The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule- What Is He Thinking?

1,382 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”

Nora taki

November 7, 2014 at 2:58 pm

Just wondering:what about if my ex is doing the NC on me now ?? When I started the no contact on him he was publishing many posts emotionally charged about heartbreak, trust, and so on … now I have completed the 30 days NC period,I sent him a text mssg 3 days ago but he did not respond ! He completely vanished from all social media !! what’s next ?? 🙂
Nora taki

November 5, 2014 at 9:27 pm

Hi Chris,
2 hours ago I sent a text to my ex after 40 days of NC ! Got text notification that he received my text but up to now no reply from him ! I will wait…and see..

admin

November 20, 2014 at 3:11 pm

Sorry, seeing this way late.

Did he text back?
Nora taki

November 20, 2014 at 11:17 pm

Nop ! but he unblocked on whatsup for couple of days last week. and blocked me again !!
Nora taki

November 22, 2014 at 9:48 pm

Hi Chris, just found out that he is not blocking me but he deactivated his whatsupp, viber and facebook account since I sent him a text mssg after my 30 days of NC! I think he is doing no contact rule on me now, or he moved on leaving everything behind him ! Do you have any idea why he has done this? I mean giving up all these social connections because I was not talking or responding to him during NC period ? do you think he has moved on ? Many Thanks Chris.

Girl

November 3, 2014 at 6:56 pm

My ex booked a holiday for me and him. Then two weeks later broke up with me. He still Constantly text me every 3 days saying it wasn’t what he wanted but it was the right decision for his future ECt. The day before going on the holiday he was wishing things were different and texting me saying he loved me and would always miss me. I found out he took his ex on holiday he booked for me 3 weeks after we broke up. I blocked him off everything I could as he didn’t stop texting me. What’sapp. Phone number. Facebook. Text. He blocked me off of Instagram so I couldn’t see the pics of him and her. He came off holiday and snap chatted me. I removed him off of snap chat without opening it. And blocked him. As soon as he came off the hol he has unblocked me off of Instagram so all these pics he tagged me in have re appeared. He then liked my pic on insta and had been off the hol 4 weeks. He doesn’t even follow me on Instagram so he’s searching for me to like my pics. Now he messaged me on Instagram saying he had tried to contact me and only wants to know if I’m okay? I just responded with yes. Why would he even bother? This is over two months later and he knows he’s blocked. No I have never responded before and he is blocked off of everything. I’ve not given him reason to think other wise. He really hurt me, I just wonder how some people have the balls…

admin

November 20, 2014 at 2:47 pm

Wait, he broke up with you AFTER he booked the holiday???

anon

November 3, 2014 at 2:11 pm

Hi chris. I have a qns. Which i think you did not mentioned hightlight in this guide. What goes through the male mind when his ex gf does nc on him during the time he currently has a serious gf? Yet he still reaches out to his ex gf occasionally during the nc period.

On top of that, why do some men still tries to stay in touch with their ex gfs when they are in a committed relationship (planning for marriage) with another lady? I don’t understand this on and off thing some men likes to do with their exs. Maybe you’d want to write a guide on this? 🙂
Nora taki

November 2, 2014 at 11:16 pm

Had one week nice holidays with my boyfriend of 4 years. After the one week with him I went to another city to spend the rest of my holidays with my family… he was so angry and started causing argument !I decided to do no contact on him since 8 of September, he was there on whatsup all the time not talking to me directly but he was changing his whatsupp profile photo 3 to 4 times a day, all written with different quotes ! I did not react to that even after 30 days no contact period !last week he decided to block me, unblocked me after 2 days, posted and blocked me again a week now !!! I am just wondering is he doing this because he is angry or he gave up on me and he decided to block me for ever ?? what do you think Chris ? Please…. Thanks.
Melanie

November 2, 2014 at 7:26 pm

Hi Chris
Just finished no contact. I did it 4 months after the breakup so it was a little late. (background: we dated for 3 years, have been good friends for 7) But I finally did it. One month, no contact. Just sent the ex a text and had a good conversation going–he was very interested and engaged in the convo. However, he told me he was talking to someone else right now and being exclusive with her.
I’m hurt. I’m so hurt. I did the no contact and instead of him missing me, he moved the hell along. He’s so logical minded–not emotional, so I knew it wouldn’t work but I did it anyway. I feel crushed. I don’t know how to proceed. And I have not responded to his last text. Help, please.

Melanie

November 2, 2014 at 8:29 pm

Update: I told him I understood why he couldn’t meet up with me and respected his decision. He told me thank you for understanding and continued the convo by changing the subject to how I’ve been. Feeling a little optimistic by his continued interest, but still crushed that he has been talking and probably hooking up with another girl. -sigh- such is life.
Melanie

November 10, 2014 at 3:13 am

Update part II: So he is not exclusive with this girl, just talking casually. Because of this, I decided to follow your text advice of waiting a week, sending a text, and getting a read on his reaction. I texted a few days ago, no response. But I called him on a whim this afternoon and was so happy by his positive response. We laughed and cracked jokes, and I slipped in a few happy memories about our relationship. He was also sad I would not be going home for Thanksgiving break, but would be very happy to meet up for Christmas. I guess he is not as emotionally tied to that other girl as I originally thought? Trying not to get hurt again but I feel really happy by this extra step today!

Brittany

October 31, 2014 at 3:26 pm

Hey Chris,
I’ll try and keep this brief – my ex boyfriend and I broke up 6 months ago and ever since then he has pretty much controlled all contact we share. At first he was talking to me like we always had, but being the emotional wreck I was I got too clingy when he needed space and he started to back off. After being fairly friendly for a while though with a few arguments here and there, I tried NC after an argument he started about something minor. I lasted close to a month until it came to his birthday, and I sent him a text. He replied and from then on (August) we have been communicating well off and on, though sometimes he would ignore me or reply in a way that showed he couldn’t be bothered. A few weeks ago he all of a sudden started initiating most of our contact, texting and snapchatting me nearly everyday, until all of a sudden he become colder toward me and would send me something but then not reply to my response/ignore me entirely again. He also sometimes posts photos on Facebook and the like of him and different female friends which seem to be an attempt to make me jealous. I’m so confused as to what all of this craziness means, it takes over my life worrying about when I’ll hear from him next and what he’s thinking. I hope you can make some more sense of this than I can. Thanks!!
g

October 31, 2014 at 3:04 am

so i completed my nc period (i decided on a little longer…about 45 days). i sent out my first text (this happened and it reminded me of when we used to blah blah…) i got 3 texts back. then i sent 1, then he sent 2, then i sent 1, then he sent 2, then i responded to what he said and then wrote that i was getting into bed and to not be a stranger. then he didnt write back. being that the ratio of texts was 4 for me and 7 for him and with me cutting it off, i thought i did pretty well for the first contact. i didnt like that he didnt respond when i said i was getting into bed (he always used to), but it was a start. the next morning he responded to my text! i guess he was waiting to try and keep the convo up the next day. i didnt write back, because i didnt want to be too available. though it went well, im not sure if he was just happy to hear from me because he wants to stay in each others lives as friends. so the question is, how long should i wait until the next text? i dont think i should be texting him every couple days after freezing him out for that long, right?

admin

November 3, 2014 at 4:07 pm

It really depends on how responsive he is.
g

November 4, 2014 at 12:50 pm

very responsive in a positive way. i sent 4 texts and he sent 7, then tried to keep the convo going the next day making it 8 from him and i didnt respond. as an update, 2 days later he texted me asking if i had a minute to talk (knowing i was on my lunch break at work) and then called me. we small talked for 20 minutes and he said he called because i said to not be a stranger and this was him not being a stranger. the convo was light and positive and then i said i had to go. two days later i ran into him at a bar (this is the first time we’ve seen each other in almost 2 months). i was with another girl and 2 guys, and he was with a group of his friends. some of his friends came over and said hi, but he did not. it was weird because he had just called me 2 days prior but then ignored me in person. the next morning he sent me a long text how that was one of the weirdest feelings in his life and how he wanted to approach me but felt paralyzed, “but now that that is out of the way, maybe we can start as friends again”. such mixed signals im so confused! does this mean he just wants to be friends?!

Jess

October 31, 2014 at 12:34 am

Hey Chris, my ex and I broke up on the third of this month and I’ve been doing NC since. I know that he’s really stubborn in general but what if it looks like he moved on? How would I approach him through a text then? He posted these pictures of him with friends and in all of the pictures he’s standing next to her and in two of them he’s got her arm around her, so I think they’re together? So if he might be seeing her or something, how would I go about texting him after NC is over?

admin

November 3, 2014 at 3:59 pm

Just a friendly reach out at that point.
Jess

November 18, 2014 at 3:48 am

Hi Chris, so it turns out he’s not dating the girls he took the photos with. I texted him two weeks ago saying “I just remembered it’s your last football game. Have a good half time show! :)”. I wasn’t expecting a response or anything. I just wanted the text to let him know I still think about him/committed his marching band schedule to memory (he’s a senior in high school and I’m a freshman in college in the same state but we did not go to school together. He has definitely taken being single in a good way. He was flirting with the girl his best friend likes. It’s a confusing thing about the three of them. My ex liked this girl before a little more than a year ago when they met and he introduced his best friend-who is also my close guy friend to each other. Our friend and this girl hit it off but she’s liked them both on and off. My ex had never liked her during this time-she liking him a little before we went official on facebook.My close friend said that my ex flirted with her in front of him and called him a jerk while talking to me. Could my ex be doing this on purpose? During my relationship with my ex, I was always talking about how great our friend was, so he got jealous and he knows how much I want him to date this girl so our friend will be happy. Do I still text him anyways? I haven’t texted him since the text I mentioned earlier. Or should I message him on Facebook? I don’t want to know that he sees my messages but doesn’t respond.

s

October 30, 2014 at 5:59 pm

I regret making almost the mistakes you’ve talked about in this site: begging, pleading, bitching about the new girl to people, bugging my ex so much that he eventually went to her. He always knew I didnt like her. She’s my roommate and it hurts me everyday to see her talking to him on texts and on phone. I have also messed up bad by sneaking up and checking her phone for my ex’s chats with her. They were as expected, so lovey dovey. She got to know I checked her phone a few times. And she went and told my ex. That is why he hates me even more. He hates me so much that I have really lost all hope of him coming back to me. I broke NC so many times over the past 2 months, always ending up pleading and crying for these mistakes.

Do I have any chances at all, Chris? I feel guilty every single day and this depression is killing me.

admin

October 30, 2014 at 6:43 pm

Stop breaking NC! Stay strong.
s

October 31, 2014 at 6:15 pm

Yes I am determined to do at least 2 months’ NC this time because I think my situation went on from being bad to worse. He doesn’t trust me at all. He believes his new girlfriend supported him all throughout, while I was saying mean things about their relationship to people, even when there was nothing between them. He says I actually pushed him towards her.

They both literally hate me and he says he’s glad the breakup ended up like that, otherwise he wouldn’t have ever realised which girl is better.

My reputation in college used to be so good, everyone used to respect me. But now our mutual friends are all on his and my roommate’s side. I have lost him and my friends in this process, I just feel like going away from this place. All this would have never happened, had he not dumped me. Just because he thought I wasn’t the person he thought initially thought I was. He lost love for me and he doesn’t even know why.

Also, me and my ex, our mutual friends, his new girlfriend (my roommate), we all live in the college hostel. I have classes with my ex, so it’s hard to maintain proper NC. that’s why I keep falling at it.

But now that they’ve made their relationship official, I can’t do anything anymore but just watch them romance.

Sometimes I feel like he’ll never come back to me, no matter what I do… He’s just so distracted by her, I don’t know if he’ll ever leave her. 🙁
s

November 2, 2014 at 9:32 am

One more important thing, before this relationship, I was in an LDR for 3 years. I ended that relationship and immediately got together with my current ex because we were attracted to each other.

This relationship lasted 9 months. Our relationship did go advance fast. I never thought he would leave me. He dumped me because he fell out of love for me,and it got worse when I got jealous when he started talk more to my roommate.

One month later he started dating my roommate, and told me he can’t come back now because he loves her.

I would like to know if I still have a chance with him? I realised that I was rebounding with him after ending my previous 3 year relationship and getting with him. And now after dumping me, he is on the rebound with my roommate.
He told me he doesn’t miss me anymore and he doesn’t want to get back with me after all that post breakup drama (which was all my doing).

I feel really hopeless.
So, is it possible to get him back, considering he was my rebound for 9 months?
And also, if his new fling does end in the near future, will he want to come back to me if I work towards becoming the ungettable girl?

s

October 30, 2014 at 5:49 pm

Now he’s with her*
Trust*
anon

October 30, 2014 at 4:06 pm

Hi chris, i broke up with my ex almost 2yrs ago. Since then we’ve been dating others. But so far, i only did a 20day nc from him. We’ve been dating others but we’re still in touch with each other. Presently, i’m single. But my ex has been dating this colleague of mine for almost a year. He told me in early oct that he may want to make future plans with his current gf, they’re discussing moving in together etc. Is it too late for me to do a full 30day nc? Will it work?
since he has a gf. Won’t the reaction of men after nc varies if he already has a new gf?

admin

October 30, 2014 at 6:43 pm

He told you hed want to make future plans with you even though he has a girlfriend??
anon

October 30, 2014 at 10:10 pm

In march this year i was dating with another man. My ex, though he was dating another lady, kept trying to mend things with me. He said to that lady that he wasn’t over me etc. I did agree to meet up with him a few times, during which, he’d get super touchy with me (nothing lead to sex though) i didn’t encourage anything more than a hug and a peck on the cheek cause i was dating another man and my ex too has a gf.

My ex kept telling me initially he has not made any plans with his gf. In sept, i broke up with that other man i was seeing after my ex (reasons nothing to do with my ex) the last time i met my ex was early oct. And my ex said he still has feelings for me and may want to try and work things out with me. And now, a few weeks later my ex dropped the bombshell on me saying i should moved on and maybe mend things with that other guy cause he wants to make future plans with his gf.

How is it my ex can suddenly make this decision in a span of a few weeks? To think that before this, he has been trying with me for almost one year though he is attached with someone else. Obviously i didn’t encourage him cause I too, was attached at that point of time.

Do you think he really means what he says? Is he really serious abt his current gf?

Jasmine

October 30, 2014 at 2:17 am

Hey Chris, I need your help!!

I have been frequenting your site for a while now and firstly want to thank you as you have helped me and my ex get back together more than once now! 🙂
Me and my ex have been on and off as of late. The past two break ups I have followed your guides and have managed to get him back by following your guide. But this time I’m worried that he’s used to the whole plan and I don’t think it’s going to work. Currently on day 19 of no contact. I have his belongings still and he has already asked for them back but I’ve stuck to no contact and haven’t responded. I’m concerned that the longer I hold onto his stuff and employ no contact, the angrier he will get. He has also just deleted me from facebook as he found out I went on a date during no contact. (This is the first time I’ve ever tried to show I’m moving on first)

When no contact is up, I was thinking of doing something totally different this time; sending him a message saying “I just wanted to let you know, you were right, the breakup was the best thing for both of us. It would be a shame to throw away the friendship though. I’ll also drop your stuff off to you tonight :)”
What do you think?
I’m just worried that if I start off with the whole good message memory, he will just roll his eyes as he will know exactly what I’m trying to do! Now i know this goes against everything you say, but i just dont know what to do!!

admin

October 30, 2014 at 6:37 pm

Can I ask why you guys keep going “off.” What is the disagreement that causes this?
Jasmine

October 31, 2014 at 12:49 am

Family differences. He’s from a traditional Italian family and they don’t approve of my family who became Muslim a couple of years ago.
He seems to think that this will never work because he wants the families to be close and get along.he was never okay with the idea of my family being Muslim but we tried to not talk or mention it whIle we’re young and not at the marriage stage.
he’s nowhere near thinking of marriage and kids just yet, but he still considers it and it gets to him.
I also think I can be too available and things get boring in routine and I realise I have to change that. But the family thing, I can’t change.

V

October 30, 2014 at 12:28 am

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend broke up with me less than a month ago. We were together for about 2 years. He told me he wanted to break up because he wanted to be able to go out and just did his thing and that if we were still together I prevented him from doing that because I was too controlling. About a month before we broke up he really started going out behind my back and lying about it since I moved to a different city for school. Then when he visited he really seemed distant and it just wasn’t the same anymore. I kinda feel that he might be interested in someone else but when I asked him he said no and that he just wanted the break up because he wanted to do all the things that he couldn’t do if we were together. When he broke up with me I asked him to reconsider and that I told him I know what went wrong and I could do better but he said to save it for someone else. Then I left him alone for a week and asked if he just wanted space or we were done for good. He answered me vaguely at first but I begged him to make up his mind so I knew what to expect and then he told me he really was done. Then 2 days after that talk I wrote him that I understood why we needed to break up and that it really took for us to break up to see what was really going on and how lucky I was with him and told him that if I get one final chance at making it right I would make the best out of it… But he never replied… It’s been a week since and a week of the NC. Do u think I still have a shot??? He is really stubborn and is so used to me chasing after him every time we fight or he stops communicating with me.

admin

October 30, 2014 at 6:35 pm

I definitely do!!!
V

October 30, 2014 at 11:14 pm

But I feel that I left a bad after taste on our relationship becoz of all the fights and the controlling… And he never tried to reach out to me ever since… He is really stubborn and proud. And I really feel like he is moving on already. Do u honestly believe that we still stand a chance??

Kristen

October 29, 2014 at 10:55 pm

Chris, you were right I really enjoyed this post! It’s been a little over 2 weeks since the last time I text my ex, to which he did not respond. I have always been the one to initiate conversations. I wouldn’t say he seemed ‘super happy’ in his responses, though he seemed to be a combination of happy/happy but careful/a little neutral at times. In his text messages he would use a fair amount of ‘haha’s and he has never responded angrily. What I find interesting is with my last text that I sent (a more emotional text than all the others I had sent), he didn’t respond at all. I am going to try to text him again tomorrow and see what comes of that.

1. Should I start with more initial/priming type texts?
2. How long to wait between texts?
3. Is there a way I can somehow get him to initiate conversations with me?
4. Also, I’ve been thinking…what do you think it means when a guy (or girl) says ‘It’s not gonna work out’? Especially given times when they had told you multiple times that they were going to ask you to marry them someday?

admin

October 30, 2014 at 6:32 pm

1. I think you should!
2. It depends. Not too long though. Usually a day but you want to eventually get on a schedule where you text every day.
3. Influence or become a force that makes him do it.
4. I think a lot of people say things in the moment that they don’t mean.
Kristen

October 31, 2014 at 1:28 am

Apparently I spoke too soon! I text him talking about a hockey player that he likes that just got hurt and will be out for a while. He responded with a picture of himself, frowning, wearing the players shirt.
I’m so confused…hahas in majority of his texts and now a picture of himself!?
I can’t tell where I’m at with him, what does it mean!?
admin

November 3, 2014 at 3:59 pm

Just keep advancing… you need more to go on.
Kristen

November 10, 2014 at 11:16 pm

I find it hard because he’s being extremely stubborn and I feel like when I text him I have to ask a question so he almost has to answer me. meaning that if I just text him randomly commenting about something he would most likely ignore me. That seems to be the only way to get him to respond.

1. Why would someone keep answering if the other person is ‘not interesting enough’/or their not interested?
2. I want to keep advancing and I want to become a force to make him initiate, as you said it seems like he’s playing his own games. How do you ‘leave him wanting more’ with not enough to go on?
Kristen

November 3, 2014 at 4:36 pm

I find it hard because he’s being extremely stubborn and I feel like when I text him I have to ask a question so he almost has to answer me. meaning that if I just text him randomly commenting about something he would most likely ignore me. That seems to be the only way to get him to respond.

1. Why keep answering me if I’m not interesting enough/he’s not interested?
2. I want to keep advancing and I want to be a force to make him text me first, it seems like he’s playing his own games. How do you ‘leave him wanting more’ with not enough to go on?
Kristen

October 30, 2014 at 9:03 pm

Thanks Chris!
I tried to text him today..so far no response. I successfully completed NC, even went a little longer than 30 days and sometimes waited a little longer between texts. These past 2 times that I have tried to text him he has not responded.

1. Why is it that at first he responded to me and now all of a sudden he just stopped?
2. I’m at the point right now where I just want to give up, how the heck do I influence/become a force to make him contact me first when he won’t respond!?
admin

November 3, 2014 at 3:44 pm

1. You probably weren’t interesting enough to capture his attention.
2. If you leave him wanting more then you are doing a good job.

s

October 29, 2014 at 9:03 pm

Ex broke up 2 months ago because he had lost love for me. He had started feeling for another girl who happens to be my roommate. the breakup was really bad and messy… nite hrs with her and says he can’t come back because I broke his rust so many times after the breakup by lying about some things. I’m in NC, day 8 today. I really want him back and I know that this girl might not turn out to be a rebound. He says he’s not in a relationship with her but is in love with her. How does that work? :/

I really want him back but he’s not at all willing to change his mind.

admin

October 30, 2014 at 6:26 pm

You are still very early in NC though. Hang in there.

Hannah

October 29, 2014 at 4:58 pm

Hey Chris! Im on day 29 of NC and almost done. He hasnt tried reaching out to me during the NC period so im slightly nervous about texting him when NC is over. Should i be worried?

admin

October 30, 2014 at 6:11 pm

Its not perfect but no reason to worry. Just means he is a bit more stubborn than the average male out there.
Kristen

November 2, 2014 at 7:32 pm

Hey Hannah, I feel as though I am in a similar situation. I was in the same boat you are when I was nearing the end of my NC. It is scary, I know. He still has yet to initiate any conversation with me, I am always the one to text him.

Chris, in dealing with guys who are on the extremely stubborn side, I wonder is there a different way to approach things? To influence him to/force/make him text you first if he is more stubborn?

Emma

October 29, 2014 at 12:10 pm

Sorry .. It was sent before I had a chance to fix my message! Lol

****his last response to was that he was thinking about me a lot during my no contact with him.
Emma

October 29, 2014 at 12:04 pm

Hey Chris,

It’s been a year now since he left me for another woman..I didn’t experience my typical breakup.. He has communcated with me by checking in this past year. He said he md the no contact.. He always reaches out to me.. Thinking he is coming back I respond! Now he has drop communication me since sept.. But his parents whom I love, his mother wants to meet me for lunch..so between my ex (whom I still love) and his mother, it’s hard to keep up the nc rule!!!! Urghh ! Like a moth to a flame.

admin

October 29, 2014 at 3:58 pm

How far are you in the NC rule?
Emma

October 29, 2014 at 6:36 pm

6 weeks.. And he is still with her ( the one he left me for) My bday is coming up.. Who knows if he will reach out to me then …

jenny

October 29, 2014 at 11:28 am

hey chris. when you write these guides, what type of break up do you have in mind? for example, i cant help but think, “he broke up with me so why would he be going crazy (angry/upset/feeling guilty) during nc if he’s the one that wanted the break up? and why would he be wanting to hear from me and get excited when he does after nc? maybe just because he misses me in his life out of comfort because we dated for so long (2 years), but not because he wants to still date me or anything…?” do you find your suggestions work best for girls who break up with guys then regret it? or maybe couples that have a big fight and then just need time to cool off before getting back together? what about couples where the relationship just started getting a little stale and instead of devoting more time to the relationship, the guy just decided he needed to put more time into his work?

admin

October 29, 2014 at 3:57 pm

I try to be broad about it…

And take a lot of those breakups into account but I miss a few here and there hahaha.
jenny

October 30, 2014 at 1:32 am

from all the breakup stories that you’ve heard, are their certain types of breakups that its most and least effective on?
admin

October 30, 2014 at 6:34 pm

Least effective- The girl cheated on the guy multiple times.
Most effective- The girl breaks up with the guy or the guy gets gigs.

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1,382 thoughts on “The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule”