The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

Maria

July 13, 2020 at 1:39 am

My ex of not very long said he is still dealing with his past. (Ex-wife cheated, leaving his house, losing friends, and moving out of state within a very short time frame)

However, the whole time we were together he was everything I had been looking for and the break up came as a shock.

He says he has feelings for me but for me not to wait for him and he doesn’t know when he’ll be ready for a relationship. Any advice?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 13, 2020 at 4:34 pm

Hey Maria, it is difficult when someone is honest and is telling you that they are still struggling with their past relationship, especially being cheated on and going through a divorce. He is going to need some time before he gets into a new serious relationship. In the mean time you need to follow the program and work on your Holy Trinity, understanding that this could take some time before he is ready to be with someone properly

Maddi

July 9, 2020 at 11:19 pm

Hey there, my situation is a little different I have a best friend who lives in another country and he tends to bounce back and fourth when it comes to weather or not he has feelings, we talk everyday or we did he would literally call me up to 20 times a day and one day he called for 13HOURS. However in the last 3 weeks contact has declined severely as in I hear from him once every few days, he has a lot going on but I have tried to reach out with no explanation. Today I sent him a message asking for an explanation I gave him 3 hours to reply but he ignored me so I blocked him on all social media however I left his number unblocked, I guess my question is should I stick to my guns and ignore him? I am head over heels for this guy and he seems confused.
Aliv

July 6, 2020 at 2:24 pm

What about a guy that asks for no contact? Mine told me to cut all ties until I’ve moved on as he wants to be friends so like an idiot I said okay I’ll contact you in a few weeks- it’s been 4 weeks and I haven’t contacted him… will it work?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 6, 2020 at 5:51 pm

Hey Aliv, so the fact you’ve not been in touch for 4 weeks is great, I would go to 45 days if you have only just found this website and work on your Holy Trinity before reaching out

Titi

July 3, 2020 at 9:07 am

Hi,
Thank you for your great articles. Whenever I come to this site to read up stuffs, I always feel fulfilled.
My relationship of 2months+, suddenly went cold, which I still don’t understand the reason behind blocking me me on social media, cos there wasn’t a fight or argument. Just that, when I left his place I mentioned going to visit my aunt and there wasn’t any argument about that. Though network was crappy that very night, tried my best but was quite frustrating so I went to bed and woke up to blocking me on socIal media. I have called, texted but he won’t respond to any. I need to know what the offence is and probably talk about it. I want to know if I should go into NC with him for now? Thanks

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 16, 2020 at 6:07 pm

Hi Titi, yes you need to go into a No Contact and stick with it for at least 30 days

Tia

June 26, 2020 at 6:54 pm

In march my bf said he feels drained from this relationship because im always upset or nagging. I didnt realise until he pointed this out. I said i would work on it but instead he said he wanted some space to think about whether this is what he wanted. Then lockdown happened and we havent seen each other since the “talk”. Ive texted him and it was going great all of April and then in May he said he still feels like something is missing. I told him to wait until lockdown is over so we can meet and talk about things but he didnt want to. He said its over. I still texted him and he sent me loving messages and then went cold again. He said the same thing that he feels like nothing is improving and i said its because its been 100 days since we have seen each other. but he asked me to just let it be. Ie he was breaking up with me i believe but then said he would meet me in person after lockdown to see how things are but also told me not to get my hopes up because he feels like deep down its not going to work.
I have let him have his space because i’m assuming i’ll have to do no contact and then speak to him once we are able to leave our houses. but im not sure if we are fully broken up either.
Conopien

June 9, 2020 at 9:19 pm

My boyfriend who is 50 dumped me after 8 months and planning a holiday with me in 2021 as he “woke up and his feelings had changed”. I accepted that and was kind and after a week he apologised and said he knew he hadn’t treated me right and I responded that “I’m fine and I hope he is too”. I am now in NC and haven’t heard from him. I don’t understand why as the day before everything was fine and we booked a weekend away together. I’m not sure NC is working as he hasn’t reached out to me but has always said once he has made up his mind he doesn’t change it and worried that I won’t ever recover our wonderful relationship that had no major issues or arguments.
Joy

June 8, 2020 at 9:13 pm

Hi,

Thank you for a great article. I’m glad I found this useful resource. I’ll try and keep this short.

I broke up with my boyfriend of four months 6 days ago. Prior to this, I would complain a lot about the lack of affection he was (or wasn’t) showing me. He was comfortable with just texting as opposed to calling and whenever he did call it was a video call perhaps twice a week which I hate for my own reasons. He didn’t celebrate my birthday or Valentine’s Day which on both occasions I tried to break up with him over but he would call and beg for forgiveness and shortly after I would forgive him. But my overall general complaint has been I don’t feel like I matter to him. I don’t feel I’m high on his priority list but he assured me that he has a busy life and that he loves me. After trying to break up with him on several occasions and after he comes back apologizing, his unchangeable behavior has been bugging me, so 6 days ago I broke up with him again but this time blocking him everywhere so he has no way of contacting me.

So my question is will no contact work on him? And seeing as I have blocked him everywhere, I don’t know if he has tried to reach out or will try to reach out. I don’t feel comfortable unblocking him because I feel it will mean to him that I want to hear from him again so in some way he will feel he has won. Help !

Thanks in advance

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 16, 2020 at 10:26 pm

Hi Joy, so you would need to unblock him everywhere so he can see you working your Holy Trinity and being fine without him during your No Contact. He needs to see that you are dealing with your life and not sat around waiting for him

Nallah canlas

June 8, 2020 at 10:23 am

Hi
Im in a 1 yr and 4months relationship with my ex. We broke up because he and i was angry. We had a lot of fights before but we ended up good. But this time we had no contact for 1 week..i initiated contact for me to know where i stand. He just told me to shut up so he broke up with me. Now we are in 2 weeks no contact i blocked him on social media. I was shocked because all out fights was ended up still together. What should i do? He is a gamer that’s why i think he doesn’t have time to think our situation.
Sian

June 7, 2020 at 8:48 pm

I am one of your older readers.. I started seeing someone in February.. and it was lovely.. he is 4 years younger than me.
He left his wife and 4 children 10 years ago for a woman he is still in contact with.
Because of Covid, we decided to lock down together, and although we got in really well, it’s as if we missed out on a he dating and become comfortable quickly.
I think he till rants the ‘chase’ and although he starts off saying
How brill we are, he pulled away..
I came back to my place, because I didn’t feel that we had the right ‘start’.. he helped me move and although we spoke every morn and eve, we were going to a BBQ with his family and because Ineas a bit lat, he told me not to come, he was going on his own, he blocked my calls that day ).. I was in my way to him), but he ignored my calls and has not contacts me since. I wrote explaining why Inwas late.. (clcalid reason).. but not response.
He has a very quick temper and is really flakey.. part of me thinks ‘stuff him’ if he wants to find someone else..
but I also have feelings for him and wonder if, having given up everything, to be rejected by then love of his life’ he is now self protecting and If he will be in contact..
I have stuff stored in his lock-up which I eill need to get back, and have asked him to let me know if he needs me to move them.. I also still have his house key which he told me to keep..
but, is being late to meet his sister an excuse to end it, or is he just still angry with me?..
and, what should I do next?.. it was a week ago 30th May that we were meant to visit his sister.. I wrote a letter (.. not phone or text).. On 2nd Jun, ehich did not ask to get back, just apologised for being late. And he would have got that on 4-5th June, it is now 8th Jun..

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 13, 2020 at 11:11 pm

Hi Sian, so we do say not to send letters as they can be hurtful when your ex does not reach out to you in return. You need to complete a full 30 days no contact where you work on your Holy Trinity and become the best version of yourself. When you have given him some time to calm down (30 days minimum) and then reach out with a text that Chris helps you compose in his texting articles. Hopefully by then your number wont be blocked, if it is then you may need to reach out on a different platform

Melissa

June 5, 2020 at 7:27 pm

If my ex tries to contact me during my no contact period do I respond if so how?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 7, 2020 at 12:47 pm

No, you do not reply during a No Contact

Rieko

June 4, 2020 at 10:38 am

I have been in a relationship with my ex bf for 3 months plus. Its been 18 days since i implement NC. Prior to the breakup, 15 days earlier we still text as usual but he just replied 2 times a day (for 3 days). And the next 10 days i was being ignored, yes totally (for 10 days). During those 10 days, i keep on reaching him out, like once every 2 or 3 days, i keep on being positive. Then at the 13th day, i managed to have him replied, he said he was busy. Im mad, but still control and pretend to not get hurt by him. And i was like okay, the text was short, and take a while. He will replied my night text at morning, morning text at evening, so basically, it’s like no conversation happened (2 days). So on the day of breakup (day 15th), i ask him nicely to discuss with me, tell me if i had done anything wrong. And i ask if i can call him, but it was declined when i called. I called via phone first and it was directed to voicemail, through whatsapp it was declined. Soon after that, i was being blocked. I was blocked everywhere, whatsapp/instagram/phone. Except facebook, because im not following him on facebook. All those things happened in 15 mins only. I was shocked, really, and lost. So now im on 18th day of NC, no news from him, and still being blocked. Should i iniate contact after 30 days of NC? Sorry for the messy grammar, Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 7, 2020 at 8:27 pm

Hey Rieko, so if you reach out at the end of your 45 day No Contact and you find you are still in a hard block you are foced to continue with a NC while working on yourself and your Holy Trinity

CGJ

June 3, 2020 at 5:14 pm

Hi,
My ex and I dated for almost three years. It was a beautiful relationship, a treasure to keep. However, some months ago he started focusing on his studies and he became distant. Then my work load and now the pandemic did not help to see each other more often. Then, he breaks up by telling me that the flame was gone. He broke up on the phone and it was very sad, we both cryed and couldn’t even hang up, but he did it in the end. That was almost three weeks ago, when I started the NC. His bday was last saturday and I did not call or text. Last night, I got a very cold message from him asking for a few of his things. He said that he would pick them up, or if I didn’t want to see him that I could leave things in a box out of my building. His message was very cold, but he then said he hoped I was doing well. I responded short and kind that he can stop by anytime, but just to let me know when, and also hoped he was well. He responded: Of course! Thabk you, good night ☺️ (And a happy face). I will meet him to give things, again quick and kind. Can you please give some advice? Is it okay to meet him quick to give things or should I leave his things in a box? What about breaking the NC rule because he wanted his things back? Also, is he just wanting to draw a final line between us or what? This heppened last night. Please help! Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 12, 2020 at 9:41 pm

Hey CGJ if you can leave things in a box in a safe place for your ex then that would be best as you follow the rules of No Contact. You are allowed to speak in regards to exchanging things, but you do not talk about anything emotional or about your relationship.

Kalena

May 28, 2020 at 10:32 pm

I was in a SITUATIONSHIP type of relationship with this man for a whole year. Will no contact work on this kind of relationship? We had a misunderstanding via texts 4 days ago. Of course tried to call him the same day but ended up being ignored. I put him on NC right after that —3 days now. I have strong feelings for him and was hoping for a real committed relationship with him that’s why I stayed with him this long. If I will keep on doing NC on this stubborn man, will it work on him?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 3, 2020 at 10:59 pm

Hey Kalena, No Contact is for you to take some time to yourself getting over the break up and working on your Holy Trinity. When you have completed the No Contact you need to reach out with a text that Chris suggests. No Contact is going to give your ex some space and allow him to get over the break up and start missing you and remembering your positive times

Ruby

May 28, 2020 at 6:01 pm

I was with my bf for 8 months (3 months include lockdown). He tried to break up with me on the phone saying he feels content in this relationship but not sad or not super happy. I told him i think its because we havent been able to see each other for 3 months and he also then proceeded to say he hasnt fallen in love with me and is worried he never will. I told him that i wanted to wait to have this conversation in person. However he wasnt too keen. We have been whatsapping hes hot and cold. Somedays super loving and some days he ghosts me. We are in our 30s and have spoken about marriage and looked at rings. I will attempt no contact but to me its worrying it’s been this long and he hasnt fallen in love with me. Should I just move on?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 7, 2020 at 7:45 pm

Hi Ruby, I can not tell you to move on or not you need to decide that for yourself, I would suggest that you start by following a No Contact and work on your Holy Trinity during that time and be sure that you are focusing on you and not your ex. Read articles about texting and prepare your reach out at the end of your No Contact period

Abc

May 25, 2020 at 8:11 pm

So I was in a friend with benefits relationship with a guy for around 6 months and we were living together for 2 months. I felt as if we were couple as he used to treat me likewise.. recently we got into long distance and I tried to make him understand what I feel for him ( I started liking him) but he didn’t reciprocate the same so I asked him not to contact untill I move on.
Heartbroken

May 25, 2020 at 7:19 pm

My ex & I broke up yesterday from a 4 years relationship. He left me not once, but twice. The first one was that I found him cheating & I gave him second chance. Yesterday, he left me because I kept bringing out the past into our relationship. He flared & left but he has not change his photo of us in his whatsapp or removed any photo of us on both facebook & instagram. He still stalks me because he liked my photo then unliked it. Initially I spammed called him but no answers & I decided to stop doing so. We’re going through the no contact phase right now & idk if this is the right move, is he going to move on? am i making the right move? is he ever going to come back? what is his mind like right now?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 9, 2020 at 10:57 pm

Hey there, so you are right to do a No Contact where you do not have any interaction with him at all for at least 30 days. Be sure that you are not watching his social media too.

Claire

May 23, 2020 at 5:00 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me in September of last year but the break up has not been easy. That following month was when we both would start university and yes we attended the same university and what was even worst is that we ended up living in the same accommodation so I would occasionally see him. As you could imagine this was extremely hard and I didn’t take the break up seriously at first because we would hook up and he would say he loves me but isn’t ready for a relationship. September to December I was completely over it and told him I’m going to leave him to figure out what he wants and initiated NC. He came back in January apologising and saying he wants me back and what I regret is that I made it to easy for him and was quick to let him back in, I started talking about our relationship & i could tell he wasn’t ready but was afraid to lose me so jumped the gun. We had many arguments during this time because I thought he was playing with my emotions and taking me for granted, so again I cut contact where he reached out again in February for valentines and sent me a card. *October to February we was not hooking up btw* Once again he came back saying he has been feeling insecure and feels as if he isn’t good enough for me and wants to work on our relationship but.. again I jumped in to quick expecting him to give me the world but it seemed like he wasn’t ready. We are both young so reading this blog makes me feel crazy as I feel like maybe it’s not science and I should just allow things to run there course but I am very much in love and his mum and sister text me saying how much they love me and miss me which makes it harder. He said he just wants to focus on being a better person and I’ve encouraged him to do so , I haven’t initiated NC but I have kept my distance for 2 weeks now , his birthday is coming up and I’ve decided not to reach out hoping he will realise what he has lost , I honestly don’t know if there is hope I just needed to vent.
Claire

May 23, 2020 at 4:57 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me in September of last year but the break up has not been easy. That following month was when we both would start university and yes we attended the same university and what was even worst is that we ended up living in the same accommodation so I would occasionally see him. As you could imagine this was extremely hard and I didn’t take the break up seriously at first because we would hook up and he would say he loves me but isn’t ready for a relationship. September to December I was completely over it and told him I’m going to leave him to figure out what he wants and initiated NC. He came back in January apologising and saying he wants me back and what I regret is that I made it to easy for him and was quick to let him back in, I started talking about our relationship & i could tell he wasn’t ready but was afraid to lose me so jumped the gun. We had many arguments during this time because I thought he was playing with my emotions and taking me for granted, so again I cut contact where he reached out again in February for valentines and sent me a card and also wished me a happy birthday the following month . *October to February we was not hooking up btw* Once again he came back saying he has been feeling insecure and feels he isn’t good enough for me and wants to work on our relationship but.. again I jumped in to quick expecting him to give me the world but it seemed like he wasn’t ready. We are both young so reading this blog makes me feel crazy as I feel like maybe it’s not science and I should just allow things to run there course but I am very much in love and his mum and sibling text me saying how much they love me and miss me which makes it harder. He said he just wants to focus on being a better person and I’ve encouraged him to do so , I haven’t initiated NC but I have kept my distance for 2 weeks now , his birthday is coming up and I’ve decided not to reach out hoping he will realise what he has lost , I honestly don’t know if there is hope I just needed to vent. Many people say he cares , his friends and even his sibling but I get nothing from him.
Jojo

May 18, 2020 at 3:33 pm

After breaking up with me, he said we would remain friends and we could get back together later in life. I took the break up pretty well initially before I started asking that we got back together. He deleted my number, avoided meeting me physically and rarely replies my messages. I didn’t talk to him until some days later when I pestered him again, this made him block me. On every platform I try messaging him, he blocked me. When I call him, he answered sometimes, other times he ignored. Few weeks after, I asked that we get back together but he told me it’s too late for that to happen because he is already with someone else. He blocked me after this, I have been blocked almost everywhere but not everywhere. What can I do? Is it too late to establish NC? What else can work? He truly loved me while we dated for two years

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 27, 2020 at 10:09 pm

Hey Jojo, I would suggest that you complete a 45 day No Contact and work on yourself, you also need to read some more articles on this website and try not to be emotional with your ex again. Part of what we do here is working on ourselves so that it makes your ex question if they made a mistake ending things and want to come back to you

Gamer

May 18, 2020 at 2:50 am

My bf and I are no longer together as of yesterday. We were together for 1.5 years and lately we had frequent fights which lead to a loss of connection. He said he needed some time and space to think and work on himself so that we can be happy together and he stated how it was very hard for him to come to this decision. He even said he didn’t know if he was making the right or wrong decision. He said he loves me very much and cares about me and he wants to be with me, but he has a hard time seeing us be happy together as of right now. He still wants to check in with me and keep in contact during this “break.”

I said no to keeping in contact because what is the point of him having a break but still continuing to talk to me? If that were the case, why can’t we be together?

I am trying this no contact but it i hard. Today is day 1… and I almost found myself messaging him. What should I do? 🙁

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 20, 2020 at 11:19 pm

Hi Gamer, it is hard to start the No Contact but be sure to have things in place to stop yourself from reaching out. When you have been in no contact for a couple of weeks and you are focusing on your Holy Trinity you will find that it becomes easier for you to stick with it

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4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”