Today, I’m going to attempt to teach you what your actual chances of getting back together with your ex after a breakup are.
This is a question that I personally receive more than anything.
There’s always some variation to it, whether it’s,
“Hey, what kind of chance do I have of getting my ex back,”
or,
“Hey, do you think I have a chance?”
Well, this presentation is meant to answer those questions.
A Quick Word Before We Get Started
If you want to fast forward and get a really quick idea of where you’re standing with your ex, I would actually recommend that you not watch this video, or finish listening to my podcast. Instead, I’d recommend that you go here and take the special quiz I’ve put together there for you.
It’s a simple two minute quiz that will teach you what kind of chance you have of getting your ex back by asking you all sorts of questions about your breakup, what your relationship was like before the breakup, and it is one of the things I’m most proud of.
We run your answers through an advanced algorithm that will spit out one of four types of answers.
Let’s get started.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizCreating A Baseline
I figured the smartest place to start was to create a baseline by looking at what the standard chances that anyone who is going through a breakup would have?
I did this by looking through the internet and through the historical documents that I have saved over the years and identifying four very legitimate studies on breakups.
But what defines legitimacy?
Well, oftentimes, these are going to be big type brands, whether that’s Associated Press or accredited universities.
I’m looking for actual legitimacy behind the numbers, so that we can actually create a baseline.
Then, we can compare how my strategies work as I will tell you about some of the experiences that I have had coaching and teaching people.
Here are the four studies that we will be using to create our “baseline.”
- WE-TV Associated Press Breakup Study
- University of Texas Study
- Kansas State University Study
- Study from The Journal of Adolescent Research
Let’s take a minute to look at what each of these four studies said about breakups and your overall chances of getting back together with your ex.
1. WE-TV Associated Press Breakup Study
The first big accredited source that I would like to talk to you about today is the Associated Press.
A few years ago, the Associated Press came out with a really interesting poll that they did on the WE-TV channel. I believe the WE-TV channel used the Associated Press to poll their subscribers and ask them all kinds of questions about exes.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizOne of the questions that they asked was, “Hey, how often have you ever tried to get back together with an ex?”
Over 2,000 were polled, and 41% of people admitted that they have, at one point of their lives, tried to get back together with an ex.
41% Of People Admitted They Have Tried To Get Back Together With An Ex.
2. University of Texas Study
The second one is actually a study that comes out of the University of Texas.
A woman, or professor, by the name of Rene Dailey found that when she studied over the course of maybe a year, all the college breakups that were going on in the University of Texas, she found that 65% of those relationships ended up getting back together.
Now, I actually think the reason it seems so high because, to me, 65% of getting your ex back seems kind of high, and I think the reason why that’s high is because this is only focused on university students.
It’s not focused on the world abroad, if you catch my drift.
65% of University of Texas college breakups tried to get back together
3. Kansas State University Study
The third study that we’re going to be using to build our baseline comes out of the Kansas State University Research Department.
A woman by the name of Amber Vennum found that 37% of couples that were living together in Kansas State University ended up getting back together again.
37% of couples who live together tried to get back together
So far we have three baselines.
We have 41%, 65%, which I explained the reasons why I think that’s a little bit high, and 37%.
But there’s only one more study that I trust and think is legitimate enough to use to create our standard benchmark.
4. Study From Journal of Adolescent Research
There is a study that came out of the Journal of Adolescent Research that found that 50% of people actually tried to rekindle a broken relationship, and 57% tried to have sex with their ex.
I think there’s an important distinction to make here before we go any further. This number isn’t based on 50% of couples actually get back together.
No, we’re talking about people in general, and the intent of wanting to get back together.
50% Of People Tried To Rekindle and 57% Tried To Have Sex With Their Ex.
Coming Up With The Baseline
When you take those four legitimate studies and average them all together, you’re looking at roughly 48.25% chance that your ex may want you back at some point in the future.
48.25% Of Individuals Want Their Exes Back After A Breakup According To Research
Now, I do want to point out that this number is based on other research, so do not expect your results to perfectly align with this, especially if you’re using the strategies that I’m going to teach because now we’re going to do something really fun, we’re going to put me on the hot seat and figure out what my results look like.
How do my results compare?
How Our Results Compare
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIn 2018, me and my wife took on a total of just 10 clients.
Now, we don’t take on clients very often because when we take on clients, we like to look at it as a three to four month process where we’re giving our undivided attention to this one person.
Well, out of the 10 people that we worked with all of last year, seven of them ended up getting their exes back. Though, it really should be eight because one ex asked for one of my clients back and she said no, so I’m not technically going to count that.
7 Out of 10 Of Our High End Clients Got Their Ex Back
Now, I want to take a minute to really talk about what sets us apart because, when you’re looking at 7 out of 10, again, that’s not a huge sample size, right, because we’re giving our undivided attention to these people with our high-end coaching, and many times, these people are paying us over thousands of dollars throughout the course of all of the coaching sessions that they do with us.
But what sets us apart, because, when you’re looking at a standard benchmark of 48.25%, and you’re looking at some of the results we’re able to get when we put all of our full force behind someone’s situation, you’re looking at an almost 20% difference there.
What creates that 20% difference and how can we use that for your personal situation to help you out to get you to see great results?
The Benefits Our High End Coaching Clients Have That You Don’t
Well, I want to start off by saying that these results are not typical.
Look, these 10 people had the benefit of a lot of extra attention through;
- Facebook Messenger
- Phone calls
- Skype
- More than one coaching session with either me or my wife.
Usually, when they would have a question on the fly, we would be there to answer them.
Not all of our product purchasers or customers get this kind of attention.
This is really high level coaching.
You cannot expect your results to be the level that I’m talking about here without some of these kind of things happening.
We also did not count if they stayed together as part of their success.
An Unfortunate Drawback To Reuniting
This is one of those unfortunate things that no one talks about, and a lot of other gurus sweep under the rug. Roughly around half the people who end up getting back together break up again, and that is exactly what we saw.
Out of the seven people who ended up getting their exes back, three of them ended up breaking up again.
So, a lot of what you need to understand is, it’s not just about trying to get your ex back.
It’s about trying to get your ex back and having a long-lasting relationship, and that’s something that a lot of people really struggle to get.
The Big Takeaways
What are the big takeaways here?
Well, the big takeaway so far from everything that we’ve talked about are the success rates that you can expect to get, right?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizThe standard benchmark between success rates that you can really expect to get throughout the course of your attempt to try to get your ex back ranges anywhere from between 37% to 65%, though, I will say, we have been blessed in the fact that our success rate is actually significantly higher than the average for a lot of different reasons that I’m going to get to in a moment.
Also, it really seems important that you have a very strong game plan, because if you do have a strong game plan, it can significantly increase your chances of success. Again, there are no guarantees to getting your ex back, even a great success rate over 65% to 70% has a lot of failures to it, right?
How Did My Clients Beat The Benchmark?
What are some of the things that our clients did to see these kind of incredible results?
Well, the first thing is that they were high end coaching clients, right, so they got a lot of extra attention.
Oftentimes, most of the people who want to see results will buy our program, right?
But sometimes it takes more than just buying the program, which, ironically, is the number two thing that I’ve seen a lot of success rates do.
They actually buy our program, but they just don’t buy it, they know it inside and out.
When you pair the fact that, look, they’ve got a grounded knowledge of what they’re supposed to be doing to see success, and they’re high end coaching clients of us, so that we’re giving a lot of our undivided attention to their situations, they’re getting a lot of extra attention through Facebook, email, Skype, just getting on the phone with them, answering their questions on the fly, they’ve got all of that going for them, and they’re actually really active in our private Facebook support group.
If you didn’t know, we actually have a special thing that we actually let all of our Ex Boyfriend Recover PRO Purchasers into our private Facebook support group.
This is kind of a special service that we give where we connect all of the people going through breakups to each other, so that they can ask questions of each other and also see how difficult this process is on other people. But it really creates a really cool community.
You have other people that are taking photos to make their exes jealous, for example, and they’re saying like, “Hey, anyone can use this photo,” so we have like a huge accumulation of photos in this group where you can like take a photo that someone else took and use it for your situation.
You’re also going to see people who are trying to, let’s say, get their ex to respond to them through text messages, you can see what some of the more successful text messages look like. Anytime you’re having a tough day, you can just come in and say, “Look, I’m having a tough day, can you guys help me out? What should I do in the situation?”
Because we can’t be everywhere all the time, me, my wife, Anna who’s another one of our coaches, all of us cannot be together to help you out every single second of the day. Well, the private Facebook support group is kind of our version of creating a resource for you that can do that.
Finally, the number four thing that I’ve seen a lot of our clients do to see incredible kind of results is that when they coached with us, we actually acted as a force to hold them accountable. A lot of times, there’s a couple of things that you need to understand about seeing success. There’s the implementation aspect of it and the understanding aspect of it. Usually, people are good at one thing. It’s the people who are good at both things, or at least create an environment that makes them good at both things, that they actually start to see incredible successes.
You can see, there’s a lot that goes into upping your chances from the standard baseline, and even then, there are not guarantees. But we like to think that we do a really good job of helping you guys do that.
Aza
April 25, 2021 at 7:16 pm
Hi everyone,
My boyfriend broke up with me on January 3rd through text messages, saying things like: “it’s not time for that, let’s stay in THAT zone (as buddies, not even friends), we have too different characters, we won’t get along..”. We met, because our friends were playing matchmakers, so we gave it a shot and dated for short period of time. He isn’t active on social media, but sends many snapchats. We were texting here and there in January and February and he texted like nothing happened: asked for opinions, asked how am I, sent memes, talked about his day, about what he did and what he wanted to do.. I started No Contact on April 4th and decided to go for the 21 day option. The thing is my birthday is on April 21st (Wednesday) and he sent me a message, which I ignored, but then something happened. On Friday he didn’t send me even 1 snap, which shocked me, because he almost always went for 2-3 per day minimum. I guess that the NC has affected him and maybe he decided that it’s not worth keeping that last type of contact too. I replied to him on Saturday and still he hasn’t sent me any snap. But he opens mine almost after I send it. What is going on? What should I do?? Please help me out, because there are days when I say “Nah I don’t care if it will work”, but there are sometimes still days when I’m like “Oh no, he won’t come back, he doesn’t even want to talk to me, how will he possibly fall in love with me again?”.
Also I worked on myself and try to keep my cool as an UG, but it’s still hard sometimes.
Sara
February 13, 2021 at 7:00 pm
Hi team!
I have been through a lot of your posts and they did really help me during all this process. To cut a long story short, I was the one who decided to break up with my ex of 5 years because I felt confusing feelings for someone else. After 3 months I realised I was mistaken I love my ex very much. We ended things on good terms but he was holding a lot of anger towards me because he needed to move to my country, investing money and big life decisions. I wrote him a letter saying I would love to come back with him and he said it meant a lot to him but he needed time. Since then it has been a month and half. Should I contact him again? Do I have any chances?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 13, 2021 at 9:01 pm
Hi Sara, I would suggest that you start reaching out with the texts that Chris writes about in his articles, rather than going straight in for him back, it is likely you are going to have to work a little for his time as he may still be upset that you ended things with him.
Irma
October 12, 2020 at 10:35 pm
Hi Chris
My boyfriend if nearly 12 years who lives in another City and not being able to see each other because of lockdown pandemic. He apparently started chatting with a woman whose husband had left her for someone else.. still with me??. Well,so I didn’t know this. This was around April(found out later) so by June, I started noticing a change and frequency of calls to each other, although he said ‘I miss you’and I love you’ , 2 days later he sens a”” text”””” saying that he had met a ‘girl’ (she’s 45yrs and married) and that ‘they’ have agoid connection so he was not going to call me anymore… just like that…!! 12 years with this guy!@ we lived together 5 years and because I live in the city and he likes the country he decided to live in another town close to his friends and family so we commuted all the time,he would spend weeks with me and I would spend weekends etc. So back to Now, so after leaving me in shock, broken hearted and pissed like hell for his lack of empathy or respect . He calls to tell me the bi*ch is moving in with him… and so he seems to be having a charming life until I heard that he is so stress out with this woman, like what do you expect he only knew her for months and in fact only in July they actually so each other she moved in by the end of July… I just cannot believe the goals of whom I thought loved me and I him… so he calls another time to check on me” and apparently it’s all good to call or so he said. Then it came out that he couldn’t talk to me anymore and that she didn’t want him to have contact with me. This bitch doesn’t even know what he and I have gone through together and she controls him!!! I never ever!! So, we haven’t had any contact since Aug.. nothing! And I do love him and miss him terribly. Mutual friends say he is not happy, some say he will be back, some say to forget him, I am too good for him.. I dont know what to expect… I’m broken. I’m sad and although im doing my thing and keeping busy, I miss him so,… and apart from all this, he did the same thing 4 years ago in 2016, the same shit with another woman, but that one was really mean and manipulative. When we got together again in 2017 she was still sending texts and harassing me and it was never the same . So I am living a Dejavu moment again. Please any input!!! He is a Gemini and unbelievably manipulated by these women, which amazes me as I never checked his phone, nor did I ever manipulated him like a child, this guy is nearly 40 years old… I am deeply hurt as I did everything and anything to make him happy, love him, took care of him and he just could not wait after lockdown. She is living with him and going through a divorce which the way things are will take forever anyway, I dont give two cents for her. Knowing that he was in a relationship.. How could he just move on after 12 years of a relationship together…
Emily
October 6, 2020 at 9:04 pm
I’m 24 and my boyfriend is 41, we have been dating for 4 years. We work directly together and I rent a house (his grandfathers home) that we renovated together from him. We didn’t live together but had a steady schedule of 5 out of 7 days we would spend at my house or doing things together. This is both of our longest relationships. He broke up with me about 2 months ago, we still have to talk at work and about the house and rent and such. This has been horrible for me but I can at least say I am functioning now. He told me a lot of cliches and mixed reasons for the super sudden split we had and I am confused and don’t know my chances. A lot of “it’s not you is me” and “I’m old you deserve better” “I’m not good at relationships so why try” “it won’t work out if you’re the only one working on it” He has expressed a lot of “Im stuck in my ways” type of behavior and doesn’t want to have to try to fix any problems that come up but we have been happy pretty much the entire relationship. Before the split I asked simply that I be allowed to vent without him fixing my problem and it wasn’t a huge argument. But he decided he didn’t want to work on things. What kind of chance do I have that he will realize he doesn’t actually wanna be alone for the rest of his life and put some effort in? I’ve done modified no contact, I broke it once to attend his bands show because he asked me to come. I went with friends and we had a pleasant interaction after the show. I restarted my no contact after that concert and have made considerable changes to be more attractive. I try to make our work interactions pleasant but co worker friendly. What kind of a chance do I even have? Do men ever change their ideas about relationships? Or he stuck in his ways forever now? I feel like I have done everything right to be the best girlfriend I could but he still left. Is there anything I can do? And what kind of timeline should I do? I was thinking if this works at all, the medium timeline makes more sense. I dunno, let me know your thoughts if anyone reads this!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 20, 2020 at 7:24 pm
Hey Emily it sounds as if you are making all the right changes, but make sure that your contact in work is limited to work only! Do not be overly friendly. Keep working on yourself as you are and show him that he is losing someone great, however if he wants to be single for whatever reason it is, even if it is personal choices then you need to understand this is not about being attractive enough as it is is about HIM.
Jem
April 21, 2020 at 11:02 am
Hi, I was engaged and due to get married this year but he broke things off on 2nd Jan out of nowhere. A couple of events happened prior to that which may have contributed 1) he turned 30 early December 2) his best friend got married a couple of days before Christmas. Could he be having a melt down?? I have tried to implement the no contact rule, it lasted for 16 days but then he text me on day 17 (yesterday) to discuss money (I send him money for my car every month)…I made no conversation, only replied to what he asked me about the money. How will the no contact rule work if I have to speak to him to discuss finances and how long do I keep this up? Also I’ve noticed a pattern where he will contact me every 1-2 weeks, it’s almost like he uses my belongings as an excuse to talk to me, such as I have post to collect, do I want my garden furniture, he even said happy birthday to our/my dog (which I ignored). Also if he calls me should I answer??
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 24, 2020 at 9:51 pm
Hi Jem, I would suggest that you sort out your belongings and mail to be collected – and re directed asap to stop him from reaching out every couple of weeks, but you need to try and follow a 30 days NC and then start the texting phase. If he does phone you leave it ring out – and see if he reaches out by text. I would not call him back, unless he tells you he wants to get back together ignore all contact.
Jennifer
November 11, 2019 at 9:41 am
Hi I have question about getting back together.
Sometimes I feel as if I have already told my ex too many things and it is too late. I was so vulnerable and begged him back. Is it too late?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 12, 2019 at 9:03 pm
Hi Jennifer, a lot of people say horrible and hurtful things during arguments and break ups, a lot goes over the head at the time, and some things are forgiven over time. So this is why we say to do a No Contact to allow feelings and emotions to settle down. When you get back together unless there was cheating I would suggest avoid talking about the past break up and just focus on starting a new stronger relationship
Heather
September 12, 2019 at 6:30 am
Hi, I need advice. My ex and I dated for slightly over a year. We were so in love and there was not a day we weren’t together. I had a bad tendency of letting my emotions and anger get the best of me, and I would break up with him because of it. The break ups didn’t last but for a few hours, but I shouldn’t have done that. He warned me that one day he wasn’t going to take me back. Back in July I drove to his house because he was home for the summer, and it was 1hr 30 mins away. I was very sick, but agreed to drive the whole way even though he originally told me he would meet me half way he didn’t. I got there and no one was home and waited in total 30 mins, but he didn’t communicate with me. He texted my dad and it made me so angry, and we had a yelling match. I ended up leaving and driving home and I said so very mean things. He asked for a break and we took it for a week. He got back together with me but he claimed he was scared I would dump him again. I assured him I wouldn’t and the next two weeks I was trying really hard, but he wasn’t. Long story short he dumped me and blocked me. After a few days he reached out and told me he was addicted to adderall and somewhat alcohol. I tried to be there for him but he continued ignoring me. After three weeks he met up with me to answer my questions and he was still affectionate, but continued saying he didn’t want a relationship. He unblocked me for a week, but I blew up his phone with text messages and he couldn’t take it anymore and he blocked me on everything this time. He told me he loved me and cared about me and that the blocking is temporary but he has to overcome things on his own. A week later I ran into at a bar, and I approached him. He was very angry and yelling at me so I left because I was crying. He told me he didn’t love me anymore and to move on. A week before that he was telling me not to move on and that he wanted me in his life so bad, but obviously not. Well a few days later I found out he was on Tinder. I confronted him and he said that it was just to see if I was on there. He had been telling me for weeks he didn’t want a relationship and that he was not looking for anyone. Well I am on day 13 of no contact, and I have found out he is still active on Tinder, and he is now talking to other people. I am so confused as to why he has contradicted himself so much. My friends have told me to give him space because he is so angry, but he told me he was happy and enjoying his single life. Is there any chance of him coming back? I have stayed so hopeful, but after 7 weeks of hurt I just have doubt now. I love him so much, but he has made it clear he does not love me like he once did and I am not sure how that can change in a month. Thank you for your help!
Shaunna
September 12, 2019 at 7:51 pm
Hey Heather, so with the breaking up with him every time you were angry is creating a negative feeling for him. Completing a NC and working on yourself during this time would be best start on your road to getting him back
Lexis
July 26, 2019 at 6:17 pm
Hi Chris,
My ex boyfriend of almost 2 years and I were fighting a lot, it was getting progressively worse over time. Eventually I started to doubt his interest in me and he doubted my interest in him. He finally dumped me even though the day before he said he loved me and wanted to be with me, but he also said we could “reevaluate” in 2 months during which he wouldn’t start seeing anyone else. I did the whole begging thing for a few days. I drove an hour and a half to go ask him to take me back, he almost cried and said I was making this really hard for him, but ultimately sent me home. One of his main reasons for dumping me was he thought I didn’t want to be with him, which was reasonable because I said a lot of hurtful things that I regret when we had been together and fighting. Then he wanted to hang out approximately a week after dumping me. We hung out, he held my hand, called me babe, and kissed me once while we were out, everything he did made it feel like we were still in a relationship. Afterwards he took me home and said we’re still not going to work out. I stopped talking to him for 6 days then he texted me at 4am “thinking about you” so I caved and responded. We chatted and he seemed interested in talking to me, but again he ended on we’re still not going to work out. So I stopped talking to him again for 5 days except my dog died and he texted “i’m so sorry about her. are you ok” a couple times(he saw me and my mom post on social media about it). Again I caved and I responded, I didn’t ask for him back or beg and we chatted for a few days including once on the phone for an extended period of time and talking to him was good. He wanted to continue talking, but I told him if he didn’t want to be with me I couldn’t keep talking anymore. We talked on the phone again and he said he remembered nothing positive from our relationship, he hoped we could be friends, he wasn’t ready to reevaluate yet but he was “pretty sure” we weren’t going to get back together. After we hung up I sent one more text listing a lot of positive memories and things I wanted to do with him in the future then wrapped it up telling him to think about it and I love him. Currently we haven’t spoken for 11 days and he hasn’t texted once, which I wasn’t expecting him to make it 11 days without texting me(we’ve had minor 1-3 day breakups where he incessantly texted me the whole time) so now I’m starting to worry that I’ve ruined my chances and lost him for good. It’s been almost 5 weeks since we broke up, 4 weeks since we last saw each other, and 11 days since we’ve talked. Do you think I still have a chance and should I continue NC for the full 30 days? If I do continue NC his birthday is on day 28 so would that be an appropriate time to reach out to him? Please let me know what you think.
Patrick C
July 26, 2019 at 1:31 pm
Hi Chris ,
I feel a lot of this advice also Apply’s to lgbt couples too. My ex dumped me after a year and a half. The “last straw” for him was me guilting him into going on a trip with his grandmother instead of working. He didn’t like being told what to do or me making him feel bad. I love this man with all my heart but the break up was messy and ugly and involved blocking. I followed no contact and a few weeks later , he reached out. For about 3 weeks we seemed like we were heading in the right direction. Then I apologized for something and it triggered all of his all feelings towards me. We ended up sleeping together and then after everything was said and done he said he didn’t love me anymore , the spark was gone and the relationship was dead. He wants to be friends but it’s too painful for me. Right now I’m doing no contact again but I fear that I may have lost him for good. He confirmed that sleeping together was a test to see if the spark was still there for him but it wasn’t. He said we are strangers now and that he has the closure he needs to move on. He apologized for getting my hopes up and thanked me for everything. I wished him well and said good bye. He said to keep in contact and I said do the same but I sense this could be it. Him and I were scared to try again but I fear this was my only shot and now he seems gone and so sure that he made the right decision. I’m torn between I need to move on and I still love him ( why I don’t know).
Chris
July 22, 2019 at 1:46 am
Hi There,
So my ex girlfriend dumped me four months ago. No particular reason. I thought because it wasn’t a bad breakup we would still be able to talk and work through things. But almost immediately she cut me off. There was no closure, no explanation. I tried for months to get something out of her, but she gave me nothing at all to work with until 3 weeks ago when she finally said. ” I love you but I’m not in love with you”. And from then on she told me just to let go and move on. The few times she’s replied to a text message from that point on has been hostile. “leave me alone” type of messages. So I’m starting the no contact rule today. But it’s already been four months apart. Is there any hope?
Chris Seiter
July 22, 2019 at 2:44 pm
Hi Chris…sometimes its best to try something new if what you have been doing in the past is not getting any traction. So implement the No Contact Rule, but do so in the way I teach in my Program as there are a lot of elements to the entire NC process
Caitlin McConville
July 18, 2019 at 5:48 pm
Hey Chris & team
I have a unique situation and I am in need of some advice. My ex boyfriend and I dated for 1 year and I broke up with him. I’m a teacher and I needed to move to a new state for my career and he is moving to a new state for Grad School. We’ll be about 1000 miles apart! We both knew of each others situation when we started dating and we planned to move together but I was not mentally straight and I was having a lot of stress and anxiety and I got cold feet about moving and I broke up with him and immediately regretted it! We didn’t talk for about 35 days and now we’re talking again. I just bought your program so everything thats been happening between he and I for about 3 weeks was before your program! We started talking strong and its been good so far but lately I’ve been communicating with him more and he’s been kind of “bland” with our conversations. Just wondering what level should I be focusing on in your program? And how to make a long distance relationship a possibility? Thanks!
cryingforhelp
July 17, 2019 at 3:43 am
Hey Chris,
First two months after the breakup we were in good terms and talking and then he left me on read and I confronted him but it didn’t end as nice as it could have – so i’ve been in no contact for 30 days now and he never reached out, but I made a mistake – I partyied and hooked up with a guy and he saw it all on social media. He then erased me on all his social media and changed his profile pic to the one with a new girl which I didn’t know about. Can I still get him back even though he hates me now? Please give me some advice I can’t afford your book…
Amio katty
July 8, 2019 at 3:29 pm
good one here
Jessica
July 4, 2019 at 4:25 pm
Hi Chris,
I love your website. I’ll try to keep this brief and any advice would be so helpful. Everything was going well with my recovery until last week. He moved FAR away (reason for breakup) and I did about 8 months no contact, worked on myself etc. We’ve been talking daily for the past month or so. It started light and he kept bringing up fond memories so I did too until it got to the point where he’s told me he doesn’t see himself being with anyone else, no one could make him happier. We kept talking casually, I made mention how happy I’d be if he were back here with me and he says he has plans to move back in the future. I went away for a few days and didn’t have cell reception (ie no contact), when I came back I had no messages from him so I sent him something light and funny but he has not read it or been online since. I’m not sure if I did something wrong and not sure what I should do going forward other than let it go/wait and see/keep doing me. Its just making me a little stir crazy wondering what’s going thru his mind. Thoughts?
Chris Seiter
July 5, 2019 at 3:08 am
Hi Jessica….glad you are enjoying the site.Just stay on track with my teachings. You didn’t do anything wrong. People will be out of pocket at times – away from cell coverage. And communication is a two way street. He can initiate when he is ready. It’s OK if some times goes by with out contact. You don’t want to be perceived as desperate or overly focused on contacting him. Fill you life with other activities to balance it out. Pick up my eBook, if you have not done so, as its full of insights.
Aleysha
June 30, 2019 at 4:25 pm
Hey Chris,
I am just wondering if you can help me. I have been watching your videos for a while now, my ex broke up with me back in December because he no longer loved me. However, he came back to me in January, regretting it all. We got back together and we have been good ever since. A few weeks ago, he told me again that he doesn’t think he feels the same anymore. However, the day after we was good and he told me he did love me. I spent this weekend with him, we were happy and nothing was unusual, we were planning things for his birthday next week then randomly last night he just went off with me. He has broken up with me today because he does not feel the way he used to and I am completely broken. I don’t know what to do with myself and I am an emotional wreck. I really need the help but I feel like there is nothing else i can do to change the way he feels. We have been together for just over a year now and in the past when he has said he no longer feels the same anymore, he later tells me he did not mean what he said and he was just annoyed. Just before he broke up with me this time, he said he does love me but is scared that in the future he may change his mind and he also said that he does not want to lose me. However, he then said something is telling him inside to just end things. Please can you advise me on what i should do next or if there is any chance of us getting back together in the future?
Thank you
Chris Seiter
June 30, 2019 at 10:13 pm
HI Aleysha….I am sorry you are going thru a bad patch. I think you should take a closer look at my Program in which I talk about the value of implementing No Contact and how your recovery and your efforts to win him back are integrated. Its all covered in my EBR Pro Bundle Program.
Lígia
June 30, 2019 at 9:21 am
Hey Chris,
My boyfriend broke up with me last 19th June. We were together for 6 years, in a long distance relationship (we live about 3 hours distance from each other, but we were committed to being together every 2 weeks) and I still don’t understand how this happened. Let me explain:
Everything was going great, he never gave me any hints he was feeling dissatisfied with the relationship, we never argued and appeared to communicate well. In my birthday (beginning of May) we went on a trip to Poland, it was great! When we came back he pushed to schedule our summer holidays together and to get them pre-paid, and we did that.
Then, in the beginning of June, he started saying he was feeling like the relationship didn’t have a future, that his feelings had changed, that he saw me more like a good friend, but that he needed to be with me in order to decide what to do and really understand what he was feeling.
So, like any other hopeful girl, I went to him. I took the 3 hours trip to his city; we went to a restaurant, we had dinner together, talked about everything unrelated to the relationship, made jokes, laughed, … all great! But, when it came down to really get serious about the conversation, he had his mind all made up and still broke up with me (19th June).
Needless to say that after it happened, and for the next 4 days, I made all the mistakes imaginable (begged, insisted, got obsessed, tried to make him feel bad about it, …). Nothing worked, obviously. He even got to the point of saying that his feelings had died. So I searched the web, found your site and read through all of it.
I am now in the 7th day of NC. It’s hard, because he’s very stubborn so I don’t expect him to try to contact me, but I’m still hopeful he will.
It could be my hope talking, but I feel like this sudden change came from his inability to communicate with me his fears of us never having the chance of living together. So, instead of talking to me, he talked himself into not loving me anymore.
My question is: do you think we still have a chance?
I really need your help. Thank you!
Chris Seiter
June 30, 2019 at 3:28 pm
Hi Ligia….so congratulations for getting to day seven of NC. I know it’s hard but you are going to get thru this. If you have not already done so, tap into some of the materials of my Program to help you through all of this. I do think you have a chance. There are a lot of moving pieces to implementing No Contact and the other things you will want to do and I get into all of that with my Program – EBR PRO Bundle – but I think by virtue of having been together for six years, there is some traction to work with here.
S
June 24, 2019 at 5:54 pm
Hi, I am about to order your program. But as it is expensive I would like to ask you if it is for me. Me and my ex broke up during our pregnancy. It was quite messy. This was almost a year ago. We’ve been through different phases. Sometimes he got jealous and wanted me back, but didn’t want to get hurt. And sometimes we fight. And now he is seeing someone else and I want him back desperately. We talk everyday because of our child. And I wanted to know If your program can be of help to me… since it has been some time since the break and since it has been different phases and since he is seeing someone else. Thank you for responding as soon as possible.
Cameron
June 14, 2019 at 2:27 am
Hello,
my boyfriend of five months broke up with me two weeks ago. It is 9 days since we’ve talked. We are back home for the summer (we live three hours away and we were planning on seeing each other every two weeks). He broke up with me cause we’ve been getting into a lot of stupid fights over the past month and a half. He wanted to work things out in our last fight but I wasn’t accepting it and I acted out. He texted me the next day telling me he thinks that our problems cannot be fixed and that he did not want to fix them and broke up with me. Later that night he said, “At our happy times I had never been so happy in my entire life with anyone ever. But the moments that were bad overshadowed everything and I just don’t want things to get worse between us.” I was really hurt and upset. I did apologize for not being more understanding and listening to him and he apologized (there were things on his part too). The next day I reached out and poured my heart out to him and he decided to respond the day after that telling me how he cried reading my messages. He told me he didn’t want to give me false hope about coming to see me that week and said he would try and consider to see me within this month. He also told me that he still needs some time to fully believe that we can be together and that our mental health won’t be affected in a negative way. It took me a few days and I called him to gain some more clarity. When I called him up I was super nice. He told me that he needs to be there for his family, reflect on his life (he was supposed to have an internship by now), and truly believe that we can be together. He didn’t know how long it will take at that moment. But, he also told me he would understand if I met someone else while he works on himself because he thinks I deserve better than to wait around. He also mentioned it would hurt and sadden him to see me with another man. I ended the conversation on an understanding note but clearly, I was upset. He was crying a lot too and said he was happy to hear from me at the end of the conversation. The next day I woke up and poured my heart out again and told him I am willing to work things out still and that I miss the good times, etc. He didn’t respond that day, the next day I blocked him for two days after that so I would prevent myself from texting him again. After that I unblocked him. I am not sure if he texted me within that time (he most likely didn’t). A week before our fight he was telling me how much he loved me, how beautiful I am and how I make him the happiest man in the world. However, when I spoke to him on the phone a few days after we broke up, he told me he was barely considering coming to see me anytime this month. We had one more ticket to go back to Disney and he said he is in no state to go (clearly since we are broken up). I know this is a lot of information. I am not sure if I should completely move on. He is telling me he needs time to truly believe we can be together then telling me to not wait around for him. We go back to school in two months and we’ll be right around the corner from each other too. I am using the no contact rule for now hoping that he’ll realize what we had was amazing and give him a chance to miss me. My birthday is in a month and I was thinking if I don’t get a “Happy Birthday’ from him or hear from him at all after or during this month, I should just completely move on. There are a ton of other complicated factors which are a lot more to consider. Do you think he’ll come around? or even talk to me again? I need help, please.
Superfrench
June 12, 2019 at 4:24 am
Hey Chris,
I have used and bought ex bf recovery pro before so I am back here on this site because I did successfully get an ex back a couple of years ago but since i was so UG by then after a year of being unsatisfied with the guy I left him. I started dating someone recently however he is 7 yrs younger than me we dated about a month and we have common interests(groups) and mutual friends – however I did a big no no and blocked him on fb and text after i got angry and broke up with him on fb messenger! and well I’m sure he would’ve tried to contact me but you know i had blocked him so i cant know. I’m not sure if he is my soulmate but do you think I should unblock him off fb after 5 days of NC? I have unblocked him off my phone now but you know I just don’t want to hear his excuses because the nuclear fallout needs to settle still! He goes overseas in exactly 2 weeks and is away for 5 weeks now that steps into my 30 days of NC. I think the day he leaves is day 19. Would you recommend I skew back NC? Do you think I should attend parties and drink events where I know he will be there to remain relevant? Should I unblock him off fb or does that look like im wanting him to send me excuses? Honestly, this was all around how he was not appreciating me and treating me like the goddess i treat myself to be – personally i think that is non-negotiable he called it “welcome to equality” wtf!!! GIT OUT! right!? how did i end up paying for most of our dates?! I’m no sugar mamma! Anyway from an old success story I would appreciate help! Thank you!