Most of the visitors I get to this site are women who are trying to get their ex boyfriends or husbands back. So, I am assuming that most of the people who are going to read this article are out of a relationship and left wondering what went wrong. Today I thought I could shed some light into the male mind and give you a guide/reference page that you can look at to decipher why he may have lost his feelings for you during the course of your relationship.
I actually got the idea for this article from someone who commented on this site. So, I want you to buckle up because this is going to be a very long and informative page.
What This Page Is About
As stated above, this page is all about the things that women can do in relationships that will cause men to lose interest in them. Think of this page as more of a guide teaching you what NOT to do. Now, I do want to point out that this page is going to be quite long. Here is how I constructed it:
- Using my own experiences and research I jotted down everything I could think of that would cause a man to lose interest.
- I will be giving an in-depth description of each “cardinal sin.”
Lets get started!
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Cardinal Sin #1- You Are Too Emotional
Make no mistake about it, men and women are very different creatures. In my guide to understanding men I talked a lot about this cardinal sin. One thing I have learned about women through my interactions with them is that women can be quite emotional. I will admit that I have talked to some men that have broken down in front of me but that is actually quite rare. Generally speaking, it is the women that are the more emotional creatures. Now, some may think that being too emotional is a disadvantage, however, I see it as an advantage in a weird sort of way. Since it is the social “norm” for women to be emotional they are used to dealing with emotions.
Men on the other hand are not. Emotions to us are frightening things. Let me give you an example. As many of you know, I run Ex Boyfriend Recovery alone. This means that every single day I have to think about writing posts, moderating comments, answering emails, talking to people on Facebook and in some cases calming very emotional women down. I think it is safe to say that I am experienced at dealing with emotions in women. However, in spite of all my experience it is important to remember that I am a male and because of that I am very different than you. There are certain times where I just roll my eyes on certain comments/emails that are sent to me. It is not because I hate the particular person commenting or anything of that nature. It is the simple fact that the person commenting is over emotional and that just really annoys me at times.
Let me give you a more in-depth example. I once received a comment that was 3,770 words. To put that in perspective, there are certain posts on this website that aren’t even close to being that length. When I get comments like that I start to see why a boyfriend may have broken up with that person.
I am not going to lie to you, I cannot date someone who is over emotional and I think a lot of men are with me on this. You see, to me an over emotional woman is a sign that this woman might freak out over any little thing. It is my, and a lot of other men’s greatest fear to be in a relationship with a “psycho.” Someone who is too emotional begins to display those psycho/unstable signs that are a complete turnoff.
Have you ever daydreamed about dating your dream celebrity? Any guy you could potentially have. I am hearing a lot of chants saying Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Hugh Jackman. Well, guys do the same thing. For me, if I could pick any celebrity to date I would go with a relatively unknown actress named Laura Vandervoort (pictured below.)
Now, lets assume for a minute that by some miracle I ended up dating her, the dream celebrity. Let’s also assume that she was way too emotional, emotional to the point where I branded her a “psycho.” I guarantee you I would drop my celebrity girl no matter how hot she looks because of her over emotional personality.
I hope that drives the point home on how much of a turnoff being over emotional is to a guy.
Cardinal Sin #2- You Give Him Too Much Too Soon
This is a pretty common mistake I see with women in relationships. In fact, I even have a whole section dedicated to it in PRO. One thing that I have already established on this site is that men are attracted to the “ungettable,” they always want what they can’t have. For some reason women think that, that fact is changed when they are in a relationship with their men.
NEWSFLASH, once you are in a relationship with him you have to work even harder to keep him interested. The way I see it, for you, it is all about keeping him interested in you and not giving him everything all at once. Now, I am about to lose some serious man points here but one of my favorite guilty pleasure shows to watch is True Blood.
In season 6 one of the male characters in the show is afraid that he is going to be r*ped by a female vampire. The female vampire stops and says something along the lines of
“I will not harm you, not only that but when the time finally does come for us to sleep together you will be begging me, you will get on your hands and knees and literally beg to have sex with me and once you do that I WILL STILL MAKE YOU WAIT!”
Sure enough, fast forward to episode 10 and there is the male character literally begging to sleep with the very sexy vampire. Well done sexy vampire, well done!
What it all boils down to is the fact that men think of themselves as conquerors and we look at women as mountains. It is the mountains that are the hardest to climb that we are most intrigued by. Don’t be an “easy” mountain to climb.
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Take the quizCardinal Sin #3- You Are Too Controlling
Again, another popular issue that is talked about in PRO.
When you enter a relationship there is an unwritten agreement between the two of you. This agreement states that the two of you are equals. Unfortunately, some women fail to realize this and manipulate their way into controlling their boyfriends into doing what they want. A few months ago I was talking with one of the visitors here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery. This particular woman really wanted her boyfriend back and told me her story. She thought that the reason her boyfriend broke up with her was because she was too controlling and she was absolutely right.
I remember there was one time where I was so afraid of him cheating on me that I yelled at him for being in a car with his best friend and his girlfriend. I was very uncomfortable with him around other girls and would do everything in my power to make sure he wouldn’t be around them.
Houston we have a problem!
Imagine this for a moment. What if you went through life scrutinized for every decision you made by your boyfriend? What if every time that you even interacted with a member of the male gender your boyfriend were to step in and yell at you for it? While I will admit that those are some pretty extreme examples it can be extremely annoying for a guy to have a girl control his life.
Sadly, I have experience with this cardinal sin. I have found that a lot of the “controlling” is a result of the fear of someone cheating. I have never cheated in my life and I never will. However, I have had a girlfriend that tried to control me because she was uncomfortable with other girls around me. While at first it is kind of flattering to have an actual member of the female species care about you that much eventually it hits a point where their fears about you cheating become very annoying.
Not to mention, women’s constant fears of men around other females are a giant slap in the face to men. I understand that you can’t help how you feel. However, every time you feel the need to control a man because he is talking to another woman it just proves that deep down you don’t trust your man.
Now, one thing I haven’t done yet is describe the different types of ways that women can control men.
Telling Men They Can’t Ever See Person (A,B,C) Ever Again
This kind of goes hand in hand with what I was talking about above with the fear of cheating. I see this in a lot of women who are very worried about their ex cheating on them. Typically, a woman will say things like:
“I never want you to see her again.”
“It’s her or me, choose..”
For men this literally feels like you are telling him who he can or cannot see. I don’t think I can stress enough how annoying it is when women do this. A lot of times women who do this cause their men to think thoughts like:
“She isn’t the boss of me.”
“I will do what I want, I answer to no one.”
“I’ll show her.”
You Are Insecure
I am a softie. I guarantee you that if I was talking to you in person and you were to ask me if you were insecure (and you were) I would tell you no. You see, for me I can’t stand the sight of a woman who is sad. I suppose that makes me very easy to manipulate but like I said, I am a total softie. However, I am lucky that the internet and websites exist because I can kind of tell you exactly how it is.
If you are a very insecure person then I would say it is HIGHLY LIKELY that you can control a man (that doesn’t mean you will.) With insecurity comes a need for control. And what better form of control is there than to start controlling others?
Specifically your boyfriend.
With Tears
I think we were on to something up there with me saying that I am a softie. Like I said above, I have trouble delivering bad news to a woman in person because I know they are going to get really upset. A woman who really knows me will know that I am absolutely easy to control/manipulate. All you have to do is fake some tears and BAM, you have me wrapped around your finger.
Of course, I am not the only man like this. In fact, I would say that a good 60% of men are just like me and will bend over backwards to please a crying woman. Of course, I am not THAT dumb. The “crying” control may work two or three times but eventually a point will come where you overplay your hand and I start to catch on to what you are doing.
When that happens watch out, my feelings for you will start to decline..
With Sex
This is really it isn’t it? The ultimate way that a woman can control her boyfriend.
Remember above when I said that I think about 60% of men will fall for the “fake tears.” Well, 99% of men will fall for the sex ploy. Very manipulative women will use sex as a ploy to control their man into doing something. Now, here is where it gets tricky. Is it right or wrong?
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Take the quizNow, I know what you are thinking:
“Of course it is wrong how is this even a question?”
Well, is any man going to complain about getting sex? I don’t think so. Now, while the girl may be manipulating the man by using sex the man isn’t exactly complaining about it. Of course, it is the women who overplay their hand that eventually get in trouble.
If a man figures out that you are just having sex with him to get your way then you better watch out because his feelings could deteriorate fast. For me, I would be extremely upset if this happened. Not because it is wrong or anything like that. I think I would be more upset about the fact that the only reason you wanted to sleep with me was because you wanted to get your way. It wasn’t because I made you feel a certain way or that you really loved who I was as a man but because you wanted to manipulate me.
Cardinal Sin #4- You Are High Maintenance
What is a high maintenance girl? I think we need to define one so we know how to proceed. A high maintenance girlfriend will have the following qualities.
- She has problems with the way her boyfriends car looks (though I can see where they are coming from.)
- Her boyfriend doesn’t dress sophisticated enough for her to be seen in public with him.
- If she goes on a trip she is going to have a minimum of 10 bags (you get the picture.)
- She is CONSTANTLY frequenting the hair and nail salon.
- It takes her a minimum of two hours to get ready to go out.
- She is clingy.
- It is always about HER needs and not about her mans.
- If a man stops spending money on her she will dump him.
You may read the list above and think I am kidding but I am not. High maintenance girls really annoy me beyond belief. I am a pretty lenient guy but if I have to spend money on a girl constantly to make her love me then she isn’t going to have me for very long.
The funniest part about high maintenance girls is that they often don’t realize they are high maintenance. Personally, when I think of a high maintenance girl I think of someone who is impossible to please. It is like nothing that you can do is ever good enough.
Oh, and in case you were wondering I am not the only male who despises high maintenance girls. A few years ago I was over at my friends house and he was having a get together with some of the “guys.” Anyways, we actually logged on to Facebook actively searching for girls and stumbled across this update,
“I am high maintenance, but I am worth it!” ……………. No, no you are not.
Newsflash, if you are high maintenance then the only guy you will have a lasting relationship with is one that has low self value.
Cardinal Sin #5- Is He Admired Anymore?
In my article on how to get your ex back if he broke up with you I talked a little about a mans need to feel desired. In this section I am going to expand on that. So, in case you are oblivious to who I am, my name is Chris Seiter and I am THE man behind this site. For this section I am going to drop my defenses a little bit and let you into my mind.
(Be careful while you are in there and stay away from the left side of my mind. No one wants to see whats in there 😉 .)
One thing I can tell you with certainty is that men love to be admired. Well, I suppose everyone loves to be admired however, it is especially true for men. One of the things that can cause a man to lose interest is the fact that he doesn’t feel admired by you anymore.
Here is how this phenomenon can unfold:
Billy and Sally just started dating. Sally is constantly telling Billy all kinds of nice things. However, as the relationship wears on Sally doesn’t tell Billy those nice things anymore. Instead, it is just complain, complain, complain or nag, nag, nag. As the days wear on Billy begins to lose interest in Sally. Simply because he doesn’t feel admired by her anymore.
Here is the part where I let you into my head. I have actually experienced this phenomenon before. I was dating a girl that I really liked. However, I kept getting the feeling that she didn’t like me as much as I liked her. At the time I began to lose my feelings for her because I felt that she didn’t admire me anymore. Now, I didn’t lose my feelings to the point where I broke up with her but it was a contributing factor.
Me losing feelings for her caused more fights, more fights caused more threats to breakup and more threats triggered an actual breakup. So, while you may be sitting there thinking “so what if I didn’t admire him enough” it is important to understand that while “admiring” a boyfriend won’t directly cause a breakup it could cause a domino effect of circumstances that eventually can.
Cardinal Sin #6- Time…
Perhaps I should rephrase that. After all, you can’t control time and if you can then I would like you to contact me at [email protected] because I have a few favors to ask you. I debated on whether to mention this as a cardinal sin or not (because technically it isn’t a cardinal sin) however, after a lot of thought I decided to include it because I want you to know everything about why a male can potentially lose his feelings for you.
As human beings we crave new things all the time. Those of you who are devout readers of this blog come back every day hoping that I will write a new post. We are constantly going to new movies. Oh, what about that new episode on T.V.? Do you see what I am getting at here?
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Take the quizRelationships are no different. As human beings we can’t help but want to experience something new with someone new. While you have absolutely no control over this it is important to understand that it exists. Your boyfriend may have lost his feelings for you simply because the two of you have been dating for a long time.
I can’t really take credit for this one because I didn’t think it up. I actually owe this one to my best friend. You see, we were out at a restaurant and I was asking him how his relationship was going with his girlfriend of two years. Initially he said the usual stuff.
“Fine”
“She is a bit annoying but I love her.”
But then he said something that I found extremely interesting..
I don’t know man, to be honest I am getting tired of her. I love her more than anything but sometimes it is just a bit old. I have been with her for two years and I kind of want to experience something new.
When I heard that the light bulb went off. The more time you are in a relationship with someone the higher the chances are that the man will lose interest. This is an undeniable fact and the only way to keep him interested is to do what my buddies girlfriend does, keep things interesting.
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Cardinal Sin #7- You Let Yourself Go
Throughout this site I have tried my best to explain that men and women can sometimes speak different languages. I have found that when women talk you have to pay attention because they drop very subtle hints that are meant to test you and understand what you are thinking. So, when you say..
“Do I look fat in this?”
You aren’t really asking, “do I look fat in this?” What you are really asking is “do you think I am fat?”
Of course, my fellow bros and I will always answer “no” even if you look like a whale in those pants. We will not fall for that one ladies, nice try!
But what if you are really fat in those pants? What if you let yourself go during the course of the relationship with your boyfriend? The two of you got a little too comfortable together, well comfortable enough for you but not for him. Do looks even matter to someone who you have already gotten?
You bet your butt they do!
Before I think about dating someone she has to pass a series of tests. One of the tests I like to call the wake up test. Essentially I take the woman I am considering dating and ask myself this question:
Could I be happy waking up next to her in the morning?
If I determine that, that particular girl is not “wake up” material then I won’t consider dating her. While that may be shallow of me (pretty bad I know.) I think it is important for you to understand how I think because this is how almost every other guy out there thinks.
My worst nightmare is to get married to a beautiful girl and then wake up ten years later and she looks like this…
Too graphic?
Sorry but I had to make a point. Letting yourself go during the course of a relationship is a surefire way to cause him to lose any romantic feelings he felt towards you. I am sure I am going to get a lot of emails about this section condemning me…
Let me save you the trouble of emailing me and give you my response.
I hope you get angry reading this. I hope it makes you so angry that you go out and lose the weight you need to lose to turn into the beauty that we all know you are.
Of course, being a tad bit overweight isn’t the only thing that can make him lose his feelings for you. I have had multiple friends of mine (that were men) complain that their girlfriends don’t dress up for them anymore. While most men may not be fashion gurus we do enjoy it when a woman dresses up for us.
Lets rewind to your first date with your ex boyfriend. I am betting that you went all out dressing up for him. Now lets fast forward to date 50. Chances are, you didn’t dress up for him like you did for date one. While I agree that can be a picky thing to complain about it, it can also kind of have that domino effect that ultimately leads to a breakup.
Cardinal Sin #8- Drama and Fights
I hate drama… let me repeat that: I HATE DRAMA.
It sounds like such a high school term to use doesn’t it? Truth is, the most dramatic situations I have ever encountered have all occurred AFTER high school. Time and experience has taught me that drama knows no age. I have met 50 year old’s that are as dramatic and annoying as 16 year old’s. So, just because you may be above 25 doesn’t mean you can skip this section.
No relationship is perfect. In every relationship there will be a hint of drama here, some fights there and every once in a while you will have a monster argument. These types of things go with the territory. Where it becomes a problem for men is when it becomes a common occurrence.
Personally, I don’t like drama. It actually upsets me to the point where I can’t even work, eat or do any physical activity. I am thinking back to the time that my now ex girlfriends parents called me over to their house and yelled at me on their lawn. To this day I have no clue what I did to my girlfriend to cause them to do that but it happened and the drama affected me for the entire next week. Not only did it make me not like her parents anymore but it made me lose feelings for her instantly. I remember forcing myself to try to like her on dates after the drama blowup with her parents happened.
Unfortunately, by then my feelings were long gone and everything she did annoyed me and made me angry. In the back of my mind the drama blow up with her parents was always there but perhaps the thing that annoyed me most was I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG????1
See, even now (4 years later) that whole drama thing still upsets me.
Anyways, drama is a bad sign. So, if you are known to have a lot of drama in your life then it is entirely possible that your ex boyfriend lost his feelings for you because of that. Lets stop talking about drama for a moment and focus on fights.
The reason I paired drama and fights together is because usually the two go together like two peas in a pod. Sure, every once in a while a couple will fight over dumb things like if they left the lights on when the left but it is usually the MONSTER FIGHTS that are caused by drama.
Let me give you a few examples.
- A girl can flirt with a guy in front of her boyfriend causing a monster fight (caused by drama.)
- A girl can accuse her boyfriend of cheating (caused by drama.)
- A girl can cheat on her boyfriend causing a monster fight (caused by drama)
I think you get the picture here. It is that domino effect thing I keep talking about. The end takeaway here: DON’T CAUSE DRAMA!!!
Caitlin
June 23, 2020 at 2:02 pm
Hi Chris, me ex fiance n I were together 6 n half yrs. He broke up with me a month ago. We have a 5 yr old and I’m pregnant with our son. We got into a fight n he left. This is the first time we ever broke up. Reading your posts I have done some of those sins in our relationship. I know what mistakes I have made. I apologized, begged and pleaded to work on it. He refuses says he doesn’t want to be with me. Says I’m controlling and demanding because I been trying to fix things. He isn’t feeling it to work on things. He gets angry every time I try to talk about us. He avoids me, ignores me acts like I don’t mean anything to him. I’m so hurt I don’t know what to do I want my family back.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 26, 2020 at 11:23 pm
Hi Caitlin, you need to give your ex some space so that he can start thinking about what he misses about you and being a family. Follow a limited no contact where you the same rules of no contact but you only speak with your ex about your children, nothing else for 30 days minimum.
Sally
May 5, 2020 at 4:46 am
My bf and I dates for five months and one fine day when everything was fine and we were still happy we had a fight because he hardly spent time for me that whole week. All I asked was why he was so busy but talked to all his friends and not me. He simply said he doesn’t feel the same attachment I feel for him and he doesn’t feel the same way he felt about me in the start. And we broke up. The next day I texted him apologizing completely broken and crying. But he said we’re done and he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore with his negligent attitude and we had hours of argument and we called it a break. Then a week or so later he texted me to check on how I was doing and apologized for making me go through this. We didn’t do the blocking each other drama. After two days I texted him apologizing for things I might’ve done that could’ve hurt him and opening up about myself and telling him I’m stable and different now and I don’t want to lose him and I’m ready to do anything to make things work. Then he apologized for everything and talked to me about my problems and said he was very happy with me but right now he wasn’t ready to be I’m a relationship and he wanted to improve himself. He said he needs time for himself and being in the relationship will hurt him because he’s not able to treat me the way he’d like to treat me. And said it might sound selfish but he doesn’t want to hurt me and wants to do something about himself. I said I understand and I’ll support you and asked him if we could date again in the future if he’s ready because u really really like him and he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And he said he can’t guarantee we’ll date again as the future is unpredictable but if he’s ready or feels the same way about me again we’ll date again and said that until then we’ll keep in touch and be close and help each other out. I didn’t know what to say to that. I simply said we’ll keep this on hold then and ended the convo and we didn’t talk after that. What I’m scared of is, he’ll never come back. What if he gets used to this and meets someone else even though he downright swore there’s no one else he likes and he just needs to improve himself. I really need him back. He was a huge supporter for me and really loved me a lot. But things happened. And now I don’t want to lose a person like him. I did everything in my power to get him back but he says he isn’t ready for a relationship now. I’m ready to wait too. But I’m scared he’s lying and he might never come back. What do I do to get him back. When we were in a relationship we were very attached and happy and couldn’t stay a day without talking to each other. Now we haven’t talked in days. It scares me. What do I do? I really need him back.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 9, 2020 at 5:59 pm
Hi Sally I suggest that you go into a 45 day No Contact, and then from there you work on yourself. As much as you think you need this person in your life you need to learn to be secure content and happy in your life being single before you get back into a relationship. You need to not be dependant on someone else for your happiness. Once you have completed your NC you then can start the texting phase using messages like Chris suggests in his articles
Tori Fortner
April 5, 2020 at 6:16 pm
Me and my coworker met in November and we were both getting out of relationships but really started clicking in January. We flirted and then I made my move cause he’s a very sensitive guy and I knew he wouldn’t first so I told him how I felt and things just went so fast. The only thing is we also work with his mom. And he doesn’t get a long with her and was never a good mom to him. He’s been very neglected growing up and he’s so very guarded. He told me he won’t ever trust anyone or give another girl his heart after getting it broken. After his mom found out about my feelings for him she kept pushing us together because she thought I’d be good for him. Which I know I am. I fell so hard for him in love within like a month and it’s a feeling I haven’t felt in 9 years since my first love and I told him that. I didn’t say I loved him just that he gave me this feeling I haven’t gotten with only one other person in my life. I knew his feelings weren’t as strong as mine but they were strong…just after two and half weeks of talking he cried to me like actual tears sobbing that he was falling for me. Things were great…and then a week and half later they were okay but towards mid February he wanted to just stop talking and be friends and I was like okay maybe we should slow down. I gave him space plenty of it I had been very busy with college and so I texted him maybe once every two weeks. But mid March he then said he lost feelings cause his mom kept trying to push us together. He said he still wants to be friends at the very least. He knows how deeply I feel for him but it’s like a 180 degree turn. We still click at work. I swear he flirts with me. But I don’t know what to do. I also know I was way too emotional for him to handle because I loved him so much and he just doesn’t know how to let anyone in. Very self protective because of his mom not being good to him. I dont know how to do damage control. I just want his feelings to come back for me….please help?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 14, 2020 at 12:15 pm
Hi Tori, if he has an issue with his mother, and she likes you then that could have been an issue. But the fact they are working together shows their relationship is not as bad as it sounds. I would spend some time in NC and then reach out to him without getting his mother involved this time around. Focus on you and him building a friendship/ connection and work your way up the value ladder
Megan Harris
September 10, 2019 at 2:26 am
My boyfriend broke up with me 3 days ago over snap chat(a week before my birthday). We’ve been together over a year and I knew that he wasn’t texting me as much and we were seeing each other every second week due to school and social commitments but I never thought it was bad enough for him to break up with me and only say he fell out of love and couldn’t give me the commitment and love I deserve. I still love him and need him in my life as he is one of the two people I can talk to about my issues at home and messed up childhood. I thought what we had would last a lot longer then it did and I am in denial and don’t really understand exactly why he fell out of love and I can’t help but blame myself. We’ll hopefully stay friends but I eventually want to progress to more than that.
Sara
July 17, 2019 at 2:24 pm
My boyfriend and I dated for almost a year and he just broke up with me a week ago saying he lost feelings a month ago and tried to push through and shake off the feeling, but he didn’t want to hurt me anymore by pretending. Our anniversary is next month and I feel so heartbroken and desperate, and I’ve been talking to him but slowly he’s becoming more dry and unresponsive. He did tell me that he’s been going through a lot and he’s not in the same state he was in when we first fell in love. He also said that he can no longer give me the future we talked about, and he doesn’t know if he wants to try again because he’s afraid it’ll come crashing down. I haven’t done the no contact rule yet, and I don’t know if I can. What do I do? I miss him and I see a future with him, but I don’t know how to make him see it.
Alana
June 15, 2019 at 12:36 am
Hello, so my boyfriend of almost 3 years dumped me 28 days ago. He said that he fell out of love with me a few monthes before he ended it because I was too emotional and too clingy. I should add that he started becoming depressed way before this due to other things like his parents divorce and said everything, not just us, was overwhelming. I started no contact 3 days after he broke up, so it’s been 25 days no contact. My mutual friend says he has a lot of pent up anger and that he feels guilty for ending it, but that he loves me like family or a friend and doesnt miss me. We were very compatable, did everything together, hardly ever faught. What should I do to get him back?
Kelly
December 2, 2018 at 10:29 am
Hi Team,
My boyfriend and i broke up a few days back and his reason was because he lost interest in me and that we didn’t know each other well enough (we dated for 2 months before making it exclusive for two months). He also said he didn’t feel we were compatible. (i don’t really understand why he feels this way? we didn’t have huge fights, just small arguments here and there, in which both of us apologised and agreed to change and learn.. and we have only been in the relationship for 2 months, how do feelings fade so quickly?) When we broke up, he did suggested to be friends and a day later, i said yes i dont mind being friends. And i added that perhaps, exam stress (he’s having finals), alongside expectations and monetary issues, were stressing him out and i just added to his stress, hence losing of interest. However, he told me to move on.. This morning i told him to come to me when he’s ready to talk.. and he’s been unresponsive so far.. (we didn’t meet face to face, we broke up over text…) I know that things take time, i just would like to know if i should reach out to him when the time is right and from then, slowly build up the relationship again? Does he mean it when he said i should try to move on? What are the chances he will reignite the feelings? It’s such a fresh relationship and i just want to try again..
Chris Seiter
December 2, 2018 at 5:05 pm
Hi Kelly! I know you are still in that “hurting” period, but with a focus on your healing, you will come thru this. Sometimes giving each other space and time can help in many ways. Hop on over to my Home Page and check out the many resources and tools I have there!
Sara
October 18, 2018 at 2:58 pm
Hai,it’s been many months since i broke up with my exbf. There are a few times he asked me back(1 week after the breakup and second one is 1month later and third one is 4months later),yet i refused all of em coz i dont trust him enough.Meanwhile, i did say to him i still like him.He is sometimes mean and callin me names and tryin to piss me off.The breakup reason is he lost feelin for me.As i’ve been refused him few times,should i initiate and confess my feelin to him? What is he thinkin?I have never begged him back and no gnat.
Chris Seiter
October 18, 2018 at 11:10 pm
Hi Sara….not wise of your ex to be calling you names. When he stops misbehaving, you should initiate contact in the way I teach in my program!
Hanna
April 22, 2018 at 9:01 am
So how to rebuilt interest when you are blocked everywhere and in a long distance?
flying over would rather look like stalking then :’)
Chris Seiter
April 22, 2018 at 11:04 pm
Certainly LDR have their challenges. Instituting NC is suppose to help with that and their is a schedule of texting messages you can employ at the right time as discussed in my ebook. I once had a client that mailed a message in the bottle and got results…so getting creative can help once there has been an adequate period of time of No Contact.
Katy
April 6, 2018 at 11:30 am
I have been broken up for 2 months now. I haven’t done no contact but I am planning on starting that on Wednesday as we are meeting up. I know he just wants sex but I am not going to give in.
I work with him- can I use this to my advantage?
Jennifer Seiter
April 7, 2018 at 3:12 am
Yes if you meet up with him, do so in a public place so there isn’t an opportunity to have sex. At work be flirty with him and see how he responds to light flirting.
Alice
December 28, 2017 at 5:15 am
So the guy I had been dating for the last 7 months literally broke up with me last night as he lost feelings for me. I know I’ve been a drama queen and I’ve been emotional. We had been fighting these last few days as I got him a Christmas present when he didn’t want one and that we hadn’t seen each other in a while. I mean, he works nights and weekends. I work days and weekdays. We rarely get to go on dates anyway. However, I do want to continue this relationship. Things were fun before we started fighting. We may not have seen each other a lot but we talked everyday. I don’t know how I can just go cold turkey from that. How can I get these feelings back? I am terribly insecure about myself but now, right now, I just feel lost.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2017 at 6:16 pm
Hi Alice,
if by cold turkey, you mean the no contact rule, then of course we can’t force you to do that.. but it looks like you’ve been friendzoned for a long time now and keeping in contact isn’t working for the better right?
Alice
December 27, 2017 at 10:21 pm
So literally last night, the guy I’ve been seeing for 7 months said that he wasn’t feeling ‘us’ anymore and it tore me apart. I have been a drama queen, I’m insecure and lately we have been fighting a bit about not being able to see other recently. He works nights and the weekends, I work days on only weekdays. I don’t know what to do. I still want to continue seeing this guy. I still dress up, still trying to lose weight, still hang out with my friends and don’t stop him seeing his. I just want to continue us. How can I gain that feeling back?
anon
December 14, 2017 at 7:15 pm
Ugghh, If a guy really loves you, a bit of weight, and these other superficial things wouldnt matter. A relationship works on mutual love and respect, if a man expects all these from a women he sure as hell should work to give the same to her -_-
Mary
April 20, 2017 at 8:12 am
hi! I think my bf broke up with me because Im high maintenance and drama queen?I how can I get him back? I finished the nc
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 25, 2017 at 9:52 pm
just dont be a drama queen again.. what do mean by high maintenance? what made you think you are one?
Ashley
March 2, 2017 at 4:54 am
Hi,
I have known my ex-boyfriend for 7 years. Since then, we have always been on and off and always got into fights. From the beginning, I had very bad issues with trust and I very much assumed that he would only be going out with his friends to be surrounded by girls. We broke up 2 weeks ago and I can’t stop thinking about what i did wrong in the relationship and how to fix it. I want another chance with him, but he doesn’t want to give me one. He said that we didn’t have any interests, we always fought, and he really wanted to just move on from me. He said that he would consider being friends in the future, but he wants time away from me right now. He has blocked me on every social media and my phone number. I did the whole begging thing after we broke up and I believe that made it worse for my situation. I honestly don’t know what to do at this point. I want him back for all the right reasons because I really took the time to look into what i did wrong and this is why I keep dwelling on the idea that I made all the mistakes. Do you think I have any chances of getting back together with him or should I not hold onto that hope?
Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 2, 2017 at 11:44 pm
Hi Ashley,
Try the no contact rule first. If it doesn’t work, then move on. Check the link below:
She Got Him Back After Contacting HIM First After The No Contact Rule!
Chloe
February 1, 2017 at 6:44 pm
We broke up 3 days ago. I’m still on the verge of pain and desperation.
Before we broke up, I noticed that he seemed uninterested anymore. This was because of a major fight few weeks ago that was caused by me being too controlling. I learned that he’d been chatting with a certain girl where there’s a really big difference in his responses. His responses to mine was short while to the other person were sweet and fast. I noticed this that made me insecure even more so, I end up getting mad about him going out even more. I don’t really know because he keeps everything to himself. The day we broke up, I provoked the fight because it was me interrogating him over again. That time he cried so hard and asked for a break up. We’ve been in a relationship for 2.5 years and not even once have we experienced a break up. This really gave me a shock because he told me I was choking him. Hes is not happy with me anymore and that he’s been enduring the relationship all this time. He never complains about my attitude nor has he tried opening up matters about me that he finds annoying. That’s why it was a total shock to hear all his complains in just that moment. I wasn’t given enough time to change. If I had known earlier, the relationship could have been saved. Now, he reached the point where he can no longer bear it. I begged him, I cried so hard. I don’t know what to do without him. He cried along with me saying he still loves me, he really does but he needs some time to find the happiness he lost when he stayed with me. I begged and begged for him to give a chance to make up for it, I won’t stop crying that’s why he said okay let’s give it another try. But, that whole day his responses seemed more uninterested but I really did my best to make him feel I love him. But, late that night he texted me he wants to talk to me. That time I was already trying to prepare myself to accept that he’s really going to break up with me now, officially. I was shaking but I put up a strong front because this time I don’t want to beg anymore. So when he said he doesnt truthfully think it’s going to work out and cried while saying it, all I did was stare at him painly. He hugged me but all I said was that I’m okay with it. I’ve already tried my best to make him stay but he just doesn’t want to work it out. It’s taking a toll on my studies. I want him back, I’m not sure if he’ll ever come back. P.S there’s no third party involved. I think it’s his way of entertaining himself since he is really bored with me
Do you think I’ll still be able to make things up? I want him back but he won’t. I don’t know anymore. Up till now he hasn’t tried contacting me and he seemed well. Do you think he still really loves me as he said back then?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 2, 2017 at 4:52 pm
Hi Chloe,
I cant assure you of what he truly feela but the fact is, he broke up with you. So now, do you want to try the no contact rule and do the advice above?
R
January 20, 2017 at 8:47 am
I m really confused about my ex bf I want him back and also I don’t want because at the time of brkup he talked very rudely and he broke just because I disrespected him in the past… Please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 21, 2017 at 5:54 pm
Hi R,
Try to do the no contact period first..so you can have time to reflect
Ash
January 8, 2017 at 12:01 am
Hi, I’ve been on this site reading these posts over the last few weeks. I’m in a situation, and I honestly do not know if I should have hope he will come back or if I should move on all together (I really do hope he comes back). I would really appreciate some insight into what you guys think since you all seem to be the experts! After a full year of nonstop rejection and heartbreak, I met the perfect guy for me. I’ll admit that at first I was not too sure about him, and I tried my hardest to play it all cool because sometimes I’m worried I can come across too eager when entering a new relationship. I tend to do all the pursuing, so backing off and letting him pursue me was a first. After our first date, we began texting and snap chatting each other all day and he tried to see me almost every day during the first week. I’ve never had a guy make me feel so wanted. I also liked that there were no games with him. I never once worried about texting too much because he was so crazy about me. We still took things slow even though we clicked so well. On our third date, we kissed for the first time. I’m a more traditional, conservative person, and I was really happy to find out that he was too. I found out that he didn’t have much experience with dating, even though we are in our twenties. He’s always just been focused on college. His last relationship was two years ago. He said that he is just really picky. I have only dated one person (it was six years though). Both of us also have had two sexual partners, and when we discussed sex, we both seemed to be on the same page of waiting for a little bit and not rushing things. I fell very hard for this guy very fast, and from how he acted and talked, I though he fell just as hard and fast for me. We saw each other as often as possible, and most of our dates were initiated by him. He even made plans for me to meet his family. He fixed things around my house, always sent good morning texts with heart emojis, constantly offered to do things for me, asked me to future events, ect. Even though we got along so well, we did have our differences. Basically, even though we had the same morals, goals, and values, we had some different interests. He’s a small town country boy. Im a little more city and nerdy. It never seemed to be a problem though. I would watch his TV shows and movies with him without complaining and he would do the same with me (that’s not the only difference, it’s just an example of how I never thought it was a problem). Even though we also decided to wait before sex, our physical connection was crazy. After three weeks of dating, he spent the night and we did fool around. That night he said he wanted to have sex with me sooner than he thought he would. I asked why and he said “being with you just feels right.” I thought this was a good sign, right? We still never went all the way though. Four days after that, he sent me a long text on how he thought we should slow down because he didn’t want to rush things and one of us get hurt and how he wanted to make sure of his feelings before he fully committed. That confused me, because I thought we were committed. I mean, this guy was constantly texting me and wanting to see me. He even learned songs for me on his guitar and bragged about me to his friends. It did scare me, but I was understanding in the texts. I just thought maybe things got serious too fast and he got scared. Then he went into further detail and told me how he finally stepped back and looked at the big picture and noticed we were completely opposite. Again, I was confused. I had brought up how we were opposite in the beginning, and he acted like it was fine and he liked me because I was different. After that message, I told him how we weren’t that different, but I did let him know that I was a little worried about what he was saying and that I thought things were going well. He told me he thought they were too, but he was worried the connection was just physical. The physical connection was strong, but he worried about the emotional connection. I was completely and utterly confused as hell after that. Yes, our physical connection was strong, but the relationship was new and both of us hadn’t really been with anyone in awhile. I just assumed that had a lot to do with it. The emotional connection was good too I thought! I told him a lot of things and started opening up to him. I wasn’t going to hit him with everything I’ve ever experienced within the first few weeks of our relationship! I ended the conversation that by telling him I was going to bed and needed to think. The next day we didn’t talk until 5pm. I texted first. He apologized, but I told him it was okay and if he did have concerns, we needed to discuss them. We decided to keep seeing each other. We hung out a few more times that next week. The first time I mentioned how he was worried about of differences and asked what he was worried about. He could only name one difference which was music (he likes country, I like rock). I told him that shouldn’t be a big issue. He said it wasn’t, but he just worried we would disagree on something big one day. I told him disagreements would happen, but I respected him enough to find a compromise. I also brought up how we had the same views on a lot in life (goals, values, and morals). He just said “yeah, that’s true” like he never realized it before. He told me how he needed to stay focused on grad school. I told him that I knew this and I would never distract him on it. I even sweetly said how I would have dinner for him after hours of studying. He told me he did worry about getting distracted, but he liked me and I seemed to be a perfect fit for him. He asked me to spend the night that night, but I had to get home because I had work early the next morning. Also, we did fool around again that night. The last time I saw him he came over to my house. I had a busy day at work, so I was completely tired. We just watched movies all night and cuddled. He was flirtatious and everything as usual. I asked if he was staying the night, and he said no because that was his way of forcing himself to slow down. Again, I was confused because two days ago he asked me to stay. The next day I texted him and asked. He apologized for confusing me and explained how he just didn’t want to rush anything. I told him I understood and jokingly said I was just making sure he still liked me. He said “I do still like you, but not as much as you like me.” That comment hurt. It was rude. I appreciated his honesty, but damn. The next two days were weird. We didn’t see each other, but we talked a lot. I noticed he seemed to dodge most flirty or sweet texts and would change topic. When I seemed to back off and give small replied, he became flirty. On Friday, he broke up with me. He apologized and told me he just didn’t want to drag me along and that it was unfair to me. Normally, I would’ve tried to fight back. I didn’t. I just said he was right and I was glad he ended it before I got more attached. Then I sent a longer text explaining how I thought he was wrong about us just having a physical connection. He told me that maybe I was right, but he knew how he felt and he just didn’t think anything was there. He also said he didn’t feel anything special like he should the last time we were together. I simply said “I understand.” He’s told me before that once he makes his mind up, it stays. Therefore, I didn’t see a point in saying anything else. He thanks me for understanding and told me to not be afraid to call him if I ever need anything. That was it. I know, it was just a month long relationship, but a lot can happen in a month, right? It’s been exactly one month since our breakup. We talked twice. Once was a week after the break up. He posted a snapchat story of a movie he was watching (one we both were excited about). I caved and texted him asking how it was. He said it was good and that he was going to text me about it. I told him I needed to see it, he was yes, and I made a joke about sending my review afterwards. That was it. Then I read about no contact. So I started it! He texted me this past Monday saying he hoped I had a good Christmas and New Years. I texted back saying “thanks, same to you! I hope you relaxed some over your break!” He sent back “it was great! Haha, not at all, I had plenty to do with family!” I almost didn’t reply, but I felt rude. I sent back “I’m sure it was nice!” And he replied with “yes indeed!” I didn’t text back. I admit that I have stalked his social media. He posts nothing. This week he started making a lot of snapchat stories, which is unusual because he doesn’t do that that much. My questions: do you think he may come back judging from everything? What even happened? Also, did I handle his text okay and should I try to talk to him soon?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 8, 2017 at 8:45 pm
Hi Ash,
there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but if you keep doing the same things you were doing that didn’t work, then nothing will change. If you want to leverage the no contact rule to your advantage, stop replying and stalking him. Focus in improving yourself..
Justice
December 22, 2016 at 11:08 pm
Hey admin!
My deadly sin is giving too much and being too available. This past week, he has been slowing down communication. I tried to be more flirty and sexy but he ignored it (I now feel kind of ashamed for trying so hard). He called me twice but doesn’t answer my texts or when he does, he answers with one word hours later. I called him at work and he rushed me off the phone saying he had to get back to work. He’s never done that before. He used to talk to me the whole time, even while he was working. And when he was busy, he used to promise to call me back and he always did. Now, this week, he promised to call me 4 different times and forgot each time. He asked me to stay over his place this weekend I said yes but now ‘m thinking about cancelling on him. I feel like I need to send a message that I’m not going to deal with this. Do you think it’s smart to spend the weekend with him and try to focus on having a good time or should I just cancel and tell him that I rather do something else?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 27, 2016 at 2:43 pm
Hi Justice,
did you go?
Amy
November 15, 2016 at 2:37 pm
Hello. I need your help. I have read near enough every article/guide on this website and have let the advice sink in as much as possible but I need some help on my personal situation.
My bf split up with me 9 days ago today. We were a bit hungover on a sunday afternoon and i started to nag and annoy him which made him flip out dramtically and him scream “I cant do this anymore” and leave the house. I fb messaged him the next day to say he was a coward to leave me like that no real explanation and he just confirmed again saying i just cant do it with you anymore. I told him he was nothing to me and since then I havnt spoken to him since as im trying to give him space and using the no contact rule but i feel like i havnt a clue what is happening, especially in his head.
A bit about us – We have been together for almost 3 years now, we are best friends we do everything together, and thats because we both want to. He basically moved in with me as soon as we started seeing eachother, so have been living together near enough 3 years ( in two different houses). He loves the bones off me, hes the sweetest guy does anything and everything for me emotionally and physically. He is my soul mate the only person who gets me and i get him and he says this to me 24/7. However, the last half year or so ive been really insecure about my weight, that i have gained, ive had no job, he has been paying for everything helping me. I suppose ive got a bit lazy with myself and everything and then of course the nagging. I would always nag at him for silly things ( turning off switches to save money for electric, pick up clothes blablabla) i became a nagger, i suppose now i can see the fun had gone out of the relationship. I was always finding a way to put him down one way or another and i can see that now, he has dealt with it for a long time but i know he questions if i wanna be with him as he has mentioned openly because of how i act. But this is purely me nothing to do with him because of my insecurities i suppose.
Last 6 months or so he has broken up with me a few times over whatsapp/text saying we need to go our seperate ways he cant do it blablabla, finding an excuse, leaving me in tears and upset, straight away i have told him not to and said sorry things will change blablabla. Of course he comes over and sees me and him being the beautiful soul he is hugs me and stays and we carry on the relationship just like that. But nothing changes, I dont change. I stay the same dont take in what has happened. Then it happens a few more times (we always make up). Until of course, 9 days ago when he stormed out saying he couldnt do it anymore, i have not gone running because im scared of that rejection now so for the first time we havnt spoke for 9 days. I am trying to give him space and use the no contact rule also.
I am working on myself, eating healthily, excercising, ive lost several pounds already. Im not drinking. I really can see now what I have done wrong and how I let the fun get sucked out of the relationship because when we are happy my god, we are happy! We have the best laughs wiht eachother we just GET eachother so much!
Now, my sister text messaged him, without my saying so, saying to him not to contact me now ever again and let me move on as she has seen me several times cry when he has broken up with me. I was a bit annoyed at this as I didnt ask her to get involved and now he might do exactly what she has said because he may be scared i dont want talk to him now?
He has text her asking for the rest of his belonging which i have said i will bring to my mums for him to collect. I feel like this is all he cares about now? Or is this a front? My question now is what to do, im working on myself, i know what went wrong, i wanna give him space. I already have interviews lined up I can feel a good change already. Although, seeing as mys sister got involved will my no contact just imply that i am trying to move on like she said?
What do i do? I want to fix this so bad! Apart from my nagging and moaning, everything was perfect! Maybe we was with eachother too much and i have decided if we was to get back together i wouldnt have him live here so we can have space more. Where do i go from here i dont want him to move on! Its hard not knowing what he is thinking.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 9:09 pm
Hi Amy,
you already lost several pounds in just 9 days? Congrats! Celebrate that. That’s good if he thinks you’re moving on. That way you can have a restart..Focus in continually healing and improving yourself.. Do at least 30 days