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Just need to know
February 24, 2016 at 11:01 am
I broke up with my boyfriend 3 weeks ago about a stupid fight we had..
Well hours after that I contacted him and said I DID NOT mean it , we misunderstood each other at that moment..
he just read it and hours later he send a Voice note.. Telling me I should get myself together, get friends and hobbies (he maybe thought I was to clingy) .. and I must take time and then get back to him..so after 2 days I told him I was ready but he did not respond after a week I told him I knew what the problem was with me and I am willing to work on it ..he texted back and said No get yourself together..okay so 2 weeks went by he send me a song ..that’s it and I REPLIED with a memory of us having a great time but in a joking way ..he just read it and never replied ..so its been 3 weeks now.. and I don’t know what to do ..did he mean it when he said he was giving me a change to work on myself and then take me back ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 24, 2016 at 12:51 pm
Well it looks like he does..
Next Steps
February 22, 2016 at 4:02 am
Hi Chris & Amor,
After a ‘somewhat’ no contact period for a month, I texted my ex in more frustration rather than positive strategy thinking it was time to accept it was over. I expressed my disappointment at how an otherwise happy relationship had ended in abrupt silence and was hoping enough time had passed that we could talk. And low and behold – he called shortly after.
We talked about what we’d been up to in our time apart, laughed through the awkwardness. I apologised for an evening of drunken texts I’d sent about a band I wanted him to come see and he said it wasn’t a bother at all and was surprised I hadn’t texted him much at all so wasn’t annoyed. I mentioned tickets we bought for another band we meant to see together and asked if he still wanted to go – even with someone else as I wasn’t sure what to do with them. He wasn’t interested and told me to keep them. Feeling a little dejected I then asked if he would be open to catch up another time and he said maybe in a couple weeks time to celebrate the new job I’ve been looking for. I said sure and left the conversation at that as I had to rush off elsewhere.
So I’m left with the following question: Is he just being gentle and not really interested in meeting up? I figure my best strategy is to call the bluff and push for that new job ASAP.
I guess my bigger question is – Should I maintain contact in the meantime now we’ve opened up that dialogue?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 23, 2016 at 10:34 am
Hi Next steps
it’s probable that he called because he thought you were moving on… If he really wanted to celebrate it sooner he would have suggested.. For me, start with texts,, because of you suddenly become pushy to go out, you will lose that ungettable girl effect
Zelda
February 21, 2016 at 10:28 pm
My boyfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. It was out of nowhere and totally blindsided me. He said he wasn’t sure that he loved me even though he cared about me very much and there were so many good things about me and our relationship and that he still found me very attractive. He lost his job that same day and I asked him if he needed time and he said yes, but don’t get your hopes up. After he left I did no contact until this past weekend which was his birthday. I didn’t text him but I did mail him a card wishing him a happy birthday. He texted me today saying thank you for the card and that it was clever and that he hoped I was doing ok. I went to text my sister to tell her that he answered me and I accidentally sent “he answered” to him instead!!! I was mortified. I tried to pass it off as a autocorrect fail but I doubt he bought it. He hasn’t answered. Did I totally screw this up? We were together for a year and a half and had plans for the summer with his family. I’m devastated.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 22, 2016 at 1:44 pm
Hi Zelda,
well he didn’t answer.. so technically, you didn’t have a convo.. Relax we don’t know how he reacted so don’t overthink.. you didn’t even mention your sister’s name, so maybe he’ll take your reason
Whit
February 19, 2016 at 6:30 am
My on and off boyfriend of 5 years recently broke up with me once again claiming that he no longer had feelings for me. Despite breaking up with me he has still made some sort of contact at least once a day since the breakup. He has also made the effort to visit me as well as spending Valentine’s Day with me, all of course “not being my boyfriend.” I was a bit overwhelmed and emotional from the confusing and went a little crazy because he blocked me on everything for no real reason, I managed to get myself into a therapy session where I was diagnosed with depression and was also given medicine, I know he has caused my depression but I still see myself with him in the future, I’m not too sure if I should contact him and let him know about the therapy and depression and advice him that I will try to do the 30 day no contact in hopes that he may seek help for himself, or in hopes that he sees how serious his manipulative ways towards me have greatly harmed me. Should I advise him of the harm he has caused and walk away, or do I just let him think his behavior such as blocking, coming in and out of life, giving false hope is forgivable?
Dude30
February 21, 2016 at 9:28 pm
Dear EBR Team, my ex and I dated for about 5 years and lived together for 8 months. We separated years ago for a few days and came back. At the time she wanted to marry me, I didn’t but I have loved her since. At the beginning I fell out of love, but stayed. She was mean to me at times, scream to me when things didn’t go well in her world and I could only take so much until I started to be mean as well. Things were getting better but she wanted to live together, move in and I was planning on doing so until I discovered she had been lying about some habit she had and I didn’t approve, so we fought that day and she finally said we would never be happy, she had other interests apparently. We had been around the US, traveled outside the US and had just celebrated our anniversary when it ended, she always told me she loved me and I was her future, that I was her love and she had chosen me even a few months before the break up. It’s been about 7 weeks and the last words I got from here were we are over and to please move on. I have tried with a letter to apologize for that argument, I have explained that I love her and I am ready to move in and really stay together but all my intents have failed. All I know now is that she keeps going out all the time, keeps talking to a lot of guys, keeps getting drunk and deleted all of our photos in all social media. I do not have any common friends that can help me or are willing to help. I miss her so much. All those years, we were together almost every day. Did everything together. We are both 30 years old.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 22, 2016 at 1:26 pm
Hi Dude 30,
Was it also 7 weeks since you last reached out and she didn’t block you righ?
Whit
February 20, 2016 at 5:48 am
Yes, he will block me and unblock me when he wants to either argue or have small talk. My therapist did not advise me of it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2016 at 10:40 am
It seems like a toxic relationship.. For me, if you really want to let him know about his actions, it should be personal and at thre right time but right now I’d rather go no contact and make him realize that he has to work for you
Whit
February 19, 2016 at 6:30 am
* confusion
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 19, 2016 at 10:55 am
Hi Whit,
so after he blocked you he still contacted you? Did your therapist also advised you to do no contact?
Anne
February 18, 2016 at 11:49 am
Hi,
I and my ex boyfriend were high school sweethearts and we broke up four and a half years ago because he said he didnt feel the same for me anymore. However, we decided to be friends right after the break up since we didnt want to lose out on our friendship. Initially after our break up, there were few instances where he confessed that he still had feelings for me and I had been on the receiving end of a lot of drunk calls/texts from him. However, after we broke up, we had a lot of ego issues as to who would initiate a conversation and one of us would break down eventually and talk to the other. Last year, we didnt speak to each other for 11 months, but one phone call and we started talking again. We spent my entire birthday together last month and on the same day he said he doesnt believe in casual dating and i know that he doesnt because I know him extremely well. 3 days back, we were talking and he was half drunk, he then told me that his friends in college(He is in another country to pursue higher education) were forcing him to take up casual dating and he was thinking of the same. A part of me feels he said that to just make me jealous and i blasted off and told him that I was still in love with him. To which he said that we have been friends after the break up and that he just thinks of me as his best friend and we shouldnt be hanging in the past. After a very long discussion, we decided to not be friends anymore which puts 10 years of my life down the drain. I have a feeling that says there could be something and tables would turn again, but we have never been so open about not being friends anymore.
I love him more than anything. What should I do?
Anne
February 26, 2016 at 4:48 am
its been 10 days and i have continued with the NC. Also, i deleted his number from my contacts since my friends forced me, but when i secretly checked, i saw that he still hasnt deleted mine. Is there a possibility that he might try to talk to me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 26, 2016 at 10:24 am
yes there is but don’t reply during nc
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2016 at 4:24 pm
Hi Anne,
it’s going to be hard because he’s away, but of you really want him back, you have to give it time again because as of now, he will think your efforts are to get him back and if he really doesn’t want to be back together or if he’s ego takes over, he would push you away
Anne
February 18, 2016 at 11:54 am
Also, will the no contact rule work for me, or is it too late?
jewel hall
February 17, 2016 at 4:23 am
Me an my Boyfriend broke up 6 months ago and he is hurt an i belive upset over what was said and happened. I cannot get over this man no matter how much i try. I was his first love and he was mine. I try to text him but he never responds its extermely painful. Is there anything i can say that might make him respond back.
Anne
February 20, 2016 at 6:37 am
So should I continue with the NC for a month? Will it make a difference to him that I’m not talking to him? Will he try to contact me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2016 at 10:36 am
he didn’t contact? Though we can’t guarantee that he will definitely be back because of nc, he will miss you and if you use it right, you could attract him bacj
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2016 at 2:52 pm
Hi jewel,
when was the last time you texted him?
Ann
February 16, 2016 at 10:28 pm
Hey Chris,
My ex and I dated for three months, but it felt like we had been together for years. He invited me to meet his family for Thanksgiving and he met my family as well. A week later, he began to ask me about my past. I unfortunately have a very upsetting sexual past, and as a result have had very few partners, and have been a serial monogamist. He continued to press me about an issue, and I stated I couldn’t talk about it because it triggered my negative experience. He then blew up and acted like I had volunteered that information without him asking each time. I did once, but that was it. He must have formulated things in his head, but he didn’t know the details of my situation. We tried go work it out, but the day he went to work, he texted and told me he couldn’t see me the next day because he wasn’t over it. I then came 100% clean about what happened to me to explain my reaction/response and he said he thought I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I begged for him to think things through, but no luck. So I gave up. He texted me two days later, and I stopped hearing from him. I started N/C on January 2nd. I returned to therapy and have been working really hard on myself. On Feb 3rd he texted me out of the blue about my Facebook. I ended the convo nicely but quickly because I didn’t expect it and didn’t know how to handle it. I reached out a few days later because I visited a place I thought he would like. He responded right away but the convo again was surface level and short. I don’t know what my next step should be…I’m afraid to be hurt again, but he’s been watching all my snaps for over a month and we’re still friends on FB. I’m not sure if I should give up my power and reacih out or let him contact me again. The last time we spoke was this past Tues.
Ann
February 16, 2016 at 10:32 pm
Also forgot to add that he has a lot of insecurity that I told him he needs to fix himself and wasn’t caused by me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2016 at 2:16 pm
Hi Ann
Try one last friendly text next week.. and then let’s wait of he would initiate after that..
Monique
February 16, 2016 at 8:44 pm
I’m very confused by my ex, who has a new girlfriend but chooses to keep in contact with, going so far as asking to come to my place to hang out.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2016 at 1:01 pm
Hi Monique,
Have you asked hin why?
Ana
February 13, 2016 at 5:03 pm
I’ve been a texing gnat. like every 2 weeks since the break up id text him. we got into an arguemtn cos i felt like we couldnt be friends but he wanted to me mates and text everyday. i felt like he was trying to have his cake and eat it too (like id be there to give him attention and fulfil his emotional needs). i told him it was unfair and he was selfish etc. he blocked me on everything and just deleted me on facebok.
i sent him an essay on fb. then saw him at a party we said hi how are u etc? he asked if i was dating anyone. i said he didnt need to know. i ask him if he was and he said no.
the next day i sent him another fbk message saying lets be friends he didnt reply. i sent another one saying i was going to leave him alone.
his bday came along and i didnt contact him.
ive contacted him soo many times. waiting 30 days and contacting him again feels too soon. and i feel like hes just finding me annoying. we broke up in nov. didnt speak for 3 weeks. then over xmas-nye we spoke everyday non stop. i sent him texts until 29th jan.
so nc until end of feb. and then text him? i have been a constant texting gnat.
should i wait longer?
Ana
February 14, 2016 at 2:00 pm
even after 45 days, when i text him, it will show all my previous messages. and it will remind him of how annoying i had been?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 15, 2016 at 11:15 am
hmmm.. but he will also notice that’s been a long time since you last texted
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 14, 2016 at 4:57 am
If you want it’s ok to go for 45 days but what you really need to do is improve the way you communicate.
Like, don’t ask to be friends but act friendly. When you told him that you feel you’re being used, do it in a non blaming way.. distance yourself from scenarios that you don’t like and tell him,
for example, of he’s trying to kiss you, smile and tell him, “it’s not the rigt time for me. “
Ana
February 13, 2016 at 5:06 pm
my friend also told me he had signed up to a speed dating event with his coworker. so that implies he is looking for another girl but not me
RS
February 13, 2016 at 2:15 am
Hi…my ex broke up with me saying there is family problem from his side in taking the relationship to the next step. But deep down I realised in my NC that I was clingy, insecure and jealous throughout the relationship of 2years… Also his brother contacted me after the break up to find out how was I.. after NC I started texting my ex n successfully reached d next stage i.e. the phone cl…nw we talk over d phn but the problem is I find him so distant.. Feel like I don’t know him.. Also most of d time its me who has to take d initiative to have a conversation. But he sounds super happy whenever i cl him…What should I do now? He also keep me reminding that we can b friends only…how should I go about in such scenerio…? Please suggest me ..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 13, 2016 at 1:14 pm
Oh no.. if you manage to reach the calling stage buhr still says he just wants to be friends, that means you have to keep your distance again a bit.. or you’ll end up being friend zone.. and do you end the convo in high note?
Eve
February 11, 2016 at 7:08 am
Me and my boyfriend split up 29th Jan 2016 after a year together on skype. We spent about half of it long distance (the latter half). We split because I felt he stopped making priority for me and we agreed to go away for our anniversary but he put off planning it to the last minute until I couldn’t arrange cover at work. This caused the spiral of resentment and arguments that put the nail in the coffin of our relationship. Also, he interrogated me about putting deadlines about when I wanted to have children and where I saw our relationship going. I gave an arbitrary 5 years but mentioned that it depended on so many things. He then took a few days to freak out, go cold and left me saying that he didn’t see a future and didn’t want to continue anymore.
When we split up, in the midst of grief, I asked him if I could see him when his studying calmed down in the weekend of 20th Feb. He agreed to come to see me over that weekend, but he stressed that he didn’t want to reconcile the relationship and that it would be just as friends. I haven’t contacted him since 31st Jan and even then, the two texts I sent weren’t begging or pleading texts, so I feel that I have maintained some sort of dignity. However, I am going on a buddhist retreat 12-19th Feb and probably won’t have very good cellphone reception as I will be in the mountainside. I feel like I’d need to break the nc to ask him what time he’s arriving to see me before I go. He doesn’t know that I’ve made a plan to go away. How do I do this in a way that isn’t damaging to rebuilding our relationship? How do I handle it if he says that he has had a change of heart and that he doesn’t want to come to see me that weekend, or ever?
How do I also handle it if he mentions that he has met someone else and that he doesn’t deem it appropriate to see me anymore? Hopefully I can get an answer before I leave so that I’m acting in an emotional way that damages any chance of reconcilation.
I
February 18, 2016 at 4:45 pm
Hi. He said that he never intended to come to London and said that I misunderstood. I’m really upset because he did agree but I don’t want to get into an argument. I replied with a non moody message saying that he was going to visit on the 20th and something about Scotland to soften the statement. I guess I should go no contact again now. How long for?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 19, 2016 at 7:57 am
Oh.. that means he doesn’t want to come.. for me gor for 21 days before trying to contact him again
Eve
February 16, 2016 at 9:31 am
I would like to know how I should word this first contact bearing in mind that I have to break the 30 day nc. It is absolutely crucial that I get this right straight of the bat as I realise it will be the first impression.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2016 at 1:05 pm
if it’s about the meetup, you have to be straight to the point but also of course prepare if he backs out..
Be positive like, “hi, how are you? What time can you pick me up on Sunday? I’ll adjust the blah blah, so before you arrive it’s ready”
Eve
February 15, 2016 at 2:43 pm
I mean I will be home on the 19th regardless. He lives in a different country and I’m worried that he will have cold feet about coming to visit me. I’m in the UK and he is in Belgium. I am currently in Scotland until 19th. Texting on the 19th is too late in my opinion because it’s not like he likes like he lives around the corner. How do I approach him not even bothering to cancel if he doesn’t come? He said that he’d see me but I think he will change his mind and not even bother to tell me. Should I not text him to ask? If I don’t and I contact him after 30 days and don’t mention it, that would be ignoring a massive elephant in the room wouldn’t it? That’s why I thought I should say something now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2016 at 6:36 am
Ah I see, well yeah, you have to contact him about that.. it would violate nc but let’s wait first what he’s reply is
Eve
February 11, 2016 at 11:41 pm
I understand what I shouldn’t do but what should I do? The problem is that it’s expensive to make the trip unless you’re making advanced bookings and so texting on the day seems pointless because then it’s evident. That’s why I was hoping to sort this before I went away.
Do you think I should say nothing? Isn’t that conditioning him to treat me like a doormat and accepting his non-reply? How should I handle his change of heart should he have it? Should I just leave a facebook status saying that I’m looking forward to the treat and I’m looking forward to catching up with everyone upon my return on the 19th? I’m not convinced he’d do anything.
I would like to keep nc but i feel that he’d realise he’d get scared getting in touch at all because he has the self awareness to know that he agreed to come and see me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 12, 2016 at 2:47 pm
Sorry eve..bear with me coz I’m not getting the scenario.. Your trip is until the 19th oly right? And on the 20th you will see other because you’re already back? Or you mean you won’t fky back unless it’s sure that you will see him on the 20th?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 11, 2016 at 1:16 pm
Hi Eve,
I think you’re over thinking.. There is one answer to the scenarios you posted. Don’t freak out and and then say ok, you understand.. Because if you get angry, it will worsen the situation. Ask him why, he will detach.
That’s why the nc should be active, because your actions will likely make the other person feel regret.
Regarding with the meetup.. that means you’re doing 21 days? Maybe you can just text him on the feb 20th itself..since the retreat is only upto 19th
Kirsten
February 9, 2016 at 7:49 pm
Hi,
very recently my ex and I broke up. We were dating for a little over a year but a few months ago he moved to another city. So, we proceeded in having a long distance relationship. One weekend I went to go visit him and during that time he had found texts on my phone from a guy who was flirting with me. Now, this guy has been flirting with me for awhile but I never texted him back. I would always delete the messages as soon as I got them. But, that weekend something had happened that made me question my trust for my ex. So, instead of talking to him about it I made the mistake to text the other guy and start flirting with him for the first time. Those were the texts my ex saw. My ex was so angry and hurt. I tried to talk to him but he ignored me completely, as if I were invisible. Well, I went home that day and as soon as I left my ex texted me. Saying things like “I’m never taking you back.” and “I don’t want anything to do with you.”
And now i dont know what to do. I know he’s angry and hurt. And people tend to say things they don’t mean when they have those feelings. But, I just want to be with him. I know I messed up! So, how do I make it right?!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 11, 2016 at 9:04 am
Hi Kirsten
Try texting him the real reason why you did it, if he’s willing to talk to you after that, then good. Work things out. If not, do nc because he’s probably and he won’t listen if you push more. The more important thing is you already explained the situation
Lou
February 9, 2016 at 2:05 pm
Hey there! My name is Lou, can someone help me please?
My boyfriend recently broke up with me while he was abroad (he is a model) and he told me that we would have met up when he got back home (this was a week ago, and we still didn’t meet) to talk about it. He told me that he no longer loved me, mostly due to our fightings (we fought because it looked like he gave me zero attention and all he cared about was his job and his friends and nothing more and mostly our situation fell over when I tried to have a casting for a music video and had to send pics of me wearing like… just lingerie – I sent these ones to a girl – and accidentally some of his friends saw these photos and he got really upset like since then he became more and more distant, even though I had been the most caring and loving person he had ever met… quite sure about that. He told that he put effort in our relationship trying to protect me from myself – whatevs, I’m on psychotherapy but I’m really not crazy – and all I did was to charge him with anxiety and responsibilities and things like that) and that now he doesn’t know if he wants to see me or not. We tried to meet up last Thursday but I couldn’t because I had other things to do that couldn’t be delayed and he told me in an angry way ‘ok, we’ll see then’ and I just replied that I didn’t do that on purpose (I say sorry way too much) and that he could contact me when he wanted to meet up only to get a “don’t worry” answer. Since then, I entered in a strict NC rule and I do want this to work but tomorrow is his birthday!! Should I send him a quick message or not? And if so… what should I do after nc rule? I see that his friends keep liking my fb posts (the ones I have a good relationship too) and others that see my snapchat stories (the ones I argued with) and that I think he reads my blog, because anytime I post something he posts something angry or ambiguous in response (even tho I don’t ever sound angry… I’m not even mad at him atm, just trying to move on). What should I do?? I’m sorry for my loooong long message!! Thank you so much if you can help me and congratulations for your beautiful team and site <3 !!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 10, 2016 at 12:58 pm
Hi Lou,
Thanks!
For me it’s okay of it’s just to greet him. You’re in nc but he’s still angry? If you’re going to send a first contact text, better be sure to send it at the right time. After nc, the nect is texting phase.
Click this for textibg guides
AL
February 7, 2016 at 8:55 pm
Hey Chris,
So after 3.5 years my ex broke up with me a month ago, a month after we just got back from studying in Europe together for 4 months. He balled the for hours when he was breaking up with me saying i’m the love of his life and he doesnt want to see anyone else but fighting made him unhappy and miserable and he had to do what was right for him. Meanwhile I knew nothing was wrong, and couldnt fix anything because I didn’t know. The night of he texted me saying this sucks lets talk in a week, and when a week rolled around he said he still felt the same way., yet he told a friend of ours that he was still unhappy and sad and crying alot. Then a week later he texted me yelling at me for Asking our two guy friends to watch out for him because I wanted to make sure he had someone there for him. My response was very nice, and I didnt beg or anything, just said I was just trying to be nice etc. I hope he is happier etc. He answered four days later saying he wasnt happier without me and that he hates it and it sucks, and also told our one friend he thinks about it everyday. Then when I answered him, he said Sorry I didnt mean to open a can of worms and never anwered. Then I reached out to him the next day just saying how I thought it sucked too and he never answered. That was 10 days ago I sent that last text. He has not opened up to anyone about it and anytime anyone brings it up to him he just says hes done and he doesnt want to talk about it. It has been a month of barely any contact and ten days since the last contact. He is going into the military and I want to do the whole 30 day no contact period but do not want to waste any time before he has to leave for training. I know what I did wrong and have worked on myself, but What can I say at this point to get him to start working this out with new me?
AL
February 8, 2016 at 10:36 pm
Amor,
I just posted this yesterday, and I forgot to mention that we broke up because we got into an argument at our friends wedding and he said it was like this switch flipped in him and he realized how miserable he had been because of the fighting, Before and after the argument he seemed fine, and said we were fine and even at the wedding after, he seemed a little off but was still saying things like “well at our wedding..”. Yesterday, The wedding picutres were posted and there was one really funny one of us so i screenshot it and sent it to him and said something like i thought this was hilarious, hope you find it as funny as i did! and Obviously I got no response, but I am just in such a positive state of mind and new mindset about the whole situation and really want to show him I changed my habits and ways and am myself again, but is there a way to get him to reach out? I know you said no contact, but it has been over a month of barely any contact, and I am in such a positive manner and want to prove to him I am ready to be his best friend again. ALso with the army thing, he leaves in 5 months, so time I dont want to waste any time silent when I could be mending!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2016 at 10:17 am
Well the thing is you have to initiate contact and if he doesn’t reciprocate that means you have to wait for another week and if he doesn’t reciprocate again you have to wait for another 2 weeks. But the more you do this the last of your chance of him replying.
So I guess what I’m saying is make your topic very interesting for him or compelling for him to reply to you because you only have a limited amount of time right so think about it, sit down and practice it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2016 at 7:11 am
Hi Al,
If fighting was just really the reason, then no contact will help to give you a fresh start. Don’t blame when you talk to each other again, if he does that don’t reciprocate the negative feelings because if you do, it’ll just justify he’s image of you of fighting a lot with him. He’s missing you and he’s making his effort not to, that means he’s not contacting you but he probably checks whatever he can to keep tabs on you. So, you said your improving, keep at it and if he contacts you during nc, just let him be. Unless, it’s an emergency.
Gabrielle
February 7, 2016 at 12:56 pm
Can someone help me? Me and my ex boyfriend broke up in 2014, after 6 months of NC he contacted me through a call then a text. Things were tough because he didn’t want to commit but he said he knew he wanted to be with me. I began flip-flopping because I didn’t want to get hurt again. I couldn’t fully get comfortable or act like a gf if we weren’t actually together. So I decided to leave him this past December. It was tough because I still loved him very much but I was torturing myself by waiting on him to commit and giving him the benefits of a relationship. I did tell him I didn’t want to be intimate anymore but it would just happen when we were in each other’s presence. We haven’t spoken since then and he blocked me on fb and IG. What should I do next? I’m not sure if he misses me or not? Also our communication and trust was bad because he hurt me once by leaving me for someone else then him coming back made me feel like an option. He claimed he was young at the time and didn’t know what or how to react. I have trust issues and I tried not yo bother him as much since we weren’t officially together I really didn’t know what to do. His parents adore me as well.
Gabrielle
February 8, 2016 at 5:26 am
So do I contact him now or do I just move on from here? It’s been a little over a month since we spoke? He did say he wanted me before I initiated the breakup. But he left me first for a whole mother chick whereas I left because of a diff reason.
Gabrielle
February 8, 2016 at 1:30 am
But should I text him? It’s been over a month of no contact. Or should I leave him completely and move on. He stated that it wasn’t the right time for us to start a relationship and instead we should work on things beforehand. I thought couples should grow together and work on things together. His friend jokes around and says he’s going to tell him on me. I also found him on a dating site recently. Very awkward. It isn’t like I wanted to leave him I just got tired of doing that to myself knowing it wasn’t what I wanted but I didn’t want to lose him either. Also when he first broke up with me and came back 6 months later I was still healing so it didn’t take long before all of our old problems began to resurface. We’re just not on the same page. But he said he wanted me, he just wasn’t where he needed to be. Idk. We’ve been through a lot together. But I’ve always remained by his side and I never really changed up on him until now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2016 at 10:01 am
well, you have to make a decision yourself. Either, you stay connected and wait for him to commit(which is a long shot if you keep on giving the benefits) or you stay connected after nc, but you don’t give the benefits and build the attraction and see if he ups his game or you move on.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 6:02 pm
Hi Gabrielle,
For me you did the right thing. Because if he’s really serious, he would commit. Your decision shows you know your self worth and you’re right, u can’t give him the benefits of somehing he did’nt deserve to have
olahan
February 4, 2016 at 4:49 pm
i broke up with my boyfriend because he wasnt committed to the relationship and i didnt feel loved, his friend also told me he cheated on me, i asked him but he denied it.After breaking up i miss him so bad that i want him back. We stay in the same building and attend the same college. Tried the NC method but it is just too difficult. I want him back so bad
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2016 at 9:24 am
hi olahan,
What’s your plan of next step?
Not sure what to do
February 4, 2016 at 4:06 pm
I was in a long distance relationship with a guy for about 8 months with the plan of moving where he lives.
We met online and emailed for about 6 months before he came to where I lived to meet. It was great.
I went there three months later and it was still great. We talked about 3 times a week sometimes more. I felt things
change in later November where he seemed distant. I asked if there was a plan set for him to come to where I live
said he would check but never did. I was going to go there but he asked me not to because it was his turn.
At that point I knew something was off.(that was November). We still talked but it was like he was looking for some sort
of confrontation. Early December I went through a lot emotionally and he didn’t call/text for almost 5 days which wasnt the norm. I texted him on our “date night” but received no reply until quite a bit later in the evening with an excuse. ( I found him on a dating site that he wasn’t on before)
I asked him for different forms of communication not just texting. He agreed. Few days later we talked but he was clearly angry/distant so I ended the chat. I sent him an email over the weekend saying I have been working diligently to find employment where he lived. Moving there was a big decision and one that couldn’t be just on a whim as I have children as well. Said I found him to be my kind of perfect and I loved him. A few days later he emailed me implying space, feared he was losing control and was on a emotional rollercoaster ride, feared getting hurt.
I sent an email 2 weeks later wishing them a merry christmas….no reply received. So I have not contacted him since which is about 7 weeks now. I would like to somehow get him back. He was very active on dating sites two weeks ago and has since hidden his profiles, so not sure if he has found someone else already or not. Not sure what to do or where to start in trying to win him back. Any advice would be great
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2016 at 7:52 am
In 7 weeks he didn’t try to contact you in any form?
Rhiannon
February 4, 2016 at 2:30 am
So my ex broke up with today (after 6 months of dating), about almost 7hrs ago. He came over. We talked about it. He said that he not only had a “gut feeling”, but he didn’t want to prolong it because he felt it wouldn’t last a year from now. He said he wants to stay friends, that he doesn’t want to loose me in his life. He did say this to me, cause I called him out and told him about my own intuition: “How are you so certain of why im reacting this way? Maybe you are right and i will realize and have to beg for your forgiveness. Or maybe i am correct with how i feel. Either way doing this will be the tell tale sign.”, he was crying just as much as I was when he came over. He hugged goodbye and we didn’t let go while crying.
He said he’s still in love with me. He’s been thinking about it for two month and said, “Cuz i wasnt sure and didnt want to act hastily.”
Before me, he was engaged to a girl he was living with. They knew each other 6 years prior to them dating. They ended things back in March, he moved back home to his parents after living 12 years on his own. His sister and her kid live there as well. His father also recently around christmas told him and his sister, “I don’t care if I ever have a relationship with you two!”
We connected very deeply since our first date. We waited to have sex and that was never a problem the physical intimacy. He was and still feels like my best friend, my soul mate. I just think his last relationship really tripped him up. He also has issues with bottling up his emotions and not really talking it out till it’s too late, which I pointed out to him.
He’s 29, going on 30 next month. I’m 28 and soon to be 29 in April. We grew up 30 minutes from each other and never knew i till we met on a dating app.
I feel like he ran away….
Rhiannon
February 12, 2016 at 1:38 am
He did post this last night on his FB page, “Why is it always the things that you think will and should fix you make you feel more broken?”
Rhiannon
February 11, 2016 at 3:14 am
Most of the stuff my ex posts online are public. I see my ex actively flirting with another girl on his page yesterday and today. He has liked a lot of her pictures on her page since December I noticed yesterday and became friends with him in December. She lives in a state that’s almost 5-6hrs away. I’m trying to understand why he’s doing this publicly. I know contacting him about is a bad idea. He’s a grown man and can do what he wants. But I’m utterly confused right now and beside myself on what to do. I don’t want to ask any friends or family about it because they’ll tell me to drop him ASAP.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 11, 2016 at 12:19 pm
It could be that he’s just flirting with or getting your attention by doing it
Rhiannon
February 9, 2016 at 4:29 am
It’s so hard. I had to unfriend him on facebook today. I already blocked and then unblocked him on Instagram so we’re not following each other. I notice he was friended a few women who live in the area and I knew that if I keep seeing his page or being his friend though social media, it’s going to hurt. I’m just at a loss because for 6 months straight I talked to him every single day and night.
Rhiannon
February 6, 2016 at 3:51 am
Yes I am. Took me two days to get there, but I told him we need to stop talking.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 6, 2016 at 3:43 pm
Well at least you’re doing it. I hope it makes him realize that he can’t lose you but ofcourse, as always, make him miss you. Make your nc proactive 😉
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2016 at 4:36 am
Hi Rhiannon,
He had a gut feel that you wouldn’t work out together? Are you doing nc now?
Saniya
February 3, 2016 at 8:24 pm
I was in this city long distance relationship with this guy who went abroad for college and the long distance got worse. He started getting disinterested and broke up with me. While we were dating we had sex and both of us were the first for each other to lose our virginity with. We dated for exactly a year before he ended it. It was okay while we were in the same country but the matter got really bad when he went abroad. He had messaged me before and i replied seeming very disinterested and he wanted to be friends but i refused. What do i do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 4, 2016 at 2:13 pm
Hi Saniya,
It’s really hard to be in LDR. If ever, can you work out to see each other at least every other 3 months?
Anna
February 2, 2016 at 1:20 am
I have a weird situation. I was with this guy at university for about a month and a half and things were amazing. He was very hung up on his ex and drunkenly got with her, so naturally I ceased the relationship we had. I wanted to forgive him but instead found myself talking to him again before he just stopped talking to me back at university. Now we have hardly talked and I’m not sure what to do as he seems to not want to start anything again before he’s finished completely with her (she attends university as well but rather far away). I’m uncertain what I should do now but know I want him back but he doesn’t want that right now. I feel as though our relationship is strange now and weird when we see each other. What do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 12:14 pm
Hi Anna,
If he wanted to get over with her first wouldn’t that be better with you? So, while he’s trying to get over her, show him that you’re the better choice by being the ungettable girl.