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5,888 thoughts on “How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup”

  1. wishful thinking

    June 23, 2016 at 9:08 pm

    My boyfriend and I had been together for a year and a half and knowing each other for 3 years. We were perfect and crazy about each other. Our families bonded instantly. Then a couples months ago, maybe 5 months back, we began to have arguments over us getting engaged. I would start and he wouldnt stop them. On Easter Sunday we argued and I kicked him out of my house, then we took a break of two weeks and came back to make it work. It killed me that the pet names stopped, the showing of love stopped even though he would say he loved me it didnt feel like it when we were together. Then I told him it wasnt working and that he wasnt trying (according to him that was our second chance). Long story short I ended it and went crazy after because he didnt beg or think twice before he also said he didnt have time to play games. Last time we talked was a week ago and he was still stuck on ” I dont know what will happen with us, if we are meant to be then we will be”. He last replied to my text a week ago saying he missed me too. I havent heard from him since and now I am applying the NC rule but he is a special person, stubborn in his ways and moves slow. What do I do now, I’m lost and just really want him back. He was everything I am not and I love him so much I pushed him so far, too far I think. Please help with advice.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 28, 2016 at 7:18 am

      HI Wishful thinking,

      how many days are you in nc now and are you in active in improving yourself?

  2. kate

    June 23, 2016 at 3:29 am

    so I have this ex-boyfriend, who broke up with me yesterday. he is a weed and hash addict. and i really mean it. he smokes everyday, first joint once he wakes up and than every possible break in the universiy schedule he has. he doesnt work. i wouldnt say we always had a great relationship, but it was respectfull, caring and we had common interest and always great conversations. i felt like he was my soulmate and he felt the same. Weed has been always standing on the way to our happiness. we have been together 2 years. one year ago the same situation occured ( almost break-up), but i forced him to quit and than he was completly different person. so full of life and happiness. than he also said how gratefull he is that i stayed with him despite everything he was doing to me and that he loved me(he never loved anyone before, never been in serious relationships_. i also wanted to work on myself and stop being pushy and force him to do stuff . so i was trying never to mention addiction again and let him do whatever he wants. he wanted the drug. he is not very social typ,e but after smoking he was just very lazy, didnt want to go out, didnt want to work, just be on the internet and game. i was accepting his behaviour because i didnt want to be pushy. and try to love him for what he is. but he started to ignore me more and more and stopped caring about my needs. i became frustrated at some point and despperately wanted us to be together and do something meaningful. he could feel that i was unhappy and seeked attention from other boys ( just verbal of course – like compliemtns., never cheated on him). at some point he also got jealous and probably underapreciated. the reason for break up was that he doesnt feel anything anymiore at all ( he says that when he smokes for a long time) and he got lost with his feelings and confused. and now he wants to focus on himself. he is also blaming me for him being anti-social ( which i cannot accept, as i am very social person and wojuld never stop him from going out alone), he says i was taking away his energy. and that he cared about my feelings more than his. I dont know what to think. I really want to get him back because i know he loved me, and we supported and understood each other and discussed interesting things together – growing up intelectually. I think we could be together in the future if i could understand him better. but he is hiding all the feelings away from me. we broke up yesterday and there was a lot of fight, i couldnt accept it and he was just cold and saying he needs to find his true self. today we met to exchange clothes and i could see that he was sad and i know he is just draining himselfs in addiction tonight. i am a bit worried about getting him back because he is the man of the decision, and one he takes it he doesnt want to change it. however its not always true when it comes to emotions and relationships. i stopped talking to him today ( aftetr we had second conversation that was very calm and accepting from my side, i wished him all the best), he really wanted me to meet again to pick some other clothes(thats bullshit and irrelevant – its a birthday gift i got from him, but i decided to return if after the breakup), but i wrote him that i dont see the point nor i have energy to see each other anymore today. and when i will feel like it id let him know. than he wrote back that we should see each after the summer break and than id pick it up. do i have any chances to be with him again? what should i do? i started the no contact rule today.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 27, 2016 at 12:06 pm

      HI Kate,

      I think you’re holding to hope that he will someday change for you because who is now is not who he really is.. Which I agree that nobody is naturally an addict but you have to set your standards right. If you stayed with how he is, he interprets that you’re ok with how is he is now.. As they say talk is cheap.. no matter how much you talk to him to change, he won’t because he can get what he wants even if he’s not quitting..

  3. Marina Gonzalez-Irvin

    June 22, 2016 at 5:35 pm

    Please help me with my breakup.. I am so utterly depressed, my ex promised me the world. I want to follow your advice but my situation is completely complicated. I’m begging for your help, I can’t keep going on like this.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 27, 2016 at 10:02 am

      HI Marina,

      how are you now?

  4. Courtney

    June 21, 2016 at 10:41 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me over a month ago. He won’t answer my calls or texts and blocked me on Facebook. I am doing the 30 day no contact rule now. My 30 day mark will be on his birthday so I plan to text him “happy birthday” after not contacting him for a month. What should my next step be? I am 18 and he is 24. We dated for five months.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 8:28 am

      Hi Courtney,

      continue to build rapport if he replies positively..if not you have to wait again for a few days before texting

  5. Lost

    June 20, 2016 at 8:11 pm

    What if he breaks up but didn’t want to? (parents not agreeing). We are Long Distant. Funny thing, we never met, but were planning to. For some reason, his parents did not agree for me. I am his first “real relationship” or idk what to actually call it. I am the first who he said ILU to. He stopped talking to me on May 31. I’ve been nc ever since. Do you think I can have a chance in this? I know he is having a hard time as well. He is not the type to jump from one girl to another. As far as I know him, he won’t get a gf. What can I do in this situation.

    1. Lost

      July 15, 2016 at 7:03 pm

      He called me today but I missed it because I was driving. i messaged him asking if he called. He said “yeah just to see if you are ok. Hope you have a good day. Laterz” I don’t get it. Why is he always rushing to end the conversation. He did the same thing before when he messaged me after 35 days of NC. If he doesn’t want to have a conversation, then why even message me?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 15, 2016 at 7:30 pm

      maybe he doesn’t know how to talk to you..

    3. Lost

      July 5, 2016 at 6:16 pm

      So he messaged me yesterday after 35 days of NC. All he said was “I hope you are ok, have a great day 🙂 “. I replied back 12 hours later bcz I just didn’t know what to say. We exchanged few texts just catching up on each other’s lives. Idk what to do at this point. Should I initiate contact next week or just wait for him to msg me again. I have a strong feeling he didn’t msg me to get back with me. But just to see how I’m doing. And I don’t think he will msg again any time soon.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2016 at 8:27 am

      yes he didn’t..you have to build rapport and attraction slowly through texts first and then calls and then meetups.. try the tide theoru in texting..check this post:Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

    5. Lost

      June 22, 2016 at 2:45 pm

      No. Age is same…culture is same. The reason is just blurry. I don’t quite understand. We haven’t spoken since the last talk. He said he can’t marry me because of family issues and its his final decision. I don’t know what to do at this point. I know if I message him, he will answer. But I feel like I shouldn’t because he is also going through a tough time. I am waiting for him to contact me whenever he is ready. Can you put any light in this situation? What are the chances?

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 27, 2016 at 7:46 am

      yes, just give him space while they sort out their problems.

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 6:00 am

      Hi Lost,

      is it age or and cultural difference?

  6. Kelly

    June 20, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    Hi, first of all, this was an awesome article and it calmed my recent panic and obsession around my recent break up, so thank you. My situation is rather unique and lengthy, so I apologize. I live in China and I was dating a man here for 6 months. Originally I was supposed to come back to the states in July, so we decided we would enjoy our company and spend as much time together as possible before I left. I didn’t plan to stay in China. We became intimate about 3 weeks after knowing each other. He is from a very traditional family and they have some strict traditions as far as marriage. After about two months of being together, He invited me to spend the Chinese New Year with him and his family, which inviting the girl to meet the family is usually a big deal. The problem was, when he invited me, he had to lie about being with me, because his parents had made it clear that if I am a foreign girl I can only be his friend. Now. He has been very against getting married too young despite his parents urges for him to marry, he is 22. He prefers to do his own thing, while everyone in his community has already settled down. I had a great experience at his family’s house and even became close with his little brother. I came home early and he stayed in his hometown until the holiday was over. Our relationship continued for the next few months and we did regular things together, watched movies, stayed over at each other’s houses, had deep conversations, he made me laugh, took care of me when I was sick, came over if I was upset about something at work or at home, gave me advice, he took care of my feelings, and he even said there was a lot he talked to me about that he never talked to others about. I had met his friends and one of his mentors. It had been 8 years since I had felt this way for someone and felt this comfortable. But of course there were a few issues. He worked a lot and sometimes it seemed like he didn’t have as much time for me and it made me start to feel unwanted after a while. Around April, I had found a job here in China and told him about it hoping he would be excited, but he got very worried, told me all the ways this probably couldn’t work, mostly because of cultural barriers. We had reached the point of defining the relationship, and I told him I wanted to continue if I stayed. I explained to him all relationships have challenges and that it was normal, and our challenges were special, but I felt like we could do it. But as the conversation continued, it was beginning to sound like this would be an impossible relationship. I became very upset and cried, and he was very upset as well but we both just couldn’t end it I suggested that we continue being together and spending time together until I went back home for a two month vacation before returning to China. After I came home, we could see what this really was. He had become my best friend and I wanted to keep him in my life, because sometimes living in China was difficult and he knew I was essentially, living alone. Around two weeks ago, a month before I am supposed to go home for vacation, he became busy for a two week period and I barely saw him, and he rarely answered his phone or texts because he was that busy. He didn’t really tell me what was going on, but I was familiar with his job environment and how often he was doing things for his boss. However, it was frustrating not getting a call or text just saying telling me when he got home or telling me he was busy doing this. I explained to him how I felt and he had apologized, but this was the second time it happened. It began to feel like his job was definitely more of a priority and in addition to that, I knew his family played a big role in his life too. I decided to end the relationship because my need to see him before I left and things that were keeping him busy just weren’t lining up. I felt like I was placing too much pressure on him And I felt like I had lost out on things I could be doing for myself instead of waiting for him. It was such a hard decision because we had so much fun together when we were together and those good times were by far more than than the bad. When it finally happened, I told him exactly how I felt, but that I still really loved and cared for him, and that I think this best and I wish him a good and happy life (and I meant it). Then he just said he understood, that he was sad, but he wasn’t telling me how he felt. He didn’t argue or fight and after all this time I thought maybe he would demonstrate care for us and what we created. I have been miserable for like two weeks. And since we broke up, I have ran into him twice at my gym, and both times he has given me a joyous smile, almost like he was happy to see me, but he never approached me to chat. And I had to give him back the things he left in my apartment because it was killing me, but we agreed I could leave them at his door. He hasn’t showed any behavior of caring that we aren’t together, but then again I don’t know. He seems completely unaffected by it. And I won’t lie, it totally bothers me. Part of me really thinks we would have a chance if I separated from him enough to see, but on the other hand, his family and his goals also seem to play a big role. I miss him and I want to talk to him and honestly, I do want him back. And I think, if he does want to come back he will, but right now it’s hard to say. With this situation, do you think it’s even possible? Thank you for taking the time to read this.

    1. Kelly

      June 24, 2016 at 2:43 am

      Thank you for this. I appreciate your feedback. I have been trying the no contact rule since I gave him his things. Since we broke up I have seen him at my gym a few times because that is where we met. The first two times he smiled and looked so happy to see me. Then this last time when I caught him looking he gave me a half sad kind of smile. Then a few days ago, I posted something about my students and he liked the post and he hasn’t like any of my posts for months. He barely uses his social media. After we broke up he posted three days in a row, when usually he is a month or so between posts. Is any of this a good sign that he misses me or is thinking about me, or even considering the possibility of being together? I am missing him a lot these past two days and all I want to do is call. Like I feel like the NCR is cruel in a way.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 5:38 am

      Hi Kelly,

      I think 22 is still young and may be the reason why he can’t stand up to his family.. If his culture is really the reason he has to find the courage for you or it’s just not the right time for now

  7. Catherine

    June 20, 2016 at 2:07 pm

    I don’t believe he would think that I’ve moved on. Most of my posts are out with my girlfriends. nothing really to suggest that I’ve moved on. But I’ve lost weight, passed my real estate exam, seeing a therapist and have been hanging with my friends and focusing on myself. I really want to talk to him to show him my improvements but I’m afraid he’ll ignore me. Everyone tells me I’ve reached out too many times, put my feelings out there (in an email I wrote before I found this website) and all I’ve gotten from him as first contact was “hey” and so its clear it’s time to move on. But our relationship was too good. I believe this is definitely all fixable

    1. Catherine

      July 11, 2016 at 4:05 pm

      Since my last reply, I ran into him at a bar. We chatted and had a nice 10 minute convo. He could see the positivity and improvements beaming from me first hand. I said if anything I should say thank you, I’ll take all of these life lessons into my next relationship and he said “what do you mean your next relationship?” And I was just like “I don’t think you want to get back together so all I can do is just take this as a lesson learned, give my next boyfriend more freedom, drop my insecurities, etc.” Then he said “Just so you know, I’m not out meeting girls or talking to girls, I’m just hanging out with my friends.” I said “I know you are.. actually now that we aren’t together I’ve lost a lot of those insecurities because I’ve realized you’re not like that..” We both mentioned how we kind of lost ourselves a little but I said I’ve been doing great, just focusing on myself hanging with my friends and I got my spark back etc. He also mentioned that he is scared to get married (just like you said in my first post!) because he doesn’t want to get divorced especially after seeing first hand what his uncle just had to go through and stuff. And I was just like I totally get that! It’s all good, we don’t even need to discuss this. I just wanted to say hi and let you know I don’t hate you and you don’t need to be a stranger etc. It was a really good convo and I left feeling very positive about it. But now I haven’t heard from him since and this was 2 weeks ago. So we’ll see what happens! My birthday is in a few days so I’m hoping he reaches out and we can start to build rapport. Any other advice?? Thank you!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 12, 2016 at 1:17 pm

      that’s good! start a convo of he greets you…then start rebuilding rapport from there

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 21, 2016 at 8:42 pm

      If you’re going to tell him, it will sound like you’re just saying it to impress him and it’s not really that true. Being out with your girlfriend, having fun says a lot more.. because nobody sad can have a lot of fun always..

  8. Kristine

    June 19, 2016 at 2:53 pm

    My ex and I worked together. We still work together, actually, on the same small team at a large company. It makes it a little more difficult to implement the NC rule, but fortunately that’s one I’d figured out from past relationships for the sake of my own recovery. My ex and I had been together for a year and a half, but I always felt a gap, like he was holding back and was afraid to fully commit. Finally, we did a few sessions of couple’s counseling and after one of them, we broke up. It’s a little fuzzy who broke up with whom, but I immediately laid down some ground rules: return stuff immediately, no contact except professional, rules for what to do if we want to get back together/be friends in the future.

    Since then, I’ve been working out every day, I splurged on nice clothes that I wear to the office every day, especially when I have meetings with him (we’re allowed to wear whatever we want at work normally), and I’ve been hanging out with other friends I have at work. I’ve even cleaned up my OKCupid profile and started talking to a couple of guys (and I mentioned one of them kissed me). Like I said, the NC rule is still difficult as we work together, have meetings together, and I even manage one of his projects. Especially the last one is difficult since he and I have a 1-on-1 meeting to discuss progress and timelines. After every one so far, he’s tried to talk to me like I’m his buddy, catching me up on what he did over the weekend. I shut him down politely every time (although I did mention once doing alone one of the things that used to be our favorite things to do together). The last conversation, though, he brought up that he’d been thinking of asking me to get back together, and I could hear him choking up a bit when he said “I don’t know what you think about that.” He also mentioned some of the things about me that he admired and that surprised him.

    We had a really good relationship, and I think all of our troubles stemmed from his fear of commitment. It sounds like he’s really starting to realize and appreciate what he had, though, and realizing what he wished he’d done while we were still together. I was his first relationship and, while I could see and understand what was about to happen before he did, tried to show him before it was too late, I also understand that there are some things that just need to be experienced before people can learn from them. I’m prepared to move on and I’m trying to pave the way for a different life. I get the feeling he’s going to want to come back, though. I reminded him of my rules of contact that I’d laid out before and what to do if that’s what he chooses. He’s talking about waiting a little while longer to make sure he’s emotionally stable and cogent before officially asking me back, which impressed me. There were some concerns that might turn into dealbreakers, and I think he wants to figure out where he stands on those first too. I hope he determines that these issues are negotiable. While I’m prepared to move on, I think I would be really happy if we could work it out instead. Meanwhile, he mentioned that he’d like to be friends while he sorts himself out. I feel like that’s a bad idea. I don’t want to give him hope that I would be fine just hanging out and chatting and, if he decides he’d rather move on, find I can’t handle it when he starts dating someone else. I also think it would be too easy to accidentally slip back into romantic patterns and perhaps fall back into a relationship on accident without really thinking it through. So, I guess the question is, am I on the right track for encouraging him to come back to me and how do I balance contact in the meantime?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 21, 2016 at 5:50 pm

      Hi Kristine,

      I just want to make it clear, so you broke nc when you talked to him about your rules right? Or your nc was already done when you talked to him?
      and you were the first to approach about getting back together, you felt he was about to get back with you, so you laid out your rules?

  9. Jemimah

    June 19, 2016 at 10:27 am

    I really appreciate your write up it really enlightening though my situation is not a break up but if feels that way also and I’ll really need your advice. I started my relationship with a man i’m so much in love with about july last year. When we met and decided that we want to be together, I told him I had baggage’s from other guys that I am having on and off relationship with. He then informed me that he will give
    me time to work out my issues so we can be together without him having to look over his shoulder. The reason I was that way was majorly because I had trust issues with men and I didn’t want to be on the losing end when it ends plus I was jobless at that the time and some of them help with my bills.Funny enough I was not having like a physical relationship with them mostly virtual as I am yet to meet some of them and mostly initiated chats and conversations out of boredom and times when i’m writing for a long time i noticed those sort of communication eases of my stress level as i am almost a complete introvert. But after meeting him, I began to know the kind of man he is
    and started seeing the fact I wanted to build a future with him So I decided I will straighten out my act and concentrate on him.
    During all that time we started having trust issues basically because I was still a bit secretive about what I was doing and it’s not because I wanted to be but I was used to been that way. we talk about it a lot and truly since we started I have not physically cheated with him with someone else. Though at a time I had a sex chat with someone which he found out about and Though it was with my immediate ex, it was during a time I was bored at home as well as foolishness and lapse of judgement. He found out about it and was so mad then. The relationship almost ended at that point and I apologized and straighten out my act totally. I realized because of that incident I found out he
    was someone I was not willing to lose. But since then he mistrust me, he questions my movement my actions and though it hurts me I realize it’s a cross I would have to bear for him to trust me again. so far so good the going has been great but yet I feel a shift in his affection. I told myself that i will work harder to u go trust so that things will be normal again until I came across a chat with his ex and found it he recently cheated on me. was hurt and confronted him about it immediately with the prove. It was more painful to realize that while I kept myself in the guilty role trying all to make it up to him he was guilty of more. I realise that love was not enough because I never doubted his feelings for me even till now. But I realise my past could have hurt him and he never had a chance to trully heal and also realise likewise I must heal too. So I suggested we give ourselves space for a while for the healing process. But at the end of it all I honestly don’t wanna loose him. I want this to work, I want him to miss me and I want what we had. He recently got a job in the same organisation i work, though not in the same city but still not far from each other. And it’s easy to communicated with him via official channels. We are not broken up officially so i’m not sure total silence on my part so he’ll miss me is advisable. How do i go about this. Please help

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 21, 2016 at 4:32 pm

      Hi Jemimah,

      Don’t use any jealousy move at this point. Use it to do something else. Go out with friends or do better in your job but just show him that you’re not going to resort to talking to other guys while you’re giving him space.

  10. Lynn

    June 17, 2016 at 2:06 pm

    Hi, so my ex broke up with me by “ghosting” me (aka he simply stopped answering at random one day which really surprised not only me but everyone we know because he seemed totally fine the day before) and ever since I have been in NC. I have worked really hard at improving myself and feel really great about where I’m at now, yay! About halfway through my NC phase I got a random friend request on Facebook from one of his friends (my ex himself doesn’t have a FB account). Additionally, my ex started viewing ALL of my snapchat stories usually within an hour of me posting them, so he is always one of the first to view them. I always post pictures of me out with friends on random adventures or doing something humorous. Are those good signs? I’m now on day 27 of NC and he still views them all fairly quickly. Any tips on how to approach this situation when my NC ends in three days? I can’t decide if he may still be interested or not. Thanks in advance!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 4:58 pm

      Hi Lynn,

      yes that’s a good sign.. You can initiate a text with him.. choose a topic that he loves and then use that as a first contact text

  11. Amanda

    June 17, 2016 at 10:53 am

    My bf and I broke up 2 weeks ago today. Previously we had just decided to work on things on May 25th because I had lied to him about my living situation. I was living with an ex but decided to keep it from my current bf for his own protection since that EX was literally crazy. We were together for a whole year and then he found out about it and was furious. He broke up with me and after week he decided to work on things with me. Well yet again my crazy EX popped up hacking into my FB account making it seem like we were going to an event that day together and all these other things plus posting very inappropriate things about me. No matter what I said or did my Current bf wasn’t having it and broke it off completely. Now he wants no contact with me, thinks im a liar and a cheater and even wants to block my number. All I ever wanted to do was to protect him but it back-fired. Before all this happened we were talking about marriage, i was the one for him and so on. Now he even tells me that he longer loves me and doesn’t have feelings for at all. I’m at a loss of what to do. He was a great guy and im afraid i have lost home for good. Please help

    1. Amanda

      June 21, 2016 at 8:14 am

      yes i already have. I couldn’t at the time because I didn’t have the money to break the lease

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 4:11 pm

      Hi Amanda,

      first, can you move to a new place?

  12. Noe

    June 17, 2016 at 1:34 am

    I had a boyfriend for 1 year and he broke up with me on 2015, we flirted for 5 years (university) but never truly tried to be more than friends until 2014 when we started our relationship and it was quite intense. He even told his best friends he planned to marry me. After 1 year he broke up with me, told me he had affection for me but wasn’t in love anymore. He told me that I was not the girl he fell in love with. All the 5 years of university I was a teenager (15-19) and of course I was very naive and chill but by the time we got together I was 21 and my attitude towards life was very different, I was more ambitious and I noticed he didn’t have a job, forgave all the debts when his friends borrowed money from him and I was worried he never really will be eager to be succesful, his family has a lot of money so he was not in a hurry to become automous but for me it was important that he started to make plans with me (I was worling and studying a master) without relying on his family money. I wanted him to become sucessful on his own and wanted to help him to do so. He never told it straight but I believe the pressure I put on him was what made him left me. Well, now 1 year had passed after we broke up and he has a new girlfriend, and she is my best friend at university, who is almost doing the same as him: No job, no studying, just wandering around her parents but with a neutral attitude about his life. It maybe an ideal match for him? She might not tell him anything or put any presure. I just don’t get how those 2 paired up. It breaks my heart. I want him back but since he didn’t left me for her I don’t find it fair to sabotage their relationship and I’ll never speak ill about her. I don’t know if they will last but since my pain is so deep I’m trying to stay as far as possible even repeating myself that chances are they end up together forever. 3 days ago I was walking and we encountered face to face. I was alone and they were together, they tried to keep their eyes down but I said hello briefly without sloeing my pacr while walking. I’m going crazy, am I paranoid? Were they trying to avoid me? Are there any chances he thinks about me now that we saw each other after all this time?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 2:58 pm

      Hi Noe,

      well, you need to decide first.. are you prepared to hurt your friend or not? coz if not, move on..

  13. Complicated

    June 16, 2016 at 8:36 am

    hi.my life is quite complicated.its actually me the whole mess.changed four boyfriends but was not serious in them.the last one is my classmate and i was really happy happy with him.but my exs beat him often and they already had so many fights regarding me.i am from a coservative family.i had always been a good student and he the worst.at the start of relationship I was quite immature and did not know how to go.it was at o levels,so for exam pressure had to ignore him sometimes but he never gave study the priority.then when my parents changed school he got admitted in the same school with me.i did not go to coaching so we had only the limited short time to pass.but what i realised that gradually he started not paying so much attentin in me,BUT HE LOVED ME OF COURSE,all he wanted was to spent time with me but for family presuure we could not talk on phone or stay up a little late at school to talk,so only we got time together was school.by the time due to my immature so many relationships and being nerdy I had never friends.HE had been my constant friend since class 5.now i dont have have anything left without him.as we had little of time to spent so he got frustrated and many a times in class when i studied IN FRONT OF TEACHER that bothered him.while i used to study infront bench with teacher he used to sit at last bench .and now he broke up .he still loves me.drinks and takes drug all day long.if sometimesi knock him in facebook he instantly replies but does not talk sweet with me.he wants me but again stopping himself.its true that i ignored him too much.but now i want him back.did so many research on internet to get him back and every thing just talks about NO CONTACT RULE.but i am afraid that if i stop contact with him he will harm hmself seriously which i dont want.HE IS SORT OF MAD.but i want him back and he wants me back.but how?CAN ANYONE HELP?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 11:43 am

      Hi Complicated,

      it looks like you’re in your teens.. and both of you are just learning how to deal with emotions… I think you should read first why it’s important to do no contact in this blog post: EBR 017: The Importance Of The No Contact Rule

  14. Kayla

    June 15, 2016 at 10:41 pm

    Basically my ex broke up with me 4 days ago. He never mentioned anything about a breakup , I started to get pushy and he got annoyed and agreed to it. I started to panic and I started begging and he eventually hung up the phone. Let’s just say I was his first real relationship , I taught him everything he needs to know. As for me I had past relations however I knew they were never going to work out. With my ex its different he’s such an amazing guy he treated me like a queen for the first couple of months … Then I guess he started to get comfortable. However me being used to the princess treatment I couldn’t understand why he does the things he does now. I mean he still treats me very well however when he met me I was a strong and very motivated girl now he needs to motivate me . I guess he felt like I was a responsibilty . He asked for breaks and I never gave it him. He broke up with me on Saturday night , all of Saturday morning till evening we were going good . our conversation throughout the day was normal calling me babe and baby and I love u etc … He said he found a couple of places to celebrate our one yr next month 4th of July. Then late at night we were on the phone and he had a headache all day ..so he was being mute and it got me annoyed so I started talking about how he needs to start treating me the way he did before. The thing is we had this conversation 2 days b4. I guess he got annoyed that I brung it again . Another thing is we used to work together for a yr and 4 months. At first it was the best thing in the world then it became annoying and it made out relationship rocky about late may. I finally found a new job and it was supposed to fix things as far as both of us getting our independence back. However I still was being needy . .. He’s telling his best friend that were just going through some things ( asked him 4x) … But why would he tell my cousin “we broke up , there’s nothing to talk about”? He still referred to me as his girl to his brother . ( his brother’s g.f overheard there conversation) … I’m willing to do the NC rule … But from your knowledge do u think we will get back together? Maybe he just said we broke up so he can get his space and so I can work on my clingyness ??? And when he’s ready hell come back? Give me some hope .

    Sincerely Kayla

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 10:45 am

      Hi Kayla,

      don’t give him space for the sake of just giving him space for now because that means you’ll go back to being clingy and that’s probably what he will think once you’re in nc.. If the problem is you beung clingy, build a life of your own, your own set of schedule, own friends and new routine..in that way he will see that you’re really maturing and increase the chance of him getting back with you

  15. Denise

    June 15, 2016 at 7:01 am

    I met my boyfriend on dating sites and since then we had long distance relationship for a year. We were deeply fall in love to each other and do video call when we miss each other. I can say during a year we never argue because simply we can understand very much each other. Last month we finally met and we were had very good time together,such design house and garden together. He involved me in everything and only weird part he never give me long kiss so whatever. Most he kiss and hug me in the public and even introduce me to his friend as his gf and last 5 days ago is the last day we met and we even agreed we spent wonderful week together. Till the moment suddenly he dissapeared and found him back to date sites again. I was upset and just wait what he will tell me afterwards. He finally called and told me that he has difficulty to deal with his feeling now. Emotionally he feel so attached to me and love me very much but he has no any phisically attarction on me. He did tried his best but he is back to the conclusion he cant continue this relationship.He cried and Its really hurting me because i love him very much. He said he can be good friend or brother for me but will never be good husband if we insist to continue this. I appreciated his honest opinion but my question why he dont just tell me from the beginning. Why dont he even show me when we were together? Why he involved me in many things such for his house etc and he often hug and kiss me in public like nothing wrong so far. I really dont know what to do now ,instead of that i keep the distance now and decided not call him till he call me again in case to deliver back my stuff which left many at his house. Any suggestion?

    1. Denise

      June 18, 2016 at 7:03 am

      We spent time at least 5days every 2 weeks together. Last break up was the 3 times after we met in person. One day before the breakup i still remember he still sent me whatsapp to tell me i am his baby and he keep thinking about me . But then out of the blue the day after he want the break up. Is that possible we get back together if he is not phisically attractive to me?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 19, 2016 at 12:01 am

      him to you? or you to him? coz if you’re saying you’re not attracted to him..then you’re the only one whi can answer that.. attraction is not physical.. it’s a package of personality, interests, physical and values

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 10:25 pm

      Hi Denise,

      Hmm.. let’s say he’s not telling the truth.. the other probably reasons are distance or gigs.. how often do you see each other?

  16. Alexandra

    June 14, 2016 at 7:12 pm

    This is the 2nd time my boyfriend breaks up with me, first time it happened after 4 months of relationship because we had a long distance and complicated relationship and he said he didn’t see any future between us. Now, the second time, after we moved together, 1 year later, he tells me that he’s thinking for a long time to break up with me because there’s no communication between us, that I don’t understand him, that he thinks I’m not for him, he says that he can’t lie to himself anymore and he insisted to respect his decision because he feels peace with it. I mention that I didn’t anticipate this break up because with one week before we were talking about future plans and he was telling me he loves me. All of our family and friends were in shock when they found out because everyone thought we are very happy! I thought that too… I mention that I’m sure there is no girl in the middle… The explanations he gave me have no base… If we wouldn’t have no communication and connection we wouldn’t have last for 1 year and a half together… Anyway, the point is that I love him and I want him back, we’re living in the same house and it’s impossible for us to move…at least no sooner than the next 3 months… First time when we broke up we were on distance so it was easy to use all of your advices (NC&etc), this is how he came back to me…. But this time he was very convinced that he doesn’t want me back… There are 2 weeks since we broke up already and he doesn’t show any sign that he wants me back, I recognize…in this time I did all the mistakes I shouldn’t do after a break-up from begging till post break up sex… I want to try your advices again, but I have a feeling this time it’s over 100%…. he sounded very serious…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 7:16 pm

      Hi Alexandra,

      I think the real reason is the first reason you said in your first comment, when he said the problem is communication and that he thinks you don’t understand him because if it’s really religion, it doesn’t match up with what you said that you’ve always said you were open to converting. So, it looks like he’s just using that as an excuse..

      Do nc first.. Improve yourself emotionally, physically, socially and when you get to talking again, don’t bring up past issues. Just concentrate on building rapport again with him.

  17. Isabella

    June 14, 2016 at 8:52 am

    Hi! I would really like to have your opinion about my “break up”.

    This guy, we can call him Chris, and I hade a fuck-buddy-relationship for about 4 months. The sex as amazing for both, fireworks and passion. I didn’t show any sign of neediness what so ever in this relationship, it was clear that it was not a dating relationship, it was about the sex and having fun together. It was really easy and relaxed to hang out.

    However, he showed signs that he liked playing games and is a “hunter” (as all men). He played hard to get so much that the games wasen’t even funny anymore. I decided to give him one last chance, he had suggested that we should meet and have a cosy time and when the day came, he stood me up with a lame ass lie. I was not really angry that he stood me up, but for doing it with a bad lie and asked for a raincheck. Like a was an idiot. I just calmly, without any anger och neediness, told him that I wasen’t interested in a raincheck and that we should end this. And he basically responded “if thats what you want, I can’t do anything”. Of course I didn’t answer to that. I have been on a no contact period since then. (Almost a month soon) I think me ending it came out of the blue for him, but in the same time, he must have understood that this could happen.

    He however likes everything that I post on Instagram, I haven’t liked his pictures. But he seems like a guy that likes almost eveything but at the same time he is such a game player so I think it means something but I don’t know. He hasen’t contaced me since I ended it, but he has tried to show that I still excist on his mind by sending me a snapshat for the first time three weeks in the no contact period. I didn’t respond.

    I really don’t know what my question to you is but maybe if you think he is trying to stay on my mind by liking or if is dosen’t mean a shit. I’m afraid that me not liking his pictures will send a message that I’m pissed of and still care. Is he not contacting me because I ended it and he is afraid of getting a rejection if he tries? Shall I maybe like one picture or something to give him some green light so he dare to hunt me again? I’m not sure that I want to hang out with him again but i definitly want him to hunt me….So I can play really hard to get and feel like a goddess.

    I really hope for some respons here

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 3:08 pm

      Hi Isabella,

      Try to aim to be the ungettable girl and then when he messages you for a meet up let him arrive first to the place, let him text you if it’s confirmed, or if you are coming so that you avoid being stood up..

  18. Meridith

    June 12, 2016 at 7:05 pm

    Im in relationship with my bf since six years and he loves me a lot and always by my side during thick n thin. Due to long distance relationship we have more fights frequently argue for petty issues. He is a best lover ever on earth for me. However recently he seems to lose interest in me and after every fight he talks about break up. I belong to disputed family where no one had successful love life. Even my parents separated. I never wanted to Be In relationship before he came in my life as I never trusted man . but I eventually fell for his love. I could never cater for his happiness or pleasure being long distance relationship. I’m highly emotional n hypertensive. Initially after every breakup it was he who initiated talking first n things used to be fine. Recently it is always me who start the conversation after he goes silent for days. But he insults n make joke of me while beg and plead him not to break up with me. 16 days ago we had n argument n den two days later he called me to say dat he is breaking up. I practised no contact rule for two weeks but still he didn’t reply or call or msg me. I’m missing him badly the only reason I was in no contact was fear of abuse But now I’m panicked Dat his decision I’d final n he vl never come back. I really love him a lot and can’t live without him. I want to committ suicide. Regretting my no contact rule. Wt shall I do? I don’t ve ne one in this world. I should ve contacted him inspire of his rudeness. Please help shall I send him mail? Pls it urgent I’m going mad…..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 11:15 am

      Hi Meridith,

      How are you now? I hope you reached out to your friends instead if you don’t have a close family member or to a professional

  19. Mary Ann

    June 10, 2016 at 6:12 pm

    I am very confused! Me and my ex broke up a week ago (his decision, not mine). We’d been going out for five years and he dumped me over a VERY LONG text saying how he loved me but he was too depressed to have a girlfriend and it was too much weight on his shoulders to have me around while he’s struggling. Although I was hurt I responded in a very casual way saying that I understood, and didn’t add anything else afterward.

    He’d previously tried to break up with me in person two weeks prior, but when I tried to leave afterwards he ended up crying, begging me to stay and cuddling me and not letting me go. He didn’t want me to leave! So we spent the whole day together like nothing was wrong.

    I called him over the weekend after the breakup asking what had happened. He told me he “wasn’t sure if this was permanent” and that “he doesn’t know what he wants right now.” He told me he wanted to text me so bad over the weekend. When I said I didn’t know what to do, whether to wait for him or to try to date other guys, he said “don’t do anything.” I told him I would be supportive and left it at that.

    A few days later, I call him again and tell him that he obviously doesn’t want to do this, so why don’t we just get back together and take things slow? He told me no, to “be on standby” and to “don’t do anything, just wait it out and don’t consider me gone while I figure things out.” Afterwards we TALKED AND LAUGHED ON THE PHONE FOR FOUR HOURS and had a great old time, just like we were dating. He told me he was lonely, that he was still crazy about me and that he “wanted me so bad.”

    Since that night we haven’t talked on the phone or seen each other. He sent me a text asking about my job, which I waited 24 hours to respond to. We haven’t talked in three days since then. The first four years of our relationship was fantastic but the last year he’s been really depressed (out of a job) and not himself. What is going on?

    1. Mary Ann

      June 10, 2016 at 6:16 pm

      By the way, for the past year he told me he “wasn’t happy with our relationship” but at the same time while he was saying that to me he was putting on job applications that his motivation for working was “starting a family with my beautiful girlfriend” and saying, “I know I don’t show I appreciate you very much, but I do love you.” So confused!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 16, 2016 at 12:34 pm

      Hi Mary Ann,

      I think what he has in mind is to get a job first and then get back to you

  20. Stephanie

    June 9, 2016 at 9:20 pm

    Hello there,
    I am on day 4 of the no contact rule. My boyfriend age 43 and I age 31 began dating back in Oct of 2015. We had a great relationship and became exclusive in February. I felt him pulling away from me a month later. He stopped contacting as much and stopped wanting to spend time with me. We had an incident just before my birthday where we planned together to meet up. He forgot and went to neighbors home party forgetting his phone in his car over night. I got so worried that I went back to.his house the next day and knocked on windows to wake him up because he doesn’t have a door bell. When i finally got a hold of him, i think i scared him by coming to his home and knocking every where . We had a talk that day where he said he fwlt like we were in 2 difderent places in our lives and that he did not want to waste my time and that he wanted to be friends because he said he was stressed out at work and that his mother and father was sick which is why he was being a bad boyfriend but we did not break up. He told me he did not have the time ability to give the relationship the attention i needed. We still texted each other and would occasionally talk on the phone. I would try to set up dates with him but he always had something else to do and would never include me or ask me to hang out. I was ok with that and i was willing to compromise and be flexible with my expextations since he was going through a tough time and gave him his space. This week he had slowed down on responding to my texts. This weekend I cooked a meal and decided to share it with him. I sent him a text about dropping by but I heard nothing from him. I got to his house and he was not home so I left the food on his porch and told him about it. Sunday morning he finally texted me back and told he was out of town and how he felt like it was best I not stop by without his confirmation and how we need to respect each others privacy. I thought we were still exclusive and that going out of town would be something he would share with me as his girlfriend. I told him that I had to let the relationship go and that I was willing to compromise and be flexible and work our relationship out but I felt like he did not want to put in any work. I told him that I felt like he did not feel the same way about me and that I still feel he is the one for me. I told him I had to let our relationship go so that I could focus on coding bootcamp and working. It’s been 4 days and I haven’t reached out to him nor has he. I feel like i owe him an apology for being unable to deal with how he was pushing me away. Do you think this can work for me and my now ex boyfriend? Which readings do you recommend I read? Please help me.

    1. Lila

      June 17, 2016 at 2:15 am

      Stephanie,
      I recently broke up with my ex boyfriend. He’s 41 and I’m 33. He’s never been married. There’s something about dating older guys. I’ve learned that they generally have commitment issues. They want their space and pravicy. And if we ever cross the “line” they freak out and put relationship on pause. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 15, 2016 at 5:32 am

      HI Stephanie,

      are you still in nc?

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