How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back -Version 2.0-

 Ex-Boyfriend-Recovery-PRO

The main goal of this website has always been very simple.

To teach women how to get their ex boyfriends back.

Every single article that has ever been written for this site has centered on an area of the overall ex recovery process. In early April of 2013 I released an article entitled how to get your ex boyfriend back. That 10,000 word guide detailed a step by step process that helped women get their ex boyfriends back.

As of today that guide has garnered over 3,800 comments (and still counting.) Of course, we live in an age where people only want the “latest” information and while I am extremely proud of my “super guide” it is a little outdated.

In fact, not only is it a bit old but I know a lot more about getting exes back than I did in the early stages of last year.

So, I came up with a pretty clever idea.

What would happen if I wrote another large guide on how to get your ex boyfriend back that completely updated my philosophy?

Well, something tells me that I will have a lot of happy people on this site! So, here it is. This is going to be my updated guide on how to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Most In-Depth Ex Boyfriend Report Ever?

If you aren’t already aware I would like to tell you that I have written two books on ex boyfriends. One of the books is about the complete step by step process to getting an ex boyfriend back (something that goes in far greater detail than I will be going into here.) The second book is all about the attraction process. It is about how you can optimize your chances of re-attracting your ex boyfriend.

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO – A step by step guide that will teach you how to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Secrets of Attracting Men – A guide about how you can re-attract your ex boyfriend (or attract any man in general.)

If you really want to have everything you could ever want when it comes to getting your ex back those are probably the two best resources available right now. Check them out.

Lets move on.

A Truth You Are Going To Have To Accept

truth

It’s funny.

I remember when I wrote the very first “how to get your ex boyfriend back” guide I wrote a section exactly like this one. Turns out that in the last year absolutely nothing has changed.

Getting your ex boyfriend back is not an exact science. Most “experts” out there would have you believe that if you buy their product that you are guaranteed to get him back. The truth is that there are no guarantees when it comes to this. Most of the women reading this guide will probably fail. I used to think that this was just the way it was. That when people break up they don’t get back together because that was the way the world worked.

Well, something I was shocked to learn was the fact that most women fail to get their exes back because they are undisciplined.

Let me give you an example. Lets say that you read this entire page and absorbed the information. Now, I am pretty good at making complicated subjects easy to understand so I promise you that you will understand everything in this guide. If you absorbed the information and knew exactly what to do to raise your chances of getting your ex back you still might fail because YOU failed to put the information into practice.

That is the real challenge here.

Understanding what you need to do to get your ex boyfriend back is the easy part. Actually putting it into practice is the hard part.

What This Page Covers

down to business

Obviously this page is going to be about how you can get your ex boyfriend back. I am sure if you go back to the original guide you will find a section similar to this one and you may find some major similarities between the two but I guarantee you that there are a lot of new concepts to teach.

Here are a few of the new things that I will be covering on this page:

  • If you should get your ex back or you should move on (weighing percentages.)
  • My updated philosophy on the no contact rule.
  • An update on the phone calls.
  • More advice on how to get your ex back in person.

Of course, even the old things that were covered in the previous guide will be getting an update and you will be getting my new take on:

  • Things you should do during the no contact rule and why they are essential.
  • What you should text your ex boyfriend.
  • Your “Game Plan” for getting him back.
  • The different type of responses to texting and what to do when you get them.
  • How to approach a phone call with your ex boyfriend.

Alright enough talk. Lets get to the actual “guide.”

Knowing How To Weigh Your Chances

karate

A question I get all the time in the comments section of this site is,

“Do I even have a chance of getting him back?”

The truth is that technically you always have a chance to get your ex boyfriend back. However, what you really want to know is how good your chances are of getting him back. I created this section in the guide because I feel that sometimes going after an ex boyfriend isn’t always going to benefit you in the end and I want to help you determine which situations are like that.

It’s All About A Happy Ending

dog

Do you know what I want for you?

I want you to get back with your ex boyfriend and have a happy ending. I want you to get married, have kids and pretty much have the absolute best outcome possible after implementing this game plan. Unfortunately, not everyone can obtain this type of happy outcome.

Ok, I am about to lay down a hard dose of reality.

Take a step back from your current situation and ask yourself,

“Can I have a happy ending with my ex boyfriend?”

For example, if any of the following things happened you may have trouble answering that question honestly:

  • You cheated on him.
  • He cheated on you.
  • He abused you emotionally.
  • You abused him emotionally
  • Your fights got out of hand frequently.
  • If he has a new SERIOUS girlfriend (not a rebound.)

(If he abused you physically then DO NOT try to get him back. You need to find help and you may even need to call the police.)

If you look at the list above and find that you have done one or more of the things there you may be freaking out. Well, I didn’t say it was impossible to get your ex boyfriend back if any of the things on the list above were committed. All I am saying is that your chances of getting him back will be decreased.

In the end it is your decision on whether or not to try to get him back. However, I will tell you in all honesty that your chances may be seriously hurt if any of the things above happened.

Ok, lets recap.

A Quick Recap

  • The first step to weighing your chances is asking yourself if a happy ending is in sight for you and your ex. If you can’t envision one then it probably isn’t a good idea to try to get him back.
  • One of the keys to seeing a happy ending is trying your best to look at the situation without bias (which I realize I am telling the most biased people on the planet this haha.)
  • You should also weigh your chances by taking a look at what happened in your relationship. Specifically what caused the breakup.
  • If things like cheating, emotional abuse, BAD fighting have occurred then your chances of success will not be as high.
  • It is important to distinguish between a rebound girlfriend and a serious girlfriend. If your ex has gotten a serious new girlfriend then your chances of success will not be very high.

Your Game Plan For Success

(If you would like a full in-depth game plan on how to get your ex back check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

It has been about a year since I last put my original game plan for getting an ex boyfriend back into writing. That means that I have had an entire year to make tweaks and evolve my philosophy to improve your chances of getting him back.

While this new game plan is very similar to the old one found on my very first guide on getting an ex boyfriend back there are a few major differences.

Why?

Well, let me put it this way. When you help hundreds of women succeed in getting their boyfriends back you learn a thing or two about what works and what doesn’t work. As a result of seeing many successes it is only natural that your philosophy evolves.

Of course, before I can go into the specifics of what you need to do it is probably best for me to talk about the overall “game plan” that we are going to be following for success:

get ex back game plan

Ok, that was a lot to digest so lets take a moment and break down what all of this means.

Dissecting The Game Plan

In my infinite wisdom ;) I have learned that the best way to get your ex back is to slowly build attraction.

Let me ask you a question. If you were given two choices:

  1. To rush to get your ex boyfriend back as soon as possible.
  2. To take your time and slowly build attraction to get him back.

Which do you think yields the higher success rate?

NUMBER TWO!

It seems so obvious when I put it into terms like that doesn’t it?

However, the mistake that most women make is the fact that they just want the pain they are feeling (the lonliness, depression, etc) to stop as soon as possible and they rush the ex recovery process.

This is not something that you should rush. Often times going slow is better than going fast.

Lets take a look at the game plan above now.

(Don’t worry if this doesn’t make sense to you right now because I will be going over every step in a much more in-depth manner in a minute.)

Use The No Contact Rule

The no contact rule has many functions. For one, it is going to drive your ex crazy that you are ignoring him. Ideally, it is going to make him realize what he has lost. However, it is also going to give you a chance to work on yourself and get your mind in the right place.

Send Text Messages

There is a certain way that you need to send a text message after the no contact rule has been completed. I will teach you exactly how a bit later in this guide.

Build Attraction In Texts

Once you establish a texting conversation with your ex it is your goal to build attraction in that conversation to make him want you. The end goal is to either get him on the phone or to get a date. It doesn’t matter what happens first just that it happens. Most likely though he will end up giving you a call.

Attraction Leads To Phone Calls

I hope by now you see what we are doing? Essentially, we are slowly working our way to a date where you can reconnect with him on an emotional and physical level. Once you have him on the phone keep building that attraction to get your date.

Phone Call Leads To A Date

If you have built enough attraction through texts and phone calls it is only inevitable that you will get a date. Once you get this date you can work on reconnecting with your ex boyfriend and hopefully get rid of the “ex” and make him your boyfriend.

The No Contact Rule

don't talk to me

Have you ever heard that phrase,

Silence is a source of great strength?

Well, the no contact rule kind of abides by that philosophy. If you are new to this site then let me say up front that I have written a lot about the no contact rule.

Why?

Because it is an essential step of this entire process. What I am going to do now is give you a few quick links to some of the most popular no contact pages I have written.

  • The No Contact Rule – This article is basically an introduction into the no contact rule. It talks about what it is, how to perform it and how it can benefit you.
  • The Male Mind During No Contact – This one basically talks about everything that is going on inside your exes mind once you perform the no contact rule on him.
  • What If He Doesn’t Contact You During No Contact – Every woman’s greatest fear about the no contact rule is if she performs it and he doesn’t contact her. This guide specifically covers that.

Believe me when I tell you that the no contact rule is an absolute vital part of the “get your ex back” process. However, watching people do it for the last year I have learned some very interesting things that I didn’t know when I first talked about no contact.

First though, lets talk a little about what the no contact rule is.

The No Contact Rule- A period of time where you aren’t allowed to respond to phone calls, texts, facebooks, snap chats, emails or anything else from your ex. In addition to that you are not allowed to reach out to your ex at all during the no contact time frame.

Now, what I am about to say next may shake the beliefs of my most loyal readers. When I first created the “get your ex boyfriend back” process I was dead set on having the no contact rule at 30 days and I still am. In other words, that means for 30 days you can’t call, text or respond to your ex at all.

However, now that I have seen so many people try the no contact rule I have decided that in some cases a shorter no contact period may be best.

Let me give you an example of a case like that.

Lets pretend that you decide that you want to use the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend. Around day 5 your ex starts realizing that you are ignoring him and he sends you a text message like this:

threatenings message

Believe it or not this is the type of message that I have seen multiple women get during the no contact rule.

A message like this is pretty bad right?

Actually no, it meas that your ex boyfriend wants to talk to you more than anything and that is a good thing. A message like this is essentially a hissy fit where he is going to threaten you by cutting you out of his life. It’s funny, whenever a guy pulls out a message like this I always think back to that TV show “24.” Basically, “24” is about a counter terrorism unit agent called Jack Bauer. The whole show is based around the principle that the United States doesn’t negotiate with terrorists (well, unless they really really have to… but that is besides the point.)

When your ex boyfriend threatens you in this way I view him, and this may be a little extreme, but I view him as a terrorist and we don’t negotiate with terrorists. However, the sheer fact that he is so upset about you using the no contact rule on him tells us that no contact is working it’s magic on him faster than normal.

Now, I am not going to lie to you. The big risk with the no contact rule is the fact that you could potentially anger your ex boyfriend to the point where he doesn’t want to talk to you at all so he can kind of “get back” at you for ignoring him.

That is why I have come up with an alternative to the 30 day no contact rule.

What is it?

The 21 day no contact rule.

21 Days Vs. 30 Days

I already know this is going to confuse the heck out of people so I really want you to pay attention to what I say here.

The 21 day no contact rule is not something you can start off with. It is only an option you have if things go your way. Again, I realize this may be a little confusing so let me give you a live example.

Pretend that I am your ex boyfriend. Since you are a very smart woman you are going to use the no contact rule on me. You are going to start off by using the 30 day no contact rule. Early within that no contact period (lets say around day 6) I start to send you a lot of text messages asking you where you are. Of course, you ignore them because you are in the no contact rule. During day 7 of the no contact rule I start to get angry and I send you a text message like the “mock example” I gave above.

You know, the “Ill erase you from my phone if you don’t message me.”

If this happens then you should feel proud of yourself because that means that I desperately want you to talk to me. In this particular case you can have the option to shorten your 30 day no contact rule to 21 days. Do you see how it works?

Only if the no contact rule is working can you shorten your 30 day period to 21 days.

No Contact Is A Battle On Two Fronts

(If you want more advice on how to appear more attractive during the no contact rule check out The Secrets of Attracting Men.)

two fronts

A lot of people don’t realize this but the no contact rule is meant to work in two different ways. In other words, you are going to be fighting a battle on two fronts at the same exact time. Sounds pretty crazy huh? Allow me to expand on it a little bit more.

The first way that no contact is supposed to work is that it’s supposed to have an affect on your ex boyfriend.

The second way is that it allows you to look inwards and improve yourself.

The key to a successful no contact rule is combining the two which is something that I am going to talk about right now.

Front One – Self Improvement

self improevemnt

Have you ever heard that question,

If you can’t love yourself then how can you love someone else?

Self improvement during the no contact rule is all about starting at point A to get to point Z (point Z obviously being your ex.) It always irks me when women come to this site, read about the no contact rule and then completely disregard the fact that self improvement is a part of it.

I am going to get mean for a moment here.

Right now you aren’t good enough to get your ex boyfriend back. You are emotional, your life is out of balance and quite honestly your confidence is probably lower than ever. I plan on helping you change that. I want you to re-invent yourself. I want you to become someone so incredible that not only can your ex boyfriend NOT resist you but pretty much every other man on the face of the earth too.

I want you to become the ungettable girl.

The Ungettable Girl

The ungettable girl is a concept that I came up with to describe a girl that can pretty much make any man crazy. I remember sitting at my desk and asking myself,

“If I were to create a girl that can make any man chase her (especially her ex boyfriend) what would she be like?”

Lets talk about that for a second now. What would the “perfect” girl be like?

I think the first thing that you have to understand is that every man out there loves the chase. They may say that they hate it but the truth is that deep down we all kind of like it when we can’t get the girl at first. Besides, when we finally do get the girl it makes us feel like we won the ultimate prize.

The ungettable girl has to have the entire package.

She has to have beauty. She has to have brains. She has to be funny. She has to be sexy. Essentially, she has to be everything that every man could ever want. Remember, the goal of becoming the ungettable girl isn’t to just please your ex boyfriend. It’s to please every single man on the planet.

So, how are you supposed to achieve all this?

(Because clearly you aren’t any of this right now.)

Well, lets start by talking about a few of the specific aspects of the ungettable girl.

  • Beauty
  • Personality
  • Confidence
  • Popularity

Ok, I guess that is more than a few “aspects” but you want to do this right, right?

Beauty

It’s always funny to me that in movies they always say something like,

“Looks don’t matter.”

What I am about to say might make a few women angry but I honestly don’t care. I am not here to tell you what you want to hear. I am here to deal with the truth and the truth is that looks matter to men. I can honestly say that I have never pointed at a woman who is clearly ugly and thought to myself,

“Wow… she’s an ungettable girl.”

I am sorry it just doesn’t happen.

My eye isn’t caught by an overweight woman walking into a room. No, it is caught by the fit looking beauty that walked in behind the whale.

Yes I said it, WHALE!

whale

(Told you I’m not holding anything back.)

Now, if you are sitting here reading this and you feel a little overweight then consider this your wake up call. Get off your lazy butt and do something about it. You have 21-30 days of time to do something about it so don’t just sit there and waste that time.

Oh, and I don’t want to hear excuses.

I hear excuses all day long from women. You know what, I don’t care about your excuse. I want to see results from you not hear some stupid excuse. Use this time to get in the best shape of your life because you know what, things are going to start falling into place for you if you do so.

Personality

Do you want to know how much personality matters to men?

Let me tell you a little story and trust me when I say that everything I talk about below really happened to me.

I have debated telling this story for months because the truth is I am not fond of telling personal stories that talk about other people but this one so clearly illustrates the point I am making here that I can’t resist. A year ago I met this beautiful girl.  Now, let me tell you that I am quite picky so this girl was really something looks wise to catch my attention.

This site wasn’t in existence yet when I met her so I hadn’t thought up the concept of an ungettable girl but looking back she was definitely had the goods “looks wise” to be an UG (ungettable girl.)

The two of us quickly hit it off and initially her personality was pretty great.

Then it happened.

Slowly but surely I started to get to know the real her and I learned that her personality was very unstable. Seriously, she was the worst type of girl out there. She was a girl who thought her personality was fantastic when in reality it was horrible.

Want to know what I disliked the most about it?

Have you ever read that children’s book “The Giving Tree?”

Well, the book is basically about this tree that loves this little boy with all it’s heart. The little boy keeps asking the tree to give him things and the tree, since it loves the little boy, gives the little boy everything he asks for. As the boy grows up he keeps asking the tree to give him things and the tree does. By the end of the book the boy has grown into an old man and the tree is nothing but a stump.

the giving tree

Essentially, the boy had taken so much from the tree that the tree had nothing left to give.

This “beautiful” girl made me feel like the tree. While I was definitely not in love with her (didn’t even date her) I did have feelings for her and she knew that and used them to take advantage of me. I remember she always used to say,

“I am a great friend to everyone!”

When she said that I remember rolling my eyes and thinking to myself,

“Sure you are.”

The point was that eventually I stopped being friends with her because I learned she treated everyone like this. Every single friend she had she would just take and take and take until the friends had nothing left to give and I refused to have that happen to me.

This is when I learned something absolutely amazing.

What was the first thing that I said about this girl?

I said she was beautiful right?

Well, after I learned about her personality every time I looked at her picture on Facebook I no longer found her attractive. Seriously, she was a beautiful girl but her personality made her looks horrible to me. That was when I learned that looks and personality have a direct correlation.

The two will always be linked and the key to an ungettable girl is that she has high marks in both looks and personality.

Confidence

If I had to take a guess I would say that right now your confidence is pretty much down in the dumps.

Hey, I am not blaming you. You just had your heart ripped out. I don’t think you would be human if you were all happy after a breakup. Nevertheless, you aren’t going to get your ex boyfriend back if you aren’t confident with yourself.

Even more important, there is no way in he** you are going to become an ungettable girl without confidence.

There’s that word again, confidence.

What the heck does it mean? So often you hear the advice,

“Oh, just be confident.”

or

“If you are confident you can get any man.”

That is nice and all but what the heck is this confidence and how the heck do you get it? I am a guy so I feel I can bring a unique perspective when it comes to confidence for women. I have had the privileged of meeting a lot of confident women throughout my life.

Some are the perfect amount of confidence and some are way too confident that it is off-putting. Lets start there, with the worst case scenario when it comes to confidence.

Have you ever met a guy that you really liked at first. He was good looking, had a good job and his personality seemed to be relatively normal. However, once you got to know him you learned that all he seemed to talk about were his muscles. He was so self absorbed and conceited that you were immediately turned off by him.

A lot of women don’t know this but there is actually an equivalent to that. Something that women can do that can be a complete turn off to men.

I once knew this woman who would always tell me that she was the most confident person ever. Seriously, she would repeatedly tell me about how confident she is in herself.

(FYI.. she totally wasn’t.)

The point is that someone who is truly confident doesn’t need to say that they are confident they just are. Women who try too hard to be confident and feel the need to prove it is a total turn off to men.

Most men prefer someone who has such strong self belief that they just exude confidence. Almost like it is just natural to them. A girl who smiles a lot, who is completely classy and is not ashamed of who she is. One thing that I believe is that becoming confident relies heavily on two factors.

  1. How much you believe in yourself.
  2. And not caring what anyone thinks of you.

If you can master these two things then don’t worry, you are well on your way to becoming confident. Want to take a look at the most confident animal ever? Consider yourself warned.

confidence

Popularity

Throughout this site I have talked about the idea of social proof on multiple occasions.

What is social proof?

Well, it is an idea that I picked up from probably the strangest community ever, pickup artists. Hey, I don’t want those judging glares from you ladies. The only reason I researched tactics there was to find stuff that I could use to help YOU to get your ex back.

Anyways, the way social proof works is kind of clever.

Imagine that you were in a bar and everyone in that bar was giving you a lot of attention. Hmmm… picture this happening to you:

flirting

Alright, you are getting a lot of attention from guys. Well, in the warped mind of men a girl who is actually hit on a lot by other men is perceived as higher value and more attractive.

THIS is social proof.

Now, how can you use this to your advantage when it comes to your ex boyfriend?

Well, I don’t think it is any coincidence that every single ungettable girl out there is well liked by all of her friends and is extremely popular. Besides, a little jealousy never hurts to make an ex realize how much he truly cares for you.

I recommend that you use this no contact period as a time to socialize and have amazing experiences your friends. Heck, I don’t even think its a bad idea to go on a date with someone new to just to test the waters.

In other words, go out and enjoy life. Don’t just sit around waiting for your ex to call.

Front Two – The Effect It Has On Your Ex Boyfriend

miss you

So, while you are working on self improvement the no contact rule should simultaneously be having an effect on your ex boyfriend.

Now, before I start getting into specifics someone in the comments section of this website made me aware of a big flaw with the no contact rule. If you remember, before this “updated” philosophy on the no contact rule I originally told women to go into the 30 day no contact rule no matter what.

That means if you and your ex had a major fight you would be going into the no contact rule for 30 days on the heels of that major fight. While doing that would certainly give you and your ex time to cool down it also means that your ex has a lot of anger towards you.

Rather recently I wrote a guide where I discussed a major psychological concept.

(For the life of me I can’t remember what that concept was called.)

Anyways, this concept basically says that the things that people remember the most when it comes to relationships are the beginnings and endings of that relationship. Well, if you have a major fight at the end of your relationship and you immediately go into the no contact rule then the last thing that your ex is going to remember is that major fight.

Therein lies our flaw. If your ex is super angry with you during the no contact rule then the chances of it working on him the way that it is supposed to will be decreased.

So, how do we solve this little problem?

Working Around The Flaw

One of my favorite movies to watch is Inception.

The amount of thought behind that movie just blows me away every time I watch it. Anyways, I am a little weird. When I watch a movie that I really like there are certain phrases or quotes that stick with me for life. In the movie Inception there is a certain phrase that Leonardo DiCaprio’s character mutters that I still think about today.

Positive emotions trump negative emotions every single time.

I think that particular quote applies to this little predicament. If you can get your ex into a positive mindset as opposed to a negative one before you go into the no contact rule then the chances of no contact working will be greatly increased.

I guess the question now becomes how can you put your ex into a positive mindset.

For some women it may be impossible to achieve. No matter what they say or do their ex may be so stubborn he will refuse to calm down until the no contact rule is completed. Nevertheless, a classy text message from you is better than nothing.

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I am a HUGE fan of classy girls.

I have been on this planet for quite a while and have dealt with my fair share of women who aren’t classy. Let me tell you that it is actually a really nice thing to encounter one who is extremely classy. Even in defeat and make no mistake about it for you a breakup with your ex is a defeat.

If you or your ex had a huge fight or left things on bad terms before you are about to do the no contact rule then I think it would benefit you to send a text message like this:

apology

While that text message may look like an apology it really isn’t if you read it carefully. It’s just a really classy woman willing to be mature about the situation. It doesn’t matter if your ex responds to the message or not. Oh, and if he does respond to a message like this you aren’t supposed to respond to him. Remember, you are going right into no contact after you send this message.

The main point is that he reads it and maybe feels a little bit better. You want him in that positive mindset before you go into the no contact rule and a message like this may do the trick to get him in that mindset.

Lets take a look at how NC is supposed to work on him.

How It Works On Him

To be honest I am tired of talking about the negative “what ifs.”

I feel that so far in this guide I have just been talking about how to avoid those negative “what if’s.” Lets turn our attention to some of the positive “what if’s.” Lets imagine for a minute that you are doing a no contact rule on your ex boyfriend and it is working. Lets talk about the effect that it should have on him.

Relationships have this funny way of creating this bond between two people.

Heck, even the “talking” stage before you are even dating someone officially has a way of doing that. Every single little action that, that person takes is magnified. Every time they talk to someone you take note of it and every time they do something it affects you.

There is only one way I know how to describe this bond but it is going to require some role playing from you and I.

Lets say that you and I just started dating and we are in the same room together. More specifically, we are both sitting on a couch and watching a TV show. You decide that you are hungry and you get up to make a sandwich. Now, you are a sandwich making master. While your sandwiches are amazing they do take time to make.

So, you have gotten up from the couch and are now in the kitchen. About 7 minutes pass and I decide that I can’t bear to be without you so I decide to follow you to the kitchen to talk to you.

That pull that made me get up off the couch to see you in the kitchen is the bond. It’s this internal bond that makes me think the following thought:

“I can’t bear to be without her.. Heck, I can’t bear to NOT be in the same room with her.”

The no contact rule is meant to tap into this bond. To use silence as a way of making an ex realize that life really sucks without you. The idea is to make him think back to the days where he didn’t have you and make him realize how miserable he was without you in his life.

THAT is the effect that the no contact rule should have on an ex boyfriend.

Sending And Building Attraction In Text Messages

(If you want more step by step instructions on text messages check out my guide Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

texting

I know we have gone over a lot so take a moment and catch your breath because we still have a lot to cover.

Scroll back up to the “Game Plan.” What were steps two and three?

Sending text messages and building attraction through them.

Well, in this section of the guide I am going to be covering both of those things. First though, I want to take a moment and explain why text messages are preferred over a phone call.

Why Text Messages?

You do realize that you just cut this person out of your life for a period of time right?

Most men are much more perceptive of stuff like this than they let on. For example, whenever I care about someone I notice everything when it comes to text messaging. I notice when they are sad. I notice when they are happy. I notice when they start pulling away. But most importantly, I notice when they are ignoring me.

Trust me when I say that your ex boyfriend will notice that you have ignored him.

So, calling him up out of the blue probably isn’t the best play. I would rather you go with what society has dictated the most personal form of communication, the text message.

Text messages have many different advantages.

Throughout Ex Boyfriend Recovery you may have seen me mention that text messaging is non threatening. For that reason it is perfect to use after the no contact rule.

However, one of the things I have learned through helping thousands of women is that you should really only have two goals when it comes to text messaging after the no contact rule.

Your Two Goals

Your entire game plan when it comes to text messaging is going to revolve around two goals. Of course, when you take a step back you will learn that the two goals really compliment each other. If you successfully complete one then you can successfully complete the other.

So, what are these two goals.

Goal 1- To build attraction with your ex boyfriend.

Goal 2- To transition from text messages to talking on the phone.

Often times the best way to get an ex boyfriend on the phone is to build attraction with him and if you happen to be very successful in building that attraction you may luck out and he could ask you on a date. Let’s assume the worst though and assume that the best you can do is get an ex boyfriend on the phone. Well, talking on the phone with an ex boyfriend is your stepping stone to a date. So, as you can see every step in this process is meant to get you that date so you can get him back.

One thing I do want to say is that many women make the mistake of skipping goal one and going straight to goal two before building attraction. This is a major mistake because this is the very definition of rushing the process and trust me when I say this is a process that can’t be rushed.

You have a very clear path to what you are supposed to do:

Building Attraction = Phone Calls

If you follow that simple structure during your texting phase then I guarantee you are going to have some nice success.

How To Build Attraction In Text Messages

attractive

When it comes to building attraction (or in your case re-building attraction) you can’t be overeager.

The number one mistake I see from women when it comes to this phase of my philosophy is that they are too eager to see an end result. Attraction isn’t built that way. True attraction is built slowly and carefully. It isn’t something that you cant just manufacture overnight with a few text messages. It is something that has to slowly develop. It is something that requires discipline and patience and even though I am about to show you exactly what you need to do to build attraction I am positive that 90% of the women reading this will fall victim to their own emotions and desires and fail to do things correctly.

Why do I say that?

I have helped a lot of women try to get their exes back. I can only think of a handful that I have helped that were able to pull this off. It’s not because they were more intelligent or special than anyone else. It was because they had discipline, patience and most importantly, confidence.

I guess the point I am trying to make here is that if you follow my advice in this section you should be able to re-build attraction with your ex boyfriend.

The First Contact Text

Your first true test is going to happen immediately after the no contact period.

You have essentially ignored your ex for 30 days (or 21 days depending on some situations.) How in the world are you supposed to approach this situation?

Simple, you are going to have to send a compelling text message. I always find myself telling people to make their text messages so interesting that their ex has no choice but to respond to it. Sadly, I feel no one takes my advice when it comes to this.

Most women are content to send a simple,

“Hey, whats up?”

or my personal favorite,

“Hey..”

I am going to teach you something about men by teaching you something about myself.

I HATE ONE WORD TEXT MESSAGES. Not only that but I hate text messages with no substance. It always annoys me when I get a lame response from a girl. What do I consider to be a lame response? One word texts and messages with absolutely no substance at all.

Seriously, I roll my eyes and put my phone down for a few moments whenever I receive responses like these. I take a few moments and debate whether or not I should even respond. So, let me ask you something. What makes you think that any guy is different from me? What makes you think that any guy would be ok with receiving a lame response?

Don’t be the girl who doesn’t put any thought behind her text messages. Be the most interesting person he is currently texting.

Here is an example of an interesting text that you can use for first contact.

first contact

There are two really important things to talk about with this message.

First, there is the initial,

“You are not going to believe what happened to me…”

I absolutely think that little message is the most clever thing ever. Seriously, if someone sent “you are not going to believe what happened to me..” to you, your mind is probably going to race with possibilities.

“What could it be?”

“I Just have to find out!”

In my experience, you should get a response when you send the “you won’t believe..” initial message out. However, that is only one half of the equation. Now you have to come up with a compelling story that will cause your ex boyfriend to respond to you.

I don’t recommend you copy my doppelganger story word for word but you can use it as an idea of the type of interesting thing that should get your ex to bite.

When Do You End The Conversation?

Lets assume that everything went according to plan. You sent a compelling first contact text message and then got a response.

The question now becomes how long do you keep the conversation going for?

When I originally came up with the idea for a first contact text message I advised people to end the conversation immediately. So, essentially what I was advising was,

  • Send first contact text message.
  • Get a positive response.
  • End the conversation immediately on a positive note.

Experience has taught me there may be a better way.

Rather than immediately ending the conversation I think it is a good idea to go a little deeper into the conversation. In other words, extend the conversation by about 2-3 more text messages. Here is how it should play out.

  • Send first contact text message.
  • Get a positive response.
  • Initiate a conversation where you send 2-3 more text messages.
  • End the conversation on a positive note.

Do you see how that works?

Getting On Friendly Terms Again

Before you can start getting into the more emotional type of text messages you are going to have to get on friendly terms with your ex boyfriend again.

A few months ago I came up with a term to describe this. I called it “priming.”

Priming- A way in which you can test/get your ex boyfriend ready to talk about more emotional topics (aka your previous relationship.)

Lets say that you are ready to talk about your old relationship but you are unsure if your ex is. Well, priming can be used to kill two birds with one stone. First, you can slowly get your ex ready to talk about those more emotional topics. Second, you can use priming as a way to test to see if he is ready to advance to emotional things.

I realize this may be a little complicated to digest so I am going to spend some extra time on it because understanding how to “prime” your ex is essential in this section.

How Priming Works

Ok, the one thing we already know is that you can’t jump into an emotional topic (like your old relationship with your ex) right off the bat. No, the preferred way to get into that stuff is with some preparation. That is where the priming comes in.

I want you to look at priming as a way to slowly prepare your ex for the emotional stuff.

The way you do that is by starting off very slowly and then casually upping the intensity of the type of messages that you send.

Here is where things get interesting though. Priming isn’t always going to go exactly like you planned.

The other day I happened to stumble across a picture that is meant to be funny (but I actually found it to be true.) It is on how people view success.

success

I thought that this graphic was the perfect way to describe priming. You see, priming will require a lot of adjustments on your part and those adjustments are going to be based on how your ex reacts to the “priming” messages that you send.

For example, if you send your ex a message and he reacts positively to it then that tells you that you can advance the “prime.” However, if you send a message and he reacts very neutrally or negatively to it then that tells you that you have to make an adjustment to get him over his initial push back.

Lets move on to what you really want. The type of priming messages that you send.

(Disclaimer: Remember, the idea is to start off slowly and innocently and then up the intensity.)

The Meme Text Message

I love memes.

Don’t you love memes?

A meme text message is perfect to start off your priming because it isn’t meant to be serious at all. It’s sort of has that “hey, look what I found isn’t it funny?” mindset.

This type of a text message was something that I came up with after a friend of mine continually sent me memes. Seriously, just out of the blue she would send me memes and I actually loved them. The key to sending a successful meme message has to be the fact that the meme has to be funny.

I handpicked these because they always make me laugh.

live dangerously

Admit it you laughed ;) .

chuck norris kick

We needed a good Chuck Norris joke meme!

education

Apparently these two were too cool for shcool… crap.

Telling A Story Text Message

telling a story

There is a lot to balance when it comes to the initial stages of priming isn’t there?

You have to remain interesting while at the same time being very casual. The problem is that casual things aren’t very interesting.

Well, one thing I have found is that everyone finds stories interesting. So, why not tell one to your ex? Your story doesn’t have to be too controversial. While it will have to be interesting it doesn’t have to be anything special. Would you like to know a story that I would tell if I was sending this text message out?

I think I would tell a story about the time I accidentally walked into the women’s bathroom and didn’t notice.

Seriously, all I thought to myself was “why aren’t there any urinals in this bathroom?”

But wait… the story gets better.

The moment of realization came that I was in the women’s bathroom when I heard two women voices approaching and I quickly ran to hide in the stall until they went away. The problem was that by the time they were done two more women came in and eventually the bathroom go so crowded there were women waiting on the stall that I was in.

I had no choice but to open the stall door, reveal that I was in the wrong bathroom and then of course I ran for my life!

Do you see how that story was both intriguing and funny (all of it true by the way.) These are the types of stories that keep a persons interest.

Remembering The Good Times

remember the good times

This is a really important test when it comes to priming.

You see, prior to this point every single text message that you sent was relatively safe. This is the first time that you are going to be sending a text message about you and your ex. The point of this is to test and see how your ex responds.

Basically what you do is think back and pick out a really nice (safe) memory that the two of you had and “remember” it in text form. You don’t have to be too detailed. Just saying something general like I did in the message above with the boardwalk is enough.

If your ex boyfriend responds pretty positively to that then you can advance to the next section. If he doesn’t then you have to build some rapport before you can move on.

Getting Emotional With Your Ex Boyfriend

If you have properly primed your ex boyfriend then you can move on to the emotional messages.

Now, the thing you have to remember when you text your ex boyfriend is that your main goal is to use the attraction you build with him to get him on the phone with you. Emotional messages are a good way to do that. The thing that you have to understand about emotional messages when you are dealing with your ex is that they can’t bring up negative memories.

This is your ex boyfriend we are talking about here so there is no doubt that he is going to have some negative memories. I want you to cut right through them and remember some of your fondest memories together. The idea here is to get him to associate the good feelings he gets when he thinks back to those memories with you.

Lets go over a few emotional text messages you can use to your advantage.

I Miss You Text Message

i miss

Anyone can say “I miss you.”

I want you to go deeper than that. I want you to give specifics. What specifically do you miss about your ex boyfriend?

Communicate it to him. Tell him what you miss most about him. Men are very territorial and even though you are still his ex there is a part of him that considers you “his.” Well, feed that ego of his for a bit. Make him feel good. Make him feel wanted.

Trust me when I say that it feels really good to be wanted.

Emotional Memory Text

emotional

This text has to have an emotional significance for both you and your ex.

A first kiss is perfect for this type of thing. Every couple remembers their first kiss together. I want you to use an emotional memory like that to your advantage. I want your ex to put himself back in time where he was when this emotional memory occurred.

I want him to know that you are thinking of him that way and I want him to feel good about it.

Talking On The Phone & Going On A Date

charga

I know it has been a long time but I want you to scroll up and look at that “game plan” again. What were the last two steps of the game plan to get your ex boyfriend back?

  • Talking On The Phone
  • Going On A Date

Well, in this section I am combining the two. If you weren’t already aware I have created two guides on each of these topics. You can check them out below.

So, if you want more “in-depth” information on what to do or say on the date or phone I recommend investing some time and reading those two guides. Of course, there are a few things I want to discuss with you on how both of these subjects relates to my overall philosophy on getting an ex boyfriend back.

Transitioning From Text Messages To The Phone

Ideally, what you want to have happen is that you build up so much attraction from the text messages that your ex just calls you.

This is the mindset that probably 90% of women who read this website have. Unfortunately, the thing that these women don’t take into account is that transitioning from text messages to talking on the phone is a pretty big deal for us guys too.

Seriously, I hate calling first because I never know if the girl is going to be busy or if she will just blow me off. I am like 100% of guys out there in that I am scared to death of rejection and I do feel rejected every time I put my neck on the line to call a girl and she doesn’t pick up. Even though I know logically that she may be busy and get back to me later the emotion of initial rejection always kind of hurts.

It is that fear of rejection that prevents me from calling.

The sexiest woman in the world is one who has the guts to cut through all this nonsense and call herself.

I don’t have a problem with a woman initiating a call at all. Most “experts” out there do but the truth is that I don’t as long as it is done a certain way. I am not a fan of calling out of the blue. I am a fan of giving someone a warning before you call that way they can prepare themselves.

Here is one of the most clever ways to transition from a text message to a phone call.

calling text

This is essentially baiting a guy to talk to you. In other words, if you have compelling information to share (like an interesting story) your ex is going to naturally be curious and you can use that curiosity to get on the phone with him.

Now, what do you do when you get on the phone with him?

BUILD ATTRACTION!

I cover how you can do that in my Secrets of Attracting Men book.

Getting A Date

If you have built up enough attraction through text messages and phone calls then you should be able to get a date relatively easily.

Now, the question you are probably wondering is what do you do on this date? Well, going on a date is a pretty big deal because this is where a big opportunity to get your ex back can occur. Unfortunately, I have reached my limit on typing as this guide is already close to 10,000 words.

What I would recommend to you is read my guide on going on a date. There all your questions will be answered.

That’s it for me. I hope you enjoyed my guide on getting an ex boyfriend back. If you have any questions feel free to ask them in the comments section.

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615 Responses to How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back -Version 2.0-
  1. Asha
    September 11, 2014 | 2:09 pm

    Can you go into 45 days No contact for a LDR break up? Will that be too much time to be without in touch? We haven’t communicated for 2 months ( well I tried to contact him once in 10 days. I don’t bug him, but just send a text or an email) but has never responded. So I decided to go into a No contact period. I was wondering if I should do 45 instead of 30. Will that make my ex- forget me since it is a long distance?

    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 3:34 pm

      Sure you can.

      • Asha
        September 15, 2014 | 10:46 pm

        Thanks for responding to my message!

        I just have one more question. We never connected on facebook because I wasn’t too active on facebook, and we both didn’t feel a need to really connect using facebook. We simply used gTalk, google hangout, phone and email for communicating (LDR) Now I have become quite active on facebook. Do you think it is ok to add him to my facebook while on no contact? or is that NO NO. I hope I don’t sound dumb :(

        • admin
          September 16, 2014 | 3:22 pm

          I would wait until after NC.

  2. Lexi Garcia
    September 10, 2014 | 10:11 pm

    Long story short, It wasn’t a bad break up. It was mutual and civil. We have been broken up for 2 months. I have followed the first version and the 2.0 version (kind of combined them both) ive gotten great responses from my ex. I was on the last stage of priming right before the “getting emotional” part. I broke down and asked my ex how he feels about me. He was great about it and said he doesn’t know what he wants to do right know but he does miss me. I told him that’s fine do what he has to do. and we left on good terms still.
    Do I have a good chance?
    Do I start priming again and this time follow through exactly? lol

  3. Christi
    September 6, 2014 | 5:19 pm

    Hi Chris, my boyfriend broke up with me via text 9 days ago, after we had an argument. I didn’t reply, just went into NC. Today I texted him the example you have in getting your ex back version 2 because I thought things ended bad and I wanted to leave him in positive mind, like you suggested. He replied positively, saying he appreciates my text and that he learnt a lot when we were together and that I also shouldn’t be a stranger. After reading his text, I didn’t text back again, just cried because I felt like it was so final and hopeless. Do we even have a chance to be together again. I would like to be because we made a good team, just didn’t handle our arguments vey well. I am back in NC again. Any advice?

    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 2:56 pm

      I don’t think you should cry over that. I think you should be happy about how he responded quite honestly. Its positive progress.

  4. Lexi Garcia
    September 2, 2014 | 9:04 pm

    Ok long story short it wasn’t a bad break up and we left things on really good terms. I played it cool and we were really civil.
    Going through this process I am getting really good responses from my ex. Its been 2 months since the break up I did 30 days no contact and everything. The only thing is after a couple messages (with him giving good responses) he stops replying. we’ve messaged 4 times and twice I had to message him again to end the convo so im in control like you said. His responses are really good. Do you think its him just starting to warm up to me more? I’m on priming, I sent a meme, and a memory message.

    • admin
      September 3, 2014 | 2:43 pm

      Looking good!!!

      • Lexi Garcia
        September 3, 2014 | 8:37 pm

        He kind of made it sound, when we broke up, like he thought he’d be happy without me and he wanted to do all this stuff by himself (become a dj). When we talked 2 days ago he said things were shitty, and complained about things and said he was going to Disneyland with his brother to get away from everything. I feel like he isn’t as happy as he thought he’d be lol

        • Lexica Hawthorne
          September 6, 2014 | 9:18 pm

          OK CHRIS PLEASE HELP;
          tell me if this is how it sounds or if im overreacting.
          I have gotten amazing reasponses from my ex, I want to send more 2 priming messages just to be sure im ready to get emotional.
          He has messaged me twice this week and last night @9pm he texts me saying “3 out of our group of 4….your missing right now =( ”
          He explained further that he was with our 2 other friends. Correct me if im wrong but it sounds like he misses me? idk tell me if im getting too excited over this

          • admin
            September 15, 2014 | 3:02 pm

            I don’t think your overreacting.

            • Lexi Garcia
              September 15, 2014 | 8:08 pm

              I have completed the process. Next step is the call.
              Great responses from my ex. his friend came to me and told me he has been talking about how much fun he had while he was with me and always talks very positive about me. I broke and asked how he felt about me. He said he misses me and misses being with me but doesn’t know what he wants. last night he sent me a jealous rant out of nowhere about a guy that flirted with me on my facebook post (I didn’t flirt back). “don’t act like I don’t get jelous. your a gorgeous girl and guys hit on you which bugs me. but im not with you so it shouldn’t matter”
              He doesn’t know what he wants yet is mad guys flirt with me. what do I do?

              • Lexi Garcia
                September 15, 2014 | 8:10 pm

                Do I just continue the process and let him come to me?

                • admin
                  September 16, 2014 | 3:17 pm

                  Yep! Seems to me like you are making progress.

  5. Samantha
    August 25, 2014 | 6:06 pm

    Hey Chris,

    Your guide has been incredibly helpful to me! See, getting my ex back has been a really hard process, and we are not there yet, but I can say that it is indeed really hard and complex.

    We had our ups and downs, we broke up last april and at first he looked all happy and over me, to the point of telling me he didn´t want a realtionship with me but only a nice friendship (We were talking already after NC rule) and that if this was affecting me he could back off. So I told him I didnt want only a friendship, I wanted us to be a couple again, and he blocked me from Facebook and whatsapp like for a week and then he unblocked me, so I applied the NC rule again.

    So guess what, yesterday on a txt he invited me to play Mario Bros to his place, and well, we staretd texting and he told me he missed me and he felt great to be talking to me again. But he also found out that I was not in the city anymore, I´ve been in another country for like one month already, working and getting myself together since I was a horrible mess a couple of months ago. He was shocked and asked when would I be back, so I told him the truth, this coming december I will return.

    So Chris, I have achieved this huge step of him reaching me just like 40 days after NC and after telling him I wanted to get back together. He knows for a fact that I dont want to be friends, I made that clear.

    So could you please me give me an advice? I will be back in town in december so, how should I behave with him? I mean, he clearly wants to talk or meet but at this time it´s not posible, how can I let him know, without looking desperate that I really care and I still want him back? That I want him to wait for me?
    I mean, he already knows I have feelings for him, do you think I should ask straight forward? O what should I do? I dont want him to think I am over him or that I dont want to come back..

    I really want to ask him something like : Why did you text me now when you know I dont want a friendship but I do want to come bacl together? like, are you aware of my existing feelings?
    Ugh he texted me just yesterday I know but I am really excited and I dont want to mess this up.

    And well, I really dont want to tell him hey let´s come back right now because it wpuld just complicate things since I am really far away, so I would like to let him know that I want to come back and that I am here but he whould wait for me to come back to town. All of this without looking desperate. Please help me!

    I hope you can give me good advice.

    • admin
      August 26, 2014 | 1:10 pm

      I wouldn’t text him that. Just play it real cool. Wait until you have him hooked in before you start asking stuff like that.

  6. NM
    August 24, 2014 | 1:57 pm

    Just read somwhere u wrote yr site got hacked so my mail of 20 aug converted to comment( he cheated 56/28)

    First of all i want to thank you for the work you are doing! Its like a medical doctor who saves lives!
    One can say you are a ‘chosen one’ and what you are doing is karmic, ie you were born to carry out this task, which means you are one of the relatively more enlightened souls and your work will contribute to your creating new good karma, and cancelling the effect of older bad karma!
    For people like me, suffering, repeatedly encountering the same sort of suffering, points to bad karmic deeds in previous lives!
    If you are interested i can elucidate another time, if you accept my mail!

    Meanwhile one last clarification, if you ‘choose’ to reply!
    Technically we have not had an Official breakup
    So NC while very good in its aims and goals, does not seem will probably work in my case At All unless you, Dr , say so! And once that is decided, i need to know if i can react or whether NC is to be implemented( am NC since yesterday)
    ( i got a text today also, but just one, i have always wanted, and told him many times, he should stop breathing if i am annoyed, till i’m ok again, the way i stopped breathing till he talked to me again each time he threw a tantrum! If he can breathe, its not the love i want, but he doesn’t get it!)
    And getting him back, on my terms and conditions is one thing, is it feasible in the long run?
    I have repeatedly told him if i have to be ignored, rejected, tortured, made to suffer, ‘why do i need You’?
    So im waiting for him to apologise explain for the cheating of 2010 i just got confirmation of, and expect him to appear in person, have even said so, and am not talking to him, but he said he would write a mail which is Still not complete
    But for me making up has to be done immeditely, like champagne has to be served so long as it is bubbling, not when He Feels like it!
    Fodder for an article, timing of making up, apologising, !
    Update: ref version 2-0 which i read today and example NC re ‘getting back at you’
    Gt a message on day 4 which made me respond!
    Joke: he knows he has to explain apologise he is waiting till i suffer atleast as long as He did re my supposed cheating
    And i said i hv apologised many times that speaking on phone to his friend re Him ,my bf , it did not feel like cheating but in hindsight i realised hw it felt to Him, and was therefore, cheating! Reply . My apology negated if i again say it was not cheating

    Do i need him? Yes, No,? Dont know? So that brings usto ‘legitimate’ reasons!

    Thanks for holding our hand, seeing us through!
    I am rambling again, if you choose to reply please advise me if i should give up!
    Or if you want me to write on the comment page, or by mail or NOT AT ALL!
    Thanks GOD BLESS

    • admin
      August 25, 2014 | 12:05 pm

      Whats that popular phrase?

      Immature love says I love you because I need you. Mature love says I need you because I love you.

      • NM
        August 25, 2014 | 1:38 pm

        please advise me if i should give up!
        The things he said… Instead of feeling anger i’m missing him so much as if nothing happened… I dont know why i’m NC but nothing from him yesterday or today….

        • admin
          August 26, 2014 | 12:48 pm

          I think you are leaving yourself too open for him. Look, I think you need to figure out the situation with your husband first…

    • NM
      August 25, 2014 | 5:41 pm

      Ref day4 above when he said
      (after saying earlier he Knows he has to explain, apologise, he’s writing a mail, still not complete)
      ” i will explain but first i want to see u suffer as much as i did”
      Well i just lost it! I texted he diesn’t know what he has lost, i was numb! He called n said he has said far worse things n i took it, n i said ‘exactly’ n hung up!
      Next day silence. Me stupid dumbo texted on viber so he thinks i’m suffering, well i,m not!
      The chameleon writes lines from a love song!
      I abused him, that he was a cheat and a liar, said he was out drinking ,( from location on viber) he said no he was somewhere else with family
      But his location kept showing another place
      After 40 mins he msgs he will switch phn off/on n send correct lication
      And he did! But in 40 min he could hv reached there anyway! I did not reply this was 0130 / 24 aug
      Its 2310 / 25aug now
      Niothing! Except now i Am suffering! I Know he will come
      I just dont know what to do, how to react! Re apology, remorse, coaxing
      I’m tired ouf tellingm him he has to dio that n he keeps agreeing but wont do it! Its worse than FWB cos there’s no friendship…

      • NM
        August 26, 2014 | 6:48 pm

        Well if i knew i had something commited with this guy …. My husband away to our ”home country’ he wants to stay there again, his term here at an end, but still employed by headquarters.
        Since jan he is one month there one month here.
        I dont know what i would achieve by stirring the hornets nest.
        As i said earlier its two strangers under one roof, after 34 yrs civil to one another but we dont talk even when in same apartment. I am single for all practical purposes. …he comes to visit, and we put up a show for the world.
        If this guy would decide to be with me, if he could support me..
        Then…
        Right now i cant think beyond immediate situation, being he has to come and apologise, explain! My brain not working eyond that, i’m numb!
        Btw, NC since 24 aug, but texting his sister happy bday , i’ve no contact with his family for ages, but they never contact, i guess they sense i’m upset they wouldn’t return calls or texts. I texted his mother also on her bday but got no reply!
        I’m right now at the stage, i’m boiling with rage, i don’t care what happens, maybe its just ego, but i need him to beg me to be with him! Then i’ll see….
        Maybe decide about returning or staying here… I need to have him beg first…..even if i decide to finish things… Am i making sense?

        • NM
          August 26, 2014 | 6:56 pm

          NC ! I have to know for my sanity what this is all about… I just Have to know if i am being used full time, by the jerk of the millenium! Lets see! I thiink there’s no way we can be together, openly, due age, culture etc etc . But i have to have clisure, his response on the discovery
          Btw his sister texted a thks back.
          He will come to know!
          Thks again!
          Let me do a NC to / on You now, ha ha!

          • NM
            August 27, 2014 | 3:59 pm

            Believe me, i’m no more a cheating person than you are.
            I explained in my first few posts to you on the He cheated page, there’s no reason to divorce, what is there is a complete physical,mental,emotional separation, my husband had a long texting r’ship with his ex secretary, they even met a few times that i know of. And it didn’t matter to me , i think she wanted him to commit, i think its over
            Please don’t let this affect yr opinion of me, i request you!
            NC day 4! Scared, upset, angry, i think it’s coming to an end….

            • NM
              August 28, 2014 | 5:46 pm

              Is there any way you can help me? Please? I dont have a friend in the workd!
              AND yr advice not to do Anything till there’s a commitment , well as things are between us and ive been saying he owes me an explanation and the friday when he was nasty ( i haven’t even written the most horrible thing he said) and then he says can i come tomorrow and…. Explicit! Well i just told him off , that he could talk like that when things were ok and at the moment i Totally forbid him to talk to me like that till he clarifies what exactly happened back then! To which he was nasty again as in i’m a guy and u deny me? Anyway! After sending his location Sat night he has disappeared! I’m scared!

              • admin
                August 29, 2014 | 11:59 am

                My best advice is that you are way too available for him and that doesn’t make you as attractive in his eyes.

                • NM
                  August 29, 2014 | 2:36 pm

                  Thanks for replying. You are right as always. Its complicated.it is related to the culture, to the ‘supposed’ (non existent) cheating on my part.
                  If i retreat and become unreachable, unavailable, ungettable, i get classified as ‘off with the old, on with the ‘imaginary’ new! An easy woman, just looking out for a guy!

                  CAN YOU SUGGEST SOMETHING? Like do This, dont do This? Besides NC? Does NC have any value in my situation?

                  I cant explain more! I’m NC i’m following each word you’ve written…
                  The Anger one feels when He’s the one who should be apologising, making up!
                  The push/pull effect! When he tries to break away I chase him, get him back, then act out, feel anger and resentment that he has driven me to This, being desperate!
                  And when I try to break away he feels it and comes looking for me!
                  Its just for the moment! The thought of not ‘being there’ is unbearable for him, but so long as he is not on another suspicion trip, he’s ok not contacting me! Suspicion! All topics which could help! Please!
                  This is not a good fit! I was his first it was to be forever! Now the baby bird wants to discover the world! Grass is greener, anything, everything, i have to let go! He will be back but not really, not like at the beginning, i Have to see remorse, i Need to see him beg, but you do know, there’s never going to be anyone else again!
                  My life has ended this was the only and last chance for me to have someone love me in this life ! And its over!
                  Try and understand my husband and i are like two exes who are sharing living space. Separated for all practical purposes.
                  AND yr advice not to do Anything till there’s a commitment , well as things are between us and ive been saying he owes me an explanation and the friday when he was nasty ( i haven’t even written the most horrible thing he said) and then he says can i come tomorrow and…. Explicit! Well i just told him off , that he could talk like that when things were ok and at the moment i Totally forbid him to talk to me like that till he clarifies what exactly happened back then! To which he was nasty again as in i’m a guy and u deny me? Anyway! After sending his location Sat night he has disappeared! I’m scared!
                  I’m rambling again, sorry!

                  • admin
                    September 2, 2014 | 12:03 pm

                    Ok, let me ask you this. Does your husband have any idea of whats going on?

                • NM
                  August 29, 2014 | 2:41 pm

                  Except NC is there anything i can Do?

                • NM
                  September 1, 2014 | 11:31 am

                  He called Sat, came to borrow 200 more, apoligised, promised to come next day, didnt say not coming as he has a meeting, lost deal on a project he was banking on to start . Since then he wont talk to me, claims i cursed him, when all i said was u ditched me again god will punish you! There’s nothing i can do … He is disappointed the deal fell through, but its always i who he takes it out on, when his mother doesn,t cook anything worthwhile, when his sister takes away the family car, when he needed it…..
                  Again he has stabbed me in the heart…it will never end… Thats how he is…and one day i will die…..

                  • NM
                    September 2, 2014 | 4:49 pm

                    No he doesn’t have any idea.

                    When he was here Sat i did ask, u know we cant live in this country, i will get old, will u take care of me…he said yes…
                    I’m tired, i’m trapped, there’s no way out. Thanks

                    • NM
                      September 12, 2014 | 10:22 am

                      That night when he lost the deal he swore by God he would break off from me! Right after he started texting, omg what has he done, couple of days everyday, he’s missing me, he cant sleep.
                      He said he was doing a repentance prayer. Next i called to say my mammography was not ok! He didnt ask, visit, offer to take me for further tests! I screamed! So now thats why i’m pyscho, drama queen etc etc
                      He didnt ask what tests needed, what are th results.
                      I feel like i really am mad!

                    • NM
                      September 15, 2014 | 7:16 pm

                      Im trying to stop reading other people’s posts. Its like an obsession!
                      Re using emotionally…some blogs call that a narcissistic personality.
                      Ive read horrendous stories.
                      Question?
                      We all use our partners to get strokes, admiration, love, in short emotionally..
                      Its fine if its mutual.
                      But if its not, where do u draw the line attreating him as someone with NPD?

                    • admin
                      September 16, 2014 | 3:16 pm

                      YOU reading other peoples posts…

                      Imagine how I feel when I read them hahaha.

  7. Anon
    August 13, 2014 | 12:49 am

    I broke up with my bf yesterday. We’ve been together for 1.5 years. I’m out of control now. I kept begging him to come back, even though I initiated the break. Help me pls!!!! I don’t know what to do now.

    • admin
      August 13, 2014 | 2:06 pm

      Why did you break up with him?

      • Anon
        August 13, 2014 | 4:37 pm

        I was under a lot of stress. My parents were rushing me to bring him home and his parents don’t approve of us dating. It’s an Asian thing, long story short, the parents are pressuring me everyday. We fought a lot recently because of that. He was supportive in the beginning till he found out abt the stress I was going through. When I mentioned abt the breakup, he agreed. And he think that’s for the best. I regretted it the moment he agreed. Even though we fought, we got over it really fast and we were good most of the time. I think it was an impulsive decision on my side. Now I want him back. I miss him so much. What should I do?

        • admin
          August 14, 2014 | 11:54 am

          I think giving him time might be best. The more you try to force things the worse off they will be.

      • Anon
        August 13, 2014 | 4:38 pm

        I was under a lot of stress. My parents were rushing me to bring him home and his parents don’t approve of us dating. It’s an Asian thing, long story short, the parents are pressuring me everyday. We fought a lot recently because of that. He was supportive in the beginning till he found out abt the stress I was going through. When I mentioned abt the breakup, he agreed. And he think that’s for the best. I regretted it the moment he agreed. Even though we fought, we got over it really fast and we were good most of the time. I think it was an impulsive decision on my side. Now I want him back. I miss him so much. Pls advice

  8. anni
    August 12, 2014 | 12:23 pm

    So, now I’m in a tricky situation: My ex boyfriend and I were a couple for a short time 9 months ago. He lives in antoher country and had a new girlfriend in the last 9 months but I think the broke up now. Sometimes we texted a bit (I started), but he wasn’t really chatty. About a month ago that changed. He almost always answered and sent me some pictures of the place where he is on holidays and a funny video. I thought it’s going to be fine now. I recently moved to a town close to where he lives, so I sent him a picture as well to tell him where I am. He asked me how long Im going to stay, so I said one year and I didn’t reply anymore :( He’s probably thinking that I moved there because of him (which isn’t correct, it was my decision and I had a couple of reasons)

    So, what can I do now, I want him to understand that it’s not because of him, but I can’t just tell him, right? (he hadn’t mentioned it to me)

    How should I proceed? I just want to meet him (so much) and see if we have another chance.

     

    • admin
      August 13, 2014 | 1:35 pm

      I wouldn’t say anything about it at all. Just work on building up the attraction through texts or a phone call and get a date.

      • anni
        August 22, 2014 | 11:35 am

        I went on holidays and accidentally met him some day ago. (He even agreed to meet me and a mutual friend but it didn’t work.) We talked and he asked a lot of questions. In the end he said maybe we could meet at home once. So what should I do now? Should I be the one to ask him and how long should I wait? He is still not very responsive to my text messages.

  9. Sara
    August 12, 2014 | 12:31 am

    would love your opinion on something. my ex and i had our first “date” a few days ago. i cant tell if he is interested in being together again or not because he sends a lot of mixed signals but i am just being patient, i dont want it to be obvious that i want him back because when he broke up with me several months ago i made the mistake of begging him back & being super emotional which drove him further away. i have followed your guide, got the date & he was flirty during the date. after the date i purposely didn’t call or text him when i got home & he text me the next day to see if i got home safely & then said “weren’t u supposed to call me when u got home”. i text him that i didnt wanna wake him up & then we text one or two more times & then i just disappeared from the conversation. I want to be more unavailable because I used to be way too available for him when we used to date. so the following day i still didn’t contact him because i want to space out the times I contact him. he didn’t contact me either & now he just changed his profile picture on whatsapp (we usually text each other on there) to a picture of a couple of girls in bikinis on a jetski. I thought that was really strange & it actually upset me because we just had a date 2 days ago & now he changes his pic to some girl in a bikini. my first thought was to message him & ask him who the girl is in the pic because he said he wasn’t dating anyone, but then I decided to remain calm & do a little investigating before i make myself look jealous, lol. I did a reverse image search of the pic & it turns out it’s a stock photo from a jetski rental place on the internet. Do you think he put that picture up to make me jealous because I am not chasing him after our date?

    • admin
      August 12, 2014 | 12:22 pm

      Wait, is he in the picture with the girls in bikinis?

      • Sara
        August 12, 2014 | 5:02 pm

        no, it’s a just a picture with girls, he isn’t in the picture

        • admin
          August 13, 2014 | 1:52 pm

          Ok, try not to take it too personally then.

  10. Wendy
    August 7, 2014 | 12:43 am

    Hi Chris,
    after 30 days I texted, nothing, waited a couple more days, texted, nothing again. Waited a few more days and called him at his office. I knew it was unlikely for him to pick up as he always said he was never at his desk, but just hung up and I didn’t leave a message. Well he called me back a couple hours later, (and thank goodness I didn’t hear the phone) and he left a message, said he would text me when he got home.
    Well, I get a text from him from a different number, and he asked me to confirm the message because it was a new phone.
    So I did it by the book, I waited over an hour to respond with just “Hey stranger”. He responded with he recognized my number at work and tried calling back. So I had to think quick as to why I called, and so I lied :/ and said my car stalled near him, and I didn’t know who to call (he lives and works about an hour away from me, but my job takes me all over the area) My reply was I just called the job site and one of the guys came out and helped. He replied I should have left a message, he would have helped me. My reply was “I knew you would help, that’s why I called”
    So he continued to text, “what’s up with you”, I said “I am kickin ass and taken names” his reply, “that’s a good girl” my reply ” I am headed out, hope we chat again soon” his reply “sure thing”
    As for this round, I think your advise served me well. Didn’t think about the phone actually being broken, thought I was just being ignored. But I think I made a few points here, Damsel in distress (you guys love that) a little jealousy, (strange “guy” coming to help from job site), I got a compliment in, and however long it took him to text a reply, I waited 3 times as long to respond. Oh, and another thing, I didn’t bother to ask how he was bla bla bla. Make no mistake, I made it all about ME!
    I am older then most that visit your site, and I thought throughout my relationship that we were mature and didn’t need to do these things. What a mistake! I was like the tree that gave and gave, and not just with him but everyone.
    I have a lot of empathy for people, but instead of letting these things happen in me personally, I have volunteered to serve the homeless lunch on Thursdays. Hope this will help with the urge to be kind! Lol
    Thanks Chris, onward and upward!

    • admin
      August 11, 2014 | 11:09 am

      You did great! (minus the lie hahaha.)

      • Wendy
        August 13, 2014 | 12:07 am

        Hi Chris,
        Me again! Thought that our last interaction would light a fire and get him to text but I ended up waiting another 5 days and texted him.
        I did get a rapid fire response (positive response) but it seems he would like me to just come to his place, grill and have cocktails, and I don’t trust that if you know what I mean?!
        I would like him to ask me on a date, or should I ask him?

        Thanks Chris

  11. lauren
    July 29, 2014 | 2:18 pm

    hey chris, im having a hard time understanding what to do about my ex – a little help would be much appreciated please :)

    we dated for 8 years since we were 18, and did long distance for 4 of those years. we did really well at long distance (although for a year or so he wasnt a saint, but according to him he never ‘physically’ cheated). with that said, that was about 6 years ago and i’m over it now.

    last year, i moved to london to be with him. i struggled quite a bit in london and felt quite lonely however i really made an effort and got a great job which i loved. then, one day his mum made a really rude comment to me that he would never propose to me ‘at this rate’ (because at that point we had been dating for so many years and he was still seemingly scared of commitment – however we are still quite young – 26 years old). this comment really riled me though, so instead of talking to him and communicating, i totally mentally and physically shut down and shut him out. i decided that i needed a break and he was devastated.

    i then spent the some of the time of the break (around a month of the break which so far has been 2 months) doing something im not proud of and he found out and was extremely upset, hurt, shocked and disappointed. this hurt me so much that i had hurt him in that way. since then, he says he is ‘confused’ about what he wants and needs space and time.

    he went on holiday and we spoke intermittently, but just general stuff. he came back from holiday and said it would be ‘too hard’ to see me because he had ideas in his head of what he wanted (i’m guessing i didnt feature in those ideas), and liked the feeling of freedom he had since the breakup.

    he was reluctant to see me, but i couldnt justify breaking up officially after 8 years over a text conversation, he didnt want that either so i then managed to get him to fly over and see me and even though it was very emotional we had a really good time, going out with friends and enjoying each other’s company, and i could feel he was warming towards me. at the end of the weekend he said that he is even more confused now than before. he said that he still wanted to stay in contact even though i said, maybe i shouldnt contact you and you can see what life is like totally without me (which is how it will be if he doesnt want to be with me), but he said that he still wants to talk but still needs space. i totally understand this and am giving him space, and now i am the one in this limbo period, (have been for the past 2 months) essentially waiting for him to tell me our fate which is horrible.

    i have decided to focus on myself and get back to the girl he fell in love with and it is working, i am feeling confident about the future and i truly believe we will be back together, and am enjoying doing my own thing and having a positive outlook. the only issue is that time isnt on our side: by september i have to decide whether to move back to london to be with him or move to australia and start fresh without him. with that said, this ‘decision’ isnt really in my hands because he is the one who is confused.

    in terms of NC rule, i havent applied this since i am the one in the wrong (even though he has forgiven me and can see I’m back to myself), however, sometimes he wont message me for 3 days or so and i wont be the first one to message either. i dont want to play games like this, but i feel like him not messaging me for 3 days is his way of asking for space. then he might send a message like a kiss or how are you type of thing. i dont want to be heavy, especially not over text but at the same time, he needs to know that i am not going to spend forever patiently waiting for him whilst he is going out, on tinder, doing god knows what with god knows who and meanwhile his ex girlfriend of 8 years 8 YEARS! is just waiting so patiently for him on the sidelines just in case he decides oh actually, she is a catch and yes i do want to be with her.

    i guess the question i am asking is this: do you think i should apply an ultimatum? he knows he has to make his mind up by september but because at the moment we arent living in the same country it’s hard to really ‘feel’ each other and for him to feel me and that i am back to normal and am positive and for me to try and win him back. especially when all his hedonistic friends are around and they’re partying, going to festivals, uploading photos to social media (which i HATE). but if you could let me know whether you think i am currently doing the right thing by just being friendly, open and honest via text and sometimes calls or if not, what can i do from here?

  12. Lisa
    July 28, 2014 | 11:21 pm

    Need help! So I have been reading all your guides on here but there’s so much to learn that I forgot some key things & ending up making a mistake in my process of getting my ex back. I recently got back in contact with my ex after not talking for months, I have been priming my ex for the past week through texts & things have been friendly (no calls yet). He lives 45 mins from me in another state so I text him today & mentioned that I was in his area yesterday. He texted back that if I was there he supposes I am doing good. I said why do you suppose that and he texted back because I was there & didn’t come visit him. Here’s where I made my mistake, I texted back that someone else was driving but that I will be back in the area soon & would love to see him & catch up if he would like to meet up with me when I go back. It wasn’t until I went back & re-read your guide again that I realized it was too soon for me to try to meet up & that I wasn’t suppose to do it via text, ugh, I should have taken notes. So he text me back and said “who are you coming with next time, your bf?” I don’t know if that was his way of deflecting cause he doesn’t want to meet me or if it’s his way of finding out if I have a boyfriend (which I don’t) but either way I decided to deflect the conversation since I shouldn’t have asked to meet up in the first place & didn’t want to appear to eager, so I just replied “lol no…did you get your picture messaging fixed because I saw something that reminded me of you that I want to send you.” He replied that he has to call his cell company when he gets home & the that’s pretty much how the convo left off. Do you have any tips for me to get back on the right track or did I just blow it with that meetup text? Thank you so much for your help, you’re awesome! : )

    • admin
      July 29, 2014 | 7:55 pm

      What mistake did you make?

  13. Syd
    July 28, 2014 | 2:38 pm

    My bf broke up with me almost two months ago. We were together for a little over a year and a half but had both liked each other since the first day we met nearly five years ago. Things were great at first. Then I started gradually becoming more and more hormonal, to the point that I was as hormonal if not more hormonal than a pregnant woman. I had the most extreme moods and he had just had enough of my anger outbursts so the last time we or into a fight he just dumped me. I didn’t figure out until after he dumped me that it had been my birth control, which with more research I had learned this particular one had a bad history of making women go crazy. My doctor had even confirmed it. When I told my ex, he said it was too late and that it had been my fault for ever taking birth control, because apparently I should have known better. We texted a few times over the first month of the breakup (I was living with him and still had to go sort and get things), but I started no contact about two weeks ago. I know he won’t contact me during that time because he is extremely stubborn. So much so that I am afraid even if he does realize he maybe made a mistake in throwing me away, he won’t change his mind because he doesn’t like to go back on his decisions. He hates being wrong. At the same time, he is also one of the nicest and most generous people I have met so I know that if I text him or needed help he would respond, so I wouldn’t even know if he was just being nice or if he was interested at all. We both wanted to get married at some point, we both wanted to spend the rest of our lives with one another before I temporarily went crazy (all the physical and mental/emotional side effects wore off in three weeks after stopping the birth control). I feel like there is either something more to the breakup, or he really is just being stubborn. I don’t even know that he misses me at all, he keeps himself busy and the few times I saw him after the breakup he seemed really happy.

    • admin
      July 29, 2014 | 1:28 pm

      Yes that birth control can cause some women to have a very bad/hormonal reaction.

      Nevertheless, I would recommend a NC.

      • Syd
        July 29, 2014 | 4:06 pm

        Do you think I should do a longer no contact time since he is extremely stubborn, or stick with the 30 days?

        • admin
          July 30, 2014 | 1:58 pm

          Stick with the 30 days.

  14. Molly
    July 28, 2014 | 2:14 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I’ve try to use the “text your ex back” program before finding your website, I have done the 30 day no contact rule and start texting him but all I get is short/ neutral response that I don’t really think it will work if keep doing it. He went to Vegas, having lots of fun that make me think he is better off without me which is really upset. Should I take another 30 days of no contact? Is it still going to work? Feels like i’ve mess up the process….

    • admin
      July 29, 2014 | 1:27 pm

      Try 21 days this time.

  15. Gerry
    July 24, 2014 | 7:45 pm

    Chris, during NC – online or turn offline Facebook chat?

    • admin
      July 25, 2014 | 2:03 pm

      I don’t think it matters to be honest.

  16. Michelle
    July 24, 2014 | 12:18 am

    Hi chris, i posted a question here but have an update to my situation. my boyfriend broke up with me several months ago due to us arguing, it left off on bad terms, he removed me from facebook & blocked my number. Neither of us have contacted one another in 5 months & he randomly emailed me the other day apologizing for the hurt he caused me & saying he hopes i find someone who can appreciate the great person i am. He said i dont have to reply but i want to get back together with him so i text him the next day & thanked him for the email and told him i wish him nothing but the best aswell. Then to keep the convo going i asked about his family & then he asked about mine. I wanted to leave the convo on a high note but then he started gong into what happened at the end of our relationship & apologized again for the hurt he caused me and said he hopes it doesnt affect my future relationships. I said thank you & then quickly switched topics as I didn’t want the focus to be on what happened. So I told him how my brother still asks about him with an “lol”. He replied with a smiley face and asked me what did i tell my brother about us and then I replied that i will tell him later because I am about to start driving. I wanted to leave him on the hook, was this good? It’s just I read your guide & you said to steer clear of the emotional relationship topics when you first begin communication again so i tried to deflect the best I could & leave him wanting more. what do you think?

  17. Michelle, please help
    July 23, 2014 | 2:14 am

    Hi Chris! I love your guide & have a unique situation and really need your advice. My boyfriend broke up with me 7 months ago due to us arguing. He said he always had an issue with conflict & that it always turns him off to the relationship he’s in & he can’t go back once he is turned off to the relationship. So we left off on bad terms & he knows he hurt me a lot. We haven’t spoken in 5 months, i never contacted him & he never contacted me. I do miss him and wanted to try again with him, but he was really cold to me the last time we spoke 5 months ago. Out of the blue I got an email from him today and he apologized for the hurt he caused me and said perhaps he was immature when it comes to the way he handles arguing. He said I don’t need to reply and that he just wanted to let me know he never intended on hurting me and that he hopes that what happened between us doesn’t affect my future relationship. How do you think I should handle this? Because I would like to try to get him back, but he did say that i don’t have to reply and that he hopes it doesn’t affect my future relationships so it doesn’t sound as if he wants to be with me again. Please help.

    • admin
      July 24, 2014 | 2:45 pm

      How bad were the arguments?

      • Michelle
        July 24, 2014 | 4:07 pm

        honestly, the fights weren’t bad, we never fought when we were together either. I don’t think we fought anymore than most couples but he has serious issues with conflict & fears of divorce & stuff like that and is always listening to his divorced friends. So when he has an issue in his relationship it just freaks him out & he runs away, he told me has done it in his past relationships, that it just turns him off to the relationship & he usually changes his number on the girl. So after he broke up with me we both never contacted one another for several months, now he contacted me out the blue to apologize, saying he hopes i find someone who can appreciate the great person i am. i text him to thank him, the convo ended on a positive note and i want to text him again, but was wondering if you think there is even a chance? because he said he hopes I find someone else.

        • admin
          July 25, 2014 | 1:43 pm

          In other words, he wouldn’t effectively communicate his issues.

          • Michelle
            July 25, 2014 | 4:58 pm

            He has told me he has always had a big fear that he is gonna get married oneday & then it will end in divorce, because his parents are divorced, his uncle, his friends. And he blames the woman, he said everyone tells him that the woman changes for the worse after marriage so basically any arguments he has in a relationship start to freak him out cause he thinks that means it will just get worse so he gets turned off to the relationship. He basically thinks I’m gonna turn into a monster or something, smh. Although we didn’t argue excessively, it was enough to freak him out because he would say how his ex and him never argued BUT she cheated on him the whole time they were together, smh. The thing is, his fear & negativity was one of the things that would cause arguments, because he would listen to stupid things his friends would say & then worry so much about it, he overthinks things alot. I never met a guy who worried so much. I believe he is so busy trying to analyze everything to avoid having a failed marriage that it’s actually sabotaging his relationships. When he emailed me to apologize he said that perhaps he still has growing to do & is immature when it comes to conflict in relationships. We have been texting the past couple days and things have been positive, he even sent me a good morning text this morning. My question is, if a guy says “i hope you find someone who appreciates the great person you are” which is what he said in his initial email to me, do you think there is even a chance to get him back? Because that sounds like he is completely not interested if he is talking about me being with someone else. Please answer, just want your opinion, thanks : )

            • admin
              July 28, 2014 | 1:58 pm

              Marriage is a two way street…

              There could still be a chance but I would highly recommend you stick to the plain laid out on this page.

              • Michelle
                July 30, 2014 | 7:38 pm

                Thank you for all your help! I have another question for you. I am trying to stick to the plan laid out & so I have been priming him these past 2 weeks, haven’t called yet. Before i got to do the “emotional text” you suggested in the guide, he sent me one. He said that he isn’t going to lie, he misses being with me & when I used to come over. So I replied with a good memory that I miss about us & got a positive reaction. But then he brought up something else he missed, sex, smh. I tried not to engage & told him I was going to sleep & will talk to him some other time but he kept texting stuff about sex, how he misses that & asking if I have been with anyone else (I told him I haven’t, which is true) and then i just kept telling him to go to bed. Anyways, since that night I haven’t heard from him & I haven’t reached out to him either. Since I have been priming him, he has only initiated a conversation one time with me, last week. Other than that it has been me initiating texts, every couple days, but now that sex stuff threw me off because I am afraid that is all he misses and I am not sure how to go about this and I haven’t heard from him again and I feel so confused because he is the one who randomly said he missed being with me. It has been two days since this happened, should I try again with another text? Any advice would be appreciated.

                • admin
                  August 4, 2014 | 1:55 pm

                  Do you get the felling that is all he is about?

  18. meriem
    July 21, 2014 | 5:12 pm

    hi chris i want some advise from you my boyfriend broke up with me last night saying i’m sorry i don’t feel the same about you anymore so i’m doing no contact but in 10 days there is my birthday so i’m wondering if he calls me do i respond or just ignore him !!!!!

    • meriem
      July 21, 2014 | 5:20 pm

      my 2nd question is he didn’t block me on facebook so what should i do during no contact ! should i desapear completely or just conecting online without talkig to him !!!!!!

    • admin
      July 22, 2014 | 2:13 pm

      No don’t break NC in that case.

  19. Kristen
    July 19, 2014 | 11:39 pm

    You talk about positive mindset before NC, which I completely understand. The day my ex and I broke up, before we left each other we spoke of maybe it not being the right time for us and we were both unhappy and we shared our thoughts and feelings about it all. This makes me believe that there is still something between us, leaving me confused about our break up. We both seemed to like the idea that maybe sometime in the future things could work out between us. We both agreed that we would be happy if something like that were to happen in the future. But that to me seems to be somewhat of a positive mindset, no? I’m sure there are still bad feelings, (i.e. breaking up, not being in a relationship anymore) but we didn’t get in this big, huge fight over anything. He was crying and seemed really upset about the whole thing, like he almost didn’t want to break up with me. If he said there wasn’t anything romantically there, and following these steps, can I bring that feeling back putting these steps into practice?

    • admin
      July 21, 2014 | 4:05 pm

      So, what was the exact reason he gave?

      • Kristen
        July 21, 2014 | 10:21 pm

        “Nothing romantically there anymore, after seeing each other for a few days there would be nothing left to talk about” Which is news to me because I don’t recall any of this happening.

        • Kristen
          July 23, 2014 | 8:35 pm

          Don’t know what to do in this case? Any advice?

  20. Ana
    July 18, 2014 | 7:21 pm

    Hi Chris. I have a dilemma. My boyfriend and I left off on bad terms, he actually blocked me without warning. I have been trying to contact him, asking him to call me but he won’t speak to me. I was thinking of sending the classy text message from a friend’s phone & then go on NC but the problem is i don’t think he is going to notice me doing NC because he is the one refusing to speak to me. Also, when NC is over, I won’t be able to text him because he has my number blocked so what should I do? He doesn’t have social media, but i do have his email address, should I send an email after NC?

    • admin
      July 21, 2014 | 3:44 pm

      You should read my guide on men who block you before anything.

  21. next move
    July 16, 2014 | 5:21 pm

    So Chris,
    I sent the classy woman text because we kind of left things on not so good terms but left on not so good terms through text. This is what i text: I know some things were said between us the last time we text. I just wanted to tell you when I remember the time I spent with you I remember good things and I don’t have anything against you. I hope everything is going well, and don’t be a stranger”. He text me right back and said: “I had a wonderful time with you as well and appreciate the great times I had with you. I have your coat”. I had said something before about a jacket of mine that was still at his house. Before I sent this text I had started no contact and had gone a week but after reading this I realized things were kinda left on bad terms so that’s what I did. I have not responded after his text back but I’m not sure if I continue no contact or get my jacket back or just wait with no contact? What do I do now??

    Thank you,
    Amy

    • admin
      July 18, 2014 | 2:55 pm

      Get your jacket back. You can break NC for that.

  22. Amanda T
    July 13, 2014 | 12:47 pm

    Hi, Chris. Long story short, my boyfriend hroke with me becuse I had a lot of problems I made no effort of changing and have had the same problems for years. In 2 months, surprisingly, I was able to get rid of all the problems I had. My ex didn’t want to believe me and I don’t blame him. I know what I did wrong and I’m willing to try anytging. to get him back. I deeply and truly love him. I love him more than I’ve loved anyone. We were passionately in love and were devoted to each other. We talked everyday. He use to flirt me A LOT and he always touched me romantically. I’ve never known love till I met him. I’m on day 5 of no contact. I’ve been following your plan because you seem to know what you’re doing. I’ve never been in a delicate situation like this before. I need your help. This is my mess and I thought I could do this alone but I can’t. Can you help me? I can tell you’re very experienced in this area which I highly respect. I appreciate you taking the time from your busy schedule to read this.

    • admin
      July 14, 2014 | 3:13 pm

      Explain the “problems” you had?

      • Amanda T
        July 15, 2014 | 9:16 pm

        Well I was too needy, was a little controlling because I had to know where he was, what time he was coming back and made no effort to get to know his friends and family. I was also clingy, I harshly judged his friends and family, I wasn’t confident enough, I had no self esteem, I didn’t want to go anywhere, I think I complained a little too much, I talked about his friends behind their back and he just felt I didn’t appreciate him enough. I think he was right because I was too blind too see my problems. For 2 months, I’ve been working on myself; going to weekly therapy sessions, realizing who I was then and how I could fix things. I know I needed to fix the problehfs but I was surprises that I got rid of all the problems when I’ve had them for almost 5 years. My ex doesn’t want to believe that I’ve changed even though I have. I’m more confident, independent, rely on myself more, I’m more social, took on new interests and I’m improving my way of thinking everyday.

        • admin
          July 16, 2014 | 2:56 pm

          Well, you should have made an effort with the friends and family.

          Did that bother him??

          • Amanda T
            July 16, 2014 | 5:57 pm

            Yes it dis bother him and I’m gotten the help that I needed but what he doesn’t realize everyone heals at different rates. He knows I still love him but he says he doesn’t love me. He’s also found someone to replace me because we’ve been broken up for 2 months. He also says he cares about his new girlfriend but they’ve only been together for 6 days. Anyway, I still can’t explain why I made no effort to change when things were bad. I told him that I don’t care if he doesn’t belive I”ve changed because I have. It just shocks me that he was able to replace mr this early in the breakup.

  23. Shannon
    July 12, 2014 | 6:13 am

    Ok but what if he is in another relationship (it’s a rebound). Is this gonna work after 30 days of NC?

    I know it’s a rebound because they moved way too fast. He and I have been friends for over a decade, were together almost a year and lived together for about 6-7 months. We broke up and he came back the next day crying and missing me and said he wanted to work things out but we were NOT back together… For that next week and a half, almost 2 weeks, we would have moments of talking about things, crying, missing each other, etc. Then the end of the 2nd week, I find out on Facebook he’s in a relationship with another girl! I didn’t talk to him or take his calls, gave him some of his stuff (put it outside and texted him what time it would be outside lol). The following week, he asked if he could get more things and I arranged it to be on MY time. He came by this past weekend and I allowed him into the house and he was very emotional, crying, apologetic and he got the rest of his things. He also gave me alot of his things (i.e. furniture, stereo, TV, etc.). He really believes this new relationship is making him happy but his family, friends and myself ALL agree that he’s down the path of destruction and it’s definitely a rebound. The girl is trouble (not being mean, she just is and it’s no secret on her FB page). He does live with her because he had no place else to live (and this happened only 5-6 days into their official relationship). His parents do not like her (they love me) but he’s really trying to fill this void from OUR relationship. We didn’t have a bad breakup, but that end part where he disrespected me was bad, of course. I don’t call or text him – he has always initiated contact (via text or calling). I have no expectations and I’m definitely working on ME. If we get another chance, i know it’ll be better than the last time. But will this work or should I just continue to NC him until he is done with this new girl? It was apparent he still had feelings for me and he’s always said I’m the best girlfriend he’s ever had and I believe it – I’m a great catch! ;0) Thank you for any info you can provide!

    • admin
      July 14, 2014 | 3:00 pm

      It can yes.

      What was the cause of your breakup with him?

      • Shannon
        July 30, 2014 | 3:17 am

        (Hey Chris, I tried to reply sooner but had issues with the CAPTCHA lol)

        Anyways, we broke up because my dog’s territorial behavior caused a riff between us (we couldn’t be close, little to no affection, couldn’t sleep in the same bed all the time or have much sex. And he and I LOVE being affectionate, etc… all the time!!! It got very frustrating for us both. We agreed to get our dog (he’s more my dog) trained but couldn’t afford it. I was working TWO jobs and he wasn’t working for months (had a hard time finding something in his field). He became pretty depressed, felt inadequate about not contributing financially. But I NEVER gave him the 3rd degree about it and I knew it bothered him. I told him I was doing this for us and I know if the tables were turned, he’d do the same for me and he agreed. He has a PT gig and rents a booth at this marketplace. Well, this girl I mentioned, has a booth there, too. She ‘swooped’ in on him and pretty much took advantage of his vulnerability, showered him with compliments and boosted his ego. And basically took my “spark” away :0(

        To date, they are going on 5 weeks and he’s been MORE disrespectful to his family, friends and has even said some negative things (on Facebook) about our relationship and it wasn’t as bad as he and others are making it out to be. His family, his friends and mine (including myself) have determined this girl is certainly BAD NEWS and very manipulative. She’s very insecure, is an attention wh*re, always tags him in posts (he doesn’t post much about her and if he does, it’s pretty casual on his page). Yesterday she took of pic of them with HIS phone on Instagram and even put a caption on his behalf – “it feels so right”. That doesn’t even sound like him AND most of his post/photos are general, NOT of them (like on her profile).

        I still have not contacted him at all – he aLWAYS contacts me and I take my time responding. He still has some of his things at my house and doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to get everything. He also gave me alot of his furniture, TV, stereo, etc… which was unusual. I don’t recall if I mentioned that he moved in with her within the first week of them being official. I’m sure he could’ve found another place to stay but he was blindsided by this chick…

        His mom emailed me today and said she is very upset and very concerned about him. They certainly do NOT like her and do not approve. He sent some disrespectful texts and a long email (which is not typical of him to write such long emails to his mom). and they believe SHE was behind it all and signed his name because of how it was worded and most of the content was about HER. She is desperately trying to be accepted by his family and friends. She even acknowledged that HIS friends don’t like her and doesn’t understand why.

        I know there’s nothing we can do, but wait it out. But will he snap out of this and realize he’s not in a good place with this girl? I’m sure it’s all FUN and he’s doing things he hasn’t been able to do, but his behavior is NOT at all like him and we all are disgusted and disappointed in him (and her). Help? :0(

        • Shannon
          July 30, 2014 | 3:22 am

          P.S. I have a feeling that he WILL be texting me to get some more of his things this week. I do plan on allowing him into the house (where he used to live), see our dog (whom he loves), and I plan to be cordial but not overly friendly with him. I’m hoping I see the emotions and feelings he displayed 3 weeks ago when we finally came face to face after all this BS. He was very apologetic, crying alot and seemed out of control. he even said his life was a mess because his family wasn’t speaking to him and his friends were being weird. It’s still the same, now… I wonder though, if being in his old environment and remembering the “good” he had, will help reel him back to reality? I don’t expect him to come back… at least not right away… I just don’t know what to do. I want him to be happy, just not with her – and i’d prefer it be with me. BUT, I would never take him back so quickly, he’d have to earn my trust and SHOW me he truly means it. I can assure you, he and I had a deep and true love (we were good friends for 13 yrs and together about a year). Sorry if I’m repetitive on some of this stuff LOL But even his exes, friends and my friends thought we’d get married because of how happy and loving we were together… they don’t see that with him and her. Thanks again!

          • admin
            July 30, 2014 | 4:12 pm

            Hang in there. I have a feeling that they won’t work out.

        • admin
          July 30, 2014 | 3:20 pm

          Stupid Captcha…

          Wait, your talking about an actual dog???

          • Shannon
            July 30, 2014 | 7:56 pm

            LOL yes… my big dog whom he loves too… but he’s territorial (dog)…i spoiled him…he’s obedient but stubborn and doesn’t listen and would always come between us…it got pretty frustrating for us both. :0(

            Do you really believe they won’t last? Like I said, he’s NOT himself. Do I just wait it out and continue doing my thing? I won’t hit him up and I was never needy or clingy.

            I’ve been NC everytime… when he has texted, I was always brief and on MY terms… I’m a pretty strong person and normally I would be the kind to just completely move on and be like, “forget him!” But i truly believe we were put together for a reason (after a 13 yr friendship) and the love we had was more true than anything and EVERYone saw it… i guess I should also mention that I am ‘somewhat’ of a public figure (yes, I used an alias for my name, sorry!) and so alot of people witness our relationship on Facebook and in person and all thought (including his family) that we would be together forever and get married, etc… they also saw what he did… I didn’t mention it on FB and some people think we are together. It’s HIS friends and family that noticed first, because of all her posts, tags and the change in his relationship status (dead giveaway). Do you know that as of a couple weeks ago, they both no longer show their relationship statuses? I’m sure it was HER idea, because her so-called “fan base” (she’s not a public figure, she’s an attention whore and has alot of fans, friends on her list because of what she’s into and flaunts…trust me lol). She was seeing less posts and comments when her relationship status showed and now it’s back to where it was although she still does post pics of him or tagging him when they go places, etc… so I dont know what that’s about.

            Sorry to babble again… I would love to put you on my show! (i’m in radio BTW). :0) And thanks for this info & advice… of all the research I’ve done about all of this (i.e. rebounds, relationships, getting ex back, etc.), I always end up at yours because the information is quality and makes alot more sense… so again, THANK YOU :0)

            • Shannon
              July 31, 2014 | 2:57 pm

              I’m starting to have doubts, Chris… they’ve been out of town (road trip since July 21). They’ve travelled more than he and I ever did (she has money, apparently, but no real job lol). Should I be concerned? I know he likes to travel. We didn’t get a chance to because I was working alot and we couldn’t afford to. Although I feel that she is no comparison to me as far as being a real “woman” with class (I’m sure she’s a nice girl but her actions have proved her otherwise – she’s classless, trust me lol), but with all this travelling they’ve been doing and not having a care in the world, I feel like I’m gonna lose him for good because of this. OR is this just a distraction? Ugggh lol No, I still haven’t contacted him…

              I also have a mention (if I didn’t), that I posted a pic of me and a guy friend (he’s pretty hot but I’m not attracted to him – we’re just friends) and it’s not a cheesy pic and I’m not kissing him. But if I were a guy, I would probably assume that I was dating this dude or there was some interest there on his/my part. Some of my friends (including my sister) have commented on how “hot” my friend is and what a nice “upgrade”… I made it public for him to see and not sure he’s seen it or not. Should I keep it up or hide it? Bad idea? LOL THANK YOU AGAIN!!!

              • Shannon
                July 31, 2014 | 6:44 pm

                Another update as of an hour ago… he’s being VERY disrespectful to his parents and sister even more AND he has told his parents that he and this girl are getting married this weekend or next. It was in an email and we’re not sure if she wrote it but he said it… :0(

                • admin
                  August 4, 2014 | 2:28 pm

                  Hmm… He sounds difficult. How old was he again?

              • admin
                August 4, 2014 | 2:22 pm

                As long as the pic is not too much I think its ok. It should make him jealous.

            • admin
              August 4, 2014 | 2:01 pm

              I’d love to be on your show haha!

              I can’t believe that about your dog. I have to say I have never heard that before. It sounds like something out of the movies.

              So, the new girl is a bit shallow eh?

              Let me ask you a question. Lets say that you get him back. Do you think you’d be able to look past him leaving you and rebounding so quickly?

  24. walters
    July 12, 2014 | 12:34 am

    I found your site at just the right time! I’ll try and make this very short. Hopefully you can help me because this will be my last attempt to get my ex bf back. He broke up with me a year and a half ago and I tried staying friends with him. We were best friends while we were together and it was hard to not see each other while we were broke up. we were not physical we just spent a lot of time together. The reason for the breakup was he said I was his best friend and it was hard for him to feel passion for me (we were very sexually compatible by the way). He also said he didn’t see me in his future as his wife. We hardly ever fought, we always talked things out, spent a lot of time together, respected each other’s lives outside of one another, and we had fun together. All things he reiterated to me after we broke up. I was devastated but I kept in contact thinking we were getting back together but we never did. So, I took time for me. NC for 4 months.

    Fast forward to the present. I have done A LOT of work on myself and have had many successes in my life since our breakup. He always liked that I had a life outside of him and I was goal oriented and a hard worker.

    We have been hanging out a lot more over the past 4 months but I do still love him and want him back. I don’t EVER say it to him. Every time we get together it’s him calling me wanting to grab coffee and lunch wanting to catch up. It’s fun but I still feel that attraction to him and I think he might as well. He’s dated A LOT more than I have since we broke up but nothing has gone past a few months. After our get-togethers It usually takes about a month for him to start missing me and like clockwork he’ll text or call to check in and want to meet up for lunch. I always do but i’m wondering if i’m doing the right thing by seeing him all the time. It seems silly to do NC because theres no real reason to do it. Maybe it will get me over him but truth be told I want him back.

    I’ve learned over time that when a man says things like “Idon’t see you in my future” or that they don’t want to be with you…you should listen. What can I do differently if anything? I HAVE moved on without moving on but I f el like he genuinely likes me but maybe he really doesn’t see me as his wife or in his future…

    Any suggestions?

    • admin
      July 14, 2014 | 2:55 pm

      How old are you two?

      • walters
        July 14, 2014 | 4:28 pm

        I’m 42 he’s 34. I know….there’s a huge age difference but he always says he doesn’t mind.

        • walters
          July 15, 2014 | 12:49 am

          If you tell me to let this go, I will. If you said to buy your program and give it one last shot, I will. This is my last attempt. I know I’ll always be friends with him in some capacity. I really want to do what you think is best:)

          Thanks!!

          • admin
            July 15, 2014 | 3:19 pm

            Not going to lie I am really tempted to say go buy both of my ebooks hahaha.

            But truthfully, I feel the age difference between you… there is something there he isn’t telling you.

        • admin
          July 15, 2014 | 2:39 pm

          Do you think he could be lying about that though because he knows it could hurt your feelings?

          • walters
            July 15, 2014 | 3:19 pm

            He could be. We never lied to each other even as friends. He always says “I tell you everything.” I suppose he could be lying….he always use to say that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I realize now that that hasn’t gotten me very far..sadly. I’m a pretty tough person but I am sensitive when it comes to my feelings.

            Lets say he IS lying Chris….what should I do? I really don’t want to waste my time with someone who really doesn’t have feelings for me and is sticking around because he feels bad for breaking up with me..(deep down I feel like he wants to be friends because he feels bad for leading me on).

            Thanks for your insight. This is really helping me!

            • walters
              July 15, 2014 | 4:31 pm

              I’ll buy the book. Can’t hurt. I’ll let you know how things go. Thank you for your advice:)

              p.s. How would I know if he was lying?

            • admin
              July 16, 2014 | 2:34 pm

              I agree.

              Don’t let him waste your precious time.

              Looking stictly at his actions what are they saying?

              • walters
                July 16, 2014 | 3:53 pm

                His actions are saying…’I really care about you and have a lot of respect for you. I like spending time with you but I’m looking for something different.’

                I should clarify that his actions don’t match what he says. Why would an ex boyfriend want you to meet his mother & father after you are broken up, take you to lunch (he always pays), gives you compliments that are usually made by a significant other, talk about how much alike we are and basically do anything for you? When I say anything I mean ANYTHING…if I need his help with anything he’s always there. It’s rare that I ask for his help but when or if I do he’s ALWAYS there no matter what.

                Like I said previously, in about 2 more weeks (with will be about 30 days since I last saw him) if not sooner he will reach out to say hi and want to hang out. At this point for me it’s getting a bit old and i’m tired of always being available for him. I want something more.

                Why do his actions not match his words chris?

                I’ll read the article asap! thanks:)

                • admin
                  July 18, 2014 | 2:54 pm

                  He is probably really afraid of hurting you. What does he actually say to you?

                  • walters
                    July 18, 2014 | 7:45 pm

                    Do you mean what does he say to me now or when we broke up a year and a half ago? I don’t even mention our relationship anymore…he does. He ALWAYS brings up things we did together or experiences we had.

                    He also, likes to talk with me about girls he’s dating and its uncomfortable but I listen. He hasn’t had a relationship work since we stopped seeing each other. He talks about how easy it was when we were dating. He tells me I’m a good listener and I understand him.

                    It’s weird because he likes to compliment me a lot because I don’t look my age….(he thought I was younger than him when we met. I didn’t tell him my age until he asked me a few weeks into us seeing each other). I take very good care of myself and I have and always have had a full life outside of him. He constantly says I’m a super hero..(I know…cheesy but it’s kind of cute).

                    But what isn’t cute is when he mentions his future. I know he wants a relationship and wants to get married. He talks about that with me. I think he’s searching for perfection and it’s not fun to be on the other end of that conversation. When he talks about what he wants I feel like I’m all those things and a hell of a lot more. No, I’m no where near perfect but for whatever reason It seems like I just don’t fit his ideal image of the girl he wants to be with. We were best friends at one point and when we broke up he said he lost his best friend. We tried hanging out after our breakup but it was too much for me (and I think even for him too). I’m soo confused but this feeling is getting old and I don’t even have the same urges to see him as I use to.

                    I want to do things different because that’s the only way things will change. What do you suggest I do when he calls or texts me..(he will do that at some point).

                    thank you again:)

                    • admin
                      July 21, 2014 | 3:46 pm

                      What does he say to you right now.

                    • walters
                      July 21, 2014 | 4:07 pm

                      I’m confused by your question….sorry. What does he say to me about what? I don’t bring us up. I ran into him at a bar 2 nights ago and he came up to me and gave me the biggest hug and wanted to talk all night. He made a comment the next day in text saying that I look really good. I told him he did too…(he looked REALLY good..:).

                      He doesn’t bring up getting back together at all. He did tell me one afternoon while we were having lunch a few weeks ago (we were talking about relationships in general) that it could be hard for a guy to date me (or someone like me) because I have my life together, take care of myself, I’m a good person, I speak up for myself, I’m a good athlete…he said that it could be ‘too much” for some guys. He actually said this and he said it’s like your “too much woman” for some guys.

                      Haha! That feels weird to write but this is what he says to me.

                    • admin
                      July 22, 2014 | 2:12 pm

                      Maybe he was talking about him… Is he intimidated by you?

                    • walters
                      July 23, 2014 | 2:49 pm

                      To answer your question below….”Is he intimidated by you?”

                      I think that’s a myth that guys are intimidated by strong women. I think women like to tell themselves that to make themselves feel better. A woman can be strong and able to control her emotions and still be feminine. I think if a guy likes you, he won’t be “intimidated” by you…ESPECIALLY if you have qualities that they like and respect.

                      What do you think Chris?? I’ve read your articles and can’t find anything on that subject. Can you write something about that please? I’m curious what you think..:)

  25. Wendy
    July 11, 2014 | 3:17 pm

    Hi Chris,
    7 days into NC, the break-up has been about 3 weeks now. I have to say this is very tough, but I am committed to doing this!
    I have poured over your articles, bought the book too, confused about the “ungetable girl” vs. the admiration and compliments that guys love to hear. How are you to implement both?

    • admin
      July 14, 2014 | 2:51 pm

      Only give them the admiration and compliments once you have them hooked in the conversation and then cut things off prematurely so they always want more.

  26. Kelly
    July 10, 2014 | 2:08 pm

    I’ve been doing pretty well on my own for a while but I have another question.

    I’ve been talking to my ex a lot and he’s been great: super receptive, answers really quickly and we talk for a while. This is a lot better than when I first started talking to him again and he would talk to me for only like 10 minutes the conversations were always uncomfortable. The thing is, I can’t tell if he’s into me or he thinks I’m a really great friend…

    We talk a lot about when we were dating. He brings stuff up just as much as I do, like “remember that weird guy at that restaurant” and things like that. I gave him multiple compliments and he rolled with it, but I’m just worried he only wants to be friends. I honestly can’t tell. The friend zone is not where I want to be obviously.

    So my question is, how do I avoid the friend zone? I’m gonna try and ask him to hang out in the next couple weeks, and when I get to that point I don’t want him to see me as a bro. Should I be more flirtatious and take more risks or do you think I should wait until I see him in person for that?

    • admin
      July 11, 2014 | 1:51 pm

      Well, you have to get him to commit. I believe I wrote something on that on this site.

    • walters
      July 12, 2014 | 12:47 am

      wow kelly! i’m in the same boat as you. I just sent in my story hoping to get a reply. My ex also brings up times when we were together…ALL THE TIME. He talks to me about girls he dates also and I just sit there and act like it doesn’t bother me. I tell him about guys that I have dated but not as much as he does with me. I hate being friend-zoned. I want to avoid the friend zone too but i’m afraid if I try too hard to be flirtatious he’ll reject me. He never wants to hurt my feelings and it took a while for us to start hanging out again after we broke up initially because we hung out after the breakup. I thought he wanted to get back together but he didn’t and he felt bad for leading me on so, I know he doesn’t want to hurt me again.

      ugggg……

  27. Very confused
    July 9, 2014 | 3:19 am

    Hi, ( you may have heard most of my situation before, sorry)

    My ex boyfriend and I had a solid, committed relationship that had basically no fighting while it went on. We got on really well and the break up seemed completely out of the blue. We had dated for about 8 months and our only rough patch caused our break up.

    He became distant and I panicked and became unattractively clingy, something I had never been Iin the relationship. He said he was stressing out due to events happening in his life and was trying to find a balance between social life, personal time and school life. He explained that he wanted space but I didn’t take that as an answer, I kept asking him how I could help and kept trying to fix it, mostly because I wanted him to be happy and stress free because I really cared about him. He got irritated and broke up with me but his decision seemed rash. He told me he still wanted to talk to me and wanted us to remain friends. I completely changed character and began begging for him to give me another chance and trying to show him how much I cared about him but this just made him irritated and pushed him away further. No wonder.

    He began to show interest in other people and began to act very coldly towards me, I still (stupidly) kept trying to make him change his mind and telling him I wanted to try to make it work. He said that after our exams were over we would try again but not plan it and ‘go with the flow’. I was content with this but when I continued to try and speak to him, he was still acting very distant and cold, he put in no effort and made me carry the conversation.

    I got annoyed at this and told him I felt he had changed and that if he wasn’t willing to try he should say I never mattered to him and let me move on. I got soppy and told him how much I loved him and how I thought I deserved a chance.

    He got angry at me asking him to say I never mattered and said ‘the fact that you would question the fact that I loved you makes me sick’ he also asked me to explain how he had changed because he cares about people’s opinions of him and said ‘especially yours.’ He then explained how he hadn’t had time to think about his next moves and that he was still trying to find a balance, he didn’t like to think about stuff like this because it ‘weighs me down’. He said he ended the relationship because of our disagreement and because it ‘clearly wasn’t working’ his feelings had faded. He said he still had feelings for me in a way that he didn’t want to see me get hurt and that whatever happened, we could be friends at the very least.

    I told him how I felt like the break up was drastic and could of been avoided and that I regretted being clingy towards the end. I explained how I felt like he was acting arrogantly after we had broken up but agreed that things weren’t working at the time but thought they could work in the future. I then explained how I wanted to talk everything through or we would be stuck in the same loop. I wanted to be able to talk to him comfortably.

    He said he didn’t see the point in talking it through and thought we were past all of this.

    I asked if I could call him and he didn’t reply so I asked him why he was running away from the problem and not fixing it and told him I felt the relationship ended due to stress and told him I wanted to try and make it work.
    Again, he didn’t reply. (No wonder) I then told him I would call him and he said ‘not tonight, I don’t need this shit right now’ so I had a brief conversation with him to see if he was okay.

    I then texted him a few days later apologising for continuously bringing things up and that I wanted him to consider everything I had said. He didn’t reply.

    Texted him again (so clingy) asking if we could forget this and have a normal conversation so we talked for a bit, I then apologised for overthinking things and said I did want to try but I didn’t want to plan it and he said ‘it’s okay’

    We had some more brief conversations before I decided to stop talking completely (no contact rule)

    He told a mutual friend during NC that he actually didn’t want to try again.

    After no contact, he texted me asking if we were alright and we spoke a bit about why we hadn’t been talking (I said it was to give him space)

    Since then I’ve done everything up to the ‘priming’ stage and things are going quite well, we are getting on friendly terms again. Since he is in my friendship group, we all go out together but it isn’t awkward and we do speak.

    BUT during this time, he has had a failed rebound with a girl who he spoke to since we broke up ( they never fully got into a relationship, he asked her out and she rejected him because she was a friend of mine and didn’t think it was fair on me).

    He is now talking to and flirting with a girl who has very recently broken up with her boyfriend and I think she might be using him as a rebound, as her ex pointed out the fact that he was annoyed that they spoke and she is doing it to get back at him. I’m not sure if he sees her that way but he is very flirty and as is she..

    Any advice on what I should do?

    Thanks xx

    • admin
      July 9, 2014 | 2:27 pm

      Yup she might be using him as a rebound.

      How serious was your relationship with him?

      • Very confused
        July 10, 2014 | 7:35 am

        Thanks for the reply!

        Yes, I thought she might be, she was pretty cut up about the break up before but acts like she’s over it.. Even though they only broke up a week prior.

        We had done basically everything bar sex and oral, but would talk about it openly and were thinking about ‘taking it one step further’ but obviously didn’t get that far. It was strange because we went the furthest we had ever gone only 10 days before he broke up with me.. I don’t think that contributed to the break up but I don’t know.

        Any ideas?

        Thanks x

        • Very confused
          July 11, 2014 | 4:53 am

          As a side note, the girl he had a failed rebound with still talks to and is also flirty with him..

          Am I just fighting for a lost cause here? Should I give up? It’s been three months since we broke up.

          Thanks again x

  28. Pat
    July 8, 2014 | 11:08 am

    Hi Chris,
    I would like to ask if my ex who just break up with me 1 week ago. We have been together for nearly 4 years. He said that he do not love me anymore and he want his freedom. Then in this 1 month of NC, will the feeling for me (if there still a little) fade away?

  29. Confused Mama
    July 7, 2014 | 5:53 pm

    Hi!
    My husband and I have a baby girl together, and he recently joined the military for us to have a better life. He had visited us for her birthday and once he went back his attitude towards me did a 180. He started telling me how he is unhappy with me and distancing himself from me. He then told me a few days ago how I mean a lot to him but he isn’t happy and thinks we shouldn’t be together. He had posted a status with a quote saying that love isn’t enough and had commented how he was very angry with me and wanted to move on. We have had a rocky past (hot and cold relationship) but I thought we had moved past it. I’ve been following the NC rule, is there anything you suggest or opinions?

    • Confused Mama
      July 7, 2014 | 5:55 pm

      I meant to say MC since we do have a child.

    • admin
      July 8, 2014 | 1:58 pm

      Right now just try to focus on yourself. There is going to be plenty of time to focus on him after the NC but for now make sure you prepare yourself for that time.

  30. Bethany
    July 5, 2014 | 4:24 am

    Hi!

    I need a little guidance. He broke up with me six weeks ago because he “just wasn’t sure he was happy with me anymore.” I went into No Contact as soon as I got home from school, and have been texting on and off with him for about two weeks now. I’ve been trying to keep things light, and build up a friendship again before getting into anything too heavy, but last week, something interesting happened. He told me he was having partner-sleeping withdrawals and asked if I was, too. I said I was, and he then said we should end the conversation for the night.

    I was shocked! I have had a harder time getting him to talk to me since that happened, though. What do you think? Am I supposed to make the next move?

    • admin
      July 7, 2014 | 5:54 pm

      Partner sleeping withdrawls?

      Like sex?

      • Bethany
        July 8, 2014 | 12:58 am

        No, literally, sleeping together. It was one of our favorite things.

  31. Ajen
    July 2, 2014 | 7:43 pm

    Hi Chris,

    Need a little advise. Me and my ex tried to get back together a few weeks ago after a bad breakup last year after which we didn’t see each other for about a year. Initially he thought he had feelings for me but after we met up he said he didn’t and he didn’t feel the way he thought. That was about 3 weeks ago. We speak regularly every day or every other day at most. We are friendly and haven’t discussed out breakup much, he just confirmed he didn’t feel the same toward me. I am now going to be doing the no contact rule for 30 days to see if it works but wanted to know if this would be awkward because we have been talking and getting on. Should I do no contact for a shorter period of time say 10-15 days? Or would the no contact rule make no difference.
    Any advise would be great.

  32. Wendy
    July 1, 2014 | 3:07 am

    Hi Chris, thank you so much for the formula you have provided. I really went nuts on my ex and told him he was such a liar, etc. when he informed me that he just wasn’t in love with me. We have had a real roller coaster history before this last 6 mnth. of dating. I was hurt because I had been the one to give him a second chance.
    Anyway, our last text was yesterday, it was pleasant enough, sent him a picture from our recent trip at the beach. Was wondering should I just let the process begin with that or should I “reset” with the “classy girl” text?
    Thanks,

    • admin
      July 3, 2014 | 12:51 am

      Explain what you mean by roller coaster? And giving him a second chance?

      • Wendy
        July 3, 2014 | 4:15 pm

        Roller coaster ride: We were having an affair. Cut ties 2 years ago. He moved out on his on, guess he wanted to rekindle our relationship.
        Second chance: Since he didn’t make this move during the affair, BTW, showered me with affection and attention, but not so much this last 6 mnths. There is a lot of baggage, I can honestly say I did not approach this relationship the last 6 mths. with the enthusiasm I should have. I felt he couldn’t be trusted. He was saying before the split we had grown a part and I didn’t smile a lot etc.
        For my age, I am above average in looks, (back in the day, I could make anybody my boyfriend) need to lose about 15 lbs. but this break up is really helping with that. Funny thing is that he is not really attractive. With that said I realize now I think I could have been a little nicer and complimented him here and there to make him feel good. Also, we have an awesome sex life. I am afraid he is leaving me because there is not an emotional connection. ‎

        • admin
          July 7, 2014 | 5:43 pm

          I want to make sure I have this right.

          The two of you had an affair together?

          • Wendy
            July 8, 2014 | 1:56 pm

            Yep, very complicated situation. I will wait for you next question! Lol

  33. Jay
    June 25, 2014 | 12:35 am

    Hey Chris. Me and my ex broke up recently after being with each other for eight years. We were both each others firsts as we met at 16. I’m completely heartbroken but after two weeks I’m still in no contact and I’m holding strong. The only thing I’m wondering about is that his birthday is coming up on the 1st of July. Is it acceptable just to post on his facebook wall “Happy birthday” with no open dialog? I feel he’d be very upset and angry that I didn’t at least acknowledge it.

    • admin
      June 25, 2014 | 5:18 pm

      Nope no happy birthdays during NC.

      • Jay
        June 25, 2014 | 6:14 pm

        Ok, thank you!

      • Sandra
        June 26, 2014 | 8:12 pm

        Yes, Thank you! My ex’s birthday is on the 3rd and I was wondering the same thing.

  34. Kelly
    June 24, 2014 | 12:59 pm

    Okay so new development:

    I texted my ex last Wednesday and he didn’t respond. He’s been responding every time not counting last Wednesday, and our conversations have been friendly but awkward. It’s like he’s trying to sound normal but it’s not working, like he’ll text laugh too much (Lol haha that’s pretty great lol) and doesn’t seem to be able to relax… Either I’m so hilarious I’m making him weep with laughter or he’s being awkward, and I don’t know where that awkwardness comes from? If I’m making him nervous that could almost be good (like oh no I still like her) but I don’t want him to be talking to me only bc he’s trying to be polite. Although he did send me a snapchat all on his own a few days ago unprompted for the first time since the no contact phase meaning even if it was to everyone I’m back on his snap list or whatever.

    I’m not worried about him not answering my text Wednesday bc I haven’t texted him since and it was about his cat so it was pretty low key (but interesting I swear!) however, when I start talking to him again (this week probably) I don’t want it to be as awkward. The conversations feel a little forced, like idk if you watch how I met your mother but it feels like when Ted and Robin broke up and they had to make pie together.

    So my main questions are: Why is he so awkward/small talk-ish (is he nervous or just being polite but not really wanting to talk) and how do I cut through the awkwardness if it’s bad or use it to my advantage if it’s good?

    • admin
      June 24, 2014 | 6:57 pm

      I hated that ending for HIMYM…. Hated it.

      Maybe he just can’t get past the breakup to do small talk and needs more time.

      • Kelly
        June 26, 2014 | 3:54 am

        Right?! Especially because one of my friends said I’m a lot like Ted. That ending made me wish I had a slap bet with the writers because damn…

        Anyway, I’m impatient so I channeled my inner Ted and just decided to go for it and text him, and idk what happened but there seems to be a change in him, like he’s a lot more relaxed. The past few days we’ve not only talked longer (noon to 6:30!!) but his messages have been longer than mine, he didn’t freak out when I mentioned a memory we had and when I ended the first conversation we had this week he said goodbye which is a first. Previously if I had said I had to go he wouldn’t say anything or I wouldn’t be able to end it bc he wouldn’t respond, but I got a “see ya later.”

        It’s not much but I would describe myself as (very) cautiously optimistic. And don’t worry, after the past 2 great conversations I’m gonna wait a few days and give him room to breathe before starting another one.

        • admin
          June 26, 2014 | 3:35 pm

          I can’t stand Ted… I like Marshall and Lilly!

          • Kelly
            June 27, 2014 | 3:07 am

            I’m okay with Ted but Lilly’s my favorite. And I like early Robin but later Robin is the worst.

            • admin
              June 29, 2014 | 4:50 pm

              I liked Barney and Robin together… So upset that they ripped them apart by the last episode of last season…. So stupid.

  35. Sandra
    June 18, 2014 | 6:36 pm

    My boyfriend and I were together for about 11 months when he broke up with me last Thursday. I know he’d been a little discontent with everything in his life recently (i.e., job, city, living situation) but I didn’t expect this. Everything about our relationship seemed wonderful. We never fought and were able to usually communicate what we needed. Although apparently not everything. When he first broke up with me I was immediately crushed and just left without really processing anything or talking. So after a few days to process, I asked him to meet me to talk. So last night he drove to my job and sat with me to answer my questions of basically how we got to this place. He said he had been having these thoughts for 6 months now that he cared for me and was able to “be happy in the moment” but he wasn’t in love with me. He said he didn’t want to walk away then (because that used to be his pattern in dating) and wanted to give love a chance to develop but apparently it didn’t. So he said he didn’t want to waste either of our time. When I said I couldn’t wrap my head around how everything could have been so good while he didn’t love me he said he had been trying to make it work and give me good memories so I could look back and remember happy times. I asked him if his discontentment with everything in his life was could be a part of the problem and he admitted yes, possibly, but it wasn’t the cause. He said it wasn’t anything I did and the relationship wasn’t bad per se, but he didn’t see the potential anymore. He said he cared for me a lot and loved me but wasn’t in love with me. (The worst.) Our last words last night to each other was “be happy”. Since we spoke last night, I am now on Day 1 of NC. I am already expecting to not hear from him at all because he is insanely stubborn. What he doesn’t realize is I am stubborn too. I love him and I really feel like what we had was special and wonderful and I truly believe that this is worth fighting for. What do you think? Am I missing something glaringly obvious to someone on the outside that tells you I shouldn’t try to fight for him? Do I have a chance?

    • admin
      June 20, 2014 | 7:21 pm

      Well, the thing to remember right now is that you are only on day 1 of NC… It’s still early..

      • Sandra
        June 25, 2014 | 1:06 am

        Right, I know it’s still early. I was just looking for some insight on the situation thus far. Update as of now, it’s Day 7 of NC and I haven’t cracked yet. Nothing from him, as expected, but I’ve been spending a lot of time with friends going out and having fun. I’ve started doing yoga every day and ordered a teeth whitening kit, started a better skin care regimen, and finally got a prescription for my ezcema which has been flaring up lately. I feel like since I made the decision to focus on me, I feel so much happier. I am going on a roadtrip with my girls for July 4th and we also booked a cruise in August to have something to look forward to. I’m just trucking along with the NC for right now.

      • Sandra
        July 11, 2014 | 2:05 am

        Quick question about the NC situation..I had texted him a few times regarding him bringing me my stuff I had left at his apartment that he had forgotten to bring me the last time we saw each other. Everything was pleasant, short, and only regarding the plans to meet to get my stuff back. We met last Sunday and was once again pleasant and didn’t bring up anything else and I haven’t spoken to him since. Does this constitute breaking the NC rule? Because I’d much rather be on day 23 than day 4!

  36. Jennifer
    June 16, 2014 | 3:22 am

    Hey chris . My ex blocked me over 2 weeks ago and now Im on my day 17 on the no contact rule and my ex messaged me over facebook saying “Hey.” I did not message him back whatsoever and he blocked me again . What does this mean ? Wat should I do ? Thanks.

    • Jennifer
      June 16, 2014 | 3:25 am

      He messaged me today I meant.

    • admin
      June 16, 2014 | 2:21 pm

      Read my article on exes blocking exes immediately.

      • Jennifer
        June 16, 2014 | 2:54 pm

        Should I do 21 days or the original 30 days of NC because of this ?

  37. Meg
    June 14, 2014 | 12:23 pm

    Can you answer one thing? What if nothing Works? Not even no contact,friendly messages,showing that you care,memes..is there anything else you can do if your ex doesn’t care at all? and if I tried to talk to him about another guy would it work or not a good idea?? please answer..

    • admin
      June 15, 2014 | 5:55 pm

      There is always something you can do…. Of course, we are talking about another human being here and ultimately its up to them whether to take you back or not.

      • Meg
        June 15, 2014 | 6:17 pm

        But how can I be sme influence if he doesn’t talk to me at all?it doesn’t leave me much to do..do you think if I tried to text him that I want to solve our problems and maintain contact as friends might help? (for the history a similar attempt didn’t work in the past) Or try ask advice about another guy maybe?? In about a week we’ll close 1 year we know each other but I guess it’s not a dood idea to tell him that..please help..

  38. Louise
    June 14, 2014 | 5:31 am

    Hi Chris,

    What does it mean if he doesn’t even try to contact me in the 30 or 21 day NC period?

    Cheers,
    Louise

    • admin
      June 15, 2014 | 4:19 pm

      Means he is super stubborn.

  39. SaladeMeow
    June 14, 2014 | 4:18 am

    I started NC 14 days ago now, and my ex texted me a meme on day 3 and a picture of a new part he had installed on his car on day 13. I didn’t reply to either. There were no words with these texts, just pictures. Is the fact that he is sending pictures as significant as if he sent worded texts? Is he truly trying to make contact, or is it just lazy and immature?

  40. Sam
    June 14, 2014 | 3:22 am

    Hi Chris! Remember me?
    I took your advice and texted the “I have a confession” text to my ex one week ago. He still hasn’t responded. This is my second attempt at contact since NC. I guess I’m just wondering if I’m fooling myself. Should I try for a third text? Or is giving up necessary? He promised we’d stay friends after the break-up & clearly hasn’t followed through on it. Is he just being a jerk?

    • admin
      June 15, 2014 | 4:18 pm

      I am starting to learn towards jerk.

      • Sam
        June 17, 2014 | 9:55 pm

        Should I just leave him alone? Or should I try texting him again?

  41. belle
    June 12, 2014 | 2:14 am

    Hi my ex (23) and I (27) broke up because we are taking each other for granted. I am not sure if it is my fault because I am clinically depressed(Im undergoing psychotherapy), I blamed him for everything bad that happened to me when depression kicks in but I make it a point to show him I love him when I feel strong. He grew tired of me and said that he doesnt know what he wants and he treat me badly near the end of our relationship. He promised to be there but he wasn’t he gave up on me even if he promised he wouldnt. He is busy playing videogames and talking with “friends” while I fight with depression. I am currently working out now and seeking treatmet. Will No Contact Rule work for him? and is he even worth it?

    • belle
      June 12, 2014 | 2:18 am

      and he blocked me and my friends on facebook because my friends told me that he is flirting with other girls and he doesn’t admit it. i tried no contact rule on him but after 2 days he emailed me defending himself that he is not flirting with other girls.

  42. val
    June 11, 2014 | 11:34 pm

    My ex broke up with me three days ago. Two weeks previous head come over and i was emotional because.hed been ignoring me. He said a week after coming over to visit that he doesnt care anymore and thats why he stopped talking. That same day i found out he was at his moms and his mom told me he told her he does care and he just wants me to live with him (hed moved out three weeks previous and im pregnant and he was living here at my moms) id told him i didnt want to live with him becaus ehe wasnt good with finances. So he told me to give him a chance to prove it so he did. Recatching up to thw story with his mom. She said he just wanted me to live with him and he does care. So three days later i mentioned it, everything was fine until the night i was supposed to move in, he said i already told you i dont care, i dont want you living with me its my life. Its over. Also the weekend he came over, he was trying to hang out with a female coworker. And told me hed break ip before hed ever cheat. So im not sure how to approach the situation, id already told him i accepted the break up and i was going to take time to myself and hang out with old friends. He said “thats so dumb idgaf i dont need to know anything” and so i wished him well and initiated NC. Now i just sont know if he was making excuses or he just wasnt ready to move in . Seeing as we have a baby on the way

    • admin
      June 15, 2014 | 3:17 pm

      Do you think the commitment scared him?

  43. Syl
    June 10, 2014 | 3:54 pm

    Hi I have a quick question, after the 30day no contact rule.. how often can i do those text guides? and when i end the conversation what if he/she asked me other questions do i answer?.. and what if he/she asked me to meet up after that 1st text after the no contact rule?.. do i say yes?.. thanks

    • admin
      June 11, 2014 | 4:29 pm

      Can you be more specific for me?

  44. Lina
    June 10, 2014 | 2:06 pm

    I wanted to ask you whether the ‘No Contact’ Rule would work on a man who you’ve hurt emotionally.. verbally.. despite him being selfless.. I’m more than ever guilty for my mistakes and that I took things for granted. Please help me. I didn’t know how cruel jokes could get.

    • Lina
      June 10, 2014 | 2:08 pm

      Let me add..
      I begged him to forgive me, which he did but he has friendzoned me now.

      • admin
        June 11, 2014 | 4:22 pm

        Ya… I wouldn’t beg. Well, I guess that depends on what you did. The only time I think its ok is if you cheated on him and he did nothing to deserve it.

    • admin
      June 11, 2014 | 4:21 pm

      I think it can!

  45. SaladeMeow
    June 9, 2014 | 8:13 pm

    So my question would be, if you’re exes with a guy who is friendly in general, and who will text you whether or not he’s starting to be “into” you again, what is the best way to ask him out?

    I mean, is there a formula that is more likely to get a yes, rather than a “oh shit this is my ex, abort, abort!!”

    ie:
    We should meet up for coffee this weekend
    I was thinking we could grab a coffee
    Would you want to grab a coffee this weekend?
    etc etc.

    What’s least likely to make him panic or feel overwhelmed about hanging out with an ex?

    • admin
      June 10, 2014 | 3:43 pm

      Prime him before you ask him a question like that. Maybe drop the hint more subtly.

  46. Tizzy
    June 9, 2014 | 6:12 am

    Chris I was hoping you could help with this one,

    My boyfriend and I are both in the entertainment industry. Him: early thirties, last relationship was four year relationship that ended because the ex got a stressful job and didn’t have time for him, he’s been single for three years. Me: late twenties, my child is elementary school, his dad takes him on weekends and during week sometimes, I have a compete life and want a regular relationship that will lead to something permanent when the time is right, I’ve been single for three years too.

    He has been attached to a major film deal for six years. He’s going to be training all summer and filming early fall, the contracts for the film finally got signed last Saturday, I had a feeling he was going to freak out and pull back, so to beat him to it, I sent him a long text on Tuesday morning explaining that I was leaving everything up in the air for him to decide, and a half hour later he gives me a list of reasons to break up. He says he wants a deep relationship but doesn’t have the time to invest this moment, he doesn’t feel okay knowing he won’t be able to give me more, doesn’t want a casual relationship, might still have feelings for the ex which is blocking him blah blah, and that I’m having a tough time anyway raising my child (probably under the impression that I would put my child above him always). He’s never asked me if I would have a hard time dealing with the film schedule (I wouldn’t at all, in fact I’d be stoked to find someone that could deal with that myself), never asked what my stance was with where relationships stand above my mom duties (he did consult his buddy who suggested it wasn’t the best idea because single moms apparently -always- let their kids dictate relationships).

    Meanwhile, he states that I’m perfect for him, talks about how compatible we are sexually, and how he’d love to be “close friends”, and when I asked if he meant breaking up as a permanent situation he says he doesn’t know. He is still texting me every day, using terms of endearment, and even telling me when he’s taking a shower and in bed.

    My friends think he’s emotionally confused, playing around with me, and an idiot for letting me go and listing sugar coated reasons, I really have no idea what he’s doing. He’s supposed to come to my house and do this in person sometime this week. If he leaves the door open, I can deal with that and will just pull NC (I’ve already done 3 full days), but if he doesn’t or if there is someone he thinks he wants instead immediately I’m gone obviously. Is it worth to even have the talk or should I go straight into NC?

    • admin
      June 9, 2014 | 3:26 pm

      I would agree that he is emotionally confused… I think he is trying to keep his options open by being on good terms with you.

      NC is a yes.

      • Tizzy
        June 9, 2014 | 10:17 pm

        Should I still allow him to come by, or just cut contact?

        • admin
          June 10, 2014 | 3:45 pm

          My gut tells me to cut contact.

          • Tizzy
            June 16, 2014 | 3:14 pm

            Discovered that it was 100% because he thinks he will be happier dating single people with no kids because he wouldn’t feel comfortable not being able to love my child like he would his own. Definitely an immature answer there (love is a choice). We did not meet up. Continuing with NC and will probably not consider anything until he’s grown up a bit.

  47. Jenny
    June 8, 2014 | 8:09 am

    Okay so my story is a bit different.

    I was planning on contacting my ex on the 30th day of no contact but he suddenly messaged me on the 21st day so I took it as a sign that the no contact thing was over. He sent me something work related that we both found funny so I responded. We exchanged a few more text messages and even made him laugh a couple of times then he said “hey I just want to say that you look really good and it really shows how good you feel about yourself now. Good job :)” I thanked him and I ended the conversation by saying that I had lunch with a friend and he responds with “okay go enjoy and I’ll see you around :)”

    Now I don’t know where to start with the whole priming thing since I didn’t message him first. Should I wait a couple of days before I message him and start with a funny story or the whole good memory thing? Or do I start all over again?

    By the way your website really helped me a lot to get through this difficult time. Thank you for being so patient with us women :P

    • admin
      June 8, 2014 | 8:20 pm

      What does he respond better to typically?

      Funny stories or good memories?

      • Jenny
        June 9, 2014 | 4:16 am

        Well, I didn’t really talk about good memories yet but while we were texting casually, then he suddenly says “I have so much to tell you!!!” And we started talking about work gossip. Something we always talked about when we were together so I guess that’s a good memory? I really felt like he missed talking to me though because he wouldn’t stop complimenting me. It’s been 2 days since we last spoke and I’m kind of stuck now

        • Jenny
          June 9, 2014 | 5:03 am

          Oh and he contacted me twice during no contact but I didn’t respond. I bumped into him three days before he messaged me again (21st day) and I just said hello and continued to hang out with my friends. Thank goodness I looked good that night haha

          • admin
            June 9, 2014 | 3:21 pm

            That is a good sign that he contacted you.

        • admin
          June 9, 2014 | 3:21 pm

          I suppose its something… as long as both of you enjoyed gossiping together haha.

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