1,334 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”

  1. Avatar

    Bailey

    May 2, 2018 at 9:30 pm

    my ex and I were not together long. A little over a month. I was more difficult and wanted to take things slower as he wanted to dive in head first. I told him from the very start what exactly I was looking for in a relationship. There was a 5-year difference between us. I am older and want things more settled down in my life than he did so it did cause some disagreements. Towards the end, he wanted space, then told me eventually that maybe he wasn’t quite ready for the relationship. I was very understanding and it was not a bad break up at all. I have obeyed this no contact rule, have removed him from all my social media, etc. He still follows me on Instagram and will like every single post. I am assuming he is trying to just be nice, but it’s confusing.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 2, 2018 at 11:57 pm

      Hi Bailey…really cool name! Yes, guys can be confusing because half of the time, they really don’t have a clue what they want. Sometimes it takes a while for their true feelings to catch up with them. I think he is revisiting some of his earlier notions. If you want to optimize your chances, then go get my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro and read it from cover to cover. It is of epic length and touches all many strategies and tactics you can employ if you want to revisit this relationship. But my philosophy is first you need to invest in yourself….to heal and to get in touch with what you want if that is unclear to you at the moment. So swing by my website Menu/Products link and read up on some of my ebook and other resources available to you! Let me know how it goes Bailey!

    2. Avatar

      Bailey

      May 3, 2018 at 1:42 pm

      Thank you for your input. Just wasn’t sure if he was just seeking my attention or just was an act of kindness. I feel we can be too stubborn at times and find other ways to try to seek attention instead of direct contact. Also, if you want to speak to someone you’ll directly contact them in my mind. I’ve been completely ignoring it, just wasn’t sure if i should act on it.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 3, 2018 at 1:44 pm

      Well said Bailey

    4. Avatar

      Bailey

      May 3, 2018 at 6:37 pm

      so to be clear, do not contact or should I reach out?

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 3, 2018 at 9:25 pm

      Yes Baily! Read up on all the different types of initial contact messages you can send and what you can do if things don’t work out in my core ebook!

    6. Avatar

      Bailey

      May 3, 2018 at 3:11 pm

      so do not contact him, correct? just keep going about doing me.

    7. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 3, 2018 at 9:50 pm

      Eventually, when NC is over, there is a process you can use to make contact with him. But NC is for you. I want you to love yourself….be your best friend….date yourself…heal….focus on your goal areas as described in my ebook.

  2. Avatar

    Nina

    May 1, 2018 at 1:58 pm

    my partner and i were together for 10months and lived together. after the initial break up we had a 3 month break and then got back in contact. we were on and off for about 2 months and in the last “off” period (about a week or so) he has a new girlfriend! (surely rebound?) and moved interstate.
    we continued to talk, i begged and acted desperate, then came to my senses, and stopped. he still messages me both normal convo and “saucy” messages.
    i’ve just implanted a 21 day NC as i booked a flight to see him in about 3.5 weeks. his girlfriend and him have been together for only 2 weeks, and she’s already moving interstate to be with him and i’m worried they’ll have grown closer by the the time the NC ends and i’m supposed to see him.
    are these genuine fears? feeling quite at a loss.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 1, 2018 at 4:38 pm

      Hi Nina…thanks for stopping by! First off, I hope you have picked up a copy of my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”. The idea is you want to use the best resources available to you to optimize your chances. Just click on my website Menu and select the “Products” link to learn more! There are definitely some things you can do less of and more of. I understand the anxiety you have about what might happen. But try and let go of it because even if you have the best game plan in place, there are some things you simply can’t control, particular when it comes to other people’s feelings. There is good chance this other girl is a rebound. My advice is to dig into the suggested ebook I referenced above and put your plan in place!

  3. Avatar

    Ash

    April 23, 2018 at 6:26 pm

    is all of this true if I did the 30 day no contact and my ex didn’t try to reach out to me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2018 at 8:41 pm

      Hi Ash…no system is foolproof, but bear in mind that most programs,including mine, involve much more than simply instituting a 30 day No Contact Period. There are lots elements to the entire process. Did you pick up a copy of my ebook as it serves as the Companion Guide for folks trying to better their chances. And its not simply up to your ex boyfriend to reach out to you after NC. Its also about your efforts and use of text messaging and other things to rebuild attraction!

    2. Avatar

      Ash

      April 23, 2018 at 10:59 pm

      I almost feel like contacting him would make me regret it. Idk what he would say. I want to, and then I don’t. If I contact him would he think I’m not doing good on my own?

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2018 at 11:39 pm

      I understand. You are closest to the situation and your emotions, so I trust you. Give it more time.

  4. Avatar

    ness

    April 14, 2018 at 7:55 pm

    What if he is using the NC rule on me? I ignored his calls and instead answered with texts for three days then he replied “nothing. goodnight” to the last. I tried again the next day and he never responded. After that I learned about the NC rule. Its been 3 weeks and we both haven’t said anything. What if he is implementing a NC period too?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 4:47 am

      Ness….maybe he is, but if you are following the game plan laid out in my ebook, you will have the more sophisticated strategy!

  5. Avatar

    Mary-ann

    April 7, 2018 at 2:55 pm

    Hi Chris, your advice has been great. I need some advice. The bf and I had a fight where he was very mean, telling me that we can maybe just have sex but doesn’t want to be committed. I left the place and immediately went into no contact including blocking him. He found a way to reach out to me and has been calling 4 out of the 7 days in the past week including three texts saying he’s sorry (rather insincerely) and saying he was behaving badly just to piss me off. I feel a little bad ignoring him like this without telling him I’m gg into no contact. Does going into no contact like this make me immature? Could you please advise what I should do now? We have had a tumultuous relationship, mostly out of his insecurities and his need to control me.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 9, 2018 at 11:38 am

      Haha glad that you liked my advice!

      Even though I think this might be the first time that we’ve actually talked to each other!

      Do you mind if I go on a rant for a bit?

      I totally get where you are coming from with being worried that the “NC rule” can be looked at as mean. However, I don’t understand why women care that much. In fact, I think sometimes, especially in cases like yours, it’s important to create a perception that you don’t care about his feelings.

      Ok, rant done!

  6. Avatar

    Laura

    March 27, 2018 at 7:41 am

    After NC, what should I answer when he asks why I ignored him? I’m pretty sure he will ask.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:39 am

      I believe I just answered this!

  7. Avatar

    Laura

    March 27, 2018 at 7:26 am

    But what should I answer when he asks why I ignored him? I’m pretty sure he will ask. Should I say something like: I don’t want to talk about it right now but we’re cool ( to stay positive an misterious). Or should I say that I needed time alone? None of that? What is the best answer?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:39 am

      You simply say,

      “I just wasn’t in a place where I wanted to talk to anyone.”

      And then move on to the next topic.

  8. Avatar

    milli

    March 26, 2018 at 2:04 pm

    I and my boyfriend have been dating for the past 8 months. we were into a serious relationship. and we broke up because he thinks I cheated on him with my ex(which is not true). I only met him once and nothing ever happened between me and my ex but all this i had been hiding from my boyfriend. I met my ex 3 months ago and my boyfriend came to know about this through our mutual friend and he brokeup with me a week back. He’s really super mad at me and I tried alot talking to him, texting him, sending voice mails, trying to meet him I mean like every possible thing I could do to get him back and ask him for forgiveness. But he kept saying one thing that is he broke up with me and he’s done with me and he doesn’t care about me now and he hates me. i am really upset and so i came across this website where I read about this no contact rule which i’ll be implementing from today. But over this 1 week of begging him for forgiveness, i realized something. He has blocked me from every social media and even phone calls but I somehow have access to his Instagram and Facebook since he shared it with me long back. I’ve noticed he’s not really that active on his social sites, his doesn’t open his messages soon, or checks his instagram. But when i tried sending him texts from a new Id, i’ve always got a immediate quick response from him even though its always been negative. it seems like he waits when i will text him, so he can show me his anger. I mean he can always avoid me but he doesn’t, he texts me back says he doesn’t wants me and again blocks me. So Now i’ll be implementing the No contact rule. DO you think it is going to work?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:29 am

      There’s a reason the no contact rule is present in almost all of our success stories.

      That’s all I’ll say.

  9. Avatar

    flora

    March 26, 2018 at 2:13 am

    He is the one who initiated no contact with me. After a fight, he wouldn’t accept my apology, and said ‘no calls for 6 months’. Nothing here talks about that…sounds final.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:25 am

      I don’t believe I have written about that but I think it may be my next topic!

    2. Avatar

      flora

      April 3, 2018 at 2:08 am

      Can’t wait!

  10. Avatar

    Ale

    March 23, 2018 at 10:54 pm

    My ex and I dated for almost 2 year. A few months ago he started to get distant. I assumed he was stress with his new promotion. I tried to give him his space and didn’t push him into giving me more attention. I thought things were starting to look up when after not even 12 hours of us making weekend plans he tells me we need to talk. During our talk he tell me the infamous “we need a break” line. Personally I don’t believe in that and after a week of “break” I told him we needed to end things for good. That I couldn’t live with an unattainable hope. He and I never really fought or argued and the day we ended things he asked if we could work on it but I was too confused (and hurt because he had told me he didn’t think I was the one) to want to work on it. We sat in silence for a bit till he finally said, “its over”. I walked out and haven’t spoken to him since then. It’s been 28 days. There has been no contact, he even removed me from some social media to which I reacted and removed him from the last two sites he had kept me on. I miss him terribly, I honestly thought and still think he was my “one”. I want to get him back, give us some fighting chance but I think he’s moving on. I’m not even sure if I should make the effort to reach out to him. Wouldn’t he have texted me if he misses me? Should I just leave things as they are and try to forget him?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 29, 2018 at 7:21 pm

      Hi Ale,

      In nc period you should be active in improving yourself and in posting.. Are you doing that? After nc, you can initiate contact..

  11. Avatar

    Kish

    February 22, 2018 at 5:13 am

    I have an ex boyfriend that never fully invested in a relationship with me and never told me he loved me, but he likes me a lot, told me he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone, and wants to be friends. We became friends and he has stuck to that…for two years. I thought I was okay with that but now I want more and worry I cant get it from him without moving on… yet I want to move on in a way that leaves the door open for him to change his mind unless I find someone first.

    I went no contact for 21 days and he finally texted me with good news that a friend should respond to. I dont know what to say. Do I just keep silent? Do I tell him the truth (that I am happy about his news but I am moving on…door’s open if you change your mind, sorry?) Do I just text back casually but refuse to see him unless he has intentions?

    If I really do move on, maybe it doesn’t matter, but I thought it couldnt hurt to ask.

  12. Avatar

    H

    February 22, 2018 at 2:53 am

    My partner and I were dating for almost 3 years. During this time he broke up with me but would come back the next day saying he regretted his decision. For about a year things were good. However, the last couple of months things have changed a bit. We live approx an hour away from each other and lately only saw each other once a week or fortnightly. Up until early 2018, this distance has never been an issue until he started playing professional football (he started playing about 2 months ago) which requires him to train every weeknight and a couple of mornings. He also works full-time and goes out with the footy team and friends Friday and Saturday nights. Recently his whole attitude to the relationship randomly changed. It was almost as if he enjoyed having me around when it was convenient but then had other priorities which put me last. We had been arguing because of this and towards the end of Jan 2018 he ended things as ‘things arent working anymore’. For all of Jan he would tell me that he doesnt have time to see me and that it just isnt working anymore which made me really upset. After breaking up with me he kept calling me once a day and I would ignore him as I did not think it was in regards to getting back together. Then 4 days after he dumped me (on his birthday) he messaged me asking why I had been ignoring him and that it had been the worst 4 days of his life. He asked for me back and I ended up saying okay. A week after this things were good and he was telling me how much he missed me and wanted to be with me and asked to see me etc. When he did see me, he told me I was beautiful and that he’s sorry he messed up and he wants to fix things. About 5 days after this, he started to ignore me as we had a disagreement. This disagreement started because I asked how he felt and he said he “liked” me. I said don’t you love me and he said its tough because I haven’t properly seen you in about 5 weeks. Following this he ended things again as he believes that things are not working anymore and that he wants to focus on himself. It has been 9 days since the breakup and since we last spoke. I asked him on that day if he has fallen out of love and he said no. I haven’t heard from him at all and I have been in NC. He also blocked me on facebook 9 days ago but still follows me on Instagram and has been watching all of my stories as well as my friends stories (he never used to watch my friends stories).

    Is there any chance that he will want to get back together? In the past he has come back but things seem different this time. I’m worried that he is happy and has moved on as he is always so busy and probably doesnt have time to think about me. My mum said that he probably has considered coming back but he has realised that things would still be the same. Please help

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2018 at 10:51 pm

      Hi,
      I think he got tired but that doesn’t mean chasing is better than doing nc.

  13. Avatar

    Lauren

    February 17, 2018 at 10:23 pm

    Please can you help me????
    I think I’ve messed up any chance of getting my ex back, i found out he has taken an interest in a girl he works with and had been messaging when we were together, i put a post up saying that about my suspicions look like they are coming true, he then messaged me this

    (Honestly Lauren all that shit you’ve been putting up on Facebook is just ridiculous… obviously aimed at me and none of it backed up with any proper evidence. My feelings changed, the way you’re acting is only going to cause more problems down the line. You act like your hurting yet all you wanna do is hurt me and get sympathy from everyone. We have a daughter together of which I think should be the main thing to focus on, not you. Please stop these stupid comments and posts. I’m happy that you are starting to feel like you can move on.. but actually do that then) and has now unfriended me on fb. I didn’t reply to that message but do you think there’s any hope if he’s getting with that girl and unfriended me?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2018 at 12:09 pm

      Hi Lauren,

      Yeah if you don’t do that again and if you genuinely start to move on..

  14. Avatar

    Lauren

    February 17, 2018 at 7:51 pm

    Please help,

    I fear I have ruined my chances,
    I found put that my ex has been taking an interest in a girl he works with and was messaging her when we were together, i put a post up which was indirectly aimed at him saying that I found out what I thought was happening all along was happening, he then messaged me this.

    (Honestly Lauren all that shit you’ve been putting up on Facebook is just ridiculous… obviously aimed at me and none of it backed up with any proper evidence. My feelings changed, the way you’re acting is only going to cause more problems down the line. You act like your hurting yet all you wanna do is hurt me and get sympathy from everyone. We have a daughter together of which I think should be the main thing to focus on, not you. Please stop these stupid comments and posts. I’m happy that you are starting to feel like you can move on.. but actually do that then.)
    He has now unfriended me and I havnt wb to his message but I feel like all hope is lost, is there anything I can do to sort this situation out?

  15. Avatar

    M Morgan

    February 15, 2018 at 1:46 am

    Hello! I’m on week 2 of NC and still holding strong on Valentines 🙂 My question is if no contact is even worth it in some situations. I dated a guy for 5 months; we’re both in our mid 30’s and we both had communicated early in the relationship that we were dating to find a spouse. We had a healthy relationship, very easy and little fighting. During the last month of our relationship, his job became stressful and he was taking 2 grad school classes, leaving a small window on weekends open to see each other. Didn’t bother me, I have a life of my own, but I did want 5 min each day to touch base. I mentioned this and the next day he broke up, citing that I have a more positive mindset on life than he did, and he didn’t think it would mesh long term. It was totally out of the blue, he was also very emotional about it. He said there was nothing I did wrong and to not change myself. I guess I’m wondering how many guys out there make a decision for good. Or is there room for them to change their mind if you talk about your individual needs once NC is over? If NC isn’t worth it, I’d rather say a few final things and have closure to move on.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 11:25 pm

      Hi M Morgan,

      Say what you want to say for closure and then start nc.. after nc, you could either continue what you’re doing in your new routine to move on or start to slowly build rapport while you continue your new routine. If it doesn’t work, then move on.

  16. Avatar

    Dstar

    February 14, 2018 at 10:31 pm

    Hello,

    So I’ve been toying with the idea of reaching out to someone who is not a close friend of mine to get a more unbiased opinion. After almost, and I say almost 4 years of dating and one move across the country, I was dumped a day before our 4 year anniversary.
    We were in a good place, or so I thought, there was no fighting, but no real growth in our relationship either, and then one night he sits me down and tells me that we need to talk. He goes on to say that the relationship is over and that there is no chance that in the future he will want to revisit it again.

    I was blown away because never in my mind did I think this was how our relationship would meet its end. He said that he had been thinking about it for a while and that he had to try and shut down relationship mode and come to terms that he would never see the dogs we shared again in order to go through with the break up. He said that he needed to be sure that he could live without me and if he could he was going to break up with me.

    I, naturally, objected, stating in the heat of the moment how unfair it was to blindside me like that, and how tragic it was that it only took him a few weeks to rid himself of 4 years together. The following days I tried to get him to talk more about it, ie his reasoning behind such a serious choice. However, he was very shut down, only stating that he was sad and didn’t want to talk about it.

    I have managed to get some points of clarity over the past few weeks, the break up happened about 3 weeks ago, and he says he’s now at a point where he doesn’t know if he wants to get back together, which is different than his previous statement of never again. He says the he is very broken and has checked out of relationship mode and doesn’t know if he can get himself back to that place, at least not with me.
    I know that I should not keep on pressuring him to talk about the situation if he is not ready. Sometimes I just speak my mind and have him listen.

    After all this has happened, I realized a lot of the stuff I’ve done in the past, during our relationship can be construed as hurtful behavior and I explained to him, that even though he thought I was being mean to him, it didn’t mean I didn’t love him. I think part of him convinced himself that I did not love him and that when he broke up with me, I’d agree and we’d part as friends. I’ve tried to reassure him that I did love him, and still do.
    What I need help with the how to win him back, obviously, but no, in all seriousness, I’m stuck because in my mind he has not definitively ended the relationship, but I also don’t want to keep trying and breaking my heart over and over.

    I want to try and give him the space and time that he needs, but at the same time I want to preserve my sanity through all this. Oh here’s the catch, we live together. I have moved into the guest room in an effort to give him some space, but we share a house and 2 dogs.

    I know that if I continue to pressure him into talking I could lose him for good, but I’m also not so sure I haven’t already lost him. He has told me that he sees himself as single and that’s just the way it is in his head. I, on the other hand, am still hanging on to hope.

    So after being broken up for 3 weeks is it too late to implement the NO Contact Rule. And since we live together, should I mention that I’m leaving to give him some space?

    If there is any advice you can provide, or some sort of virtual hug, or even a dose of reality, please feel free to lay it on me.

    Thank you!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 11:12 pm

  17. Avatar

    Anyssa

    February 9, 2018 at 9:56 am

    Hey, I was dating this guy for 5 months and towards the end it felt like it was stagnant. The last time we FaceTimed was for like three hours at 11:30 at night but had put me on hold for a while to text a female coworker. Of course I got hurt but instead of saying something I kept it in and was short with him through text. Eventually he said work had been crazy and fustrating so he need a few days of space and was thinking a lot. I told I needed some too. Four days passed and he checked up and asked why I needed space. I just replied by saying that some things bothered me and trusting in God, and I need more time. He quickly replied saying in his heart we should be friends. I tried to be okay with it and wanted to speak in person, to talk. Once I got to his place we talked and I told him how that putting me on pause for the other lady was what really bothered me. And I told that I can’t really change my mind about feeling hurt. Eventually we had a deep convo and he cried. But then I did a bad thing and slept with him twice that night, in which he said I was a good person and precious to him. We cuddled throughout the morning and holding hands and he didn’t want to let mine go until he said he was going to miss this. I rushed out of his apartment without looking back, I had to go to work anyways. But yet I did another bad thing and called him once I got to work. We spoke for around two hours. I told him I knew he didn’t want to be with me and wanted to keep that line of communication open. I then got upset and started to question why didn’t it seem like he cared? He got upset and said that I don’t know him, that I don’t know how it phases him. He said that I was being hurtful. I remember the last thing I told him that you might be okay but I’m not and that this conversation isn’t going anywhere and said my goodbyes amd hanged up. Now it’s been around five days and I don’t know if the NC will work or what’s he thinking after that breakup. I don’t know if I can get back together and I really do but I’m afraid if I just wait too long if he’s already going to not want to talk to me if I reach out after the thirty days. I’m just confused.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2018 at 1:06 pm

      Hi Anyssa,

      Nc is not guaranteed to work in any situation but it increases your chances. Check this one:
      Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

  18. Avatar

    Pam Rice

    February 6, 2018 at 10:12 pm

    I am trying to do the no contact rule, but I have no intention of getting back together. At least not right now. I just really need space. But he came into my office today to unblock his number from my phone today. My girlfriends apparently blocked him, but sent a message so he will leave me alone. He said he asked his brother what he should do, that’s why he unlocked my phone. He wants to meet this weekend. Should I continue to ignore him.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2018 at 12:17 pm

      Hi Pam,

      Change your phones password or at have one. You don’t have to block him but if you’re doing nc, don’t go out with him. That’s breaking it.

  19. Avatar

    Eb

    February 2, 2018 at 8:15 pm

    Okay so I was dating my ex for 5 months and for the last month his communication has been awfully forced, short or non-existent. I got tired of calling every other day, spacing out texts etc. just to get convo or see if he’ll take me out, so I texted him on Sunday asking what is going on. But then I got upset and said I texted him, “there’s no good time. I’m tired and over it! Good luck with her.”
    Due to his behavior it felt like he was giving me his own 30-day no contact. So I ensued my own Sunday night, when i received no response from him. I did not text or call at all. Today is Wednesday and I received this message “Hey ___! I apologize for not treating you better and communicating better. I do hope you find someone that gives you everything to deserve. Appreciate the good times we had though. XO” My question, is he retaliating because he probably tell that I’m doing the No Contact with him and he doesn’t mean it. Or is he waiting for my normal, crying, questioning to follow his statement.
    This time all I responded was “cool, np.” Lol, it’s so not like me, did I confuse him?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 7, 2018 at 11:30 am

      Hi Eb,

      he probably doesn’t know about nc. It looks like he ghosted you and why did you tell him good luck with her? Is he dating somebody else?

  20. Avatar

    Eb

    February 1, 2018 at 2:38 am

    Hey, not sure if i need the book… maybe a lil advice might’ve more effective.
    Okay so I was dating my ex for 5 months and for the last month his communication has been awfully forced, short or non-existent. I got tired of calling every other day, spacing out texts etc. just to get convo or see if he’ll take me out, so I texted him on Sunday asking what is going on. But then I got upset and said I texted him, “there’s no good time. I’m tired and over it! Good luck with her.”
    Due to his behavior it felt like he was giving me his own 30-day no contact. So I ensued my own Sunday night, when i received no response from him. I did not text or call at all. Today is Wednesday and I received this message “Hey ___! I apologize for not treating you better and communicating better. I do hope you find someone that gives you everything to deserve. Appreciate the good times we had though. XO” My question, is he retaliating because he probably tell that I’m doing the No Contact with him and he doesn’t mean it. Or is he waiting for my normal, crying, questioning to follow his statement.
    This time all I responded was “cool, np.” Lol, it’s so not like me, did I confuse him?

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