How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back if HE Cheated On You

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him.

I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

How are you supposed to get an ex boyfriend back if he cheated on you? Do you even want to get him back? I’ll admit that these are a few of the most asked questions I get on this site. Today I am going to do my very best to answer them both for you. If you are new to my site then just a warning, every single page I write goes far more in-depth than my peers. Every page draws upon in-depth research (from experts), stories from women who have had success and my own personal experience. So, rather than write more filler content I would prefer to talk about the stuff that can actually do something for you!

Getting A Cheating Boyfriend Back… Is It Possible?

Heck ya it is possible! Of course, the real question is do you even want him back? I have found that a lot of the women who I have worked with who have been cheated on decide not to get their ex boyfriends back because they feel a lot better about themselves after they read the process on this page.

Now, a word about this page:

If you came here looking to get back your ex boyfriend then this page can help guide you. However, it can’t give you the step by step instructions that you are craving. If that is really what you are looking for then I urge you to check out the Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO system that I am always going on and on about. Of course, I still want you to read this page because it contains valuable information on understanding the mind of a cheating boyfriend and how to approach the situation you are in. But, if you want a true step by step guide check out the link below:

Learn More About Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Good, now that I have that out of the way we can proceed to understanding why men cheat.

Why Do Men Cheat?

Understanding why your boyfriend cheated on you is important. In this section I am going to give you some insight into the male psyche so you can understand why a man will cheat on you. Obviously, there are a lot of different reasons that a man will ultimately decide to cheat on his girlfriend but I would have to say that the most common reason would be because he is just plain horny.

Basically, he sees something he wants and he goes and gets it. While, I think it is a horrible betrayal of trust to cheat on someone (why not break up with them before you move on?) I think a case can be made here that evolution plays a role in his “horniness.” At his very core, a man is instilled with a primal need to replicate/reproduce. Humans were never intended to be monogamous creatures. While I think it says a lot about the advancement of humans that we have slowly developed into a race that seeks out a significant other we weren’t originally intended to do so.

Now, I don’t want you to sit there and feel like I am in any way “for” cheating because I AM NOT. I am simply explaining to you why your ex would feel a need to cheat on you. I suppose there is a little comfort to take in the fact that your ex didn’t cheat on you because of something you did but because he can’t properly his sexual urges. Which leads us to the next section.

Should You Even Try To Get A Cheating Boyfriend Back?

As I write these words I am little conflicted. A part of me wants to tell you to move on but another part of me wants to help you. You clearly came here because you want your ex boyfriend back and I want to help you do that but above all I want to help YOU. Sometimes that means telling you to run the other way. So, I am just going to say this:

The only way that I can justify giving you my help is if you have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your ex.

(I outline the legitimate reasons a lot more in my book found here.)

This means that I CAN NOT help you if you

  • Don’t have a good reason for getting back together.
  • If he has cheated on you multiple times.
  • If you don’t think you can do any better than your ex.
  • The relationship you had was physically or mentally abusive.

However, I WILL be willing to offer you my help if you.

  • Have a legitimate reason for wanting to get together again.
  • If the cheating was an isolated incident (AND WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN)

Trusting Yourself

Here is the deal, before you try to get your ex boyfriend back (if he cheated on you) I am going to ask you to do something that may be a little unorthodox. I want you to implement a no contact rule. If you are familiar with my site then you know I am a really big believer in the no contact rule. Usually, the most powerful part of the no contact rule is it’s ability to break a guy down and make him wonder why you haven’t tried contacting him yet, making him really be on the edge of his seat for when you finally do decide to reach out.

BUT

You are in a very unique situation so I am going to ask you implement the no contact rule for an entirely different reason. I want you to use it as a sort of self check. As you read my page you may still be pretty close to your breakup, time wise. As you will probably realize, making big decisions like going back to an ex who cheated on you isn’t a choice you should make when you are so emotionally unstable (no offense.) The normal no contact period is supposed to last one month or 30 days. That means you can’t text, email, facebook, google plus or talk to your ex on the phone. You essentially cut off all communication. However, I would say that you up the no contact period in this case to 45 days

If after that amount of time you still want to get your ex back then I say you should go right ahead. Notice how you are going to be using the no contact rule on three fronts.

  1. To get your ex a little worried that you will never contact him again.
  2. To use the time to work on yourself (healing)
  3. To decide if your ex is even worth getting back

Deciding If He Is Worth Getting Back

During your 45 days of no contact you are obviously going to have some thinking to do. As stated above, you are going to have to decide if you want to take your ex boyfriend back. You may find that after 45 days you just don’t have the same desire you did to get him back when you first started the NC period. It that happens to you then you should probably move on to someone new.

Since we are dealing with someone who cheated on you the thing you really need to figure out is if he is the type of person that will cheat on a moments notice. Here are some qualities that cheaters tend to have.

  • Narcissistic (Selfish and only thinks of himself.)
  • Chronic Liars (Everyone lies but if someone does it over and over you may have to take a step back and decide if this is someone worth being with.)
  • Someone who gets jealous very easily (If he is constantly accusing you of inappropriate behavior.)
  • Constantly flirts with other girls (Every guy will flirt every now and then but if it is common behavior for him then be careful.)
  • If your ex has cheated in the past (Everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes but if he cheated in the past then that behavior is NOT a one time thing.)

Contacting Your Ex

The time has come, you have waited, hopefully 45 days, and it is finally time to try and start getting your ex boyfriend back. Now, before I go into some long explanation about each step you should take I do feel it is important to mention that I have put together a HUGE resource on how to get your ex back here. While I will talk about what you should do on this page I can tell you that the page I just linked to goes into way more detail (which you will definitely need.)

Alright, now that I have that out of the way lets dive in to how you should contact your ex boyfriend after 45 days.

Usually what happens is your ex will have contacted you at one point during the NC period. That is a really good sign because it means they are interested or concerned about you. Basically, they are feeling something towards you which is what you want. Now, the whole point of the no contact rule was to NOT contact your ex so you aren’t exactly allowed to respond to them after they contact you during the initial 45 day period. Understand that you essentially ignoring them will make them really angry.  I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU DON’T CARE HOW THEY FEEL. At least, not at this point.

What is going to happen is that when you finally do decide to contact them they are going to be filled with joy. They have waited all this time to hear from you and when that moment finally comes they are going to be so excited that they will probably run up and down the stairs and do all the things that guys do when they are happy.

Now, here is an interesting question. What is the best way to contact your ex boyfriend?

Choice 1: Calling (NOOOO)

Choice 2: Writing A Letter or Emailing (NOOOO)

Choice 3: Texting (YESSS)

Before I move on I am going to take a few moments to go through each of the choices and explain why texting is the way to go.

Calling – It’s way too much way too soon. As I have said multiple times throughout this site, you have to earn the right to call your ex or in this case, your ex has to earn the right to call you. Besides, when you talk on the phone you don’t have time to think. You have to say just the right thing at just the right time for things to work out the way you want them to. However, the biggest disadvantage for calling an ex is the fact that you could potentially get angry, raise your voice and start a fight if something is said that you don’t like. Now, it may seem like I am swearing off calling altogether but I promise you I am not. In fact, there is a time and a place to use calling as a way to contact your ex but only after your ex earns the right for you to call them. I feel I do a good job of explaining when the proper time to call is in the link I provided at the beginning of this section.

Writing A Letter – It’s creepy. Can you imagine getting a letter after 45 days of no contact from someone that you thought didn’t want to talk to you? Besides, sending a letter is a bold statement that basically screams I STILL LOVE YOU. There is no way to that sending a letter is “light” it is basically an all or nothing kind of deal or as I like to say, it’s a low percentage shot of getting your ex back.

Emailing- A couple of problems with this. First, does your ex even check their email? I can go days, sometimes months without checking certain emails (I have multiple.) Secondly, there is no way that you can get an instant response. With a text if your ex doesn’t respond to you in a day then you can pretty much determine “ok, well that didn’t work.” However, with an email it can sometimes take 2-3 days for a response. I think you have waited long enough.

Texting- Texting is really the best option you have for a number of reasons. First off, it gives you time to think (which calling doesn’t allow.) Every single text message you can craft with time and thought. It is also impossible to show you are angry by raising your voice through a text. Add in the fact that you can get a quick response and you are good to go!

What Do You Say To Them?

Alright great, so now you know that texting is the way to go if you want to get your ex back the question becomes “what do you say in your texts?” I am not going to pretend that this is the easiest thing to do in the world because quite honestly anyone who claims that is lying. Getting your ex back is not going to be an easy task. What I will say is that I have written a page that will help you make the “what to say” process even easier. Check out my texting guide that will help you through what to say to your ex boyfriend.

What Do You Think? (732)

  1. Cathy - 0

    Cathy

    My husband and I separated 3 yrs ago after 12 years of marriage because he had an affair. We are still married and have no plans to divorce at this point, even though he is living with his affair partner in our home. I’m a full time student and he supports me, even pays for satellite radio in my car, my phone, health insurance, etc. He comes over around once a month & we split a bottle of wine. We don’t hook up but often talk about reconcilliation. I’d take him back in a heartbeat because I’m still in love with him and we were blissfully happy together for a number of years. I’ve frequently asked him if he wants a divorce and he says he doesn’t know what he wants. I questioned him about it and he swears he REALLY doesn’t know & wants to re-visit reconcilliation idea when I graduate in May of 2017. He talks about spending the rest of our lives together, however lately I’ve been initiating all contact. Should I re-initiate no contact? It failed miserably the first time I tried it. Not sure where to go from here. Very apprehensive about NC. Maybe we’re beyond that.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cathy,

      Take a different approach. Try doing nc again but this time, after it, do not be engaging in taking him back if he asks it. Make it seem like you’re not that interested anymore. And if he wants you, he as to prove it.. And ofcourse, improve yourself during and continually after nc.. Maintain your routine after nc

  2. Melissa - 0

    Melissa

    Hello, I’ve followed 30 day no contact, followed the texting guide and got the dinner date in 10days! I really believe in your method. We are in constant stream of texting but as soon as we start flirting, he cuts the conversation for 6 hours and then starts messaging again? He saying things like wow I’m really wanting sex, I’ll say something similar and then he vanishes and bans the conversation… I don’t think ignoring him is the way, as he’s being messaging every day, just not sure how to read this. Is he not into flirting, does it scare him, or is he seeing me as a friend, does he not want me to think he’s using me for sex? I have no intension in sleeping with him until commitment. He’s 29years old.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Melissa,

      I think he doesn’t want the conversation to be too forward.

  3. Akiko - 0

    Akiko

    My ex boyfriend of nearly 3 years cheated on me and he doesn’t want to admit that he did. We really did love each other but towards the end of our relationship, he started becoming more distant and I found out that he’s been with another girl. I live with him and he still wants to be friends and he said that he still cares for me as a close friend, since we’ve known each other for years even longer than our relationship. Even after all of this, I still love him a lot, but I don’t want to just be friends and apparently, he’s already with the girl he cheated on me with, but he doesn’t want to admit that they’re together. He did this to me before but at that time, we weren’t really together. Although, he realized that he hurt me so much and wanted to make up for it. Right now, he doesn’t realize that he’s technically doing the same thing again/letting history repeat itself BUT this time, we were actually together. I’ve already done the NO CONTACT rule for 3 weeks and he got super bothered and kept trying to reach out. We are now on talking terms, but even now, I still want him back and we helped each other grow so much. What should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Akiko,

      and you’re still living with him? If you really want something to change, the circumstances has to change. If you don’t want to be his friends, then don’t be his friend.. Living together is going to put you in a friends with benefits position which is even worse

  4. Carolina Chavez - 0

    Carolina Chavez

    I’ve known my ex boyfriend for over two years. We started off as friends, then hooking up, and we became in a relationship. I found out that in February he hooked up with his ex girlfriend of 4 years. During this time, we weren’t official. However, I also found out he has been talking to a new girl. When I confronted him he apologized was remorseful and constantly stated feeling embarrassed and like an idiot. He said he doesn’t know what to say to me because he is embarrassed and I don’t deserve this. He also has been ignoring me because he feels like he doesn’t deserve talking to me. During our relationship, he did not show any signs of unhappiness. We talked every day, laughed, saw each other. Best relationship I ever had. We haven’t spoken for three days and I don’t know what to do. He seems like he is avoiding talking to me. What should I do?

    Reply
    • Carolina Chavez - 0

      Carolina Chavez

      Also, he stated that he wants to be with me. That he has done more with me than any other relationship he has had (2). He just feels like he doesn’t have the right to beg for my forgiveness. I really would like for him to fight for me but he hasn’t. He’s going to be 28years old in a couple of months and I don’t know if he got scared because the relationship was serious or because he feels like he still needs to mess around with other girls. I just wish he would talk to me. He took the decision of taking time to think and stuff on his own. I didn’t ask for time or I didn’t say to not contact me. I don’t know what to do.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Carolina,

      when did he talk to the new girl? and when did you break up? Are you going to try what’s advised above?

    • Carolina Chavez - 0

      Carolina Chavez

      He started talking to the new girl in August. He claims he does not talk to her every day like he talks to me. He isn’t really fighting for me. He keeps saying he feels like he doesn’t deserve to talk to me and how he feels embarrassed. At this point, I don’t even know if we are broken up or not. The last thing we said is that we are taking time to think. He was the one that suggested this. I am willing to try the no contact rule. What do you think I should do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ok.. yeah, I think you should do 30 days no contact.. Don’t be friends with benefits with him again.. It’s still a good sign that he feels guilty. Just don’t lower you value by chasing him or agreeing to be friends with benefits again.

  5. Stacy - 0

    Stacy

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years. We were recently living together and I went through his phone and saw some very in inappropriate/ flirtatious text messages. When I confronted him he told me they kissed and he likes the girl. I broke up with him the same day because he didn’t want to cut off the girl. His reasons for this is because I often have the habit of shutting down and not talking about things and I just end the relationship so he feels disposable and he says if he cuts this friend off then he won’t have anyone to talk to when I dissapear on him emotionally. While I do realize I have things to work on I think it’s an excuse. He then moved out and continues to talk to the girl, I found out through a friend that he’s been staying at her house and we’ve been broken up for 2 weeks. They both share common interests and values and he often seems to rub that in my face. He also compares me to her. Now this girl isn’t someone new in his life they have been friends for years and they even had a little thing in the past when they were younger but he just didn’t decide to pursue anything, and so I’m having a hard time figuring out why now? I recently started the no contact method and he’s been contacting me and texting me non stop. I deleted him off social media and blocked his number and he texts me and tells me I’m immature. It’s been a week since I started the no contact method but I don’t get why he’s still Calling me, and sending pictures of us together and begging for me to talk to him if he likes this girl and is currently staying with her. He recently texted me and stated he tried and ever since then the calls and texts have stopped since I didn’t respond. Should I continue the NC method or just move on?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Stacy,

      Looks like he saw her as a grass is greener case because he got tired of feeling unimportant and now, he misses you because you’ve been silent.. but that doesnt mean he would want to get back with you..try to finish 30 days first and then decide in the end if you want to try to slowly build rapport.. Heal and Improve yourself during nc too

  6. P - 0

    P

    Hi,

    My boyfriend of 1 and a half years has decided to end our relationship. He came clean about cheating on me with his ex during a trip with her together, and it was during the infidelity, he realised he loved me. He has never cheated before and this was his first time, and was very guilty about it. He apologised for the infidelity and said that he could not forgive himself even if I ‘ve decided to give him another chance; he can’t seem to bare to live with the guilt if we were to continue this relationship, and told me i deserved better and i should go away and never come back. We have broken up twice during our relationship, due to certain factors that are stressful in our personal life. In both those break ups, he plead to continue the relationship.
    Before he broke things off this time, he told me that I was the only girl who he’s truly loved and expressed how he feels, as he is not an expressive type of guy. I could tell from his voice, he sounded lost, and needed some direction.
    If he loved me, why did he allow the cheating to happen? why is he coming clean now after 6 months after their trip ended? How could he continue the relationship in that 6 months period as if nothing has happened? He said he knew he had to tell me sooner or later, but he didn’t want to tell me sooner because he doesn’t want to lose me over something meaningless he had with his ex during the trip.

    I know i should forgive him, for myself. But I don’t know if what he said is true and not just bullshit guys tell girls and if we still have a shot at this relationship if we do plan to continue or is this the end?

    Please advice. Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi P,

      looks like he’s telling the truth and breaking up with you is his form of remorse.. when did you break up?

  7. B - 0

    B

    I dated my exboyfriend for almost 18 months. I am 40, he is 28. I have never loved anyone more than him. This was my first ltr in awhile. I asked him to choose between his girlfriend and me. He chose me. We have been through 2 miscarriages, drugs and alcohol, loss of a parent and even lived together. I caught him cheating and we ended the relationship. He is currently with this person. I am currently working on the 30 days no contact. I am trying to improve myself. I want him back, but hesitate. I also hesitate to purchase your book because I don’t know if it will truly work. The saying it happens for a reason keeps me from investing in your book. Help me decide if I should move forward…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi B,

      That’s a lot for 18 months.. Ok, why not try this one first. List down the reasons why you should and shouldn’t try again and then list down your non negotiables too

    • B - 0

      B

      I want him back! I miss him and we were good together. I realized that I want him back. We have been through a lot and I can’t imagine going through anything else without him. I am still in love with him.

    • B - 0

      B

      I want him back. We were good together. I am still in love with him.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ok.Are you going to try what’s advised above?

    • B - 0

      B

      Yes I’ve done my lists.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s good. Focus your energy in improving yourself. You only have a short time in just focusing in yourself. No contact is just a start of a routine that you will continue when you start rebuilding rapport and attraction again and even when you get him back.

  8. Darian - 0

    Darian

    Hi,

    Me and my boyfriend were in a committed relationship for a few months. It was my first real relationship, and his second. We spent ALOT of time together, despite both of us maintaining full time jobs. We’re 18-19. Things were going smoothly. We never fought but we always laughed and traveled and went on date nights. Then, a week before trouble happened I noticed a change. He became distant.

    I started to strategize ways to fix it when a friend told me that he recently created a profile on a hookup site, (Grindr) which is weird because we made love frequently. Supposably he “got bored with me”. I, enraged, waited until I was rational, gathered my evidence and confronted him the next day. He shut down because I caught him (he’s military and values “integrity and honor”) and has since resisted my efforts to fix the situation (He’s a Scorpio “avoidant personality”). I messed up by texting too much and being too aggressive in trying to fix our situation. Long story short, I asked him for closure and he kept retreating until he finally blocked me on snapchat.

    It makes little to no sense because he was the one who put so much effort into remembering things like our anniversary and showing me off to his friends, and then in the matter of a week this change happened. After these failed attempts I started the No Contact. I’m 13 days into it. He now has re-added me as a friend on snapchat but I left his friend request pending. He also screenshots pictures of me on our mutual friend’s snapchat. I’m getting mixed signals here. How should I handle this?

    To make matters worse his first ex boyfriend, (who has admitted to only using him for free food and sex) is pursuing him. This charming boy admitted to sleeping with over 80 people and has his sights set on my ex again. I’m not too worried about them rekindling anything other than a hookup, because things never last with that whore, but it’s a variable to keep in mind.

    I honestly care about him because he’s only 18, and he ran away from an abusive home for that whorish user ex boyfriend. The other boy apparently got “bored” of him and he got dumped, only after getting mooched of money and food for a good many months. 8 months or so later we met. He’s supporting himself, which is impressive, but he has NO family nearby. I just fear for his safety that an injured soul might seek out bad company and degenerate into bad and unhealthy habits. He was doing so good with me and my family. Sorry for the really complicated situation, I’m just desperate for someone’s take on it. Maybe there’s something I’m missing.

    Thanks : )

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Darian,

      I think it’s because of the age. He’s young and he wanted to explore. He screenshots your pictures? and then what? he sends it to you? Well, it looks like he’s starting to miss you.Just continue on with your no contact period and have you started to improve yourself? I think you should do 30 days too

    • Darian - 0

      Darian

      Thanks you so much Amor! I appreciate your response 🙂

      Also, quick update, I’m at day 26 and our mutual friend is telling me that my ex has been binge eating like crazy (ice cream/ junk food) the past month, and hooking up. Depression maybe? Is that good or bad for me?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome! Good for you.. well, bad for him

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