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131 thoughts on “How Often Do Exes Come Back After A Breakup?”

  1. Raymond

    December 16, 2018 at 2:35 am

    I am one of the few who got back with there ex. We broke up due to (we are both in middle school) people hating are relationship. I was back in my hellhole of depression. Then, in band (which is how we met each other) we had a consert. On the second rehearsal I gave her my discord name. She sent me a friend request and then we chatted(cough flirted cough). Now we are back in a now private relationship. This article made my day finding we are one of the few who got back together. Thank you.

  2. Marie

    December 12, 2018 at 11:46 pm

    About 3 weeks ago I came home to a typed letter from my boyfriend stating he was unhappy and that he wanted things to be over. He did not come home for four days afterward. We were suppose to go out of town for his holiday Xmas party which he went on his own. This completely blindsided me.

    I’m going to give you a small back story or at least try! We’ve been together almost two years living together 1.5 years. The first 8-10 months were great. Then he got a job offer in Chicago, we’re from MI. I hesitated but realized this was the man I wanted to be with and we moved to Chicago. I tried desperately to like it there, but after four months we moved home. He gave up his job and everything. It really showed me he was committed. We moved back to MI in dec of 2017.

    Fast forward to April of 2018, we got into a fight and I left our apt for a few days bc we both needed space. He wrote me a long email stating things that needed to change to make our relationship work for him and I. A lot of these changes I made and since April I felt as though we were making strides in our relationship. We’ve been on so many wonderful trips and done so much together.
    Back to 3 weeks ago, the letter completely mirrored what was said in April except how unhappy he is and that it makes him sick to break up with me and loves me still. But he doesn’t think it’ll work. I’m blinded sided bc that same week he told me how much he loved me and and how happy he was I was in his life, he even bought me a present?

    I agreed to move out four days later, that week I slept on the couch and was nothing but kind and courteous. He was cold and distant. After I moved out he texted me “goodbye”, I thought I wouldn’t hear from him again. I chose to follow the no contact rule. He texted me 3 days later about an expensive bike I left at the apt (that he had bought me), how apparently it never meant anything.

    I told him it did, I just didn’t know how he felt about me taking it bc we didn’t discuss it. Then I said I would come get it, he never responded. So much for the NC rule.

    My questions are; how can he break up with me like that when a few days before he was professing his love?
    Since then I’ve implemented the NC for almost a month now.
    I know he’s on tinder and recently unfriended me on fb but didn’t block.
    I’m trying to focus on myself.

    Just heartbroken.

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 13, 2018 at 12:29 am

      Hi Marie….some guys can be all over the place with their words and actions not matching up. I am really happy to see you have turned your focus to your yourself..your healing and full recovery. You can do this. There are many activities you can embrace to accelerate your recovery. Check our my Program if you have not already as it gives you full view of how to implement an ex recovery plan.

  3. Ina

    December 8, 2018 at 6:09 pm

    Hi!
    My boyfriend of an year broke up with me via text out of the blue. He was away at that time. A little after that he came back and i arranged for a meet up. He was crying and emotional but gave me no reason for breaking up. He had vague reasons like it wont work out and it isnt working for him. But the fact is everything was fine and his mind had changed suddenly. I tried to explain him a lot but nothing seemed to be working. He stated as being unsure. There has been no communication since. We are colleagues and see each other almost everyday . He seems happy in front of me but people tell me thst he has withdrawn and looks unhappy. I dont know what is on with him.

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 9, 2018 at 2:17 am

      Hi Ina… I hope you are implementing NC or following an ex recovery plan as you will get the most out of that approach.

  4. Annette

    March 19, 2018 at 10:28 am

    I am 22 and my ex is 20 , last night he broke up with via text. In the beginning everything was i came on weekends to see him from college and he stopped by my schools a few times. As the relationship progressed I stayed at his home i few times , ( he lives with his parents). The family situation started getting bad due to money problems at home , his family started getting violent and did want him in a relationship and they did everything posible to keep us apart. This was going on for two months , my boyfriend promised me after graudtion we would move in together and I had an apartment ready and everything. Now almost a month from moving in he tells me he wants to break up because all the problems at home are causing a lot of issues in the relationship and he wants to make sure wveything is okay for his family. He told he wanted me to do whatever I wanted and live happy and said that he would come back but he doesn’t know when , I don’t know what to think about this

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 24, 2018 at 5:17 pm

  5. Jess

    February 25, 2018 at 10:30 am

    I broke up with my ex because he said he could not marry me. I’m 35 and my ex is 38.

    He had avoidant attachment style and very closed off. It was hard for me to in a relationship where affection was rarely displayed. When I brought up marriage he started opening up himself how he believes that he can never be happy and his life is very boring. He did not want to break up with me and was very distressed about the fact that we are splitting up. I could tell that he genuinely did not want to break up but made it clear that he doesn’t want to marry (me, possibly).

    But these are what he said,
    “I cannot see together with you long term like marriage.”
    “He likes me but not in love with me.”
    “He does like me as much as I love him.”

    I did not need to have another discussion. Even after he said it, he did not want to break with me. Wtf, seriously. I did not make a mud fight or anything. I said I want to end because we will have to break up at some point if we are not marrying. I know I made a right decision, but I do love him and want him back.
    He sent me a msg asking how I am 4 days after break up but I blocked him because i knew nothing will change. So, he is a commitment phobic, emotionally unavailable man with avoidant attachment. In this case, is there a chance that he might change his mind and come back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2018 at 12:27 pm

      Hi Jess,

      Honestly, we can’t control other people, that’s why it’s important to have standards. So, that we know what kind of people we allow to stay in our lives.

  6. Jessica

    February 13, 2018 at 7:56 pm

    My ex just broke up with me this last week. I have finished my BA and we did long distance for two of them we have been dating for almost 6 years. I am now getting my teaching credential and I have pushed him to pursue his BA degree and he moved up to college with me. He has now decided to join a fraternity at 23 and just broke up with me. He said it was because our relationship has its ups and downs and gets good than hard again. I tried to tell him it’s just been hard because we have been at different times of our lives our whole relationship and we definitely have had hard things to get through such as long distance and his moms cancer diagnosis. He wanted a break a couple weeks ago and I had a hard time giving him his space because I was scared of what was happening and loosing him He came back and wanted to lay in the other room together and then the next night he slept in our room again and he initiated sex. I felt like it fooled me. And the following Friday when I planned a date night he ended it. Anyway he said he thinks I’m his best friend and he still loves me so much as a person just not our relationship right now he was angry and crying when he ended it. I can’t help but think he just needs his independence and his immature fraternity brothers of 6 months have influenced him and he believes everything they say. I know it’s hard to live with a girlfriend who is more responsible while he is trying to experience college. Do you think he just needs his independence and will eventually come back. I’m trying not to communicate with him but I love him
    More than anything and we had planned our lives together. I’m really close with his family and they are all so upset about the breakup as well. He is my best friend and I’m having a hard time accepting this. Do you think chances are good of him returning after a month or so apart?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 11:40 am

      Hi Jessica,
      It looks like a grass is greener..have you taken our quiz? Check the link below too:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

  7. Lucy

    January 29, 2018 at 12:05 am

    My boyfriend of two years recently broke up with me pretty out of the blue about a month ago. He has always treated me very well and was a very loving boyfriend. I have been stressed trying to find work and been holding out for a job within my industry for about a year and trying to see where I really want to be in my field. He has been supportive of this and has always been generous with paying for things since he makes good money and recently been promoted twice in the past two years. I always offer to pay though but he always insists I can pay when I have my feet back on the ground with work. Along with this, there has been an issue with his dad the last six months. Long story short his dad made some inappropriate comments to me and others that were around and it really bothered me, and I kinda haven’t let it go. which in turn has made him feel like i don’t trust him to stick up for me in the future if need be (since he didn’t initially). I think I have made him feel bad about it or made him feel like i’m not happy about certain things when he’s tried and I can see where I have come across with a bad attitude at time, which in turn has a lot of frustration due to my job situation and feeling uncomfortable with that. I know I took i have made non issues into issues due to this.

    I have been in no contact for one month tomorrow. A month and a half ago he told me he wanted a break bc of a conversation he had with his dad and being stressed with that situation, and said I should have time to focus on work. Also mentioned how money was stressing him out. I also know that this recent job promotion has made him extremely stressed because it is a higher up important job that he wasn’t used to having prior. I know he hasn’t been enjoying it and had to recently reach out for help. He also is worried about his moms living situation since she was living with his grandma and she recently passed. He has told mutual friends that he missed me and one point was apparently upset about what he did and thought he jumped the gun. But two weeks after the initial conversation that didn’t go well because I was so blindsided and upset and left crying, I asked to talk to clear the air and to take accountability for things I felt were happening (money, dad, his stress with work, my stress with mine) he asked if the trust was broken with his dad or with our relationship since he handled it poorly and deleted our pics off of his instagram. I told him no and then asked if I could respect giving him more time to think about things, not just with us but with everything else going on in his life right now, and I agreed and said ok. He said he wouldn’t leave me hanging but he clearly has because he hasn’t reached out during the no contact.

    How do I go about reaching out since the ball is still left in his court but he hasn’t made a move?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2018 at 11:46 am

  8. Bea

    January 8, 2018 at 9:23 pm

    Recently my boyfriend of 1.5 years has broken up with me because he “fell out of love” over the phone during our university’s winter break. We have been together since high school and unexpectedly ended up at the same university too. He lives in the same residence hall as me and will be for the next year as well. Even if I want to avoid him, I work at the residence hall so I will have to see him regardless. This whole break up came completely out of nowhere, he had even gone to my family’s new year’s eve party and taken me on a very expensive date just two days before he broke up with me on the phone. He was crying and talking about how I would be okay and find someone better when he did it. Nevertheless, it all just feels so off. Even his best friend of 7+ years had no idea he was planning to do it, my ex only talked to his mom about this plan. He’s very shy and isn’t the best with his emotions so I am very worried about how he’s going to be doing without me. Everyone I know has been unanimously telling me that I’m going to be doing much better but I just want to have my best friend and boyfriend back. I managed to have no contact with him for a day, then broke it for two. During that time he didn’t seem angry at me but rather dismissive and said that he just fell out of love cause he wasn’t happy. Nevertheless, he keeps saying that maybe I’d get a second chance in the future. I am back to no contact with him and absolutely am planning to stay that way. I know I sound crazy but do you think I am even sane to think I’ll be able to get him back? We’re both barely adults, only 19…so maybe I’m just too wild.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 10, 2018 at 1:40 am

      Hi Bea,

      you can use the advice on this one:
      EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

  9. Younglove

    December 10, 2017 at 2:34 pm

    Hello, so I am going through a break up of over 3 years in a relationship with this person. For 2.5 years we were amazing, minimal fights and loved each other so much. Than he joined a fraternity, gave up a hobby he loved, and slowly began to change. He began wanting to party more, be more with friends, and show signs of regret of missing out on the party life style since he came into college dating me and is now about to graduate next semester. He also began claiming he wasn’t happy with anything in his life anymore, was stressing over school, stressing over his choices, and just wasn’t in a good place in his head. His family has a history of depression so I’m not sure if that has anything to do with this. We live together and have for over a year, we have a dog together, he even told family/friends over the summer that he was going to propose. Then suddenly, after within 6 months he had asked for week long breaks twice since he “didn’t know how he felt or what he wanted,” we went out together and ended up in a huge agreement where he basically drunkenly ended things. We have been broken up for just over a month now, in the beginning I tried spilling my heart out to him and talking to him but it seemed to make him more distant. He was avoiding ever coming back to our home, he tried to bring home a girl within a week of us ending, and he has been drinking more and partying more. Lately I have started trying the NC rule and now when we have to talk he’s becoming much nicer to me..but still not initiating anything in regards of getting back together. He’s the love of my life, I thought wed spend our lives together. I am his first girlfriend so I’m unsure if that plays a role, and I’m not sure if theres still a chance of getting him back. He hasn’t even deleted any of our pictures off of social media or deleted me from any of his accounts. What should I do? Is there a chance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 4:51 am

      Hi Young love,

      what do you have to talk about during nc?

  10. That Girl

    December 6, 2017 at 7:36 pm

    Hi Amor

    We have known each other for 17 years but were together as a couple only for one

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 4:26 am

      Maybe it was too soon for him…you were just a year together..how old are you both?

  11. That Girl

    December 6, 2017 at 8:57 am

    Hi amor

    We have known each other for 17 years and we were together for one year.

  12. That Girl

    December 5, 2017 at 12:28 am

    I broke up with my boyfriend one month ago because I did not feel things were moving forward. We talked about moving in together , getting married and all the mos beautiful things in life( all of this was his idea). However, when it was time to translate those words into actions it was like we were leaving a different story. Time went by and I started spending almost 5 days a week at his place but still had no keys and he always said he lived alone. That hurt me a lot and after 5 months of trying to cope with the situation I confronted him, explained the whole situation ( about how I felt he left me hanging ) and gave him 2 options : move forward or break up. He responded by saying that times were different between that time when he asked me to move in with him and now and that we as a couple were not ready ( not ready after leaving 5 over 7 days a week together ). So I decided to end things . I know he loved me and I know that breaking up hurt him as much it hurt me . We broke up at a time were we were doing really well together but I just didn’t feel we were growing. Anyways … I haven’t heard from him since then. Do I have any chances of him coming back ready to move forward ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 8:02 pm

      Hi That Girl,

      How long was your relationship?

  13. Melissa

    December 1, 2017 at 4:24 am

    My ex bf left me for his ex wife (this is the 3rd time in a 3 year period). I know you’re probably thinking how I could even want him back but I just do. He is literally the love of my life and I’m plum sad without him. We have been broken up for 5 months now and have been in NC for 2 of those months. Is there even a chance that he will come back to me? He said I needed to move on….
    What do you think the odds are of him and his ex wife staying together this time?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 4, 2017 at 4:41 am

      Hi Melissa,

      Honestly it’s very small because he already told you to move on and especially if he’s not actively pushing for a divorce with her

  14. Tanya

    November 3, 2017 at 2:15 pm

    My boyfriend of 17 years went through some incredible stressful months losing relatives and financial woes. Then the girl he was madly in love with in High School (who now lives 4 hrs away) got in touch with him and he left me for her. He says he loves her but is not sure it’s long lasting love and he is not sure if me and him are over for good. He also said he loves me and will always love me. This happened 4 months ago. Can I get him back ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 4, 2017 at 12:59 am

      HI Tanya,

      did you keep talking him until now?

  15. Mike

    October 20, 2017 at 1:43 am

    Hi there, my ex of 8 years broke up with me 2.5 months ago. She told me she could not love me anymore for her happiness and sanity. Over the past 2-3 months I’ve been making a lot of changes in my life for the positive, in turn these were things that caused a lot of turmoil on the relationship. We’ve spoken several times since the break up, the first month she had reached out because I think she was angry with me about every 10 days to let me know how she will do so much better than me. The second month, she reached out once a week to try and return a ring I had given her right after she broke up with me as an act of desperation, which I’m pretty sure she now wears.

    Since then nothing positive really, Ive sent a long email trying to explain how I have changed, with her saying that is great, but we will never be together again. Then 10 days ago, after there had been a lot of negative events happening on the news, I gave into weakness and reached out to tell her I loved her, always will, and will be ready if she changes her mind. I asked if she has been dating or dating anyone and she said no.

    We had broken up a couple years back for a few months, but never went into a no contact or even limited contact period like now. I feel I have grown a ton from this, but man do I still feel absolutely awful in terms of just not having her in my life anymore… I think this break up was a good thing since I have been able to learn so much about myself and how to treat someone you love, but I don’t know what the best course of action is here. Should I try no contact for a month or two, I am at 10 days and it feels like a struggle.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 23, 2017 at 1:00 pm

      Hi Mike,
      Yes try it for atleast 30 days

  16. Jasmine

    June 8, 2017 at 5:45 pm

    I just wanted to say that reading all the posts on this website and buying the No Contact rule handbook really really helped me. Listening to the podcasts helped me too. In all honesty the no contact rule is so critical and important to getting your ex back.
    My ex and I broke up back in December 2015 and it was super hard on me. I made so many mistakes…constant texts, seeing him and sleeping with him after we had broken up, not giving him his space…to the point where he actually blocked me 2 or 3 times.
    It wasn’t until I implemented the no contact rule and didn’t talk to him for a while that things started to turn around. I used a prolonged tidal wave method where I would talk to him a little and then disappear for a while. And everytime I recontacted him, he was a lot more open to talking. I think once I started dating other people a lot of his defenses came down.
    Well anyway, he dated someone else about 6-7 months after we broke up, and that relationship failed. About a month after that we spoke and he was actually very receptive to the idea of us dating again. Over all, the process took about a year and a half, so don’t expect it to always happen overnight. By then of course, I was already very much over him and not interested. But the point is, the opportunity to get him back did eventually come.
    My advice to anyone trying to get an ex back is to try to end things on a positive note and be nice to them. Give them plenty of space and implement no contact when necessary. They will eventually come around. And don’t be afraid to contact them after some time has gone by! Because sometimes they want you but they won’t say anything. The advice given on this website about playing it cool is some really great advice that I even use outside of dating. Thanks so much for helping me!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 12, 2017 at 3:32 pm

      thank you for sharing Jasmine!

  17. Kandace

    May 22, 2017 at 9:53 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday for religious views. Our relationship was honestly great for the most part. We had a couple little fights here and there. But for the most part it was good.

    I’ve learned in the past to not show any emotion to when they break up with you. So I told him, “No worries, I understand! I agree” we hung out last night when he “told me he has to break up for a week until he sees his bishop again.” He texted me about 5 minutes after I left his house. I said,” I’m not sure if I’m allowed to say I had fun? But probably not lol so I guess I’ll say goodnight! ”

    He says he still wants to hang out and see me, but I have a feeling I need to do no contact. Do I just suddenly stop texting him, but he’ll get angry.

    He broke up with me last night and I’m here to play my cards right. I need help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 24, 2017 at 1:46 pm

  18. cas

    May 20, 2017 at 4:11 pm

    so im kinda in the situation. my ex and i broke 8 months ago after a relationship of 2 years and recently there’s this guy ive been talking too for about a month and it’s been g r e a t. but the only thing is i still have feelings for my ex (very minor but still there) but i also starting to develop feelings for the other guy????? if that make sense at all lol. my ex has apparently found out about that guy and trying to get me back but within those 8 month period that we have broken up he never done anything like this?? i want to move on but there’s i feel like there’s something that’s holding me back because he wants to get back together but i also have feelings for the other guy so i don’t know what to do

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 22, 2017 at 6:17 pm

      honestly, it looks like he’s trying to get back because he can see you’re moving.. the question is, would he be consistent once he gets you back again?

  19. Nicole

    May 18, 2017 at 8:28 pm

    Hi,
    Me and my ex broke up more than 6 months ago. We are both only 18 so were fairly young. We had a great relationship and loved each other. I ended up having to move away for awhile and he broke up with me out of the blue because he said he couldn’t handle the distance and I was crushed. Fast forward many months to now and Ive recently moved back home into the area. Ive been offered a part time job at the same place my ex works. I know I probably shouldn’t have applied there in the first place but I did and now its the only place Ive been able to get an interview at. I want to take it just because I think it would be good for me personally and also Id be lying if I didn’t admit the thought of working with him sounds good to me because I really do want to reconnect with him. What Im worried about is that I fear that when my ex finds out I applied and got a job where he works he’ll think I’m being a creep or following him or something which is not what I want at all. I haven’t had any contact with him and haven’t even seen him in five months but I did come back to visit for a few weeks 5 months ago and during that time I did become a little obsessive with trying to run into him (but like I said that was months ago). Its not working together that worries me because Im sure wed still get along great. We ended things on pretty good terms and I don’t think he had any negative feelings towards me. I really want to reconnect with him though. Ive been trying to be very active on social media and everything and I was hoping he’d eventually reach out. Then this job opportunity came up and i don’t know what to do. Should I pass on it and just continue what Ive been doing and hope he reaches out or take the job and risk him thinking I’m being a stalker or something?? I feel a lot of pressure because I feel like this decision could have a big impact on everything. Do I take the job or look for one somewhere else? Which would be the best chance of him wanting to get back together or reconnect with me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2017 at 10:16 pm

      don’t ask him if it’s alright to work there.. unless he owns the company… check this one:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

  20. Pals

    May 13, 2017 at 7:21 am

    My boyfriend and I broke up two months ago. He broke up with me coz he cudnt deal with the long distance and study pressure and said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. He was very serious about the relationship but suddenly fizzled out. When he was in town everything was great, he gave a lot of attention and met me every day but the week he went back he changed his behaviour. Started becoming very distant. We spoke on and off after that and also had a few arguments. He’s gotten attached to another girl and I don’t know if I even stand a chance with him now. I really do feel about him and wish to get him back. I tried explaining to him in every way possible that this relationship would be different but he seems to be disinterested. I don’t know if he’s fallen for another girl coz we haven’t spoken since a week. The last time we spoke he said we should only be friends but he doesn’t seem to be maintaining the friendship. He doesn’t text me till I do so and I don’t want that. He thinks by talking to me I will get deeper into the friendship and il expect something later. He has asked me to move on saying it’s the best for us both for now but I can’t seem to accept that. I don’t know how to bring him back to me and make him see how happy he was with me. He seems to be very confused about whatever he’s doing. Please help me figure this situation out.

    1. Pals

      May 17, 2017 at 1:39 pm

      So I have initiated the no contact rule. It’s been almost one and a half weeks since we spoke. I don’t know if it’s even having any effect on him. I just don’t want everything to end for good, or him to move on completely. Maybe it’s his ego that’s making him not talk to me. I really am confused as to what to do.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2017 at 7:52 pm

      check this one:
      The Ungettable Girl

    3. Pals

      May 14, 2017 at 7:20 am

      Will the no contact rule have an effect on him?! Or is there any other way this can be worked out ?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 14, 2017 at 4:48 pm

      the no contact rule helps to increase your chances because he already made a decision, which is to break up with you.. continue to talk after that will either make you friendzone or you will look like chasing which both decreases your value because you look you don’t respect yourself enough to walk away when somebody chose to leave you.. when you do no contact, focus in healing and improving before slowly building up rapport again while you continue to improve yourself

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 13, 2017 at 3:47 pm

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

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