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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
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Post categories
Christa
August 29, 2016 at 3:35 pm
Hi, I need some advice!!
My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me last week after an argument we had whilst he was on holiday. The argument was because I snooped behind his back after I saw a photo of his friends with a group of girls they went out with (he told me it was a boys night out). We have a lot of trust in our relationship, however when Im insecure I have a habit of questioning him. I cant help it. He told me he cant be with someone like me, who makes him feel trapped, who doesnt have a life of her own and generally isnt that much fun to be around (I’ve let myself go mentally and have become very dull), and now he feels he cant be himself around me so he feels the need to hide little things. He told me im a great girl but I am just not the one for him in his future. As this seemed abrupt, I made the mistake of messaging him trying to reason with him…then I apologised for my part and agreed with his decision (although I do not agree). I stopped messaging him. He then blocks me from viewing his FB timeline and snapchat yet still keep me friended. I called a few days later and he replied asking me ‘hey you called?’…I asked that in a couple of weeks would he would like to meet up to see how we both feel after some space. He simply replied ‘yeah we’ll see how we feel in a few weeks’ and thats the last I have heard. I am not sure if hes being polite or if he actually means what he is saying. After this he unfollowed me on instagram when I uploaded a new photo. I am really confused with his behaviour. What should I do to make him miss me? Please note he has never initiated contact since the breakup – but he does reply. I was planning on going NC – should I also block him on social media or keep it open??
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 9:40 am
HI Christa,
keep your social media public.. and heads up, he has to think that you are really moving on, not just trying to change so he can see it. He will probably think like that at the first weeks of your nc because you were clingy..so be consistent with your new routine even after nc.. I think you should do 45 days..
fire girl
August 29, 2016 at 11:11 am
Heya,
I read about this topic n its good tht i think i can implement. ….bt i have a question. …wt should i do if i break a No contact rule after 9 dys…wt if he will be alert tht again i will no contact him….?? Plz hell me abt this confusion. ….n guide me
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 7:59 am
Hi Firegirl,
why did you break it in the 9th day?
Rachel
August 28, 2016 at 5:04 pm
I dated this guy 10 years ago and we went without speaking to each other for seven years. We were both immature and it was time to go our separate ways.
In January I reached out to him to see how he was doing. He responded immediately. He was so glad to hear from me. He told me that he was single and that he was working on his Master’s and moved in with his parents to be the primary caregiver of his dad who has dementia.
He had no idea that I moved home to Louisiana, but told him that I am in Atlanta twice a month for work, so asked if he could meet up for drinks. We were both so nervous about meeting, but had an amazing time. We had amazing social, physical, emotional and cognitive chemistry.
In April we decided to make it official and take a chance at love again.
Well two weeks ago I completely blew it. I was in Atlanta and we went to dinner. Again we had an amazing time… He grabbed my hands and with tears in his eyes, he told me he didn’t know how he could make it without me these past seven months and that he was in love with me. I waited so long to hear those words from him.
About two hours later, he received a text from an ex girlfriend that he dated over 25 years ago. He was honest about it and somehow the old me came out. I went off on him and took Uber back to my hotel. I woke up the next morning and saw that I texted him saying that if he wants his ex girlfriend then he can have her. I am so embarrassed by my behavior and have apologized profusely. He only responded to one of my texts when I told him my dad was in the hospital. He said that my dad would be in his prayers, but nothing before or after that text. It was been five days of NC and just wonder if my insecurity, panic and desperation has ruined any chances I have of getting back together with him.
I am in therapy, because it was a wake-up call for me… I never want to make that mistake again and I hope in time he remembers my heart and overall how great we were together.
Do I have chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 6:12 pm
Hi Rachel,
yeah, I think you have a chance. That was a moment of being human and now at least you learned from it and it looks like he’s a nice guy. In time, he would understand why you were like that.
Neha Tigadi
August 28, 2016 at 8:08 am
I broke up with my boyfriend….he cheated on me 2 months back but then I forgived him coz he is my first love he is my weakness and strength cant leave without him…..but he didn’t convince me…..doesn’t give me time….how can make him miss me…I think I have lost intolerance in his life….M soo depressed. …what should I do???
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 3:28 pm
HI Neha,
Wait, are you still together now?
Retha
August 26, 2016 at 2:52 pm
I’ve been in a relationship with this man for almost 6 yrs .we have always considered ourselves married wore rings and everything. He broke up with me a few days ago and said it wasn’t working. I have 5 kids from a past marriage, 3 are grown 2 are 10 and14. He said our biggest problem was the kids. He said he loves us he loves me but not in love with me.. he dont text are call me. He took only a couple pairs of clothes. He left everything else here. And he will always be here for me . I know he had another woman texting him when he left and I found out he is staying at her house . How do I get him back. I love him and want to win him back. He is the only father my little girl has known. He has no kids of his own
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 9:07 am
Hi Retha,
are following what’s advised here? Read this one also The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Tom
August 25, 2016 at 11:57 pm
Hello! Love all the advice but could use some more please, I on the other hand am a male and my gf broke up with me. Me and my ex were together for about 4 years and lived with each other for over 2 of those years. She has a little boy and when we met he was barely about to be 3. His dad didn’t want to be in his life for the first couple years. I raised him, and he is now 7, I would wipe his but when he was too young to do it himself, change him, shower him, put him to sleep, read him bed time stories, take him to school, pick him up, do home work with him. He calls me dad and tells his friends I’m his dad. I’m just giving u this information so you know how serious our relationship was and how I helped so much with her kid. She wanted me to get a better job and at least go out there and try but for some reason I guess I was too comfortable. She wanted me to help her with bills more and be able to provide better. Once she told me she wanted to end things she gave me three weeks to move out and find a place to stay, but during those three weeks she would still make plans for me and our little kid. Still go to the beach, go out with me at night, hold my hand and kiss me. She even took me out for my birthday, and we had a great time with each other dancing and laughing. The day before I moved out I told her I would pack my stuff and leave the following day. That night we watched tv like usual and then went to bed, when we were in bed she started having a panic attack and breathing really hard so I calmed her down and and held her, she broke out crying hysterically saying this is the last night ur going to hold me. Then she grabbed my face and started making out with me very passionately and made love with me. Then I held her the rest of the night. I am confused with her actions, also the few days before I moved out we were at the beach and she said we should take our puppies to the dog beach some day, also our little one went on his first trip on an airplane with his grandma and she said if he does ok on the plane he can go with us on our next vacation. So even though she wanted me to leave she would talk about doing things in the future. I feel she felt that the only way I would get my act together is by breaking up with me. It has actually worked cus I am doing everything I can to better my self. I joined a gym and work out now, I have passed multiple exams for careers. I have 2 interviews next week and I won’t stop till I better myself and complete my goals. Can you give me some insight on my situation and if you feel her actions of kissing and hugging me and things she would say as far as future plans together are a positive thing?
Thank you!
Tom
August 30, 2016 at 12:06 am
Well she never stopped making plans and doing those things i talked about. But she continued doing those things during the 3 weeks she gave me before moving out. I am confused why she would talk about future plans even though she wanted me gone? I am now moved out and I have been giving her space, Not calling her or texting her at all. She contacted me twice regarding our little boy dealing with me not being there anymore in negative ways. She also called me so i can talk with him the morning of his first day of 1st grade. it has been almost 2 weeks since i have moved out and besides those couple times of contact she hasn’t contacted me anymore for almost two weeks. I am doing no contact to better my self as well as respect that she wants to have time for herself. Can you give me advice regarding my situation please? Do you think this relationship will have a possible reconcile after she has thought things over and sees i have made changes?
Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 12:07 pm
It will take time. The no contact rule is just the start.. After 30 days, things won’t probably be back to normal in an instant. For her to see that you’ve really changed, the change has to continually happen and it has to stick over time..
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 29, 2016 at 4:31 pm
HI Tom,
I actually think you’re right.. She needs to see actions, and she sees you’re doing it instead of just assuring her, that’s why she’s beign affectionate and planning things again.. I think you should just keep that up and don’t ask or demand yet but continue improving yourself.
Hayley browning
August 24, 2016 at 8:17 am
Hi does this work for people who are narasist. My ex was diagnosed with narasist paranoid personality disorder. But you can’t help who you fall in love with right? He took everything thing from my love to my money. So why do I miss him? Because he could be so lovely because I was happy. He has moved on to someone else now after being apart for only two months. I haven’t moved on I’m still hurting. He left because he said he wasn’t good enough for me and that to me makes no sense. He said I used him as a door mat but in everything we did I worked right along beside him. He has blocked my mobile number and blocked me on face book. I was doing the no contact and I had stayed strong and didn’t contact him, I put up photos and statuses of me doing nice things etc he blocked me. I’m at a loss. I stood by him when he went thru therapy to get help for his NPD he left me the day I told him I found out my daughter has been diagnosed with a rumour he said he just could help me through as he couldn’t take anymore. He said he didn’t love me and had not for a while. I helped him get over his drinking problems. I just don’t understand what I did wrong. I miss him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 28, 2016 at 12:59 pm
Hi Hayley,
you mean narcissism? if he really is narcissist, you have less chance and narcissists are actually good making somebody fall, so that means you’re a victim
Charlotte
August 24, 2016 at 7:12 am
Hi,
I’m not sure if my scenario falls into this category but I would like some advise if you can please.
I have been single for 2 years and up until recently have not really dated or I have been messed around by guys. About 3 months ago I swapped my gym for personal reasons and was spotted by an old friend who I hadn’t spoke to for years. We started chatting and got on really well and suddenly he got feelings for me, really intense feelings. We went out and did things together (cinema, food and walks) and often he would turn up at the gym to see me and spend time with me. It all got really intense for me and I felt like it was all going to fast so I told him he needed to slow things a little because it was going to fast and I was scared. He treat me like a princess, made me feel like the only girl in the world, made me feel like I was perfect in every way. This is something I have never experienced before. He constantly said things like ‘be mine’ or ‘I just want you’. To go from nothing to such an intense relationship was hard for me. So when I explained that we are seeing each other and I’d like to go a little slower and see how things go it got bad. We argued and made up but even when we had made up he would use it against me saying things like ‘oh. I can’t touch you it would be too clingy’ and ‘I can’t text you today you might think it’s too much’ or he would go the opposite way and say ‘so when can I meet your dad’. It felt even more like he was pressuring me into it. After a week of these ups and downs he finally snapped and told me it’s now or never. But from my point of you I could never have said yes at this point because he would have forced me into it. So we argued we left the conversation and then the next day I rang him to make up, but he was angry and had completed flipped on me. He refused to forgive me, he said he didn’t care about me and other horrible things that you say when you are mad. I went to his to make it up, he wouldn’t come and see me. He told me it was over for good. We didn’t speak for 2 days after that and then I went to my normal gym at my normal time. Now before we started seein each other he used to go to a gym more local to him during the day and didn’t always come to the one I go to as its further and more awkward for him to get to. But the other day when I turned up at my gym at my usual time after work. He turned up and as soon as he saw me he smiled, came over to me and talked to me. Told me confusing things like ‘I hate to see you cry’ and ‘I would do that but we aren’t together’ and ‘you had me when you sent that message’ but then as I went to leave he ignored my tap on the shoulder to say bye. This left me distraught again, so I messaged him and we spoke and it was civil. He replied almost straight away each time. Me being so upset and a mess could not face going to the gym again and needed some comfort from my friend. so we went for some food. Next thing I know, after not messaging me first for days and days on end, he pops up ‘you weren’t at the gym, lazy’ he was obviously at my gym at the same time I always go.. Again. What does this mean.
I feel bad that I have hurt him but he has hurt me so much through all of this too. I feel I made a mistake by not giving him a chance but past relationships and heartbreak makes me cautious and it felt like everything was so intense so quickly. I know I care about him, that has been shown through how upset this whole situation has made me. I really don’t know what to do, does he want this to work? Every time I speak to him over message he says he won’t forgive me nothin will happen but he keeps turning up where I go at the right time. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 28, 2016 at 12:15 pm
Hi Charlotte,
do you want to try to do no contact so that you both can have a breather?
Carey
August 23, 2016 at 6:57 pm
Hi! All of my previous conversation with Amor are no longer here. I need a bit more advice if you are willing to help.
Brief synopsis… My ex is/was my best friend and he started showing more interest in seeing me after we split. I did NC for 2 weeks and then saw him briefly, but after seeing him, he got all weird again and “friend-zoned” me.
Per Amor, I told him that being friends wasn’t working for me and I needed time. At that point, he said, “Take your time.” That was 9 days ago.
Since then, I have restarted my Facebook account, met with a college adviser to pursue another degree AND my Master’s, posted pics of myself and friends of mine from a band (all male), continued to lose weight and work on my fitness routine (encouraged by my ex). I am working on becoming the ungettable girl even though he isn’t aware if it yet as he has no social media, but checks through his Mom’s account off and on.
Now, to complicate things, I honestly don’t think he will attempt to contact me during this time due to the amount of respect we have for one another. He has a seriously demanding job and even mentioned when he put me in the friend zone that he felt smothered by his life. In fact, his said his “life is a circus. And sad.” He recently divorced and is not only performing his job, but also raising his two daughters with little help from their Mom. He said in that conversation that he felt like he couldn’t offer what a relationship needs. He never asked me and I felt like I never pressured him or demanded anything from him. Trust me, I’m raising two kids alone and don’t have a ton of free time.
We live 4 hours away from each other- same state, just very different ends. We were friends while we were both married to other people and found each other again after our marriages failed. Both of us came from extremely emotionally abusive relationships where silence was often used as a weapon. Now, that being said, I DID tell him that I needed some time instead of just up and ignoring him. Are there any statistics that show if the NC is detrimental in these situations? I just worry that I went NC with him when a day before he had mentioned that his life was a sad circus and he will feel that I abandoned him.
Thank you for your help!
Carey
September 25, 2016 at 12:06 am
Just a quick update… He did respond back to me and said that he considers me his best friend but that he is in a position where he needs to focus on his work (he used a much more expletive filled description) and his kids right now and doesn’t feel that he has the time to devote or pursue a relationship at this time.
That being said, I am going to implement the brief NC period you recommend just to give him his space. I did find it encouraging that he was the one who made first contact during our previous NC period. I know that he is overwhelmed based on a phone conversation we had.
Should I do like Chris mentioned and send him a rose, but attach a quick “Thanks for all you do” note to it? Not sure if that would be overstepping the bounds. He truly has worked very hard the past few weeks and has stayed out numerous nights making arrests and not getting home until very late.
I’m a giver by nature and want to do something for him but am not sure it is appropriate.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 25, 2016 at 11:19 am
I think just sending it as text would be better for now.
Carey
September 22, 2016 at 8:24 pm
I was supposed to meet him for dinner this past Friday, but he cancelled. The cancellation was fine by me because I was rushed in for emergency surgery and then spent the weekend in the hospital. He kept in contact with me over text and kept saying that he was praying for me and hoped I would feel better. However, I am hurt more than anything that he didn’t make the trip to come see me (not quite 4 hours).
When I commented to him that it hurt, he became angry with me and said that he knew I needed time to heal and then he said the situation was like the Footprints poem that says God carried me when I struggled. He says he was the one set of footprints because he was carrying me in prayer. He later apologized in the conversation and said he just felt like he was being attacked. He very clearly stated in the beginning when he was mad at me that he was not my boyfriend. We ended the conversation on a positive note.
I later sent him a text asking him what I could do to fix what he thought was an attack on him and change his opinion of me. I have worked diligently to become the ungettable girl and feel like my emotional plea to him was fueled by my near-death experience. He has not responded. The text was sent earlier today and I do know he was busy with work and later has to get his oldest child from a sports activity.
Things were going really well before Friday and our conversation today, but I am more than confused by his hot and cold behavior. Should I try the NC again and do the 45 day or just end the get your ex back quest?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 23, 2016 at 4:49 pm
I think you need to rest from texting a little.. Maybe a week to think.. And he’s right. He’s not your boyfriend. You can’t expect him to do things that boyfriends do. But of course, it’s normal that you would hope he would because you love him. You just have to set your expectations. And you can’t ask him what you need to do on how you can change yourself for his opinion..that’s a bit of a chasing deed…just take it slow… if he’s not responding well, take a step back and regroup your thoughts.
Carey
September 6, 2016 at 8:30 pm
I contacted him after 21 days instead of the 30, BUT even though I have been working on improving me, I still love him. He mentioned going on a date again, but won’t set a date. Again, we live 4 hours away and his schedule in particular is a crapshoot because of his job. The last thing he said to me about it (today) was that we would have to play it by ear and just make sure to give him notice that I would be in town. Do I oblige and do it his way because I really do know his work schedule can be a mess or do I “demand” that it be my way or the highway? He has been very receptive to my texts and I have left him hanging. Would a 7 day NC work to get his attention and make him commit to a specific date?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 7, 2016 at 10:41 am
if he really has a difficult schedule, then you have to work around his schedule in regards to meet ups. Just don’t make sure that you still keep active in your life while you’re not meeting up.
Carey
August 29, 2016 at 2:14 pm
Now things are getting complicated. Obviously it is a LDR. When he texted me last week, I ignored it. This morning, Day 16 of NC, he texted asking me when I would be close to him again and when I was, he would like to have lunch or dinner with me. Do I discontinue NC? Do I accept the “date” invite even though it could be another few weeks before I am down his way? I know his schedule is a wreck (he is in charge of a fugitive task force so he never knows what may happen some days), so if I accept should I try to be accommodating more so to him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 9:09 am
Nope, he’s trying to be friendly which is good but don’t jump right in.. THe good sign is that when you start to contact him, there’s a high chance that he will reply
Carey
August 25, 2016 at 4:43 pm
Lo and behold, on day 11 of NC, HE TEXTED ME TWICE!!! I haven’t replied (so proud of myself for that).
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 27, 2016 at 5:23 pm
Hi Carey,
sorry for the late reply.. that’s good.. you’ve told him that you needed space and the fact that he texted you means he understood that you’re not abandoning him
KCee
August 23, 2016 at 5:58 pm
Hi, on another note, I left a recorded message on your site, hopefully for submittal and feedback. For me the confusing part is how I would know whether you include it in a podcast. Do you let me know via my email address?
KCee
August 27, 2016 at 5:48 pm
Any clarification for me about how I would know if my recorded message is ever part of a podcast? Would I be contacted via email?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 30, 2016 at 2:22 pm
Oh! I’m sorry! Well, that’s good.. you can accept the job, just do minimal contact.. dont mention about nc.. I’d have to reread your previous comments and get back to you..
and check this article out for working with an ex:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend
and about the podcast..Chris will notify you via email but sometimes he forgets so, it’s better if you keep up to date with the new posts
KCee
August 23, 2016 at 5:06 pm
Hi, the link you posted to get to our lost messages takes us to a different guide, not this one. Thus our messages are not there. Can you recheck the link to take us to this guide “How to make your boyfriend miss you” with the August posts? Thank you.
Confused
August 23, 2016 at 2:15 pm
Hi, I’m in need of someone (anyone’s) opinion. My ex and I have been broken up for three months now. I can honestly say I’ve worked hard and became the best version of myself since, I’m so happy and comfortable being me now like he always said I could be. We did the NC for 30 and then had some good conversation for a little. After under two months of being broken up he started seeing another girl but we talked for three days around the same time as the new girl entered the picture (I didn’t know he was dating when I found out I stopped messages). After another 30 days NC he has started liking all of my Instagram posts and even messaged me yesterday in regards to one of my snapchats (which he has consistently viewed within an hour since breaking up). I have this sincere feeling he and I aren’t done, but I’ve been trying to distance myself since he started dating someone but it seems like he is always right there lingering. So what is he doing? Does he miss me or something? Should I continue to give him his space? He’s confusing me…
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 27, 2016 at 10:38 am
Hi Confused,
well at leas you’ve conveyed that you’re not going to stay of there’s another girl and I think that raised your value in his eyes
KCee
August 22, 2016 at 9:37 pm
Hello, I have submitted a few comments over the past several days and received replies from you. This morning I submitted another for clarification of some things. The whole comment portion of this page disappeared and now, although it’s back the comments are all from July thus none of mine are included. I wanted to be able to reference them and I was awaiting response to my last one. Can you let me know how I can restore these or have them sent to me?
J
August 25, 2016 at 1:53 am
Thanks Chris but the thread I’m looking for was after that and was posted to the “Male Mind During NC” article. It’s ok tho. The question I was asking was about my social media usage. I’m on day 13 and he’s been watching ALL of my snapchat stories for the past 10 days (good sign, right?), and he’s never normally on social media much. It was easy for me to appear busy since i had plans every day leading up to my 21 bday which just passed (he did contact me that day. I stayed strong and silent), so he’s seen me having fun. I was wondering if this would make him not want/need to reach out during NC, since he can see what I’ve been up to? Also wondering if I should slow up with SM posts to trigger his curiousity a little more? Thanks again 🙂
J
August 23, 2016 at 2:57 am
Site looks awesome! However, I’m actually having this exact problem. All of the “newest” comments are from July but my thread with Amor and new comment are from August. They’re all gone :/
Chris Seiter
August 23, 2016 at 4:12 am
Try this,
https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/should-you-give-up-on-your-ex-boyfriend-lets-explore/comment-page-1/#comment-74452
KCee
August 22, 2016 at 10:09 pm
No, they’re newer comments from August that are all missing. 🙁
Chris Seiter
August 22, 2016 at 10:06 pm
We updated our website and there were a few issues with it. It should be all fixed now.
If you want to see older comments you probably need to click on the button that says older comments.
Fontanamota
July 24, 2016 at 9:23 pm
Hi, i was with my ex boyfriend for 2.5 years. We fought, not too much, but fights used to get really bad. In the end he said he had waited 2.5 years for me to “change” even though the fights had calmed down and he was the one to initiate most of them, then once I cant get through to him, I see red and the fights aggravate. Whatever the fight we always made up almost instantly. And talked normally and understood each other right after. We moved in together for a month a half before he broke it off. We also had gotten a puppy 2 weeks prior the break up and i felt it was taking up a lot of my time and the night before we broke up i asked him to try help with the dog a bit more, since im studying. Also, that he shouldnt say he leaves me during a fight. ( please note a week before this he said he was “at his limit” but didnt want to leave me). Anyways other reasons he gave for leaving were that i was never ready for any of this (please note we were currently looking for our own house to live in for around two weeks). He didnt even want to look at me while i tried talking to him, he left the house and said he’d be back later but he didnt show up for two hours so I left the house with the puppy. He went to get his things that night and i went the day after to pack my things. He left all our pictures and a card i had written him for our anniversary. After cleaning up I left the house and he said he would deal with the landlord. He sent me a text saying thank you for the years we spent together and that good memories but he couldnt commit fully to me and us and that now hes made the decision, nothing will change my mind. He kept insisting i’m an awesome person and a good person and that he doesnt want to be strangers. I replied to this saying i always saw the good things thats why i stuck and that i will move on like i’ve done before. He later called saying I left a mess and how I dont know how to clean. Very angry. I tried to keep my cool and said i have my priorities now since he decided to leave high and dry. Now he likes my pictures on social media, he texted my mother thanking her for all she did with us and taht he didnt want to hurt us and that he will never forget what she did with us. Now he’s adding other women and liking other pictures. I saw him last weekend but turned my head before i could see if he saw me too. I dont know how to go about this anymore. Any advice?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 27, 2016 at 3:30 pm
Hi fontanamota
it’s like you already started nc.. how long are you in it? You should do at least 30 days and then just focus in having a new routine and a new life.. establish that you have moved on before initiating contact with him
Kathy
July 24, 2016 at 6:17 pm
I met this wonderful man on a dating site 4 1/2 months ago. We hit it off from the start. Two weeks into it, he told me he loved me. After thinking about it, I reciprocated. He friended me on FB at the beginning of the relationship. One morning, I was going through his wall and noticed posts from what appeared to be his wife, and there were wedding photos of the 2 of them on her page. I confronted him about this. Turns out, they were separated for 3 months and he had filed for a divorce. We talked about it and my concern about being the rebound. I chose to stay with him because we had real chemistry. The main thing that bothered me about our relationship was that he wouldn’t tell his family about me or even that he was dating because the divorce was not final and he didn’t want them to say it was too soon for him to be in another serious relationship. We discussed it frequently. I felt that we were living a lie and it really bothered me. As expected, he did begin to change during our relationship and it did appear that this was a typical rebound. He still told me he loved me, but I could feel him pulling away. I initiated the break up and he agreed. We didn’t argue about it. Two days later, he asked if he could pick up his stuff, which I agreed. I had most of his things packed when he arrived. We talked a little about the break up. He said that I’m really nice and that we were just not in the same place, which I agree. We had some more light conversation. I had bought him a picture frame and put a pic of us in it to give to him when he closed on his new condo. I put a pic of him and his son kayaking over top of ours, and put it in the bag of his stuff. I told him about it before he left. When he left he said good bye, waved and smiled as he drove away. He texted me shortly after, thanking me for the Gift and that he loved it. I have had NC with him since then except for stalking his FB page. I noticed that he has been constantly on FB too, hopefully checking out my wall. It’s been 11 days since the break up and 9 days since he picked up his stuff. I lost some weight in that short period of time and posted a smoking hot pick on my FB page. I was checking into various locations on FB so that he could see that I was out doing things. The thing is, I don’t normally post a lot, so I did eventually delete them because it didn’t feel natural. I truly believe that if we had met much later after his divorce, that we would have lasted. I’ll continue to do NC, but had actually wanted to send him a funny little text at day 21 regarding something that will happen that day that we are both privy to, not really expecting much to come of it except that maybe he’ll get a laugh from it. He was back on the dating site the same day we broke up and is still on it. I know I need to let him get the post divorce stuff out of his system if we are ever going to have a chance. My questions are, 1) Is it a bad idea to send him the text at day 21? 2) How long will it take for him to really be ready to move on from his divorce? He was married 4 years. 3) Is 30 days NC long enough in this situation? I was thinking that I might just like one of his FB posts at this point instead of texting, just to see what happens.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 27, 2016 at 1:49 pm
Hi kathy
if you are going to do 30 days nc, that means you can’t text or like any of his posts in it and you should refrain from checking his account too.. focus in improving yourself.. after 30 days, continue those activities while rebuilding rapport with him.. if you want to like his posts first after nc that’s ok
anonymous
July 24, 2016 at 5:04 pm
So… I made it through no contact and successfully had my first re-entry… actually thanked him because aside from losing him, this breakup has done great things for me. and He gave me a positive response. But now I don’t know what to do. He does have a rebound and isn’t much of a texter… so I’m scared to try anything chatty … help! He’s also very duty-bound and will most likely feel very bad texting me while with someone else … even if “it’s not like anything we had”…
anonymous
July 24, 2016 at 5:05 pm
he was also very adamant about if we ever get back together, he has to pursue me, and I don’t want to push him away.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 27, 2016 at 12:59 pm
well that’s good that he wants to pursue if ever, because that’s how it should be… right now, it’s better if you take it slow.. if you text one time a day, like only during lunches that’s ok, as long as you had a good talk
Felicity
July 24, 2016 at 9:22 am
He just decided the distance was too hard and he couldn’t do it anymore although we were talking about getting married and stuff. No contact is easy for me since I unfriended him on facebook but these rules are very generic and don’t really apply to people who are in a ldr. I mean Idk what to do once it goes past the one month of no contact and it’s already like we’re both out of each other’s minds anyway since we’re so far apart from each other.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 27, 2016 at 7:34 am
Hi Felicity,
the article doesn’t apply to all and as you said, the reason he broke up with you is the distance right? so, that’s what you need to work on.. try to rea this articles too:
The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship
EBR 004: Breaking The Long Distance Barrier With An Ex
Enisa
July 21, 2016 at 2:29 am
My ex boyfriend broke up with me because he felt problems we were working on weren’t being solved. We live together and have 2 small children together. I want our family to be together and for us to work it out. What do I do?!
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 22, 2016 at 11:43 am
Hi Enisa,
You can do limited no contact. Read this articles:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend
Get your boyfriend back if you have a child together
Hannah
July 20, 2016 at 8:22 pm
I was wondering how you can go about the no contact rule if you still live under the same roof as your ex? We have separate bedrooms that we use but still see each other at least once a day since we use the same kitchen, living room, etc. We also live with another couple and all of us are in our 20s (hence having roommates to split costs). Any advice would be so appreciated!
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 21, 2016 at 7:09 pm
Hi Hannah,
you’re going to do limited no contact.. Try to read this article:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend
Sam
July 20, 2016 at 12:08 am
This makes a lot of sense and I really hope it works out. My boyfriend of 6 1/2 years broke up with me on the 1st. The break up was completely out of the blue. The same week he told me how much he loved me and how he could never lose me.
A little background: We’ve been dating since freshman yr of high school. After graduation, he stayed home and I went away to school (about 3 hrs). We have broken up mainly one other time (for about a month) and twice because of drunken problems (resolved during the next day). He recently started a new job back in October and has met a lot of new friends and became very close to them. I started an internship at the beginning of the summer. Our schedules caused us to have a hard time seeing each other.
I have broken the no contact rule, and so has he already. Of course I started out begging and constantly texting and calling him. After I stopped, two days later he sent me a text telling me I deserved a better “explanation.” Two days after that, I texted him telling him to stay safe (due to some issues in our community.) I texted him the next day during a break down begging him. Then the day after that, a friend convinced me to ask him to meet up with me so I get that “better explanation.” He agreed and I did’t contact him until I saw him on the 14th. He told me he will always love me and will always care for me. He also said that if we get back together, we are getting married. And he may be able to call this cold feet but he was unsure. He said that he has had a thought taking over his mind the last couple months that he needs to see “what else is out there.” He told me that this thought has caused him to feel that he loves me, just not in love with me. I felt a deep connection with him up until the break up and the night I met up with him. I was so shocked by this. We are young (21) and we have not dated other people (I know, I know, “there’s plenty of fish in the sea”). At the end of the night I started to cry and accidentally beg him again. All he did was hold me and hug me and say that I am a strong woman and don’t wait for me. But I want to wait for him. I am so confused at what is going on. He lost a family member and a close family friend at the beginning of the summer. He also told me (when we met) that he’s been drinking a lot more and hasn’t been thinking straight. I’m worried about him. He told me he would meet me before I return back to school, I would just have to let him know when I planned on going back. At first I couldn’t wait to meet up with him again, but now I think that I shouldn’t even tell him that I am returning to school. It makes me hope that he will realize how he was looking forward to seeing me and when he realizes that I left he will begin to miss me and think about getting back with me. If he texts me during this time, I plan to not respond.
What are your thoughts on the situation?
Sam
July 20, 2016 at 12:13 am
Sorry one more thing… He told me he is still completely attracted to me. The subject of me going home with him for the night came up. He refused to take me home. He said that if he didn’t care about me or didn’t love me, he would take me home in a heart beat. He said he loves me too much and cares for me too much to do that to me. He needs his own time and space.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 21, 2016 at 2:06 pm
Hi Sam,
you said you broke nc? restart it..if he needs space then nc is the better step to take