Can I Get My Boyfriend Back If I Give Him Space?

691 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”

Michelle

February 5, 2018 at 4:25 pm

So me and my boyfriend been dating for a year. He was the best thing that ever happen to me. I felt like it was meant to be like god put him in my life to stay with me forever. He found me at my worse and helped me overcome my pain. He took me to Paris , Portugal and Germany. He asked me to marry him in Paris he was like a blessing from god but out of no where things changed he changed the relationship wasn’t the same he asked for space he said that he been feeling some type of way for a while that maybe space will better our relationship but I’m scared to let him go I don’t want him to leave my life forever
Hanna

February 4, 2018 at 6:39 am

Hello, I am currently on my 7th day of the no contact period. But I am afraid I have made the worst decision for the past weeks.

So I was dating this guy for 5 years, every weekend he would visit me or stay the night through sat-sun for like, almost every week. We first met at college and have been dating happily since. Then last year, we graduated together and started getting ourselves a job. At first I didn’t notice anything but my ex slowly ‘disappeared’ from my life after he got a job, there were nights when I found out he was hanging out without me without even telling me (this hasn’t happened before). Pissed, I gnatted him for weeks, we had a nasty big fight and in the end it would always be irreconcible. He mentioned that he needed space from me, but I wasn’t able to give him because I don’t understand the reason why (we do not have any problem, not at all). I too realize that I gnatted him so much into a corner so I said I will give him all the space he needs (finally), but somehow we still talked and met a few times. But during those times I noticed that he does not enjoy spending time with me, his face would sulk so much, in the end of the day we would fight about it. And then we kept fighting every week. During our last meeting, he said that he still loves me, but only deep inside. He said he is afraid to be with me, and he doesn’t know whether he could love me like the way he used to. I was crying so much that day I even begged him not to leave me, and I noticed that he kept slipping away from me. Last monday, he sent me a long text saying that he is sorry he wasn’t able to love me anymore like he used to. He also said that he is unsure of what is happening with him but he doesn’t think that he could work things out with me. He kept apologizing, but I can sense that he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore, and it drove me into a corner. I felt horrible, and sadness took over me. After that text I only replied “I am sorry for what I’ve done” and decided to never contact him ever again. I am not sure whether we had broken up or not but I don’t feel any bond anymore. I cried so much, that I don’t even know what to think anymore. I still think of him from time to time but I just don’t think it will work out again. I am so disappointed in him for leaving me just like that, but I can’t seem to get him out of my mind. I am only on my 7th day of the no contact rule… but I just had this feeling that it won’t affect anything, and we are done just like that. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2018 at 1:10 pm

HI Hanna,

Well, it sounds like he fell out of love but that have the balls to break up with you and it looks like he’s just waiting for you to say it. Check this one:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

Hannahanne

February 3, 2018 at 1:37 am

Hi.. ok so i was in a relationship with this guy for a year and few months.. we’ve had number of fights throughout the relationship basically because of me nagging and demanding..

he is the impulsive kind of person I would say, because most of the time when we have big fights he would always initiate break up or keep distant and later when he cools down or when I started being silent he would come back as if nothing happened…

once during our relationship, I think was 8months ago he broke up with me but first he asked for a cool off (we were continuously fighting during that time that made him fed up and asked for space) initially i respected his request for space because I thought he was doing that to save our relationship so for 2 1/2 weeks we went to Zero contact… until I decided to reach out and check on him only to find out that he didnt have plan to work it out with me anymore. He told me during our cool off period he realized he was better off without me and that I needed not to make it up with him anymore cuz he doesn’t want to do anything with me anymore.. that time I really felt rejected, my self esteem crashed and i felt like he hated me..
day1 of our break up i would say I gnat him, it took time before it sink in that he was no longer mine so i was still trying to do our normal stuffs like messages and calls but he only pushed me away saying stop calling him because we aren’t US anymore.. so from day2 onwards I stop begging and chasing and i just walked away..
surprisingly 2 weeks later he started initiating contact again, to make the story short we got back together after a while..

fastforward to 8months later, which is at present, he broke up with me again just yesterday.. we still had that usual fights but for the past 3weeks before this breakup we were already so okay we don’t fight and everything was smooth until he had some personal problem recently that made him feel so down and instead of me comforting him I even added to his burden because we had a big fight last Monday.. after that he didn’t want to talk to me he said he needs some space to breath, at first I freaked out, instead of understanding that he is going through something tough, i took it about me and started asking him if he wants to break up but pls don’t then he said he just want space.. so from there I stop bothering him and respected the space he needed..

for 3days he didn’t talk to me, he would just send one message in the morning saying goodmorning and he is still not ok to talk.. 3days later he finally break it, he messaged me asking me to meet him to talk, as we were supposed to meet he cancelled last minute. I then called him and from our conversation he told me that he wanted to break up..

to be honest i heard all the same things he told me during our first break up, all those he isn’t happy anymore, he wants nothing from me etc etc but that he wants to end things nicely and at d best way.. he said he doesn’t want to cut bridges between us and doesn’t want us to hate each other… i wouldn’t go to details as i really think ive heard all these from him before..

I didnt beg i didnt chase i tried my best to sound as composed as possible.. i told him that i respect his decision,
as i am trying to be objective this time I am trying to understand that he is going through a tough time and so whatever he say or do i don’t want to take it against him and i was thinking that it’s not fair and best to talk about our relationship this time rather he should fix and focus on whatever his problem is and come back and talk to me when his mind is clearer BUT if it’s really his decision to break up then okay i just accept it..

He told me he would remember what i said but for now just let him be, just give him space.. he said he isn’t sure if it’s just “for the mean time” or what but this is honestly what he feels at the moment and he doesn’t want to keep my hopes high so just let him be and move on for now…and we said goodbye from there…

Frankly I don’t know if I should take that this time he is serious in leaving me or is just his impulsive actions like all the previous fights we had.. when I think of it, I want to understand him that by knowing him he is that kind that when he has too much problems and pressure he wants to shut off everything but when he feels better he would always find me back… but I also don’t know if I should still keep hoping… cuz maybe this time he is really done with me

I am now in NC, and I dont know if it would still work this time…

I would like to know your thoughts…

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2018 at 12:45 pm

Hi Hannah,

this time stick to at least 30 days and be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.

Hennaly

February 2, 2018 at 6:03 pm

My ex boyfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago I think, and he broke up with me saying he needed to work on himself. Keep in mind we were together for almost three years, and broke up with me a week before our third anniversary. I was very emotional and I tweeted two weeks ago something about him cheating. I knew it wasn’t true but idk what came over me. He saw the tweet this week and texted why I said that. I said I don’t know, i was in the heat of my feelings, I don’t want to start bad blood and I know you wouldn’t do that to me. He then texted me again saying I’m sorry that I ever put that on your mind and I’m trying really hard to work on myself. I asked how it was going and if there was anything he wanted to talk about. He said “it’s going alright I guess and no but thank you though.” I haven’t replied to him after that and it’s been two days. Idk what to do. I really want him back. I want him to realize he made a mistake.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2018 at 12:30 pm

Hi Hennaly,
do you want to try the nc rule?

Hannah

February 2, 2018 at 9:22 am

Hi.. ok so i was in a relationship with this guy for a year and few months.. we’ve had number of fights throughout the relationship basically because of me nagging and demanding..

he is the impulsive kind of person I would say, because most of the time when we have big fights he would always initiate break up or keep distant and later when he cools down or when I started being silent he would come back as if nothing happened…

once during our relationship, I think was 8months ago he broke up with me but first he asked for a cool off (we were continuously fighting during that time that made him fed up and asked for space) initially i respected his request for space because I thought he was doing that to save our relationship so for 2 1/2 weeks we went to Zero contact… until I decided to reach out and check on him only to find out that he didnt have plan to work it out with me anymore. He told me during our cool off period he realized he was better off without me and that I needed not to make it up with him anymore cuz he doesn’t want to do anything with me anymore.. that time I really felt rejected, my self esteem crashed and i felt like he hated me..
day1 of our break up i would say I gnat him, it took time before it sink in that he was no longer mine so i was still trying to do our normal stuffs like messages and calls but he only pushed me away saying stop calling him because we aren’t US anymore.. so from day2 onwards I stop begging and chasing and i just walked away..
surprisingly 2 weeks later he started initiating contact again, to make the story short we got back together after a while..

fastforward to 8months later, which is at present, he broke up with me again just yesterday.. we still had that usual fights but for the past 3weeks before this breakup we were already so okay we don’t fight and everything was smooth until he had some personal problem recently that made him feel so down and instead of me comforting him I even added to his burden because we had a big fight last Monday.. after that he didn’t want to talk to me he said he needs some space to breath, at first I freaked out, instead of understanding that he is going through something tough, i took it about me and started asking him if he wants to break up but pls don’t then he said he just want space.. so from there I stop bothering him and respected the space he needed..

for 3days he didn’t talk to me, he would just send one message in the morning saying goodmorning and he is still not ok to talk.. 3days later he finally break it, he messaged me asking me to meet him to talk, as we were supposed to meet he cancelled last minute. I then called him and from our conversation he told me that he wanted to break up..

to be honest i heard all the same things he told me during our first break up, all those he isn’t happy anymore, he wants nothing from me etc etc but that he wants to end things nicely and at d best way.. he said he doesn’t want to cut bridges between us and doesn’t want us to hate each other… i wouldn’t go to details as i really think ive heard all these from him before..

I didnt beg i didnt chase i tried my best to sound as composed as possible.. i told him that i respect his decision,
as i am trying to be objective this time I am trying to understand that he is going through a tough time and so whatever he say or do i don’t want to take it against him and i was thinking that it’s not fair and best to talk about our relationship this time rather he should fix and focus on whatever his problem is and come back and talk to me when his mind is clearer BUT if it’s really his decision to break up then okay i just accept it..

He told me he would remember what i said but for now just let him be, just give him space.. he said he isn’t sure if it’s just “for the mean time” or what but this is honestly what he feels at the moment and he doesn’t want to keep my hopes high so just let him be and move on for now…and we said goodbye from there…

Frankly I don’t know if I should take that this time he is serious in leaving me or is just his impulsive actions like all the previous fights we had.. when I think of it, I want to understand him that by knowing him he is that kind that when he has too much problems and pressure he wants to shut off everything but when he feels better he would always find me back… but I also don’t know if I should still keep hoping… cuz maybe this time he is really done with me

I am now in NC, and I dont know if it would still work this time…

I would like to know your thoughts…

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2018 at 12:20 pm

Hi Hannah,

this time stick to at least 30 days and be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.

Tiffany

February 1, 2018 at 9:51 am

Hi!

Please know that your articles have been keeping me sane.
My boyfriend and i broke up 2 weeks ago (he wanted it), he reached out 2 days after the break up with “how are you?” (did not included our pet names to each other)
I wanted to go on NC so i did not responded until 5 days later, and in that 5 days he watched all my friends and my instagram stories. (he never did before)

After 5 days i replied with
Hi, how have you been?

he replied within a minute and i was pretty sure he was sleeping with

HIM: Hi, I’ve been better but im okay. yourself?
ME: Hi you
HIM: Hi, whats up?
ME: Nothing just wondered how you are really.
HIM: Im ok. Miserable but i’ll be fine. how are you? all good?
ME: Why are you miserable?
HIM: Well it is different without you in my life so i have these sad moments. I try to keep myself as busy as possible.
ME: i love you and if it were my choice i wouldn’t want us to end. but i suppose your decision if thats gonna make you happy. Please know that i care about you but i need to repair myself and built a life without you in it.

He responded 3 hrs later with asking if i was going. And said if i was going with my friends he didn’t want to go and make things awkward and uncomfortable.
I then replied with a “sure”.

Here’s our history, we got together Jan 2017, he wooed me and was the best of himself and did everything I wanted to do. In June he lost his job and was stuck in a shitty job that he hated while waiting for his employment pass(he’s not from the country). He then started to pull away from the relationship and our sex life went down, many nights he said he needed his own space. I kept reaching out to him to try and be there while he pulled back further.

After 4 months he finally got his dream job, things between us got better but we kinda never recovered. I think our deteriorating sex life was a major issue between us but we never really got it back. He started making excuses to not see me and wasn’t keen on doing anything. After a recent major fight which leads us to the present, he said he wasn’t happy with me anymore, he once saw a future with me but not anymore and he lost feelings.

My question is, I’ve been doing No contact in hopes that he will reach out but I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle and I’m wondering if i should just move on. I’m stuck at a place
where we were great and he doesn’t seem to want anything anymore.

Please help!!
Thanks,
Tiff

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2018 at 11:46 am

Hi Tiffany,

Do at least 30 days and do it for yourself to heal and improve and to set a new routine that you will continue after nc while slowly building rapport. You can initiate contact after nc.

Hannah

January 29, 2018 at 5:35 pm

Hi! So I met this guy in the beginning of November and we immediately hit it off. However, he had just gotten out of an eight year relationship in July of that year (and I get the idea it wasn’t the healthiest relationship). We got somewhat serious in a quick amount of time – hanging out, talking all the time, opening up about our feelings, etc – and I was on cloud nine because I really like him. He was honest about how much he liked me but was scared to get into another relationship after getting out of such a serious one. However, in the past few weeks, something just felt different. I finally sent him a text saying that as much as I liked him, I wanted to be with someone who 100% wanted to be with me. I told him that I really liked him and knew we had something special here but didn’t want to feel like I was pressuring him or moving him at a pace he wasn’t comfortable with because it wasn’t fair to either one of us. We ended up talking and decided that we would hang out that Friday night (as we had tickets to a show) and after, we would not talk for a week and see how we feel. Friday night, we had the BEST TIME. We went to dinner, the show, and then out with my friends after. He slept over and we had a talk about how much we liked each other and he said that he felt I was “ideal” and the “perfect girl for him” and he was just a mess but didn’t want to lose me and knew that we had something special here. We both acknowledged that we were bummed about not speaking for a week but that the space would be good for us to figure out what we want. Now, we are on the third day of not talking and I’m anxious to say the least. I’m worried that he’ll forget about me or move on or decide that he doesn’t actually want me. Would just love some advice or thoughts 🙂 thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2018 at 5:02 pm

Hi Hannah,

check this one:
Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

Andrea Bednarz

January 29, 2018 at 2:49 am

I have known this guy I just started dating for over 6 years. He states he is an introvert and was really hurt by his ex girlfriend who cheated on him with his best friend. He recently said he prob was going to disappear for awhile to get his affairs in order. He has been sick and not able to work. So he is broke and a single dad. He likes being alone. Should I worry? I see he checks social media. We have a lot of fun together and spent the week before he said this together every day.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2018 at 11:51 am

Hi Andrea,

I’m confused, correct me if I’m wrong.. You have known this guy for 6 and recently you started dating,and then he said he has a prob and he’s going to disappear for a while? How long have you been dating him?

Still hoping

January 26, 2018 at 3:33 pm

Hey,

My ex and I were ” living together” although we were in a long distance. Im in Aussie and he’s in Europe. And we commute to each other when we can. Since his last trip to me few months ago he seems to have burst abt all the things he has kept in, and at that time I thought consoling him helps but it got worst. And I wasnt feeling so well either so we both were in a bad place. One day he said hes sorry and he cant do it anymore, I flew to him in hope shortening thw distance helped, 7 weeks there and it didnt make a difference. He was too angry most of the time I was there, but we also had more good times. He said he still wants to talk to me but he needs time, and he thinks we should meet each other after a year. We also agreed to text on special occasions (ie xmas, new years).

Main issue in our relationship was, my previous ex before him (insecurity on his part), my health, and our distance.

Its been a month and a half. Last week i texted him saying i wish we can talk, and if its okay now, and if he needs more time its okay too. He said hes not yet there.

Ive been keeping busy for the past month, trying to not wallow in sadness and having only limited time to allow myself to grieve. Ive been going out, trying to keep fit, meeting friends i havent met for a while and spending time w families. Other than that ive been writing in hope i can be a better version of myself. Ive been soul searching, hollistically to self help.

My question now is: I still love him, I feel like im in a better place now. And i do miss him. What do I do now he needs more space? And how long should I give or do I just wait till he reach out?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2018 at 3:32 pm

Even though you did nc and is continuously improving yourself, which is good, but asking him if you could talk and if he needs more time offsets that because it still shows that you’re chasing him. It would better to move on at this point because you already did nc, gave him space and all. If you kept pushing,you would appear chasing.

Anne Marie

January 25, 2018 at 8:26 pm

Hi, Amor!

Well, yes, he did give me his permission to talk to him if I wanted to, and yes, I was also thinking that he asked me this just because he was used to talking to me, and didn’t really want me out of his life. But, before starting the NC period, I tried talking to him in a friendly manner, knowing he allowed me to contact him, but he sent mixed signals. I mean he would reply either positively (complete answers), either vaguely or he would just ignore my messages. The important thing here is that he didn’t ignore my messages from the beginning, he did it as the conversation continued. I guess I’m not that indifferent to him, otherwise he would have told me from the beginning that he didn’t want to talk to me any more or he would have ignored my messages completely.

And yes, I did restart the NC period after I contacted him to tell him about my family loss, so it’s been 11 days since that last conversation about my loss. I don’t know, I feel like contacting him, but as I said, I’m fighting hard with myself not to do that, because I know this would lower my chances of getting him back. I don’t know, I’m always afraid that he might find someone else and forget me… I’m very confused, and I don’t know what to do. Does it really mean that he no longer cares about me or that he doesn’t want to talk to me or that he doesn’t want me any more if he hasn’t contacted me so far or if he won’t contact me during NC?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2018 at 11:20 am

it would be better to come from the point of view that he has moved on because in that way you wouldn’t act like there is something to hold on to. You would come from point of restarting everything. That means if he talks to you again or sees you again, he has to think you’re moving on through your actions, posts and not because you told him you’re moving on..

Anne Marie

January 24, 2018 at 10:34 pm

Hello!

The story from here, with the author’s boyfriend from high school, is pretty similar with my story with my ex-boyfriend, the one that I want back right now. My story goes like this: I had a boyfriend that I loved a lot. We were together for a bit more than one month, but I developed quite strong feelings for him. Everything seemed to be perfect, or at least I thought so.

Our relationship evolved too quickly, I would say now. I mean, just like the author of this article, after 2 weeks of dating, me and my ex were so in love with each other, we were making plans about a future together (to a lesser extent, I also saw myself married to him and so on, but I had never told him this, and I’m glad I didn’t), we were crazy about each other. It was my birthday as well, so after 2 weeks of dating, I introduced him to my parents, and now I know it was too early for this, but it was my birthday, and I wanted my parents to see that he was a nice guy indeed. Everything was OK, we then had a walk in a park where we cuddled and kissed and so on. Everything was fine until 2 days before the new year. He started telling me that he cannot cuddle for hours, and that he was sad that we didn’t have too many things to do together, and that he told me these things so that I wouldn’t suffer too much if we broke up, and even asked me not to be too clingy when we met. And at the new year, he kind of ignored me… He preferred staying with his friends more than staying with me… OK, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mind him staying with his friends since he had known them for more time than he had known me, but I felt weird because of his behaviour…

And yes, then he told me he didn’t feel the same for me any more, that he wanted to be closer to me, but couldn’t, that he could no longer say cute things to me, because he no longer felt like saying them and that everything had to come from him, his feelings for me had to come from him, and asked me not to force him to feel something for me, because right then he couldn’t feel it. And I started crying and asking him why, if I had done something wrong, and he gave me the “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse, that if there was someone to look down in shame, it was him, because he couldn’t feel something until the end, because he was confused and didn’t know what he wanted, because he had made me feel bad. And then he asked me for a break, so that he could put his thoughts in order. I gave him 4 days, and we talked after these 4 days. Only then did I realise that 4 days weren’t enough, and that he said that he had felt good during those days, because he was alone and could concentrate on himself more. I kept begging him on the phone to try and give us another chance, I kept asking him to tell me something cute, but he said he couldn’t and that we should just stay like this, so that something would come out from him in the end. I kept asking him for the same things until he told me he had to go to sleep, and wished me “good night” and hung up the phone. I asked him on social media if he had got mad at me, and he told me that he wasn’t mad at me, but that he felt like he couldn’t pretend that everything was fine for a while, because he would make me feel worse, and also told me that we would keep talking, hoping that he would start to feel something for me again, but if he wouldn’t, then he could no longer do anything about it, and all he wanted to to do in case he could no longer feel anything for me was for me not to suffer too much, because he had been there as well and knew how it was to suffer a lot. He asked me to go on with my life for the moment, to concentrate on my exams and on other important things, because I would see if he starts to feel something for me again. I told him that I could somehow wait for him for a while, but not forever, and he asked me not to wait for him, and concentrate on my exams now, because this is what is important for me right now (I guess he wanted to tell me not to think of him 24/7, because it would do me no good). Then I asked him if we would keep talking and see what would happened, and he said that this is what we would do, but again he asked me not to wait for him (maybe he wanted to say again that I shouldn’t obssess over his decision, and go on with my life and see what would happen, and maybe in his mind, he may have thought that if I gave him some space, he may start to have feelings for me again, maybe he wants to see me as happy and positive as I was at the beginning, not as sad, desperate, clingy and needy as I was when we broke up and when I talked to him). That was the day when I decided to apply the No Contact Rule. However, I had to contact him after 3-4 days, because I had a death in my family, and he told me that he was sorry to hear about my loss and asked me to stay strong, because I had to, and that he knew I could do it (that I could be strong).

And now I’m in the No Contact period. It’s been 10 days since that last conversation with him. Now that I think more of this story, I think that at the beginning of the relationship I was a bit different than I was towards its end (as I briefly mentioned above). I mean, at the beginning I was funnier, more friendly, more positive, I had a shy happiness and positivity in me that he liked, otherwise he wouldn’t have been with me, I wasn’t afraid of losing him or of him cheating on me, but as I said, the relationship progessed too quickly, so the fear of losing him started growing in me, and I became more clingy and more needy and more insecure than I should have been, and maybe this was the real reason why he broke up with me in the end: because he felt like I was desperate and that I depended on him, that my life was centered around him, and maybe these things scared him, but he used the “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. And besides that, maybe he felt that I was afraid of losing him, even if I didn’t tell him that, but maybe he felt it.

So now I’m in the No Contact period, and I have a gut feeling that he’s starting to miss me (he didn’t tell me so, I feel it), while I’m slowly getting better. And I hope that the fact that he said that we would keep talking, hoping that he would start feeling something for me again, and that I would see if he starts feeling something for me again, wasn’t just an excuse to make me feel better. Of course I hope he said it to make me feel better, but I hope that he said it also because he’s thinking of coming back to me, but he just needs some space right now, some time alone in order to figure out what he feels for me. I mean, he had always been honest with me, so why would he lie to me now?

And after I told him about the loss in my family, I was the one to ask him for a break. I told him that the truth was that I needed a little time alone so that I could conentrate on myself and my exams and my life in general, as well as recovering from the pain caused by that loss, and he too needed some time alone to concentrate on himself and his work, and I asked him if he agreed with the fact of us talking after a little time (no limit this time) about what subject he would want, when we would both feel better, and he said “yes, sure…”, and I ended the conversation by thanking him for understanding, and telling him I had to go and that we would talk again some other time, and that was all. I started the No Contact period again, and the fact that I asked him for some time made me stop talking to him for a while and it’s been 10 days already.

And yes, I still feel the need to talk to him during this NC period, I still feel the need to tell him about the grades from my exams, but I’m fighting hard with myself not to text him, and to concentrate on my life now, and let him come back on his own.

The questions I have are the following ones:
1. Will he come back if I gave him the space he had asked for?
2. After reading my story, do you think there are chances for him to contact me at some point if I leave him alone for a while?
3. Do you think he’s really thinking of coming back to me if he asked me to be in contact, hoping he’d feel something for me again? I mean, maybe he didn’t really want me to be completely out of his life, and he may indeed be thinking of being with me again in the future (he even told me that he was pretty sure he couldn’t start feeling something for me again the following days, but maybe after a while, he could start having feelings for me again).
4. Are there chances that my gut feeling about him starting to miss me while I’m slowly getting better can be true?

And the main question is: do you think he may be coming back at some point? I mean, we didn’t have conflicts, we didn’t cheat, we didn’t have a nasty break-up, and I think his decision of breaking up was quite rash (he said it wasn’t a rash decision, because he had been thinking of this for some days; yeah, they were DAYS, not weeks or months, and no signs of him wanting to break up, and, in my opnion at least, a decision taken in a few days – I assume there were 2-3 days, not more – is a rash decision, it’s a decision upon which one can change his mind if he is given the space and time he needs to analyze the decision).

And sorry if there are mistakes in my English, but it’s not my native language.

Thank you for taking your time to read and analyze my story, and for replying!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2018 at 7:22 pm

Hi Anne Marie,

Condolence to you and your family. Regarding your relationship, it was rushed. That’s common with being young. The nc rule is more you to focus in improving yourself, not just to be silent to see if he will get back with you and it’s not guaranteed to work in any situation, it just helps increase your chances.. It’s also common for exes to ask to be friends because they’re used to talking to you. If he will come back, maybe but the bottom line is, don’t rush things. You broke up in the honeymoon phase, so all of this is emotional for you but after your nc, which I think you should do at least 21 days, take it slow and don’t stop having your own life. Also, nc means no initiating, no replying. That means you have to restart the count from the day you contacted him because of the death in your family.

Anne Marie

January 24, 2018 at 9:31 pm

Hello!

The story from here, with the author’s boyfriend from high school, is pretty similar with my story with my ex-boyfriend, the one that I want back right now. My story goes like this: I had a boyfriend that I loved a lot. We were together for a bit more than one month, but I developed quite strong feelings for him. Everything seemed to be perfect, or at least I thought so.

Our relationship evolved too quickly, I would say now. I mean, just like the author of this article, after 2 weeks of dating, me and my ex were so in love with each other, we were making plans about a future together (to a lesser extent, I also saw myself married to him and so on, but I had never told him this, and I’m glad I didn’t), we were crazy about each other. It was my birthday as well, so after 2 weeks of dating, I introduced him to my parents, and now I know it was too early for this, but it was my birthday, and I wanted my parents to see that he was a nice guy indeed. Everything was OK, we then had a walk in a park where we cuddled and kissed and so on. Everything was fine until 2 days before the new year. He started telling me that he cannot cuddle for hours, and that he was sad that we didn’t have too many things to do together, and that he told me these things so that I wouldn’t suffer too much if we broke up, and even asked me not to be too clingy when we met. And at the new year, he kind of ignored me… He preferred staying with his friends more than staying with me… OK, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mind him staying with his friends since he had known them for more time than he had known me, but I felt weird because of his behaviour…

And yes, then he told me he didn’t feel the same for me any more, that he wanted to be closer to me, but couldn’t, that he could no longer say cute things to me, because he no longer felt like saying them and that everything had to come from him, his feelings for me had to come from him, and asked me not to force him to feel something for me, because right then he couldn’t feel it. And I started crying and asking him why, if I had done something wrong, and he gave me the “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse, that if there was someone to look down in shame, it was him, because he couldn’t feel something until the end, because he was confused and didn’t know what he wanted, because he had made me feel bad. And then he asked me for a break, so that he could put his thoughts in order. I gave him 4 days, and we talked after these 4 days. Only then did I realise that 4 days weren’t enough, and that he said that he had felt good during those days, because he was alone and could concentrate on himself more. I kept begging him on the phone to try and give us another chance, I kept asking him to tell me something cute, but he said he couldn’t and that we should just stay like this, so that something would come out from him in the end. I kept asking him for the same things until he told me he had to go to sleep, and wished me “good night” and hung up the phone. I asked him on social media if he had got mad at me, and he told me that he wasn’t mad at me, but that he felt like he couldn’t pretend that everything was fine for a while, because he would make me feel worse, and also told me that we would keep talking, hoping that he would start to feel something for me again, but if he wouldn’t, then he could no longer do anything about it, and all he wanted to to do in case he could no longer feel anything for me was for me not to suffer too much, because he had been there as well and knew how it was to suffer a lot. He asked me to go on with my life for the moment, to concentrate on my exams and on other important things, because I would see if he starts to feel something for me again. I told him that I could somehow wait for him for a while, but not forever, and he asked me not to wait for him, and concentrate on my exams now, because this is what is important for me right now (I guess he wanted to tell me not to think of him 24/7, because it would do me no good). Then I asked him if we would keep talking and see what would happened, and he said that this is what we would do, but again he asked me not to wait for him (maybe he wanted to say again that I shouldn’t obssess over his decision, and go on with my life and see what would happen, and maybe in his mind, he may have thought that if I gave him some space, he may start to have feelings for me again, maybe he wants to see me as happy and positive as I was at the beginning, not as sad, desperate, clingy and needy as I was when we broke up and when I talked to him). That was the day when I decided to apply the No Contact Rule. However, I had to contact him after 3-4 days, because I had a death in my family, and he told me that he was sorry to hear about my loss and asked me to stay strong, because I had to, and that he knew I could do it (that I could be strong).

And now I’m in the No Contact period. It’s been 10 days since that last conversation with him. Now that I think more of this story, I think that at the beginning of the relationship I was a bit different than I was towards its end (as I briefly mentioned above). I mean, at the beginning I was funnier, more friendly, more positive, I had a shy happiness and positivity in me that he liked, otherwise he wouldn’t have been with me, I wasn’t afraid of losing him or of him cheating on me, but as I said, the relationship progessed too quickly, so the fear of losing him started growing in me, and I became more clingy and more needy and more insecure than I should have been, and maybe this was the real reason why he broke up with me in the end: because he felt like I was desperate and that I depended on him, that my life was centered around him, and maybe these things scared him, but he used the “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. And besides that, maybe he felt that I was afraid of losing him, even if I didn’t tell him that, but maybe he felt it.

So now I’m in the No Contact period, and I have a gut feeling that he’s starting to miss me (he didn’t tell me so, I feel it), while I’m slowly getting better. And I hope that the fact that he said that we would keep talking, hoping that he would start feeling something for me again, and that I would see if he starts feeling something for me again, wasn’t just an excuse to make me feel better. Of course I hope he said it to make me feel better, but I hope that he said it also because he’s thinking of coming back to me, but he just needs some space right now, some time alone in order to figure out what he feels for me. I mean, he had always been honest with me, so why would he lie to me now?

And after I told him about the loss in my family, I was the one to ask him for a break. I told him that the truth was that I needed a little time alone so that I could conentrate on myself and my exams and my life in general, as well as recovering from the pain caused by that loss, and he too needed some time alone to concentrate on himself and his work, and I asked him if he agreed with the fact of us talking after a little time (no limit this time) about what subject he would want, when we would both feel better, and he said “yes, sure…”, and I ended the conversation by thanking him for understanding, and telling him I had to go and that we would talk again some other time, and that was all. I started the No Contact period again, and the fact that I asked him for some time made me stop talking to him for a while and it’s been 10 days already.

And yes, I still feel the need to talk to him during this NC period, I still feel the need to tell him about the grades from my exams, but I’m fighting hard with myself not to text him, and to concentrate on my life now, and let him come back on his own.

The questions I have are the following ones:
1. Will he come back if I gave him the space he had asked for?
2. After reading my story, do you think there are chances for him to contact me at some point if I leave him alone for a while?
3. Do you think he’s really thinking of coming back to me if he asked me to be in contact, hoping he’d feel something for me again? I mean, maybe he didn’t really want me to be completely out of his life, and he may indeed be thinking of being with me again in the future (he even told me that he was pretty sure he couldn’t start feeling something for me again the following days, but maybe after a while, he could start having feelings for me again).
4. Are there chances that my gut feeling about him starting to miss me while I’m slowly getting better can be true?

And the main question is: do you think he may be coming back at some point? I mean, we didn’t have conflicts, we didn’t cheat, we didn’t have a nasty break-up, and I think his decision of breaking up was quite rash (he said it wasn’t a rash decision, because he had been thinking of this for some days; yeah, they were DAYS, not weeks or months, and no signs of him wanting to break up, and, in my opnion at least, a decision taken in a few days – I assume there were 2-3 days, not more – is a rash decision, it’s a decision upon which one can change his mind if he is given the space and time he needs to analyze the decision).

And sorry if there are mistakes in my English, but it’s not my native language.

Thank you for taking your time to read and analyze my story, and for replying!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2018 at 7:22 pm

Hi Anne Marie,

Condolence to you and your family. Regarding your relationship, it was rushed. That’s common with being young. The nc rule is more you to focus in improving yourself, not just to be silent to see if he will get back with you and it’s not guaranteed to work in any situation, it just helps increase your chances.. It’s also common for exes to ask to be friends because they’re used to talking to you. If he will come back, maybe but the bottom line is, don’t rush things. You broke up in the honeymoon phase, so all of this is emotional for you but after your nc, which I think you should do at least 21 days, take it slow and don’t stop having your own life. Also, nc means no initiating, no replying. That means you have to restart the count from the day you contacted him because of the death in your family.

Nicole

January 24, 2018 at 12:40 am

I’ve been with my boyfriend 6 months (known him for 25 yrs though) we are both in our 40s. Everything was amazing up until last week. We never argued and spent a lot of time together. He works for himself so getting jobs is important for his finances and means he has to run around to meet with people at different times day or night. Last Thursday he said he’s be over by 7 to have dinner then cancelled on me last min. Fri night we had plans to see a band which I was looking forward to and he sent a text canceling saying he had to run around for a job and that he was sorry and please for me to not be mad at him because he’s overwhelmed and stressed because he spread himself too thin and that he would make it up to me on Sat (the following night) since we had plans. So I text him that evening to tell him it was ok and not to stress about it. The next night Sat came and I didn’t hear from him. I messaged saying I was bummed because I didn’t hear from him and thought we were going out and that it felt like he was now avoiding me and knowing he was stressed if he wanted me to let him be? I heard nothing until Sunday afternoon he text me saying he knew I was mad at him and that he was stressing about making money and when he has to run around to try to get jobs it doesn’t work for me he expressed feeling like he wasn’t enough, and very depressed about us he said he wanted to come by in the next day or two to return my house keys and please give him a few days to be. My initial reaction was to message asking if I could call because I thought he was breaking up. I then kicked myself for sending that because I realized that he was asking to be left alone so I messaged again saying I know you asked me to leave you be so im going to respect that. Today is now tues and I haven’t heard from him but I know he’s been online a lot. What are the chances he’ll return? I know he’s very stressed and im not mad I’m honestly more worried about him but he seemed to automatically assume I was mad. We’ve had 2 other miscommunications early on where we each thought the other was avoiding the other for a couple of days but I was doing other things and trying to give him space and not seem needy he was hurt when that happened. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2018 at 8:31 pm

Hi Nicole,

Give him space. He’s probably avoiding you to avoid conflict because he’s already stressed as is with the other aspects in his life.

Kayla

January 23, 2018 at 2:56 am

i met this guy when i was working. one of my co-workers was just hanging out there for the day while we werent busy. him and our other friend called this group of guys that they are friends with and told them to come visit. they all came down and thats when i met all of them.
so me and the one guy started talking that night after everyone had gone home and we ended up dating after about a week. we had definitely rushed everything, i will deny that. after about 2 weeks of us being a thing (that includes the week that we were just talking), he told me that he loved me. we had the conversation like a week before that and i specifically told him not to tell me that he loves me unless he knows that he absolutely means it because it is a very big step to take. when he told me, i asked him if he was sure and he said yes. i of course said it back and everything was fine.
one of my favorite quotes right now is “you can be with someone for 2 years and feel nothing. you can be with someone for 2 weeks and feel everything. time is not a measure of love.” and i think that it applies nicely here. i know that we definitley rushed things without a doubt.
about a week after he told me he loved me, we were hanging out like everything was normal. we talked after he went home before we went to sleep and everything was fine. we talked about hanging out again the next day. the next day comes and hes texting me like everything is fine. i asked if he wanted to hang out again that day and he said that he wanted to work on his car and that he didnt know when he would be done. which wasnt a big deal to me. i was fine with that.
that night he got home and out of nowhere, he said that he was thinking about it all day and that he wanted to be single so that he could focus on himself and figure things out for himself. i tried to convince him otherwise saying that i wanted to help him but he said that he didnt want to argue and he went to sleep.
the next day, one of his best friends was killed in a car accident. i knew that it had to have affected him. something like that would affect anyone. a few days later i had texted him to ask how he was doing because i figured it would be nice to have someone to check on him and see if he’s okay. he answered and said that it was rough and everything. i told him that i was here if he needed anything.
about a week and a half later, someone that we are mutual friends with had picked me up and we hung out at his house. i posted it on my story that i was with them. my ex texted the one guy that we were with and asked if i was there and they told him yes because he didnt want to lie. next thing you know, my ex had walked to the guys house that we were at and walked in acting like i wasnt even there.
later that night, we had all gone somewhere and our friend that i was with and him had gone off somewhere. when they came back, my friend whispered to me “i got you.”
i went home and my ex had texted me. he said that he wanted to “make things right” and that he wanted to get back together. i stood my ground and said that he had a funny way of showing it and i asked why he showed up tonight. he said that when he saw that i was with them, he got mad because he thought that our friend was trying to get with me so she showed up to “make sure nothing was going on.”
we got back together and the next day he didnt talk to me all day like he usually did when we were together before. it made me nervous but i didnt say anything because i didnt want to start anything. so we talked that night and he kind of had a “smartass” attitude. i commented on it and he said that since he lost one of his best friends in that carr accident that he isnt himself anymore and he got mad at me. so he went to sleep.
the next day, he texted me around 1:00 and i decided to be petty and be kind of a jerk to him to try and stand up for myself. he got mad and didnt talk to me all day. i appolagized that night but he didnt seem thrilled to talk to me so i just went to bed.
the next day he didnt talk to me at all until he saw that i was screenshotting something on snapchat to show my friend because we were talking about everything, like girls do. he got mad at me because i asked why i havent heard from him all day. then i asked to talk when he got home and he said “if i go home.” and i said that he wouldnt have said anything about that if i didnt mention it. he said that i dont need to know every second of his life and i said how thats not what i meant by it and that he should know that i just want to make sure hes safe. he always told me where he was going when we were together before becuase he knew that i wanted to make sure he was okay. it was never an issue before. but he got mad and told me to leave him alone.
later that night around 3 in the morning, i sent him a message saying that i know hes dealing with a lot right now and that if he wants some space then thats fine and that ill be here when hes ready.
i didnt hear from him for 3 days. then one day i put on my snapchat story for someone to facetime me because i was bored and out of nowhere hes calling me. so i answered. we didnt talk about us and i wasnt about to bring it up in fear of causing an argument. i didnt hear from him after that call.
a couple days later, my friend messaged me and said that he heard we were back together and i didnt know what to say so i finally just straight up asked my ex what was going on between us between us because i dont know what to tell people when they ask. he said that we arent together and that he doesnt know right now and that he needed to figure things out. so i left him alone. a couple days later, i got a snapchat from him and we started talking but in my head i was getting mixed signals because i didnt know if this meant that he wanted to talk to me and thats why he snapchatted me. so i just asked him what was going on and he said again that he doesnt know and that he needs to figure things out. so i left him alone again.
a couple nights later, our one friend was with him and i guess he had talked to him about it and i didnt know and he told me that my ex said he didnt want to get back together and that apparently he was talking to another girl. it hurt really bad so my first instinct was to message him and be rude and call him out on playing me and everything. he opened the messages but he never said anything.
then a few days after that, the same guy that was with him that night told me that my ex told him that he could try and talk to me and get with me if he wanted. again that hurt but i didnt say anything this time. a few nights later i sent him a message appolagizing for what i said and for accusing him and saying that i hope he doesnt hate me.
all through out these weeks of us talking for a short time every few days, i was posting things on my story to try and get his attention but he wasnt saying anything about them. so i guess i was kind of chasing him but i also wasnt messaging him directly. then last week, i got a message from my ex out of nowhere telling me date his friend. i asked why they were talking about me and he said that he was with him and that he said i snapchatted him (which i did only to send my streaks snap).
3 days later, everything was normal. we hadnt talked in almost a month at this point except for 3 before, and i was looking at who all viewed my story because i have a habbit of doing that and he viewed it. the next time i look, i saw that his name had changed from his name to just his user name. and when i clicked on it, i found out that he had blocked me. iimmediately went and checked facebook and instagram and he still has me as a friend on FB and still follows me on instagram and doesnt have me blocked on either one.
so ive been on your website for days looking at different articles trying to figure out what is going on and i cant figure it out. my friends seem to think that he got jealous that i was snapchatting his friend and thats why he blocked me but i just cant figure out why he did 3 days AFTER he told me to date him.
sorry that was really long, but can you give me any advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2018 at 11:35 am

Hi Kayla

You rushed things and it sounds like he thinks that you would say yes if he asks you back.

Yolanda

January 21, 2018 at 3:56 am

Hi ERB, my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me over a week ago. His reason was because he isn’t ready for re- marriage(he’s been married before) right now and wants to be free. He also stated that he really loves me and sees me as his wife but just right now and he doesn’t want to string me along.
A few days after the breakup, he was still contacting me, he wanted to be friends with benefits, but I declined. He also still wanted me to go to Jamaica, a trip we’ve planning in April but I declined that also.
I decided to initiate the NC rule, but yesterday he texted me “just wanted to say hello”. I didn’t respond. A few hours later, he texted me “since there was no response to my message, I won’t contact or text you again and I suggest you do the same”.
Did he really mean this or just responding out of emotions and anger? What do you suggest I do if he doesn’t contact me during/ after the NC?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2018 at 3:14 pm

Hi Yolanda,

That’s probably out of emotions and his way to take back his power..

Jessica

January 17, 2018 at 12:41 am

We have been dating for 10 years and he said he needed space to figure out if he wants to go further with the relationship. We haven’t seen eachother in 3 weeks and only talked once because I ended up calling him. What do I do from here? Because we are still dating, do I do not contact at all or do I try and reach out at some point?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2018 at 6:16 am

Hi Jessica,

check this one:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

Jessica

January 16, 2018 at 2:30 am

Been with my boyfriend for 10 years and I told him i really want to get married but he said he’s not sure if he wants to marry me and needs space to figure it out so he doesn’t waste my time. I gave him space and after 1 week reached out and he said he still doesn’t know what to do. So now I am on week 3 of not seeing him and I have only talked to him once. Where do I go from here?
Laila

January 15, 2018 at 11:51 pm

My boyfriend of 2 years moved out from me. We been living together 7 months. We argue a lot and its not a lot of trust due to past relationships. I’m really hurt because he says I give him so many mixed emotions up and down. One minute were lovey dovey, the next minute were fighting. He say sometimes he cried because He felt no didn’t appreciate him. He says he barely hung out with his family because of me. He says until he sees improvement in my ways then he’s not moving back in with me. We’re still together and we text each other thru the day and night and he sometimes come see me and stay the night. I’m trying to see what I need to do to get him to change his mind about needing distance from me and move back in with me. It hurts and I’m trying.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2018 at 6:02 am

HI Laila,

stop doing things for him.. do things for yourself.. check this one:
EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?

Tiffany

January 13, 2018 at 12:36 pm

My boyfriend and I have been together about 6 months. Our relationship moved quickly from the beginning and I really thought this could be the one for me. We had small arguments here and there but never anything serious. We shared everything and he would tell me I’m his best friend and so happy that he could talk to me about anything. Then one night he said he wasn’t sure anymore and said he needed time. He was a total mess sobbing and telling me he didn’t know if he could be with me forever but that he didn’t want me gone from his life. He had a hard time leaving me and kept texting me that night saying he was sorry and he didn’t know what to do and that he needed time to figure this out. I told him I would give him the time he wants and that I would be willing to talk if he wanted. His last response was thank you and I’m sorry. It’s been a week since this all happened and I haven’t heard anything from him nor have I reached out.
I’m very confused on whether or not we’re broken up or if this is something that we could possibly work through. H
Am I allowed to ask him to meet so that I can have a better understanding of what is happening.?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 15, 2018 at 11:49 am

Hi TIffany,

yeah, meet and talk first.. if you’re broken up, start the nc rule.. Don’t leave staying clueless.. make it clear to him on what your status really is.

Janka

January 11, 2018 at 12:00 pm

Hi,
I have started seeing this guy a month ago. He approached me on fb, we went to the same university but we had never run into each other. We had fun chatting and when we finally met in real life there was a strong attraction. But due to the fact that we are from different countries and he eventually wants to settle in his own country (which is quite difficult for me to relocate to), I am graduating in 6 months while he is graduating next year, we decided to keep things casual. He has said he wished we would have met earlier then it would not be so difficult to try having a relationship. We live close by and he is busy with exams, so most of the time we were seeing each other at his place, but we went out with my flatmate for movie once, and we also celebrated new year together in town. Despite agreed not to give it a label, it has came to my realization that quite a few of his close friends know we were together (some are our mutual fb friends). However, even after 2nd time we met he has confined to me it’s getting too serious and he’s scared, from time to time he would remind me we were not in a relationship and I should be careful not to get attached or it would be sad and painful.

We were happy together, and he always wanted me to stay overnight. When we were not meeting due to him studying for exams, he almost always initiated contact with me to ask how I have been doing or just to say good night before the end of the day. Then last week after he failed one of his exam, he brought it up again it’s getting too serious and suggested we can still watch movies together and stay friends. He doesn’t see a future in us and think it’s a waste of time (he’s in his 30s while I am a few years younger), while I just want to cherish our time together. Then because of some miscommunication I got angry at him and said things I didn’t mean to over fb. I asked him to come over to my place to talk, when he came he was as warm as usual, I ended up getting emotional and cried when we cuddled, seeing that I was sad he cried too and blamed himself for starting things with me, I acted childish and begged him to stay.

After he left we ended up argue some more on fb. A couple of days later I hand-wrote a letter to him to apologize and told him how happy I had been being with him, he was touched but still determined to end things. We ended up arguing again due to our conflicted views but we have come to the conclusion that we would never agree with each other. We are not contacting each other at the moment to give each other space and time for him to study, but we are still on friendly terms. He’s going home for a week at the end of this month after finishing his exams. I plan to contact him when he comes back.

To me, we are wasting our time that we could be happy together, and it’s not entirely impossible for me to relocate to his country and it’s too early in a relationship to be worried about these things anyway. I want him to see it from my point of view, and even though I would love to stay friends and spend time with him, I don’t see how this arrangement would do us any good when we still have feelings for each other.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2018 at 7:42 pm

Hi Janka,

You’re too invested in him.. First, you don’t have a label and it’s just been a month..

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