The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Mary

December 17, 2015 at 3:10 am

Hi Chris, it’s Mary again,
I nearly cried after reading yr soul mate article about how u met and got married with yr wife. U are really a good man, which is very brave to move to other cities and get married.

I am not sure if u still remember me..met my bf on last Sat and he wanted to stop the relationship..I didn’t really say sth like I want u to come back but I tried to say sth..we could resolve problems like my visa problem and I could move to his cities…but he refused and he said he was tired…I am short temper if he said sth I didnt like..I wouldnt talk to him would be unhappy..also culture problem..I am Asian and he is western.

When we were still in relationship, my ex did meet me once or twice every month but he was afraid to commit..finally we managed to have relationship as I said sth like either fds or in relationship..and finally he chose in relationship..
However, since my visa is expiring soon..(about 5 months)..so I asked him if he had any plan for our future like marriage..he said not much..then I said u should be serious..after that we didn’t really talk..after..4-5days..he said sth I mentioned before..princess,tired,stress..etc..Therefore, he thinks it’s not good to be long..

To be honest, I was too care about our future..which makes him stressed..and I didn’t know how to express myself so I didn’t talk..

But if he really has liked me..maybe he would have been decisive to get married with me instead of not thinking about future? Or he is just too scare to commit?..I really don’t know.

I am not sure if he will come back..but I am leaving in May..if I did 30 days NC..then will be January..I don’t know what I should do..if I go back to my country..would take over 12 hrs to go to his country..don’t know if I can get him back..can u give me advise Please.

He sent me msg the same day after break up.. which is 12/12. Say sth take care..but I do NC so didn’t answer…he saw my last online time so he knew I ignored him and sent me another msg “are we still fd?” And I didn’t answer..so should I do 30days or 21days? Also,we have more than 6 months together but less than 1 year..we never have sex but I did help him to release..Also, we slept together when we went on Trip.

BTW,I have bought yr books already..and I am gonna read it again and again. It is very useful.Thanks.

To be honest..I have tried other expert before when I had relationship with my ex ex bfand I paid quite a lot..finally he didn’t come back..could be because I was lack of confidence or just the way doesn’t work..but I decide to tell u ..not because I don’t believe u..just wanna give some suggestions to see if u think it’s useful..and it could help more girls. The expert I asked has similar rule like u..30days NC first..but then sending texts to seek help..like thinking about sth he used to help u and u have “reason” to contact him..during the interaction..u need to admire him ..and praise him..I did do it and he asked me to go for dinner..and he asked why I kept send msgs to him and wt I want from him..but I didn’t know how to answer finally he blocked me..maybe just my problems..what do u think about this method ? Also,if ex asked why u keep msg him and what I want..what should I say?

Chris, Hopefully u can answer me. Also, u are really nice and kind to help us..Furthermore, very brave to make decision which isnt really like my ex ..or he isnt like me only..my english isnt really good..Hopefully , u can understand it. Anyway I appreciate what u do to help us.

Please feel free to email me if u want any details about my situation and about the experts I used to ask.
Alexe

December 14, 2015 at 7:53 pm

Hi chris,
My questions is do I have a chance and should I even try.
We’ve been friends for 5 years, best friends for 4 and dated for 5months. But before we made it officiel he chased me for about a year but I kept telling him to let it go because we were such great friends I didnt want to risk losing him in the long run. I did like him though through all the time he was chasing me so that’s why finally i gave in. Everything was going great, we’d have fights once in a while like everyone but other then that we were very happy. We talked about our futur together and kids, he always told me how much he loved me and how I was the most importante person in his life. He told me all those the day before he broke up, but the next day it just wasn’t working out for him anymore. I haven’t contacted him in anyway way possible to give him space, but this weekend he told one of our mutual friends that we fought all the time, that he didnt want to count his minutes to spend more time with me, also that he didnt want to talk to me or see me. I also found out that he hasnt told any of his friend, he goes and partys with them but hasnt told them any details, he just keep saying I dont wanna talk about it. His work and my gym share a large parking and it happened that I went to the gym when he worked but I even tried to hide my car behind other vehicules so he wouldn’t see me, he told our mutual friend that i was probably hiding in the gym just so i could try and see him. I thought to myself the world doesn’t revolve around you, I can workout when ever I want. But anyways from what I’ve told you do you think that I should give up of keep fighting.
Thank you
Alex
Mary

December 13, 2015 at 12:36 am

Hi Chris
Sorry to send u msg again as I have some update..
My bf and me met today as he said he wanted to have serious talk and originally was a trip but then he just cancelled it and talked instead.

I know he was gonna say sth to me which isn’t nice..I thought originally he did think about to talk but I may have been being annoying him too much so he just decided to break up. I did read sth article before going to meet him…at first he saw me..he wasn’t very nice to me..just said did u wanna drink..and he just wanted to do the talk..but then he ordered drinks ..while we were waiting ..I took abit risk as I had prepared a small christmas and birthday gift to him and trying to be friendly..talked about weather,alcohol, work and weather..so he was relaxed and I guess he originally just wanted to spend several mins with me and left but I was friendly so we talked over an hour about everything except relationship..but of course in the end he just suddenly said he wanted to finish the relationship..I just tried to be calm and asked why..he just said he felt tired. Then I asked u should have told me earlier and asked him again the reason.
He finally said
1.tired (I always keep silent and dont talk when I didn’t like wt he said) he thinks I am too easily to be unhappy.
2.he thinks it is long distance..need 2.5 hrs train to meet
3.I am too mature as I wanna get married or I have to go back to my country.
4.abit demanding as I said I wanted to go traveling but he didn’t say he didn’t like. He thinks if he told me ..I would be..silent..unhappy..just like a princess so not good for long relationship.

I told him several times that he could still decide after my explanation. I told him I could reolve all the problems like moving to his city so it’s closer and I said sorry I didn’t know he was unhappy as I always kept silent which I really thought it’s not a bad thing. Also, find other visa so that we don’t really need to get married..and u wouldnt feel stressful.
I am wondering if I am begging him back or try to let him know that there are lots of ways to deal with those problems. He said he didn’t so I just repeat once and said everything he said could be resolved. Am I begging?
anyway, once he said he didn’t want again ..I just said well..I have nothing to say..and left immediately without even waiting him.
While I was leaving..he asked if I went home..he was worried if I didn’t go home. I just gave him a smile and said thanks for yr time and have a good time with yr fd afterwards( he meets his fd after the meeting.)Then I just left as fast as I could while he was still sitting on the chair.. Was I too rude?
after several minutes. .I received his msg which was thanks for coming and take care via Whatsapp. I opened it but didnt answer..and there is a function for whstsapp which u can see the last online time and see if I have read it..he saw that his msg was read so he sent another msg which is “are we still fds?”..I don’t open the msg and read so he thought I haven’t read it yet.
1.Is it alright if he knows that I have read the msg but just don’t answer? Or I have to try to hide my last online time and if rhe msg has been read?
2.it seems that he just wanted to be fd and wanted to contact me twice today but it is the first day only ..Does NC still works and need 30 days? What if he gives up contacting me？
3.I am gonna buy the book ..at that same time..if I have questions or wanna seek for advice..is it available to ask??!
Thanks for reading my msg..it’s long ..sorry.

Mary

December 13, 2015 at 6:05 pm

Sorry..Mary and Yuki are both my name but Please edit my name to Mary if u want to show it in public..Thanks very much and sorry for sending too many msgs
yuki

December 13, 2015 at 5:52 pm

Hi I just bought yr e books including text Bible ..I am gonna read it but now should I let him know that I have read his msg but don’t reply him? What I meant is if I open the msg..he can see that the msg has been read.
Actually..one of the reason he broke up because I don’t talk to him/ keep silent when I am angry.
Now he sent me msg during the first day..it shows that he doesn’t hate me and he just wanted to be fd..if I ignore ..he would think..yes..she is the same now..ignore me..I don’t wanna be fd with her anymore..and I really don’t care..would he think like this??

Also, we both after 25..but before 30..not students..not married..met online ..online fd for 6 months ..then dating 3 months ..and have relationship about 6 months..we don’t phone each other..just texting and meet in person..as we both live in different cities so just meet twice a month
Thanks.

Katy

December 10, 2015 at 9:03 pm

Hi Chris
My boyfriend broke up with me after a year and a half he said he wasn’t happy and didn’t love me anymore and I was confused because we didn’t fight or anything at all, he told me there wasn’t a chance, and then he told me to wait and see how he felt and that he needed a break. It’s hard because I see him almost everyday and sometimes I catch him giving me a glance, and pretending I’m not there. He seems different he isolates himself from people he’s close with now and likes to be alone. Is it because of the break up? I haven’t talked to him in one week.
Lisa

December 9, 2015 at 12:34 am

Hello!
Thank you for this great article, I will start with the no contact right away.
He says he loves me but needs to be free and he says its “enough” of the issues we had.
We are now long distance and I will only be in the same city again in 6 weeks. But the rules should be the same, right?

Oh and he basically wants to stay friends and keep contact. Would it be okay to say to him I need to cut the contact for a while to cope with the new situation and move on?
Other how should I phrase this?

Thank you!!
Kendra Bills

December 8, 2015 at 7:47 pm

I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 months now and sunday he said that he missed me and im confused on what to do. should I text him first or should I wait?
Amy

December 8, 2015 at 4:06 pm

Broke up (if you can even call it that) with my ex because he told me he only wanted a FWB situation. He invited me to a group drinks thing– was very positive and encouraging for me to come, I noticed he alluded to some of our inside references on his social media prior. I figured seeing him was a friends thing, but it was worse than that– I show up and other than some politeness, he very deliberately ignores me, I overhear him talking about some girl he’s interested in and doesn’t seem to care when his friend hits on me. Why would he set me up like that only to slam me down, when he was the one who didn’t want to date me?
MarieJo

December 8, 2015 at 1:39 am

Hello Chris

I found your site for obvius reasons, to this point im not sure if i have any hope to get him back, 3 weeks ago my BF and I broke up, we were for 4 months in a LDR, since we meet we had a incredible click and chemestry, he was fan of working out and running and i was too, we were in contact 24/7, laugh and really enjoy talking with eachother, skype, whatsapp, calls etc, at first the told me he friends of must of he’s ex’s, ( he only have 3) but one in special, i didn’t care that much, becuase i trusted him, even thought he told me when she moved out of he’s place she left some stuff at he’s house since her new place was to small to have them. we meet in July by end of august he flu to my ocuntry to meet in person, we spended 6 days at the beach, one of those days we had a fight becuase we were walking out of the house when a girl with was running next to us and he stared her, i got upset, I forget to mention he used to be this super skinny nerd kind of guy ( personally i saw th epictures and i will fall for him anyways) after he’s first broke up he started to run and wokout a lot, and well now have a pretty good body, sometimes he maked feel insecure about my body, going back to the fight, i got upset and well we talk trhought and we were okay again, we had a great and amaizing time while he was here. We agreed Im was going to flight for xmas there when i had holidays at my work, but things got complicated and I quit to my job on end of september, he told me before i did, that was the best decition i could do, since was getting me affected on my health, and also he suggested if i quit, i should travel to he’s country (europe) and spend 3 months with him, to learnd he’s languaje and then get a visa to move there, normally I think twice and of course i won’t take a decition like this so easily, but i love him and of course i was sure he loved me too, so i taked the risk and quit my job, one week later i was traveling to him…. the first week was perfect, i meet he’s mother and bothers, by the second week he started with comments like i should eat less, i shuld workout more, to critize me in a way coming for your boyfriend make you feel insecure, at first i was just taking it in a cool way, traying not to get sad or upset, but one day i noted i was the one hunging him, and trying to kiss him, i didn’t feel the fire or the passion, i talked this with him was in the middle of my second week there, i told him what was wrong and he said, he wasn’t 20 anymore, and sometimes he was tired, the next day after our conversation, the things got even worst, he wanted to go for a running and it was at nite, raining and super cold, I come from a tropical country, im not used to, i was there to get used, i told him I won’t always do what he wanted, that i wasn’t the mood, wasn’t a big fight, but i noted he was upset, to make the story shorted, the next one and half week, i felt like he going more and more distant, until that last saturday November 14th, the nite before we talk again trhought, and we supposed to be okay, that saturday we woke up, went for a running we come back and had lunch together, we started to watch the tv, and i feel like he was uncoftable, and i asked him what was wrong, he said he didn’t know, that he felt depress, and like he didn’t loved me like he feel when he was here at my country, that probably he needs to be alone, so there it hit me, i booked a flight back to my country the next day…he didn’t asked me to stay. When i went back i had a message from him, that he cryed when he got back to he’s house, i told him he didn’t fight for me or for Us, and we started to talk, i was broken, and he told me he wanted to continue the relationship, that the fact he knew i was he’s girl give him peace, i agreed, and the next minute he was telling me since he thougth he would never see me again, he set up appoiments with her ex girlfriend ( the one is frined of him) and another girl he meet via Tinder, of course i went ballistic, because i wasn’t even landed yet and he was doing that, and then i told him why he is putting even more stress over the relationship, that it was fragil and the fact he will make dinner at he’s house with her ex and she will stay to sleep there ( she supposed to be in a spiritual journey and he will borrow he’s campig aquitment to her and the next day she will continue her journey), and with another girl wasn’t making me anymore happy, he told me i should trust him he will never cheat on me, and i just said how i supposed to trust you if you treat me the way you did while i was there? and i hang up the phone. that was on 3 weeks ago. Of course after that 3 days later i texted him, telling him i miss him and we should try to make the thing workout…that if he felt the same way he only said” I did missed you, but im trying to move on this, and i think is for the best, we fught a lot, and we weren’t happy together…” My heart was broke in million pieces i only said i will respect he’s will and i will move on, one week later he only send me a email telling me he had some files from my work at he’s drop box, that maybe i will use..nothing else nothing more, that was two weeks ago, I answer he’s email the day before and pointed in out all the bad feelings he gave me ( he told me he was in love with my sould and my heart, but maybe i could loose my double chin and also some weight because he’s hormons manage him) that he choosed to change while i was there and focus more on my body ( im not fat im 110 punds) than my real me, he maked me feel unconftable and despite of that i loved him with all those things, that if something broke up with us, wasnt the fights, it was he’s own insecurities and the way he choose love someone…… after i send i blocked him from my mail, but the next day i unblocked him… from that email have passed one week and somedays, he haven’te tried to contacted me, even i haven’t blocked him from whatsapp i only deleted hes number, I miss him, with all my heart, because i did fall in love for him, i miss talk with him, our jokes everything, but im not sure if he will come back someday if i can make something to him react, because bottom line we womens if we decided to broke up is just to see if the person reacts somehow…. but im not sure if i can still have hope..please help me, i feel really sad

MarieJo

December 17, 2015 at 7:51 pm

Hi Chris!

Please help me, I’m in my 20th NC day, i haven’t hear from him at all 🙁 i have follow all your advises, and points, you think i still have a chance, i really miss him, and i know i can live without him, but i don’t want…we used to be like super closed he always said it was the first time he was opened about everything with a person, and i did feel the same with him, that for the first time i was able to talk about a bunch of things that i couldn’t talk with anybody else in my life…. we Broke up a month ago and NC since 20 days already, i had feel like centuries… 🙁 please help me

mansi

December 7, 2015 at 11:50 am

Hey im mansi. Im 18 yrs old around past 1month we both have broked up .l loved him so much even he loved me soo much he had 1 yr relationship but past 3 months l used to fight on small reason and that was my big mistake he used to love me like a heaven but unfortunatly everything changed the last fight I did. Was are last day of relationship I didn’t no that this would have happen he gaved me many chances and I promised him that I won’t do again but I always do l realised my mistake I begged him so much that I realised my mistake then too he is saying no nw we. Both are just frnds and I promised him that I wont talk on this topic again but I removed tht topic nw today nly I talked about this topic he says no l understood everything n even we don’t have future so I will never come back again n he says that he is in relationship wid another girl but I no its fake he is trying to bring negative thinking on my mind so that I would leave him but no I know he nw also love him. Can anyone can give advice to me l m hurted so much. :'(…..plz Somebody give advice I need him back

mansi

December 8, 2015 at 4:41 am

Does there is any chance tht he would come back he insulted me soo much then too im quiet coz I love him so much plz give me advice
mansi

December 8, 2015 at 4:37 am

Yes
Chris Seiter

December 7, 2015 at 3:38 pm

Have you attempted the no contact rule yet?

T

December 6, 2015 at 5:28 pm

Okay, so my boyfriend (ex) and I had been dating for five months (Last Wednesday was our fifth) and on our fifth month he broke up with me. The reason he gave me was because he didn’t know what to do and so he just kept saying it was over over and over again no matter what I said. When he ended it I came over desperate to work this out but obviously failed at that attempt. It’s been three days since I’ve talked to him and I really really miss him and want him back. I just found out two days ago that he’s been talking to one of his exes that I don’t get along with AT ALL. He was telling his best friend that he’s never getting back with me ever and that he’s moving on. I don’t know what to do. I really would like to get him back and be together again but the stuff I just told you makes me think that it’s never gonna happen. Please, please help me out!!
Also, we would be on and off during the relationship but we’d always fix it and while we dated he talked to his ex on and off and id get rid of her on his phone but every time we would fight or break up briefly they’d talk. Again please help me?!
Sophie

December 6, 2015 at 7:25 am

Hi Chris,

My posts always end up being “awaiting moderation” and somehow never get actually posted. Not sure if I’m doing somehting wrong, so I’ll try again:

My boyfriend broke up with me over a month ago. I did the NC and unfortunately when I contacted him I offered to “be friends” and he responded very positively. Within a few minutes he started texting a lot..it doesn’t take me effort to start a conversation. He often starts every conversation and it almost feels like he reached out to me and not the other way around. He flirts sometimes and talks about memories but also makes hints about how he’s still sure about the breakup. He hinted a lot that he wants to hang out but he didn’t ask me out directly. It’s been around 10 days So I don’t know what to do I feel like I’m just letting him feel comfortable and I hate that I friend zoned myself after a whole month of NC!

Just FYI, we broke up before and I also got in touch after NC and got the same positive response from him. But he didn’t ask for me back for real until I told him I don’t want to keep acting like we never broke up but not be in an official relationship then left and did NC again. But this time I don’t know what to do..i doubt the same thing will work. It’s just that most of the rules don’t apply to him..hes doing most of the effort to talk to me but then again he says he’s sure about not being with me.. I’m confused. I’m going to see him tomorrow (he asked to hang out many times and I finally accepted to see him), but he keeps mentioning the past and our break up. He picks fights out of the blue and keeps saying stuff like “this is why we broke up” and “you’ll never change” even when I don’t really say anything. He’s very hot and cold with me and I just don’t understand what I’m supposed to do. I keep telling him I don’t want to talk about the past…etc and his response is “you’re delusional to think we can shift to be friends so quickly”. What do I do? 🙁
Alex

December 5, 2015 at 9:08 pm

Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me monday by text message, when i saw the text i called him and asked him what was going on. He told me that it wasn’t normal for couples to fight and that what ever he may do I will never be happy. Yes we do fight but not to the extreme, we’ve never had a screaming match or swore to each other. We’ve known each other for the past 4years, he is my best friend and I am his, before dating we were together about 2-5 days depending on our work schedule and if we had plans with other people, when we starting dating we were together 6-7 days a weeks and slept in the same bed everytime we saw each other, we were basicly living together. Then when summer ended he left for his new school program which is about 1h away, at the same time he started taking music lessons on the weekend. So from monday to thursday we didnt see each other at all, he’d call me every day after school to talk about his day and mine. On fridays he came back around supper and would sometimes leave within 2-3h to go out with his friends. The saturday he had his music lessons which took 3-4h counting the travelling and the actual course, the sunday he worked from 7:30-4:30 a then we’d have to have supper at his parents and then he would have to leave maybe 1h after the supper was over to go back to school. So we basically saw each other only half days, so I told him to try and arrange his schedule so we could maximize our time together since it was so short and he told me the weekend was his time to relax not to run around trying to spend more time with me. I found that hurtful since i make sure my schedules works with his so i can see the most as i can. The night before he broke up we had a fight about the fact that he could have taken his lessons while the week after school so then we’d have a full day together at least and to also not do everything last minute cause i was always waiting up on him. Before our fight he was telling me how i was the most important thing in his life and how much he loved me and how he’d spent the best day with me. So how did that change over night, how come did he just abandon our relationship/friendship, to him fighting isn’t normal, but i am his first girlfriend. He told me that when he’s with me he spends the best of times cause we get each other so much, we complete each other. But we are both hard headed but hes to proud to step over his ego to say he’s sorry, he admitted to me that he was after one of out fights. He’s so hard headed that rarely he changes his mind and if he does he wont admit it. So i was thinking maybe he broke up on the spot because of rage and that he wasn’t really thinking it, he asked me to give him time to think about it but I would of made myself sick waiting for his response since I have anxiety and self esteem issues, so i asked him for a confirmation of his decision on the spot. From what I’ve hear’d he hasn’t even told anyone yet that we broke up, so do you think i have a shot at getting him back or he’s to hear headed to even reconsider it.
Thank you
Alex

P.s, he’s independent and he got even more independent since he moved. I am depended, but not because i am jealous and want him all to myself, but because if i have the chance to see him I will take it.
Shay

December 5, 2015 at 8:42 pm

Hi Chris! I’m considering buying your book, but I’m wondering how much information it has on getting him back if:
1. He wants nothing to do with me.
2. He (maybe) has a new girlfriend.
3. He is a “one and done” kind of guy. Meaning, if we don’t work out the first time, he doesn’t think we’d stand a chance the second time.
Em

December 4, 2015 at 3:23 am

Hey Chris, this isn’t about my ex but this is about a new guy. And I just don’t know what to do.
So this guy is my ex’s best friend but there is no problem with that.
Me and this guy have been talking for alittle over 4 months and when we started talk was the day he broke up with his girlfriend of one year. Before he broke up with this girl me and this guy were best friends, we have been friend for about 4 years now.
When he was dating her he would always ask me if I had feelings for him and he always told me how annoying she was and how much he wanted out. Well finally he wanted out and he kissed me the day he broke up with her and said, ” sorry I just really wanted to do that”
Which I thought was cute, but my best friend is now someone I really care for and like. But I guess I’m really concerned when he is going to ask me out and if he is really interested. He says he doesn’t want to rush into anything. I understand that because he got out of a year relationship and he says he really likes me, do I wait back and be patient or do I give it time limit? What do I do? What does it sound like? For the past four months, we have done things if you know what I mean. Was that wrong? It just felt like it was okay. But please help I need advice and have no one else to go to with this.
muya

December 3, 2015 at 12:29 am

question.
what happens if you are living together?
and had terrible, terrible fight and he is staying at his friend’s place?
we had a fight, not really just a fight, he doesn’t fight, he doesn’t talk to me when he is angry. he walks away.
that day, i was already drunk and he was a bit drunk too. he walked away from my nonsense, i got upset, tried to pull him to me, face me, but he pushed me away. same thing repeated, and got worse. i pushed him on the wall, he pushed me to the ground. then i slapped him, then he pushed me even harder. i got bruised up by his hands, i don’t know how much he got hurt.
anyways, what i’m trying to say is, we were drunk, and we crossed the line shouldn’t have.
now he is afraid that same thing is gonna happen again, he left me. he says he doesn’t want to be in same room as me.

he is coming to collect his stuff in 2 days. is there any way, i could convince him, or should i just let him go? i feel like if he left with his stuff, it will be officially over, and our memory will be all about the nasty fight and i don’t think i could remind him the good times with cute texts.

Chris Seiter

December 3, 2015 at 4:43 am

So your not actually broken up yet? It sounds like this is an abusive relationship and I’d advise you not to continue it.

lata asrani

December 2, 2015 at 8:38 pm

Please guide me how to get my boyfriend back. He left me because he got annoyed by my behaviour and is extremextremely angry.
sharon

December 1, 2015 at 3:25 am

Hi,

My boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue three weeks ago. He is going through some emotional stuff and has PTSD, and said that he still wants to see me but no longer wants any labels. He says he loves me and wants a future with me. We have been spending a lot of time together and when we are together it feels as though nothing has changed. He still kisses me and tells me that he loves me every day. However, he is now constantly messaging other girls and has taken down all pictures of us off social media.
We have so many similar interests and I’m completely in love with him. He is the one for me. He says that he needs about 2 months of not being in a relationship but still wants to see me. What does this mean? I don’t want to lose him or for him to lose love and interest in me? please give me some advice! Thank you! Sharon
Juliet

December 1, 2015 at 12:45 am

Hey Chris! how are you? I‘ve know you web site for quite a long time now, and I’ve used you advice in every single breakup with my ex boyfriend, but this time, i feel like its different. Let me give you a really short explanation of what happened so you can tell me if I have any chances. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years. We‘ve broken up before but online for 1 or 2 weeks. This time he broke up with me 5 days after we celebrated out 2 and a half years anniversary. Everything was going perfect, we are a very jealous couple, 5 days after our anniversary i went out with my friends without him because he could go (he‘s the type of guy that doesn’t like his girlfriend going out without him) he got really angry and blocked me from whatsapp and didn’t wanted to talk to me, i pushed the situation and went to his house to see him (he told me i should wait until he was less upset) but i didn’t listen and i went there anyway. We started fighting over me going out without him and then I screamed at him like SO ARE YOU GOING TO BREAK UP EITH ME FOR THIS NONSENSE?! he was really angry so he said yes.. i cried and told him to make it like a break and not a break up and he accepted. 2 weeks later he told me that he feels like we should be in a relationship that we are young but he stills loves me and care about me etc. (He is 22 and and 20) 1 weak later we saw each other and broke up because he told me he was going through a very hard time in school, with family etc. That same day we kissed and cried, and had sex. We kept communication for about 1 wee, and one saturday he appears at me house, we spent the night as every other saurday when we were together.. (That week after the breakup he told me he loved me and that he misses me, that he misses those sat nights at my place drinking wine etc) that sat we had wine, laughed, kissed, i cooked for him etc… it was wonderful. On sunday after he got home he told me he would go to the movie theater with his family and i told me i miss those family plans with them , he said he feels the same and that soon we would go back to that. We spoke on monday and after that he haven’t texted me or anything, I sent him a few messages saying i miss him but he doesn’t answer. One day I got really mad and asked him whats wrong with him,, he said: Can you give me a moment please? I’m solving and issue. i told him to text me as soon as he finishes and he didn’t replay to me. Before going to my place he said he didn’t wanted to go because we were not together and that doing that would complicate everything. and then he appears at my place like nothing happened. Im confused and I don’t know whats going on. My guy friends told me that he‘s confused and don’t know what to do because of what happened at my house. That he is trying to figure out if the decision he made was the correct one. I would really appreciate your advice and you opinion! Thank youuu
Alyssa

November 26, 2015 at 7:17 am

Hello Chris,

I broke up with my ex on November 4th without meaning to(total lack of communication on my part). We were dating for 5 and 1/2 months. When he showed up at my house on 6th, I apologized and told him I didn’t want our relationship to end. He took me in his arms and I cried for a bit and before he left, he just said that he’ll take a week to think about things and kissed me despite my protests that i was disgusting. A week later he said that he was having conflicted feelings and wanted to give us a second chance but needed time. For some reason, I took this out of proportion. I’ve been under a lot of stress with changing my career path, my father having another child despite the fact that he still has kids he never really contributed to, hormonal changes, and feeling a sense of losing myself in the relationship(he’s the first guy I ever dated).

I had a mental breakdown(November 13th)and felt like I was losing everything so I was thinking of self-harm and relayed this to him. Before this our relationship was generally good. No cheating, we were happy, never raised our voices at each other, etc. Looking back I don’t know why I became so unstable all of a sudden but it must have been just finally collapsing under stress. The police were called and I had to spend the night in the ER. I was livid at my ex and called him a monster. When I was discharged I became a texting gnat, angry that he made me miss work even though he only took the steps because cared despite the fact that I was never going to go through with any sort of suicide.

Eventually I was able to speak with him and he said that he was turned off from me and didn’t feel the same anymore, which confuses me considering that he said he wanted to be with me in 10 years and that he’d do whatever it takes. He hasn’t cut me off completely. On November 18th, I initiated the no contact after giving him an apology letter along with what was supposed to be our anniversary gift which i think i needed to send considering how ashamed of my behavior I was. He accepted the gift and I told him when I’d drop it off. I invested so much into the relationship. He was my first for a lot of things and he’s a really sweet guy. What should I do?

Alyssa

November 26, 2015 at 7:21 am

also wanted to note that I’ve never broken down like that before in front of anyone.

Clareia

November 26, 2015 at 2:47 am

Hi, Chris. I’m in college. Last semester I dated this guy in my class. It was the typical story. We sat next to each other and became friends and then became official. Everything was going well. He really seemed to like me, and I envisioned more with him. I thought he did too. He was making plans for us to meet up during the summer. Then, one day, he just broke up with me. He said he didn’t have anymore time. He had to get two jobs over the summer to pay for school and a new car, after his old one broke down. I understood, and we agreed to be friends and maybe talk about us again someday. We didn’t really talk over the summer because he was so busy. The only time I talked to him was to invite him to one of my concerts at the beginning of July. Then, school started. We’ve been seeing each other this semester because he has been taking a class in the building that I pretty much live in. We always talk when we see each other, even if briefly. We’ve also been texting. He told me he had to keep his second job while being a full time student because his car and loans were killing him. I understood. Then, he quit his second job because school was too busy. I thought my chance had come, so I started texting him a little bit more. Then, today, we were just talking about ourselves and our friendship/relationship, and he said, “The way my personality works is my friendships are based on proximity. The more time I’m forced to spend with someone, either classes or work, it’s easier for me to initiate contact. Otherwise I find it extremely difficult.” This really hurt me because it’s almost as though he is dooming our friendship and relationship to fail because I’m not sitting next to him in class. It also makes me feel like he just dated me because I just happened to be there, like he would’ve dated anyone else that chose to sit next to him, or like he’s probably dating someone else who’s sitting next to him now. It makes me feel bad about myself. It makes me feel stupid for envisioning more with him, for eating up all of the beautiful things he said about me. It also makes me feel some anger towards him because if he had told me this when we were just talking I would not have dated him. It hurts that he kept this from me, when we talked for a while before dating, and when he knew that I had just started feeling better (I took a year hiatus from dating after the dude before him cheated on me). If I had known that I was just going to be the flavor of the semester, I would not have dated him. I would’ve told myself that I was just going to get hurt again, after only a year, after I had JUST started doing better. Then, in the same text message he said that we WERE friends and that he appreciated having me around. He also said, ” I’m just still a little weary I guess”. He sent me that text message about 5 hours ago, and I have not replied. I just don’t know what to say. Should I ask him what’s making him weary? Should I tell him that it would have been lovely for me to know that he needed daily “proximity” before I went off and dated him? I don’t know anything. I don’t know if I ever want to get back together with him anymore. I don’t know if I even want to be friends with him anymore. I’m just so hurt. I know nothing. I don’t know what to say. I haven’t replied. Please help. I don’t think I WILL reply until I get some help from you. Please help me, Chris.

Clareia

December 4, 2015 at 2:32 am

We didn’t talk over the summer, but I have yet to try “no contact” since we started seeing each other again at the beginning of this semester.
Chris Seiter

December 2, 2015 at 5:28 am

Is this after no contact?

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