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Britney (again, less emotional this time)
February 25, 2015 at 12:06 am
My ex and I dated for three months, shortly after his divorce from his wife of two years. Both of us are in our early thirties, both divorced from people we began dating in college (he had been divorced three months at that point; me, one year) I had trepidations, because I did not want to be his “rebound”, but we really hit it off and quickly grew very close. He was hesitant to use the “L” word, but would say he loved everything about me, and that I was a beautiful, wonderful girl. I met his two best friends, he told his family about me, and on nights we did not see each other, talked for hours on the phone. Things were going great, until one night, a few hours before a date, my ex-husband called to tell me he was getting married and he had just announced it on social media.I began receiving texts and calls from concerned friends, but I ignored them, instead turning to alcohol. He arrived to find me a sloppy mess, unwilling to tell him what was wrong. We postponed our date, but the next night, when we went out, I drank too much and long story short, wound up wetting his bed. I woke up embarrassed and suggested we cut our weekend short. He agreed and I went home. The next week, he went on a business trip and called me three different nights while there. He acted as if nothing was wrong. However, when he got home, he said that seeing each other, “right now” was a bad idea. I was crushed, apologizing, etc. Everything you shouldn’t do. I then did not talk to him for a week, then tried texting him. After ignoring two of my texts on two separate days, he began texting again. Christmas was coming soon, so I made a little “care package” of things all very pertinent to him and his likes, including special dog biscuits for his dog. I almost chickened out sending it, until one night, he text, asking if I was busy. I said no, and we had a long text conversation. The subject of poetry came up, and he sent: “I think of you with fond regret, we who burned brightly, now dying embers. Cannot these embers be rekindled to burn once more?” I wasn’t sure if he meant getting back together for sure or not, so I sent him an excerpt from Whitman, about waiting, being there if he’d say the word, more or less. The next day, I sent the package. He got it and called me. I asked what he had been doing. He said work was going well, he’d been out with a co-worker but not to worry, “she’s fat and ugly,” and laughed. I said I wasn’t worried, it’s good to spend time with friends. He then told me my gift was the most thoughtful gift he had received and it was going to for sure be his best Christmas gift and he “loved me for it.” I was excited, but played it cool and said I was so glad, I wanted him to have something nice for Christmas. The subject of friends came up again, and I told him something a guy friend of mine (who he always suspected of having a crush on me) had said recently. He said, “This friend of yours sure sounds like quite the guy…” I laughed and said, “Believe me, we have been friends since high school and will always be just friends.” Something came up about exes, and I said I was glad to be away from my mean, video game addicted ex and non-existent sex life. He said, “You know, I don’t get that. This may be inappropriate to say, but when you and I were together, it was . I had never felt the way I felt with you. Just .” I said it was wonderful, so intense sometimes I was a little scared *nervous laugh on my part*. I thought this might be my “cue” so I said, “Well, don’t think that something that was couldn’t be is, again.” He said, “What?” I said, “Don’t think that something that could not be again.” He paused, then said, “Yeah, I guess that is true.” (Damn, missed it). I told him I was glad that he liked his gift, he gushed over it a little more, which was sweet, then I hung up. On Christmas morning, a few days later, I woke up to a “Merry Christmas” text and a pic of him and some of his family. I said Merry Christmas in return and sent a pic of me and my puppy. For the next month, we texted on and off, and I called on New Years day. He told me how he was doing so much better, had moved on from his divorce, things were really good. We kept it light and happy and hung up after two hours. At this point, I decided maybe I should give up. I went on a date with a guy who was OK, but couldn’t get my mind off my ex. The guy posted a picture of us on social media which I quickly removed. My ex and I still text off and on until two weeks ago. On Friday night, I asked how his night was going. He said, “Good. Relaxing, hanging out with friends at a bar.” The next day, a picture of him and a girl was on his Facebook wall. She had posted it, and tagged him. Turns out, he was out with her and her friends for her birthday. I couldn’t believe it. I had sent him two cards and some homemade cookies in the last month. How could he not tell me had had a girlfriend?! I texted him and said, “Saw the pic of you and your gf on Facebook. Cute!” He responded, “Haha, thanks.” I asked, “How long have you been dating?” He says, “a couple of weeks, I guess.” I said, “Good for you! Glad you are happy.” He then goes, “How are you? How is law school? I saw your latest modeling pics on FB” I said “fine.” He said, “Good for you.” I did not respond, and started NC at that moment. I posted a picture from my cooking class last week on Facebook and a friend from school posted pics from a dinner I was tagged in (I was in a pretty dress and had a new, wavy hairstyle- following your guide!) but that has been it. Here are my questions:
Q1: Did I miss an opportunity to get back with him somewhere in there?
Q2: Did he friend-zone me and use me as a confidence booster to ask out this girl he works with (she is not as pretty as me and he always said he would never date a co-worker. A lie, apparently)
Q3: Why would he keep in contact with me after he started dating her? Was he afraid of upsetting me? Did he want me around as backup?
I hope this post is more clear than the last. I would really appreciate your help!
admin
February 25, 2015 at 9:28 pm
Less emotional this time haha!
1. Yes, but it won’t be the only opprotunity you get I bet.
2. Sounds like he has low confidence from the get go if he is using you like that.
3. perhaps the grass is greener syndrome is creeping up.
Britney (again, less emotional this time)
February 26, 2015 at 7:22 pm
Just to be sure, by “grass is greener syndrome” do you mean he was trying to stay in contact in case things didn’t work with the “new girl”? I am on day 20 of no contact, and it has certainly helped me, so I hope it gives him time to think things through. I have taken all of your advice (nice, new pics on FB, and I have started taking a cooking class!) His birthday is a week after the 30 day mark. Would that be a way to initiate contact? He isn’t really the type to respond to something like, ” I saw a cat that looks like you!”
Britney (again, less emotional this time)
February 28, 2015 at 3:59 pm
Also, would sending a card that just says “Happy birthday” and (maybe) a small gift be too much? I know you say gifts are usually a bad idea. I don’t want to appear weird.
Eva
February 24, 2015 at 3:35 pm
We had been living toggether the last 6 years.I asked him to move because i want a family a baby and he didn’t so I thought that a break up was the only option I had at the time.I did many mistakes he did as well a lot.about a month ago he met a girl a nice one, one day they had coffee the next she moved with him.I know he loved me and I do love him is there a chance to get him back and have the family I want with him?I have implemented the NC for a month…any idea what to do next?
Moni Staye
February 24, 2015 at 1:32 am
Hi my name is Mo. My ex and i broke up about Mid nov of 2014. He went back to his kid mother who has hes son plus another kid who was just born same month oct. He claim i pressured him to leave by making him pick her or me he chose her out pf pride as he said. I sat down with them both we all 3talked like adults and he stayed with her. O moved on with my life. Asked him toss any old things of my thru message. He replied he had already DONE so. We never talked again until the 16 of feb this month. I texed him saying i miss him just thinking about him its v.day. he replied back a few days later asking how am i and my kidalso he miss and love me as well” weve been talking on the phone. Alot. And messaging one another but only on our intragram. He has my number i have his but he doesnt wont mw to tex his phone. He says come see him. Tells me how hes relationship is rocky. How beautiful i am. Ect. I do the same’ Im always ending the convos and in comtrol WHAT DO I DO FROM HERE CAUSE IM SURE SINCE WE JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE HE WILL BE CALLING BACK IN A FEW DAYS AS WELL AS MESSAGE ME. ALTHOUGH I WONT TO SEE HIM. I SAY NO AND MAKE IT CLEAR IM A WOMEN AND WOULD NEVER WONT ANOTHER WOMEN TO DO SUCH THING TO ME. WE LIVE IN DIFFERENT CITIES and im always in his town
admin
February 24, 2015 at 9:29 pm
Seems to me like he has a bit of the grass is greener syndrome and he has learned that the grass isn’t so green on the other side.
sarah
February 22, 2015 at 9:35 pm
my boyfriend left for another town and till then he has never contacted me, its after four months now and he is back, I found out recently that he has a new girlfriend…I confronted him and asked him but then I felt bad…I just don’t know what to do, he just left me here and all of a sudden he is back with a new girlfriend
SOS
admin
February 23, 2015 at 9:28 pm
How long did you date him?
Was it a short lived relationship or were you in a relationship for years?
sarah
February 24, 2015 at 3:12 am
we just started dating I can say 3 months
Britney
February 22, 2015 at 2:22 pm
TWO QUESTIONS
My ex and I met and dated two months after he divorced his wife of two years (they were together,eight) and while I didn’t feel like a rebound, he said and did everything BUT say I love you. I also had to play his therapist. After a way too drunken night where I was out of it and wet the bed, I suggested I just leave, and he agreed. He continued calling and texting, but didn’t think another date was a good idea. I didn’t talk to him for a week, then he messaged me a love poem. I found it cryptic, and responded with a love poem of my own. He didn’t respond for two days. So, I sent him this well-thought out Christmas care package. OK, here is where things get interesting:
Gift Arrival: he calls and gushes how it is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done, and he loved me for it. I asked how work was going; he had gone out for drinks th co-worker. “Oh, who is she?” He laughed and said, “Don’t worry, she’s fat and ugly.” I told him I wasn’t worried, just making conversation. Later in the conversation, one of my guy friends since high school giving me advice on something came up. He goes, “Oh, him. He seems like quite the guy.” I assured him, I would never date my friend (truth. He makes a weird boyfriend). Then, he starts talking about how amazing our *ahem* intimate life was. He said he hoped it wasn’t inappropriate to say, but “it was amaaaaaazing. (hetil never had those feelings.” Unsure, I said, “Well,don’t think what once WAS could not be IS again.” We talked a bit more, hung up. On Christmas Day, I get well-wishes and pictures of him and his family (who I never met
Call 2: After New Year’s. He tells me how he has gotten so much better, is truly over his ex (I am divorced, I know how it is). I tell him I’m proud of him
Weeks of texts, me sending gourmet cookies, dog biscuits for his pup, and, well, going on one date with a guy who posted to Facebook (oh, great). We continue to text, I am relieved he does not mention the pic on FB (I took it down. It was ONE date and really dull). We text on and off like usual. Now, here is THE KICKER
Friday Night (late)
Me: what’s up
Him: just hanging out with friends at a bar, they’ve got decent music.
Me: cool, I just got home from a birthday dinner. Have fun.
Saturday:
A pic of him and a girl who works with him who sorta resembles me (sort of) who he works with has been tagged to his wall (not the same girl from the phone call. Different name). He said he was always completely against dating nurses (he is a medical resident) but she is an RN at his hospital. Turns out, the “friends” were her and all her friends out for. her. birthday. I text
Me:Hey, saw the pic of you and your girlfriend on Facebook. So cute!
Him: haha, thanks.
Me: How long have you been dating?
Him: A couple of weeks, I guess
Me: Good for you! Glad you are happy 🙂
Him: How’s law school going? Still modeling part-time? Saw your bikini ad posted on FB
Me: Things are good.
Him: Good for you
End. I began NC promptly. It’s been 14 days. He will not say he is in a relationship on Facebook and untagged almost all pics of them.
Questions:
1) Did I miss some opportunity to get back together back there? Was I too aloof on the phone?
2) Why did he keep texting after they began dating and did not tell me he had a gf?
Britney
February 23, 2015 at 11:07 pm
Chris, you skipped my questions. Are you confused, too, or do you have a possible answer?
admin
February 24, 2015 at 9:18 pm
No I think the word I would use is overwhelmed. Haha
If ou want my advice for making things easier for me make sure you put your questions in bullet point form so I can just find an easy reference point.
Britney
February 24, 2015 at 11:11 pm
OK, I will just re-do my post.
Lily
February 21, 2015 at 7:28 pm
My Ex and I broke up in the summer, but i love him so much!I stopped talking to him about 2 months ago.But now he has a new gf, that he seems to like a lot.What do i do? And the bad thing is he HATES me! HATES ME! I don’t know what to do? He wont even talk to me anymore and he said i really hurt him. We broke up because i broke up with him to date him bestfriend
admin
February 22, 2015 at 5:13 pm
Have you read version 2.0 of this article?
Britney
February 23, 2015 at 5:16 pm
Yes, I have, and I still need answers. We haven’t seen each other since October, but talked and text until now 15 days ago.
Mary
February 20, 2015 at 6:24 am
Hi,
So me and my ex boyfriend broke up about two months ago. We have dated for 9 months but toward the end of the relationship we were always constantly fighting. I’ve also noticed that he had changed a lot since when we first had started dating. When we first started dating he was open about everything and there was absolutely no secrets between us. However, he slowly started changing his passwords to his phone and was more secretive about what he had been doing or who he had been messaging. Basically, I found out that he was seeing someone else while we were on a break which was the reason why we completely broke up. But being me, I begged him after this break up to give us another chance again and I went full on crazy mode and he finally just ignored me. This led to us not talking for basically a month but when we got back to school we became close friends again. But our situation is so complicated because we have hooked up three or more times. If that’s not enough I think he might be together with this girl who I am actually really close with. If they are dating I really wish he would just tell me about it but instead he insists that they are not even when they call each other honey when they are texting or are on the phone. I can’t stop thinking about this and the curiosity I feel is making it twice as hard to get over him. I don’t know whether I should be honest with this girl (who may or may not be my ex’s girlfriend) about the fact that I’ve hooked up with him while they were together (if they are that is). I do find myself missing him at times even after everything that has happened between us but I know that I shouldn’t feel this way and I should work on moving on just as everyone says. I basically don’t know what to do.
Gigi
February 19, 2015 at 1:28 pm
Hi Chris,
Long story short my ex who I see a lot at work broke it off with me a couple weeks before our one year Anni. We broke up because of certain differences.. I remember he said he didnt want to be in a relationship for a long time. A month and a half later I find out he’s dating a new girl who is also from my work. I see them a lot at work and it can be tough at times. I’m nice to the new girlfriend because she talks to me sometimes (probably to keep tabs on me) but I ignore my ex or act like he doesn’t matter to me anymore (I used to smile and say hi) because he was cold shouldering me and avoiding to cross paths or look at me. When he’s far away, I sometimes catch him staring at me. It has been 4 and a half months and my goal is to be remembered-to get him to think about me. What do you suggest? Should I continue acting this way? Thank youuu!!
admin
February 20, 2015 at 11:23 pm
Right now I would say yes keep acting that way but eventually you probably will want to contact him.
Gigi
February 21, 2015 at 3:10 am
Yea you’re right, I’m starting to miss him again out of nowhere and want to contact him but I won’t. There’s no point when he has a new gf right? I was thinking I should start smiling at him at work?? Yes or no?
Gigi
February 19, 2015 at 1:30 pm
Oh and I haven’t contacted him in 2 months or more… I don’t plan on doing so anyways.
Alexis
February 19, 2015 at 12:31 am
My ex and I have been broken up for 3 months. We’ve been in constant contact with each other. We’d call everyday before and after work. We also talked about what we can change in our relationship and ourselves. I said something about our anniversary coming up because it fell right on Valentine’s day. I kind of told him it was his fault we broke up. We dated for four years I think I forgot to add that. Anyways, after the arugment I asked him if he felt like I was putting pressure on him and he said yes so I gave him space for the day and called the next and all weekend: he never answered then on Tuesday he blocked me on vine, unfollowed me on Instagram and blocked my number. But he follows me on Facebook still I still hope that he and I can work it out. Is there any advice you can give me? I’m going to give him space and hopefully he’ll come around but anything else can I do. I feel bad about putting pressure on him.
admin
February 20, 2015 at 11:03 pm
Well, how long has he been dating this new girl?
You commented in the new girlfriend section…
Alexis
February 22, 2015 at 1:41 pm
I know I didn’t mean to. I was reading all your articles. He’s not dating her right now but, he’s just talking to her. We dated for four years is there anyway I can reverse it and let him come back to me again? I’m trying no contact. I was pretty naggy and clingy. I had it the gasp of my hand. There was a whole weekend where I wasnt blocked and I could have just did no contact but I freaked out. I mean you don’t forget a four year relationship just with a snap.
He told our mutural friend that he was trying to move on but he’s tried before and he comes back. Also, he also that He told me he still had feelings for me just a little over a week ago. I think he’d to block me because he knows when we talk the feeling will bounce back again. What should i do? I’m pretty hurt over the Valentine’s Day thing but when we do talk I don’t want to talk about it.
Alexis
February 19, 2015 at 8:42 am
He also been talking to this girl on IG and he bought her stuff the day after our anniversary was suppose to be.
admin
February 20, 2015 at 11:17 pm
Ouch… That must have hurt.
Mercy
February 18, 2015 at 3:51 pm
Hi my names is mercy
I dated my bf for over 1 year, he gave me some trust issues so I will accuse him of things that now I notice he was doing anything when I accused him. But one month ago I told him I wanted to break up with him because I focused on the negative in the most horrible way. But I didn’t because I realized I loved him. A week later he tells me his going to visit his friend in Orlando and that he wants some time but doesn’t want to break up with me but he isn’t feeling the same. So I broke up with him because I wanted him to figure it out. He then tells me to meet him the next day and we got back together n he told me his stupid. Two days later I accused him again of something really stupid.. Later that week he left and he was already acting different. Well he was gone he ignored me and barley called me. I found out his friend introduced him to a new girl that’s his really interested in. I broke up with him…it’s been three weeks and on Valentin’s he drove all the way to disney(4hrs) to take her to dinner…and he sent her flowers…. He talked to be before he went there how he wants me but his unsure….will get jealous if I talked to a guy…. But he stopped after he went to visit her….. I also had sex with him twice since we broke up…. Is there any hope that I could win him back!!!! And if the is help!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His told me that me falsely accusing him made his mind up for him.. Me and him have been throug so much!! And his always tried until he starting talking to his friend and then meeti this girl
admin
February 18, 2015 at 10:03 pm
Is that really your name?
If he is gettin gjealous over you talking to another guy then he definitely has the I want what I can’t have syndrome.
Lindzi
February 17, 2015 at 1:46 pm
Hello Chris,
I broke up with my boyfriend. (duh) I did this because a bunch of people told me he was kissing and dating other girls. One of these girls told me that he hated me and a bunch of other rude things. I broke up with him, but after a couple of weeks I realized I was only happy when I was around him. That girl told me he got a new girlfriend around five days after I broke up with him, even though he said quote in quote ” I don’t think I can ever love again ” and ” I love you, but it would be akward if I asked” over social media. I felt really broken as he moved on so quickly and this new girlfriend acted like I was shit. I still talk to him frequently. I can’t stop thinking about him.
admin
February 18, 2015 at 9:15 pm
Have you attempted NC?
Also, what is it about him that still draws you in?
Gloria
February 16, 2015 at 1:39 pm
Hi Chris,
I dated this guy for almost six years and we work in the same office. I was married before now but still separated and have not finalized my divorce. He has always had issues with my marriage status because of the stigma of him dating a married woman. This January he called off the relationship claiming he can no longer handle it and this happened when I found out that he has been talking to another girl on the phone for hours since the new year.
Right now I have started the no contact rule for abt 10 days and I don’t talk to him when I see him at work. Which he regards as malice…. Right now the other girl has become so flighty in the office and easily excited over nothing. It is painful and sometimes I feel like screaming my head off when I notice that they are chatting on what’sapp but what can I do. He has added her on fb, Twitter and Instagram but to my amazement he keeps talking abt his past relationship on Twitter……
What do you think?
Alison
February 15, 2015 at 9:32 am
My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago now after 3 years (the longest relationship he has had) at first he didn’t speak to me at all but then he started talking and we were getting on ok. He had been seeing someone else in this time but when I saw him last week he said he wasn’t seeing anyone and was talking about getting a house and living together. We agreed to meet at the weekend and talk,even though he was calling me 10 times in one day asking me to help him sort some stuff out to do with his work the night before we were meeting he called and was saying he missed me and wanted to cuddle me and see me and he would see me the next day, however… the next day came and my friend called she said have you seen his Facebook? I said no he is blocked while I figured this out, she said he had just changed his profile picture to him and the girl who he was seeing when we broke up! I asked him about this and he said yes they are together they broke up and got back together… in a month? He kept apologising but I didn’t want to hear it he was saying all these things just the night before. I love him with all my heart and soul is there any chance I can get him back?
Cee
February 15, 2015 at 5:23 am
My ex-boyfriend and I were together for 4 years when we broke up. We broke up because he was trying to turn his life around after going down a slippery slope and he needed to focus on himself. 1 year after we broke up he started dating a new girl, and he would occasionally tell me their problems but now they seem happy. At the time I was still upset with him over his turn for the worst. But now I’m in a better place and have realized I still love him and that we really had something special. Him and his girlfriend are coming up on their one year. Should I give up any hope?
analyn mandac
February 14, 2015 at 6:02 am
please tell me what to do,we are mit married we have been together for almost 10 years,we have a son he is 8 years old..just this week i discovered that he is having an affair with a girl who happens to be my friend and his co worker..he told me that he is not in love with me and he doesnt want me in his life anymore..im asking him to give our relationship another chance but he really doesnt want me anymore..please help me what to do..i still want him back..
Kim
February 13, 2015 at 7:27 am
Hi Chris, hope you can help by offering some clarity and guidance.
Was with my bf on/off for 2yrs and we have been great friends for 10yrs.
Towards the end of last year, he was dealing with some stresses and trying to figure out what to do with his life – fork in the road type stuff – unsettled and frustrated with the day to day and considering a bit of time out from the norm to recharge and explore different paths (he was considering a road trip around the country or trip overseas to help some family). I did encourage him to follow his gut and if it meant going on a bit of an adventure into the unknown, so be it – even though it would be hard to see him go. Anyways, I guess that’s the things.. We have always had a supportive/encouraging relationship. It wasn’t perfect by any means though, we both sucked at expressing our deeper feelings toward eachother verbally, but this was displayed in other caring ways. I had my fair share of freak out moments, but usually in response to his distancing when things got too intense or ‘cosy’. So…. That was end of last year. Things were a little off between us but I gave him space to think of what he wanted to do in the new year. He went away with friends for a week over New Years and came back a little clearer… Or so we both thought. He started hanging out with friends that he had put on the back burner and even with a younger group. He was acting aloof. A few weeks later he shut me out completely – obvious avoidance and getting angry/defensive when I asked what was wrong. The anger was a very unusual reaction. A couple of days later, he broke it off. Explanation: he met someone whilst on vacation. Developed feelings for her. Things have escalated quickly. She is from a different state, but will be moving in with him in a few weeks time. Apparently I misread the situation and feelings(really?) he seemed distressed when telling me I saw a few tears but I did not acknowledge them at the time as I was hurting just the same. I didn’t lose control or respond aggressively, was probably a little too calm actually. (I did cry like a mad woman once I got home though!!) NC immediately invoked. It has been 2wks. Longest period of time over 10yrs of not being in contact 🙁
The guy is a classic commitment phobe (not just me, but close guy friends say this too and have said so for many years), enjoys his independence and very guarded. I respected all of these traits and was ok with the pace – I have my own fears to overcome – we found a balance that worked. Am sure he did the same for me.
I don’t quite get how he would all of a sudden do a 360! It’s so out of character. He has been gloating about the new gf moving in to close mutual friends, and their reactions have been the same as mine… What?!! This guy has gone bonkers!
I am hurt but slowly getting there. I would love to have him back in my life but I have way too many questions and feelings to work through. Mostly disappointment in his cagey behaviour. It’s just not him!
Could this be a type of rebound or escapist relationship given his state of mind in the lead up? I find it hard to believe he met someone and formed such a strong bond in a week. Infatuation, maybe. But the guy is like a steel safe. It has taken years to crack the walls.
Do you think he could come back or am I too much of a threat since I know him so well (like a archilles heel?) thanks.
admin
February 16, 2015 at 10:42 pm
I think he could come back of course!
Fhiona
February 12, 2015 at 10:26 am
Hi, me and my ex were together for 5 years he broke up with me because he was bored if life didnt want s relationship etc and wanted space it all came out of the blue, ive not found out hes got skmething with a girl
In his work who he has inly know for anout 4 months, but we broke up 7 weeks ago this sunday he has toy changed and went a bit off the rails, he has got a new number which i dont have and jas blocked me on facebook.. Im so heartbroken we were so happy together couldnt of got a better match, everyone was so shocked that we broke up especially me i met him every sunday after the break uo to collect things as we lived together, i have now moved nack i to my dads. He was fine and so cuddly etc on all occassiom apart from the last meet up. I will admit i thought i was giving him space but i now see i wasnt, i was needy and clingy and so worried that he will fall in love with this new girl who by the way is completely different from me she is very chavy etc, i dont know if i have messed up or anything or i have ruined chances to reconcile.. I collected all my final stuff from the flat sunday there and have been in no contact with him then, i only spoke to him on the phone when i was getting ny stuff .. He called me just to make sure that id got everything and had left and i said i wanted to end on good terms .. Then he rushed off the phone as soon ad i said that. Im so worried being in nc will make it fall more in love with this new girl.. And hate me.. I dont know what to do i have his number his new one although he doesnt knkw i have it .. (He left it lying out and i seek it when i was collecting my stuff) i dont know what to do.. Will he realise the grass isn’t greener? Have i ruined all my chances.. Can i ever get him back.. Im in day 4 of nc today but had one a couple brief (like 30 second) convos with him in in the past week before i got my stuff .. Im so lost and dont know what to do 🙁 i feel
So broken lonely and such a failure!! I just want ti do everything to give the best chance kf us getting back together.. Ive made myseld very ill but been to the doctors to help me.. I just dont know what to do can someone please help?
admin
February 16, 2015 at 10:18 pm
Have you read my article on the grass is greener syndrome?
I think if you read that then you will get an idea if he will end up thinking the grass isn’t greener.
Fhiona
February 17, 2015 at 9:04 am
Thanks for your reply.. Yeah i have read it, and many other articles on it and the symptoms are spot on. I can see this new girl isnt right for him she is completely opposite from me.. Something must of worked if we were so happy for 5 years.. Everyone was so so shocked and couldnt believe when we separated, there was no reason. i think thats what the case is, im really struggling on where to go from here.. All i want is to get him back more than anything its very rare you get a special connection like we had, and im so scared hes to stubborn to speak to me .. Hes blocked me on fb, and got a new number so i dont have any form of contact to him apart from through family or friends.. I just dont know where to go from here, on how to get him back.. Is there any hope?
Fhiona
February 18, 2015 at 7:36 pm
Im just so scared to loose him forever and dont knkw what to do in the meantime to make my chances as good as i can or have i messed up too much already, im desperate for any advice 🙁
Fhiona
February 12, 2015 at 10:30 am
I wish i had someway off mailing you the entire story so you understand better 🙁
Mei
February 11, 2015 at 9:42 pm
Hi Chris,
My ex has been seeing someone new for about a month and the problem is — he will answer/return my phone calls but will not text me. I think this is probably in fear of having proof that I have been talking to him, but I find it quite odd. How can I build enough friendly vibes over phone calls to build back a texting relationship and sway his feelings towards me?
admin
February 16, 2015 at 9:51 pm
I would say you are right.
Though he could just delete the texts if he had to.
How long do your phone calls typically last with him?
Dajah
February 7, 2015 at 5:33 pm
Hi. My ex and i broke up 10 years ago. He has a girl who hes been with for 8 years. We just found out that we live in the same city and weve been messing around behind her back. He cant be that happy where he is if hes sleeping with me, right? What does this mean?
admin
February 9, 2015 at 4:07 pm
No… BUT you are setting yourself up to be the other woman…
Dee Dee
February 11, 2015 at 12:56 am
Do I quit sleeping with him? He wants to go out on a date(his idea).Does that mean its not just about our strong sexual attraction? Hes initiating all the contact. Texts, phone calls, etc…. But he still has a girlfriend! He even opens up to me about his problems with her. He speaks fondly of our past relationship. Am I just a neutral sounding board or are there some feelings still there? Should I go on the date to the restaurant or start operation No Contact? Or go on the date, show him a great time and then start operation NC? We broke up 10 years ago and just found out we live in the same city. Weve been sleeping together for about 3 years all while hes has the girlfriend. The funny thing is that immediately after we broke up, I went to his apartment to try to patch things up and he wouldn’t even sit next to me. Now, 8 years later, he cant help but touch me? Whats with the huge shift? Trouble in paradise? First he was all faithful, now we have sex every week. He says hes torn? What the hell is that? Hes asking me not to kick him to the curb just yet… It seems like he wants to make sure that things wont get better where he is, before he moves on… Also, shes got kids hes been raising for 8 years. That throws a big wrench in it. Hes already moved out on her 3 times, so I know he can, but for good?
admin
February 11, 2015 at 2:06 pm
YES!!!! You shouldn’t be sleeping with him. You are just enabling him.
Dee Dee
February 11, 2015 at 1:00 am
How do I tip the scales in my favor?
Charlotte Williams
February 6, 2015 at 9:43 am
Me and my boyfriend broke up about 2 months ago and in the same week, he started what seems to be a rebound relationship. The seriousness and intimacy has jumped up what we have really quickly. We were arguing the other night and he told me I was never really good enough and he loved her a week after he met her. I`m not sure whether he is doing this intentionally to hurt me or whether he is being serious. He is trying to make me jealous I swear because when I went out with another boy, he followed me with his new girlfriend. Yesterday, he said “I love you” and we looked at each other and then he went on about his new girlfriend. He has made the effort to message me since I implemented the nc rule but they have been mean messages. What can I do? He keeps asking me whether I have any feelings for him left at all.