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Beth
February 2, 2016 at 12:32 am
My ex broke up with me 3 months ago. i did nc for about 6 weeks and didn’t message him on his birthday. it got to christmas and i was missing him like crazy and text him merry christmas and he said “merry christmas to you too”. i didn’t go further with the convo as he didn’t say how are you or anything. then it got to new years and i felt worse and waited all day for him to message but he didn’t so i text saying happy new year. he said the same back to me and i tried making conversation as i had watched his snapchat the night before and said “thanks, looked like you had fun yesterday :)” he never replied. the message doesn’t even show as read. i have been so down since. then a couple of weeks ago he started looking at my snapchats which he hadn’t done since november. he also started liking posts that i usually like on Facebook and posted a funny meme that had the caption “when you want to say sorry but you don’t know how”. and then he stopped looking at snapchats again and i know he’s been going on there. i’m trying so hard to not read into it because he should just message me if he wants to talk but he can be so stubborn and proud. i really want to message him and confess how much i still love him but i am so worried that he may not reply or delete on social media. i am about to go travelling alone for a few weeks and i don’t know whether i should just message him before or see if me being away in the sun and on the beach looking hot in bikinis (lol) will have any affect on him. i am also going through a huge career change and there is honestly nothing that can keep my mind occupied for more than 10 seconds, not even planning my trip. all i think about is him and how much i love him. i really don’t know what to do, please help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 12:01 pm
Hi Beth,
Maybe he is having a hard time trying to start out a convo. Maybe he realized it when he saw you message and he posted that because he doesn’t know how to reply. Why not swnd a first contact message but don’t confess ok? Just a casual friendly message. if he doesn’t reply, then make him drool over your vacay pics! haha! 😉
Confused
February 1, 2016 at 4:50 pm
Hey, it seems like I would implement the NC rule, so far it’s been 1 week and I feel an intense need to call him. My ex and I were on and off for a year then we had recently gone back in the end of December. Things were going slow but they were great and one day I found texts on his phone with other girls. To one of them he would tell her he wanted to see her and he was making comments about her “perfect little body.” I confronted him calmly and his response was that I had nothing to be upset about because we weren’t together at that time and he grabbed his phone and deleted the girl’s numbers. Do you think it’s a bad sign of him as a person if he was talking to other girls while we weren’t together? I forgave him but it’s always on my mind. A few weeks after I got upset over something he said and I left his house (I was supposed to sleep over) and he didn’t try to stop me. After I cooled off I called him and he didn’t pick up and ever since then we haven’t spoken. Should I write a text putting my emotions out there? Or should I leave this situation on hold?
Confused
February 8, 2016 at 3:33 pm
My question is, why do guys try so hard to win you over to then just break your heart… I’ll never understand.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2016 at 8:15 am
Because men love a challenge. If they tried hard to get you that means you put up the challenge in the start. But with breaking your heart, that’s a different story.
Confused
February 8, 2016 at 3:16 pm
It had been 2 weeks since the last time we spoke. I ended up calling him and he ignored my call then sent me a text saying to never call him again. He didn’t want to talk to me or hear from me. I feel like if someone saw this from the outside they’ll think I did something terrible to him because of what he said. He truly had no reason to cut me off like that, maybe he’s going though something? Maybe he’s with some one else?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2016 at 8:05 am
Hmm, did you do nc?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 9:55 am
HI Confused,
If he realky texted that only during when you weren’t together, you can let that pass but if he still texts that after you got back together, that’s a different story. How many weeks exactlu have you not spoken to each other? As in when was the last time you texted him?
Very Confused
January 31, 2016 at 9:11 pm
My ex and I had been friends then dated a few months last fall. In december he ended things because he thought I was going to move away, and he said he couldn’t do distance and to just be friends. Anyway, we remained friendly and talked basically every day, then we went on vacation together with my brother (it had been planned before the breakup). I didn’t hook up with him at all, and in fact I got over him and saw him as a friend. Then this past New Years I ended up hooking up with him. We began dating exclusively again for the first few weeks of January, but then out of nowhere he suddenly told me that he felt overwhelmed by his feelings for me and he felt like he couldn’t be in a relationship right now. He told me repeatedly he loves me and that there is nobody else (and I believe him). He said he sees a future with me, but right now he feels like he can’t give me his all and be the best bf for me. I was devastated that he did this to me again so I broke up with him before he had a chance to do it again.
Sorry for the long story, but I tried to remain his friend but its impossible because we both love each other. The other day he tried to kiss me, and said he hasn’t been with any other girls and that he’s so sorry for his behavior and mental state.
So last night I called him and told him I can’t be just his friend and that I think we shouldn’t talk for a while. He was upset by this, but he told me he wants me to do what makes me happy. What should I do now ? I’m sure he expects me to call him today or tomorrow, but I don’t think I should.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 12:21 pm
Hi Very Confused,
It is confusing. Actually, if you want to be back with him, why not have serious talk with him about what you feel and why you’re afraid? Not in a blaming way but in a calm way. Because if you really don’t want to get hurt, then don’t get back with him. Don’t enter in a romantic relationship unless you’re ready to handle disappointments.
I get that you want him to assure you. I think it’s better to communicate with him first.
LM
January 31, 2016 at 6:55 pm
Hi,
So I want my ex back. We dated for about six months and things just kind of ended for no really specific reason. It’s been about 7 months since we broke up. I recently texted him and things went well. The conversation ended and it’s been a few days. I want to message him again but I’m not sure how to start the conversation again.. Any ideas?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 10:02 am
Hi LM,
List the things he loves talkkng about, he’s enthusiasts, hobbies, advocacies, start with those.
Kevin Nacho
January 31, 2016 at 3:02 pm
Well i think the indiference makes the diference ,when you broke out from someone i think you should prove them that you are stronger without them ,and to to contact no phone no facebook nothing .You see if you pray to come back in your life it will say that you are weak and disperate about him or her and it will think you weak .So trust me be indiference dont contact him or her and show that you are hapy and stonger
Me
January 30, 2016 at 3:43 am
I want my ex-boyfriend back but i don’t know if he feels the same way right now we friends (kinda, not really) and i dont wanna make things worst. He cant even look at me and if he does he has to give me look like i did something wrong and laughs…. IDK WHATS FUNNY BOUT THAT!! I just reallllllllly want him back a lot and i wanna tell him but if he doesnt feel the same way OMG plus he hates it when girls ask him out so i cant do that…What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 30, 2016 at 3:18 pm
Hi Me,
Don’t ask him out. Make him want to ask you out. 🙂 But actually, why is he doing that look? I think it’s disrespectful but I don’t know him, so it’s only you who can confirm that. Are you doing NC?
MC
January 29, 2016 at 8:37 pm
Hi,
I was in somewhat of a LDR with a guy I’ve known about 14 years! Friends, to more than friends, to… long distance friends, which was hard because there were always feelings… Long story short-ish, we reconnected last spring and had an amazing, passionate 5-6 months where we would talk/text daily, intimately, deeply… It was incredible. Out of the blue, he decided to pursue someone else. (also long distance). He assured me that we would not go back to “never speaking,” as it had been before we “reconnected,” because we’d become too loving and important to each other. It’s like, he wanted a fling, or something… This was early December. he contacted me on Christmas and I did not respond. Still in shock… Have not reached out until yesterday (it’s been almost 60 days NC, minus his attempt to contact me). The reason I reached out – via text – to a) bring up a memory that I knew he’d love and b) ask how things were going was because I discovered he’d lately made an online dating profile. What!? Now, I didn’t expect him to crawl right back to me after the other girl “didn’t work out,” we weren’t in a defined relationship or anything, just acted like it, I guess… :/ My mistake for not having that conversation…
His dating profile specifies he’s looking for a life mate. It sounds so unlike him – previously being so non-commital, all over the place, you know?
I knew that was my sign to finally say something. So I sent the text. The memorable one… the sweet one… and I haven’t had any response, nearly 24 hours later. I don’t know if he’s blocked me, intends to ignore me for whatever reason, is ashamed, embarrassed, or what… After all of the years we’ve known each other, I find it hard to believe he is just done and overwith with his feelings for me.
I’m sorry if my post is all over the place – I’m just a wreck over it. I’ve never loved a person so deeply, and our history – since we were teens in college – makes this one particularly heartwrenching.
Thoughts on how to proceed if I don’t hear back? Phone call? Letter?
I do have the Ex Bf Pro recovery system and I have read it… just not sure what to do from here.
Thanks.
MC
February 1, 2016 at 2:59 pm
Thank you for that. I agree, but the wait can be the hardest part, no doubt. The unknown is scary… I feel in my heart we will reunite and it will be great, but not without a lot of hard work, trust building, and a fresh start… isn’t that what it’s all about? I don’t want what we had before… I want new!
MC
January 31, 2016 at 4:10 pm
Thank you… I agree with that based on his online profile… very uncharacteristic of him… and what girl wouldn’t want to see a guy who is allegedly “ready to settle down”…
What can I even do? Wait? I don’t want to think that after 14 years of history, we will never even speak again… It breaks my heart.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 7:32 am
Don’t think that you’ll never speak again. Ib think that’s just anxiety. 14 years of friendship can’t be forgotten that easily.
MC
January 30, 2016 at 11:45 pm
Thanks for your response…
Correct, we never “defined” it, but why does is dating profile say he’s looking for someone to spend the rest of his life with, now? After we’d had such conversations during our “sweet” stage… Is this something men do to get girls on dating sites? Does he really just not KNOW what he wants? it’s hard to know what someone else is thinking.
I would like to explore a real relationship with him, yes. I’m not asking him to marry me or anything right now, but I hate that I’ve never had the chance to really be “his girl.” Does that make sense?
As of now, he has not replied to my sweet/memory text or one voicemail I left. I don’t know why he won’t, even if it’s to tell me to get lost – as I’m not really the guilty one here, and I hate pointing fingers… He is the one who left me for another, it didn’t work out, and now he’s looking elsewhere. I don’t know what to think, but I’m trying to be patient and yes, I do want to win him back… if not to see what “we” could really be. I hate the thought of spending my life not knowing.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 31, 2016 at 4:47 am
From your description it looks like he just knows what girls want to see.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 30, 2016 at 1:53 pm
Hi MC,
So, you were good friends and you got to the sweet stage but it was not really confirmed that you’re together right? When you two got a little bit more serious, he wooed another girl and then when they were done, he made a profile to dating website. And you said, he’s not-committal.
You basically know that he’s not really into serious relationships, and you want the sweet moments back because they were happiest times of your life and you’ve been felt like that with anyone else. The question is, if you are going to proceed to reconnecting and building the attraction again, are you prepared that all of that could be temporary again because he’s not ready to commit?
Matilda
January 28, 2016 at 11:37 pm
I dated a guy a year go for about 5 -6 months. He said he was in love with me, and I could feel it was the truth. But he sabotaged our relationship because he was too afraid to be in a relationship with me. He ended up dating this girl shortly afterwards but they broke up quite fast after afterwards. I didn’t see him for about 2 months and when i did we went to the same part, and he was there with the girl he was dating at that time. He was starring at me the whole evening, in the i can’t take my eyes of you way, even though the girlfriend was there. 1-2 motnhs after he was not with the girl anymore and he kept smiling at me everytime we bumped into each other (same school) nd starrign if we were in the same room. Now he liked me on a dating app and i liked him back, because I was curious and I still love him in some way. what could all this mean? he really hurt me and I don’t think he could have developed that much in a year or?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 29, 2016 at 1:12 pm
Hi Matilda,
Are you asking if he likes you? I think so. If you’re asking if you should give it a try again, it’s actually a risk you have to take to know if he really changed.
mimi
January 27, 2016 at 10:22 pm
Hi, some advice PLEASE!
Me and my husband were together for 16 years from when we were 21. We became parents young and had 3 children but the pressures of life took their tolll and we lost our way- his father died, my parents divorced our son got very sick, life was tough. i was unfaithful, he was too and eventually 4 years ago i asked for a separation. No one else was involved but i felt like we needed time apart to grow and learn on our own for a time. He was really angry at the time and even tough it was heartbreaking i felt like i need this time to really find myself away from the role of being mother, wife, home maker. As we have 3 children we still stayed in constant contact and communication and there is still a lot of love between us, we have dated other people but he’s the one i still want to spend time with most and still makes me laugh. I recently found out he was sleeping with some girl casually and it really upset me and made me realise i still have strong feeling for him and i was so jealous and upset even though i know its perfectly normal for him to be doing so after we’ve been separated so long. I pulled back and went into no contact so i could have some time to really figure out if i really want him back or am just being possessive over the father of my children. Its been 30 days now and he has been contacting me the whole time saying he is open to talking when I’m ready and checking in on me and the children. Having taken this time i feel i would like to give our marriage another chance as we are not officially divorced yet and i would love our little family to get back together. I am afraid of being rejected though and worried he just wants to be friends for the sake of the children…so basically my question is how do i play this part now the no contact is over to test if he’s willing to try again and avoid rejection? thank you for any help you can offer
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 28, 2016 at 11:03 am
HI Mimi,
you said that he said he’s open to talking? Did he mean to talk about your relationship? And is you relationship with him now better lately? Apart from the other girl, whenever you talk, has it been positive?
Lena
January 27, 2016 at 8:56 am
We went out for 4 months. His mom died on the 5th month, so he withdraw. I started checking up on him, initiating most of the contact. He lost interest and took me for granted, and stopped telling me he loved me. When I threatened to end it, he proposed as a way to get me back. 3 weeks later, when I went on vacation, he broke up with me via TEXT, telling me I deserve better and that he’s doing it for my own good.
It’s been 6 months. Should I text him to check up on him?
Lena
January 28, 2016 at 7:00 am
He was very depressed; he loved his mother so very much. I secretly keep tabs on him on Instagram. From the looks of it, he seems alright, but there’s definitely a sadness in his expression that wasn’t there before his mom’s death.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 28, 2016 at 9:45 am
Well then you have to be more understanding. If he’s still depressed, would you still want to be with him? If so, you have to keep in mind his emotional status before you set relationship expectations.
Lena
January 27, 2016 at 8:57 am
I mean it’s been 6 months since the break up. No contact since.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 27, 2016 at 3:18 pm
Hi Lena,
Is he depressed because of it?
SF
January 22, 2016 at 8:18 am
I was dating a co-worker and everything was great, he is extremely shy though and I’m very aggressive. After a few great months he started backing off after saying he liked me, going out, making out, etc. and I made the mistake of over-texting and he never responded. Never anything mean but more like ‘hey lmk if you’re ok, am I bothering you?’ Or I know he’s been having a tough time at work so I’ll say ‘hey I’m not expecting anything from you I’m just here to support you’ I think maybe I was too nice!! Or too serious? I’m trying the NC rule (day 7) but I have to see him at work in which case he’s gone from ignoring me to giving me a forced smile to now making a comment about my shoes (he always loved me in my heels). I’m hoping his reactions mean it’s not hopeless, any thoughts??
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 22, 2016 at 3:02 pm
Hi SF,
Of course it’s not hopeless. Just don’t repeat over texting okay? 🙂 I think it annoyed him..
Lauren
January 21, 2016 at 10:05 pm
My ex fiancé recently up and left 2 weeks ago. I texted a week after he left and said “Your family misses you, come home please. I don’t like fighting.” I have a 4 and 6 year old who think of him as their dad. He didn’t reply, so a few days later I asked if we could talk, he said he didn’t want to talk about anything. I told him we loved him and that the kids have been wanting to see him. I saw him today at his parents house and he said a few words to me. Have I made some big mistakes already? Should I start no contact now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 22, 2016 at 2:42 pm
HI Lauren,
If he’s not engaging, you should start no contact.
Briana
January 21, 2016 at 2:36 am
Hi! I need help! 🙁
Scenario: My ex and I have been on and off for a few months and we finally broke it off 3 months ago. I did all the things you’re not supposed to do after a break up and feel like I pushed him away ( he told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore, that he didn’t want to be with me, etc etc) and so I implemented the NC rule and its been a month. I haven’t heard from him and I’m not sure what to do. Should I contact him? I feel like I lost all power in the relationship and that he’s moved on. I still have some of his belongings. How should I proceed? Please help 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 22, 2016 at 2:44 pm
Hi Briana,
you can try to initiate. Send a test text.
Sita
January 21, 2016 at 2:17 am
Hi Chris,
My ex and i have been dating about 2 years, but recently he lied to me and got married to another girl. He asked me to wait for him, and promised me that he’ll come back in the next six months. Is there any hope that he’s coming back? What should i do then.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 21, 2016 at 12:14 pm
Hi Sita,
He got married?? No you shouldn’t get back with him, even if he does come back.
BMA
January 17, 2016 at 7:48 am
Hello!
The scenario: The Mr and I split almost two months ago now. I successfully implemented the no contact rule for one month almost immediately after he called it off, and I did all sorts of work on myself in the meanwhile. He texted me once (positively) during NC, but I didn’t respond. I’m feeling good about myself and my future regardless of the outcome! Nevertheless, I purchased the Texting Bible, and I have been putting it to good use.
For the first couple of days, he was responding with positive, long and multiple texts before I even responded, and I’ve been making sure to leave on a high note. Yesterday though, his response seemed neutral, so I backed off and figured I would give it a few days. I went to sleep with that plan in my mind, but when I woke up this morning, I saw that he had sent me a text last night. Due to the content of the message, and the fact that we are long distance, I can assure you that it was not a booty call. I responded to him in the morning, but he didn’t reply to that until 10 hours later. We did a back and forth once each, and then I replied one last time (in hopes that he would respond and I would say goodnight), but again, he didn’t respond.
Here are my questions:
1. I have no doubts that he will eventually respond, but I feel like I can’t quite execute/progress with the plan successfully if he leaves such a long time between text messages. Will it still work?
2. Why would he be texting me to start conversation, but then not respond right away afterwards?
3. I have some ideas for Chris to add to the texting bible – is there any way someone could contact me about this rather than going through these comments?
Also, FYI, even when we were together, we were both very bad about text messaging. Once in a while, we’d get a good banter going on, but it mainly took us hours to reply to one another.
BMA
February 8, 2016 at 7:38 pm
Then I hope to actually hear back from someone about this, as this wasn’t a comment I meant to be censored and forgotten. I’m disappointed in a product, not just giving advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2016 at 9:08 am
of course! 🙂 Would it be alright to comment back in your post? Or if you want you can comment your email address and I won’t make it public and then I’ll forward it to Chris.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2016 at 10:08 am
I received your comment BMA, 🙂 I’ll forward to Chris. Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 18, 2016 at 9:53 pm
Hi bma,
the important thing is he’s engaging contact and on a positive note. I’ll tell Chris about your suggestion. Thanks a lot!
KMN
January 16, 2016 at 4:27 am
Hey Chris,
This guy and I were talking for 5 months. We had some miscommunication issues. My family heard a rumor about him and made me end it so I did.
After a week or so he contacts me on snapchat saying hey, he texts me asking what happened, what he had done for my family to absolutely hate him, then asking if I was okay, saying he hoped I was doing well.. And that he was praying for me. Etc…for a whole month I never contacted him..and it was so hard.
When I told my dad that I wanted to call him to see what was up. My dad made me end it..so I told the guy that I needed to move on..
A few weeks go by and he contacts me again..said are you having fun…I didn’t respond until the next day and asked what he was talking about.
He said he had seen me at my cousin’s house.. And then we go into this conversation of him missing me and everything.. It was an actually good friendly conversation. Just now I told him it was good talking to him and I told him goodnight.. He texts back okay…
So I really liked talking to him and I want to continue to do so…but my question is how do I do it without going behind my family’s back.
I feel like I just want to be friends at least with him..we have been through too much not to be friends..and also Chris does he really mean it when he says he missed me??
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 16, 2016 at 4:38 am
Hi KMN,
It’s nice that you value your family’s opinion and you listen to them but have you tried finding out if the rumor is true? It’s unfair for the guy that he didn’t know why your family didn’t like him. He didn’t get the chance to prove it’s wrong or explain why it happened. Your family is just looking out for you though, so don’t take it out on them by thinking or pointing out they’re judgmental or something. And besides, the issue matters more to you and your guy because you two are the ones affected. So, it’s just naturally that you should be the one to find out if it’s true. Talk to the guy about it then, both of you can talk to your family about it, or even if it’s just who talks to your family about it, then they will begin to trust you. Just do it in a non-confrontational way. Extend your patience if they get a little bit annoyed when you open that topic to them. But most likely, if you start out right they won’t react negatively and will listen to you.
Ella
January 12, 2016 at 8:30 pm
Hi
My ex and I have recently got back in contact, he’s saying to stay in touch and we have been chatting and having a laugh. I’ve said I’m not interested in getting back but would like to stay in contact. He was the first to say stay in touch. I was of course fibbing when I said I wasn’t interested in him. How do I play this? Keen for some advice as I want this to work out and get back together.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 15, 2016 at 2:19 pm
Hi Ella,
Well the first step is straighten out your intention. It may confuse him that you said you’re not interested but your actions are suddenly different. I understand it would be hard to just take it back but maybe you can rephrase it when you get to talk about it again. Because if you’re having a good time, there’s a chance he would ask again if you’re really not interested, then make it clear why you said that when you said that. Are you afraid? Untrusting? Keep the positive conversations and maintain rebuilding the friendship.
Lily
January 11, 2016 at 12:16 pm
Hi Chris, my boyfriend and I recently broke up (after him having tried multiple times in the past but we always worked it out), and I know that he is relieved that it’s come to this. Will this still work? I have a feeling that 30 days NC will be too short for him, but I know nothing – otherwise I wouldn’t be in this position. Would it be too obvious that I still like him if I messaged him within 30 days? Would it backfire? We cannot physically meet until around 60 days later, to which he agreed to meet in person to exchange items. Should I bother with this? I feel as if all he needs is time and space to himself, but I’m afraid that he’ll enjoy the space so much that he won’t miss me. He’s fallen out of love, but is it still possible?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 16, 2016 at 11:41 am
Hi Lily,
If you’re going through the No contact rule. All forms of contact should not be done until the 30 days ends. If you’re used to talking to each other within 30 days, no contact rule may help you. Is it possible to get him back if he’s fallen out of love? Yes. It’s not 100% but there is a possibility. I think this post can help you.Why do men fall out of love with you
Lily
January 11, 2016 at 12:21 pm
A few more details – I haven’t spoken to him since we broke up, besides a message later that night saying ‘Thank you for everything, and sorry you got hurt. You won’t, but if you wanted to talk, I’ll be here. Please take care.’ He responded 2 days later with, ‘Thank you for the message, take care :)’
It’s been 2 days since then, I haven’t responded and I have no intention to for at least 30 days, if not more.
Do you feel as if he’ll respond after NC?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 16, 2016 at 2:52 pm
Lily :),
I can’t guarantee it but in case he doesn’t I can leave you with this to help. What to do if you get the dreaded no response after contact
Katie
January 10, 2016 at 7:39 pm
Hi Chris,
My ex broke up with me. I texted my ex after some time of no contact, and he responded immediately and positively. He asked about my life and we exchanged texts for about 10 minutes. He then ended the conversation saying he’s been nervous about running into me and that he hopes things won’t be awkward between us when we do run into each other (there’s a good chance we will). Have I been friendzoned? I wish I had ended the conversation first.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 16, 2016 at 11:51 am
Hi Katie,
I don’t think so. I think he’s just getting his rat off his chest. So, that when you do bump into his each other, like he said, it won’t be awkward. Then maybe you two can start a conversation easier.
Gianna
January 10, 2016 at 3:53 am
Hey Chris I need some help,
Me and my ex have this partnership in one of our common hobbies. Anyways, it requires communication, but has nothing to do with relationship. Is there anyway to tie the NC period into this? Also, there is no way to get out of this.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 17, 2016 at 9:41 am
Hi Gianna
That’s a limited no contact period. As long as it’s not about your relationship, that’s fine.