How This Woman Got Her Ex Back Will Blow Your Mind

Some of you may have noticed that lately I have been interviewing a lot of women who have gotten their exes back.

Have you ever stopped and asked yourself why?

Well, the truth is that ever since we started offering access to our Private Facebook Group up to our visitors we have seen a nice little uptick in successes when it comes to women getting their exes back.

But that’s not even the best part (believe it or not.)

Nope, the best part is that the women feel that they have a personal connection with my wife, my team and I. As a result, it’s a lot easier to convince them to come on to the podcast to share their story. It’s truly a win/win for everyone involved.

The person interviewed gets to feel great about their success…


The interviewer (me) gets more great content to post to the website…


The listener gets to hear inspiring success stories…

Ah, and that leads me to my next point.

I have another amazing success story to share with you today but this one is a bit different than the others. You see, often times when I do these interviews I don’t personally learn all that much that’s new. Usually, the interviewee tells me that they followed this strategy or that strategy and they saw some success.

But today’s interview blew me away. In fact, it blew me away so much that from this point on I am literally going to start recommending some of the strategies that this particular woman used to get her ex boyfriend back.

Wait Chris, What About These Strategies Were So Revolutionary?

Well, it’s actually not all that revolutionary it’s just that this particular woman took a couple of my strategies and tweaked them to fit her situation.

Two strategies are immediately coming to mind,

  1. The Zeigarnik Effect
  2. Getting Him To Chase

Let’s talk about the tweaks she used with each of these strategies for a second.

How She Tweaked The ZE

The Zeigarnik Effect states that human beings remember interrupted or uncompleted tasks better than completed ones. Therefore, if you engage your ex in a conversation, hook him in and then abruptly end the conversation you will put him in a position where he will chase.

Of course, often times when I talk about the ZE I am talking about it from a birds eye view.

But the woman I interviewed took the ZE and downsized it for her smaller conversations with her ex. However, it was what she did next that really blew me away.

Not only would she end her conversations prematurely on purpose via the ZE but she combined it with an ingenious method of getting him to constantly chase her.

How She Got Him To Chase Her

So, here is the scenario.

The woman I interviewed had to get some important things that she left at her exes house.

That’s when she came up with the ingenious idea to get him to chase her by doing something very clever.

She got him to follow her from room to room.

Seriously, she literally dictated where he went in his own house which effectively put him in an actual physical position where he was literally chasing her around his own house.

See, ingenious.

Listen to this incredible podcast episode!

Interview Transcript

  • Alright so, I just want to start off by asking you– So, for those of you who don’t know, this is Anna. She’s one of the success stories we’ve had through exboyfriend recovery pro and also, you’re part of the awesome Facebook group that we have going on and wanted to give a sense of how I guess pro helped you and also what you think about the Facebook group. Because it’s always interesting to me to hear from actual users. So, I can improve.

  • 1) I really enjoy–I mean what brought me to ebr obviously was the break up between me and my fiance and what I really liked about it was the amount of research that you 00:47. I sort of 00:50 what the Science behind–

  • You don’t really buy something without having really a lot of faith that it’s going to work essentially is what you’re saying. Yeah, you know, it’s interesting when I was writing this book, I was like, “Who is the person who would absolutely say no to me and how would I get them to buy it?”

    And so, that’s sort of how I approached it, just basically citing all these statistics and things like that and you had told before we actually got started the recording that you had read something that Dan Ariely had–his attribution of emotions sort of research and that’s kind of what sprung board you into the program.

  • Yes, I’m very familiar with  Dan Ariely’s work as well as the work of other behavioral economists. So, when I noticed that you were citing research from people like that. I mean very well known, very established I decided to join. I didn’t see that information from other program when I was trying to compare.

    I mean it’s a really emotional time that I just don’t want to spend money and not have some 02:08. So, the minute that you started talking about various psychological theories, 02:15 your theories about and I knew where this was referencing I thought this is definitely the program that I need to investigate further and buy.

  • That’s really nice to hear because not a lot of people think of it that way. They’re just in that emotional distress where they’re freaking out and they don’t care of sort of the science behind why it works. They just care about the fact that that it works. So, if I was to look to at you, you’re probably one of the most difficult people to convince to buy something which is really an honor for me that you actually did it but you were also super active in the Facebook group, like super active.

  • I think the group is really great. I mean that is actually part of the reason why I bought exboyfriend recovery pro, to get access to the Facebook group because I believe in learning and sharing information and I know that the best way for people to learn is to practice it and learn from what other people are doing.

    So, I could read until the cows come home and I knew that that would just not be enough. So, the Facebook group was a great add on for me. Obviously all the materials is worth it but that added onto it for the total price is like, “Wow! this is incredibly cost efficient or cheap honestly.” I would have paid twice as much.

  • Oh good to know. So, from now I’ll be charging $800 for entry into the–no, I’m just kidding!

  • 04:06

  • I’m curious. You got access to the Facebook group, you must have signed up for the webinar too right? Like the replay of the webinars or something like that? And so, did you actually watch the whole thing through before you bought and like sit on it and think about it a few days or was it like this is it, I’m giving it right on the spot?

  • I went through the entire webinar and then I signed up immediately after.

  • Cool.

  • And then I was invited to the Facebook group the next day.

  • And so I actually kind of have bone to pick with you because you have created this culture in the group about potatoes or something.

  • Oh god!

  • Like you and a bunch of other girls are like obsessed about–make this jokes about potatoes and Jen and I were like, we were walking our daughter the other day and we’re trying to figure out like why do they think this is funny? We’re like pulling it out and like trying to figure it out but you know it’s really cool because it’s created it’s own little environment and ecosystem that people who are heartbroken go to and rely on and you know from my perspective, it’s just really cool to watch happen.

    Thank you for being so involved in the group too because before we 05:31 done the Facebook live in the group so fortunately, you probably missed that. But I had mentioned that I had a call with you coming up and people in the group were like, “Oh, I love Anna so much!” and they were just going on and on about you. So, I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate the fact that you are so active in the group and obviously you got a really great result because you got your ex back.

  • Well, I will say first and foremost that the group is great and if anyone is ever hesitant about you know gettting exboyfriend recovery pro, I mean I would say, 06:10 buy it. Because getting access to the Facebook means suddenly you have  a community of women around you who are undergoing a very similar situation. And that alone is amazing because there’s only so much that your friends and family will take from you right?

  • True and also, sometimes you’re embarrassed to tell your friends and family right?

  • Absolutely, because you know for example, with my ex when we broke up, 06:40 my friend said, “Well, good for you!” And then took me up partying that night. And that was fun and I don’t know if you’ve ever seen that meme where the woman 06:57 I was that meme but that night, that was exactly the last thing that I needed.

  • I see. So–

  • I got home that night drunk and then I went to exboyfriend recovery pro.

  • Drunk? Ok, so, we convinced you drunked out, so why you bought, that makes sense now.. No, I’m just kidding!

  • But really, that’s what that was because my friends really said, “You know, we never liked him.” and my family also said something similar. All of them basically said we never liked him and good for you and he’s not good enough for you. That’s not —

  • Not exactly what you–

  • –That makes me feel-yes. That’s not exactly what I needed to hear. What I wanted to hear was why did it fail. What could I have done better? What could we have done better and why won’t he talk to me? And it’s so difficult because we’re in a long distance relationship. I’d be a short of maybe super crazy in showing up on his doorstep and crying which was not going to happen. At least, not without like paying $2000 for a plane ticket to go.

  • I get it. I’ve actually dropped that much money on a plane ticket to go to see Jen when we were in a long distance relationship and man, what a pain in the ass that was.

  • But you love her, so you know.

  • Yeah, a little bit different than obviously your situation. I wouldn’t have done that if we were broken up but yeah..

  • So, that’s the situation that I was in. And so you know, I appreciate that emotional support but what I was really looking for is what do I do and how do I make myself feel better because just being told that he sucks and you’re better than him or you know they never though the relationship was going to work out, doesn’t help you feel better.

    It does for maybe 5 minutes but after you stopped crying then you would start crying again because you still have no answers. And so exboyfriend recovery pro and really the Facebook group was really awesome for helping me come to terms with that. I went into no contact that evening, like I just stopped.

  • That evening, so you really put it into practice. Let me ask you, you were at this crossroads where obviously you have your friends and family telling you, “Oh, that’s so great. You’re single now.” right? And you kind of in your heart of hearts are thinking, “`I kind of want him back.” So, how did you navigate the waters there? Were you like gungho about getting him back the entire time or were you also debating on seriously just moving on?

  • Well, I was–you talk a lot about moving on without moving on. It just happens for me that at that time I had just gone through the last run of interviews for my now new job. And a lot of opportunities had come up during the time that my ex–well, now fiance, are you know, were fighting.

    So, just as no contact happened, there were a lot of things I had to work on. So, it was really either curve up in a ball and eat a whole bunch of cheetos or work and work and work. Work and go out with my friends. So, I forced myself to go do things like take a shower than go eat cheetos.

  • You literally were so busy, you didn’t have time to think too much about him right? It looked like you were moving on.

  • Yes, it looked to him like I was moving on. But I swear to god, everytime I gave a speech, every time I was in front of a group of people or I was with my friends I looked across the room or look down at my phone or you know just sort of looked to my side and imagine him there and I want to cry every single time. It didn’t matter how busy I was.

    I would constantly imagine him around me or you know hearing me or I want to tell him this was amazing what just happened or guess what, I won’t tell you the whole really crazy but I have this, to see really odd wherever I go.

    So, for example in Atlanta, there are a lot of homeless people and sometimes they are naked and for whatever reason, I see naked people all the time in Atlanta. I don’t know why, but I do.

  • That’s crazy! That is crazy but hey that’s a great text!

  • I mean, I wanted to tell him, “Guess what, I saw my weekly dude today with his dick out.”

  • Oh my god!

  • And I would text him stuff like that and he would say, “You’re crazy!” and I’m like, “No, I’m serious and it’s not like I’m looking for it.” When I went to go visit him one time that happened too. I said, “Did you just see that naked person on the street?” He said, “No.” There was a naked person and he said, “I literally think that you just find naked people.”

  • That’s funny! So, you’re like going and doing this speeches and working and stuff, your first thought is always like, ” Oh, I wish he was here to text him about this or I wish he was in the audience right now.”

  • Yeah, definitely.

  • Did that ever subside for you at all?

  • No. Never.

  • No. Your story, I’ve cited a few times 12:25 and a few of the email series, so you were engaged to him right? Your engaged, you ended up getting him back, it kind of happened in a really amazing way but, how long were you in no contact before things started to really pick up?

  • I will tell you because I asked him most recently on the phone last night or the night before–

  • Oh sweet. So, you got some details for us here.

  • Yes, I said, “If I had contact with you about coming to get my stuff, would you have ever contacted me?” and he said no. He said, “I would have waited it out.” because he and I are both similarly stubborn.

  • I come from the same cloth too that’s why I know a lot of men are this way. It’s not just him. I’m trying to explain that to a lot of the women in the group. They just don’t get it, I don’t think.

  • I am stubborn like a man. I have a lot of male qualities. So, he knows that he and I are similarly stubborn and he said, “I literally would have waited months.” Because I think what I told you before, and I told other people in the group is that this is not the first time we have broken up and in fact, we have broken up a total–this is our third break up.

    We have broken up twice before and that nc, those NCs were respectively, one was 6 months and the other one was a year. I dated people in between those times because I’ve moved on and he saw that. It was sort of our stand off. Who’s going to win? In my mind, I was like I’m going to win. In fact, I’m going to win so hard, I’m going to date this other guy.

  • I see. So, you’re basically dating someone else but your’e still like, “Ok, this is going to show him, my ex.” So, you’re still thinking about your ex obviously.


  • Yes and I was totally not talking to him and we’re not talking to each other.

  • You’re just thinking indirectly he’s going to find out or he’s going to see it on Facebook or something like that.

  • He did find out.

  • Obviously.

  • Because I’m in exboyfriendrecovery pro at that time but in reading a lot of your stuff, I employ a lot of the same tactics that you say to use if you want to get your boyfriend back and it’s for these reasons I’ve always had a boyfriend come back. Not only a boyfriend but beyond because I have been engaged in the past.

    So, I’ve never had an instance where I haven’t gotten someone back but it’s because I go into this no contact and then a period of time happens where either I’ve moved on but I still reach out to them 15:11 way and then I get into this rapport with them and then we, you know. They think maybe we can get back together and then I just tell them no. In some cases no, but he is the only person where I have broken up, he’s come back, and we’ve stayed together you know and it happened again.

  • And it’s obviously serious now right? You’re still engaged to him now currently.

  • Yes, definitely.

  • Yeah, I don’t know what it is lately but all of the people in the group who are getting their exes back are getting engaged. Like I think you and then there’s Buffy, got engaged to her ex and then, I forgot her name. I can’t say her name. But there’s another woman.

  • Maria, they were together and then he said he wanted to get married.

  • Yeah. So, I don’t what it is.

  • –Got back with her potato–

  • I had to talk to Corey yesterday. So, I talked to her yesterday and really advised her. I have to say, I think she’s got a really good shot. Seriously, I really think she’s got a good shot and I don’t say that a lot.

  • I think it’s excellent. I really think it’s just more about–my opinion is more about her ex, just one of being stubborn in getting himself together. 16:41 . You simply have to accept that fact. I don’t whatever other obstacles he’s stirring up which to me are just strange.

  • Yeah, I think it’s all a bunch of fluff but you know, we’re here for you. Not obviously them. So, what did you do exactly? Take the moment that you got back with him. Obviously you had mentioned because people aren’t in the know here, who are listening. You had mentioned about stuff right? So, you had some of his stuff, how did that all go down?

  • We live on separate coasts. He lives on the Northwest United States, I live in Atlanta. That’s pretty far. I mean unless he’s in Alaska, that’s even further but that’s pretty far and I got this new job and so, I’m in NC and then thinking how long should this NC be and I’m thinking actually 30 or 45 days would be appropriate for us because we had gone–the last time I’ve seen him was September and it was because of just work.

    Our work schedules were crazy. He’s a VP of sales at one of the world’s largest automotive manufacturing companies. He’s always on the go, just as am I. So, we just couldn’t see each other. Not only did we not see each other, we didn’t see each other for our anniversary which is also around the time of when we got engaged because we were celebrating our first year of being engaged.

    We didn’t celebrate thanksgiving together, Christmas nor New Year’s Even. Those were really big times for him especially, not so much for me but for him I knew it was important and we just couldn’t get it together.

  • Yeah, VP of sales, you got Black Friday, you’ve got Christmas, all those times, super buys right?

  • Yeah, and then where I work, what I’m doing is the same thing, and with months, up until then we have been seeing each other regularly every 2-3 weeks. 18:47 seeing each other regularly to a month’s stretch and we have very different communication needs and he communicates just like a guy does and like a typically woman in that sense, I need a lot of verbal communication.

    It’s not just enough I want to hug you and all of that stuff but I really need to hear you and I need to see, I need to see a lot of them like all the time and you know, the more time we spent apart the more we began to fight. So, anyway, leading up to the fight where we just broke up, and what it really came down to, I didn’t know why he was withdrawing from me.

    I felt like he was withdrawing and what he didn’t understand is that, what I didn’t understand is that–I couldn’t emotionally understand how tired he was, just of us being apart and just of me being upset with him and just of that him being tired from his job in general. And then what he understood about me is that him being tired and not giving me his words made me feel abandoned. So, when we broke up by text which is terrible by the way–

  • I’ve actually done that myself. So, I just am guilty.

  • But that happened and then that’s when I emotionally vomited all over him. I’ve sent him like blocks of text.

  • I’ve been there too!

  • And then I was calling his friend, I was calling his family and then that’s when my friend pulled me out. They said–and then I start texting all my friends and calling them, that’s when they pulled me out to go out to party and then I found out exboyfriend recovery pro and then anyway, so, during this time, I landed this new job. And I thought, “Oh, there’s a couple of problem. ” I had my work laptop that I would have used for my new job at his house and I had sentimental things from my mom, my dad and my grandparents at his–

  • It’s something that you wanted because I’m sure you’ve poured through the materials and I talk about when it’s appropriate to break the no contact rule and one of the things if you have sentimental things you can go get them.

  • Yes, because at first I said, “Ok , I’m going to do 30 day nc.” but I need this stuff and I started looking at my calendar and I’m like, “Ok, if I go get this at this day, I may not be able to fly back out to the Northwest until April or May.” I cannot wait that long. Maybe I can have him ship it, I’m like, “What if it gets fucked up like along the way?” I don’t want that to happen and on top of that, I have actual papers of my dad, ” I am the legal guardian for my father.”

  • Ok, so it’s important that you have this papers? Absolutely.

  • It could have been faxed but I needed the original.

  • These are excellent reasons to break the no contact rule. This is not you going over there to see him to get a toothbrush. That would be a bad reason. `

  • Or movie —

  • Right, something like that.

  • Like, I mean, I was very willing to leave all that other stuff behind. I can replace all of that but my dad’s original birth certificate, no. I can’t do that.

  • Kind of important to have, yeah. Absolutely.

  • Yeah, given that they don’t have electronic work. I’m Asian. For people with that age, they don’t have electronic record.

  • All written.

  • It’s that paper or nothing. I needed that. I needed these papers and I definitely needed the laptop. I counted the day when I started, and I was like, alright. I texted him and said, “I’d like to come into town to get my work laptop and I need my dad’s papers and some of my grandmother’s stuff  and my mom’s stuff.” and he didn’t respond. I thought, he like hates me.

    He’s not even replying that. I knew he saw it, but he didn’t respond and on top of that, I had made a new Facebook, so that I could be in the Facebook group. So, I was no longer posting in my old Facebook.

  • So, you’re more active in the newer Facebook. You’re like constantly logged in on the newer Facebook profile and you’re not logging in at all in the older Facebook profile.

  • Yeah, exactly but some of his friends are my friends in my new Facebook. So, I knew that whatever I posted in the new one he would see it and also he did not unfriend on Snapchat. We unfriended each other on Instagram but we’ve not unfriended each other on Snapchat.

    I was always much more prolific in terms of posting in Snapchat. Shortly after we broke up, he stopped looking at my Snapchat but interesting enough his sister in law and her sister and their friends started looking at my Snapchat everyday.

  • So, it’s almost like he’s using them.

  • Either he’s using them or theyr’e telling him and I’m like I have to make sure I post everyday on Snapchat.

  • Yes, I talk about this a lot.

  • I was like posting all the time. It looked like I was busy. I was happy. Whenever I got new makeup or bought a new outfit or whatever I was doing I made sure to Snap that. I made sure to always make it look somewhat sexy  but always professional or a little flirty because that’s what he always likes. He never likes over sexyness. He always liked the hint of it. So, I always made sure that it was. And then sometimes if I went out dinner, I would show me at dinner with someone but you could never tell if it was a man or woman..

  • That’s clever. I like that.

  • That’s what I would always do. So, I found out later that he just assumed that I had started dating immediately and that people would ask me out. He just assumed that and he said that drove him crazy everyday. 25:21 snowstorm–and he wasn’t meeting anyone, which I knew. `

  • So, you sent him that text and he didn’t respond to it about your stuff. Eventually, I’m assuming he did though.

  • No, he didn’t. I told him–because I have keys to his house. I’m going to go book a flight there and so that counted out, like ok, the day that I go get my stuff, it will be day 21. I can’t at least stay there. So, I did it on day 21. I came in on day 20 and then I would go to his house on day 21.

    So, I texted him that I’m coming in town. I didn’t say exactly when but that I will be at your house on this day at this time to get my stuff. Is that ok? And all he wrote back was literally the letter K. I just thought, oh my god! 26:23 and when I got that letter K, I cried.

  • Really? Was that happy or sad because most women–

  • I was sad.

  • Sad, ok.

  • It was like he is done with me. He is so done with me. He can’t even say ok.

  • Yeah, but then it gets good.

  • Well, I mean, the day comes and then you know, Jennifer, you’re wife, she’s telling me what to wear. It was like make sure you look good, how you should go about it. The other women in the group at that time were giving me advice and I watched the videos on what to wear on a first date.

    I assumed, because it’s the first time I’m seeing him and the first sort of contact we’ve had. We didn’t even go to the texting phase. I was like I have to look as hot as possible. Who cares how cold it gets outside? It will be warm inside. I can do with showing skin for 10 seconds.

  • Was your heart beating as you’re like walking up there? Like you’re getting like progressively more and more nervous as you get closer to his door?

  • I totally vomited. I actually just stop 27:46

  • You’re so nervous.

  • I’m so nervous. I was like, “Can you pull? I’m about to vomit. I am so nervous.”

  • Wow!

  • She said ok, she stopped and I vomited and then I got back in and she brought me to his house. Originally, I was supposed to be there from 1-5 and I thought that was way too long. So, I asked one of my friends in the city if she can go with me but she said I’m available by 5. I said can you come pick me up at his house by 5 and we’ll go get massage. She said ok. And so then, as it got around noon, I texted him and said I’m running late. So, I won’t be there until three and he again wrote back K.

  • Ok, but I think it’s important because he’s probably debating whether or not to take you back at this moment. He’s probably going back and forth and so, the fact that you did that maybe showed your value a little bit more perhaps? Like I don’t know but get to the goods here. We’re all wondering, how did it work out? Of course, I’m acting like I don’t know. I know exactly what happened but.

  • I’m supposed to be there at 3 and then I tell him at the last second I’m running late again. I just ran over–nothing ran over. I just vomited. That’s all. The people I was hanging out before, I totally lied. Sorry babe, if you’re listening to this. I totally lied. I just said I’m running late, I’ll be there around 3:30 or 3:45. No response from him. So, I walked in the door at 3:45 looking so hot and I just you know, when I walked in, I–

  • Slow down. What are you wearing exactly? Are you wearing red?

  • Yeah, well ok. So, because I watched the thing that Jennifer had on Youtube about what to wear in a first date. So, I wore a skin tight, like black v neck plunging sleeveless shirt, like flared down at the hip. It accentuated my top half which he always really liked and then the bottom half accentuated the curve. 30:23 because I don’t want to be too crazy like I’m going to some club at 3 o’clock in the afternoon.

    So, I’m wearing dark denim and then I’m wearing black shoes but then I have this red bra that’s peaking through. I have this cut outs at around the shoulders, like where the slits would be around the shoulder. My red bra is peaking through and I have red, red lips because that’s something that I knew that he loves about me. He really likes my hair and he loves my eyes and he loves my mouth. So, I made sure that a completely neutral face for the most part.

  • I can only imagine what’s going through his mind as he sees you walking in the door. It’s like, “Holy shit! Look at this girl. What did I do?”

  • I looked really good. I had people on the street–because I’ve gone to brunch trying not to cry. Trying to get myself together and men stopped me on the street saying, “You are beautiful.” and thank you! So, I knew I looked good like in a happy, great stiletto boots on too.

  • You definitely brought your A game as suppose to looks wise when you walked into that.

  • I looked good, just exuded happiness. And when I saw him, I didn’t hug him or anything I just said, “Hey!” and I had this huge smile on my face. I kind of imagined myself like, Imagine like your eyes are sparkling and so that’s what I always like to do.

  • That’s a nice thought. I like that.

  • Yeah and then when I walked in, he has cats. We actually bought a cat together and he was a kitten the last time I saw him but he had grown up. So, since I came in, interestingly enough, the cat came in and like rubbed himself against me and I knelt on the floor and I just hugged the cat and the cat’s like purring all in my arms and because he’s a cat guy, he’s like, “Oh..”

    The cat just totally loved me and I was like, “Oh, you remember me. Don’t you?” I just looked up at my ex and I just started asking questions about the cat like how has he been, he’s gotten so big. I was like has he been mischievous. Like we fell into conversation really easily 32:48. He started telling me different stories about the cat. I’m like that’s really awesome! We just started talking and that’s how that conversation happened.

    So, then I stopped and I started thinking I need to stop it because it’s getting to a high note. So, then I stopped it and I put the cat and I stand up and I said, “Well, I’m here to go pack and let’s get to it.” I just said it like. It wen’t from we were just having this great back and forth to oh, reality. He had actually pulled out all of my stuff and placed it on the dining room table.

    So, I almost cried at that point. It’s like we were so done because if he pulled out all of my stuff that means we’re over. It doesn’t matter how good I looked. I wasted all this time and like money and energy and now we’re definitely breaking up and it’s over. I just thought to myself you gotta keep it together. And so, I just looked at it and I said, “Oh!” and then I just turned around and said, “You’re really sweet to put all my stuff together.” and then he said, “Oh, it didn’t take that much time.” I said, “Really? Do you mind if I go in the back to make sure?” and he said, “Sure.” and then I said, “Do you want to follow to make sure?” and he’s like, “Sure.” And I did that on purpose because I knew he would be behind me, he would be looking at my butt.

  • Perfect. That’s really interesting. It’s like the little mind games you’re playing. Even though it seems so small. All of it adds up to matter.

  • It does and so he saw me. I thought if I get him to follow me, maybe I can get him to follow me into other things, to a conversation or talking about us. I’m looking in all the drawers and then I said, “I trust you. I just want to make sure you got everything.”

  • Everything was there, right.

  • So, I said, “I don’t want you to have stuff of me behind.” And so I went back into the dining room where all my stuff and I said, “Do you mind if I sit for a second? I said I’ve got 45 minutes when I have to go. I said that I have this suitcases so I need to sort this stuff out. He said, “Oh you’re not going to take it all?” And I said, “Nope.” I said I’m going to throw some stuff away if you don’t mind 34:58 some things and then take what’s essential.

    And he said, “Oh.” and then I said do you want to sit and hang out with me while I do it? and he said sure. I just started packing and didn’t say-I didn’t talk to him. I just sort of talked to myself like I don’t need this-I don’t need this and they were things that I stayed there for example like the first set of roses that he ever bought of me. I had dried them and left them there. I had that and I lifted it up and said, “Oh.” I didn’t say anything about that other than, “Oh do you remember when you got this roses?”

    And he was so crazed because they didn’t arrived on time. and he said, “Yeah, I remember.” `I said, “You wanted to like, throttle the neck of the florist.” and he’s like, “Yes.” I said, “But you didn’t. They were really pretty. They kept up really well.” and he was, “Yeah, they did.” I had this kinds of conversations along the way and I was almost finished and then I said, “Well, I’m all finished.” and I said, “Can you help me throw this stuff away?” and that’s when he just got quiet and I said, “What’s wrong?” and then he came over and he walked to my side of the table and he said, “Anna stand up.” I said why? I said, “Are you going to help me throw this stuff away or what?” and he said, “I just need for you to stand up.” I was like what kind of game are you playing with me?

    Because I’ve playing–He’s like no game and he said just stand up and he pulled me up on my hand and he made me stand up next to him and then that’s when he said I love you and I miss you and I don’t want us to break up and I want us to stay together and I want us to get married and  we are engaged for a reason and I just looked at him and I said, “I don’t know.” I said I spent this whole time just packing. I said you could have said this to me before then and then he just said put your ring back on Anna.

  • And that was it.

  • And then that was it.

  • So, that interaction in person was `enough to push him over the edge. It’s really interesting too because you’re like long distance right? So, long distance relationships you have to absolutely make the most of your interactions with the person and that’s what you did. It’s really interesting hearing this story because all I had heard was that you packed all this stuff up and then he stopped you and then he asked you like let’s get back together but it’s interesting hearing all the details that went into it because even though the details seems small and minute and it seems like they don’t matter, it all adds up to get the result and I think more than anything it’s him seeing you in person like that is probably what pushed him over the edge is my guess. What do you think?

  • I absolutely agree. I mean seeing me in person shocked him back into I miss her.

  • I mean you played it brilliantly. If there’s like a perfect game, that was it. You played it. I don’t think you could have done any better.

  • I was very good in game theory in college. I think in any relationships, you’re right, especially in long distance relationship, every interaction matters. I have a lot of envy for people who have face to face relationship, daily face to face relationship, romantic relationships because in those, there are things that you can just–you don’t have to get a life every time–every time you go in, you can just sort of assume an aura of love around that and comfort and there’s a lot of things that when you’re long distance, you depend on one word, k versus ok or being –the phone or getting a text and how long it took you– or if you’re on chat and you know, how long can you see each other and what are you doing when you’re seeing each other. I think long distance relationships are really, really tough.

  • I know I’ve been there. I was actually with Jen and it went for 6 months and believe it or not, you actually have more contact with your ex than we did. We wouldn’t see each other for maybe a month. It will be like one or two months before we’d see each other and then we’d see each other for like 3 or 4 days and then we’d go back and you’re absolutely right and you analyze every little thing. Now that we’re together and married and everything,

    I don’t really analyze much because we’re just face to face and like you said, we’re in this aura of love right? But I remember back in the long distance days, I would analyze every last thing. I tried to make every interaction like perfect and you know a lot of my learnings from that relationship have helped like ending the conversations on a high point, she was the one who did that to me. I had never experienced that before until I was with her but you played it so brilliantly. You even ended the conversation like–you didn’t like exit the conversation completely. You just hit him back in reality with you like talking about the cat and then you were like “Ok, things are going well. I”m going to end this and move on to the next thing.” That’s so brilliant, really it is.

  • Thank you! I’ve tried my best though. Like for every single thing, like there’s so many things that I wanted to say and 40:54 with emotion that I knew that that was not the right way to do it. My objective was to convince–because I know him. So, my objection was to convince him to bring down his wall of stubbornness and get past his “I”m right and she’s wrong.” and if that’s the way it’s going to be, that’s the way it’s going to be. My objection was to get past that and get him to remember that I’m right there in person and that we love each other.

  • So, let me ask you, from your perspective, what do you think worked on him the most? Like what little thing did you do? Was it just a combination of everything or would you say there was one particular thing that you did that absolutely worked better than anything?

  • Of all the things of that situation when I was there in the house?

  • Yeah, in the house.

  • I would think it would be the switching of the cat to let’s get to it and pack.

  • Ok, so that was the first sort of you took control of the area, I guess. Like you’re dictating what room you’re going into, like even when you’re going through your stuff, you switched rooms again right? You put it on the table or the stuff was already sitting on the table?

  • Yes ,and I knew when he did that, that was a control thing.

  • You took it back.

  • Yes, that it’s not going to happen that way. Like I’m going to be in control of this.

  • Yeah, it’s really brilliant of you to actually call him in and tell him to sit down because the way he perceives it is like you’re saying, “Oh come in and sit down.” It’s like you’re ordering him to sit down but in sort of a nice way and without him actually realizing it. It works. You controlled every aspect of the conversation. The crazy part is when you’re talking with your ex a lot of times  they’ll try to take over control but it’s like this constant battle back and forth to who consumes control of the situation. You really did it brilliantly. I hadn’t really seen ending the conversation on the high point on such a small scale but it’s brilliant actually, now that I think about it. It really does work.

  • I find that, like when he and I are fighting, like switching like that, it gets us both thinking about things in different ways that we’re able to actually communicate better.

  • Yeah, so give me an example there. Not maybe personal but just give me a sort of, like little basic examples so people can kind of understand what you’re talking about. Like how would you switch it up if you’re in a middle of a fight. Like what do you switch it to?

  • Let’s just say that–I’m trying to think of a maybe a recent one. Ok, so let’s say that I’m hanging up–we’re talking on the phone and he is maybe really irritated at me because as usual I ran on Asian people time and I’m 30 minutes late to calling him and that’s just how it is. Like I’m constantly late. Personally, like in the work, sometimes I try not to be but when it comes to personal stuff,I’m just late.

    So, you know he’s been waiting by the phone the whole time and he picks up the phone and he sounds pissed. I’m, pissed and I’m like saying, “You know that, I’m running late.” He’s normal response to that is, “You know if that’s maybe the case, but that’s an excuse.” 44:41You won’t be late all the time and blah, blah, blah. Not blah, blah, blah but you know.

  • Yeah, I get it.

  • So, and I’m just like you know, and I don’t want to fight with him because I’m tired and then I just hear him out and then we’re talking back. I’m sort of trying to argue too and then I leave it and then I’m like–what I normally do is I get quiet and then I say, “Well, while you were waiting for me.” I sort of take responsibility by saying, “While you were waiting for me, did anything cool happen?” and sometimes he’ll say yes, and other times he’ll say no and if he says yes, then we get to talk about that so, he’ll get in a better mood immediately. I switch the conversations up simply by doing that. And if he’s no, then I”ll say, “Well, a really neat thing happened..”

  • Yeah, I like that. I like that a whole lot.

  • 45:38 Crazy stuff is always happening to me. My sister called me and she was taking her final exam and she vomited in front of everyone in the auditorium.

  • I think the key is the phrase. While you were waiting for me, did anything interesting happened to you? Like that phrase, so many people can like understand. Like what you’re talking about simply changes the conversation but you have to put the ball in his court. He has to be the one to initiate the response. Like did anything happen to you? He gets a yes or no option. Yes, and then you get to talking about that. No, then all you have to do is talk about your situation.

  • And then get him to say like what did he think about that or I think someone–or like I saw this 46:28 made up out of car parts that I think someone posted in the Facebook group the other day. Actually that’s what I used for him last night when I was late because he said no, nothing happened. I said, “I found this really cool thing and I thought of you because you’re the car guy right?” I found this 46:48 and he’s like that’s cool and suddenly he’s laughing and we’re not fighting anymore.

  • The dynamics completely chnaged. So, smart. So, I realized you gotta go. That you had blocked an hour out for me but is there anything else that you wanted to talk about?

  • No, that’s about it. If you need to talk longer I can. I have a few more minutes. My assistants gave me like 15 minutes and I gave her thumbs up. So, if you need me longer, I can. If you have to go, we can go.

  • If anything I just like to shift focus back to your experience with exboyfriend recovery pro. Did you actually pour through the entire thing? Because I had talked to someone before where they said, they just read like each section based on where they were. But did you like read it comprehensively and what would you say worked and what would you say didn’t work? I guess it was just me trying to improve my own strategies.

  • I have read all the things. I did a search for long distance relationship-ldr.

  • So, you went to Google.

  • Yeah, and I read all the passages related to that and I had it on my thing to read about the texting and what happens afterwards but I was so busy and I was going to see him that I didn’t have a chance to even figure out any of that stuff.

  • So, mostly the Facebook group was the biggest asset for you from the program? That seems to be the general consensus of the people I talked to. Some people are different. Obviously they pour through the entire thing but even those people definitely have nothing but nice things to say about the Facebook group. It’s really kind of cool too and I also wanted to thank you for Too New. Too New, she had like that difficult situation with the baby and we had advised her to get some sort of legal counsel and you were the first one in to help her with that.

  • I was happy to do that. I think Too New is a lovely person. Her situation is volatile and incredibly unique and I just want her to feel safe, happy and stable. I want her ex to get to that place too. So, they can co parent in a peaceful and it seems like it’s getting to that place.

  • Yeah, slowly but sure. I think he had admitted to her that dating the new girl was a mistake. But it’s interesting how these things kind of shake out when you’re like in a bird’s eye view, looking at the situation. As he’s saying that, she’s starting to see some progress, she’s also starting to sort of be like, “Well, maybe I don’t want to be with him.” It’s interesting how this things happen. Constantly I see people move on and then get their ex back. I see it all the time.

  • I think people, women just have to–I don’t know how it goes for exgirlfriend recovery pro but women out there, they really need to be patient and if you can’t take it one day at a time, do your best to take it 30 minutes at a time and try to keep it together. I mean really try and ask yourself, “Is reaching out to him really going to benefit me?

    What purpose does that serve?” Because I know–there was another time where you talked about, I think it was the one in the Facebook live, you talked about what do you gain. I think that’s really important. That maybe people don’t understand in that perspective, they gain peace of mind. Think about what benefit. Like what’s going to happen from that? If you find he’s seeing another person or you find out that he’s on Tinder, and then what happens? You can’t do anything about that.

  • True.

  • If you can’t do anything about that, you should not say anything. Just keep on going and improving yourself. There’s only so much that you can control as a person.

  • Yeah and you just sort of have to understand your ecosystem and control every aspect of what you can control in a positive way. For the record, I always say, what do you have to gain when people ask me, “Should I wish my ex a happy birthday during the no contact rule?” I always say, “Honestly, is he going to get back with you because of it?” Because I doubt it so, you have really not much to gain.

  • All you’ve shown is that you’re thinking about him and he hasn’t reached out to you, so no.

  • I mean it’s one of the pet peeves, I get asked that question so many times every single day and the answer is, I give it so many times in so many different ways, in so many different forums but there’s still people who wonder it. I think honestly, it’s just them looking for a way to have that peace of mind, like you mentioned there. I think that’s what it’s all about. They just want a peace of mind but what would you say your biggest struggle was with the break up?

  • It was not texting him and not being crazy with our mutual friend. I mean I found myself chatting with one of his friends through Facebook on my old account. In the middle of it, I realized what am I gaining, what is happening here, what am I doing here? I’m gaining peace of mind because I’m asking questions about him that his friends are not necessarily answering but ok, that makes me look a little crazy.

  • Yeah, if you’re ever going to try that tactic and talk to the friend, one thing I did–my very, very first break up ever, I ended up talking to my exgirlfriend’s best friend but I didn’t ask a thing about my ex. It was just–the crazy part is I talked to her for like 3 hours and I knew it would get around to her and then what do you know, a few weeks later, she wants me back. It’s interesting how this dynamics can play into it and how the strategy of talking to your ex’s friends is not bad. It’s just how you go about it perhaps.

  • I went about that poorly. That was a poor interaction

  • Well, it wouldn’t it matter though. You were spot on. I’m actually really impressed with how you, in person, handled yourself. It was so spot on. I don’t know if that’s because you have training. You said you were pretty good in game theory but also you public speak right? You’re a big public speaker. You’re not maybe as nervous as the average person, even though I’m sitting thinking, “Wait. She threw up.” You were definitely nervous but you faced your fear head on and now look at where you are.

  • I’m not definitely used to public speaking. I mean I had my first press conference at the age of 17. My background is–my first job was in public relations. 54:00 and talking on the fly and saying what I think and trying to articulate as quickly as possible. So, when Jennifer said if you think can be friendly and I knew that I absolutely could.

    Now, the problem for me was I knew, was I wanted to vomit and I was convinced that he was going to break up with me. During that whole interaction, I had to constantly remind myself pretend that you have control. I had to say it to myself over and over. That’s pretty interesting for someone like me to say. Who does that professionally.

  • Right, you’re very, very practiced at talking. You’re really, really sharp on thinking on your feet which is something that really works well when you’re looking at getting an ex back. Full disclosure, Jen and I, we talked about your situation a little bit. We were thinking, this girl has definitely got a shot. I’m glad it worked out for you. I really am. Let me ask going forward, do you have sort of a plan that the two of you will actually live together at some point?

  • Because I just got this new job, he actually is looking for a job–

  • Sweet! Awesome! So, you’re obviously pumped about that.

  • Yes. I’m really excited. I mean if he gets this job that’s closure to me. He could live about 40 minutes away. So, we could see each other all the time and because we’ll both still be traveling a lot, we can think of our travel better. It just makes a big different when you work 3 time zones or more away from each other.

  • Yes, it does. I’ve been there. So, any last words of wisdom because I don’t want to hold you up. I know you’re a busy woman here. I took more than–I probably got your clients and everything are like, “What the heck is she doing in there?” I’m just talking to you about myself.

  • I just want to say, the Facebook group is great. I cannot stress how important no contact is. Not only no contact, but really working on yourself. And the more you busy yourself, the faster the time goes. Not just busy yourself but as you improve, everything around you improves too. People notice it. People are attracted to that, platonically and romantically. By the time you come back to your ex, you don’t know if you want him or not but you know that it’s fairly confident that he will definitely want you but you have to play it right and he’s not going to want you back if you’re a mess.

  • True and unfortunately, there’s  a lot of women on the group that are messes. They just have so much trouble–I guess understanding what your’e talking about. I think one thing that’s going really great for them is I’m going to post this into the Facebook group actually before I post it live because I think people can learn a lot from how you handled the interaction with your ex in person because that’s something I don’t go into too much detail on but I think you just handled it so brilliantly. It deserves to get shared.

  • Thanks. 57:37 how much free time I spent on just looking for shoes.

  • Really?

  • Just for this interaction. No, not tall enough, too pointy, it makes my feet look like a lumberjack. Looking at tops just trying to envision what is the feeling and the memory that I want him to–what I want him to feel, what I want him to think the second that he sees me. I even worked on my hair for quite a while.

  • I think you knocked out on the ball park. It’s so easy to work so much into that and make it work and then completely fumble the ball when you actually get into it and interacting but you actually executed your whole plan.

  • I mean I feel like now that we’re back together, I’m kind of in the version of the texting phase. I’m trying to get him to communicate more with me via text. So, I’m actually implementing some of the texting stuff that you guys talk about.

  • That’s cool and how is it working out for you?

  • Actually if I could show you my text. You can now that my fiance actually text me a lot more than I text him.

  • So, the ratio is in your favor which is good.

  • Yeah, definitely. Just coming out of the break up. Like just coming back together, it was originally like me saying, “Hey, guess what?” and then he would like, “What?” and then I would tell him a funny thing and then he was like hahaha! And then we would talk about it, and then it would be over. We just got back together and why do I feel like I’m still trying to get him back. So, you know.

  • So, you use some of the texting stuff and it actually works.See folks, if you buy exboyfriend recovery pro, you can even use it on your current boyfriend when you get him back. Thanks for the plug Anna!

  • It will get to a point where he would text you more. I mean his word count is higher than mine now.

  • That’s great. That is such a crucial thing.

  • He texted me so many times today and I literally written back like, “That’s awesome babe.”

  • I remember I used to be really big into that when I was dating Jen. She was much better on the phone than I was but when it came to texting, I would always really pay attention to those things. I went so deep. I like went to our very first interaction and wrote it all on paper to see how the ratio was and it was pretty close, 50-50. I always would try to get her to be the one to reach out to me and most of the time it worked. What do you know, I’m married to her now.


  • You had mentioned before about potato. That came out of a convo, a private Facebook chat that Demetra and I had together.

  • She had like copied me on it or something. It’s like Demetra or something was on the Facebook like and she had mentioned it and I was like what is this potato thing? Any culprit I find now, I always quiz him about it. Demetra, Corey got in on it. You and Demetra seem to be the ring leaders of the whole thing. So, I got to the bottom of it. I’m glad to say.

  • I owned it. She was telling me more about her situation with her ex and all of a sudden I realized her ex was just acting like a potato, which was potatoes do nothing. Just lay there and potatoes aren’t interesting until they turn into something. I thought everyone’s ex is a potato and just leave potatoes alone.

  • It went viral which I think is kind of cool actually. That it just kind of took off. I turned up and then someone on the–I saw someone on Facebook live mention it and I was like what is this potato thing and then like 10 girls started laughing and talking about this potato thing but it’s interesting to hear who the source was Anna and it’s you.

  • One of my other ones that I used here at work and like that person is an interesting as skim milk and now people are referring to other people as skim milk.

  • There’s cheap and then there’s trendsetters and you’re definitely a trendsetter.

  • To describing people as food perhaps.

  • It works you know. I should start describing exes as food too now. So, count me in.

  • I mean think about it. You’re having trouble with this person but suddenly you start inducing them as–not objectifying necessarily–but this situations suddenly becomes for whatever is far more understandable.

  • Maybe that’s why Jen and I are having trouble conceptualizing it but all the women who are going through break ups don’t.

  • You and Jen are not potatoes to each other.

  • Hopefully not.

  • -who maybe could be doing a lot more with your life right? That would be potato behavior.

  • I’m glad I got this potato education from you Anna.

  • 1:03:07

  • Anyways, on that note let’s end this because I know your assistants are probably going to kill me but hey whatever is worth every minute. I’m so glad. Thank you so much for coming on.

  • Anytime! I would be happy to be there if you need me to do anything else, I’d be happy to do it.

  • Just stay active in the group, that’s all I ask.

  • Definitely.

  • Yup. Alright Anna, also keep us–invite us to the wedding you know. That would be good! Alright Anna, take care!	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter