Exactly How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Mary Jane

November 28, 2015 at 4:35 pm

I have managed to do NC for 24 days and decided to reach out to him first because our breakup was similar to the criteria falling under 21 days of NC.

Anyway, I sent him an FB chat first and he replied postivitely. I followed your advice to send 2 messages each for the first 2 days. On the 3rd day, I didn’t send any. But on the 4th day, it seems like I screwed up. Although I sent him a funny text and he replied positively (he said ‘haha yes’ for a funny meme I sent). Then on the later part of the day, I sent him my photo wearing a cool outfit for a party I was going to attend that night. Again, he liked my outfit and kinda flirted with me. So I replied again, similar to a memory text. He didn’t reply. Then that night I sent him a new photo again, a photo of me in the party. Still no reply. Then I sent another one after 2 hours, a last message about a girl friend of mine I was with in the party. He has not read it at all but I know he was online.

Why is he ignoring my messages again? Did I screw it up? What should I do next? Please help! Thanks!

Michelle

November 25, 2015 at 2:06 am

My boyfriend and I dated for 4 months. The first month and a half was a dream…he was everything I could ever have asked for. I fell in love with him immediately. I noticed he was starting to distance himself from me after about 2 months. He had a very hectic schedule beginning around the 1.5 month mark. Once his schedule slowed down he broke it off with me. I saw it coming and tried to stop it but could not. Looking back on things, I know I was too clingy. Once I figured out I was in love with him, I couldn’t get enough of him. I tried too hard. Our break up was not ugly; in fact he was too nice. He took all the blame but I know it was mostly my fault. I would not say he is “angry”….”stubborn” maybe. We are still friends on social media. I’ve not restricted his access to see my posts at all. I’ve read your articles on making your ex miss you. I’ve been going to the gym. I’ve lost 12 lbs. I’m posting stuff on FB for him to see…

It’s been two and a half weeks since we broke up. I did NC for 10 days but broke it to tell him happy birthday (actually did that on the advice of a friend…hadn’t seen your article). We’ve talked a few times since then but now I feel like we are back to where we were the day we broke up. Today is going to be my new day one for NC. Any pointers for me?

Auria

November 22, 2015 at 2:26 am

Hey Chris,
Please help me! My boyfriend and I were together for about 6 months then I broke up with him. Then we got back together for a month. Then out of nowhere hs dumped me today. He did it over email which doesn’t bother me, but like 3 secs later he starts talking to me like we’re all normal again. I told him to give me some time and leave me alone, but he keep talking to me. So then I was like LEAVE ME ALONE! But he tod me he still wanted to be friends, and I told him to give me some space. I still rely like him , and I want him back I’ve tried all of your methods and I’m not getting anything.

Maria CL

November 19, 2015 at 11:38 pm

Hi Chris,

I am so glad that I came across your website and articles. They have definitely enlightened me so much!

I broke up with me ex 16 days ago (11/2). Unfortunately, I did it over text because he was so busy with his work that we had not seen each other in a week. It was weighing heavily on me so I felt like I had to do it. I told him his actions hurt me and I couldn’t stick around anymore. We recently only saw each other every couple of weeks and he had been seeing each other for almost 6 months. I felt like at this point, our relationship should be growing but it seemed like it was fading. He told me that it hurt him that he was hurting me and that he totally understood and didn’t want to be selfish.

I made contact with him a couple of days later, inviting him to a museum because I had originally wanted to take him there for his birthday (which was 11/9). He told me that it was best to stick to what I said because he heard me loud and clear and didn’t want me to feel shitty anymore. I felt stupid but I said I understood and left it at that. On his birthday, I sent him a funny and sweet birthday text, in which he replied “LOL, thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!” I didn’t respond to his text.

One of the things I didn’t like (and told him) was that he was giving more attention to other women on social media instead of me. He’s a musician/artist, and I understood that he would like pics, in order to keep a fan base and make it look like he was accessible to his fans. But he hadn’t liked any of my pics in weeks. It didn’t bother me until the dynamics started changing and it took him over a day to text me back and I would see him like some other woman’s picture that time period. Anyways, yesterday (10 days after the birthday text) he likes one of my IG pics (that I posted a week prior) and additonally makes a cute comment on one of my Snaps. I haven’t responded back to him, keeping strong on the NC rule. He said he wanted to respect my breakup but he’s making subtle contact with me. It’s confusing. What should I do?

Anne

November 19, 2015 at 2:26 pm

Hi Chris,

I stumbled across your site a few days after my break up. Reading your posts has kept me sane 😀 so thank you!

(I apologise for the length of this post)

My boyfriend and I had been together for 6 months after meeting online. We are both very different, which was what initially attracted us to one another. Towards the end of our relationship things got a little strained, and we didn’t see eachother as much as usual (due to illness and College on my part and work and College on his).

I instigated our ‘break up conversation’ unintentionally by phone, in the hopes of having an honest conversation about problems in our relationship. But he responded very negatively saying ‘We’re so different, we have different personalities and we don’t share any of the same interests… it’s all getting a little routine.’ He said some rather hurtful things to me, such as ‘your endless prattle is exhausting, you take no interest in my interests and I can’t talk to you about them’ which I’m not sure he even realised would upset me, I got annoyed suggesting we cut all contact. He suggested a break to see how we would feel in a couple of weeks. I refused.

I collected my things from his house the following day, expecting to be there 5 minutes, but he invited me in for a coffee and he acted so normal, the whole thing was bizarre. We ended up having a very normal conversation for 20 minutes. Before I left I explained that the things he had said on the phone were hurtful and that if he had felt unhappy he should have spoken up earlier. He responded with ‘I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, I was being a decent guy and waiting to see if you’d change.’ I left pretty quickly.

Since that conversation 3 weeks ago I have not spoken to him except to say thank you, when he texted me Happy Birthday. I know he is back online but I don’t know if he is actively dating again.

Ultimately I would like him back, I think we were good together and provided each other with the ying and yang we both needed. He encouraged me to be more outgoing and I encouraged him to have more fun. I’m not sure how to proceed from here. I have drafted up a text highlighting one of our fun memories together but I do not know how to go about keeping a conversation going once he has responded (which he will as he is a ‘decent’ guy). How do I show him that our differences are what makes us strong, and that neither one of us needs to change for us to work?

Thank you.
Anne.

Yashna

November 18, 2015 at 9:55 am

Hello Chris. Does the No Contact rule works? Am afraid if I do this and I lose him.
I’ve mailed you.
Help!!!!!!!!

Stella-Justine Chalifour

November 17, 2015 at 9:51 pm

Hey Chris, I was wondering if you could help me to get my (ex)boyfriend back. We broke up because of a big fight we had because he misunderstood something I said about him. Now he keeps telling me that he needs time decide if he wants to be with me or not because it’s not the first time that this situation happens. I miss him a lot and he meant everything to me and now he keeps flirting me or being upset about me when we talk. I’m tired of acting like nothing happened and he keeps telling me that he hates seeing me sad but that he needs time. I really want him back… how could I do that ?

JL

November 16, 2015 at 3:14 am

Hi Chris! I searched your guides and I couldn’t figure out the answer to this question.

Some background info: we dated for 6 months, broke up because of small fights but ended relatively smoothly.

Question:
I did the no contact rule for 30 days successfully from the day we broke up and contacted him after. I didn’t hear from him in no contact at all. Total I sent 3 and he sent me 8 throughout the short convo. Great, except the problem is that he was trying to get me to hook up with him (His logic was me contacting him again = assuming I sexually wanted him.) So I stopped responding and neither of us have tried to contact each other since (5 days ago). Were friends on all social media still and I always see him out with girls. What do I do now?

Martha

November 13, 2015 at 10:05 pm

Hi Chris,
I haven’t purchased your book yet but I do plan too. I broke up with my boyfriend and we were together for 10 years. I went so far as to emailing him silly and mean things; even sent him a facebook IM saying some horrible things that I regret saying. He did block me on facebook but he’s still friends with one of my siblings. After finding your article and reading it, now the NC rule is in place. My question to you is, do you think there’s a chance of getting my ex back? In the meantime, I’m working on myself and in the gym.
HELP!!!

sharon

November 10, 2015 at 5:51 am

my boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me a few days ago. It has been a very fast and intense relationship, but up until this week I thought we were on the same page. He is slightly Bipolar and it going through a stressful time. He has said that he wants space but still wants to see me. He no longer wants to be ‘in a relationship’ but still wants to see me and act like we are in one. He said he needs a few months of being single but he still loves me and wants to be in a relationship with me. We constantly talk about marriage and kids and our future together. We have been arguing rather a lot recently because he lives with his ex girlfriend and constantly messages other girls all day. It has been making me insecure which has caused arguments. How can i fix this? He is the love of my life and I don’t want to lose him! I know we are meant for each other! So how can I make him see that he should be with me?

Thank you,
Sharon

Charlene

November 9, 2015 at 12:00 pm

Chris I need you. You see I was in a crazy marriage and I met my savior from it at work a year ago. We dated in the weekend and eventually my husband found out moved in with his mom and new boyfriend moved in. This was January 2015. Everything was going essentially well and then our honeymoon phase ended and we started fighting and arguing about everything. He said he was taking a break two weeks ago and left me. Then Friday he asked me to come to his house. I’m thinking we are going to work it out. Unfortunately during our break i was broken and called and messages him repeatedly which is probably he main reason why he ended our relationship Friday. Since then I have only texted him a couple times just that I miss him and I apologized for not making him happy then I told him karmas a u know what. I’m emotionally everywhere. I keep crying I’m not eating I broke out from stress. Please help me.

Katie

November 8, 2015 at 3:24 pm

Hey Chris,

I’ve been reading your posts to help me come up with an answer on whether to contact my ex.

We broke up a couple of years ago but got back together a couple of months after.

He broke up with my in June again but he kept messaging me every day, with him initiating first each time. He even wanted to meet up at one point AFTER he dumped me.

I kept pushing him, trying to get him to come back which I regret for pushing him away even more.

Just over a month ago he told me he didn’t love me anymore and never wanted to talk to me again, even though a week or so before that he was wanting to meet up. He still has pictures on Facebook of us and he hasn’t removed me from Facebook or anything else.

I really miss him and so badly want to message him.

Please help me.

Katie.

Charlotte

November 8, 2015 at 10:22 am

Hey Chris
So I recently broke up with my ex after he has been caught out cheating via social media multiple times but I didn’t actually want to break up. He is the one carrying on the end of the relationship so essentially he’s broken up with me… I’m currently 2 weeks into the NC. The problem is that he is currently away on a tour (he’s in the army). All of his stuff is still at my house and he’s planning on collecting it when he’s back in the country and he said we can “talk” then. I don’t think he’s interested in getting back together and I’m trying to become the ungetable girl ! Not sure how I should act when he comes to mine to collect his things or even what to say !!!

A

November 7, 2015 at 9:46 pm

Hi Chris,
I had been dating a guy I met online for the past 5 weeks and it was going phenomenally well – we clicked on all levels and we both made it clear from the beginning that we were in it for the long run. He revealed A LOT about his life to me. Maybe too much. He told me he had an exceptionally bad childhood and was a troubled child, I think due to his parents. We met up for the first time in real life 2 weeks ago and we had an amazing time. I met his family (dad and new wife and their kids) and I stayed over. We continued talking every single day afterwards and I was a day away from visiting him again and we were completely and utterly excited to see each other again. But suddenly he received some bad news about his mother (not health related but something else serious) and said he had to cancel my visit so he could go and visit her and said sorry and that he’ll make it up to me. Two days pass and I hear nothing so on the third day I send him my love and hope things are going ok but I only got a short message back saying he was trying to sort stuff out and couldn’t be bothered with the whole situation. I haven’t heard from him since despite my very understanding messages of support to him. He has ignored me for 9 days even though he said he would never ignore me. I sent a final message a couple of days ago telling him this wasn’t right and that I support his decision but can’t wait around for someone who isn’t sure and told him to take care. I started No Contact 3 days ago. I’m not sure whether he is truly genuinely going through a terrible time and can’t talk to me about it and has shut me out unintentionally or if this was an excuse to end things abruptly? It has been hurting every single day but the last message I left him was graceful and not needy. I don’t know whether to forget about him completely or try to reach out to him in 30 or 60 days time when maybe the situation is better?

Dee

November 7, 2015 at 8:16 am

Hi Chris,
I just wanted to say your articles helped me sooooooo much! I’m a young looking, 42 year old woman who recently had a mutual break up with my handsome 33 year old boyfriend. We were dating for 5 years, living together for 4 in my place. He’s an introvert, I’m an extrovert. I went out to a nightclub, got tipsy, he thinks he saw me flirting with a man, but it was a group of friends. I wasn’t flirting, but he’s little jealous so we argued, and broke up. I’m on my 3rd week of no contact, since I have plenty of friends, family and have been staying with them, while he stays at our apartment, giving him time to move out (as he says, in few weeks.) I posted pictures of me online, having fun, going out, and I feel free! No jealous arguments holding me back. I did “peek” at his facebook, lol, but have not called, emailed or texted, I even call blocked him. I didn’t cheat or flirt, I really did love him, but I will continue my no contact another week. Do you think that’s enough time, since we were together 5 years? He kind of broke up with me first, then I was angry because he called me a cheating flirt, so I agreed to the break up. Thanks for your great advice!! So nice to hear a guys point of view 🙂

Janna

November 7, 2015 at 1:13 am

Hi Chris,
How do these rules work if it’s a “break?” I just want to make sure my boyfriend (of one year) comes back to me afterwards. He said he needed space to think about things and that the initial spark he felt with me was gone. I’ve been following the no-contact rule and am 10 days in, but he said when the break was decided that it would be okay if we showed up to the same events since we have a lot of mutual friends. Should I do the texting step first or should I show up to one of our friends’ events after the month is up?

Washab

November 5, 2015 at 5:28 pm

i am talking to my ex after a long time and we are like neutral i just want her back completely however i do not understand why she does not text me before i do.

Jenny

November 4, 2015 at 5:31 pm

Hi Chris

I broke up with a guy (early sept) and want to get him back. before i went away on holiday i text him saying i missed him (silly) but heard nothing. Now the reason why we broke up was because we were in a fwb situation (I was happy with that fior a while due to my lifestyle at the time) and then i couldn’t do it anymore, and he basically said he can’t at the moment (because of his life – that’s sort of why it worked) but could in a few months maybe but would leave it up to me.Then 10 days or so ago out of the blue he messages me and says hello and wants to see me in “that” way on a friday night, which ends up not happening. Fast forward to last week; we bump into each other and i’m on a date and he is on a date. he texts me instantly as soon as he leaves and that whole week asking how far i’d got with the guy. Long story short, when i ask him why he is asking all of these questions about this guy he says “hehe, interested, nosy. i dont know. I think im jealous. not sure”. so i reply ” not sure. i see.” and I haven’t heard anything from him since. I don’t know what I should do now. it has been 4 days. Do I text again with the steps above? I am typically the “UG” that you speak about and I think i need to play hard to get with this one, but also not sure how hard is too hard if you see my point! please help x

MILILI

October 28, 2015 at 2:53 pm

Hi Chris, I have broke up with my ex boyfriend (after 6months dating) this July on our holiday. he was cheating on me. He said he wanted to tell me and break up with me. I did not know what to do then, I am just now finding your program. Now he is whit this girl and is going so hot and heavy-meeting friends and sisters, but I still find him in dating sites. I want him back, I have not contacted him for this months, he only few times liked some pic on on my FB. He wants a child and a family, I think we both were a bit insecure if I love him or he love me. Please help me to get him back. I am absolutely desperate. What can I write to him? I was thinking just something like a good buy note: that I appreciate the time together and i remember our good moments, and i wish him all good.
Please please please,

Amanda

October 26, 2015 at 11:52 pm

I was wondering if it is always necessary to do no contact and if no contact has to be immediately after the breakup. I have read so many different things about this. I have stayed friends with my ex the whole time we have been broken up (6 months), we have always talked but spent a little more than a month in different states so did not see each other. I still love him and want him back, I am trying to control my emotions around him, he is now seeing another woman which is making it a little harder. Is it ok to stay friends or do you think the one month no contact will have him seeing what he is missing? I read that it is great he still wants to be friends cause that means he wants me in his life, but I don’t want to stay at just friends.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

2,741 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”