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Alexis
May 17, 2016 at 1:51 am
My boyfriend broke things off with me for the second time a little over a week ago (last Saturday, to be exact). After the break up, I ended up flooding his phone and Facebook DM with walls of text, which I am 100% regretting now since it pushed him to block me on Facebook and unfriend me on Skype. I’m not sure if he blocked my number or had his changed, though, since I haven’t contacted him since I was blocked and unfriended. He made it very obvious that he wanted to have no connection to me right now, and I should have respected his wishes the first time he told me, if I had I likely wouldn’t have been blocked by him.
Anyways, since I work with him, I do see him around on occasion. Whenever I saw him on Saturday and Sunday he was *very* thoughtful on how to avoid me, he would take the long way around just to avoid being near me and he wouldn’t look at me if I was looking at him. I did catch him looking at me when I was smiling and laughing however. I make an effort to be extra bubbly when I know he is around (sort of just so I can attract his attention to me). At one point he seemed very angry just because I was near him, I was just clocking back in from my lunch and he was deliberately waiting for me to come back so he could take his in order to avoid taking his while I was on mine. Well, standing by the machine while he was, he huffed and slide his badge in a very angry manner and stormed past me. We don’t speak to each other, and he always just looks angry suddenly at work. I do my best to avoid him because he seems so angry! This wasn’t my plan, I planned to try building a friendship, not hatred.
The reason for our break up: Well, I was told by him and a friend of his that it was because he no longer loves me. He said I changed into someone that he just doesn’t love anymore, that he used to love me for who I was, but no longer for who I am now. I’ve been under a lot of stress, and our fighting in our relationship made things a bit worse so it caused me to stop being the “super sweet, honest girl that didn’t do things for my attention”. He said I also became obsessively clingy and wouldn’t give him his space, so it made him angry — he was tired of me freaking out and confronting him about little things, but I always felt as though he was lying to me about what he was doing (even if it wasn’t any of my business, as he put it…)
We broke up Saturday (as I said), but we spent the night together on Friday, and he kept telling me that he loved me so much and everything seemed fine. Saturday night I freaked out over something just really stupid and he told me that enough was enough, that he was beginning to feel like a relationships between us was no longer a good idea and it hurt. I begged and pleaded with him not to leave me, that I would change, but obviously that did work this time around.
I don’t know what to do — I am afraid of never being able to speak with him again because of how things are going. We don’t even speak now, hell he doesn’t even look at me unless I am looking away and laughing/smiling with other co-workers! I don’t see how someone’s mind can change in less than a day. He went from loving me dearly to not caring about me anymore at all… I don’t understand this, and I don’t understand why he is avoiding me so much. I miss him more than I should, sometimes I am perfectly fine, don’t even think much about him especially when I am busy so I try to keep busy. I am working on myself to become the girl I was when we first met and began dating because that was the girl he loved, and I want him to love me again. A lot of people frowned upon our relationship and frown upon me still caring so much for him, telling me I am crazy for wanting “someone like him” back in my life. He was the greatest thing to come into my life in a long time, and in the beginning we were very happy together and nearly inseparable, then my life got incredibly stressful and put strain on us.
Any advice on what I could do to get even just a friendship going with him? I don’t know how to initiate contact with him when he is ignoring me and has made it obvious that he wants no contact with me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 8:39 am
Hi Alexis,
you should do 45 days no contact.. it’s good that he’s seeing you happy but don’t overdo it, or else he’ll sense that you’re faking it.. You have to truly regain your independence first.. because even if you can fake it, you’ll have the same problem if you don’t change
melanie
May 16, 2016 at 6:58 am
hi Amor,
I did nc rule and sent a text you wont believe.. about some random stuff. He responded neutral after some hours and me again later neutral/funny, then him neutral, and the me to close it. Where do I go from here? I have waited a day now, should I wait more days? And should I pic a new topic? more about us and about remembering good days or what would be good? I feel it is maybe to soon, (since it was neutral response I got, and I don´t want to feel like I am chasing him). and I just closed the chat like that. He had been ignoring me after the break up, so I am surprised the nc rule worked. But I am scared what to do now, to not mess it up and loose my chances.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2016 at 9:21 am
Hi Melanie,
that remembering text should be sent only if you’re having positive responses.. have you texted him again now?
drea
May 15, 2016 at 5:09 pm
I realize 5 months is not a very long time, but our relationship was anything, but normal. Here is a timeline of what happened:
I was still recovering from a broken heart and having to watch my toxic summer romance Jacob* move on with a successful independent woman that was from the same city as me and graduated from the same university I was attending, without uttering a single word to me. Needless to say, I was devastated, but it wasn’t just about him. The horrendous decisions all throughout my 24 years of life had led up to that exact moment and he spotlighted them. All the suspensions, detentions, fights and practically getting thrown out of high school were rushing to the forefront of my brain. All the times my brothers begged me to focus on my work instead of drinking after school, sneaking out with boys and doing drugs. All the times I had reassured myself that every careless decision I made was a learning experience, rather than a permanent mark etched on my life. Whether or not, I would ever be with him, I could’ve easily been that woman. I felt myself drowning over and over in my thoughts. I needed to breathe. I needed to run from myself. From the overwhelming ache of failure, I put into motion my plan to move to Las Vegas and start working full time for a great company.
During this time, I became friends with my ex Brian*. If I wasn’t laughing while talking to him, something was terribly wrong. We talked all day, everyday. We found that because we talked so much, we couldn’t even remember how we began talking, and when we tried to look back through our messages, it was almost impossible. Our friendship was effortless. Of course, during this time he knew I was suffering and he tried his best to be there for me. He listened day in and day out. We eventually met up after having a purely online friendship and everything was the exact same between us. Our challenge for who could eat the most sushi was alive and well, seeing as we are both equally the fastest eaters alive. He was a very tough opponent and probably always will be.
Somewhere along the way, he started to develop feelings for me and I returned them in the same fashion. I knew deep down that I was fractured and expressed continuously to him that I was still deeply hurting, without revealing the core of my pain. He expressed that he wanted me and all of me, and we would work through it. For the first time in my life, I felt exposed and vulnerable, but with the right person. He began to learn everything about me from my admiration of the Kardashian business model to my dark family secrets to my not-so-secret overspending habit on clothes, and he didn’t run like I thought he would, but I continued to push him and give him an out every chance I got, because I knew I wasn’t ready to be with someone so great. Every time I thought about breaking up with him, I’d start crying on spot. I wasn’t ready, but how could I let him go? I was still recovering and all I was going to do was hurt him, especially since I still wasn’t over the shattering pain I felt, seeing the woman I could’ve been plastered all over social media. Our relationship continued on and I purchased a flight to visit him in Costa Rica where he was residing for poker.
Four days before I was set to board my flight to see Brian, I attended an award ceremony in LA with my best friend Alexis. I saw Jacob with his new girlfriend and needless to say the night was a disaster and a mistake. The next day, Brian who was falling so hard for me, told me he forgave me and wanted to wipe the slate clean. That night I couldn’t eat or sleep because I knew what was to come. The very next day, 2 days before I was supposed to leave for Costa Rica, I broke up with him because I couldn’t let him be with someone who was so careless with his heart. He was too good and I refused to continue to hurt him. I simply wasn’t over the pain or my toxic summer fling. His friends began to bombard me with questions of why I was hurting such a good guy. I continued to push my argument that I wasn’t ready and I needed time to figure my life out. Unfortunately days later, I made an extremely selfish decision to go against what I needed to do and we got back together. I flew out the next week to see him.
The next two months were some of the greatest months of my life, we fell in love, but because I wasn’t over my summer romance, I ended up hurting Brian very much. I would bring up Jacob’s name through passing and Brian couldn’t understand how I could be so hurtful or disrespectful toward our relationship. He loved me so much, but he eventually broke up with me over it. I begged for him back and he eventually relented, but warned if the bullshit continued he was really going to lose his mind. I flew to Florida to see him the next week and when I got down there, I found out from a friend that the day before we broke up, he was hanging out with a girl and contemplated having sex with her. I lost it and didn’t know what to do. I made the big mistake of setting a trip for the girl saying “hey, have we ever met? you look super familiar” knowing that if there was anything between them, she would message him and with no response from her, hours later I asked him if he cheated on me. He profusely told me no and that he loved me. The next morning he found out from her I messaged her and broke up with me. He told me we need time apart if we have any shot of getting back together. Instead of giving him time, I pushed him and 2 days ago after 4 weeks of being apart he told me he was no longer in love with me. He agrees what was had was very real, but cannot predict our future. I had him block me on everything, but I will be seeing him probably every other day this summer because of our commitments. I don’t know what to do, I feel so very regretful. I love him so much.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2016 at 7:34 am
Hi Drea,
Start with no contact now.. Focus on yourself first.. you’ve been in two consecutive relationships. You have to be emotionally independent first so that this things won’t happen again.. Only talk about the things you needed to talk about but don’t have a small talk or ask about each other.. If he asks reply politely direct. Do not be engaging for further talk. and then focus on improving yourself emotionally and physically.
Nicole
May 15, 2016 at 4:07 pm
Okay so me and my now ex boyfriend had been dating for going on 6 months. I have two small children that he came very close to. In April I was involved in a hit and run with an 18 wheeler losing my car. He drove me and my kids around everywhere while we are working on the legal case. One Monday night when dropping us off he told me that he had made the decision to move to Washington state (we live in Georgia) for family. Then ended up telling me an hour later that he don’t think he wants to be with me anymore. Two weeks after that I found out I was pregant. This past Wednesday I actually lost the baby. He left Saturday morning and is on the road. My daughter has tried contacting him as well as me because I never knew of the no contact rule and he blocked me on Facebook. I am unsure of my number because I have not text him. Should I go through with these steps or do you think all hope is lost? Especially with him moving so far away ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2016 at 7:21 am
Hi Nicole,
It’s better if you still try no contact.. it’s the same process to moving on, so there’s no harm in trying.. If you don’t get him back, at least you get yourself back and better than before.
Anon
May 13, 2016 at 5:49 pm
So I completed the 30 days of no contact rule only to find out that he had my number blocked on his phone. I tried to reach him by email asking if he blocked me and if he was alright. He told me he was doing well and hoped I was happy. He also said he did block me and it’s really the only way for him to move on because he has been missing me and thinking about me. I did write an email back with no response. This was a few days ago.
I am not sure what to do next. I was told by mutual friends that he has been seeing somebody and had their arms around each other while hanging out. I do know that this person will be leaving to go back home from college in a few weeks while my ex will be staying. Should I try an contact him once this person has left? I feel like I have waited so much already and he still seems to want no part of me.
We broke up mostly because of the distance, he says he still loves me but wasn’t happy being so far away and said our relationship had turned kind of stale cause of it. He does usually come and stay with me in the summer so I am bummed as to why he wants to do this now and not want to come stay with me and try to fix whatever is happening.
Please give me your opinion on how to contact next, if I should.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 6:10 am
Hi Anon,
if he’s with the other girl, there’d a possiblity that he will protect that and not talk to you..besides emailing him is awkward.. they are going to be apart but is it easier and more frequent to be with her?
IS IT WORTH IT
May 11, 2016 at 10:00 pm
My boyfriend and I recently broke up. We were in a long distance relationship for what would have been 9 months tomorrow, the 12th of May. He lives in Cyprus for school and I live in New York, we met online and the relationship moved pretty fast. Our main issue was communication, during the honey moon phase, we talked or text at least 20 hrs of the day. We talked a lot while he was on break for school. He is 5 years my junior. However, when school began again, he didn’t have time and was extremely agitated. Maybe one month into the relationship, I got really insecure, thinking he was chatting with other women, that he doesn’t express himself to me; he is a Virgo so he was very critical, something I was not used to. He was very hard to read. He mostly told me what I wanted to hear and did not like to express himself. I felt like I was talking to myself after a while. Sometimes he’d engage and sometimes not. I wanted to talk more and more, I’d nag and get upset. He say he’d fix it, but nothing. I could tell he was losing interest. I visited him last year, and despite our tumultuous arguments, the visit was so pleasant. I knew then that for him to open up, I’d need to be there with him. But cannot at the time. So, to fast forward, our arguments became a constant cycle, him not opening up, the distrust, the nagging, etc., he felt like it was best that we should be friends. I did not disagree with him, thinking it could better our relationship. We did the “friends” thing for about several days, it was magical. We laughed, joked, he expressed himself, he still called me babe, it was no pressure. I was hopeful. Until Monday, the 9th, he called me by my first name, it threw me off. It seemed like he wanted to rid himself of our relationship nicknames for each other. So, I decided to talk to him, told him I think we should get back together, because the friendship opened my eyes to how things could really be. He said, he would rather be friends and that he doesn’t want to waste my time. I was shocked. He is not done with school and doesn’t know what he wants to do, and I want a family, etc. He said, he was not ready to get married yet and does not want to hold me back. When the entire time of our relationship, we talked about marriage, he called me his wife, etc. This is when things were great. So, I know that my nagging him about his lack of communication messed things up. He says I am too intense. I did not know how to control that and became extremely needy, wanting to talk to him all the time. I can admit that. After a long tearful conversation about how he only wanted to be friends and that he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me anymore, despite his love for me; I made a decision. He pretty much rushed me off of the phone because he felt bad for prolonging this and not telling me how he really felt, or trying to fix it. I was dealing with someone who is highly sensitive and does not know how to express their emotions. He kept everything inside. I often called him the silent sufferer. But it was amazing how he melted when I was there. He is also a pessimist. He has to see it to believe it. So almost like our relationship is not real to him because we are not together. Anyway, after we got off of the phone, I decided to block him from all social media and from him contacting me out of anger. He realized it and sent me a message on an app I forgot to block him on, then on an ig page, then an email, I didn’t read any of them. The next morning he sent me a happy birthday email at 12:34 am EST, then he called me twice at 3am EST (which he never does since we use FB face chats), but I did not get those calls, they did not come thru. Just saw the missed calls. I was happy to see his effort, which made me wonder why he called. He was in panic mode I assume, because I have never walked away from him before. He has done that to me. Ok, so yesterday I unblocked everything. But did not reach out. He found out that I did and posted a happy birthday note on my ig page, sent me a happy birthday on my DM and liked a photo I’d recently posted even though he was not following me. I did send him a “thanks” via email and on the DM, but that was it. He hasn’t said anything else. So, now I am a little worried. I still want him back, but he can only think of my nagging and that I made him think that he’s not enough for me. He really tried to soothe things the best way he could in the beginning, but he got really tired of my nagging and never could understand that without communicating with me, he didn’t leave room for improvement. So, with all that said.. I am now practicing the no contact rule today. I haven’t looked at his ig for the past several hours. Question is, is there hope? Or, is this a fantasy? Should I even bother? I want to see what we could be together, I think there is great potential there. So I am okay with leaving that dead relationship behind, but is it possible or worth it to build a foundation with someone who doesn’t know if he wants to be with you because of all you have done? Is it possible to relive the good times with a pessimist?
IS IT WORTH IT
May 11, 2016 at 10:08 pm
ADDING: It felt like he was relieved that he had freed himself of me, the nagging, etc. He could not give up his new found freedom now when I asked to get back even though things were good as friends. Well, yeah things were better as friends so why give that up? I guess. I also said that I did not want to be friends, it was not working for me, he said that he was okay with going our separate ways and that I should find someone new. But that was all before I blocked him and his trying everything to reach me after. What does that mean too?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 2:37 am
Hi Is it worth it,
He probably just said that out of pride. if he’s someone who has to see to believe then no contact rule will work to your advantage because you will start to focus on yourself and do new things, meet new people and have a new routine and be active in posting it social media.. once he sees that you have your own life, he will think you’re more independent and once he sees you’re physical improvements too, he will miss you more.. So focus on no contact and yourself for now and set him aside.
Lost
May 9, 2016 at 2:14 pm
My ex and I broke up about 72 hours ago. We were together for a 14 months and I’m 19 and he’s 17. He told me kind of dumb excuses and I tried to understand and eventually he told me it was because he did not feel like he was in a relationship anymore. He was not as excited when I came home from college and was not having fun. He said he still cared about me but not as a girlfriend. He lost feelings for me around our 1 year. So What do I do? I really want him back but I feel he’s put a lot of thought into this. Please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 10, 2016 at 3:18 am
Hi Lost,
try nc now.. make him miss you by improving yourself and having fun.. and follow what Chris adviced above
HELP - waiting for reply
May 9, 2016 at 3:17 am
He’s told me his feeling have disappeared. I don’t have him on social media no more . I don’t know if he will ever think about giving us another chance . But will start the nc rule .
Sandra
May 8, 2016 at 4:33 pm
My ex boyfriend found i had a friend from school on my facebook because i told him to block my bf because he didn’t want me to add guys and i have no female friends simply because there are not many girls in my classes (i study engineering and i did it because my bf wasn’t paying attention to me that much) and he thought i cheated on him and he dumped me, i apologize and do many things to show him i never loved anyone else but him and because he asked me to prove him and make him trust me again, we were in LDR so i sent him letters and gifts and videos during 3months with the chances he gave me and that the breakup lasted!!. The last words we exchanged were hurtful for both, he said i was disgusting and a whore and that everything i made him feel was upset and annoyance (he was my 1st bf so i’m virgin) and i said cruel things to him back in anger and pain, then he said to never communicate to him again after what i said. I feel so hurt by all of that and i’ve been doing NC for over a month but i’m afraid if i text him he won’t reply or ask: what do you want in a mean way) he’s a very emotional person. What can i do? He’s now all over “his online female friend” they are so close now after we broke up but i found out he was hiding it from me too (it’s suspicious) so they were close before the break up so our trust in each other disappeared but i want it back and he to see i’m not a whore and not a bad girl. Can his friend be a rebound? they all of a sudden are sharing everything but idk if they’re dating. Do i still have hope? I want him to forgive me and undone our hurtful words we said but i’m afraid he’s still upset.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 3:47 am
Hi Sandra,
I don’t get it.. do you mean you asked your friend in school to block your boyfriend because he doesn’t want you befriending other boys? If that’s the case, you didn’t cheat.. and the problem is he really on his side.. his irrationally jealous.. don’t tolerate by being the one to apologize if you didn’t do anything because you’re like confirming his insecurities.. and you’re currently in ldr? how often do you see each other?
I know you want him back but with that thinking, it’s a toxic relationship because he’s going to continue making up things to be angry at you.. we’re not even sure if he really is jealous or he’s just using that because he himself is hiding something from you.
HELP - waiting for reply
May 8, 2016 at 2:32 pm
Hi
Me and my ex had been dating 2 and half years . Be broke up with me. We had a long distance relationship and he had lied to be about few personal issues he was having . We went on a 2 month break so he could find himself again we still calling and texting during this period . After ghat we decided to get back together . Few days into relationships he lies to me about going out drinking with a few girls from work and it hurts me that has not been honest when I am always open with him. I question him and we start arguing .his excuse is he didn’t want to hurt me and they must friends . I felt like I couldn’t trust him . I was supporting him dying the 2 month break and then he does the me few days into us getting back . We talked more and he said he don’t know if this long distance would work and his feelings Seem of changed . Out of no where .I dong know is it worth fighting for now
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 1:18 am
HI help,
sorry for the late reply.. I erased your two previous posts because it’s the same one as this.. Do the basics.. Do total no contact.. no texts, no calls, no liking posts of him and no replying nor answering his calls for 30 days while you heal and improve yourself physically, emotionally and socially.
pandalady
May 7, 2016 at 8:47 pm
Hello!
My (ex) boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago. The main reason for him ending things with me was the fact that he thinks I don’t trust him, which is untrue as I trust him with my life and I know he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. Before the break up he became quite distant and well I panicked, the more i was trying to pull him back, the more he was pulling away. After the break up I initiated NC, obviously failed a couple of times, got rejected, kind of ‘learned’ my lesson and stopped contacting him. He called me yesterday as it was my birthday and one thing led to another we ended up going out for a drink. I had a really good day, spent it with my closest friends and I though I have every emotion under control, but I was wrong. We met up, had a really nice and long conversation about what’s going on right now in our lives and then suddenly we’re talking about us… I really didn’t want that. He told me that he couldn’t deal with the ‘headache’ and drama anymore and constant fighting when we were together and that’s why he tried to distance himself from me. He would only see me when other people like his friends were around. It did hurt my feelings and like I said, i panicked and did everything wrong to make things right. I feel like we’re breaking over something really really stupid and the issue can be easily fixed, but he doesn’t want to try and he wants to be by himself and I should move on and be happy. He also told me that I can always come to him for advice and if i need any help, because he wants me to be his friend. I obviously told him that for me, it’s impossible. I can’t be his friend, because it would only hurt me and i don’t want to be stuck in a friendzone with my ex whom I have deep feelings for. I said to him that the door is open and he can contact me when he’s mind has changed, however I’m not going to wait for him. He drove me home and on the way he started crying. Literally crying his eyes out. I was trying to hold myself together, but I couldn’t so I ended up crying myself. He was cuddling me saying how sorry he is for hurting me and that it was a bad idea to meet and that I should hate him. I said to him that despite feeling absolutely heartbroken and sad, I’m glad we’ve seen each other, at least for some closure. We then said our final goodbyes and I went home. I don’t know what to do. I feel like he’s depressed. We’ve been together for 3 years and throughout that time he did have some episodes where he didn’t want to be around anyone, especially me, he wouldn’t go to work, he would just sit at home by himself and drink, but after couple of days he always apologized and blame work for his behavior. I really love this guy. I care about him loads and I think he needs help, which I mentioned to him many times before, however he would just say he’s fine, he doesn’t need any help and he’s not going to talk to strangers about his problems. So I gave up, after all you can take the horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. I really need advice of what should i do. i don’t want to let him go, I feel like he’s too stubborn to trust me and make things better. He would rather quit and give up. I started NC again, but his birthday is coming up soon (May 21st) and since he called me on my birthday, I respect him enough to return the favor, however I decided to send him a birthday card instead, so we don’t have to communicate as I don’t want to break the NC. I need some advice, please how can I get him back. 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 9, 2016 at 2:02 am
Hi Panda lady,
that’s very kind of you to still care for him.. but if he still manages to ask you for a drink, that means he’s not depressed.. maybe he has his sad episodes but depression is more of doing nothing at all.. but let’s say he is, you are right.. you can only offer help but it’s still his decision.. if he needs help, he won’t have the energy to refuse it and the other people around him will notice it too..
Be active in no contact to be more independent and focused on yourself.. if he is sensitive, then the fights that were little for you, has a different effect on him.. It’s more stressful for him than for you so that means unless he really sees that you’ve changed, he will not entertain the thought of going back to you and have your own life for him to be attracted to you back… it’s okay to start as friends as long as you’re building rapport and attraction while in it.. Just be aware of his reactions so that you won’t be friendzoned.. know if everything is progressing or not.
icy
May 6, 2016 at 7:39 pm
Hello team, I am very very glad I found you and your website.
We were together for almost 3 years, we’ve got great chemistry, similar interests, same sense of humour, we feel comfortable with each other and feel like we could be ourselves in front of each other, I get along well with his friends, his families and coworkers even. His relatives often tell me “We are so glad our nephew is dating you!” and such. There were no trust issues, no cheating, no new people involved, and it wasn’t like we were bored of each other during the long term relationship either. In fact, we’ve always been spending simple happy times together even if it’s just cuddling watching a movie, or a simple short dinner. The only times when we usually fought were either he’s not ready to talk about our future or marriage (he’s 25, and he’s still at the age where he wants to work on himself so he doesn’t wanna talk about it at all), and the second thing is sex, because he doesn’t like having sex much and I felt really insecure about it. However, he would reassure me that he does love me a lot and still tells me I am beautiful, and it’s only because he has no sexual desires, so he didn’t want me to blame myself.
We used to see each other maybe 5 times a week, because everyday he gets off work he would call me and say “hey I’m off work! let’s go have dinner!” However, I wouldn’t know whether guys do that because they feel the ‘obligation’ to do this, because they feel the invisible pressure inside themselves, that made them think that if they don’t do that then their girlfriend would get upset.
The night when we broke up, we were just having a happy dinner with his family, and everything was great, it was fun as usual. After dinner, we were even cuddling and watching movie together. Now this is when I made my mistake, I brought up a topic he didn’t like – sex. I was joking about it but he was really angry (because he had once made it really clear that I shouldn’t talk about it since he doesn’t feel comfortable about it) but it was my mistake I didn’t take his words seriously and joked about it again.
It escalated and he told me he was thinking to break up for a while because he didn’t wanna fight, and he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, and that he’s happier by himself. He said he held back from breaking up because he really truly cares about me and worries about me and my well being, worries if I could eat properly and take care of myself, or if I would do silly things to myself, and so on. He told me to find someone else to love me, care for me, and provides the things I need. He told me he would not be together with me anymore (I read your other articles about how guys lie during break up…) I made the mistake by crying and begging and convincing, and yes of course that didn’t work. He even told me I should find another guy to love me, care for me, and provide the things I need in life.
After that I didn’t contact him at all, however, he agreed to come out for dinner 5 days later. I was surprised. At first, of course he acted all cold and mean, however, this time, I’ve matured and became a lot more calm. I reckoned that he was already really stressed and didn’t want to talk about the relationship anymore so I didn’t. We ended up just chatting happily, and making jokes and talked like how we used to again back when we were still together. It was happy, and we could both tell we feel really comfortable with each other and enjoyed each other’s company.
At the end, he even told me “Let’s have dinner again next time!” which got me very surprised. It now seems like we’re on good terms.
However, after that, he has yet to contact me, and neither did I. I wanted to ask him for sure, but I believe since he’s already initiating it, I should be patient and not give him any further stress until he is ready to find me. Hearing from his friends, it seems like he’s more relaxed now comparing to when he was really upset the first few days after we broke up. He seemed to be enjoying his alone time and gaming everyday, as well as asking his guy friends out which he hasn’t done in a while. (Please note that, I actually have never requested him not to do so, I told him he could hang out with his friends and I have no problems with that, as I also hang out with my friends a lot too, but he was convinced that, if he does, then I’ll be upset, even though I explained I wouldn’t, so that was back to the invisible pressure that I was talking about)
Anyways, last Tuesday, it was my friend’s birthday and we talked about it before we broke up, our guy friend then confirmed with him to make sure if he would still coming, and surprisingly he said “oh I have a day off that day, I’ll come!” and he also told our guy friend that “we are on good terms” so he wasn’t avoiding me.
However, on that day, he told my friend last minute that he wasn’t feeling comfortable to come out after all…
Since then…he slowly started to delete our photos on facebook one by one, day by day (not all at once…just day by day)
Now, I really don’t know what is the proper action to take.
I wanted to apologize for not being sensitive and that I honestly didn’t care, and that it was my fault for pushing him over the edge about it.
I wanted to tell him that after break up, I’ve matured and became a lot more positive and stronger, wanted to tell him that I was surprised that I am taking it better than I thought I could. I did my No Contact since then, and I’ve been just focusing on working on myself, concentrating on work, did exercises, went jogging, being active, hanging out with friends and I’m just overall a happier more positive person in general.
But, on the other hand, I don’t know if talking to him about it will stress him out still, as much as I wanted to explain myself and wanting us to give it one more try.
Few days ago, I texted him saying I wanted to give him something, and he said “Sorry don’t really wanna meet up, whatever you need to drop off just hold onto it. I’ll pick it up next time.” Since then, I haven’t called or texted anymore…I will re-continue my No Contact from zero again…
3 years of relationship, I really don’t want to believe he doesn’t love me at all anymore, all of a sudden like this…I don’t know if he is truly happy right now without me and enjoying his own gaming time now…if that is the case, I don’t know if I even have any chance being back with him again.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 1:17 pm
Hi Icy,
how less is the sex? because if it’s once a month and he’s still complaining about it, that’s somethig.. and also one week of nc is very short..it’s not enough to say that you have really grown more emotionally stable and also talking about it is better after time has passed because right now, you’re still emotional.. it’s better if you get to dating oart again before you talk about that and when he’s in the best mood..
but it’s best of just show it..show it by building your own life apart him..have a new routine, new activity, meet new friends, be independent from him
Kara
May 6, 2016 at 5:40 pm
Hi, paid for my guide but the email is incorrectly spelled. Please advise you have no contact info for any type of order errors……
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 12:34 pm
Hi Kara,
you can email at
[email protected]
but what email did you use? I can forward it to them too
R
May 6, 2016 at 6:00 am
Hi,
Me and my boyfriend were dating for almost 1 year…we broke up because he told me he wasn’t sure about me…after breaking up, I tried to do no contact rule, but he contacted me first, so we got into contact again. We kind of became like friends with benefits and we were physically intimate. Today we got into big argument, because I told him he used to make more time for me, and now I feel he’s making less time for me. The argument got so big, that I felt I almost lost him…I almost begged him to forgive me when we were on the streets(we were outside). Did I ruin my chance in getting back with him? I thought things were getting better between me and him until tonight. How can I do some damage control now? Please give me some advice, I still really want to work things out between me and my boyfriend. Thank you so much.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 10:33 am
Hi R,
stop beig intimate and start no contact..focus on yourself first.. gain back being emotionally stable and give each other space..work on yourself, improve yourself..do it for at least 30 daya
mlynn
May 6, 2016 at 3:00 am
hey there. i need your help. big time. me and my boyfriend were together for 3 years. almost 4. we are in 12th grade. I was just recently diagnosed with POTS. I haven’t been able to go to school, and we haven’t seen each other in a while. we would text each other occasionally, but we were growing distant. about a week ago, he told me how much he loved me. he went on about how beautiful I was. he spilled his feelings to me. last Saturday, he dumped me, and the next day, he got a new girlfriend. I knew her. and she actually told me he wasn’t good enough for me. i didn’t see this site, and I did the worst thing possible. i texted him. a lot. I told him that I loved him. I asked what I did wrong. he kept giving me one word responses like K. he said he loves his new girlfriend. i said I’m sorry. he got really mad and said he didn’t love me anymore. i think he really does love her. he told me “bye bye”. is there any chance of him still having feelings for me? do you think that he does, but they are buried deep down? i love him to pieces, but I found out he dumped me bc I wasn’t good enough for him. i know I shouldn’t want him back, but we had so many good times together. I miss him. is his relationship a rebound. it looks like it’s pretty serious, even though it’s been 5 days. we ended on a very bad note, so I’m worried I’ve messed things up. I’ve started the nc rule. please help. I’m just so confused. i miss him. give me some advice. thanks.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 2:28 am
Hi Mlynn,
maybe she’s a grass is greener case if he finds her better than you and given the issue for him was that you’re not enough.. For now, proper nc means you have to improve yourself and heal and not just stop talking and avoiding him.. Do new things, meet new people, change your look.. in short he has to see that you’re moving on.. if you’re school mates, do not approach him, don’t greet him and if he initiates a talk reply politely short and direct.. if you can excuse yourself do it..
Bumble bee
May 6, 2016 at 2:51 am
Hi, my ex boyfriend broke up with me 3 days ago giving the reason ‘we aren’t in the same place but he wishes he was’. Confusing, right? I’m just wondering if the NC will be beneficial for this situation as I do want him back (or at least I think I do). I thought we were in a really good place until he broke it off so I’m kinda in shock and a little angry too. Any advice would be appreciated!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 9:58 am
Hi Bumble bee,
yes , it would be better if you do nc..
Kim
May 5, 2016 at 7:38 pm
I was in a relationship for 2 and a half years and we broke up 2 weeks back. We really loved each other and we had plans to get engaged this year and get married by next year. However, we do have our ups and downs in the relationship and fought many times in the past as well. So what happen was, I had my exam in April and we started to see each other less since March as I need to prepare for my exam. I met him only on weekends during this period. One night during my exam he came to meet me however I was in a very bad mood that day and didn’t talk to him properly. I had 2 papers that day and the previous day and didn’t sleep for almost 3 days and this was taking a toll on me and I guess that’s why I was moody. After that we kind of ignored each other and he was pissed with me.
We were in touch via text and calls during this time but not so much as other times. So I finally texted him on the 19th April and he told me he wanted to take a break and he said he’ll come over at my place to talk. We finally met on the 23rd of April and when we talked he told me it’s better if we end things mutually. When he said this I was devastated, I told him I was sorry about everything and that the exam was taking a toll on me. He told me he was tired of my mood swings and trantrums and his feelings for me has changed. I cried a lot when he said all these things. See the thing is I have tried breaking up with him at least 5 times in the past due to many problems and there were 2 occasions when he physically abused me as well. Whenever I tried to end things with him, he always came back crying and begging me to take him back. The last time I tried ending things with him was in December. I was done with him and don’t have any feelings for him and when I refused to take him back, he said that he was going to kill himself and not to attend his funeral. I was so scared with this threat and I eventually took him back. He used to emotionally blackmail me to patch things up.
And now when he’s got the upper hand, he refused to even give it one more try when I was always ready to give him a chance which really breaks my heart. He said that we are very different and our personalities clash and he don’t want to ruin my life. We knew each other for about 1 year before we started dating and he knew the kind of person I am and yet he dated me. I’m not much into partying and drinking and I’m more of a homely person and an introvert. So now he’s making excuse that we are very different and that he tried changing me during these two and a half years and he failed. He is also very difficult to be honest, short tempered and abusive however I’ve always accepted him the was he is and I never even tried changing him. And when we end things he said that he’ll always be there for me and he wanted us to remain friends. I find this difficult because I’m going to be shattered to see him dating someone else. I’ve started with the NC and it’s been 5 days and even he has remained very quiet, no calls and texts from both of us. And the weird thing is he is online on Whatsapp almost 24/7, if I check his status irrespective of the time , he’s always online and I have a feeling he’s already talking to other girls and this hurt me a lot. During the time I dated him, he was my everything and my best friend and I’ll be crushed if he moved on so fast. All my friends are telling me not to get back with him and that this is an opportunity to move on however I still want to give it one more try. He said that we’ll still keep meeting each other and hang out on a regular basis as friends but he don’t want to reconcile. I really love this guy and I want us to give it another try. I need your advice and want to know if I have any chance of getting him back and what can I do
Kim
June 8, 2016 at 2:36 pm
Hi ……After more 30 days of NC, my ex called me out of the blue on the 4th of June and said he was thinking of me and haven’t talked to me in a while. We had a very healthy conversation and talked a lot, about family and many other things. He said he wanted to hangout soon and will let me know. Since then, there has been no other calls or texts and I’m confused. If he did call to hangout, do you think it’s advisable to meet him coz I do miss him a lot
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 9:01 am
yeah. as long as you keep it short too and light
Kim
May 12, 2016 at 7:28 pm
I’ve started the NC and it’s been 13 days now that we’re not in touch. Should I wait for 30 days NC before i could even reach out to him as some of his stuffs are still at my place?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 15, 2016 at 5:03 am
if he really needs it, it’s ok to give to him but only talk about that stuff.. no small talk or asking how each other is, if he asks just reply politely direct..
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 7:53 am
HI Kim,
if you’re going to ask me, you shouldn’t go back with him.. It’s a very toxic relationship..especially since there has been physical abuse.. think about this first.. if you really want him back, at least make him work for it.. I was in your position, it would take a great deal for him to come back.. he should be the one worried how to make me come back to him..
Sarah
May 5, 2016 at 3:17 pm
HEY therre! Me and my boyfriend were together for 3 years. Right now, we are in 12th grade. I recentlty transferred to a new school, and it has been hard to keep in contact with him. He just broke up with me last saturday, and yesterday, he had gotten a new girlfriend who i knew and was my friend but wasn’t that close to my ex. Before I found this site,I contacted him asking why he broke up with, was there anything I could’ve done differently, and was there anyway I could get him back. I expressed my feelings toward him, and I would usually get 1 word responses. I love him very much, and we had a happy relationship. A few days before he dumped me, he said he loved me to the moon and back 1,000 times. But now he is saying he doesn’t have any feelings for me. He said he loves his new girlfriend. I have just started the 30 day nc rule. Is there any chance that this is a rebound, and that he does still have some feelings for me , even though he denies it? I want him back. He told me to leave him alone, so I am. Him telling me to leave him alone is making me think we are over for good. They really seem in love. Please help me. I don’t want to lose him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 8, 2016 at 4:29 am
Hi Sarah,
was it a sudden break up or did you fight? If it’s sudden and the girl seems to be the reason, then it means it a grass is greener case.. since you’re already in nc.. be active in improving your self and having a new routine.. heal and grow to be more emotionally stable
Lena
May 3, 2016 at 6:51 pm
I HAVE A STRANGE PROBLEM that you’ve probably not heard before. So, a few months ago, me and my boyfriend were at a reptile shop and he was head over heels for this one type of lizard, which cost around $300. I told him I would get it for him for his birthday, but I was really planning on giving it to him for our anniversary so it would be a shock. Anyway, I bought the lizard last Monday and kept it hidden, planning to give it to him the next Sunday which was our anniversary. He broke up with me on WEDNESDAY and still doesn’t know about the lizard. I still have it and have been trying to sell it but nobody wants it and no stores want it because it’s low quality. I spent 300 on this and I don’t know if/when I should tell him I have it. Would it make him angry?? I don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 4, 2016 at 8:54 am
Hi Lena,
I read your other comment too.. keep the lizard for now, well if somebody buys it then good..but I think you have to take this last chance to do nc..give each space.. stop drinking, don’t chase him and improve yourself.. there’s a chance that if he sees you’re emotionally more stable and more mature, he’ll talk to you again.. do nc for 30 days.. it’s a short period so make the most out of it..
Dani
May 3, 2016 at 11:43 am
That’s exactly what I did! I focused on myself and hung out with many friends.. Although he’s not much of a social media person, so I’m not quite sure if the social media posts are helping much. The only problem is that his birthday is today (may 3) and I was wondering if this is a good time to break the no contact, or if I should wait a couple of days and use one of those “oh hey.. I just realized what day it is and that your birthday just passed a couple days.. Happy late birthday!” Then hit him with one of those “I have to go out with a friend now, bye!” Kind of thing. What would be, perhaps you could say, the wiser choice?
Dani
June 1, 2016 at 1:17 am
So you’re basically saying that I should randomly select a day to bring up a topic to talk about during this time period? Because after 1 month I did try with psychology… It worked like a charm until I messed up.. But that was before I discovered EBR. If I didn’t mess up at that point, I don’t even think I would have found this site! (Thank goodness I did). He’s not much of a talker.. He’s more of a listener (VERY introverted). So I am assuming that might have a big affect on it.. Right? To get him to talk again would take a while, I think. He can get stubborn if things aren’t right in a logical sense. I’d try psychology again, but I think it would be more obvious what I am doing, since I used it twice. Once through messaging, then in person about something odd that I found with psychology. So I guess that topic is out of the question. Are there general topics to start a conversation with? I did have one thing to tell him, but I read on this site that you have to keep messages light and positive. (It has something to do with the death of someone..) so I figured that’s not a good way to start.. Should I just tell a story? I’m sorry for all the questions, but the situation is a bit complicated and I don’t want to mess this up.. Again, thanks so much for the help, I really appreciate it!
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 1, 2016 at 1:51 am
if he’s introverted, you really have to do more of the initiating. Observe the current events and pick what interests him the most.
Dani
May 27, 2016 at 10:22 am
So here’s a little update… He opened the message from his birthday one day at 3:00am… And the WhatsApp one hasn’t been opened. We have already been in NC for 5 months now (without counting the few exceptions of the day after 1 month, the day and day after my surgery, his birthday, and Mother’s Day.) this trip of his would extend NC to about 7 months… Would that be too late?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2016 at 5:53 am
it would be a restart.. let’s hope he doesn’t see that as chasing but try to established you’ve moved on through your posts and then choose a day or topic that is his specialty that would really seem that you just needed to text him
Dani
May 18, 2016 at 5:57 pm
I messaged him on the night of his birthday… Nothing big, just short/positive/straight to the point. I asked how he’s been, and he simply said “Thanks! I’ve been good” and that was all. So I just told him it was late and I had to go… But he never even opened the message. Then something happened on Mother’s Day that relates to one of our old inside jokes… So I messaged him and told him about it the day after Mother’s Day. I did it over whatsapp so I could see when he was online and if he read the message or not… Seems to be that he’s ignoring the message. (It’s unfortunate for him, I know this inside joke would make him chuckle a bit since it was a thing of ours before we started dating..) I know he is ignoring it, simply because we share groupchats and he actually opens my messages in those chats!! I never essayed him again after that, though. (I was traveling). Now there’s a little problem… I just found out that in 2 weeks, he will be leaving for the summer and won’t be back until mid August. How can I carry on with the process? I’m not even sure if he will be able to talk, as he is going with an organization. I’m really worried that my chances are gone, since I won’t see him until he returns. What should I do with this now? I’m very determined to try everything it takes, knowing that love is a CHOICE.. NOT a feeling. (But sure, there are feelings that come with the choice.) I chose to love him because there’s something about him that I never found in previous exes… And I actually get over guys within a week. It’s been almost 5 months now and I’m still doing what I can to get him back; I still have my feelings for him. I guess this is love.. And I’m willing to fight for it. But I want to do it the right way, so any advice from your team will help.
And one more thing… My apologies for the mini rant up there.. I just wanted to make it clear that I have myself sorted and I’m not just doing this out of vulnerable feelings.
Thank you so much for your time!
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 6:32 pm
that means you have to extend no contact until he’s back and use that time to further improve yourself
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 4, 2016 at 11:42 am
sorry for the late reply Dani, what happened?