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8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

  1. Anon

    July 5, 2016 at 9:34 am

    Hey Amor.

    I don’t think I have a very unique situation. I think it’s standard actually. My ex and I were pretty great together. Everyone thought we were perfect and we did too. We started becomin very serious and out of the blue he decided we should go on a break. I agreed but he didn’t last longer than a few days. So we got back together. We had a fight not long after that and broke up again. It was more of a mutual thing and I took some time to calm down, eventually I asked him why he wanted to break up. He says that he doesn’t think we’re compatible anymore and he doesn’t want to prolong it if he isn’t sure where we are headed. He thinks that we arent compatible because of bad memories that are sticking with him. He was very two minded in the conversation. He told me that he thinks of me often (I shut this down because I didn’t want to hear it) and he told me during the break up that he’s so scared that he’s going to lose me properly. I’ve started nc since our last convo. Just wanted to know how long should I implement nc for? And if I actually stand a chance if I better myself, I would love it if everything worked out.

    Thanks so much

    1. Anon

      July 6, 2016 at 4:03 am

      Was about four months long. His excuses for breakng up have come in the last two weeks after I moved away for a month

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2016 at 9:53 am

      try to do 30 days no contact..

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2016 at 10:56 pm

      hi Anon,

      hoe long was your relationship?

  2. Sue

    July 4, 2016 at 5:37 pm

    I hesitated a lot before writing this though I know generally most men are the same, but I fell like my sutuation is different and though I feel like some of the things in the advice you have might work, I need more help.
    First of all I a 31 year old Egyptian Muslim and my X is a 30 year old also Egyptian and Muslim. Some of us do date, but with limits. I will try to summerize as much as I can.
    I met him Feb 2011 and we both did not want a serious relationship; I had just lost my grandmother and my life was falling apart. We started casullay talking and then 3 weeks later he texted me that he loves me and he said it in arabic which carries a lot more meaning than in english for us. I feel like at the time I was vunerable and needed someone. He was very popular in our young community and was very misterious. I also think because a lot of girls wanted him and he chose me, I dove in too quick. I am also a very emotional person and I get attached vert quick. Since I met him he always had a communication problem it took him a long time to take his walls down. We were never stable on and off for years and times we were off I would meet other people and try to move on thinking him and I are over, but we’d always get back together which made him feel that every time I spoke to another guy we were off it was considered cheating. At the end of 2012 we have a huge fight a d we stopped talking for 8 months and when we started talking again it was like nothing happened, but before we spoke I had already decided to move back to Egypt, so even though we started talking again I moved away a few weeks later. We only kept in touch for the first month and then we both got busy. I got engaged while I was there and came back for a 2 week visit. I spent the 2 weeks seeing him almost everyday and I felt like I was cheating on him with my fiancee, so when I went back I broke off the enagement. Then I met another guy in Egypt, but this time I was really convinced that things could work out with, I liked him so much to the point that when he went back to canada I moved back to the U.S. so I can be close to him. Of course when I came back I saw my X and I told him about this guy. Since 2011 until that point my X never wanted to commit to a relationship, but I feel like when he saw that I actually wanted someone else he gave in. Because I loved my X and only liked the other guy, I stopped talking to him and my X and I commited to a relationship Septemeber of 2014. Since that day forward we’d have 2 months or so of extreme happiness and then we’de have one stupid fight and break up. The reason for the fights is that he holds everything in and never tells what is bothering him from me. One of our biggest issues was the guy from canada he has asked me not to stay friends with hum, but I couldnt do that. My X would bring up whats bothering him when I’ve had enough of his rudeness and then we fight and break up. It ususally takes us a few weeks to get back together. Last year we broke up twice, but those 2 breakups were the worst. June 2015 he acused me of cheating coz I was still friends with the canada guy and told he doesnt think he could marry me coz if he doesnt give me the attention I need while we’re married he knows I will cheat. That was the only time we broke up and I was able to shut him out completely and wanted nothing to do with him; it was the only time he tried to fix things and get me back. After we got back together we were really happy for a while then comes another breakup November of 2015 and this one was the worst. We went off on each other and cursed and said things we could never take back. Knowing him I never ever thought we would even talk again after that.

    After this happened I decided I need to change for myself before anyone I need to be better. The very next day I started going to the gym daily, which I never stepped foot in before that day. I stopped talking to every single guy I knew; I know I am a flirt and I needed to teach myself to put limits. I changed the places I used to hang out and changed the group of friends I was hanging out with. I was working really hard on making my life better for myself. Since November until January we had no contact at all.
    My birthday is on January 8th and that day I couldn’t handle it anymore; I just needed him. I texted him and we started communicating for a couple of weeks, but we’d bring up our problems and stop talkng. Finally in March 2016 I texted him one day and he was out of state, but was arriving that night. I suggested to pick him up from the airport and he agreed. It all started back up that day, but I was different. I was calmer, more at ease and confient.
    He had applied to Med school a few months earlier and that day I picked him up from the airport he was coming back from an interview. He was accpected to Med school in Florida and moved the first week of April. At that time we were’nt really back together, but we were talking daily and things were getting a lot better until it just happened that we got back together.
    When things were getting stressful because of long distance I decided to go visit him and we both very excited. I spent 5 days in Florida and it was absolutely amazing and he was being patient and treated my like princess. He was also making up for the vacation we took in Florida March 2014 because it was horrible.
    When I came back he needed me to help his mom out with some things and this was the first time I meet her. Because of culture he introduced me to her as a friend; unless she’s coming to meet my parents to officially propose she cant find out we are together. I am also good friends with his brother. Not a week after I met her we had a stupid fight and broke up and he asked her to stop talking to me , but she refused.
    So right now I talk to his mom and I see her because she needs help with some stuff and his brother works a lot and connot help her and I also see his brother at least twice a week because he is part of my group of friends. My X and I on the other we do not talk; the problem is that after the breakup I blocked him from everything, but was still texting him as a way to vent to myself. I found out he was receiving everything, which means his phone was flooded with my messages. He had replied to a few messages saying that he loves me so much and will always be here for me, but because I was so angry that he received the messages that were not meant for him, I told him I dont want anything from him and to ignore all these texts. Of course a few days later I missed him and thats when I started really texting; begging to talk, flipping out, casual texts. I’ve sent every possible thing, I even bought a new puppy and we always wanted a dog , so I sent him pics of her to get his opinion. As of 10 days ago he completely stopped replying, but he still hasnt blocked me and we are still friends on facebook. I think the real reason I want him back is because I love him and he makes me happy most of the time.
    He is very stubborn and if he decided not o text me back there’s nothing I can do to change that because he made up his mind at least for now. My last text to him was basically apologizing for all the crazy texts and aknowledging that I know he made up his mind and that I will always have his back if he needs me, that was yesterday morning.
    A few things that might give you more insight:
    -I am bipolar depressive and though I am doing a lot better, I still have my moments.
    -He thinks of the worst case senarios always. Ex. This last break up he said I dont think we’re made for each other because we’re both different and when it comes time to comfort each other we’re not good. He also said that I have way more hope in our relationship than he does.

    He has exams these days, so I know he is stressed and I was too coz I had a lot going on. How do you go from dreaming together of how our house is gonna look like and the names of our kids to we’re not made for each other.

    I dont dont know if you need anymore information.
    I know and I am positive he koves me very much, but I dont know if he knows what he wants.
    I really dont know how to get him back or how to let him go. I feel like I am stuck and he holds all the cards because he can decide to ignore me and go through with it, but I cannot.

    Please help me out.

    I posted this before, but not sure if it did post.

    1. Sue

      July 5, 2016 at 5:35 am

      Do you think there’s a chance I can get him back?
      He’s coming back for a few weeks at the end of July and I know I will run into him.
      I dont even know how to act around him when we’re not together.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2016 at 6:23 am

      it depends on what you do and how you improve..work on your confidence and being independent..aim to be the ungettable girl so you can increase your chance

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2016 at 4:27 am

      Hi Sue,

      he can because he’s busy with studying.. Take this time to really find something that makes you happy apart from because after that you won’t be needy of him and it can the chance of him changing towards you too

  3. Allison

    July 1, 2016 at 11:18 pm

    My ex boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship. During the beginning of our relationship we were very happy, probably two of the happiest people you can imagine, whether we were together in person or just skyping every night. Eventually we started talking so much that I needed some space to just talk to other people and whatnot. We talked and everything worked out fine about a week later. Shortly after that, the opposite happens. He begins feeling like that, and starts questioning our relationship and whether we are truly meant for each other. He starts talking to me more like a friend than a girlfriend, stops calling me baby, stops complimenting me, stops flirting with me, etc. His messages get shorter and shorter until hes only responding with one word messages. He says that the relationship and our conversations feel “forced” but I genuinely believe it is due to his lack of communication with me. We stop skyping and stop calling each other. We agree to attempt to save the relationship by going a couple days without talking and then going on a beach trip together. The first day at the beach was fine, but as the trip went on he was on his phone most of the time talking to our friends, and not giving me the attention I felt I deserve. It got to a point that one of my friends even commented on his excessive phone usage. We get back from the beach last Friday and it just stayed like it had been before. Two days ago I finally snapped when he didn’t say he loves me when I was going to bed and basically said “why don’t you just leave me already, you clearly don’t care” and that led to our breakup (still unsure if I’m technically the break uper or break upee”) and I blocked him on everything except one social media site (as he is quite popular and therefor I cant block him without being totally out of the loop) and his phone number, so he still can contact me if necessary. He attempted to remain friends, but I do not want that, I am very much against remaining friends with my ex’s. The next day at 10:30pm he texts me “Are you doing okay?” and I choose not to respond. Then today he texts me (I’ve been sick) “You’re sick? I hope you get better soon” and I respond for the first time “thanks.” He then says “Can i send you money? I’m sorry I ruined your vacation” then sends “Im sorry Im so sh*tty” and “Do you hate me?” I respond with “I do not want your money” and he says “Do you really hate me” to which I dont respond. Then the last text he sends me is “Im really sorry”
    I don’t understand what this means. I believe he misses me, because he texted me so soon after the break up, but does he want me back as a relationship or a friendship or does he just feel bad and doesnt want me back? I don’t want to get back together over an “I miss you” message, I want to see an ounce of effort out of him if he wants me back, but I genuinely dont know if thats what he wants or if hes just upset that he lost me as a friend. What is the best way to approach this situation? Did I technically break up with him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2016 at 10:37 am

      hi Allison,

      just guve each other space before talking to.him again.. maybe 2-3 weeks and then be busy with other things during that

  4. imene

    July 1, 2016 at 1:21 pm

    Hi.i spent great 3 years with my ex.then he discovered that i have been cheating on him for a year he tried to forget and we spent great 5 months later we even planned for mariage.then we stopped seeing each other on holidays so he started to get angry and sensitive then he told me we should break up because he couldnt forget and that we are waisting time and he said nothing will change if we sit and talk.i know he loves me and i really do want to be with him but he is really stubborn.what should i do please tell me i begged him i cried i changed i did everything

    1. imene

      July 4, 2016 at 5:46 pm

      Hi it’s me again.it’s been just 3 days since i started the no contact rule and my ex started to send me greetings.what should i do knowing that im the one who cheated should i reply and take this chance or just ignore him.please tell me

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2016 at 4:56 am

      nope… you’ve already apologized sincerely right? it’s time to make reser

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 1, 2016 at 5:57 pm

      Hi Imene,

      you need to read this one: EBR 020- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If YOU Cheated

  5. Shelby

    June 30, 2016 at 2:36 pm

    Hi,
    This is very strange but… I thought I’d give it a try in leaving a comment. I’ve been struggling with trying to move on, and I am smiling and doing well, but I do miss my ex. I miss him a lot. I find myself doing little things and thinking about how if he was there, we’d be doing them together or how much he liked doing something. I’ve read both this post about how to get your ex boyfriend back and the rebound one so I have a few questions. I’ll start by giving a little insight to my ex relationship.
    He was new to my high school (and I graduated). I’m now 19 and he’s 18. We’re 9 months age difference, which is no issue, but just thought I’d mention it. When we met, it was an instant connection. He’s not my first love but, I realized later on he reminded me of my first love, just stronger… and I knew I would fall in love with him from the beginning, which is why I kept saying no. He asked me out 3 times, 3 weeks after we had first met, 3 weeks after that, and then 2 weeks after that. Finally I said yes at midnight that night.
    I left for college a month in a half after that, and my college was 700 miles away. We stayed in constant contact; text, call, skype… mainly skype. Non-stop all day and night. I had no interests in others and he didn’t either. God I loved that boy. We grew closer and closer to my coming home from breaks. For our 6 months, he got me this really expensive necklace and I got him a tshirt with his favorite singer on it (Johnny Cash). It wasn’t cheap but who cares. He was my longest relationship and I was his longest. I wasn’t his first love though even though he’s had girlfriends before me, he’s only loved 2 people. Nor has he ever cried in front of someone, but he trusted me enough to cry in my arms before. We had a LOT in common and yes, we had some issues but I worked on my part and so did he.
    No one saw the break up coming, not even his best friend. In March, we had a little dispute (?). We felt distant, it was a slight miscommunication issue. I believe he felt like I wasn’t loving him enough and I felt like he wasn’t talking to me. We fixed it but… I remember him asking me if I still loved him and not to be afraid of saying no. He felt like when I left for college again after spring break, that I wasn’t coming home. He always felt like college guys would be a better choice for me than him and he was so scared I was gonna leave. I was so scared he was gonna break up with me then and he said no, he wasn’t breaking up with me because he loved me and wasn’t gonna leave. That if he ever left, it was because he decided we weren’t for each other and not because he didn’t love me. When I called him, I even asked cause you could hear it if he had cried and he said yes because he was so scared of losing me.
    Two weeks before we broke up, we talked about marriage again… a little more seriously. This was a week in a half before we’d be 10 months. (Now mind you, we’d known each other a year now. He moved to my area and for 3 months he’d run to my house just to walk me wherever I wanted to go and just loved to be around me.) Well, a week before I was coming home from college (I was also in the process of transferring to a school nearby home–not for him but for myself but it was nice knowing I’d be closer to him) he went on a trip with his best friend. Before he left he told me “Baby, I’m saying happy 10 months now because I may forget to on Thursday due to being busy with my best friend and I don’t want to forget” (he did forget and he was upset that he forgot but I reminded him of what I had said). I told him that it mattered to me that he was telling me now because he realized that. He told me what mattered to him more was the fact that we’d be together for our 11 months and 1 year. He was taking me camping.

    I came home 3 days early from college to surprise him… and he was surprised… however 3 days before I came home he started acting distant. He was super stressed and I knew it, but I was in finals mode and he didn’t want to bother me I believe. Well… I came home and we talked that night and he told me what was stressing him… however the next day he broke up with me. I did end up staying that night… and I don’t regret it because that entire night into the next morning before he went to work, he cried in my arms. I stayed because… when I asked him if I was staying he said “You should go home but I really want you to stay” and he looked so broken, so hurt.

    Well, his reasons for breaking up with me were his feelings were changing and it scared him. He didn’t know why he didn’t feel as passionately towards me when I’d come home and it scared him. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for a serious relationship or needed time to be young and make mistakes and didn’t want to be holding me back. He still loved me but wasn’t sure if it was as a relationship way. Those were his excuses.
    A week later I saw him and he was shocked to see me. He then smiled that big goofy smile I fell in love with and looked at me like he used to, then got really sad. We talked and he was sad as we talked and then the next day I saw him after that… and he’d told me “I am avoiding you because I realize you need time to adjust” and I told him it wasn’t just me, it was both of us that I could see him hurting too. He said “I am. I was shocked to see you yesterday… and what went through my mind was “SHELBY” and it made me so happy for a second until reality set in.” He’d then told me “If I was to talk to you and hang out all the time right now, I’d develop a false passion for you that I’m not entirely sure is true.” I asked my brother if I interpreted that incorrectly and he said no. My interpretation was he knows he’ll fall back in love with me and he’ll remember why he first liked me but he’s not sure he wants that or is ready for that right now.

    Well… that Sunday (about 4 days later) I get a msg from him. He had this friend he’d met back in March that he was going to prom with (by approval of me and that’s a long story. He was going for his best friend because his best friend wasn’t from our area and was going with his new girlfriend and was nervous. Him and this girl did not talk–except to get prom money and about tuxes and dresses and such–and he told me everything about her) which prom was 4 days after our break up (May 2nd we broke up), well I’d heard a rumor that they were getting together. He told me this —- “Shelby let go of me please I cared about you our entire relationship and I care now but we are done I am not coming back don’t keep hope let me go OK I love you but not in the way I use to I have cut you off in hopes that maybe you will get over me and move on but you haven’t I want you to move on and the rumors you hear about KC and me we aren’t together I’m taking time to get to know her and get over you because I know right now I can’t make smart decision but I know one thing I wouldn’t consider getting back with you when you’re still holding on like this. I don’t care if you get mad or upset with because I did nothing wrong here I cared deeply about you but I couldn’t see us together in the future so I let you go now take it and be free.”
    A week later was my birthday and he didn’t say anything (his mom said happy birthday to me twice though) and then 4 days after that he showed up at the carnival with KC. Now, I work at the carnival when it’s in town and he knew this. A year before, on Thursday, he’d taken me on the ferris wheel for the first time with a guy, Friday (which had been my birthday that year) he won me a huge stuffed animal. Saturday we went to a tractor pull and that’s the first time he asked me out and then Sunday at the carnival was the fireworks where we curled up together to watch them. He showed up with KC and my best friend said he kept looking at me and every time he looked, he got super sad but then he’d go back to laughing with his friends. He didn’t put his arm around KC until I was about to leave. I looked over (didn’t know he was there until I saw him) to the ferris wheel and there he was with her, looking at me. He turned, wrapped his arm around her, and made out with her in front of me, then got on the ferris wheel and did the same thing, knowing it’d hurt me.
    When we broke up, I gave him back my necklace (which he freaked out about and gave it back to me a week later when I saw him even though I told him it meant hope to me) and was trying to give him back his favorite hoodie and he said no, they were mine and that he knew I’d wear the hoodie more than he would. Well, I took that, my blue monkey, the hoodie, and my Valentine’s day card and gift, back to his house that night. Now, I had a key to his house still (him and his mom still wanted me to keep it) and she was there. I left his stuff in his room with a note and sent him one on fb when I left that night. I also grabbed the leopard stuffed animal I gave him when we first became friends… he read my note on messenger at 10pm and deleted me off fb at 2am.

    That’s the last thing said between us. I have not contacted him (until a week ago… which was a month later but I’ll get to that in a moment). but I did find stuff out not by stalking him, because I haven’t. People have just come and told me and I just tell them “Good for him.” I wasn’t entirely sure where his mom and I stood now that he had a new girlfriend and I’m the ex and that’s her son. She ABSOLUTELY still loves me and told me this when I went over because she had me bring her a package. Long story short, I found out my ex still has all my stuff. He has my big blue monkey sitting in view in his closet, my video game on his desk, etc… He also gave my necklace to his mom to hold on to and she said “it’s because he doesn’t want to look at it because of the memories it has will hurt” and that he flipped out when he found out I took his leopard. He hasn’t deleted my photos off facebook and it still says he’s single on there and the only photos of them on his facebook are the ones his girlfriend tagged him in which are two photos at the carnival. She however has a photo of them together of the beginning of June, but yeah. His mom said she is my complete opposite. They don’t like the same music, she doesn’t eat meat (which he loves), she doesn’t like to go out doors or do anything, they hardly talk, but that he thinks he’s happy. Every one (except his best friend that I know of) has questioned what is going on in his mind and why we broke up. A friend of mine saw him a few weeks ago and she said “He had a smile on but you could tell it was fake immediately. It looked like something was bothering him but that he was trying to ignore it.” Even his mom said he’s not happy but is trying to act like he is.
    Well I’ve talked to his best friend a couple of time. However, not once have I asked about my ex. I don’t ask any of his friends or family about my ex. (I didn’t even ask his mom, she just told me, I promise that, and told me how much she misses having me around and that it’s awkward cause all she wants to do is tell him but she can’t because he won’t be happy anymore). I don’t go to his work. I don’t stalk his facebook. I don’t ask about his girlfriend and trust me, I could. I know a lot of people around here that would find that info out for me, but I haven’t gone and done it because I respect the fact that he’s in a relationship with someone else.

    Well last Thursday, I msged him “Hey, how are you and your family?” He saw the msg and didn’t immediately do it, but he blocked my messenger. He hasn’t blocked my facebook and still has my mom, my cousin, and my best friend as his friends on fb, who he sees me tag in posts a lot. His best friend that day blocked me though and I’m not entirely sure why but that’s oh well. I’m not gonna play the pity party of “Why did you block me and such.”

    But yesterday… it would have been a year since the break up. Facebook did remind me of my memories, and I look and I broke down. Later on, a friend of mine and I looked through them again (not for him but to share other memories) and… after sharing one, something else was noticed because the memories page reloads. That day I stole his phone, wrote two posts, and tagged myself in them. They were good memories… and he deleted them. They weren’t there anymore because he completely deleted them. It made me laugh at the (ridiculousness? humor? irony?) of it. He either doesn’t care enough where he has decided to delete them or is so goal oriented in forgetting about me that he started deleting the memories that he’s reminded of.

    My friend that was with me said “You know what that means right? It means those memories hurt and I can bet you $100 he is hurting just as much as you are, however he doesn’t want to and so he’s doing everything possible to forget.” I told her I doubt it. He just doesn’t care.

    So here’s my questions… Is it a rebound? I’m not sure if he looks happy or not. My friend’s say he doesn’t look happy, so does his mom… but I don’t know… they say his eyes look dull but maybe it’s because I want to hurt myself that I see him as happier than he’s been in awhile since he was stressed out before we broke up.
    Everyone says “he doesn’t know what he wants and so he’s doing all of this because he’s trying to experience life before he decides to settle down.” His mom hopes that one day he’ll come back because she believes we were really good for each other. Yes, we did fight, a lot. But she said we fought in ways that helped us to become better people and to learn together. We’re young, but that she knows we loved each other and hopes that he’ll mature and come back. She said “He’s being an immature little punk who doesn’t know what he wants and right now thinks he loves this girl that has nothing in common with him except that she’s also immature, young, and likes him.”

    Secondly, I have not spoken to him since the 23rd and will continue for awhile. I do still have his number but I’m afraid to text him for a long time. Why I would want to get back together with him is not because I can’t live without him, because I can. I just know that we had a lot in common, a spark immediately, and were good friends. I know we can be really good together, support each other, and love deeply. I want to get back together because I want him to be happy and I remember how happy I made him… so unbelievably happy. He annoyed his work with how happy he was with me coming home for spring break, it was so adorable. And because he made me happy. I can find happiness alone (as much as it is hard for me to find it right now, I’m working there and taking baby steps to be happy alone as well as with someone) but I find it enjoyable with others and I am proud of myself for not going into a rebound relationship right now and fighting my pain filled heart.
    However… even if I never dated him again, as much as that would suck, I would rather be friends with him. I miss having my friend in my life, someone that… just got me, even from the beginning. I have a best friend who I have an unbreakable bond with, but his and my bond was way different and more… vulnerable. I miss that. I miss the easy connection and the constant talking; I never got bored with him and I miss that. I miss the wanting to know how he was doing and what he was doing and how his life was going and his dreams. I miss having someone have just as much interest in my life as I did in theirs.

    That is why I want him back and want a new and better relationship. I do realize, and have realized from the beginning, that even a friendship will take some time… because I need to be slow. He has to earn my trust back and I need to show him that change is good and that he doesn’t need to be scared of hurting me so much. We need to regain trust and slowly start a balance again. I know that if we were to hang out or even just to talk more, we’d start talking more and more because we have so much in common… but he has shown that he doesn’t want to talk. And I do feel like he hates me… he has told people that I did nothing but treat him wrong in our relationship, that I was nothing but a bitch and that I’ve stalked him since we broke up. His mom and my family and friends have reassured me this isn’t true. Yes there were some times that I was mean to him, but I fixed those with love, just as there were times he was mean to me. If I wanted to stalk him, as previously stated, I could have. I have lots of connections and resources and I even had a key at one time (I gave it back the night of the carnival), but I didn’t and I won’t because I still respect him and more importantly, I respect myself.

    I just know the type of guy he can be and that is a VERY respectable gentleman who is good-hearted and not the boy he is acting like right now.

    So… what is your opinion of all of this? Does it seem like he misses me and is fighting it? Is it a rebound? Am I doing the right things? What else should I do? I read the steps and I am gonna try to follow them… but the one with the first initial contact, I never got a reply and be blocked messenger so I don’t know where to go from that and how to respond… and at some point I do want to give him his leopard back because it’s his and not mine and I did wrong in taking it… but I know right now is not a good time.

    What should I do?

    1. Shelby

      July 2, 2016 at 3:38 am

      I said “Hey, how are you and your family?” That was all I said. I msged his best friend another time to say ask him about his recent camping trip which we’d talked about two weeks before, and he didn’t answer. His best friend then deleted me and I had said “You deleted me? Ok, well, have a nice day then.” And next I know, within 24 hours I’m blocked. I haven’t tried any further contact with either one nor do I ask any of his friends and family about my ex, even though they’re all still my friends on fb and his mom still talks to me about work and such once in awhile.

      I’ll be continuing the NC rule, but I’m curious as to why 21 days? I thought it’d be 30 or more?

      Thank you Amor.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2016 at 12:41 pm

      oh sorry..of it’s your first active nc or you’ve always broken the previous ones then yes do 30 but if you’ve done a full nc before it’s ok to just do 21 days but if you feel you need to extend it 30 again, that’s alright too.. what matters more is what you do during nc

    3. Shelby

      July 1, 2016 at 2:41 pm

      I apologize, I miscommunicated something. The last time we talked was May 17th. The last time I msged him in May was May 27th and… It wasnt the nicest letter… I wrote “I never thought youd turn out to be everything I feared. I never thought youd lie to me. If you were trying to spare my feelings, you miserably failed. The most disrespectful thing you could have ever done was lie to me. To show up, in my domain, with your new girlfriend… When you knew Id be there… I shouldnt have been surprised. You turned out to be like every guy in this world. Some friend you are. I dont hate you, but there are feelings that are worse than hate. My best friend died when I left after spring break. You, are not the *ex* that was respectful, good hearted, and family oriented who didnt lie and kept promises. Congratulations on becoming a lying weasle. Congrats on becoming the person you never wanted to be. You will never break me and my feelings will never change. Good luck being worse than John or Jason or anyone ever was. You created a whole nother level. Have fun with the very girl you said meant absolute nothing to you and for me not to worry. I miss my best friend, but he died and youre not him. Bye.”
      I did not contact him again until June 23rd and I have not said I word since. He also has not blocked me, or deleted my best friend, my cousin, or mom off facebook. Until a week ago, his best friend and I were still taking (never about my ex just about life) but he completely blocked me, and my ex still hasnt. However he did block my messenger.

      I apologize for the miscommunication, I have not spoken to him since June 23rd and he has not spoken to me since May 17th.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 1, 2016 at 6:09 pm

      hmm what did you say last june 23? his best friend blocked you,,? and then your ex blocked you in messenger? you need to restart nc…. it looks like you need to do it for at least 21 days

    5. Shelby

      June 30, 2016 at 2:49 pm

      I apologize. It just confuses me. He wants to be friends and when we did break up, I had said something along the lines of “Oh, this means the camping trip is off (we were going camping for our 1 year)” and he said “Not necessarily, lets see where things are in a month. Maybe we’ll go on some dates.” He still wanted to be friends, still wanted to do a lot with me (he’d mentioned that), but then it turns around to “You treated me wrong and were nothing but a jerk and have stalked me” etc… to dating another girl but still having all my stuff, keeping your status as single and no photos of you guys together except for her profile picture, to everyone saying you’re unhappy and keeping my friends and family as contacts and not blocking me but not wanting to talk to me and saying you don’t care about me but you’ll delete the memories… it makes no sense to me?

      Sorry, I thought I should add that.

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 1, 2016 at 1:13 pm

      HI Shelby,

      you really need to start active no contact.. tell him, it’s not workable for you to be friends right now and then do active no contact.. both of you will be more confused if you keep talking to each other.

  6. Kevyn

    June 29, 2016 at 2:11 am

    Hi it’s me again.
    I’m having some very specific issues.
    First of all, I ended up mailing my ex something I owed him, along with a letter (I know, big no no). But it wasn’t begging for him back. It was just me being neutral about the whole thing. The letter summed up was:

    “you told me when you first saw me, you had a feeling I would be part of your life. I don’t know what that means, or if something else is in store for us, but it seems we met at the wrong time in our lives. It’s a shame, but that’s life. Maybe we’ll run into each other again one day. But I know you’ll never find another girl like me. You don’t need to reply to this letter. It is what it is.”

    I sent it because I thought I should just end things and not try to get him back, but now I’m having second thoughts. Not sure if that ruined my chance. Anyway, i restarted no contact and am more than halfway through. I might run into him next week, but my plan is to keep things short if he tries to talk to me. I’ve worked on improving myself and am close to being the ungettsble girl. But I have a few specific issues with the rest of the steps to getting him back:

    1. I am afraid I won’t be ready to talk to him after no contact is up, or that things might be more awkward since I sent the letter. But I’m afraid I won’t have much time left either. Since this will be technically my second round of no contact, would prolonging it make it even less effective? Do multiple rounds of no contact make things worse? Should I just go ahead and text him after no contact even if I’m not ready?
    2. He doesn’t like phone calls and refuses to have them, so should I just stick to texts for the duration of the winning back period?
    3. Like I said in my previous post, he lives 1.5 hours away. Running into him is very unlikely, and he’s very hard to plan with since he’s busy and doesn’t like putting time aside for things. (When he ended it he said he didn’t like that he couldn’t make plans with me “on the fly”.) I remember one article mentioning if I meet up with him to only make the date an hour or less to keep him wanting more, but I feel it’d just annoy him more since he just drove 1.5 hours for me to ditch him.

    I’m still on the fence about him and winning him back, but I figured I’d at least ask so I can get a more solid plan in motion. Any advice for these?

    1. Kevyn

      July 9, 2016 at 7:12 pm

      You’re right…I thought I had been recovering all this time, but yesterday kind of proved I have a long way to go. Thank you for replying, Amor. I will try my best.

    2. Kevyn

      July 9, 2016 at 1:39 pm

      Hi. I have an update. I ended up running into my ex at the convention yesterday. I didn’t actively seek him out though. He actually made eye contact with me, waved at me, and had his arms stretched out signaling he wanted a hug. I was really surprised. I tried to act confident and lied saying my life has been going great (it hasn’t lately), and tried to be friendly. He said my letter to him was “really nice”, whatever that means. He asked how long I’d be at the convention and said he’d run into me later. So yeah everything was very brief. After that, I actively avoided him the entire time and would turn the other way when I saw him. Even though I was outwardly friendly, I felt a lot of anger towards him and was kind of cold when we said bye, plus I saw him talking to another girl later on, which hurt a lot.

      Anyway, I think I did make one mistake here. I accidentally blurted out that I missed him, and he awkwardly said he missed me too, and seemed turned off that I vanished. I wasn’t acting needy or desperate when I said it but well, i still said it. I don’t know if that’s a huge no no.

      I guess that leads me to ask: should I do yet another (3rd) round of no contact? This current round ends the 17th of July. I felt like I had no choice but to talk to him when all that happened…but it was brief and I avoided him afterwards so I’m not sure. What do you think? And do you have any other advice?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 9, 2016 at 6:13 pm

      it’s ok that you said it..what’s more concerning is how you are.. because the essence of no contact is to heal and improve..it’s more for you, not for him.. so if you’re still angry then it’s not healthy to talk to him yet

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2016 at 4:09 pm

      Hi Kevyn,

      yes multiple nc have less effect.. so you have to make up for the effort of improving yourself to be interestig and topic you will be using.. I think it’s better to take your time instead of messaging him when you’re not ready..

      about the call, make it short.. do it when you’re in the high point of texting and then transition the topic to calls..in meet up.. try to meet halfway so that he doesn’t have to drive all the way there

  7. Rosie

    June 27, 2016 at 5:23 pm

    Hi;
    My ex broke up with me a week ago, but before that we were dating for 2 years. He’s 23 and I’m 24. He didn’t really give a reason other than that “it doesn’t feel right.:…it’s like we’re really good friends”. I find this baffling, but obviously you can’t force a person into a relationship so I let him go. He clearly found it very hard to break up with me because he tried once in the morning and then left and came back with his mum to try again! I really thought we would be able to work it out.
    The thing is, I don’t believe things are over: I know John, and this doesn’t feel right to me. The last year has been really hard for him; I got diagnosed with Bipolar in November after a manic episode, and had a second one where I really hurt myself earlier this year. It must have been really really emotionally draining to be in love with someone that ill. But right before he broke up with me, I was excited because I’d started on a new medicine and it seems to agree with me. Also, I got a puppy (NOT a manic-buy, but a considered choice that I believe will make me a better person: I need to take responsibility for something other than myself, and grow up!), so I was really disappointed that he gave up just then.
    The problem is, before commencing NC I sent him a written letter – this is not too weird, because I write letters often and he knows I do. I said all the things I wasn’t able to say during the break up conversation because I was too emotional, and trying to hold it together. He’ll have got that letter today, so I’ll start NC today – but do you think I’ve ruined my chances?

    There’s another reason I believe he broke up with me: he’s just graduated (I was supposed to, but the manic episode meant I’m repeating a semester) and so will be moving on. John’s always been funny about commitment, and staying with me beyond university must seem like a pretty big unspoken commitment. Is that lack of commitment natural for a young man (what I’ve been telling myself), or should I let him go now because it’s a symptom of his reluctance to be in a relationship with me at all?
    I really love this boy. We’ve gone through a lot together, had some really smashing times and I can see us having a family together. But I also recognised, before the fact, that I needed some self-improvement. I just wish he’d stuck around long enough to witness my efforts!
    I did your quiz, and got “hanging in there” – which I think pretty accurately describes my current state 😛 I’m going to follow your program. I’ve got nothing to lose, and I lot to gain!

    1. Melissa

      June 30, 2016 at 3:56 pm

      When you start texting your ex after the 30 day no
      Contact how long are you supposed to wait in between to do the next steps like the first text, the real conversation, and the jealousy part ?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 1, 2016 at 1:20 pm

      it depends on what he’s responses are. Is it positive or neutral?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2016 at 5:56 am

      Hi Rosie,

      nope the letter didn’t ruin your chances.. but I think he’s worried that because you’re bipolar you might not cope well once he moves to university.. So, I think nc is your chance to be more independent from him, to have your own life.. if he sees that, he might take a chance and trust that you can manage an ldr

  8. mystery buckeye

    June 27, 2016 at 2:17 pm

    ok so my “friend” of 8 months pursued me tirelessly. He moved here abut 1 year ago from out of state and we started dating in Jan, 2016. We have so much in common and we both find each other irresistible! He was patient as we did not engage in a sexual relationship because i anted to make sure that he was the right guy – not just a sexual buddy… – we are older than most however, we are both active and attractive – age has nothin to do with anything here… and the more I got to know him – the more I liked him! So…we continued, and everyday and night between seeing him and calls I would get the nicest messages from him – he really made me feel special. finally, I fell for him – and things got hot and heavy. Two days later – he sent me a breakup text; telling me he was going back with his out of state ex. I was crushed! I didn’t even know he was in contact with her! a while ago – I did ask about her and he said that she has no intention of moving here for a while (4-5 years) nor will he go back there. things just didn’t work out! He tells me I am the most beautiful woman he has ever met and is totally into me…so what gives? I know she was at his house this past weekend staying with him – that hurts. he broke up with her 5- months after he moved to this state and asked her to come with him – which she refused because of her home, grown kids, jobs, etc – she is settled. they tried the LDR before and it didn’t work. I have instituted the NC and have done so for 4 days. I have not heard anything from him except a “Hi baby” from him on the day she was coming in town which was day 1 of NC (although I did reply hey, hi!) I am hoping that my NC will get him to think about things and will get me to refocus on myself! We are not FB friends, however, we both hae public pages so I know he can see me if he wants to and I have been going going going and always look so happy!- but then, she is the ex and she got her boyfriend back! now what?

    I am in the same spot so many others were/are in – this stinks! now what? help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2016 at 5:42 am

      HI Mystery buckeye,

      you said you replied with a hi? is that within nc, because if it is, you have to start the count the day after that.. anyways.. stick to nc.. improve yourself and be observant of him after nc.. for now, focus on yourself only.

  9. Constance

    June 23, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    Hi! My boyfriend just broke up with me four days ago. We always had the perfect relationship. We were great friends always there for each other, had an amazing chemestry and never fought. We were together for 8 months and a few days and then he broke up with me. This happened because something privat went wrong in his life and he started pushing me away because he was sad and I didn’t realize that our relationship was at risk so I let him breathe and I gave him space. But after two weeks of space he broke up with me because he felt like at that point I loved him more than he loved me. My problem is that a month from now, right after the no contact period, we are going to be together at a school thing for a week in the exact place we started having feelings for each other. Will this be “too soon”? Will it kill my chances to get him back?? What should I do in that week??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 28, 2016 at 5:41 am

      HI Constance,

      nope that’s the perfect time for him to see how you’ve improved.. build rapport with him..

  10. Dana

    June 22, 2016 at 11:10 am

    Hi Guys!

    I have done 33 days of no contact so far.
    My ex broke up with me because “there was no spark” for him anymore.
    I asked him if there was anything i could do to change his mind, he said no.
    I asked him what happens now? He said, we dont talk to eachother for a month. (so he made up the NC).
    He also said that he still wants to be friends after the break up.
    So even though I am doing NC, he probably just thinks im doing it to respect his wishes.
    I feel like i shouldnt send him a text first because he might think that i ‘waited the month’ and now im ready to get back with him.
    He isn’t on social media so we both dont know what each other are doing (unless his friends show him my facebook).
    Should I wait a few more weeks for him to contact me?

    Thanks in advance. xxx

    1. Dana

      June 24, 2016 at 3:10 am

      Thank you for the fast reply!
      I have posted photos on Social media of my keeping myself busy and even my new hair do. I don’t think his friends are the type to show him anything about me. I think I have actively improved myself during NC but I doubt he would know about it.
      He did ask a mutual friend about me in the second week of NC. He just asked how I was doing and my friend said “she is very upset but she will be ok”.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 11:23 am

      Hi Dana,

      did you actively improve yourself during nc? If his friends see your posts and if sees you personally, do you look like you’ve moved on?

  11. JY94

    June 22, 2016 at 9:02 am

    me and my boyfriend know each other since February 2015 through our friend. when I first time saw him, he really my type of man I want. but we didn’t change our contact no. at first. and I didn’t expect we will be together. few days later, my friend create a group chat and they pull him come inside our group chat. then he add my ID. but we still didn’t talk with each other. day by day, he text me ask me come out to have a high tea after he finish meeting because he was near my workplace. im so happy he finally text me. Day by day, and month by month we’re in relationship. I really love this guy so much because he really the guy I wanted and he also say im the type of girl he want. we sometimes have a small argument but in the end we still forgive each other. I am so happy and I wish this will be my last man that I searching for and thought it will be forever. But this year not expect i want, his company offer him to Vietnam working to earn more money. and his biggest dream was oversea working. and he was very that he got that offer but he dont want to leave me. he have share with me that his company offer him oversea work, but he cancel it because he dont want to leave me. im so happy for him that he really love me. but he want me make a promise with him, control my bad temper, if not, he will consider to Vietnam working. and i promise him to control my temper. but in June, a week my mood was very bad and i want to tell him but i didn’t tell him at the day because he really busy with his work. i don’t like to mix my problem time he was busying. the next day, he text me, and i didn’t reply him. and he didn’t find me back. midnight i text him why he didn’t find me and i told him im very disappointed on him. the next day i receive his text that he told me he wanted to Vietnam working and decided to broke up with me. im very upset and begging him don’t leave me. he didn’t listen and still want to go Vietnam work. he told me Vietnam company has call him and ask him to interview. he will go interview at the next month. if success he really leave here end of the year and wont come back here anymore. i really don’t want to lose him. i really love him a lot. he come find to meet for the last time. we both crying inside the car. we are very upset. after finish meet up, he keep texting me to tell me how much he love me and miss me. im crying saw his text. i really don’t wan lose him. i told him i will chase him back no matter what. he told me don’t ever text him back. but i still text him this 2days. i told him i really love him & miss him. but he keep ask me read the quote that he sent to me. the quote full of sadness & he really wanted to achieve his dream, oversea work. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!! I REALLY WANT STAY WITH HI!!! HE REALLY A NICE GUY. HOW TO MAKE HIM COMBE AGAIN TO MY SIDE!!! PLEASE EBR MEMBER!! HELP ME!!!! im really gonna cry again. T.T

    1. JY94

      June 22, 2016 at 2:09 pm

      He said he won’t back. But if someday he crash or can’t handle anymore, he will come back. How should I do. I really sad and really want to get him back. There’s no other way to take him back??

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 10:29 am

      HI JY94,

      how long will he be in vietnam.. If that’s what he really wants, you have to support him.. because even if he stays, he’ll blame you someday for not being able to achieve his dream.

  12. Barbie

    June 21, 2016 at 6:05 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I recently bought the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. I’m coming up to 30 days of no contact. I’ve prepared some of my text messages to be sent once the time comes. I do have a question. What if he calls me anytime after the first contact text message chat? Even after I complete the first contact text. What if he calls me before the 2 days I have to send him another text? Or anytime before the final step to make the call to him?

    Thanks!
    Barbie

    1. Barbie

      June 24, 2016 at 9:21 pm

      A few more questions I’d like to ask about sending text. The guides aren’t too clear how often to send a text after you send the first contact text. I’m having some trouble understanding when and how often to send a text again after a conversation ends?? How much time or how many days should go by before I send the next text? Am I supposed to wait for him to text me first after the last conversation? Please help. I appreciate all your advice.

      Thanks again,
      Barbie

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 28, 2016 at 5:48 am

      I agree you shouldn’t tell him that you know.. If it’s positive you could try daily. Try to choose which style of texting in this article: Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

    3. Barbie

      June 23, 2016 at 6:39 pm

      Hello Hello,
      I’ve been writing on here for some time asking for pieces of advice since I bought the Ex Boyfriend Pro e book.

      I found out today that my ex is on a dating site. A couple days after making my first contact with him after 30 days of no contact. I even text him again 2 days later…following the long distance relationship contact guide.

      I’m devastated. We broke up only a month ago! I feel that me not making any contact with him for 30 days combined with him moving to another state to train for work in a small town has pushed him to go on a dating site. He doesn’t know that I know he’s on the dating site. Not sure if I should tell him I know this???

      I’m going to continue to build rapport through text. Not totally sure if to follow the “Long distance relationship contact guide” or the “get my ex back” guide or the “what to do if your ex has a new girlfriend” guide??? Although I’m not sure he’s dating anyone now.

      He will be in his job training for the next two months then he moves back home (same city as me). I’m not happy he’s on a dating site. I’m coming to terms that I may not get him back as sad as it makes me.

      So the questions I have are…Should I let him know that I know he’s on a dating site?? I’m thinking no. The next question is which guide should I follow from the ex boyfriend pro book to continue contacting and building rapport with my ex?? Also how often should I text him? And do I continue to text him, following the guide, even though he never sends me the first text?
      Please, please help!

      Thanks
      Barbie

    4. Barbie

      June 22, 2016 at 12:01 am

      Hello again,

      So I tried the first contact text message of “I have a confession” after no contact. He asked “what is it” and I didn’t answer so he called. The message was so intriguing that he called right away. I didn’t answer the call. He thought something was wrong so he asked me if I was ok. I followed up with the sweet second message. That message made him feel good so he called me again. I answered this time. He asked me how I was doing, my family too. I didn’t ask him one thing. I feel bad I didn’t ask for his family or even him. I was a little nervous. We talked for about 10 minutes and I ended the call nicely. I’m not sure if it was nice enough though. As it was sudden and in the middle of the conversation. He sounded sad. He did text me after with “I miss you, I’m glad we talked” I didn’t respond to that either. I don’t know if I’m going about this the right way since I didn’t expect for it to turn out this way.

      So I called him an hour later and we spoke and I asked him how he was doing, his job training and his family. I ended the conversation again after 10 minutes. I sounded pretty confident in our conversation. I mentioned I was doing well and work was abundant and busy. Everything was going well for me. Don’t know what to do at this point as I was following the ExBoyfriend Pro guide. Should I continue following the guide and, if he doesn’t contact me, initiate another conversation with him in 2 days??

      He is also currently living in another state for the next two months for work training. He left during the no contact period. I know he was happy to hear from me since we hadn’t spoken in 30 days. Please help! I don’t know what to do next!

      Thanks!

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 7:42 am

      Hi Barbie,

      yes, you can still continue to start rebuilding rapport through text even if he called 🙂

  13. Kam Fuller

    June 21, 2016 at 3:09 pm

    My ex boyfriend and I dated for 5 years. Our break-up is still unclear to me because he could never pinpoint what went wrong, or why he decided to end our relationship. My only assumption is that he broke-up with me due to the fact that he would soon be moving out-of state to pursue a business degree. At times he’d accuse me of being unsupportive (which is a complete lie! I helped him write his scholarship letters!) and he also made me believe having a girlfriend & long distance relationship would be a distraction for him. Long story short, he decided to end our relationship just weeks prior to his move. In spite of breaking up, we continued to communicate and he also flew me out to visit a few times. Months go by and the calls/facetime dates become more and more infrequent; he even begins to ignore text messages from me. I took the hint and decided it was time for me to let go because he was no longer showing interest in me. After 4 months of not speaking, I received a happy birthday text message from him. I responded with “thanks” and that was that. About 3 months later I learned he got himself a new girlfriend. We continued to avoid speaking to one another. After another 3 months had passed, he graduated and received his MBA. I took it upon myself to congratulate him because by now, I had started seeing a therapist to help get me thru my break-up and I was ok with reaching out to him at that point. He responded thanks and told me how much it meant to him to receive a congratulations from me. Maybe 2 weeks later, a mutual friend convinced me to reach out to my ex to have a sit down. I reached out, he agreed, we talked. We didn’t talk as much about our break-up as I would have liked, but I didn’t want to press the issue since we hadn’t seen each other in almost a year. After we talked, we became intimate the following day. Now, we have been intimate on multiple occasions (against my better judgment). After the first encounter, he apologized saying he disrespected me and his new GF; however, as I mentioned before, it has happened multiple times now. I guess my question is this… why would he avoid having a LDR with me after dating for 5 yrs, but turn around and get himself a long-distance GF? What are my chances with him now that he has a new LDR? I am single, but dating by the way. Please help

    1. Kam Fuller

      June 22, 2016 at 12:03 pm

      This is all rather recent and we’ve seen each other about 6 times now. What do you mean by doing the same thing with his new girl? Planning to date her and then break up with her the way that he did me? I’m not sure what you mean by saying “doing the same thing”, could you elaborate for me? I’m not sure what’s going on in their relationship honestly, I just know she lives up north, and we’re in the south.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 27, 2016 at 7:14 am

      yes, that’s what I meant

    3. Kam Fuller

      June 21, 2016 at 3:11 pm

      ***also, I should mention he has moved back home ( in the same city as myself) he no longer lives in the same city as his current GF if you haven’t already figured that out. Thanks

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 21, 2016 at 10:12 pm

      Hi Kam,

      How sure are you that he’s not doing the same thing to his new girl now? We’re not sure that he doesn’t plan to do that. First, don’t sleep with him. HOw often do you see each other now?

  14. Jane

    June 20, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    Hey! Once this technique already worked for me, and i got him literally begging to get me back (THANK YOU SO MUCH) But..3 days back he broke up with me again, saying the same words “i’m not interested anymore”. Is there any chance these advices will work again? And what am i supposed to do during NC if i meet him? Our town is very small, it’s very likely to accidentally meet in the street. Ignore and pass by or be nice, say hi, keep a small conversation if he starts it?
    Thank you in advance for your answer. You re doing great job!

    1. Jane

      June 22, 2016 at 5:13 pm

      Thank you Amor!
      Unfortunately, i had to break NC yesterday, when he came to our mutual friend’s place.But I think i did well. He asked me about my studies, i replied shortly and nothing personal. Then he asked me for an advice about the project he is working on (what never happened before when we were in relationship, what was actually pissing me off, that he wasn’t ever listening to my opinion). So he is tryig to be a good friend now, i believe. He always tells me that I’m his best friend and he really loves me as a person, (but not as a woman anymore)
      Last time after break up we stayed friends with benefits (i know, i know, its a no-go) Until i found your website and implemented NC. It was really short, about a week only, and after that i broke it only to tell him that I dont want to see him ever again. (I played ALL-IN) And that worked, he was begging me to become his gf again. Do you think i should tell him that i don’t want to be friends anymore?
      It should also be considered, that he is coming through a very stressfull time now, working till 5 am every day. I m afraid this break up can be caused just by the stress and maybe after he is done with his project, we will make up..i really want to have faith in it.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 5:22 am

      Hi Jane,

      do a longer nc this time and then continue on the activities you started after nc.. yes you have to ignore when you bump into him.. you can be civil whwn he initiates but don’t initiate

  15. Don't Wanna Over Think This

    June 20, 2016 at 2:35 am

    Hello! My NC period ended and I’m contemplating good first contact messages. Do you think it would be better to send him a simple but engaging text or one with a question within the message? I don’t want him to feel like I am trying to trap him into answering. Any first contact message tips or advice would really help me out, I just can’t decide how to approach this.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 4:59 am

      Hi,

      what’s the exact message in your mind?

  16. Misha

    June 17, 2016 at 6:45 am

    Hai, my break up happened a week ago. And I’m really confused bcoz in that one week I was still trying to get close to him and he doesn’t ignore me and responds to me. In fact my pic is still in his purse and a little pictures of us both is still in his Instagram. However he deleted most of it which shows that we were couples. I started NC 3 days ago after reading this. Now me and him are far away as we are back to our own country for holiday (4hours distance) and after a month, back to college but still 25mins distance from where we stay. I’m just confused coz since I stopped trying to approach him..he doesn’t even like my post statuses or pictures anymore on Instagram or Facebook. However he is active on it, he is clearly ignoring me. I just feel so heartbroken and confuse bcoz idk if he still cares for me. We had good times together and even when we fight we could solve it just well and suddenly he got stressed with exams and he told me he wanted to study first and relationship is where he put the blame on. Last 5 days I went to his place, I hugged him and he still hugged me back but ofc idk what’s going on in his head. I’m really confused. I’m really hurt. I just wish to get some professional advice here if there’s ever gonna be a chance for me. Coz I can see he wants to move on and he is doing it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 3:55 pm

      HI Misha,

      maybe he’s concentrating on studying right now.. how long was your relationship and were you needy?

  17. Laura

    June 16, 2016 at 4:48 am

    My boyfriend of a year and a half just broke up with me 4 days ago. I’m 21 and he’s 22 and I love him beyond words. I know we were having stupid arguments.. Because he had just left to stay somewhere 3 hours away for a month or two because he needed the money from a job there and hated the area he lives in because of bad memories. Things were going good, until he started drinking with him friends every night. That’s the one thing that always got to me about him. He always called me controlling and said I was trying to change him or that i hated his friends but in reality, I was just making clear to him the dangers of the road he was going down. He drank a lot because that’s what him and his friends do for fun.. His father is a very bad alcoholic and I know it’d be easy for him to go that way. He always said how different we were, but yet he never actually said what our differences were. Just that we were two different people. He wanted to be able to do drugs and drink whenever, and you know what? I could’ve cared less. I just worried about his safety and he took it as being controlling or trying to change him. I’ve tried so hard to change for him, and I have already changed so much in the span of our relationship. I was in an extremely controlling relationship for 4 years. The kind where I wasn’t even allowed to go to family outings without him getting mad. That ended up making me very insecure and somewhat controlling. At the beginning of my new relationship, I would get mad when he’d hang out with his girl friends because I just didn’t trust the girls. It had nothing to do with him. Now as our relationship came to an end, I’d be a little testy when it came to other girls, but I’d allow it to happen without a fight. The night before I was to go visit him, we got in a fight because he had said he would call and I had to go to bed early because I had to wake up for drill because I’m in the military. Of course, 11pm came and I found out he was with his friends and to be honest, I may have gotten a little too upset. But I was hurt because I was expecting a call, especially since we no longer lived near each other, and instead of telling me he was seeing his friends, he just didn’t call. Now that we’ve broken up, I see that I was a little ridiculous.. He had forgotten that I had to wake up early and I messed up by getting so mad. But I just wanted to feel like his priority for once, that’s all I ever wanted.
    I went to visit him the next day, and he was holding back what he wanted to say. He said he wanted to have a good time that day, but I was stupid and forced it out of him.
    He wasn’t happy. And he couldn’t go on this way anymore.
    All because I screwed up and got too mad over a goddamn phone call. I tipped the iceburg that night and all I can think now is, why was I so stupid?
    He said he still loved me, but he said he wanted to be friends.. I leave for basic training in October and he said he promised with all of his heart and all that he has, that he’d contact me before then, and be ready to be friends.
    He said he has a lot to work on, and that I do too. I know I wasn’t always happy, but I always wanted to work things out.. He just gave up even though I was still in the process of changing. He said there’s a chance for us in the future, but a lot has to happen for that. I keep thinking he only said that to make me stop crying but then the other part of me knows he’s a good guy and really loves and cares about me.. Then he also said that he most likely wouldn’t be with someone else for a loooonnnng time. He said we were just too different, but like before, didn’t actually say what our differences were. He also said that I suffocated him because we stayed at the same college this past year and I stayed in his room all the time. But the thing is, HE LET ME. He never told me to leave or never said no, I don’t want that. He never let me know what was going on even though I asked.
    I left that night and he gave me a very long and intimate hug. I was bad, and contacted him on Monday even though I told myself not to, and I know he didn’t want me to.. And he just seemed to be very distant with me and actually just started ignoring me. Now I just result to messaging his mom or his good friend because i just need to get out what’s inside to someone who really knows him. If I have a chance of getting him back by doing no contact, then you’re damn right I’ll do that. But I’m also scared that in this time of no contact, he’ll fall out of love with me.. Because I think that’s what he wants this time for. Why else would he need time?
    His mom said that he’s like her. When life gets too overwhelming, they both just let go of things until they can get back on their feet. I just don’t know what to believe. I just want to know that there’s a chance that I’ll get him back, because I’m just completely torn apart.

    1. Laura

      June 21, 2016 at 10:48 pm

      So it’s been 8 days of NC and I feel like crap.. I’m becoming very impatient and keep getting upset even though I’ve been keeping myself busy. The fact that he hasn’t texted me honestly even makes me angry at times.

    2. Laura

      June 18, 2016 at 1:15 pm

      I’m not sure.. I haven’t tried to talk to him since Monday, and he was very standoffish when I did. He actually ignored me at first, but I sent him another text because I didn’t want to give up.
      He said I was hurting him by talking to him and that I fell in love with the wrong man. It hurt when he said that. I just know he loves me so it’s hard to just not try and change his mind.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 10:18 am

      Hi Laura,

      so, if you keep talking to him does that increase your chances?

  18. Bella

    June 15, 2016 at 7:57 pm

    Hi,
    My ex and I broke up about 4 weeks ago.Actually he broke up with me and i’m not going to lie, it’s been pretty hard. We are both 18 and we dated for about 8 months.He broke up with me one week prior to our high school graduation and his backpacking trip to Europe with his best friend.We are both in Europe at the moment, me in Italy and him ( not completely sure where).A little background on the relationship: We were happy most of the time ,we saw each other everyday ( we had classes with each other ) and we actually hung out almost every 3 days or so,we didn’t fight often and ,when we did, it was typically about stupid things. when we did have a major fight it felt like it made the relationship stronger after the make up,( we would be all over each other after every makeup) he would always say how happy he was with me or how lucky he was to have such a beautiful/hot/caring girlfriend. I was the type of person that cared and loved more in the relationship,I was the girl to drive to his house in the middle of the night to take care of him when he was sick,or rush to his house after work. I was the overly dedicated girlfriend.Always at all his baseball games. Always there when he needed support. or had problems with his family. I would pick him up in the morning to take him to school was always surprising him with gifts and food ext. There should’t have been a problem with the sexual department,we took good care of that . Basically he had everything(or so I thought). Neither of us cheated on each other (that I know of..although he wouldn’t do that)A few weeks prior to the breakup we took a one night break because he ”wasn’t sure what he was feeling ”.The next day he asked to talk and he apologized and said how much he needed me and wanted to be with me. He broke down crying and confessed that he had come to terms with his (obvious)weed addiction, and how he had spent the past few year after his parents nasty divorce suppressing, smoking, and drinking away every painful thing in his life .He said he was afraid that I would leave him if I knew about his addiction.I have never seen him( or any man for that matter)cry that hard,as he did that night.He started crying saying how much he needs me and asked me to be patient with him because of the things that would come with withdrawal and to be patient in general ,that he wanted to become better.He also said how much of an idiot he felt like for not appreciating me.That he had the perfect person ect ect. SO, His reason for the break up? he didn’t feel the same anymore,he didn’t love me like I loved him and he felt like shit for it , he didn’t want to be in a relationship right now.BUT when we were breaking up he couldn’t say it ,he didn’t know what to say ,and he started crying wondering why I loved such a horrible person why I cared about him ect ect. He said he felt like he was going to regret this and if he had to create the perfect girlfriend It would be me.When It was all happening he said he was confused and didn’t know. He said that he had felt like he was in love with me when we went on a weekend trip to the snow which was over 3moths ago but now he didn’t feel the same as before.He said he needed time to think,so i gave him until the next day and then he still asked for a few more day to think things over ( if he was so sure of his decision why did he need more days to think??). When we had to speak again he stuck to his decison repeating the same things as before but this time hit me with the ol’ ”It’s not you,it’s me” (is it really though?) and he said how we were coming back to the same college and same town and same friend ect.And how he wanted to stay friends and I could continue talking to his mom (did I mention his family still contacts me even after the breakup asking me to visit them)He also said he wouldn’t be closed off to the idea of trying again later ( but is he lying to just spare my feelings?)He said that if needed anything he would be here for me(really though?) .After the breakup he mentioned to my friend that he was concerned about my weight loss and he thought the it was about the breakup (in part it was,I lose my appetite when i’m sad)but why does he care?!He also started smoking again and drinking again after a month of being dry.Could it be due to the breakup?If so why?He smokes when he is in pain,if thats true why is this painful for him if he is the one that threw me away? I’M JUST SO CONFUSED.What is going on?Do I have a chance with him when we come back ( we return from Europe the same day) I’ve been doing the NC rule for the last week( we were in school and graduation so it kinda forced us to say hi to each other ) but am I doing right by this rule? Or am i pushing my chance farther away? Is it worth it? (Even though I realize there are other people out there and maybe even better,I still love him,I accepted him and all his flaws) What should I do for the time being? or when we get back? Sorry for all the questions but i’m just extremely lost.

    1. Bella

      July 7, 2016 at 1:34 pm

      possibly he mentioned his ”friend” told him I was only going to Europe to ”follow” him. no that isn;t true like yeah i wouldn’t have minded meeting up with him (because well come on he was my boyfriend we were together ) but I had my own plans and work to do in Italy that was going to keep more than preoccupied. Maybe I seemed to clingy? i’m not sure.I did the no contact rule and yesterday successfully completed it ,during that time though he snap chatted me saying ”It looks like you are having a great time in Italy.I hope you’re doing well” and of course I didn’t reply but now the NC 30 days is over should I reply to him even if the message is 2 weeks later ? or just not at all or just wait for him to message me again (that is if he ever does)

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 7, 2016 at 5:40 pm

      it’s ok to initiate contact.. you can continue on that topic or start a new one.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 10:26 am

      Hi Bella,

      could it be that because he knows you like always being present he thought it could be a hindrance to him backpacking and further on, in going o college?

  19. Sophie

    June 15, 2016 at 4:30 pm

    My ex and I were in a long distance relationship for almost 4 years. We met when I was 16 and he was 20 back in 2012. My parents at that time were strict about guys interfering with my schoolwork and decided that I should not have a boyfriend until I graduate university. When I was 16, turning 17, he and I secretly started dating. After 5 months, we chose to finally meet each other in person. We decided to continuously see each other when it was convenient for me. He would always visit me since I could not visit him. This went on for years and my parents never knew. On May 7th of this year, I had a talk with him about wanting to end it since I didn’t want him to have to live a life of secrets anymore. He told me that I should wait until he visits for my birthday (week of June 1st), to see if I felt any different. If I did, then we would have parted ways that week and he would be fine with it. We agreed to wait so that we could reveal everything to my parents. The next day we continued our lovey dovey phase. That night, I got one of his emails from his old female best friend that he chose not to talk to ever again. They said they missed each other and he told her that we had broke up, when we didn’t at all. I called him, and he never picked up until the next day wanting to break up with me. He said that he had an epiphany and didn’t want to be bothered by being in secret anymore. He told me he had been feeling like that for a while, so why didn’t he break up with me earlier? During the break up, he told me to not give up on him. A week later, he said that it was my choice to give up or not, but honestly he would want me to give up. Why leave me to believe that it could work out when he never wanted it to? I told my parents about everything that had happened for the past 4 years, and they weren’t even mad. They wanted us to continue to stay together. Since I turned 21, I have been able to visit him if I wanted to now. He wanted to break up because of the distance and the no secrets, but now that every thing is good (there are no secrets, and I can visit him when I want to) why not give it a try again? It’s been a month and a week since the break up. We have contacted many times but now I am just starting the no contact rule since June 11th. I’ve deleted him from every social media and contact list. Please Help ><

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 7:58 am

      Hi Sophie,

      I think he saw his female friend as a grass is greener case..Just follow the process of no contact and be active in improving yourself

  20. Katie

    June 15, 2016 at 3:17 pm

    what am i supposed to do when he broke contact with me, he told me the other day that our contact is to much for him, how can i get him on speaking terms with me?
    he said he does not think that we can be friends.. i am pretty devastated..after all we have been through together. what am i supposed to do now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 5:03 am

      give him space.. continue to do what you started during nc, and when he’s ready, I think he’ll reach out.

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