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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
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Jessica
February 4, 2014 at 1:21 pm
Hey so my ex and I were together for a solid 4 years and he broke up with me, not clear why just the whole needed to figure himself out thing- which I think was legitimate because he was just finishing school and still lived at home and didn’t know what direction to go in, but I always supported him which is why I was confused! Anyways.. He doesn’t have Facebook, I never would see him unless at the same bar and really there’s no way of him knowing if I’m well or not so none of that will be any help.. A friend of mine that works at a bar told me she saw him with a girl, they weren’t acting like they were together really because they weren’t overly close and the girl kind of just followed him through the bar, but obviously she can’t know for sure. Because I have no way of knowing without asking one of our mutual friends- which I would never do (I never talk to him about my ex) do I just text him after NC like I would have normally? I should probably include that he has not contacted me at all, and my 30 days are up on Thursday.. Should I wait longer?
Alexis
February 4, 2014 at 1:06 am
MY ex and I haven’t been together for awhile. We lived together and were together for 7 months. Everything was always good between us until things between my friends and others got to me. I wouldn’t let things that bothered me go and he would just tell me to and I couldn’t. So of course that led us to argue and I know he got tired of it and he broke up with me. After breaking up we were still seeing each other but no with the title of boyfriend and girlfriend. We once again got into a small argument and it was almost 3 weeks since we broke up and had an argument. A friend of his was seeing this girl and her friend was single and they went out with some friends and they started to date,while he was with her no more than a month he cheated on her for a whole year with me. I felt like crap bc I loved him yet he was still with her bc she never did anything to hurt him yet. And they broke up and we were seeing each other while they broke up and we argued over her I just didn’t see how things were good bc they just broke up of course he would still have feelings for her and then he went back to her. I feel if we ever talk or hangout that there are feelings there still I don’t know what to do.
admin
February 4, 2014 at 5:40 pm
Well, obviously try to get to a place where the two of you can hang out.
Judith
February 3, 2014 at 7:31 am
Hi Chris, hope you can help. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about two months ago. I initiated it. He didn’t want to. 3 weeks after that he started dating a mutual friend. I don’t think it’s a breakup. They actually suit each other and he says he is happy… I tried to get him back in the month. I did everything I shouldn’t have!! Desperate. Needy. Calling. Texting. You name it. I just can’t seem to let him go. You think I can still get him back? And how? I feel like I’ve already lost him for good. I feel like i’ve been replaced by a better version!
admin
February 3, 2014 at 6:19 pm
Are you in NC now?
payal
February 3, 2014 at 12:44 am
Hi
My boyfriend and I have been together for about five months and he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship. When we were together he went on a mission trip to detroit and met another girl and started talking to her and getting attached to her. He lives in detroit and he lives in georgia and they have a long distance relationship. He told me I neglected him and that she makes him happy and he loves her and she loves him. He will leave for marine boot camp any day now. Do you think they will break up because of the long distance and he will come back? What are the chances i have been crying all day please tell me how to get him back!!
admin
February 3, 2014 at 6:00 pm
It’s really hard to say. They are pretty far away. It takes two very patient people to make that kind of distance work.
Toya Grant
February 1, 2014 at 8:08 am
Me and my ex was engaged for almost two years. Around december he started changing and I noticted it he was sleeping on the couch all the time always on his phone and he would not really communcate with me anymore he said he hate being asked question or he would say he likes queit. Around january 2014 one Sunday he just broke up with because he said he needed space but it turns out he was talking to some other girl that he works with before he ask for a break.so he lied and cheated, we live together and now he is telling her he loves her and when she calls he smiles and get all happy. But deep down I really love this man but he took out my heart and rip it up like it was nothing I know I want him back but I have hurt, pain and anger all inside me we been broken up for about two weeks almost. Please tell me what do I do
samantha lovatt
February 3, 2014 at 11:13 pm
Im going through the same as you at the moment
im on day 12 of no contact i want him back soooo
much despite him bad mouthing me to others
and telling everyone that im boring in bed and
went on about the marrige in spring next year way to
much
he told everyone that he had already cheated
on me whilst we have been together
and did they want to exchange phone numbers
now he is with a 17 year old and his mums been diagnose
with cancer and i want to be there for him like he was
when my dad died but i cant as contact with him will annoy with him
and
Help
February 1, 2014 at 2:16 am
Hey there. My ex and I split 6 months ago. Since then we had been seeing each other on and off. I then Carried out NC with him and regained contact. Eventually we started getting close again and seeing each other. However he still referred to me as a friend – which is obviously not what I want so i started NC again. this ended a couple of days ago. Since we split he has been talking with other girls and dating. I’ve been told that he is now dating someone. The thought of him with someone hurts and I can’t be in his life as just a friend. But Chris I’m scared that to resume contact with him only to eventually realise down the line that he’s never going to want to take me back. Do you have any words of wisdom? I don’t want to mess up again.
admin
February 1, 2014 at 6:40 pm
Actually have you read my updated guide on getting a boyfriend back when he has a girlfriend.
Kole
February 1, 2014 at 1:16 am
I have been doing the no contact rule since he broke up with me over the phone it has been a total of 22 days of NC. we dated just about 2.5 years and broke up with me the night before i came home. I am crushed and so heart broken i have taken this time to work on me, really look at my actions and things i did to contribute to the breakup in this relationship and in previous ones. I have resisted the urge to contact him in anyway – i have sadly slipped up a couple of time viewing his profile on Facebook where i started to notice him and another women commenting and liking each others photos and status updates. I just found out he is now seeing this women and i am rattled and don’t know what to do from this point.
Lily
January 31, 2014 at 4:07 am
Dang it! I was the rebound. He started dating me 2 weeks after ending a 4 year relationship. Then he started talking to her again right before we broke up after I hurt his feelings. I think now he is dating someone new again, but it hasn’t been long since we broke up. I guess he’s a guy who can’t go single long. Is that normal or something to be weary of? Also, how much time needs to pass between relationships so it’s not a rebound?
admin
January 31, 2014 at 6:20 pm
If you are in a relationship for 6 months with the “rebound” I tend to think its no longer a rebound.
anonymous
January 31, 2014 at 2:54 am
me and my bf broke up after 2 yrs we are 17 19 and have a baby together and he broke up with me 2months ago and in dec and jan we started to get close again and he smokes ciggs now and I had a hard time accepting telling him idk if I want to be u unless u quit and he seemed like he still love me but then on a Friday I was really sad since he didn’t have anytime to talk to me he had a bday dinner to go to and he said he wished he could stay longer but I said sure then on sunday when he dropped off the baby I knew something was wrong and he told me that he doesn’t want us to be together and he lost his love for me and that I didn’t love him for who he is but I did I just never got the chance to tell him and on that same night he told me he had a gf and it was time to move on he has given me lots of chances but I blew them and I really love him lots I just don’t know if the no cantact would work on him hes already so busy with work but I know that he cares deep down but wont show it what do I do
admin
January 31, 2014 at 6:44 pm
Have you read my guide on what to do if a child is involved?
anonymous
January 31, 2014 at 2:56 am
plus we were each others first love
nisha agarwal
January 30, 2014 at 5:06 pm
Hey..my ex and I dated for three and a half years..it was on and off though..all the times that w e broke up was initiated by him..Instead of sorting issues he runs away from them and I like to sort them..that’s why we fought a lot..he broke up with me almost two months back..I’m still in love with him though..he has a long term friend with whom he’s got extremely close to..he flirts with her and he definitely likes her a lot..I work with him in the same place..it’s extremely difficult to apply your no contact rule because I see him everyday..we’re in the same group of friends..we even hug each other goodbye everyday..We were in the same group of friends even in college..continues here at work as well..I see him text this girl and smile like a moron and it kills me inside because I want him back..please help! What should I do?
kelly
January 29, 2014 at 12:09 pm
hi
when me and my were together it was a loving and happy relationship we were together for four happy months we didnt fight or bicker we talked every day and night as he works away alot. the last time we saw each other i knew there was something wrong by his behaiour and the look in his eye so i asked him is everything okay he yes there is nothing wrong
didnt say anymore about it but it was bugging me but i left it alone as i knew he would tell me when he was ready
any way christmas came and went everyting was still sweet and rosey in the garden ( how wrong was i )
during the week of christmas and new year his ex girlfriend made contact with him asking can she move back into their home (as she owns half) he couldnt say no
that is when he stoped contacting me replying to me this went on for a few days he then contacted me saying she was back and that he loves me but he still loves her too as they were together so long
i stayed calm and cool about it all didnt kick off with him
a week later he tells me i thinks he want us to end
i still stay calm and told him i still love him and if thats what he wants the okay
ny this time my whole heart is ripped out and torn up
i have tried to talk to as friends but it ts to painfull i have started to no contact rule but he is on my mind all the time
i asked him did i make u happy he sed yes i did very much so
i dont want to just walk away as i do want him back in my life as he was not just a friend he was my soul mate too
please help me as i realy dont kow what to do because i still love him very much and it is hurting me to know he still loves me but dont kow what to do
but on the other hand i feel like i have blown any chance of him coming back to me but pushed him more to his ex how was out of his life for three yrs till now
please please help me
Ayesha
January 29, 2014 at 1:27 am
Hi
I read your article and i wanted some advice. Me and my partner were together for 4 and a half years. During which time we had to children a girl 2 and a baby who is 6 months. After about a year of the relationship when i was pregnant with our first child we started argueing quie alot then after she was born after around 6 months it settled down abit but after a while when i became pregnant with my second child it started again and it didnt stop. We were argueing alot again of stupid minor things that would become fully blown arguments of shouting and crying. On 20/01/2014 we decided to go on a break and on the 22/01/2014 we slept together. In the morning he was gone and had gone to his mums. I tried to talk to him on many occassions to say i wanted to get back with him but he woildnt stay long enough for us to talk saying he had stuff to do. On saturday i dropped of the kids to stay with him as i had plans to go out. And when i camw to collect them there was a women there saying she had been looking after my children and had stayed over with him. I then asked him who she was and he said my girl friend. Now i didnt know how to handle the situation and started crying and then i left. Over the nextcouple of days i have tried to tell him i wanted to fet bk with him and he is not having any of it shouting and screaming at me as though i were rubbish and i start to shout and scream and cry because he wont guve me the time of day. Him and her are together all the time and its just how our relationship started out.During this time i have texted loads and rang loads and he has been ignoring me and today i left it that i was sorry for the parts i played in our relationship break down. And all he keeps saying is hes happy.
Ive started the 30 day no contactunless its about the children. Is there any extre advice you can give me to hopefully help me out.
Anonymous
January 28, 2014 at 9:49 pm
Can an ex rebound with another one of his exes?
I was about a week away from being done with no contact with my ex when he sent me a text message saying that his ex gf is staying with him for a few weeks and if Iβm not ready to step up to the plate and be in his life then heβs just going to hook up with her. I told him that it already seems like heβs made his decision of what he wants. He got really mad and defensive at that and told me that he canβt trust me to follow through on anything and that heβs at the point where heβs given up on me.
He was with this girl for over 6 years and I know for a fact that sheβs been trying hard to get back with him for over 2 years (maybe reading this site? Haha). I just donβt feel like heβs going to regret and miss me when heβs spending time with a person that he has so much history with. But then, at the same time, I feel like his feelings for me are still there since he sent me that text to begin with. Why bother otherwise?
I guess my question is.. Should I try to go back into NC? Or should I just give up and let it go?
admin
January 29, 2014 at 6:47 pm
Yes unfortunately an ex can rebound with an ex.
I think you need to ask yourself is all this effort worth it. Do you see a happy ending in the future? If not, then maybe its time to move on.
Miss Y..
January 27, 2014 at 10:21 pm
I’v bn datetng my bf since last yr jan 2013,i fell inlv wth hm coz he rplaced my bf who passed away previous yr b4 we met,on april whn i came frm holidyz i foundout dat he stays wth gf&dat lady she pregnant hz son,2nd born,aftr hz gf found me @hz plac we fought.I endup @jail den dey brokup.Lastyr dec my bf told hz expectng a son frm her,snc she was pregnant,am soo stressed i dnt knw wat to do?coz dey spending more tym nw…
mona david
January 27, 2014 at 4:42 pm
hello
my relationship was of third typ. he was cheating on me and when i got to know about dat we fought and now he is with another girl.
now i just want my ex and his new gfβs breakup.
what should i do
plz help plz
Sarah
January 27, 2014 at 11:39 am
Me and my ex have been seeing each other for 1 year. I first left him during summer but somehow we always started to see each other again and trying to sort things out. But whenever things started to get (almost too) great, he would all of a sudden pull back enourmously (I think he has always been a bit scared of commitment) which always led to a fight. But usually after about a week or 2 he would make a move to come back together. Then through november and december things really started to get better, I could see that he really cared, he got me a present, he made me a surpriseβ¦ little things that mattered to me though. Right before christmas we had a little argument. This time it was my fault and I told him I was sorry the next day. Usually after an argument he would just start ignoring me for some time (this is just his character, he’s got strong feelings and he ignores even his friends if they do something wrong, so that he cools down). But he told me he wouldnt go anywhere and that he promised me he will never ignore me again and that he would come by the next day. The next day he even cancelled a birthday party to be with me and even brought me something nice. He stayed until lunch the next day. This was the day before Christmas. And then nothing, he disappeared. We usually text a lot, even 300 sms a day ο But nothing. I sent him a text for Christmas and he replied, then I replied and then silence. I sent another text the weekend before NY and he was all Β»I am so stressed, I cant wait for this year to finish blah blahβ¦ Are you still illΒ«? This really upset me because I was very ill at that time and he apparently knew and didn’t even send me a text. I told him that I was upset that he didnt text me about it and that i wish he wouldnt only text me when it suits him/needs me. He never replied. I knew he was stressed (job issues) and he felt like again I was complaining and he obviously couldnt be bothered at that time. But i was sure he would make a move again in 2 weeks time and indeed he came to the club I go (which he never does), but I avoided him. At that time he added a girl on fb, withing a few days he was saying how happy he was, few more days later he posted a love song (meant for her apparently), then some more smoochie talk on fb the next day and the day after. In less than 2 weeks from adding her they were in a relationship together. And the next day a pic of them kissing. There are signs which make me think she’s just a reboud: only 2 weeks after still talking to me, she also came out of a relationshio with HIS friend in december (she even asked him to come back to her after that so she might have needed a rebound too. Also, he prob saw her before but I am pretty sure it all started only in january with the add date), he is axaggerating with all the FB showing of love (you dont know a person in a week, plus he was always against doing stuff like this on fb, he dated me for a year and when we started he was crazy about me like never before, yet we did things privately – he told everyone about us though so it wasnt about keeping it secret – he was with his ex for 7 years and it was the same, he just never believed this FB thing), she is the complete opposite of his type: dark hair and eyes, very young (8 years younger, only 20), still with her family, no studying etc. Me and his ex were blondes, educated, older than him, very independent (i have a job and live on my own). Basically the type of girls he always said he liked and wanted. Is it possible that he just changed completely the way he thinks, acts and what he likes? After reading your page it looks a lot like a rebound yet I can’t really understand that anyone would to this. I feel like I tried so hard to make things work, like the attraction between us was so strong that we would always get back together and now he seems to have moved on in a weeks time and showering her with all the attention that nobody else ever got from him. I still have feelings for him although I am not sure I want him back if he forgot about me this fast. Anyways, it’s almost been a month now since we last spoke and I am doing ok with my NC rule. It is easier because I do feel better than her (arrogant I know), more mature, more popular and I know I can give more to a man. What can a 20 year old give him if he wasnt dating 20 year olds even when he was 20?? I feel good about myself but I am still scared to contact him after the NC period. He seems so into her from what i see from FB. They have been seeing each other for about 2 weeks and usually this is the time that is the happiest so I am scared I would get rejected by him. Is it worth the risk? What are my chances? or should I wait like another 2 weeks, so that maybe he will have the time to see flaws in her too? He must be idealising her and the realtionship for sure. Also I am pretty sure he was eexpecting a reaction from me, I am usually very impulsive and whenever we argued he always tried to make me jealous. I made some fuss in the past because of this, like deleting him, texting him for explanations etc, but this time striclty NC, but I don’t know if it is working:/ Please advise! Thank you
Sarah
January 29, 2014 at 9:30 pm
Today she posted a love song about kissing on his wall and she was all like: aww I was scared you wouldn’t kiss me today, I don’t know what I would do if you didn’t… I would be so sad… like.. REAlly?? Can a man really like this?? Please advise!! π
admin
January 30, 2014 at 5:54 pm
Well, a man can like it yes. Remember, we like to feel admired.
Sarah
January 30, 2014 at 7:01 pm
But not if you know he is against FB showing of affection and/or public showing of affection as I mentioned above… Plus, you say a girl shouldn’t look needy… isn’t this needy getting all upset if she doesn’t get a kiss? I’m confused now…
DeeDee
January 24, 2014 at 10:15 pm
Good Day,
My bf and son’s father of 4 and 1/2 years broke up with me in Novemeber 2013. He claimed that he wanted space but still asked me to move on with my life and find somebody else and he started staying away from me. I tried everything I could possibly do to get us back on track but he refused. 1 week later I begun hearing rumors about him being with some other girl and also being at her home frequently, I asked him about this and he said that this girl is only his friend. He would always tell me she is his friend but still be at her home and stuff. Earlier January 2014 I called him and he said to me he is at his girlfriend’s home, she is laying by him as we speak. The Saturday after this I saw him an this girl walking together. I am still in love with him, he is constantly on my mind. I miss him badly, I have been trying to stick to the no contact rule; its kind of helping but when I see him I get butterflies in my stomach and my heart starts racing. What should I do ? Do u think that there is any hope for us getting back together π
admin
January 27, 2014 at 6:36 pm
There is always hope.
BUT I think before anything you should read the other guide I made about this topic.
kourtney
January 24, 2014 at 8:50 pm
I am in middle school and I broke up with him 2 months ago and last month he started dating my best friend and they seem in love but I feel like I’m in love with him now and want to get back together but I don’t want to seem jelous or else she will hate me and never be my friend again
Zoey
January 22, 2014 at 11:35 pm
My ex & I were together for 3.5 yrs. I had a lot of issues at home (i was ill, my daughter not accepting my relationship, elderly sick dad in hospital) I was too overwhelmed & couldn’t keep up w all demands. He wanted an answer on how long to wait for me to marry him & i couldnt say. I let it go but we kept in touch by phone,txt and he would come by. We spoke about future and as it was going on, I really wanted to speak to him about getting back but didn’t know how to really. He was really hurt by me letting us go. I know he loves me and I love him. He was even doing work at my home during the so called split. Anyway, a woman we know approached him and asked him out/he felt he had to come tell me about them dating after 3 weeks. I was really upset and asked him to end it w her & told him that I still loved him very much but he felt he didn’t know what would happen w us & needed to see this thru. I was devastated. We met many times & both cried about it but he still is w her. Its been 7 mos & in those 7 we’ve had much contact w only maybe less than 30 days no contact in October. He saw me driving & called me and since then we are on the phone 1, 2 & even 3 hrs at a time. He reminds me of really good intimate memories of us/we laugh and get along well. He’s mentioned her a little bit & that’s to maybe complain a little bit but we try not to even mention her. Over the holidays she went away to visit her family in her home country & he took me out to dinner for my bday, spend hrs listening to music together, exchanged gifts & cards at Christmas & he even rushed over on NYE to give me a hug and kiss at 12:05 because he was in the area w his siblings. She’s coming back this week probably (not sure). I’m not sure what to do w all this. I know he loves me but not sure how. He keeps telling me he feels like he’s lost his best friend & that when he’s w her he thinks of me. So, why isn’t he just ending it w her? I know he feels bad to do anything but why is he feeling bad about her and not how devastated it has made me to lose him. He told me we wouldn’t lose our friendship but I don’t know how we won’t. We both won’t cheat but this is a form of cheating. He is not sexual w her because of his beliefs. He won’t even let her tell ppl about their relationship yet because he doesn’t want it public knowledge or official yet. (church) He won’t let her post anything on FB that they are together and still goes back & forth w me on there. He has taken her to family events since they began dating and his best friend of 30 years insists he doesnt talk about her nor does he love her. What is going on and what do I do now? I’m sick about this. I don’t want to be just his friend and I certainly do not want to live my life without him. Please help.
Zoey
January 22, 2014 at 11:40 pm
also, i’ve known him since we were kids. we are very much alike and in our late 40s. He loved me in school and always wanted to go out w me. he doesn’t know her well and she just got a divorce in April/13. Is this a rebound even tho he didn’t start dating her until 6 mos since i told him I couldn’t do this? I never considered ourselves broken up…just basically on hold. I know that’s crazy but that’s truly how I felt. We connect very well and he always reminds me of that so why is he with her? Will he end it when she gets back?
ZOEY
January 23, 2014 at 9:28 pm
just an update `He called me yest and came over to drop me off something he bought for me and pick up a couple things I had for him. He called me joking around today. What I’m worried about is that he thinks we can be ‘friends’ and its almost as if he’s in denial. He totally brings up our sexual history and intimate things about me and him to make sure I know how well he knows me or remembers but then he’s also doing whatever he’s doing w her. She’s prob returning from her trip this week and I’m really not sure how to tell him we can not just be friends. I’m not there with it and she would never allow it. I know I certainly wouldn’t.
ZOEY
January 23, 2014 at 9:32 pm
Constantly wants long hugs and compliments my hair, tells me I look like I lost weight. Tells me how beautiful I am and what a good person or even the best person he’s ever known. It doesn’t stop. He won’t kiss me or make it any more intimate than that. Once in a while a kiss on the cheek.
ZOEY
January 24, 2014 at 6:23 am
Chris, do you think this has been going on too long and its too late to do anything about it?
admin
January 24, 2014 at 6:22 pm
Its up to you. What does your gut tell you?
ZOEY
January 25, 2014 at 6:56 am
Thank you for your help and your site! I told him today we could not go much longer being friends. I want more and I know that the friends thing has to end. One way or another he has to make a choice. I know he doesn’t want to hurt her. He told me that he still loves me & wants me in his life. Is it time for no contact again?
ML
January 22, 2014 at 12:12 am
Hi Chris!
My ex broke up with me during winter break. He told me it was because he didn’t love me, another person it was because I was acting bitchy (I was having birth control issues which I got fixed) and another person that it was because he wanted to be single in college.
I kept no contact throughout break and the first week back at school and he ended up texting me asking to meet up. We exchanged stuff and he invited me to hang out with some mutual friends and cancelled other plans to continue hanging out with us. We also made plans and hung out together the next night. Both days he kept complimenting me on my appearance and personality (randomly telling me I looked good, that I looked super cute but it was for someone else to enjoy, telling me that I was the most amazing girl he knew, etc).
I also later found out that before he came to give me my stuff he told our mutual friends that he didn’t want to be my friend and this would be the only time he would see me – before then asking me to hang out two days in a row.
I then found out that he’s sleeping with another girl. I don’t know if they’re dating or just having sex but apparently he hooked up with her the first night back and she’s spent the night in his room most nights. Apparently all of his friends don’t like her and keep telling him that he made a huge mistake breaking up with me.
Here’s the part I’m super confused about.
I went to a party and one of our friends took a picture of me (without me knowing) and sent it to him, being like “look how hot she is, you made a huge mistake breaking up with her”, and he just replied back “maybe” he then went on to say that he thought that I’ve moved on and that I can do better than him. She told him to come to this party and apologize.
He then showed up to the party — WITH HIS NEW GIRL. He only knew like two people at this party, and he KNEW I would be there, but he still brought her. I just ignored him and had fun but apparently he kept following me around the party, ignoring her and just watching me.
I haven’t talked to him since.
Thank you so much for reading. I have some specific questions:
Do you think this girl is a rebound or that they’re dating and should I give up? Does the no contact I did away from school count or should I start no contact again? Should I try to make contact through text or just rely on seeing him through mutual friends? Also we’re still listed as in a relationship on facebook – should I switch it to single?
Thank you for your help!!
admin
January 22, 2014 at 5:54 pm
It looks reboundish doesn’t it?
ML
January 23, 2014 at 3:00 am
Thank you for replying!
I think it is a rebound (especially because she is the opposite of me – a friend joked that it seemed like he made a checklist about me literally went to the opposite)
If it is a rebound, how do I react – do I just wait and see what happens? Do I try to initiate contact via text or hang out in person or try no contact again? And should I change my status on facebook?
admin
January 24, 2014 at 4:55 am
Act as classy as you possibly can.
I am a fan of classy women. Don’t become the ex gf that brings him and his rebound closer together.
ML
January 22, 2014 at 12:13 am
Edit for the first paragraph – he told me one reason, a different friend a different reason for breaking up with me, and a third person a different reason so that confuses me haha