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6,800 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

  1. Mike

    August 27, 2013 at 3:02 pm

    hey chris, quick summary. Me and my girl have been dating for seven years. I was 18 and she was 16. Through these seven years weve both lived at home while our parents are practically best friends. We both have the same values, morals, religion, etc. Last year when i was 24 we went through a break up because i was just not treating her right. That break lasted for about a month and we finally got back together. One year later i was a changed man for the better and finally asked her to marry me. For the first 2 months of being engaged, we were looking at houses around the area, wedding venues and prices. She then got a second job being a nanny. Ever since then, things didnt seem the same. Then one day we got to talking and she was saying that things are too comfortable and that the spark is gone. For the next two weeks or so I began to smother her trying to change her mind. That is when she gave me the ring back saying that she wants to be more independent/move out and just not ready to be engaged. All this time she is telling me that she loves me and can see me 10 years from now in her life, but she doesnt want to be together. Keep in mind, i never held her back from doing anything. For the two weeks following that, i was living in limbo. She loves me, but doesnt want to be with me. I couldnt keep doing this, so i brought all of her belongings, gifts, cards, and notes shes ever gotten me to her house. I then told her in person, “its either you want to be with me or not. I love you but i cant keep wondering if your going to get back with me or not. You say you love me but you dont want to be with me. It just doesnt make any sense. Im dont waiting!” i then drove about a block, turned around and had her come outside to give me the paperwork for the ring. I havent talked to her since then so this is my first day of no contact. I love this girl more than anything and im ready to give her my life. Do you think i have a chance of getting back with her?

    1. admin

      August 28, 2013 at 3:39 am

      You have a chance certainly!

      However, you also need to realize that a chance doesn’t guarantee success.

    2. Mike

      August 28, 2013 at 6:54 am

      go on?

  2. Frederic

    August 27, 2013 at 10:26 am

    My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me 9 days ago. I have implemented no contact since. She was cheating on me but didn’t admit to it. I still want her back, but think this may be the best way. I have been depressed for 7 months and for 6 months this one guy was harassing her at every opportunity she in the end gave in. She’s going out having fun of the single life, I have also been going out to some extent. Is no contact still the best way forward at this time? What if she contacts me?

    1. admin

      August 28, 2013 at 3:30 am

      Yes, NC is a great step for you. Also, if she contacts you, you have to ignore for 30 days.

      But during NC you want to turn yourself into someone that she would actively want back.

  3. Stan

    August 27, 2013 at 12:42 am

    Hi, my ex broke up with me after a large fight that happened this past week. She said that the fight really threw her off about me. It made her rethink whether were right for each other. I’m pretty sure i let my temper get the best of me. I want to work on that. Our chemistry is strong and she knows that, but shes afraid that her needs are too much and will cause another fight. She says she has a gut feeling that it doesn’t feel right. We broke up ..however, on our last day together we celebrated how great our relationship was..we were so good just a week ago and now it’s over.. What should I do?

    1. admin

      August 27, 2013 at 4:27 am

      Definitely work on that temper (don’t worry bro I have been there.)

      NC is always a good idea. I think doing that alone you can gain a lot.

  4. no contact, day 4

    August 26, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    Hi Chris. As you can see from my nick, im in no contact day 4. My ex and I were in relationship for about 8 months. During that period, i liked her a lot. She liked me too, but maybe last 15 days of relationship i felt that something has changed. In the end she told me she dont feel love anymore, but she really like me. She told me that she dont belive in man woman friendship, but that she wants to stay in contact with me. This happened 3 months ago, and we were in contact until few days ago. During those 3 months, i was trying to cut her off, i was almost never first contacting her but she always find some reason to contact me again. I already went in no contact with her, for 7 or 8 days, but she always contacts me again. 4 days ago i told her that i want no more contact at all, cause i need to move on. She says ok and didnt even say goodbye. What do you think, can no contact helps me to be with her again? Even if we were together for just 8 months, i really like her. Sorry for my english its not my mother tongue

    1. admin

      August 27, 2013 at 4:01 am

      I think it is the best idea for you right now for sure!

  5. Brit

    August 26, 2013 at 2:08 am

    Hey there ,

    I’ve been on and off with my boyfriend for a year. Last week be broke up with me in a text , saying he needs to focus on his problems and issues and thinks he should be on his own right now. I didn’t talk to him for a week after that , untill I asked him if I could drop his stuff off with his dooman. He said he would rather meet up.
    We met up and had dinner , the next day we had dinner again and went to see a movie. The whole time we acted like nothing happened , like we were together again. When the movie finished he again said that I needed to move on and he had to focus on himself but that I was really special and blah blah blah. He said he wants to still be friends but that we should take some time away from each other since there is still so many feelings there on both parts.

    Do you think the NC rule will help me win him back? I don’t think he wants to break up , I think he feels like he needs to in order to fix his future so he can find a job and fix his problems. Any advice would help!

    1. admin

      August 27, 2013 at 3:29 am

      I absolutely think the NC can work for you. Now, I am not saying that it will work 100% in getting him back. However, it can significantly raise your chances.

      Also, you might want to check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. I think it is a great step by step plan for you to follow for your particular situation. Now, I do realize you have to pay for it :/. However, if the price is that much of an issue for you just email me and I promise I will make it affordable for you.

  6. Lauren

    August 25, 2013 at 11:48 pm

    Hi there,

    My boyfriend and I were together for 8 years, and have lived together for that whole time. We broke up about a month ago, sort of mutually, but he definitely ended it, more of a him saying what needed to be said. He lived here for about 3 weeks after and finally moved out. There were a lot of ups and downs during that time, and we tried to be friends…it has been a long month and very emotionally draining. During his first week out of the apartment we did go out to dinner and it was nice, but I had
    My suspicions he had been seeing other people. Though he fiercely denies it, I still have my reasons for believing it. Anyway, after a big blowout over the phone on Friday, where he hung up on me, my phone died and he attempted to hunt me down after, probably feeling like a big sh*thead. He texted me the next day “I really hope you call or text today” I responded that I didn’t want him to contact me anymore and the only way I could protect myself from him hurting me was to not have him in my life in any capacity. He never responded. I guess I’m technically on day 1 of no contact. I’m just wondering did I do it right? Am I supposed to say I don’t want any contact or should I have just ignored? I’m a little surprised he didn’t respond to that text and ask me to explain myself. Thank you!

    1. admin

      August 27, 2013 at 3:20 am

      You should have ignored. Don’t worry though you can still salvage your relationship. It should have the same affect.

      Oh, and if you are interested you might want to check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. You can learn a lot more about this process. Also, I want it to be affordable for you so if you check it out and think it’s too pricey then just email me and we can make a price affordable for you!

  7. Michelin

    August 25, 2013 at 7:41 pm

    Hi Chris, I broke up with my finance its been two month now and I practiced NC this my 30th day, I switched all my social networks that I had blocked earlier only to find out that he has blocked me, I dont have his new number since he relocated to another country, I getting information from his relatives that he has a girlfriend already he has moved on what am I supposed to do now I still love him.

    1. admin

      August 25, 2013 at 11:45 pm

      Do you think the new girl is a rebound? Also, do you have his number yet?

  8. Adalynn

    August 25, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    Hi! First off: i love all your posts, I think I’ve read just about every post on this site. Please help with this story:

    3,5 years together. We were so in love, he was super romantic, we were both completely head-over-heels. Unfortunately, we both had issues from our pasts (deep issues, all ultimately making us have trouble trusting people in general). We fought alot, he felt I was controlling, I felt he was aggressive. In the end, we discussed breaking up mostly because of outside-circumstances (my family didn’t accept him), but we tried to hang on and I ended up breaking up with him during a huge fight. Long story short: I did all the things ur not supposed to do after a breakup, begged, called, texted, stalked etc. A few days later, I saw him with another girl. i went CRAZY.

    2 months later, he tells me he wants nothing to do with me, he hates me, never loved me etc. I go NC. 3,5 weeks into it, I had to break it (he had to get his stuff from my place cause I had to move). That initiated him crawling back to me! He said everything I wanted to hear: how much he loved me, missed me, thought of me, wanted to try again, couldn’t see a future with anyone else. I was still the love of his life.

    Now, because of the other girl, I was very cold and rejecting. We got into long discussions where he defended himself, swore to me that she was a friend and nothing more. After 1 week of this, and me going crazy again (stalking this girl’s social media and showing him pics she posts of them together as proof that there’s more between them), he got pissed and told me to stay away from him and told my friends I was psycho and stalking him and his friends!

    Now we’re NC for 1 week again after the major blow-up last week. What now?? Is there hope for us getting back together? Why is he lying about dating the other girl? Is he going to crawl back, or at least just contact me again? What should I make of this??

    Detail: I am moving out of the city in a few days.

    1. admin

      August 27, 2013 at 3:18 am

      Moving out of the city. How far apart will you two be?

      I say go into NC and STAY IN IT haha!

    2. Adalynn

      August 27, 2013 at 6:27 pm

      Well, it will be far enough. I wasn’t sure where to move yet (long story, but not relevant), but it might be in another country. I’m currently in a European country and will be moving to another one.

      I will stay NC, but do you think there’s a chance of him coming back again? And if he does; how should I act? I can’t see a future with him as long as I don’t know the story about his rebound girl. What’s with the lies about her??

    3. admin

      August 28, 2013 at 4:02 am

      For now, you may have to drop the stuff about the rebound girl (find out later.)

      Focus on you. Which country are you thinking about moving to?

      Also, I am going to be writing a LDR post eventually.

  9. Melissa

    August 25, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    Hi,
    I was with my boyfriend for 8 years and the first years were great. he broke up with me because he swore i cheated on him( during year 2). We started talking to other people but eventually got back together but it hasnt been the same chemistry. We fight alot more now then ever. Our familes have grown to be super close and we have a 2 year old together now. During years 6-8 i have taken his phone a couple of times and found that he had been having conversations with other girls. He apolgized and i know he meant it so i forgave him. After the last time of forgiving him i couldnt stop thinking of what he did so i told him lets be friends. It sounds kind of dumb but i didnt mean it. After that we still acted like we were together but then i could see things were slowlychanging, he was getting more distant. Ithought he was up to hischeating was again and took his phone and went through it. I think this was the final straw as after that he made it clear that we wernt together and ” i ended it a long time ago”. But i thought we were still together. I begged and pleaded with him to stay but he said he was tired of it and the relationship died. He said he didnt want to try anymore and said he wasnt even thinking about relationships rightnow but two weeks later he tells me that he has been talking to someone for a week. I thought he didnt want a relationship? Could this be serious? Or is this a rebound? He says he has no feelings for me whatsoever but i think he is lying. Is he really that cold now and has no frelings for me after 8 years? He said i should move on but i want to be with him. Its so hard to do the NC because of our child. I always want to text him. He talks to me regarding out child but as soon as i say anything about us he no longer replies. Is there still hope for us?

    1. admin

      August 27, 2013 at 3:15 am

      Have you read this page? It kind of goes with my thoughts on getting someone back when kids are involved.

      Also, you may want to consider checking out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. I do realize you have to pay to get it. However, I want it to be affordable for you. Just contact me if you think it is too pricey and we can price it to your budget.

  10. charlotte

    August 23, 2013 at 3:35 pm

    Hey there, its been 6 weeks since NC. We had a huge fight when he broke up with me. What shall I do now? He hasn’t tried to contact me. I just want to send him an email to clear the air that’s all. I need some advice please…thank you!

    1. admin

      August 23, 2013 at 7:22 pm

      Umm… I would text him with a first contact text on this page:https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/using-text-messages-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back/

  11. Juan

    August 22, 2013 at 7:56 pm

    Hi,

    My ex and I broke up a week ago, she had explained to me she wasnt feeling the same as before because she has been going thru many emotional stages and she didnt know what was wrong with her. A month before the break up everything was great,but then this dicision came. As a result, I tried to fix things during the conversation, but it didnt work. So I told her the best was to cut all sorts of communication. I told her I would not contact her at all after our final conversation. Since then, I havent reached out to her, Ive deleted her from every social network, but I love her still and I want her back. Is there any possbility at all that she might be wondering why I havent called her, and if she still misses me. Well the NC rule work. Again there hasnt been any contact at all from her or me. Thank You for the help!!

    1. admin

      August 23, 2013 at 7:01 pm

      It is a good first step but the NC rule is only part of the equation. It is what you do during NC and after it that matters as well.

  12. Maria

    August 22, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    Thank you so much for your intriguing NC article. I have been in a relationship for three years and at the point we have broken up once before. I never did the NC that time around. This time considering the circumstance of this breakup (his job has him traveling constantly) we decided to end the relationship due to him not having that stability. We both want the same life with each other but we cannot accomplish that as of now. We still love each other and would love to have a family together in the near future. I am afraid that this breakup and time apart and utilizing the NC rule may make him not contact me because I have not reached out. My question is: even if it was a breakup beyond our control and the love is still there, how does the NC rule work on my part for him to reach out to me?i still have much to express to him but I’m holding off until he makes the move as a man should do. I have not contacted him since August 8. It’s not easy . Thoughts?

    Sincerely,

    Broken hearted

    1. admin

      August 23, 2013 at 6:50 pm

      Generally, an ex will miss you and will want to contact you. If that doesn’t happen then you can just contact him AFTER NC.

  13. Sikha

    August 22, 2013 at 4:40 am

    My bf and I were quite serious about each other, although we were in a long distance relationship since last 2 and half yr. Until few days back he started avoiding me and we started having constant fight.
    Initially I went to meet him on my b’day but he di’nt turned up evn knowing tht I am staying at hotel all alone. He cald me up although and we did had some intimate talks . After tht I started feel bad and switched off my phone although I saw few miss call alert msgs… and d day I switched on he contacted me on wats app .. I didnt replied and then he put me on block list in wats app and FB… I have been in touch with common frnds and nobody evr say tht he talk about me… It my 30th day today following NC rule …. What should be done now

    1. admin

      August 23, 2013 at 6:18 pm

      Congrats on making it through the NC Rule for 30 days. That is a feat by itself. After NC it is time to text your ex. You want to make your first text very interesting. You want to control the conversation and don’t be afraid to leave unexpectidly making him want more. If you want complete details then you can go here. If you want even more in-depth instructions then you will have to pick up Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. If price is an issue for you there then you can email me and we can work something out.

    2. Sikha

      August 24, 2013 at 5:49 am

      Hi Chris Thanx for ur support, seriously it means a lot… Request you to go thru ur mail .. I have shared few more details ovr thr….If you cud help me out.

    3. admin

      August 25, 2013 at 7:18 pm

      Ok, I will get to the email ASAP!

  14. Audrey

    August 22, 2013 at 3:05 am

    Hi Chris. I want to really thank you for helping me in this difficult time. Bless you. You are helping a lot of people. I wish we weren’t able to give our hearts away and there were no such thing as romantic relationships. Just sex and loving friendships. I’m very hurt. Not sure at this point if I want to get back with this guy. I searched for the no contact rule and found this page. I had decided before that I wanted to ignore him for two weeks after i begged him to get back with me (big mistake, i know) Then your page convinced me to wait 30 days before I contact him instead. Its only day 2. The good news is that my birthday is in 17 days and it gives my ex a reason to call or text me. If he does, I will contact him after the 30 days. If he doesn’t, I wont bother. We used to be on and off all the time but we had intense feelings for each other. He asked me to marry him at one point! But it was me who always begged him to get back together. He’s used to it. He likes it, i think. This is why I think it may be a poisonous relationship. But we were so in love. He broke up with me this time because he’s going on his first tour. he’s a musician. He’s excited about his new lifestyle and doesn’t want to worry about having a sad girlfriend back home so he’d rather forget me. We had spoken on Skype a few days earlier and he cried. he said “I have you in my hands (he had an iPad) but you’re not here.” He loves me and said if he were back home we’d still be together. He just can’t stand the pain of being apart so he’d rather forget me. It sucks he’d rather forget me than just tough it out. I’m tired of getting hurt. Not sure what to do but I’m definitely not talking to him for 30 days. I do hope he calls or texts on my birthday. Before we broke up he had suggested I go visit him and meet his band mates which are in another state. He won’t start touring till October-something. I’m hoping he’ll freak out when I don’t reply on my birthday and start chasing me. Then perhaps I’ll go visit him. But if he doesn’t bother then it’s goodbye forever. I sent him this text message yesterday morning right before I started no contact: [sent a really cute picture that he used to have on his phone screen] “Remember me like this please and not like recent times. Goodbye Kyle. It was fun being your poof. I don’t think it’s fortunate to know the name of your soul mate and have more than 2 years of memories collected in your mind when you realize there’s no room for love in your life. But like you say, it’s the hand we’ve been dealt with. At least I now know what love is – black magic of the worst kind! Ha ha. But here’s to happier times ahead! take care”
    I’m not sure I should have been so sappy. Maybe the no contact wont be as effective. PS: the black magic is an inside joke and I say there’s no room for love because he’s a musician and I’m a model. We’re gonna be traveling the world.
    Any thoughts you may have would be tremendously appreciated. Thanks for listening.

    1. admin

      August 23, 2013 at 6:01 pm

      First off, happy “early” birthday ;).

      I think you are right to go NC. I know it is early but keep on keeping on.

      I found the best way to get through NC is to do as much stuff as possible to take your mind off your ex/ and to do as much stuff to improve yourself as a human being.

      If indeed you are a model then he will be kicking himself down the road for letting you go.

      Oh, and I do feel compelled to mention if you want a more complete overview of how to get your ex boyfriend back I recommend you check out my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. In there it will teach you exactly what you need to do.

      P.S. If it is a little too pricey for you then just email me and we can work something out. (call it an early birthday present.)

    2. Audrey

      August 22, 2013 at 3:16 am

      I would also like to mention that he’s not the kind of guy who’s looking forward to touring because of getting laid. He’s a true musician. He doesn’t want distractions of any kind, including me. His other two band mates are in the same position. Determined and focused and…single. Except they kind of have girlfriends. “Would-be girlfriends.” Which I guess is what I am. My ex didn’t cut me off as a friend. If I called right now, he’d pick up. But I won’t.

    3. Audrey

      August 22, 2013 at 12:02 pm

      Forget about what I just said…cuz i just called. He probably hasn’t woken up yet cuz he didn’t answer. I freaked and sent him a message. I had remembered you said a good text message to get his attention is “i have a confession to make…” which is what i sent him right after. I’m sure he’ll reply and I do have something to tell him. I think my next move might include a tiny bit of jealousy. I’ll read your page on that. 😛

    4. admin

      August 23, 2013 at 6:32 pm

      Sweet! Read up on jealousy!

  15. Zish

    August 21, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    Well my Bf and I have been 2gether for 6yrs now, we have a 5 year old son, the first year of our relationship was great we were happy and made promises to each other, then the following year we started fighting mainly because I remained freinds with my 2 exs and he didn’t like that then I got pregnant we were fine but I realised that he didn’t trust me I broke up with him several times because he always accused me of cheating. I got tired and when we broke up again I moved on, but I realised that I never stopped loving him and he wanted us to fix things and we got back together, I decided to confess about the other relationship and he was angry because I quickly lost faith in us, so he cheated on me and I found out that it was not the first time,, but I forgave him coz I realised that I also hurt him in the past only for him to accuse me of cheating again, so I lashed out and told him to leave me alone, we have not broken up officially, we don’t talk toeach other, he tried contacting me several times but I told him I was busy then he stopped, then I texted him that I’m not busy anymore but he didn’t get back at me, he stopped calling as I also did and only calls when he wants to talk about our son….should I continue with the NC rule? And what must I do after 30 days?

    1. admin

      August 22, 2013 at 3:47 am

      First off, thank you for taking the time to comment on the site.

      Secondly, I do think you should keep the NC rule going.

      I explain what to do after the 30 days really in-depth in Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

  16. QuestionReNC

    August 21, 2013 at 5:18 pm

    I have a question regarding the no contact. I have only really started implementing this for the past 2 days. Regardless, the ex is texting me saying he is “really worried” about me. Obviously because I am not responding and have actually had my phone turned off so it would go directly to voice mail. Do I respond to him at all and his “worries” about me? Or just continue to ignore the texts? He sure as heck wasn’t “worried” about me when cheating….

    1. admin

      August 22, 2013 at 3:40 am

      Hahahah absolutely not. Lets let the cheating ex bf suffer… ahem I mean sit calmly in a time out.

  17. Lola

    August 21, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I broke up on 07/30. I started the no contact rule immediately after. However I owe him money and reached out to him to ask him if he wanted me to mail him a money order. Was that breaking the no contact rule?

    I have not reached out to him on a personal level and kept my messages strictly about the money owed. Should I start over, or will August 30th be the last day of the 30 days of no contact?

    1. admin

      August 22, 2013 at 3:19 am

      I think we can give you a pass on that one 😉

  18. sasha

    August 21, 2013 at 10:57 am

    hello,am lost,during the NC 2 weeks i contact my ex then he told me he miss me,we started to talk as friend but i felt distant from him,i was lost i told him if i disturb him i stop to cal and texto,and he agree and sorry that we werent talk enough,and he said he guess that even friend we cant be,so we stop cal and texto eachother,that was his idea,and i saw i dont have anymore anything i express my feelings that i miss him and want him but he didnt reply 4 days after i txt him asking i want to talk as adult with peace,he rejects me,he said we agreed we dont have anything to talk anymore,that i have to stop texting him and contact him.I texted him a last message that i dont believe the way he rejects me after everything and the pregnancy(i aborted we werent ready and lot problems) i had he reject me,he didnt reply,this time i think its realy over he doesnt love or want to see me anymore.There is no hope anymore?Do you think i have to move on?waiting your reply Thank you

    1. admin

      August 22, 2013 at 2:43 am

      I think there is hope but not if you keep breaking NC. Stay in NC and really keep the focus on YOU!

    2. sasha

      August 22, 2013 at 10:47 pm

      hope??with everything he said to me,we broke 2 monhs now he doest want anyhting,how possibility he can contact me,he said to me we dont have anything to say anymore

    3. admin

      August 23, 2013 at 7:11 pm

      I think in your case it will be you who has to contact him.

    4. sasha

      August 23, 2013 at 10:04 pm

      thank you for your answer,i tried before always contact him but he rejects me always,he said to stop texting him,am afraid to contact him after now,please am lost,what can i do?

    5. admin

      August 25, 2013 at 6:54 pm

      Do not contact him until a good amount of time has passed. I am working on a new post due out this week that I think you will find very interesting.

  19. Vanessa

    August 21, 2013 at 4:11 am

    Help! What do I do if I TOLD him I wasn’t going to contact him for a few weeks? Does that take away the whole point of NC? Will he just be happy I’m not bugging him? – 4 years & dumped out of the blue!

    1. admin

      August 22, 2013 at 1:27 am

      It kinda does harm the chances but I would do NC anyways.

    2. Vanessa

      August 26, 2013 at 9:35 pm

      Thank you, I know it was not a good thing as soon as it came out of my mouth but have been NC for 8 days now! Guess time will tell. Our anniversary would have been 3.5 weeks into NC, I’d really like to contact him that day but it would be hard to keep it casual so I think I will let it pass.

    3. admin

      August 27, 2013 at 4:17 am

      I actually wouldn’t contact him that day if I was you. Because he will be wondering if that is the only reason you are contacting him.

  20. Melissa

    August 21, 2013 at 3:27 am

    Is it a sign that your ex is no longer interested if he doesn’t try and contact you during the nc period?

    1. admin

      August 21, 2013 at 5:10 am

      Not necessarily. If he is shy, stubborn or angry he won’t contact you during NC.

      It isn’t a big a deal as people think.

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