How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back if HE Cheated On You

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him.

I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator ” What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

How are you supposed to get an ex boyfriend back if he cheated on you? Do you even want to get him back? I’ll admit that these are a few of the most asked questions I get on this site. Today I am going to do my very best to answer them both for you. If you are new to my site then just a warning, every single page I write goes far more in-depth than my peers. Every page draws upon in-depth research (from experts), stories from women who have had success and my own personal experience. So, rather than write more filler content I would prefer to talk about the stuff that can actually do something for you!

Getting A Cheating Boyfriend Back… Is It Possible?

Heck ya it is possible! Of course, the real question is do you even want him back? I have found that a lot of the women who I have worked with who have been cheated on decide not to get their ex boyfriends back because they feel a lot better about themselves after they read the process on this page.

Now, a word about this page:

If you came here looking to get back your ex boyfriend then this page can help guide you. However, it can’t give you the step by step instructions that you are craving. If that is really what you are looking for then I urge you to check out the Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO system that I am always going on and on about. Of course, I still want you to read this page because it contains valuable information on understanding the mind of a cheating boyfriend and how to approach the situation you are in. But, if you want a true step by step guide check out the link below:

Learn More About Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Good, now that I have that out of the way we can proceed to understanding why men cheat.

Why Do Men Cheat?

Understanding why your boyfriend cheated on you is important. In this section I am going to give you some insight into the male psyche so you can understand why a man will cheat on you. Obviously, there are a lot of different reasons that a man will ultimately decide to cheat on his girlfriend but I would have to say that the most common reason would be because he is just plain horny.

Basically, he sees something he wants and he goes and gets it. While, I think it is a horrible betrayal of trust to cheat on someone (why not break up with them before you move on?) I think a case can be made here that evolution plays a role in his “horniness.” At his very core, a man is instilled with a primal need to replicate/reproduce. Humans were never intended to be monogamous creatures. While I think it says a lot about the advancement of humans that we have slowly developed into a race that seeks out a significant other we weren’t originally intended to do so.

Now, I don’t want you to sit there and feel like I am in any way “for” cheating because I AM NOT. I am simply explaining to you why your ex would feel a need to cheat on you. I suppose there is a little comfort to take in the fact that your ex didn’t cheat on you because of something you did but because he can’t properly his sexual urges. Which leads us to the next section.

Should You Even Try To Get A Cheating Boyfriend Back?

As I write these words I am little conflicted. A part of me wants to tell you to move on but another part of me wants to help you. You clearly came here because you want your ex boyfriend back and I want to help you do that but above all I want to help YOU. Sometimes that means telling you to run the other way. So, I am just going to say this:

The only way that I can justify giving you my help is if you have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your ex.

(I outline the legitimate reasons a lot more in my book found here.)

This means that I CAN NOT help you if you

  • Don’t have a good reason for getting back together.
  • If he has cheated on you multiple times.
  • If you don’t think you can do any better than your ex.
  • The relationship you had was physically or mentally abusive.

However, I WILL be willing to offer you my help if you.

  • Have a legitimate reason for wanting to get together again.
  • If the cheating was an isolated incident (AND WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN)

Trusting Yourself

Here is the deal, before you try to get your ex boyfriend back (if he cheated on you) I am going to ask you to do something that may be a little unorthodox. I want you to implement a no contact rule. If you are familiar with my site then you know I am a really big believer in the no contact rule. Usually, the most powerful part of the no contact rule is it’s ability to break a guy down and make him wonder why you haven’t tried contacting him yet, making him really be on the edge of his seat for when you finally do decide to reach out.

BUT

You are in a very unique situation so I am going to ask you implement the no contact rule for an entirely different reason. I want you to use it as a sort of self check. As you read my page you may still be pretty close to your breakup, time wise. As you will probably realize, making big decisions like going back to an ex who cheated on you isn’t a choice you should make when you are so emotionally unstable (no offense.) The normal no contact period is supposed to last one month or 30 days. That means you can’t text, email, facebook, google plus or talk to your ex on the phone. You essentially cut off all communication. However, I would say that you up the no contact period in this case to 45 days

If after that amount of time you still want to get your ex back then I say you should go right ahead. Notice how you are going to be using the no contact rule on three fronts.

  1. To get your ex a little worried that you will never contact him again.
  2. To use the time to work on yourself (healing)
  3. To decide if your ex is even worth getting back

Deciding If He Is Worth Getting Back

During your 45 days of no contact you are obviously going to have some thinking to do. As stated above, you are going to have to decide if you want to take your ex boyfriend back. You may find that after 45 days you just don’t have the same desire you did to get him back when you first started the NC period. It that happens to you then you should probably move on to someone new.

Since we are dealing with someone who cheated on you the thing you really need to figure out is if he is the type of person that will cheat on a moments notice. Here are some qualities that cheaters tend to have.

  • Narcissistic (Selfish and only thinks of himself.)
  • Chronic Liars (Everyone lies but if someone does it over and over you may have to take a step back and decide if this is someone worth being with.)
  • Someone who gets jealous very easily (If he is constantly accusing you of inappropriate behavior.)
  • Constantly flirts with other girls (Every guy will flirt every now and then but if it is common behavior for him then be careful.)
  • If your ex has cheated in the past (Everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes but if he cheated in the past then that behavior is NOT a one time thing.)

Contacting Your Ex

The time has come, you have waited, hopefully 45 days, and it is finally time to try and start getting your ex boyfriend back. Now, before I go into some long explanation about each step you should take I do feel it is important to mention that I have put together a HUGE resource on how to get your ex back here. While I will talk about what you should do on this page I can tell you that the page I just linked to goes into way more detail (which you will definitely need.)

Alright, now that I have that out of the way lets dive in to how you should contact your ex boyfriend after 45 days.

Usually what happens is your ex will have contacted you at one point during the NC period. That is a really good sign because it means they are interested or concerned about you. Basically, they are feeling something towards you which is what you want. Now, the whole point of the no contact rule was to NOT contact your ex so you aren’t exactly allowed to respond to them after they contact you during the initial 45 day period. Understand that you essentially ignoring them will make them really angry.  I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU DON’T CARE HOW THEY FEEL. At least, not at this point.

What is going to happen is that when you finally do decide to contact them they are going to be filled with joy. They have waited all this time to hear from you and when that moment finally comes they are going to be so excited that they will probably run up and down the stairs and do all the things that guys do when they are happy.

Now, here is an interesting question. What is the best way to contact your ex boyfriend?

Choice 1: Calling (NOOOO)

Choice 2: Writing A Letter or Emailing (NOOOO)

Choice 3: Texting (YESSS)

Before I move on I am going to take a few moments to go through each of the choices and explain why texting is the way to go.

Calling – It’s way too much way too soon. As I have said multiple times throughout this site, you have to earn the right to call your ex or in this case, your ex has to earn the right to call you. Besides, when you talk on the phone you don’t have time to think. You have to say just the right thing at just the right time for things to work out the way you want them to. However, the biggest disadvantage for calling an ex is the fact that you could potentially get angry, raise your voice and start a fight if something is said that you don’t like. Now, it may seem like I am swearing off calling altogether but I promise you I am not. In fact, there is a time and a place to use calling as a way to contact your ex but only after your ex earns the right for you to call them. I feel I do a good job of explaining when the proper time to call is in the link I provided at the beginning of this section.

Writing A Letter – It’s creepy. Can you imagine getting a letter after 45 days of no contact from someone that you thought didn’t want to talk to you? Besides, sending a letter is a bold statement that basically screams I STILL LOVE YOU. There is no way to that sending a letter is “light” it is basically an all or nothing kind of deal or as I like to say, it’s a low percentage shot of getting your ex back.

Emailing- A couple of problems with this. First, does your ex even check their email? I can go days, sometimes months without checking certain emails (I have multiple.) Secondly, there is no way that you can get an instant response. With a text if your ex doesn’t respond to you in a day then you can pretty much determine “ok, well that didn’t work.” However, with an email it can sometimes take 2-3 days for a response. I think you have waited long enough.

Texting- Texting is really the best option you have for a number of reasons. First off, it gives you time to think (which calling doesn’t allow.) Every single text message you can craft with time and thought. It is also impossible to show you are angry by raising your voice through a text. Add in the fact that you can get a quick response and you are good to go!

What Do You Say To Them?

Alright great, so now you know that texting is the way to go if you want to get your ex back the question becomes “what do you say in your texts?” I am not going to pretend that this is the easiest thing to do in the world because quite honestly anyone who claims that is lying. Getting your ex back is not going to be an easy task. What I will say is that I have written a page that will help you make the “what to say” process even easier. Check out my texting guide that will help you through what to say to your ex boyfriend.

What Do You Think? (695)

  1. Daisy - 0

    Daisy

    I don’t actually know if he cheated on me, but I know he approached a friend of a friend at bar, when we were having a really hard time in our relationship, probably to flirt at least with her. He also said when drunk “I talk to every girl and I feel guilty,” so I know it was not an isolated occurrence. He does not know that I know about the friend of a friend, and if he misses me and contacts me, I am not sure I’ll be able to keep that a secret. Should I bring it up right away, that I know about it and that he was doing things like that near the end of the relationship? In a way, I can understand if he was severely unhappy with us, he was looking for an escape route and to feel better, but it’s embarrassing for me that he was going up to a friend of a friend (humiliating really) to try to hook up or whatever. I am pretty embarrassed of him for doing that, and it’s hurting me deeply inside. I had no idea that he was on the lookout for new women, he said it was about us and not about wanting anyone else. I am severely hurt and betrayed. He was clearly looking to cheat and that kills me. I would be willing to forgive him but I do not want him not to know that I know about it all.

    Reply
    • Daisy - 0

      Daisy

      He didn’t know that she was anyone in my circle ( I Don’t know her) but my other friend saw it. He said we were fighting and not “really together.” Not actually true, he was making himself available. Right after that happened (again I didn’t know at the time), he was trying hard to break up with me.

    • Daisy - 0

      Daisy

      Basically, he thought she was a stranger to flirt with not knowing my friend was right there, and seeing him approach her friend.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Daisy

      it’s your right to unburden yourself but keep in mind, he would take it as an attack.. so, it’s better if you do it personally, calmly and when he is in the best mood.. and let him know that you just had to say it because it’s been bothering you and you just have yo let it out..

      be prepared if he gets angry as defense but more likely he wont if he was really in the best mood at that time

  2. Kiera - 0

    Kiera

    My ex fiance of 5 years and I broke up in June. This is our 3rd breakup (the first two were my fault & dealt with me not trusting him for no reason & being insecure). This time the breakup was because of him although he broke it off with me. I caught a girl coming out of his home @6am. Both of them said they did not sleep together but she did spend the night. I initially held in my anger and all my questions. He did apologize but offered no information when I asked about details. I tried to let it go but couldn’t so I asked him four days later if he was being honest about sleeping with her. He said all I do is think about myself and that we were not going to work out. He said that he could do better & so can I. Then he went completely became cold, ignoring all phone calls, texts, email, etc. Of course I did not go into NC right away….I begged, cried, etc. I waited a couple of weeks, called him late night, he came over we had sex and he disappeared the next day. I immediately went into NC (successfully completing 30 days). I sent him a “remember the time text”, he responded with “That’s what’s up”. Then the next day, he sent a for what it’s worth text stating it was very hard for him not talking to me during our breakup. But he feels he had to get out of the way so the one that is destined for me will find me because it was not him. That the breakup had to be done cause God has something great for both of us, we’re not great together. I replied with “I do believe that we are destined to be together however I respect how you feel. I love you & I hope we can reconcile soon.” He never responded. I do believe that is now talking/sleeping with someone else, I suspect from work. I believe he has been talking to her before the break up but just recently in the last month (after breakup) began sleeping with her. These are all suspicions as i do not have any proof of this. What can I do to get him back? Prior to the June incident we fought a lot due to our wedding being postponed. We postponed the wedding to work on some of our issues. The main one was communication of which a therapist advised that it could be fixed.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi kiera,

      you said the break up was in June, so when was the last talk?

  3. Emma Robertson - 0

    Emma Robertson

    Hi Chris,

    I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago after he cheated on me multiple nights with my best friend about two weeks ago while I was on a family trip. The first night was the night that I had left and they had initially kissed on the couch but only after my best friend had kissed another guy at the party and she had been following my boyfriend around during the night. Towards the end of the night, my best friend was passed out on the floor, so my boyfriend too it upon himself to pick her up and “put her to bed”. After realizing that they had been gone for a longer amount of time that it would take to put her in her bed, my friends got worried and went upstairs looking for them. When my friends walked into the bedroom, they saw him on the bed buckling his pants, with his boxers on the floor, and her in the closet without any pants on. Things can be assumed from that little interaction but I dont know if I’ll ever know what truly happened that night.

    The second night was the night before I came home from my trip. My best friend decided not to drink as much so she was only tipsy that night while my boyfriend was considerably more drunk than she was. My best friend decided it would be a smart move to stick by my other best friends side the entire night to ensure nothing would happen. Well, after my best friend had used the bathroom without my other friend being there, my boyfriend was waiting outside of the bathroom door and whisked her away upstairs. They walked into the bedroom where they proceeded to make out and very possibly do more. My best friend has informed me that she told him “No, we can’t do this, what about Emma?” but she was not assertive enough with her action and continued to make out with him. My other best friend, realizing that my best friend and my boyfriend weren’t anywhere to be found, ran upstairs to the bedroom and opened the door for a second, only to have it shut on her. My boyfriend was on the other side of the door putting weights on it to prevent anyone from coming in. A few second later, my best friend ran out the door and downstairs.

    Drunken things were said and drunken feelings were shared and he has told me multiple times that he meant none of it. I had honestly been skeptical of them being around eachother from the start and it made me very uneasy seeing them get close, which I informed both of them of. He has also cheated in a previous relationship about 2 years ago but says that he cares about me so much more than he did that other girl because him and I were very close friends before we started dating. His father is an alcoholic and because of that, my boyfriend tends to be unable to just have one drink. He always drinks hard liquor and it is never in moderation. After this experience he was decided to make a change for himself and stop drinking, but all of our friends really doubt that he will continue to stand by that. I am still very much in love with him and want to take him back but is there any possible way after everything that has happened?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Emma,

      do nc first so you can think clearly on what to do

  4. Jane - 0

    Jane

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend broke up with me last month after a four year long relationship which includes nearly two and a half year long live in relationship. We Both are 22 and go to the same college and have a bunch of mutual friends. Recently, a girl from our college became a new entrant to our group. My boyfriend made out with her a month prior to our break up when I was not in town and this girl had recently broken up with her boyfriend then. This is for the first time he’s done this with any other girl. He confronted this to me on the next day of my birthday saying he loves her and that he doesn’t feel for me anymore. He made my birthday so special and screwed it up immediately on the very next day. Post break up he expressed his desire to stay friends with me and considers me as his best friend. Also, he has sent me various messages after break up saying that I’m a gem of a person but he cannot stop his feelings for her. Also, he tried initiating conversations complimenting my display picture on WhatsApp and asking about my family members. However, I’m on a no contact with him since three weeks and thus did not respond. Now he hasn’t messaged me since a week. I love him to the moon and back and want him back in my life. Please help me out Chris. Please. I feel devastated.

    Reply
    • Jennifer Seiter - 0

      Jennifer Seiter

      Ah it’s likely not going to work out between them. It’s just a crush as long as you play your cards right you will be of higher value then her. What have you been doing during no contact? Have you made any strides in going out with friends etc?

  5. darya - 0

    darya

    We’ve been together for 2 years and 4 months. 4 months our relationship has been long distance because he left the country for studying.after this 4 months we had a fight and he broke up with me.he said that distance is making problems and bothering us. But after 2 months he texted me and said that he love me more than anything and we started our relationship again. After 1 week he suddenly changed and acted distant. When I asked why he said that he told about marrying me to his parents but they disagreed because they have family and financial problems and cant support us now. He broke up with me and he cried so much over the phone.
    After 3 weeks I texted him and said I want to be with you and I can wait,but he said no, Im trying to forget about you even though its hard for me. Its better for you too.
    Its been 2 months since then and I spoke to one of his best friends yesterday. He said that he was under a lot of pressure 3 months ago because of the problems of his family and university and loneliness.so he had sex with someone and dated with someone. And then he felt guilty about that. I don’t know what is his feeling about that girl or is he still love me or not? I got mad when I heard these and blocked him in Instagram and facebook. Can I change this situation? I still love him,what can I do? Please help.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Darya,

      it depends.. can you forgive him?

  6. darya - 0

    darya

    hi

    Reply
  7. Edie - 0

    Edie

    Hi Chris/team

    I was in a relationship for 5 years, we lived together up until a year ago where we had to move out due to financial difficulties. We were going to spend a year saving up (I was living with my parents, he’s staying on his military camp) and then I was going to find a new job and move back in together. The financial difficulties, living apart and he also has issues with his job has caused a lot of stress on us recently and we ended up arguing frequently.

    Last weekend we decided to sort everything out and he told me he wanted to be with me, buy a house etc. I spent the weekend with his parents and we were very romantic. However when I got home, I opened our laptop we shared and all these messages came through. He’d met another girl before the weekend and taken her out for lunch on the Friday and they’d been texting the whole weekend I was there.

    I confronted him about this and he said he was sorry, he hadn’t been happy for a while and wanted to see what it was like with another person. I said I understood, but I had text the girl saying her messages had come through to my computer and we’d spent the weekend together with his parents and had been together for 5 years. He went mad that I texted her and she then told me he said we’d broken up ages ago and we hadn’t spent the weekend together.

    I ignored his calls that day as I was so mad. But then stupidly text him saying I loved him and sorry I didn’t pick up. I sent him a long messages saying he was my best friend, I never want to lose him etc. He said he would speak to me after work. I waited after work but he never called. I called him, he ignored me despite reading my messages. I asked him to call and he never did.

    It’s now been 4 days and I have started NC. I deleted his number so I wouldn’t text him or call him in a moment of weakness. What’s going on with him? Do you think I have a chance of winning him back? We haven’t even broken up as haven’t said the words as he won’t even speak to me. Surely if he wanted to break up with me he would have said? Does he just need space? Please help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Edie,

      maybe he’s a grass is greener case.. and yes, I think he needs space too.. start improving yourself during nc ok? make him miss you and regret doing that to you

    • Edie - 0

      Edie

      Hi, thank you for your response I think you were spot on.

      He’s now sent me ‘breadcrumbs’ after 2 weeks of NC via email, saying he’s a broken man, he misses me, has no interest in anyone else and asking me to call him. This was 2 days ago and I haven’t responded as it’s freaked me out.

      Should I continue NC or respond to him? There’s not an apology for cheating on me or anything, more about his suffering. I feel like I should wait for a proper apology as he did this to me, but at the same time I don’t want to miss the chance of reconciliation by further NC.

      Thank you.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Edie,

      if he calls, answer it and then listen. If he doesn’t apologize, tell him, you appreciate that he’s calling you and you don’t like him feeling like that, but you don’t like feeling that you don’t trust somebody too and as of now, that’s what you still feel that you still don’t trust him.

      If he messages you again to call him, you can reply, I’m not currently available but you can call me at this time.

    • Edie - 0

      Edie

      Thank you again Amor.

      I spoke to him last night on the phone for an hour. It started off very positive and catching up on what we’d both done over the NC period. I didn’t get emotional or anything, but he suddenly started crying and couldn’t stop, saying how awful he felt and how much he missed me and that he couldn’t get over me. Unfortunately he never mentioned reconcilation and was talking about it like it was the end – almost like I was breaking up with him! I don’t know if maybe because I wasn’t being emotional (on purpose) he thought I didn’t want it, or he doesn’t want it. He seemed absolutely devastated though. I asked him if he wanted to meet up and have lunch at the weekend, but he said he didn’t know if he could do it. He said he needed to send me an email/letter explaining his actions.

      We left it on a good note, but I haven’t heard from him since. Should I send him a text? He’s going away for 6 weeks with work in a few days, it would be awful to leave it for that long. How could I convince him to meet? I don’t want to push him away but I’m desperate to have him back.

      Thank you

    • Edie - 0

      Edie

      Hi again – quick update since my last comment!

      We texted a little bit throughout the day yesterday, although it was a bit awkward. I asked him if I could see him this weekend and he agreed to tomorrow, although we made no specifics. The conversation was very awkward and weird, but I kept it light hearted and positive, no mention of break up and at least he was responding. I sent him a last message in the evening which didn’t really need a response, but he didn’t reply and hasn’t since. I’m worried that now I’m making an effort, he is put off. Please help!

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      did you meet?

  8. Hey - 0

    Hey

    My boyfriend and I had been together for about 2 and a half years now. We recently welcomed a son. I’ve never liked how many female friends he’s had and that’s always been somewhat of an issue. Not too suspicious though, because they are out of state and I spend so much time with him. Long story short, I found out he slept with someone a few months ago, though we’ve been talking about marriage and being a complete family with our baby. Through tears, he told me he cut her off after it happened, made amends with God, and never told me because he didn’t want to hurt me (or me to confront him and leave). We had a good long talk about it, it was just straight cheating, no other reason besides “it was a mistake.” He apologized and cried the entire conversation. I told him I forgave him. I do. But I’m hurt, mostly stunned. I still love him and wonder, how do I know if I should wait and see if he will better himself, and THEN work to win me back.. or will he just lick his wounds, count his losses, and we both move on? Why do I feel like I am the one who lost something?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Hey :),

      That’s normal that you feel hurt but is he not doing anything to make up for it? or you’re too hurt to notice? Have you communicated to him calmly how hurt you are and what you expect him to do that would make you feel better? Not in a blaming way of course, but in a way that you’re trying to understand from his position, if he’s not acting the way you want because he doesn’t know how to.

  9. Sara - 0

    Sara

    Hi,

    I just recently came across this website, sure wish I would have found it when my ex and I broke up. I met my ex on a dating site. I had never used a dating site before. We are in our twenties. I couldn’t believe the connection we had. After a month, we become official. About 3 wks later, I found him still active on the dating site. I don’t date much and I didn’t know what to do really. So I made a fake one after friends told me to. I messaged him and within half an hour he responded stating what he was looking for, a relationship with someone with X qualities. I was so hurt. A part of me feels torn like it is my fault. I called him out on it, he lied claiming we weren’t officially together and that he knew it was me. Not even a couple days after we had broken up he was seeing a new girl. I didn’t do NC at first, I tried so hard to make things work/right. He is now with another different girl and we have had NC for more than 30 days, I am still guilty of looking at his FB. He did text me once claiming that the first girl was his coworker (it was a huge lie). A part of me misses him. We had so much in common. I’ve never met anyone in my life that I liked so much. But a part of me thinks if he cared why would he still be on a dating site and lie and give up so easily???

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sara,

      I think you got serious for him way too soon. He was on the dating site to find someone to date but 1 month after isn’t enough to say that a guy is serious, whether you’ve seen each other in person or not.. And when you date someone through a dating site, and you didn’t have enough foundation of being friends before dating, you have to be observant on his actions rather than his words because you don’t know him. If ever you’re going to try it out on the dating site again. Take it slow, let the relationship grow first before putting all your trust in it.

  10. LRenee - 0

    LRenee

    I’ve been in a relationship for a year.. My ex boyfriend and I separated once for a month. During that time we didn’t talk until I made a proposal for us to be friends..weeks later he made the decision for us to be in a relationship starting fresh..Today I found out that he’s been cheating on me for a few months, we talk everyday via text and calls . I never saw this coming, I’m upset in the inside I’m heartbroken and crying, he couldn’t face me like a real man.. We.talked about our future together. I love him but the thought of us getting back together is all I want , I can forgive him but He cheated on me I can’t forget this. I don’t deserve this . Now he’s with the other girl . How can I change this situation

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi LRenee,

      Just like stated above, it all depends on why you would want to get back with him. If you have a valid reason, are you open to following Chris’advice above?

    • LRenee - 0

      LRenee

      I’m not contacting him at all. ,.just getting myself together no matter how long it takes, yes I know my ex is going to contact me…… It never fails. I read many horoscope’s about our compatibility it’s very high ( I’m a Cancer , He’s a Scorpio) . I also know why he cheated …. Lack of personal and quality time spent together. I made him feel unwanted and unimportant. I just have to set some grounds if he does come back

    • LRenee - 0

      LRenee

      No contact whatsoever since the break up. I’m continually focusing on myself . I actually feel so much.better than before . I was always feeling bad or down when I thought I wasn’t living up to par in my relationship. Yes I did try,a lot. I made the decision to not contact him at all until he makes contact with me first . But overall I forgive our past mistakes ,with hopes of being friends and building a stronger relationship between the two of us.

  11. T - 0

    T

    My fiance broke up with me about a month ago. We had been together three years, and he told me he loved me, but wasn’t in love with me. He told me he had been thinking about this for months, which I don’t believe based on his actions. Two days later I found out that he cheated, and was still pursuing a relationship with this woman. He was already telling this woman he loved her, and wanted to marry her. He was cheated on in his first marriage, so this was something I never thought he would do to me.

    It was like someone had flipped a switch. He was physically and romantically loving. He would send me sweet texts, and post things on Facebook. He was excitedly planning the wedding with me. He talked about me constantly to friends and co-workers. Then one day he came home, and it was over. I want him back. I haven’t initiated NC, because we are still trying to split up accounts and stuff. However I have no talked to him except for when he reaches out. Today he told me would could never be together again, because he wouldn’t be able to get over what he did to me.

    I purchased one book, but the section about cheating was if the reader had cheated on the person they wanted back. I need help specific to my situation. He is the love of my life, and I can’t imagine living without him. Please help me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI T,

      after reading this post, do you plan on following Chris’ suggestions?

    • T - 0

      T

      I am starting to follow Chris’s steps. I have to interact a little with my ex, as there is paperwork we both need to sign to split some accounts. I am keeping those conversations strictly about what we need to take care of at the time.
      I have already begun to work on myself, as well. Hopefully, with Chris’s tools I can get my ex-fiance back.

  12. Gabby - 0

    Gabby

    Hello,

    Lost in this gray area. I had been dating this guy for 6 months and everything has been pretty good for the most part. We have had our moments, typically when he drinks and jealous fits. Fast forwarding to last week I found he had cheated on me with some random girl. I choose to forgive him and move forward with the relationship. A week later he starts this huge fight, kicks me out of his apartment and tells me doesn’t want to have a relationship with me because I have drama with my children’s father. He blamed his cheating on me. (Which was a random drunken night with a random girl) We’ve since talk and he says right he doesn’t want a relationship with me but doesn’t want to lose me or for me to see other people. He wants to go on a date now and still sleep with me. I’m confused because I feel this should be the other way around. He wants me to beg for him back and said I have tall orders to ask for anything for myself right now since he is still deciding on rather or not he wants a relationship with me. Thoughts?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gabby,

      run away! He sounds selfish and manipulative

  13. Rosy Marie - 0

    Rosy Marie

    I broke up with my fiance 4 days ago. We had been together for a little over 3 years. The past year our relationship has been long distance. He got a bigger apartment for my 3 children (not his) & I to live with him. He “accidentally” sent me a pic of some woman saying “you’re so cute”. Of course he denied denied denied until he confessed. Problem is this is the 2nd time (first time was after the first year) I acknowledge that I may have driven him to think about cheating. I do have a tendency to take things out on him, I can be very mean & sometimes cruel. Each time it happened after I had pushed every possible button I could, simply because I felt I was not getting enough attention & then I even resorted to flirting subtlely on fb with someone in a mutual group. I acknowledge I have a problem & I need to work on that but I love him so very much but unsure of what to do. I was going to try to forgive but I could not & went NC (didn’t even know that was a thing I was just so angry). He didn’t want me to end things. He said he was sorry & that it was just sex & understood I had a big decision to make because it was twice now. I’m going to continue NC mostly to help me with my problem but should I forgive the cheating & try once more? Perhaps couple’s & individual therapy?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rosy,

      Yeah, I was actually thinking that both of you should do therapy.. I think it can be worked out.. you just have to work on your communication

  14. piyu - 0

    piyu

    Hi Chris,

    I and my guy,we met in a place where I was staying for my internship. He was a neighbour there. We met,we started liking each other and I fell for him. I said him about my feelings. He said that he wants to be with me,but he doesn’t know about the love thing because he recently got his break up. We stayed almost for 5months together. Later on I had to move to my own city for my further studies. but we promised to meet after months. Everything was going perfect. Daily phone calls,texting,video calling… But suddenly everything changed. And later I came to know from him only that he is dating someone else. I cried and asked why he did this to me!? He replied not to bother him.
    Chris,I really want him to love me,to be with me. I want him back in my life.
    Please help me out…..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Piyu,

      Don’t chase him.. He’s not the only guy you would meet. You should start to build a new life and do more new things to meet people and move on

  15. Apple - 0

    Apple

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years (but about 1.5 years officially). We’ve been in a long distance relationship but seeing each other once or twice every month and using Skype to communicate every day in between. He has never introduced me to his family but talks about them all the time as he is really close to them. He has also never met my family but in my culture it’s improper unless marriage is around the corner. I have been to his house a couple times, but since he travels a lot for work, I usually just travel with him or he comes to my state to visit me. Last month I drove all the way to his state (an 8hr drive) to surprise him for his birthday/valentine’s day. When I went to his house he was still at the office (unbeknownst to me) and another girl answered the door and proceeded to tell me she was his girlfriend. I was floored. I exchanged numbers with her and left as I was in a rush to get out and she kept asking me questions. Right before leaving I decided to stop by his office to check if he was there. He was and his ‘other girlfriend’ I had just met showed up. Anyway, long story short. She had been living with him since after we had started dating, and apparently I had been the other girl at the time. Meaning, he was sleeping with the both of us up until the time the two of us became official. Then it transitioned and he tried to break it off with the ‘original girl’ and had even stopped sleeping with her (this was confirmed by her as well). So! He was basically living with a girl who was his ex in his eyes, but she still wanted him even though they weren’t having sex after he and I became official and he asked her to leave multiple times (this was also confirmed by her). The kicker is, even though in his mind he was trying to nicely move her along, she was close to his family, attending his family’s functions, holiday get-togethers, and company parties (all of which I had never been invited to.) We weren’t supposed to be talking this past month, but I’ve had slip-ups and have responded to his skype calls/text msgs. Oh and I should mention, 2 days after I left from driving to surprise him, he finally made her move out since she lives in a whole other country. Two questions: Should I extend the no contact rule since I broke it midway? Also, I’ve always been under the impression men should work to get you back, so far he’s sent me two bouquets and bought me a diamond necklace/earrings. I feel like it’s a cop-out. Especially since they were among a list of things I told him men usually do to apologize since he wasn’t doing anything but explaining or more defending himself (which was the most annoying). He was living a double life, and had even given the girl one of his cars (a Benz) thinking she would leave more easily. This whole situation marked the first time this guy has given me flowers or jewelry. Sorry for the rant, next question: how do I know he’s sorry?… I don’t feel he’s working hard to get me back. Flowers/ “I am sorrys” all seem worthless. I want to see action if he’s too prideful to get on his knees and beg. Before I forget, even though they weren’t intimate, he admitted they had been sleeping in the same bed the whole time even though there are four other bed rooms in the house. He’s a good guy in his own right, but I know I can do better.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Apple,

      yeah you can do better.. Almost two of years of that is not a light issue.. You could be in the original’s girl’s position someday if you get back with him

  16. kris - 0

    kris

    Hi,
    I’m in a 7 year and 7 months relationship with my boyfriend. We are not living together, we just see each other at school, in our dates, and in family occasions. We are just any other couple, we have some fights but i know we are happy until one day everything changes. Three weeks ago, just before we even had our 8 month celebration, i’ve found out that she has another girlfriend, they have been in relationship for a month. My world crashed down. I can’t believe that he can hurt me this bad. It didn’t crossed my mind even once. Finally, the day came. We are at my place, I asked him, and teary eyed he confessed everything to me.. Every detail cuts me. He said it was a stupid choice he made, he said it was a mistake. When i asked him as to why he did that, he said that he came to a point where he got confused, he questioned his self if this is still what he wants, if we are really for each other. The moment he said that, everything that happened for the past months flash backed at me.. All the fights we had because of school, the pressure to graduate, the moments we didn’t have time for each other because of our situation, and the lost in communication. I blame myself because i didn’t saw what he is going through before, but i still think it is not right that he cheated on me. When i asked him what it is that he wants right now, he said he still doesn’t know because it is so complicated, our families and friends are upset and doesn’t want him anymore for me.. He said he loves me, but there are much more things to consider before deciding whether to get back or not.. I personally want to forgive him, i still love him, and i want us to have our second chance but i want it to come from him coz he is the one that caused this. Since he didn’t initiated anything for us, i just want to be distant, to show him that im strong. I like to follow the no contact rule, but how? We are still in our last year in college, we are thesis partners and we are required to do it together, see each other every now and then.. that makes our situation much complicated and harder. how can you separate the feelings, the emotion, the pain? is everything going to be okay? i’m so confused, what should i do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kris,

      You can still do no contact, it will be limited. That means you distance yourself as much as possible, don’t talk about feelings and the relationship status, don’t initiate small talk, improve yourself and if he initiates small talk, reply short and direct but politely..

  17. Karina - 0

    Karina

    Hi,

    I have been in relationship for 2 years. We live together from the beginning. We are a good match and basically nearly never fighting. I was quite a jealous girl and made a fight over his so-called friend. The girl was into him and I felt a bit threatened… Fortunately the girl left the country and our relationship were back to good sweet days. In general I was showing a bit of jealousy now and then and being a bit clingy and needy. He is thinking about breaking up, he mentioned he has no feelings for me anymore. I prevent breaking up saying I do not believe in all of this and that he is confused now and I wait for him to be back to his old self. I already know my two mistakes: being needy and trying to stop him. There are few more factors as well, he recently graduate and didn’t get a job he dreams about. He is very ambitious man and career is important in his life. So far he had only me and his life was going around me most of the time. I discovered as well he is meeting a new girl. She is a student so probably he can impress her more than me. I’m 2 years older and have my life quite well organize. He was the only missing puzzle. Unfortunately I told him he means all to me, and I’m willing to work on our relationship to get it back on the track (probably another mistake). We were about to move back to his home town together and that would be a huge change for me. He said he doesn’t want me to follow anymore. I think he got scared of us getting too serious since he is not ready for getting married yet and he is thinking this is the think I really want now or I will want if I move in with him to his hometown(which means moving the country). What should I do now? Should I initiate break up now? Should I just use NC rule? Should I become UG? Do I tell him I know about him cheating on me? What is the best strategy in this complicated situation?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Katrina,

      If he moves back alone, does that mean you ldr or you’re broken up? And by seeing, do you mean they’re togerher for sure or he’s just talking to her?

    • Katrina - 0

      Katrina

      He is seeing her over the weekend. I found proves like some receipts (hotel, dinner booking, etc.) When last time I asked him what he wants (in terms of us) he said he doesn’t know yet. Then it seems everything was getting better but when I asked him if its fine with us, he replied not really. He mention then with poker face he doesn’t like me anymore. Then I found out about that girl. I booked us trip together but he said he doesn’t feel like going. He knows I hate traveling alone so probably thought I won’t go anywhere without him. Imagine his surprised when I said I have no reason to cancel and Im happy to go. He couldn’t sleep all night long. He was hugging me at night but in a nervous way. Im trying to get more independent from him as I used to be. I’m working on myself, improving my life and focusing on my goals. Should I still confront him about the other girl or just leave it and wait if he comes up with breaking up?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If you tell him, it might lead him to break up with you but that means you can have peace of mind too because you’re not keeping a secret anymore and he would feel guilty..
      But also tell it the calmest way possible.. I know that seems silly but if you get angry, he might just use that anger against you…

    • Katrina - 0

      Katrina

      I think I can talk to him in a calm way. I just wonder if it’s a right time. Every day he prepares dinner and run to me with a plate of food (I’m coming back home later these days because I’m working on my goals). If I’m late, asking when I come back home. Is it just sign of feeling guilty or he has strong feelings for me and still wants to take care of me? I think not achieving great career plays a huge role in his ‘depression’. Which is not an excuse for cheating at all. But at least I understand from where it comes. Grass is greener on the other side, and newest factor. I’m to be blamed for it as well, didn’t notice enough early and was putting more pressure on him and growing my expectations towards us. Should I wait a bit more before I reveal I know about everything and hope that newest and excitement factor wear of and he will give up on her? Or tell straight away and tell him he has to make up his mind what he wants to do with his life? If we break up, I know exactly what to do. But I’m puzzled with what is the best for now? Talk to him or wait a bit more…..

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It’s better of you can talk to him as soon as possible..but don’t rish it.. as you said.. wait for the right time.. when both of you are in the right state of mind.. or mostly when you’re in the best state of mind..

      he can be guilty and he can be missing you too..

    • Katrina - 0

      Katrina

      Would NC work if we officially didn’t break up yet? To do NC without talking about the cheating…

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you mean just not talking about the cheating? Or really not talking at all? coz nc, actually is not talking at all.. If you didn’t talk, it would be awkward to just suddenly nc..especially of he didn’t know that you know there is a problem

    • Katrina - 0

      Katrina

      I didn’t tell him yet that I know he is cheating. Don’t know how to start… I don’t want to make him feeling negative about me. I don’t want to sound as if I’m giving him ultimatum: her or me. How to say in a best way I don’t like the situation we are at at the moment without giving him ultimatum? We live together, how long should I let him stay in the apartment with me? He seems to be moving further away from me day by day, which means getting more involved with that girl. Is there anything else I can do beside revealing I know the truth and we should break up?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmmm.. it’s going to be absurd to tell you that you should try to treat him better, initiate the fun times, treat it like the way it was at the start of the relationship because even though that may work, you still have that secret you’re carrying..it’s not like you’re just going to forget that.. it’s your choice.. try to work on the relationahip now and then tell it when the relationship is better or face it now

    • Tiffaney Grant - 0

      Tiffaney Grant

      Its been 3 days since my ex randomly broke up with me, we have been together for 4 yrs and out of the blue last week he has been taking a while texting me back and not returning my calls(he’s away in college) I sensed that he might have found someone new and 3 days ago out of the blue he blocked me off all social media and blocked my number and he would answer none of my texts, the next morning he texts me and says he can’t be with me anymore that he just met someone. HE JUST MET HER AND HES BEEN WITH ME FOR 4YRS AND HE CHOOSE ME OVER HER !!!! I’m devastated we are both madly in love with each other and our 1st loves I just don’t understand how u can leave the love of your life for someone u just met ! He says he has a better connection with her than me and that I should move on and start a new relationship. I’m speechless. Just like any normal girlfriend I harras him by text message begging him to take me back and all I did was get ignored. I can’t eat or sleep and I have a knot in my stomach that won’t come out just thinking about him ignoring me because he’s with another woman makes me go crazy, then he says he can’t talk to me because letting me go is the hardest thing he’s ever had to do, I want to text him so badly and just ask him are u sure u want her ? U don’t love me anymore ? And then he says he hopes he’s not making a big mistake, that means he’s not sure if he wants to be with her. Right now I’m just trying to be as calm as possible but I keep looking at my phone or praying I wake up and see a text from him saying I was right he made a mistake he wants me back, I’m trying the no contact rule but its only been 3 days and I’m dying to talk to him already, he was my best friend we talked 24/7 ! Someone please give me some guidance or motivation he is the love of my life and I’m so crushed that he’s left me for a girl he just met ! I feel like this girl is just there to feel a void because he’s in college and were not able to have sex often because he’s away so he has this girl now and she’s clouding his judgment into thinking he’s really into her

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tiffaney,

      The more you should do nc.. You’ve done your job and you’ve begged so stop and focus on yourself now.. Make him regret… Post your improvements and tour activities and set him aside for 30 days..

      How long have been ldr?

    • Katrina - 0

      Katrina

      Heya,
      So I’ve told him I know about cheating. We officially broke up. I did NC rule which is going to reach 30 days tomorrow. He still is seeing that girl, but at the same time, lives with me. We haven’t talked for a month, barely seen each other coz I made myself extremely busy! How can I initiate contact now? It’s a bit awkward to txt him, because I can just talk to him if I want since we still live in the same apartment.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      well, don’t text him.. but actually don’t talk to him yet.. why is he still living with you?

    • Katrina - 0

      Katrina

      So should I extend NC? I guess its not so effective coz im still somewhere around… He still lives here coz of contract for apt. I know he is looking for a new job in a new city so probably will move when he gets sth.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah.. he’s not missing you much because you’re still there..how did he react when you told him you knew?

    • Katrina - 0

      Katrina

      He said nothing. It was me talking. He only nodded but didn’t say much. I said it wasn’t fair towards me. He only asked me why do I think it needs to be fair… I wasn’t crying or shouting, talked to him in a very calm way. But he was very absent there, didn’t even keep an eye contact with me, seems to be a totally different person. He is like that for a few months now – for me looks like a bit depressed, sitting on the sofa and sighting loudly (there were 2 or 3 days he didn’t even go to work and slept all day long). But I know he is checking on me on Facebook (I saw him). I’m not sure why he is doing that. Is it because he somehow miss me or used to know about every of my step, or just checking out of curiosity.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think it’s because he’s curious to what you’ve been up to.. he’s disconnected.. nothing much is going to happen if it’s like that..you really need restart from all of this.

  18. Sasha - 0

    Sasha

    Hi,

    I have been in a relationship for 6 years with a guy I have a bang for. He broke up with me and went out with this girl. We got back together and he has broken up with me around 3 weeks ago…. Once again to be with this girl.

    I am not sure I want him back because I know I am worth more.

    But if I did want him back would asking him to leave ruin my chances of getting him back or make him miss his comfort of his previous living arrangements with me (increasing the chances of him coming back)?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sasha,

      if you’re living together, you can still do nc by limiting contact and going out more becausebif he moves out, that means they’re getting serious or you need a space from to think clearly

  19. Chris Seiter - 0

    EBR Team Member: Amor

    Hi nicha,

    if they’re sexting, they’re not friends… I think you know what to do, you just chose not to do it.. Yiu said it yourself, you keep forgiving.. Either you continue doing this until you get fed up, or muster up the courage to respect and love yourself..

    Reply
  20. Lisa - 0

    Lisa

    Hey,

    I found out that myboyfiend was flirting with other girls online, and when i faced him he said it s not such a big deal which lead me to getting upset and angry , telling him i deserve better and that he an enjoy being with them than me, now i really don’t know what to do, should i get him back to start with, it s been a week and i have so mixed up feelling, i’m still upset and i miss him at the same time

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      H Lisa,

      Well, you’re the only one who can answer that. Are you going to give him another chance or you can’t tolerate what b he did?

    • Lisa - 0

      Lisa

      I will give him an other chance if he is truely sorry about what he did, even when i went into argument with him ( this was by whatsapp coz he lives in other country) he suddently stopped answering me while he read my texts when i got angry, and now we don’t talk for a week , I can’t help comparing myself to these girls and looking for the tiny details which kills me, what should i do to make him back to me again but at the same time making him realise his mistake and see me as the special woman he always told me i was to him

  21. Sam - 0

    Sam

    I’ve been reading everything for days now, and it’s been almost my first week of no contact.

    Me and my boyfriend dated for 3.5 years, and were long distance for 1.5 of those. He cheated on me with his female roommate that moved there this summer. He said after the fact that he felt all the constant talking and texting we did felt forced and obligated. I can understand that because ldr is hard, and it was easy to be with her while I was far away. I’m not saying he’s innocent at all just I could understand where it went wrong.

    Probably is, I begged and constantly messaged and texted him non stop and he told me he wouldn’t read any of my emails and going to change his number.

    So I’ve been using this time to think, he feels guilty for the cheating and I think we could make it work but he’s saying I pushed him to a point with all my texting and calling… I just really want to try. I’m willing to fight, so I hope this no contact works and he’s willing to try back…

    Reply
  22. Lisa - 0

    Lisa

    My ex cheated on me and I knew about the other woman but he insisted there was nothing going on. Finally I ended our 5 year relationship one day when she called his cell phone when we were together and he tried to lower the volume and act like it was someone else. He wouldn’t be honest about cheating and he was constantly pulling away from me. Even though I broke up with him We continued to hang out for another 3 months but he would never recommit to working on our relationship. He would always tell me he was trying to get himself together and put his life in a better situation. He’s 42 and not ready to get back into a relationship. We continued to hang out with no arguing, and spending every day together along with his kids. As I saw there was nothing wrong with our relationship and he just wanted to be out of the commitment I found your site and immediately did the 30 day no contact rule. Our 1st encounter was at a mutual friends birthday party and he admitted to missing me and didn’t know why I wouldn’t talk to him. I still continued to keep my distance, not responding to his text messages wishing me Happy Thanksgiving or Merry Christmas. Finally we saw each other again a few weeks ago and I became weak. All of my feelings came back and I miss him so much. He’s now “seeing” the girl that I always accused him of cheating on me with but says they are not in a relationship. He and I hung out this past weekend and had a great time. He says that he and I can hang out with each other and our families because we are just friends. I told him I wasn’t willing to hang out with him if he is seeing someone else because I wouldn’t want anyone to do that to me. It turned into an argument and he became very defensive because he felt as though I was playing games and trying to turn something into nothing. After we got off the phone I receive a text message from him stating “I appreciate you” and “ttyl”. HELP! I miss him. I would like to see us get back together.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lisa,

      I think you’re great. Just be consistent and be clear with yourself with what you want and what you can’t control. if you want to be back with him but he keeps on being shady, either hope he would change after stating it to him clearly and accept if he doesn’t or walk away.

  23. Tay - 0

    Tay

    Hi, Chris –

    I was dating a boy for 4.5 years (I say boy because of his actions ) , he started acting off, lying to me and not letting me see his phone – he had a best friend , he told me there was nothing to worry about – two days after dumping me he started dating her, I had asked previously if there was something going on and he lied to my face telling me nothing – he said he didn’t cheat on me, but come on two days after breaking off a long term relationship ?

    I never found out that he was dating her , until I asked her myself – this was after I had slept with him on a day that should have been our anniversary , 5 days after he was already dating her – the day he slept with me , he said we were getting back together – when his friends came over unexpectedly , he hid me in the back yard and chased me out the front door when his friends were in his bedroom , I sat in the park across from his house waiting for my life – I saw his “best friend” walk through the park but she didn’t see me – Now he is calling her the nickname he used to call me – a personalized one -it hurts and what is worse is people keep saying that they won’t last and that he will come back – but I don’t want that – we were each others firsts everything , he left me for a 16 year old who had dated and slept with all his friends , and he likes her better because she fits more into his crowd and he says she has his back like i never did- yet I chose him over my whole family most of the time ….. it is funny how things work …

    I am not sure what to do now , but I guess if you are just girlfriend you are basically nothing .

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Tay,

      That’s not true. Nobody should be left being worthless. The question is, is he worth getting back to. With his actions towards you, you don’t deserve to be treated that way.

  24. CONFUSED - 0

    CONFUSED

    Hi,

    I had been dating my ex boyfriend for 2 years before he dumped me a year ago. We were happy to my knowledge, we had never fought or had problems during our relationship. We were in a long distance relationship for a year and a half, with no problems. I got a job in his state and relocated to be closer to him. All was well, for about 4 months of my relocation. We went to Mauritius on vacation, I must say it was the worst vacation of my life. We started having small arguments about things that did not make sense to me. He started being distant and moody. He was constantly on his phone. He started complaining about my weight and dress code which he had never done before.

    After we came back from vacation, the arguments and fights became worse. Five days after we came back, he told me he needed space. He started ignoring my calls, not coming over to visit, not wanting me to visit. I could not understand what went wrong. He was avoiding and ignoring me for about three weeks so I took it upon myself to go over to his place unannounced to try save our relationship. When I got to his place, he was shocked to see me and told me to leave and that he did not love me anymore on the hallway. I could not believe where this was coming from, I tried to be rational but he wanted to leave urgently so though he was expecting someone. As a glanced inside the apartment behind him, I saw ladies garments. Only then it dawned on me why everything changed, he was cheating on me with someone else. Heartbroken, I walked away. The next day, I told him what I had seen and he told me that it was my fault that he cheated on me but failed to explained how I did that. I was so depressed that I had a mild stroke and was hospitalised for 2 weeks after the break up.

    Long story short, a month ago (a year after the break). He came back and apologised. Confessed everything. I realised I still love him but I am not sure if I can take him back. When I remember our good times and how happy he made me. How he was not only my boyfriend, but my best friend and partner, everything in my body says ‘why not’. However, I have this dark cloud that is hanging over my heart reminding me how he broke it. I have forgiven him but I don’t know how to forget and how to look at him past the pain. I don’t know how to trust him again.

    Please help me with my decision.

    Kind Regards,

    Confused

    Reply
  25. Zoey - 0

    Zoey

    Dating bf for about 3 years. We are a different culture and he is kind of traditional. He has been talking about marriage and our future, saying he is making changes in our life to benefit our future. As affectionate as he is and constantly shares his love, if picks fights a lot. He picks dumb fights and dumps me and doesnt talk for a week or more. Then when he’s calm he talks to me and we make up. I just found out he has been cheating on me. He only admits that he did it once but i think its more. I found messages on his fb to this girl calling her his queen saying he was excited to see her. This girl knows of us and she still intentionally pursued him. she had tried texting him months ago and i got upset with him and he had her blocked on everything, until i saw those messages and caught that he had gone to her house with a bottle of wine. oh, he went to her house to cheat on me after cutting our date short claiming he was tired. once i caught him he was more shocked and stayed silent. he didn’t even apologize, just went straight to fighting with me. i packed up his stuff and took it to his moms house and i was so angry i told her what he did. he is saying i made him look bad in front of everyone and his family. he has turned it all around on me claiming i did the wrong. he won’t apologize or even fight for me. it is sad because i thought i was what he wanted in life. i have no answers and I’m struggling.

    Reply
  26. Emma - 0

    Emma

    Hi Chris
    me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for 2 years, everything was going well we was happy I couldn’t ask more from him, about 9 months ago we decided to move in together we was happy for first 3-4 months we started arguing over silly things and he was stressed which he didn’t talk to me about just blamed me for everything. then a couple of months ago he didn’t want to see me as much I felt insecure as he was acting like he was cheating I found blonde hair in our bed and bath and constantly hiding his phone, I constantly asked him are you cheating on me he kept denying it over and over, recently I discovered a girl on his fb he never used to talk to other girls and I messaged her asking does she know him, she told me they had been seeing each other for 2 months and didn’t know about me. I found out they hadn’t slept together but was taking her out and spending lots of time with her, I confronted him and he told me he loved me and he only was with me as he felt sorry for me. so I left and he went to hers for the night. the day after he told me he wanted to be honest and talk so I met him again to talk. he told me had feelings for both of us and would regret it if he lost me and told me I’m the love of his life. so I felt like he was sorry and wanted to try make our relationship work. we kissed and I went to my mums. then when I left he txt me saying he didn’t think it wud work out and now dumped me for good over the phone saying he wants to be single and the reason isn’t because he wants to be with her but I don’t believe him. I love him desperately he is my first true love and I’m his I want to try make the relationship work how can I get him back thanks x

    Reply
  27. Héloïse - 0

    Héloïse

    Hello chris,
    my ex and i were fighting for like a month because i wasn’t good with myself ( had a lot of problems ) and i started arguments and was just stupid … finally we set the problems and wanted to continue because we loved each other and had the most amazing week. he even came to my place as a surprise and we had the best time! he told me that he loved me and he even texted me that he loved me when he left.. the same night he cheated on me and kissed that girl.. the day after he told me and was crying his heart out and told me he was lost and didn’t what to believe of himself anymore because its the first time he cheated on anyone and can’t stand the fact that he hurt me so much.
    he was crying so much it was terrible and he ended it with me…
    i tried to get him back twice but wasn’t begging him but he said no …
    i have red different ebooks and did a no contact rule .. i texted him and i even talk to him as we are in the same school but its always me that has to come to him … he juste came to talk to me once …
    he is very flirty with everyone but doesn’t actually do anything ( of what i know )
    he looks at me a lot at school or at school events and sometimes he shows up behind me in clubs … but for 2 weeks he is just absent.
    He said to friends that he wants to move on and doesn’t want to go back in the past and will never go back to me … but he looks so weird and sad since we broke up and everything he does is weird or fake …
    what should i do ?

    Reply
  28. Stuck on this one - 0

    Stuck on this one

    So I had found my bf was flirting with other girls behind my back, so I broke it off, I then went into no contact over the summer and was constantly referring to this website. after getting in contact I tried to take things slow but he really pushed for things and soon started dating again, Halloween came around and ended up cheating on me physically with some girl 😐 I broke it off obviously now, whenever he sees me in the halls he smiles and says hi or he tries to come sit with me and I ignore him and all him and his friends laugh….what do i do?

    Reply
  29. confused - 0

    confused

    Recently walked in on my bf (almost 40y/o) cheating on me with a teenager. When I found them he basically picked her over me, telling ME to leave. Was very suspicious of her during the whole relationship and he lied to my face for months about it. Not just cheating via sex but emotions are involved. After the initial breakup and crazy angry texting.. he is telling me he loves me, has made a mistake, but “knows he cannot make it right.” Essentially he is still with her and has not said he will leave her, but claiming he is upset over losing me. I stopped contacting him. Today he texted me happy birthday and I did not reply. Is this salvageable? I know part of the NC rule is deciding if I even WANT him back, but I was would like your general view here.

    Reply
  30. iris taylor - 0

    iris taylor

    Chris please help. My ex/child’s father have been on & off for 4 years due to his cheating. I finally left him alone but we co parent. I still love him & is still in love to with him but he has to know that I won’t ‘allow the bull crap , especially since the are older and have a child. However, I want to teach him a omoblesson by knowing what it feels like to not have me. But today I just found out that he is moving out of town. Is he trying to hurt me ? Is he trying to move on? Would wanting him back be a waste of time or even foolish of me? I am hurt.

    Reply
  31. Aleesha - 0

    Aleesha

    Hi Chris
    My ex and I had being together for 4.5 years lived together for 4 years and have a two (2) year old child together. He proposed to me and 4.5 months later we broke up but decided we would try to work things out. 3 months ago I trusted my gut and found out he was cheating on me ( apparently only emotional cheating not physical) I kicked him out then and there. I miss him so much and am devastated that things have ended and I wish I had my family back. He is still seeing her and has told me that he has no feelings for me at all when he looks at me. I have very low self esteem and this has being a massive blow to my confidence and have not being coping with the rejection well. When we have spoken he tells me he doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore but then the way he says things and his body language make me feel otherwise. I have started to see a psychologist to try to help me cope and she would like him to come to a session which he says he will and that it’s very important to him yet he doesn’t make me a priority and keeps putting his work first ( which was an issue for us whilst we was together). I’m so confused if I’m holding onto false hope or if there is any chance of me getting him back.

    Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      You will have to work on getting your confidence back up during no contact. Try going on dates and work on the things that are making you feel inadequate. It’s very possible to get him back.

  32. Rachel - 0

    Rachel

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend and I were dating for two years. Our relationship was always rocky, and we have broken up several times (only for a couple weeks at a time), especially in the beginning. He never REALLY wanted a relationship and I stupidly stayed with him because we made the agreement to not hook up with other people. We spent all of our time together, met each others families, went on vacations, knew each others friends and all of that… The relationship got better and better, but with a lot of fights and trust issues along the way. This last summer was the best our relationship had ever been, I finally felt like he was accepting the idea of being in a committed relationship and we stopped fighting. Well.. I ended up finding out he cheated on me a few months earlier, during a very difficult time in our relationship. At first he refused to make a comment on it, he just yelled at me, cussed me out and told me to leave him alone. A few days later we REALLY got into it, screaming at each other and putting each other down….And a few days after that he told me it was one of the biggest mistakes of his life and that I have always deserved so much better, but that we can’t be together again, he feels too disappointed in himself. I have not begged for him back, but we do send the occasional “I loved you so much, I wish things had ended differently” email to each other. He continues to tell me he can NEVER be with me again…. I’m not sure how to approach this, I do love him… and I want to make things work. It’s been 3 weeks since the break up and the last “I loved you, I’m sorry, We can’t be together ever again” email he sent was yesterday.

    Reply
    • M - 0

      M

      Hey Rachel,

      I like you have been in a similar situation. My current boyfriend treated me terribly for the first two years or so that we dated. He cheated on me with two different women, one of which he tried to say we were never dating so it never counted. That was followed by months and months of being manipulated into thinking that I was the one with issues, that I pushed him to cheat on me, and that I was being unreasonable.

      Long story short, we broke up a while after this. I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted my backbone back. A few weeks later he begged to date me again. I told him he needed to prove it to me. After two months of near perfection I agreed to date him again. He has honestly been a great boyfriend since, and it had been about two years. So, I imagine, I guess I got an ending you are similarly hoping for.

      What I want to tell you though, is that I’m not sure if it’s the ending that you want. While I am with the person I love, and am building trust with him (still), I will always wonder if he is putting his phone face down for a reason. I always question what he is doing, who he is with, and whether or not he is being faithful… Although I don’t act like it. I am a different woman now. If I saw the red flags I ignored the first time around, I would put my foot down and walk away. But I just want you to know, that even if you want him back, you may question your decision later if it actually happened. Even after two years of a near perfect relationship rekindled. Even after warning signs have disappeared.

      Please be strong. Do it for yourself. Do not contact him anymore. The only way I got my guy to see he had to change was by showing him I wasn’t interested in him the way he was then. And honestly, I wasn’t at the time. And you shouldn’t be interested in a guy who is dragging you back and forth like this. Who never respected you enough to be up front, faithful, and reassure his love for you.

      And honestly, you may want to consider the fact that he may have another person in line. Guys like these ones tend to tell you what you want to hear to keep you around when they aren’t sure if there’s someone else to fill that void. Then when the void is filled by a fling or another relationship, are much more likely to be firm or even mean. Just something to consider.

      I can tell you are a beautiful person. Please embrace that and don’t let someone taint it. Move on for yourself, and if he comes back, only then will it have a fighting chance. And even then, like I said, it may not be everything you wanted. Be your own best friend for a while. Take yourself on some dates, whether it’s a Pinterest and wine night at home or an expensive meal. You’ll be surprised how okay it is to be on your own, to enjoy your own company. If you find that peace, then no one can ever bring you down!

      Love,
      M

  33. Claudine - 0

    Claudine

    Hi- my ex is actually my best friend of 9 years. whilest I never thought anything would ever happen between us- we moved in together- he esTablished a relationship with a bitch- and suddenly on a drunken night (I NEVER DRINK AND IT WAS MY FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH WITH BEING DRUNK) HE SLEPT WITH ME. sINCE THEN WE HAVE BEEN ON AND OFF FOR 4 YEARS. He has since broken up with the ex- moved out and had 2 relationships- although he still continues to sleep with me. For me – he has become my one true love-I am 43 and always had men in my life who were abusive (paedophiles, verbally, physically) I thought he knew me better than anyone else- and was always a stud amongst women but treated me well. He currently has moved in with a horse mad girl called Ari- but he continues to sleep with me every week. I miss him and our relationship and am always so excited and happy to see him. I should probably add- that in the last 2 years I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome- I know that it is unlikely that I will ever find a guy who genuinely loves me. I used to be gorgeous and with a slim and curvy body to die for. Illlness has put on 20 kg and I am no longer so appealing to men!!. Maybe I have bee brainwashed by the Disney movies and songs from my generation that imply that everyone gets a prince or a great love in their life. I always did the right thing- I was a virgin till I was 21- waiting for the right man to come along.. (yep- he turned out to be a Paedophile and wasted 7 yrs of my life) and I just don’t unde3rstand why at 43 I am alone, lonely and unloved! ….and still usedby this man who I love but who uses me as a weekly servicing (since the current gf apparently doesn’t put out very often) I supported him financially, physically and emotionally(when he claimed he had bowel cancer and only a few yrs to live) but I have nothing to show- yet I still can’t see myself with anyone else. what do I do??

    Reply
  34. ELLA - 0

    ELLA

    My ex and I was together for 4 years and lived together the last 2 we had a few trust issues and we got into a heated argument about money and bills and he left and come to find out he was cheating and 2 days after leaving our house he was living with the other female. WE HAVEN’T COMMUNICATED SINCE I MADE ONE ATTEMPT TO CONTACT HIM N HE WILL NOT SPEAK TO ME HE DELETED ME FROM FB AND CHANGED HIS CELL PHONE NUMBER…DO YOU THINK I HAVE A CHANCE OF GETTING HIM BACK?

    Reply
  35. pinks - 0

    pinks

    Can you please explain to me why my boyfriend cheated??? We dated exclusively for 7 months, agreeing not to see other people and he became my boyfriend. He told me he loved me and then shortly after that he broke up with me during an argument because he needed to ‘focus on himself’. I later found out that he had been seeing his ex on and off the ENTIRE time we dated and continued to do so after we broke up. I’m deeply confused because he always said that I was so out of his league and that he was lucky to have me. He told me I was the sweetest girl he’d ever been with. After speaking with his “ex”, I realize that she is very insecure and immature. All they do is argue and make one another miserable, they can’t even get along for a week. He always said being with her was stressful and I am the opposite of everything she was. I also know that I am much more physically attractive. He once said he couldn’t attach himself to me because he was protecting himself but anytime I asked what he was protecting himself from he couldn’t answer. I was an incredible girlfriend who always encouraged and supported him and my love was unconditional. Even now that I am not IN love, after everything I still love him as a person and want him to do well. I was so good to him and he told me that I was constantly. I never would have hurt him or abandoned him. I just can’t understand what he was thinking.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Who’s idea was it to become exclusive? His or yours? What was the argument about?

    • pinks - 0

      pinks

      It was his idea to be exclusive, but he wouldn’t call me his girlfriend for a long time because he didn’t want to “label” it. He is a Youtube personality and his viewers have crushes on him. He said he didn’t want to jeapordize it because he is trying to become an actor. He kept saying that he was mine and I was his and got mad anytime I asked about the label and jealous when I suggested that I should be allowed to see other people.

      We were arguing because he got into a habit of not texting me back for days while he was posting on social media. He constantly told me he was just “busy” and I tried to be understanding and just asked that he check in each day. He couldn’t even do that. He kept getting mad at me for being hurt over it and this time he got so mad he broke up with me. Later I found out he was texting that girl all those times he said he was busy.

      I think he is insecure because he kept telling me I was out of his league and also I have noticed he doesn’t know how to be alone. He constantly needs attention from girls. He sometimes told me stories that were made up to make me jealous. Still, I don’t understand why he would leave me if he felt so lucky. To be honest, I’m a confident girl and I know he was extremely lucky to have me. I wish I could understand this.

  36. advise - 0

    advise

    Hi chris i was wondering if you reply to KM what to do if ex contacts you during 45 day no contact ? I would like to know because my ex is contacting me by calling but i blocked his call and by messg. Tango. Can you share the advise.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      How long have you been in no contact. If he is contacting you alot after the 30 days you can respond. Anything before the 30 days you have to ignore him unless he is asking you to get back with him.

  37. Pat - 0

    Pat

    I met a guy 8 years ago at a bar on the beach. He was sitting at the bar drunk with his head on the table. He saw me and just started dancing along with me. I was not looking to hook up with anyone at the time and was there for the good music and because I felt comfortable as I knew the owners. We started talking and I found out that his 25 year marriage had dissolved and was considering suicide. His wife left him and he was heart broken. I really felt sorry for the guy. (BIG MISTAKE THERE. NEVER FEEL SORRY FOR A GUY). Nothing happened then and there. Days went by and I would go to the beach and since he lived there he would see me and come sit with me to vent. I was going through my separation at the time as well. I tried helping him which helped me cope with what I was going through. He used to always invite me to his home which I would politely decline as I did not like him and did not want to be involved with anyone. So a couple weeks go by and he tells me that I would not have a problem if I went to his home because he was impotent. We continued to meet on the beach and became friends. One day I accepted his invitation and I went to his home as I considered him a safe friend but after some drinks and making out I found out that he was far from impotent and we had sex. We agreed that we would be friends in a monogamous relationship. I was always clear and told him, “if you want to have sex with someone else, just let me know and go. I did not want to jeopardize my health by exposing myself to stds and at the same time I really don’t want to be with a guy that desires something else. So 8 years go by and we are still together and I find 10 videos of him having sex with another woman , WITHOUT A CONDOM!!! As I watched the videos I felt my heart pounding so hard that I really thought it was going to explode out of my body. When he saw me he said that it was only one time thing and told me lies after lies. The next day I went to the gynecologist and spoke of the cheating situation and my fear of having aids or any other std so she tested me thoroughly and thankfully all of my tests came back negative. What hurt me the most was that he jeopardized my health with any disregard and the violated my trust we had. I had obviously befriended a low life with no values or morals.
    So I cried, stopped eating, got mad and had to schedule time with a psychologist to help me pass through this situation that I had never been through. I felt the NEED to get revenge so I had sex with his cute neighbor. This CRUSHED him. He went crazy texting me and calling me saying over and over again how much he loves me, he’s not eating , he’s crying , he screwed up, please give him another chance, that he lost his best friend and lover and that he needs me back in his life.
    Even if the sex that I had with the neighbor turns out to be a one night stand I truly have no regrets. He went through the pain that I went through when I found out and I LOVED every minute of it. This is one of the best moves I’ve made in my life.
    Just know that when there is cheating and you find out something , there is always so much more that you don’t know and may never know so a word of advice, get yourself together and get to the bottom of it. How did I get to the bottom of it ? I had to spend the weekend with him. Got him drunk, asked him to call my phone which I didn’t know where it was, memorized his password, kept on giving him alcohol and when he fell asleep got into his phone.
    Don’t give in to his lies and excuses because they are not true and if you do you will be living in a fantasy world far from reality. Being guided as a sheep by a wolf. Find a way and get to the bottom of it. Use every resource. Even if you have to disguise yourself and follow him, go into his phone, anything. DO IT!!! DO NOT LIVE a fake life believing a cheater’s lies. Find the hard evidence, put it in his face, walk out to NEVER RETURN and plan a revenge. If you don’t , just beware that it WILL happen again.

    Reply
  38. KM - 0

    KM

    Hi Chris,

    URGENT HELP NEEDED
    My (so-called) ex contacted me after 15 days of NC. I didn’t expect it. I don’t know what to do.

    I am researching these advices for myself as well as I just broke up with my 3-year LDR boyfriend a week ago, which is what I didn’t want to. We have been working things out sooooo well that he flew to visit my family across the world until the past 2-3 months that we had less talks as he said he was busy. But that is after he asked for my permission to let him have physical activity with a woman he used to have sex with long before he met me. 🙁 I know… This is really complicated and sounds very unfair to me. But I trust him that there would be no emotional attachment developed between them.

    A month after the incidence, he started to respond to my text less. I freaked out. I tried to understand that his work came to the point that it was demanding, just for that short while. I have been trying to be strong and working things out for us but things didn’t work out, like I was doing it alone. I got so weak and hopeless. He kept saying he was busy and finally needed time to work things out because he could not stay at home, at his desk for a long hours, or get up early/sleep late for us too talk any more.
    After consulting with friends and my American dad (I’m not American but have a very close connection with my host family since I was an exchange student there), breaking up was the common solution they gave. I was hopeless, weak, confused, freak out, doubting, everything. Then break up happened. I said it, not in exact word but the content was straight forward. He didn’t respond at all after that.

    I did NC and it’s been 15 days that I didn’t contact him. I keep being positive. I hang out with friends and family more. I even went on dinner with a guy I met on a famous matching app (just to distract myself and more for socializing purpose). I finally change my hair and follow your ‘THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE TO USING FACEBOOK TO GET YOUR EX BOYFRIEND BACK.’ And 2 days after changing my hair and showing it at my friend wedding, he just contacted me – it’s last night. He texted me in FB chat (our normal media to communicate other than Skype) saying ‘Would you like to talk or you want me to leave you alone?’

    I have no idea what his objective of contacting me is. I’m scared, honestly. I want us together but that feels like we need to start over. And it is harder since our emotional connection has been once broken (in a very bad way) and we are in LDR. Keeping it when it was shaken was already hard, I felt like I was putting so much effort but he couldn’t do well with it. There’s a doubt how could he rebuild it? Does he really want us back or he just wants a to make closure? I’m so confused.
    Bottom line: I miss our beautiful time. I have him in everywhere, everything. I watched Jurassic Park last night and thought about when he protected me during the time we face a storm in the sea, etc. Please – help me, What should I do? How should I talk to him and get him back? I don’t how to start the conversation and make it a good start.

    Thank you.

    Reply
  39. jessica - 0

    jessica

    Hi chris!
    I recently broke up with my boyfriend because he cheated on me. We were on LDR. But hold on. We break up because our relationship was already strained because of I’m clingy, that’s the main reason, the cheating part only triggered it.
    We were serious and I was planning to move to AU (where he lives) and many future plan. Our relationship has been strained recently because we’re both busy with college, especially he got part time job as well and then we’re having a 2 weeks break to cool down our fight (idk what was i’m thinking) then this old friend/fling of his having a vacation in his country and he became her tour guide. Long story short, he has a moment of weakness.
    The one who initiate the break up was my bf, he doesn’t want to corrupt our relationship no more because the trust is already damage and he completely lost confidence in his commitment and because his feelings already split. It’s more hard to emnd when you’re on LDR. I appreciate his honesty and courage to tell me this, but honestly, we were so good together and I just can’t let a single mistake ruin a whole relationship. But maybe I’m just thinking like this because of the post-break up.
    I’m going to do the NC rules now, but I’m afraid he doesn’t want me back because he thinks when we’re together we only dragging each other down, plus his confidence in commitment is shattered.
    What do you think? What should I do?

    Reply
  40. Aiko Chilombo - 0

    Aiko Chilombo

    Sorry for this being really long and please help me with all the issues thanks in advance. I met my ex boy friend 4 years ago and we started dating in December of last year. He just started dating a girl when we started talking seriously. When he broke up with her to be with me I had him wait a couple weeks before we started dating. He’s liked me for a long time but I would never give him the time of day. When we started dating things were fine fights here and there but nothing major. Our fights would be over real quick because they really weren’t important. So to get to my point a new girl moves in during our winter break from school and she lives in the same neighborhood as him. I trusted him not to do anything. I met her and she gave me an attitude the first day I met her in my mind I already knew she was going to give me trouble because she knowing I was the girlfriend. So as time goes on he tells me now she’s tries to kiss him and her telling him she loves him. So I have this sense that something’s going on and that he isn’t telling me. So he knew I was upset about this topic so he said he would stop talking to her for me. So he tells me he stopped and I said I could careless if you told me because you could be behind my back and wouldn’t know. He picked it up as he was okay to talk to her again. So after a couple weeks I took his phone and wanted to see if he was talking to her. When I went through it I saw he was talking to her and then I saw these messages with 5 other girls and he’s talking a little too friendly and so his sister told me that he’s like that but nothing serious. So this was a major argument which led us to arguing and making a scene and we didn’t break up because I wasn’t wanting to. So he told me he stopped talking like that. So issue was gone and as weeks go by I just can’t let go of the girl in his neighborhood. I can’t accuse him of cheating because I’m not there in the neighborhood when he was hanging out with her. He wouldn’t tell me till I found out one day. We broke up because we went on another break because he needed to fix his anger and I needed to fix some things for myself. So I tell him ”break” and my friend tells I was done with him so he dates the girl from the neighborhood starting idk when. We went on a break the 12/31 for a couple days which is there anniversary also he told me after we broke up that he kissed her on new years eve. While he was dating her he told me he didn’t want to close the door on us and to wait for him. So I told him I would wait and I was okay to date other people but I didn’t want to. They broke up and he wants to work on things with me he has always loved me and regrets loosing me and idk whether to get back or not. Like I tired to stop and not but I always still wanted him. Yet their are still friends and I can’t do anything about it because I donr want to make him cut off a friend. Also supposedly she won’t remove the date for a while so that her parents can keep thinking everything is okay with her yet that’s sketch.

    Reply
  41. Nyx - 0

    Nyx

    Hey Chris, so I was with my ex for about 4 years, (on& off I may add) but we were crazy for each other. Once we graduated early together, I moved in with him.We were inseperable, at one point we even worked together. Well all was great until I became pregnant, which was fine, we were excited, but 2 weeks after the baby was born, I caught him texting an ex + other girls. I told him to stop, he said he would, but he didn’t, so I moved out, we broke up. Since we broke up, I went to go see an old friend, who then told me my ex cheated on me while pregnant. That it was with a girl from work who I had suspected, he told me he would just give her a ride home cause she didn’t have a car which I thought was fine, because at the time she was my friend too! I’d go eat with her, pay for her, everything! Anyways, turns out, he went to go smoke with her& they ended up sleeping together. I’m a brand new mom, & he comes to see the baby daily, so it’s not like I can avoid him. I have so many mixed emotions, I just need a little help, or some guidance.

    Reply
  42. Kay - 0

    Kay

    I recently found out my boyfriend of 6 months cheated on me with someone I knew who was also in a relationship at the time. We were all relatively good friends, although none of us had ever had any deep emotional conversations or such. Our whole relationship had been a happy one, we spent pretty much every night together, made dinner with each other, never had a fight and even thought it was possible that he loved me more than I did him (but I am a fairly guarded person so I though that was just a slow letting down of the walls). Even up until he day I found out I never doubted that he cared for me and considered himself very grateful for our relationship. He did however, seem to be a bit flirty with a particular girl on our sporting team and would complain to me that she wouldn’t leave him alone. I knew that she was talking to him on facebook regularly, but as they had been friends before I came into the picture I assumed that it was nothing more than this. We never had the ‘monogamy’ conversation and I never said anything about his flirting, but we did occasionally joke about how I would ‘have words’ with other girls we knew if I ever knew they liked him. He even told me one night how on a night before a comp he shared a bed with another girl who we both knew as one of the two girls (it was in a hotel during the comp) who were going to share together had the flu. However, one day out of the blue the boyfriend of this girl who he had been talking to regularly and flirting with at sport came and told me that his girlfriend and my boyfriend had been cheating on us for months. He had screen shots of their facebook conversations which while not overly graphic, implied that they had spent a lot of time together and had engaged in at least some oral sex. The messages also showed that it was mainly her pushing herself onto him, and while my boyfriend did seem resistant, he didn’t always say no. From the conversation I can see that he did end it with her, and told her that he loved me. The conversation implied that they had had some sort of similar conversation before. I confronted him about it and I could see him go white the minute he realized I knew. He did the usual of telling me that it was over and he loved me, that he hadn’t want to tell me before as he didn’t want to upset me. Our relationship was always going to be a bit tricky as he is just under 5 years younger than me, and we are both actually nationals for different countries (me Australia and him the UK). We were at uni in the UK when all this occurred, however, he knew I was planning on moving to the UK,and was even considering moving to Australia for a few months while we sorted out my visas etc, although we hadn’t yet had the conversation about what that would mean for us. He genuinely seems upset about what he did, and is trying to make things better by stopping all contact with her (difficult as we are all still at Uni together) and has apologized to her boyfriend. I really don’t know what to do. I am considering trying again with him as long as he commits to being ‘all in’ which means moving to Australia for a while, which may have serious consequences for his Olympic campaign. However, I am scared that if he managed to do this to me for so long and was too much of a coward to stand up for me instead of succumbing to her advances than he won’t have the strength to do it next time either. I know our relationship was short in the grand scheme of things and that he is still only very young (21) but I do very much want to believe him when he says it won’t happen ever again. Part of me thinks he needs this harsh lesson to learn not to do it again, but I also think that maybe all this current heartbreak might be enough.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      The question I always ask women in your situation is can you forgive him for cheating?

  43. kate gunderson - 0

    kate gunderson

    Ok, theres this guy (names Tyler) that i was with for 5 almost six months. and during the that time , when we started out having a thing and getting intimate he was still together with his girlfriend Ryanna but we were still very close. a month passed and his girlfriend broke up with him because they fought every single day, and i mean every single day. She would hit him even, I was there for him when this happened , i was comforting him, being more there for him than anything. when we started spending more and more time with each other like he would come over to my house and we would watch scary movies, and kiss. i went over to his house and he would put movies on( have me pick them out no matter how girly they were), he’d make me spegetti, cuddle with me, play with my hair until i fell asleep into his arms. we go into a friends with benefits relationship but suprisingly turned into something much more bigger, were getting more and more serious. This was the Five month almost 6 months. he took me to a dance place (prom) and it was so romantic, he picked me up, got me a dozen roses before we got there. and we danced then when went for a walk . and he said that he wants too move this relationship to the next level so we did and we were more committed, more fond of each other it was perfect…..then a week or two later his ex girlfriend tried asking him out, he rejected her, then a weeek after this event his ex Ryanna said that she s pregnant and its Tyler’s kid. He went to the hospital to see if it was legit and “it was, She’s pregnant”, then a few weeks passed and tyler and me kinda were a little iffy around eachother . hes with her now cuz she threaten him and we were forced to break up. and now i just want him back i love this dude and I NEED UR HELP please, this guy is so important to me , i cant lose him, i love him. hes different.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      So, he was cheating on his girlfriend with you initially.

      This guy sounds like a total player….

  44. Anna - 0

    Anna

    Great work Chris!!! Very practical solutions and you are doing good deed by helping people around world

    Reply
  45. Nora - 0

    Nora

    Hi,
    My boyfriend and I are high school sweetheart we been dating for about 4 years. I don’t think we have big problems just small fight for quite useless things and never thought of about he will cheat on me. However I found out that he is cheating on me and he dating with someone he meet online. It was at first really shock for me but I told him to break her up and he said he will just give him time bla bla bla . However in the end we broke up he still dating with her and it was 4 years ago. And now still he is with her. After all for four years , I still want him. I also date some other guys but it don’t work out. Last week I start contact with him. We talk and Skype for a long hours it was quite awesome and we cannot meet because we live in different countries now coz I moved out. I have boyfriend and he has girlfriend. It is possible to that we can be together again.please advise me. Even I can live without him , some part of me want him.

    Reply
  46. Robin - 0

    Robin

    Hi,
    My RX cheated on me a few months ago and he started dating the other girl. My ex and I go the the sane college so I see him everyday. I tried my best to avoid him but recently we had a party bus and me and my two friends decided to go. A week before the party bus he messaged me, he said that he doesn’t want to be strangers so I hung out with him. He confessed the next day that he is still in love with me but I am having doubts and I don’t know if I should get back together with him. I really don’t want to but I just don’t know

    Reply
  47. ellie - 0

    ellie

    Hi Chris, I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I started the NC. But I saw your article about how you get your ex back if he cheated, and now I have to extend it to 45 days and I was so frustrated that I have to wait that long. But there is something you said that within NC I should decide if I want him back. What if not? Should I text him too after NC? What to say?

    Reply
  48. Anna - 0

    Anna

    Hi Chris,

    I have been dating a guy I met online for a year now. We hangout and do some stuff but we never saw each other friends or family. It was like we lived separate lives. I found out 2 weeks ago that he had an active online profile on the same site that we met and I was really hurt. I drove straight to his place at 1 am in the morning to confront him. He was surprised to see me because I never just show up at his place. We always agree to meet up. He refused to answer my question if the profile was his and that angered me so I broke up with him. I told him I wanted to get a my stuff from his place and he threatened to call the police if I didn’t leave. I left crying and devastated. I blocked him on a messaging app we used to communicate and he tried to reach me a few days later through emails, calls and texts but I have ignored all. I don’t know what to do at this point. I love this guy and trusted him so much I wonder why would he be on that site if not for picking up women? What do I do?

    Reply

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