friendzoned. Have you done NC yet?
Madolyn
January 27, 2014 at 7:52 pm
Yes I did NC…. he didn’t contact me though. I heard through the grapevine he just wants me to move on, i’m confident he still cares but doesn’t have romantic feelings if anything.
Dee
January 25, 2014 at 5:17 am
Things were going really well and then all of the sudden he backed off completely. He isn’t into me anymore, it seems. He lives several states away but we had so much fun texting and even talking for hours every night. I feel like he now just responds to texts, doesn’t really initiate anymore. I will try the NC method, but since we were really never “together”, there wasn’t really a breakup. Should I tell him I’m going to give him some space, or just stop all contact without explanation, even if he texts or calls?
admin
January 27, 2014 at 6:47 pm
Definitely give it a try.
Jessica
January 25, 2014 at 3:34 am
Hey Chris..
Me and my boyfriend broke up last friday.. He was kinda distant since a while ago, we had a talk and he started improving.. But we got into an argument and he broke up..
He said that he cares deeply about me, but needs to be alone.. And he tries to contact me every day. I’m responding as if I was fine, and as a friend..
Do you think I should start ignoring him to apply the NC? I don’t know how deal with this, since I’m already talking to him, wouldnt be rude to use the NC?
Thanks in advance for helping..
admin
January 27, 2014 at 6:41 pm
Absolutely you should start NC!
Just another girl
January 24, 2014 at 8:28 pm
Me and my ex have been apart for about 4 months now we were in a relationship for almost 2 years. We got into a fight that involved jealousy issues . I wanna try and work things out with him but I never knew about the no contact rule I have been trying to work things out with him and all I get for a response is be paitent or a complete no from him. He told me he is trying to forget about me.. So when I told him I would be on my way he asked if we could be friends still I haven’t talk to him for a week do you think it’s too late to get him back after trying for so long ???
admin
January 27, 2014 at 6:35 pm
Not too late but it is a little bit on the late side.
Have you ever gone an entire month without NC?
Just another girl
February 1, 2014 at 6:28 am
Started that about 2weeks and a bit … 🙁 kind of figured might be little too late 🙁 I noticed he is trying to be in contact with my best friend … Not to sure what he maybe trying to do if he is going for her or trying to get my attention but if it’s too late 🙁
Suzella Lorena
January 24, 2014 at 7:16 pm
MY ex and I were dating for a few months..it actually got really serious, really fast..to the point where proposed marriage to me (it was unofficial. more like talking about marriage and telling our families we were ready.). I was a little hesitant at first bc ut was all happening so fast..but after realizing how serious he was about it and how much he loved me.I knew he was the one.
Things were going great until he and his dad had a slight disagreement with my father. That led to him wanting to rethink the decision about marrying me (we’re both big on families..and he wanted both of our families to get along. It got to a point where we were constantly arguing and he kept blaming my dad for it and I just got realyl angry over that. So out of anger I told him we should break up. I honestly didn’t mean it but i was just realy frustrated. He took it VERY seriously and said he needed time away from me. I spent one week trying to contact him over and over again to apologize and work things out but he kept ignoring me. a week later he decded he didn’t want to be with me at all. that he didn’t like how i didn’t give him his space and etc. He was really horrible about it..I went to hs house to speak to him but he didn’t let me in and just watched me cry.
We haven’t spoken in over a month..and I honestly cannot forget about him.. i know a lot was said out of anger..and i just know in my heart that he truly did love me and is now just pretending not to..what can i do? please help.
admin
January 27, 2014 at 6:32 pm
Do you want him back?
Or do you want to just move on and heal?
Suzella Lorena
January 28, 2014 at 4:16 am
I want him back.. I miss him :/
Heather
January 24, 2014 at 6:59 pm
Hi! Well me and my boyfriend of almost 8 months relationship
ended because he broke up with me. A week before we took a break
and he said he needed to straighten things out with himself and fix something’s. I’m being honest I was overly emotional and needy. But he would text me every other day. And then finally I sent a text saying I miss his hugs and kisses and wishes the break was over. He responded “We are over” and I said “Can we please talk?” He said “No” I told him I know he still loves me and he said “No”. He called me and said we are moving in different directions. I’m guessing because we talked about him wanting to move to Florida. He has ADHD by the way and sometimes he over-reacts because we broke up twice before and got back together and he apologizes but I can’t help but think this time he’s not coming back. I just know the love WAS real and I feel like him saying he don’t love me is a coverup. He always told me I was the best girlfriend he had because everyone else cheated on him but I just want him back. Do you think honestly that it’s possible?
admin
January 27, 2014 at 6:30 pm
Are you going to do NC?
maria
January 24, 2014 at 12:47 pm
we are fine with our relationship.
But he never wants to meet me!!
He says often “i’ll meet you tomorrow”
but tomorrow never comes
i can’t even fight cause it’s gonna make things even worse. He can’t actually express his feelings.
idk what to do 🙁
please help!!
admin
January 24, 2014 at 6:30 pm
In other words you can’t get him to commit to a meet up?
maria
January 24, 2014 at 8:16 pm
he says he has some financial problems right now 😐
jessica
January 22, 2014 at 10:06 pm
Hey please i need your help.
I just broke up with my bf.
We are still care and love at eachother.
But the problem is we are kind of ldr.
He found its hard relationship because we meet once a year.
He still contact me like usually, as a friend. But i want more 🙁
Please tell me how to handle this kind of relationship?
admin
January 24, 2014 at 4:43 am
So, essentially you are friendzoned.
Have you read my guide about getting out of the friend zone?
a girl
January 22, 2014 at 6:38 pm
First of all I’m really glad I found your page! I folllowed your plan for getting my ex back, right now we’re at the point of talking everyday, even so he hasn’t asked me out yet..he says he misses me and wants to meet me but he never does so.On Monday he asked if I’d like to go to the movies with him on wednesday and I accepted, he seemed enthusiastic..but on wednesday I asked him if we would go to the movies and he said he had a job to do.I asked if that was his problem and he said yes,what else?but when I said nothing he said ”you see why we can’t be together?we said we might meet and you took it for granded”..I tried to be comfortable and don’t do anything stupid but I think I don’t know how to hundle this.. Should I be honest with him? what do you think I should do? please HELP !
admin
January 24, 2014 at 4:36 am
So, he got cold feet about going out essentially?
a girl
January 24, 2014 at 2:31 pm
that’s the problem! I can’t give a logical explanation about his behaviour. He says that he means all the things he say,he’s jealous at times or he talks sweet and then for example he might say ”we’ll go out tomorrow” but tomorrow he might disapper and then answer like nothing’s going on.. What do you think it’s his problem? and what should I do;act like nothing’s going on myself or tell him??
a girl
January 31, 2014 at 2:16 pm
so the other day we actually met with him in his House. we didn’t have the time to discuss about us very much but when I asked him how he sees things he said it’s early to say and that he’s not sure…What can I do to change his mind? I’m afraid whatever I do doesn’t work.. what do you beleive?
a girl
February 3, 2014 at 1:42 pm
in fact he introduced me as his girlfriend to everyone but when I asked him if I was he said it’s to early to tell and things like that… do you beleive there is hope? How should I act?
Jim
January 22, 2014 at 5:08 am
Hi–
What is the time frame between the first contact text and the second remember the good time text?
A few days, a week?
Don’t want to appear to pushy or desperate.
Thanks
Allison
January 22, 2014 at 2:39 am
I’m going through a break up of sorts of my own. We had been together for what would be four years in March. We had lived together two of those four. We had moved out and decided to live separately with our parents for a while because we got caught up in a lot of financial stress. Things were going fine, actually getting a lot better between us just by us living apart for a while. It was like nothing led up to this really and one day he had been gone for a couple of days and came back telling me he wanted to break up. We had talked about marriage before and were pretty serious. I don’t know what could have caused this and why he thinks this is going to fix whatever issues there are. I never knew about the whole 30 day no contact rule and honestly have been trying to get answers. This is one of the first posts that makes the most sense. I haven’t got much of a response when I did try and it was like he wanted nothing to do with me. I know he loves me and cares about me, but is it like he’s scared of us being serious? I want to know that there is hope in getting a relationship back with him in an even better way. I will most definitely be following your guidelines because they make the most sense and it has given me positive thoughts so far, but what do you think is going on? Do you think it’s just one of those issues where he’s taking a step back to make sure I am what he wants? That’s what others keep telling me that they see, but I’m just so unsure of things now because of how fast this all happened without warning. It worries me a lot and I know that I need to improve on myself, but how do I do all of this and be able to show him and prove to him that I am worth keeping?
Lesley
January 21, 2014 at 8:29 pm
Hi I really need your help. My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. I done all the begging and crying to get him back. He told me there is no chance of us getting back together and he doesn’t want to talk to me until he is over me. I’m so distraught over it and I love him a lot. Do you think the nc rule will work and he will want me back?
Please help 🙁 xx
admin
January 22, 2014 at 5:39 pm
Sure! I can’t guarantee success 100% of the time but I think it will help.
levi
February 2, 2014 at 9:59 am
I have a question…how about on their Birthday, are we allowed to send a message if it was within the 30 day no contact rule?
admin
February 2, 2014 at 6:55 pm
No, don’t send a message.
Lesley
January 21, 2014 at 8:31 pm
He is also very stubborn and I’m scared that he will get over me info don’t contact him
Sarah
January 21, 2014 at 8:00 pm
Hi Chris!
My ex texts me from time to time asking if I have any mail for him (we broke up ten months ago – together 2 years – he moved out – I ended it, rash decision after arguing). We had 1.5 months of NC over Christmas.
This time when he texted me about the mail, I asked him if he was happy (he’s been with his gf six months) and he said he was and asked if I was.
I said I was glad he had met someone who made him happy and I was happy too – most of the time – just got nostalgic. I meant it, I want him to be happy. But I still long for him. I’d rather it be me that made him happy.
He said he was nostalgic too and we had many good times together and asked me out for coffee. I said yes.
I still love him, and I want to be with him. I just don’t know what the game plan is now, because we’ve missed out all the tactics you recommend – I haven’t done all the jealousy/value/text complimenting. It skipped straight to coffee.
So how do I approach the meet? It might not even be a date… just a “closure” meeting, as I know he’s serious with his gf, possibly living with her. Do I act cool or put my cards on the table, tell him I love him?
admin
January 22, 2014 at 5:49 pm
I favor being conservative in situations like these. That means be as classy as you possibly can.
Declaring your undying love might complicate things and force him to distance himself from you.
Sarah
January 28, 2014 at 9:37 am
Thank you Chris. I took your advice and played it cool. The meeting went very well and we both had a great time. I felt on top of the world!
Even though we had a great time, he still hasn’t asked me out for a second meeting. I’ve been using your cool texting strategies, reminding him of the good times. I’ve received positive responses but no questions or invites from him. It feels like he’s distancing.
Should I try another month of no contact? Or call and ask for a second date?
Justin Raines
January 20, 2014 at 9:17 pm
Hello,
Me and my ex bf broke up almost 2 months ago. We had a dissagreement and I think he felt like I don’t trust him. I do trust him I just didnt feel like he was accepting my point of view on the situation and instead of talking about it he chose to run away from the relationship. Alot of times this is how he deals w things. Kinda he just disappears until he has let the anger go and he doesn’t want to discuss the issue again. I love him this guy from the bottom of my heart and I know he cares and wants it to work but I think he gets frustrated sometimes not knowing exactly how to go about it. He’s said before that he’s afraid he will hurt me or that I will leave him. It seems like a trust issue. But I did the no contact for 30 days and made contact and got a neutral response. I used passed memories and complimenting him and he agreed that we have had some good times together. Well I ended that conversation as u said so that I had control. Then the next day I complimented him on his smile and hoped he was doing well. He did not reply and it’s been a little less than 24 hrs but I’m a little confused where to go from here. When he broke up w me I said some cruel things out of anger than I did not mean. And it was pretty extreme. It was an immaturity issue and I realize my mistakes and my part I played in the breakup. I have not sent an apology text or addressed what happened becuz I wanted to stay positive like u said in my txts to him. Where should I go from here? Should I go ahead and apologize? Or maybe wait a few days to try and make contact again with another one of ur positive text examples? Please let me know ASAP. I’m very determined to fix the relationship I had. He means the world to me.
Thanks,
Justin
admin
January 21, 2014 at 5:58 pm
I think you should only apologize to him when he is in a place emotionally to accept it. If he is still angry let him calm down a little bit before you make your apology.
Justin Raines
January 21, 2014 at 6:14 pm
So do u recommend to continue using ur text techniques by sending him positive texts focusing on the “good times” and attempting to engage him in conversation? I’ve gotten a few replys from him so far just don’t know when I should send another. It’s been 2 days now
Megan
January 20, 2014 at 6:09 pm
You left off too soon.. Once you have that first rekindling and everything goes well, you can’t expect instant gratification and the work isn’t done.. Out of instinct I had done everything pretty close to what you recommended and this week we saw each other for the first time and couldn’t stop hugging each other and we both had moments of tearing up. But I’m still very nervous, I don’t want to bombard him with text or overwhelm him.. I want a fresh start, to put all the bad behind us and have a clean slate. We’ve dated for 3 years and we broke up 3 times, the latest time was my fault and for the first time I noticed he just shut me out, let me go and treated me like some typical girl from his past instead of the woman he wanted a future with.. My instincts tell me that he’s been talking to someone else which isn’t like him, he’s very loyal and dedicated but I can’t blame him, we broke up before and I started going on dates and I shut him out but it only made me realize how much I loved him and how amazing of a guy he is.. So we spent some time together this week, he invited me but he’s still very hesitant and it seems as though he’s still talking to someone else, he kept putting his phone face down on the table which he never does and it tells me that he may not want me to see something pop up from another girl.. I have faith in our love but its such a struggle right now and I’m trying to have patience and take things slow.. So what do you recommend after the first date, in the weeks following, if your guy isn’t committing and has hesitation? I’m going to do my best to treat this like a new relationship but at the same time, new relationships you can’t wait to see each other, you talk for hours sometimes and get excited when a message comes in and you make that person a priority.. My ex has his own business and he runs it on his own, he also has a mom who is pretty co- dependent on him, and he’s always worrying what his family and friends think because we’ve broken up several times, but he and I have grown and its strengthened our relationship.. He loves me and he knows that I want another chance but he just keeps saying he hasn’t ruled out the idea.. So I’m sticking to the same path and having patience and being supportive but we’re not in the clear yet and it’s going to take more time and work and that’s where you left off in your article… What’s next? What should you do or not do to make sure this time you’ll be more successful.
suzi
January 20, 2014 at 2:51 am
so me and my boyfriend,we were in a relationship for over four months. And now slowly he’s going apart from me. he doesn’t call or text me like he used to.
Do you think if i follow all these rules
i’m gonna get my boyfriend back?
please help
suzi
January 20, 2014 at 2:54 am
p.s: i’m just 16 and he’s 23
admin
January 20, 2014 at 7:21 pm
I think the age difference may have bugged him. What do you think.
suzi
January 20, 2014 at 7:55 pm
he actually did this before
and got back after a month
and now he’s following the same cycle 😐
naila90
January 20, 2014 at 1:40 am
Hey,
My boyfriend(20) broke up with me(23)yesterday after we argued. I begged him not to leave me but he was stubborn.i really dont know what to do…unfortunately I cant avoid him and use the no contact rule, cuz we study together and are in the same courses. Today I saw him and we talked when I asked him is it ur final decision he said he needs time its to much he doesn’t know anything need to sort out some things in his head. We said we have to talk to eacht other since we are in the same cours but I will give us both time and that I need it two but I would like to give it a shot after.
He said he doesnt know if its a time off or a break up he will see where time leads us…-.-
I really love him and want him back what can I do? I mean yea we had problem and both of us did mistakes but for me its no reason to really give up. We argued about nonsense and it was a leck of conversation he was annoyed about hearing the same topics again and again and I wanted him to understand me…
I think I should mention we have big exams and are already stressed, he said he wants to focus on the exams now and will see after. Our friends say he just needs time but im scared that he wont come back and I dont know how to use the non contact rule in this case?
admin
January 20, 2014 at 7:16 pm
Sorry about the breakup.
You may have to use limited contact.
naila90
January 20, 2014 at 11:19 pm
do you think i still can fix it? today we met and i think i messed up completely, just wanted to be strong and tell him im done with it too and i did it but beforei did, ive tried to convince him. he seemed to be so sure about his decision.
EE
January 19, 2014 at 10:50 pm
Hi chris. Thank you for this site. It’s been most helpful. I broke up with my bf in late july. I broke all the rules and got angry, begged pleaded and tried being nice. He made it clear he didnt want a relationship or to lead me on, but was texting me 8am xmas morning and had a gift for my daughter. Mind you by then wasnt contacting him and was starting to date and move on. I then found out a couple days later he was seeing someone. I confronted him and he said he was happy and loved this new girl after 6a weeks. He told me he sees a future with her yet called me 3 times this week and text me condolences for having to put my dog down. I need to mention that since finding out he was seeing someone i lost it and have grovelled and begged again. My question is….im starting nc and need to stay strong. Why all the mixed messages from him? If he were truly happy why would he risk contacting me or my d aughter knowing ive had and am still having a very difficult time?