Exactly How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

2,741 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”

Annie

April 6, 2017 at 8:31 pm

Hi Amor,

So I just finished my NC period. I reached out to him in my first text with a short story related to a memory from one of our first dates. He replied saying that it was a good day with a smiley face. I replied with a joke and then he replied with another joke to which I didnt answer in order to end the conversation after 2 texts. The next day I followed the guidelines and did not text him. The day after that I started another conversation with an item I found at the store that he might like. He replied in a flirty manner using many smiley faces. I then ended the conversation again by not replying (after 2 texts). The next day I replied to his message from the day before and sent a picture of a mirror that I bought (my reflection was visible and I was wearing a nice dress but I did not say anything about the dress in the text). He replied jokingly again and mentioned that the dress was nice and that I have some clothes at his families place. I said thanks and mentioned I was wearing the dress as I had an interview to become a teacher (something I had always mentioned was a goal during our relationship) and that I would pick up the clothes. He then said the outfit was a great choice for the interview and to just let him know when I´m available. As it was day 4 I tried to reply with a 3rd text saying that I was really excited to teach my first class and id let him know. However, I did not get a reply to the 3rd message.

Is it a bad sign that he is acting really nice (in just a friendly manner) and wants me to pick up my items? Also what should I do now that he didnt reply? Should I wait for him to text first next time or should I try initiating a convo again tomorrow?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2017 at 3:03 pm

mirror his replies and then rest from initiating..check the links below too.
The Four Best Ways To Respond To Your Exes Text Messages

How Do I Break Down My Ex Boyfriend’s Emotional Wall?

Alicia

April 5, 2017 at 6:10 pm

Need help please!! My ex and I have been dating for almost 3 months but it got very serious and things moved quite fast. We met online and it’s been long distance. He is currently living in Europe for his basketball season which is ending soon and I live in Vancouver, BC. We flew down to see each other over a month ago in his hometown of Toronto. We spent a weekend together and it was so great. I even met his family. Our relationship has been so great and we told me he has told me many times that he never felt this way before and has never had someone understand him so well because he has had major issues with his mom growing up and I can relate in so many ways and he once told me that means more to him than anything. We are even exactly the same mixed race which is a rare mix and we always thought that was so cool. He has shared things to me he hasn’t with others. We have even hinted marriage to each other. He has always said he has never met someone so similiar, and it’s true. We’re like the same person. This relationship was so special. We were in love. He is a major relationship guy. He is moving back to his hometown this month and I was originally moving there at the same time for my job. So we had so many plans for when we’ll be together. This past weekend I went to another city with a girlfriend of mine and posted a snapchat that ended everything. I did not cheat but it made it seem like I did. He called me as soon as he saw it and was yelling and was so extremely upset with me. He told me it was over. He blocked me everywhere on social media instantly. He then unblocked me on whatsapp a few hours later and the next day he told me to call him. I couldn’t really talk because I was at work so I did not get to say everything I wanted to. He told me I disrespected him and said he can never trust me again and there is no chance of us getting back together. He was really angry and I know he is reacting right now. This was 2 days ago. I am completely heartbroken. I am still blocked on facebook, instagram, and snapchat but I am no longer blocked on Whatsapp which has always been our main point of communication. I feel like that’s a good sign because he hasn’t cut off ALL communication so maybe there is a chance in the future. I wished him a Happy Birthday yesterday but he did not respond. I know he is so hurt and angry right now so maybe he is just acting on his emotions and needs time. Should I try the No Contact rule? I want to send him one more message just to say everything I wanted to and let everything off my chest and just tell him I truly love him. I will also say this is the last I’m contacting you but just wanted to say a few things before I move on. It will be a positive text. Just so he knows. I just want him back 🙁 What should I do?
Thank you!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 7, 2017 at 2:50 pm

follow the advice on this one:
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Thinks You Cheated But You Didn’t

Ana Ana

March 31, 2017 at 10:51 am

Guys! this is a Huge thank you
The Theory is genious. Thoug i applied it to the guy i really liked, but in the process of NO contact, met two other nice guys and my Date rate has increased so much! i went like for 6 dates and one guy really got into my heart. BUT i still contacted my Ex after no contact 20 days and been following this strategy of drafting nice texts with No text days, It works so well! Been receiving mostly positive responses and ina very excited tone.
THANKS CHRIS, Now question is?? do i want him back?? i feel so good and free and it was long distance so we anyway had very few dates///// /….

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 31, 2017 at 10:08 pm

Thanks Ana! I’ll forward this to Chris!

Frederique

March 30, 2017 at 3:28 pm

Hey,
I need some help…

After two years of living together me and my bf decided to have a break. I had some mental problems Which made me depressed and he was working on his projects every minute of the day. I wanted to spend time because I needed emotional support but his projects “were bigger then us”. Promising me I’m the love of his life and I needed to be happy for a while without him. “Taking a step back so we can move forward again”

We didn’t make rules or set a time period. He needed his attention for work and I moved back in with my parents to get my life together in January. We still met up sometimes to do something fun or romantic untill the end of February. At some point I started to have some doubts about some girls working on his projects. He said it was nothing and just my negativity playing tricks on me. A couple of days later I received some screenshots of a friend he was begging to have a one night stand with. I was broken. When I texted him he was distant and blaming it on being busy with his projects. After two weeks I waited at our house and confronted him about the screenshots. His facebook page was open on his computer and I saw conversations with dozend of girls, any girls, just copy/paste sweet messages to get their attention. He said he liked the fake attention and didn’t care about them, just wanted to use them and that was his reason why he acted that way to them instead of me. Still claimen I needed to take my time to heal and telling me how busy he was, how much pressure was on him etc. Etc.
After the convo I applied “no contact”

A week after he had sex with one of those girls. Now he has one girl who reguarly visits, works with and has sex with. She is the complete opposite of me in looks and personality. He keeps this a secret from me and I heard it from his roommate who is a close friend of mine. I don’t know if he really likes her or if she is a rebound. He doesn’t know I know this because I do no contact.

Now almost 4 weeks later he lost his job, can’t take proper care of himself and hasnt contacted me. He did upload a cover of the song “neck deep – december” Which is a breakup song on his facebook. In the mean time I got a new job, go out with friends, get therapy, applied to go back to school and do all the things I promised him to become the person again he fell in love with.

Even Though there is no one that knows him as well as I do, it feels like I don’t know him at all. Being with these girls is super out of character for him but at the same time he is terrible at being alone. He is stabborn and narcissistic and I was always the one keeping things toget her between him and everyone around him, keeping his life stable in his own chaos.

I just can’t figure out if im doing something wrong, he just doesn’t like me anymore or is even more confused and lost then I am. Please give me some inside of my situation. I’m already watching your YouTube video’s which help me to keep up the no contact. But because of my metal state and trauma’s of abuse and the fear of being abandond I don’t know what is real or overanalyzing. If he care or just is an asshole. If I should go back to him (eventho I really want to) or if he has moved on and I am waisting my time.

Thank you so much

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 30, 2017 at 7:45 pm

Hi Frederique,

It sounds like a toxic relationship to me. You’re depressed, he’s narcissitic. If he’s really narcissistic, then it’s not out of character for him to be doing all of that. And if youre5 depressed, being with that kind of person is not healthy. You should move on from him..

Jane

March 29, 2017 at 12:40 am

Hi Amor,

I’m just wondering what to say if he asks me where I went for the month of no contact? Should I tell him I needed space or just say i got really busy?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 29, 2017 at 2:00 pm

tell him you were busy..

Ann

March 26, 2017 at 6:30 pm

Hello there. I’ve read the book twice and now i was reading the articles on this site.
I did the nc rule more then one month, just because I wasn’t ready after only 30 days so i went on 50 days, after that i had send him a text messege, he responded an hour after says that he was very happy to hear from me, telling me about himself and what he’s been up to , asking me the same and at the end of his text telling me that he is still ok with the decision he took that he doesn’t want us back together.
What are my chances in this situation..?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2017 at 1:46 pm

Hi Ann,

why did he say that? did you ask?

Erica

March 22, 2017 at 10:19 pm

Hi Amor.. the situation at the moment:
It is three weeks since I contacted him after No Contact rule. He has been lovely himself like a few months ago. I have initiated texting once in a while. Not everyday though as I know he is working a lot. We have got to meet a few times just quickly and he asked me twice about going for a coffee when he has time. Last week I got to know that we’ll be working next weeks some shifts together (As he is helping our mutual friend with the grocery store (our mutual friend owns the grocery store where I will start an internship) as she has some health issues. How should I handle those working situations? I really worry if I will mess up working because he is there. But then I have thought that I just friendzone him and stay calm. I have also thought if I could do some flirting. I don’t want to show him I am still interested. Should I stay more distant or give some hints?

Thank you in advance, you have been a big help.

Erica

April 1, 2017 at 7:56 am

Well.. I had only two shifts with him this week. Wednesday went well so far but Thursday was a disaster… There is another girl working at the grocery store as well. I know her and I know they have known each other longer time. On Thursday I saw how she got more attention and I noticed that their chemistry is so different. I felt so bad on Thursday. When he came to work, he went directly to her to talk about something and totally ignored me.. didn’t even say hello. I don’t know why on Wednesday things looked so good. Or is it my head that make things look worse than it is. But I know he was hanging all day with her after work on Wednesday (I have heard that they have spend a lot of free time together) . I have a feeling I can’t get him back… I just can’t. She is more prettier. Thursday was so awkward. I still have 6 shifts together with him. Next week only on Monday and Saturday.
I behaved normally around him even I felt bad inside. I don’t know how I can survive next shifts with him.. I can’t pretend feeling well. I just try not to be around him that much. I try avoiding him if necessary. I assume he can see and feel that I feel uncomfortable around him.

Should I tell him that I am only for work there and nothing more? Should I tell him that I have felt a bit awkwardness at work because of the relationship we had last year?
I have a small feeling that he has felt awkwardness as well and that’s why he has felt safety near the other girl. He can be normal with her and he can joke around her. But with me, he is more reserved. Of course we can joke as well..but it is so different. I haven’t texted him at all after last weekend, well on Thursday evening about something we talked at work but didn’t get reply. I decided I don’t text him any unnecessary texts that he doesn’t think I am still interested. Well..I was but I have started to accept the other girl is more in his life than me.

I am about to give up….
Erica

March 26, 2017 at 4:02 am

I started to worry what if he thinks I am starting to work at the same place than he because of him. I tried to initiate texting on Friday and Saturday (last time we texted on last Sunday and we got to meet up quickly on Tuesday) but he didn’t continue texting after one text but He replied immediately. Maybe I am just overthinking and he was just busy. Or my texts weren’t that interesting. 🙁 I have to text on Tuesday (unless he visits at the grocery store) to ask about Wednesday as we are working on the same shift. I should not make any speculations but his behavior confuses. Well.. I decided I just treat him as a co-worker on the first week and see how it goes. After that start some flirting. I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable if he has started thinking I wanted to start my internship there because of him. Because it isn’t so. I even didn’t know he would work there. Maybe it is my head that makes those thoughts and I should stop immediately. I just had to write down my thoughts as I am going crazy by over thinking.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 4:27 pm

yep, that’s just over thinking and yes, just be civil in the first week
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 5:39 pm

Hi Erica,

stay cal, happy and flirting is good too..Just don’t be emotional, no to negativity

Anaya

March 20, 2017 at 12:41 pm

I NEED MAJOR HELP. I COMPLETELY SCREWED UP ANY CHANCES I HAD WITH HIM AND I KEEP SCREWING UP AGAIN AND AGAIN.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 22, 2017 at 2:39 pm

Hi Anaya,

you have to restart nc and stick to it.. check this one:
7 Simple Things You Can Do To NOT Spiral Out Of Control After A Breakup

Erica

March 10, 2017 at 2:33 am

So the things didn’t go the way I planned.. I mean I planned to wait a week but I had to text him on a day 4 after I sent the link.

I may start an internship at the grocery store that our mutual friend owns and it is a close to Starbucks where he works. I had to text him about it as he may get confused if we will meet up more often. Texting went well..really well. I kept it neutral. We ended up texting 15 or more messages both. He was lovely himself like he was a few months ago. He said as soon as he has time, we can go for a coffee. I was really surprise him saying that. I am going to visit at that grocery store on Saturday and told about it. He said I should stop by at Starbucks and he’ll make me a latte. I am so confused but I am taking it slowly. I tried to end texting at high point twice but he kept texting and asking questions. On the 3rd time I got to end it.
I think No Contact helped.. I remember he texted that way last time in October-November.. And he broke up with me the beginning of December.

Well..Now slowly rebuilding rapport. I don’t wanna make any wrong moves.

Thank you Amor all the help.. I know I didn’t follow the full 45 day NC and thZhou is time I didn’t wait a week. But now slowly but surely rebuilding the rapport.

I think if we meet up on Saturday. I’m gonna wait a day or two to initate texting again. I will see how the meeting goes. I try keeping it short as I know he has to work.

Hope this text is not too confusing and not many grammar mistakes as I really don’t know what to think myself.. Things are so confusing.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2017 at 9:16 am

it’s clear…that’s ok.. it’s good that youre5 taking it slow..just keep it that way

Sam

March 7, 2017 at 1:40 am

Hi,
Me and my ex had been together for 3 years in a long relationship. Also like to mention he was my first love visa versa.However now has been 4 years of not being in a relationship we talk once in a blue moon. I still have feelings for him. I just don’t understand if he does or doesnt he says he dont want to be with me but also says he hasnt found the right one after me . Also he feels that due to the breakup which i had left him for some family matters and i had move onto another man had effected him lots and always gets flashbacks he also says if that did not happen we would of been married by now.. I still love him and i feel like he doesnt want to go back to how it was as i left him. Not long ago he even asked me if i still mention him. Why, i dont know. He also asks to see my picture in a while. Can you please tell me what to do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2017 at 9:55 am

Hi Sam,

Frankly, that means he’s not attracted to you. Have you tried the no contact rule? If yes, how many times? How long did you do it? How much did you improve? in this 4 years, you always kept in touch? And also, this is not to judge you but just to shed light in your situation, how long did you chase him? Because if you kept chasing hin for a long time, that means you have to do a long nc for restart.. maybe at least a year..

Erica

February 16, 2017 at 7:02 pm

Hello,
On Valentine’s Day it was 21th day of NC and I hadn’t heard from him over a month. I posted on Facebook a picture of heart shaped cupcakes that were baked by me. I can’t believe he liked that picture. I have been really active on Facebook lately and I am sure he had seen most of my posts but now..after a month it is a first time I get this little sign of him. I assume it must be a good sign. Gosh I can’t believe he still has a strong effect on me
At first I planned to have NC for 45 days because I was really clingy and begging for him to come back. But now I have been thinking about cut it down. What do you think? It means I will finish NC next Wednesday after 30 days NC. I wanna see how I will feel then. I think I feel much better now. I am not depressed as I was a month ago. I started a few new hobbies. I have learned a lot of things about relationships via this website and I wanna used them to re-build attraction on him.
one more question..
and I have been preparing the first message as I know some of his interests and hobbies. Can I use a little white lie on it? That he probably doesn’t never find out that it actually wasn’t true.

Erica

March 10, 2017 at 2:32 am

So the things didn’t go the way I planned.. I mean I planned to wait a week but I had to text him on a day 4 after I sent the link.

I may start an internship at the grocery store that our mutual friend owns and it is a close to Starbucks where he works. I had to text him about it as he may get confused if we will meet up more often. Texting went well..really well. I kept it neutral. We ended up texting 15 or more messages both. He was lovely himself like he was a few months ago. He said as soon as he has time, we can go for a coffee. I was really surprise him saying that. I am going to visit at that grocery store on Saturday and told about it. He said I should stop by at Starbucks and he’ll make me a latte. I am so confused but I am taking it slowly. I tried to end texting at high point twice but he kept texting and asking questions. On the 3rd time I got to end it.
I think No Contact helped.. I remember he texted that way last time in October-November.. And he broke up with me the beginning of December.

Well..Now slowly rebuilding rapport. I don’t wanna make any wrong moves.

Thank you Amor all the help.. I know I didn’t follow the full 45 day NC and thZhou is time I didn’t wait a week. But now slowly but surely rebuilding the rapport.

I think if we meet up on Saturday. I’m gonna wait a day or two to initate texting again. I will see how the meeting goes. I try keeping it short as I know he has to work.

Hope this text is not too confusing and not many grammar mistakes as I really don’t know what to think myself.. Things are so confusing.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2017 at 9:16 am

it’s clear…that’s ok.. it’s good that youre5 taking it slow..just keep it that way
Erica

March 5, 2017 at 8:07 pm

I assume I made a mistake..
Well..he replied on the second day that he is sorry he could not text earlier as he is busy with his two jobs and driving school. He also asked how I am. Well I waited over an hour to reply that it is okay if he could not reply earlier and I am doing fine. I also commented about his driving school that it is great and also mentioned that I have also thought about going to one.
No replies after his question. Not even read them.
On a day 3 I didn’t text but on a day 4 I texted and I joked about driving school (I know he has a good sense of humor) and I asked a question. No reply and not even read my messages. I see he is online once in a while.
Today a day 5.. He still haven’t read my messages. The mistake is that I sent him a text with a link about the event I told on the day 1. I know I should have waited but I couldn’t help myself. I don’t want to start gnatting which I did before I started NC. I am not the same clingy and needy girl I used to be. I am not. His messages on a day 1 and 2 sounded so positive and suddenly no replies. Maybe I should give him time to reply. Maybe he really is busy. i should not be over analyzing. So does that mean I could still try but wait a week or longer to initate texting again? I wanna show him I am changed. But really hard having any conversation if he seems always being busy. I know I am not one of top priorities at the moment.
This really makes me feel crap..maybe you say I need more patience. I know. But His replies gave me hope. Maybe he thinks I start gnatting again because I have sent 4 messages after he asked how am I… and all of them are unread. He has done that before…leaves my messages unread until he replies.. or not going to reply at all. I don’t wanna ruin this again.
I try keeping myself busy next days and try again..in one week or more? 10 days?
and if no reply.. then two more weeks. If nothing..then it is better move on. Right? I have read this website as much as possible and hoping to make things right.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2017 at 7:25 am

yeah, wait a week from the last day you sent a text,.that was the link right? if he still doesn’t reply wait two weeks before initiating again..
Erica

March 2, 2017 at 12:42 pm

I know you said it is better to extend the NC period than to shorten it. It was the 37 of 45 yesterday and I suddenly I had a feeling I have to text him about one event he might like because I didn’t want him to hear about it from anywhere else. It was all of a sudden..like 5 mins I got the idea..I created a text “Hi, There will be [this and this event] next month. I thought you might like going there. Tell your colleagues about it too. Hope all is well with you”. (because the event is something to do with his job and something he likes).
He had replied immediately but I saw his reply 4 hours later because I didn’t get any notifications on FB Messenger. He had replied: “:) [smiling emoji], I’ll get back to you later on because I am on my way to driving school”.
I replied: “Take your time. I just came back home from a meeting and now just relaxing before going to bed” Because it was an evening I realized his reply.
He still haven’t got back to me but I saw he was online after I sent that message. I am feeling really good about his reply because it made me feel good. I know he is working and not time yet to reply. I will wait as long I need to.
But let’s assume that he forgets to reply. Should I initiate texting after a few days with another topic or do i wait a week?

really appreciate all of your help.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 3, 2017 at 12:04 am

wait a week..
Erica

February 26, 2017 at 11:38 am

This week has been bad. I have got a bad cold and couldn’t go anywhere. Been thinking too much and I have started missing him a lot. It is a day 34 of 45. I feel terrible and I look terrible. I feel like I am not ready to text him yet. But I still have 11 days to go. I think this cold is already getting better so I assume I feel much better in 11 days. I also have thought about what if I would text him on a day 40 because it is a weekend and I am sure he has more time to reply as he is not working. what do you think?
I have been thinking about what to text him. Not sure about that white lie I mentioned earlier. It was something to do with a video game he likes. I am stressing what if he won’t reply. Well.. I should stop over analyzing and worrying makes me feel even worse.

I feel so much better that I can write here. Thank you for this great page.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 26, 2017 at 9:33 pm

Most of the time it’s better to extend than to cut short. If you’re not feeling better now, cutting it short may not be the best option.
Erica

February 18, 2017 at 11:11 am

Thanks for your reply. I think you are right..I am gonna do that 45days NC. Today it is day 26. I think I wouldn’t have been ready yet after 30 days.

I am already planning the first txt message. What do you think, can I use a little white lie on my first text message? Just to get his attention to reply back. Something he doesn’t find out. And if I keep it only 2 texts on a first day, I don’t think he comes back to it next day if I say on a second txt that “I gotta go”
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2017 at 5:31 pm

Just make sure he really doesn’t find that out, and it’s ok if he doesn’t come back on the topic the second day. You can initiate and just make sure you’re always the one ending the conversation at high point.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2017 at 9:43 pm

I know it feels good, yes, that’s a good sign and congratulations! But, it would be better if you finish 45, so that you don’t look like you were just waiting for him to act and then you jumped on the opportunity.

Laura

February 15, 2017 at 11:22 pm

My ex believes I am having an affair with my business partner, I have tried to reassure him but he does not believe me, he stopped speaking to me on 10th Feb, 12th Feb he messaged saying hi and asked how I was, I said I was ok but was hurting, he told me to go “check myself” I ignored this an said I missed him to which he replied I hope so, we left it at that until 14th Feb, he messaged saying he knows I do not love him, he knows I have a thing with my business partner, he allied me a liar and said he does not trust me, he hates me and to not contact him, I did just to say it was all in his head to which he said, what’s done is done. I really do not know what to do or what is going on in his head, I really need some advice on what to do, he is really stubborn and sounds very angry but I have not done anything wrong

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2017 at 6:01 pm

Hi Laura,

what made him think that? Check this one:
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Thinks You Cheated But You Didn’t

Hannah

February 12, 2017 at 8:43 am

Hey Amor
SO my ex and I broke up January 3rd. It was my birthday and he left me that night because he thought I was being too flirty. He told me to stop drinking or he would leave. When I told him that was unrealistic he said goodbye. About a week later I messaged him, telling him I missed him and would do what he wanted, but at this point he said no. We ended the conversation with, “I love you, goodbye.”
It had now been about a month since I last spoke with him and I can’t stop thinking about him. I think I’m at the point where I can message him. He’s very into golf and recently started chiropractic school, so I thought I could start off with “I finally saw a chiropractic! I see why you love it. It helped alot.”
We both workout at the same gym but he avoids eye contact. He’s blocked me on all social media.. do I have a shot? Can I get him back?
Thank you for your time!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2017 at 7:57 pm

Hi Hannah,

Even if it has been a month, if there isn’t significant change in you, you should restart the count and I think this time, you need to go in a different gym.. Improve yourself in the health, wealth and relationships aspect of your life ..Be active in posting in social media during nc too..

Carrie

February 9, 2017 at 6:38 pm

Hey, my ex boyfriend ghosted me 3 months ago (he had serious personal problems and he was angry and stopped answering my calls and texts or he simply didnt wanna be with me anymore idk) but then i went on NC rule for the last 3 months, and i finally texted him and he answered we had a decent conversation..and 2 weeks later he texted me ( that happened yesterday) we texted throughout the day like the old fun times ( no flirting though..well some compliments from both sides) and now idk what to do to get him back, should i be the one who texts first this time?

Carrie

February 10, 2017 at 12:54 pm

What does it mean to end the conversation at a high point? and how long should I wait to text him? (he initiated 2 weeks after the last conversation we had) I don’t want to be too pushy and talk to him again after only 2 days but at the same time I don’t want him to lose interest.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 10, 2017 at 9:17 pm

like ending it in a cliffhanger style, end the conversation when it has hit the climax of the conversation.. Try the tide theory in this link:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
Carrie

February 9, 2017 at 9:26 pm

Hi again, thank you for your help… And I m a student so I was busy preparing for exams, looking for a 6 month internship, doing sport and applying for universities abroad..so I just kept my mind off of the break up and I just tried to find inner peace … its funny coz I watched a tv show where a successful woman couldn’t find a husband so she married herself, that inspired me into thinking I don’t need anybody else to make me happy, and I feel complete by myself.. Still i went on a date with a sweet guy friend who kept asking me out, but then it just reminded me of the ex, that s why i contacted him, we had good conversation and 2 weeks later he initiated the conversation, and “It all came back to me” so as I said idk how much time i need before i am the one to initiate, does he even thinkin about gettin back with me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2017 at 9:43 pm

let’s say he doesn’t.. it would be better to think that he doesn’t so that you would act from a point of view of building rapport and attraction instead of expecting him to already have those feelings.. It’s ok to initiate. What’s more important is the quality of the conversation and that you’re the one ending the conversation at high point.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2017 at 9:07 pm

Hi Carrie,

it’s ok to initiate, but how have you been in the last 3 months? How much to improve yourself?

Kales

February 8, 2017 at 9:41 am

I need some help — I had essentially been following this process with my ex (together 6 mo, broke up because of commitment-phobia essentially). Right after we split I did NC for about 3 weeks and then texted. This led to hanging out and him saying how much he missed me, how miserable he’d been, etc… I said I thought we should be together, and he said “I think you’re right,” and had a super romantic day.. I slept with him (mistake #1, I know), and over the next few days he got spooked I guess and started withdrawing. I let it rest for a few days, then texted on his birthday… we communicated some, but he still seemed distant. After a few more days of close to NC, I dropped off his birthday gift with a note saying something like, “I understand, we’re cool, best of luck.” He didn’t text for several days, and finally said, “thank you for the awesome gift. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write. I just don’t know what I want.”

At that point I did 30 days of NC, and I was a mess for a lot of it, but once things started improving in my life I texted him something light and he begged for us to be friends. I said fine, but there can’t be middle ground: either we are just friends (nothing physical) or we can be fuck buddies (nothing emotional)… at that point I felt pretty over him, so I honestly thought that was possible. (Mistake #2, I’m sure). He asked what j wanted, and I said I’d like to give friends a shot.

We started texting regularly, and things seemed to be going well… but I started to realize all my feelings were still there. One night he came over for dinner (as friends), and we got snuggly. I had told him no physical stuff was allowed, and he respected that. But I wanted more, though I didn’t say so.

He left, and I started crying… So I called him and said “I’m sorry, but I can’t be your friend. I have feelings for you and it’s too hard.” He begged me to reconsider. I ended up drunk and sent some crazy messages including telling him I loved him and that I was blocking him, that I would miss him and that I didn’t understand how he could pass on a connection like ours, and how I wanted to get physical and hated the rejected-feeling I had (Mistake #3). I blocked him for about a minute, but he didn’t respond until the morning. His text said he wanted to talk about things and that he doesn’t want me out of his life. He talked about how much he cares about me and how hard it is to be without me (meaning NC).

I was embarrassed and had given up, so I said “not sure what there is to say after that, but sure we can talk.” I got sick the next day, and he checked up on me all the time, ended up bringing me medicine and food, and we were lovey-dovey that evening. That Saturday we were at a party together, and I gave him loads of space, but was friendly and flirty when we interacted… we ultimately slept together again. Afterwards he said, “I still don’t want a relationship right now with anyone.” I said I’d never cared about the titles, but he was concerned with expectations too… like we might not talk everyday and whatnot– still unclear what exactly he is ok and not ok with, honestly.

That was this past weekend. He seemed distant at the end and said he didn’t feel great (hangover). He said we’d talk soon, and I did NC for 2 days: mostly to make him see I’d be ok with a more unstructured relationship (which I am). I texted tonight and he responded, but it seems distant. What I really want is the closeness we had and the intimacy emotionally and physically, but I feel he’s hesitant because I think he believes I will only be ok with more.

So, how do I proceed? Ideally, yes, I would like a relationship. I love him, and I know he loves me too. I don’t want him out of my life, and he clearly doesn’t want to be rid of me either. So I don’t know how to get back on track with building closeness and getting things relaxed again.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2017 at 5:03 pm

Hi Kales,

You said you did another 30 days and when you felt you were improving you texted him something light, does that mean you texted him during the 30 days? You have a small chance now because the more you do nc, the less it can help.. It starting to look like your pattern, and it loses conviction. This time, the best bet is you stick to 45 days, massively improve yourself to the point that he’s going to regret losing you, date others and take it slow after the no contact period while continuing to improve yourself.

Rach

January 30, 2017 at 12:59 am

My Ex and I were still on talking terms a couple weeks after he broke up with me. We were together for almost 2 years. He gave me hope of getting back together and then didn’t. Before NC I asked him if I was bothering him when I would text him and he told me that he doesn’t know why I would ask that because I don’t bother him. My 30 days NC is coming up and I’m going to reach out to him. He isn’t one to start text messages. Before we were together we would text all the time and wouldn’t say goodnight to each other, the conversation would just start back up in the morning. When we were together it was always goodnight and good morning so the conversation never ended. What if I’m always the one to start the conversation? I know he will always respond and he says I don’t bother him. I just don’t know how to make him text me first. When I do my first contact do I just keep starting the texts everyday?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2017 at 2:40 pm

Hi Rach,

it’s ok that you initiate the texts, what’s mkre important is that you’re the one ending it at high point..

Mercy

January 26, 2017 at 11:55 pm

Hello
Please help me
I and my boyfriend has an issue since 15th f Jan, and i have been the one texting and begging but no response, and i stopped texting him since 24th but i am missing him but want to go with the NO CONTACT RULE
I’m just scared of losing him. Please what can i do to make sure he come back to me realising I’m sorry. But this time i don’t
want to be the desperate one
Please i need your help

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 11:54 am

Hi Mercy,

you have to be willing to lose him..because the reason why you’re being desperate is because you’re not willing to lose him.. there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work, but if you dont want to look desperate, dont chase.

Abigail

January 24, 2017 at 9:11 pm

Hello, I have a few questions. Please help! Okay, so I did the No Contact for 17 days and I reached out because I was feeling confident. I am in a long distance relationship, or well I was. He responded positively. I texted him the “Guess what happened to me?” and he responded with “What’s that?”. He had not responded to me before, so it was good. We had a small conversation and then it ended. I followed the procedure as texting, then not texting on Day 3 and etc. I am on Day 8 – A story. I told him a funny story this morning, and we both laughed. Yesterday, I posted a picture on snapchat that I looked good and he saw it. I wasn’t responding to his messages until he said, “We need to talk about something, when you can find some time”. We had a casual conversation yesterday and he asked me, “What are we doing? I thought we broke up and now we’re talking, or trying to.” I partially begged for us to get back together, but he said he couldn’t do it because he still had a bad taste about us in his mouth. He enjoyed talking, and other stuff while we were together but things would just go bad when we would meet in person. I would get jealous and naggy, and I do admit to that. I ended up apologizing for all that, and he said it was in the past. I just lost it after previous problems we had, and it took a toll on me. Anyways, I ended up apologizing for sending him those messages and that I did not want to force him into anything he didn’t want. He hasn’t changed any of our pictures, or his status on facebook. He hasn’t even told his family or friends. So I suggested for us to continue as we were. He asked me, “What are we doing right now? Friends or dating or what?” I don’t understand why he would ask me that! He just said he didn’t want to be with me, and that we were broken up. So I just told him not to over think it and for us to just talk. We’ve been talking great today, but I still feel this ugly feeling in my stomach. He said he wasn’t going to look at my snapchat anymore because it bothered him, and that he was sorry. What do I do? I’m sorry for the long message, but I’m just confused. Please help! I’ve been initiating every text pretty much, and I know this process needs patience but will he ever message me? Should I stop messaging him for a few days? What should I do? Is this good or do I let it go? It’s hard since we are LDR, but I don’t want to give up. I’ve been doing me, and working out, blah blah blah, but talking to him hurts especially after what he told me yesterday. I know there’s tons of questions, but please help as much as possible. Thank You!

Abbs

February 3, 2017 at 8:37 pm

Hi Amor,
I previously wrote you to tell you about my story, as you can see above. lol. I just wanted to give you an UPDATE on my situation and see your thoughts. Where do I begin? Last I talked to you, we discussed about him not texting me first. That was on January 28. We have continued to talk, my ex and I, and he has initiated contact as well as sending me snapchats. He sometimes asks me about my days and where I’m going or what I’ve been up to. We talk daily and we’ve been talking since January 17. A total of 18 days. Ugh! It feels like a lifetime since we’ve been broken up. Anyways, he talks to me normal (neutral) on some days and other days he’s very flirty (positive). He asked me about if I had been with anyone else and stupid jealous shit like that, so I told him to not ask me those type of questions because it offended me. So he stopped. Two days ago I told him I wanted to go visit him in March and he got pushy and distant. For example: He was like are you sure, are you very sure? etc. So I changed the subject. I remember last time you told me that it was too soon so I waited to tell him. Yesterday, I partially brought it up and told him that I felt like he laughed at me because of the way he reacted. He said he was sorry and that we has being pushy, and that he acted distant because he was scared. I told him I did sense that and he responded with “I told myself I wouldn’t do it anymore, but I’m slowly crumbling”. I told him to not look at it as a weakness and I changed the subject to something about his job. We said our goodnight and whatever. Today, I brought up my idea of visiting him in march and he said for me to go if I wanted, and he said he would want me to go. He said, “Baby, I can’t travel out of Europe on a 3 day weekend, but try to find a place here in Europe so we can go”. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME HE’S CALLED ME BABY SINCE JANUARY 1!!! (He’s In the military). Anyways, our conversation continued but he said to give him 30 minutes until he got done with work. We didn’t talk about it anymore, but he said he was excited. I felt like he got distant again, but then again I was freaking out. I started being sweet and calling him baby and bleh bleh, and he didn’t respond to any of that. He was just neutral. I asked him if he felt scared about me visiting and us, and he said “No serious questions tonight”. So I said sweet dreams and that I looked forward in talking to him tomorrow, with a heart.

FIRST: I’M SORRY FOR WRITING SO MUCH!

SECOND: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? Do you think things are looking good for us?
I’ve had bad anxiety about this and I just want to be positive.

THIRD: WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO?

Thank you so much! I know it’s long but I do hope that you read this.
You and this website have been great help! I would’ve literally just gone into depression mode If I didn’t do the NC and started bettering myself.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2017 at 9:35 pm

Frankly, I still think it’s too early to ask that. There’s a chance he will be more distant as your vacation gets closer or refuse to meet.. and dont try to be confronting, like pointing out what he might be thinking or feeling because it’s starting to look like nagging. I still think you should do one last nc of 45 days or at least 30 but if you really dont want to, the best you can do is to be more focused in other activities that help you be an ungettable girl and to avoid bringing up the vacation
Shubhankri

January 30, 2017 at 12:16 pm

Can I get in some contact with you personally I need to ask something
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2017 at 3:20 pm

Hi Shubhankri,

is it with Abigail or with exrecovery?
Abigail

January 27, 2017 at 2:27 pm

Thank you for the advice. I have been improving myself and have been feeling great. However, I’m one to not talk about my situations to anyone near me. Hence the reason why I’m talking to someone online. Anyways, we have been friendly and I was the one that suggested it. Like I mentioned before, he has been agreeing to everything I’ve been asking him to do. I do appreciate that a lot. Maybe he’s being nice or maybe he’s still unsure about what to do about us. He asked me, “WHAT ARE WE DOING?”. Why would he ask me that If he was the one that broke it off. I guess that’s where the small chance stands. Also, I honestly feel like I’m okay if we were to not get back together. I feel like it’s too soon to feel this way, but I still love him and want whats best for him, even if it’s not me. It sucks and hurts so much, but what can we do. Yesterday when I sent you the message, I thought about having to save up money and traveling to see him. It would be pointless if we haven’t built up enough rapport. I feel like we have, but even then I hate the feeling of being rejected. I watched “Under the tuscan sun”, don’t know if you’ve seen it but she goes to visit him in Italy and he’s with another girl! ahhh!! I still feel like we’re a couple with a bit of distance. Maybe, that’s whats making me want to fight for him, us.

So i previously asked if I should stop texting him for a bit to see how he reacts, but you didn’t respond to that question.
I know I shouldn’t over think it because there’s only so much we can do to get an ex back, but should I stop texting him for a few days? Does that mean the texting time will restart or affect what we’ve built so far? Do you think that will help?

Thank you for everything that you do! 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2017 at 5:38 am

oops sorry.. yes for me you should stop initiating for maybe 2 weeks max.. see if he initiates. You can reply if you want to but just mirror his texts
Abigail

January 26, 2017 at 3:07 pm

I appreciate your response. I mean, obviously I know better as to what is going on in the text messages and you just go off of what I submit on here. However, as far as what I’ve told you, do you think there is a good chance? I’m really trying to back off so that I don’t seem like too much. I have been following this article and the (New Rules) of texting, but sometimes I feel like we go a step back. I know I asked you if I should stop texting him for a few days, but does that mean that If I stop, I’ll have to restart the texting process all over again? I’m trying so hard not to over think this, but It’s so hard. It’s a lot more complicated than actually being in the relationship, but Patience is very important. I understand that. The only thing that sucks about visiting him is that I need to go all the way to Italy. So buying a ticket in advance would be helpful. 🙁 I guess I’ll just have to wait it out to see how things continue. Okay so the questions I ask:

Do I have a good chance? by reading my story.
Should I stop texting him for a day or more to see what happens?
If yes, Would the texting process restart if I do?

*What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Thank You
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 10:25 am

there’s a small chance.. because it’s either you’re friendzoned or he thinks you’re still into him and just being nice.. if I were you, I would focus on improving myself first, changing, having my own life to the point that it’s ok if I don’t get him back and that I’m more on the side that has moved on, especially compared to him before starting on being friendly again.. If I have a vacation near his place, I would only ask him to meet once Im there and when we’ve built rapport.. but I won’t invest on travelling just for him
Abigail

January 25, 2017 at 7:53 pm

Hey Amor, **UPDATE** He initiated contact today because he fell asleep the night before, and I ended it on a high note. I sent him a video message, a funny one last night while he was asleep. He responded and has been sweet today. He has been flirtatious and stuff like that. We’ve been talking as friends. I am the one that told him for us to talk as friends. He has been agreeing to everything and decided to not change anything yet about telling our families or friends. He sent me pictures, he’s been asking me about my day, he’s been telling me about his day, etc.. I feel good about it but at the same time I’m still progressing myself. I have his notifications muted so that I don’t respond quickly and put much attention to it. I enjoy his friendship/company even if it’s from a distance and not certain if we will get together. We’ve been talking good and he did seem distant, but i understand because he’s being cautious. I understand that he has or wants to move on, because I have been friendly but not pushy. I asked him if he had been talking to girls, and he said no. I told him that it was just a question and that I wasn’t going to get on him about it. Should I go without texting him one day or two to see if he texts me throughout those days (because he has been texting me) or should I continue following the texts as described in this article? I continue to love him of course, but I’m trying to show that I’ve moved on. I know it’s been a bit of time, (25 days) but I feel good, confident and like I’ve moved on but not moving on. I also just found out that I have vacation for a week in march, and I was thinking about asking If I should go visit him? Do you think that’s enough time?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 12:22 pm

follow the article.. I think it’s too early to ask him now if you could visit him in March.. better if it’s at that time or when you’ve built more rapport later on
Abigail

January 24, 2017 at 9:16 pm

Another thing is that I can’t help but look to see how many snapchats he gets. Like the number. I need to stop obsessing over it, because it’s hurting me. It makes me think he’s talking to someone else. I really hope that you respond with great detail, because it would be very helpful. Another question that I have, which I know your response might not be 100% accurate, but do all these things that I’m telling you put me in a good place of getting him back? What am I doing wrong?

Thank You
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 2:03 pm

Hi Abigail,

at this point, you’re just chasing him. Are you holding on because he hasn’t erased your photos in social media? Because it’s apparent that he doesn’t want to get back, and yet you’re still there.. You’re the only one initiating contact and he knows you want him back but you wont let go.. The first nc was too short.. And for a higher chance, you have to accept that he has moved on. So, that the goal is to attract him again, not to hold on what’s left.. He has to think you have moved on so that he would be willing to start as friends again.. I think you should do 45 days nc one last time…

Linn

January 23, 2017 at 7:42 pm

My boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me due to lying. when we started to first date my sons father wasn’t able to let go. he will threaten me and my boyfriend ask me to get restraining order to protect us both. i told him i would but i didnt because i thought the situation will settle on it own. my boyfriend broke up we got back together. through out our relationship my boyfriend would always accuse me of texting or calling different mean which i wasn’t because i was deeply in love with him. i promise him i would never lie to him again. i failed i asked my sons father for help with my son i told my boyfriend i haven’t been talking to him to keep the peace. he found out i did speak to him and i only spoke to him concerning my son . i tried everything to get him back. i dont want to give up i feel like im a bad person. i broke my man trust i want to earn it back. he says he want to be friends. he told me he love me as friend then he said i love you too.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2017 at 1:18 pm

Hi Linn,

Check this one:
This Is How To Make Him Trust You Again

Jess

January 13, 2017 at 11:37 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me because of small arguments we had in the relationship. We didn’t contact for 3 weeks then after this period we started seeing each other again and it felt like we were dating. After a really good day together which was a month and a half after we broke up, I asked what he wanted from me. He said he doesn’t know what he wanted anymore and didn’t want to keep me waiting. We spoke and decided to end everything that day as he was confused and didn’t really see anything moving forward together. He was upset and told me he still loved me and cares so much but then he still let me go. What I want to know now is if it is over or if I should restart the nc period and try again in a month as he is still unsure?

smita

January 24, 2017 at 11:51 am

The same thing has been happened with me…my x also loves me but let me go
I am tensed too
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 14, 2017 at 3:36 pm

Hi Jess,

when you didn’t speak for 3 weeks, did it seem like you were moving on? I think you should try doing a 30 day nc one last time and then focus in improving yourself and date others too, after that slowly rebuild rapport

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