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4,271 thoughts on “The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Erica

    November 27, 2020 at 6:43 am

    I started no contact rules last Saturday. My ex texted me on Monday and Wednesday so yesterday morning i told him that i needed some time and space. i told him not to contact me until I decide to contact him. Can i assume that he misses me and he still wants this relationship since he has texted me? He has been asking for confirmation over and over again whether do i really wanted to end the relationship.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2020 at 9:54 pm

      Hi Erica, I cannot really answer that question we do not know what he was feeling when he reached out but he is also respecting your wishes not to speak right now. Complete your NC and work on yourself in that time.

  2. Jade

    November 20, 2020 at 6:17 am

    I’m not sure if a NC period would work in my current situation. I was seeing a guy casually for about 2 mths so our foundations may not be as strong as some other people. We’ve always met up at his place and would have a 1-2hr chat before moving onto the physical part.

    We started by agreeing to not catch feelings as he doesn’t want a relationship and yet, I ended up catching some and then telling him about before I ended it. However, I regret that decision and wanted to go back to the way things were. He stated he doesn’t want to fuck with people’s emotions/feeling and that he doesn’t believe I can separate the heart from the body, hence “its over”. He also asked me to stop trying to probe about his relationships as what we did “isn’t going to happen anymore, its over, respect that”. He hasn’t blocked me yet although I’m always the one to initiate conversation and he does view my whatsapp status updates, but he shuts me down whenever our conversations crosses into physical intimacy areas.

    It has been 2 weeks since I ended it. Friends tell me I should move on and find someone who respects and likes me more and my mind agrees. Yet I still get butterflies when I see a text message response from him.

    Do I still have a chance to win him back in a proper relationship or is that door forever closed and I should move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 15, 2020 at 10:07 pm

      Hi Jade, I am sorry only you can choose to move on or give the program a try, but I can help you either way if you decide what it is you want to do. The first step always begins with a No Contact and working on yourself to become Ungettable

  3. Alice Hornby

    November 16, 2020 at 5:30 pm

    Hi,
    my situation is a little more complicated than listed here. Basically, my ex boyfriend ended things with me. This was basically due to the fact that he turned back to a drug addiction due to the bar he got a new job at as his coworkers all take cocaine regularly, he’d overcome this addiction in the past but started up again rapidly and I started getting emotional, stressed and suspicious. He said that things weren’t as good as they used to be and he’d lost feelings for me and didn’t love me like he used to. However, he said breaking up with me was the hardest thing he ever did and he cried… A LOT. I wrote him letter which he said made him cry even more.
    He said he’ll “never forget me as long as he lives” and that once we’ve had some space we’ll “always be a part of each other’s lives in some way”.
    Then he turned really nasty cause I wasn’t giving him the space that he wanted because I was so hurt so he said he’s been seeing someone since we broke up so I should move on (this was literally within a week of the breakup). So, he turned nasty and told me that I’m not missing out because he’s not a good person. He blocked my number and on Facebook but just unfollowed me on instagram.
    I thought he was living his best life and didn’t care anymore but then two days ago I found out he said he’s “really depressed” and has been turning up to work drunk. I’m not sure if this is due to me, the drugs or the rebound girl.
    It’s been nearly three weeks of NC and and nearly five weeks since the break up, I’m hurt that he’d do this to me but I’m also really concerned.
    Out of these reactions I’d definitely say he’s the “Angry Guy” cause he does have some issues with his temper and acts very very impulsively.
    For all of our faults, we loved one another dearly and we were perfect until he fell back into his old habits from before we were together. I want him back, the man he was before all of his self proclaimed “mistakes”.
    Will he ever realise his mistake?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 12, 2020 at 8:32 pm

      Hi Alice, so yes there is a chance he can come back – but he needs to change the way he is because HE wants to. Not because someone else makes him see it is wrong. I would suggest that you keep your NC for 45 days because of this new girl thats around and give him some time to miss you. Keep working through the articles and use the information if you want to start following the being there method and being Ungettable.

  4. mariam

    November 9, 2020 at 11:45 pm

    Hi there, my situation is more complex as we have a 2 year old & I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant. My husband doesn’t want to be with me anymore and is planning to move out end of the month. It is very hard for me to let go of him especially in the state i am in…it is also hard to do a no contact now as we still live together & if he does move out, I do have to update him about our child time to time. (he constantly requests photos of the baby and gets upset when i do not send him any pics) I messed up this no contact rule the minute he said he was done with the relationship. I did not give him any space. I was bugging him at all times at home & at work (calling & texting /begging/pleading/ taking) and it has brought the “angry guy” out inside of him and it has brought the worst out of me. I finally am letting him go tand i have stopped the nagging/persisting/ texting and talking. I understand the more I force him the more he will pull away..

    what do you suggest in my situation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 13, 2020 at 9:43 pm

      Hi Mariam, so your situation is not that complicated as you would think, there are many who come here in the same situation as you. Myself included. This article should help you understand how to follow a no contact with your children involved. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-when-you-have-a-child-with-them/

  5. Serena

    November 6, 2020 at 5:52 am

    Hi,
    My ex wrote me after 1 week of breakup about some money that he owned me, i tried to keep answers as short as possible ,but then he started to ask me do I need something and when i didnt respond he unfriended me from facebook , and then again he started writing to me and saying take care of yourself , I asked him if he did miss mee he said Yes but its not important because we are not together anymore , I said its important to mee . Then he said if you ever want anyting write me because im not blocking you on fb ,if you want you can block me.
    What should I do ????? Im very confused

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2020 at 10:25 am

      Hi Serena, you need to continue with your No Contact it sounds as if your ex is feeling guilty at the moment. Stick with it and work on yourself during this time

  6. Alyssa Caribardi

    November 5, 2020 at 7:15 pm

    Hi, my boyfriend and I had been dating for almost 10 months. We are both 20 years old. We fought a lot throughout the entire relationship and almost every fight led to him saying “should we just break up?” and in my fit of rage I would jump on his offer and say “yes we’re done.” We would always end up talking it out either later that night or the next day and be okay. We never told anyone about this vicious cycle because we didn’t want anyone to think our relationship was bad. This time we got in a huge fight on Halloween and I just said “we’re done.” I apologized immediately and begged for him back but didn’t hear from him for 2 days until he said he wanted to meet. I sent him very mean texts during those 2 days. When I met up with him he said he was just tired of fighting and nothing was ever going to change with us. I stayed composed the whole time and just accepted what he was saying (mostly so he wouldn’t have the satisfaction of getting a reaction from me) but as soon as he walked away I lost it. He was my first love and my first heart break. I finally decided to tell my parents the truth about all of the toxic things in our relationship and they despise him now. I’ve been in NC for 5 days now and I can’t get him out of my head. I want him to text me but I don’t know if he’s truly just over it. I know he still loves me and I want him back so badly, but my parents would never approve again. He is very concerned about his image so if he knew my parents didn’t like him anymore he wouldn’t want to be with me. Also, we were best friends for a year before dating and are in the same friend group. I have reached out to my friends about this and asked them not to say anything to him but I don’t know if they have… do I even have a chance at this point?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 5, 2020 at 8:00 pm

      Hi Alyssa, it doesn’t sound as if your relationship was a very happy one from what you have posted. I would ask why you would want to get back into it? I know sometimes we romanticise our relationships when we think back, but sometimes you need to take into account of the facts. You used to argue a lot – and he would suggest breaking up. This is not a good habit to be creating a relationship. It is not healthy either. I would say that even though you have mutual friends, that you need to take a break from your ex, no contact for at least 30 days, 45 if needed. And work on yourself, decide what you really want relationship wise, and learn to be happy being single before taking your next step.

  7. Emma

    November 1, 2020 at 9:25 am

    Hi, My boyfriend of almost four years broke up with me 2 days ago. The week before the breakup he was talking about how much he loves and adore me. But then I said something very hurtful to him that he doesnt want to be with me anymore. He was crying during the break up and when I asked him why are you crying he said that I’m crying because I made you feel very bad. However when he brought my things back from his apartment we hugged each other and we ended up having sex, then we said goodbye to each other . I’m very sad I dont know what should I do

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 1, 2020 at 10:59 am

      Hi Emma, so you need to go into a No Contact and let your ex calm as he is upset from your words. Work on yourself, the ungettable girl and holy trinity articles will help with this. Do not sleep with your ex while broken up again.

  8. Rosie

    October 28, 2020 at 5:10 pm

    Hi, My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me two months ago out of the blue. The week before the breakup he was talking about moving in together and me leaving clothes at his place and even marriage—but then we had a pretty big fight.

    During the breakup said that he fell out of love with me and that’d he’d fallen out of love with me before in our relationship but then fell back in love with me again. He was crying during the breakup. And he asked for a hug twice during the whole thing.

    Do you think he will regret this? He hasn’t tried to reach out. I reached out in regards to seeing the dog we share about a month ago, but he said he wasn’t ready to see me and said it wouldn’t be good for the both of us.

    Recently his brothers girlfriend has tried to reach out and I think she’s spying on me for him—I think this because she never answered after she got her information AND I know they talk all the time.

    What should I do here? I’m feeling like this is done for good.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 29, 2020 at 8:04 pm

      Hi Rosie, ideally I would suggest that you do not give the brothers girlfriend any information other than you are doing great. You need to follow a proper No Contact rule if you want to follow this program, that includes not asking to see the dog for the short term basis.

  9. Sara

    October 28, 2020 at 8:14 am

    Hello. I have been seeing a guy for three weeks. The relationship was very honest, he was so loving, open and emotional. Then we started talking about commitment, about my child i have with my ex, about a serious relationship. I know now it was too early to mention anything serious… So, he said he needs time to think about his life, about his goals, to resolve some problems he has, to find another job less stressfull and time consuming and that he needs to be alone. I was very hurt, but I didn’t insist on anything. Just agreed to everything he asked. I was determined to move on, but after 4 days I made a contact. He did answer, but was very distant and formal. I know I made a mistake by contacting him. Now, I have deleted all of our texts and his phone number, but I still hope he would call eventually. He doesn’t have social media, so I don’t know how to show him that I am doing well without him. Do you have any advice? Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 28, 2020 at 10:34 am

      Hi Sara, I know when things are good, new and exciting we get carried away with our thoughts and feelings. I think you brought up commitment conversation too soon, three weeks is not a long time for someone to get used to the fact that you want a relationship, along with the fact that there is a child in the situation. Follow the no contact rules and start reaching out after 30 days, and this time around slow it down. If you think of it as getting to know him properly before you consider introducing him to your child, and him having enough time to know if he can make the commitment to be in someones life who has a child.

  10. Tia Emily

    October 19, 2020 at 6:50 am

    I was dating this guy for a while and we broke up a week ago but have still been talking everyday since. I decided to implement NC last night but I told him that I need a couple of weeks to focus on things so I won’t be replying or messaging (I didn’t say anything specific). He responded by saying that he understands and he’s there if I need. I feel like I’ve already messed up by basically telling him that I’m doing NC. How can I recover from this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 19, 2020 at 8:07 pm

      Hi Tia, you didn’t mess up but what will happen is that he may not reach out to you for a while but if you stick to it for a solid 30 days you may find that he reaches out to you before the NC is over. Make sure that you use social media to show you are living your life being happy and making positive changes to yourself

  11. Lilly

    October 14, 2020 at 2:32 am

    After a year and a half of committed, natural, honest and serious dating, my boyfriend (25) and I (20) ended things.

    Over lock down he left his well-paying job and began building a new business, he became cold and disrespectful. He lost interest in me. We were only talking 1-2 times per week since he didn’t want to. We discussed how he’d changed and he bluntly said he liked and cared for me, but didn’t love me like he used to, and he didn’t really want to be in a relationship with me or anyone else (apparently). He said it wasn’t the right time, but he didn’t want to hurt me.

    After alot of upset and trying, I broke up with him. He wanted to stay in contact saying he would always be there for me if I needed him, I said there was no point and I didn’t wish to talk for a very long time. No contact began, by wk 3 he hadn’t said anything but he sent me flowers with a card saying 2 words, Thank you. I stayed quiet and carried on. By wk 5 he was watching my instagram stories even though we don’t follow each other. It’s week 6 and I miss him. But I don’t want to contact him first. What do you think he is thinking?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 24, 2020 at 8:21 pm

      Hi Lilly, this program encourages you to reach out if you want to get your ex back. Without this then you could end up never getting them back as he is not willing to reach out after the break up

  12. Jee

    October 6, 2020 at 8:42 pm

    Hey there . So my ex informed that he is talking to someone else . It has been 5 or 6 months since we broke up . I broke up with him and have regretted it since . I have done the whole begging thing after he told me he just wants to be friends . I just want him back and have never should have waited this long to get him back . Once he told me he was talking to someone else, I left him on read and he asked was I okay and I started NC. Does NC still have a chance at working if I was talking to someone but ended things ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 20, 2020 at 7:21 pm

      Hi Jee, yes NC can work in this case you need to follow the rules for 45 days and then reach out starting the being there method

  13. Karen Flores

    September 29, 2020 at 10:04 pm

    I was in a long distance relationship with my bf for 6 months,until 5 days ago he decided by himself to end the relationship… We were really fine and we still feel love for each other,the only one thing it’s i’ve hurt my ex boyfriend with my bad temper,since he’s a very sensitive person, and i told him i’m willing to change and improve that, but he always replied he didn’t know how it’d go and that someone less sensitive would be better for me, so he overthought alot about it and took this decision by himself, cause he bottled up those feelings while i hurt him,.. I just wish i could show him i’m doing and i will do my best to change,I’d like to know what to do to make things work out and recover his trust on me, and also advices to improve my bad temper and don’t hurt him again…
    He told one of my friends that he thought “it was the best”, also before he broke up with me, i told him to make things work out and he replied “i dont know how it’d go” and that he had developed some fears cause of my temper.. I just need advices thanks in advance.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2020 at 6:10 pm

      Hi Karen, so the first thing you would need to do is work on yourself during your NC and use social media to show what you have been doing without him in your life, and then reach out to your ex in the next 30 – 45 days

  14. Joshlyn Espinoza

    September 22, 2020 at 8:03 am

    So my ex and I broke up and everything was fine and I thought we were cool, but then the next day he was calling me names and stuff. Im so confused on whats going on.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 22, 2020 at 11:09 am

      It sounds as if they are struggling to deal with the break up – when emotions run high logic runs low – as Chris says many times. Your ex isn’t thinking logically right now so lashing out is pretty predictable

  15. Maisie

    September 10, 2020 at 11:40 am

    Hi, My boyfriend of almost two years broke my heart a week ago out of the blue. The week before the breakup he was talking about moving in together and me leaving clothes at his place and even marriage and now nothing. 10 days before the breakup he was telling me how much he loved and missed me while away on a trip.

    We did have a fight a few days before everything went down but we seemed very okay after. We went out with his friends and resumed like normal. When the breakup happened, he said that he fell out of love with me and that’d he’d fallen out of love with me before in our relationship but then fell back in love with me again. He was crying during the breakup. And he asked for a hug twice during the whole thing.

    Do you think he will regret this? I feel like these are signs that he doesn’t know what he wants. I texted him the day of the breakup but haven’t texted since and don’t plan to mostly because the last text I sent he didn’t answer to. He is definitely a stubborn person. He didn’t block me on social media but he won’t look at any of my stories purposefully. He’s slipped twice but I think only accidentally. What are the chances of him coming back to me? We talked to each other incessantly every day and now it’s just radio silence and it’s the weirdest thing.

  16. Lianna

    August 23, 2020 at 5:25 pm

    Hi, I just broke up with my boyfriend , I kicked him out . I didn’t mean for it to end . We had just got in a fight and I was mad and upset with him . I told him to leave and now he won’t talk to me . I didn’t follow the NC rule I been blowing his phone up , but I just stopped today, I’m going to do the NC rule , hopefully it works . ☹️ I miss himmm

  17. Lola

    August 14, 2020 at 5:20 am

    Me and my ex were together for 6 months. Things got bad- arguing- he started getting jealous. I was going to dump him first but then he did it to me. The day he did I went to nyc w another guy. Lol he saw on snap which he called me out on later. Then- I accepted his fb request that I hadn’t for months and he deleted it.
    The next day while in nyc I texted him:
    “My friends keep arguing like us and I was wrong.
    It’s horrible to be around them. Hopefully we keep cool and keep everything under wraps (not tell anyone) at work”
    He responded
    “I won’t ever bad mouth you as long as you don’t bad mouth me, but I’d prefer to be friends from a distance. I hope u can respect my wishes. This isn’t a back and forth”

    So I didn’t respond. I contacted him one more time about a shooting, the place I was at was getting shot up (scary) I was drunk and then I quickly texted “nevermind forget I texted you”

    He responded the next day but I ignored him.

    Saw him three weeks later for a friends bday. I acted normal and he apologized for not reaching out. I just did my own thing. I got drunk and at the end of the night I became clingy but he asked me for coffee. He was dangling another girl in front of me to make me jealous (???) but I didn’t say anything until she started bad mouthing me and I told her off. He says “I like when you do that.” (Weirdo)

    I came home drunk af and thinking he was sleeping w my friend (long story) I texted him like an idiot and said “call me” then said “I hope I didn’t make you mad. I’m going to sleep night.” (Made no sense …although we had another discussion at the end of the night and I left yelling we weren’t compatible” (crazy drunk me)

    I haven’t texted or looked at his snaps since 5 days ago and he’s been looking at mine all the time.

    The truth is we probably aren’t compatible but I hate that I lost the game by acting stupid drunk at the end. Not sure what’s going on through his mind but I’ve posted myself having dinner and I’m also going to LA to see another guy I’ve been talking to for two years and going to post that. Wondering if my ex sees me w him will make him resent me or actually realize he is missing out.

  18. Shamarita

    July 23, 2020 at 5:46 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me last month. I screwed up in all way begging and stuff. And he blocked me over WhatsApp and phone but not on telegram. His mom still talks to me. Im doing no contact since 2 weeks. He was really angry in the beginning. Then he said he’s sad for me that he’s not the one. But his feelings reduced and he can’t continue if he feels its not the right thing to do. Or give me wrong hope. He’s very stubborn
    I don’t know if I can get him back. Or if after no contact 30days I text on telegram he will reply or not.

  19. Your girl

    July 16, 2020 at 12:21 pm

    Me and my ex broken up fir a month now. it was his decision as he didn’t trust me.. he has misunderstood me abs think of me as a bad. but I honestly far away better than his standard of thinking.. he was trying to flaunt about his new girlfriend on my face to get a reaction out of me. but I just ignored. i ignored him for 20 days. and he began stalking me. then he would text me and would assume that I am dating someone new and would try to insult me and bad comment about my new boyfriend but that new guy is just friend but my ex thinks that I am dating him. today he told me that he would tell my new guy that hiw bad I am while I am still loyal to him but he dont think about me as a good woman just because I was too childish nd possessive. he took this behaviour of mine as my cleverness. Today I am far more better than him. and he just can’t let me stay happy with someone new.. he told me how ever I am and also told me that he would tell the new guy to stay away from me as I will ruin his life too.. I can’t understand that if he has a girlfriend why can’t he stay peacefully with her and can let to do the same.
    Now I have blocked him but I want to know why he wants to hurt me
    Is there any chance of him texting me again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 7, 2020 at 9:26 pm

      Hey there, I don’t know if he will reach out to you again but if he has reached a point where he as you say stalking you then you are best to move on with your life, and if he continues to come to you and give you hassle then I suggest you log it all and take it to the local authorities to tell him to stop

  20. Carla

    July 15, 2020 at 8:29 am

    Hi 🙂
    I’m 20 years old and my boyfriend of almost four years just dumped me. It was completely out of the blue for me. I was as happy as ever with him. When he decided to breakup he said that the feeling weren’t as intense as they were before and that the “magic” wasn’t really there anymore. He also said that he felt trapped in the relationship and now feels much better because he can do whatever he wants without having to “justify” himself. He had some complaints about me not being as affectionate as he would like or the fact that he was always the one who contacted me after we had an argument. At first, I made the ugly mistake of begging and crying pathetically. After our final conversation yesterday I recomposed myself and have been in no contact since (not long at all but I take it one day at a time). The thing is that he seems very very VERY sure of his decision and I just don’t want to “get my hopes up” if there really isn’t a chance. I will do no contact anyways because if he doesn’t want to be in my life then there is no point in talking but I would love to know if by any chance he will come back…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 4, 2020 at 10:46 pm

      Hi Carla, your best chance at getting your ex back is following the program starting with No Contact where you spend that time focused on yourself and not on your ex, then you reach out first to your ex using the methods that Chris suggests in his articles

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