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Angeline
June 15, 2016 at 10:17 am
My ex boyfriend and I met online, and we had a long distance relationship. He lives on the other side of the country to me, and as I’m in university and can’t drive, he would always make the 3 hour trip to see me every other weekend. Everything was great with us, until yesterday when he said he can’t handle the distance and he doesn’t think the relationship is sustainable for the future, since I’m in university for the next 3 years and he can’t relocate due to his job (and the fact that it was probably too soon – we’d been very close friends for around 18 months and were dating for 8 of those). Is there any way I can get him back, or is it a lost cause due to the distance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 10:36 pm
Hi Angeline,
what about meeting half way? Is it workable for you to go to him at least once a month?
Lucia
June 14, 2016 at 1:24 pm
Hi,
So my ex bf broke up with me last week after being 6 months together. He told me that he didn’t love me anymore and that we should be friends instead. I’ve been trying to use the NC rule but he keeps skyping and texting me, plus we see each other in classes at school. He told me that there could be a chance that he would love me again in the future, but that right now that isn’t possible and that he doesn’t want to talk about the breakup anymore. Last year he was really hurt because his best friends decided to ignore him for a month and during his birthday due to a fight and so I think the NC rule will only make him remember that awful month and will make him want to stay away from me. I know he loves me a lot as his best friend because he told me and I don’t want him to feel sad for ignoring him, but I really want him back and I don’t know what to do. Should I start the NC rule though?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 4:47 pm
Hi Lucia,
you will have to do a limited contact. That means you don’t initiate a conversation and if he does, respond direct and short but polite. Don’t be engaging for a conversation and if you can excuse yourself, do so.. Be busy with other things. Start activities to improve yourself or excel in the ones that you’re in and go out more with your friends. Have a make over and do new things with them and meet new people.
Kevyn
June 13, 2016 at 10:45 pm
My ex and I only dated for about 2 months. I felt a really strong connection with him, and he said I was different from his other exes. Heck, one time he even said I might be “the one”. But he also stated in the beginning that he wanted a “casual relationship”, by which he meant he didn’t want to talk about serious issues like emotions and stuff (even though I told him I was bipolar and he accepted me for it). We were still monogamous. I think he has commitment issues because he was in two consecutive two year relationships, the latter which cheated on him. He had only been single 9 months before he met me.
He has a pretty busy life, and stressed that. We live 1.5 hours away from each other, but he’d make an effort to drive to my town or meet me halfway somewhere for the first few weeks of the relationship. He even stayed over for my birthday. Even at the beginning he said that the distance was a good thing, because his other exes lived too close and were clingy.
He ended it last month because he saw I was getting too attached to him. He wanted to end it sooner than later so he wouldn’t break my heart more. I didn’t understand though, since he showed so much affection towards me. I’m pretty sure he likes me, and he said once that I stole a piece of his heart. But in the end I got the whole “I care about you, it’s not you it’s me, let’s just be friends for now”. I confronted him a few days later and he was a bit more harsh with me. He said I lived too far away, didn’t like having to plan things in advanced all the time (even though he promised to do a lot of things in the future with me), and that overall he just didn’t want a commitment. I do mostly believe it, but I can’t help but think I am to blame. I initiated a really dumb argument a week prior to breaking up, in which he criticized me for “worrying about this relationship BS and that he never wanted anything serious”. I tried giving him space and he ended it.
I got upset seeing him have fun with friends, so I deleted him off snapchat, and a week later he deleted me back. I’m halfway through NC, have been improving myself, and didn’t say happy birthday and didn’t send him his present when I told him I would. I kind of feel bad and I’m afraid he’ll call me out on that. He’s accused me of playing “childish mind games” in the past when I really haven’t, so I’m almost afraid NC will backfire. There’s a chance I’ll run into him at an event next month, and NC will be over by then. My plan was to be confident and look pretty, but I don’t know if I even want to face him.
I’m not dead set on getting him back, I have a lot of doubts, but I really do feel for him, and I feel we could have been great together and made things work if circumstances were better. Do you really think I have a chance, with a busy, committaphobe who seems adamant that he doesn’t want a relationship?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 6:01 am
Hi Kevyn,
I don’t think he’s a commitment phobe.. but that he just doesn’t want something serious right now. It’s not that he won’t someday.. I think he got tired of his previous relationships, but he enjoys companionship now and a happy and light relationship.. that’s it.. if you’re ok with that then I think it could work..
T
June 13, 2016 at 8:27 pm
Hello, my boyfriend of three years broke up with me a month and 3 weeks ago. It was on good term, no cheating, no trust issues, no family problems either, but he told me not to find him anymore…I actually have successfully completed the 30 No Contact with no problems. I’ve initiated my first text but I got no response…
How long am I supposed to wait until I should try again? It is so discouraging, felt so hopeless…
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 16, 2016 at 7:51 am
Hi T,
sorry for the late reply.. you said he is a Gigs case? how did you know? was there another woman? and why did he say not to find him? why, where did he go? During the 30 days, did you start to improve yourself and were active in social media?
Caitlin
June 13, 2016 at 12:09 pm
Hi,
Me and my ex were dating for about four and a half years until he broke up with me yesterday. I can’t say it was completely unexpected because he’s avoided making any contact with me for the past few weeks. That being said, I’m still absolutely devastated and heartbroken without him. His reasons for breaking up with me were somewhat unclear: all I got out of it was that work was stressing him out and things between us were. He said he was really stressed and wanted to get away from things that have been getting him down, I guess I’m included in that. He also said that he didn’t have the same feelings for me any more and asked why I couldn’t just accept that feelings change. This is fair enough, however throughout the whole of our relationship he has told me that he wants to marry me and have children with me, and that I was the only girl for him. I’ve been nothing but supportive and always been there for him since day one – I’ve always done my best to make him happy and give him everything he asked for. He used to always tell me that the only reason he would ever break up with me is if I cheated on him, but I have always been 100% faithful and devoted to him. For the most part, our four and a half years together were happy and we were always happy and laughing when we were together. I just feel like the relationship has ended without him telling me his problems, which, it seems to me, could have been easily fixable and the relationship wouldn’t have had to end if he had just told me what was wrong in the beginning. I asked him if he thought there was a chance we’d get back together after things had settled down for him and he felt less stressed but he just said he didn’t know – is that a good sign or not? We’re in a somewhat long-distance relationship, so I wouldn’t have the opportunity to just ‘bump into him’ and strike up conversation – largely our means of communication was via facebook messenger, however now he’s deleted his facebook account and created a new one. I would be willing to go through the no contact period, however he owes me a substantial amount of money which I would like to get back which obviously requires communication and I’m not sure how to approach that. I’m completely in love with him and he is (or was) my best friend – I understand what I need to do to deal with the loss of him as a partner, but I don’t know how to cope with losing my best friend. I would really love to get back with him because we both spoke about our future together on numerous occasions throughout our relationship – surely if we were both on the same page for things like that then there’s something worth fighting for? I’m completely lost and any help or advice anyone can give me would definitely not go amiss. Thank you to anyone in advance
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 12:46 pm
Hi Caitlin,
it’s ok to keep talking to about the money during nc..but it has to be civilly about the money only
savannah
June 12, 2016 at 11:32 pm
Hi. So my situation is very complicated. I’m 17 years old and my boyfriend broke up with me 4 days ago. We dated for about a year and 2 months and I loved him more than anything. We would fight a lot in the relationship about dumb things. He didn’t treat me right. He never hurt me or anything but he just acted uncaring a lot of the times. Which I knew he cared he was just bad with feelings because his dad passed a couple years ago. But I also noticed I didn’t appreciate him enough. I know it’s not my fault we broke up but I wish I changed things which you know every girlfriend does. But he broke up with me because we fought a lot which I know we can change and after we broke up I realized I can trust him and I didn’t and I should appreciate the things he does more. I knew that was why we fought a lot and he did do things j know I should get mad at but half of them were because I would get mad about something I shouldn’t. That was one of the reasons. And this is where it gets bad. I’m leaving in 9 days for basic training for the national guard…. I’ll only be gone for 2 months though and I know he would’ve stayed with me if we got along and our relationship was healthy.. But he’s also going to college 1 and a half hours away. Which it is bad and sounds bad but how much I know we care and love each other I know we could’ve worked it out if we didn’t fight all the time. It makes me sad because I notice that now… which I wish I did before… But we are talking in 2 days before I leave and he leaves to move an hour and a half away. I want us to work out though and I know we love each other enough to make it work… What should I say to him… Should I ask for him to think about it when I’m gone because we will see each other again more and everything… But what should I do when j see him because I want him in my life. We’ve broke up once before and he wanted me back 2 weeks after. He pushes his feelings away until they bottle up and then notices he needs me but I’m scared with everything that’s happening this time that won’t happen. So what should I say to him when I talk to him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 11:32 am
Hi Savannha,
It’s better if you start out as friends when you’re both away..in that way you would see how you are with each other while being apart
Hopeless
June 11, 2016 at 5:37 pm
My boyfriend and i dated for almost 7 months. He broke up with me while i was on a holiday with my sister. I begged him to let us deal with this only when i get back which is a week later but he said he wouldn’t be able to do it face to face because i will cry and he will crack. He did not give me a chance to say what i have to say. The reason behind this break up is because that i will be going back home soon (i am an international student). But before this breakup we had a talk before and he agreed on trying long distance with me. He blocked me on all social media but he said that we can get coffee after the weekend and i’m not quite sure how to persuade him. I really wish that he can stop building walls so that i can talk some sense into him…
Hopeless
June 11, 2016 at 5:38 pm
He also said that these 2 weeks of me being away (out of 3 weeks in total) made him realise how it will be like when i go back home.
Eve
June 11, 2016 at 6:29 am
the last two days i hav been reading all of your pages here since my ex blocked me,i started to make note and planing according to all what you say as a bible,but i just had a nap,and all of a sudden,i came to ask me a question:does he worth it?
when we were together for 3 years,everytime we fighted he went to talk with other women for comfort and his another ex has lived between us for 3 years,from his mouth that woman who i have never met sounds like godness,and from his mouth,im a shit,he did say this when he got angry and we both violenced each other,there were no trust.and he pushed me doing abortion,i admit i was not perfect,but i guess nomatter what i deserve better.i even wonder he never really got over the other woman,and its like 6days ago he sent me a song”nothing compares to you”,then 4 days ago,he told me he got me over when i told him i wanted to see him.
im confused,if he ever truly loved me,if no,whats the point or me doing all the efforts for him.
im confused,not sure if heres the right place i put this comment
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 16, 2016 at 5:45 am
The question is none of you wants to migrate.. how will you be together someday?
Nicole
June 9, 2016 at 8:53 pm
My ex boyfriend and I recently broke up for the second time. We met my freshman year of college, and stayed friends for several years before we decided to start dating — I was his first girlfriend. We were long distance for 2 years while I finished school until I was able to move back home. He broke up with me once because he wasn’t sure of our future together, but three weeks later, he realized it was a mistake. We had dinner and worked out all of the small issues we had, and ended up back together. It’s been a year, and he just broke up with me again for more small reasons, all reasons that are easily fixable. At first he claimed that he was just unhappy in general, but after talking he explained his issues. I haven’t contacted him since the day after our break up, and I’m a week and a half into nc. I’m attempting to use this nc time to heal myself, but is there a way to know if I have a chance of getting back together with him? Is it worth it after two break ups? I’ve always believed he was “the one” for me from the first time we met, and I don’t know that I’m ready to give up on that. During the break up, he consistently told me how much he loved me and how much he wished it worked out better. He’s very stubborn and I don’t think he’ll contact me first, and I’m afraid of being shut down and feeling stupid for even trying to contact him when nc is over.
Nicole
June 9, 2016 at 8:54 pm
forgot to mention we were together for three and a half years, and we’re in our mid twenties.
Demre
June 9, 2016 at 4:51 pm
Hey,
So, about 2 months ago my ex boyfriend broke up with me because we were fighting quite a lot. It was exactly one week before the holidays. He told me that after 2 weeks we could try it again. In the past, we had broken up 3 times, so this was number 4. We really loved each other and he even cried en hugged en kissed me when he broke up. The next day I had to hand my phone in because my therapist told me to not have any contact with friends on social media, skype or email. I wanted to text my ex that I had to hand in my phone, but I wasn’t able to. Two weeks long I couldn’t do anything, but going to my therapist. He gave me permission to send my best friend a mail that I couldn’t contact anybody because of my therapy. She told this to all my friends so that they knew what was going on with me. My ex was extremely worried and the second week of the holiday he saw a friend of mine and asked him what was actually going on with me. He told him that my phone was handed in and I wasn’t able to contact people. My ex told him he still loved me but he was happy it was over because the first week of the holiday he caught a few so called lies of me. After this two weeks I went to London but I was still not able to text him, which I really wanted to do. A good friend of mine stayed in the Netherlands and talked a bit with my ex. He said that he was upset I didn’t text him for two weeks (although he knows the reason) and that I still didn’t text him while I was in London. She told him that I still don’t have the permission for that, but he didn’t listen since he is really stubborn. He told her that he still loved me but never wanted to continue with me because of my lies. When i came back home I apped him and asked him how he was doing and he was pretty mad. He said I wasn’t there for him the last 3 weeks. He said there happened quite a lot of things I that I didn’t help him, but I wasn’t even able to do or I would have definitly helped him. He said we should stop talking forever and he blocked me. After 3 minutes he deblocked me and started talking to me really happy. For three days we texted with each other and each day he became happier. But suddenly on the third day he heard that I was talking bad about him (which is not true. I talked about him in a positive way) and he blocked me on Whatsapp. The next day I went to a party with some friends and posted some group pictures. He saw all of them, but when I posted a selfie of my own he blocked me. This happened 3 weeks ago and he still has blocked me on both medias. He still follows me on Instagram. The lies he was talking about are not lies, but are seen as lies because of a misunderstandment. The first week of the holiday he saw two guys I used to have a fight with back in 2015. They threw firework towards me, fight with me and treat me badly. I told this to my ex when we still had a relationship. So my ex saw these guys and asked them if everything I had told him was true. The guys thought he was talking about 2016 so they said I was lying. A few weeks ago I saw these guys and asked them why they lied about me and they asked me when they threw firework. I said: back in 2015. They looked shocked and immediately apologized because they thought my ex meant 2016. So it wasn’t a lie. In the past I had lied to my ex about one thing. I said to him that I slapped a boy but instead I pushed the boy away. My ex now hates on me and is constantly trying to make everyone hate me, which is not working because everybody knows me as a sweet good girl, which I am definitly am. My ex is just stubborn and he made more mistakes than I did, but I still want him back because I know that he isn’t like this. but he doesn’t want to see me and says to everybody that he doesn’t love me anymore but still tries to get information about me and talks bad about me. What should I do because I’m really hopeless but our love was extremely strong. Please help me. I don’t care if it takes two years to get him back, I will do anything to get him back. One thing is really positive: nobody wants to date him because he has autism and isn’t popular. I treated him like a king and paid all our dates. Please give me some good advice for my situation.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 11:10 am
HI Demre,
are you in nc now?
Alice
June 9, 2016 at 10:22 am
Hi,
I’ve read nearly every article on this website but I can’t see how my situation would play into it.
I’ve done no contact now for 30 days only a few things have happened during this time which is making me not know how to proceed in contacting my ex. We were together for nearly 3 years, I’m 22 and he is 25 and the relationship was good we always work on ourselves to make the other happy, when I first met him he had nothing and changed his life around saying it was because of me, we lived together, the downside being that we may of been quite dependant on each other. he left me after a couple of months of not being himself and our intimacy went, saying he wants to find himself and he doesn’t know why he’s breaking up with me he just knows he is not happy; I think its because I have an idea as to what I what from the future but he has no aspirations or goals so felt like he didn’t play into my life.
During no contact he hasn’t even attempted to message me, people have told his friends that I have a new boyfriend which I do not, his friend keeps messaging me and him but also telling me he wants to sleep with me which I’m worried my ex will find out about and may look wrong even though I haven’t reciprocated even the thought! Also last week whilst I was at work he still has a key and went back to my parents house to collect the rest of his things! He promised he would talk to me first especially as we have more to sort out like I’m still paying for his phone bill and have a few more things of his at my place. What makes it worse is that at the start when he blocked me and deleted me I got angry and packed some of his things into boxes so he would of gone back to my dads and seen that I’ve just packed everything way looking like I’m just done with him. He still has me on Netflix and he still checks my snapchat- showing that I’m out having a good time- but other then that there’s been nothing. He’s the type of person to avoid any dealing with emotions which is why I think it built to our breakup because he just didn’t know how to tell me what was going on in his life until the end when he ran away (i came home from work and all his things were gone) He’s found a place to move into at the end of the month and I’m not sure things will hit him until he’s settled in and he then is alone, unable to keep himself busy but by that point it would of been 60 days. He said I was the only certain thing in his life but he loves me just not like a couple, everything he says is a contradiction he’s even talking about running away to Scotland to “find himself”.
My question is my dad wants the keys back and is angry, I need to give him his stuff back and sort the phone bill out but I don’t want to just jump straight in and sort these things out when I still want to work things out. I don’t know how to go forward and start messaging him. I know I can live my life without him but I just don’t want to, I haven’t just lost my partner but he was my entire family and I’ve never had someone in my life who I’ve got on with so well: we had the same morals and interests, work ethic and even like to keep the house in the same order, he said he’s never loved living with someone so much.
Sorry for the long message.
Alice
June 19, 2016 at 9:15 pm
Do you think me still holding on to his stuff suggests im still holding on to him? and not demanding my money back makes me seem like a push over making him not want me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 22, 2016 at 4:14 am
if you offered for him to get it, then it doesn’t look like you’re holding onto it.. give him more time..you’ve already talked .. at least he replied at least once
Alice
June 19, 2016 at 9:13 pm
thanks for your response,
So i messaged him and got no response, it was just a casual message probably not very interesting.
so i tried the next week as he had a hospital appointment and i wanted him to know if he needs me im there.
he actually replied to this one and said he forgot about it and then jumped straight into talking about money, he said hed pay me the money back that day and i casually mentioned about his stuff he left at mine (even though i knew he broke in and took it already) he said hed just taken it, i said it wasnt a “very nice thing to do” he suggested we could meet up to sort out the phone bill and i said i also wanted to talk, to which i got “can do yer”. i tried to leave it on a high of reminding him to check his appointment next time and saying i was off out somewhere. he never bothered to ask anything about my life in fact he never put the money in my account but instead text my dad apologising to him for the way hes acted towards him?!?! MY DAD NOT ME.
Ive tried texting again and hes now not responding. what do i do, should i try NC again? If he really wants to get rid of me why doesnt he just meet me and sort the phone out? why does he still check my snapchat? my friends think i should just be upfront and ask him how he feels but im scared of scaring him off but if hes not responding to my messages how can i build a rapport ?
Alice
June 9, 2016 at 10:25 am
It was a VERY messy break up and he does not do well with any kind of negative emotions, even the slightest fight and he wants to get out the house.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 10:03 am
Hi Alice,
just ask kindly and explain what you need calmly.. I think he won’t find that offensive
Christine
June 7, 2016 at 3:21 pm
Dated my BFF for 3 years! I broke up with him in December and totally kicked him out and tried moving on! He begged and begged and fought for me for three months and me me realize how much he cares for me and loves me even though the whole time I told him to leave me alone, to move on, and shut the door in his face a few times!! I tried dating and it didnt work and he started seeing someone in April! Since May I have realized I made a mistake and I want him back so bad!! He has blocked me on all social media but he still talks to me and says he loves me!!! I tried to do the no contact rule but feel if I give him space he will become more involved with this other girl! I just found out last night that they are now in a relationship and she wants him to stop talking to me!!! He says it’s not right that he talks to me if he’s with her! But he swears he loves me and now he doesn’t know what to do! It makes me sick to my stomach thinking bout it! She lives four hours away and has a kid and he doesn’t! I want to him to know that I don’t want to give up and fight hard like he did no matter if he tells me to leave him alone! He totally didn’t listen to me and won me back! So now I’m stuck and don’t know what to do! I don’t want him to think I’m giving up!!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 8:02 am
Hi Christine,
are you in nc now?
Need Another Chance
June 6, 2016 at 11:00 am
My ex and I broke up about a week ago. We were only together for 6 months but before this previous month everything felt right. We had such strong feelings for each other. He said he wanted to marry me. Because he spends a lot of time at work we decided to move in together. He was the one who asked me. When we moved in together we fought more often. About money. I felt he was ignoring me so I ignored him. We said some pretty mean things to each other. I felt him becoming more distant. I didn’t know what to do. I asked him if he wanted to break up. I told him I still loved him and I wanted to work things out. I told him I wanted to have this conversation so we could fix our problems. He told me that he didn’t feel sad at all and that he has such strong feelings for me but he just lost them. When I asked why he said it was hard to live together and we often fought. I said to please give me one more chance to fix things. He said two weeks before he found a girl at his work. Recently he had displayed odd behavior like he said he is going to quit music and he cut his hair short and he started learning a new language. He said he did it because he wants to be with her and be her type of guy. He told her that he liked her but he doesn’t know if she likes him. After talking more the argument became more heated and he told me to get out of the house by the end of the month (June). After we talked more he said he wanted to think about everything because he didn’t want to make a mistake (I think he meant this financially) and he said that we are broken up. He told me he wanted to talk this past Thursday but he didn’t come because he said he couldn’t get off work. He said how about the next day and I said after 11:00pm I had to take an overnight bus because I planned to attend a concert and I was coming back Sunday. He said he wouldn’t be home Sunday but he didn’t say why. He said he will talk some time this week but he doesn’t know when (he works in the entertainment industry so he says this kind of stuff is common) but it feels like he’s just ignoring me. He told me I don’t have to move out in June and he can’t afford to live there without me so we just have to be room mates for now. I said that’s hard because I still love him. He said that’s why we need to talk but I’m fine with that. I went crazy and did all the things I shouldn’t do. I told him he’s the worst and I don’t know why I still love him. I can’t trust him. Now I feel bad because he wasn’t the worst. I did some bad things in the relationship too. I always thought we had good communication even if I couldn’t speak his language well (we were an international couple). This past month was hard and we had a break down. I know I don’t need him but I want him back. I want our relationship to be better than before. He is not going out with the girl as far as I know. What should I do? Should I apologize? I haven’t talked to him for a few days and I haven’t seen him almost a week. I already started trying to better myself. He’s right about some things like I am too emotional and negative and I should exercise more. Breaking up wants me to show him that I can change and be the person he fell in love with but better. I really want things to work out even if we broke up and even if he has feelings for another girl and even if he said we will never get back together. What steps should I take now?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 6:26 am
Hi Need another chance,
are you in nc now?
pew
June 4, 2016 at 5:19 pm
hi dear..
i had a relation for 7 months.. he lives in another country..i never saw him face to face..we used to talk in skype..i was so over protective that it made him very uncomfortable.. we had a fight before break up..i love him so much..i could not control myself so i called him and i said i would be the girl just like he wants.. but he is not ready to accept me… i badly need him…so i used to call him everyday..he behaved so badly that now i control and dont call him… but i want him back ..please tell me what to do :'(
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 15, 2016 at 3:29 am
Hi Pew,
I think you need to check this out: The Ungettable Girl
EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?
Marilyn
June 4, 2016 at 1:21 am
Hello so I am a 25 year old female who was dating a 23 year old male. We met through an online dating site and were in a relationship for about 6 months. Our relationship was pretty awesome until about April 15th. I would see him weekly and since April 15 he made excuses to not see me that week, (no money, has a family thing, too tired from work, has to play hockey, etc). I saw him once every 2-3 weeks during this time. He had stopped texting and generally seemed disinterested since then. However he was still taking me on dates and buying me gifts. I had grown tired of his ‘slow fade’ and decided that I should speak with him (however this was difficult since he never answered my texts, etc). So on our last date together I told him goodbye and that I loved him, I did this because I thought maybe he wasn;t sure about the relationship and needed a sign from me. Well things changed for a few days after- he texted/talked to me a bit more. However I asked to see him one day and he just sends me a text telling me that he has thought about breaking up for a while, that he doesn’t think he feels the same way as I and tells me he doesn’t want to continue the relationship. I told him to never contact me again. I then removed him from all social media and other websites we were friends on. This was on May 19th, 2016. We haven’t had any contact since. I however am concerned how someone could suddenly change from hot to cold. Before April 15 he didn’t seem disinterested. It makes me think he found someone else, which isn’t a big deal to me. I am not upset about the break up at all and I feel like perhaps its better to leave this relationship in the past (even though he’s a good guy). However, there is a part of me that blames myself for the break up and a part of me wants him back. During the no contact phase I have been keeping busy and preoccupied. I have been taking good care of myself by hanging with friends and just doing my thing. I got my nails done yesterday and plan on focusing on myself for the time being. However, I still care and want him back, do you think this would be wise?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 13, 2016 at 9:30 am
Hi Marilyn,
are you still in no contact? if yes, then focus in yourself first..if you’re done, ask yourself if you really want him back or not.
Coz if you want him back, try to send a first contact text
Lizzy
June 3, 2016 at 2:07 pm
Firstly I want to say thankyou, your website has helped me get through the toughest time in my life. I now know that regardless of the outcome i will be okay without him. But, i feel like now might be the time to try again.
Before my ex and i were together, when we were just starting to date I kissed someone else and i told him. Months go by and we argue and he tells me he’ll never trust me. He says he wants to spend his life with me because I make him the happiest man on earth but I screwed him over by kissing that guy and he hates me, so I take a step back. After this blow up, I do no contact and within this time he sends me some nasty messages (which i ignore) and blocks me on EVERYTHING.
He has since unblocked me but I’m scared to contact him, i’m scared that he hates me. I’ve been putting off initiating contact now for 2 and a half months and I thought that if he wanted me in his life then surely he would have spoken to me by now? He hasn’t messaged me but has “accidentally” liked and then unliked my pictures and followed/unfollowed me so i know he’s still looking at my profiles.
I need some advice about what I should do? What do I say if I do message him? How do I make sure when he replies he isn’t nasty to me? How do I know if he still loves me?
Lizzy
June 12, 2016 at 5:41 pm
He isn’t publicly following me, but I know he is/was still watching my profiles because of all the like-unlike and follow-unfollow things he’s been doing accidentally or trying to get my attention (I don’t know).
Yes, we have common interests and a sports competition that I will be participating in next week that i know he will be keeping up to date with because he’ll want to know how I get on. What do you suggest I write in my message? 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 11:12 am
try to use that topic so that it’s more natural
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 12, 2016 at 10:55 am
Hi Lizzy,
him still following you is a very good sign… start with a topic that he really loves. Is there a current event that he really loves or anything latest about his interests?
Ash
June 3, 2016 at 5:12 am
Hi! My boyfriend and I broke up a few days ago and it was entirely my fault. We had an agreement that we will keep things private between the two of us because our situation is really complicated (long story). In other words, being the girl that I am (not an excuse), I told my two bestfriends about us. I told him I didn’t tell anyone but he caught me lying and he felt betrayed because I broke his trust. He broke up with me even though I told him I was sorry and actually begged him to take me back (stupid, I know). But I do want him back. How can I prove that I will not make the same mistakes anymore and that I will be a better person this time? I honestly don’t know what to do. We have been dating for almost a year now. He doesn’t want to talk to me and whenever we see each other (we’re churchmates), he avoids looking at me. I am afraid that he will find someone new and eventually forget about me. Help!
Ash
June 23, 2016 at 1:48 am
My 30-day no contact rule will soon end. And since I can’t avoid him because we are churchmates, I am finding it hard to not to contact him. It’s been a real struggle. I have seen drastic changes in him. He cut his hair short, he posts comments on my best friend’s photo on Facebook. We are under one ministry in our church and he is the head of the ministry. He asked his assistant to tell me that I will not play any instruments until further notice. He knows that I love playing and I don’t know why he is acting so mean. Help 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 27, 2016 at 11:42 am
he’s being vindictive..let him be immature for now..
you should check this post out
EBR 008: What To Do When Your Ex Becomes Vindictive
Ash
June 13, 2016 at 12:23 am
Yes. I’m trying the no contact rule and we haven’t talked for almost 2 weeks now. I don’t know if he has cooled off already and what he’s thinking right now. I’m really scared that he’ll find someone new and replace me while I’m doing the no contact rule.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 17, 2016 at 11:51 am
thr important thing is you imrpve yourself and continue to do even after nc..because if you aim to be the ungettable girl, whether he has someine new or not, he will take notice of the new you
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 12, 2016 at 9:57 am
Hi Ash,
did you give him space? has he cooled off now?
Jen
June 2, 2016 at 7:10 pm
I have used these techniques before successfully about a year ago – no contact, texts and trying to become the ungettable girl. I got back together with my ex in January and things were going great until last week. He surprised me by breaking up with me. His reasons were he didn’t see us going any further like marriage and he didn’t feel romantically in love with me anymore but he really wants to be in love with me and excited about me and has tried for the past few months but just can’t. He says he really cares for me and wants to remain friends. I am so willing to try these techniques again but want to know what is it I can be changing and improving during the no contact period that will make him feel excited about me again. And how can I keep that excitement and feelings of love alive in the relationship? He gets bored easily in his personality and is very indecisive. How can I improve my chances of making him sure about me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 12, 2016 at 8:27 am
Hi Jen,
he says he wants to be in love with you? so, he sees something in you but something is also holding him back? do you have an idea of what it is aside from him getting bored? Coz if it’s just that, then that means you weren’t able to maintain being the ungettable girl.. you just have to go back to that and maintain it when you get back together. I’m not saying you should always be ungettable but there has to be balance.. for him to be interested, you need to keep growing.. it doesn’t have to grand all at once but you know, when you do new things and embark on new adventures on your own or with him, it makes him think there’s more to you or the new you and it makes you mysterious thus making him want to be with you more..
Suzy
May 31, 2016 at 9:00 pm
Hi there,
Let me first say thank you for all the great advises on this website, it is great help!
However, I feel my situation is maybe slightly different from others mentioned on the website.
My bf and I have been dating 1,5 years+ now and in the heats of a repeating fight over one of the most common topics “gf wants bf to spend more time with her” I broke up with him.
I didn’t mean it and regret things are blown up the way it did.
Next day I texted him to make mends but he said that the fight did something to him though he didn’t know what exactly it was…
We talked over the phone about our feelings 2 days after that day and he said he’d like to come over to talk.
We have cried a lot together and sought for comfort in each others arms. However, he was not sure if this could go on like this and with the rollercoaster ride of the last days, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue.
Though he couldn’t say it out loud, I knew he meant to end it with me because it was a never-ending story with the fight.
I persuaded him to do a pause instead to get the thoughts aligned back in place and then make a well-considered decision in time.
So, we have both agreed to do a nc-period but only of 1 week. After this week, he will reveal what it’ll be.
It’s extremely hard not to contact him but seeing the messages here makes me think it’ll be fruitful and successful if I keep up my efforts now! It sure made me think and come to realise a lot of things to improve myself on!
Can you please share your insights of my chances with him and any tips you can share with me? Thanks so much!
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 1, 2016 at 1:11 am
Hi Suzy,
ok, do not message him during this week and start to hang out more with your friends and do new activities. Be positive when you meet up and look your best. No matter what happens keep calm and be understanding. It’s better to leave him a good memory of you if decides to break up so that he will have something to think about and maybe regret breaking up with you.
BUt let’s hope he sees that during this week, you started to be more active in your life and maybe he would feel less pressured or cornered for attention.
Mia
May 31, 2016 at 6:16 pm
Hey!
So, me and my ex broke up two months ago, we were together only for half a year but it was really intense for both of us, he also was the one who said he loves me. We haven’t had no contact because we have the same friends, but we haven’t been in direct contact. We’ve been just casual with each other and we have seen only a couple of times after our break up. I have been happy, upbeat, I’ve done a lot of new things and I have many plans for my life, so I haven’t looked depressed.
I don’t have to pretend to be okay, because I am happy with my life. I just wish I could have my ex back, because it was easy being with him. We didn’t really fight because it was easy for to make compromises. Then I made a mistake and wanted to spend too much time with him, he got anxious and wanted to have a pause in our relationship. We ended up breaking up immediately, which was stupid. We didn’t fight though, it was mutual decision. I’ve learned from my mistakes and I would need advice how to behave from now on.
So, we have mutual friends and we have occasionally see each other. I have been spending less time with them, though. When we were dating we were together with our friends once or twice in a week, now I do it only once or twice in a month. Sometimes when he gets drunk he wants to sit next to me and speaks a lot to me. I am nice to him, but not too personal. Last weekend we went to a party with friends and he joined us even though he had to work the next day. It felt like he was hinting he should sleep in my apartment because his workplace is near my apartment. He said that it would be easier to go to work from so close. But I just smiled and said I know, we didn’t talk about it more and I went home alone.
We are not really “friends” because we don’t text or call each other and we only see each other with bigger group. How can I start flirting with him so that it does not really seem like flirting? Or how I should start contacting him? He has said to our friends that he’s feeling better after the break up and from the beginning it has been okay for him for us to be in the same places.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 1, 2016 at 12:38 am
Hi Mia,
start to be more humorous with him when you meet up, that’s just it. Then make your jokes more sexy or flirty over time as you’re nearing the end of the date so it get’s more intense