Can I Get My Boyfriend Back If I Give Him Space?

691 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”

Stacey

April 15, 2020 at 1:23 am

So I’ve been in the same boat, my fiancé asked me for a few days space as we’d been arguing over such ridiculous things for a few days prior and he has been getting really depressed for weeks .. he just wouldn’t open up to me but would open up to another female friend about our relationship.. and yes I tried to give him the space but I also did gnatted him for the first few days.. it’s been 2 weeks since I’ve seen him.. and I’ve tried so damn hard not to contact him plus he’s been disappearing to his friends house etc maybe that’s to avoid “our new home”. I just miss him so much, to the point I’m crying myself to sleep at night wondering how it went so wrong.. I don’t even know how he feels about me anymore.. what should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 23, 2020 at 3:51 pm

Hi Stacey, I would allow him space still but I would also set a deadline in your mind as to how long you are willing to wait for him to decide what he wants, you cant wait forever. Limited NC is allowed where you reply to him if he reaches out but I would try not to check in on him in that time showing him you are respecting his request for space

Taylor green

April 11, 2020 at 5:41 pm

Hi, In my relationship my boyfriend said that he needed to “do this alone for now”. Does that means he needs space or time? I’ve been with him for 5 years. I met him online playing video games. “Long distance”. The mistake I did was for 2 days or maybe 3. I didn’t text or call him for a full day. I mean I was texting him but it was like 3 texts then more hours past. When I got home I tried to finish texting him. The 3rd day. And that’s when it started. What I was doing I was trying to find people to socialize with. He’s been helping me trying to become a better person and said I needed to start socializing. And finding friends. Trying to get better at Calling people instead texting. Because texting people is boring lol

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 11, 2020 at 11:18 pm

Hi Taylor if your guy has said he needs to be alone then I would take this as he needs you to leave him alone for some time, this is hard but it gives you a chance to get chatting to others and work on your social skills if this is an issue for you. I would start hanging out with people you work with rather than going straight home. Try creating friendships in person

Zoe

April 11, 2020 at 4:12 pm

We met three months ago and everything went perfect until he got really stressed with the covid19 situation, grandmother is in the hospital unconscious (he does not live in the same city with her) and his salary reduction. He told me he is depressed the other day but we still met next day after it and everything was perfect. Suddenly this week he started to get even more distant and he texted me “I’m so sorry I have been so shit lately, just dealing with a lot and kinda feeling like shit. I don’t want you to wait around wondering what’s gonna happen, so please could we take a break for a bit until I figure out what’s happening? I’m really sorry”. I’m actually feeling much better now as he gave me a conclusion. I replied It’s okay, thanks for telling me, take your time and just know that I will be here for you. And he said thank you and appreciate that. I honestly don’t know what is gonna happen but I do have faith in him and us, and I believe he does appreciate the space I gave him. I guess I am doing a great job? Just one thing I didnt want to ask him and bug him again is how long is this break. Should I just wait for him to text back?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 20, 2020 at 10:44 pm

Hi Zoe I would implement a NC and stay in one for 30 days, everyone is dealing with this pandemic, and each and every person deals with it differently. So you would need to be patient at the moment you need to just focus on staying safe and staying healthy

Alex

April 8, 2020 at 10:09 pm

Hi there,
My boyfriend and I got into an argument last night and I walked out and left (I know, kicked myself in the foot). He is understandably more upset now about me leaving than the actual reason behind the original argument. Our relationship has been getting seriously and he said he didn’t know if being with someone who would disrespect him like I did would be good long-term. He asked that I give him space to “cool off and think about things”. I asked if he wanted to break up and he said “no I don’t want that, but…”. I would be freaking out less if he didn’t included that dreaded “but”. Despite red flags and alarm bells screaming in my head, I calmly told him that I understand and I would respect his space. At the end of the phone call he told me he loved me, which I thought was a good sign. I haven’t heard from him at all today and I’m starting to worry he has decided that my behavior was not tolerable.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 14, 2020 at 6:14 pm

Hi Alex, keep to the NC and allow him some time, but I would like to make you aware that you leaving during an argument is not disrespectful or that your boyfriend should feel he “tolerates” you are equals and you do not have to answer to someone else. If you felt the need to leave then that is your way of dealing with the confrontation

Chanel Hutchison

April 8, 2020 at 9:09 pm

Hi there need help, so i already gnatted and regretting it but here is what happens. Boyfriend of over 2 years and we have staying in great contact in quarantine, have a minor argument he tells me that night he is going to talk in the morning love you everything is fine. Calls me yesterday and wants to break up and in the course of our conversation goes from being set on it to taking to Friday to think about it and really consider things. I just spammed him with messages yesterday but sent him only one today but am worried that I gnatted to much and it was worse than if I just left him alone. Help please I am in love with him and he admitted he loves me still just doesn’t know if he can move past something that happened months ago that he apparently still has problems with but didn’t tell me and acted like everything was fine. please help i still want to be with him

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 13, 2020 at 3:00 pm

Hi Chanel, during this quarantine it is getting emotionally stressful for many people as they are struggling to cope with the social distancing and not being able to do their normal life routines. I would No Contact your ex for 30 days and then see how things go when you reach out again, you may find that he says he wants to get back together when he is less emotional and angry

J

April 8, 2020 at 6:58 am

Been with my partner for 9 months, their very insecure and has under lining trust issues so they have asked for a break. What do I do now?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 8, 2020 at 8:47 am

Hi J, you give them the break allow them to have a breather if they have trust issues you avoid contact with people they would worry you were “seeing” at this time

Ash

April 7, 2020 at 1:49 pm

My boyfriend of over a year came to visit and was fine. He expressed to me that he was really depressed because he got a DWI, college was ending, and the quarantine. (He’s in his last semester of engineering school and I just graduated). After he went back to school after visiting me, he was fine for a day then ghosted me. I asked if he needed space and if I didn’t hear from him then I can assume we’re done. He responded pretty quickly and said “it was nothing you did. I’m overwhelmed with everything in my life. I just need space.” He hasn’t been talking to a lot of his friends either. So I’ve been giving him his space but it’s been a week. I tried reaching back out but nothing, he’s on Snapchat looking at my stories but won’t open my snaps I sent last week. Helppppp

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 7, 2020 at 10:59 pm

Hi Ash i would suggest that you follow a No Contact period of 30 days

Morgan

April 5, 2020 at 6:48 am

My ex broke up with me in Oct. we haven’t done NC at all. I have been pleading and trying to understand why he broke up with me.I definitely gnatted him…

Also trying to figure out why he cheated with his rebound. They are still talking and she wants to be with her ex and not him. He says he knows it’s not a good situation, that he doesn’t see it being serious but he’s still leaving the door opened. Even though she’s hung up on her ex…

He’s asked for space and told me to let him figure things out on his own since he handled everything so poorly like cheating and hurting me. He also said we can still talk but not about the breakup like we have been every convo we have. It’s been a week since our last convo.

Do you believe he’ll come back around? We were together for 4 years, he still claims I’m the one he wants to marry and have kids with. He’s in his late 20s and I’m his first serious GF, while I’m in my mid 20s.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 10, 2020 at 12:28 am

Hi Morgan, I can not tell you if I think they will come back but you can do some self work so that it makes it more likely. Starting with no contact and working the ungettable information using social media to show how you are focusing on yourself right now. Then start the texting phase to work up the value ladder

Lauren

April 1, 2020 at 2:41 am

Hi,
So a few weeks ago I started to notice my boyfriend being a little distant with me. I called him out on it and he reassured me nothing was wrong. Then a week ago we went into lockdown due to the pandemic. This hit me hard as I struggle with anxiety. He decided he wanted to stay at his house as he has elderly parents but we agreed that after 2 weeks he would come here for a few days. During the week of being apart I felt our messages dwindle, even FaceTime didn’t feel the same. Anyway, I suggested us going for a walk to see each other, out in the open whilst still sticking to government guidelines, he shot me down with the suggestion. I then asked how he was feeling about coming round the following week to stay for a few days, he basically said that he was happy at home and he didn’t feel comfortable coming to see me. This rang alarm bells as I missed him so much I didn’t feel the same response from him. So I basically said that what he was saying seemed strange and that maybe he needed to think about what he wanted because his reaction didn’t feel like it was me anymore. He completely blindsided me by telling me he wanted space. He told me he had doubts about us before all of this and that this was pushing him into feeling the way he does. He said he can not make a decision now and needs time to think about what he wants. I have a little girl who Introduced to his family, and who loves him unconditionally and it will break her heart when I have to tell her that we aren’t together anymore. So after feeling like my heart has been ripped out of my chest I have to give him space. But I am worried that I will be sat around, stewing, when I already know his answer? Do I still do no contact?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 7, 2020 at 11:34 pm

Hi Lauren, I would say that yes you need to do a NC as he is questioning how he feels about you – you need to give him a chance to miss you. This is is where you need to focus on you and your little girl and keeping safe. When he realises that you are not reaching out to him he is going to attempt to contact you

Jen

March 30, 2020 at 7:59 am

Hi there! About a month ago, I started dating this really amazing guy. We hit it off really well, and he has been so sweet and attentive. That is until this last week. Nothing has changed between us and we had a great time together the last time we hung out. He even has introduced me to his friends and I even met his mother. All of a sudden, a lot of things in his life started weighing on him. Trouble at work, a death in the family, a son who lost his job and who had to come and live with him. All of this, among the whole coronavirus pandemic. He got a little distant a week and a half ago. I asked if he was OK and he said he just had to retreat because he had so much going on. We started talking more again the next two days, and then he texted me and told me he needed some time to breathe and with that be OK with me? This is the point where he also found out about his issues with his son. He is still having a lot of problems at work that weren’t getting any better too. I said I wasn’t really sure what exactly he was asking of me. He said he had so much going on that he just needed to reset. I basically said OK I understand. That was three days ago. I have not heard a word since, and I’m not exactly sure where we even stand at this point. I miss him, and I’m sad. He knows I’m a nurturer, and it’s so hard for me to feel shut out even though I know guys deal with stress differently. I just wish I knew where we stood. I want to be supportive. Things were great, so I don’t think it’s me, but if he does for some reason want to end things, I want to know. I don’t want to feel in limbo. I already struggle with abandonment issues, as I have also been ghosted before. I’m not trying to make this about me, but it definitely is affecting my emotional well-being. Any thoughts? Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 7, 2020 at 10:27 pm

Hi Jen, you need to try and understand when he is going through a difficult / stressful time wanting to take care of himself is important where you need to tell yourself not to take it personally. It is difficult but it something that gives you a chance to show him you are not going to chase him. focus on your Holy Trinity and be civil with him allowing him to reach out to you most of the time

M

March 30, 2020 at 7:21 am

My bf (f24) (m24) asked for time because he can’t get over that I slept with someone while we were on a break. We broke up back in August and I slept with someone in September. We got back together in October. When we broke up he asked me to not be with anyone otherwise he would never want to be with me again. I told him that wasn’t fair (we had not been intimate in months and I was vocal about not feeling wanted or desired).
Fast forward to now. I thought we were doing great. We were living together through this self isolation and out of the blue I felt him distancing himself. He then blurts out that the reason he won’t go down on me is because I slept with someone else (months ago).
I came back home and he asked me for space because he doesn’t know whether or not he can be with me.
Is it worth giving him space? or should I end this knowing he can’t get over what happened..

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 30, 2020 at 11:15 am

Hi M yes it is worth giving him space as by the sounds of things he wants to be with you but can not deal with the fact that you have been intimate with someone else in that way. I would suggest that you be hope with him that you made a mistake and regret that time, but you also need to make sure you are not constantly apologising as he needs to decide if he wants to be with you or not. If he ends things again you need to go into a No Contact but if you want a relationship with him then you are going to have to accept that it is going to take time for him to be comfortable with you again in that way.

R

March 28, 2020 at 7:21 pm

Hi there,

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and our relationship has been amazing! Recently, he’s been struggling with stress from work for a couple months and hes no longer enjoying it. Hes also given up on a few hobbies he use to enjoy because of this. Two weeks ago, he spoke to me about how he was struggling to cope with his stress at work and it was making him unhappy. He was really upset about it, however we spoke about it and agreed that he just needed space to himself for a few days, as we had been living together three months prior to this. After we spoke he seemed a lot happier and a couple of days later we were still messaging everyday like we use to, it seemed fine until he messages me saying that he feels as though hes not ready for a relationship anymore. I was so confused! Our relationship had been the best before his stress at work. Anyways, he told me he doesn’t want to break up or go on a break up he still wants to be with me but hes just confused and needs time to think. In panic, I did “gnatt” him for a couple days but after I only messaged if he messaged me. Its nearly been two weeks now and I get a message a day saying “Hi hope your okay today”. I don’t know if I should keep replying as he often ignores my reply ” Yeah Im fine hope you are too”? Should I ignore those messages and start the no contact rule? What do you think?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 30, 2020 at 11:00 pm

Hi R, yes you should be ignoring his messages you need to complete a 30 day no contact period. Work your holy trinity during this time

Abb

March 27, 2020 at 8:24 pm

Can we talk about how hard space is during a pandemic! My boyfriend of a year and a half just went cold over the last few weeks. When I asked him what was wrong he said he was confused about us and needed space. I’ve been trying to oblige but we live together and everything is shut down. This absolutely sucks! I’ve been trying to be as distant as possible but I would kill to be able to go out with friends or go to a movie

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 28, 2020 at 4:20 pm

Hi Abb you are going to find it difficult when you are trying to live together and on lock down. It is going to be rough just make sure you do plenty in the space of your own room, or separate rooms if you can. Face Time your family and friends, read, draw, work out with the free work out videos that are going to be available. Plus I don’t know about your area, but for now in the UK we are allowed outside for exercise reasons so make the most of this and go for walks where it is safe to do so.

Mary

March 27, 2020 at 3:31 pm

So my ex was and is still the love of my life. The problem is that he is not the best communicator about issues, so then 2 weeks ago, out of the blue, we had a fight over me wanting to control him, and then he just said that he’s so tired of me being full of nonsense and wanting to control him. He’s unhappy and needs space. I agree I’m a bit controlling and insecure sometimes, but didn’t see this coming. He said he Cannot say when or if he will be back but he’s just tired and hurt and needs time out of the relationship. He has not contacted me since 2 weeks ago, I messaged him for the 1st time beginning of this week to find out something about the contract as we lived together and he moved out, and he was so cold towards me. Afterwards asking me to please just give him space again as he’s getting more distant if he gets asked about me or contacted by me. Please help…

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 29, 2020 at 12:33 pm

Hi Mary you need to go into a No contact, and stick to it for 45 days where you work on yourself so that you focus on learning how to control your insecurities and emotions so that you appear more secure and less controlling for when you get back in touch with him. For now allow him space

R

March 26, 2020 at 3:18 pm

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years recently he decided after a year of being amazing that he needed time and distance to pray on our relationship and see if its gods will for us. We had no fights nothing it’s been amazing until now. I’m not sure what to do. Were not officially broken up but he did ask for time and distance. I’m worried he will just ghost. Do you think I should just go no contact and let him figure it out on his own

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 27, 2020 at 12:13 am

Hi R yes if your guy has asked for space then allow him that, but if you do not hear from him within the next 10 days then I would reach out with a casual message. However be prepared for them to end things and that is when you go into a full No Contact for 30 days

Soi

March 23, 2020 at 11:07 am

Okay so my guy was acting cold in his replies for about 5 6 days I asked him why is he maintaining distance he said There’s some issues going will tell when the time arrives, I agreed and continued with his cold messages thinking he will get back normal
There was no change and his late replies actions were hurting me
I again asked him what he wants why is he acting weird or avoiding me he said I don’t want to repeat things again
Give me space.
I replied him stay blessed and Bye
Will he ever message me?
I want to text him but then I was the one who said a bye and maybe he will find me more clingy
Hoping for him to message me.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 23, 2020 at 10:33 pm

Hi Soi, it is not possible for me to tell you that he is going to reach out or not. But if you work on yourself enough to become Ungettable and use social media to show your ex how great you are doing

Tiffany

March 18, 2020 at 9:59 pm

Been together for two years and has been a wonderful relationship. My bf was planning a move to Denver this summer. He told me he wanted me to go and I even assisted with professional things for this move to be a reality. Things started to get real that this move was going to really happen. I was looking at jobs and he was giving me pointers for my CV… two weeks ago he said “I’m really a loner and can’t see myself moving across the country with a girl” and “ I think we want different things” etc…. completely out of the blue for me. He said he was afraid to hurt my feelings. Been hot and cold since… I gnarled him for a week and a half and when I asked him for the opportunity to say goodbye he won’t let me. Like I said it’s been a great relationship! I wrote him my feelings and sent them and he said he loved me. So this last weekend, I called him and he was sweet on the phone. I asked him if there was any hope at all and he said “All I’ve asked was for some space and time to think”.. he said he was scared of me uprooting my life moving across the country with him and what would happen if things didn’t work out and I had no one there. He said it scares him. I am the only serious gf he’s had in many years. So I agreed to give him 30 days of space and time to think. Today is day 3 and it’s so hard! I have to respect his fears and need to have time to think. I would be lying if I said I’m not praying for him to reach out soon. I hope he sees my value as he has been a great bf to me and I have been a great gf to him! I miss him terribly and have exams coming up in grad school this next week and am struggling emotionally. I’m trying to be strong!
Kylie

March 11, 2020 at 8:28 am

My boyfriend and I have the most complicated relationship I have ever had and honestly, (I’m not even quite sure I can call him my boyfriend) He’s 40, I’m 39. We have been friends for 10 years. He reached out to me about 3 months ago for a date. I accepted. It’s been a crazy ride since. He’s insecure because of what his ex did to him and I’m insecure for the same reasons. I find myself moving a little too fast when it comes to our relationship. He has said he likes the way things are now. We see each other 2-3 times a week and when we’re together, it’s great but when we are apart, it’s nothing but mixed signals and worries on both ends. He doesn’t come out and say he needs space but I feel that he’s quietly asking me for it. When I bring up the fact that I need to slow down the pace a bit because I feel that I’m breaking our agreement of moving slow…he says he respects me for doing so and appreciates it and thoroughly enjoyed spending time with me. This man is so hot and cold! I’m so confused on what to do. Dating is so hard these days!
Kayla

March 9, 2020 at 4:59 am

This guy and I had been talking and seeing each other for about two months when he said he needed some time because he had some family trouble. Up until then he would always say stuff about how I am the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and he’s never felt this way about someone, etc. When he said he needed time I was actually dealing with some very bad anxiety and depression that I hadn’t experienced at that level before. I started texting him pretty much non stop for three weeks, only hearing from him every few days or so. I knew I had to give him space but with what was going on with me, I really needed someone to talk to and I really only wanted to talk to him. Today I texted him and apologized for not giving him the space he asked for and told him I’d give him all the time he needed. I’m just afraid he won’t want to talk to me since I was texting him so much. We haven’t seen each other in a month and a half and I miss him a lot. I’m just not sure how much space to give him and how to move on in the meantime.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 20, 2020 at 8:43 pm

Hi Kayla so when someone asks for space, you go into a No Contact, and during that time you do what is going to make you feel better, make you happy. Being social with friends, being kind to yourself. Spend time focusing on yourself, changing things that you are not happy about. Read about the Holy Trinity, being Ungettable

Linda

March 8, 2020 at 12:51 am

Hi Haley. My first love from 30 years ago came back into my life in September of last year(’19). We hung out as friends a lot and on NYE he asked me to be his girlfriend. I happily said yes. We talked everyday but for reasons involving his family who he’s living with he only came over every other weekend. We always had a great time though Only I was doing something he didn’t care for and had told me. I had a tendency to mother him and was always trying to tell him how he should do things without realizing it. A little over a week ago we had a really big argument that came from that issue and he wouldn’t talk with me afterwards. He was supposed to come over for the weekend. My roommate went over to pick him up and I had let him use one of my extra phones(his broke at work) which I aggravated him with too much by calling and texting repeatedly, so he gave it back to me. He told her to tell me he would call me from his brother’s phone when he was ready to talk and that he did still love me. It’s been a week now and I haven’t heard anything and I’m really scared I may have messed up. We are older (I’m 51.He’s 59) and we have both been through some tough things in our life as well as bad relationships. What should I do to not make things worse but at the same time not worry myself crazy about losing him for good? I would appreciate any suggestions you can give me because I love him more can anyone I’ve ever known. Thank you so much for your articles

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691 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”