Here's What To Do If Your Ex Contacts You During No Contact

186 thoughts on “What To Do When Your Ex Contacts You During No Contact”

Mirah Amaka

August 2, 2021 at 7:45 pm

Hello
Mirah Amaka

August 2, 2021 at 7:44 pm

My ex just sent me a text and am curious know whats in it.
Can I just read without replying
Sue

July 30, 2021 at 9:44 pm

My boyfriend and I were together for 4 years. Lived together for 1.5 yrs. We broke up on May 1st and I moved out. We are still dealing with business things like car insurance, car payments etc…. He says it’s over and we are not getting back together. I found out that he started seeing someone mid April. He has not told me about her and he has no idea i know. He is also not telling any of our friends. He is angry and stubborn and is painting me out to be this awful person that I am not. I basically left with nothing after I sold my house and remolded and furnished his. I left it all there because he has 2 girls and I do not want to upset their world. He is a police officer and the new gf is a fellow officer. I love him and I am still hopeful. My question is: Would it benefit me to start no contact now? Even though it’s been 3 months? I am doing limited contact and he is nice some days and awful others. (nice when he contacts me, awful when I contact him)

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 6, 2021 at 11:47 pm

Hi Sue, if you want this program to work then you need to NC properly, this includes the “nice days” however, I would suggest that you do work through the ungettable girl information as this is going to be essential for your progress in the ERP journey.

Urch

June 27, 2021 at 3:05 pm

My ex-girlfriend told me she is not sexually attracted to me….we never had real sex but kissed and one day almost had sex but she stopped it….after that day she started avoiding me, says no whenever I ask her out, I gave her space after 3 weeks she started contacting me telling me how she has missed me.
She traveled, when she came back I asked her out again she said, she is not available, I later realized she went out with another man same day I asked her out, I got angry and demanded we break up if she is no longer interested in the relationship, she said ok….that she has already told me before that she is not
Sexually attracted to me that we can be just friends, I started NC, after 2 weeks she contacted me on whatsap, asking me if I’m OK” I didn’t rely her, she deleted the chat, how long will the NC last?
And is it possible to make her sexually attracted to me again after the NC?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 3, 2021 at 9:20 pm

Hey Urch you need to keep going with the NC until 30 days. It is possible to build sexual attraction but you do have to follow the program for this to work.

Sujit ku swain

June 22, 2021 at 5:47 am

What shall I do if my girlfriend asks me that dont i want to talk with her….. and if not then it’s okay….now shall I text her back…. if I have to text then what shall i text her please help me

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 28, 2021 at 3:01 pm

If you are in No contact… do not reply.

L

June 14, 2021 at 8:45 pm

Hi, my ex broke up with me at the end of March because he said he didn’t feel happy anymore and wasn’t sure of our future together after 5 years. I started NC on May 31st, and my ex then texted me 4 days later asking to go for a drink because he feels the distance and didn’t know how I was feeling. I broke NC and told him I needed time and space and would reach out whenever I was ready.
Now, 10 days later, my ex just contacted me again with a long text message saying he knows I want space, and he wants to respect that, but he needed to let me know something. Apparently the friend that I’ve been confiding in told her ex (my ex’s best friend) that my ex had reached out to me, wanting to meet. His friend mentioned it to him and my ex got upset about this because he’s a very private person, and doesn’t want our mutual friends knowing his business. He then went on to say he only wanted to meet to discuss finances that we haven’t settled yet, even though he never said that when he first reached out.
He continued to get angry that I was talking to this girl since she’s been rude to my ex and his other friend in the past, as well as got in a fight with my brother a couple years ago. I forgave her for this, and she’s been there for me through all of what I’m currently dealing with. However, he said he doesn’t want her to sponge off of my “kind heart, and hard work” as he knows I’ve been working on myself and he admires that. He then went on to say he heard that she had been over to my house (where he and I use to live together), and he thinks she and I smudged the space to clear the bad energy. He was upset that this might have happened (even though it didn’t) because it was getting rid of all the good in the space, and because we had left our relationship on respectful and good terms.
He says he’s very hurt and feels disrespected.
Do I contact him to clear the air, and to figure out our finances (house insurance, car insurance that he’s still paying for)? Or do I finish NC first and then reach out?
He’s never been this upset towards me before. I can’t tell if he’s actually upset with me, or with the friend I’m talking to.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 18, 2021 at 8:56 pm

Hi L you are allowed to speak to him for any shared responsibilities, this is called limited no contact. However you need to avoid emotional conversations and talking about the break up or getting back together.

Good soul

April 13, 2021 at 1:16 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me when I asked him for future plan he explained then it is only temporary because we are both stressed by the relationship but we should keep talking because we still have feelings to each other and we shouldn’t condition our emotions, I kept talking to him but kinda on his condition like when he feels like he needs his emotional fix so I decided to go NC and I told him not to contact me again he protested and said it wasn’t necessary.. two days later he called I only answered because I thought he wants to discuss it .. but no he kept chatting about random stuff and when he was about to hang up and told him not to call me again and we end up arguing about it in details for an hour .. and at the end said I will still text and call you later when you cool down ..my question is how do you interpret his actions and what do you recommend for me to do? And did I ruined my chance of NC because I explained why I am doing it?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 21, 2021 at 8:57 pm

Hey there, no I do not think you ruined your chances of getting your ex back as it is only step one in the program. I would say work on yourself and your NC would need to be 45 days before you reach out to your ex again.

Rachel

March 9, 2021 at 5:35 am

Hey! my ex just texted me a “.”
I accidentally said “Yes?”
Where he then continued to send me photos and videos of before, during, and after our relationship.
I never replied.

The only time I replied was “Yes?”.
Do I have to restart?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 9, 2021 at 10:32 pm

Hi Rachel yes you need to restart as you replied.

Christie Madden

February 16, 2021 at 5:05 pm

Hi, so my husband let me a couple of weeks ago, and I pretty much started the NC pretty quick. There were a couple of times he reached out to me for (through text)
because after leaving, he left his dolly (hand truck) which he does not need anytime soon. I told him “that today was not a good day. Maybe some other time”. He also asked about mail addressed to him. I let him know that I had already had the mail forwarded. He also asked how I was doing and I said fine. I am afraid that he is just going to show up and knock on my door. I am not emotionally ready for that. I still need time to heal and get stronger. Would it be totally weird if I just didn’t answer the door ? FYI, I do still have feelings of love towards him, and ideally would want our relationship to work.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 19, 2021 at 9:45 am

Hi Christie, so you need to stop replying when he reaches out and asks how you are – you need to follow the no contact correctly for this to work. The only time you speak to him is if you have shared responsibilities or bills etc. Otherwise you do not reply to anything he reaches out to you with for 30 days solid.

Kay

January 15, 2021 at 1:26 pm

My ex reached out to me on day 14 of NC on facebook messenger. I accidentally opened it and I think he’s seen that I have read it. I didn’t reply to him though and no communication was made. Did I break NC and should I start over again or should I continue the count? Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 15, 2021 at 5:25 pm

Hi Kay, no you are okay. Continue just try not to open any more of his messages going forward.

Suomi

December 21, 2020 at 3:27 am

My ex bf broke up with me 3 weeks ago. And I started no contact just 4 days ago. And since day 1 he has been calling me several times. On day 3 he asked me to meet him because he says he misses me and wants me to help him emotionally. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 22, 2020 at 6:56 pm

Hi Suomi, do not meet up, if he wanted to get back together then yes, but he wants you ease his guilt from the break up. Stick with your no contact

Janet

December 17, 2020 at 10:06 pm

Hi.. I started the No contact rule 3days back and he texted me “my one and only” tonight.. my own issue is that we didn’t break up but I felt disrespected in the relationship coz I always do the calls and text and it was like I was pushing too hard
Then he stood me up a day to his birthday,I brought him dinner and he left me hanging at his gate
So I decided to let him be since then till he apologizes
But it’s looking like he doesn’t even know he did anything wrong
Chelsea

December 16, 2020 at 4:26 pm

It’s the holiday season. I have three events coming up: Christmas, New Years, and my birthday in mid-January. I just started no-contact a few days ago, and it should be taking me to the day before my birthday. If my ex contacts me with well wishes on Christmas or New Years, I shouldn’t be replying, right? And if he contacts me on my birthday (the day after my 30 day NC is finished), should I reply or wait some more time? Thanks in advance!!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 16, 2020 at 8:07 pm

Hi Chelsea, I would suggest that you go over your birthday by a week with your NC

Light

December 3, 2020 at 7:02 am

I dated this guy who was my neighbor,I didn’t knw how I fell so much in love with him,I showed it to him that I loved him and he reciprocated in a good manners, and we started dating,but we only dated for 3months and I asked him what he wanted from the dating and he told me he was confused that he didn’t want to commit himself in a relationship for now,I told him we should stop seeing each other since he’s not ready to commit,and he left ,he always sent me messages after then , sometimes called me,but I resisted all that wanted him to come out and tell me he was ready to commit which he didn’t, unfortunately he brought another lady home, which I saw them together,I asked him he didn’t denial it and didn’t apologize for hurting my feelings,he knew I love him so very much,how could he? I later told him we should break up ..over a week now he has been calling me to help him with something’s..I have been breaking the no contact rule for some day’s now…but am sticking to it this period..why is he calling me when he knows that have broken up with him? Thank you

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 28, 2020 at 7:48 pm

Hi Light, so he is calling you and asking you for help because he knows you are there to help him, hoping that this next gesture of help will get him to commit. You need to complete your NC and stop answering his calls, make him think that he has lost his chance of being with you.

Annie

November 21, 2020 at 10:29 am

Hii, so we broke up about a month ago and I have to use the limited no contact rule because we are on a sports team together but he keeps trying to contact me to be friends at least once or twice a week and when I say I need/want space he gets mad and doesn’t understand. I don’t want to get friend zoned by responding but I also don’t want him to have negative feelings towards me or for him to feel like he shouldn’t contact at all because when the no contact rule is over and it’s time to talk again, what do I do then?? What if me constantly asking for space makes him not even want to talk to me? And what if me saying I want space causes more negative feelings than good for getting back together? Thank you for taking time to read this. I really need help

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 21, 2020 at 2:38 pm

Hi Annie, so him being angry that you need his space – shows that he is not thinking about YOU. He just wants to ease his guilt from the break up and be friends so that he can show everyone he is not the “bad guy” You need to be strict with yourself, do not reply telling you need space – thats breaking your NC. You just ignore him, unless you are at sport meetings/games where you make the least amount of effort to speak or be around him as possible.

Pooja

November 9, 2020 at 10:10 am

Hi I have started no contact rule with my boyfriend he has messaged to check up on me and I replied he didn’t continue the message much further. However he also snapchatted me, I want to know what he messaged me. Am I allowed to open it and not reply? I also wanted to send his friends a message just telling them thanks for making me feel very welcome etc. Should I not do that?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 9, 2020 at 7:53 pm

Why are you following no contact if you are still together? If you are broken up then you are not to reply to any messages or snapchats etc. You ignore him and his friends for 30 days solid

Eunive

November 4, 2020 at 8:33 am

Amm hii I’m the one who told him to leave me alone but I still have feelings for him plus he keeps texting me I miss u how r u?I’m in the no contact rule but I really want to reply back to his texts what should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 4, 2020 at 4:09 pm

Hi Eunive, if you want to follow this program then you need to keep with your NC and not reply to these messages, the only time you reply is if they want to get back together.

gina

October 26, 2020 at 5:12 pm

one week into NC… Can I say thank you (and nothing more) if he sends me a gift?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 28, 2020 at 1:31 am

No stick with your NC

Morgan

October 24, 2020 at 2:13 am

I’m feeling so uncertain. It’s been 10 days no contact and my ex has reached out to me a couple times now to say that he feels bad for his actions and that he’s feeling confused and lost. Then tonight he texted me goodnight and that he loves me. I have not responded to any of his texts but tonight when I didn’t respond he got upset and started insinuating that I’m probably with someone else already and then tried calling me. I don’t want him to think I’m with anyone else but I don’t want to mess up no contact to get him back for good. I also don’t want him to get angry and give up on us out of spite because I’m not talking to him. I’d love some advice.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 28, 2020 at 4:42 am

Hi Morgan, I hope this makes you feel better – This is the no contact working and is typical messages from an ex. He is looking for comfort from you, unless he tells you he is sorry and wants to get back together, do not reply to any of his attempts of conversation.

Emily

October 22, 2020 at 12:06 am

I’m curious what to do here. I’ve started no contact for 3 days now but he’s paying for my phone plan right now. He will most likely contact me to see if he should shut it off Nov 2 or ask if I’m going to pay for next months. Should I ignore him and hope he keeps it on bc I previously threatened to just get a new number and block him and he’s still probably wanting to not lose total contact of me? But I don’t really know that either. Should I test to see if he keeps my phone on with me never responding to him? Besides I always gave him too much money anyways and really he owes me. If I did test him this way, I’d know for sure then I have him and he doesn’t want to lose me and I have a chance later. Or should I answer the first time he contacts me again that I will pay him but that’s it? He won’t contact me for any other reason.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 22, 2020 at 9:12 pm

I would suggest that you message to tell him that you will take care of the bill yourself without him having to ask you to do so. Make the amendments and go back into your NC

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186 thoughts on “What To Do When Your Ex Contacts You During No Contact”