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nothappy
September 2, 2016 at 5:38 pm
Hi,
we were together almost 3 years and it was a very complicated relationship.. I am married with someone but separated and he was with someone else when we fell in love with each other. he broke up eventually but I he didn’t tell me and I always felt very insecure and guilty about us. I am very open and direct whereas he is very opposite. I tried to break up/talk to him about us several times but he always calmed me down and told me that all will be fine soon. I am about to have a divorce and 2 weeks ago I txted him to say that seems like we lost our spark and he seems like to be my friend rather than my ‘lover’. first he disagreed then next day he txted to say that he prefers to be my good friend rather than failing me. I am so sad and we exchanged some txts since then. now he wants a space and time to sort out other problems in his life but I am obsessed with him and missing him deeply. in a way I fee like this is the end, at the same time i keep hoping as he didn’t say anything certain.. I thought I was a strong and confident woman! any opinions on what should I do? I am really tempted to txt him:(
Nya
September 10, 2016 at 11:39 am
Hey. My Ex and I I guess you can say have been broken up since May but we still did things as if we were in a relationship. We share a toddler together (not his biological) since he’s raised since a baby but recently after meeting and knowing her for two weeks he completely had changed. This is someone I’ve known for literally over 11 years but dated for 4. He didn’t even come to our daughters birthday recently which made her really upset. I suspect this girl is in his ear saying some things to him. She hates the fact that he used to talk to me and how close we were. I initiated nc just Tuesday but it’s hard especially when you’ve known this person for years and we were doing the same thing. I guess I’m scared we will never talk again. And I really lost my best friend. Because he was truly that before anything else. I mean I know I was the only girl he was with for literally 4 years and he has mentioned he wants to try something new. But this girl he’s with is controlling and something we took years to build she manged to tear apart in months. People tell me he’ll eventually start missing me. There’s a lot of years you can’t just throw away. And to an extent , I believe it. I hope this helps
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 12, 2016 at 7:23 am
Hi Nya,
It looks like she’s a grasss is greener case..Even if it’s hard to nc, it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Stay strong in it and make a new routine with your daughter.. Don’t chase. Do 45 days before reinitiating talking with him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 6:36 pm
Hi Nothappy,
Looks like he got tired of hearing that he’s not making an effort which, I think is true though.. For you, it was not enough. It looks like you had different love languages. He wants space right? THen you should do the no contact rule. Do 30 days and just focus in improving yourself. Make him miss you by not chasing and improving yourself.
Adelaide
September 1, 2016 at 10:22 pm
Hi! I was in a relationship for five months with a guy who never had anything serious before. I was his first more serious thing, and our relationship was really great even though I did realize from time to time that he misses his old life (partying, girls etc). We really do match and compliment each other, but he broke up with me three weeks ago saying that he really does like me very, very much BUT he does miss his old life and he thinks he s not ready for commitment yet. We talked a few times after break up, and after the last talk I decided to implement no contact rule. It has been two weeks, and I wonder for how more should i wait? And if you have any other suggestion it would be helpful. Thank you 🙂
Adelaide
September 4, 2016 at 10:15 am
Yes, I am active and I am working on myself and I think that he noticed it. I am feeling fine, but I just don’t think that he is missing me yet. A friend of ours tried to contact him just to go out for a coffee, and he did not reply, and we are quite sure that he did that so that he would not have to talk about me or our breakup. Also, He met this girl that is older than him 8 years, about ten days ago, and he is constantly tagging her on facebook posts, and I have a feeling that he really is into her (and she into him). I think that I should wait for at least two more weeks, but I am still not sure. We are living in a really small city, so chances of running into him are high, so I thought that in about two weeks(or three) I should dress up, wear something that he really likes and “accidentally” appear on the same place. PS. I am redhead currently, turning into blonde very soon so I know that is going to shock him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 4, 2016 at 8:38 pm
That’s a good plan. Just know that you can’t rush things. The moment is he gets a hint that you’re chasing him or trying to get him back, he might back off. Especially that he has a new girl. It’s not a matter of waiting for him miss you, it’s a matter of making him miss you. Read and watch these articles: The “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You” Video
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
Adelaide
September 3, 2016 at 9:49 pm
Yes I am working on myself and I am active on social media, but I still don’t think that he misses me or wants me back. I noticed that he is constantly tagging this other girl on facebook posts, and I think that he likes her. I know that they met maybe a week after our break up, so I think that he really is into her since he just met her. For how long should I wait? And is there any other advice or thing that I should do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 2:32 pm
HI Adelaide,
21 days is the common nc for a short term relationship but it depends also on how active you were in the last two weeks. Were you actively improving yourself? Were you active in social media?
Jericho
September 1, 2016 at 10:05 pm
Hi,
My situation is very strange. My ex-girlfriend broke up with me back in July, so it has been about a month and a half now. We were together for a very short time, 2 months, but the moment I asked her out, we had such a special connection and instantly clicked. We were both working together at a retail store, but she later found a job at the airport. Her schedule had changed once she started her new job because she worked from 4:30am to 2:30pm, and later had to attend school from 5pm to 9pm. It was very hard for me to see her because I don’t have a car and she was either too busy or tired to see me on weekends. I went to the airport to see her one day and she decided that we should breakup. She didn’t want to disappoint me because she didn’t have time to see me anymore and said she wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. We were still texting each other, but it was every few days. She’d message me saying how are you? And she’d even say messages like I miss you, and I told her I really miss her too, but she says the time isn’t right. Recently, I decided to call her because I was confused. She was sending these signals to me that I thought meant she wanted to get back together, but she didn’t, that’s why I called her to find out. We were talking and I was saying how come you don’t want to be together? Is it because of a guy, did I do something wrong? I was very insecure and just hoped she didn’t cheat on me. I asked her a question and she quickly hung up. I started to text her and call her multiple times, I know I shouldn’t have but I was frustrated. She was sending these mixed signals and still wasn’t clear about what her intentions were. I sent her texts saying how rude it was of her to do that and that she doesn’t care for my feelings. She then wrote a long paragraph explaining that she’s not seeing anyone else, and that she truly is busy with her new schedule and that she doesn’t even have time for herself anymore. I responded with a long text saying I’m sorry and asking to stay friends, but she didn’t respond. So I guess I started my 30day NC Challenge. (Quick sidenote: she doesn’t follow me on Instagram, but she views my stories everyday, so that means she’s always looking at my profile. And this has been happening ever since the breakup.) My question is, how should I contact her after the NC Challenge is completed? Thank you.
Jericho
September 1, 2016 at 10:06 pm
Oh and also, she is my first love in my life. And one day I will go searching for that love we had, even if it years from now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 2:18 pm
Hi Jericho,
use a topic that she loves talking about.. be busy during nc.. show that you have your own thing too.. that you have your own life.
Suzanne
August 31, 2016 at 12:55 pm
Hello,
I broke up with my boyfriend on accident.. sound weird right.. I wasn’t thinking straight. I had an anxiety attack and acted out of anxiety. I broke up over the phone.. A day after the breakup I felt like I made the biggest mistake. While breaking up he said he isn’t ready for a relationship but he does love me and he feels terrible about it. He said we could remain friends and I said I needed time to think.
Will the no contact rule work or is this a lost case.. I really really want him back in my life no matter if it’s a relationship or a friendship.
Suzanne
August 31, 2016 at 4:32 pm
No he wasn’t aware of my attack it was via text message, I have not told him yet because I am now trying the nc rule. We were together for about 3 months, but I love him so much I lived in constant anxiety to lose him ( I have separation anxiety)
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 5:14 pm
Congratulations then, because with that condition, nc is super hard but you’re strong. We dont guarantee that nc will work but use it to be more emotionally independent.. I think you should do 45 days and then initiate contact after that
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 3:47 pm
Hi Suzanne,
how long were you together? does he know you had an anxiety attack?
Henena
August 31, 2016 at 11:45 am
Hi, Chris,
I have been read your website for a long while which I am in the biggest trouble in life, I really don’t know how to do, maybe I am hopeless and helpless now.
Actually I am a flight attendant, I joint this company nine years ago, I saw an very attractive captain (he is 44 years old)in my flight nine year ago, which I have the very intensive feeling on him, but I was so shy to talk to him, because he seems older and he is the captain, I was still the junior flight attendant at that time, we haven’t talk or meet each other at that time.
After that I saw him again, 7 years ago, 5 years ago, 3 years ago, I keep the feeling in my heart, we didn’t talk to each other for nearly nine years. However we have meet again this March, same flight to India, he was so shock of seeing me in the gym, because I have a sexy body as he said, he also talked to me in the flight, but I tried to ignored him, because I know that he has been with an 47 years old woman for nearly nine year, I think we might not have any possibility, but he added me in the FB, we didn’t chat until we met again in another flight by coincidence, I can’t control my feeling and text him said”it was nice to meet him again!” Then we started chatting everyday for 10 days, everything, we found a lot of things we are in common, he texted me the first moment when he woke up and last min when he slept. But he told me that he will marry that woman in Nov and maybe they will move to Italy in four years, he wanted me to visit them, because he didn’t know I like him. Then I showed him my feeling, he said he was shock, he will never think such a pretty lady will like him, he asked me not to hold for him, he won’t change his relationship with that woman, however we set up a date, he kissed me on that day, then we both fall in love, we were eager to meet each other very often, he started to think back his relationship, he was confused by getting married, they have problem, before I am in his life that he tried to hide them, because the woman drinks too much and they don’t have sex for a long time, he is still love her but like a family, because long time together, they lost the passion and immtimaty with each other…we kept dating, he was always nice and caring me, afraid if I went away…we had sex the day after we celebrated my birthday together…we were in the very intensive feeling, very close, he told me every secret and things on his life…we loved each other a lot, but he always says he can’t be a monster to cut the relationship with that woman, because they have been together for a long time and she is old, her life will be die if he left her. But he tried to delay the wedding, she was in heart attack for it…so from April to Last Monday, we had a lot of arguments on his relationship, but we still have quite a lot sweet moments together when that woman was away from home, we slept at home and cooked together, he even thought that we might have our happy family after that. I always tried to push him away because he never really want to cut his current relationship, I tried to block him or forbiddened him for messaging me, but it never works, he tried everything to contact me again, then we fight again. Specially we haven’t seen each other for a month in August, he tried every method to keep me in his life and told me that he can’t live without me, he is in a mass depressed while he could not contact me, but I never can be in such a situation, he said he can’t cancel the wedding now, I said then we don’t need to text each other. He always says he know he won’t be happy after the wedding, he knew he doesn’t love her as much as before, things have been changed, but he is too coward to do anything.
Finally I freak out on Sunday, I said I won’t accept such a situation and people should only marry for love, not by any other or conditions…he said I always says blocking him away, but I never can do it, I am always angry of him…but I am only angry for this situation, he said there is a reason that he much get married with her, nothing will be changed, he even said that he wished me to meet a better guy who care me. I said wish him a happy marriage life and I hoped so much that we didn’t meet on that day then we won’t be together. He was so angry when I said his marriage, because he knows that he can’t be happy, and he said I was mean to say that I hoped we didn’t meet, then he said bye to me finally and said he will block me, but I block him first.
These days I saw he is with that woman together by their pics, I don’t know if he is really happy, the woman knows he has affair with me too…I really love this guy, but I don’t know how to do, because they will get married in November, I deleted the whole number of my what’s app, do I need to block his FB? What can I do if I really want him to finish his current relationship and coma back to me?
Sorry for the long story and wait for your prompt response! I will really want to learn how to attract him back again.
Henena
September 3, 2016 at 5:41 pm
I saw their new pics in the woman’s Facebook again, ridiculous, I saw his smiles in them, why he still tell me he loves me and can’t forget about me by that?
Why he beg me not to block him 10 days ago?
He restricted the Facebook for only friends to see now, we are not friends in FB since June, maybe he should block me soon, why he didn’t do it now?
I am sorry for all these questions, I never been in such a relationship, I really don’t know how to do…by all these things recently, he might not come back to me again, right?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 4, 2016 at 4:24 pm
It’s ok. You can ask as many as you need to.. well, honestly, it’s because he’s a coward.. If he keeps being a coward, might as well make his relationship look happy
Henena
September 3, 2016 at 2:58 pm
Thanks for the kind reply!
I tried everything already, now I think I can only wait if the luck will be in my side.
I will not contact him by myself, actually we haven’t contact for over 10 days, will do as you said. Because I still really love him.
Thank you!
Henena
September 2, 2016 at 6:02 am
Thanks for kind reply!
I didn’t say anything with him and deleted the what’s app number and app already, he already thinks I hate him for the decision of getting married, so I should only reply him when he really stand out for me and face the situation? Should I block his Facebook? The no contact rule will work for my situation too?
Sorry for many question, but I really don’t know what should I do…
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 5:15 pm
We dont guarantee that it will work.. you dont have to block him..
but from an outsider’s perspective, when you entertained him, while knowing that he’s in a relationship it gave him an idea that you’re that kind of girl.. that you would still stay as his mistress when he’s married..
reply if he said he already broke up with his fiance.. dont reply, if he says, he’s going to..he’ll probably take it back and get back to her once you start talking agaib
Henena
September 1, 2016 at 11:14 am
And he unblocked my FB again just after I sent my reply…I really don’t know what he is doing…
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 1, 2016 at 2:56 pm
he’s affected.. staying strong on your standards is a big things because it raises your value.. And it makes him think that you are serious with what you said. He’s going to lose you if he doesn’t stand up for you..
Henena
September 1, 2016 at 11:06 am
Thanks for the kind reply!
Now I deleted my what’s app for nearly one week, he didn’t try anything to find me back, today I checked his Facebook and found that he blocked me in FB.
I will not give up my principle, but what can I do if I want him back? Should I keep waiting until he cut the relationship with that woman and find me back?
I really don’t sure the possibility of us, I hope that I could find a way, because he is very important to me in life…please help me if there is anything I can do.
Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 3:45 pm
Hi henena,
stay strong with your standards.. From your story, it looks like you’re a beautiful woman inside and out.. Dont let go of your principles for a guy who is not brave for you..
He might still try to be in a relationship with you in the next days but be strong and dont give in.. dont be his mistress because once he sees that you allow that, he will keep it like that and not leave his fiance..
if he really loves you,he has to value you
Julia Elizabeth Land
August 30, 2016 at 3:18 pm
Hello!
My boyfriend and I of five years just broke up 13 days ago. We have been in contact and I have been basically a needy person just telling him about all of the changes that I will make because I want to be back together. I have decided to do the 21 day restart because I think that will be enough time for something to happen if anything will. I am concerned that he will move on in this time or be happy to get rid of me. I also think he might be angry if I ignore all of his contacting attempts. What is your advice if your ex goes to a family member asking if youre ok or shows up at your house or school? I dont want to shut him out but I am worried he might feel this way.
Julia
September 1, 2016 at 6:37 pm
We broke up because I think I was suffocating him. We were together for so long that our relationship became a routine rather then us working on it everyday. We are young, 23, but have been together for so long that I feel like he might have lost his identity. I have been very codependent on him and I think he just needed space. So far we haven’t spoken for 3 days, and he texted me yesterday. We also have 2 dogs together that stay at his house so not sure if I shouldn’t respond when he tries to talk to me about them.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 1:13 pm
It’s ok to talk to him about them, as long as it’s only about them.. then you should really do at least 30 or even 45 days.. THe good thing is that you have memories.. Improve yourself during no contact period.. use nc, to start your own routine that you will continue after it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 1:53 pm
HI Julia,
why did you break up? actaully I don’t think 21 days is enough.. I think you should do 30 days
Jane
August 30, 2016 at 9:43 am
A few days ago my ex boyfriend called it quits on us getting back together and instead went back to his new girlfriend even though he did plan to leave her for me. Before he called it quits he had kissed me 3 times in the same night and was saying that me crying and being upset did hurt him even though he was with his new girlfriend. He said he still wants to be friends but I don’t know what to do… He’s been sending me messages everyday asking how I am and mentioning his new girlfriend and it’s always him starting the conversations and when I don’t respond he asks why he’s being ignored or states that he is being ignored. I’m currently on day 3 of the NC rule and those were my messages so far, so do I have any hope of getting him back? He has been wanting to get for a while but then just suddenly called it quits. We talked civilly about how we both felt and he says he is scared in case what I done repeats itself but I have stated that it won’t. Is he maybe waiting to see whether things can change and then will consider us getting back together or are all my chances pretty much gone? He did say maybe in the future we could work but I don’t know if that’s his way of keeping me with some hope. Help!
Jane
September 1, 2016 at 5:02 pm
Would you recommend I do the 15 days NC or the 30 days NC? I want to build some trust with him but I also feel because he has another girlfriend then maybe doing the 30 would be better. Which would you recommend?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 11:17 am
yep do 30 days
Jane
August 31, 2016 at 7:03 pm
My ex boyfriend messaged me yesterday about coming to see me and stated he was in a low way so may end up crying when around me. He showed up to my house and I took everything with a pinch of salt. As we were in my house he said he wanted to talk outside as it hurt to stand in my house and look around it. He then took me somewhere quiet in his car and started having a chat with me. At first I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say but then he took my hand and said he wants to tell me something but hopes I don’t get upset. He said he had sex with his new girlfriend but he couldn’t finish because the thought of me kept going through his head. He also said that he thinks about me a lot involving marriage and kids and just general life happenings when I asked did he think about me. He also stated that there’s something on his mind and it’s about me but he doesn’t know what. Also, when he messaged me I stated I met some guy for a date, using the push and pull theory and he wanted to know every detail. He then asked me about it when he came to see me and said he has been testing me to see how long it would be before I got into another relationship after stating to him how much I felt about him. I’m still so confused even after reading your article, because is he basically wanting to get back with me because he is testing me? Is he using the other girl until I prove myself? Is there any hope for me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 1, 2016 at 12:21 pm
I think there is a chance but utilize it to make him miss you more.. don’t chase.. restart no contact.. let him think that you’re not going to wait for him while improving yourself
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 12:50 pm
Hi Jane,
I think he sees the other girl as a grass is greener case. YOu should read this: The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Madison
August 29, 2016 at 10:40 pm
My and my ex talked for more than a year but dated in that year for 8 months. He broke up with me once or twice during that time but has come back each time. The last time which was a month ago he broke up with me and he said he meant it. It seemed different. He needed to focus on his music and making it big but I want him back. He’s texted me a couple of times and me being weak texted back but I would stop responding and sometimes he would stop responding. How do I get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 11:36 am
HI Madison,
do you want to try to do the no contact rule?
Bea
August 29, 2016 at 9:44 pm
Hi, I got in contact with a bloke from school on fb. Hadn’t seen him for some twenty years. We have had the most amazing banter from the start and fed off each other. We laugh all the time.I’m a workingsingle mum of two, have my own house, car and was studying for exams. It all got too much for me and felt pressurised. The only thing I could remove was him and so ended our relationship. He was devestated and texted and called me all the time. After a couple of weeks we tried again and things were going good. However My friend stumbled on his profile on dating site. It said he was recently active. I was so hurt. He was adamant old account. We didn’t speak for two weeks and then he contacted me to pick up his stuff. He then started coming over on his own accord to help me with the house as in DIY. We didn’t get back but after a text was sent he interpreted wrong and didn’t speak for a week. Before we both going on holiday we met up(nothing happened) and had the best day ever. We both went away separately and he kept texting me, asking if I pulled, if I wanted to go on date when returned. We didn’t go. When I saw him last I said that we should leave me and him. I told him I didn’t know where I stood with him and he said he didn’t with me. He said that he was really committed but when we made arrangements I had cancelled 9 times in four months. Truth is im so tired from kids. He said there is so many knock backs. I did tell him I loved him during relationship he never told me. Not to sound big headed but he did chase me and I was in control. We talked for another hour then he left but ended up snogging. It totally messed my head up. I told him after I wanted to be with him long term and said we would be great together which he agreed but he said I needed to think if I truly wanted us and so did he. He’s been contacting me since. I asked him tonight if he thought and he says he needs more time…why? When I reply to messages he answers me back straight away, he phones me too. He said before he can’t bring anything to relationship as he lost house, car etc to ex. I’m not interested in materialistic things I just want him. Will no contact get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 11:20 am
HI Bea,
we don’t guarantee that no contact will work.. But if you’ve been back and forth a long time now, then you need a change of pace… and I think no contact can help you with that..
mary linda
August 29, 2016 at 1:00 pm
hi!!well my situation is a bit complicated!i had a 3 year old distance relationship.During these years he asked me twice to stay alone but after conversation and every time showing my affection,we ended up together.we even started making plans about our future and we stayed together,at least 4 days a week when i visited his city(2 hours distance from mine).
One month ago,and after not seeing each other for a month due to my work,while talking on the phone i made him somehow admit that he wanted time and to be alone.After that day he didnt answer my calls or when he did he told me that finally he decided to stay alone,single and he is not in love anymore.It was and it is too hard for me to accept it and i made silly questions like:we were supposed to live together,or,dont you see that we love each other?he sometimes answered by telling me that he doesnt know about the future maybe we could make it,sometimes was really upset and refused to give me any chance.I end up crying and the same situation every single day.Last week i was informed by his friend that he is dating a girl,i called him and insisted on telling me the truth but he said no.Anyway,after visiting your page i decided not to contact him anymore(today is the third day off:) )but its terrible.On the one hand i feel stronger and believe nothing ended,but some others i feel desperate as i love him so much and i cannot accept this whole thing ended for him and replaced me so quick!should i continue not contacting him?and after that what?i think he understands what he did as all his friends-family were opposed to his behaviour towards me but,anyway,we are not together and im afraid of thinking he may continue his life with someone else…thank you for listening to my problem 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 8:36 am
HI Mary Linday,
if he really wants to date others, staying in contact when he doesn’t want to will just make him annoyed. While doing no contact, improve yourself. Make him regret by being active in social media and showing that you’re moving on. You’re fine and being happy.
aish
August 29, 2016 at 12:59 pm
hai, i need help.me and my bf of 8months broke up 1 1/2months ago.but i finally beg him for a second chance because i couldn’t get over him over that period and knowing that i was the one to blame for our break up.but ever since we got back together it has never been the same as before.he hardly reply my text or answer my calls.i was too late to find out about this no contact rule strategy.what am i suppose to do?n i think that he might have known a girl over the period that we lost contact.is it too late to apply the no contact rule now?m crazy about him n i text me him all the time so i think annoys him and he admits it that the readin he didnt reply.he was crazy over before the break up he even agreed to meet my parents and he did.our birthdays coming up the next month.he is only 10days older than me.what should i do to improve this relationship because i really want this to work.he is a great guy.but he is acting cocky lately mayb because i was the one wanted the break up n say that he is not worth for me n end up i was begging to b with him in the end.now he is acting totally the opposite n now i feel like i dont want it anymore because i dont feel he loves me.he said he wanted me to change to a person i promise i be.plz help.tq
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 8:15 am
Hi Aish,
He’s more likely acting like that so that you would feel that way, so that you would be willing to break up and then he could be guilty free.. Try to be less available and have your own life. I’m not saying you should break up with him but while you’re still with him now, have your own life. Don’t be clingy and needy and be independent.
AImee
August 29, 2016 at 10:11 am
I was with my ex for 6 months and we were absolutely perfect for eachother.
He broke up with me a week ago and i have had no contact with him, We spoke he was upset that i was ignoring him so i explained that im not ignoring him but keeping the situation calm.
I broke today, i tried to reassure him i love him and the we will be okay and i kept at it.
He has now ignored my last message and im going crazy sitting at work.
Please give me advice.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 7:59 am
Hi Almee,
I don’t get it.. He broke up with you but why are you assuring him that you love him? WHy did he break up with you?
Mila
August 28, 2016 at 12:13 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago, first i couldnt believe it and i send him messages telling him that i didnt expect him to do that to me and he didnt reply to me then after a week i send him a birthday message and he replied it with pleasure and he was very happy that i send him a happy birthday message, from that day it has been 20 days that i have not contacted him in any way and even i didnt give likes to his posts but he gave likes to all my posts during that period of time, i was always stalking him and following his news on facebook and this made me more addicted to him and made me to want to contact him so yesterday i decided to unfriend him on facebook after that i cried a lot and i was frustrated but i said this is better for me so that not to see his online status and it may help me not to reach him out during the NC period, so can anybody tell me that i did a wrong thing, did i lose my chances of getting him back after unfriending him? please can anybody help me because i still want him back and i know that he too is missing me a lot but last time we talked he said i postponed my marriage decision and i dont want to be in relationship with anybody right now this was his execuse although i didnt quiet believe him he is telling the truth as we did something wrong before break up and this made us apart for 10 days then he was back but after 3 days i noticed he has been changed then i asked him and he told me about that mistake that we two did an he said that he hates himself and me and then he broke up with me but when i send him birthday wishes he was okay and he said he is not angry with me but the reason of break up is that he postponed his marriage and he dont want me to wait as he is unsure when he is going to marry and he dont want to turture me this was 20 days ago and i know he is missing me now as i watch his likes and comments. so do i have chances of getting him back
Mila
August 28, 2016 at 8:21 pm
when he broke up with me he also told me that he is not sure i am in love with him and he thinks that i was just playing with his feeling but to be honest i love him more than myself so do you think no contact wil work with this situation or will it make it worse
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 4:28 pm
Hi Mila,
the mistake is that you stalked him… That’s not allowed during nc.. You should just focus in improving yourself, healing, going out with friends and meeting new people and being active in posting in social media.. SO, that means, you have to restart count. This time I think you should do 30 days.. Focus on that only, so that he would regret leaving you.
Mila
August 28, 2016 at 2:59 pm
can i go for 21 days no contact rule or is it better to go for 30 days knowing that he has not contacted me during the no contact period but i am sure he is missing me a lot and i am afraaid after i unfriended him from facebook he will be upset and may never try to reach me out again
Jenna
August 28, 2016 at 10:18 am
I dated my ex for about 4-5 months before things ended. He is the first guy in a long time that I really liked and we got along great with very similar upbringings, beliefs, interests and personalities. I felt so happy and positive when with him and genuinely think he really liked me and is a good person. We talked about how neither of us dated much because it’s so hard to meet good people, and we are both so independent that we didn’t waste time dating just to date unless we genuinely like the other person. He said I was the first girl in 2 years that he liked and was genuine. The same was for me about him.He has a very busy job and when dating we saw each other about once and week, but talked every day. Towards the end it got to the point where we would go 2-3 weeks without seeing each other. I understood he was busy but I just felt like if he really liked me he should have made more of an effort to make time to see me if the relationship were to ever progress. When I had that conversation with him, he admitted to liking me but not wanting a serious relationship with anyone at this point. That’s when I decided to pull back a little. I felt that it was too hard to talk to someone everyday that i really liked if we didn’t see each other for weeks at a time and things weren’t progressing. We continued to remain friends and still talked a few times a week,continuing both genuine conversations and flirtatious/sexual texts. I then noticed him pulling away emotionally and contacting me less and less. I had a gut feeling he met someone. About a week later he contacted me letting me know that he started to talk with someone else. He said he knew I wasn’t the type of girl that wouldnt date a guy who was also seeing other girls so he wanted to be honest with me. I of course was devastated, but agreed to remain friends with him.
After that conservation, I did not speak or have contact with him for 3 weeks. This was before I even knew about your website or the NC rule (I didn’t stumble across to your great services until a week ago). While I still really like this guy, I knew he was with someone else. So I went on vacation and hit the gym hard…I got in great shape. When he saw pics I posted of my vacation, that’s when he contacted me. At first his texts were the basic how are you doing, small talk, etc and complimenting me on how much he liked my pictures. I also learned that it didn’t work out with that other girl and they no longer were dating.
Since our initial contact, he has been texting me about once a week, sometimes once every other week. I’m frustrated because it’s not progressing and he has made no effort to see me or ask me out, and while some of our conversations are genuine and friendly, most have been sexual and flirtatious. I’m still working on improving myself and have gotten in even better shape, traveling and having fun. He continues to like just about every single picture I post on social media. I worry that I have become too available to him, always responding to him, flirting with him back, that he thinks he can always get me,but he’s still out there looking for something better. We haven’t seen or hooked up with each other at all since the break off btw.
Here is where I have questions, now that I’ve found your website and bought your book. Do I start the NC rule now this late in the game? Or do I give up? I do think he likes me if he’s still contacting me( he initiates about 75% of the texts). And how do I get him to want more and progress past the random texting pattern?
Thanks for your help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 1:28 pm
Hi Jenna,
it’s like you already started nc.. the only difference is that you kept talking while improving yourself.. try nc as a last option.. stop responding and then just continue being active in social media..
Vonnie
August 26, 2016 at 4:47 pm
So ive known this guy since I was 12 and he’s 3 years older then me. I’ve always had a crush on him.. And after while we would talk off an on off an on and now I’m 20 I recently got in contact with him after I was so close to moving on… An we ended up sleeping together and then we met up again.. But this time was different he stopped in the middle of us you know to tell me he felt bad because both of us have a bf/gf that we both been dating for a while and that he has a lot to lose an asked me what I was able to bring to the table an that he doesn’t want to seem like the bad guy an that a fresh start would be nice but nobody like starting over. An I just let him know that Ive always wanted him an it was hard getting over him and he just said well finish this conversation later an tried to give me a hug but I didn’t want to but he pulled me and Gave me one and kissed me on my cheek an then my lips it’s been 4 days an haven’t heard from him should I put him on the NC rule for 30 days?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 10:38 am
Hi Vonnie,
Yes, but the truth is if ever, are you prepared to lose both him and your boyfriend at the same time? You can’t play safe.. Either you lose one or both..
Susie
August 25, 2016 at 2:23 pm
My ex is going thru a divorce. He ended things saying he couldn’t let himself fall in love with me and needed time to heal from his marriage. He messaged next day saying he had set up counselling and would sort everything out. I told him to take the time he needs and he has been messaging every day. Should I do no contact?
Amanda
August 29, 2016 at 5:48 pm
Yes! Absolutely no contact! No contact at all until he can show you divorce papers. Take it from someone who dated a man “going through a divorce”, he is still married until it’s final. My ex is still married a year after he said things very similar to me. I have a feeling he will always be married. He has appeared and dissappeared in my life about 4 times now and I am finally learning the lesson. NC is the only way to go. And you don’t want to get him back! Find someone who knows where they want to be.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 29, 2016 at 2:27 pm
Hi Susie,
yes..
Ash
August 24, 2016 at 9:15 pm
Hi, I have been with my ex 1 1/2 years, he broke it off Monday. This is the third time he has done this with all the same reasons, he doesn’t want to be in a relationship or he’s not ready to commit and this time he didn’t really have a reason. He has always come back to me apologising saying he has realised he was wrong as I have always text him first after a few days.
It’s day 3 of NC do I have a chance?!
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 28, 2016 at 7:56 pm
Hi Ash,
on and off relationships actually have a higher chance if getting back together because.. you’re on and off.. it has less chance of staying for long though…so we usually recommend 45 days for a restart.. want to try that?
Chloe
August 24, 2016 at 4:25 pm
Hi there, I posted a comment last week and I haven’t gotten any response. All of the messages from August are gone as well. Should I post again or just wait?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 28, 2016 at 4:39 pm
hi Chloe,
I cant find your old comment too.
I’m sorry about..the other old comments are available though..
Please resend you question.. thank you and sorry for inconvenience..
Katie
August 24, 2016 at 7:24 am
Hi, I met a guy online and we became very good friends and our relationship become strong and we became so close, I felt very comfortable with him and same for him (he is an introvert). We started dating for 3 months (the total time we knew each other was 6 months), he went on vacation for 3 weeks and I was texting him every now and then to check that he is having a great time, suddenly he started being distant and then when I questioned if everything was ok, he broke up with me via text message saying that he met someone. I tried reaching out to him in 2 messages, first message I tried explaining to him that I would have preferred if he told me face to face instead of texting me and I would have respected his decision….no response from him, then my 2nd message was that I asked him that I value his friendship and don’t wanna loose him as a friend and we are civilized and mature enough to maintain a friendship (I sent him an FB request) cuz I removed from facebook….also no response from him…..what shall I do ? i will no longer contact him but is there any chance that he would come back ???
Katie
September 2, 2016 at 7:18 am
Dear Amor,
Pls. help, its been 15 days since our last contact , he hasn’t contacted me and I haven’t contacted him. His birthday is coming up, shall I wish him a happy birthday ?, I don’t have him on facebook as I unfriended him when we broke up, and he hasn’t accepted my friend request!!!! what shall I do ??????
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 5:38 pm
Focus in improving yourself.. Don’t waste it on him.. You have to be active in improving yourself, making a new routine, meeting new people and making new friends.. Whatever you start during no contact, you have to continue after it.. Don’t obsess on him, it’s not helping you. and listen to the new podcast: EBR 057: Birthdays And The No Contact Rule
Katie
August 29, 2016 at 2:04 pm
Dear Amor,
it wasn’t an online relationship, we met and became friends first we were talking almost everyday , we shared a lot of things together then we started dating. I haven’t contacted him for 10 days now. I don’t understand his behaviour, I was just hoping that we can be at least friends cuz we started off as friends.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 9:00 am
that’s good.. THat means there are memories he can go back to.. Establish that you are moving on so that he would be more comfortable starting out as friends again.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 28, 2016 at 12:24 pm
Hi katie,
to be honest if it was pure online, you have a small chance.. and he probably knows that trying to be friends right after the break up was just a form of chasing
rachael
August 24, 2016 at 12:58 am
Hi! Hopefully someone can shed some light into the situation that I’m in with my ex-boyfriend of about a year.
Let me start off by saying that I broke up with him (2 days ago so I know it’s too soon to tell). I broke up with him because I started to feel like he was falling out of love with me. As soon as we got out of school and his brother came home from college he acted like I didn’t exist. He started spending all of his time with said brother- golfing, dinners, sports games etc. and he only made time for me at night after work or after he had eaten dinner with his family. Because this is a very tight Italian family, things like dinners and family activities were really important to them which is what I think lead to our demise. On top of that his brother was really controlling and always tried to convince him to break up with me even though I really felt like I was a good girlfriend. We didn’t fight all the time and I really did try to give him his space (especially in the beginning). Slowly I started getting kind of needy and I would express to him all the time that I was disappointed we weren’t spending as much time together (even going as far to cry a couple times in front of him) which lead to him taking me for granted. I hate to say it this way but I was out of his league. He was shy, never talked to girls, didn’t have too many friends and wasn’t too smart. But I always tried to make him feel like he was so special and loved because he really was. I couple times I threatened to take a break or break up with him if he didn’t make more of an effort to see me and every time he swore up and down that he would- he never did. I felt like I was being lied to and manipulated and it got to the point where every time I was upset about this he would get short with me and dismiss it instead of being sweet and understanding like he used to. Now his brother is out of his life because he went back to college and my ex is also going to be moving into a dorm in a few days (30 mins away not long distance). He talked to me every second of every day and we had a good relationship until the end. However, I feel like because he’s staring college and because he was so distant over the summer and because he didn’t really fight for me or anything when we broke up that he never cared at all. The breakup was by all means graceful as I told him I didn’t want this and that I was sorry however when we began to fight I said something off color about his brother which caused him to storm out (not the best of moves I know). I had every intention of going NC and since I broke up with him neither one of us has reached out. I’m going insane and I wish I never did this but honestly we were each others first loves and I was hoping this would propel him to treat me better going forward. But ever since he walked out on me I’ve been terrified he’s out of my life forever- anything I can do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 28, 2016 at 9:17 am
Hi Rachael,
you said the relationship was ok when you broke up with him, so it’s just out of worry? The good news is that he still has feelings for you.. So, for now take this no contact as restart..improve yourself before talking to him again