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6,800 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

  1. Patty

    May 10, 2016 at 10:07 pm

    Hello,
    So my boyfriend of 3 years decided to break up with me. We lived together and everything was great. Got a long good have our occasional arguments but we always resolved any issues we had. He said he loved me and even spoke of marriage in the future. One day though he sat me down and began to tell me he felt unhappy with the direction our lives were headed. He didn’t break up with me but after that conversation he changed dramatically for the next day’s he would hardly speak to me until I brought it up and he again said he felt unhappy and he began to say things that kinda hinted that he didn’t wanna be with me so I told him maybe I should move out and he remained quiet and so I took that as a yes. We had planned a trip for his bday around that time and we still went together but he acing different the entire time. When we came back I began to pack and one day we got into what was the biggest fight we had ever been in. A total a waking match were we both said some real bad thing to each other after that it was clear it was time to go. Things eventually calmed down and I continued to pack and slowly move my things out for the next couple of weeks. During my last weeks there we did apologize to each other for the fight we were also intimate twice. Eventually I moved out and we spoke here and there few times before not speaking for two months. Afterwards he began to contact me and we had lunch few times and he took our dogs to the vet. We also had festival pases and we both went separately but eventually linked up the entire time there but he treated me just as an acquaintance would. Days after the festival he posted a picture on his social media with a girl I’m not sure who she is no one around me knows either. I was destroyed after seeing the picture and can no longer contain my emotions I text him and asked for the remaining items in the apt I had left behin when I had moved out four months prior. He began to question why I wanted them and I eventually told him i was still very much in love with him and that I was suffering. I told him for my wel being I think I needed to cut him off. He apologized for how he had made me feel. He went on to say I was someone very special and important and he will always care about me. He said hopes to become great friends and said if I cut him off he will be hurt but can’t stop me. He also told me he will always love me like family and I will always special place in his heart. I immediately told him I can’t be friends with someone I’m in love with. I picked up the remaining things that night and did not say a word to him even though he wanted to have small talk. I grabbed my things and left. I vowed not to talk to him and asked that he not contact me. He forever text me for my bday few days later and also text me to wish my mother a happy Mother’s Day but I have not responded. I love him and still can’t believe it is over. I am wondering based on my situation can this relationship ever be rekindled or should I move on? Why does he continue to contact me. Might he really wanna just be friends or was he putting up a facade.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 15, 2016 at 12:38 am

      Hi Patty,

      try to do active no contact first and see where it goes.. Maybe both of you just need time apart for yourselves and to miss each other. Try to do 30 days.. Focus, improve and heal yourself.

  2. JoJo

    May 10, 2016 at 8:09 pm

    Just wanted to ask if Chris is going ahead with the 1:1 counselling he talked about on his podcasts, and also when he will be bringing more podcasts out?! They are great!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 15, 2016 at 12:28 am

      Hi Jojo,

      THanks for right now.. Well, not right now but we’re not closing the doors for it in the future.. but I can’t assure you that it will be anytime soon.

  3. Judy

    May 10, 2016 at 12:36 pm

    Hello Amor, Waiting for reply

    I am the woman that is 53 years old, I replied to your question yesterday but can’t find it now and do not know if you responded. I am desperate for help, I really want to get my ex back, I am doing no contact and have been going to a gym, going out with friends, working on my house etc. but still feel heartbroken and obsessed over it, what are the odds I will hear from him or get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 14, 2016 at 11:56 am

      Hi Judy,

      I’ll just copy paste my answer to your latest comment from this one.

      Ok, to be honest, from your story she seems to be more attractive for him compared to you.. but with what happened to them, if they are together, the trust can be on the rocks.. I think you have to try to give him space through nc, because he will definitely compare the two of you.. and while you’re nc, do the things that make you happy.. I’m not sure if they will fight right ahead because if they are in the honeymoon period, they probably won’t but once they do, he’ll go back to his memory of you..I don’t know if he’s into social media.. but if you have it he will probably check it when he misses you.. so, keep it updated..

      but to be honest, if I was in your place.. he has to work for me if he wants me back.. coz what he did, if he left me for his ex, he can’t go back with me that easily coz that would make a rebound or just a back up..

  4. A

    May 10, 2016 at 2:21 am

    Hi my bf and i broke up – i broke up with him after 2 weeks of like fighting every other day – we were not seeing eye to eye. We had a huge fight where i was drunk and i left his place at midnight and walked home i said i was never coming back. I didn’t speak to him for a week and then i freaked out when he added a girl on fb and contacted him and he seems to be not wanting to get back together. He said that his heart bled the previous week and that he had already gone through the distraught phase basically where I am this week. I only just shyly of begged for him back – he seemed angry and 75% of him was saying no we are never getting back together & sometimes like 25% he said things like “even if we did get back together I wouldn’t be the same person, I couldn’t give you as much time, maybe in a few months we can be friends with benefits if you wanted” THEN i cried and then i got in my car and he sat on the porch his face was red and he was crying/hiding it. I cried for 6hours and went a little crazy and sent him all these texts and called him and fb msgd him and he did block me. I know he like joined this religious cult like 3 weeks ago as part of his martial arts training and he’s been acting weird which is why we’ve been fighting heaps cause he’s been weird and saying i don’t respect him or find him sexually attractive. We were together 2yrs and 1 month. He says he didn’t like the lifestyle we were living. He says he wants to stay broken up because the fights have been devastating for him. Even though we fight like once every 6 months. I want to try the No contact Rule but I don’t know if I need the other book the Ex BF pro book instead.

    1. A

      May 24, 2016 at 2:44 am

      Uhm also, it seems he has gone onto the meetup app and basically joined all the groups that i’ve joined and RSVPd to a group event for this saturday! is he chasing me or is he STALKING ME. OR am i the crazy person because i think he is stalking me? He might genuinely want to come along to all the events these groups have and make new friends. I don’t know. Or is he just doing this so he can cockblock me? WTF is happening?!? I am NOT breaking NC – I’m on day 15! Halfway there!!! He knows everything he is doing will PISS me off. I could not talk to him and tell him to stop because then he can just say “we’re broken up you can’t tell me what to do – & I didn’t join those Meet up groups because you were on them” He can just deny it then I look stupid. Right?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 25, 2016 at 10:02 am

      yeah, just continue in with nc.. be polite if he initiates but dont be engaging and don’t initiate a convo

    3. A

      May 20, 2016 at 8:05 am

      Ok so this is totally getting out of hand. I don’t know what is happening but my ex keeps sitting in front of me in classes. There are plenty of other tables in the room and as it is almost end of semester no one is coming to classes. He keeps coming in late. Yesterday he sat in front of our mutual friend who was sitting in front of my but turned the tables so he was facing me. I don’t know if his actual intention is to torture me during NC! I really want to finish my NC but his behaviour is really getting to me. After he saw the tutors about some work today – he then proceeded to talk to 2 other guys on the other side of the room and be really loud talking about the gym, and diets and then arm wrestling. I went over to use one of the other guy’s computers to check if my website was working and he just got up so quick and walked away from the table & out of the room. Looks like he was just using the class time to socialise. It really is not fair he really is encroaching on my personal space at the moment. I don’t want to break NC for anything I mean I am actually having such a great time being single(not in a party way but deep down there is less worry) I might not even want him back in a month! I really need to weigh up whether he ever did bring anything of real value to the relationship or just cause me a whole lot of stress like what I am feeling right now. I don’t want to break NC and I don’t want to do anything weird or out of character. I think I’m going to have to actively sit somewhere else? Is that ok to do? I bought the ex bf recovery pro book because sometimes I feel like shit and it is really hard! So i will open it and read and re-read some of the first half of the book because I’m not up to the second part post-NC. Did I mention that while I broke up with him – it was him a week later who called it. He said he wanted to stay broken up and that we “will never get back together ever again” When I practically begged he asked “ok, what is it going to take for you to understand this is permanent?” Is he actually torturing me right now? Is this what torture feels like?! Like it is bad enough I had to do the begging & after NC I have to be the one to contact him? well I don’t want to do that any more, I want to focus on building myself back up from that low, LOW point I was at crying and asking for him back 2 weeks ago! He can’t just come in here mess up my recovery!!! Right?!!!!! Where do I place these boundaries!? Right now I’m thinking more along the lines like he is not doing me a favour by sitting in front of me, behind me, or facing me in classes – it is him who is getting something from me (my attention) and I do not want to give that to him! Which is why I’m super angry and have been for the last 2 days!!!

    4. A

      May 11, 2016 at 10:20 pm

      He showed up at an event that he clearly knew I was going to be at but there were a like a 100 people but I still spotted him when taking a seat he had been watching me but when I saw him he looked away and sat somewhere else. After the conference was over I barely stayed like 10 mins because I could not bear to see him again! He put a downer on my whole evening I had been having such a good time and would have probably stayed back & mingled if he hadn’t shown up! I wore new red lipstick and make up and sexy clothing lucky I got there early and had a play with all the workshops! I have classes with him 3 times a week should I just sit somewhere else and avoid eye contact? YES! Unfortunately I started no contact like a week and a half ago naturally without stumbling across this website and then broke it to see what was UP with our relationship. He says we’ll never get back together but we do have common interests and it’s likely he will show up to events like the one last night. I can’t be running out on all of them like Cinderella with diarrhoea!

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 15, 2016 at 2:40 am

      hahahahaha! Well, at least it looks like he’s chasing you.. so keep your distance and keep maintaining yourself.. if you want to stay in the event, stay, just don’t mind him and mingle with other people..

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 10, 2016 at 6:03 am

      Hi A,

      you can still do no contact even if you don’t have the book… follow the steps in this blog post and scan through the site, so you can see other posts that might help you.. be active in improving yourself during no contact and start a new routine.. reflect and aim to be more emotionally stable

  5. Aria

    May 9, 2016 at 3:08 am

    My ex and I (we’ve been together for almost 3 years) have been broken up for a month and I actually saw him last week to, trying to drop some stuff off to him… but we ended up going out for lunch and catching up… and things went well actually. He didn’t pull any moves on me, and it wasn’t awkward hanging out at all. Just by spending some time catching up and talking to him that day, I realized by his body language indicated he does still have feelings for me and he does still love me, even though it didn’t tell me those things directly. Once I left, he gave me a long hug, told me that he had fun catching up, and to text him when I arrived home safely. I did do that, but he ended up replying the following day because he apparently slept early cause he had a long shift. Today is my second day of doing the NC rule, and he texted me this morning and I haven’t replied… He is graduating in about two weeks and his birthday is coming up soon as well… Should I still avoid not contacting him when those two events happen in his life since they both occur before the 30-day contact period is over?

    1. Aria

      May 9, 2016 at 4:40 pm

      Sorry for the confusion! I meant to say that we’ve been broken up for a month already, but we were still talking and calling each other for the past few weeks. After we saw each other last week (we just hung out we didn’t hook up or anything), he told me he had a good time catching up with me and to text him when I arrived home safely. I texted him when I got home and suggested this “we should do this again sometime” however he did not end up responding until the next day. He didn’t say anything about wanting to hang out again which kind of made me upset… So that’s why I decided to put the NC rule in action… Today is my 3rd day of doing the NC rule, and I am focusing on improving myself and going back to my art and hanging out with new/old friends. He texted me, sent me a snapshot, and liked my picture on my social media, but I completely ignored it. I am just wondering if I should contact him next week when he graduates from undergrad since it’ll only be my twelveth day of the NC rule…. I am determined to stick with the NC rule however, do you think it would ruin my chances to build rapport with him if I don’t congratulate him on such a big event in his life?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 10, 2016 at 3:35 am

      for me it’s ok that you cut it to 20 days..

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 9, 2016 at 10:51 am

      Hi Aria,
      you said you already stopped talking for a month right? that’s looks like your nc, but did you improve yourself? if not I think you should start doing but still start texting him coz I think this is a good opportunity to rebuild rapport with him

  6. Laura

    May 9, 2016 at 2:21 am

    OK so….I was w my guy for almost 5 mos. He ended things very abruptly as if he were mad about something. I pushed and proded and apologized for whatever hurt him for like 20 mins and then gave up as he pushed me away. I sent a text a week later agreeing w the breakup and began NC from then on. I am on day 38. On day 31 I was all ready to send a great first text but chickened out. Then on day 37 I heard he was back with his ex gf! This makes me wonder if i was a rebound? he was w her for 10 mos. Met me 2-3 months after he broke up with her. ( he ended it w her) I cant tell if he was just trying to do this to be spiteful (he brought her out to my usual haunt and they kept kissing and he weirdly kept calling her “my girlfriend” to my close friend who he knows as if hes trying to prove something. This upset me for obvious reasons but also because now i cant text him! it will look like i am only texting him bc my friend told me he was out with her. (he def knows she told me. she and I are very close friends)

    I feel like this might have to turn into a 45 day NC?!

    side note: we had no contact at all during NC, as in he never reached out and i never broke it or saw him in person. Closest we came was him telling that same friend of mine to tell me he said hello if she saw me. (“if you see laura tell her i said hello” – and our breakup was pretty bad. he seemed very defensive and angry)

    1. Laura

      May 10, 2016 at 3:49 pm

      thanks. i did read that article. they were in touch while we were dating but i didnt think she was a threat bc she was chasing him and he had complained that she wouldnt stop begging him to come back and he just wished they could be friendly and move on because he broke up w her bc he didnt see a future with her. I really didnt even think she was an option so its hard to tell if he just “fell back” on her just bc he is now single and feels like shes better than nothing bc shes there…..

      So how long should I keep up NC? I am now on officially day 32 since our last contact. im afraid to wait too long and let her win. not even sure if they are officially together.

    2. Laura

      May 9, 2016 at 2:23 am

      Correction! Those day numbers were from the day of our breakup. Actually tomorrow May 9 will be 30 days from that text i sent agreeing w the breakup. But now i cant send the text tomorrow bc its way too close to the day he was seen out with his ex!

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 9, 2016 at 9:39 am

      Hi Laura,

      well, we’re not sure if you are the rebound or his ex is but if he was talking to her before he broke up with you, then you’re probably right that you are the rebound.. it’s better to keep with nc for now.. and read this post.
      EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

  7. jojo

    May 8, 2016 at 6:06 pm

    Hey EBR,
    I have recently purchased EBR PRO.

    I am a bit unsure of the section on the texting after your nc period, specifically if he responds to the second txt in a neutral or negative way…
    Just say the first message after no contact was ” You’ll never guess what?” and he responds with “What?” and then you go ahead and say something like “I was just going through some stuff and I came across xxxx and it reminded me of you”

    What if the text you receive after that is neutral, like ” Yes,I remember that” or “I thought you didn’t want to hear me again”
    In the book it says to say something like ” I’m just on way out, bye” … to me that doesn’t make sense.. I was hoping one of the team could make it a little clearer for me please? Thanks… Currently at day 22 of no contact, although he hasn’t contacted me at all…I have been working on myself though, as much as i can with a four year old in tow!

    Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 9, 2016 at 5:43 am

      Hi JoJo,

      if he responds that way in your first contact text that means you have to let time pass before you initiate contact again.. generally 2-24 hours or longer. but actually, for a the I thought you didn’t want hear me again reply is a negative one.. you have to apologize to that, like say, “Yeah, sorry about that. I had to take time for my self to clear my thoughts and heal. sorry If I made you feel uncomfortable.” and then don’t text again for a while..let him cool off..

  8. Emma

    May 8, 2016 at 4:22 pm

    I have already posted a reply on another section but my situation has changed. Amor believed my long term boyfriend left me because of GIGS, which I can confirm because he is now in a relationship with his best friend. It has been a month since I last spoke to him, and I had told him we were having a no contact period. Should I send him a first contact text even if he does has this new girlfriend? Or should I wait another month? I was thinking I could send a text and then have another no contact period so that he doesn’t understand why I am ignoring him again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 9, 2016 at 3:26 am

      if he knows you’re doing it to reconnect to get back with him, he will probably ignore you to protect his current relationship.. so, he has to think you have moved on, and you have to come from a point of being friendly only when you start texting again, and you have to have massive improvement so when he comes to a point of comparing you to her, he would remember the good times and see the improvements in you now.

  9. Faye

    May 6, 2016 at 12:11 pm

    I wanted to follow the NC rules however I am not sure it applies to my situation. I was childish and mentioned breakup few times with my ex in our relationship. The last one was last year September (about 7-8 months ago), and he finally had enough of it and would never came back even after I apologied or tried begging. In between these 7-8 months we did contact, or we would see each other because he was helping me with something. I tried to move on, and got myself a rebound bf but very soon I realised I don’t like him, and my ex knew about this, as if he is okay. I was thinking probably he has moved on that’s why he could still be like friend with me. I am very sure my ex is the one I love because waking up everyday I miss him so much and I am willing to give up the current rebound bf if my ex is willing to come back. My case is certainly way passed the ‘just after break up emotional state’, and we have been contacting though not eveyday but quite often. The last text yesterday I asked him if he has a new gf already or falling for someone new but he just didn’t reply, so I assume he probably has. Is the NC rules still apply? What should I do? Please, I really hope to get him back. Thanks for advise.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 8, 2016 at 11:41 am

      Hi Faye,
      the question is, have you improved yourself over the last months?

  10. Marina

    May 5, 2016 at 9:41 pm

    Hi guys!! So my boyfriend says.he.needs time to calm down (he is pressured with a situation and hes basically taking out.on me) he says he.needs time. And that we can be together.IF.and WHEN he changes.his mind (I like the when part)
    But on Facebook he still has.that we are in a relationship and he still.has us on his cover photo. So do I. What should I do? Take.it off? (So he sees im.not just waiting)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 8, 2016 at 8:34 am

      Hi Marina,

      nope not yet.. just do nc for now

  11. Sara

    May 3, 2016 at 5:45 pm

    Hi EBR,

    My ex broke up with me after we had a massive fight and we even had the worst horrible fight right after the breakup. Parted ways somewhat calmer and have been NC since then now for slightly over a week. NC on both sides for the past just over a week. He hasn’t contacted me either and has started posting on social media and it seems like he’s trying to show that he’s all okay and happy now. I don’t know if I buy it. I have been keeping myself busy reconnecting with friends and going out but I don’t post about it because I didn’t want it to be insincere or make it seem like I was trying to make him jealous and all “okay”. I’m going out tomorrow to a cool event with a guy my ex didn’t really like and since its a cool event I want to post about it. I know he’ll see it. Should I post about it that I’m at the event with that guy friend? Or would it only infuriate him more and he’d be trying to one-up me with some girl? I don’t know what his reaction will be and that’d it be so negative since already his most recent memories associated with me right now are probably negative. I don’t want that and an endless one-up this or that. What is the advice about Social Media posts during NC? Especially if both are still connected on Social Media? I do want to, hopefully soon, at least be able to be best friends still. Maybe more.
    Thanks!

    1. Sara

      May 13, 2016 at 8:54 pm

      Really need your advice, Amor!

      So he didn’t tell his close group of friends, our mutual friends that we broke up until 2.5 – 3 weeks after we broke up. They didn’t know and had invited me to an event and then I think he finally told them and they are now seeming to avoid my attempt to chat with them. I just wanted to tell her over a quick call that we had broken up, not sure if they would want me at the event, and that I’m cool with being friends still but the friend is now avoiding talking with me. I’m sure she told him that I tried calling her (when I did it was to let her know that we split but it looks like he did it before I could reach her). I’m sure she told him what I’ve texted and she said she would call me but never did. What does this mean? I feel he must have told her something bad about me or to not contact me? Its been 3 weeks of no contact but was this breaking no contact? I just wanted to tell her because the event was the next day but I didn’t even get the chance to because she would keep avoiding me. Looks like I’ll lose this group of friends- which is unfortunate because I really liked them. I haven’t spoken with her and I get this bad feeling. It makes me sad that he may have said bad or terrible things about me to his close group of friends and not given a fair portrayal of what he did wrong too. Based on the fact that his close friend is avoiding talking to me now… Does this mean he doesn’t even want to keep the friendship with me? (Side note: Neither of us have communicated at all over the past 3 weeks) What do I do? Did just trying to contact his close friend make me come off as needy again? I just wanted to tell her that we broke up but I’m doing well and its cool, but I didn’t even get the chance because she avoids communicating with me now. Does this mean he’s still angry and needs more time of NC? What do I do?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 15, 2016 at 6:19 am

      oh.. no you didn’t.. you didn”t ask or talk about him so you didn’t break no contact.. it’s better if you don’t go since they’re avoiding you

    3. Sara

      May 10, 2016 at 3:02 am

      if I go and its a smaller group of friends, do I even say hi or greet him? When we’re all together, should I be friendly happy and confident but then cold and distant to him? It’d be the first time interacting since the breakup… what if he hears that I’m going and calls me? What should I do? Ignore it or pick up or call him back? He may not and I might just see him there.
      Also, Since you said its okay to go, and it’d be 3 weeks into NC, this won’t be breaking the NC rule will it?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 10, 2016 at 7:46 am

      if you not go to the event, it would be more helpful for you but if not.. just don’t initiate a convo with him.. don’t be engaging when he starts talking to you.. answer politely direct. ask yourself not to mention to anyone if you’re going because you’re not sure yet. If he calls, don’t answer.. you will be breaking nc if you have small talk with him or relationship talk with him

    5. Sara

      May 4, 2016 at 11:11 pm

      Thanks Amor, really great advice!
      And what do you mean by in that right time? Also, Does NC include not liking his social media posts?
      Also, there’s an upcoming fun event, which would be 3 weeks from when he broke up with me, with all of our mutual friends. He’s going and I don’t think he knows that I was invited to go too. What do I do? Might be strange if he just suddenly sees me there and it’d be unexpected for him? Also i don’t know if all the mutual friends know that we broke up.

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 8, 2016 at 2:45 am

      right time actually would be if you started to talking and he doesn’t show signs of missing you.. it’s ok to go, just don’t initiate a talk with him… try to be with other friends and tell the truth if they asked about the two of you.. and yes, liking posts is not allowed too.

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 4, 2016 at 12:16 pm

      Hi Sara,

      you can post things like that but it has to be in that right time.. more like when he’s the one who left you and it’s just normal for you to go out so, he can’t blame you if you do.. But I think with you, it’s too early for a jealousy post..it’s just been a week.. you can’t lie about the other guy being there but don’t post anything that only has just the two of you.. maybe with a group of friends.. or just don’t show him at all, but don’t hide it from him if he asks after nc..

  12. Mary

    May 3, 2016 at 10:22 am

    Hi, EBR.

    My relationship lasted about two months – we got along extremely well and I developed very strong feelings in that time but he broke up with me prior to his move overseas. Prior to the breakup, he became noticeably distant, much of which I attribute to him mentally transitioning to his new life in a new country. My question: I’m in the NC but if I intend to abide in the NC zone for 30 days, I will likely not talk to him or see him before he moves abroad (he’s still in town but probably only for another month). I would consider this a huge impediment to repairing our relationship or just our channels of communication before his move. What would you recommend?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 4, 2016 at 11:37 am

      Hi Mary,

      you mean you want to cut off nc is short? For me it’s ok to just two weeks, try it.. I hope it helps to make things better before he moves.. if not, do another nc and full make it full 30 days and be active in improving yourself.

  13. May

    May 2, 2016 at 5:51 pm

    A guy and I were dating recently, however because I’m going to a 4 year college and plan to go to graduate school, he feels like we will not have a future between us so he can’t take me seriously. I hung up the phone and texted him some questions, he replied and said that he did not want to talk to me anymore. I called him 6 times, he never picked up, PURPOSELY ignoring me. I sent him a long Facebook message (he deleted me off of Facebook) and he still hasn’t replied to it. He still follows me on Instagram. Should I try the 30 day no contact rule or just move on with my life?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 4, 2016 at 8:24 am

      Hi May,

      try it as a lasr resort.. don’t just stop contacting him.. focus in healing and improving yourself

  14. Alessandra

    May 1, 2016 at 11:12 am

    I have been with my boyfriend on and off for 3 years….i think we do love each other but we dont want the same things in life…i want kids, he does not. I left him a few times but he always comes back…waiting outside work, ringin, textin, emailing, going to places he knows i will be….i manage to keep strong for a few days and then i always “melt”…. i love him but he does not let me go….its so so so hard for me…and i dont envisage my life with out a family either….i stick to the nc but he does not….can you advise me?

    1. Alessandra

      May 1, 2016 at 5:18 pm

      yes…as he doesnt let me go…and i love him so its really hard!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 3, 2016 at 8:14 am

      … talk to him seriously, and then if he still doesn’t understand, just ignore him and continue on with your life..

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 1, 2016 at 3:21 pm

      HI Alessandra,

      are you asking how to make him let you go?

  15. Olivia

    May 1, 2016 at 9:29 am

    What do I do about snapchat please – if I put things on my story he can see them, and if he sends me things directly do I open them? It used to be one of the things we used lots (Long Distance) and until a week ago when I asked him to stop taking snapshots of pictures of me (!) we still used it quite a lot. I am now going to implement the 30 day no contact but am unsure how to approach snapchat. Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 1, 2016 at 3:09 pm

      Hi Olivia,

      just continue with your snapchat stories.. but don’t open his messages..

  16. Jacob

    April 29, 2016 at 9:49 pm

    hello. I have a question, we both have a really long snapchat streak going. should I completely stop it (even though I don’t want to because it took so long) or should I just snap her once a day but nothing that makes me sound interested or want to start a conversation (she snaps me back as well)

    1. Jacob

      May 1, 2016 at 11:51 pm

      she has been the first one to send me snaps (for the streak) these couple days, and she seems to miss me (ex. when I snap her back she takes less than a minute to open it, she’s always one of the first people to view my story like she’s been waiting on it, etc.)
      anyways, that doesn’t matter because right now (still in NC period) I feel better about myself and I realized I can live without her. I wouldn’t be surprised if she contacts me saying she misses me. I just want to know if this happens, is she worth enough to me to give this relationship another try? I still have feelings for her, but not to the point where I’m needy. it’s like it doesn’t matter if I’m with her or not. if I’m with her it would feel really indifferent, but it’s just nice to have this girl in my life. I’m just afraid if things get comfortable she would do this to me again… what should I do?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 3, 2016 at 9:51 am

      you mean if she goes back to your previous attitude? once you get to talking again.. and when you get to the meet up stage.. and when she’s in the best mood, talk about what happened but in the way that you’re proposing solutions for it not to happen again.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 1, 2016 at 12:07 pm

      Hi Jacob,

      if you’re in a conversation.. then that’s good because you need to build rapport.. try the tide theory so you won’t get confused on the amount of snaps you should send in a day..

  17. Abigail

    April 29, 2016 at 3:12 am

    My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me unexpectedly 5 days ago. He graduated college a year ago and has been working, while I’m still in school where we met. He said we were in different places in our lives and he needed to be independent and be able to make tough career and life decisions without worrying about disappointing me. He says he still loves me and I still love him. He was crying over it and maybe he just isn’t sure of what he wants right now? All I know is I definitely want him back and I’m willing to try the no contact rule. Does it sound like something that would work in my situation? In your opinion, should I have hope that things will work out eventually?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 1, 2016 at 10:29 am

      Hi Abigail,

      yeah, try to give him space to think.. maybe he’s overwhelmed or he wants to try new things.. but there’s a chance that he could change his mind.. especially if he could see that you could handle it being apart by improving yourself during nc and living your own life..

  18. TYSM

    April 28, 2016 at 8:31 pm

    Lets see quick background summary we went out for over a year and after the break up were back and forth. Then I finally gave up on him and then we tried being friends but I gave up on that also due to why and feelings. Then I gave the NC rule for about 3 months. He started contacting me again and at first I did not reply then I did minimally and now he keeps inviting to hangout with his friends…. How should I take this? Is this bad ?

    1. TYSM

      May 3, 2016 at 1:35 pm

      Yes it should I think he is trying to be friends now and see where we go in the long run

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 1, 2016 at 9:14 am

      why? shouldn’t that be a good opportunity to rebuild rapport?

  19. Jean

    April 27, 2016 at 10:14 pm

    Hello EBR Team!

    I’ve started yesterday no contact but I have some unresolved issues in what regards material things like sharing the same cellphone plan. I told him to contact a common friend when he wanted to solve that instead of contacting me.Is it ok for me to do this or should I contact him?I don’t think I can handle speaking to him right now

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 1, 2016 at 6:28 am

      it’s okay to talk to him directly about that.. as long as you’re not having small talk and not talking about the relationship and feelings, you’re not breaking nc.. you need to have your own life and build your own routine and improve yourself to regain attraction..

  20. Poppie

    April 27, 2016 at 8:49 pm

    Hello EBR!
    My ex broke up with me about a month ago and blocked or deleted my number then after contacting him via social media begging and pleading he told me he needed some time , 3 days later he contacted me positively I ended the conversation the next day I contacted him and then he ended the conversation now it looks like he’s blocked me or deleted my number? Help?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 1, 2016 at 6:51 am

      Hi Poppie,

      If you didn’t no contact, try it.. since he’s been sending mixed signals too.. let him think.

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