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178 thoughts on “Why Do Men Come Back After You Ignore Them”

  1. Nikita

    March 28, 2020 at 9:42 am

    My ex and I have known eachother since I was 15. Never had a relationship until 3 year’s ago. We had a son so it makes it a little hard to ignore him the way I want to, but I just want the old him back. Hes always quick to tell people how great I am and that I’m his other half, but his actions towards me have changed. It’s like he feels like he no longer has to put in any effort. He doesn’t try until he feels like he may be losing me and then when I respond, its back to only talking to me when it’s convenient for him. With a child in the middle how can I get him back effectively without damaging their relationship? Is it possible for him to love me the way he once did in the beginning where he not only use to say it out loud to the world, but show me in his efforts to to right as my man and a father?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 4:07 pm

      Hi Nikita, by the sounds of things you are unhappy with the relationship you and he have together. If you are still in a relationship then I suggest having a calm conversation with your guy about how you are feeling he doesnt make an effort unless he worries you are going to walk away. You need to read the Ungettable information and apply this to yourself so that he realises that he can not make you feel like you are taking a back seat in his life or you are going to be walking away. Keep in mind that relationships do settle emotionally so you are not going to behave as “in love” as you did when you first started your relationship, this does not mean that you do not show respect to one another

  2. V

    March 11, 2020 at 3:00 pm

    Hi! My BU was really nasty, there was fighting all the time. We lived together for year and a half. The BU was on 30th of January. I have begged a lot, cried a lot till 8th of February. He said he cannot be with me because of that fights, i have been very jealous. The actual NC started on 22nd of February. He has sent me my staff and texted my mom if i have got it. I am not blocked on SM, but i am in the restricted list, so I cannot see anything. I think that he has muted me after i have started to be UG. He is in the UK now, but i know he is coming home on 24th. Do you think that there is even a slight chance for me? I really love him and miss him. He reached out only because of our flat, he doesn’t speak English very well and wanted me to deal with the landlord. Friend of mine told me he has removed our pictures from FB. I am working out, taking French classes dating… but he doesn’t show anything that he might be interested in me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 2:05 pm

      Hi V it can take longer that a few weeks for an ex to show interest again, when you have completed a NO Contact you need to reach out with a text that Chris suggests to get you and your ex talking again. It is going to take time to work yourself up the value ladder in your exes view so keep up with the great work adn you will see results

  3. Dixie

    March 10, 2020 at 10:13 pm

    I’m in a very wonderful relationship that I have been in for a year now. My ex though, however contacted me today. I dumped my ex and moved on a year ago and don’t want my ex. I love who I’m with more than anything. How can I get my ex to move on and find someone else?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 10, 2020 at 10:15 pm

      Hi Dixie, just dont reply to your ex, ignore all their efforts to contact you

  4. Kelly

    March 3, 2020 at 11:42 am

    Hurry I need help!
    I was doing great with nc. He has five kids, the 16 yr old girl is apparently harassing an ex friend and two of her friends. The friends found me on fb, reaches out and asked if I could plese help them. I sent the info to my ex briefly stating “ got this today in my inbox, the girls want me to meet them to talk to me they don’t know what else to do” Nessus “we should talk about this. Probably tomorrow”
    I said “I’d prefer not to be involved”.
    The girls the. Called me and asked me to please meet them.
    I’m torn,I want to help, I’m a mom. What if the bullying doesn’t t stop, and I could’ve helped I do not want to be in constant contact with my ex. I was doing so well and feeling great in my healing with NC. What should I do ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2020 at 10:01 am

      Hi Kelly as this situation is about his children not yours, I would again tell him that his child is bullying others and that he needs to put a stop to it. Tell the other girls that you are no longer involved with your ex and his children right now. That they need to get in touch with her father directly, or her mother.

  5. Rosi

    February 26, 2020 at 9:48 pm

    I was talking to this guy long distance every day most of the day for a month and a half he’s 26 I’m 28. We also happen to know some of the same people. He lives here just for work lives in another country some months out of the year. Towards the end of the month I kind of lost interest and stopped responding. Few days later he blows me up stating he’s here in town and I hesitated seeing him. But out of curiosity I did and we hung out everyday 5 days straight and we’re intimate and it was going well. But I was still guarded and wasn’t sure where it would go. Come vday he has “plans” so I automatically close up and think the worst but don’t voice it. He leaves my house the morning of vday he tried to reassure me he will be with his family etc. whatever.
    So my ex who is no longer in my life after this. Said if I didn’t have plans with the new guy he wanted to hang out. And I said fuck it I don’t have a bf and me and my ex are close like friends and I don’t want to be alone to be real. But of course my ex sent me flowers to work with a note. And I was sad all day that the guy I liked wasn’t the one sending me flowers. Speed up to my ex coming over and hanging out I order food and he tries to be intimate but I decline and ends up staying the night cause he lives far and I said no prob. Mind you it’s been 5 days of dating of this other guy and starting to like him all over again. 6 am I have a pounding on my window and it’s him looking for
    This item he left” I’m panicking cause of how it looks right now. Look at my phone and I have 15 missed calls. He told me he has trust issues cause of things in his past. and I make the decision to let him in while my ex leaves the room. He sees my ex’s shoes and examines everything and leaves texts me he wants nothing to do with me, fuck you etc. I say you never once told me I’m your gf and because I’m hanging out with someone and you’re assuming I slept with them. I had no clue where u were on vday. you’re leaving for another 3 months. I felt I was on a rollercoaster ride. I then waited a few days to express myself further and the situation and how deeply sorry I was if I had hurt him. Then 1 more text on how he can just be so cold. And act as if none of it mattered. He never responded… crazy When there was no time or communication on anything. I liked him and am sad it ended the way it did. Obviously as a lesson but this is hard to let go and I’m not sure why. he assumed I’m this person but little does he know I’m not.

  6. Ella

    February 19, 2020 at 7:49 am

    I’ve been dating this guy for about 4.5 months, not that long, but I’m totally into him and he tells me I drive him crazy (in a good way). Shortly after we began dating, I started going out of town for work for about 2-3 weeks at a time. He’s always said I’m worth the wait and he’s even talked about doing things together in the future including figuring out a way to make things work out when I go to grad school out of state. In the past while I was out of town we would FaceTime occasionally and he would always text goodnight, if nothing else. He came to be with me for New Years when I was visiting home, which was fantastic. Since then, however his interest seems to have slowly tapered off, although he says he’s just been going through some life changes and acts perfectly normal when we spend time together. I have noticed him becoming increasingly active on social media (yes, I might have snooped a little at first because I was honestly curious who he followed) though and saw that he’s following and liking pictures of hot girls in bikinis. My ex husband cheated on me and had similar behaviors and this guy told me to be open and let him know when something bothers me, so I did. He said the IG thing was for pure entertainment and nothing more. Since then though, he keeps following girls and hasn’t stopped at least visibly liking pictures. I guess that’s my own insecurity though. Another issue is that he won’t define our relationship and tells me that he’s still getting to know me and has asked me to be patient…after almost 5 months shouldn’t he know? I’m 36 and he’s 44. I have been out of town now for a week and have only heard from him a couple of times. The last time was when he couldn’t sleep at 2am. After that, I did not hear from him in over 36 hours when I texted him. I sent him a very friendly message just saying hi. He apologized for being quiet and said he had a lot of life and career decisions happening. I responded with a very positive message, but he never replied. We don’t talk much on the phone so I made the mistake of writing him again (as I have no other way to communicate with him) to let him know I am a little frustrated with our lack of communication. Crickets. Still haven’t heard back from him which is slightly unusual. I know I need to back off, but what do you suggest I do? What should I do if he writes back like nothing happened?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 28, 2020 at 8:00 pm

      Hi Ella, so I would match his response times as he is not going to realise how he is behaving if you keep responding as normal

  7. Shawna

    February 11, 2020 at 10:10 am

    Hi EBR,
    It’s almost been 90 days of no contact… We met online Jan 2019 .. from the moment we met we talked all day every day either through text phone messages etc.. he told me he loved me after 2 months… I swear I felt the same but I never met the guy in person and he had some demons…to make a long story short.. after 4 months of dailyyyyy correspondence he left for rehab 🙁 we met the night before he went in and then could only write for the next 6 months. FF to Nov and he’s getting out…he’s texting me and calling me saying we’re going to meet up and his buddy is telling me that he had plans to continue to get to know me… I sent him one stupid text about how he kept talking about himself and hadn’t asked how I was and all of a sudden I’m “drama”..I’m really not but when I thought I lost him I did get dramatic…I really messed up.. a week later I sent him an apology and he responded kindly saying that he understood and didn’t judge me. I said thank you and told him he was welcome to reach out and chat if he needed… sadly 88 days later and not a peep from him… I really thought he would realize that I was an awesome friend and could have been an awesome lover… I know he’s an avoidant because he would tell me about previous friendships (I was one of the only friends he had at the time)….anyway, why hasn’t he reached out? Ugh I’ve been in no contact and it feels like there was some major unfinished business between us.. he’s gotta feel it too…. should I reach out? Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 12, 2020 at 9:58 pm

      Hey Shawna, you can reach out to your ex with a text like Chris suggests to get your exes attention and invest in a conversation with you and then you end the conversation at its peak to leave him wanting more time to talk to you

  8. Ellie

    January 31, 2020 at 12:07 pm

    We are both 25 and had been together for 9 years. Not to forget to mention that this was a long-distance relationship. He suggested that we should have a break until I found out that he’s broken up with me through a friend… so I’m not really sure why we have broken up… I’m just assuming that he is running away after realising that its time to take the next step.
    Our relationship was near enough perfect apart from the distance, we had no serious issues what so ever. Never doubted his feelings towards me, until now… We have had no contact for 13 weeks apart from once when I confronted him saying that “at least I deserved to know it was a breakup and not a break” we said bye and that was literally it.
    My plan is to not contact him in any way and hope that he realises what he has lost. But there has been no contact, or any attempt to find out how I am what so ever, which makes me think he’s never going to come back as its already been over 3 months.

  9. Beau

    January 20, 2020 at 11:01 am

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly a year he is 21 and i am 29. We were really happy and never argue, have great communication and regularly check in on how each other are feeling and agree that we help each other grow and progress. We were still going on dates, out with our friends together, had regular sex and love each other very much. We have a few obstacles ( age but have assured eachother we are on the same path) i am not from his country but keep reapplying for my visa yearly as i was just about to do and he broke up with me compltley out of the blue, we went on a date the night before, and broke up with me the next day with a ring and flowers. He tells me he loves me and is happy with the relationship but doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore and is angry all the time (not at me but as a person) and has been in a emotionally toxic relationship before me. He has cried alot about our break up to me and tells friends hes confused. He says he doesnt want to be single so he is able to meet other people and if he was with anyone it would be me. He says he only thought about it a few days before and didnt feel like this a week ago.
    what do you think is going on?!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 22, 2020 at 7:17 pm

      Hey Beau so it sounds more like he needs time to himself, some head space to deal with what ever negative emotions he is dealing with, follow a no contact where you leave him alone and dont speak to his friends about this either, let him feel like you are allowing him to have the space he needs. He has been in a toxic relationship in the past he may be having issues from that break up and has not dealt with them well enough to be in another relationship

  10. Mac

    January 7, 2020 at 10:19 pm

    Hi mine is a bit of a weird situation. One I’m black,he white. Two I’m currently a Student in eastern Europe and he’s a native here. Divorced from his wife over a year ago but they’ve been having custody issues. He started off pursuing me hard and doing all sorts of romantic things but our relationship only lasted a couple of weeks. The last yime I went to his place I left in a hurry and I ended up leaving my favourite pair of gloves that my mom bought me at his place. Then about a month ago he started getting more and more distant over text until he eventually stopped talking to me altogether and deleted whatsapp. But he’s posting on instagram and facebook,mostly vids of him and the kid. I took to Facebook to ask him what went wrong and he told me that he needed to be alone and deal with the custody things and that he can’t give me attention right now. But when I texted him and asked for the gloves back he just doesn’t answer that part of the text.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2020 at 4:59 am

      Hey Mac, so you need to reach out to him in a few weeks when things have calmed so that you can directly ask for gloves and explain the sentimental value of the gloves so that he understands why you are so persistent about getting them back.

  11. Sue

    December 4, 2019 at 1:11 pm

    So I started dating this guy about 4 months ago, have known him for 3 years. I’m aware he liked me for that time and pursued me hard. Those four months were amazing which he admitted recently too. He separated from his wife 18 months ago due to her cheating. He took this hard. In mid October he started to back away and ignore my messages and say he needed time and space and wasnt sure he could be in a relationship, was stressed about house sales, childcare and the divorce process happening. I backed off not enough and he ignored most messages. I went no contact for 10 days then stupidly drunk messaged him and he reiterated the same points how he was busy up to christmas and needed to think. I went no contact for 2 weeks but saw him at a party and stupidly asked him what he wanted me to do move on or wait. He said it was up to me but he didnt want anything (a relationship) with anyone at this time. I asked him how he would feel if he saw me with someone else. He said he didnt know as I hadnt but what we had was amazing. I told him I was moving on. He seemed angry, I guess could I wouldnt drop it. I’m now in no contact and moving on properly. Is there any hope??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2019 at 10:57 pm

      Hi Sue, so I would suggest that you start dating and do a no contact on your ex for the time being so they get a chance to miss you

  12. sakshi

    September 2, 2019 at 6:09 pm

    My story somewhat goes like this:

    We met on social media when I was studying and had no interest in dating. Somehow, very randomly we started talking and in midst of these conversations, the sparks were so strong that we fell in love and we eventually started dating, and I had to give up my no dating policy because he was overtly romantic, always making me smile and saying the most wonderful things. Our relationship was nothing but perfect. Although he was a very introvert person, he didnt like to hang out and I on the other hand was very social. THis somewhat was a barrier, but I accommodated since I loved him too much. However, 4-5 months into dating, we had a professional crisis, where I couldnt clear my papers and he was out of job and was facing a lot of rejections. During this phase, things got ruined that we decided to breakup. However, we still met because we couldnt let go off each other, I tried pulling the relationship together, but he just wanted an out and wanted to focus in his career. However, we were very much in love. However, gradually he started moving away and started distancing himself from me but would time to time say that he still had feelings but he had to focus on his studies and work. He had decided to move abroad for further studies but would still sometimes talk to me saying the same things. However, eventually he started distancing himself which started to annoy me since I was really trying to get us back together. In one of our arguments he hung up on me and said he didnt want me in his life and he asked me to never contact him again and then he blocked me.
    He was always a very sensitive and loving guy and it got really difficult to see him turn into a cold insensitive person.
    I just couldn’t understand why would he do this. He said he didnt want any part of me in his life and he wanted me to just go away. After he blocked me, I made my frn text him to tell him that I’m always there for him and I respect his decision. He didnt reply. However, it hurts really very much.

    Why do men change?
    WHat should I do?
    will he ever come back?
    should i take him back?

    all my friends say he’s a douche and i should move on, however still some part of me is holding back. Please suggest.

  13. Mad

    August 16, 2019 at 5:23 pm

    Part 2 from my first post. I’d like to add he’s said things like “there are no comparisons, you’re the companion of my life” multiple times.

  14. Mad

    August 16, 2019 at 4:19 pm

    Hi
    So my ex and I have a long history. We dated once about 4 years ago for about a year. I was his first serious relationship and he fell deeply in love with me. (I was 19, he was 24.) We broke up because he was not ready for a serious relationship. We went our separate ways, dated other people. We came back together for a second time in January of this year, me just coming out of a 2 year long relationship with the most wrong guy. He was ready for a relationship this time. However, we moved WAY too fast. He immediately asked me to move in with him, and I accepted. Everything went well for about 4-5 months, then he started becoming distant as his work schedule picked up (he works 2 full time jobs, is training for the local SWAT team, and is selling his house to try and build his own). The reason we broke up this time is because he felt as if he could not devote as much time as he thought he could and what he thought was appropriate to me. We never actually said the words “breakup”. We talked about separating for some time (never discussed how long) and seeing how we both felt. He told me not to wait for him, I said I wasn’t but I’m also not looking and focusing on myself. When we had our talk, we talked about how he loved me, but he was just concerned about his schedule and how busy he is. He knows this is fixable, and he is willing to get outside help to try and cut some things down or to add more time. Is there a chance he actually will do this and come back? He is the love of my life and I’m pretty sure I’m his.

  15. Pragya Puri

    June 24, 2019 at 3:28 pm

    Hey , this post was really helpful.
    I want to share my story . I really like a guy since the day we met and he likes me too . He would go out of the way to make me feel special.But is commitment phobic. It’s been an year and I expressed to him that I have feelings for him. It was third time that he told me he doesn’t feel that way . But his actions tell a different story . It’s like he wants to keep me on hold and explore other girls as well but doesn’t want me to leave either. So I finally decided not to talk because it’s frustrating . But then I saw these signs . He texts randomly and everywhere to get a reply . He gets angry and paranoid if I don’t talk back. But I am genuinely scared of loosing him. And would like you to advice me through. I generally don’t give up on people and can’t do the ignoring part as well .

  16. Tina

    May 13, 2019 at 12:43 am

    Okay, so my boyfriend over a year broke up with me 4 days ago. He stated he didn’t feel like he loved me anymore and he didn’t feel like he wanted me. However, he wants a relationship with me. I told him that I hope this break up makes him realize what he wants. He said that is what he hopes as well and I was confused of what he meant so i replied back with “Like i’m the one for you?” He said partially yes and talked about how i should keep moving on with my life though. After breaking up with me, we texted for hours, neither wanted to stop. We both agreed to stop texting and not have contact until he realizes what he wants. We had a very healthy relationship and it was very successful and i miss him very much. His best friend says he’s acting different and is being weird? Is this a good sign? I miss him so much.

    1. Chris Seiter

      May 13, 2019 at 3:29 pm

      HI Tina….I think that is a good sign…I think it best to make sure you have a sensible strategy going forward. Take a look at my ex recovery plan, called, “EBR Pro Bundle” as it offers an array of resources.

  17. Vicks

    March 12, 2019 at 8:33 pm

    Great post! So I started seeing someone at work, it started about a year ago when he was heavily persuing me in summer of 2018 and wanting to spend a lot of time with me. Around August things seemed to stop and then in December 2018 things seemed to progress again, we would text all day everyday, spend lunchtimes together but from my perspective there were mixed messages and I was never quite sure how he felt and whether he was breadcrumbing me, always telling me how much he missed me but then never putting in any effort to see me outside of work. On Friday I felt like the right thing to do was to walk away as I’m just not getting the investment I’m looking for from somebody and so I told him this. He has not replied since, I have been avoiding him as much as possible at work but we only sit one table apart so that’s quite difficult. He hasn’t reached out at all and has now stopped looking at my Instagram stories and seems to not care at all.

  18. Zan

    March 3, 2019 at 5:02 pm

    Hi,

    So this story goes back about 2 years ago. I dated this guy whom was a childhood friend for about 3 months. He ended up going ghost. And I was of course crushed. I did everything wrong, reaching out and begging. Got blocked on social media. So I just did NC and decided to actually move on. But since then, he’ll reach out every now and then and we’ll have a conversation to meet up but then he ghosts again. The last I spoke to him in November, he explained he hasn’t been in a good place and he is now and knows he can be the best boyfriend. I wasn’t buying it, so I decided if that was the truth, he has to try now, not me. So I maybe didn’t hear from him for a couple weeks and I changed my number. I didn’t message him with my new number. And at the beginning of February he just messaged me on Instagram with a heart emoji. I guess he realized I changed my number. I never messaged back and I’m sure he seen that I seen it. I haven’t been able to get him off my mind since then. I’ve done everything, focused on relationships, health and wealth and despite dealing with all of this I have been doing amazingly for myself. Do you think he’ll come back around and we can rekindle?

    1. Chris Seiter

      March 3, 2019 at 6:01 pm

      HI Zan…so i think you are moving in the right direction. If he has something truly meaningful to say, he will say it, otherwise, just keep your focus on the Holy Trinity of your personal recovery. In my 245 page eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”, I talk a lot about recovery activities and how you detach from an ex so give that a look!

  19. Mckenzee

    February 6, 2019 at 10:47 pm

    I met someone on Bumble and we briefly dated for 2 months. He came on very strong and things moved pretty quickly. I’m those 2 months I definitely fell in love with him. We both have children and they got along really well. His children like me and my daughter loves them. I also spent some time with his brothers, their wives and children. It did always bother me that he never removed his bumble account but I don’t think he was seeing anyone else. There were a few instances that were bothersome but I pushed them aside because I care for him so much. He once made me hide in the art room from his housekeeper, who I saw and know he wasn’t attracted to. He told me it was because she cleans the ex mother-in-laws house and she is EXTREMELY hard to deal with and he didn’t want to deal with that yet.

    I would think he was hiding me from another woman except for the fact that I was around his family and children often.

    Things continued and we would talk on the phone and text numerous times each day. One weekend our communication was a little off and I was waiting for him to text me about coming over and he was waiting for me to text him. This happened 2 nights in a row.

    We talked dirty often and I was the one who always initiated it but a few weeks ago I was feeling a little distance between us and was feeling insecure and worried. When I told him I missed him he said he could come over and then made it into a sexual thing. Because I was feeling insecure and he didn’t respond how I wanted ( telling me he missed me too) I asked him if we could not talk dirty all the time because it made me worry him and I were just a sexual thing. That’s when he said he was sorry and that he thought it was ok to joke about because I always initiated it. He then said he thinks he’s done because our communication is lacking and our schedules weren’t really lining up.

    He came over that next evening and we didn’t really talk about things but has an amazing time. From the next day on he was distant and weird so I told him I would give him space. I reached out 4 days later and he said he missed but didn’t know what to do and was just hanging tight so he didn’t do any more damage.

    In the meantime I got a tattoo and he reached out about that. He said it kinda scared him that I got one and had never mentioned it to him. That’s when I said maybe we should just move on and that I’m exhausted and I told him he has broken my heart. He said he is extremely attracted to me. INSANELY attracted and he thinks I am one of the best mothers he has ever known. He also said he isn’t against trying again later on. He said he just doesn’t know how to get that good communication and chemistry back. He said he doesn’t know why he’s feeling so blah. He said things are different and he just doesn’t know how to get it back. I told him my heart is broken and he said he is so sorry.

    That was two weeks ago. I have not reached out but miss him so much. I don’t understand how everything changed so much. I am continuing to stay strong and not reach out. As much as I don’t want to hold on to hope, I can’t help it. Do I have any chance at all? Will he eventually reach back out? I’m so crazy about him.

  20. Chloe

    January 8, 2019 at 11:05 pm

    Hey, EXBR: My boyfriend ended it with me two and a half months ago, while he was living with me in our shared apartment. (We had a fight. He has been unable to define exactly why he wanted things to end, but mentioned something about having a “feeling” that it wasn’t meant to be. He claims to still love me.)

    Two weeks ago, we finally both decided it would be best if he moved out. We have had a mostly amicable breakup, with some emotions (mine) coming out occasionally (I’ve cried a few times in front of him). So, he is moving out in two days.

    We agreed to stay friends, but he did something insensitive yesterday that made me sad and angry. I want him back, but I think I have been too kind to him so far. I am ready to go NC. Is it too late to do this?

    How do I cut off contact without seeming unkind? Additionally, he is so stubborn and stoic that I doubt he will care all that much; Do stubborn/stoic men miss their exes too, even though they may not say so?… Finally, since I am no longer really on social media, how might I otherwise maximize the effects of the NC?

    1. Chris Seiter

      January 9, 2019 at 12:07 am

      Hi Chloe!

      I don’t think it’s too late. NC is very adaptable for lots of situations and time periods. Just give him a heads up telling him something like….

      “I’m taking some alone time for myself to heal and improve and take stock of things. I need the space and you probably do too. Thought you should know in case you reach out.”

      So if you are not hooked into social media…then you can potentially leverage your “friends” network to get things across. Impromptu subtle/casual happen to run into each other, though this is usually better to do toward end of NC. Also, go pick up my 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” or the 245 page “No Contact Rule Book” as those are golden resources.

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