The Guide To Becoming The Ungettable Girl- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

348 thoughts on “The Ungettable Girl”

anonymous

December 2, 2014 at 8:00 pm

Hi Chris,

I attracted a guy because I was the ungettable girl. But within a month of talking, I got carried away and am afraid I may have come off a little needy/clingy. He took my number in October, but he had seen me over the summer and he remembered me from then, though I didn’t remember him. We weren’t exclusive, but we talked as though we were.

Unfortunately, we only got to meet once alone before he got sick and then the next weekend had friends over from out of town. I felt the attraction was dying because we weren’t seeing each other and became a text gnat, but he still seemed interested. Anyways, having misunderstood from a friend that he had publicly answered how many girls he had slept with in a game, i became curious to know since he was always telling me he was very experienced. I kept pushing him and he kept telling me to let the past be the past and that it was inconsequential. I went so far as to try and provoke him into telling me. Eventually he said “stop will you.” The next day I never got a text from him so in the evening I sent a text that said “hi” and after a couple hours with no response another that said “mad?” and finally I called after another hour. He eventually texted “talk later.” The next day we had movie plans, I sent a text that said “how are you?” and after no response I apologized for being demanding and pushy and he said I need to relax. I asked “movie tonight right” and he said “no,” so I said “why not? I thought we had plans” and he said “not anymore” so I said “care to explain” and he said “I will later.” I haven’t heard from him since then and I haven’t texted either. It has been a week and a half since. We have mutual friends and I know that he told them he wasn’t interested because I was immature and my age, but I know this is probably just an excuse. He can easily say this as he is 5 years older than me. That conversation triggered him.

It turns out he had never even answered that question publicly and I misunderstood. Since his friends and me run in the same circles, I am bound to run into him and see his friends. I do want this guy back, but I’m not sure if I can salvage the situation? Do you think it is possible? Especially after I was the ungettable girl and quickly let my emotions get to the best of me and let go of myself? Any advice you can offer would be appreciated.

Heather

March 3, 2015 at 6:55 am

Okay, I have a tough one. I dated this Guy for about a year about six months into it I lied to him about a mutual friend and told him that I was sleeping over friends house when I actually went to this guys house. At that time we were having problems and this friend was helping us out. He would sleep over my boyfriend and I’s house once in a while but I was so mad at my boyfriend that even tho I knew he wouldn’t wabt me to go over I still did. Nothing happened, but we both accidentally fell asleep. The next morning I recieved a million texts from him. This is when it gets worse. Like most people I had an Instagram. There was this guy I knew from Texas who followed me and I followed him. We were always flirty people even tho it meant nothing to us it looked bad. He would leave comments on my pictures and I would do the same, make eachother our mcm or wcw all of it. Completly innocent but did look bad. That same night my boufriend now ex boyfriends friends took photos of my instagram and sent them to my boyfriend. So I get home and he asks me, who’s michael? At this time he had no idea about the accidental sleepover, we got into a huge fight almost broke up but eventually patched things up. Then he goes on the computer to mssg his friends somthing and this mutual sent him this long parahraoh telling him he’s sorry. He also said nothing happend. I was planning on telling my boyfriend myself but after that, how could I?? But he found out and we broke up,.. We lived together so it lasted a solid 3 days before we got together again. We worked on it and he said he was doing better. 5 months later he comes home from work. 4 hrs prior we were completly fine. So he comes home very upset. I ask him what’s wrong and he blows up saying how he can’t pretend that he can get over this and he can’t and we broke up. I moved out. He already had a lot of trust issues and he’s really sensitive. Now its 4 days later and I told him how I want him back and I love him but he just keeps saying he can never trust me and he can’t get back with me but I can try. We are acting like were together soon we still even have sex just today we went to dinner and a movie. I admit those last 5 months were not perfect but they didn’t have anything to do with wgy we broke up. I never actually cheated on him, never kissed has srx with hooked up nothing with anyone else. And the story goes on. After we broke up this guy started texting me. He was very sweet and one time he called me beautiful and I said he was handsome inside and out, he’s a friend it meant nothing but my ex boyfriend saw it and he said it hurt him. I blocked him and I don’t text him anymore but I just think that was the star that broke the casuals back. But we still talk like we’re togethervand he says all the time how he has Nooo interest with anyone and he’s still in love with me he just can’t be with me, do I have any hope??? Please tell me what I should do I love him and I only want to be with him. Pleaseee any advice comments anything would help.
admin

December 3, 2014 at 4:55 pm

May I ask the age difference? Like how old are you compared to him?

Go into NC. You need to get your ungettable groove back.
anonymous

December 3, 2014 at 6:15 pm

I am currently following NC after he told me “i will later.” I haven’t texted him since. We are 5 years apart in age. I’m 25, he is 30. I am a mature girl. I just let my insecurities get to the best of me and was extremely pushy and demanding with him which I’m sure scared him and made him frustrated.

I have apologized but despite this, most people thing I have messed this up beyond repair. I want to believe that there is hope and after some time has passed, he will forget about this and it will blow over. Is there still hope?
admin

December 4, 2014 at 2:03 am

25 is plenty mature.

I don’t think you messed things up beyond repair either.

felicia

December 1, 2014 at 7:14 pm

How can one be an ungettable girl if she is the one reaching out to him through text and he hasnt been reaching out himself?

admin

December 2, 2014 at 2:34 pm

well, this isn’t an overnight process. YOu are going to have to work to improve your situation first. But the ungettable girl is more of a mindset (plus the other obvious stuff.) You should do it for yourself and not just a man.

An ex UG

September 1, 2014 at 9:41 pm

Can an UG keep her status when she gets older?
Let’s face it. As you said, looks DO matter and I totally agree.

I’ve been very lucky with genetics and I’m 37 and can’t really complain.
Probably the personality might even get better when a woman reaches a certain age, but the score on the looks will definitely go down. Like it or not.

What do you think about it?

admin

September 2, 2014 at 1:48 pm

She absolutely can!

However, looks do fade no matter what. This is where you personality or connection with the person has to come into play.

Luckily you have good genetics as you said. so I think you are going to be fine!

M.

August 19, 2014 at 1:46 am

Hi Chris,
First, let me say I love your website. I’ve been coming here on and off for the past month reading your articles and have found them insightful, playfully witty and very well written. I don’t know if your e-book will help me but I plan to buy it as I think you give wonderful advice.
My story/question:
I am the UG. I always have been and have never been in this situation before because of it. I finally fell in love and was in a 3 year relationship. It ended in April when he moved out. However, he and I spent almost every day together until 4 weeks ago going back and forth whether or not we were going to work it out. He met a girl at work a (she was just hired), spent a day or two with her and that was that. He said he never wanted to hear from me again. I did the NC for a month and he contacted me the 31st day. It was brief. Asked how I was, I said good, I asked the same and left it at that. We also work together and he has been talking to me over the past weekend (yes, the three of us work together…fun times). I texted him today (using your advice on the website). I was out to lunch and mentioned how we used to make it a game to find the most delicious item on the menu. No response.
Being the UG girl I did a few things when he met the other girl and called it quits for good. He said he was done. I said goodbye. I didn’t text him, I threw out everything we had together from pictures to pillows, deleted him from everything on my IPhone and moved into a new apartment. I completely washed him from my life. Yet, with that said, I am not completely walking away. But a girl can’t wait either.
Fun facts:
New girl- unattractive (to the point everyone has asked him what is he doing???), bi-polar- everyone at work has called her bat-s#@t crazy, they fight a lot, she cries hysterically at the drop of a dime. They don’t consider themselves a couple as she isn’t interested half the time and thinks he’s crazy.
Ex- has been black out drunk almost every night since he told me goodbye. No matter where I am at work he is always looking at me. His life has gone downhill dramatically. He is self-destructing.
Me- going out with friends, finishing my degree this semester, buying a new sports car (if I can’t have a man might as well have a fast car right? ;)). My life is actually better than it was minus the bf.
Question:
How does an UG get her ex back? Admittedly, he and I grew apart because of my school work. I didn’t devote enough time to him in the last 6 months of our relationship. I had hoped he would hang in there as I was going to make it up to him. But he didn’t. He has said he wants freedom to date and find something “new.” His friends look at him like he has 3 heads and slide their number to me (just kidding…not really). He is having a life crisis I suspect. Losing his freedom because he found “the one” (his words and his best friend’s words on “the one”) to wanting to party as it’s his last year at college (he’s almost 26) and having a blast with lots of girls. But he also said just 5 weeks ago (same conversation), I am the love of his life and he doesn’t want to lose me. He will never find someone like me again, etc. etc. you know the drill. So, what do I do? Go on? Is there a game plan for an UG? Do you have a case study about a UG girl and how she deals with this type of situation (lol, do you want one?)? I am caught between knowing I have options and letting go completely to knowing I won’t find a love like this again. Yes, I’ll love. But he is “the one” for me too. That type of love doesn’t come around many times. Every ex I have I could call right now and they would drop their life for me. But this one…He, like Elvis has left the building.

admin

August 19, 2014 at 2:32 pm

Ya guys love to feel like they are the center of a guys universe. Sounds like the last six months your man didn’t feel like that.
M.

August 19, 2014 at 3:23 pm

I agree. He didn’t…small Update, he responded to my text (not one word) and with a smiley face. progress!…Now I wait to respond. And then send another uplifting remember the good times text…btw, I’m getting my degree in psychology and yet I can’t figure this guy out…so thank you for this site and your “guy” wisdom :).
admin

August 25, 2014 at 11:14 am

He just responded with a smiley face? No other words?

Also aChris

July 23, 2014 at 2:12 am

What if you don’t think you want him back? What if you really hate mixed messages? And what on earth do you do if you are an ex boyfriend magnet? I think I am really tired of all the text messages and I know the difference between bored and serious. How do I deal with the ex who keeps texting with no follow through when we have so many mutual colleagues and friends? I want to keep things good but I am sick of his sentimental messages when he hasn’t pursued a relationship.

admin

July 24, 2014 at 2:45 pm

You probably leave him completely and then he will chase you.

Sasha

July 10, 2014 at 2:17 am

My ex and i broke up almost 2 months ago for reasons I am jsut now figuring out. I was confused as to why at first but i realized i gave my power away and let his priorities over shadow mine and my needs. He works alot and cares for his dad.He chased me for 3 months before we started and i was unsure of him. we got along great fell in love talked about kids, moving in together etc. but the closer he got the more his dad would interfere and say he needed him to do this or that. i started to think he was doing it bc he felt like he was losing him to me and wanted to reign him back in. Speaking with his mom it turned out that was the case, and that she said my ex always adored me and didnt know what happened till i told her my side without blame.
long story short His grandma recently died and i sent him condolences and that was around the 1 month NC. he responded abd i was shocked. he then a few days later told me he missed me but nothing else. his birthday was a few days ago and i wished him a happy birthday. he said thanks beautiful. i found out yesterday he is with a younger immature girl. so i was like was the really meant for me? so i asked and he said it was meant for me and it wasnt it was just i miss u. i left it alone and last night he said i do miss u. is he being geniune and trying to get back with me since he found out the grass isnt greener or is this a game?

admin

July 10, 2014 at 2:32 pm

Who broke up with who?
Sasha

July 10, 2014 at 7:39 pm

He broke up with me.earlier that week he kept saying how much he loved me and how he missed seeing me bc he worked so much. One night a month before we broke up he came to my apt crying hysterically saying how much he loved me and how I deserve better.. how he wanted to give me the world and wished he had the time to do and how perfect I am. It was a huge breakthrough moment bc he hides his emotions alot. He cried for 20 minutes in my arms.
He sent an I miss u text a 2 weeks ago and on Tuesday.
admin

July 11, 2014 at 2:14 pm

Sounds like he opened up and made himself pretty vulnerable and got scared by it.
Sasha

July 14, 2014 at 7:32 am

Aside from the few I miss yous he hasn’t said much or attempted to see me. So I don’t know if it was genuine or a moment of weakness. He has text back and forth a few responds but nothing significant

I'm just a girl

July 8, 2014 at 6:25 pm

Definitely. I now laugh a little when he texts me and I don’t respond. Evil? Maybe. But this NC is for ME not him. I’m more worried about him showing up at my apartment or work!
There’s this quote I like to remin myself of… “”The woman is very nice. She is as sweet as a Georgia Peach. But inside every sweet peach is a string pit.”

I'm just a girl

July 9, 2014 at 4:05 pm

Hahaha will do. That may be the ultimate test. Ill hopefully keep you updated!
admin

July 9, 2014 at 2:17 pm

Love your attitude. LOVE IT!

If he shows up just be really short with him.

I'm just a girl

July 8, 2014 at 2:08 am

No. I got te courage to ask him finally and he said he isn’t in a good place to date right now. Next day he took a girl on a date. I got my answer! So ill put on my red high heels and move along. He can watch me walk away

admin

July 8, 2014 at 2:31 pm

Actions speak louder than words huh?

I'm just a girl

July 3, 2014 at 6:35 pm

Guy I’ve liked and talked to for 3-5 months is acting weird.
I think he’s actually playing the ungettble guy!
He works all day then does school all night.

He won’t text me until i text him so im on day 4 of NC.
Am I right to think that if he is serious and still wants to talk that he will somehow make time? Am I right to think that I can go on dates and talk to other guys since this is seeming to decline?

admin

July 7, 2014 at 5:44 pm

You never offically dated him?

H

June 25, 2014 at 9:37 am

In response, he messaged me first (email) but i am always quicker to reply. i will take a day and he will take a couple of days. i bumped into him the other day and when i replied to his last email i said it was nice to see you. when he replied he did not say it back?? Also, he asked questions in email but then ended the email with have a good few days, does that mean hes not bothered if i reply or not?
so confused.
GL

June 20, 2014 at 8:44 pm

Love your writing, I can see the SEO effort here…but I am going to argue with you about: “Overweight women are almost never attractive to men.” I would correct you to say: in the US it seems like a lot of white men don’t want larger women…and that woman in the picture is CLEARLY a plus size model.

I am a person who used to be fit, with a great body. Ended up gaining A LOT of weight. Well I’ll tell you what, I get dates, I get laid (ahem) I get boyfriends, my big ol’ booty gets worshiped…even just on Monday I was hit on by 3 men: one tried to kiss me, one got my number, and another made flirtatious, sexy comments. The funny thing is, that when I was thin, I was very frustrated with meeting men. I am a very attractive woman. My own father told me I was intimidating to men.

Gaining weight has actually helped me with my self-esteem because I’ve finally gotten over body image problems. I exude confidence, and when I see men checking me out I WORK that big ‘ol booty. 😉 And well, the ex I want back, he LOVED my body.

admin

June 21, 2014 at 7:38 pm

SEO effort?

Lilian

June 20, 2014 at 7:55 pm

And sorry, I forgot to write this in my first comment but my first language isn’t English, you can probably see that, so sorry for my grammar mistakes, but I think you can give me much more help than someone from my country.
Lilian

June 20, 2014 at 7:46 pm

Hi Chris!

I actually found your site not a long ago, since my first serious bf dumped me some weeks ago. Now I am trying to figure out what the problem was and your articles are really helpful, like this one too!
Well, there are many thoughts in my head right now I hope you can help me, sorry it might take long. We are university students both in our really early 20s, and he was my first serious boyfriend. He had a gf before me and some other girls (as I also had some other guys in my life) but just that one gf was serious, but still, it was in high school. You have to know that my ex-bf thinks really low of himself and that played a huuge role in the fact that he couldn’t really get a girl before me and he had some bad break before me. It’s not about his looks, but about his confidence I think. So we met last year and it took him a long time to actually ask me out and I played a huge role in it, because I knew he obviously liked me, he made it really obvious but he couldn’t make the last move. After we got together the “honeymoon period” came, everything was perfect. He told me over and over again, that he is so happy that he found a beautiful girl like me, with a great personality. So, now, I don’t want to sound egoistic or anything but I know my value. I know that of course I am not perfect, nobody is, but I also know that there is something in me. I was always kind of an independent girl, that’s why I never had a serious boyfriend before, because I was fine by myself, enjoyed my life like that. As I said, there were guys in my life, but nothing serious. So my point is, I am okay with myself, and I also know that many guys are into me, even after I was dumped one of my guy friend (he is actually older than me, he is 30 years old) told me, that my confidence is seriously something and a girl like me could find a guy anywhere. I am also not stupid, my guy friends always tell me that I am actually one of the most intelligent girl they have ever met, and yes, I know that about myself. What I worked on these years was my looks and my confidence, and I succeed, as I grew up, now I am a confident woman. So back to my ex. He had like no confidence when we got together, and I slowly made him think of himself as a valuable person. He even told me, that I gave him back his confidence and he can never be thankful enough for this. And I was happy to help him, because I could see things in him, that maybe nobody could before. I remember, when we got together, he often said things like “I know you are too good for me, I know you are too beautiful” and I could never understand that, because he was obviously so special to me, so I didn’t get it what the point is of saying things like that. But after our first month it slowly dissappeared and I was happy that he finally realized he deserves me and the love I gave him. Months passed by, and a month ago he started to say things like this again. Actually after we got together, I was even more comfortable with myself, people around me noticed that too, said that I am even prettier than before. My bf is kind of a jealous type, in the beginning he always said how happy he is with a girl like me, but after some time he started to say things like I shouldn’t dress the way I do because “he is envy” and that I am only his, and only he can see this or that part… I always joked with him when he said things like that, but deep down I knew it might be not normal, since I didn’t dress myself as a b***ch and I didn’t get his problem. I knew he loved me a lot, but this was too much… So one month ago, when he failed some of his exams, while I was succesful with mine he started to say things like this again, like “people probably think why a girl like you is with a guy like me” and things like that, and I tried my everything to make him think otherwise again. He became distant with me and in the end, he broke up with me. I still don’t get it, because I know how much he loved me and I gave him my everything, I helped him to be a confident guy again, I helped him in his studies, I loved him with all my heart… He said he really loved me, but he is not good for me and I deserve so much better, and he knows that a guy will fall for me in no time, just like he fell for my smile, and that I am so beautiful when I smile and that other guy will be a lucky guy, but I don’t know, every jerk says that when they break up with a girl, even though he seemed honest… I don’t know what happened with him. I actually thought that 1, he still has no confidence 2, he actually has now so much confidence because of me, and thinks that now he got a girl like me he can probably get so many other girls.
I really don’t know. And I actually also thought about the thing you wrote down here, that personality thing. I mean, there were times when he said: “I love you so much, I can’t even tell you how much I love you” and I asked him what made me love me this much, and most of the time he said immediatly: “Because you are beautiful” And once I was a bit hurt because of this, I can clearly remember that day, and I asked him if it’s the only thing or what? And he said, that of course no, he loves me because I love him too, and that I am funny and so on, but still… I don’t think I have a bad personality, I am quite popular at our university too, I can easily make friends and in fact I was really tolerant with him. What hurt me also, that it also took him time to say, that he likes me because I am smart… It hurt me because I am actually really proud that I am not an air-headed girl. And the person who I loved the most didn’t acknowledged that, only in our last month I think. Only that time he said that he loves me because I am smart. And that was the time when I was the one who helped him in his studies, because when we started he was better, but now I am so much better than him and he also admitted that to me, that he knows that I am much better than him. I actually thought that it might also bother him that I am doing better than him…but I can’t figure it out myself. Our relationship was so serious, and so deep..
I know it took really long, sorry about that, but if you could help me to see things from your perspective, that would be a big help for me.
Thank you in advance!
Kay

June 18, 2014 at 8:28 am

Ex dumped me after three and half years, four months ago because he wanted to work on himself. He always initiates contact but is always the one to end the convo or not reply before i even get chance to do so???? then i am the one longing for him to reply and not vice versa. is this because he is uninterested?

admin

June 18, 2014 at 2:08 pm

Right now he may be… Can you give me an example of how this phenomenon is working?

Lina

June 12, 2014 at 4:07 am

Hi Chris!
The question is; can you be the ungettable girl if your ex already knows all your flaws and weaknesses and used to think of you as one before?

admin

June 15, 2014 at 3:22 pm

Yes, but some time has to pass I think and you have to work to not appear as flawed (as strange as that sounds.)

Shan

June 5, 2014 at 9:37 pm

This is a great post!
How can one be an UG again when your ex became “prejudiced” by a downhill slope.
Apparently before me, he was never interested much in anyone. This also according to his friends. He told me I had captured his heart because
1. Blessed with good genetics and looks, right weight, blonde hair, blue eyes, petite (he is tall)
2. Half foreign, which you can see from my looks
3. Speak another language
4. Have lived abroad
5. Intelligent, professionally qualified, worked in my profession, abroad, in a second language.
He even came to my other country and met my family and took part in that culture.
Since we broke up, Ive made sure that I look even better than when we dated. Lots of people have commented how great I look. With him, until I went NC recently, I have kept all new conversation very positive, and he knows that the issues that broke us up have been dealt with and wont happen again. However… baaaad breakup which Ive written about on another post. He is stubborn and Im not sure flaunting myself as an UG around him is doing anything ?

admin

June 6, 2014 at 5:34 pm

What about personality… Thats what keeps a guy around usually.
Shan

June 8, 2014 at 12:15 pm

Indeed. Admittedly the personality changed in those few weeks before we broke up. But even he has accepted that there was a reason for this, and that things have changed. Im doing all I can to show myself as this positive, independent women (but not “powerful”), going out and having fun, and showing him that my life has gone on and improved after him. Just put a load of pictures on my facebook from a work night out the other night, which he didn’t go to (he doesn’t normally go to these things anyway). Some pics of me having a great time, carrying on with girlfriends, etc etc etc. He knows I was there, so Im hoping he will go take a peak, we arent FB friends since we broke up but I have an open page…

SaladeMeow

June 3, 2014 at 1:01 am

So my question for you would be “how do you convince your ex, who already has a clear idea of your personality, that you’ve changed”? In my ex-relationship I became very clingy, controlling and put a lot of pressure on my ex. Of course there is the NC period where those traits may be blurred, but they will likely forever be in the back of his mind. Even if he were willing to open up again after NC, I can already imagine the thoughts he’d have about how “things used to be”.

admin

June 5, 2014 at 5:10 pm

It will take time…

And also you will have to show him you aren’t as controlling anymore.

Give me an example of how you were controlling?
SaladeMeow

June 5, 2014 at 9:26 pm

I expected him to pay attention to me when he called, not joke around with his roommate and then say “Oh ok well if you’re done (I wasn’t, I stopped talking because he clearly wasn’t listening) then goodnight”

I expected him to communicate (LDR and he used to communicate a lot, but when it slowed down I “demanded” it again)

But also some things that I am seeking professional help in sorting out, like trying to control which girls he spoke to (asking him to tell me who they are, because I felt like if he didn’t he was going behind my back). And one very fatal (to the relationship) incidence when he changed all of his passwords one day in order to “test” me. Of course, I did notice, he was VERY aware (I straight up told him) that I checked his facebook sometimes. Some of the accounts linked to our apartment (like, TV and cable) were set up via his email address and he never checked it (thus not telling me I had to pay the bill) so I did it myself and again, he was very awake of it.

Anyway, things got worse because he was pulling away and I was trying to make him come back. But actions that he used to not mind became controlling, or clingy. And I have a good feeling that his mind will go straight back to those…

Neema

May 18, 2014 at 9:56 am

I have on simple question
can men love a girl even if she is not pretty and doesn’t have a nice body?

admin

May 20, 2014 at 8:58 pm

They can but generally speaking its a lot harder.

Lizzy

May 13, 2014 at 4:51 am

If a guy has already perceived you as not a UG, can you change his mind?

admin

May 13, 2014 at 5:03 pm

You can!
Lizzy

May 13, 2014 at 5:14 pm

By following the same rules? Or is there a different plan of attack?

Diana

May 7, 2014 at 12:42 am

Hi,
Just found your website tonight and have been glued to it for the last couple hours. Thank you for this!
Whilst your advice is mostly aimed at people who have broken up, I am still in a relationship but feel it is slipping away and he’s losing interest. I have been dumped before and I can see the signs by a mile now. What should i do? Would the NC rule work for a couple still together or should I try talk things out? How can you get a guy to remember who he fell in love with?

admin

May 7, 2014 at 3:33 pm

I am glad you picked this one to post to.

I am literally writing a guide on your exact situation right now.

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348 thoughts on “The Ungettable Girl”