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Roshni
April 16, 2016 at 1:46 pm
Hello Amor,
Well, me and my boyfriend, we broke up in Jan 2014 after around 2 months of dating. Actually he broke up with me because he could not give his studies enough time as well as me. I cried a lot, told him that i would give him space and would not interfere during his study time, but he said that it’ll be unfair as he would not be able to give me time as well. He told me that his exams for 2014 was important as this would decide his future as well as university. After thinking a lot about it, i decided to let him go. At first i was feeling the urge to text him every time, and the more i texted him. i could feel him going away from me. Then i decided to stop contacting him, and unknowingly i was doing the ‘ No Contact ‘ rule. I invested my time in exercise, meeting friends and all. After one month, he contacted me, asked how i was doing ect , and this way he would talk to me every 2 or 3 weeks. Around May, he texted me around midnight. He sent me a picture of a girl and boy cuddling, and asked me if i’m remembering something. I said Yes and the conversation went on. He said that he was drunk and wanted to talk to me. That night, he told me, ” I love you. ” and i told him that even i still love him. He told me he would try to take time out of his busy schedule, and talk to me the next day. But that didn’t happen. After a week, he asked me, if i can meet him, and i said yeah, and went to meet him. That day, we kissed too. On my Birthday, he told me that when his exams would be over, we would get back together, and try to work out this relationship from zero. I was really happy.
When he was in holidays, i called him and reminded him of what he has said on my birthday. Shockingly, he told me that he can’t get back with me, because he loves that way his life is right now, that is the single life. I cried a lot that day, begged him to be back with me. But he told me, he cant. I thought everything was over, and tried to overcome this breakup.
However, He would come to me everytime he was on his low, and when he needed someone to shower him with love and care. I had hopes that maybe we’ll get back together soon, but that didn’t happen.
One day he messaged me and told me that he has someone in his life and is going to ask her out. I was in a really bad shape that day, but didn’t let him know about it. After nearly one and a half month, he contacted me again, asked me about how things were going on, like everything was normal. I acted like normal me too. He again asked me to meet him, and this time things had gone a bit too much. Not only did we kissed, but we also got intimate ( but not having sex).
Five months later, my friend told me that he was dating a girl, but couldn’t stick to her for even one month, and after that he went abroad for his higher studies. After one and half month, he sent me a text via Facebook and wished me luck for my exams ( i was going through my final year exams). I thanked him, and our conversation continued. He was the first person to wish me on New Year, and even counted down on New Year’s Eve with me ( even though he was in another country and was merely texting me)
After that things went well between us, and i asked him if he has a girlfriend or not. He told me he doesn’t have.
We talked almost twice or thrice a week and that meant a lot to me. I thought that finally things were getting better and i asked him what he thought about us. He told me, we can’t get back together. And when i asked him why, he told me that what he feels for me is attraction, according to him and that he doesn’t believe in love. I didn’t argued with him any further and ended this conversation right away.
Few days ago, he told me that he feels something for a girl, but they aren’t a couple. And i’m literally freaking out! I couldn’t sleep that day, but didn’t let him know how i felt.
I still love him, a lot! But I can’t find a way to get him back! I didn’t date anyone after we broke up
Is it possible to get him back after all that happened? I really want him in my life and would do anything to have him back. Please help. I don’t know what to do!
Roshni
April 18, 2016 at 7:16 pm
Yeah
So I’m gonna start by doing NC for now
Will keep you updated about the progress.
Thanks a lot Amor
Roshni
April 18, 2016 at 12:47 pm
Hi Amor,
Yes i definitely want to try.
This year, i’m going abroad for studies and am thinking of choosing the same place where he is currently.
Would that add up to my chances of getting him back?
Thanks for the advice by the way.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 5:29 pm
yeah, but don’t make a life changing decision just because of him.. coz what if you don’t get back together?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 6:30 am
Hi Roshni,
I think it’s a slim chance, because he’s away and there’s a new girl too plus the fact that you were always back and forth with each other.. It’s like he knows you’re just there.. It’s better if you move on.. If you really want to try… Try to do nc again, but this time, if he still doesn’t commit after, decide if you want to stay as friends or totally move on.
Lovebug
April 16, 2016 at 5:57 am
Hello. I started no contact, and broke it after a week. He was hosting a graveyard gathering that many of our friends and family would be going to, for our dead friend. He didn’t respond to me. I ended up not going and decided to work on making myself feel better. I successfully completed no contact, and hit him with the “I have a confession to make…” text. He replied four minutes later: “What is your confession?” I waited an hour, then hit him with a remembrance text, to which he didn’t reply. I feel that he was depressed during our relationship over the death of our friend. He would frequently ask me if I would be with this friend if he were still alive. He broke up with me because “he’s not sure if he wants a girl friend”, and he “loves me, but is not in love with me”. I really want to make him feel better, and prove that I don’t have romantic feelings towards our friend that passed, and that I only have eyes for him. What do I do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 6:10 am
Hi lovebug,
is he jealous over a dead friend? Okay,maybe the remembrance text was too early for him.. try again after three days.. choose a more current topic that he is interested in
sam
April 15, 2016 at 2:43 pm
Hi, so my boyfriend and I haven’t really broken up yet but we are at the edge of it. I know it must be hard but I have a feeling it won’t go well. We have this weekend to spend together to re-kindle the flame. If it all works out then he said we’re truly for each each other and if not then we just have to learn to accept it. He wanted to be honest with me and he told me that he does not have the feelings like he used to back then. I want to fight for it because I know its right there and he’s just too blinded to see. Realizing that we have to break up soon is one the hardest thing ever. We planned so many things like having kids and we planned on going through it together. He kept saying that he does not want to fake it. He asked me what if he won’t hold my hand or kiss me in public. Although he still calls me babe. I realized that I have to accept it and learn to move on. I was thinking of doing the 30 days no contact if it didn’t go well. It sucks that his family and friends are so used to me that they expect us to always be together. Should I fight for it or should I learn to let go?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 3:43 am
Hi Sam,
if it doesn’t work out, then you can try nc as a last resort before deciding if you should move on.
Jean
April 15, 2016 at 1:54 am
hi karen,
my ex broke up with me on January after 7 years of relationship. He told me that we were fighting too much and he already tired. And I was also not supporting him enough and clingy all the time.
I was so devastated and depressed at the beginning. We used to live together and 1 month after we broke up, he moved to another city for a new Job.
On mid- February I found your website and I was trying to do nc. But I kinda broke nc rules, because I had to reply his texted about his moving stuffs, paybill, etc. I tried to stay focus when we were talking. He was being so nice after I did 1 week of nc, it made us talk more and we were having a good conversation. But slowly he went cold again. He gave me short replies when I texted him. Since then I’ve never texted him regularly, just every 2-3 days. And yesterday, he came to pick up his stuffs. He will stay in the city until weekend. Do you think it’s okay when I ask him out for dinner before he leaves?
I was thinking to start nc again after he leaves. Because I’m still thinking about him too much and I can’t concentrate on anything else except on him. Even though I was pretending to be fine in front of him. But I’m still struggling inside.
Is nc too late for my situation? if no, for how long do you think I should take nc? It’s been almost 4 months that we broke up.
thank you so much
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 1:49 am
Hi Jean,
the thing with nc is it looses it’s effect if you do it repeatedly.. YOu can still do it if you want. It’s better if you do 30 days and you can still talk to him about his stuff but only about his stuff. NO small talk, no asking about how each other has been and really focus on yourself.
sara
April 14, 2016 at 10:04 pm
hi,
Ive been in a relationship with a guy that i really love for six months and then he moved to another country to study we were in contact more or less and he said that he really missed me and stuff then i asked him to do something for me and he didnt do that after two weeks he texted me that he is very sorry that he coudlnt do that and that he had no money at the time for that and i replied that its fine and im not mad at him i just feel like he doesnt care about me and he didnt text me back after a week he came back to where i live and to my surprise he didnt even call to say that he’s back i still dont get it he used to count the days to come back and when he was here he didnt even care about me and i tried to ignore him and pretend that i dont care about him, on his birthday i send him a message told him that i couldnt help myself not congratulating him on his birthday and that i wish him the best and he replied that he’s surprised that i remember his birthday and he said im going to regret losing you cause i dont deserve you! he left the country again and i tried my best not to think about him cause obviously he doesnt want me and he’s over me but i just cant get over him all i ever want is to be with him and i just dont know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 17, 2016 at 2:48 pm
Hi Sara,
start to be active..go out and be wit- new people so you can move on..just keep on doing the things you love.. it will really take time
Nancy
April 14, 2016 at 10:14 am
Hello ! My boyfriend broke up with me after being in a long distance relationship for 1 and a half yrs. We spent time together and loved being together. I was going to shift in his city. While all these talks were going on, our mutual friend asked us why we dont get engaged, to which I said no.
Before this, there was a phase in which I was not sure about him (because he used to talk to his ex who was still in love with him), so I spoke to my best friend about it. And he read my texts, he was a little surprised but then was ok.
After leaving, and being in his city for a month, when I was asking about settling in his city, he called me up saying it is not a good idea for me to come there cause he does not have any feelings for me.
So we stopped talking to each other for a month. But since a long time, he does not come online, plus his friends are complaining that he’s not talking to them, he’s gained weight; basically not doing so well.
A few days back I texted him asking how he is doing, and then we texted each other for sometime. I told him yesterday that I am shifting to his city to which he replied nice. Later when I asked him when should we meet, he said thats not a good idea.What do you think I should do ?
Danielle
April 15, 2016 at 3:20 pm
Hi: I have been in no contact for a little over a week with my ex. He broke up with me 4 months ago, but we kept seeing each other weekly or multiple times. Last I saw, I dropped him off at the airport, he kissed me bye & said he’d see me soon. Good terms we left of on and he reached out to me when he got back saying “Hope you had a nice weekend.” I never replied. He emailed me about some personal stuff related to work saying “FYI…”(Work stuff) and I never replied. He texted me last night & asked if “Everything was okay? Haven’t heard from you. Hope all is well with you & your fam.” I never replied. He broke up with after two years because he said he wasn’t sure his feelings were growing, but he’s felt more for me than anyone. Also saying, he wants to see what else is out there. He’s 9 years older than me. I’ve been focusing on myself, becoming very happy & learning about non attachment (a Buddhist principle). The question I have is, I have to see him in two months for a school event. Do I ignore him until then? I also use Snapchat rarely, but will when I go on holiday at the end of the month. He always looks. Should I just let him go and see how he feels in a few months? Thank you!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 4:06 am
Hi Danielle,
That’s two months from now.. it’s okay to start slowly from there.. smile or greet him when you bump into each other.. you don’t need to have a full convo.. just take it slow.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 14, 2016 at 1:06 pm
Hi Nancy,
it was too soon to ask him out.. take it slow. build rapport throught texts and then calss and then meet ups
Sabrina Dawson
April 13, 2016 at 7:55 pm
Hey! My bf broke up with me a couple of days ago due to a loss of feelings. We ended it on a friendly note, and I let him go because I really respect him. But obviously I hope that he finds his way back to me. We go to the same school, so I see him everyday (my hearts breaks every time I look at him). I want to do No Contact, but he seems a little depressed, and I want to be there for him, and continue being friendly. What is my best approach?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 14, 2016 at 7:34 am
Hi Sabrina,
why do you think he’s depressed? I dont think you can start with nc but if that’s the case, Start to have your own life but smile when you bump into each other..ask him how he is if he’s down, advice but don’t linger
Jaz
April 12, 2016 at 10:20 pm
My ex ended things 2 weeks ago, we’re long distance, there was no cheating/lying…. just getting tired of being LD. He texted me 3 days in a row to ask my how I am and that is all. The third day I texted him back and told him I know he wanted space so he did not need to check in on me and that I understood. He called me 2 days later and broke up with me all over again… I was so confused (since we have been broken up). He cried, told me that his week has been miserable without me, how amazing I am etc…. but at the end of it he says again “I dont think its in our best interest to be together, I’m breaking up with you”. Why does he keep saying that… I GET IT already. Its been almost 4 days and he has not contactd me and I have not contacted him. Why do you think he felt the need to call me again to tell me all those things but still continue the break up? Should I just let it go?
Jaz
April 14, 2016 at 3:46 pm
Hey Amor, we both have money and a plan… time is always an issue but we have made it a promise to see each other for a week every month and so far we kept up with it. Since we live 10 hours away, I think it was enough. I was moving there next year. I don’t know what to do. I’m stuck between letting him go for his own sake and wanting him to stay. still NC
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 17, 2016 at 1:39 pm
well, you’ll mostly know that after trying in nc.. if it works out or not..
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 14, 2016 at 1:31 am
Hi Jaz,
Maybe he’s saying it to himself to really move on..Do you have time, money and a plan to be together? If you don’t have time, money and a plan to be together, it’s going to be hard to sustain a long distance relationship.
Nadia
April 12, 2016 at 8:45 am
Hello
My boyfriend and I broke up a little more than a month ago.
We were in a ldr. He is studying in a different country and I am still in school but I was planning on going where he is when I finish school in 2 years. I am 17 and he is 20. We were dating for 1year and 9 months. We were also each other’s first time and we were dating very Seriously. The relationship was good. He only had a problem with me smoking and then not telling the truth about it to him. I promised him to stop drinking and smoking after the break up. i haven’t smoked or drank since.
He broke up with me because I was on a school camp and got very drunk and kissed 3 people in spin the bottle.
The break up was really hard for both of us. He is not like other guys. He’s really special. Never insulted me or treated me badly in his life. After the break up we talked everyday. Majority of the conversation was me begging him back. He kept saying he needs time to make his desicion. I am really bad at waiting and can’t deal with uncertainties. We eventually got to a point three days ago where he agreed to try and trust me again then we can try again if he trust me. Everything was going fine until I made an insensitive comment about me cheating on him. He got really upset and said he can’t believe I cheated on him. That’s why he couldn’t make his desicion because he still hasn’t grasped it. I panicked and begged him back. He replied saying he needs time.
Okay so logically I need to give him what he wants and give him time. But he has to choose me when it comes to making a desicion. Please help. I know I am young, but I am not wrong about him being the one. Please.
I am not going to lie and say I am not desperate. Please help me
I can’t buy the books because I am in school and the exchange rate is just too much.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 13, 2016 at 8:42 pm
Hi Nadia,
When a person has trust issues, never ever play with it because in the first place he doesn’t trust you, he will believe the worse part of it. You have to be patient and you can’t make any move that will make him jealous because he will use that to justify that he right not trusting you.. Give him time. Check this blog post out, it’s more appropriate for you.
EBR 020- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If YOU Cheated
Sad
April 11, 2016 at 6:10 pm
My boyfriend and I dated my whole senior year of high school and broke up in June before we entered our different colleges. I read your book and did the no contact and we talked a lot my first semester. Over Christmas break we ended up getting back together and I was SO HAPPY!! We did long distance and I visited him and everything was great! He ended up cheating on me twice. Eventually, he found out I had been getting on his social media accounts and my friends were prank calling him a lot and he was SOOOOOO mad. I understand why he is mad but also he cheated on me twice!! Its been 1 week since we broke up. We know we want each other. We haven’t talked in a week and go home for summer in like 20 days. What should I do to win him and his trust back at the beginning of summer so we can get back together before the school year and have a good summer together….. I want him to miss me and want me back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 13, 2016 at 9:54 am
Hi Sad,
sorry for the late reply.. Shouldn’t he be the one to win your trust back?
Taylor
April 11, 2016 at 12:00 pm
I came to college this last fall and had fairly recently finally cut off all ties with the guy I had dated on and off for two years. That was the only serious relationship I experienced and I told myself that I wasn’t going to get serious about another guy anytime soon, but I met someone at school. We hooked up and we just hung and had a good time together. I really enjoyed our relationship because there wasn’t a lot of pressure. In the beginning I was still talking to other guys but he was the only one I was really involved with. After 2 or 3 months he told me that he hadn’t talked to anyone else since we started hanging out. I felt bad that I had been talking to other people, but I had no idea that he was actually thinking about our relationship in a more serious way! He had never given me indication of it until he told me that. I was thrilled to stop talking to other people and allow myself to be more serious about him but we still didn’t have too much pressure. After 6 months I started expecting a little bit more out of the relationship thinking that it was an appropriate time to do so. We had a couple fights and basically he told me he didn’t want to jeopardize any of his friendships for a girlfriend because he had done that with his one other serious relationship. We had a mutual breakup but I was devastated because I was falling in love with this guy and all I needed from him was to involve me a little more than he was and to give me a bit more reassurance that he was taking the relationship as serious as he claimed he was. He is very reserved emotionally and puts things behind him very easily without looking back. He hadn’t been serious about anyone since his last, and only other, girlfriend. so I saw him opening up to me as kind of a big deal. He was very emotional about the break up which I had never seen him like that, he was hurt because I had initially been the one to say we should break up and because I didn’t handle our fights very well. I tried to be friends with him after the break up but I ended up pushing it too far and he told me we couldn’t be friends because it was too hard for me. I was very hurt, acted irrationally, and tried to contact him for the next couple weeks with nothing back. Feeling like an idiot I finally stopped. I unfollowed him from all social media so I wouldn’t be tempted and it has been about a month since I have contacted him last. I’ve been doing fine and I’m going on with my life, even talking to other guys and going out and socializing, but he is always on mind and I’m always wishing he was with me. I made a mistake by acting in the moment and breaking up with him which he was hurt by, but after irrationally trying to take it back right after, I’m not sure how to go about trying to reach out to him again, or if I even should, especially because of how easily he puts things out of his mind and refuses to revisit them. I just don’t feel like our relationship even got a chance. What do you think I should do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 2:21 pm
Hi Taylor
since it’s been a month, try to initiate and then see it from there if you should try to rebuild rapport
Virginia
April 9, 2016 at 9:02 am
Hello! I broke up with him about 20 days ago and we’d been together for a year and four months. And we r both working in the same organization in China(I’m a Chinese and he’s from the U.S.A. And sorry for my broken English). It was an impulsive decision when I was anger. Ive been under great pressure from my work and busy almost every weekdays. We just kept spending meals and nights together at his place. And on almost every weekends he goes to another city to take classes and has fun with some friends. And as a handsome foreign guy, there are always women coming to him and chatting with him after they get his contact. And my insecurity took me these months and I finally impulsively broke up with him. But in fact deep down I know he’s changing to be a better bf for me and we both love each other deeply. But my emotions just took over me too easily. And I went to him to ask for going back together twice. He didn’t refuse but he just said it would need a very long time before we could be back. We just randomly chat friendly but I’m very easily affected by his messages or words. As we r coworkers and because of my emotion, it’s very hard for me to keep my nc. And his birthday is in two weeks and I might be one of his two only real friends in the same city. I don’t know if I should stop my nc for his birthday. That’s kind of cruel as his rare friend near him to not show any care about his birthday. But I really agree with the importance of 30day nc. Can u give me some advice? Thanks!
Virginia
April 10, 2016 at 1:03 am
He could not promise me what he might not be able to keep. Sorry again for the mistakes. And thanks.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 10, 2016 at 10:47 am
Oh no, he sounds like a narcissist. If he’s likes using girls, you shouldn’t go back to him.
Virginia
April 10, 2016 at 12:58 am
Thanks a lot. There’s one more concern. We were arguing so many time about him chatting with random girls when he’s alone and even hanging out with some of them without letting me know until I asked him about that. He told me he was not serious to them but obviously he was trying to make them believe he was serious and then they could company him or give him an expensive and big meal. He said he felt good about himself when they flatter him. So maybe I could have given him more positive complements before. I know he was changing(from 5-6 girls at the same time to 1-2 girls), but when I asked him if he could stop sending intimate words like “I like u” “I miss u” “I want to hug u” to them, he said no cause he could promise me what he might not be able to keep. I was really pissed off and great anger made me break up with him. A week ago he told me he was guilty and stressed when he was texting girls before the breakup, and now after we broke up, he just feels free to do that and he’s fine with his lonely but peaceful life. I don’t want we to be back together again and then argue about the same thing over and over and get more hurt. I want to be together with him as a happy couple.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 3:32 pm
Hi Virginia,
for me you should greet him.. I think two weeks is enough for you, just maximize that two weeks to focus on you and improve yourself..don’t initiate a talk with him..if he does just make your answers politely short..keep busy so you won’t have to face that..
Virginia
April 9, 2016 at 8:13 am
Hello! I broke up with him about 20 days ago and we’d been together for a year and four months. And we r both working in the same organization in China(I’m a Chinese and he’s from the U.S.A. And sorry for my broken English). It was an impulsive decision when I was anger. Ive been under great pressure from my work and busy almost every weekdays. We just kept spending meals and nights together at his place. And on almost every weekends he goes to another city to take classes and has fun with some friends. And as a handsome foreign guys, there are always women coming to him and chatting with him after they get his contact. And my insecurity took me these months and I finally impulsively broke up with him. But in fact deep down I know he’s changing to be a better bf for me and we both love each other deeply. But my emotions just took over me too easily. And I went to him to ask for going back together twice. He didn’t refuse but he just said it would need a very long time before we could be back. We just randomly chat friendly but I’m very easily affected by his messages or words. As we r coworkers and because of my emotion, it’s very hard for me to keep my nc. And his birthday is in two weeks and I might be one of his two only real friends in the same city. I don’t know if I should stop my nc for his birthday. That’s kind of cruel as his rare friend near him to not show any care about his birthday. But I really agree with the importance of 30day mc. Can u give me some advice? Thanks!
Virginia
April 9, 2016 at 8:45 am
Oh my poor typing…
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 3:33 pm
Hi Virginia,
for me you should greet him.. I think two weeks is enough for you, just maximize that two weeks to focus on you and improve yourself..don’t initiate a talk with him..if he does just make your answers politely short..keep busy so you won’t have to face that..
50/50 chance
April 9, 2016 at 7:46 am
What are my chances with my ex?
We broke up in January and then he blocked me and we didn’t talk for months, but now he’s messaged me again and we had a brief conversation. He considers us on good terms now and told his friends that.
We hang out through mutual friends at parties and the way he talks to me, he brings up old memories and things that I didn’t even remember about us. Like old jokes and funny moments we had. What does this all mean?
I’m planning to message him again, but what’s going on? Is he just trying to be friends or something more?
50/50 chance
April 9, 2016 at 7:36 pm
Ok thanks, so should I just leave him and let him come to me? Or should I try messaging him
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 10, 2016 at 9:38 am
it’s ok to message him to build rapport
50/50 chance
April 9, 2016 at 7:50 am
Also, my friend messaged me to come to a party and he was gonna meet up with me and escort me to the party (bad neighborhood to walk through and I was scared) and surprisingly my ex showed up with my other friend and decided to walk with us
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 3:18 pm
I think you have a good chance but don’t expect too much..let him show more what his actions really is
Sara
April 8, 2016 at 3:44 pm
Hi, I was dating my ex bf for four months. We recently broke up for the 4th time 2 days ago. Although the last 2 breakups weren’t as big as the others and we got back together within a couple days. What initially sparked the first breakup was his “lack of trust” in me. We met on match and he is about 10 years older than I am, however we share common interests and have a great time together when we are on good terms. I like mostly everything about him but he seems to think that I will cheat on him in the future because of his insecurities. Him being older, me being in school getting my master’s, and because before we became an official couple, I was still messaging a guy on the dating site, but only for about 3/4 days after my ex and I went on our first date and started hanging out. I tried to explain to him that the other guy and my ex bf messaged me on the exact same day on that dating site so I was getting to know them both at the same time. Only thing is my ex was a lot faster in asking me out on a date. So I was doing what I feel like most people do when they are dating, which is feeling people out and trying to decide who you want to be with. I did not want to put all my eggs in one basket. However after talking and being around my ex I of course lost interest in the other guy and immediately cut things off with him and my ex and I got into a relationship shortly after. I don’t know why he can think that’s cheating when we weren’t officially together. I understand that he’s jealous but he shouldn’t allow that to come between us. So up to this day he still holds that against me. His best friend told him that he thinks I’m “THE ONE”. And the things he tells me and how he looks at me and acts with me shows me too that he’s in love with me but I think he’s fearful because of his insecurities. He’s had a rough relationship with his mom and has trust issues, but all I do is show him how he can trust me and I haven’t done anything while being together officially for him to not trust me. We had such a great past couple weeks together but I think he gets fearful the more and more his feelings grow for me. We spoke on Wed night and he suggested we take a break and will talk in a few days but I don’t like breaks so I’m considering this a breakup and I have applied the 30 days No Contact rule and today is day 2 for me. It feels really great too. He hasn’t contacted me yet either but I have a feeling he will soon because I have a few of his things and he has some of mine as well. What should I do if he contacts me for his things? Also, I know we can’t be together unless he decides to change and just allow himself to love me. I really love him and our connection is strong so I don’t know what I should do after the 30 days of no contact. Should I try to get him back? Or should I just move on? Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 8:30 am
Hi Sara,
be active during no contact… don’t update your dating profile and don’t do any jealousy tactics.. you can still talk to him about his things and give it to him
Zan
April 8, 2016 at 1:34 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday after several text messages I sent which made him angry and which prompted him to break up with me so suddenly. I didn’t see it coming. I’ve never been the controlling type of girlfriend but during the last few months of our almost 2-year relationship (we’re supposed to be two years next month) I have been impulsive and not very in control of my emotions. My jealousy and insecurity got the worst of me. Also, there were situations in our relationship when I wanted him to do this, do that, and there were times when he complained but did those things anyway and other times he would just do them to please me. I know he did those things because he loved me and would do many things to keep me happy. I thought it was ok because he did them anyway. Because he is the type of person who does not do what he does not want, what he did certainly made me feel loved. My fault was that lately I had become more insecure and acted out on my emotions instead of keeping it cool and taking a more logical approach. And my fault was that instead of appreciating him more, I had done the opposite during the last few weeks. Add to that the stress of my job which made me displace my anger at him lately and he is stressed with his job too. I think his enormous patience for me has taken a toll on him which could explain the sudden break up over text when he got mad. I want his forgiveness, too, and another chance. We both love each other so much and we are compatible. I really want to change for the better and I’m taking baby steps. If he could only come back to me and give me that second chance, I’ll be working on becoming the emotionally mature woman that I was when we first started dating. In his breakup text he said that he couldn’t take it anymore because I was “controlling” him and that I only see his actions as mistakes. He told me not to call and text him anymore. He lives 10 minutes away but he said he would just mail my things (instead of coming to drop the off). I really want us to get back together.
How do I get him back? Is there a chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 7:19 am
Hi Zan,
don’t text and call, do nc and when you meet up be civil and nice so he can see you’re being more calm.. It may not just take a few days.. so, be active in posting during nc with your improvements and acrivities,for a chance that he’ll see you’re trying to have your own life and be happy
Sarah
April 6, 2016 at 5:29 pm
Hi,
my ex broke up with me after 8 months.
It is a complicate situation as i have two sons and a very horrible relationship with their father.
when we first started the relationship was beautiful, we thought we were really happy, then life got into the way , work ,study and he got too much involved with my circumstances, he trying to help me with my children , more problems started with their abusive and jealous father and my partner blew up.
After the break up we kept being in touch every day for almost a month, we saw each others , slept together and we have been miserable because we kept talking over and over about the same thing.He has always reached me out though, even though he was the one deciding to leave me and instead of not contacting him i have always been there because i was so scared of loosing him.
few days ago he decided that he had to stop what we were doing because it was not healthy , so i stopped responding to him for the first time and he panicked ,he texted me all day and called , i did not answer but i got to a point in which i felt i wanted to talk to him and i answered at night time, i asked him what he wanted and he told me he was only sorry about making me feel bad.
i am so heart broken because i feel i am going through break up and being close again for weeks.
I am devastated and angry with my self because I have not been strong enough to raise my standards and i have nurtured so far his confusions. People say he is acting like a boy and we should both move on which hurts me even more.
yesterday me and my ex carried on the conversation from the day before until late and he kept saying he was just apologising and he said he was really sorry for holding on to us and for hurting me, that he miss me and thinks about me but its normal, i could not sleep all night ,he says he does not have any intenton to be with anyone else right now and he does not like the thought of me being someoen else,we kept talking all night until we fell asleep.
today is my first day of no contact , i feel devastated , i think i have ruined my chances because i have never stop interacting with him , i know i have to focus on my self mow, i have lots going on for me right now. I just thought our connection and love would have gone past the stuff that at the moment are going on in my life.he says it not a problem of not loving me, but the whole situation.Still he has never has been without me in all this time
Sorry for the long comment,
I hope my name or email doe not show up .
looking forward to hear from you
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 12:53 pm
Hi,
Your name will show but the email won’t..I think it’s not too late yet.. it’s your first time to do nc, so I think there is a chance
Ashleigh
April 6, 2016 at 2:22 pm
Hi, me and my boyfriend of a year broke up a week ago. We have broken up twice before and within a couple of days got back together, he broke up with me all times. We last spoke on Sunday and it sounded like he was extremely confused saying we weren’t right for each other, we have to cut each other off but also that he realises he’s lost the best thing that’s happened to him. He also said he won’t meet anyone else and gets upset thinking of our memories. Every time we have broken up he’s always been confused but this time it’s the worst. He says he loves me but there’s something from stopping him being with me. It’s day 3 of NC do I carry on? Thanks
Ashleigh
April 8, 2016 at 1:08 pm
I think he’s scared of commitment. He seems like he’s doubting his descision last time we spoke.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 12:58 pm
Hi Ashleigh,
yes carry on…what do you think he keeps breaking up woth you?
Nana
April 6, 2016 at 10:53 am
Please, help me! I’m lost, I’m dying! For the first time for these 5 months he has posted a photo with girl on his knees. He has posted! I’m crying like hell! Does than mean he moved on? That’s it? Is this the end? We were dating for 2,5 years, last year we fought alot, but I still love him like nobody else can love! I’m really changed myself. And now I see that he’s with new girl! What I have to do? Help me!
Nana
April 10, 2016 at 10:50 am
So what I have to do? Should I just sit and wait for their first fight and be there with compassion? Because I can’t be a friend to him right now – not because of me, but because of him. He doesn’t text me and does replies on my messages distantly. Seems like I’m in deadlock and there’s no chance)
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2016 at 4:45 am
if he doesn’t reply then you have no choice but to move on… because the essence is actually to put yourself in a position that you’re a better choice once she gets jealous of the friendship while he thinks you’re just being friendly she’s being a jealous girlfriend.
Nana
April 8, 2016 at 8:15 pm
I’ve found they pic and have asked him did he get a girl. He said yes. Our friend said my ex thinks she’s amazing. I just don’t know, have I any chance to bring him back, if she befalls to him so much.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 9:30 am
it’s going to be less, especially of they are in the honeymoon period.. he would protect his current if he senses that you’re trying to get him back and that you haven’t moved on
Nana
April 6, 2016 at 1:11 pm
they are. I’m sorry, i’m just you know. Nervous
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 12:36 pm
Hi Nana,
did you mean he proposed to the girl?
Nana
April 6, 2016 at 1:11 pm
And he said that we are dating. Oh my god
Bee
April 5, 2016 at 10:47 pm
Hello, I made the choice of breaking up with my fiance of almost three years on Christmas Eve after a heated argument, he moved out and within three days I was calling begging for him back. He refused and told me had moved on. I did No Contact for a period of 89 days and sent him a text message giving him my condolences for his grandmother passing earlier that week. He responded with a thank you and a photo of us together where he was kissing my cheek. I responded with a picture of myself. I don’t know why I sent that and its been ten days without hearing from him. I don’t know what to do. I have been focusing on my school work, gym, housework, going out with friends and ect. I just don’t know what steps to take. I was planning on going for another 30 days of no contact.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 10:43 am
Nope, you should initiate a coversation