How To Get Your Ex Back When He's Moved On To A New Girl

3,819 thoughts on “Has He Moved On? How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend”

stephanie

November 13, 2013 at 4:06 am

Hey chris….so basically, me and my ex broke up like……two to ree months ago.since then we haven’t talked to each other but about a month ago, he said he hated.we broke up cause he thought I liked other guys, and I found out he wadheating on me.I was really upset so we haven’t talked in ages. But I realized that I loved him a lot and I know he doesn’t really hate me because i overheard him saying he still had feelings for me. But then, he gets anoyhet girlfriend who is one of my friends, and she’s said that she foeent like him too much, and u just don’t know what to do, please help!!!

admin

November 13, 2013 at 7:42 pm

Have you done NC?
stephanie

November 17, 2013 at 3:44 pm

Yes for a long time we haven’t talked in Like…..two months, and I want him back so what should I do??
admin

November 17, 2013 at 9:08 pm

Well send the text messages I recommend in the E-Book.
steohanie

November 20, 2013 at 11:02 pm

k…but what do i say??
admin

November 21, 2013 at 6:36 pm

What do you say about what?
stephanie

November 22, 2013 at 9:37 pm

What do i say to him? Do I just say hi? Or do I tell him i still like him?
admin

November 23, 2013 at 7:04 pm

Have you read any of the guides on this site covering what to say?

Lexi

November 12, 2013 at 3:16 am

My ex and I broke up six months ago. Do i still love him? Yes. He meet his new girlfriend at the club while we were still in relationship. After a few weeks of dating he moved in with her. He still texts me asking to have sex with him and to send him pictures of me. What’s his reason? I still love him after 6 months of not being together his family love me and still contacts me. What do I do?? P.s he cheated numerous times, I caught him cheating with multiple females. He also kisses his gf around me, because he know it’s hurts my feelings. What do i do??

admin

November 12, 2013 at 7:11 pm

I think quite honestly you should let him go. He seems to be a pathelogical cheater 🙁

Jack

November 11, 2013 at 7:06 pm

Hi,
My ex boyfriend and I were together for about a year. The end of August he texted me saying he had his eye on me, I asked him for a favor a day later and he was all for it and said he would text me when he came back from vacation. The whole month is September I never heard from him (we actually broke up on may but contacted each other every now and then). Me and my friend, for fun created an online dating site (again I was single) and around the time I asked him for that favor he actually viewed it. I don’t know if him seeing the dating profile had anything to do with him not contacting but time went on and he said his door is always open for me (this was beginning of October). Not even 2 weeks later he magically has a gf? I called him and we spoke for about a half hour. I didn’t contact him since then but I did wish him a happy birthday and he ignored it. I was getting these weird phone calls and texts, mentioning him but I let it go. They didn’t stop so I texted him and he ignored that text so I called him and he said it wasn’t him (which it wasn’t but the person was tied to him). I asked him why he would give them my number and he got so mad so quick! I let 2 days goes by with this stupid texting, I finally texted him again and basically gave him my fair well message and again ignored me. Was it the dating site that threw him over the edge? Because we were fine before that. Any advice you have I’d appreciate

admin

November 12, 2013 at 6:26 pm

The dating site may have thrown him over the edge. Have you tried NC yet?

andrea smith

November 11, 2013 at 4:46 pm

Hi there im just out a 5 year relationship with my daughters dad, we were very much in love and then we started arguing and i told him to leave, he says he didnt want to and loved me so much that he didnt know what he was going to do, we were still in contact for 2 months until 1 day he started being nasty to me saying he didnt love me anymore, he is with a new girl, who is nothing compared to me, i want him back so much but how should i go about this

admin

November 11, 2013 at 7:17 pm

Sorry about the breakup 🙁 that must be so hard.

Have you done the NC rule yet?
andrea smith

November 12, 2013 at 11:23 pm

Yeah i have did it for 2 weeks until i was drunk and had to go to his door to speak 2 him, he wasnt willing to speak 2 me at first then he eventually did, we spoke about our daughter, i cried the whole time, told him how much i missed him n loved him and all the rest of it, after 2 months he started seeing this other girl, i want him back so much but im just scared that if i leave him alone 2 long that will push him even closer to his new girlfriend? Surely after 5 years and a child with me he cant just stop loving me and never think about me or that? Pleaseeeee help me
admin

November 13, 2013 at 7:13 pm

Could it be some weird mid life crisis?

Grace

November 11, 2013 at 11:04 am

hi chris, my boyfriend broke up with me because he thinks he doesn’t deserve me before that i got angry at him because of that picture i saw: a gay seems like hugging him on a picture.. i didnt tell him the reason why and he kept on asking me why but i didnt respond..after that i got a txt from him telling me that he is tired and that we always fight and he’s like insane thinking what’s gotten into me..i know it’s my fault in not telling him directly but i got confuse and angry for what i saw..now it’s been a couple of days and i kept reminding him that im sorry for what i’ve done and that i wont give up on him because i promised him i will never let him go but it seems like his not changing his mind..i dont know but i still believe he will come back 🙁 but it is so hard, really.what should i do?

admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:41 pm

NC NC NC!

bianca

November 11, 2013 at 4:44 am

hi chris, my boyfriend broke up with me about 5 weeks ago, yes as soon as we broke up i was all emotional and didnt want to let go, and tried every possible way to get him back, which was not the right thing to do, because obviously he didnt really want to see me or hear from me. I think that i was just scared that he will move on, and that i know for a fact that as soon as he broke up he started talking to girls and i dont know why? and yes his still doing it.
i just want to know why guys do this..
i have started the no no contact rule, so far im a week down.

admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:24 pm

Its a pretty common thing for a guy to do.

It’s their way of coping.
bianca

November 11, 2013 at 11:58 pm

well any tips for me, its so hurtful, how do i cope with that!!!..
admin

November 12, 2013 at 6:50 pm

You remove yourself from the situation and try to be so busy you stop thinking about it.

Emily

November 11, 2013 at 2:14 am

Hey Chris,
my boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago and got a new girlfriend 2 weeks after that. I tried persuading him to come back to me for 5 days since the break up but he kept saying no. After that we haven’t been talking anymore because he told me to stop contacting him. About 2 weeks ago, he talked to me and we were on the topic on the reasons he broke up with me and I tried persuading him again but he said no again. He said we could be friends but friends that don’t talk a lot. It really seems like I am nothing to him anymore even after what we have been through, he only bothers thinking about the sad times rather than the happy memories we had. From what I know, he and his new girlfriend have gone out twice only. I really want to get back with him but I am completely clueless, I can’t talk to him nor can I go out with him. A few of my close friends who are also his close friends said that they asked him whether he still likes me and he didn’t reply. I don’t even know why he likes her, she is so rude and she goes out with guys wearing cropped tees even when she has a boyfriend already. Disrespectful? She and her friend were making fun of a girl because she wears her makeup wrongly, they called her a ‘Ugly Retard’ and a ‘Pathetic B!tch’ when they aren’t even good at wearing their makeup either. I was so pissed off when I saw her upload that picture onto Instagram. My ex even liked the picture like its okay to make fun of someone. I don’t know what to do omg

admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:20 pm

Sounds like this girl needs to be knocked down and given a harsh dose of reality.

ARe you using the NC rule?
Emily

November 12, 2013 at 3:10 am

Well, somehow? I’m afraid of contacting him again so I don’t. I guess its somehow like NC? He won’t even bother whether I talk to him or not, we are friends that don’t talk a lot 🙁
admin

November 12, 2013 at 7:09 pm

Well, maybe you should look to change that hahaha.

jemma

November 11, 2013 at 12:19 am

Hiya, this is going to be longwinded but I feel like I need to explain everything, I’ll try and keep it as short as possible.

Me and my ex broke up about 3 monthsago now after nearly two and a half year relationship, i’m 21 and he’s 25. he started seeing someone else after about 8 weeks after our break up. I found out because I confronted him and finally he admitted he had met someone else. Basically we started sleeping together for the last 2 and a half weeks behind her back. He says he can’t say no to me. He isn’t a nasty person btw, he never ever ever was in the slightest way unfaithful to me at all and I know he wouldn’t be. Me and him had a very very very close relationship, we were best friends, we just had a really strong connection and even to this day we still do, we broke up because of the way I was, I moaned about him going out etc etc, but it was getting better towards the end, we just broke up cos of a stupid argument. even to this day he says we will always have a special connection and bond and him and her will never compare and he will never love her like he did me, with us it was different to anything he’s ever felt before. I don’t really know how to explain it, but we were just extremely close. Anyyyyyyway. we have been sleeping together this past 2 and a half weeks, but from the very beggining of us sleeping together he’s said he does really like this other girl, he still loves me and cares for me but he can’t be with me. He said maybe at the start he was talking to her to get over me and it kind of is that too now but now he does really like her and can see himself with her properly as “he has nothing to loose”. He says he still thinks about me every day and how we will always have trust and stuff and how he misses me every day. He said I was better looking than her and we have much better sex, basically looks wise she is the complete opposite to me. he also says that he hates the thought of me with anyone else etc etc. I keep asking him whether they feel “right” to him and he just keeps saying “i dont know” to everything I ask him. He said he doesn’t know whether he can be on his own, and I said how he’s done it before in the past after break ups and he said he doesn’t know but it’s different this time. He hasn’t had any time to heal from our relationship at all, he’s jumped straight into this and really bloody likes her and I hate it, the thought of him falling in love with her and all that crap hurts more than I can describe. He even admitted he knows deep down he should probably be on his own but he wants to continue seeing her. I asked him whether he’s going to actually start being with her properly as gf and bf and he said he doesn’t know but its likely, he;s scared of getting hurt and doesnt know what he wants but he thinks he wants to be with her. he doesnt know whether he can trust her as well. ive asked him stuff about how they are together and whether he’s bought her flowers and how he is with her and all that and it’s just not the same as when me and him first me at all. when me and him first met we were head over heels in weeks, he tried so hard with me but it doesn’t seem like he has with her. like she isn’t staying at his house when i used to stay at his all the time. just so bloody weird, my head is all over the place. i’m scared if i leave him be he will focus more and more on her and i will leave his head and he will start being with her properly. we went through a lot together, we planned a baby 6 months in our relationship, i got pregnant, he changed his mind and wanted an abortion and i miscarried anyway, which kind of was the downfall to us. just loads of shit really but i can’t cope every evening knowing they are together and the more time he spends with her the more he likes her. i’ve tried no contact, i gave him an ultimatum and asked him to choose and he said he just doesn’t want us anymore and we stop speaking for about 4 days and the only reason i contacted him is because i saw a vile picture of them two kissing on a night out photo on facebook and my emotions got the better of me. just know whenever were together we still get on really well so i’m scared if i leave him alone he will get closer and closer to her. i’m at my wits end. I know your going to say no contact but please explain how that will help, what do you think to everything i’ve said, i know you don’t know us personally but id really like an outsiders view. ps i’ve also tried letters and emails, trying to show him that deep down he knows he shouldnt be with her and it’s not right and to follow his heart etc, i’ve tried most things tbh :/

admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:06 pm

Letters and emails usually aren’t the best idea.

Right now there isn’t much you can do but wait, be patient and better yourself. I am not saying you have to move on I am just saying the smartest thing to focus your energies inward on yourself.
jemma

November 11, 2013 at 6:46 pm

We keep occasionally talking, like we’ve been speaking today just having a bit of banter by text but then he says he needs to block my number again cos it’s for the best. Be patient? But If I leave him alone he will just focus on her and it’s more likely they will become a proper item, he already said it’s highly likely anyway so if i’m off the scene it’s way more likely. I feel sick knowing him and her are together. every day is a struggle. i know if i leave him to it, they will get more serious because the longer they spend together the more they will like each other.
admin

November 12, 2013 at 6:25 pm

Well at first yes. However, the odds are in yoru favor for their relationship to not last the long run.
jemma

November 16, 2013 at 6:10 pm

It’s so confusing all of this is a big mess. I’ve slept with him again since I last wrote on here. then after we spoke and we both agreed we need to stop all this as it’s getting ridiculous. he said he will always love me and i will be the one person who he thinks he will never truly get over. but he’s happy right now and thats it. but he also says he doesnt know if he can trust his new gf. weve stopped speaking now, i’m hurting so much, constantly thinking of them two together. i just dont understand any of this, all the things hes said to me about him still loving me and stuff, but he’s with someone else? my head is all over the place!? if i leave him to get on with it he will just focus more on her. he’s broken my heart.
jemma

November 17, 2013 at 4:20 pm

help please? 🙁 i’m at my wits end. what do I do?!
admin

November 17, 2013 at 9:21 pm

About what? What specifically?
jemma

November 17, 2013 at 10:15 pm

What is my best option to win him back? I would do anything? What is my best option because I’m stressing out big time. I don’t know whether to try and stay in his life and hope he wants me back or do NC and hope he wants me back?! x
admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:02 pm

Well, there is so much you can do. But its too much for me to type. Look, if you want advice just grab PRO or go on a reading spree (but even then PRO is most helpful.)

kluvd

November 10, 2013 at 8:15 pm

So one my best friends sent me a text after talking to me ex and I don’t know what to think about it. It said “He just said it was for the best because we argued a lot and it was really hard for him to do it.”

admin

November 10, 2013 at 10:04 pm

I think its a good sign. Its not really a sudden change of feeling its just that you had too much passion and that caused friction in the form of fighting.
kluvd

November 10, 2013 at 11:36 pm

Never thought of it that way. That actually makes a lot of since now. I shouldn’t be to worried that he still ignoring me and hasn’t mad any contact?
admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:00 pm

I wouldn’t be. Just try not to get upset over things like that. The truth is that if you made the impression on him that you think you did you will be on his mind.
kluvd

November 11, 2013 at 8:02 pm

Well I’m pretty sure he has blocked my number. I guess the only thing I can do is just wait and see what happens?
admin

November 12, 2013 at 6:34 pm

Do you have any other way of getting in touch with him?
kluvd

November 12, 2013 at 8:45 pm

No we blocked each other on facebook during our first break up. But idk if he really blocked me or just ignoring me like he used to when we fought or when we broke up. He could be just because he has a new girlfriend. Thing is that I worry about is he really loved his ex fiancé but he never got back in touch with her. Yet my friend says to her it sounds like he still cares about me.
admin

November 13, 2013 at 6:47 pm

Well, that means you may just have to contact HIM.
kluvd

November 13, 2013 at 9:24 pm

I’ve tried but nothing

doesntmatter

November 9, 2013 at 4:12 am

If he has a new girl friend leave him alone…. I am in a situation where my boyfriends ex girlfriend is trying to get him back… She’s trying so hard to get his attention that she’s going out with my bf’s brother… Even sent naked photo’s to my boyfriend and a stripping video hahahahaha. If you broke up with your boyfriend and he starts a new relationship, move on and GET A LIFE!

admin

November 10, 2013 at 12:56 am

Pretty much… just do your best to follow this guide.

Sandra

November 8, 2013 at 11:08 pm

My ex boyfriend keeps texting me that he misses me and still loves me. Should I not keep no contact and not respond. I did do no contact before for 2 months which is when he got involved with new girlfriend..i already did have a meet up with him which went great.that was 2 weeks ago. At tha t time he asked if he could take me out. I told him that that would be inappropriate considering that he was in a relationship.twhat should I do?

admin

November 10, 2013 at 12:20 am

Hmm… maybe for another week or so. Just lets see if he is saying it just to say it or if he really means it.

17&gone

November 8, 2013 at 8:03 pm

Hi
I am still in love with my ex. We broke up 3 months ago he has told me a lot that he still loves me and I had believed it until just recently when I found out he’s been living with a friend of our (he’s known longer) and has been having sex with her. He told me two weeks ago (after he found out a old guy friend had been hanging around me more) that he still loves me nd wants me back but that he has a lot going on in his life and he hardly hads anytime because of work. He told me that he was very upset because he had heard me and the friend were dating. He said that he wanted to see me and be around me as me as much as he can but everytime we make plans to be he always can’t and i think its because she doesn’t want us around eachother because she always gives me a nasty look whenever me and him play atound or hug and always ignored my texts if I ask her if its okay I come over but i went and saw him…and her…anyway and he looked at me a few times and completely ignored me it made me upset but i act like it didn’t bother me at all. I still love him but I need to know if this is a lost cause. So if you can help me I’d appreciate it so much I honestly dont know what to do. And please don’t treat me with that “you’re 17 you don’t know what love it” please reply or email me

admin

November 9, 2013 at 11:52 pm

What have you tried so far?

The no contact rule?

Victoria

November 8, 2013 at 9:16 am

I broke up with my ex around 1.5 years ago. But he didn’t realise and couldn’t believe in it at first.
We were together around 6 years, were engaged.
That moment i thought that i lost my feelings and needed to risk that to find some other relationships, where guy would be leader, could make decisions, be a motor. Usually I was this person…
He tried to get me back, but it didn’t work. After 6 months he knew that I met some other person. And immediately started relationships with my best friend. I pretended that I didn’t care. But stopped to talk to both of them. Was in shock. It was really bad moment for reanimating my feelings, but from that moment I can’t throw him out of my head, realised that love him so much. Fist time when we met, both of us cried and couldn’t look at each other’s eyes. But he told me that it was too late, he wouldn’t get back, bc some other ppl are involved, impossibe to change something. Told that would never offended his new girlfriend.
I thought that I could focus on my own relationships, and after some period of time I would be ok with this, but I couldn’t. He message me all time, told that saw me in his dreams, told that thought about me every day when was travelling with his new gf. Million times we decided that would never message each other again and again.
His new gf was upset, bc he promised her not to write me and she found it not 1 time. We stopped msg each other 2 months ago…
I was surprised that his mother messaged me in my bd, congratulated and asked to write how I am sometimes. She is a really nice person, i talked to her a bit but decided not to msg any more. Bc I need to forget all of them and proceed to live my life. After that his sister, who deleated me from all accounts this spring, started to follow me on Instagram again. The last point was when he sent a message with his congratulations to my mom’s bd a few days ago. Sent it from his mom’s phone. Omg, it so stupid, what’s for?
Last few months I made myself too busy, that not to think about all of them. But they remind about themself somehow, and I’ve started feel myself really bad, remembering about him. It’s around 10 months how they are together and I can’t stop thinking that I made a huge mistake when broke up with him. Haven’t realised how I loved him, being together.
Btw, that time when he tried to turn me back, he made his new business that to show me that he’s changed, but i didn’t notice his efforts at all.
I’m sure that he still loves me. Especially when we stopped talking a few months ago. I was not right that I shown him how I needed him, think it was a huge mistake.
Lol, nedded to find your site half of a year ago, probably, i could do something that moment. But now it’s too late. Isn’t it?
Anyway, thank you, Chris, you’ve done a great work, halping ppl here, read your advises on the site, really impressed how u’re advanced! Would be happy to hear your point of view.

admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:54 pm

It may be a little late but there are still things you can do. Chances are the new girl won’t last.

Lisanne

November 7, 2013 at 6:23 pm

Hi, over a year ago my ex boyfriend of three years left me, after two months of the break up.. I started talking to some one new and it ended that we started dating. I don’t know why but i was realy realy happy whit that new guy! He was two years older than me. I felt like it was realy mature what we where having. I fell in love with him realy fast and i was scared that he was a reboun.. After 2 months in the relation, my ex boyfriend started texting me on facebook and was telling me that he wanted me back. I realy didn’t want to go back with him i knew all the bad things that he did to me and i was realy happy with the new guy, like realy.. But after 3 months in the relation, my ex boyfriend didn’t stop texting me.. Or teasing my new boyfriend. I was mad and i told my ex boyfriend to come a my friend’s home so i could talk to him and tell him to back off and that i didn’t want anything with him. He came to my friend’s house and we talk and i told him that i was happy with my new boyfriend, i told him how i was feeling about the new guy. He understood! But at that time my friend always wanted me to go back with my ex so when my ex was at her home with me, my friend said in front of us talking, you should go back with him and stuff like that. I was mad a her because she was telling me. He seems serious about grtting back with you and i’m pretty sure he won’t do it back. But i was happy with the other guy! Realy. But when my ex was about to go at his house, he took me in his arms and kiss me. I was mad and i pushed him! I was what are you doing, i just told you i was happy with my new boyfriend! And then he went home. I was pissed at him and my friend! I went upstairs and i started crying alot. I remember staying up all night crying because i was mad and scared that my new boyfriend would know what happen. My friend stayed with me and she was feeling sorry after.. She was like i’m sorry i shouldn’t say anything about that. And then i was scared, and i left my new boyfriend at the time because i was feeling like i cheated on him.. So when i left him that same day, i made and excuse that i wasn’t happy anymore.. And he was realy sad that i left him. But i felt like it was the best thing because i was scared that my ex would tell him what happened or things like that. We still talked after the break up, he tried to get back with me but i pushed him and pushed him quite a few times.. And after three months of the break up we still talked and he tried but i was still scared and i realy didn’t want to hurt him or wtv, but after three months when i wasn’t expecting that he had a new girlfriend when the week before he told my mother that he wanted to go back with me. He is 20 and his girlfriend she is 15. When he sarte dating her i wad mad i wasn’t expecting that at all. I wanted to go back with him but i was scared and then after three months he has new girlfriend. So when he started dating her we stop talking right away and i was mad and realy sad i cried alot and still am. Since then he has been dating her for almost 7 months now. Recently he started talking to my mother alot on facebook, like every week and sometimes all of the days of the week. They where still realy close after i broke up with him. But recently they are talking alot. Over 2 months ago i moved in with 4 of my friend and the boyfriend of one of my friends. The boyfriend of my friend is best friends with my second ex boyfriend. It’s been 3 weeks that he came and the appartement and slept here. I was shy an stayed in my room all the time he was here. We go a the same college, but we dont see each other. And this week he came monday night to sleep again. And recently he has been talking to my mother alot.. My mother showed me what they were talking and they have a normal conversation but when he came monday night, he drank with my friends boyfriends and my ex talk to my mother on facebook while he was drunk, he said hay mom( he calls my mother mom) and he was like i’m at your girl appartement drinking with mikey( the boyfriend of my friend) and they talk and my mother was like don’t try to make shit up with lisanne, and he was like no i don’t want to talk to her it’s better that way for me. I don’t realy understand why he told my mother that. He told my mother that he was over with me because he tried and tried to get back with me and i pushed him at that time. My mother ask him if he was still angry at me for pushing him all the time and he said yes. But i think it’s realy weird all of the things he do roght know. Right know it’s around the time that we used to date before realy starting a relationship and on the 14 of november it would of been 1 years that we would of been together. I don’t know what to think about all of that. And with his girlfriend it doesn’t always go well they argue alot, that is what my friend boyfriend told me. And don’t know what to think, my mother think it’s weird to and my friend she thinks the same things. My friends boyfriend told her that u should wait for him because it it worth it on waiting for him. So this is my story and i still realy realy live him and i don’t know what to think or what to do. I doesn’t want to talk to me or anything so it’s weird.

admin

November 8, 2013 at 5:44 pm

I would do the NC while you are doing that “waiting.”

Lola

November 7, 2013 at 1:04 pm

Morning, Chris. I’ve emailed you a couple of times, but had not yet gotten a response from you (I know u get hundreds of emails…:)). My ex stopped communication with me without officially breaking up with me about 9 months ago (we dated for about 8 months. Last time I spoke with him on the phone was 3 months ago (no contact at all for 3 months after that!) and he said he’s seeing someone else… I’d like to go to his work and give him a birthday gift (as a friend!) – I’d just give him a gift, wish him happy b’day and leave.

There’s no way for me to ask for his permission to stop by as he had blocked my number (so I can’t call or text him to let him know I’d like to stop by – can’t give him a notice and get his permission to visit…). Do you think there’s a chance he might appreciate the sentiment? Of course I want him back, but my goal is to first to somehow open the communication with him. Thank you, Chris! Have an awesome day!!

admin

November 7, 2013 at 6:31 pm

I think there is a chance but I am not sure its the best way to go. Usually showing up out of the blue can backfire.
Lola

November 8, 2013 at 7:36 pm

And I thought, Chris that you’d give me your blessings… lol

Thank you, – cause you’ve got a point here… But what the alternative do I have? – only calling from a strange number since mine is blocked (which is sneaky), hoping that he’ll pick up and praying that his new girlfriend is not next to him… And then if I get a chance to ask his permission and he says to not come, then I will have to respect his wish – thus the only hope to see him will be eliminated… I’m just being logical….lol

You know what I’m thinking, Chris? I am imagining me 100 years old looking my death in the face… What would I feel more sorry about looking back at my life? – making mistakes in attempt to to win my beloved man’s heart back at risk of appearing desperate? or not taking a risk and always wondering what would have happened? I can conclusively say that I’d regret not listening to my heart…. Passion is what makes life interesting and worthwhile. Too emotional is better than too calculating…

Besides, Birthdays are famous for surprises – so showing up unannounced to give a Birthday gift is kind of what surprise concept is about. I am not done yet thinking about it though:). Have a fantastic weekend, Chris!
admin

November 9, 2013 at 11:51 pm

Hey I am all for trusting your gut and all this petty stuff does seem kind of insignificant on a death bed doesn’t it?
Lola

November 11, 2013 at 4:25 am

Thank you SO MUCH, Chris for your kind response!
I’ll keep on attuning to my gut’s whispers…lol…might still have more questions for you later on…

I hope you had a chance to enjoy this weekend:). Aloha
admin

November 11, 2013 at 6:22 pm

Hey ask all the question syou want.
Lola

November 15, 2013 at 11:32 pm

I plan on including a greeting card with my gift, is it OK to sign it ‘LOVE, Lola’, or just ‘Lola’? – we never actually said that we love each other… So will the word ‘Love’ sound neutral/friend-like, or would it be too much? Thanks:)
admin

November 16, 2013 at 9:16 pm

Id stay away from love.
Lola

November 16, 2013 at 9:43 pm

I’ll take your advise, Chris – staying away from love!:)
Lola

November 18, 2013 at 7:21 pm

Staying away from love, staying away from friend zone… maintaining a mystery… Thank you, Chris!!!!! Have a successful day!!
admin

November 19, 2013 at 5:48 pm

Thanks and YOU have a successful day.
Lola

November 17, 2013 at 6:50 pm

One more question – should I tell him that I get it that he is now with someone else, and that I just stopped by as a friend? – OR should I stay away from the word ‘FRIEND’ as well??

Also, Chris if you could please kindly edit out what I should not be telling from this text, I’d greatly appreciate it!! – I wanna say to my ex: ‘I appreciate what a wonderful person you are, and how you always made me feel special when we were together, and I really wanted to do sometime special for you, that’s why I am here – so happy birthday, I hope it’s a special one!

Thank you so much, Chris!!!!!!
admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:33 pm

I wouldnt say that. You may box yourself out. Just let it be “assumed”

Alex

November 7, 2013 at 6:47 am

My ex cheated and then left me for the girl he cheated on me with. I want him back…
I am apologizing in advance for the length & detail in this message, but here goes nothing:

My ex fiancé proposed to me before he left for navy bootcamp. We were so in love and so happy, despite his military career. I supported him and loved him while trying to finish my college degree. He was stationed in Texas & I’m in school in Ohio. The distance was hard but we made it work and the times we got to see each other were honestly the best moments ever. I loved this man with my whole heart & he told me the same. We had planned an amazing future together. We had something so special and pure… We lost our virginity to each other back in high school, we were each others first love. Yes, we met when we were kids, but we also were growing into adults together. Long story short, he broke my heart in the worst betrayal possible.

This girl had been flirting with him ever since he got to Texas… She knew we were engaged and she didn’t care, she kept flirting and pressuring him. Our whole 5 year relationship, we were totally faithful to each other. When I went away to college, he got worried. When I pledged a sorority, he worried about our brother frat. But I always reassured him and never even let men flirt with me, out of respect for him. Yeah we worried about each other and other people flirting but it was never a big concern because we were always open and honest about things. We knew that at the end of the day we loved each other and respected each other. This girl rubbed me the wrong way from day one. And whenever I asked him about her or told him to tell her to have some respect & cool it, he would assure me that, “she’s just like a sister.”

I last saw him on New Year’s Eve, and things were amazing. My birthday is jan 22 and he sent me beautiful romantic gifts (a charm bracelet with our initials, a heart and an engagement ring) and an engraved jewelry box with our anniversary. This might be tmi, but our sex life (when we could actually be with each other) was amazing. Again, after 5 years, I know how to keep it interesting. Less than a month later, he snapped. I’m talking out of nowhere just called it quits. Said he couldn’t do this anymore and said he needed space. We both cried and talked on the phone for hours that night. I was shocked, I was scared, I was hurt, but I gave him space. 2 agonizing weeks later he called and informed me that he didn’t love me and that it was over. His tone went was what hurt the most… Mean and spiteful, like I had done something wrong. I was so numb that I just shut down, died inside and deleted my Facebook before anyone could ask questions. I figured that this was just a phase or he was just confused or something. But a month later the truth came out… He was all of a sudden in a relationship with that whore. Pretty big coincidence, huh? Any other girl would have hurt less and I could have understood, but her!? I called him and he wouldn’t even speak to me on the phone, we had to argue over text message. He swears nothing physical happened until we broke up, but still if anything, he emotionally cheated. He began telling people that he never wanted to get engaged to me and that he felt pressured and that he doesn’t love me and had been questioning our relationship for a long time. How long exactly? I have letters he wrote me from bootcamp telling me how happy he was that I’m his fiancé, how in love he was with me, how amazing our life is gonna be, how I was the whole reason he was getting thru boot camp, that I was his motivation, ect. Annnnd he told me that things were perfect less than a month before he ended it with me. We haven’t spoke since march. He’s been home twice, brought her home with him once. That nearly killed me… After 5 years with him, he couldn’t even talk to me or apologize face to face? Now they’re both stationed in Japan, but on different bases.

I was able to live on my daily life, trying other relationships, being with other men, but I realized that my heart was with him… I miss him so much. I know what he did was so wrong and I’m still heartbroken over it, but I can’t let go. About a month ago, I couldn’t stop thinking about him, about us and about what the hell happened! So many signs and weird things were pointing me toward him & keeping him in my heart and mind. I just felt it in my bones that something needed to happen or was going to happen. Then it did…

Last week I found out from his brother’s girlfriend (whom I’m very close with) that He and that homewrecker broke up. I think she ended it with him, but I’m not sure (probably met some other taken man & found another life to ruin). This is all so ironic to me and I feel like now is my time to act. I have been patient for over 6 months… I just don’t know what to do. He hasn’t reached out to me… He is in Japan and doesn’t have cell phone access, but he could email me or write me… I figured he thinks that I hate him. I don’t… I hate what he did. I’m so betrayed and heartbroken still but I’m ready to forgive and to fix this and to move on. It is going to take a lot on his part but I am willing to forgive him and to make things work. There are just so many complexities at play here bc of the military thing: he was already good at hiding his emotions but with military training, he’s even better. I had coffee with his brothers gf and his mom & it made me realize how much I missed them, too. They have always been very kind and welcoming to me. My family adored him… We just fit together and had amazing chemistry. We had so much in common, but were different enough to keep it interesting. We had such a good relationship and were so happy. Things ended so unusually and I’m still so confused, but I know that I still love him & want to fix this.

He left and I was still in school here. I think that she was an easy option and he thought that since she was there, it was easier with her than with me (bc I was thousands of miles away) even tho it was his life choices that separated us, distance wise. Now I think he’s ashamed and thinks I hate him. Both his mom and Brothers gf want me to contact him. I want to, as well, but the last time we spoke he was so nasty and cold toward me… I think he should be the one to initiate contact but he can’t. I’m not on fbook, he can’t use his cell, he doesn’t have a laptop. He’s on viber and Skype but my laptop is broken right now and I don’t have a viber account. Is it worth forgetting my pride and just trying to message him on fbook (reactivating it) I have already been humiliated and hurt by him, but I really don’t think he will contact me. His family says how homesick he is and how he’s having a rough time. And now that they broke up, I feel like now is a good time to talk. Just casually at first, but I do want him back and I want our relationship back (I know it’ll never be the same, but I’m willing to work to make it amazing again). My question is… What do I say to him? How do I get him to think about me? I want to psychologically win this battle… I want to do this right. How do I start? I really hope someone can help me…

Do we have a good chance of fixing things? Do you think he still loves me/wants to try? Or am I wasting my time? I just don’t see how he could fall out of love with me that quickly and act so meanly, then not be sorry or even think about us or me. There has to be something still there. 5 years together and an engagement, plans for a future (that he wanted and he initiated). Idk… My intuition tells me to act and to try one more time but I am absolutely terrified. I want to do this right. I’m sorry this is so lengthy but I feel like the details are important… I hope someone can help me.

admin

November 7, 2013 at 6:22 pm

I think its worth a try but don’t get upset if things don’t work out the way you want. Sometimes there are aspects out of our control but the connection you two had is undeniable..

Jen

November 6, 2013 at 10:38 pm

How do you know whether

30 days, 60 days or 90 days is the right duration for your NC “mission”?

admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:40 pm

Hahaha which one do you think best applies for your situation?
Jen

November 8, 2013 at 5:38 pm

what about 45?! ha.
admin

November 8, 2013 at 7:22 pm

I’m sorry 45?
Jj

November 8, 2013 at 9:03 pm

45 days of NC?

Jovi

November 6, 2013 at 6:01 pm

So I have never posted on anything but I am at a point where I am so lost and don’t know what to do. My ex and I were together 4 years and have a child together and also have 6 other children form prior relationships that we all had living together. So I was not the greatest and never really showed him love and affection and didn’t treat him the greatest but he also cheated on my in the beginning which mad it hard. Well, I got to a point and told him I was done and him and his four boys moved out. It has been a month and they finally found a nice home but a week after he left he started talking to another female. And she picks the boys up already and they have told each other they love each other. It is so much. A week after he left I cried and begged and pleaded that I wanted him back and want and am sorry and just want to work on our family and said so much more. He tells me he loves me but he is hurt and can’t believe I kicked the boys and him out which I know I was wrong. I made a huge mistake. He tells me everything that goes on with this other female because he said he doesn’t want me to hear from anyone else. He calls me and wants me to come over but then calls her and I feel it is a game. She owns a daycare and is having him do some contracting on it and he says it will take a few weeks to finish and he can not mess that up because its a lot of money and he tells me to give him some time. But she is calling the schools and saying she is their step mom and so much more. I dont know what to do. I just want my family back. He says he loves me but he needs to find his way. Please any advise would be great?

admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:07 pm

Well are you thinking about trying a no contact rule.
Jovi

November 13, 2013 at 2:06 pm

That’s the point I am at now. I think I should def start the no contact rule and make him miss me. I am just worried that will push him further away but either way it is a chance I guess.
admin

November 13, 2013 at 8:41 pm

I think you should too. Thats the ideal way to go!
Jovi

November 15, 2013 at 3:50 pm

So I have started it and it only has been two days and he is going crazy texting me. So maybe its a good thing. Also, is a bad thing if I start going out with friends even if its a guy or will this completely ruin the process of trying to get him back. Because I went out to dinner last night with a friend. and my-ex some how found out and is telling me now we will never have a chance and I screwed that up. So is this a bad idea?
admin

November 15, 2013 at 8:21 pm

No way its a GREAT idea.

Gourmet

November 6, 2013 at 3:51 pm

Hi,

I was reading your website and I have a bit of a complicated situation. I am currently a senior in college and was dating a guy in High School for four years. We were each others’ first and we broke up right before college because he wanted to know other people (he said). We also had a lot of problems during the last year of our relationship because we each had individual family problems and pressured each other a lot. Things ended really badly and we didnt talk for about 5 months. I mean we did talk but most of the time it was very negative and didnt go anywhere.

Over the course of the past 2,5 years, I dated with someone and broke up but he never dated with anyone else. He did not want to explicitly get together with me but would always contact me, text me, talk to me and in fact we went on a few vacations together where we also got intimate and it was like we were dating but he never said that he wants to date with me. A year ago, he started kind of seeing someone and they were almost getting serious but then he said that he wasnt attracted to her and broke up with her. When that happened, we got close again but a few months later,we had a big argument about me pressuring him to come visit me. We didnt talk for a few weeks and in the meantime, he made peace with the other girl he broke up with and told this to his friends and made it official I guess. This happened this summer. When the school started, we didnt talk for a month (we go to different colleges) but then he contacted me early october saying how much he wants me. We have always been extremely attracted to each other and it has always prevented us from being just friends. He said that he cant stop thinking about me and wants to Skype. But he hinted that he only desires me but is emotionally happy with the other girl ( That girl goes to college in Europe by the way, so she isnt with him). I responded saying that we cant do that but he kept insisting and one day, I gave in and skyped him. I had a lot of contradictions inside me and wanted to talk to him about it but he shut me down (I confess that I sent a few long emails about how this situation makes me feel uncomfortable but that I miss him). At the end, he said that it is better for both of us if we dont talk. We havent talked since then and when I tried to reach out to him he shut me down.

I have known him for about 8 years and he always calls me his guardian angel because I have been with him throughout everything and always talked to him when he needed me. But I do have a very pressuring personality when it comes to him ( I do want to talk to him often etc). And I think that was the main thing that drove him away. There seems to be something that we cant get pass and be together and I am very sad as a result of this.

I think that he has fully moved on and mayve even realized that he doesnt even desire me anymore. We have broken up about 3 years ago like I said but ever since then, we have been in each others’ lives so much and did intimate things so often that it feels like we just broke up and he is now dating this person. I think he feels that way too. I am very confused….

Any insight you may have would be so helpful.

admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:46 pm

Firstly have you tried any of the tactics on this site yet?
Gourmet

November 6, 2013 at 5:49 pm

I read through them and I think I really need to use the no contact rule but a month wont be enough because we have already been through this so many times. I need to cut contact with him for a longer period of time but I am not sure if he would care about me not talking to him because he has a new girl friend…What do you think?
admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:06 pm

Use it for however long you think you need it.
Gourmet

November 7, 2013 at 6:49 pm

Do you think that there is a chance of gaining his love and interest back this way?
admin

November 8, 2013 at 5:45 pm

Absolutely!

Broken

November 6, 2013 at 9:24 am

My ex broke up with me by saying, ” why must the person you love, love you back.” I was really shocked that he suddenly lost so much feelings for me. After we broke up, I talked to him after that and he was still acting like nothing happen but I started telling him I loved him and I am really sad that he said that and we ended off badly because he said he never wants me back. I blocked him, deleted him from Facebook and unfollowed him on Instagram out of anger but the next day, I felt very lonely want realized how much I needed him but I didn’t dare to text him. My friend asked him to text me and he did. I tried convincing him to take me back but he kept saying no. After that I kept trying to have a conversation with me but he seemed so cold, he kept saying ‘k’ and ‘whatever’. It wasn’t like him at all. It was until he told me he will block me if I talk to him again that made us cut all sorts of connection and that’s when I started the nc too. 2 weeks after no contact, my friend asked him to text me so he did, I know im not suppose to answer him but I did since it doesn’t bother him because he found a new girlfriend then. They met at a beach and it was the girl who asked for his number and a relationship. I talked to one of his friends and he said that my ex cried because he felt guilty for hurting me and I found that stupid because if you didn’t want to hurt me, why was he so cold to me right? I started snooping around the girls best friend twitter account and I found a picture of what my ex said to his girlfriend and it said, ‘for some reasons, I do like you’ I guess that was before they got into a relationship. My head hurts from all the different thoughts I have and I can’t seem to get a hold of it. I’ve been really lonely at home because no one ever askes me out and my best friend hardly talks to me now because she doesn’t know how to cheer me up. Only my ex best friend talks to me now but sometimes he doesn’t reply me. I really want to get him back but
I have many worries about it. Im worried that they won’t break up and he will reject me again. I just want him to understand how I feel so that he’ll give me another chance but he just listens and let it all flow out of his other ear. I don’t know how to handle this. Please help me :,(

admin

November 6, 2013 at 5:39 pm

Have you tried any of the tactics on this site texting wise?
Broken

November 7, 2013 at 2:20 am

Not really. I hardly see or talk to him but the last time
I saw him, we didn’t talk or make eye contact at all but I acted very happy and cheerful when he is around. I don’t think he really cares though 🙁
admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:55 pm

Ahhh breakups!

I think he does you just don’t realize it does.
Broken

November 8, 2013 at 1:07 am

I really hope he does care but most likely he doesn’t cuz of his new girlfriend. (Curse them to break up so I can comfort him and show him that im better somehow)
admin

November 8, 2013 at 6:25 pm

You want a curse? Hahahhahahaah

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