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8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

  1. Kat

    September 21, 2016 at 2:52 am

    I am not sure I understand what to do after NC if your ex contacts you during. We broke up for good about a week and a half ago; he initially wanted to break up with me prior but I asked for more time for us to think about it. After we talked and he broke up with me I sent him one last text thanking him for the good times and started NC. About a week into NC he texted me because he heard about people getting hurt in NYC where I am from and wanted to know if it was anyone I knew. I did not respond because it’s a big city, no one has told me of anything happening to them. I did not see this as an emergency so I did not answer. I got the sense based on the timing of the text that he was less worried that something happened and more so wanted to touch base. He is also the type of person that will not respond to a text when he has nothing to say, so I figure for once it is a taste of his own medicine. Once the 30 days pass though, what should I say? It would seem odd to completely ignore this text given the subject and bring up another topic when I reach out. But it would also seem weird to respond to it after weeks. I deleted his contact info from my phone when we broke up but he is not blocked so I knew it was him when he texted. I am hoping he will contact me again closer to the end of NC so it gives me a chance to respond to something else. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 22, 2016 at 8:58 pm

  2. Regina

    September 20, 2016 at 9:35 pm

    My boyfriend and I started dating after 3 months of talking and we recently broke up after 9 months. We’ve seen each other at our lowest and have always been there for each other. His family situation is really complicated in a sense that he doesn’t really know how to care for someone the way normal people do. He always pushes people away and thinks it’s always him against the world because that’s the way it’s always been for him. When we first broke up he told me that he didn’t feel like he had freedom with me and that he couldn’t do it anymore (we were in a long distance relationship). Yesterday he called me after I had texted him the night before explaining that he can’t keep going back and forth, stringing me along and said that he loves me and that he does want to be with me but he would just cause me more pain in the long run because he can’t care for me the way that I deserve. He told me that if we do get back together, it won’t be any time soon because he needs to learn how to care about others besides himself. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 22, 2016 at 6:27 pm

      Hi Regina,

      he broke up with you because he’s having family problems? Or is it because you’re doing a long distance relationship? Have you met in person?

  3. Joanne

    September 20, 2016 at 6:28 am

    Hey, we just broke up a few days ago. And I really want him back. How to do the NC when we see each other often because we are in the same ministry/church? does it apply to any men? because he literally wanted me out of his life. how to get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 21, 2016 at 5:58 pm

      Hi Joanne,

      nc doesnt work for all and it’s not a guarantee that it will work.. why and when exactly did you break up? how long were you together and how old are you both?

      Please and check and review the following.. The other one is for coworkers but it can also apply to your situation..
      The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

  4. Shar

    September 19, 2016 at 5:42 pm

    I met a guy that had just been divorced the month I met him and separated for 10 months. I dated him for 15 months and he asked me to marry him about 6 months ago. There have not been any issues, we have been able to talk about anything, and he promised to always be there and I am the woman of his dreams.
    On our 1 year anniversary he gave am a beautiful diamond girlfriend ring.
    We went to visit relatives at the beach and he came the next weekend unexpectedly and seemed depressed about seeing his ailing brother the same day. The next morning he started talking about it not being fair to LE that he had depression and anxiety and he left abruptly and went home. He told friends he couldn’t make a commitment and needed time to think. He continued calling every night and acting like he normally did. He mentioned he was getting a cruising motorcycle and was going to Canada for a 4 day workshop with his cousin, and taking a lot of other road trips. That he needed to get into shape and ride a lot daily to do this in preparation.

    I asked him to talk in person within that week since I had seen him as I really needed some clarification. He said he would drive right down to talk. He lives almost 2 hours away, and is retired. When he got here he was wa complexly different man I had never seen…he was indifferent, matter of fact, and broke up with me saying he couldn’t make a commitment, didn’t want to have to be anywhere at any time, and just wanted to ride his motorcycle. He drove away.

    I have not seen him for 3 months. He told friends I was his best friend, they told him it doesn’t work that way. He texted while I was out of town 2 weeks after we broke up and wanted to ride up here and show me his new motorcycle and go to a movie. I told him I didn’t understand. We texted a lot and he never came. He says he just has to wander and experience and deal with grief issues around his sons death and deal with anxiety and depression.

    He will say things like he would like to visit my family but they have to know we are not together. He said he could call me every night and talk like we use to, but at some point that will have to stop. He will then say he might just work through this and show up on my doorstep and I might tell him to take a hike!

    We haven’t talked for almost 2 months. I texted him when he went to candida a few weeks ago and he sent some,pics. He calls me his dear friend. We were going to talk and get caught up, I had a huge fear of being hurt and told him I needed to cut all contact and heal my heart as it was too painful. He said he wanted to do what was best for me, wished he wasn’t in such a fig and things were different, and I am his dear friend. That was 2 weeks ago. I heard he is now planing a motorcycle trip through Mexico.

    my heart is hurt so bad…

    1. Shar

      September 19, 2016 at 6:09 pm

      Addition…
      He keeps saying I am his friend…he doesn’t make contact. I have been. But he always responds and is loving and kind. He is having a blast riding his motorcycles…he has 2 now a racing one and a cruiser.

      He recently told friends he should never have gotten into a relationship so soon.

      He still has the blanket on his bed with pictures of us together. He sent 2 generic cards saying he is riding and God bless, each a month apart.

      I told him I would give him as much space as he needed, but he doesn’t want a relationship, he just wants to ride.

      I feel like he threw his best friend to the curb and ran over me with the motorcycle and took off!
      I feel like he took off with another woman but she is made out of steel with a motor!

      It all happened so fast…family and friends didn’t see it coming….everyone is in shock. He just tells everyone he just needs to ride and doesn’t know if that will ever change.

      If he doesn’t think I am the right match why doesn’t he just say so…that would be more honest. Don’t know if he feels guilty or wants to hang on. My poor heart can’t take much more pain…

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 21, 2016 at 2:58 pm

      Hi Shar,

      it looks like you were a rebound and things moved too fast.. And I think he realized all that after visiting his brother.. I think you should check this one:
      EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

  5. Manvi Saxena

    September 19, 2016 at 8:58 am

    Hi Chris

    He broke up with me for the 2nd time in Long distance relationship, Now its been around 7 months though we were in contact In fact we met last month only and been intimate too & I got to know that he is with somebody else our last break up doing things for her which he never did for me. They are in constant contact though This is too a long distance thing that he is sharing with this new girl. I love him and want him back. Already in no contact been 3 weeks. They seems so happy on Facebook. I dont see any chance of getting back with him and this is killing me. Please help me !!!!!!!!!!

  6. Lexa

    September 19, 2016 at 3:20 am

    Hello I was wondering if you could give me some advice. I got broken up with about a month ago and it’s been super rough. We dated for 9 months, but when we first met and saw each other there was such a connection, it was amazing. He was falling real hard for me then too. However this summer he has gotten a little more distant and finally ended it. We agreed that we went too hard too fast but he won’t give it another try. It tried everything, reasoning with him, getting to the root of the problem, being friendly, everything. I know this shouldn’t have been how I handled it but I still stayed over night and I was still intimate with him. We still do things and talk and see each other but he only wants to be friends. He told me that he is worried that someday in the future, it could be years from now, he is scared that he will meet someone else or I will meet someone else and then it will be a lot more painful. That’s complete B.S. in my opinion. I don’t know what to do though, I want him back more than I can describe, more than I can put into words. We never fought, ever. What’s also confusing is that he still has everything that I have written to him or drawn him on display at his place. What can I do to get past those walls he desensitized himself with? I don’t want to give up, please keep that in mind. I appreciate you getting back to me, thank you.

    1. Lexa

      September 19, 2016 at 3:22 am

      One more thing I want to add, but forgot. I honestly think that he doesn’t know what he wants right now, and that’s also what is making it so hard.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 21, 2016 at 7:03 am

      Hi Lexa

      if staying friends and being present doesn’t work, don’t you want to try what’s advised above?

  7. EBR Team Member: Amor

    September 18, 2016 at 7:15 pm

    Hi Confused,

    you’re moving too fast.. He did like you but that you expected too much too soon. He did like you, but that doesn’t he already loves you, he was just starting to get to know you..

    don’t chase him. don’t chase any guy. I think you need to move on from him, or at least heal first, be independent first.

  8. Meriiiiii

    September 18, 2016 at 4:08 am

    Hi,
    My bf was obsssed with me about 4-5 months before we started dating. He was in love with me from the first, he did everything to make me love him. Everything was perfect, he always though I was better than him so he tried extra hard for me. I was his dream girl( that’s what he told me) and he never felt something like this before. I met his family, went traveling with them etc.we were great couple no fight nothing for 9 months. We spent a lot of time togetherOne day his friends and him smoked weed front of me which pissed me off. I talked to him about it he said he won’t smoke again. But I kind of went to far, started pushing him away, being a little rude… till the last day he was trying to fix everything. He texted me I was mean again and told him I’m not happy.. and the next day I messaged him he was gone, he said he’s being smoking a lot, that he doesn’t know what he wants if he can make me happyand stuff.. I freaked out, put a lot of pressure on him to meet me. We met he was crying saying he doesn’t want to hurt me that he loves me he need time and we’re going to be together.. so I left crying.. next day I stated talking about meeting, he promised to come see me and he didn’t show up. The next I texted him don’t make plans we’re having dinner together… first he said he can’t then he said at 10:30 to meet him in his office. I went there je wasn’t there and he ignore my messages .. in the morning he deleted me from snapchat. So messaged him that I’m done. Then I found out there an 18 year old girl hanging out with him. His friend told me there nothing between them. I also found out he got a puppy for her( we have one together). I messaged the girl that I have a puppy and I guess it’s his move for every relationship. It’s been 13 days I’m on NC. Do you think it will help me get him back? What are my chances? He never told me we’re done
    Thank you

    1. Meriiiiii

      September 20, 2016 at 5:41 pm

      He has his car back, but puppy is still with her.. his friend told me she’s just helping him run business and that there is nothing going on between them

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 22, 2016 at 4:45 pm

      Ok, let’s say there is nothing going on with them. Now, you have to extend no contact because you need to improve yourself. What matters more now is that you heal and improve yourself. Nc wouldn’t have that much effect if you don’t improve yourself. Do new things and make new friends and be active in social media.

    3. Meriiiiii

      September 20, 2016 at 5:40 pm

      He has his car back, but puppy is still with her

    4. Meriiiiii

      September 20, 2016 at 5:38 pm

      We both are 25 and very mature. I havent really improved 🙁 I’m on NC for 2 weeks now.. and still no news from him. And also I noticed today that he blocked me on instagram from his business profile but not his private … You think I don’t any chance getting back with him?

    5. Meriiiiii

      September 18, 2016 at 4:12 am

      I asked about the girl he said she’s no one, just a car girl.(He owns a huge car business) I don’t see them spending a lot of time together like he used to spend with me but she has his car..

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2016 at 1:06 pm

      Hi Merii,

      I dont think he’s telling the truth..he gave her a puppy and a car… how old are you both? and how much have you improved?

  9. K

    September 18, 2016 at 12:25 am

    Hi,

    My ex was a guy I met through work and we became really close friends. When we first met I was involved with another guy which we both knew through work but it ended. My ex and I actually grew closer from hanging out as friends and his previous relationship ended at a similar time. We spent months of time together hanging out one on one as friends that after awhile I started realizing how a great guy was right in front of me. I dropped a couple hints asking if he still spoke to his ex and he picked up on them and somehow we scheduled a first date. Before our first real date he met me for lunch and then we went on our real date soon after. We knew eachother as friends so we immediately were inseparable and went on vacation together and started spending time together all the time. We got along great and were really comfortable with eachother quickly. The great parts is we did normal life things together whether it was cooking, cleaning, errands. Nothing had to be a date to me. I saw him as someone I could really spend my life with. We had great physical chemistry and I never felt bored of the relationship. He would always do little things to make me know he cared sometimes more actions than words. He was a lot more introverted than I am. I liked that about him tho. During the relationship I was very stressed out at work. I had always been a workhorse and someone who never wanted to fail. I often would leave work late or just not manage my time well because I had some people working for me that were not doing a good job. This really bothered my ex but he brought it up to me in as I was irresponsible. He would drop comments that I never prioritized things that were important to my personal life and work consumed me. At the time I didn’t really understand this was bothering him so much because he never explained it just dropped comments here and there. We got along really well but had a 3 total big blowup fights during 8 months of dating. One about a third in, another maybe halfway in, and one at the end that caused us to break up. This fight seemed to reoccur around me wanting him to open up to me but not to talk to me in a way that made me feel disrespected by calling me irresponsible. He viewed that the message was right even tho delivery was bad. The first time it just got buried and we let it go. The second time the fight happened I got pregnant. It was completely unplanned and we had only been dating 5 months. I was so nervous to tell him because he sometimes dropped these irresponsible comments and I felt at times our communication wasn’t strong yet. When I told him he barely had anything to say and then avoided me. I decided a few days later not to keep it and went to the doctor right away. He called me the day of the appt and freaked out. He said I wasn’t ready and I was irresponsible and it was the only reason I wasn’t keeping it. But to me the real reason was the way he reacted and where I felt the relationship was. When we tried to talk about it after it was the second fight and we blew up til I cried. I almost walked out of his apt but he pulled me back in and again we let it go unresolved. After that happened I felt this overwhelming fear of resentment. He expressed how much he wanted kids and was so angry I made that decision. He couldn’t really see how a lot of times I felt unsupported and disrespected by being called irresponsible. I live in my own apt, pay my own bills, and am extremely independent. I felt it was hurtful for the person I care the most about to label me because I manage my work life balance differently. The last fight we had I had a lot of trips for weddings scheduled and when I returnees I felt distance. Our relationship really hit a stride until I got pregnant and after I felt unsure. We got in the same fight except this time I demanded us to come up with ways we could comm better. He was offended and basically gave up. I spent almost a month blowing up his email, txt, phone. He ignored and refused to meet me but would go back and forth mostly thru txt or email only. Then the guy I previously dated before my ex that we both knew from work passed away in a car crash. He called me to see if I was ok but I was so hurt he had blocked me out for so long and now called because of a sad situation. We barely spoke except he tried to let me know the funeral arrangements that I couldn’t bring myself to go to. About a wk or so later only a little over a month we had a work trip out of state at our corporate office. While there we go out at night and saw eachother the first night. He sent me a txt asking for us to say hi to eachother but I didn’t respond Bc I found it fake to just do in front of our peers. As the wk went on I saw him one night leave with another girl we worked with. By the end of the week I had heard the rumors they started sleeping together. As we returned home I asked for the rest of my belongings from his apt and we exchanged one of our last big blow up fights they txt after he dropped the stuff. We argued so much Bc I tried so hard to get him to work things out we don’t have connections on social media. But he started dating the girl from work. She lives states away even tho he lives ten minutes from me. They have traveled to see each other and she obnoxiously posts anything and everything online. He also sends her flowers frequently which I guess her previous ex also did and she likes. We actually work together in the same area so I’m forced often to communicate things to him or see him regularly. I still care about him so much and am so hurt he gave up. Everyone feels he is rebounding but I feel I hurt him so much with my decision he wants to do anything to keep me out of mind. I loved who we were when we were great and all I ever wanted was for him to understand he needed to approach me with concerns in a more supportive way. I don’t want to interfere in his relationship now and I blocked his new gf on all social media to help me not see things that could upset me. It’s been 3 months now of him dating her and we all head to corporate again in a couple weeks. What do you think is best to do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2016 at 11:01 am

      Hi K,

      I think he was really hurt when you didn’t continue the baby and he can’t get past it. If I am right, that means it wouldn’t take just a 45 days of nc.. Although I still think you should do it for you to heal. To have a restart, you really have to change and time has to pass.. She may be a rebound but if it goes longer, the relationship can go deeper too. THe best you can do is improve yourself, and then maybe after 3-6 months, start over as friends again.

  10. rose

    September 16, 2016 at 9:45 pm

    well it got better in the since that we didnt fight that mutch however their was still arguments here and their and i guess i didnt apreciate him as mutch as i should have, i nagged him alot and picked at every little thing he did rong

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 19, 2016 at 6:33 am

      ok.. then that means, you have to avoid that after no contact.. improve yourself during and after no contact too.

  11. Natalie

    September 16, 2016 at 8:26 am

    Hi

    I posed here yesterday but the post is not here now. I really need advice.

    My ex and I dated for about two months. We both got very serious quickly. He would call me all day, and we would go out on dates on weekends. He told me a few times that he really likes me a lot, is falling very badly with each passing day and cannot do without me.

    Then in the last twenty days, things have started getting sour. We started arguing on small things. Maybe I started expecting from him but he couldn’t fulfill my expectations and that’s why the fights. So in one of the arguments he got irritated and told me that he needs to figure this out because he doesn’t think he will be able to keep me happy. I told him that all couples fight and we will get over this phase.

    A week after, we were fighting on some issue and he again told me that he will never be able to keep me happy. He doesn’t have it in him. He has never done anything for his past girlfriends. He also said that what I expect out of him is very normal and any girl would expect the same, but he can still not do it. He has never been this serious in a relationship before and he cant deal with it. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I told him lets take things slow but he didn’t agree and broke up with me.

    Two days after that he sent me a text saying that I am the best girl he has ever met, he likes me a lot but liking is not everything to sustain a relationship. That day, I really begged him to take me back, told him that we will figure it all out, asked him to meet me once but neither did he take me back nor did he meet me.

    The next day, I started the No Contact. 5 days into the no contact he called me twice but I didn’t answer. When I didn’t answer, he sent me a text after a few hours saying that he was working out, phone was in his pocket and dialed my number by mistake. I didn’t reply. Today is the 6th day of No contact.

    Do you see any hope here? I really want him back because the chemistry in initial few weeks was amazing. I know it for a fact that he really liked me and I was also falling for him. Will the No contact help? What should I do?

    1. Natalie

      December 16, 2016 at 5:49 am

      HI Amor,

      Ya I kinda understand that. I know maybe he just misses me. But we hardly dated for 2 months and broke up 4 months ago. And since then he has just been lingering. He himself says that he is unstable!

      Anyway I have decided to put an end to this. I dont want to continue with this drama in the new year. So I texted him all my feelings and told him I am stepping away now, in one long message. Before he could reply to the text, I blocked his calls, texts, whatsapp, snapchat etc. Maybe we werent meant to be. I am feeling very much at peace now because I finally vented it out.

      I want to thank you for guiding me all these months. 🙂

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 18, 2016 at 5:17 pm

      I agree.. You’re welcome!

    3. Natalie

      December 15, 2016 at 10:29 am

      Hi Amor,

      Thank you for the response. So I was following your advice. And I decided to move on with my life.

      In the last one month, he comes to me every few days, talks to me for 2-3 days tells me how much he is into me and then says we should take a break as he needs to clear out his mind. This has happened atleast 2-3 times in the last one month. So I always agree to taking a break and he comes running back to me. He is really indecisive.

      Last night he told me that he cannot trust me and my intentions. Thinks that I am with him only because I want to settle down. A week back he said that we are mentally incompatible. And before that he said that he doesnt think that we are meant to be.

      If this guy doesnt want me in his life then why does he keep coming back to me every few days. I have told him multiple times to stop calling and move on. When I dont answer his calls he goes hyper. And when I do, he tells me he cannot be with me. Now last night, I took a stand and I will never speak to him again and planning on going completely cold turkey on him. He has really drained me emotionally. Please tell me what to do with him. I wish I wasnt in love.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2016 at 12:23 pm

      Because it’s normal that he would miss you.. That’s human nature but it doesn’t mean his reasons for breaking up with you is gone and that he wants to get back..

    5. Natalie

      November 17, 2016 at 11:07 am

      HI Amor,

      Yes you were absolutely right. This is exactly what he told me. He feels it from his heart 100% but his mind is stopping him from being with me because he thinks we wont last forever. He is saying he wants a few days to think a bout it. He is also saying that I should relax and he will himself come back to me if he wants this. Also saying sorry for this behavior.

      What should I do now? He calls me when he wants to and then disappears. Should I talk to him or should I do no contact again? I am feeling helpless. Dont know how to fix his mind

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2016 at 1:28 pm

      You cant control him.. You can only control yourself. So, instead of waiting, pull away, go back to your new life, go out with friends again. Show him you have your own life

    7. Natalie

      November 7, 2016 at 8:17 am

      Hi Amor,

      So in the conversation when he said that he regrets the break up and it was the worse decision ever, I just listened to him patiently and then we hung up as he was headed somewhere. He said he will call me back later but he didn’t.

      So the next day I sent him a friendly text and since then we have been texting and talking on the phone – friendly conversations with a little bit of flirting. Two days back we started talking about the break up. He then told me the reasons for break up – he didn’t feel appreciated, felt like he is not good enough for me and that he will never be able to make me happy. I apologized for making him feel that way as I never intended to.

      So I have been home alone last one week, he has been calling every day to check on me and also made plans with me that he will come over and give me company, we will watch a movie but he didn’t come. I feel I am still not the priority. But yesterday in conversation he said that his feelings for me are getting deeper and stronger with each passing day. I don’t feel his actions are backing his statements. I am losing my patience, what is the meaning of having strong feelings for me when you don’t want to patch up. This is confusing.

      Waiting for the next steps.

      Thank You

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 7, 2016 at 9:04 pm

      it can be that he is telling the truth but he still feels that when he goes back to you, the relationship will go back to the way it was before when you broke up

    9. Natalie

      November 3, 2016 at 4:10 am

      Hi Amor,

      Thanks for the advice. So my ex called me again after 1 week and said that he really misses my presence in his life and it was the worst mistake of his life to break up with me. Also said that he is mad about me and is regretting his decision to break up with me and will not force me into this.

      But the point is that he didn’t say – “lets get back together”. I am confused, should I read between the lines and assume that he wants to get back together.

      Your insight has been very helpful. Thank you so much. Can you please suggest the next steps. I want him to be aggressive about getting me back, but he is very calm. I don’t know if I should give in so easily and have the talk with him or wait for a while, maybe he brings it up.

    10. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 5, 2016 at 12:36 am

      you didnt ask him what he meant? how did the call end?

    11. Natalie

      October 26, 2016 at 5:40 am

      Hi Amor,

      I want to thank you. I followed the no contact for 30 days, my Ex did not call or text in the 30 days and on Day 30th at a common friend’s party I met my ex. I caught him multiple times staring at him. I have recovered from the break up so I was happy, laughing, cracking jokes and wasn’t emotional at all. Later, when I was driving back home, my ex followed my car till my house. After reaching home when I said thanks and bye to him, he pulled my hand and asked me to stay/spend sometime with him. But I told him I have an early morning so maybe some other time.

      A couple of days after, he showed up at another party and again I caught him multiple times staring at me. My friends introduced me to another guy that night and my ex couldn’t stand that. He left the party early.

      The next morning he initiated a conversation by saying that it is awesome to be single etc etc. I could sense the sarcasm in his tone. That night he called me and said that it is really sad that we didn’t work out. He always thought that we will get back together and that he gets weak in the knees every time he sees me. I told him that there is no point talking about this now. The reason for break up were fights and arguments on small things. But I feel it was just a bad phase. Instead of sticking with me and sorting things out, he decided to break up. I feel if he could break up with me once then he can break up with me again.

      The thing is that I feel that he is there, he wants things to work out now. Maybe he is looking for a lead from me. But I don’t want to be easy to get. I want him to chase me and realize my importance. He hasn’t called or texted after the last conversation which was 3 days back. I want him to actually realize my worth and come back to me. I love him but I love me more.

      Please advise on the next steps. Thank you in advance.

    12. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 28, 2016 at 10:47 am

      if you ever bump into each other again.. be more engaging, be more friendly.. that way, he can get a hint that it’s ok to initiate contact and talk to you..

    13. Natalie

      October 3, 2016 at 2:35 pm

      Hi Amor, Thank you for the response.
      As mentioned earlier I got vulnerable and broke the No contact rule the first time because my ex started putting allegations that I have moved on already and he is still into me. When I answered his call after repeated texts, I ended up giving in and asked him why cant we be together if he is still really into me as he claims. To which he replied saying that our bond is very weak and it can break anytime.

      I started the no contact again and now I am on day 15. When I started it again, my ex sent me texts like – so you are going to be rude and not reply to me etc for 2 days. After that he hasn’t texted me. There has been no contact from his side after the initial 1-2 days.

      We dated for about 8 weeks and got very serious very quickly. Even spoke about getting married. And suddenly the break up happened. The reason given was compatability but at the same time he kept repeating in every conversation, every text that I am the best girl he has ever met, I am too good for him, he is really into me etc. I know actions speak louder than words. But now I am wondering, since he has not contacted me in the last 15 days, has he moved on? Have I gone out of sight – out of mind. I am following the site completely and havent spoken to the mutual friend about him at all. So dont know whats happening at his end. Since I broke the no contact the first time, is he taking this lightly? Do you think this will work?

      Thanks. Awaiting your response.

    14. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 5, 2016 at 10:25 pm

      There’s no guarantee that it will work but if it’s really out of sight, out of mind, then he’s really not serious with you.. but more probably he just respected your space.. what’s more important is that you improve yourself..And keep in mind, he told you he still has feelings for you and then he just let you down again.. shouldnt he be the one more worried that you would be turned off by his hot and cold treatment?

    15. Natalie

      September 21, 2016 at 10:36 am

      Hi Amor,

      Thanks for the response.

      On day 7 of no contact, I went to the movies with our mutual friend. My ex boyfriend landed up at the movies with the mutual friend. So when I saw him i was surprised. I acted cold with him though I was laughing and happy with the mutual friend. After the movie he pulled my hand towards him, maybe hinting at spending time with him. But I didnt entertain him and went back home. When I got home he started calling and texting me, saying that I have moved on and I was very cold with him. He also said that he is really into me and has not been able to move on. This melted my heart and i answered his call as he was calling me repeatedly. We spoke for a while and he kept saying that he likes me a lot and was acting very jealous of the fact that I probably have someone else in my life.

      The next day I got weak and messaged him that lets talk this out and understand each other. Maybe we will be able to figure out a solution if we are mature about this. To which he replied saying that the bond between us is very weak and it can break anytime. He also said that – I am too good for him, he is in love with everything about me and I am the most awesome girl he has ever met. But he didn’t say that he wants to reconcile. I got weak and ended up breaking the no contact because I thought he wants to get back together. He was trying to manipulate my mind.

      But now i have gone back to the 21 days No contact as suggested by you. And he has been texting and trying to talk to me for the last 2 days. Today is the 3rd day of the no contact. I am just ignoring his messages. The issue is that I dont understand him, he is jealous, he says he is really into me, thinks I am the best girl he has ever met, really likes me a lot but still doesnt want to make things work. You think there is any other reason to break up with me which he cannot tell me?

      He is a very family oriented guy. He told me when we started dating that if his mother doesn’t approve of me he will have to break up. But when I asked him earlier if he is breaking up because of his mother he said no, its because of compatibility issues. I am really confused. I am not getting a closure. I dont know what to do? Please help.

    16. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 23, 2016 at 8:20 am

      let’s say his mother is really not the reason, and it’s really compatibility issues. That means he missed you when he saw you, he saw that you improved but he still confirmed you’re still the old you when you responded to his calls and messages.. So, he remembered the old problems and he doesn’t want to continue that.

    17. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 18, 2016 at 12:33 pm

      Hi Natalie,

      Although we can’t guarantee that it will work, I think it can still help increase your chances. DO 21 days, and use to improve yourself and then after that, slowly rebuild rapport with him again.

  12. Natalie

    September 15, 2016 at 6:14 am

    Hi Chris

    I was trying to figure out how to get my ex boyfriend back and landed up on this page. I have gone through the page and need a little advice.

    My ex and I dated for about 2 months. In these two months, we had a great chemistry, we used to talk all day long and go on dates on weekends. A few times in the two months, he told me that he is very attracted to me, he is falling head over heels for me, he has never met anyone like me before and wants to marry me eventually.

    But about twenty days back things started getting sour, as we had a few arguments. He told me a couple of times that he needs to rethink about us as maybe we are not compatible. But to that I said that every couple fights and argues and we should work on the issues.

    Two weeks back after an argument he said that he cannot keep me happy, cannot fulfill my expectations. He also agreed that what I am expecting is very normal and every girl would expect that from her partner, but he is not able to do it. He said that he is trying but he will never be able to make me happy, to which I told him we can take things slow. But I think he had made up his mind and said lets give this a break as he needs time to think about this.

    After this I was very hurt and heart broken and I told him never to contact me again. He didn’t contact me for 2 days but then sent me a text saying that I am a diamond, a beautiful person, the best girl he has ever met and I should never change for anyone. This text melted my heart and we started talking again. He was again talking to me very nicely and I started feeling that he still likes me a lot and that things between us are getting better.

    After 3-4 days I asked him to meet me but he said he doesn’t want to meet me as he doesn’t want this relationship and is not into me anymore. He also said that he still likes me a lot but liking is not everything!! That day I really tried to convince him, acted very needy and almost begged him to meet me at-least once before breaking up. But he didn’t meet me.

    That’s when I decided I should give this a break and haven’t called or texted him in the last 5 days. Even he hasn’t bothered to get in touch with me. But after 2 days of not talking, he put up a picture of him having fun with his friends on social media. In the pic, he is standing next to a girl who is in love with him. He always told me that he doesn’t like her at all and finds her repulsive. Then why will he put up a picture like that just 2 days after we stopped talking.

    Please tell me what can be the real reason for the break up? I haven’t got a closure. I do want to get back to my ex as I feel that we had a great chemistry and we genuinely liked each other a lot. Do you think there is hope? Should I continue with no-contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 18, 2016 at 12:33 pm

      Hi Natalie,

      Although we can’t guarantee that it will work, I think it can still help increase your chances. DO 21 days, and use to improve yourself and then after that, slowly rebuild rapport with him again.

  13. Amber

    September 15, 2016 at 1:44 am

    Hello
    My name for the purpose of this comment is Amber. My ex and I were together for 3+ years. He broke up with me about two months after our 3 year anniversary which was also the same day as my birthday. For a while he had been acting strangely and when I asked, he wouldn’t tell me. However I knew there was something important he wasn’t saying. The circumstances of the break up were surprising to everyone, not only for me but also to our friends, my family and his family, who all like me btw. But he broke up with me and according to friends was already hanging out with another girl. (Setting up his rebound) He started to date her a few days later. But I also learned that even before all of this, he had cheated on me with a friend of his. I think this was the imporant thing he could never tell me (feeling guilty?)Apparently he was going to leave me for her but she said no. So it seems like he kept me only until he could replace me. I’ve had enough time to adjust, heal, and think logically. And I realize no boy is worth that kind of trouble. However, he was my best friend for all those years and I would like to restart a friendship. Any advice on how to do that?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 18, 2016 at 11:19 am

      HI Amber,

      just being friends? I think it was a grass is greener case.. When did you break up and when did you last talk?

  14. rose

    September 13, 2016 at 11:43 pm

    hello Amor, i was hoping i could get your advise. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost two years. we were highschool sweethearts and just started our furst year of colledge. our relationship was very intense, we were cery close and i loved his family and they loved me, during our relationship he would worship the ground i walked on, always told me how beautiful i was and we always talked about our future, marriage and kids. he was very effectiinate and loving however i was very demanding and bossy, we bumped heads alot causing many arguments and also causing he too brake up with me twice before. the last two times that we broke up it was because of a fight. he would brake up with me and then a month later say that he was sorry and that he was just angry, however we got back together and although we still argued a bit, our relationship only got better with time, recently though he expressed to me that he was loosing feelings for me and was not sure if he loved me, he thought about it for days untill he finally told me that he cannot continue a relationship with me because he doesnt feel the same twardth me. i ofcourse cried and asked him questions to understand what he was feeling however i acted supportive and proceeded to tell him that i really loved him and aprecuated him, we hugged and he said he was really going to miss me. after i left his house he texted me that he was going to miss our friendship and i didnt answer, that was the last time we spoke. the brake up happened today and i am planing on duing the no contact rule however i want to know what u think i should do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 16, 2016 at 7:10 pm

      Hi Rose,

      you said the relationship got better with time, which is good but how much did you improve since your first and second break up? Did it get bwtter because there was less fights but, other than that was the relationship a routine? Did it get boring?

  15. Paris

    September 13, 2016 at 9:11 pm

    Dear Exboyfriend Recovery team,

    I have sent an email today but got very anxious to get a response and advice to my situation so i decided to post my mail here. Hoping to and praying that this message will get your attention. I am really desperate for your help and advice.

    My ex-boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We are both 27 year old.

    We had a long distance relationship that lasted 8 months. The long distance relationship has never been an issue to us as we had the mean to travel to see each other every 15 days. At first everything was perfect but a lot of things happened since the 3rd month, a lot of problems came in my life that somehow made my attitude changed. I became needy, jealous, always asking for attentions.. I became someone I was not, I lost my confidence and it made me doubt on him all the time that causes us a lot of fights. The ending point came when he lost his father, his life became more complicated and I was there for him. I became very present and understanding but then few months after we started having fights again and again and he got tired and decided to stop the relationship.

    As like those who got dumped, I begged and pleaded him to give me another chance as I believe that it was my entire fault and I knew I just needed to change myself. One week after the begging and pleading, we both decided that I will come over to join him in hope that we can still try to fix our relationship. I flew over to join him and stayed a week with him trying to work on our relationship but nothing… He said that he just doesn’t feel anything and he even feel more pressured when I am around as he felt like he being a hostage even though I tried to stay cool and made so many efforts to prove him that our relationship is worth giving another shot. Despite all my efforts, I had no choice but to accept his decision to end the relationship.

    I know that part of the main reasons of our break up is me being a b*ll-breaker during our relationship and also because he has a lot of problems to deal with (family issues, dealing with all his inheritance from his father, family business, his own business). And I believe him because even her mother talks to me about all his problems.

    Even if it was not easy for me to accept this decision, I still tried to give him the space that he was asking for. I left him and came back home with the hope that once I gave him enough space to deal with his problems and at the same time, me putting myself back together and deal with my own personal issues, we will find each other back and try to work on our relationship. For two days and I stopped talking to him but for some reason I started installing Happn and Tinder on my phone (that’s where we met) to check if he will be there. I know, I’m very stubborn and sneaky. I didn’t browse to check out some men, I was literally checking if his profile will be connected and to my surprise on a Friday his profile got disappeared and from there, I know that he blocked me and he installed it. I freaked out and gone crazy, I contacted him and accusing him being on Happn and Tinder just few days after we broke up. I got really mad at him and we got into a huge fight. He told me that he was there to check up on me but saw that he had uploaded new photos. He then deleted the apps after fighting over it (although I’m not really sure if he deleted it). So this made me broke the NC rule… We still had several fights after the dating apps incident.

    But then last night, we spoke on the phone and for the first time in a long time, we were both able to communicate in a civil way without getting into fights. The conversation was neutral; he just wanted to have a clean break up with me and be in a good term and told him I also want the same. He told me that with all his problems, he’s becoming emotional unstable and he cannot deal with all of his problems anymore. I didn’t talk about getting back together but deep inside me I really wanted to try but was able to control myself and stayed calm. He told me that he is convinced that we are not getting back together anymore and that he only wants the best for me. That for now, he wishes to have space and deal with all his problems and at the same time knowing that I am ok. I said I accepted it and we ended the conversation. But the same night around 2am, I saw him connected on Facebook (it is very rare that he stays really late so I know there was something wrong and came to talk to him), to my surprise he answered and told me he cannot sleep cause he has been thinking about his life too much, how sad he is because he feels like nothing is going right. I tried to cheer him up and gave him advices. He got tired of writing and called me… He broke down into tears and it was the first time I saw and felt that he is really going through a real hard time. He is really weak right now and when I was talking to him, I was certain that I cannot leave him like this. I felt like it is wrong to give up on him now especially he is emotionally unstable.

    At the same time, I was thinking that maybe being present for him and giving him more understanding and support during these hard times might lead him to see my worth and value?

    Is it selfish of me to take advantage of his current situation?

    If not, what can I do during this time to make him think that our relationship is worth another shot?

    I really love this man and he is all for me. I made mistakes and I recognized it. All I want is to have him back and prove him that I will never make the same mistakes and will do everything to make our relationship work. I really want to be here for him because I truly care about him.

    Thank you for your time and advice.

    Paris

    1. Paris

      September 17, 2016 at 12:08 am

      Hi Amor,

      Thank you very much for your response.

      I see your point and i couldn’t agree more about what you said. I’ve read all the articles related to my situation and I would really want to apply them because I really love my ex-boyfriend and I am willing to do everything and anything to get him back. And i know i should start by the NC but with his current situation, I’m afraid that he will think that i totally stopped caring about him and that I have moved on so quickly. Will it lessen my chance?

      UPDATE: My ex and i are still talking everyday since my last post and I am the one who’s always intiating the conversation. I know i should stop doing it because it only pisses him off and he only says mean things to me but I can’t control myself, I feel so anxious not knowing what he is doing. Specially right now, he’s been going out a lot with his friends (who are also singles) since we broke up. He told me that he really doesn’t have the time and envy to pick up or meet girls because he has alot of things going on with his life and most of it are dealing with his problems and made him feel less confident about himself neither to approach or to entertain any girls. We also made a promise that we will both respect each other that we will not go on a date rightaway after our breakup. I know he is a man with words and he never promise something that he would not fullfil.

      I got used to him being around all the time and now i feel really bad about this breakup and all these changes on how he treats me. I know that one of the main reasons why we broke up is because of me and my behavior and I only have regrets and the willingness to improve myself to become a better person. But i do not know where to start? I do not want to give up on him but I feel like my situation is hopeless. Do i still have a chance or should I just give up? I really love him so much and I really want him back 🙁

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 19, 2016 at 8:30 am

      I think you just don’t want to stop talking to him.. because he knows you still love him and you want him, but he’s not doing anything right? Worse is, he even gets pissed when you keep trying to talk to him.. So, that means if you keep doing the same thing it probably won’t have a different outcome.. and besides, it’s killing the attraction.. you’re basically chasing him

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 16, 2016 at 6:36 pm

      Hi Paris,

      he is going through a lot but the question is, would you still be there even if he says, he’s thankful for you being there but that doesnt mean he’s going back with you or would you like it if he gets back with you because he needs a shoulder to cry on and not really because he loves you?

      I’m not saying you shouldn’t be a friend when he needs one, but can you set aside your feelings and just be a friend?

      because for me, it’s normal that you miss him, it’s normal that using his weakness to get him back will cross your mind, but I dont think you’re that weak to take advantage of the situation because you’re thinking it yourself that it’s selfish.. You know that he made a decision and he just needs a friend right now..

      Although it is a good time to influence the way he thinks about you, but keep in mind, it would be better if you know that he wanted to get back with you because he realized he loves you, not just because he needs someone to talk to

  16. Chris

    September 13, 2016 at 4:28 pm

    It was just after I had celebrated the anniversary of my older brothers death and then returned from a trip where I had just finished burying my Uncle, whom I was very close to. I had gone down to visit him and was looking forward to his company but, little did I know that he was going to give me the news that we were breaking up. I was a wreck when he gave me the news and I acted out of character. Tears began to rush down my face as I just couldn’t deal with the pain after the week I had just experienced.
    It started off with him coming to my rescue as a true friend does. I was a patient at the VA in Blackhills, SD. When they kicked me out of there program they told me that I had to hours to pack my bags andget off the property or I would be escorted off. This was the middle of Febuary and I was stuck on the streets with my Service Dog. I had no money and no place to go. The weather was -20 with windchill, I was 800+ mioles from home and my dog, shivering out of control, never left my side. Whjen my friend heard the news he immidiately booked me a room in a nearby motel until I could figure things out.
    He dropped out of UC Berkeley to move to Colorado and take care of me. He dropped $16,000 on me making sure I had food, clothing, and a roof over my head. Even when we ran out of money and the well of options was beginning to run dry he got a job at a local grocery store just to make sure we could afford to live in a hotel room for a month. No matter how bad it was he never left my side. I felt safe and hopeful with him there, and didn’t want the feeling to leave.
    It started off with him being extremeley attracted to me and talking about one day getting married. As I was straight I didn’t feel attracted to him. But, after all he had done I told him I would do it, though, I didn’t gfeel it was fair to him and told him he could find someone so much better than myself. He insisted that he couldn’t, but was incredibly respectful and never pushed his motives on me.
    I finally received a lump sum in back pay for my VA benefits and was able to afford a nice 2 BD apartment with him as my roommate. This is where I began to realize my attraction towards him. He didn’t start out as my boyfriend, in fact at the time I had never messed around with a guy until then. I had been engaged before to a girl who I’d dated for 3 years until I found out that she had been cheating on me. That said I had no interest in relationships anymore. However, being a vet who suffers from severe anxiety and depression, and constant nightmares associated with PTS, he was always there for me. While we were roommates he would hear my cries at night he would rush from his room to wake me up and ensure that I was safe. I would go back to sleep and he wouldn’t leave my side until the sun came up. With my consent he offered to sleep in the same bed with me to help quell the nightmares, and I couldn’t believe how well this worked, and I didn’t want it to stop.
    He would always give me these random hugs and tell me he loved me. I would reply, “I love you too, Man.” But, I would explain that I loved him as a friend. What he didn’t know was how much those hugs meant to me. I realized that I was slowly falling for him. I had found someone who was there for me in the worst of times regardless of the consequences. I started to care less about sexuality and more about what I could do to make him happy.
    He joined the navy about 6 months ago and is in school training for his job. I know he did this to follow in my footsteps, as I am a 15 year special forces vet, who employed every effort to discourage him from service. I didn’t want him to experience the atrocities I had. But, he joined regardless making it clear that it was a paycheck and ensured our survival, and with my blessing he left for boot camp. I wrote him everyday, and sometimes twice a day., In the letters I explained how much I loved him and how much he meant to me. That I couldn’t wait to marry him and spend the rest of my days with him. In his letters back he would respond in kind. But, after he graduated boot camp and began his schooling is where things started to go downhill.
    It seemed as if he began to distance himself more and more. Until 5 months into his schooling he broke it off. I know I had a hand in this too, and wish I could have controlled myself more, because he told me I was smothering him. I was too involved with him being in the Navy, as it is something I know well and felt I could push in the right direction and help him advance his career. I’ve backed off and know I need to change and where if I am ever to have a shot at getting him back.
    Please help me here. I have used up all I have to move here for him and advance my education. But, I had to deal with so much in only the past few years that I had reached the end of my rope. It wasn’t until he came that things were possible again and life was worth living. It’s a feeling I need, and I need him in my life. I immediately began to take steps in order to make those changes. But, it can be hard to think clearly in this state of mind and need all the help I can get from the experts.
    Please help me.

    Very Respectfully,
    Chris

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 14, 2016 at 6:20 pm

      Hi Chris,

      So, just to clear any other challenges out, you can support yourself financially now right?

      I’m not sure if I get it right, do you now live with each other?

  17. Desperado

    September 12, 2016 at 8:30 pm

    Hi, I am really desperate at this point in my life and I don’t know what to do and I have spent all day googling everything from how to get over an ex to who is the best therapist in town to how to get him back.
    I don’t want to list my whole story here but basically I was with this man (aged 40) for the past 4 1/2 years. I am 27. He was my BEST friend for approximately 4 years prior to us dating. My 6 year old son, while not his, calls him Daddy. Basically, we were discussing marriage (we lived together as well) and then he was lied to and told that I was witnessed acting inappropriately with numerous other men. He immediately kicked me and my son out and dumped me. That was last Fall. We decided we would attempt to make amends and work on our relationship and have done so all year. Sort of. I tried. He didn’t. I always was the one initiating everything from dates to get togethers with our kids (he has a few from his previous marriage). He often resorted to yelling at me and changing the subject whenever I tried to talk to him then the whole incident would be brought back up again and he’d yell at me how I did it and I’d yell at him how I didn’t. Then he’d usually come to me and say he was glad we talked, how he wished we wouldn’t fight and how we needed to discuss things before we were blwoing up at each other. He’d tell me thiongs like he hoped I wouldn’t get tired of him and how he was “sorry he was old, sorry he couldn’t buy me a bigger house, sorry he couldn’t buy me more stuff.” We recently got in a fight where he came over to “make my day better” but started yelling at me once he got to my house. He claimed I started the fight but I hadn’t even said anything. He said “This is what I get for coming over here to make your day better.” It had nothing to do with that. Everything to do with the fact that he started yelling at me the moment I opened the door. I took some space to myself, visited family, didn’t talk to him. Realized a lot of things I needed to change in myself, realized I didn’t really want to give up on him, and wrote a long letter to him saying how I felt, apologizing for what I did wrong, let him know a few things I needed from him, and asked for him to meet up with me for a heart to heart and for a chance to grasp each others hands and work through our issues with each others support. He was cheated on and treated like dirt by his ex. She really did him wrong. I have always tried to show him I am different. But he thinks I wronged him and I honestly didn’t. Last week, I called him after several weeks of not speaking because he had started txting me. I asked him how he was. And then I asked him if we were ok? I had wanted to give him my letter in person and discuss it over a nice dinner. So I began by telling him I took some space and realized that leaving his is not what I want and he replied with, ” I took some space too and I liked it.” Then he proceeded to say that a relationship with me isn’t what he wants, that he hasn’t wanted to be with me all year since he found out what I “did behind his back,” and that he just didn’t know how to break up with me all year. He told me he just “isn’t the relationship type because he gives up easy.” But not three weeks prior we’d had an AMAZING date night where he was going over every fond memory we had, was very loving and very intimate with me. I told him I needed more of those nights and he agreed. He spent the night and held me all night. then next morning he had kissed me on the forehead several times and then snuggled up to hold me until he had to leave for work. I stared at him and he asked if I was staring at him and I said yes. He asked me what I saw, I said the man I love. Now I am confused, hurt, angry, and falling apart. He had told me he would be devastated to lose me as a friend and that he wanted to come over and talk about it. then he had to txt me to say he wouldn’t make it ( I expected that because I was a mess on the phone with him) So I retorted with “I didn’t think you would” then told him I had nothing to say to him and that he needed to pick up his things. He then txt me the next day some random facts on something we both enjoy as a hobby, and I didn’t respond. Please help. Is there any hope for us? I am a wreck.. My son is a wreck.

    1. Desperado

      November 7, 2016 at 5:14 pm

      So. I waited a few days. Then txt him. He had apparently called and txt me but my phone didn’t get. Which isn’t unusual due to recent iphone updates. Anyways, he gave me a letter and it was long and apologetic and I text him and he was crying and begging for me back! Absolutely BEGGING. I told him we will take things at MY pace and we will talk. this is incredible!
      You guys rock!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 7, 2016 at 11:27 pm

      Awesome! I’m very happy for you! Congratulations!

    3. Desperado

      November 1, 2016 at 6:43 pm

      Question. I have been texting him back and forth nearly every day for nearly two weeks. I invited him and his kids to a Halloween party at the church I go to and he agreed. Which was HUGE. They showed up before me as I was kept at work, but he kept in contact with me and said no worries about me being a little late. I got there with my boy and he handed me my truck key (I forgot he had) and no house key (I am assuming he came by at some point and realized I changed the locks.) Handed my boy a bag of candy and they chatted and then my son was SO EXCITED and wanted to go inside and my ex said he was leaving. My son was heartbroken, and my ex told me he was already “talked to” that they were not dressed for the crowd (they were scary looking I guess). Idk if he was lying or not but, now I don’t know what to do. Do I txt him today? I txt him last night apologizing that they had to leave and said they looked great. No response. It wasn’t a disaster but I feel like I have to do damage control…

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 2, 2016 at 7:09 pm

      Relax…I think he just didn’t reply because he nothing to say.. just rest from texting for a few days.. maybe 3 -5 so you don’t look like you’re repeatedly apologizing

    5. Desperado

      October 17, 2016 at 7:05 pm

      Just an update. I txt him again. This time took more time to plan it out right. I got a very positive engaging response to which I responded equally positively, then after he txt me another positive engaging response I ended the conversation to meet friends for lunch. I did not txt him through lunch and he did not txt me. I am feeling great today!

    6. Desperado

      October 12, 2016 at 10:01 pm

      Ok So I finally text him, I used the subject of his last txt to me to (hopefully) start a brief convo. He didn’t txt me back. That was nearly a week ago. He still hasn’t txt me. Which is super confusing me because he was txting me and now that I txt him back he stops????? Is that normal? What do I do now? *side note, he STILL has the (old) keys to my house. And I still have things of his he has yet to do anything about. So I guess I need two answers or suggestions, what to do regarding him not txting me back and what to do about the fact that he still has not even bothered to come for his things or even ask for them.

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 13, 2016 at 12:32 pm

      wait for 3-5 days before sending a text again.. you can ask him anytime or tell him that if he’s wondering about his things, it’s still there and he can get it, just coordinate a date..

    8. Desperado

      October 6, 2016 at 2:35 pm

      How long is safe to extend it? I just don’t feel ready yet because I still feel the urge to cry and yell at him for everything he’s ever done. 🙁

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 9, 2016 at 12:29 pm

      it depends in you.. because if you’ re still like that after 45 days then it would go to waste once you start blaming him

    10. Desperado

      October 3, 2016 at 5:08 pm

      So, tomorrow is my final day of 30 days NC. He text me a couple days ago to tell me about a beer he had brewed and how it came out (we home brewed together ever since I bought him a brew kit for xmas a couple years ago. It was our thing we did together A LOT. We even have matching hats and t-shirts we always wore on “brew days.” I know, totally lame.) I thought about trying out a new brewery tonight or this weekend, (don’t know if he’s been there) and letting him know how it is for my first text. I am kind of apprehensive about texting him honestly. Since starting NC, I have increased the intensity of my post surgery rehab for a military related injury, changed my wardrobe, haven’t changed my hair bc it is his favorite ever (though maybe I should?), picked up a new hobby, and started socializing with new people and old friends. I am very fit but am working on being even MORE fit. I started an Instagram to document it all and bring positive vibes to my followers. Oh and I bought myself a new piece of bling. Just because I could and I deserved it.

    11. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 5, 2016 at 10:46 pm

      if you’re not ready to text, it’s ok to extend nc

    12. Desperado

      September 29, 2016 at 9:39 pm

      I am into my last week of NC and he still is txting me. Do I respond or do I continue to ignore him? If I do respond, how? what do I say? Considering I am fast approaching the end of NC, do I just implement the next step as if he has not been txting me? I have read the ebook in its entirety. twice. What does it mean for me/us that he has consistently been contacting me? He still hasn’t picked up his things or returned my keys either. I don’t need my keys as the locks are now changed. But I am curious, maybe Chris can give some guy insight on this, why is he contacting me so much? Why doesn’t he seem worried about getting his things?

    13. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 1, 2016 at 1:11 pm

      That’s good thing because it might be his way of trying to talk to you because he misses you. It would be best to just let him be and if you can use the last topic in his last text as a first contact message, use it. Ok I’ll forward your story Chris, but there’s no guarantee that he can answer right away or answer at all.

    14. Desperado

      September 25, 2016 at 8:51 pm

      So now I just wait for the end of NC? This is killing me. I’ve spent more time at the gym and with my family and studying (in college) and still feel lost.

    15. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 26, 2016 at 9:53 am

    16. Desperado

      September 25, 2016 at 1:48 am

      I responded to his txt regarding picking up his things that it was ok for him to pick up his things but ignored the part of him expressing his desire to be friends. He hasn’t responded for several hours. What do I do? Just wait for him to come for them? Or txt him again to arrange for the pick up?

    17. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 25, 2016 at 11:33 am

      Let him be, if you keep asking on when he would pick his things, you would look like you’re using it to see him

    18. Desperado

      September 23, 2016 at 6:55 pm

      He keeps texting me. The content is usually the same. “I don’t want us to be enemies.” “I still want to be your friend.” “I’d be devastated to lose you’re friendship.” I never respond. Last night he txt me and said hey, haven’t heard from you in awhile. (We’re going into week three of no contact) he said he has my house keys and said I mentioned how we should get each other’s things but that he hadn’t heard from me. Also said he has the weekend off. Then ended the txt with “I still want to be your friend. I don’t want us to be enemies.” My questions are: one, we had taken three weeks of nc prior to him breaking up with me, bc I had decided to take some space. I did not in a million years think he’d decide to leave after that. We spoke once, where he broke up with me. And now we’re in week three of nc again. Did nc basically backfire on me and using it now won’t help anything? Maybe he took those first three weeks and really just decided he didn’t want me? Am I now wasting my time? Also, he has nothing of mine, but I have things of his. I don’t want to break nc, but I understand I need to get him his things back if he asks for them. I’ve also boxed up everything he’s ever given me, and intend to give that back to him as well. Is it ok to break nc to arrange the pickup of his things without having to start nc all over again? If so, how to I say that? How do I txt him or call him? I’m working on me, but I’m still in a lot of pain over everything and I feel like I’ll probably threaten to throw his things in the trash if he doesn’t pick them up soon. And that seems counterproductive at this point.

    19. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 24, 2016 at 3:48 pm

      It’s ok to talk to him about his things.. As long as it’s only about his things.. If he doesn’t want to pick them up, then leave at his doorstep.. Well, he’s being consistent on trying to friendzone, which in some way is good.
      Because that’s a chance to work from being friends. But of course you have to avoid being stuck in the friendzone

    20. Desperado

      September 20, 2016 at 4:35 pm

      That’s ok! I thought I had accidentally deleted it. I am 14 days into NC. I feel like I am dying. My son keeps asking about when he gets to see Dad. My ex actually left several of his things (tools and the like) at my house and instead of picking them up he bought new ones. He still has yet to make an attempt at returning my house keys (WTH?). He HAS stopped txting me like he was though.. and I am freaking out that maybe he will just move on. I am afraid of everything. Do I just keep not talking? What do I do about his things? My keys? Does he even care or hurt at all? It sure feels like he doesn’t! And that hurts worse!

    21. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 22, 2016 at 4:42 pm

      it’s ok to ask him for you keys and it’s ok for him to keep talking to your son. As long as you and him don’t talk about feelings and relationships and that you’re actively improving yourself. That’s the most important aspect of no contact. Ask yourself, if he moves on or not, if he sees you, would he regret leaving you?

    22. Desperado

      September 17, 2016 at 8:49 pm

      Hi. I had responded the other day but now it isn’t showing. Is there an email I can email you at to better communicate?

    23. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 18, 2016 at 1:58 pm

      Sorry! I just haven’t reached your comment yet. But yes, we do have an email it’s [email protected]
      I think you should restart no contact. That’s normal for him to want to be friends because he’s not expecting you to do the no contact.

    24. Desperado

      September 15, 2016 at 2:50 pm

      No I never did get the chance to speak to him. I tried on the phone when he was breaking up with me but everything I said he replied with “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. I am not the relationship type because I give up easily. I just didn’t know how to break up with you.” But we HAD broken up several times and we BOTH kept coming back to each other. I have been doing the no contact for 8 days now and the past week he has txted me more than he had in previous weeks. The last txt was asking me to join him on a project, and ended with “I don’t want to be your enemy, I want to be your friend.” He wants to meet up and talk about it, in hopes of coming to a mutual “compromise.” When I asked what compromise he said “friends. I want to be your friend. I would be devastated to lose your friendship.” When I told him he needed to pick up his belongings from my house he was upset, and when I demanded my house keys back he replied very soft and quiet “If that is what you want, then I will return them to you.” Why would he still want to keep my house keys if he only wants to be “friends?” I don’t want to be friends, I want my bf back! Who he was before he thought I betrayed him. Do I meet up with him how he wants? Or do I continue NC and see what happens then? Honestly I am too emotional to speak to him. I don’t want to look pathetic and beg for him back. I don’t want to guilt him into being with me. I want him to be with me because he loves me and wants to be with me.

    25. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 14, 2016 at 2:42 pm

      Hi Desperado..
      Yeah, did you ever even had a chance to have a heart to heart talk about everything? I mean just all calm and no yelling?

  18. Brinley

    September 11, 2016 at 12:46 pm

    So my ex boyfriend and I started talking again, very positive, we even flirted a bit, had sex related contents, talked about what we liked about each other, we even talked about meeting up. But we also had some quite heavy chats about the relationship, most of the time he was the person who brought it up (he broke up with me). I realise how painful the decision was for him and how I’ve hurt him during the relationship, however during this time or us being broken up, I have been actively trying to change my flaws because I realise I kept hurting people who cares about me, and he was one of them, but he’s very hurt and scared of getting hurt again so he doesn’t wanna get back together, but I have changed, how do I show him? How should I proceed?

    1. Brinley

      September 11, 2016 at 12:51 pm

      I did not ask him to get back together with me, I’ve been testing the waters but so far I am under a very strong impression that he is really hurt and scared. I want to show him I’ve changed before asking to get back with him, but I don’t know how to show him. However, he does know that I’m not over him, and the things we would say while not couple like, is also strangely intimate, we would text for 7hours straight without stopping. I feel there’s still a chance, but I don’t want to hurt him, so I am quite cautious.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 13, 2016 at 2:37 pm

      Hi Brinley,

      what were the characteristics that you wanted to show him?

  19. Francesca

    September 10, 2016 at 8:10 pm

    Welp I can’t find my original post, so I’m just gonna have a brief recap and update.

    As I’ve said last time, my bf broke due to his financial problems and the fact that he couldn’t come visit me and because I said horrible things to him.
    After sending him a gift and hearing from him, I texted him like the dumbass that I am multiple times.
    After the post I made here, saying how much I still wanted to support him because, again, I’m first his friend, he contacted me twice I think, just to check up on me.
    The first time I was a wreck and screwed it, hethrew at my face everything I’d aid despite him saying there was no grudge and asking if we could still be friends, because he cares. This happened on the 17th of July and we had broken up around a month before that.
    Second time was around late August, again he superficially asked me how I was just to proceed to talk about himself.
    I never minded that, the relationship was mostly like this because he’s very laid back, but I loved him for that and more.
    At the end of the brief conversation I asked him if he wanted to talk to me the week after that, he replied with a “I don’t kow” which also means “no” in his language.
    So I told about wanted to be supportive and all that crap and he proceeded to ignore me.
    I texted him twice or thrice to initiate a conversation, but again, didn’t reply.

    I’m honestly VERY angry at this point, I was very forgiving to this attitude of his, running away from things that even remotely hurt him and mostly because he wants to be friends only on his own terms.
    I would NEVER act like this. I know it’s because he needs time to delete his feelings and start over or to just pretend well enough they’re not there but it’s unfair. Very unfair-I honestly don’t know what to do because I really need to see him and get this horrible feelings off my chest and start over knowing that everything is good between us and with no regrets.

    What should I do at this point?
    Second time, I think

    1. Francesca

      September 19, 2016 at 12:55 pm

      That will probably require years, hopefully he’ll agree to meet halfway

    2. Francesca

      September 16, 2016 at 1:38 pm

      Financially, he lives in Spain and I can’t just go there. My parents are very strict although I’m not 16 or anything-I wanted him to come see me for the sake of our friendship and because we really care for each other…but I guess he’s moving on way faster than I am and has uni and work.
      So I either try a way to convince him or give up.
      Everytime we text it’s always about him and it’s starting to get on my nerves, because although I hurt him I still wanted to be with him.
      I know we won’t get back together unless actual years go by, but he’s still one of my dearest friends..knowing he doesn’t care for my feelings makes me extremeley sad.

      I really wanna know what the best option is right now-

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 18, 2016 at 5:50 pm

      You can’t control him and you can’t hand over to him the decision of doing something that you want. If you really want to see him, make a way.. Because if you keep waiting for him to do it, you’ll be more frustrated. I’m not saying everything will fall into place once you found a way to meet him, but if you really want to meet him, take responsibility for it.

    4. Francesca

      September 12, 2016 at 12:13 pm

      Nope, used the same mail. But thank you for replying still.

      As I probably said in the other post, I’ve known him for 3 years but we never got the chance to meet, so I thought that if I got this regret of not meeting him off my chest I’d be better, although I have to admit I wouldn’t be distant.
      I just really don’t know what to do at this point, I miss him dearly and it’s been nearly 3 months, we both didn’t want it but because I was acting like a child he thought it was better to break up-he wanted me to have someone close to me, but I feel like this is..incomplete. if I were independent enough I’d go there myself, but I’m not so I’m stuck in the middle..

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 13, 2016 at 8:32 pm

      Hi Francesca,

      Well, then go ahead and meet him. But what did you mean that you’re not independent enough? Financially or emotionally?

      If emotionally, then take your time before meeting up with him. That probably translates that you’re not healed yet from the realtionship.

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 12, 2016 at 10:18 am

      HI Francesca,

      I can’t find your previous posts too. Did you use a different email add? Would seeing him really give you a restart or it would just make you hope more?

  20. Jasmine

    September 10, 2016 at 4:06 pm

    Hi .. I was dating my boyfriend for a year and we were madly in love with each other. We were super close to each other for 2 years out of which we dated for a year. We were in different cities and very soon I’m shifting to his city.
    We broke up cuz of his commitment issues and I pressurized him for marriage which now I realize I shouldn’t have as we could have taken things slowly. He is also my boss at work.
    It’s been 5 months that we have broken up and I have not been able to get over him. In fact just last month I walked up to him and I told him that I want to give us a second chance to which he refused and said that he doesn’t have time at all to give to our relationship and the kind of relationship that I’m looking for – he can’t give me that and that he just wants to be good friends.
    In these 5 months – there hasn’t been even one week where we haven’t spoken to each other. More often it is him who messages me. He likes my FB and insta posts. When he messages , it’s more of a casual knowing what Iam upto etc. while being drunk he has messaged me that he misses me.
    Last I ignored him or did not paid heed to his messages much – he said that he understands why m ignoring him and that he is sorry for not been able to work things out but I’m too precious for him. I think he is playing the classic guy who wants to come out of it being a good guy and at the same time also be nice to me.
    He told me that he is jealous when ofher boys are flirting with me. And that it was so much better if we are in different cities.
    I really want him back and his behavior just confuses me. I know perhaps this his is coping mechanism. I can’t not stay in touch cuz he is the boss , and now when we will be in the same cities it will be more difficult.
    I don’t want to be friends with him like how it was before , but I fear that if I message him he will push me away, and if I don’t then I don’t know cuz he usually messages me once a week.
    How do I approach this ?

    1. Jasmine

      September 14, 2016 at 3:12 am

      I actually didn’t jump at the bat right away actually , I waited a couple of months to ask him. Since we stay in different cities so I was planning to be in that city that day to confront him , and just a day prior was my bday and he had written all those messages.
      But I get what you are saying , I have always been present whenever he messaged me or otherwise. I haven’t messaged him or he hasn’t since a week now , and he also understands why Iam doing this.
      Also , I forgot to mention that he is 8 years elder to me , so he is handling it in a mature fashion.

    2. Jasmine

      September 12, 2016 at 12:30 pm

      Hi … Sometimes it’s just a courteous hi, and how are you ?
      At the time of break up the convo extended beyond that . On my birthday on 13th August he called me , messaged me so many times ( which clearly he was missing me as he was drunk). The next day I met him and told him that I want to give us a second chance which he refused and asked me to move on. He also said that at time that he has found someone which he said purposely cuz I confronted him.
      After that , every week again he has been messaging me but it’s mainly to do with knowing what Iam upto etc. we did crack a few jokes here and there too about work. I was feeling unwell so after a couple of days he asked me how I’am. But off late I started giving him strict replies , because he wants to be friends with me and I can’t just be friends with him and that him and me will always be special to him. The last interaction was when I tried to make him feel fine about something at work , after 2 lines he dropped the convo.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 13, 2016 at 8:41 pm

      Oh okay.. So what happened is, you broke up, you remained present, he showed a sign that he missed you, and then you jump right off the bat to ask him to come back, he refused, but you still stayed present and now you’re friendzoned..
      I think you should do the no contact rule and follow what Chris said in this one: EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 12, 2016 at 8:58 am

      Hi jasmine,

      when he messages you, what do you talk about?

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