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Chelsi
September 9, 2016 at 12:18 am
Hello,
So I would like to tell my story and hopefully get some advice. This is going to be super long. I apologize in advance…
My boyfriend and I were in a rut for the past few weeks, maybe a month. I could feel the tension and feel things getting rocky. He told me that he was getting annoyed with me, and felt resentful. I know this had a lot to do with how much we were hanging out, and the fact that I was ALWAYS available to him. The chase was over so he didn’t feel excitement anymore (It’s been over 2 years now since we have been together, btw… And we were in the same friend group for about 3 or 4 years before dating)
Now, I am in love with this man. I would literally jump over the moon for him, and the reason I was always so available is because I could tell things weren’t okay in our relationship and I was holding on as long as I could. The thing is, I know he cares about me so much, but he wasn’t happy in our relationship and I didn’t want to accept the fact that space is what we needed in order to fix things. I was too scared to not see him anymore, and that pushed him away.
So after stringing things along for a while, we finally decided to end things. In my head I thought this just meant we weren’t going to talk for a while, but when he said “…I’m so happy I got to know you. ..I care about you a lot…You will always have a special place in my heart” I started thinking, is this really over? But of course, I have been reading the PRO book and had already planned on getting him back. So I had hope…THEN he deleted me off of his Facebook and I find out from a friend that he changed his relationship status to “in a relationship” with some girl! My heart was immediately shattered. There was no way we could come back from this.
Obviously, I called him and went off on him. “How could you do this to me?” “I don’t deserve this”…all that good stuff. . . (We were supposed to meet up in person and we were going to talk about things, and I guess this is where he was going to tell me about her, but I had told him I didn’t want to meet up — attempting to begin my NC plan.
Anyways, time went on throughout the day and we ended up talking on the phone and in the conversation he says something along the lines of “I’m sad too. Maybe in time I will realize I made a mistake and we will come back from this even stronger. After all, I did jump into this new relationship prematurely and it might just blow over like a silly junior high thing (he’s 27)
So idk. Even after finding out about this girl, deep down inside I STILL felt like things aren’t over between us for good. I can still picture him in my future. Do you think the fact that he said his new relationship was premature, and that he might realize he made a mistake over time means something? What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 10, 2016 at 9:21 am
Hi Chelsi,
yeah, it means there’s chance but it also means he might be stringing you along. He’s human. He misses you and because of that he wants to keep you and the new girl as well..
Restart nc and do 30 days..
Jessica
September 8, 2016 at 10:41 pm
Hello all! I need some advice as I am more than confused. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months now. Oops. I mean, EX boyfriend. He recently broke up with me 2 days ago. He told me he woke up one day and that everything felt different, he fell out of love with me, and that he didn’t see a life with me anymore, I wasn’t the one for him. I asked him, when did this happen? He said 2 weeks ago. Mind you, just a month ago we had a conversation and he said, I’ve never been so compatible with someone before, never been so in sync, never had all the same interests and mind set. What the heck!!! Literally went from telling me I was the one for him, to you’re not the one for me! So. Back story. My family all absolutely adores him, he is literally part of my family now, well, was. I even got him a job at our family owned business. So this was new for him, he works very long hard hours. He has to wake up at 3:30 in the morning and he gets off around 1. He’s a truck driver, which is a stressful job here, he has to drive all around San Francisco and make deliveries and haul outs etc. He loves it here but it’s also stressful. Also, it has been taking a toll on our relationship because I no longer see him on weekdays, since he has to go to bed so early. So we always saw each other on the weekends and crammed all of that time apart together in 2 days. Okay now our actual relationship. Honestly, to me. Our relationship was magical. We were literally best friends and lovers. We laughed about the same stuff, cried about the same stuff, got angry about the same stuff (politics, etc lol) we had all the same interests. We were so in sync and everyone loved us together. I literally think he’s the one for me, I can’t imagine him out of my life. I’ve never felt so comfortable and free and happy with someone before. I can whole heartedly say we had a very healthy relationship. Sure we both had problems as does any couple, but nothing horrible. I’ve been in bad relationships so I know the difference between a good one and a bad one. So, some things that he talked about to me that he wanted me to improve on were: going to the gym, being more confident, not depending on him so much, not being too sensitive, and to see a therapist to battle some inside issues. All of which were valid complaints. Which I have been trying to work on but the last 10 months have been an emotional roller coaster, a lot of family related problems and my dog passing away. Also, he has been extremely unhappy with himself and his life. He feels that he should be doing more with his life than he is, he thinks he’s not actually living his life. He told me he feels numb. So knowing all of that, what the heck is going on? Is he really not in love with me anymore? Will he regret losing me? Will he ask for me back? I’m 21 and he is 27. He also mentioned to me he’s afraid of commitment.
Jessica
September 8, 2016 at 10:48 pm
Oh! Also, forgot to mention. I am a very lovey dovey person, so when I love I love hard. I may have been too clingy to him with texting him and wanting his attention and reassurance. He said sometimes he felt like he was walking on eggshells with me because I’m so sensitive.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 10, 2016 at 9:09 am
Hi Jessica,
So, you already know the problem. The question is, are you ready to do the solution? Because whoever you’re boyfriend is, you still take yourself in that relationship. Change yourself before you try to change the relationship.
Lauren
September 8, 2016 at 7:28 pm
I really need to understand where I can go with the ExRecovery considering my situation.
He had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship and they were talking about getting back together until he met me and he stopped talking to her. We hit it off great and had a really great time during out blind date and talked about making plans to see each other again. This was probably my mistake, but our text got so heated in the first 24 hrs, that I went to his place and jumped him. The first month my ex and I dated, we were great and happy. I didn’t see us as bf/gf yet, so I was also seeing someone else, but not as frequently (once or twice) and texting all the time because of distance. Well, my now ex found out about it and we had a huge fight (he got super jealous and controlling, and I revealed several personal and painful things about my past in panic), but we settled things and he said he’d give me time to fall in love with him whatever. At this point, I wanted to go slow after we initially slept together and get to know each other better and slowly break down my emotional walls that shot back up after the fight, where he took it to mean that after we had sex I was his, even after our fight. So weekly, he would pressure me (through text) about committing and seeing him more and asking more from me than I was willing to give before I was ready, and I would say I need time, stop pushing it, it’ll be okay. The more he pushed, the less I felt I could examine myself and would push him away. This went on for a month and a half. Then he finally stopped pressuring me and I was able to let my walls down more and want to commit and be more affectionate to pull him closer, only to find out that he started talking to another girl and he wanted to see where it went. That was after we had a weekend together where it was suppose to show me what having him as a boyfriend was like.
I of course panicked and blew up his phone while he was at work, talked to him on and off during that week to get him to talk to me face to face, which he couldn’t/wouldn’t do it before he saw her (another blind date). but then it took him another week to talk to me. He said he didn’t want me to convince him of anything (like I let him do with me–cuz I actually wanted something with him) and that I was a good person, that he never talked bad about me, and that he’d still like to be friends, and that he wouldn’t say it was out of the realm of possibility for us to get back together.
I had bought a little nerdy trinket for him a week before, and I wrote letters to him during the emotional week I had where I blew up his phone. I shouldn’t have given them to him, but I did and said the least he could do was read them. I would text him for a week at least once every day or every other day after that, and he would respond occasionally. They’d be either positive, neutral, or no response.
Even after all this, I want him back and I’m doing the NC, going 22 days now since I last texted him or contacted him. I try not to check out his FB, but I notice when he’s in the Messenger Chat. He doesn’t post regularly to FB or any social media or “like” things much, but I do know that he FB stalks. I’m currently working my way through the ExRecovery Pro and I have all the whistles and bells. I’ve started doing yoga, growing my hair out, and I’ve gotten new shoes and some outfits. I’m also getting a new apartment soon, yet I’m still emotionally depressed when left alone. I feel like whatever was going on with he and I was all a build up in my head, or I was the rebound and now he has another rebound. I’m up the creek without a paddle and am constantly doubting if this system will apply or still apply for me. Help me?
Jessie
September 8, 2016 at 3:40 pm
Hi!
I have been together with my ex boyfriend for 5 months but 10 days ago he suddenly broke up with me. I want to mention about our relationship.
We are students at the same amphitheater at the University, this is the place where we met first. We met at a time when I was really bad because I had lost one of my friends. He supported me much during this period. We started to text each other and finally we did things out of the school and after a week, we started to date. In fact it was a little bit fast for me but everything was going incredible. I loved him more and more day by day and I could see the light that shows his love very shiny. I knew that he really loved me.
We shared lots of things for two and a half month but then we had to go back to cities where our families live. We had to stay apart for about two and a half month. In fact our communication was good at the beginning, we were texting each other, talking, sharing our moments. But then this communication started to be a little awkward. Even though I was thinking about him all day, I was scared to interrupt or disturb him with my messages; so we started to talk once in about 3 days. Sometimes I was feeling that, he was not texting before I did. That made me really uncomfortable but I didn’t want to make him bored by telling this to him. I was a little bit worried about our relationship, but there was a little time left for us to meet again. I was saying that to myself: “Everything will be okay, you just have to wait for the day that you will meet and then all of this communication stuff will be fine.”
When I got back to the city where our school is, he texted me that he wanted to break up with me. I was shocked. When I asked him about the reason, he told me that he doesn’t feel the way he used to feel with me and even though he likes sharing his time with me, our relationship is more like a friendship. But our relationship was not only a friendship.
Now, he is not even looking at me at the school even though he told me that we could stay as friends. I am hearing from his friends, he is really determined about this breakup decision and doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. I have also heard that he is upset because I am upset.
I understood better that I am in love with him and I think he made a quick decision. I think he has feelings for me in deep but he thought that I don’t care about him enough and even don’t love him. So he decided to break up with me, of course these are just predictions. I really want him back but I don’t know what to do. I thought about telling him everything, my feelings for him, that we can handle our problems.
I want him to miss me and love me like he used to do. Because I am really upset and devastated without him. Please help me. What can I do to come back to me so that we can be a happy pretty perfect couple again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 9, 2016 at 4:29 pm
Hi Jessie,
even of this is for work mates, I think you can still haed what’s advised in this article:EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend
Anny
September 8, 2016 at 3:38 pm
Hi,
I`ve been in trouble since April. I need your advise regarding to my break up series with person I love. First time we broke up in February was because a friend of mine visited me late at night and when I told this to my boyfriend, he was shocked, screaming and broke up with me. I tried everything to explain that nothing has happened and I didn`t expect such a reaction , because they were in touch with each other and I haven’t ever thought he could be jealous about this guy. This broke up was for 2 months, while I was calling him, but after 1 week NC he called and apologized he made a mistake. After that we`ve been together for 2 months but I’ve started being desperate and needy, what made him aggressive toward me. He started being jealous after 2 months for another guy, who is his friend and after several days fighting we still broke up. I left city and went to village. I was calling him once in a week and every time I tried to talk about relationship, he refused to say a thing. In about 3 weeks after that I broke my leg and been at home for 1 month. I find out that he new about my situation but didn`t call and that broke my heart. When I called him to ask how he was, he didn`t say anything about my leg and after I told that I knew he knew about my situation, he told that he didn`t want to call and I will understand him or not. After that I called him twice during the month and he told me he was over me and didn`t love me anymore. was destroyed. By this time he still was in a village. I missed our friends wedding because I didn`t want to see him there. But after several days when I found out he was on the wedding and came back, I called him and asked him to meet up. We talked for a long time, he apologized for not calling me when I was hurt with broken leg, I apologized for being desperate and everything went fine. I asked him to start everything without doubts, but he still had several question regarding to other men in my past. Next day everything was brilliant and we had best time I`ve ever had, but I still had feeling that something was not right. I wanted him to commit first contact maybe. Yesterday I told my mom that we are still together and she told me that if I love him more than myself I should accept everything about him. I realized my pride was destroyed, I didn`t feel right and messaged him out of emotions apologizing and telling him I can`t be with him because I didn`t feel right about his actions. In the morning he messaged back that he cannot do anything about it, we start arguing and finally he told me that I`m a whore , that he will never talk to me again and don`t want me to call him. That he regrets that he was with me… But I can`t do anything, I love him so much. We had so many plans, about screenplays we are working on, about filming, about new flat. Maybe I broke his heart my this sms but I didn`t deserve words like I`m whore and he hates me. I tried to apologize but he keeps telling me terrible things and now doesn`t answer the phone. Last thing I wrote him is that I really feel very bad and asked him to forgive me , if he ever can. Please, tell me what to do in this case? Is there any chance to make him feel that I`m right person? Because, I feel that I am and he is for me, maybe even he is a little bit passive. I love him and I know that he loves me, but his love is vanishing everyday because of my actions and words. I even don`t know will it ever be possible to bring that sparkle back we had 6 months ago. Is it possible that he doesn`t love me anymore but agrees to be with me because I want it so much? Please, advise me what to do. I didn`t manage to do NC more than 12 days after April 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 9, 2016 at 4:25 pm
Hi anny,
I think you should read this article and followed what’s advised there:
Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy
Lindsay
September 8, 2016 at 2:26 am
Hi my name is Lindsay my ex recently broke up with me 2 months ago. It was mainly my fault I was very flirtacious with other guys, ungrateful, and selfish. Qualities that I’m realy ashamed of. We were good for about 2 months but he would act strange towards the end he was often mean to me. Then after arguing one night he broke up with me he stated that he couldn’t move on from the past he gets mad when he thinks about the stuff that I did, and he didn’t want to treat me bad he basicaly couldn’t forget what I had done in the past. He said it wasnt me it was him. He feels that I appreciated way too late. He is talking to someone and I do feel a bit intimated by it. He was very distant in the begining for the first month, then the second month he would reach out to me and even had sex twice. Then I found out he was at a friends dinner and showed up with her. I want to try to get him back. I fell in love with him because he makes me a better person and he has amazing qualities that set him apart from many guys and I want to try to work on a better and healthier relationship.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 9, 2016 at 10:14 am
Hi Lindsay,
do you want to try the no contact rule now and start improving yourself?
Stella
September 8, 2016 at 1:41 am
Hi!
Me and my boyfriend broke up a month ago. We were happy, no arguments between us what so ever, we were loyal to eachother, and was very affectionate with eachother. We were in a relationship for 5 months. During this relationship, every minute I spent with him was happiness. We always teased eachother, we spoke about the future and looking forward to eachother. Before our relationship, we were really close friends. We spoke day and night, through whatsapp, snapchat, calling everyday. We have so much mutual interests in us and the biggest one that got us together was music! We are both singers and loved to sing, talk about music alot.
I was the one that approached him but indirectly confessed my love to him to find out what he thinks about me. When he knew I was talking about him as the guy i loved, he said” are you sure? because i don’t want to get hurt later” this is his first relationship but at the same time I was scared to approach him, fearing I would get hurt. But he told me, “he’s not the type to hurt anyone so don’t worry, tell me.” Eventually I confessed and that’s when we started dating.
That was some bit of info about how we got into a relationship, now to the breakup. So before the breakup, things weren’t going so well. We didn’t fight at all but I noticed a change in him. He stopped being affectionate to me through the phone, he got mad when I asked his friend to take care of him because he got scarred on his arm but when he called to talk about that issue, that was the last “I Love you” he said to me. Ever since then he wasn’t talking like he normally would. Yeah he was talking, but I didn’t see the love. I asked him is everything okay? are you fine? He said yeah don’t worry, I’m good. I kept telling him that I’m there for him if anything. I got scared because out of all this days, this was the first time he spoke to me in this way. I even asked him, did I do something wrong? and he said no, I’m just pissed off at other stuff.
Later one night, he messaged saying to call him. I called and he said ” For the past two weeks, I haven’t been feeling it, let’s just be friends, it’s only been 5 months”. I was shocked, seeing a man love me so much and giving me confidence that he will be there for me had said such words to me. Literally broke my heart, but that first week he literally saw me in person and was really affectionate with me. He spoke about doing my birthday and then doing my 21st even bigger. He also told me that he’ll take me far next time we meet. But how did this happen? I don’t know. Is it because I cared for him?
After 2 weeks of the breakup, i had no clue to the no contact rule so I didn’t apply it. I asked him for a closure so I can meet up with him and talk to him in person in order to solve this problem and get back together. He said he will and ended up dragging it. 2 days after the breakup, I posted a quote on snapchat story, it was only for a day but he unfriended me because of that. But he didn’t block /unfriend me on whatsapp or facebook or instagram. He kept liking my pictures when I post them on fb or instgram. Mostly, I would communicate to him just to know if he will be coming to rehearsal and to fill up doodles. This routine followed for a month and week. He would always give me one word replies when I ask him about rehearsals or doodles. I tried to talk to him but only one word answers. During this time, my friend tried to talk to him about it. He told her that he doesn’t think it will work and it’s all his fault. He also mentioned that he wasn’t perfect for me. And then yesterday night, I couldn’t take it anymore and I asked him why he is behaving this way, I expressed to him how hurting it is when he does that. He told me he wants to be friends with me and just be normal when really I just want him to talk normally. I spoke to him about the last meet up, why he had to meet me if he didn’t feel anything and be all affectionate? He said it was all my fault, and by talking more about this, nothing is going to happen, just stop, I am sorry. And then he mentioned saying you’re hurting me by saying all this again and again about how much you loved me. And the he said After that night I talked to you, I really felt bad too, But you’re making it worse for me. Eventually he said, I’m sorry for hurting you again, leave it, i will stop talking to you. But then eventually we kept speaking and he told me that he wasn’t perfect for me and he knows how serious I was with him. He felt bad saying what do you want me to do now?
I shouldn’t have done that, kept chasing him and begging for a closure just so I can get the chance to meet up with him. I thought if we do end up meeting this way, I can speak to him in person and sort things out. Now, we’re talking normally. Not like how we used to speak but having a friendly talk. I gave him my apologies for what happened last night, I shouldn’t have reacted like this. I really love him , every minute of the time we were together, we had a good time. I honestly don’t know why this had to happen between us. What do I do from this point? I honestly don’t want to be friends but for now I am trying to be a normal friend.
My friend thinks now I’m forcing him to talk to me after all this and saying that even if you guys do get back, he wont be happy. But I strongly believe that we have potential, no matter what happens around us, I know that we both are a good couple and he is perfect for me. Please help me.
Thank you
riya
September 20, 2016 at 9:47 am
I have a similar problem..but the difference is he approached me first and now doing the same stuff like ..I couldn’t bear this separation and I even tried to end my life.he thinks Iam making a lot of drama.he lost his interest in me.I lowered my standards.he thinks Iam forcing him for the relationship. Emotionally blackmailing him.but no,I really do want him back.
Stella
September 9, 2016 at 12:29 pm
Yes so do I try out the no contact rule now even though I already made a mistake by approaching him before?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 10, 2016 at 11:37 am
well, I think it’s the only good choice you have if you don’t want to move on.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 9, 2016 at 10:07 am
Hi Stella,
sorry for the late reply. YEs it went through, I just haven’t reached your comments yet. Do you want to try what’s advised here and in the other article?
Emily
September 6, 2016 at 10:03 pm
My boyfriend just broke up with me. We were dating for a year and a half. We moved in together in college, everything was great. We moved in with my parents in the meantime and the he’s in another state right now finishing up a job application. The plan was I stay here in TX and then he come get me when he finds out when he gets the job. Lately, or sex life was gone, I gained weight, we both weren’t following our passions. He then calls me and says he needs a break. That he wants to be with other girls for fun to see how awesome our relationship is and that he’ll come get me (and his stuff) after a couple of months. That we both need to date and find ourselves. I was NOT expecting this call whatsoever. He always told me I was beautiful and that he loved me. We even talked marriage. I know I lost myself a bit and I’m working on getting in shape again and becoming happy. He already found a rebound girl and its killing me. He says we’re meant to be together and that he loves me but why do all this?
Emily
September 9, 2016 at 6:24 pm
Ok, I will try that. Also, Im feeling bit confused because Sunday he said this ” I feel like we’re meant to be together.. I just have to do this shitty thing.. And I promise I will make it up to you” and then yesterday he said this ” I want to be with someone because I really want to be with them, and that isn’t really the case with you right now.” And that he’s too young to commit his entire life. And the day he broke up with me he hung out with that girl. Which he tells me its nothing serious that they have a history and that really he just wants to date her and be single. Do you think that after a while he’ll miss me and want to come back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 10, 2016 at 9:03 am
Make him… Be the best girl he had and be ungettable. That’s why it’s important that you improve yourself. He will miss you because that’s human nature. The question is will he regret what he did and want to come back to you? Is there something that will make him want to come back?
Emily
September 8, 2016 at 9:54 pm
Ok, I will try that. Also, Im feeling bit confused because Sunday he said this ” I feel like we’re meant to be together.. I just have to do this shitty thing.. And I promise I will make it up to you” and then yesterday he said this ” I want to be with someone because I really want to be with them, and that isn’t really the case with you right now.” And that he’s too young to commit his entire life. And the day he broke up with me he hung out with that girl. Which he tells me its nothing serious that they have a history and that really he just wants to date her and be single. Do you think that after a while he’ll miss me and want to come back?
Syaz
September 8, 2016 at 5:09 am
Hi team,
My ex boyfriend broke it off and stated he couldnt stand the downfall of our relationship as we fought over the littlest things. I tried my best to persuade him and to start fresh but he told me his mind’s made up and that we should just stay as friends. I was devastated and shattered when he posted his new girlfriend after 2 weeks of our breakup. I unfollowed him on instagram after that of course. He then told me that he is just a text away whenever Im ready to see him as a friend.
I am in the 10th day of the No Contact Rule (trying to keep it cool) and i have brainstormed on little notes based on the game plan in the emails. Heck I am very much willing to persevere in getting him back although he’s smitten and head over heels with the new girl.
Moreover, it was also part of my fault that the relationship went downhill because I kept pushing him away and as he would state ‘you were always in your own solo adventure’. I really wanted to make it up to him that day and wrote an apology letter with cake but as i said he stated that he made up his mind already.
My question is, should i apologize to him and state that my intention is not for us to see each other as one of the bad guys when i meet up with him one day, or should i simply act like an ungettable girl when i see him and not bring about my apology?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 9, 2016 at 11:03 am
Hi Syaz,
dont apologize.. act like you’ve moved on from what happened and act like an ungettable girl
Emily
September 7, 2016 at 7:01 pm
I want to do the no contact rule but everything he owns is at my place and he’s 40 hours away. He says he still wants to talk and that he’ll see me in a couple of months after this “break”. Im nor sure what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 8, 2016 at 3:06 pm
You can still do no contact rule. Just keep the talk strictly about his belongings only
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 7, 2016 at 10:54 am
Hi Emily..
Actions versus words.. It’s easy to say you love a person, another thing to prove it. Are you going to do the no contact rule?
Maria job
September 6, 2016 at 12:07 am
He is scared of commitment .he says he need some 3 year time .I don’t know why he changed his attitude now .he say Iam bit posessive and doubtful .But Iam not doing anything.Iam shattered..somebody please help me ..I need him ,I know we can lead a good life together .because he being judgemental and we ‘re not spending more time together…I don’t know what to do ..
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 6, 2016 at 8:00 pm
Hi Maria,
Frankly, he’s right. You’re not in a committed relationship. I do understand that that’s what you want to believe because he slept with you and he said he loved you but the truth is, it was more of a friends with benefits relationship.
he didn’t cheat because you’re not girlfriend and boyfriend.
Dont sleep with him again.
He said you were possessive and doubtful because you’re not even official and yet you accused him of cheating.
Please correct me if I’m wrong with anything that I’m saying.. But from what I understand, you thought he was in love with you, he just doesnt say that you’re in a relationship.
Men are more staright forward than us. If he didnt say or ask to be in relationship with you, that means he just wants the sex.
Raise your standards Maria, so that men will treat you right and so that the right man will come. I think you’re a beautiful woman because he wouldnt be attracted to you if you’re not. Value that.Value yourself.
Dont chase him. Put yourself first. Do 45 days of no contact and just focus in healing, improving yourself and doing new things. After 45 days, if you still want to try things again with him, take it slow. Dont expect much. Rebuild rapport slowly through texts, and then calls and then meet ups.
Dont sleep with him again even if he says he loves you. Not even when he says he’s not seeing anybody else.
When he says you’re really girlfriend and boyfriend, then it’s ok to sleep with him.
Maria job
September 5, 2016 at 11:59 pm
Hey,
I know this guy fo more than a year now
We were talking for months and when the second time we met we actually got into some physical stuff.he never used to call me always but we used to text a lot.we have never gone for any date together,even when I loved to spend some good quality time together.he said we always have to maintain a space which will only turn good for you .in between he cheated on me,but then he came back.second start was bit intense but I was always scared whether he will go back to his darker side of cheating again but he started saying things like I love you ,I need you blah blah and I was finally happy that he realised how much u do love him..But last day wen I met him,he acted very weird, kinda nervous shy and he couldn’t do the physical thing properly .he was disturbed.I was taken back .I felt like he is doing the same stuff again.I over reacted,begged him not to do this again.then he said this word..I like you dats true but don’t remind me of all those nonsense stuff I told ….we ‘re not in a relationship .I lost that physical attraction towards you..I cannot establish a mental connection and please do not force me for a relationship for which Iam not ready.But u never said a complete no to us.still I know dats wat he meant .I was loyal to him all this time..some point I really do fell for him..I want him back ..I love him a lot !!dat should I do .cuz I over reacted he is finding that as a reason to maintain the distance .I cannot handle this .it is my first relationship. Please do help me…
Maria job
September 8, 2016 at 7:16 pm
We became close after he said he want to marry me.I was bit stubborn and he knew that iam not a girl who will be willing for a play around relationship.
So he tried hard to impress me.on the second day of dating he lied to me that we ‘re going for a drive and took me to his room.then he did the stuffs..it was not sex ,but sort of making out.I was ready for a kiss..but he went a bit overboard. I was shocked after the incident because it was the first time experience for me.this is my first relationship and my first everything.but I never expected him to react like this too soon.I was not ready for it.then he somehow convinced me that all these things happen in a relationship. That’s y I went with him another 2 more times.when I started showing lack of interest towards this physical attachment he started getting detached by that time I was in love with him and never wanted to lose him.he was the one giving me hopes about marriages.and I thought he will be there with me.now he is showing no interest towards me he will not call ,he won’t pick up the calls most of the time,takes a lot of time to text back…I am actually the one trying to keep this relationship.iam trying a lot.but because of that i lost my standard and he lost his interest in me and started taking me for granted.i believe he is not with any other girl now.his complaint is that things between me and him is not working out because he cannot establish a mental connection with me. But that is a lame reason.what can I do so that I’ll get that value in his mind.I don’t want to take me for granted. Because I was deeply in love with him I begged him ,cried to him not to leave me…but he is not realising it.now he don’t value me.I will follow the 45 days of no contact rule..but few more tips to
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 9, 2016 at 6:02 pm
that’s good that you didnt sleep with him.. hmm.. get your independence back.. aim to be more rational during nc.. do new activities, meet new people.. improve yourself so that you can help yourself heal
Ann
September 4, 2016 at 11:00 pm
Hi everyone. So I’m obviously here because my boyfriend broke up with me. We are both 18 and just went to college. We were talking completely fine all week, talking about me visiting during Christmas, he even said he couldn’t wait to see me and everything. The day he broke up with me we messaged like usual, the conversation was normal, we even video chatted that day. Then a few hours later he messaged me breaking up with me, unfriended me off of Facebook, changed his relationship status and profile picture (we both had profile pictures of us together), and took me off of PSN. I’ve been on the No Contact rule for a little over a week now, and I am trying to go strong, but it is definitely tough. I messaged one of his friends asking if he heard anything and apparently he (my ex) told him that it wasn’t working out between us and that the relationship had run its course. Obviously I want him back, and I hope he will talk to me after implementing the 30 no contact, but I always think of the what ifs. Any advice?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 6, 2016 at 6:52 am
HI Ann,
I actually replied to your first comment. I’m just going to copy paste my answer there to here ok?
Hi Ann,
How long were you together? I’m assuming you’re in ldr. How long have you been in ldr. And… you have to restart the count. Start it the day after you asked his friend. I do understand that you have to ask of course, but you have to restart the count after that and then start focusing on improving yourself now.
June
September 3, 2016 at 10:24 pm
Hello! So I am at this very odd step with my exboyfriend and I have no idea what to do! So we broke up about 8 months ago and I went through with no contact and we are now communicating. We have talked about the relationship numerous times and the possiblity of getting back together and he says he has feelings for me but “he can’t” because of school, work, and family. He keeps assuring me feelings are there and I make him very happy. But we talked more about it and he says he will see how the first few weeks of school goes. He knows exactly how I feel about him. I feel like I am in Limbo and have been for months and don’t like feeling this way. I am in love with him and want things to work out but I am not so sure what my next step is. I keep getting the “I dont know” or “maybe” I don’t want to ruin my chances anymore. Should I not talk to him til he figures out what he wants and let him think about it? If he contacts me or tries to see me should I not until he figures out what he wants? I just don’t want to be in this gray area anymore, but I want to be with him. What would my next step be? How do I get him to chase me?
June
September 6, 2016 at 1:54 am
Lastly in this confusing situation what strategy would be best? Should I go back into no contact? Or wait til he initiates contacts? Do you see me having any chance in this situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 6, 2016 at 5:57 pm
I do see you have a chance. He just has to feel that you’re not going to wait forever. For example, if you’re texting everyday, don’t reply everyday. Reply on 3 days a week because you’re doing other things.
Be busy with other things and activities and when he asks why you’re not replying, it’s because of the things that you did. You’re like in limited no contact period.
Remember to decline some of the invitations, and make the ones you agree to be the best.
Make yourself less available to talk, to meet while maintaining your physical look.
Invest less time for him while you invest more time for yourself. And then make the times with him, the talks with him positive.So, that he will keep wanting more and he will that if he doesn’t make it official, he’s going to lose you.
Go on group dates too, that way it’s not too forward but it can make him think that there are other guys that are in your life that can take you away from him if he doesn’t make it official.
June
September 5, 2016 at 10:45 pm
What do you mean by being less avaliable? What would you do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 4, 2016 at 8:59 pm
Hi June,
be less available. He’s feeding you enough to stay and keep wanting more..
Be more focused in your activities. He has to feel that you’re not waiting anymore. Decline some of his invitations and then make the ones you agree to the best, but short.
And don’t assure him that you’re still waiting for him.. If he asks, be honest in a tactful way. Tell him, you still have feelings for him but you do respect and understand his priorities now but you hope that he understands that you’re can’t to wait forever.
Tiny
September 3, 2016 at 12:05 pm
Hi Team,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for nearly ten months now and everything has been going amazing until over a week ago when he said we needed a break/time out. Although he hasn’t used those words “it’s over”, we’re on a break and I’m treating the whole situation as a breakup. I came across your site and I’m very impressed!! Can you still help me?
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 4, 2016 at 4:15 pm
Hi Tiny,
check this article out: How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming
Ems
September 2, 2016 at 1:01 am
Hi Team.
Me and my ex broke up three weeks ago. And even if I have periods of feeling miserable, feeling happy or feeling depressed, I know one thing, I want him back. I hope you can guide me, help me, enlighten me, just put me in the right direction. Here is the story:
We knew each other for roughly a year, we’ve been acquaintances and working together. There was always a bit of tension, but he had a gf so I really didnt do anything, as Im not that type of a person. I saw he is not really happy, but he was doing okay so I was happy for him, that he is having a good relationship while I was trying to get over a complete a.s.s.. But then suddenly they broke up. He was devastated, drinking himself to sleep and being totally miserable. I was worried. I was there for him when he needed me the most and he told me I’m the only one who was there. After few days he started to feel better and we started to chat more and suddenly we ended up on a date and together. All of his friends told me that he is finally happy again, we were doing fine. We had few arguments, but nothing deadly serious.
Firstly he didnt want to know anyone we are together, because he was worried that they may think I’m just a rebound, and he didnt want it as I was not a rebound and he knew it from the first time we kissed. He told me if he knew earlier that I am interested, he would be thinking of leaving his gf. As days flew by I started to notice that he is too comfortable in the relationship, not trying that much, that I was the one who tried to keep it going. He often told me how he had a dream of us getting married or living together and even if I have some commitment issues, it sounded just great. I was surprised by myself that I was not freaking out.
The biggest problem always was that he and his ex are still in the same group of friends, hence they see each other. There was nothing going on between them, she has already moved on. He was happy for her but didnt like the fact that she was playing with that guy, cause she did same to him and it broke him before. I didnt want to meet her as I was not feeling really well, and I didnt want to face her while I’m not feeling perfectly well (I have problems with anxiety and have frequent anxiety attacks. He was always very supportive and tried to help). I know how girls can be bitchy when their ex brings a new girl, so I wanted to make sure I am prepared, because last thing I wanted was to was have an attack in front of her. I don’t know why I felt insecure, maybe because when I first met him they were together looking like a perfect couple, even if they were not.
One day, out of nowhere, he just texted me that he wants to break up. I was utterly shocked. No proper reason, nothing. I asked him to talk after work, but he told me he cannot face me. His reason was that it is not fair on me that I need to live with the fact that they are still friends. And he knows it won’t be fine, cause I dont want to meet her. I just needed more time. I am still really confused as that is not a proper reason. He was always saying that he is sorry and he doesnt want to do it but he has to because it will only get worse and he knows that I cannot be okay with her, which is proper bullsh…. And that he is being logical. I don’t see any logic.
Was I a rebound? I dont think so. He was complaining about her many times, when they were together and after break up. How they had not much in common (while we were like two peas in a pod), how she was not enjoying sex and it was just a routine. He was always happy with me. That’s how I felt, that’s what he said, that’s what his and our friends said. Few days ago I saw him and his friends including his ex walking together and they all seem quite chatty and happy, while he was just being there, walking miserably with them (they didnt see me and I was not stalking them, even if it may sound like that). I really dont understand why he broke up with me. I still have a feeling it has something to do with her. But why? He was unhappy for last few months with her. There was no chance they would get together as they both just wanted to be friends, nothing more (I have this from our mutual friends). I just dont understand. I want him back. I want my happy boy to be back. I am currently on NC with him for over a week (could have been more but I got drunk and texted him (casual chat), he replied positively, but I should have stayed strong!!!). What should I do? I just want him back. I am tempted to text him but I know I can’t. Need to be strong. Can you please help me? Why he did it? What can I do to get him back? They are not even that good friends anymore, not as good as they were, so why? I am confused and dont know what to do. Please help.
And yes, we work together and see each other at work roughly twice per week, but only for few minutes. First week after break up he was ignoring me, second week he gave me a cute look and smiled and last week ignoring me again. What should I do? How should I continue? (I unfriended him on FB as it did hurt a lot to see him online and not even saying hi.)
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 3:32 pm
Hi Ems,
The only theory I can see in your situation is that even if he’s not happy, he still loves her.. because if he really did love you, he wouldn’t mind what other people would say, he would just stick with you because he’s happy with you.. Well, he was happy with you but I think he’s holding on to something..
or
he wants more time to be alone. He wants to heal alone. He wants to be sure, that when he gets in a relationship with you, he’s sure about what he feels.
Be active in improving yourself and having your own life.. He has to think that when you’re back to talking, it’s just because you’re being friendly.. Because what you want to avoid is that you appear to be chasing him
Loz
September 2, 2016 at 12:01 am
I’ve been seeing this guy for 10 months and before I said why aren’t we in a relationship and he said we are just not on Facebook so I said fine.. He’s met all my family which is very rare for me and I’ve met all of his family and family friends last weekend which went exceptionally well! I text him this evening after he left saying I feel like you don’t care, because I genuinely don’t feel he’s in it like I am… And his reply was I didn’t know you felt like that but I do, I just don’t know what I want at the moment… I replied saying why am I only hearing this now and he won’t reply… What can I do??
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 2:50 pm
Hi Loz,
Correct me if I’m wrong. You’re actually together, he’s just not changing your status in Facebook?
Nath
September 1, 2016 at 7:38 pm
I’d love your input and help. I was with my ex for 5 years (I’m 32 now) and we broke up 1 year ago. For background we slowly started dating long distant then eventually I ended up moving in with him. During our relationship on a day to day basis life was fun and carefree, I would play wifey cooking dinners, making lunches, doing washing. We went on a few lovely romantic holidays together and the sex at the start was fabulous and not bad toward the end but less frequent. Overall we behaved like a team and would gladly lend 5 figures of money to each other for investments we were up to. Everything from that spelled long term but he never fully committed. We had a lot of arguments and tears of this as he wasn’t giving me what I wanted which was ultimately not marrying me. We are both of traditional Asian background and our regions match. He said he just wasn’t sure why it wasn’t happening for us. We would get upset and break up temporarily over it then eventually things would just creep back to normal. Eventually my father got angry and spoke to him (he’s 36) and said you need to make a decision and stop wasting her time. He couldn’t answer it so I moved out that weekend. That was 1 year ago. I did the whole ft over ex programme so got fabulous went to the gym got in shape (I had let myself go) got busy met lots of interesting people and eventually met someone else who much more attractive and successful . This ended after 6 Months as I felt we had different vales. My ex was also with someone in a volatile relationship, I’ve seen her and she is stunning and very international glamorous woman (everything he craved) but we text every so often and he’s said he was unhappy and she made him feel bad as he was always chasing her, so they broke up (for now)
He has said since the break up that appreciates now how kind I was and that we had fun together and last week he said how he was very comfortable with how we got each other.
Since I text the low impact I’m in the neighbourhood text let’s have coffee but he said he was busy and I’ve heard nothing since.
I really want us to get back together but can’t afford to test the water now, he would need to want to marry me. I still want children and fear I’m leaving to too late. How could I even think of getting him back in a way that he wants me and having this conversation about marriage.
Nath
September 4, 2016 at 9:58 am
Thank you for response.
I agree straight off asking about marriage would be foolish but I being honest with your little community here. It is my goal with him and I cannot afford the time of on and off again relationship like last time. My heart and my head tell me this this the right relationship for both us. We share the same goals and values in life and seemed to naturally understand each other. He had quite materialist outlook on life which I used to try keep grounded. Now he met someone who filled those parts he thought he wanted and hopefully now thinks the grass isn’t greener.
My question being, what should I do? What’s my next move to coax him back and not seem desperate??
Your absolutely right in that he had everything on a plate before so had nothing to work for so got slack. Is it too late now and should I just give up and settle for someone else? I want a family one day and feel time is slipping away to have children.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 5, 2016 at 2:28 pm
Thank you for your honesty Nath! Dont lose hope..The good that I see with what happened is that once you’ce changed and improve, he’ll remember how much you loved him.. and mkre probably when he gets attracted to you, he’ll miss you.. I think you should read this:
The Ungettable Girl
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 2, 2016 at 1:37 pm
HI Nath,
Wooh.. I think that’s too fast to ask for marriage right ahead.. Basically he has moved on, and he’s treating you like friend who he has feelings with, and then here you go asking for marriage right ahead.. I do get what you feel but if he didn’t commit before, asking him this right at the start when you’re just starting to build rapport and attraction again, screams desperation.
He was comfortable with you and I think that’s what made him slack off.. There was no mystery from you. It didn’t make him feel that you’ll be out of his life because you were always there, up until now..
Ashey Franks
August 31, 2016 at 6:37 pm
Okay so my ex boyfriend broke up about 3 months ago. When we broke up of course I did the usual begging. Summer started and we would see each other out with our mutual friends. I would hear about him, basically going crazy through girls. So I began talking to a guy, and he literally did everything he could to split us apart. Now when we are out he will start making rude remarks, then when I act like it does not bother me, he will try to start a conversation. If he sees, hears, anything about me with another guy he freaks out, when really he is hooking up with other girls. He will then text me when we are out begging me to come to the place he is at.
Well the other night I ended up breaking the rule and we slept together. When were together it’s like we never broke up. Then once we separated, he goes back to his friends and begins being back to the old self by being rude to me. The crazy thing is he will call me at night to make sure I am not with any other guy, and if I am with a guy friend he will start making assumptions and calling me names. Then he will bring up getting back together then when I say something about it he says “we’re not good for one another” or “I just dont see it happening”. I have asked him to just say yes or no and he continues to say “I gave you my answer”
I have read other articles in Boyfriend Recovery and I guess I am asking is what I should do next? He is sleeping around, but yet freaks out on me about being around a guy. He will go from telling me he loves me to calling me names. WHAT DO I DO?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 1, 2016 at 12:08 pm
HI Ashey,
hmm, don’t let him control your life.. Don’t sleep with him again and have a sincere and calm talk with him.. Tell him this has to stop because it’s not healthy and you both need to heal and move on and then do no contact rule.
Mils
August 31, 2016 at 4:51 pm
My name is Milly, I’m 19, from the UK, and I want my boyfriend back. I have been with my (ex) boyfriend for nearly two years. We were going really strong and then I went travelling for 3 months, to fulfill a passion of mine, which he was very supportive about. During our 3 months apart, contact over Facebook and messages was tough and we argued a lot, as he was going through a stressful time with exams etc, and I was out of the country. When I got back, we spoke about why it was so bad between us when I was away and we seemed to move forward. I have now been back for 2 months, and since then, we have argued a fair bit, and he always asks me to have my guard down with him, because it doesn’t feel like it used to. We still have amazing times together, but we bicker a lot, which turns into big arguements – frequently. We are both going to university/college in the next few weeks, so will be living 4 hours or so away from eachother. However, in the last two weeks we have argued so much and he ended it with me. His reasons were that he cared for me a lot, but his feelings had been slightly shattered and declining, because we were arguing and pushing eachother away within the last month or so. He said he wasn’t attracted to the idea of being in a relationship any more, because it started to be more negative than positive. He said he still has a lot of love and care for me, but the arguements have become too much, that we won’t be strong enough to survive university, and he’s scared he will hurt me even more, by us arguing when we are apart. Therefore, he broke up with me because he doesn’t want to string me along when his feelings are changing.
I know we are only young, but I really am in love with him and I’m devestated. I have read lots of your things about the NC rule etc, however, he doesn’t contact me because he’s trying to get over me, for both of our sakes.
Do you think I am at a lost cause because we are about to move away from each other? Our lives are both about to dramatically change, but I’ve never thought about my future without him in it. He was such a huge part of my life and I’m so lost without him. He was/ is my best friend. I cant stop looking at pictures and texts about how happy we were and it is such a huge shock i cant believe it. Yes we had our bad times but how can i convince him that we are good for eachother? We aren’t speaking since the break up ( about 5 days ago now) and im doing the NC rule – but hes not contacting me anyway.
I would do anything to get him back, and would really appreciate any help.
Many thanks,
M
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 5:21 pm
Hi Mils,
use the nc rule to have a restart.. move on without totly moving on..so that when you start texting again, he will think you’re just being friendly and then rebuild rapport from there
T
August 31, 2016 at 7:24 am
My ex of 10 months broke up with me very angry but unable to explain exactly why he’s angry. We broke up 3 months ago, and I went into NC for about 40 days. Afterward, I contacted a couple times with no response.
Today, I called and he answered. The conversation was really pleasant, and he talked a lot, sharing stories and updating me on the last 3 months, even excited about trading and asking me questions. He was flirty and we were able to laugh and giggle. I was a little more reserved, but I shared some great things going on in my life. I ended up saying that I feel like such a different, happier person than I did months ago, which started to change his energy negatively. I changed the subject back to concert tickets that I needed from him (we never split up our stuff nor has he given me back the stuff that’s mine in our apartment). I did allude to the fact that I’d have to meet up with him to exchange things. He rambled another couple minutes outlining the details of his schedule to me, basically that he couldn’t make time to exchange stuff. I ended the call on a light note, saying thanks for the tickets and we’d figure out a meet up later on. Overall, the 10 minute conversation went really well.
15 minutes later, he texted me a message, saying:
“i gotta be honest, i am not ready to meet up with you. my silence and the adrenaline i’m still feeling post phone call is the anger that i have happily not been thinking of for months now. not saying i’ll be angry forever, but i’m still angry. also, pretty much no chance i will meet up with you if i feel like you’re trying to get back together with me. i’m asking you to be honest. just want to make sure that is clear. i can likely do friendship at some point, but nothing more. still, i’m happy to hear you’re doing well.”
This feels like mixed messages. I haven’t responded, and it feels weird to respond because he seems like he doesn’t know what he wants. Help?
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 3:02 pm
I think when you said you’ve changed from the woman who was months ago, he thought you were saying it to convince him that you’ve changed for him.. and he doesn’t want a relationship.. He’s ok being friends later on but he doesn’t want you to hope.
Long Distance
August 30, 2016 at 11:55 pm
Hi,
My boyfriend just broke up with me last Thursday after just over 10 months of dating. We are both juniors in college now and this was the first serious relationship either of us had. We were never a perfect couple: I am pretty needy and he can be emotionally distant at times, which doesn’t always work out perfectly, but I had a lot of fun with him and overall he helped me to feel very loved, supported, and secure in myself. This semester, both of us are interning on opposite sides of the country, and so we will not be able to see each other in person again until January.
About a month before we parted ways, things between us started to get more and more tense, and I will admit that I was not treating him the way I should have been treating him. I was afraid of losing him, and so I was overreacting any time that a conflict between us would come up, or I would feel that he might not be totally interested in me. The incidents that really started this were during his birthday weekend. He had gone home to his family but I stayed behind since we would be celebrating after the weekend on his actual birthday. During that weekend, I called him crying once because I was worried about my friend who had boobs that were way bigger than mine, and the next night I made a huge fuss because he was telling me how much he loved me and I didn’t acknowledge it at all, I just said, show me with flowers. This caused the biggest fight we had ever been in. Granted, we never actually fought, it was more of just tense disagreements. My best friend’s boyfriend had just bought her flowers and I wanted him to buy flowers for me. We fought about it for around a week, but ultimately let it go, as I realized that I was overreacting and I did not want to part ways on bad terms. I then moved in with him for the last month of the semester as I had to move out of my apartment early. The weekend before we parted ways, he told me that he was having trouble living with me and that he just wanted to bring it up, he didn’t want to make any big decisions, he just wanted to call it to my attention.
We parted ways, and during the first week we were apart he was under a lot of stress, since he did not yet have a place to live for his internship across the country, and so he kept calling me to tell me about his stress, and his stress with his mom, and I would talk to him almost all day and help him look for housing, and we would just talk about everything in general. The first real warning sign I got was during this period, he called me drunk one night telling me that he missed me a ton and loved me but was thinking about breaking up with me, but he just didn’t want to do it yet. I told him I just wanted him to be happy and I loved him a bunch and I didn’t really take it that seriously because he was going on about how much he loved me. The second warning sign I got was when the next day he texted me saying he didn’t think we should buy plane tickets to see each other on our one-year, since it was too much time and money and wouldn’t be worth the trouble. I was upset, but I told him that I understood.
I began moving the following week, and we were still talking fairly regularly (texting daily and on the phone or FaceTime every few days), and I thought things were still ok. The day I moved into my new place in my new city, I had a panic attack and called him on the phone even though he had told me over text that he was busy, and I put him in a really uncomfortable position because he was in the middle of something with a group of his friends and family and had to step away to talk to me. After that happened, he started texting me less, and he stopped saying I love you at the end of his texts. I picked up that something was wrong at that point, and told him I wanted to talk about it.
The next day, he told me to video chat him, and he told me that since about one month ago (the beginning of the events I just described) he had started to feel bad about our relationship, and it had gotten to the point where he didn’t feel that he loved me any more, and he wanted to break up. He said he kept waiting for a good time to do it, but he hadn’t wanted to do it before we parted ways, and then not when I was home with my family, and then I had sent him a gift because I had seen a shirt on a boardwalk that I thought he would like (not a big thing, it was $15 and part of an inside thing between us), and he said it was so thoughtful and he couldn’t bear to break up with me then, but he still felt like he needed to. I told him I wanted to have a break, we could just stop talking for a while and stop saying we were dating but when we came back to school or when we missed each other enough we could come back. He said no, he wanted a real breakup, and he wanted me to treat it like it was forever. I asked him to give me hope that we could fix things when we got back to school, but he told me he didn’t want to give me any hope, that wouldn’t be fair to me. He said he still cares about me a lot, and still wants to be friends because he still thinks I’m hilarious (also, we share the same friend group, so either of us having to part ways from that would suck), but he wants to just stop talking for a while. I told him time was the greatest healer, it could heal us back together, and I definitely begged him not to break up with me. Eventually I told him I was so so sorry for letting things come to this, and he could have all the time he needed, but please just promise me that you’ll talk to me again this semester, and that we can still play Minecraft together (we have a joint server that we just restarted before we left so that we could still hang out together somehow), and he said he thought that we still could do that, but he just wanted to stop talking altogether for a little bit. He said he didn’t know when he would reach out again, but it would likely not be until he had moved (he’s on vacation right now and moves to start his internship next week).
The problems that became more intense during this last month of our relationship are not new, and have been occurring for the entire duration of our relationship. I am a very clingy person, and there were times when he did not feel that he could have as much alone time as he wanted, I am also fairly insecure about my breast size, which came up as an issue during our relationship a fair number of times even though he always insisted that my breasts are incredible. I have also been struggling with crying all the time for what seems like no real reason ever, and I know that this was bumming him out for a while. All of these things, I am working on. I was very independent prior to our relationship and I realize that I let that go, and I am working on that the most.
I feel like I can go into a new relationship and fix all of the things that were causing tension between us. I know that immediately doing that is not a good idea, and I am not going to contact him until he reaches back out to me (it hasn’t even been a week since the breakup yet), even though he was my best friend (he told me several months ago that I was his best friend too) and so not talking to him sucks. I’m still hurting a lot. I also know that the problems in our relationship did not only stem from me, as he definitely has some less-than-favorable traits and behaviors, but for the most part we worked through our differences and were successful and happy together.
I don’t know what to do, though, because like I said we are not in the same place again until January. I absolutely want to talk to him during this time, and I do feel that we will, but I am not overall a very patient person and I am afraid that I will jump the gun and ask him while we are apart if we can just try again, and get back together, and it will make him upset. I don’t want to pick up where we left off, either. I want to actually try again, start small and fresh and try to rebuild a relationship. I guess the best thing to do is just to try to be friends until we come back to school, which sucks because it’s so far away and I am so afraid that if I wait that long we will stay just friends, and I don’t know if I could handle being around him like that without being too sad. I don’t know. The whole thing is still so fresh in my mind and I am still so sad about it, and I miss hearing from him, and I am scared of losing him forever, because I loved and cared about him so much, and I still do. And I know that he loved and cared about me too. (I know this is TMI, but I have a weird sex thing that I wanted during our whole relationship that he was super against, and literally 1.5 months ago he said OK, I love you so much that I will do it if that’s what you really want, and so he did, and I was so happy with him and he was so happy that he was doing that for me.)
I know this was long. I guess I just want to know what someone else thinks. My best friend, who is coincidentally dating one of his close friends, says she thinks he will realize what he is missing in a month or so and beg for me back. I know she’s mostly just saying that to cheer me up. I just want someone else to tell me that I haven’t lost all hope I guess. I really, really love him still, and this just sucks, a lot, and the only thing that’s been on my mind since the day he broke up with me is how to get him back.
So thank you up front for any advice or comments on this that can be given.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 31, 2016 at 2:36 pm
Hi Long distance,
what matters more is how much you will change.. and the change has to be for yourself so that you won’t be needy anymore.. you only have 30 days to just focus in yourself.. I think you should read this one too: What It Takes To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work