Exactly How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

2,741 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”

ML

December 29, 2015 at 6:13 pm

Hey Chris!
This is kind of messy, but I’ve been friends with a coworker (let’s call him Joe) for a couple years. Joe always had a GF and I always had a BF in that time. My ex and I broke up earlier this year and I was dreading going to a wedding that the ex was going to be attending. I ran into Joe at a work event, we went out for drinks after, I made some comment about how he’d be a fun date, and he basically offered to go with me (he and his ex broke up earlier this year, as well). We then ended up hooking up that night. We work on different projects so we don’t see each other at work all the time, so I wasn’t too worried about the coworker aspect, but I was concerned about the hooking up and then going to a wedding. Anyway, we started going on dates and texting and all that. We went to the wedding and it was a great time. After about 3.5 months of dating, Joe started being distant. I reacted by also being a little distant until one drunk day (thank you, Santa Con) I called him about hanging out, and he said he needed to take a nap but would meet up later so to call him later. I called him later and he ignored my call, and when I called again even later he had a girl pick up the phone and pretend I had the wrong number. I hung up, sent a text telling him that was a “not nice” move. He apologized. I said “F*** you”. The next day he texted and apologized again. I haven’t spoken to him since the FU text (17 days), but I’ve had contact twice in that time. Once was a work email intended for someone with the same name that auto-filled in to his email, and that same day I met up with a different male coworker at a bar and Joe was there. Joe saw this male coworker try to kiss me, which I dodged, but this coworker also gave me a ride home so Joe saw us leave together. Is there any hope in this situation? And should I start the NC from the night at the bar? What do I do from here?
Fran

December 29, 2015 at 10:26 am

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend and I split up nearly 2 months ago, after nearly a month of begging and pleading with him he shut me out completely and went really cold. He clearly had been thinking about breaking up for months before but it came out of the blue to me.
He eventually came for all his stuff nearly 3 weeks ago, we chatted and I agreed with him we both needed space he sId it wasn’t personal just that he couldn’t see a future with us. I said we needed to let the dust settle and perhaps catch up in the new year, he agreed that everything said and done he loved me and maybe in time we could be friends. I didn’t contact him then, even over Christmas.
I had to text asking if I could use something he had left behind I didn’t mention the break up just a quick would it be ok, he sent one back saying yes and I replied thanks.
That was a week ago, today I texted him asking if we could meet so I could get my key back, again I mentioned nothing about the break up just asking for my key.
What do I do now? He is really stubborn and we had been together nearly 4 years but how can I show him i don’t want to go back just forward together? I’m really rather stuck.

Thanks fran

Chris Seiter

January 16, 2016 at 11:04 pm

I think the first thing someone in your situation should always do is self improvement. I know it sounds cliche but it’s the truth. Right now we might have to wait a while so your ex is in the right frame of mind to be accepting of you so while we are waiting why not become the best version of yourself?

Lynn

December 27, 2015 at 10:46 pm

Hi Chris,

I did NC which was easy since he didn’t contact me… De friended him on FB and went out and did fun things. I sent him a quick text asking something about preparing steak (he loves cooking and would always reach me) and he answered right back. But has not opened up conversation. Now what???

Lynn

December 28, 2015 at 7:29 pm

He texted me! Opened up conversation and called me by my pet name. Told me he misses me. I played it chill. Mirrored his texts and cut off the conversation by saying I was going to bed. NOW WHAT??? To early for excitement? Help!

Sara

December 19, 2015 at 4:44 pm

Sorry but could you explain more in detail about the jealousy text?
hawraa

December 18, 2015 at 6:15 am

hi Chris ,
ive been on NC for 1 month he didnt contact me at all but now he did he sent me a pic of a girl and a guy and he tagged it ” with the best ❤ ” i didnt reply because o didnt know how to !! it has been 3 days since the text what shall i do now
Lauren

December 17, 2015 at 2:46 am

Hi, Chris! I read through this page and purchased The Texting Bible, but I have one general question —
What can I do to increase response time in the messages between my Ex and I? After I broke NC (incidentally, before I bought your copy of The Texting Bible), I was getting responses within two minutes of sending my own messages! Then, that night, HE texted me first? Granted, I broke NC over the weekend (4 days ago) so it might just be business on his part. Now hes messages come in response every two hours or so. But, I think they’re pretty positive responses.

Is that necessarily a bad thing if he is not responding within 10 minutes? Should I match his response times?
Please advise, and thanks for all the great info!
Natali

December 16, 2015 at 7:38 pm

Hi Chris,

Bit of background: 4 year relationship, we were each others first for everything, mad love, talks of marriage, and a lot of breakups in the past with him ALWAYS running back almost immediately and fessing up to his feelings. We are trying to work things out. Note: this current breakup was not anyone’s fault of cheating. He just did something I did not find fair and I freaked out mega-big.
Break up was 2.5 weeks ago. 1 week ago he called me 3 times in a row, first time after a week and a half… I was very surprised… its never been this long for him to reach out… usually 24-72 hours max. I did not respond. 2 days after that (Saturday) I wake up to a note stuck on my car windshield. From him… a note… seriously… we live a 30 min drive apart. Said he loved me as a person but he is doing this break up for “career” purposes… ok.. not even a month ago he was talking of getting engaged before this summer. BTW- we always talk of marriage and children, we are very serious, our parents know it and are involved. Very family oriented relationship. In the note he said he will “check up” on me in 3 months…. What? Lol. Ok anyways I felt as if my heart strings were pulled and it was not fair.. had a taste of memories. Decided to pull on his strings and sent him a long email right after I saw the note. Saying I was ok with it, that I had true intentions, and that I was very happy and souls searching the world. I told him I hope hes happy, etc. nothing crazy… I know his heart. 2 hours later he called me thrice. Didn’t answer. 2 hours after that again called me 4 times. Didn’t answer. Called again a few times and then again constantly around 9pm when I went to a girls xmas party for drinks… I was drinking.. and answered the call… he seemed calm and started asking me how if elt, how my family is, how do I feel after all this, etc. and started asking me as in reassuring himself about this guy I used to see years ago.. about whether not I hooked up with him, blah blah.. like what??? Why now??? I got upset and he got upset since I said I was not wanting to talk to him. We hung up at the same time, and he called back twice after, I didn’t answer. Its now been almost 4 days and he hasn’t called/ we haven’t spoken. Continuing NC…. Christmas is coming soon… what is on his mind> why the stupid note on the car and crazy calls?

PS- I have his FB password, etc. he knows it. We aren’t very active on social media. He isn’t being showy on social media at all, not posting anything. I know he searched me up on facebook a few times to see if I have any activity… creepy I know but I am NC. Want to know if he is interested in me as much as I know he has a stupid fake reality wall set up.
Alexis

December 12, 2015 at 3:07 am

Hey Chris.
So in the month of October, my ex boyfriend, Hunter, and I started dating. After about a month and a couple of days he broke up with me. I haven’t talked to him for one month. But he never texted me…….. 🙁 And now it’s December. On Thursday 10, 2015 at 4:15 I saw him at my school cause he’s on the North Butler basketball team in Iowa. I go to Nashua-Plainfield in Iowa. North Butler and Nashua-Plainfield were going against each other. I’m a cheerleader. It’s how I saw him. 🙂 Every time even when he was on the court playing he looked at me and I looked back and him. He barely even watched the game. He kept looking at me when I cheered. Whenever Nashua scored a point, I had to go over by North Butler and do a jump. And Hunter was right there when I did my jump. I did my jump. He looked at me, smiled, and said, “That was amazing! You still have my number right?” I shook my head yes with a smile and he said, “Text me?” I shook my head yes again. Every time I did a jump he said it was amazing or great or outstanding! Bad thing is.. HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. After the game I went up to him and said, “Good job!! You’re really great at basketball!!” He smiled grabbed my arm and pulled me by a drinking fountain asking, “Thanks. You did amazing cheering. And also. Do you still like me?” I said yes and all he did was go “Oh” and walked away to the locker rooms. HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND! I can’t get over that. Does he still like me though? We go to different schools and my dad teaches some of his classes. And next year I’m going to North Butler where Hunter (my ex) goes.
lost in love socal

December 12, 2015 at 2:18 am

Hi Chris,
I been dating a guy for 2 months. We been arguing a lot because I want more but he is not of the same level when it comes to feelings, but we still see each other. Last week he suggested we take a month break after I had a breakdown. I don’t understand how can we be on a break when nothing ever started in the first place. Non relationship. This happen about a week ago, but in between, I wanted to see him the day after he suggested the break and he said no we’re suppse to be on a break, then he gave in but I changed my mind. 2 days later we texted a little about random stuff with one phone call. I initiates both text and call. He acts like nothing happen, so did I. It was more like we were happy to hear eachothers voice.should I do the no contact? If I do, aftrr 30 days, do I initiate? Please help. Thank you Chris!
Margaret

December 9, 2015 at 6:42 am

Hey Chris, my boyfriend broke up with me after 6 months of dating. We talked all day, everyday. He told me the reason he broke up with me was because he can’t see himself spending the rest of his life with me. We broke up end of November and we have talked a few days since then. He asked me if I’ve been with someone else and I couldn’t lie to him. I told him I slept with somebody because I was very emotional and I chose the wrong way to try and get over him. He told me “I’m crushed, my heart hurts.” The day after he broke up with me he told me he still has a lot of feelings for me, but that was before I told him I slept with someone. Is there any chance of me getting him back? Will the no contact trick work for me at this point?
Devan

December 8, 2015 at 10:59 pm

Dear Chris
My boyfriend just broke up with me.It was sudden and very unexpected. We had our fights but nothing ever to serious. When he broke up with me I couldn’t believe it. I was compleatly crushed. I can honestly say he was the first guy I ever loved. I had never felt this way about any guy ever before. It was a long distance relationship but he came and visited and I was happy. After the breakup he told me he still wanted to be friends so I continued to text him on a daily basis. He didn’t seemed interested while texting me and often took a long time to respond. So now I’m trying to do the no contact rule but I feel like he’s already moving on and someone told me he already has a new girl friend. What should I do?

Aizah

February 11, 2016 at 2:44 am

I am experiencing the same as you are, although the my ex hasn’t had a girlfriend yet. He told me he wanted to be my best friend, which I agreed to as I still want him in my life, but he consistently ignores me or is cold towards me. Inope things workout for you x

Naomi

December 8, 2015 at 10:52 am

Hi Chris,

Hope you may help me with this.

Me and my boyfriend broke up couple of months ago, reason being, he found someone interesting on the matrimonial site and now they have plans of getting married. This thought is been killing me and thinking how could this man do this. we have been seeing eachother for more than 3 years. i did try the no contact rule but no signs from his side.

help me please!
emotionallyconfused

December 8, 2015 at 9:09 am

Hey Chris,
I did NC with my ex, wished him a happy birthday since it was around the end of the 45 days, he said thank you asked how I’d been and mentioned he was coming home for break soon. A few days into his break I sent him a text, something about getting a drink at the place he used to work and they still have his photo up and it reminded me of him, he responded we chatted a bit and after talking for a while I said “hey maybe we could get together some time before you head back to school.” (he doesn’t go to school more than 45 minutes away just for reference.) He says “yeah I was thinking the same thing when are you free?” I told him I was just heading out so it couldn’t be today and it would be better after Thanksgiving but I’d let him know. That Saturday I said I was available and he didn’t respond right away, but texted me back a few hours later apologizing profusely for having fallen asleep saying how it wasn’t ok to keep me waiting. I said it’s not a big deal but I was about to head home soon so if he still wanted to talk it would have to be soon. He then sort of broke down over text saying how he’s been in such a bad place lately and he’s really stressed out and he wants to see me but doesn’t want me to see him like that. I said if he wasn’t comfortable then I understood and we could meet up another time and left it at that. I was talking to a close friend and she seemed to think he was lying and was making up excuses not to talk to me. It didn’t feel that way to me but I’m not sure. Now I can’t tell if I think he actually wants to be around me and talk/meet up or not. What do you think?
JustaLonelyGirl

December 7, 2015 at 1:48 am

Hey Chris,
Please help me out here! So, I successfully completed the NC period, and tried 3 different times to get a positive response from my ex boyfriend, and finally did the third try. The problem is, I’m having the hardest time thinking of things to say to him now that I’ve gotten the first positive response. I’ve never been the really outgoing, chatty type, so I’m really struggling here. Again, please help, I’m desperate, I don’t want to give up and I miss him terribly! Any advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated!

JustaLonelyGirl

December 8, 2015 at 5:19 am

Well the first text was the “I have a confession to make” he replied shortly after,”Ok, what is it?” I then replied an hour later with, “I was watching tv the other day and came across Psych, and it reminded me of how much we used to enjoy watching it together”. No reply. I wait another week, and say something like “So I was out shopping and saw someone that looked like you!” Still, no reply. Then the third text…(side note: both he and I were attending a convention at the time, not together btw, we have mutual friends that were there, but he purposely avoided me) and this text was after btw, I say something like “I’m ok with everything, I don’t want any bad feelings between us. Hope life is going well, doing good myself” he finally replies with “there’s no hard feelings here, I wasn’t sure if things would be awkward, so I kept my distance”. I kind of considered that a good response since he actually opened up to me like that. So I don’t know what I should say now, I’ve always had a hard time making conversation with people, and he’s just the kind of person that doesn’t always respond to stuff
Chris Seiter

December 7, 2015 at 3:47 pm

What were your text messages exactly?

Erin

December 7, 2015 at 1:36 am

Hi Chris, My ex and I were together for 2 years and it’s now been about 4 months since we’e broken up. We go to the same college so I see him all the time and it really is painful. He broke up with me because he said that his feelings for me just weren’t what they used to be and he couldn’t see us making it work. I felt betrayed because he didn’t give us the chance to try and work it out. Since our breakup happened, we hooked up once about 3 months ago. That was not a good idea because it only gave me false hope for getting back together. After that, I did the no contact rule until he texted me a few weeks ago. He said that he just wanted to say hi and see how I was doing. That confused me even more, especially since at that point I was starting to be happy again. Now we are trying to be friends. I still love him very much and I do want to be with him still, but I don’t know what he wants besides friendship at this point. Where do I go from here, and how do I go about getting him back?
Lisa

December 6, 2015 at 3:24 pm

Chris, please help me. I was sending to him text message after 60 days NC, but I received very neutral response with so many hours late. That’s kill me and conversation I think is not work. What if he at NC too, do you think he want to make me nervous?

Chris Seiter

December 7, 2015 at 4:02 pm

60 days NC is too long.

rochelle

December 2, 2015 at 6:06 am

Hi Chris, my boyfriend broke up with me 8 months ago. i tried asking him why and he’d say that he doesn’t wanna be in a relationship and stuff like that. We used to love each other alot and i have no idea what got into him suddenly.. he started acting weird around april and broke up with me in may …things got back to normal in june but in july we were done for good. idk why , he never really gave me a reason. Well, a few times he has told me that ive “changed” n thats why maybe he lost interest. I tried so much to get over him but i just can’t. I’m miserable. Please help me Chris. How do i get him to like me back? Is it too late? Has he moved on??? Please help me Chris , please. Idk what to do anymore….
M

November 30, 2015 at 8:32 pm

Hey Chris- I am hoping you will be able to give me some advice. I feel pretty weak and slightly stupid. Texting my ex after N/C was going great. I was extremely hopeful. I followed your rules in both manuals. I was spacing out the days of the texting a little more because I was worried I would seem desperate. I have never been a texting gnat before and the amount of texting him first made me nervous. He was extremely responsive. Asking questions, asking me to send him pictures of the things I was doing throughout the day, sending smilelys. Then I sent him a text for thanksgiving…he responded and there was a lot of lag time in between text message. I know it was a holiday so I tried not to be worried. But then when I answered his last text and followed up with another question he never responded. I waited a day and then shot him a “first contact text” about food…a small happy memory we had once at a restaurant that I ate at that night. He never responded. So I feel sort of like I shouldn’t text him again? Maybe I should take a hint? I don’t want to give up but I also don’t want to look desperate. I thought it was really odd because slowly but surly our texting was going so well! Now I am a bit confused on how I should handle this.
kate

November 29, 2015 at 8:32 pm

Hi Chris
I started dating this guy about 2 months ago and i was very happy.
Then the ex came back and refused to leave his house and since they were broken up for too months he says that he still has feelings for her. We share a cirle of friends and so its hard apply the no contact rule.
Now can i still get him back without using the no contact rule? please help

Sean Higgins

December 7, 2015 at 7:44 am

I don’t know if Chris studied Military Psychology. That’s right! 21 days. 21 days of continuous battle, and generally a soldier becomes ineffective. By 30 days, the are psychologically useless. The same applies in the conflict of such relationships. Withdrawing from the relationship, even when fighting, not only takes away the bad aspects of it, but the majority of it which was good. Yes, so then they are relieved of the bad part, and realizing the good when they don’t have it anymore. That’s a lot of stress, and in a minimum of 21 days, they become psychologically softer to you. Chris, you are Brilliant!
Chris Seiter

December 7, 2015 at 3:39 pm

Very interesting Sean. Do you have an book or place I can read about that study. I think this would be perfect to talk about.
Chris Seiter

December 2, 2015 at 12:40 am

No you will have to use the no contact rule. Let him realize he lost you. You can do it for the shortest amount of time though. 21 days. Do not talk to your circle of friends about him.

kate

November 29, 2015 at 4:23 pm

Hi Chris
I started dating this guy about 2 months ago and it was great but then everything went wrong when his ex came to his house one week ago and refused to leave. Their break up was still fresh and so he still have feelings for her. He asked me to try and move on but says he just need a time out from me and the ex. Now how do i make sure he chooses me in the end ?
we are friends and we share a circle of friends so i dont think i can do the no contact rule. I love him so much and i want him back so bad
Please help

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2,741 thoughts on “How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Back”