The Guide To Becoming The Ungettable Girl- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

348 thoughts on “The Ungettable Girl”

Ankita

March 30, 2016 at 3:51 am

Hi Chris,
You are every girl’s best guy friend. I was in a relationship with my bf for 6 years and thanks to extensive reading and analysis of your website and your virtual support of course, I am finally over him. It took me 3 months to realise but without an expert like you, I might still be crying over him. I won’t get into details of why he dumped me. But I still need your help. I want to become the ungettable girl again. I don’t want your entire ebr pro but just the ungettable girl ebook. I am tired of sending mails to you as they keep getting bounced. So this is the only way I can communicate with you now.
Thanks again.
And girls, either to get him back or to get over him or if you are in between, Chris Seiter is your man!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 7:18 am

Thanks Ankita!

fiona

February 22, 2016 at 7:23 pm

Hi Chris, stumbled across your site and it’s quite interesting the things you are saying.
I have been in a relationship for 5 and half years it has now ended because I chose not to want to gave another child.I already have a daughter of 17 from a previous marriage, I am 42 and my ex is 39.
He had said that even if I didn’t want kids he wanted to be with me.But he left a week and a half ago.We had a very instable relationship always triggering eachothers old wounds and stuff but we worked through a lot with therapy but we just couldnt make it work..still I really miss him even though I do feel less stressed.My mind is going crazy thinking of him with sime young beautiful girl who can have lots of kids with him..do you see or hear any kind of space for us to get back together?he was always so in love with me but a lot of all talk and not bringing us to the next level kind of thing..ok well writing to you from Holland and purchasing your ebook along with a few other girlfriends of mine!!thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2016 at 1:59 pm

Hi Fiona,

if he really wanted kids, then that would be a situation but if he’s really fine without having kids, then you can try nc and maybe space and a kind of reset is all you need.. though I can’t guarantee that it will surely work for you.. at least you can try or talk to him first… if the talk doesn’t work… Do nc

PB

February 14, 2016 at 12:00 am

Hey Chris! I`ve been given this UG a lot of taught.
First I did not taught I was one, but then I remebered a couple of guys for whom I most definetly am, an UG.
And then …the “scary” thing came up…Dont mean to sound like a b**** but, for them… I kinda am.
So I guess mi QUESTION is: Are we supposed to fake it? Is that even possible when you are actually atracted to whom you are trying to come out as UG?
Thank you!
Sorry for my weird writting

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2016 at 6:35 am

Hi Pb,
It’s better if you really work on being the ungettable girl.. Because that way, you will value yourself more.. Yes, it’s possible to be attracted to a guy while being the UG, it will just mean you know you’re boundaried

Mel

January 4, 2016 at 11:54 am

Hi,

My boyfriend and i recently broke up. Two weeks ago.
He still wants to be friends and says he likes me and find me attractive, but he needs some space.
I asked him if he does not want to call it a break instead of a break up. He said no, I need space.

So days passed by and we still communicate online. Now he asked me if I can have dinner with him this wednesday?
What do I do? I want to see him, but I also want him to chase me and want me back.
I responded with ‘euhm, I’ll think about it’

Do I already go on this date or is it to early?

Greets!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 9:50 am

Hi Mel,

For me why not go and assess how he wants to go with your relationship and try the push pull method while you’re there.

T

December 28, 2015 at 12:50 pm

Hi Chris,

I think that it is wonderful that you are trying to help women get their ex boyfriends back. However, I find this article rather disturbing. I think this is article gives bad advice for 5 reasons:

1. Telling women to base their value on their attractiveness to men does not lead to a happy life or healthy relationships

2. Propagating pernicious beauty standards that lead women to not value their natural born beauty has serious consequences. We’re all born different and that’s what’s beautiful. Telling women to look like Kim Kardashian is really missing the point of trying to empower women to be better.

3. Fetishization; it’s okay to admit that men and women have/want fantasies, but they are fantasies and we all have to acknowledge them as such. Telling women to look and be like Barbie (surround yourself with people and act this way, and look this way) is just setting people up for misery. Why not tell people: “Hey do you.” If a man/woman does not love you for who you are, then hell with it! you guys were not meant to be, you can find someone better for yourself. At the end of the day, a relationship is built on loving each other for who you really are, not some fantasy UG whatever.

4. If a guy is rating you on a points system– RUN. Run far, far away.

5. Change for yourself. Don’t change to attract guys/girls. If you love yourself and think you’re beautiful, men/women will come. So do you. If you’re happy with yourself, other people will be happy with you too. So don’t worry about UGs and points and popularity. (If a guy/girl really cares about all that then he/she’s probably not someone you want to be with anyways.) Love yourself for who you are.

Chris you have a loud voice in this community, so I hope that you will start promoting self-acceptance and self-empowerment instead of this weird points system and male fantasy. You can help make healthy, important changes in people’s lives.

Best wishes.

Jessica

February 4, 2016 at 6:42 am

Thanks for posting this, T. My thoughts exactly! While I have found some good advice here, this article left a bad taste in my mouth, so to speak.

I hope the author realizes that reading these things can have a huge impact on a woman’s self-worth. Creating a dialogue where women feel like they must compare themselves to celebrities, or derive their sense of worth from looks at all is incredibly damaging. We see all the time that celebrities like Kim K bow under the pressure of this and submit to surgery.

Of course your appearance matters to a degree. I look and feel better when I’m staying healthy and wearing clothes that flatter me. But not all guys are shallow enough to rate me on a points system. Male friends I’ve talked to about this think it’s incredibly immature to go around arbitrarily scoring someone, and usually stems from a guys own insecurities.

This is for all the women out there (and probably young girls) reading this who, in the back of their minds, had the same thought.

Chloe

November 4, 2015 at 10:56 pm

Hi Chris,
I left you two comments about a week or two ago regarding my ex, and never heard back from you (I understand if you’re busy with the baby, congrats btw). Its been two weeks of NC with my ex and he hasn’t tried to contact me at all, he’s even fixed things with his new girlfriend and they are continuing to pursue a relationship together. I’ve decided to give up on my ex, my life is better without him (which, if you’ve read my comment about our 9 year history together, you probably knew that already). My question has to do with becoming an ungettable girl… There is someone new I would like to attract, but he has flat out told me he would never date someone older than him, and I am older than him. But he always goes out of his way to talk to me and check up on me, and he has been trying to make sure I stay strong and stay away from my ex. Is it possible an ungettable girl can make a man change his ideas about things like age limits?
Broken hearted

October 12, 2015 at 6:42 am

Hi Chris, I want my ex back, and I wanted your advice. I never cheated on him or anything and 9 years ago ( our relationship lasted for 9 years) he use to put me on a pedestal, and was an amazing boyfriend that did anything for me. He did a lot for me, and I may have taken him for granted ( that was years ago) because I felt like h would always be there. Thinks got bad at least 5 years in he cheated on me by making out with this girl, and completely hit it from me. That was 5 years in and after he had went cold and distant. He begged for me back and promised change, and that he would never go distant on me ( eg shut down ignore my calls ) and that we would talk about are problems, and he will build my trust. He’s efforts seem genuine. But it got to the point where he was telling me to let go of the past. Sometimes I just wanted him to help me and be there and reassure me, but it seemed like he wanted me to let it go and just trust him. He given me everything, his bills, his phone account and evern something to track him. But I couldn’t trust him, and would shut down. I do feel like I could forgive him. Chris he shut down on me again, and were friends for a while, eventually we got back together and promised a better future. At this point I would test him to see if he is all in. He would say stuff like I have now I’m never letting you go again. but one day after about a year it felt like he just gave up. I’m rather confused. He started saying he loves me like a sister and that I’m like a business partner when before he told be he wanted to be with me.? This is a 9 year relationship ( no sex before marriage) we did flirt and did other stuff, and were actually discussing marriage. He wanted to get engaged this year, and now its like he suddenly changed his mind? Saying he isn’t ready to get married till 35? and now are lifestile are different ? I am on nc for about three months he called me once saying he cared but I can text if I want, but I don’t have to if I don’t want to. That was the last I heard from him. After 9 years ? seven days later he is dating someone on Plenty of Fish. II love this guy deeply, but I feel so betrayed, ive been in the hospital by his side when he went for surgery and really would have taken care of him if he was a vegetable.

Broken hearted

October 12, 2015 at 6:56 am

I believe I was once this perfect girl in his eyes, and he wanted no one else. Now I feel like that has shifted. Ever since the brake up, I have been focusing on me and was able to rediscover certain aspects of myself, and became more independent and was able to face many of my fears, I am even on the verge of feeling like I can let the past go and forgive him for his mistakes, When we broke up this time I had said may be we shouldn’t to together out of frustration, he said he still wanted to be together, but later I felt like he was breaking up with me. Three days later that’s when he is saying we are on different wavelengths, and he sees me as a sister … yet he didn’t mind flirting with me.. like he would sayone last kiss etc.. and I wouldn’t kiss him. Any clue one what happened to our 9 years ?? and why he would just shift gears and give up? Do you think it’s fixable?

SnowWhite

August 12, 2015 at 2:17 am

It is with most discomfort, that I relate to you that I had full respect in you until… this post. I’ve heard term “ungettable” before, but does it not imply that the guy “wishes” to be forever empty-handed? But also for the girl — why should she be empty-handed? What king of a crazy idiocy of of “love” this is? In my mind I’m “ungettalbe” cause I don’t want the guy. Period. What’s the purpose of pretending of being ‘ungettable’, just to feed the man’s ego when he ‘gets you’? Makes 0 sense. Sorry.

Chris Seiter

August 19, 2015 at 3:59 pm

I’m sorry you feel that way, The main purpose of this article is to inspire women to be the best version of themselves not to feed the man’s ego. When women become the best versions of themselves, they become more confident and attract men more easily.

Z

July 22, 2015 at 7:24 am

Hi Chris,

I royally messed up it seems. I ran into my ex after NC for 2-3 months. We were intimate and I continued being intimate with him for a month and half. I was the one who broke things off, I even admittedly cheated on him. I think he used me but he’s not the type to intentionally do so, regardless I thought things were going well because we were intimate and loving but he said he wasn’t ready to forgive me…but he was ready to sleep with me. I did all the “wrong” things. I complimented him, I answered every call/text and all in the name of not wanting to play games. We’ve always had an honest, forthright relationship. It was all very confusing and he even made a special trip to come see me when I went out of town. Though when it was his turn to be out of town he ended up sleeping with someone and therefore ending it with me. I said goodbye with dignity, saying that I didn’t want contact and such. I am very distraught by the whole situation.

This person gave him what he called, “finally the perspective he was looking for on what a healthy relationship looks like”. He knew this woman for 7 days–I don’t buy it. I think, and correct me if I’m wrong, that I boosted his ego and at his first chance he slept with someone else.

When I ran into him after NC I was happy, I was in a good place. Now I’m a mess and I feel like am imbecile. Is there any chance in salvaging this? I planned on not contacting him for 6 months to a year or more. We both need a break but I’m worried I did irreparable damage when I could have gotten him back.

Help! I’d love your thoughts.
becca

July 18, 2015 at 8:59 am

What happens if it’s popular belief with friends and family that a guy ended with you coz you were too good for him?I was with my ex 5 years and always stood by his side. I was a flirty person before and naturally just got on with guys better, but since being taken I stopped being as flirty just out of respect to myself and to my boyfriend.. but in those 5 years he kissed two girls and that destroyed me.. we broke up both times but then got back together after talks hugs and tears we seemed fine and ready to put those mistakes behind us.. but then after I took him back he ended the relationship about 4 months later with no real reason to it, this was this time last year and he’s been with another girl ever since although mine and every one of my freinds opinion just thinks that their relationship will end coz of what this girl is like.. they were friends before, she was married to another for 7 months as well so it just didn’t look right for them from the start and now she’s starting to slam him and his family in her social media account and to me, it’s not fair at all.. if there’s a problem she should just say it rather than post a status about it, coz we all know it’s aimed at him.. (I’ve never met her though so can’t say much more tbf)
So yeah, alot of people think he only ended it coz he felt so guilty about what he did and that I didn’t do anything to get back at him coz as I said at the time “two wrongs dont make a right” and to be honest, I couldn’t live with myself if I did something with a guy just for revenge.. thats not in my nature at all.
My question is do you think that he can come back to me coz if he loved me that much to have to let me go then that’s in my favour right? I still absolutly love him to bits and just miss his company and what he bought to my life.. I know he’s made mistakes in the past but thats where it should stay.. I just hope he doesn’t think the same about me and our relationship.. 🙁 thanks in advance, becca x
ank

July 1, 2015 at 11:51 am

hi chris,
I don’t want my ex back. I just want your opinion because I’m confuse in something. I just want him to come and text me that he made a mistake by leaving me for a girl.

My situation is- we had 2.5 years of good relationship. he left me in march 2015 and gone to another girl. I did mistakes, as i fought with his girlfriend , GNAT, calls, Beg..
then after trying everything I came to your site and right now I’m in my NC rule.

Yesterday, i got to know that his girlfriend is in modelling, and my ex got a fit muscular body, he is gymaholic and he is uploading great pictures and now he has actually become the ungettable man.. every girl is commenting on his pictures..he is getting great likes.. he is just surrounded with every girl..my self-esteem crash..
I’m a student and like to go in a corporate world and I’m in perfect shape, still prefer going gym.. I’m beautiful as well and I was a perfect girlfriend,, I always try to hold the relationship.. and I know it will take me years to get over him

As he has got the modelling girl in his hand and he has become a narcissist actually..
WILL HE BE ABLE TO REGRET THAT HE LEFT ME.. I don’t want him back, but i want him to come and chase me again, beg me again like I did when he broke up for a girl.. and yes He has unblocked me a week back.. May be to show me that he is happy that he left me.. or to show that he has become a hero for girls… I need your help chris..
WILL THAT DAY COME.. THAT HE MESSAGE ME TO COME BACK, will he regret ????

Chris Seiter

July 9, 2015 at 12:27 am

Frank Sinatra said it best.

The best revenge in life is massive success.

Lover2

April 30, 2015 at 1:33 pm

Chris!

So, I consider myself an “ungettable girl” and so have my male friends. I take care of my looks…gym everyday, great, skin, hair, teeth and dress very well. Also, I am outgoing and have a warm personality. Well, considering all of this…my ex is super handsome and he is an “ungettable guy”. He is handsome and charming. he is the whole package. Let’s say I’m a 9 on the looks scale, would a 10 girl who is a model (which he could date if he wanted to) beat out someone like me who he has a more emotional connection with?
Adeline

April 21, 2015 at 4:37 pm

Hey Chris, it’s a great write up on being an ungettable girl. Just a quick question, I did the 30 days NC rule, met up with my ex boyfriend, and we hooked up. I spoke to him regarding a committing relationship but he told me he wasn’t up for it. However, he says that in his eyes, even if I am not the most beautiful girl nor the prettiest girl on earth, he is still attracted to me and he doesn’t know why. He’s not ready to commit. Does that mean that I am an UG in his eyes at the very least? He hasn’t texted me after we met up though. What should I do? Should I go through the NC rule again?

Thanks in advance!
Adeline

Chris Seiter

April 21, 2015 at 6:02 pm

The problem is you did things a bit out of order.

Gethim to commit first and then sleep with him.

You lost some of your UG flair but its definitely salvageable.

lose a few?

April 18, 2015 at 9:56 am

I’m overweight and have been on the journey of lifestyle change (feels so much better) and weight loss. I have an eating disorder due to my anxiety. I just am not sure even when I do hit the ideal weight if my body will even look good because of skin (obsessively trying to prevent). I have a few men interested, but the ex became a marine so I feel body image is even more important to him now. He has told others he never loved anyone more. I was untreated for my anxiety when we were together, and in a position to lead a club we were part of. Long story short it felt like some people were very mad I didn’t have the means to give them what they wanted, so they tried to drive a wedge between us which I didn’t take well at first. There was a lot of panic attacks in those days, and it is still painful for me. It felt like a lot of mind games from some people I really thought were my friends, who put a lot of effort to drive us apart. It made me wonder if they thought I wasn’t good for their friend, and I took a lot of the negativity to heart but as soon as I gave away my position they stopped being his friend. It was really hard to try to balance what everyone wanted, but even more difficult to feel like I was a failure in the eyes of the one I loved. There was another woman who I lost a lot of sleep staying up to comfort because she was suicidal, who pressured me to do things because she founded the club. I trusted her but then she would flip the switch. I even remember a time she acted like a man was abusing her so I stepped in and tried to help like she asked me to, but when I did it was revealed she lied to him to tell him I pressured her to leave him which felt like a ruse to get him to trust her again and put all his doubts on me. I guess you can see how confusing this would be, and this is one example of many. I began to feel foolish to empathize and try to help, wondering what sort of trap was on the other end. I hate it because before I met any of these people I felt so.much empathy and desire to help others. My ex was really the only reason I put up with it. He told me months after we broke up he still loved me and hoped when he got out of the marines we could meet but didn’t want any relationship. Things are distant now, he is leaving soon. The whole scenario broke my heart because I feel we never got to be just us. I feel heart broken I couldn’t do more to help, and even more so now when faced with the fears, mistrust and emptiness I feel. I mentioned other men, and yes I realize for a big girl it is probably strange. I still try to be pleasant so I suppose that helps. But with new men I feel nothing. Even given a recent one was far better looking…nothing. Just an empty void, a sense of hopelessness and overall heart break. I am not sure how to move forward.
lala land

March 1, 2015 at 3:54 pm

Hello chris
My bf of 5 years and 11 months left me for no reason at all…saying its better for us later ( dno wht he means )
he never said he likes to go partying or anything now its been 3 months and he did not show me anything that he cares about me he keep on posting picture of him and his frnds partying and having fun… thats a bad sign that he moved on ? And yes i complited my nc but i dont wana talk to him now because iam still hurt alottt anf i dont want him to feel special or anything and iam not ready yet…
Are those a sign that he is moving on ?
Why bother?

February 26, 2015 at 4:44 pm

Chris,

What is interesting to me is that you suggest the girl reaching out to the guy after 30 days NC if she has not heard anything but then you also suggest that the girl becomes the Ungettable Girl?

I don’t think the Ungettable Girl would ever reach out to an ex?

admin

March 1, 2015 at 6:24 pm

She would if its from a position of power and she hooked him?
AJ

March 11, 2015 at 6:08 pm

Turns out I was right. He updated his ok cupid profile one day after I wrote this and said he doesn’t want monogamy. It was relief to read because I knew that I didn’t do anything wrong. He told me I didn’t do anything wrong. He just didnt want to commit! Although, I wish he would have told me when he broke up with me that he wanted to see other women. It would have made the whole thing easier to understand. What a chicken.

Can you write an article about red flags to watch for?
Why bother?

February 26, 2015 at 4:57 pm

I would also like to add that is has been 30 days since we broke up and 3 weeks since our last contact with eachother. I truly believe that we broke up due to his commitment issues.

ido

February 22, 2015 at 6:36 pm

Heyy
So my bf knows that i am an ungettable girl and their are many mam who are trying to get a relationship with me even when i was with him .
So we broke up with each other 2 month ago for a reason that we are fighting all the time but iam sure he loves me …. and know he is always keeping himself busy partying and going out alot with friends! And its been 23 days he did not ask about me or anything at all .. does that means he is trying to forget about me after a 7 years of love

admin

February 23, 2015 at 9:18 pm

What was causing all the fights?
Rime

February 23, 2015 at 10:26 pm

Well it started like this : before we broke up 6 month ago he traveled and we had a fight when he was at the airport and he stoped talking to me for 7 days and i was confused and i tried to contact him a lot he did bot reply until he came back saying he is so sorry and wanted to have fun and i was really hurt of what he did and he followed me for 1 month to forgive him and did the impossible so i forgave him but deep down i was still hurt and from this point i lost my trust in him and we started fighting a lot but we always makeup untill he broke up with me…

And now its been 3 month … and i am on my nc its been 25 days he did not ask about me the last 25 days and he is going out a lottttt each weekend with new friends ..
Does that mean he wants to forget about me or have anything to do about me

Julie

February 21, 2015 at 5:05 pm

I love this concept! The problem with being the UG is that it’s harder to have true female friends because they are constantly judging themselves against you.

I sometimes forget that I have the ‘UG’ status — but remembering my worth and how any guy would be Lucky to have me and what I bring to the table allows me to get my head back on straight.

Thanks for this!

admin

February 22, 2015 at 5:02 pm

Haha I never thought of that… Yes, women can get jealous of other women can’t they?

em

February 4, 2015 at 11:04 pm

I agree with almost everything written here except for using the image of kim kardashian. I also like her body but I believe she is not the best example for the perfect balance of an ideal woman’s weight as her body is totally fake. Her body is made under surgery…big boobs, curvy hips and butt…it will only make women feel pressured to achieve this body.I know some guys who likes fat women exactly as the picture you used for that overweight woman and still thinks they’re perfect. I believe that the way you think about a woman’s ideal body weight is really coming from a typical man’s view and that’ s exactly your point because you are a man. But what girls really need in their life is not the typical man. We need a man who really wants to know & understand women as well.

Some girls are even born naturally super skinny and no matter what they do, they are really skinny and they are still perfectly healthy and active. I believe the weight does matter if it makes them look unhealthy and prevents them to be at their best. Each woman has their own body type that contributes to their weight.
A woman can be at her perfect weight and still look fat because they have naturally fat cheeks or flabby arms. Weight is something more personal and it should not be defined by an hour glass figure because there are athletic types, pear shapes, and sticks. An hourglass figure is great but only tiny amount of women can achieve that and usually by the means of surgery.

The “perfect weight” should be a picture of an average woman who is neither skinny or fat… (just to give in to the idea of a woman’s perfect weight) boobs and hips and flat stomach has nothing to do with it. Though having a flat stomach is great but c’mon real women are not like that in real life!

It looks like its just your personal ideal body preference.

admin

February 5, 2015 at 3:27 pm

Understood…

I was just trying to explain what men considered to be an ideal body image for a woman to give women an idea of the preconceptions they are up against.

Angeliyz

December 3, 2014 at 11:13 am

Miriam Dosse

I’d say i sort of look like that illustration of the Redhead on top of ur page minus the blue eyes. (i’m originally dark haired, but my hallmark look comprises a subtle red hue, & my face contour, forehead & look resemble the girl to a good extent) . I feel wherever i go i often get noticed probably for my good looks especially with my barely there makeup baby face combined with my deep eyes.

But that’s just one side of the story! The other side is that at my late teens i have developed 2 neurological disorders, none of them is life threatening or visible on the physical level, however i’m quite sure their impact on my self-esteem, having to take anti-depressants for the past 5 years & not having achieved myself on the work level DOES reflect massively on me socially, & in turn on my relationships.

Everyone is chasing me, well or a handful of those who get to see me first, not unil my insecurities begin to show when they know i can’t do alot of stuff on my own, such as maintain a fultime job or drive because im constantly dizzy & i already struggle with shyness & anxiety.

You see it’s a very tricky situation for me because intially in my self-estimation i always felt like a naturally goodlooking girl since i was little, but also kind, creative & very dreamy & emotional, so i always pictured myself with the guy of my dreams, then i end up scaring away or unapproaching the guys i like because of my insecurities , yet settling for the losers doesnt really seem to suit my ambitions.

What do u think i shud do, Chris? Do i need to hide my insecurities or not mention my autoimmune disorders to guys ? Or do i need to stop lookin for hot guys & start realizing im much less than my estimations?

Thx.

admin

December 3, 2014 at 5:12 pm

I think honesty is always the best way to go. If someone can’t accept you for you then they aren’t worth your time.

That’s just my two cents.
Angeliyz

December 4, 2014 at 8:16 am

Good response! But as a guy, do u honestly think i’m worth the trouble despite all of my shortcomings especially combined with being shy & constantly worrying about stuff?
admin

December 4, 2014 at 1:25 pm

I think it depends on what you can bring to the relationship. You are focusing on the negatives. What positives can you bring?

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348 thoughts on “The Ungettable Girl”