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8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

  1. Marissa

    January 20, 2016 at 9:35 pm

    Hi Chris,
    here’s my situation. I dated a guy for three months and fell in love. I think he did too. One day he confessed that he had been – .and still was- in a long distance relationship, before he met me, with a girl from Europe who, in two months’ time, was going give up everything and move in with him. I broke things off, devastated. 3 days later he comes back, saying he still has very strong feelings about me and can’t stop thinking about me. (believe me, this had nothing to do with sex) I gave it a shot, thinking “I” had a shot and that he might leave his LD girlfriend. We end up dating for a few more weeks. On and off till one day he decides he can no longer see me because the feelings he had for me were getting even stronger and that it was unfair to the other girl (who he said he loves).
    Not a week passes by, I’m trying to get over him and boom! again – he comes to see me to one of my gigs (I play guitar in a band). After the show, we talked and he said he thought about me every day. We kissed, I opened my heart and told him what I really felt for him, and that I really wanted to be his first choice and that he needed to re-think his other relationship and make up his mind about him.
    One day later he calls me and says “this is it, I can’t do this to you or to her, I can’t see you anymore. I won’t call you even if I want to, I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I have already did.” I said, “you’re going to continue to think about me, you’re not doing the right thing, I understand you have a plan with this girl but plans can change, what we have is real”. He would not hear it. He gave me no choice but to accept it. We haven’t talked ever since. No contact whatsoever. This was 40 days ago. I think about him everyday. I date a lot, but he was something special. And I think – I feel I need to give it one more try. I want to contact him but I’m scared of rejection. What should I do? Do I stand a chance? How do I turn the odds in my favor?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 23, 2016 at 12:07 pm

      Hi Marissa,
      the truth is, you agreed to be the second choice the moment you stayed with him while he’s still with his other girlfriend. Men act as we treat ourselves. So love yourself. If he will come back he must be with you only. And if you’re firm with that, whether you get him back or not, you will earn his respect.

  2. emily

    January 20, 2016 at 6:18 am

    hi there so me and my boyfriend broke up about 4 month ago. we were fighting for the last 3 weeks of our relationship cause he always wanted to be with the boys. one day he did this 10 mins before our date and told me the boys are more important i called him a cunt. i went to his game that night for my friend and they guy on his time she was seeing. i was with one of my close guy friends and my best friend at dinner he came to were we were i told him i was annoyed and didnt want to talk to him i left the place didnt say good bye to him as i was heading off to his game he sent me a message saying fuck you have a nice life its over. he came to my house that night to completely end things ended up staying the night but still eneded things. i was a mess i tried contacting him like crazy. his friends then bullied me on social media calling me a cheater i don’t deserve anyone. few months passed him and his friends tried making me jealous and trying to cause an argument with me. i still haven’t spoken to him he said he loved me the night before he ended me and claimed he lost all feelings the night he ended me.

    1. Emily

      January 24, 2016 at 8:43 am

      i didnt bad mouth to his friends his friends hated me because one of his friends and i had a thing for a year but never dated we never told my parents we were dating as they were not a fan of us dating. idk i just would like him to talk to me and tell me why he said i loved u the night before then end it the next day

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2016 at 11:48 am

      Hi Emily,

      Thank you for sharing this. I just want to be clear, did he bad mouth you to his friends or there is another issue that caused them to bully you like that?

  3. Mei

    January 20, 2016 at 3:35 am

    Hi Chris,
    I have bought the ebook you wroten and think they are absolutely brilliant.

    I had a boyfriend after 1 year seperation of a abusive marriage. We have been together for 6 months only…

    I have break no contact rule around the third week. Cause my ex told me he drove pass my house. We broke up before Christmas and he text came through on New Year’s day. It was a very lonely Christmas for me cause I can’t go to any party without seeing him so I pretty much locked myself home. I ended up repling him if he want to see me he can come around.

    Somehow he asked to get back together and stay the night ( we didn’t have sex) and after he went home he rang me saying we won’t be untimely happy together and he likes me but doesn’t love me. I was devastated, the whole situation is so confusing. That’s when I decided to move on.

    I went on dates with others and didn’t work out. Now he shows up at tango lessons and text me that he feel sad not being with me. Is that mean I can get him back or is he just fishing around to see if he can get a friend with benefits cause we didn’t sleep together that time??

    The reason we broke up is because I felt like I am a replacement of his ex girlfriend and a doormat, I am a natural “mum”. And scared that he won’t be able to accept my daughter, commit to me, and asked for money for his new business ( He is not poor, in fact has a very good career and reputation), and he apologies about it straight after I said no. Also during the end of our relationship I have lots of stress dealing with life in general and had been clingy to him for emotional support. We are both single parents and involve in entertainment industry in our small town so it is hard not to bump into each other.

    I am just not sure if it worth going through the pain. Just started to feel strong enough being able to dance with him and even move on. But I know deep down I still love him dearly and it makes me depressed these few days too.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 23, 2016 at 8:33 am

      Hi Mei,

      I’m happy you didn’t sleep with him. That can help you a lot on whether he’s just back for sex. I think you need to be certain first if he meets the reasons of your break up before you try to go back together again. Because feelings aside, those issues are still there.

  4. KayMed

    January 20, 2016 at 1:52 am

    My situation is weird, there was no official break up, he just stopped talking to me. And I’m sure I did the forbidden, because I definitely tried to get into contact with him as we were in a long distance relationship and we were doing well up until close to the holidays. We both have busy work schedules as I work in medicine and him in the military, so not speaking some days were not all that uncommon, however, it became so sparse that I asked him what was going on and he was vague, but still spoke to our mutual friends about moving to my state after he was to get out and possible engagements and all that. However, from the end of Nov until now, we have not spoken. However, I did read this article on 1 Jan and that was when I decided to follow the NCR, and at day 19, there is still nothing and he has not yet hit me up in any fashion. As I was prior military, it is already known amongst my friends that I was due to come up there next month (feb) and I do still plan on doing so. However, I was wondering, what is likelihood that he knows that I am coming up there and that he would want to see me/talk to me/message me at that time? I am in serious need of help! I didn’t see this addressed anywhere …I hope my situation isn’t something that you already addressed. Help me !! As I said I am day 19 of 30 into the NCR.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2016 at 3:52 pm

      Hi KayMed,

      Do you have news from mutual friends who are with him how he’s doing?

  5. ZD

    January 19, 2016 at 3:08 pm

    Hi Chris
    My boyfriend and I have separeted end of september 2015. He said that he didn’t love me as before and he feels me more as a friend, we’ve cried a lot that day, he said that if its meant to be we might get back together and have kids etc. Long story short you know how I feel for the past 3 months…November he has been talking to friend of ours that Im the only real and great girlfriend ever in his life but something does not let him be with me etc
    He posted in Facebook a picture ohim and a girl…he said to that our friend that this girl is just a friend from work and its not in a relationship with her… few days later he changed his viber profile pic with onother picture of both of them and then I made my biggest mistake…. I took a lots of sleeping pills and tried to kill my self. A friend of mine called him to let him know…. and he straight away call that our common friend to ask for me and where I am and how I am….he were pissed. My friend told him that I am fine but its better if not coming to see me because he can lose his job and if that happen I would feel even worst. Anyway he didn’t come to see me he diddn’t text me or so…he just kept calling my friend the next few days to ask how I’m doing ….then he told that friend if she is death how on Earth she thinks that some day we might get back toghether and fall in love again….
    My friend asked him to deleete me in his facebok friends because I am in very unstable ondition and I don,t need to see any posts from him etc. He deleted my number and everything we haven,t spoke from second of january16 .
    I dont know what to do and how to get him to know that I am diffrent or becoming so and that I am so sorrry….I understand that he might feel very hurt and don,t want to hear and see me at aΔΊl, as he said I don,t have eyes to meet her now and don,t know what to tell her it needs to pass some time…
    But what shall I do….I feel broken and hopelesss I messed up everything and get it even worst.
    Sorry for the long coment.

    1. ZD

      January 21, 2016 at 7:20 pm

      Thank you Amor for the nice words and advice!
      I know I’ve been very silly and I hurt a lots of people by doing this…I hurt him as well. Since then I appreciate my life, my friends and my family, but the fear that I made the things between us even worst is hunting me. I’m going on a 3 weeks holiday back in my country ’till mid of February and I am not sure when to brake the NC rule…should I give us more than a month having in mind the bad accident (also I think I need more time to forgive myself first and get confident and spend quality time with friends & family)?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 22, 2016 at 2:41 pm

      Welcome! πŸ™‚ If you’re comfortable with more time, why not right?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2016 at 11:09 am

      Hi ZD,

      Don’t try to take your life again, because he’s right. How are going to get back together if you’re dead or how are you going meet somebody better? Since you’re not friends in Facebook and he deleted your number, that means you can’t contact each other FOR THE MEAN TIME. Take note, that can be for the mean time only. Now, use this time for yourself. Forget about the other girl. Focus on yourself. Improve yourself, and find what makes you happy apart from him(because he’s not the only source of happiness in the world).
      Do activities that you enjoy and post it on Facebook. Better if you do some of the activities with your common friends and then tag them, so in a way he can see what’s happening with you while you’re not talking to each other. What I’m saying is, do the no contact rule.
      And then, one excuse you can make when you try to add him back in Facebook after the no contact rule, (and filling your wall happy things you’ve been doing, so that when he visits it, he’s got a lot to see) is to thank him. You’re not blocked, so you can still message him even if you’re not friends. So, thank him for everything and say, since then you’ve enjoyed life because of what happened, and then add in a ” so, what about you? how are you?”
      You don’t lose when you’re trying to find happiness apart from him. In fact that’s what you need to maintain even if you get back together. Because true love gives love. It doesn’t rely on getting love from another person. That just means you lack love for yourself or you don’t know how to give it to yourself, so you need another source for it. You can do this.

  6. HL

    January 16, 2016 at 3:45 pm

    My issue with my ex seems kind of hard to me so I have decided to comment. Anyways, one problem is I have to see him every single day (we go to school together) and I don’t know what to do so I just avoid him and not look at him. I tried talking to him 2 days after the breakup but he told me to “move on” and said “forget about me” and explained to me that he broke up with me and I have to deal with it. I got a little overly emotional and texted him A LOT and he never responded so I stopped and haven’t talked to him for a while and I plan to continue to do so.

    I just don’t know if he’ll talk to me at all or even think about me. When we would cross paths at school, he wouldn’t look at me at all and just stare ahead or he would be wearing a hood. He’s not a very social person other than with his group of buddies, he’s pretty shy and last time we separated it was for 3/4 of a year because I went back to my ex and then he found someone and then he started to miss me for like 9 months and I felt the same way. The situation is different now, we got to experience a real relationship and I don’t know if him ever taking me back is an option because he’s seen my “true colours”. I’m afraid he’s just mentally blocked me out and has forgotten about me.

    I understand that I haven’t treated him the best, I was super clingy for about a week (which he seemed to say is how long it took him to realize that he didn’t want a relationship with me). I take full responsibility for my actions. I texted him like 20 times in a row so that was dumb, and I didn’t express admiration for him and I would be really mean sometimes. I’ve changed quite a bit though, I realized my mistakes and attempted to correct them but it was too late for that obviously.

    As for him, he is pretty introverted and the thought of him ever contacting me first, whether on text or in person, is hard to imagine. He’s just unique in that way, he’s not like most of the guys I know who’ve told me their stories about breakups, it doesn’t add up the same. So I have concluded that he probably just doesn’t care anymore.

    The breakup was a complicated situation and it is hard for me to grasp. In the beginning, he told me he wasn’t happy with himself, and he specifically said it wasn’t me. He stopped participating in his interests he said. I sort of went on an emotional rant and texted him a lot and he just said “I’m sorry” and never responded. Come two days later, I told him we needed to talk and I asked him about it and he told me he was unhappy with the relationship. We had different interests and he didn’t like mine and he didn’t like that I texted him too much (my fault I was being annoying and clingy, I admit to that fully). Essentially he said we were too different. He never talked to me about what he likes and I never told him how I get about certain things cause of embarrassment and whatnot. I ended up bombarding him with messages again (my fault again) But what confused me is that he changed the story another time an hour later. I again asked why he made the decision and he said “I’m unhappy with myself”. So he has changed it several times.

    That’s basically it, I don’t know what his problem is it’s been confusing me for days. I’m just avoiding talking to him and working on myself for a bit in the meantime.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 16, 2016 at 8:56 pm

      Hi HL,

      First note, if you we’re pertaining to your clingyness as your true color, I don’t think you should define yourself that way. Nor identify yourself negatively in any way and pertain to it as your true color. We make mistakes and we develop our character along the way. That’s all.
      In regards in his true reason, only him can clear that but you can on focus on what you can work on. To help you on working on yourself, you may refer to this. Getting a boyfriend back if you were too clingy

  7. Lys

    January 15, 2016 at 3:06 pm

    Hey guys, I really need help. I have been together with my ex-bf for a year and we had a sudden breakup it was like a shock to me. This literally broke me, the night before we broke up we were normal all sweet and good but the next morning we were done like we never meant anything to him.

    I was so shocked that I literally went in to desperation. When he told me that we are over, I said sorry so many times but I had no reply from him whatsoever. I did the stupid thing of bombarding him with texts and calls to understand what he was thinking and what happened when all we had was a little argument. I even went to his house to apologise but he did not face me. He broke up with me right before christmas and it was so painful. He blocked me everywhere so I really can’t contact him anyways. The absolute NC with him has been 2 weeks. All I heard from him and I even had to force it out of him was that we will stay friends, but he doesn’t want to talk to me or do anything with me at all.

    Help πŸ™

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2016 at 3:52 pm

      Hi Lys,
      You said you are in absoulute NC from him for two weeks and then you all you heard from him was that you will stay friends, right? It’s good you were able to reach two weeks even if you feel so bad to talk to him. Why not continue to complete 30 days and try to test text. Avoid talking about the status of the relationship and treat it like you we’re starting over again? I think this post will help you on how to text better. Texting and ex boyfriend(the new rules)

  8. Sarah

    January 14, 2016 at 4:07 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I love someone who is not my boyfriend ! not even a friend ! but he was working in the same place that I did.
    then he changed his workplace ….many years passed and I couldn’t forget him !
    After many years I followed him like a crazy stalker , from his work to his home .
    One day I got that he understood and I stopped following him , I knew before he liked me but at that time I was in a relationship with a guy that I didn’t like .I was waiting for my relationship to end and then start flirting with him but that was too late and he changed his work place πŸ™
    In this situation how can I get him back when even he was not my ex?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2016 at 11:01 am

      Hi Sarah,

      How did you know before that he liked you? And to be honest, you need to learn to love yourself first so that you won’t have to get it from somebody else and be able to give it instead. Why didn’t you just end your relationship before when you thought he liked you? Is it because you were afraid to be alone?

  9. Kerri Felstead

    January 14, 2016 at 3:17 pm

    Hi.
    I was dumped on the 27th of December 2015. Since my ex dumped me, has told everyone everything that happened in our relationship. We was together nearly two months, not long but long enough to know how much I loved him,move him. I still love him. He won’t talk to me and if it is he has a real attitude. What can I do to try and get the love of my life back?

    Kerri

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 16, 2016 at 9:45 am

      Hi Kerri,

      Two months indeed is short. I’m not here to judge how you feel but I think you need to identify your feelings first if it is love or infatuation. Besides, it’s disrespectful of him to tell everyone else what happened in your relationship and also being rude to you. I think you should ask yourself too on what your standard is of how you should be treated. Everybody should be treated with respect. It’s better if you go total No contact period and try to get yourself back first.

  10. Anna

    January 14, 2016 at 11:09 am

    Hi Chris,
    I am a mess right now so I decided to contact you.
    I will make this extremely short. My boyfriend and I have been together 1 year and 3 months. We have been living together for the past 6 months. In December we also went on a three week trip and everything was ok. He told me he loved me every day. After NY, we had a fight (we usually didn’t fight). I thought it will be ok, but then a few days later, he came to me, saying he can’t do this anymore, that he loves me, but not like he should have loved me, that he wants to be alone and figure himself out. I was shocked and disappointed, which I told him. I said I was disappointed that he just wanted to give up on us when we hit a bump. After he calmed down, he said we should take a break. I stayed over the weekend (because he asked me to) and he was at his best behavior, claiming we are meant to be, that he will find his peace and return to me. He basically promised me everything (but I didn’t ask for any of it). The whole time I was skeptical. I said I am worried that this weekend we were living in a bubble and he said this is not true. On Monday I packed m things and left. He again reassured me everything will be fine and that we should meet in two weeks for lunch. But on Tuesday, he hid his relationship status on FB without warning (over the weekend he said we shall leave it). I couldn’t help myself and asked him why he did this and he replied he changed his mind. So I asked about our agreement and he said it still stands, but he needs to be single right now, meet new people and try new things (I never prevented him doing anything). He said he will find me, but he doesn’t expect me to wait for him. This was the complete opposite of what he was saying over the weekend and I was very hurt. I told him that and added I knew this would happen. He replied that he will not try to convince me but will let his actions speak for themselves. Then he also deleted some (not all) common pictures and posted a new profile picture, basically saying ladies come and get it.
    I have decided to apply NC, but the problem will be, if he after all invites me to that promised lunch. Should I go or ignore him anyway? Another problem is, that I packed in a hurry and forgot a few things. When is the appropriate time to pick them up? He already texted me before changing the status, if I will come to get them and I said I didn’t have time and that he will give them to me when we meet up for lunch.
    Thanks so much, Chris, for looking at my problem. I am pretty desperate.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 16, 2016 at 8:20 am

      HI Anna,

      It’s a confusing exchange of conversation with you two. From my observation, it’s like he wants you out of the picture for a while, do what he wants freely then come get you back after the fun. It depends on you, if you’re willing to go through this cycle of promising one thing and then doing another whenever he wants. Truth is, if you’re ready to move on, get your things and move on. The questions is what are you willing to put up to? What are your standards? I understand that this is not like him for a year but if this is not addressed, it may continue being like this if he knows you’re just there waiting for him.

    2. Anna

      January 14, 2016 at 12:29 pm

      I would like to add that before I thought we were on a break, but now it feels like we’re broken up. We agreed to keep in contact before, but now I don’t know what to do :/

  11. Karen

    January 13, 2016 at 4:57 pm

    I’ve recently re-connected with someone I used to live with 30 years ago. He lives 70 miles from. He wrote me a bunch of emails about how no one ever came close to me and he feels like he wrecked his life because of me. I’m 63 and he’s 52. We met up Christmas Eve and it was really emotional. After that I probably wrote him too many emails about how I still loved him after all those years. He went on a vacation over New Year’s and said he would call me when he got back. He didn’t call and I emailed him and asked him if we could get caught up this last weekend. He is just getting divorced and said he wasn’t doing so great and maybe we would talk on Sunday. I sent him an email and told him that I couldn’t have any contact with him because I still loved him and he wouldn’t even attempt to be friends with me although he was the one that couldn’t wait to see me. He wrote me back 10 minutes later and told me to just remember that it was my decision and if I wanted to re- connect with him at a later date to just email him. I told him that I wanted more than he could give me. He then emailed me and told me that I was putting too much pressure on him and it was best that we not to re-connect “at this time”. Do I do nothing? I think I’ve already made a fool of myself telling him that I still have truly deep feelings for him but why wouldn’t I when he kept telling me how much he loved me in those beginning emails?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 16, 2016 at 11:10 am

      HI Karen,

      I admire your love for each other. I don’t think you’re being a fool by being true to what you feel. You said it yourself, why wouldn’t you? I think he’s just going through a tough time with his divorce. I don’t think that you sent too many emails about how you feel. IS that because he didn’t call immediately? Maybe he’s just busy with the divorce because as he said, anytime you time you want to reconnect you can just email him. That means it’s not in his mind to disconnect with you and he’s just going in a lot of pressure lately. Don’t contact him for the mean time.When you contact him again, if he doesn’t contact you first, start on light note.

  12. Elaine

    January 12, 2016 at 1:41 am

    Hi Chris (I really really hope you respond to me lol),

    My boyfriend broke up with me 4 days ago. He said “he did not want to be in a relationship”. We met yesterday and he explained that what he meant was that he felt overwhelmed with the emotions involved. I was his first love and he’s never had feelings for a girl before. He feels things he’s never felt before. He said he found himself thinking about me all the time and he doesn’t know how to handle all of that. When we first met he never thought he’d be where he is today because well, it’s not how he usally dates girls. Even my friends that knew him told me that I shouldn’t expect it to become serious.

    We had a great relationship and if I dare say, perfect. I honestly even considered him to be my soulmate. We barely fought and if we did we squashed it after like 2 hours max. We were very good friends even though we were dating we talked about any and everything and laughed a lot. I feel like we got each other. Yesterday after we met we agreed to try and still keep in contact with each other and be friends. I told him I don’t see how that would work because the feelings would still be there if we did that but he said we should try first and see. So we’ve been texting..

    I’m saying all this just to say that IDK if the 30 days no contact rule would work for me. I kind of feel like he will shun himself for opening up to me at all and force himself to move on and enter that “never love again” phase, before the 30 days is over. He isn’t a very emotional person. He grew up in a house with 5 boys, his dad and his mom so it wasn’t the most emotional environment.

    I think he does truly love me and he’s just having a hard time adjusting to this change. Do you think the basic plan you created for getting an ex-boyfriend back would work for me? Or would you recommend something else? He’s 24 btw in case that helps. I know this was long and you’re probably really busy all the time but I hope you respond. Thank you! πŸ™‚

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2016 at 10:38 pm

      Hi elaine,

      If he’s just overwhelmed with everything, maybe you can talk that you can take it slow, you don’t have to breakup. sometimes , funny as it may seem we have a happiness limit that when we reach that, we become uncomfortable, so slowly make him comfortable by giving space from time to time but maintain connection

  13. La White

    January 11, 2016 at 3:48 am

    I met this guy we started talking and immediately became exclusive, it didn’t work out so we stopped talking for a month, as of 1/10/16 I contacted him to apologize on my behalf and to consider starting off fresh as friends (you can’t bring old bricks from the past to your future you’ll only end up building the same house that fell apart before ) . We both are compatible Water signs and have common dreams, goals in life. I don’t want to build a new friendship just to get him in my life, I intentionally want us to have a true and genuine friendship, that will create a strong bond , last forever and have great value and meaning. I have been focusing on myself, becoming a better me from head to toe. I’m aiming to have him fall in love with me as his best friend (the ungettable girl) The woman he desires and has every intention of trying to have in his world. I don’t want a relationship with him I want to fall in love, get married and build together as one.

    1. La White

      January 21, 2016 at 3:17 am

      OMG!! Everything worked the no contact, friend zone, short conversations, he wants me back, he wants us to have a friendship and build our relationship, he says, “he doesn’t want to be with anyone else but me.” , I’m totally shocked and a loss of words like wow! , I totally have my love back. Thank you Chris.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2016 at 12:13 pm

      Congrats La White! We’re happy for you! Cheers! πŸ˜‰

    3. La White

      January 19, 2016 at 2:11 am

      Things have switched up a tad bit every few days I text him
      Me: ” I hope you have a good day ” or “sweet dreams ” ..
      Him: “you’re going to tell me good night every few days lol”, then “how was your day ” Me: ” it was good”
      Him: ” Mines was OK but had a stomach ache ” I responded a few days later.
      Me: ” I hope you enjoyed your weekend ” Him : “I did” , “wyd ”
      Me: “cooking dinner”
      Him : ” Oh” , “When are you coming to see me? ”
      Me: “Slow long process I don’t know ”

      IDK why he asked me this, I’m confused

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 19, 2016 at 5:09 am

      Hi La white,
      I don’t know too but maybe he was hoping you would come if he asked

  14. Autumn

    January 6, 2016 at 1:56 am

    Hi, so I am currently a senior in high school. I dated a boy since freshman year and we broke up about 6 months ago. He told me he wasn’t happy anymore. He blocked my number and unfollowed me on all social media. A month or so later he unblocked me and we talked a little bit. He unblocked me because he found out I was talking to another guy. I made the mistake of sleeping with him and begging him back. He told me it would hurt him to see me with another guy but he says he doesn’t want a relationship. He still talks about me to his family, and he told me he still cares about me. He has recently started hanging out with another girl and I started the no contact period. It is coming to an end, and I have yet to hear from him. Do I continue the no contact period? Or attempt to talk to him? Thank you in advance

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2016 at 10:50 pm

      Hi autumn,
      you can initiate contact if you’re ready

  15. Missing my Roo

    January 2, 2016 at 1:46 pm

    I carried out the no contact rule, and succeeded! Successfully had some short conversations about happy times, and kept control by ending them. Thats as far as i got, because we already had pre-made plans to do something which couldnt be cancelled, so we ended up meeting before i could do the other stages. Will this set the whole process back? It has already been 2 and a half months since we split, and i am worried i may have ruined my chances.

    1. Chris Seiter

      January 16, 2016 at 11:30 pm

      Well, ideally you want to have a ton of attraction built up before seeing your ex in person. However, I think it can still work for you. Just keep me updated in how it all shakes out.

  16. Jane

    December 31, 2015 at 7:10 pm

    Hi

    Me and my boyfriend had a very happy relationship for 14 months, we never argued, shared interests together ( went pub quiz together every week with his friends, climbed together once a week, he stay at my place. He still lives at home with his mum and dad he’s nearly 40 and the week and than spend Saturday with the boys) things seemed great. We talked about buying a house together in the near further. I meet his family, he meet mine. Both our family’s meet this Christmas and all was good. I spent Christmas Day with him, my daughter and his family.

    I noticed he been a bit cool towards me, not speaking as much, breaking dates and not replying to me when I told him I loved him. I put this down to the stress of Christmas and nothing more. A week before Christmas I spotted pictures on Facebook of a man dressed as Santa with several women taking it to sit on his knee all close friends of his and I am sure it was perfectly innocent. The thing is he told me the next day it was him, I didn’t look to in depth at the pictures before than, I actually thought it was his friend. I wasn’t very happy when I found out it was him and not only had I not been invited to the party, even though I am friends with his friends, but that he hadn’t told me. I felt detrayed, angry and jellouse all feelings which are out of chartor for me. I tried to talk to him to let him know it had upset me, but he brushed it off and said it a last minute thing, that the guy who was meant to be playing Santa, had decided at the last minute to turn it down and he had steptec in. He ended the conversation than, but for me nothing had been sorted out. My feeling started to feistier and after a few days of the cold shoulder from him, asked if we could meet for coffee and talk.

    He agreed and we meet in a star bucks, I was not ready for his reaction. I tried to hug him but he pushed me away. We sat with coffee and he accused me of not trusting him. I said it had nothing to do with trust, just that the thought let alone the pictures of 9 different women sitting on his knee upset me and I didn’t want see anything like that again. He than told me about a few things that had happened in December he wasn’t happy about, one being our two family’s meeting and some behaviour from my teenage daughter on Christmas Day. He felt she should of been repremanded, I saw nothing but teenage moodiness in her behaviour. I was sitting next his mum at the time of the incident and we both laughed about it. Anyway to cut a long story short, he turned to me placed his hand on my arm and clammy told me he loved me but was in love with me. I was totally taken aback, I had no idea what to say I tonight things where going great between use, we where about to start looking to buy a house together. He than went on to tell me he didn’t think he could make happy, that he wanted me to be with a man who could. I couldn’t listen anymore and told him I had to leave.

    I have had no contact with him sinice, I noticed on Facebook that he’s still saying he’s in a relationship with me. I miss him desperately I thought we where both happy and wanted a further together. I just so confused now, I really want him back, but I not sure if he still loves me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2016 at 9:50 am

      Hi Jane,

      How are you? Well, you’ll only if gauge his actions or by asking him.

  17. Sarah

    December 30, 2015 at 6:16 pm

    We’ve been arguing A LOT because his reason for breaking up was really silly and quite frankly, an obvious lie. I felt badly for fighting him so much about it so I sent him a letter trying to fix all the problems we had and he hasn’t replied in 3 days. Because of that, I just decided to not contact him instead of further nagging him. Will this still work if he is the one that stopped talking to me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      January 16, 2016 at 11:15 pm

      I find that exes often lie about the reasons for the breakup.

      Yes it still can. BUT you might have to be the one to reach out after NC.

  18. Padme

    December 30, 2015 at 6:00 am

    I’m curious as to what you would consider to be too long after the breakup to repair things. My partner broke up with me after a really nasty fight that I started (I was going through a terrible depressive period and this was literally 2 weeks before my medication kicked in and turned me back into who I used to be) on November 13, I had pretty much begged and pleaded with him until about December 15th, and he wound up ignoring me, being very nasty with me, claiming that tears didn’t affect him, that I was no longer the person he fell in love with and that he did not love me anymore.. throw in a few threats to get into a new relationship in order to prove he was over me (which is what made me back off and begin no contact). I work with him, which is hard, but I’ve been doing my damnedest to make myself look as though I’m taking care of myself and moving on, but on Christmas Day, I sent out a mass message to my 11 co-workers, but he was in there as I sent the message to the group and didn’t stop to think that he was in there, but he ignored the message, so it doesn’t really matter anyway. Is it too late for me to use your program?

  19. Mary

    December 24, 2015 at 1:56 am

    Hi it’s Mary again..today it’s Christmas eve..wish u all the best.

    Today It’s the 12 days of NC..he sent me msgs to say take care and ask if we were still fd on the first day of NC. I haven’t replied both msgs. He also didn’t send any other msgs after the first day.I have read yr articles..bought ur books..I know I can’t contact him to say sth like merry Christmas and happy birthday to him..but if he sends msg to me and he doesn’t reply..he would be either sad or angry..may move on..I am scared..

    Also, I have to go back to my country in May..after 30 days NC..will be 12/1..I only have 4.5 months here..he is afraid of commitment and marriage..what should I do?

    I want him back but he may leave me due to my visa or long distance relationship..I dont know what I should do..
    Hopefully u have time to answer me..Thank you Chris.

    1. Mary

      December 29, 2015 at 1:42 am

      Hi Chris,
      Hopefully u had a very nice Christmas. It’s Mary again.
      I am really sorry if I leave too many messages.
      I still have no idea if I should do 21 days or 30days..he haven’t sent me any messages after the 1st nc..and I have no idea when he blocked my Facebook. Maybe the first few NC days as I don’t reply him. U know wt I am worrying? If he was starting angry since the first nc…and I didnt beg him back when he broke up with me..so maybe he is moving on now?? I don’t know what to do..
      Also,we have culture problem but I tell u sth..I didn’t date any one for 4,5years before meeting him..as I was really scared of getting hurt..with him..yes we do have culture problem..he never opened up what he doesn’t like until the day we broke up..I didn’t open up either .when I got angry or upset..I didn’t send msg to him or just 1,2words to respond him..make him think I am easy to get angry and too princess..I was afraid to have argument.
      I really want him back as I think most of the time I am happy..and he is calm..make me feel safe and soft..
      The first msg..I am thinking about if I say sth like ..u can’t imagine who I just met..if he replied..I would say..I was walking around in shopping center..someone suddenly called my name..it’s yr evil brother..(is not his real brother..he never met him but I told him that one of my customers look likes him and always wanna have extra sexual service from my colleagues..I work at massage shop) he talked to me and said he missed my colleagues and wanted to have massage from them again.
      1)Is the first message ok?
      2)Should I do 21 or 30 days nc?
      3)If he was angry asking why u ignored my message and are we fds? Should I say..I wasn’t ready to talk to u and better we both had time to calm down? And yes we are fds now?
      I know I leave u a lot of messages..but I don’t know who I can ask for advice..
      To be honest..u just like god to give us direction and advice..I am hoping to receive yr reply..as I have no idea what to do..
      Hopefully u won’t feel angry because I have left so many messages to u.
      Thanks very very much.

    2. Mary

      December 26, 2015 at 5:33 pm

      Hi Chris,
      I have sent u an email yesterday about my update.
      Thanks.

  20. Vera

    December 18, 2015 at 8:57 pm

    Dear Chris,
    I don’t know if I am going to get my ex back eventually, but thanks to your magnificent advice – which I find tactful and intelligent – I am certain I have been doing everything I could. Thank you so much for writing this page, simply reading it gave me hope and made me feel better.

    The itinerary you propose not only gives women a good chance to get their exes back, but also helps them to heal and restore their dignity. My ex abruptly broke up with me after a very intense 2-year relationship, because I wasn’t committed enough (he was right). I wrote him two passionate emails explaining why our relationship was worth saving and offering full committment (but without begging) and I received two negative answers: he said he was too exhausted and the deep trust he had in me was gone. I asked him to talk and after the talk he seemed convinced by my arguments, told me that I was right, that he still loved me and he needed time. After 3 weeks of no communication in which I went out with friends as often as I could, bought a new lipstick and new clothes, took kick boxing, zumba, and aerobics, and stayed cool when I suspected he was having a rebound, he invited me out for coffee. He was warm and a little flirtatious during the meet up. Our next date is this Sunday. I am hopeful but I am pretty sure he has been seeing someone – maybe just for sex – and he remains mysteriously distant. But I have the feeling the initial chemistry that brought us together is slowly building up again.

    I said we had no communication for 3 weeks after my emails, I meant texting, facebook, and phone calls. Because we are colleagues and we share an office, so we see each other everyday, 9 hours a day. Have you ever experienced or researched a similar case, namely trying to get back with an ex that you see everyday at the office? I ‘d love to hear your opinion on that. Again, THANK YOU for your fantastic work, it really helped me, it gave me hope, it kept me positive, it kept me going.

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