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146 thoughts on “Why Do Men Fall Out Of Love With You”

  1. Alice

    April 30, 2018 at 6:24 pm

    Hi Chris,

    Please please help me. My boyfriend and I were together for 5 years, living together for 4, and best friends for a couple of years before we got together. Essentially we have spoken every day for 7-8 years now. He is 26 and I’m 25, and we recently moved into a new (more adult) flat and started to discuss things like engagement and saving for a house. He has always been happy talking about these things, even showing me rings and asking if I liked them a couple of months before the break up, but I did sense some fear coming into it the more real it got.

    So anyway we broke up 5 weeks ago but have only been in no contact for 2 weeks. He couldn’t make his mind up at first and after only a few hours apart he would decide he definitely didn’t want to break up. Eventually, after an awkward day together, he decided “needs to be on his own, maybe because he never has been” and he “wants to go out more”. He has nodded when I’ve asked if he fell out of love but has said he doesn’t want me to not be in his life and I’m his best friend. He freaked out when a friend spoke about how they thought saying “I am in love with you” was different that “I love you”.

    I really didn’t handle the breakup well and I did cry and contact him seeking answers quite a lot in the first few weeks. At the same time though there was an occasion of him turning up drunk at my friends house, where I was staying, and crying at me and clearly not being okay. He’s going around drinking and avoiding everything.

    The thing is we have had a really stressful past 6 months with lots of external issues happening to each of us and it has definitely affected us. I was more snappy and he was moody. I can see I made a few of the mistakes you talk about in the article- being clingy towards the end and not admiring him. I think we also just became a bit much and stopped having lives outside of each other. I regret it all massively and I’ve learnt a lot if we could try again.

    So we have been in no contact for 2 weeks and he is talking to our other housemate about the flat, though I have replied once to his mum as she was very very worried about the living situation. Just before breaking up he started a new job and made good friends with a group of people there who he is now hanging out with a lot. There is a girl I am suspicious of though he has insisted on multiple occasions that she is no one, just someone he can go drinking with, and that he knows he needs to be alone. He says he isn’t in a place for a relationship or to like anyone.

    He’s now moved out and I am going to have to do the same in the next month or so.

    Do you think we have any chance? I can’t tell if he simply grieved the relationship while in it and is okay now, minus guilt. He thinks we just fizzled out and something is missing, though he’s not sure what.

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 30, 2018 at 9:15 pm

      I Alice..thanks for dropping by. When you have been together for 5 years, yes…i like your chances. I think No Contact would be helpful so i am glad you started that. Remember, a big part of NC is to focus on your needs as you seek to be the best “You”. I talk bout this and much, much more in my ebook, ‘Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. Neither on of us can be sure to future, but you can impact those things for which you have control. Another thing you should give some thought to is joining My Private Facebook Support Group . The group of women there have a lot o synergy . Just go check it out at website Menu/Products link to learn more.

    2. Alice

      May 1, 2018 at 9:28 am

      Hi Chris,

      Thanks for getting back to me so soon!! I have seen that and have been considering buying so most likely will!

      I guess what I’m most worried about though is the fact he really must have thought this through. He said his doubts started around 6 months ago when we were really good still so he was able to push them away. But he said we stopped working towards the end and the doubts got bigger and were there all of the time. He gave so many different reasons for the break up- wanting to go out more, needing to be on his own after being together for his whole adult life, falling out of love, fizzling out and becoming friends, having problems with his mood, relying on me too much and feeling incapable of doing anything without me, and the fact everything was more routine and not fun. It was all quite confusing but I feel like he had these doubts that the spark was going (and I have to admit we were in a lull!) and then all these relationship problems came in a self fulfilling way. Then he met this new group of people who go out drinking a lot and he thinks the grass is greener over there without worrying about me at home.

      When we first got together he basically thought he had no chance. He’s always been insecure in the relationship that I may run off to be on my own or with someone else and he is quite jealous even though I have never given him any reason to be whatsoever! Now he doesn’t seem bothered and basically told me to move on, though says he wants to stay best friends which isn’t possible for me. I truly feel he fell out of love and I’m aiming to get back to the person I was before we got together. I was more easy going and had more fun so I’m going travelling (which he heard about through a friend) and I’ve picked up some new hobbies. Is it possible to become “ungettable” though, once they’ve already been with you for so long and once I was clearly heartbroken by the breakup?

    3. Chris Seiter

      May 1, 2018 at 4:52 pm

      Hi again Alice! Your write so well! You should consider keeping a journal of your thoughts and experiences during this time as it is very therapeutic. Yes, becoming Ungettable is definitely achievable if your boyfriend’s view of you changes as he sees from afar your transformations. I talk about the principle of Psychological Reactance in all my ebooks and it can take a grip on an ex’s mind over time as they see your value increasing. But the whole key is your own self recovery. That is really critical in so many ways.

    4. Alice

      May 4, 2018 at 8:33 am

      Haha thanks! yes I’m definitely going to keep a journal and just hope no one finds it!

      I’m so worried now about this other girl. She is younger and apparently “funny and likes going out” so fits well with the new lifestyle he wants. He kept saying that he just wanted to be on his own but I can’t shake the feeling that she has something to do with it. He wants me to move on and he wants to be “best friends”. We were in a rut for a while for all the reasons above and we were moving into a new place and talking about the next steps, but for the majority of the relationship minus the last 3 months we were really happy. He would say all the time that I would never find anyone that loved me as much as he did, and he told me while breaking up that the relationship was the happiest years of his life. Only month before breaking up he was saying he couldn’t bear being away from me for one night. But then suddenly he wants to go out more, he thinks something is missing, and says we just fizzled out and he’s not in love with me anymore. Does it sound like GIGS? If so do I continue to do the same- no contact, being happy alone etc? And do you think the fact the last few months were so difficult will prevent the bar from being set high, despite how great we were before?

    5. Chris Seiter

      May 4, 2018 at 3:46 pm

      If you follow my tactics in my ebook (Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro), it should help optimize your chances. Those bad times at the end will usually over time begin to dissipate and give way to the more positive memories, if the positive outweighs the negative experiences. Some time will need to go by for him to realize your full value, but that also applies to this new girl. It could be a rebound relationship..time will tell. But you should focus on those things you can control and this moving forward with your life, not depending on him to return. He may…he may not.

  2. Samantha

    April 15, 2018 at 8:37 pm

    My ex boyfriend loved me a lot but we had a long distance relationship in which he kept coming to see me. Towards the end we had communication problems and during our last meeting we didn’t even touch. We stayed together until I deleted him off everything one week before our anniversary because I was fed up of making him understand that he had to try and text regularly. He said he didn’t want to lose me but then didn’t reply to my message and 3 weeks after NC when I reached out he was acting cold and distant saying I made him this way and that he couldn’t love me like before because he had done so much for me. We agreed to talk but then a few weeks later he disappeared on me never ending things. I contacted him a week later over an issue and he said we were over and denied the issue but didn’t delete me off snapchat. He only deleted me off Snapchat when I contacted him on there a month later. He now has me blocked on snapchat and my number but he didn’t block me on instagram when I contacted him on there 2 months ago but he didn’t reply either. What shall I do? I haven’t contacted him for over a month now but he did look at my instagram story a few weeks ago.

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 3:58 am

      Hi Samantha. Do you have a plan in place? Or you using one of my ebooks to guide you down the road. To maximize your chances, you want to follow a strategy, so consider some of the resources I offer!

  3. Coddie

    December 29, 2017 at 9:54 am

    Hi Amor

    Thank you very much for assistanting me throughout, you’ve been great assistance its highly appreciated, I wasn’t hoping to hear this but I feel I should be more realistic although and accept the situation I haven’t spoken to him since the 25th since he said i shouldn’t contact him, on the 28th it was his birth day I didn’t call him nor SMS him, should I call and tell him I’ve moved on or should I just keep silence he will read in between the lines ?

    Yet again thank you Chris and Amor….

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 31, 2017 at 8:41 pm

      If you’re moving on.. no need tell him, you just continue moving on.

  4. Coddie

    December 25, 2017 at 1:51 pm

    Hey Amor
    He replied back to the message and said he just needs a peace of mind, he needs space to just figure stuff out until next month, he said we will date next month and sort things out then , so I asked him why wait till next month when his certain we getting back next month , he said he just needs space now , so I asked him until when next month he said he will text me back so I asked him how will I know what to do know? Like should I move on and he said his not saying that but he will get back to me next month, he just needs some space, like I feel like his being so selfish I asked him why is doing this doesn’t he care about my feelings , he said no he only cares for himself now and how his feeling he just cares for me like a normal person, will he call, should I move on? Like I feel like his just playing around with me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 27, 2017 at 6:09 pm

      Yeah he is..he’s stringing you along, you should move on..

  5. Coddie

    December 16, 2017 at 6:27 am

    Hey Amor
    I asked him why ?his like we had a mutual agreement , I said I don’t love him I deserve better and that he doesn’t satisfy me , so I said I lied I was angry and hurt bcz he said that to me too, he started screaming I think his angry asking what was I doing on his phone and that I’m still going to pursist sending people messages on his phone and deleting it he seems angry (all of this Is been done over the phone becz we both have gone home) this started when he found messages on my phone texting this guy saying I was going to visit him during the holiday( the one that we in) ,( thing is we needed a past paper and the guy was irritated that i always talk to him when i need help but didnt want him so i pretendered to like him)he dumped me then I apologised then he said he forgave me this is in October when he started acting funny, now he says he is far from me and doesn’t want to stress about my where about and he is tired of communicating about this I’m stressing him he says we should speak in January “maybe” we will fix things ,like he is angry…he is denying that girl…I’m not sure what to do I’m kind of tired of trying to reason with him , now I’m sure if I go Nc on him hell surly think I’m cheating bcz sometime in October he asked for a break i gave it him I went to my sisters place and he asked me for my location at night, then when I come back he assumed I was out with another guy..I feel now his trying to blame all this on me. What now Amor?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 12:22 pm

      Just send a clean slate text, explain everything, apologize but say goodbye and then thank him for everything and then start the nc rule because you have to get your power back in that way…

  6. Coddie

    December 13, 2017 at 8:18 pm

    Hy Amor
    I’ve spoken to him he says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now but he is still trying to pursue that girl because he confronted me about a messege i sent to this girl on his phone a few weeks back.he says he still wants the break up. And he doesn’t want to date now

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 3:39 pm

      what did you say when he said that?

  7. coddie

    December 5, 2017 at 5:12 pm

    hey Amor…

    i wrote to a lot to you a couple of times at the beginning of the year my boyfriend who now is my ex boyfriend has broken up with me again , he broke up with me in February this year because i cheated on him last year and he found out and broke it off with me this year saying he cannot trust me, through following your steps and your guidance i applied the no contact rule, bettered myself and ect..then we started dating again in june this year, he said he was ready for the serious relationship and he said he loved me and all was well , in October i started complaining about him taking me out , him drinking all the time i once saw him with lipstick on his mouth then i wanted to leave and he begged me then i stayed after that i kept on breaking up with him snooping around his phone, making phone calls to unknown numbers on his phone and that made him angry he started asking for a break so i thought it was exam stress we were fine like on and off , then he told me that someone said i was dating someone else, then i saw that he was initiating to date this other girl, i asked him , he said he no longer loves me , he wants nothing to do with me, he has fallen out of love for me and that he hates me i told him how i feel about the girl and he cut communication with her , and he says hence we both going home im going to cheat on him, so i begged him to try things out but he refused, but does a regular check up on me, he says im not satisfied with him sexually, im forever complaining, i have unrealistic expectations of him so we should end it, i agreed that i no longer love him too and that he cant satisfy me and that we should never get back together again like ever and he said ok, i lied i love him and im hurt i want my boyfriend back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 9:04 pm

      Hi Coddie,

      lay low for now and talk again after a week when both of you have cooled down.. if it doesn’t work out, start nc.

  8. Christel

    November 27, 2017 at 2:08 am

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for 11 years. We just broke up bc he says his feelings changed and he fell out of love with me. We was happy 3 days before he ended it. We have 2 kids together. He started working 7 days a week and we only saw each other 4 hours out the day. His sister started working with him and made friends with a girl there and now he’s friends with her too. He said they talk as friends here and there. She has a fiance and said on one of her fb post that if her and him ever split up it would take her years to get over him. He tells me he’s talking to her to make me jealous because he likes to see me that way I quess. If there is nothing between them why does he like to make me think there is? Is it bc he hopes by talking to her as friends she’ll leave her fiance like he left me? He goes back and forth between my feelings have changed to if I’m talking to someone he’ll beat their a××. Then I’ll tell him I will just move on and try with someone else and he says I’ll just kill myself then. When I say but you don’t want me and never will he says I never said that but still hasn’t tried to get me back. He says he don’t think it will be the same if we tried again and he don’t think the feelings will come back. I love him to death and have tried everything for him to give me a second chance. Is he trying to string me along in hopes that I’ll be there if he doesn’t find anyone else? I’m so confused with the back and forth. Is it stress? How do I get him to give me that chance to get the spark back or is there just no hope left?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2017 at 1:30 pm

  9. Jazlyn

    September 18, 2017 at 11:41 am

    My boyfriend and I just broke up a couple weeks ago and we also have a daughter together. But before we broke up I feel like he stooped loving me long before it happened because he was always acting like some of the reasons you mentioned a girl would act… I always gave him all the attention he needed and tried to be everything for him and he would always spend more time on his computer playing games then he would with me and would compare me to another girl he worked with hlwhonhas a fiance and four kids but would constantly say I should be more like her… He also stopped having sex with me until HE wanted to have sex, never when I wanted it, and it would only be to pleasure himself and never cared if I got pleasure or affection and he just was pretty much treating me like I was a booty call more than his girlfriend and mother to his child… Should I just move on from him or keep trying to win him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2017 at 11:08 am

      HI Jazlyn,

      check this one firs and decide on what you want to do,

      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

  10. Eugenia

    May 24, 2017 at 9:12 am

    I think that my ex didn’t feel admired by me and I regret that I didn’t realize it so bad. Why would someone even miss the person they broke up with if they didn’t feel admired? I don’t know what I should do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 25, 2017 at 5:33 pm

      take it as a restart.. let’s say he has moved on and wont miss the old relatioinship.. build a new one, starting with friendship after nc.

  11. Tina

    March 29, 2017 at 5:29 am

    I am thinking of buying the ex boyfriend recovery pro but I am unemployed I will use the money for the car payment to buy it but I think I may be beyond help, . If you think you can help me I’ll get it. It’s that important to me.
    My ex is 10 yrs younger than me we were together 3 years happy no fights no cheating always laughing communicated very well but our sex life tapered off to only once a month. Then All of the sudden about a month ago he started not wanting me to spend as much time at his house, but when I wasn’t there he was on the phone with me or texting me. I started to think there was another girl I asked we fought didn’t talk for 2 weeks I finally broke the ice and called he said he loves me but has fallen out of love with me and he is no longer attracted to me because (I gained 20 lbs) I promised to work on loosing the weight and not being at his house quite as much. (4-5 nights a week was my average) but he said in the 2 weeks he had gone out with 3 girls and he is more excited about those prospects then working on us. And feels relieved I’m not there anymore. I have lost my best friend I want him in my life he said we can be friends in 6 months he doesn’t think either one of us is ready for friends. .before then. My actual girl best friend passed away 6 months ago I now have no one. I’m desperate . But very broke. Oh also He never paid for any of my expenses in case you were wondering he is even broker than me Can you help me or should I just give up? I know there are no guarantees but I’m desperate Do you think you can help me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 29, 2017 at 2:26 pm

      Hi Tina

      For me, you should move on from him.. He’s not the type of guy that you should go back to. If he wants to go back with you, he has to work for it.

  12. Anna

    January 23, 2017 at 3:18 am

    My ex and I were together for 3 years, and he broke up with me about two months ago. There were clear signs he was going to do it before hand, I was just too oblivious to see them. We were having some trouble physically and didn’t seem to be on the same page. After he broke up with me I left the country for a trip I had planned a year in advance to Europe for 2 weeks. Once I got back we met up to try to work things out to be friends, which later turned into friends with benefits-he made the first move. He continued to hang out with me and even went as far as flirting and telling me he loved me again. Later I asked him about clarification on why we broke up, and he told me he was falling out of love with me. He said he no longer had romantic feelings for me and he just needed time to be single. For some reason I am torn up about it so much I can barely function. We agreed friends with benefits wasn’t good for me-especially because I thought that was my ticket back into his heart. Anyway, even after everything he has told me about losing feelings for me he had still hinted in the past over our time as friends with benefits that he saw a future with me, he is just set on being single. I still want to be with him, I want a future with him so badly, but I also am tired of feeling so lonely, rejected and frankly depressed without him. What should I do? Is there a way to get him back eventually.. I see the common advice is the 30 days no contact, but we had that before our brief friends with benefits phase. Is it a lost cause, can he even rekindle the love for me he lost? We don’t see each other regularly, so if we want to hangout we have to plan it.. so it isn’t like he will see me and miss me. I just am at a loss and am struggling to move on because I never saw a future for myself that he wasn’t in. I have even gone as far to go on dates and do things to try to help myself move on, but nothing works. Help, please.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 23, 2017 at 4:26 pm

      Hi Anna,

      being honest to yourself, I’m sure he’s attracted to you but does he see you as somebody great that is not afraid to lose him and that puts herself first? Someone that’s not going to chase him but he knows, will value him if he puts in the required investment he needs to give to keep you or does he know you’re just there?

  13. Tara

    December 9, 2016 at 3:18 pm

    My ex-fiance broke up with me out of the blue 8 weeks ago saying he doesn’t feel he’s “in love” with me anymore and wants out. We have so many tangled finances to sort out which he left for me to figure out and is in contact via text every week to ask how I’m getting on with them. I’m so angry that he had this easy option of just running off and abandoning me to sort the mess out. I also found out he’s been secretly seeing his colleague from work (my snooping showed they checked into a hotel two weeks after our breakup and there’s been texts and calls before that), not sure if he cheated or not but they’re definitely together at the moment and he’s not telling his friends or family about it yet. I deleted him from my Facebook and instagram, he changed his profile picture of himself (from a photo of us as a couple to just him) but he’s still listed as engaged and he kept all of his other photos of us up (including his wall photo).

    I’ve done NC for over 30 days with the exception of talking about the finances etc. but it doesn’t seem to have worked. He’s still with her and I’m not getting anywhere with him. I’ve tried to make some positive changes in my life, I’ve met new people etc. I understand he’s messed up but I still want him back. I’m at a loss as to how to behave now, he doesn’t know that I know anything about this other girl. Should I keep it this way?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2016 at 8:03 pm

      Hi Tara,

      The nc is just leverage, it’s not the solution to the problem. It’s just to help you have space to improve, heal and think. That’s why it’s very important that you still continue the routine you started during nc and to keep improving. By now, you have to start being friendly only. It’s not right to start off saying you know about the other girl. It would be better if you tell it person.

  14. Ana

    November 10, 2016 at 3:41 am

    I have no idea whatsoever of what to do regarding my situation. I have extreme insecurities and I really never treated my ex-boyfriend as he deserved to be treated thanks to them. He was the perfect boyfriend. I didn’t really acknowledge he was the one I’ve always wanted because my insecurities always warned me about not opening too much to him. I always thought of him like someone who would hurt me. A few weeks ago, we got into a fight and I think I kind of made him explode. Since we have always been fighting and such I guess that last one really did it. He didn’t leave me, I left him out of anger. It was a stupid fight but we managed. Or so I thought. The following days I noticed he was different. He didn’t talk to anyone, mostly spent his time alone, I would notice he was really sad. I approached him and talked and he told me he needed his space. I thought he had lost interest and couldn’t help myself to find out. This caused me to have several other arguments which just made it worse. One day he tells me he isn’t really sure if he wants to keep going on with the relationship because he was tired and since I require a lot of time and effort, he was leaving some things for his career to be with me which, in his point of view, wasn’t worth it because I would always argue or not appreciate him enough. We didn’t decide on anything regarding the relationship status for a few days, but the tension would always grow stronger on him, and me because I finally realised where I went wrong. (treating him bad, etc.) I tried to tell him it would all change but he would always say he’s unsure. But that he loved me but he couldn’t deal with a relationship right now. I was devastated because i knew I could make it all better and fix things but he wouldn’t let me in. And I noticed we switched roles, as in now he was like me trying to protect myself, and I was like him trying to get to me. I didn’t know what to do. We decided later on to go on a break but we would always text everyday. One day he told me he would go out to a certain place and since I was trying to give him his space, you know. In a few hours I notice in social media an ex-friend of mine which I really don’t like because she always had a thing for my boyfriend, posted photos of him and her in that specific place he told me he was going. I didn’t know what to think. He did not tell me he was going with her which in the past, they both had a romantic connection which didn’t really work out. So you might imagine what was going on in my head. We talked about it and he said she was only a friend, etc. I didn’t mind because I can’t change what happened but it really hurt me. We went out the next day and that’s when it all ended. But he was different. He would treat me like if we were still together and telling me how he felt about me and giving me love, etc. but we’re not actually in a relationship although we share mutual feelings and everything like so. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I think he’s messing with me to see if i really changed. What do I do? Should I just completely move on or try again? Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 13, 2016 at 4:48 pm

      Hi Ana,

      why not try the no contact rule first?

  15. Yg

    October 3, 2016 at 10:32 am

    We’re both college students, we’ve been together for three months, he broke up with me because he said that I wasn’t there for him when he needed me and yeah I do agree to that, I was busy with my exams and all that I didn’t bother looking for him. He then told me he thought about the break up for a month and that’s why he’s sure that he doesn’t love me anymore. I know my mistakes and I told him I’m willing to change and be a better partner but he doesn’t want to give me that one chance as he said he has given me plenty of chances before, but I didn’t realise there was a problem between us. Is there a way for us to get back together? He seemed pretty determined about the breakup.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 5, 2016 at 10:09 pm

      Hi Yg,

      plenty of chances for just 3 months? if he’s determined, then dont contradict his decision.. try doing the no contact rule for 30 days instead and then focus in healing and improving yourself. Even if the reaaon for the break up was you not being there, being there now after he made a decision of not talking to you anymore would just look like you’re really not lisrening to him..

  16. B.P

    September 1, 2016 at 11:32 pm

    Hi, I am looking for advice on whether I have a shot at getting my ex back. He broke up with me two weeks ago because of loss of attraction/feelings weren’t the same. Personally I think it’s due to some of my actions during the time we were dating. We were dating for 6 months and it was my first relationship. I realized some things about myself that I need to change (anxiety/depression/insecurities) I know that I am changing those things for me though, not for him. And I took action on bettering myself a few days after he broke up with me. But I still do want another shot once I make those changes.
    The breakup did not include fighting, and most of the little things that we got into were at the end of the 6 months. He took me out for dinner and said he doesn’t think it’s going to work etc. I sent him a message the day after wishing him well etc. He replied positively and both of us haven’t talked to each other in two weeks. I blocked him on facebook two days ago for my own health of not obsessing over what he’s doing (that’s another thing – I think I got too sucked in and lost my individuality).
    His birthday is next week and that’ll be day 24 of NC. I read the recent post about not saying happy birthday during NC (It was posted just before I was going to ask in the comments lol). I don’t expect him to contact me during the 30 days of NC that I set, so I’m basically wondering where to go from here. Do you think I should send a first message even later than 30 days? There are a few more factors I’d like to add but your response on the situation so far would be greatly appreciated! Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 2, 2016 at 2:41 pm

      HI BP,

      that’s actually part of the no contact rule. You should intiate to text him after 30 days.. but what’s more important is that you really change for the better in the remaining days.

  17. Alexandra David

    June 24, 2016 at 6:42 am

    I think my chances to get back my ex are a lot below 0%….after one week of NC and living together he told me to move out of the house asap and that he can’t help me renew my visa (i’m living in his country, Israel, and I came here on his name so only he can help me with living here and visa) because he doesn’t want to lie the autorities that we’re still a couple. Also he told me he feels good about the breaking up and he doesn’t love me anymore… I’m devastated, I’m trying to be strong but it kills be inside, we had an amazing relation, we fighted a lot to be together and suddenly one day he comes and tell me he doesn’t feel good about it anymore… I’m trying to stay stick to NC but is hard because we still need to talk about the legal procedures and moving, but every time he mentions how happy he is with the breaking up…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 27, 2016 at 2:18 pm

      it’s ok to talk about important things.. what you need to avoid during nc is those heavy relationship talks.. and if he initiates it, don’t reply negatively. YOu need to stay calm.

  18. Ana

    June 6, 2016 at 7:44 am

    Hello Chris, this is the first time I learned about uou and I’m very impressed with your work! I’d like to hear your thoughts on my situation. After 2 and a half years of relationship (1 year living together), yesterday my boyfriend ended everything because he felt out of love. I couldn’t include him in any categories above, but I have a feeling I know what happened. When I moved in to his house, I ended up moving inton his life and leaving mine out the door. I molded myself to somehow become a female version of him. I thought I was just trying to make him happy, but our relationship became boring I guess… We never had any fight,we had good communication and intimacy, and we did everything together. I felt lack of appreciation and he knew it was an issue, but an issue I was dealing with… I felt our love and compatibility were more important. Anyway, I feel lost knowing my love and best friend will now be part of my past and not my future, so I was wondering if you have any advice for me, please? Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 15, 2016 at 6:18 am

      HI Ana,

      are you in nc now and do you still live together?

  19. Jay

    February 8, 2016 at 5:00 am

    Hi Chris,

    I just listened to your podcast (I love that you have these in addition to the blogs)! I have a question about your third reason he “falls out of love”: FIGHTING.

    My ex and I recently broke up because he said we were fighting too much. But we were fighting because I wanted him to understand he was being selfish. The reasons are immature, like he would plan a guys night and cut our romantic getaway short. I try to let him know how that makes me feel but he says I suffocate him. We have tons of space and do our own thing with friends all the time. He’s 25 and I’m 26. So to me it just sounds like it’s just a maturity thing.

    However, I’m hurting because he just gave up on our 1.5 year relationship. I’m going to give him space, but sometimes I can’t help but think he really just fell out of love with me.

    What is your take on this situation? Would love to know if this type of breakup can have a happy ending of getting back together? Or is it impossible until one day, he just grows up?

    Thanks so much.

    1. Jay

      February 8, 2016 at 12:21 pm

      Not necessarily. Sometimes it’s great, and sometimes it’s like he forgets. That’s why I’m confused. It seems like he is easily influenced by what his peers do though (most of his friends have significant others). We have a great time and are compatible. Funny thing is when we broke up he said we have fundamental differences (think differently) when we fight. I feel like he is just clouded in his judgement because he’s tired of fighting. But it’s not necessarily fundamental (unless maturity is fundamental)… Am I being stubborn?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2016 at 7:39 am

      Hmmm.. I asked that because you asked if your relationship would change if he matures, so, I thought he’s always like that.

      But if you say, you’re always fighting, maybe that’s really the real reason. And you also said, you were always trying to say to him that he is being selfish because of his actions. So, in guy terms, that’s nagging.

      If he fell out of love because of the constant fights, that means after nc, you should avoid it all costs.. Be calm and listen. But also, it’s better to work on yourself on how you handle situations when he’s busy being with his friends or when he chooses his friends over you.

      For me, when a guy does that, I have fun myself. Of course, I get upset. I tell it calmly to my boyfriend and then I say, I’m trying to understand and I say, since I really like to go out, I’ll ask my friends to go out instead and then genuinely tell him “Enjoy honey, love yah. See you (whenever you agreed to see each other again) with emojis” Believe me emojis help a lot. That may sound corny, but it works for me because I let go and I have more fun than him(without doing things that I will regret of course) and then he sees it, and he’s like, “Wow, that was fun, I should been with her.”

      Well, I hope that helps 🙂

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2016 at 10:48 am

      Hi Jay,
      is he always like that? Do you feel like you’re not his priority over others?

  20. Sabrina

    December 19, 2015 at 4:21 pm

    Hello, I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. He left me at 6 months pregnant saying he fell out of love. Our pregnancy was planned and we were happy… so it seemed. He stated the child wasnt his and accused me of cheating, which I never did. We did have a split for 6 months and I slept with someone else. The times don’t match to being pregnant though. I might have stop showing admiration or seemed high maintenence but I have to work full time, handle being pregnant, and take care of the house when I can. He moved out, putting his stuff in storage, and is living with his sister. I have to pay for everything now, he even took the bed! He told me he wanted nothing to do with me and his daughter until he knows she’s his. I’m so confused… this came to me as a surprise. Why did he fall out of love with me at the most important/special time in our lives?

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