How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back if HE Cheated On You

How are you supposed to get an ex boyfriend back if he cheated on you? Do you even want to get him back? I’ll admit that these are a few of the most asked questions I get on this site. Today I am going to do my very best to answer them both for you. If you are new to my site then just a warning, every single page I write goes far more in-depth than my peers. Every page draws upon in-depth research (from experts), stories from women who have had success and my own personal experience. So, rather than write more filler content I would prefer to talk about the stuff that can actually do something for you!

Getting A Cheating Boyfriend Back… Is It Possible?

Heck ya it is possible! Of course, the real question is do you even want him back? I have found that a lot of the women who I have worked with who have been cheated on decide not to get their ex boyfriends back because they feel a lot better about themselves after they read the process on this page.

Now, a word about this page:

If you came here looking to get back your ex boyfriend then this page can help guide you. However, it can’t give you the step by step instructions that you are craving. If that is really what you are looking for then I urge you to check out the Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO system that I am always going on and on about. Of course, I still want you to read this page because it contains valuable information on understanding the mind of a cheating boyfriend and how to approach the situation you are in. But, if you want a true step by step guide check out the link below:

Learn More About Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Good, now that I have that out of the way we can proceed to understanding why men cheat.

Why Do Men Cheat?


Understanding why your boyfriend cheated on you is important. In this section I am going to give you some insight into the male psyche so you can understand why a man will cheat on you. Obviously, there are a lot of different reasons that a man will ultimately decide to cheat on his girlfriend but I would have to say that the most common reason would be because he is just plain horny.

Basically, he sees something he wants and he goes and gets it. While, I think it is a horrible betrayal of trust to cheat on someone (why not break up with them before you move on?) I think a case can be made here that evolution plays a role in his “horniness.” At his very core, a man is instilled with a primal need to replicate/reproduce. Humans were never intended to be monogamous creatures. While I think it says a lot about the advancement of humans that we have slowly developed into a race that seeks out a significant other we weren’t originally intended to do so.

Now, I don’t want you to sit there and feel like I am in any way “for” cheating because I AM NOT. I am simply explaining to you why your ex would feel a need to cheat on you. I suppose there is a little comfort to take in the fact that your ex didn’t cheat on you because of something you did but because he can’t properly his sexual urges. Which leads us to the next section.

Should You Even Try To Get A Cheating Boyfriend Back?


As I write these words I am little conflicted. A part of me wants to tell you to move on but another part of me wants to help you. You clearly came here because you want your ex boyfriend back and I want to help you do that but above all I want to help YOU. Sometimes that means telling you to run the other way. So, I am just going to say this:

The only way that I can justify giving you my help is if you have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your ex.

This means that I CAN NOT help you if you

  • Don’t have a good reason for getting back together.
  • If he has cheated on you multiple times.
  • If you don’t think you can do any better than your ex.
  • The relationship you had was physically or mentally abusive.

However, I WILL be willing to offer you my help if you.

  • Have a legitimate reason for wanting to get together again.
  • If the cheating was an isolated incident (AND WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN)

Trusting Yourself

strength of gut

Here is the deal, before you try to get your ex boyfriend back (if he cheated on you) I am going to ask you to do something that may be a little unorthodox. I want you to implement a no contact rule. If you are familiar with my site then you know I am a really big believer in the no contact rule. Usually, the most powerful part of the no contact rule is it’s ability to break a guy down and make him wonder why you haven’t tried contacting him yet, making him really be on the edge of his seat for when you finally do decide to reach out.


You are in a very unique situation so I am going to ask you implement the no contact rule for an entirely different reason. I want you to use it as a sort of self check. As you read my page you may still be pretty close to your breakup, time wise. As you will probably realize, making big decisions like going back to an ex who cheated on you isn’t a choice you should make when you are so emotionally unstable (no offense.) The normal no contact period is supposed to last one month or 30 days. That means you can’t text, email, facebook, google plus or talk to your ex on the phone. You essentially cut off all communication. However, I would say that you up the no contact period in this case to 45 days

If after that amount of time you still want to get your ex back then I say you should go right ahead. Notice how you are going to be using the no contact rule on three fronts.

  1. To get your ex a little worried that you will never contact him again.
  2. To use the time to work on yourself (healing)
  3. To decide if your ex is even worth getting back

worth itDeciding If He Is Worth Getting Back

During your 45 days of no contact you are obviously going to have some thinking to do. As stated above, you are going to have to decide if you want to take your ex boyfriend back. You may find that after 45 days you just don’t have the same desire you did to get him back when you first started the NC period. It that happens to you then you should probably move on to someone new.

Since we are dealing with someone who cheated on you the thing you really need to figure out is if he is the type of person that will cheat on a moments notice. Here are some qualities that cheaters tend to have.

  • Narcissistic (Selfish and only thinks of himself.)
  • Chronic Liars (Everyone lies but if someone does it over and over you may have to take a step back and decide if this is someone worth being with.)
  • Someone who gets jealous very easily (If he is constantly accusing you of inappropriate behavior.)
  • Constantly flirts with other girls (Every guy will flirt every now and then but if it is common behavior for him then be careful.)
  • If your ex has cheated in the past (Everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes but if he cheated in the past then that behavior is NOT a one time thing.)

Contacting Your Ex


The time has come, you have waited, hopefully 45 days, and it is finally time to try and start getting your ex boyfriend back. Now, before I go into some long explanation about each step you should take I do feel it is important to mention that I have put together a HUGE resource on how to get your ex back here. While I will talk about what you should do on this page I can tell you that the page I just linked to goes into way more detail (which you will definitely need.)

Alright, now that I have that out of the way lets dive in to how you should contact your ex boyfriend after 45 days.

Usually what happens is your ex will have contacted you at one point during the NC period. That is a really good sign because it means they are interested or concerned about you. Basically, they are feeling something towards you which is what you want. Now, the whole point of the no contact rule was to NOT contact your ex so you aren’t exactly allowed to respond to them after they contact you during the initial 45 day period. Understand that you essentially ignoring them will make them really angry.  I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU DON’T CARE HOW THEY FEEL. At least, not at this point.

What is going to happen is that when you finally do decide to contact them they are going to be filled with joy. They have waited all this time to hear from you and when that moment finally comes they are going to be so excited that they will probably run up and down the stairs and do all the things that guys do when they are happy.

Now, here is an interesting question. What is the best way to contact your ex boyfriend?

Choice 1: Calling (NOOOO)

Choice 2: Writing A Letter or Emailing (NOOOO)

Choice 3: Texting (YESSS)

Before I move on I am going to take a few moments to go through each of the choices and explain why texting is the way to go.

Calling - It’s way too much way too soon. As I have said multiple times throughout this site, you have to earn the right to call your ex or in this case, your ex has to earn the right to call you. Besides, when you talk on the phone you don’t have time to think. You have to say just the right thing at just the right time for things to work out the way you want them to. However, the biggest disadvantage for calling an ex is the fact that you could potentially get angry, raise your voice and start a fight if something is said that you don’t like. Now, it may seem like I am swearing off calling altogether but I promise you I am not. In fact, there is a time and a place to use calling as a way to contact your ex but only after your ex earns the right for you to call them. I feel I do a good job of explaining when the proper time to call is in the link I provided at the beginning of this section.funny gf

Writing A Letter – It’s creepy. Can you imagine getting a letter after 45 days of no contact from someone that you thought didn’t want to talk to you? Besides, sending a letter is a bold statement that basically screams I STILL LOVE YOU. There is no way to that sending a letter is “light” it is basically an all or nothing kind of deal or as I like to say, it’s a low percentage shot of getting your ex back.

Emailing- A couple of problems with this. First, does your ex even check their email? I can go days, sometimes months without checking certain emails (I have multiple.) Secondly, there is no way that you can get an instant response. With a text if your ex doesn’t respond to you in a day then you can pretty much determine “ok, well that didn’t work.” However, with an email it can sometimes take 2-3 days for a response. I think you have waited long enough.

Texting- Texting is really the best option you have for a number of reasons. First off, it gives you time to think (which calling doesn’t allow.) Every single text message you can craft with time and thought. It is also impossible to show you are angry by raising your voice through a text. Add in the fact that you can get a quick response and you are good to go!

What Do You Say To Them?

Alright great, so now you know that texting is the way to go if you want to get your ex back the question becomes “what do you say in your texts?” I am not going to pretend that this is the easiest thing to do in the world because quite honestly anyone who claims that is lying. Getting your ex back is not going to be an easy task. What I will say is that I have written a page that will help you make the “what to say” process even easier. Check out my texting guide that will help you through what to say to your ex boyfriend.

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
Put your email address in the box to the right to follow along day by day as I show two women (Sarah and Kai) exactly what they need to do to get their ex boyfriends back.
587 Responses to How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back if HE Cheated On You
  1. Tory
    March 28, 2015 | 7:29 pm

    Hi, I’m really struggling with my breakup. Me and Sam were together for two years, living together for most of those two years. Last summer he randomly broke up with me and said he wanted to see other people. I moved out, but kept begging him to take me back. After two months we finally decided to get back together. At that point our relationship had never been better. He told me breaking up with me was a stupid decision and he’d never do it again. Recently, we’ve even been looking at engagement rings! However, last week sam broke up with me again. He said he just “couldn’t do it anymore.” After a few days, the truth came out. He had been sleeping with one of our neighbors. This woman isn’t his type and I highly doubt that they will last, although sam says that things with her are “going very well.” As soon as I found out he was cheating, I moved out of our apartment. I am so angry and hurt. However, I still want him back. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone. We had a future planned together. How do I get him back and prevent this from happening again?!

    • Tory
      March 28, 2015 | 7:33 pm

      I forgot when we first broke up the second time he offered for pay for couples counseling, but never mentioned it again. He wanted to work on our relationship but doesn’t want to anymore and it bothers me. We have two dogs together and I am super close to his family. No one expected this to happen, everyone is shocked, not just myself. He has a history of heavy drinking and some drug use, as well as anxiety. I’m not sure why this whole thing happened but I want it to be over. I want my loving boyfriend back.

    • admin
      March 29, 2015 | 2:17 pm

      NC is a good start right here.

      Also, how long had he been cheating on you.

  2. Angel
    March 25, 2015 | 5:30 pm

    Hello, im new to this site. But i need advice.
    My Bf and I have been together for three years. Went throught everything together. We started fighting alot arguing and things just didnt seem right. He moved out for a while but still stayed at my place most of the time. Everyday everynight. Things started getting weird when he would go out with friends (terrible friends) and staying out late 3am then 6am then it got to the point he would go out get drunk and not come back to my place. Call me the next day like why did you call me so much i was only at home. Fast forward the text messages i seen with multiple females. He was the one reaching out to the them most of the time. Last week he left my house all of a sudden saying he had to go home. He wanted me to come but i stayed to clean and cook. Hours passed and felt like forever. I finally call him and its going to voicemail. Something told me to go to his house. I get there and he’s in the car with some chick and hes the driver. I block them both and he pulls off. Im ashamed at my actions because i followed them and demanded he tell me the truth. The girl called him bae and said he told her we were not together…I left and he called me for four days, then txt and said he knows im going to hurt him. And that he doesnt want to talk anymore. Its still fresh and right bow I still love him and want him back but i just feel so low. I havent spoke to him yet and i feel like hes trying to reverse things. He did tell me she ment nothing and that he was coming home to me. I cant stop crying, ive been in my room staring at the ceiling wondering why …Advice.,,Please help…

    • admin
      March 31, 2015 | 7:59 pm

      Do you think his cheating was a one time thing?

      Has he shown any remorse?

  3. Vicky
    March 22, 2015 | 2:22 pm

    I was with my partner for 3 happy years, never an arguement, just before xmas he left me, had an affair, said he loved me to bits but not in that way, he came home 3 weeks later, said he made the biggest mistake if is life and hated every minute he was away, 3 weeks later he left again, we have stayed in touch as we have season tickets for football, and he is helping pay the bills still, he says he is not happy and has major doubts but not sure if he wants to come back, 2 weeks ago we slept together and he rang me every day now i havn’t seen him since last tues and only one text, i am so confused i don’t know what’s going on in his head, he initiated everything, we have no football now for 2 weeks and i don’t know if i will see him before then, i havn’t contacted him but i am desperate to text him, please help, i feel like my head will explode, yes i still love him and yes i would have him back….sad i know.

  4. Traci Gilliam
    March 17, 2015 | 1:33 am

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 13 years. We have 2 kids together. He cheated once 8 or 9 years ago it was once when he was drunk with someone he worked with. But just 2 months ago he cheated again with someone he worked with (different job, different town).I kinda knew something was going on in the beginning before anything sexual happened but I didn’t stop it in time. He told me on Christmas night. I have pages of the text messages ( not actual messages but dates time and her number) his gps when he was at her house and for how long. I also confronted her and she apologized saying it was a mistake. It only lasted a week or so and there was only one actual time they had sex the other times he couldn’t perform. He also said he had 2 one night stands not overnight with someone he met at the bars. I know what I should do but we do have the kids. We’re in counseling and I don’t think I can ever trust him again. Very complicated. ..

    • admin
      March 18, 2015 | 8:40 pm

      Wow, haha you went full on detective!

      Awesome job.

      I think counseling is the way to go and I think the most you can expect out of him is if he tries or not.

  5. paige
    March 6, 2015 | 5:26 pm

    Hi Chris I was just wondering if u could email me I would like some help please my email is

    • admin
      March 7, 2015 | 5:53 pm

      Hi Paige, I am sorry to inform you that I am no longer doing emails.

  6. Shania
    March 4, 2015 | 2:22 am

    Hi Chris
    How ya doing? Interesting website you have. Anyways I discovered my ex was cheating on me by playing the role of a detective. The problem am having is, I do want him back, but yet I dont. After I confronted him on him cheating, in which he denied. He has never admitted to it, the only thing he says is, if am not happy with him then leave, yet he is the one who has been doing the most contac.I had sex 3 weeks later of him.cheating once. We still speak but have not seen each other for about 7 weeks since us having sex. More than anything I think I miss the sex with him. I dont really date much so I know it will be a challenge for me to meet another man.
    From a male perspective, do you think it would be a good idea for a woman to cheat on a man and just use him to service my needs..I’ve Never cheated but have been cheated on by all 3 of my exes or shall I call it a day with him..Am really confused about the whole situation..
    Your advice will be greatly appreciated xxx

    • admin
      March 5, 2015 | 8:33 pm

      Good ole detective didn’t work out for you in this case… Instead it hurt you.

      I am really sorry.

      I would listen to this podcast episode,

      • Shania
        March 6, 2015 | 9:54 pm

        Thank you for replying. In a way it did work out because at least I know now thankfully and am now making the moves to move on..
        Take Care xxx

  7. Daniela
    February 25, 2015 | 2:55 am

    Hey Chris I could really use your help!!! Hoping that you can. So last month I caught my boyfriend cheating on me, I left crying, angry, rejecting his calls, but then at the end of the day I told him to try and get me back and I think that’s where I messed up. Because I didn’t come across your site then I didn’t do the no contact rule and I was still texting him and would stop by sometimes only because I really want to work things out. The last time that I saw him was the first week of this month because again I was trying to get him back I don’t know if I made myself too available and that’s why it didn’t work, then two days later I went to my friends house and got drunk and called him and left him a voicemail, don’t remember anything that I said but I got a message from him two days later about what I said and it wasn’t good, we haven’t talked since then which is now 2 weeks and I also remember him saying that he wouldn’t want to get back together because him cheating would always be there but I said I would forgive him. Does that mean there’s no chance? I was with this person since September of 2013 saw having a family with him and getting married and would still like that, I don’t see myself being with someone else. If you could please give me advice i’d really appreciate it.

    • Daniela
      February 25, 2015 | 3:10 am

      And I forgot to mention that I think he may be hanging out with someone new I’m not sure but will she affect us getting back together?

    • admin
      February 25, 2015 | 9:34 pm

      How did you catch him exactly?

      Like actually in the act?

      • Dani
        February 26, 2015 | 2:25 am

        I went to his house and saw this car parked their that I’ve never seen, had this gut feeling it was another girl and it was..he came out of his house and confirmed it thats when I left crying, angry etc.

        • Dani
          February 26, 2015 | 2:36 am

          I forgot to say he they didn’t have sex but I’m not sure

  8. Megan
    February 16, 2015 | 2:47 pm

    My boyfriend just told me on friday morning that he cheated on me the night before and that he couldn’t lie to me about it. He said he has problems and it wasn’t about me. We are long distance. I tried to ask him if we could meet for a complete explanation in-person since I was coming home on Friday besides texting me but he ignored it. So I haven’t talked to him since the last text I sent Friday night. It is now Monday and I still plan on doing the no contact. But I’m just wondering is he ever going to try to contact me?

  9. Shay
    February 12, 2015 | 11:50 pm

    Love all your articles. So, me and my bf split almost two months ago. We’d been living together 5 years and in a relationship for last 6 years. A few weeks before splitting he was acting aloof, I found some messages from a girl at work on his phone who’d met me plenty of times. There was nothing compromising in the texts but I could see she really fancied him and wanted a connection and didn’t give a toss about me and he wasn’t discouraging. One night after work he came home very shady and it turns out they had kissed. I kicked him out of the house and he has since been seeing her the day after we split. I knew it would be a rebound so I kept my distance and let it run its course.They broke up last week, I’ve been having a lot of fun on my own but im wondering what to do next? shes been hanging out with him as friend since they broke up and I don’t feel comfortable getting in touch when she’s still sniffing around him. How can I get him to chase me and ditch her completely?

  10. Jasmine
    February 12, 2015 | 5:05 am

    I’ll try to keep this as short as possible…my boyfriend and I have been together for 5yrs, best friends for 9yrs. We are both crazy about each other and have been through a lot together. We are in a long distance relationship, we had been planning to get married and move me to him. I broke up with him for a year due to me needing to find myself. It was one of the biggest mistake I have made. I missed him like crazy and that time apart showed me how much I didn’t want to ever live w/o him. Fast forward to the present…over the past few months I have noticed a strain on our relationship. Me and him are extremely close and our communication is exceptionally well on a normal basis but things have felt off. I can sense that he hasnt been ready for commitment but he insists he is. We have been back together for almost two years and he has yet to commit. So obviously he isn’t ready. I recently found out he has been cheating on me w a girl that he had made friends w where he lives. This is his first time cheating and I’ve never known him to do this w any of his other girlfriends when him and I were friends. I am completely devastated. I was raised in a cheating household and always confided in him about how much this hurt me. I feel what contributed to our downfall was ultimately his fear of commitment (and I am guilty of pressuring him) and then him cheating was a double blow. I am current doing NC he has reached out (txt and calls) saying he’s sorry and loves me. Before I started the NC I demanded answers. We had been in a long distance relationship w no issues such as this for a year. So I wanted answers he basically said he was afraid to commit and stop fighting to stay faithful. We are broken up now and he says that he needs time to get himself together. He said he couldn’t promise that he wouldn’t continue to sleep w her. I know he’s serious about me and us I basically want to know what u think about our situation. Should I forgive him and go back? Is the “I need time” total bs? Please help. Thank u

  11. Sweetness
    February 12, 2015 | 12:46 am

    Hi Chris,

    I really love my BF and want to forgive him, but how do I make him truly regret what he has done and make it up to me in any way possible?

    So my BF and I have been together for almost 5 years. We are currently long distance. The other day he calls me and tells me that when he went out with his friends to the bar, he was dancing and kissing this random girl. He said he regretted it and felt bad about it afterwards. The worst part is is that same day he cheated and went to the bar was the same day I purchased a plane ticket to go visit him. Thank goodness I was able to get a refund.

    I told him that if he wants to make it up to me he and show me he loves me, he needs to buy me a plane ticket and not go to bars to go drink and stuff. I also told him to change his facebook status for it to show and say that he is in a relationship. His responses were that he doesn’t want to waste money buying a ticket when he doesn’t know what will happen with us and he said that he doesn’t really want to change the facebook status since I seem hostile and don’t want to be with him. At one point he seemed upset and started saying he is confused and doesn’t want to end up not have a social life.
    I was angry and hurt, yet I really appreciated the fact that he told me because a lot of douchey guys wouldn’t tell their GFs. This is also the first time he has ever cheated and there was no sex according to him.

    I want him back, but I feel like he is not trying hard enough to win me back. I am afraid that if i stop contacting him he will realize he is better off without me since he has such a fulfilling social life. I truly don’t know what to think and what to do. The last thing I want is to lose him. I know he is a good guy.

    • admin
      February 16, 2015 | 10:02 pm

      I am sorry he cheated on you/

      I would definitely read my LDR article also attempt to do NC…

  12. KB
    February 11, 2015 | 10:25 pm

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year a 7 months. He was hesitant to get into another relationship but fell in love with me and it just kind of happen. 3 months ago he started crying and told me he didnt know if he loved me anymore, we tried to have a ‘break’ but it wasnt working because i wanted answers. We decided to try and get those feelings back and it seemed to work, he told me he was in love with me and wasnt going to break up with me again and how much of a mistake he had made. We had an amazing christmas and have been seemingly happy ever since.. Until i found out he had been messaging another guy. I called him up on it and he said he didnt love me like that anymore and regrets talking to the other guy, he said the boy was giving him attention and he let him which he now see’s as one of his ‘biggest mistakes’. We didnt talk for a few days after a messy falling out on my behalf, i then rang him to confirm that he doesnt want to be with me. He then said he wasnt sexually attracted to me anymore and just wants to be by himself. He is trying to get into drama school which is very competitive and this his 5th year trying and it really gets do him, do you think this could be his way of throwing away everything to focus on that? He said he doesnt want any ties, he wants to be single. But we were so genuinely happy, laughing all the time and having sex more. It seemed perfect. He said he doesnt think we are meant to be because i put so much of myself into a relationship and that he cant offer me the same. But this whole time we have both had an amazing time and we were perfect together so i dont understand where this has come from? I personally think the stress and pressure of getting into a drama school has got into his head, i pray he just needs some time to get his head together and realise what he is missing. He can be quite selfish at times and he did say he ‘needs to be selfish and do things for himself’. Do you think this is the end? is there anyway he could just need a few months alone? Ive started working out everyday and working on my appearance, i want to show him what he is missing by not contacting him but im terrified he will get used to being alone in this time apart. Shall i just move on or is there hope, i feel so lost.

    • admin
      February 16, 2015 | 9:56 pm

      You need to be willing to use NC.

      No fear.

  13. Zee
    February 10, 2015 | 5:12 pm

    Hey, This is great information. My ex and I broke up in December 2014, I found out he was cheating on me, basically there were too much contact after that, I was going crazy, sending long text messages, arguing with his new girlfriend. I did the no contact up to 10 days and I found some old things of his and I texted him, bad idea. We linked up and had sex At first I didn’t care because he cheated on me with her and why not reverse the role. Now we are having sex and he gave me an ultimatum, He would continue to financially support me but I could not have sex with anyone else. So i guess the question is …is there any reason to do the NC rule and just pretty much walk away at this point?

    • admin
      February 11, 2015 | 1:34 pm

      So let me get this straight… he basically gets to sleep around and you have to be fully committed to him?

      You can do the NC if you want (it’d probably work too.)

      However, I don’t think this guy is going to be great for a long term relationship.

  14. Alice
    February 1, 2015 | 5:04 am

    i had relationship of 2 years and the 1st years was very very sweet we both thought we would be together forever.

    later on he became busy with his friends and started lying me.
    i use get frustrated and use to talk rude with him. i use to get too much jealous. he shared all our fights with a girl. which made me possessive and jealous slowly slowly he got more involved in that girl and is dating her now from last 20 days
    he broke with me on this 31st dec 2014 and he said i behaved like i was having sympathy towards him and came into relationship. i too blamed him for my failure in academic year. now he hates me like anything
    he says that he wasted 2 years of his life with me.
    i love him very much.
    i want him back.
    I’m not contacting him from 10days
    he blocked me
    please guide me
    i tried to wipe the misunderstandings between us with help of a mutual friend but he hated for that what i did.

    • admin
      February 2, 2015 | 1:57 pm

      Well, that means you have 20 days left to not contact him.

  15. Blackwidow
    February 1, 2015 | 1:51 am


    We broke up in Sept 2014.
    He cheated on me.
    We tried to reconcile but never works.
    He with another person.

    I dont want to give on this relationship.
    How shall I get him back.

    Im clueless.

    Please advice.

    • admin
      February 2, 2015 | 1:51 pm

      How many times did he cheat on you?

      How did you find out?

  16. sisi
    January 30, 2015 | 11:37 pm

    hi! Please help me. I had the best relationship of my life for 5 years. He was my best friend, lover, my support. A true partner. We had fun together and achieved so much individually because of the other. In my next relationship I would like the exact same relationship. The one problem we had was that he never felt good enough for me and kept putting himself down. I would try to validate him every single day!

    Problem is he started chatting on whatsapp to a really obsessive girl and eventuallu it turned flirtatious. I didn’t know about any of this till afterwards. At some point they met up and she gave him oral sex.
    It doesn’t look like they met up again afterwards but the flirting continued, even with love poems sent!

    I eventually found after it had been going on for a month and dumped him. He’s been remorseful and finally sees her for the manipulative person she is. She basically fed his ego during a time when I was slightly busier than usual.

    It’s been almost a month and a half. Should I move on or try again with him going to therapy for his insecuritY?

    • admin
      January 31, 2015 | 3:54 pm

      Have you used NC on him?

  17. Kat
    January 29, 2015 | 12:26 am

    Here’s my story I’m not sure if I want my ex back or not he has really disrespected me but I can’t get him out of my head!
    Here’s the story we’ve dated for about 5 months. He’s my first everything pretty which much explains why it may be hard to get him out my head. Well during our relationship he seemed to have a thing for my best friend. Well we decided to break it off for a bit. But he didn’t tell me the real reason why he needed the “break” he told me school wasn’t a environment to be dating. But my friend showed me a text that he had sent was that he liked my friend and that’s why he broke up with me. He still wanted to be friends so I confronted him about it and said if you wanted to remain friends then you need to tell me everything he did confess. Well see I was fine with that but I had confined to my friend about some stuff between me and him she happened to be related to the girl he liked by the way BEST FRIEND. He decided to tell everyone that ruined his life because my friend won’t talk to him on social media. I’m not going to take it I won’t! He now follows her around like a puppy dog. I mean is there away to every maybe get him back or should I just move on? It sounds stupid but I love him. I want to know if there’s away I can regain his interest and if I do manage that how can I get him to respect me and not walk all over me? Thanks!

    • admin
      January 29, 2015 | 3:07 pm

      First things first, you have to determine if you want you rex boyfriend back at all.

      • Kat
        January 29, 2015 | 7:55 pm

        Yes I do. I had recently had told him to delete my number cause at the time I wanted to move on. I haven’t talked to him since. Talked or texted. At school he trails after my best friend. It seems that he may have moved on. What do I do?

  18. Grace
    January 28, 2015 | 2:42 pm

    I’m currently 28 weeks pregnant to my boyfriend of 4 years. We have had our ups and downs and I have broken up with him a couple of times due to being in different places in our lives.. Such as he still likes to go out clubbing every weekend and getting drunk with his mates but I am totally past that phase and have been for a year or two. We have gotten back together the 3 times we have broken up as we both love each other so much and plan on spending our lives together, each time he begs me to take him back and tells me that he will grow up because he would rather give up drinking and going out than to not spend the rest of his life with me… Each time I have stupidly taken him back due to his words and not his actions which obviously had resulting in him thinking I will always be there even if he doesn’t change. Okay so now that I am 28 weeks pregnant I just found out through a mutual friend that he had sex with someone else a week ago(it only happened once, he didn’t know her.. He had met her at a party that same night, I was also at the party but obviously didn’t go out clubbing because of being pregnant, and they haven’t had any form of contact after it happened)… When I confronted him about it (over text) he admitted it, he then told me he was going to end his life… After an hour or so of calling to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid, he wouldn’t answer my calls as he said he was too ashamed to talk to me. The same night I ended up going to collect some of my things from the house(we lived together) as I am in the process of moving out because of this. I haven’t seen him since I found out, but we have been texting, he keeps telling me he is so disgusted with himself and that he can’t believe he has turned into that type of person (he hates cheaters). He can’t give me a reason why he let it happen and I am honestly so confused cause I don’t understand why he has done this (i feel bad saying it but the girl he had sex with is really unattractive) so I just can’t fathom this at all, and I don’t want to say it was just because he was drunk cause that’s a stupid excuse but I just don’t understand.

    I feel so hurt and lost especially being pregnant, I don’t know what to do.. I know I need space to see if I can even consider getting back with him. He has said he doesn’t expect me to be able to forgive him & he doesn’t want me to be with him because he doesn’t deserve me and that it tears him up knowing he has lost my trust and doesn’t deserve me, but that he will be waiting for me if I decide I want to try to trust him again. I never thought I would be the type of person who would want to take back someone who has cheated on me as I am VERY against it but now that it has happened although I’m hurt, broken and lost, I still cant imagine my life without him. My main problem is I’m scared if I do take him back in a couple of months or so he will think he can get away with anything now as I always come back…

    • admin
      January 28, 2015 | 5:11 pm

      Can I ask you a weird question.

      Were you relying on him financially?

      • Grace
        January 29, 2015 | 7:57 am

        Not at the moment, but when the baby comes yes we would be living off his wage

      • Grace
        January 29, 2015 | 1:28 pm

        I feel like I’m too weak to do the whole no contact thing, i cry all the time and I hate myself for missing him so much and just wanting to run home to him… It’s been three days and every day I’ve been texting him asking him why he has done this to me and the baby, telling him I hate him, that I miss him, that I don’t know how to get over this, that I love him.. My heart is aching from the betrayal & from missing him SO much. I’m so lost.

      • Grace
        January 29, 2015 | 7:08 pm

        What should I do :(

        • admin
          January 30, 2015 | 3:52 pm

          Well, definitely implement the NC rule.

          Financially I know you may feel a bit trapped but I think NC is the way to go to get him back.

          • Grace
            January 31, 2015 | 9:52 pm

            Do you think because we have already had a few break ups that if i take him back again he will just think he can get away with anything? The last break ups would last from 2 days to like a week?

            • admin
              February 2, 2015 | 1:46 pm

              He might… Unless you make it clear you aren’t putting up with any more of his BS.

  19. Marie
    January 26, 2015 | 3:03 am

    Hi, I think I am having a issue and I really hope that this comment section is still active… I’ve been in a year and a half relationship with my boyfriend. It’s a long distance relationship, which has caused my boyfriend some major trust issues. He has been cheated on himself and was very persistent on how badly he thought of cheaters. I gave him my trust, because well it’s a long distance relationship, you kind of needed. Now he has had his doubts about me. But I have been faithful no matter (even tell him when people flirt with me and how I turn them down) and I have showen him a huge amount of love and understanding. We have been together in the same room as well, a few times a year. This year I was planning to move over near him.

    Yesterday, I got added by some chick (on facebook). Through this chick’s account her very angry boyfriend wrote me that my boyfriend has been hassling her with nudes. He showed me the pictures and well, they are the same I got from him. This has truely broke my heart and my trust for him. I confront him and he admitted that he has seriously fucked up. (Sorry for my language!) There was no sexual contact (I feel a little bit lucky about that), just sexting. And it only went on for 2 days after that, he felt horrible about it.

    When we talked on the phone, and although I have not forgiven him, I gave him a chance to show me amends. Later I found out that she was apart of it as well (in fact started it), and that it was easy for him to cave. He actually wanted me to break up, because he was pretty guilty about it and thought I deserve someone better.

    Now he isn’t a very emotional person (or doesn’t express it often. He has said that he loves me more than anything in the world and etc, just not often) and a loner. So showing me amends will be very difficult (and I have my doubts). My days consisted of me waiting till he was done playing video games. It actually was a huge issue for me for awhile, but I learned to deal with it, because he needs space and is a loner. I actually started to love my alone time. But it’s something that needs to change and I am scared that he will easily fall back into that habbit. It needs to change, because well I didn’t feel like I a part of his life, I was just there to entertain.

    I really love him. I know that he felt guilty but I know that trusting him, on a long distance, how do I deal with it. I’m hardly coping that he did it in the first place.

    Although this isn’t a exboyfriend situation, I don’t know what to do, how to cope. I really hope that he can make amends, but I am just scared he’ll fail. And that I can’t trust him anymore.

    Please, please, please help me…

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 4:10 pm

      It is still very much active.

      Question for you- Do you forgive him truly for this indiscretions?

      Do you think hell realistically stop?

      • Marie
        January 26, 2015 | 7:22 pm

        That I am really am not sure.

        I know that he feel horrible about it and considers the worst f*k up in his life. But if that will stop from doing it again, I don’t know if he strong willed enough.

        I guess I am allowing him to prove to me that he won’t do it again. It’s just how can a person prove something like that without me needing to check on things.

        Day by day I am calming more down over the situation. I guess when it happens, you are just hurt for awhile…If I ever will forgive him about it, I am not sure, I think I can. But I won’t forget it and I am scared that if I get reminded about it after a long time later, how I’ll react.

        I guess for me, what he did was very unpredictable, I never thought he would do that. And that unpredictable behavior is what is making me worry a little.

        Do you think relationships can be happy again and be like normal again after something like? I think that is what I am most scared about…

      • Marie
        January 27, 2015 | 6:26 pm

        Well things changed quickly. I later found it it was a more regular occurance and have actually asked the ex for pictures.

        So we broke up. I gave him the chance to change and then come back to me. But I think right now, I need pay attention to myself, I am so hurt and crushed that he did this to me.

        If I ever will move on from him, I don’t know, he was a very important person to me. I can’t believe he did this to me…

        • admin
          January 28, 2015 | 3:17 pm

          I am so sorry…

          I agree, pay attention to you.

  20. Kay
    January 25, 2015 | 7:09 am

    Hey Chris,

    my boyfriend cheated on me and now has been talking to a family friend because she offers him positivity. He says that our relationship is negative and he doesn’t feel good enough for me. We are broken up and I asked him if there together, he said no they are cool n he enjoys talking to her. He is currently out of the country. We were together for 3 years. Do you think that he has replaced me with that girl since she offers him “positivity n makes him feel good”?

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 3:40 pm

      He cheated on you though… what makes him think that you are th ereason the relationship is negative?

      Seems like he is the negative force here.

  21. Karishma
    January 23, 2015 | 10:14 am

    Hi Chris,

    So we were in a relationship for 5 yrs..all was going good when in the last few months I got busy with CA exams..he had been with me all throughout but I noticed dude to lack of communication and spending time together we were kinda experiencing problems..I trusted him more than myself when it came to cheating and he has never cheated before.. Once my exams were over I told him let’s decide where we were heading and spend some time this he said I think we should break up as things are not workings out..after a few days of questioning him y not give it a shot he said there was someone else..we both are 23..when I asked him who it was she said it’s his Family Friend who is 18!!
    Now firstly I never expected her as I had met her 2-3 times and she knew we have been dating for so long..he says that when I was preparing for my exams I had become snappy and Thts when he was talking to her as friends..she says they started to talk more and one fine day she says love u and miss u..he confronted her saying m dating 2-3 times but she continued and he says she made him feel wanted and loved!!
    Now the problem is I am unable to accept this being real as I feel she just pampered him when I couldnt..his male ego got a brush up..he claims this thing with her happened for 2 months..and now doesn’t want to get into any relationship and be friends with both..I don’t think I can be friends when he continues to talk to her..which I made very clear to him too..when I told him we could give this a shot and I could avoid this whole 2 month thing as if it never happened as I see not legitimacy to i hve met her I know she is a kid and there seems no future there..I told him I don’t think it makes sense to toss out 5 yrs relationship for such this he says he thinks he is stuck somewhere and think he’s still feels for the same time he doesn’t want to loose me!! He says he doesn’t want to date anyone!!
    I don’t know what to do here..I do want things to be back as they were!!

  22. LISA
    December 13, 2014 | 10:23 pm

    I need your advice.. I will keep this short.. My BF and I are in a long distance relationship. he is in the states and I am overseas. A woman FB messaged me just 4 days ago and sent various messages that she/him were corresponding via text and a long narrative. She completely blindsided me. I am going on vacation in 3 months to his area and will be moving there in 5 months. I read about your no contact rule for 45 days. He asked in the beginning, how he could fix it, offered to changed his FB page to in a relationship, etc. She viewed my FB site and saw the two of us together that is why she contacted me.
    Unfortunately, we have in be in contact the last 4 days. I so wanted to enjoy my vacation there and can’t believe that he couldn’t of held out for 3months. We haven’t seen each other in June, but the end result was that i was moving there. Please advise. I told him that he would have to earn my trust back.
    How do i now implement the no contact rule, will this work?

  23. zoe
    December 1, 2014 | 8:03 am

    3 weeks ago, an unknown woman sent me messages told me that she had been seeing my bf for 3 months, then i just realized i was being cheated.
    She said she did not know he has a gf, until their last meet at his place, she found my stuff in the toilet.
    Me and my bf are in LDR since our 11 months relationship, I fly back to stay with him every 3 weeks for 5 days. And we were great until 4 months ago, he’s jealousy that I spent too much time with my friends and I was angry and wanted to leave him right away at that night, he cried and begged me to stay, i stay at last. But we’ve been distant mentally since then, but we tried hard to make it work and we even went to France for a long vacation for 1 month. After the vacation, I fly back to the city I work and he returned, everything is so perfect like we used to be before the LDR, and he even asked me if I’d move to the place with him in the future, and he said it’s like heaven during the vacation.
    Until that woman came to me, i was still think we are meant for each other, the truth is, he meet the woman and had sex again with her 1 week after returning from our vacation. He said he wanted to end it up with her, so he let her come to his place (as before they meet), and he just failed to resist the lust.
    He said it was just casual sex, only sex for him, he does not care about here at all (which can’t explain why he still let her come to his place?), and he claimed he’s not needy and could always be able to resist the temptation (by saying that he never cheated his ex before for their 8 years relationship, his first one, and I’m the 2nd relationship for him); he said it’s not because he loves his ex more, he loves me far from her and he could never imagine he could love one so much. I asked if he likes having sex with that woman than me? He said no, he insist everything is much greater with me. He apologies and asked me to give him another chance, he said he never thought he’s such weak and coward. But…
    – I just can’t figure out why they still have sex after our vacation?
    – He said it’s his first time being unfaithful, and totally 5 times sex with same woman, is this consider as ONCE-cheater? or 5-times cheater?
    – Why that woman keeps coming to me? She even sent me messages and asked me to confirm if I had slept with him for the past months? (I told that woman I’m not his gf, and I’m only friend of him, because i want her to shut her mouth and stay away from me forever, but she keeps bugging me by sending me the messages describing how they were and ARE together)

    • admin
      December 1, 2014 | 3:38 pm

      I consider it a 5 time cheater and I don’t care what anyone says.

      She is hurt too by his cheating because to her she was the only one he was sleeping with.

  24. Charu
    November 27, 2014 | 4:43 am

    Hey Chris,
    Me n my bf were in relationship from last 2 years. Then 5 days back he told me that we cannot be in a relationship as he is dating someone else. I felt betrayed, angry and cheated and I cant even explain my feelings. I really love him and his love and care was everything for me.
    Initially he never gave me the reason for his move, but today I asked him calmly and he told me a few things.
    1. He never got enough space with me.
    2. I wanted too much time from him.
    3. I was too much dependent on him.
    I dont know if he will ever come back to me but I really love him and want to forgive him. I just want him back like the way he was and I will give him enough space. He says that we can be friends and he can still meet me once in a week. But it wont be at home and we will not share love, kisses and hugs.
    Please guide what should I do?

    • admin
      November 28, 2014 | 3:19 pm

      He cheated on you and just told you he was dating someone else????

  25. Confused
    November 26, 2014 | 12:48 am

    Hey Chris,
    Okay where to begin….my ex and I where together for about half a year, yes I know not that long, but I fell for him pretty darn fast. To make matters worse, we actually work together so everytime I step inside the store I take a glance around to make sure the coast is clear. Now the reason for this comment is because I can’t find it in myself to let go of him and move on. I guess in order to understand my ordeal I’ll have to share with you what exactly happened: One night he sent me a message only saying ” I have something to tell you” well being the type of person I am, I automatically assumed he wanted to break up with me and I hestitated in answering him. After a few minutes he then asked me what time I worked the next day and told me that he wouldn’t feel comfortable saying what he had to say in a text or phone call and he wanted to do everything face to face. Of course I am officially a wreck on my side of the phone and asking myself what in the world did I do and to just breathe and wait until the next day. When I arrived he saw me and told me that he had something to tell me, because I was still anxious I asked if he could wait until my lunch break because it was a really busy day. Well the clock is ticking and by the time his shift is over I still haven’t gone on my lunch break. It honestly looked like he made a beeline towards me and told me that he would wait for me outside. Several minutes pass and I was finally told to go on my break so I run outside to find him. As he got close to me he started figeting and wouldn’t really make eye contact. He then started to swear and said that he really didn’t want to tell me and then he looked at me and just said ” I cheated on you with ____” no need to tell you her name… Well seeing that he used a name that obviously means I know the girl right? She happens to be the daughter of his fathers girlfriend. Well to say the least…I was in shock, didn’t say a word, walked back inside the store and cried. The next morning I asked him why he did it and he said it happened while he was trying to cheer her up. Then I asked him if he liked her and he said that he had liked her when they first met and he thought that he had lost feelings for her but obviously not. He asked if we were still together and my response was well since you like her I guess not. He then starting sending me several messages which were all along the lines of “you’re a very nice girl you don’t deserve this I’m so sorry” etc. After a while I got fed up told he to just stop and he hasn’t sent me a message since. The problem is I still have feelings for him but I’m just not sure if this is something I should pursue or just let it die down. Honestly, if he had cheated with anybody else I would take him back in a heartbeat if he asked, but since it’s her…I just don’t know how to go about this. Your advise deeply needed.

    • admin
      November 26, 2014 | 3:09 pm

      I am so sorry that you were cheated on.

      You seem like a very kind person just from the small blurb you wrote.

      Ignore him for a while, while you sort out your feelings ok. No need to find answers right away. Let time heal you a bit and give you some perspective on the situation.

      How old was this daughter?

      Is there a creepy age difference?

      • Confused
        November 26, 2014 | 5:25 pm

        Her and I are only one year younger than him so no, no creepy age difference. Another thing, I know you say to ignore him but if he greets me at work am I allowed to say something back? Maybe I’m a pushover but I was thinking since it’s the holidays there is no reason to act like he isn’t there… Thank you so much for answering.

        • admin
          November 28, 2014 | 2:58 pm

          Yes you are, you are allowed to say something. Just be positive and happy but don’t engage him veyr long.

  26. Judy
    October 17, 2014 | 2:25 am

    We were together on and off for two and a half years. He Sked me to marry him and at the beginning everything was great! I couldn’t get enough of him. Then I had a death in my family and was super stressed at work and totally backed off. He took the ring back. We continued dating but he continuously complained about the lack of time together. We kept trying to make it work and then he started backing off and got on a dating site and said he was done around his bday. Then he invited me to dinner at his home that weekend and we had a fabulous night together. I told him how I was going to be better about time and even come over so much that he’d get tired of me to prove I meant what I said. That Monday night I went over to follow through on my promise and I waled up to the door to him making out with another girl. He told me he was going to his mom’s for dinner. I’m a wreck. He texted the next night and said, eye for an eye. I didn’t respond until a week later I said I didn’t understand the text and that I must have misunderstood his intentions from that weekend. He responded that he didn’t know who the real to was from. And then said that he did indeed know who it was and that he needed my address to mail my stuff back. Even though I know he knows my address after two years, I sent it and nothing else. It’s been two weeks… Not stuff and no contact. Should I continue no contact? I don’t know what to do. I feel sick.

  27. Helen
    September 10, 2014 | 1:10 am

    Hi Chris, I hope you’re doing great. So I’m here because my boyfriend cheated on me. I’m 20 and he is 21. We have been together for almost 2 years and a half, and also we were friends for a year and a half before our relationship started. We had a beautiful relationship, full of love, new interesting things and we always stayed close each other. What hurts me the most is that we were that relationship that everybody looks as perfect. I even thought we were the perfect relationship, I was just living in a fairy tale. Even his friends told me all the time how he loves me that they never see him that way before. We had future plans and everything looked perfect. He is my first love and I thought he would be the only one. But I recently found out that he cheated on me with his exgirlfriend. He told me that this girl called him and they had sex once. They broke up three years ago because she cheated on him. He hated her, they did not even talk each other, and they even saw each other everyday because they study in the same Faculty. I dont understand how a person can hate someone and then just fuck her. When I found out I went to talk to him, but things were out of control because I was so dissapointed just crying and we could not let things clear. We just broke up and he told me that he was sorry and he knew that what he did has no forgiveness, he told me that he wants me to be happy and he wont call me or something because he wants to make things easier for both of us. It has passed 3 weeks since we broke up and he just sent me a message that says he misses me and I obviusly did not respond him. I’m devasted and heartbroken and I do not know what to do. I’m applying the NC but isnt him the one who beg in my door? If the Nc rule finished, should I ask for an explanation? because he never told me how things happend and I think I deserve to know it, please Chris help me.

    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 3:27 pm

      How many times did he cheat on you? Do you think it was a one time thing or would he do it again?

  28. Lisa
    September 6, 2014 | 11:28 pm

    Hello Chris,

    My boyfriend and I have broken up two weeks ago, we been together 1 year and started almost two year long distance relationship. In this time period, I just met him once about one month we been together.

    On the beginning of this August, he found another girl. But he have not told me this until the middle of August. I made so many mistakes,like begging, crying, text gnat and also tried to sabotage his new relationship. I regret what I have done, because he said what I have done let he decided which girl he loves.After I realized my mistake, we talk sometimes just like friend about 10 days.

    Today, I said to him, I do not want to be your friend and say goodbye to him. I want to apply the NC rule from today. We are still in long distance relationship and he will leave that new girl 10 days later because he will take the college class.

    My questions are, is he in the rebound relationship? Do I have to apply NC rule? And do I have the possibility to get him back? Please give me some suggestions about my situation.I can go to see him in person 4 months later and he can meet with that new girl at the same time.

    Thank you very much!

    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 3:04 pm

      Did he actually cheat on you during the relationship?

  29. amy
    September 1, 2014 | 10:11 am

    Hey chris

    My ex used to text some girls hearts and kisses emojis. Their replies used to pop up at odd hours. He called these girls his friends. He used to run errands for these same few girls. Sometimes he cancelled/changed our dates to fit in an errand for them. Other times he would show up to the date with them already in the car. He would introduce me to them by name not as his girlfriend. I sat at the back while both of them continued in the front because I was more petite than them.

    I spoke to him about it several times. However things worsened. He started keeping his phone beside him 24/7. We stopped going on dates because he said he was embarrassed of me. More because he didn’t want anyone to see us. Sometimes I would wake up to him texting these friends.

    So I broke it off because I thought he cheated. Do his actions count as cheating?

    • amy
      September 1, 2014 | 11:22 pm

      could you do a post on how to recognise men who send mass messages to women?

      • admin
        September 2, 2014 | 1:52 pm

        What do you mean, mass messages?

        • amy
          September 3, 2014 | 9:58 am

          as in men who send the same message to a number of women hoping that one of them will reply. how to recognise them.

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 1:14 pm

      Its weird he ran errands for them… Sounds really fishy….

      I understand why you were jealous.

      • amy
        September 3, 2014 | 10:04 am

        Why does he text me during NC if these other girls are still there for him? Am I just another name on the list?

      • amy
        September 6, 2014 | 8:09 pm

        Hey chris should I do the 21,30 or 45 day NC

        • admin
          September 15, 2014 | 3:00 pm


  30. Lani
    August 15, 2014 | 12:30 am

    Hi Chris,

    Came across your blog in search of answers. What you saying makes sence but I made a lot of mistakes and now your advises, which I hope I could use, don’t exactly fit my situation.

    I been dating this guy for little less than a year. It was absolutely different from my previous relationships. I was always the one waiting for him to call. He didn’t like when I go out and gets jealous even if it’s just my friends. He would go out with his friends and never take me with him. But I always trusted him and would even bring hungover remedies the next day. I know some of his friends, but not all. It was like he was trying to keep things separately. Now We went out together only 2 or 3 times.
    I have to say he doesn’t go out much. Maybe once a month or two. Works a lot and, like me, prefers to stay home. So we would mostly hang out at his or my place, watch tv, cuddle, talk etc. Sometimes I’d come to his work and hang out there. When I started questioning and pointing out that it seems more like fwb, he said I’m very wrong, that I’m much more than just that to him. We texted every day, he would send me ‘I love u’ ‘I miss my gf’ messages and such. He is a very private type of person, needs a lot of space and time to be alone. But at some point I started mentioning that while he can find time to party with his friends, he doesn’t have time left to spend with me. At that point from seeing each other 2-3 times a week, it became 0. For almost a month he claimed he had no time and was super busy, which made him very tired by the end of the day. He would call me and txt every day though. One day he asked me to come over to his work to hang out for a bit. There he apologized for not spending time with me, said he loves me and asked to understand that even though I’m right, he sees my behavior as needy and that when girl becomes needy he runs for the hills. I adjusted my behavior and we started spending much more time together.
    Recently I found out that his dating site profile (where we met) was active and that he was flirting with other girls. I confronted him and he said that while he may go on some dates to meet girls, he still loves me and said that men can have sex without any feelings being involved. But said that I’m different. This made me to ask if he was cheating on me. He denied, but then proceeded justifying his flirting as men nature. He said that if some cute and fun girl comes into his life, he’d be glad and possibly even have sex with her, but said it has nothing to do with his feelings for me. He also tried to justify having sex on the side as men nature, that’s how men are and that’s what they do. Then he started saying that I act as if we were merried and that he thought we had more of an open relationship going on. When we started dating, I did say that he can do whatever he wants, because I don’t believe in putting limits on someone’s life – if they want to do it they will anyway. I told him if he does anything I won’t like I better to never find out about it, because I’ll be done with him.
    I am devasted. I been telling him from the beginning that I could never tolerate cheating, that I find it to be the nastiest form of betrayal. He would agree with me at that time. But, according to him as I just found out, it applies only to merried/engaged couples. I told him I can’t deal with this and broke up with him. He tried to calm me down but eventually said he doesn’t want to cause me any more pain and so we should go separate ways. He asked me to stay friends so he can still have me in his life. He keeps saying sorry for how he made me feel.
    I just want to understand, is he the type of guy who will be a cheater forever? I do want to be together with him, I love him like I never loved anyone before and I’m 30. But I know I can’t stand cheating and open relationship isn’t my thing.
    Chris, is there a way he could realize it’s time to grow up and change his ways or is this how he is and always will be? I’d get back with him but only if he would never cheat again. I’m not even sure if it’s an option…should I try your advises and demand to change his ways if he really wants to come back? I know he loves me. I know sex for him has nothing to do with feelings, but but he’s very stubborn and will move on if he has to.

    • admin
      August 15, 2014 | 2:49 pm

      Ok, I have a few things to say here.

      This guy is a scumbag. Will he be a cheater forever? I have no idea but right now the fact that he is open to cheating on you is not a good sign.

      Secondly, I think you made an error in not putting limits on the relationship. He probably assumed you would be ok with being cheated on.

      • Lani
        August 15, 2014 | 5:26 pm

        Thank you for the reply. Yes, I know I’ve made lots of mistake and it’s just one of them. What should I do to get him to consider changing his behavior and maybe get back together? If he won’t change, I can’t be with him but I sure hope he loves me enough to change…

    • Emily
      February 2, 2015 | 8:56 pm

      I dated someone for 3 and a half years, him and I dated in high school and most of college. We broke up 5 months ago. Things have been so hard on me and he is taking it like a champ. We would attend church together, always travel the hr that was between our colleges, and he had given me a ring. We made plans to move a state over, start a family etc… one morning he woke up this past summer and decided he didn’t love me anymore…or so he said. Many times I have wondered if he had another girl while him and I dated just because less then a week after the break up he had another girlfriend, obviously that didn’t last but he has continued the same pattern. He has become a huge drinker which before he was the casual beers every once in a while; he doesn’t attend church very much either and when we dated we were both sure to go every weekend. We motivated each other for the better! We’ve talked about 4 times since the break up to “check up” on each other…but that is it. Its hard avoiding each other when we are home because we run around with the same group of people and have for 10 years. What do you think he is feeling or thinking? Just want to get someone elses opinion. I dont necessarily want him back I just guess I wish he wanted me back.

  31. Anisha
    August 12, 2014 | 11:43 am

    I dated this guy for almost 1 year. although initially evrything was fine, once he left to another place in search of job, he changed. he hardly used to reply to my texts or text me or even call me.he wudn attend my calls too. it was only cos of my constant texts that he replied once or twice. he was a very unromantic person and i never felt like he cared for me. i kept doubting his feelings for me n complained about this to him many times, which made us fight and breakup cos he felt im doubting him. it all looked like my fault. v brokup and didn speak to each other for 2 months after which i went to his place to meet him and he came n met me. we got back but v never addressed or spoke out the past problems. things were good later on, but once i saw a text msg in phone to one of his colleagues, saying that he doesnt have feelings for me. i ignored it cos i was trying my best to not doubt him and i made myself blieve that its ok if the guy needs some space to flirt as long as hes true to me in the end of the day. But when i askd him about marriage plans, he was doubtful and said he needs to think. this made me realize that wat i saw in his text msg was not wrong afterall.i brokup with him saying that i dont need to be with a person who needs to think twice abt chosing me. v stopped contacting and months later i heard from one of our mutual frns that he told her that he never realy had feelings for me ,that he liked his ex and that what hapnd btwn us was just a moments thing. i am not sure if i was really his rebound cos m doubtful if rebounds last fr almost 1 year?…anyway, after hearing this, i just lost my mind and swore at him,got angry and verbally abused him. to my surprise, he abused me back.
    i wanted to know what goes wrong in all my realtions so i just happend to talk to my ex(guy before this one), about what actualy went wrong.he said it was always his fault but i kept asking if i did anything wrong, while talking i understood what mistake i committed in both the relations. : I usedto talk about my exes to them a lot,thinking that il make them feel jealous and by doing so, i wanted their attention. but that inturn, resulted in a disaster. i want to apologize to him and get him back, he has a lot of ego and will never again read my texts cos he said hes lost all respect fr me after swearing at him. what do i do?

    • admin
      August 13, 2014 | 1:31 pm

      NC seems ideal here.

      • Anisha
        August 13, 2014 | 3:55 pm

        do you think there are any chances of getting him back? cos he has the worst kind of ego and he is never gonna text me first. he never did when we dated too.

        • Anisha
          August 13, 2014 | 4:05 pm

          the thing is that he is pretty close to this mutual friend of ours and she works with him. he takes care of her by giving lifts and accompanying her evrywhere cos shes alone. now that shes running out of a place to stay shes staying with him and his roomates at their pg. Now there is this other guy who likes her and he tells me somethings going on btwn them n i believe it. this guy calls her up and asked her whether they are dating and that “I” told him that they(my ex and my frnd) are dating, to which she got pissed and blocked me. she said she tried to help me with him and i doubted her, so now she can be a bitch. i stopped thinking about this for now. im sure she’l tell my guy(ex) about this….im just trying to frget evrything but simply cant…should i wait for him or just move on?

        • admin
          August 14, 2014 | 11:50 am

          That’s ok, you can text him first even though I know it sucks as long as he is responsive you should be alright.

          • Anisha
            August 14, 2014 | 4:20 pm

            thing is after all that m pretty sure he would never respond. its his birthday day after. do you think i should wish him that way or still maintain NC?

  32. Georgeanne
    August 12, 2014 | 11:23 am

    I have been with this foreigner (which I met through another friend) for a month and everything is going so well. And he’s everything I wanted for my guy. We have our differences but it never gets in the way. We compliment each other, and we just basically brings out the best of each other. We support each other, we meet almost everyday, we text almost all the time updating what we’re doing (except when he’s in class because he’s med school, and I’m at work). He introduced me to his closest friends, took me to meet his 2nd family in this foreign country, and he met with my friends, too. Everything just seem to be in right place… Until I REALIZED THAT I wasn’t the only girl in his life. And the worst of it, is that I’m actually kinda the mistress (although he’s not really married). He’s in a relationship with 2 other girls before I came into the picture. When I finally confronted him about it and made him tell me everything, he said that those girls are his exes and they came together again and now he just doesn’t know how to break up with them. He said that the girl #1 wants to marry her, and he can’t. And he just feels indebted to girl #2 who was there for him when nobody else was. And I actually met the girl #2 and desperation is written all over her face because she knew that the guy is with me, but she doesn’t seem to be bothered at all. And I feel worried about her.
    Now, the guy keeps on telling me that it’s me he really loves. And that I was the only girl who made him feel as he feel now, and the only person to meet those important people in his life. He asked me what do I want and I told him to get his shit together and leave the girls alone because more and more people are getting hurt. He said he will do as I advised. He still texts me every once in a while saying “take care” “how are you doing?” And “good night. feels so lonely alone here”.
    Although he’s asked me if I would ever get back with him, or if I think we could work again after he’s pulled his shit together, he doesn’t actually openly tell me that he wants us back together. And IDK if I want him back either.
    I caught him cheating through viber. He said he only talks to them through that, and I’ve seen that he hasn’t been online in that account again ever since the confrontation happened. I haven’t responded to him for 3 days now and reading this made me decide that I really should continue so. Maybe it will give me the time I NEED to figure out whether I still want him back or not.
    I feel so torn.

    • admin
      August 13, 2014 | 11:33 am

      Man he really likes juggling a lot of women doesn’t he?

  33. Anon
    August 2, 2014 | 10:50 am

    Seema, sorry for intruding.
    I was reading all the posts. I hope your guy came back. I can imagine how you are feeling if he didnt! Just felt like writing, seeing yr indian name.
    We might be emancipated, but culture is too deep in us!

  34. Kim
    July 25, 2014 | 12:59 am

    I stumbled on this because I’m guilty of googling everything under the sun about a cheating boyfriend. I have been with my boyfriend for three years and he moved in a little over six months ago. We are both in our 40’s (if that matters…it just feels funny to say boyfriend after a certain age). ;) He always brought fresh flowers every week, told me he loved me daily, and was always by my side. We entertained family and friends every weekend and we’re close to each other’s families. However, he would withdraw at times. I don’t know how to explain it…but he’d go play poker or something and leave out details. Anyway, I went through his phone a week and a day ago. I was floored to find his active profile on He had messaged women in September and October, before we decided to live together. And then I found a message from February (4 1/2 months ago) where he asked a woman to meet for drink or coffee so he could get to know her better.

    I texted him and told him I was in his account and he needed to get his things and get out. He picked up some things the following night but his furniture is still here. I did send him an email about how much he had hurt me and he sent an apology but it didn’t say anything about a second chance. He just said how much he hated himself for what he did. I never responded to the email. Now that a little time has passed, I’m wondering if I was too abrupt. I honestly don’t know if I want him back…but I don’t know if I “don’t” want it to work either. Any advice?

    • admin
      July 25, 2014 | 3:02 pm

      Your not guilty for wanting to understand more.

      I hear you about the boyfriend/age thing. Usually people at that stage are talking about husbands.

      May I ask why you want him back?

      • Kim
        July 25, 2014 | 3:32 pm

        I appreciate your reply Chris. I’m second guessing myself because we had built a pretty good life together. We really had a lot of fun together, cooking, traveling, entertaining, etc. I don’t know if he actually met with anyone…but I’m not stupid either. I feel like it was cheating. I just wonder if I should pursue finding out what he wanted and needed in order to do my part to make it work. I do believe he genuinely loved me…and I him. I’m struggling with whether or not it is salvagable. But today, I’m back to thinking I’m not in the mood! It’s just so hard to deal with “everything’s fine” to nothing.

        • admin
          July 28, 2014 | 1:51 pm

          I think you need to ask yourself if HE is the best person for you in the future. Take yourself out of the moment for a second and ask yourself,

          “In 5 years can I still be happy with this person?”

  35. N.M
    July 24, 2014 | 4:27 pm

    Ok so im a cheater, im cheating my husband, but really im not! Please we are living parallel lives! I would leave him if my bf, we had aprivate wedding ceremmony back the, would take me away! Oh God this sounds so sleazy!

    • admin
      July 25, 2014 | 3:10 pm

      How does it benefit you to stay with your husband if he has done all those horrible things to you?

      • N.M
        July 25, 2014 | 4:52 pm

        My bf is Not going to take me away! He has abused me too, he cheated yet accuses me of cheating, is like a chameleon, offence is the best defense, whenever i tried to get an apology from him, i ended up apologising for Daring to adk, so that he wouldnt leave me! But it will never work outill stay with my husband and pretend its my bf! Im mad!

        • admin
          July 28, 2014 | 1:57 pm

          I don’t get why you would want someone like that back?

  36. N.M
    July 24, 2014 | 4:24 pm

    Hes 28 now im 56!

  37. N.M
    July 24, 2014 | 4:23 pm

    Dysfunctional! He was 19 fell in love with me, i was x47 ! We aee still togerher if u can call it that! He cheated after being with me 4 years, claiming i cheated on him, all it was , was telephone calls to his (male) friend , asking for advice on how to deal with my bf’s temper tantrums! I stopped contact cos this friend, also in age group of my bf, first hit on me for a ‘loan’ then claimed he had fallen in love with me, all over the phone! I stopped contact, diidnt tell my bf, but did 3 yrs later! Was it cheating? I dont know! To my bf it was, claims ir was reason he cheated on me! Im married, no kids, husband impotent, gone thru my share domestic violence!
    I forgave my bf before he even asked for forgiveness, he hasnt had even a first job at 28, hv loaned him Lots of money he lost while share trading! I know, i know! Just came to know recently he cheated again, right after that first episode, but just dating, chatting, no sex! Help! Just help! He was supposed to ‘take me away’!

    • admin
      July 25, 2014 | 3:09 pm

      Your not still with the husband that abused you are you?

      • N.M
        July 25, 2014 | 4:28 pm

        Indian arranged marriage went abroad after marriage he fell seriously ill 1st yr of marriage resulting in complete infertility if i had left him wd be i did cause of that, turns out he never told His family no kids due Him! Being barren big thing in India
        Started workng after 6 yrs of staying home,( work permit issues) built a parallel life worked 13 yrs till lost job! Things improved i regained some self confidence! Verbal abuse again since i dont work anymore! Am no good!
        Meanwhile husband posted back to India as expat
        Social pressure’people ask why you dont stay with me’!
        Came bk to India 10 yrs ago , housewife snce then!still with him, no physical viloence since very long, but no physical contact either since 20 yrs
        Was waiting husband to retire he wd shift back to foreign country, my bf wd ‘take me away’
        While former has happened i have decided to stay on here, husband one month here one month there! Truce, silence, we dont talk
        , i just cook take care of house, meet with this family , no desires, lost the will to live!

        Abuse is relative! Where would i go in a foreign country? It was bearable, i lived double life, one at homeone at work
        When i met my bfi fell in love
        First person accepted me as i am, not chauvinistic like my husband
        Now bf yes, no, dont know? Will be like this till i die
        Thats how it is in our country
        No pressing reason to divorce, no communicatuion, nothing!

        • N.M
          July 25, 2014 | 4:58 pm

          Hv no friends lost all when shifted abroad no one to talk to!

        • admin
          July 28, 2014 | 1:53 pm

          Wait, your husband isn’t fertile?

          • N.M
            July 28, 2014 | 4:47 pm

            No! And impotent!

            • N.M
              July 31, 2014 | 8:05 am

              There was a double thread running! And i was very upset! I make these valiant attempts to break away! Ive given him an ultimatum again that he has to make time to explain and answer my questions about what happened in 2010, confirmation of which i got now, i had discovered texts then which he shrugged away saying his friend had borrowed his phone! I Know i have to break away! Thks for taking the trouble to read and reply

              • N.M
                July 31, 2014 | 8:29 am

                I Have to leave but its my last chance in life! I did Not go looking for an affair He chased me and now he wants to explore the world And not work just keep taking money from me, but going out with others

                • N.M
                  July 31, 2014 | 9:36 am

                  So he deleted me from viber once again claiming i sent a hi to someone else so ive mailed him to come bk only if he dsnt pretend nthing happened! Thks for being there Chris!

              • admin
                August 4, 2014 | 2:18 pm

                Not a fan of ultimatums… They usually don’t work.

            • Anon
              August 2, 2014 | 2:39 pm

              Hi my replies awaiting moderation disappeared.
              Shall i not write anymore?

              • admin
                August 4, 2014 | 2:39 pm

                No it just took me a while to get to it.

                • N.M
                  August 5, 2014 | 3:33 am

                  Well i had mailed him an image (after no viber) about letting someone go free and if they come back they are yours so he replied back ‘he’s never coming back( its always he messed up his life cos of me, he doesnt hv a career etc etc my fault, no matter hes the lazy one poaching money off me, even Today) ‘
                  So not for the first time but maybe the last he’s Never coming back as he wrote…..well just before this, after he deleted me from viber, i turned into a Mail gnat
                  Anyway next night got a text, a song, didnt reply
                  The next day he had an entrance exam, i saw a link might’ve been useful, sent ut by mail, gt response ‘where in the world are you’
                  I replied ‘at home where else, you said never coming back, getting out of my life so….’
                  Nothing after that its tue today after that Sat
                  Wasnt an ultimatum, but he cheated once, next time he just wants to go on noting happened what am I to do..?
                  Chris do u think i have Any chance with my guy
                  If you think things are hopeless pls tell me

                  • N.M
                    August 5, 2014 | 3:34 am

                    I also read the thread below mine n also remember hvng read in one of yr sections

                    *Narcissistic (Selfish and only thinks of himself.)
                    *Chronic Liars (Everyone lies but if someone does it over and over you may have to take a step back and decide if this is someone worth being with.)
                    *Someone who gets jealous very easily (If he is constantly accusing you of inappropriate behavior.)
                    *Constantly flirts with other girls (Every guy will flirt everynow and then but if it is common behavior for him then be careful.)
                    This describes him perfectly
                    (although he didn’t start any of this behavior until he accused me of, that i supposedly cheated on him, long another story which according to him why He cheated on me the first time around) ha ha

                    • N.M
                      August 5, 2014 | 3:38 am

                      Also read section if yr bf he loves you
                      N one lady had listed her faults
                      Same like her i had many issues due to my husband no selfesteem no confidence etc was my boyfriend taught me to believe im beautiful
                      But his cheating knockedme down i built up His selfesteem n in turned into nervous clingy jealous wreck
                      Even today im crying to get him back when i Know he will ditch me Again

                      One of the texts i sent on viber when gnatting to which he replied’getting out of yr life,then deleted viber,
                      ‘I’m sorry but u Hv to discuss it. It can’t be ignored like it never happened. It’s cruel on yr part to even think of doing that. And apology? Just a sorry? How can anyone with half an ounce of feeling Just apologize for something like that? AND not discuss it not answer each question not court and woo me again if you want me im yr life and get it out of the way. Marriages can survive cheating but it takes BOTH parties committed to doing it.

                      Nt that u just manipulate me, you hv no money, yr family doesnt care for u….’

                    • N.M
                      August 6, 2014 | 4:27 pm

                      I hate to admit it! I was so sure he’d make it big, hearing his grand schemes, and he Will, someday, though whether it will be honestly or by leaching off yet another female, I dont know!
                      But it’ll be too late for him to ‘Take me away!’ I’ll be 60 or 65
                      I’m so tired of this on again, off again makeup/ breakup game!

                      I sometimes feel I Have to let him go he Has to be able to have a Normal married life, to be able to have children that I cant give him, to be able to move as a couple in a group of friends who are His age! Then i get all selfish n tell myself its He who came after me,
                      He who says he’ll Always love me no matter what, but that he doesnt like who I’ve become! ( If I however say I Also dont love the person he has become, he gets all hurt and says I always knew that blah blah, he is short, dark, and not a president/ managing director of a company, everything my husband is, he just retired, and he’s very fair which is a big thing here! )
                      You would say he is immature, and I tried telling him that I Still am the same, but his refusal to regret, repent, atone or even Talk about his cheating, is a dead corpse that floats to the surface every few days! Just a sorry is Not enough, he Has to show he Wants me back! But he just doesnt get it, he wants to sweep it all under the rug and pretend its like in the beginning!

                    • admin
                      August 11, 2014 | 10:55 am

                      He is definitely immature.

                      VERY immature.

                      What specifically would you like my help with?

                      (P.S. sorry for the late response.)

                    • N.M
                      August 10, 2014 | 8:58 am

                      Know u hv yr hands full read all yr articles going mad!
                      Didnt react viber last week, get a text from his sister’ s number that all his phones broken, he’s got somethmg urgent to talk, he’ll call tmrw to pls answer
                      My immediate reaction was to text back that for Methere’s only One urgent hing is that he explains, apologises for the cheating episode of 2010 which i gr confirmation of now, we haven’t met after the girl called me, but he’ sent me a text there was nothing, he’s just assuming its forgiven on my part!
                      What i Need? Tell me to please stay in NC n tell me exactly What i should hold out for? Pls! Anyone! HELP

                    • N.M
                      August 11, 2014 | 11:51 am

                      Thanks fr replying one post aug10,yest, last line,pending moderation,
                      What i Need? Tell me to please stay in NC n tell me exactly What i should hold out for?
                      Im doing NC , he did try to call earlier,i genuinely missed his call, he’s trying to get a reaction from me!
                      I dont know what I want , u asked someone where she sees herself in 5 yrs, where do I see myself, alone and cheated and looted!
                      He owes me tons of money, also in addition i’ve given him so much gold, my late mother’s antique jewellery that he has taken a loan against!
                      I hate him for not Acknowledging tht he Has to show regret and remorse not just stupid sorry sorry sorry
                      What i Want is he should Beg , and he would do that cos im his meal ticket, the chicken with the golden eggs,
                      I need your help to see this NC through, please can u be there for me ,Please? Today is day 9, i didnt revert to his viber msg or his text yest or call today….
                      Did u see the post re breaking NC due fear, or re who Kevin is? Those posts not showing here! I wish i was his age, or he mine…what Should i do?
                      This is what i would like, exactly

                    • N.M
                      August 11, 2014 | 3:06 pm

                      My first post aug5
                      ‘Chris do u think i have Any chance with my guy
                      If you think things are hopeless pls tell me’
                      And Aug6
                      “but his refusal to regret, repent, atone or even Talk about his cheating, is a dead corpse that floats to the surface every few days! Just a sorry is Not enough, he Has to show he Wants me back! But he just doesnt get it, he wants to sweep it all under the rug and pretend its like in the beginning!”

                      I think i need your opinion, do u think i have anything but heartache in store for me? He knows my husband flying to the other country wed night
                      He didnt try to call again today, i’m sure he wants money again! OR he is finally agreeing to an arranged marriage, planned by his parents, or whatever…

                      There was another post re power balance!
                      Ok what i Think i need is the power in my hand, to or Not to forgive him, but he has to beg this time! And Then i want to see how sincere he is,
                      ( not this weekly ‘ i ruined my life cos of you, you old hag’ I didnt tell him not to study, not take up a job! Its him who gave up engineering college cos he flunked, didnt makeit thru pilot entrance, couldnt pass english aptitude to go to UK for MBA, didnt graduate, got a degree by correspondance,now he wants to become a model )
                      And i want your honest opinion, its not worth it, right? He’s just a millstone round my neck isnt it?
                      Ok NC, breakup, then how do
                      I get my money and gold?
                      Just hold my hand through this please! Please! I have no one else!
                      My late lady doctor in the other country , who became a sort of friend after I shifted here, another fair weather friend, all said he’s only with me for money!
                      Another post i read, the girl stopped supporting her boyfriend, he left her….
                      He tried to call Just the one time….ha!
                      This is His mail id one he doesnt use
                      I wasnt getting thru on mine
                      Babbling beyond control i’m losing it….

                    • admin
                      August 12, 2014 | 11:25 am

                      Do you think he is showing any type of remorse for the cheating.

                    • N.M
                      August 11, 2014 | 6:37 pm

                      This is urgent i m trying to get thru on his mail id as my cache full
                      You just have to believe this!
                      I did nt react to his text ncall today?,
                      Just now its nearing 12 am , my husban sleeping in next bed, i start getting calls from him total 4 finally rushed to toilet to take 5 th as it went on, i keep my phone silent!
                      Well he’s screaming he’s getting calls from my ,’new’ bf to leave me alne! Talk of extremes just to get me talking, or like olden times have me snivel and beg , i haven’t done anything! U know like if someone says u dont love me to hear the other say ofcourse i do
                      Old habit sure shot formula attack me
                      Well i just said instead of questioning the guy u just believe him, is that all the trust u hv for me? But he wouldnt let go, n i said again instead of finding out who is playing mischief n beating Him up u talk of coming Here n creatng a scene? But he didnt back off i finally said i cannot stay in toilet so long whispering and he is welcome to think What he likes
                      Pi’m very agitTed and rambling now
                      Pls excuse me but Please tell me what to do! God! That was the end of my well meant NC! 9 days lost! Its not going to work
                      Btw i was reading yr articles, and all posts n i have to take a break i’m losing it in the maze of thats what my bf did to me too n yesi’mokder too etc etc
                      Male pyschology, bad boy qualities, super committed But He cheated!
                      Had no confidence, was poor, got money and clothes from me and kaboom Casanova is born! Now he wants to get every girl in line of sight!
                      So pickup artist, And yes, controller what else, the immature one, but the cheating one too, only he Imagined this cheating, oh! Egomaniac too
                      HELP just anything to help me calm down again n not feel like a piece of dog shit, for What?

                    • admin
                      August 12, 2014 | 11:48 am

                      Whoa… Honestly I think you should turn off your phone for a while if you want to calm down.

                    • N.M
                      August 11, 2014 | 6:44 pm

                      I dont believe it the timing is so off! Right when i do NC n someone is calling him? Is this way of checking by my reaction if i’m cheating him? I’m done with relationships for this lifw, nearing 57 for heaven’s sake! What a kid, drama queen!

                    • admin
                      August 12, 2014 | 11:46 am

                      He could be making it up… You don’t have another boyfriend right?

                    • N.M
                      August 12, 2014 | 2:57 pm

                      God no i Do Not have or Want another bf of course i Told you, he laughed when i said u just want an excuse to hear my voice n need a topic where i’ll keep on talking!
                      And No , no remorse or any sign that he has to apologise, explain, or i might be hurt , i think he thinks it was 4 yrs ago wtf
                      It may sound strange but i was pushed to this guy thru destiny, and i married him, and i’m done for this life, first the husband now this guy!
                      Tried sending foll last nt bt blabbermouth me wdnt get sent!
                      Male pyschology, bad boy qualities, super committed But He cheated!
                      Had no confidence, was poor, got money and clothes from me and kaboom Casanova is born! Now he wants to get every girl in line of sight!
                      So pickup artist, And yes, controller what else, the immature one, but the cheating one too, only he Imagined this cheating, oh! Egomaniac

                      Well after the calls last night i Know i shouldnt have but i tried to call a few times, he didnt reply, could be genuinely his phone not working in which case how is he getting the calls or else he’s sleeping, he’s alate sleeper!
                      I just wanted to pointout to him that if i really had another bf why would i give his number to the new guy who could chase this guy away? More likely it would be some’girl’ who knows of me who wants to get rid of me! More likely this is just a trumped up situation just to get me talking again but inspite of that i feel the need to point it out to him!
                      Ok he called from sis’s phn, admitted he was missing me and just wanted to talk to me, i Know this n told him so! I said i’m not going to accept weekly ‘leaving you’ n if its just my voice i can tell him some cooking recipes!

                      I would try NC again but he knows im alone from Thu n he would then attribute my NC to cheating on my part
                      Once end 2011 i tried NC but i was in touch with his family all along n going out ,meeting with them n basically kept them informedof my whereabouts else he ad go on this cheating trip, do the deed yrself but accuse Me N he was quite abusive last night too! But right now when i ‘caught’ him he started laughing!
                      Didnt fully admit was a ruse to get me talking though, there was a very faint, i did get a call, to which i sd shouldn’t he then try to fund out who is playing games?
                      NC wont drive any sense into his head! He is DUMB!

                    • N.M
                      August 12, 2014 | 5:10 pm

                      We haven’t met since i came to know, when i got the call from the girl for this time, for the cheating in 2010-11
                      He had tokd her ,i’m his mother n my husband his father, and a whole lot of lies!
                      He came to visit one day, threatening there had better not be that girl waiting here, like the 1 st one when he had cheated i had called her here n confronted him! To this one i just sd im not his mother im his aunt!
                      I hv been writing mails, texts, viber what i need but no reaction
                      The 1st time he apologised i forgave under sone conditions like telling me where he is going n coming but he never stuck to iit, never wooed me, courted me, begged me to come back, sd he wd do it One day, i was still waiting meanwhile i got this call after 4 yrs , what was the need to bow down to me id forgiven him hadnt i?
                      There was another one he was going to marry cos she promised to pay off all his debts but in the end she refused! He claims there was no physical cheating, just a business arrangemnt!
                      I’m mad!

                    • N.M
                      August 19, 2014 | 8:00 am

                      Ive asked u many times please tell me your honest feeling if i have any chance
                      His family looking for a bride to arrange marriage
                      I again ignored a text today
                      He just might take up a proposal
                      I hope NC doesnt backfire on me
                      Do reply

                  • N.M
                    August 13, 2014 | 3:01 pm

                    Ok i know u are tired! Just btw i Knew it was about money? He wants another 4 thousand $ to invest
                    Do u know what he owes me? 72 th $ and another 30th $ worth gold!
                    I have refused that i dont hv it but he’s getting all emotional ‘ u have never refused me etc’
                    I know you dont hv anything to say but i Had to text back to refuse
                    Thks chris
                    See if u feel like replying
                    I would be grateful for your insight!

                    • N.M
                      August 13, 2014 | 5:20 pm

                      First time ive refused him money now he texts i’ll never be rid of him, he’s the blood coursing in my veins! Well since id broken NC today anyway, i wrote back that he’s wounded me so much that all my open wounds are bleeding!
                      Gd night Chris and thanks, i,m ready to take my sleeping pill!

                    • N.M
                      August 14, 2014 | 5:59 am

                      Again he sent text for money, i called reminding he owes me explanations n apologies for the newest confirmation of cheating i got nw, turned tables on me, the supposed cheating on my part whaen i had talked to his friend, shouting, he was an innocent young guy, i trapped him, he was infatuated, the private ceremony behind closed doors doesn’t mean anything, he will not apologise, explain! Yes he was in it for the money!

                    • N.M
                      August 14, 2014 | 9:17 am

                      I turned call gnat
                      Conflicting replies, last night he was the blood in my veins, today i cheated, he didnt cheat, just made a mistake, text doesnt love me, next text loves me so much, i call, doesnt care a damn,i cheated, i said u swore you wouldnt accuse me again, he says the ceremony meant nothing, i call, all of a sudden, he would never hurt me, but he has nothing to say, he doesnt want to stay with me,hangs up, i call say pls dont behave like a chameleon, then he says i love you i married you but i cant stay with you, when i said dont stay but i need explanations he said he would explain!
                      Sorry i’m sure i’ve driven You mad also!

                    • N.M
                      August 14, 2014 | 9:41 am

                      If one doesnt want him back, Chris do u know of any painkiller, that will take away the hurt?

                    • admin
                      August 14, 2014 | 11:10 am

                      Wait, he is just using you for money now?

                      No offense, but this guy seems like a tool…

                    • N.M
                      August 14, 2014 | 11:42 am

                      The money thing was always there right frm the 1 st i told you! In the beginning i gave just some spending money n bought gifts but …this frm jul24
                      “I forgave my bf before he even asked for forgiveness, he hasnt had even a first job at 28, hv loaned him Lots of money he lost while share trading! I know, i know! Just came to know recently he cheated again, right after that first episode, but just dating, chatting, no sex! Help! Just help! He was supposed to ‘take me away’!”
                      But then he demanded
                      I hv been paying for him 8 yrs
                      He does care , maybe just for the money, maybe ‘and’ for the money
                      I dont know if im coming or going my head is splitting and all ive been doing since days is just read posts from various women on your site i dont know Why!
                      I even wrote a Taryn who comments from time to time on yr site n she had given her mail id to someone somewhere
                      I’m weakening re money, he Does want to start work, says his Dad giving money too, the family knows me, the aunt, his dad has also borrowed from me…
                      But this morning i said no, he doesnt bother to even xplain or care for the hurt he has caused me n i should keep financing him…
                      350$ in the last month! I inherited an office flat from my late mom, all the rent has gone to him! All!
                      I told him im not giving this time, last night, thats when he came up with the blood in your veins dialogue….
                      This morning pls pls i even wrote ill give if i throw on the floor n he picks up a note at a time
                      Somewhere balance changed, i was crying, he was shouting i cheated ….

                    • N.M
                      August 14, 2014 | 12:00 pm

                      I do so want to understand following article but the syntax just throws me off
                      Can u help?
                      Also he is sun sign taurus
                      The lazy bulls have this special quality about them that surely sets them a thousand miles apart from the rest and that is called avarice. Greed can drive them insane; they crave for all the luxury in the world but don`t want to work hard for it. Funny, isn`t it?
                      And moon sign aquarius
                      Aquarians have a deep desire for fame and they will do anything for it. Being detached is one thing and backstabbing is another but to an Aquarian they are all the same. They do so unintentionally though, if thats any consolation

                    • admin
                      August 15, 2014 | 2:23 pm

                      I’m a taurus… hahaha

                    • N.m.
                      August 14, 2014 | 8:21 pm

                      Thanks for all yr remarks i know you dont approve and are finding it difficult to advise! Someone reacted very strongly to the fact of my cheating! Tried explaining its not always black and white, something may Appear to be cheating, but may infact really just be twoindividuals under one roof living their own lives! But everyone is entitled to their opinions and judjements, though let him cast the first stone, who hasn’t sinned!
                      Pls see if you can see me through this, if not i will try to accept!

                    • N.M
                      August 15, 2014 | 5:04 pm

                      Im sorry, re the taurus bit,
                      I’m suffering v badly last time 9 days i held out but he pressed the trigger, shouted he was getting ( multiple) calls, next day was only 1, i think his family suspect he is addicted to me, could be them, although outwardly i’m just an aunty, anyway last text he wrote yest, many (arranged) marriage proposals for him, his family wondering why he wont get married, insinuating he maybe lacking!!, started by saying how much he loves me,ended by saying he cries, wonders i must be feeling the same….
                      I discovered a site ‘’
                      Many characteristics of a narcissist,
                      I’m in a mess today was waiting to hear from him!
                      Going to stick to NC but its killing me…
                      Wish people wouldnt be so judgemental, that hurt!
                      God bless you !

                    • N.M
                      August 15, 2014 | 5:12 pm

                      He knows if he accuses Me of cheating he will get a vehement reaction, and i really think there was no call, it was all the buildup for another loan, or if at all there was a call that some guy saying he should leave me, would be something his family suspects!
                      If he texts again for money, he went down from 4 th to 300, i will transfer ,without comment, he is trying to work, and says he has found an investor, that his dad giving some money,
                      I can understand his humiliation, i have taunted him lots re the money just last month i gave him 500 pocket money, i dont know where he blows it, he’s very fond of eating out! He really wants to do some business, i cant afford 4 th right now but i can give 300′
                      Please just see me through this make or break up
                      I trust u on this and need you! Please!!

                    • N.M
                      August 15, 2014 | 5:18 pm

                      Please allow me to transfer him 500 on monday
                      I’ll wait for your reply!
                      I’m crying i’m suffering
                      Please say it would not be breaking NC

                    • admin
                      August 18, 2014 | 12:17 pm

                      Why do you want to give him money?

                    • N.M
                      August 17, 2014 | 7:39 am

                      His dad gave him 1000 ( i asked him to send a picture) so i transferred 300 yest
                      He texted thanks so so much n he owes his life to me
                      So then i Had written he needs me only for the money he doesnt care if i die
                      He wrote back he does feel n he is writing a mail about our relationship from the beginning and he would send it soon n i texted back i dont care re the beginning its about this last discovery, that if i’m lying bleeding on the road would he call an ambulance or give my daily medicine
                      I got no reply this morning in half sleep i texted re the foto of the money his dad had supposely given him n he did send on viber
                      So again i’ve broken NC today cos i wrote back on viber that it doesnt seem that much money his dad gave him…
                      I just started on yr lies article…makes sense, like everything else!
                      Do u see me as a cougar, that i should know better he’s with me only for the money? Do u believe there is love which does not take earthly age in reckoning ? Do u believe this world destroys love? With preset ideas of age? Why can an older man marry a younger woman, but an elder woman is a cougar, a sugar mama?
                      Age never ever entered our relationship, even though i want to congratulate you on your latest Age article which again is a gem!!!
                      Any reply will be appreciated! Thanks!

                    • N.M
                      August 18, 2014 | 5:07 pm

                      I transferred 300 on 16th.
                      Why? I have it, he doesn’t , its not his fault his family is poor, his dad also borrowed money long time ago, i hear he would return when he retires next year n gets benefits
                      It IS his fault he didnt /doesn t want to take up a job cos he thinks he’s made for something better
                      Maybe he’s a turtle! I just give cos thank God I’VE never been in this situation that i never had money in my pocket to buy a coke, and i have taunted him so much, it is so humiliating for him when his family calls him good-for-nothing, he tells me he cries, maybe its just a drama
                      But i’m an honest person, and Very gullible, if u tell me its midnight even though the sun is shining, i’ll just beleve u cos i would think, why would u need to say otherwise…
                      Anyway the deed is done! Today my first day of honest NC
                      One text one viber msg i didnt react!
                      Take care, thanks
                      Keep replying, i’ll gnat you till eternity!

                    • N.M
                      August 18, 2014 | 5:10 pm

                      He tells me, (and) , he cries on the phone, in front of me,
                      Not that he told me he cried….maybe its all a put on

                    • N.M
                      August 18, 2014 | 8:10 pm

                      Yest due to the money there was texting back n forth and i kept waiting for him to say he loves me or is missing me…we even talked …today he wrote twice but I’m into NC now
                      He could make out i needed to hear something yest but today…….i didnt reply and that was it….

                    • NM
                      August 19, 2014 | 4:58 pm

                      I have one question please.
                      I am fully convinced of NC and while u have always said it is difficult, have yo come across or considered the fact of rage? A simmering, bubbling, Rage, which threatens to destry everything?
                      Thus rage is 5 yrs old in my case when he cheated first time, n showed a ‘little’ remorse, and said his sorries, but i did not feel any Regret, or any effort that he has to atone for it or pacify me, i just looked up english equivalent of a word we have to —- someone who is annoyed, and what i got is coax, placate
                      Well he never coaxed or placated
                      And i was waiting
                      And this time i told him 2 months ago, he met me once, then my husband was here! He could if he wanted/ wants visited me… To coax, placate, ask for forgiveness
                      Byt he hasn’t and i’m boiling
                      Your possible side effect of NC
                      Stuff for a new article
                      Please do try and reply…..

                    • admin
                      August 25, 2014 | 11:19 am

                      Rage from you or him?

                    • NM
                      August 19, 2014 | 5:25 pm

                      I think you’ve lost your patience and rightly so…
                      I’ll look out for an article on rage, the kind of hot tears rolling on the floor in the toyshop rahe when your mum wont buy you the toy you want….the helplessness of it alll…thehopelessness of it all.
                      Dint know if you will see messages are disappearing into the black hole of your nerves!
                      Sorry for being such a pest!

                    • admin
                      August 25, 2014 | 11:19 am

                      I haven’t lost my patience just took off this weekend.

                    • NM
                      August 25, 2014 | 5:02 pm

                      Rage from me, rage that He cheated Even if i got confirmation now, He has to contact, apologise, explain…. But he turns it around n always makes it abiut My so called cheating.
                      Btw shifted to version 2.0 as i just discovered that
                      Dont jnow if u connect threads due same email id
                      I,m upset i,m missing him , i’m not contactting from my end but i dont know if i will respond if he contacts. I dont Want to i want him to come and Beg
                      I’m suffering God knows how much
                      Hv u got Any advice you can help me with please?!

                    • NM
                      October 16, 2014 | 4:57 pm

                      I had shifted to ‘get yr bf back2.0′ but u haven’t responded for ages
                      Im sort of no contact or LC n today i blocked him on ciber
                      Dont hv a phn where i cd block him
                      He cd if he wanted, text me, as it happens he just sent me My old pictures
                      Dont know why!
                      Any ideas where to go from here? You seem offended by my perceived ‘cheating’!….

                    • NM
                      October 16, 2014 | 5:04 pm

                      Oh another thing, im Not going to text him He has to come crawling He cheated And he has to beg
                      Sorry if its totally against al advice youve given everybody but….
                      Would love some input though…

  38. Rina
    July 18, 2014 | 6:31 pm

    Hai Chris….
    so… remember when I told you I cheated on my ex 4 times with this guy named Dan? well, I just found out from a mutual friend of ours that my ex was cheating on me during our whole relationship (even before I cheated on him). Daron, my ex, always insisted that he’s never cheated on me, and I want to believe him but after I saw this that you wrote:
    *Narcissistic (Selfish and only thinks of himself.)
    *Chronic Liars (Everyone lies but if someone does it over and over you may have to take a step back and decide if this is someone worth being with.)
    *Someone who gets jealous very easily (If he is constantly accusing you of inappropriate behavior.)
    *Constantly flirts with other girls (Every guy will flirt everynow and then but if it is common behavior for him then be careful.)
    This describes him perfectly (although he didn’t start any of this behavior until I cheated on him)…. :/ I just don’t know who to believe. I’m starting to think maybe Daron isn’t a good match for me after all… but I am now extending the 30 days to 45 days… or maybe I really will go with the 90 days NC since it usually takes me 3- 6 months to get over someone (even if I was only with that person for 3 months :/)

    • admin
      July 21, 2014 | 3:12 pm

      I think he isn’t at all.

      (I am not a fan of cheaters one bit.)

      • Rina
        July 21, 2014 | 11:54 pm

        yeah… probably not a fan of me either then? ^_^’ I’m not really a fan of myself either at the moment because I feel severe guilt for what I did >.< I'm trying to work through it though so I can move on from Daron :)

        • admin
          July 22, 2014 | 2:36 pm

          No offense but you are right.

          Cheating makes me uncomfortable personally but I will tell you one thing.

          I am glad you are feeling guilt for what you did. That means you know it was wrong and your ex keeping a secret means he didn’t care enough about you to give you the truth (until after the fact.)

          • Rina
            July 22, 2014 | 3:25 pm

            Thank you for always being honest with me and never sugar coating things. :) I really appreciate it Chris.

            • admin
              July 24, 2014 | 1:59 pm

              You are more than welcome.

  39. vincy
    June 20, 2014 | 6:26 pm

    me and my bf broke up for some time and the reason for breaking up is he is in love with another, seems much stronger than the love we had, we have been together six years and I really want him back..he cheated on me and is in love with another, do I still have chance?

    • admin
      June 21, 2014 | 7:37 pm

      He cheated on you… Tell me, whats your reasoning for wanting him back?

      • vincy
        June 23, 2014 | 7:34 am

        the reasons I want him back is that we are actually very suitable for each other..we have a lot of common interests and being with him is very comfortable, very happy, we can talk nonstop even we had had a six years relationship..I want him back because I love being with him.. I didn’t even mad at him even he cheated on me…

        • vincy
          June 23, 2014 | 8:20 am

          I have seen a lot of getting back your ex website but it seems none has included my situation

  40. Belle
    June 9, 2014 | 7:56 am

    I find your page very interesting. Me and my 6 years bf broke up 2 days ago. He is 27 and so am I, we are planning to have a baby this year. We have a very beautiful relationship with some downs but we struggle and work things out. For the past 2 years, we had a very sweet relationship, everything is in place. Until last week, I found out that hes bee lying behind my back. My work is 8am-6pm and hes working 4pm-1am. Obviously, theres no time for us to see each other everyday. We can only see each other and spend quality time together every Saturday. Everytime he ends his job, he always txt me goodnight and always letting me know hes home already. Until I found out that hes not going home straight and eve not going home to their house for a couple of days. I was so mad, my friend even saw her with another girl eating outside around 2 am. I was so mad at him, I did not talk to him for a couple of days. He says sorry and beg for forgiveness. I even get to a point where I stalk him in his work place to see he has a girl, and as soon as I saw “them” walking towards his car, I confronted him. I asked him why. He said he just fell out of love since the time that I started working and no time to see each other, he even told me to just break it off with me because he dont want to hurt me anymore. He said that i deserve someone better. BTW, the girl is just his office mate and wanted to ride in his car WITH A GROUP. And I know my bf’s taste, the girl that I saw is impossible for my bf to like. He cried when I left him that night.

    2 nights after, I went out together with my friends (night out). Unfortunately, we saw each other there. He thought I have a company guy so what he did is dance with another girl. I saw it. I was so drunk and so mad. I slapped her. And I even invited him outside to talk, but I beat him up (slap, kick, pull his shirt). And unfortunately his eyes hit the gutter and theres a blood already. We brought him to the hospital (together with my siblings), and the doctors need to stitch his eyelid. My ex’s mom is a doctor so we called her right away to check on him. My ex’s told his mom that he fell of a cab and hit the gutter. His mom cried as soon as he sees his son.

    A day after that, my ex went to our house to show me all the things that Ive done. He told me he hated me so much and he regret the 6 year we had together. He said bad things like “fuck you, cursed me that I hope I suffer, he even told me that its my fault his mom cried. I take full responsibility of my action. I told him that Im very sorry and even begged for forgiveness. I told him that Im not going to do that without any reason. Im just so mad of what he did, but I know what I did t\during that time was too much. I was drunk and so mad thats why I did not control my emotion.

    Now he said that he will tell his whole family what really happened and will take legal action towards me. I know that he cant just badmouth me to his family. Last time I even kneel down and begged fr forgiveness, he said that sorry right now is nothing to him,. He said that everytime he feels the pain and he face the mirror hes hatred towards me grow and the love diminish. He told me to go to his family and confront them on what really happened and take full responsibility of my action if Im really sorry which Im willing to do, supposed to be Ill go there tomorrow to confront them but he did not let me.

    Do you think we still have chance of being together again? He said he still loves me but every time he feels the pain, the hatred grew. What can i do to bring him back? My conscience is killing me because of what I did. Help me!! What can I do to get him back.


    • admin
      June 9, 2014 | 3:26 pm

      Wait, are you actually pregnant or were you just trying to have a baby?

      • Belle
        June 10, 2014 | 12:11 am

        Just planning to have a baby, not yet pregnant.

        • admin
          June 10, 2014 | 3:47 pm

          Gotcha, so it was a pretty intense relationship.

          Do you have any idea for why he cheated on you?

          • Belle
            June 13, 2014 | 6:29 am

            Hi. I dont have any idea why he cheated on me. He started being different when he started working as a korean tutor, 98% of his co-teacher are female. Im thinking that maybe, its one his co-worker. I dont have enough proof but I can feel it. I asked him many times, but he said he dont have any. He meets a lot of girls, talk to them but thats it.

            I want to work things out, but Im sure his mother hates me soooooo much, as well as his whole family. What should I do?

      • Belle
        June 10, 2014 | 12:13 am

        Hi Kevin,

        Just to update you, Saturday morning (6:30am) as I checked my phone, I received 12 missed calls from my ex boyfriend, he was calling me around 5:30 in the morning, but I put my phone on silent thats why I did not hear him calling. Anyways, I tried calling him twice as well because Im thinking it might be emergency thats why hes calling me, he did not answer. After 4 hours, he called, asking if Im calling him, I told him he is the one calling and Im just calling back. he said to just dont mind it and he is just drunk. I said ok. When I checked my other phone,he sent a wrong message, ” I was looking for you, as usual you left me if you have somebody”, obviously he is with another girl last night. So I replied, I told him to resend the number to the right person and probably its impt for her to know that you are looking for her yesterday. He said that its just a friend, who was introduced my his male friend. He said that he’s been seeing the girl for a couple of days already when the incident happened. She left him yesterday because all through out that night, hes drunk and been talking about me. Anyways, for this moment, I dont give a d*mn anymore.

        He keeps on texting me how fu*king coward I am for not confronting his family. I actually texted her sister already and plans to meet up yesterday afternoon. Because of his non stop texting telling me how coward I am, I texted her mom asking if I could meet her since I want to say something very important, and she told me to just text the details whatever it is because she is very busy. So I told her everything and apologized wholeheartedly. She said that she doesnt have anything against me and he knows that hes son is also drunk, in short, shes not mad at me or anything, she told me that we time will heal for both of us. I also texted her sister that I cant meet her up anymore and just told her the whole story, just like their mom, she also said she understand what I did,.

        When my ex find out that i already told his family, he was shock and maybe not expecting that I can really do it. We talked a little bit, and he told me that Im still in his heart, and if he can call anytime he wants. I feel like everything shuttered. I cant face his family anymore, I cant talk to them anymore because they know what kind of person I am.

        Kevin, do you think it is still okay to be with him after his family finds out? Just in case we still try to fix everything will it affect us and our family big time? Or it is better to just give up and leave?

        Thank you.

        • admin
          June 10, 2014 | 3:47 pm

          Who the heck is Kevin?

  41. Seema
    June 8, 2014 | 3:30 am

    Okay I am going to try posting my comment again:

    Hey Chris! How are you? Before I discuss my weird situation with you and get your thoughts on it, I want to know if there’s a possibility you will be writing a guide on what and how a woman, who was a rebound for her ex, can do to get her ex back or influence by making her ex regret letting her go?

    Here’s my situation:
    My ex and I were in a LDR and we broke up 3 months ago. Few days before the break up, he was all affectionate like usual but there came an out of the blue break up. I knew there was something amiss few days before the break up (like cheating) but he denied it. He cut all contact with me suddenly (on Skype, FB, etc.)and I never got closure. I did no contact after the break up and didn’t even contact him when my mutual friend asked why he was with his ex (she’s in a different country too btw) after few weeks into my break up. Until few weeks ago I was in no contact, but I texted him about a memory of us (the one he mentioned often during our relationship). Never got a response and I miss him because he was planning to marry me this summer. What I don’t understand is why he cut off all contact with me right away but never cut off contact with his ex who he is with now when he was the one who broke up with her and was speaking to me during the time he was with her–which I had no clue about until one day he mentioned something that I picked up on!! I miss him and just want to know why he was so cold after the break up with me. Thoughts?

    Keep writing great guides!

    • admin
      June 8, 2014 | 8:19 pm

      What tipped you off on that he was cheating?

      • Seema
        June 8, 2014 | 10:44 pm

        4 days before the break up, there were references made about things he wanted to do (that he had done with the ex in the past) and reminiscing about moments he shared with her which he had forgotten he told me about in the first few weeks of the relationship. He also made some slips while talking to me and made a guilty face when I asked him point blank if there’s someone else–(my gut feeling). I never had gotten this nagging feeling until those last days. I still haven’t received a response to my text.

        • Seema
          June 8, 2014 | 11:16 pm

          Oh! I forgot to mention that he knows I can’t stand cheaters and people who are passive aggressive. I am the straight shooter type.

        • admin
          June 9, 2014 | 3:08 pm

          Soo, he has avoided the question altogether.

          • Seema
            June 9, 2014 | 4:09 pm

            He said “No” when asked at that time but the mutual friend (the one who didn’t know we had broken up who provided me the closure indirectly asking me as to what he was doing with his previous ex in another country when we were supposed to be getting marry in end of July)…So my gut feeling was right that he left me to be with her and possibly they were in touch with each other while he was with me.
            Why be so cold and cut me off when I didn’t even go “text gnating or call gnating” on him?

            I just wanted your point of view about this. I know you are not a cheater…and thank God for that! There’s hope!

            • Seema
              June 9, 2014 | 4:15 pm

              I so want or need a guide where the rebound woman can get some tips to be the “ungettable woman” in the future (the other side of the coin)!

              Sorry! I meant to say : “…while asking me as to what he was doing with his previous ex in another country when we were supposed to be getting married at the end of July”

              • admin
                June 10, 2014 | 3:35 pm

                What do you mean where the rebound woman can become the UG?

                • Seema
                  June 10, 2014 | 6:45 pm

                  Hi Chris. I meant to say, how can someone save a “rebound relationship”. In this scenario, the girl is the rebound.

                  • admin
                    June 11, 2014 | 4:35 pm

                    Thats a good question…

                    I might have to think about that for a moment.

                    • Seema
                      June 13, 2014 | 2:58 am

                      Hey Chris:

                      Did you come up with a solution or some ideas about how to make a rebound relationship last?

  42. Maria
    May 21, 2014 | 7:36 pm

    Hi. Me and my ex have know each other since we were 18 and we recently broke up. Everything was good until I got pregnant and I had to make a decison. We offically got together in September of last year and we moved out december of last year. I found out I was pregnant on valentines day of this year. After I had the abortion he said that he feel outta love with me. We had to move in with a friend cause we couldn’t afford to get a new place yet. During that month he started hanging out more, coming home late and not having sex with me that often. So he said that we needed or should take a break, but we weren’t broken up at that point. Then a couple days later I told him that I have a boyfriend but I single and then he suggested that we should break up. The whole point of taking a break was to get ourselves where we need to be indivdually but he still said he wants to work on us. But come to find out when I went to go and get my things and I left a girl from the apartment downstairs was calling him baby and was all hugged up on him. He’s my first love and even though he cheated I want him back. What should I do?

    • admin
      May 22, 2014 | 3:55 pm

      How old are you now?

  43. Vickie
    May 15, 2014 | 7:24 am

    I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago as he cheated on me with this Christian girl. They are now officially together.

    I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. We have been living together in the dorm since the first day of our relationship. And even we broke up, we are still living together till now. We still sleep together and sometimes had sex (but yea, he is with that girl). I know I still love him much while some part of me just didn’t want that girl to have his loyalty.

    We have experience several emotional breakdowns together when we had those overnight talks on our relationship after we broke up. We were like two twisted souls entwined in our lives. He has acknowledged that I am indispensable in his life and he needed me as a friend at least. He was willing to make me happy and could not imagine me to sleep with another guy. He has even promised me not to sleep with his new girlfriend overnight or have sex with her. He said he will be here until I don’t need him anymore. I don’t know why he is still willing to make promises to me…

    Recently, I have been trying to date some guys to spend my time and make his jealous, but I didn’t go on any date in the end. However,he was quite worried and he actually checked out the bar the I was supposed to go with my date coz he was afraid I’ll be drugged and raped. And he could not get a good sleep as he had dreams seeing me raped by men when I went drinking with friends. He admitted some part of him can’t let me go because I am so important in his life.

    We are going travel in July-Aug, which was booked long time ago and he said he wanted to travel with me even we have broken up. I just didn’t want to miss this chance to get back, or at least travel, with him. (We don’t have money to change to air tickets anyways, we are students)

    Should I still ignore him for 45 days before we go travel? I regret reading your blog so late or else I can have the NC period right after we break up.

    • admin
      May 15, 2014 | 2:22 pm

      Thats not very christian of him…

      Tell me, what is your reasoning for wanting him back?

  44. Hazel
    April 20, 2014 | 9:02 am

    Hi, Chris.

    My ex-boyfriend and i were dating for 7 years. Our relationship was great and full of happiness along years. We rarely argue. We loved each other and planed to get marry next year.
    However, 2 months before our break up, he joined a band and our relationship was getting worse. He was enthusiastically to join every meeting or practice of the band. After that, he started to comment on me that i acting cold to him with less response and always being late when we have a date. When i heard of these comments, i was fear as he never comment bad on me before. I started to change those bad habits, but the result was not significant yet.
    Later on, as mentioned, he broke up with me. Saying that he felt i was cold to him when we were texting or having a date (i had self-reflection after the break up that i should have did better on this, though it is my personality). Also, he mentioned that he no longer feel as happy as being with me before. So, he decided to break up.
    I could not bear with it and I tried to get him back by all the wrong ways (just realized it after visiting your webpage :'( ) for month and a half: texting a lot, calling few times, sending him a LONG letter… he replied me he wants to be alone with the “It’s Not You, It’s Me” excuse then ignored all my later messages.
    There was no ways for me to understand his sudden change, so i did something really bad that i checked his email. I found out that he is now in a relationship with a girl from the band, and they started to date just 10 days after our break up.
    I did not know whether it is a rebound relationship (hopefully it is!), they are happily together for almost 2 months already. They had not make their relationship public yet I guess.
    My last message sent to him was on April, 4. Should I break the no contact after 30 days since that day or should wait until he is the one who find me first? What if he has no response to my no contact after 60 days or something, should i keep on no contact? There is also something I have to return him, is it a good reason to initiate our contact again?
    I really want him back, i DO believe we can work on our relationship better and have a great future if we have good communication.

    btw, this webpage did bring me hope and confidence in getting him back ;) THANK YOU!

    • admin
      April 20, 2014 | 9:13 pm

      I think 60 days might be pretty long.

  45. Britt
    April 20, 2014 | 5:41 am

    How about this for an article? How to get over your cheating ex when you know he’s happy with your ex best friend.

    • admin
      April 20, 2014 | 8:59 pm

      Well, I think in that case its best to cut ties with both of them.

  46. Cyndi
    April 18, 2014 | 4:01 am

    Hi I had a boyfriend before. But I worked overseas before for two years were more than one year before I leave. Then when im back where still ok but after 8 months I worked overseas again. Then I came back in my country after 6 months the first time we meet were ok. The second time we meet were still ok and when the third time we meet were still ok but in the evening he called me and he told me he dont want me anymore. He said that he cannot return the love i give. I said its ok. I know hes busy i understand. But he insist that he want to end our relationship but i said no i dont want but still he wants. Then the next day i tried to call him and text him and beg him to come back. I told him that im going to their house so that we can talk about us. About what happened. But he told me that i dont have to do that because its useless. He said he love someone new and he dont love me anymore. But even though he told me that i still dont believe. Because i really want him back. What can i do? Im so stress.

    • admin
      April 18, 2014 | 3:40 pm

      Did he cheat on you though? You posted in the cheating section.

  47. EMC
    April 12, 2014 | 11:47 am

    Hi, Chris
    Should I forgive my LDR boyfriend for cheating on me?
    He doesnt know I saw the pics of him and her yet ( his coworker oversea ) after I took 16 hours flight to be with him.
    The last day we were together, he felt so guilty, crying, and kept saying ” I am sorry..I can be better”… but didnt confess and I didnt confront him even I knew.
    It’s been a month since I got back. I am still firguring out what to do… Thinking of emailing him that I knew and I should leave him. But I still love him and want to be with him…

    • admin
      April 12, 2014 | 4:37 pm

      Thats up to you.

      Do you think this was a one time thing?

      • EMC
        April 13, 2014 | 11:11 am

        No. He’s gonna see her at some point in the future for work for sure. Just would that be a rebound? Read the article of The Complete Guide To Understand Your Boyfriend, my situation just ticked the boxes of reason2 (that’s pretty much my story) and reason 3 in the cheater part.
        If I break up with him, and implement No Contact rule, can I get him bak? He’s saying he wants to come visit me…

  48. Emily
    April 11, 2014 | 4:30 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me almost a month ago to my utter surprise, I knew we had problems, but I didn’t realize this bad. He was unhappy with our communication and my weight and our sex life becuase of the weight; because I kept saying I would change it, but I actually gained weight instead. He says that made him loose trust in my promises especially with the communication because he felt he tried harder to fix our problems then I did. I know he’s right on some levels, but there was a lot else going on too. I lost my job 4 mths into our lease, my friend moved into help with her 3 young kids into our 2 bdroom apt! That was so difficult and looking back, really stupid. It took me months to find another good job, which in the meantime both of them were begging me to just find any old job, which was hard bc I was the one who made all the money before and supported them. To say the least it has been stressful. I don’t know if it’s all over because we just “don’t work” as he says, or because maybe we just ran our of patience and time and grew apart with life and with each other. When we started dating, we were best friends and in college together, but I graduated 2 years ago and he’s still going and kept changing majors… I always felt we were off track because of that. Then add an awkward roommate situation we took on to pay bills… he says it just sped up what would have happen, but I feel different. Hes very logical and looks at things with little emotion when making hard decisions, and now he’s “shut his emotions off” because so busy with school and work and moving out (still in process of that, so living together still).. and i’m going crazy with them all the time!!! And we both would like to at least be friends because we were before.. but also for me because I think this feels wrong to quit after 4 years.
    I have done a lot of talking to him to the point that he says he can’t handle the emotional stuff anymore, that he if I even bring up the past, he goes quiet. I can’t help it, he was my rock, my confidant, idk what to do!
    I know I’ve talked too much to him and any space I give him now, he will gladly take. Lately he has been trying to be there for me, which has been sweet, but only as friends and because he says it harder for me because i wasn’t prepared as him.. he had been debating for weeks when to talk to me! It feels like he just turned it off while i still wait for my kisses. I just want to know he still cares, which he says he still loves me and cares, but he has to move on. I just want to know he thinks abt all the things we are losing and will miss and i want him to realize they are still worth fighting for.
    I did find out he cheated 6 mnths ago, but not until a week ago (broken up almost month now).. and he never told me bc he regretted it so much, he was just unhappy with our sex life (again i’m overweight and mind.. he is not, he loves working out) and didn’t want to hurt me after he thought abt what he had done. He never did it again. I don’t know if i can forgive him yet, but at this point its not like i can punish him.. and all i see is that i wish i knew then bc i just didn’t realize how bad it all was from his perspective. I thought we had time to work on us still since life had gotten so crazy. I would like at least the chance to work it out, but its so complicated.. i just know I still love him…
    He won’t ask my forgiveness for cheating bc he says he doesn’t deserve it. And I just still love him.. i cant shake that.
    Also how do you do it when we still have some bills and accounts together and will take months to end? Is it too late? Have I done too much damage to make this program work like the NC rule? I think we have something real and there is a lot going on, but I want to try! I really do. I want the chance to get him back.. He says he has a small hope things could go that way, but right now he doesn’t see it, but I do. I really do. Is it Too LATE???

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