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Post categories
maria
October 16, 2016 at 6:39 pm
I have been going through some of the articles in this website and implemented a few things including the NC rule. My ex boyfriend didn’t contact me during that period so I made the first move. We have been exchanging texts over a week or two. His replies kinda neutral. And today he asked me not to text him because it gets hard for him (he is dating someone else in case you’re wondering..) So I really don’t know what I should do now…
maria
October 25, 2016 at 9:58 am
Hey Amor,
Your advice kinda worked. Thanks for that. He actually ended up contacting me instead and apologized for what he had said. We have been talking again. Things were really looking brighter and he also confessed that his new relationship had been a rebound. I think he’s not seeing her anymore, but I’m not sure. And then he starts to give off these mixed signals that I’m not sure how I can explain. One minute he almost acts flirty and in the next minute he asks me not to expect anything. He has always been a people pleaser. Could he be talking to me because he doesn’t want any hard feelings? I’m really confused.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 3:25 pm
He can be.. but he can also be talking to you because he still has feelings for you but he doesn’t want to go back together because he feels, it’s just going to be just the same as before..
maria
October 18, 2016 at 2:53 am
So do you think there’s anything I can do to help my situation? Or have I completely blown up any I chance I might’ve had?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 19, 2016 at 3:31 am
You need to lay low.. maybe 2 or 3 weeks and change your approach.. he has to think you have moved on and just being friendly, so that means you have to be more busy in your life than texting him.. you have to continually be active in social media while building rapport with him..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 17, 2016 at 10:31 pm
Hi Maria,
That means he thinks you’re too forward or you’re trying to get him back and not just being friendly because he’s protecting his current relationship..
Hannah
October 16, 2016 at 12:17 pm
My boyfriend decided to break it off with me in July after 2 1/2 years together, he said he was unhappy, didn’t know what he wanted at the time. At first he said to me he wanted to try and work things out, he even said it to my parents! Then a few days after he messaged me saying he can’t handle being in a relationship right now, and wanted to be friends as he couldnt lose me in his life and still wanted to hang out with me. I agreed, but told him it might not work as I still was in love with him. He denied all feels for me, saying he didnt have feelings for me, that he didnt want to get back together. This lasted until late August, after a couple of days were we hanged out ‘just as friends’ it was hard, and some other stuff happened during that time that tested our relationship, which he told me after that all his feelings for me were still there. We decided to hang out a couple more times ‘just as friends’ after he told me his feelings were still there, and during one of these days he told me how he wanted things to work out, and basically said could we start dating again. I told him I didn’t want to be played and that we’ll see how things go, we slept together that night. We started off quite well with ‘just dating’ we didn’t tell anyone that we were seeing each other (should mention we work together and still do, but on different departments so basically everyone at work knows our relationship) it went well till I brought up the convocation about if we were boyfriend and girlfriend again, he told me that at the moment he wanted to keep it low key, and that the idea of a label scared him. I went on with it as I know that his past has a part to play in it. He always told me how much he loved me, how much his feelings would never change for me no matter what, and that we will always be okay. Thing was I was making more effort than he was, and I told him that and he agreed, and told me the reason he doesn’t make much effort is that he was trying to help himself, as he told me he always go emotionally exhausted after seeing me (his never been one to handle emotions, due to his past) it made it harder on us both to try and make the same amount of effort, and I would worry that if I didn’t make that effort he wouldn’t do it, so I can say I came off as needy at times. Roll on to now, and on Saturday 8th October, he told me how he was basically not feeling any sort of emotion at all apart from frustration. He went on to explain how he knows he loves me but doesn’t feel it. But he said he was like that with everything, (e.g with his mums illness, and other family problems) This made me so upset and heartbroken because I thought we both wanted to work things out, and he didnt feel sad or heartbroken at all by my responses as he couldn’t feel anything? On Tuesday, I asked him at work if I could talk to him about it all as it was making me so anxious, and he got a bit frustrated, later that night after not hearing from him I messaged him saying sorry, and he said how he didnt want to talk about it, and I said we will have too sooner than later, which went him onto saying ‘I can’t handle this anymore, I dont see this working out, something has changed, I think we should call it a day’ I told him we cant end like this and he said ‘I know but I will talk about it when I’m ready and when I want to see you, I can’t handle you right now and I’ll see you when I see you’ he also said ‘If you’ve had enough you can always leave me officially, if not you’ll have to wait until I decide when I’m ready’ that was the last thing we messaged each other about. I’ve seen him at work, he asked me how things were, we never brought up the convo, his hugged me, gave me that look he always gives me and has asked when I’m free but I couldn’t give him an answer there and then as I didn’t know. We haven’t messaged each other since, and I still don’t know if he means everything he said, or if we’ve actually finished it all together. Sorry for it being long, I just need some advice, I know we both need to sort out our own problems, but we had a great relationship, I know things cant go back to the way they were, but I can see us working out in the long run.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 17, 2016 at 7:34 pm
Hi Hannah,
I think you should try the no contact rule.. dont sleep with him again.. and check this one:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend
Janice
October 16, 2016 at 1:56 am
Hi, I’m feeling very lost and need some expert advice. My boyfriend and I have been together 5 yrs and have 2 small children together. Although we have known each other since childhood, he refers 2 me as his church bus sweetheart. Which is how we met, we attended the same church. Fast forward, he moved away and we lost all contact growing up, then one day I saw him on Facebook an messaged him. We hit it off right away, although at the time we were both in a relationship and each had a child. We talked everyday, he lived about 2 hrs away an decided he wanted to be with me so he moved to where I was. I was so in love, never in my life had I felt more comfortable around or with another person, it just felt right. Well, he’s a truck driver he’s gone all week. And shortly after we were dating I became pregnant with our son, we were both overjoyed as it was planned. Then about 3 months later he cheated on me with a very close friend. I was devastated, but he swore he was sorry an it would never happen again. All was well until I was pregnant with our daughter, he cheated again. Again I forgave him, I love him dearly an was determined 2 make this work. I was told he has bipolar but didn’t realize the patters until 3 yrs into our relationship. Well fast forward to last year, we found out he had a tumor in his jaw which turned out to be cancer. I was beside myself thinking he was going to die. He spent a month in the hospital, undergoing a 13 hr surgery to completely rebuilt his lower right jaw. And in the process we decided we would move closer to his family 20 miles away to help with transportation to and from radiation. He finished his chemo and radiation an now he’s back to work. Everything was fine, or so I thought. Then out of the blue a week ago he asked how I felt about moving to Texas, we live in Pennsylvania. I said no I wasnt moving that far away. He instantly got mad an wouldn’t speak to me for days. I cries an cried, then finally i texted him on the forth day and told him I loved him. His response was that he loved me but didn’t know what he wanted. Well I felt like a fool an told him so an that led to a horrible fight in which he said he was done, our relationship was going nowhere an we would make it through our daughters birthday an call it quits. Her birthday is 2 weeks away. He said this was all my fault cause I wouldn’t even consider moving. He texts maybe once a day an asks about the kids an that’s it. Then this weekend he comes in the door with his friends acting like he always would, making coffee, going in and going through the DVR, playing with the kids etc. He casually talked to me but mostly I stayed in another room. He paid a couple bills that needed paid, even gave me money to get through the week. He stayed about an hour then kissed the kids by and left, walked right past me an wouldn’t say a word. This is so hurtful, I feel like a nobody. I never left his side through his cancer, I’ve never cheated, ice always tried to make him feel special, I just don’t understand any of this. Can you please help me in sorting this out an somewhat understanding?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 17, 2016 at 10:35 am
Hi Janice,
You need therapy.. not because you have a problem, but because he’s been emotionally abusing you.. We don’t suggest going back to a person like that.. I’m not sure how a bipolar disorder can affect a person’s character but even if it’s like that, I believe he should at least say sorry after hurting and make up for it, not continuously disrespect you..
Jennifer
October 15, 2016 at 2:58 am
Hey
my ex and me were together for 4 years and half. He broke up with me about a week ago. He told me that he stopped loving me for like 3 years and dosen’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore. Do you think it’s true? Will I ever have a chance with him again? I love him very deeply even though he told me that he “dosen’t love me anymore”. He’s at the phase where he goes out to go clubbing,drinking and smoking weed and maybe sleeping with other girls :(. I feel like it’s his way to forget about me. I’m very devasted right now , what do I do?
Jennifer
October 15, 2016 at 2:07 pm
Im 21 and he’s 20.
Yes I could do the no conact rule. I read the GIGS. Im soo devasted right now, I try my best to focus on myself but it’s so hard. I’m scared that he will never go back to me. What do I do? All my friends are like you need to move on and all. Im really lost, I feel like im stupid to have loved someone this much.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 16, 2016 at 6:01 pm
Nope, you’re not stupid.. You were together for a long time… Take this as a learning opportunity.. Try this one so that you’ll know what to do during the no contact rule.
EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 15, 2016 at 4:27 am
hi Jennifer,
how old are you both?? I think he meant he lost attraction with you and the relationship got boring.. do you want to do the no contact period? It looks like he’s in a grass is greener syndrome too. Check this out:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Heather
October 14, 2016 at 9:03 pm
So I had a boyfriend for 14 months. We were always with each other and we were each other’s best friends. Recently he had been acting distant, and 3 days ago he broke up with me. He told me that I was always sad and a bit controlling. I am about to get help with both of those things. Right now he just wants space, I’m going to try to use these steps, but under the circumstances, will this even work?
Heather
October 14, 2016 at 9:07 pm
Sorry for posting twice, it acted like my comment was deleted
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 15, 2016 at 3:56 am
Hi Heather,
it’s alrighr I just erased the first one..There’s no guarantee that it wilk work but I dont think you have any other better choice
Ade
October 14, 2016 at 7:34 pm
Hi, my boyfriend of 7 months recently broke up with me stating that he does not see a future between us.
I am thinking of establishing the NC rule but it seems like the longer away from the break up the more adamant he is about not getting back together or that i am not the one.
In fact, he seem willing to consider giving our relationship another go on the 2nd day of the break up.
I am confused.
Please help.
Ade
October 15, 2016 at 11:00 pm
Hey Amor,
I guess it wouldn’t benefit me as it would make me unable to move on.
But i do not want him to move on either.
I can sense that he still cares, should i just start NC and leave him hanging or continue to talk to him about us in the hopes of working it out?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 16, 2016 at 9:06 pm
Well, you can’t control him.. There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but it increases your chances because it makes him miss you plus you will use that time to improve yourself.. If you’re always present, how would he miss you?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 15, 2016 at 3:34 am
Hi Ade,
if you kept talking to him would that help you?
Miles
October 13, 2016 at 1:59 am
Hey Amor so I have two questions. One can you explain to me how the tide theory works? I’ve bought the texting bible and it says text,
Day 1: 1 text
Day 2: 3 texts
Day 3: 6 texts
Etc.
so does this mean I’m suppose to text her everyday after the no contact no rule? So do I space out the days randomly for example send one text today and then wait 3 days and send another text and end the convo and then wait another day to start a new convo? Please explain?
Two: after the no contact rule I messaged her “hey I’m at Panera bread with a friend and I’m literally sitting in the same booth where I almost blinded us both with your pepper spray. I couldn’t stopped smiling and thought about you. Hope your doing well.” To this she responded “hmmm a girl friend? Hahaa and yea that was not a good idea lol. Uhm college sucks I hate my life and I’m stressed. Ahaha jk I’m fine lol.” TO this I respond “lmao I know I hope you haven’t had to use that thing on anyone yet and I’m glad you’re doing well! It was great to hear from you, I’m about to head into study group so I’ll talk to you later :)” and she said “yea you too.” This was three days ago! How should I start another convo like that with her? What do I say? Because I don’t want to seem repetitive. Thank you for the help!!
Miles
October 23, 2016 at 5:59 pm
Amor how long exactly should I do my mini nc? And after the nc what should I do? Exactly what would you do? I feel like as every day goes by the more distant I feel from her like I’m losing her more and more each day. Amor she’s in college and the thought of her sleeping and kissing her guys haunt me at night.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 25, 2016 at 12:32 pm
I would work to have my own life.. Act as if she has already moved on, because more likely she already has.. She knows you’re chasing her, so even if the mini nc is over, you should continue the routine you started in it.. Check the article below:
HOW TO MAKE YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND CHASE AFTER YOU
do at least two weeks
Miles
October 20, 2016 at 3:27 pm
Amor I had texted her an apology text and told her that I’m sorry and that I was so stupid for the way I reacted on my birthday and after the break up. I told her that I will always care about her and that I regret the fact that she hates me right now. Anyways she finally replied this morning and said “aw miles, we’re friends and I don’t hate you. Don’t say that, I don’t hate you at all! That’s all in the past, let’s just move forward!”
What do you think she means by “let’s just move forward”? And should I reply or should I continue to do the mini no for two weeks? I really wanna do the nc but I don’t want to piss her off if I don’t reply. Please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 20, 2016 at 8:15 pm
Her text doesnt need a reply.. and it looks like you’re the only one worrying about that..I dont think she cares if you reply to that or not.. it’s ok that you’re not friends as long as your posts are public..she’ll probably wonder why you stopped chasing her..
it’s ok to try the tide theory..but I think you should stick to how Chris suggested it..and not try to text more in what’s recommended on that day
Miles
October 19, 2016 at 1:15 am
Okay that makes a lot of sense! Yes I’ve been working on myself. I started working out, trying to go out with friends but she doesn’t know about that at all. We’re not friends on social media except for instagram and I do try to post as many pictures as possible. So what do I do after the two weeks? Do I initiate contact again? And what do you mean by don’t be too available? Should I not use the tide theory after the two weeks?
Miles
October 18, 2016 at 12:08 am
Amor please give me the best advice possible please!! I’m willing to do anything for her! Losing her was one of the worst mistakes of my life and I’m never gonna give up wanting her. From hearing my situation of my relationship with my ex, what would you do at this point?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 18, 2016 at 8:25 pm
If I were in your situation I wouldnt chase.. You’re fortunate that you’re a guy, because it wouldnt be awkward to initiate a conversation and pursue a girl.. but you’re not being an alpha male if she clearly doesnt want to talk to you or is not interested in talking you, and yet you kept pushing… you would like you’re crazy about her which kills attraction..
desire is created with space..but the bottomline is, are you attractive for her? Do you look your best now? Do you go out and improve yourself? Do you go out and have fun with others? Do you have your own life?
Miles
October 17, 2016 at 11:00 pm
But amor, don’t you think this mini two week nc will just help her get over me at this point? Since it’s already been about a month and a half since the break up? And what do you mean by don’t be too available? Bc after the two weeks, I’m gonna do the tide theory using texts.
Miles
October 17, 2016 at 4:14 am
Talking to a guy behind my back not a girl sorry!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 17, 2016 at 10:16 pm
Hi Miles,
Yes, I do think you need to do a mini nc.. because honestly, you can’t seem to manage to show that you’re past what happened on your birthday.. It just looks like you’re chasing her.. So, yes, do that mini nc.. and then keep improving yourself, even after that two weeks.. Don’t be too available…
Miles
October 16, 2016 at 6:11 pm
Amor so my story is that I dated this girl for almost a year. I love her a lot but we were going through a rough patch before the break up. This wasn’t our first break up but a week before she was suppose to move into college, I broke up with her. She didn’t seem too bothered. Realizing my mistake I tried to win her back but she didn’t want to. I begged, cried, and pleaded. It didn’t make a difference. Her college is about an hour drive away. Anyways I initiated the 30 day no contact rule and during that time I found out from her best friend that she was talking to a girl behind my back for two months while we were dating. I was furious and I told her sister, who then told my ex. So exactly on 21st day of no contact my ex called me to apologize and to clear everything up. I didn’t answer but she kept calling and eventually I did. She told me she still loved me and thought about me sometimes. She’s sorry about talking to him behind my back and I said it’s okay. She said a lot of other things how my birthday was coming up and she wouldn’t mind kissing me and hugging me and having sex with me. Anyways after she hung up a week later on my 21st birthday she messaged me “happy birthday, have you have a blessed day” and I responded thank you! That night I was really drunk and my ex’s sister and my ex’s best friend started fighting because she told me that my ex was talking to that guy behind my back. I was getting annoyed and then her sister slips “she’s not getting back with you. She’s already kissed someone else at a college party.” Hearing this and being extremely intoxicated, i went through a lot of emotions and I called my ex. She didn’t answer so I called about 16 times and when she finally answered I asked her if she still loved me and she said no. I asked her if she missed me and she said sometimes but she’s starting to get over it. This is a week after she told me she still loved me. What the heck? Anyways after she hung up I texted her and said a lot of mean stuff like how she betrayed me and how she ruined my life. The next day I realized my mistake and asked her to call me. She did and I apologized and told her that I was drunk. She said its okay but she said I’ll never change and that she’s unsure if we will ever be together again. I told her I was really really sorry and that I just spiraled out of control bc of the alcohol. She hung up and the next day I started texting her. We were texting really well back and forth but she started getting very dry and one day she stopped responding. So I waited a week and messaged her again. But now she’s being very dry and seems like she doesn’t want to talk. She’s responding and I’m trying to end the conversations on the high notes and the texts are very interesting but she’s giving me one sentence answers. So randomly I texted her “you’re a really wonderful person and I’m glad you were in my life! I really hope we can be friends someday” and to that she responded “aww, we are friends” so the next day I responded, “I’m glad you feel this way! And I started to talk about my Friday nighT.” She didn’t respond to that and from her social media, I could see she was partying with a lot of guys at her apartment. This was yesterday. I haven’t messaged her at all today. Amor after explaining to you my story, my questions to you are:
-What should I do at this point to try and repair the damages I did on my birthday?
-did my mistakes push her away to the point of no return?!
-I was thinking about leaving her alone for about two weeks, is that a good idea even though she’s responding just very neutrally?
-what can I do to help my situation amor?! Please help! Thank you!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 13, 2016 at 3:46 pm
Hi Miles,
Ah nope, it’s not the tide theory anymore if you take 3 days off per text.. you’re supposed to text everyday increasingly and then stop on the designated day that you’re supposed to stop. You need to use topics that are interesting for her, choose a topic and then choose a style of text in the texting bible that you like using.
Jinni
October 11, 2016 at 1:48 am
Hi! How often should I text him after the no contact rule? How often in a week?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 4:37 pm
HI Jinni,
Check this one so, you can choose which texting style you’ll apply:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
Celeste
October 9, 2016 at 11:41 am
Hi,
So my boyfriend of 3 and a half years just broke up with me.
He said that he’s changed too much and has fallen out of love with me.
But when he was having these feelings he never said anything. Never gave me the chance to fight for us, to work it out.
He’s not the only one that’s changed, I have too. But I have always thought to myself is this relationship right, and my conclusion was always yes.
I just dont understand how he could go from planning the rest of our lives together to nothing.
He made it clear that there was no one else, he’s always just had eyes for me. That when a girl tried it on with him he just rebuffed her out of commitment to me.
I want him back, we just click and are always wanting the same things. We were more than just boyfriend and girlfriend, we were best freinds.
He even stated that when we broke up, that i was still his best freind and wanted to be freinds.
He just felt like he couldn’t do what he wanted, which is a lie. I have never stopped him from doing what he wants. I have always encouraged it, then been there for him.
I just need some help with what to do?
Celeste
October 11, 2016 at 11:16 am
Yea I do. He grew out of it because of lack of communication on his part. He just kept things to himself and never shared. So how was I ment to know that anything was going wrong? When he acted the same as usual.
Even when I asked him are we okay? Are you okay?
He’d just say yea I’m good, dont worry.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 4:59 pm
Ok, well, I think, even if there’s no guarantee, you should start trying what’s advised above..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2016 at 11:02 pm
Hi Celeste,
so he grew out of the relationship? Do you want to try what’s advised above?
Emma
October 9, 2016 at 10:52 am
Hi,
I need some help.
I’m suffering with severe depression at the minute.
My boyfriend, James, broke up with me two weeks ago today; he has said time and time again that he will stick by me through this depression, and he’s not going anywhere, and then two weeks ago he said he couldn’t do this anymore; it was hurting him too much and tearing him apart and he didn’t want to put himself out there emotionally. He was so upset – he was crying, said he’d not cried since his gran’s funeral a few years ago.
It was only a few months but it was so different to anything I’ve ever felt before, and he said it was the same for him.
It’s just … You know when you have a bad relationship followed by another bad relationship, and then you meet someone who is so entirely on the same wavelength, who cares about you and shows it, who you are genuinely and entirely proud of, and who pushes you to be a better person? That’s what he was to me. He meant absolutely everything to me, and I was such a twat that this is all my fault. I couldn’t believe that he really cared about me and I pushed him away by being needy and clingy, which is not who I am at all. I was awkward for the sake of being awkward, and I was so wrapped up in my own supposed misery that I didn’t give him what he needed. More than anything I want to apologise, to take that all back and to TRY AGAIN but he said, didn’t he, that he’d made his mind up and that he wasn’t going to change it. That he couldn’t put himself out there to be hurt. And if there was any way I could prove to him that I wouldn’t do that, and that what we had at the start, when it was all fun and relaxed is what I want all the way through, then I would. I would do whatever it took. I can’t face knowing that I’ve ruined the best thing to happen to me. I don’t want anyone else, I want him. He was doing everything right.
I do just painfully want him back. I thought today if I could cope with us just being friends and I am pretty sure I would always want more. I would hope he did too. I’d like to start it all over again, slowly and very chilled out! I have a horrid feeling that he won’t want to do that though, and it’s killing me. Until he makes contact – or until I bump into him – I’m always going to be wondering. I hope he doesn’t meet someone else, that’s my biggest fear.
I see things on Facebook about him all the time, and he seems to be having a great time. He’s moving on and is fine and I’m falling to pieces and I can’t deal with it so I don’t want to. He was everything to me and what hurts is not having the chance to tell him. It could have worked, it could, and now I feel lost. I can’t do this any more and I don’t want to.
The problem is, I have not been contacting him – I sent him a text a week last Monday as he was starting a new job, and again on the Tuesday just gone to say happy birthday, and he’s not replied to either. I don’t know whether he’s hurting, or angry, or has completely moved on already, and that’s what’s killing me. I don’t know anything. I know for definite that I will see him on November 16 at a show, as I have been “volunteered” for audience participation and he is part of the cast, but what if by then he is totally over it all and has moved on? What if he doesn’t want to even be friends? I can’t handle that, that’s too awful to contemplate.
Essentially I just don’t know anything, and I need to. I want him back because he was good and kind, and pushed me to be a better person, and I’ve driven him to this breakup by being needy clingy – all things I avoid and despise – because I felt so deeply that I was terrified of him leaving / something awful happening to him. So yes, it is my fault.
I know I’m getting better, I start a new job at the end of October and I need to be strong for that but I also know I’m getting better for him, with the idea of proving to him I can so that we will have a chance again.
Do I even have a chance? I am so lost.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2016 at 10:52 pm
Hi Emma,
Do you have professional help? Are you in therapy? You know, this could be a blessing in disguise for you, because in order for you to fully heal, you have to do it alone. You have to heal because you did it by yourself, not because of another person. All of us are going to lose somebody in our life when they die. I know that’s too dramatic but that’s the reality of it.
And a break up is somewhat like death too but he’s not really dead. And that’s your blessing, he’s not dead. The blessing in this is that you know when you heal, you really did heal. And if this was the hardest you’ve been in, now is the perfect time to go through it because you don’t have children yet( I assume). You only have to take care of yourself while you’re healing.
See the challenge as it is.. Not worse than it is. Take care of yourself first before minding somebody else.. If it comes to a point that he moves on, by the time, when he sees, would he regret leaving you? Would he be attracted because you improved a lot, and you seem very independent?
Harry
October 8, 2016 at 11:42 pm
What do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 9, 2016 at 2:45 pm
honestly, your chances are slim especially if you dknt take it slow and just keep in improving yourself
Harman
October 8, 2016 at 11:41 pm
Q
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 9, 2016 at 2:38 pm
Hi,
if your voice mail was chosen, you would receive an email
Rachel
October 8, 2016 at 7:21 pm
My boyfriend wants to break up, although he says he still loves me—he says he just doesn’t see a future and doesn’t think he’s “my person”. We live together and haven’t decided what’s next, as he just left on a 2 1/2 week holiday (which I was supposed to accompany him on, pre-breakup). I asked for NC during this time, and he while he was understanding and supportive, it also made him incredibly sad and things began to sink in. I’ve never seen him so upset as when he left.
Day 1 of NC: He just arrived at the accommodations I booked, and was having trouble contacting the host and getting in. So he texted me for help. Of course, I wasn’t going to ignore this—he legitimately needed help and I wasn’t going to leave him stranded. He made a comment about an activity we had wanted to do together, let me know he got in, and thanked me “so much”. I had paid for the 2 nights months ago, and told him I wanted him to keep the reservation as a birthday present (his birthday is next week)—it was already too late to cancel it, anyway. He also made a reference to the fact I had gone out dancing last night with some friends, and said he hoped I had fun.
My question is: He has reached out to say thank you for something kind I did for him—the kindness principle in action. Do I respond and say, “You’re welcome”, or “No problem, have a great time”? Or do I just leave it be at his last text message, “I’m in. Thank you so much”, waiting for the Golden Factor to kick in? He’s showing appreciation, which I appreciate. But I’m new to the concept of NC and have no idea if or how I should respond, especially since we’re only 1 day into NC.
Help! Thank you so much. I’m almost done reading the No Contact Rule Book, and it’s saving me right now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2016 at 6:49 pm
Hi Rachel,
nope, let him be.. It’s ok that you helped him in an emergency.. but don’t be friendly with him..
Meg
October 8, 2016 at 5:29 pm
My boyfriend and I have been in the long distance relationship about 2 years. We both are from the different countries, different races and religions. I am 27 and he is around 24. We met each other last year and aimed for seeing each other again this year. However, now I have to be in another country to pursue my master’s. During the time we have been together there were some fights about the different opinions (He is a type of short-tempered person by the way). He usually swear some bad words to me if he couldn’t control himself through texting. He always thinks that talking to each other every day is not unnecessary and I am to attach to him. But to me, I think in the different way because now we are even too far from each other and I need some support because here I am all alone with the different environment, people, culture, and the hardest part is study. But sadly, he never tried to get my point at all. A part of this can be my mistake as well, because when we fight, I don’t say what I think in face to face, but I often explode it in the texting. I have been thinking that he have had enough for my behavior, he may have been counting for how many chances left I could make a mistake, and then break up, and this time could be my last one.
The felt all the bad vibes a week before we had argument. The last time we have fought was about I came to pick up the phone late, he didn’t want to talk anymore. He said like my time was up because it was my fault. So I replied back as maybe if you wouldn’t like to talk at the first place you didn’t have to. I would be away from you as long as you need. And after that he never picked up any of my calls, texts, and everything I tried to reach him. I think it was also my fault with the stupid reply since I couldn’t control my mood as well.
I have disappeared from all of my social media accounts because I am not ready to make myself happy. I don’t feel right as this is the last goodbye yet? He should at least have some guts tell me the answer so I would be able to move on. I haven’t tried to contact him for 2 weeks already. I know his friend; I don’t think it is a right way to ask for any of his update. I thought that after I graduate, this opportunity could bring our life better, I could gain more money and make us be able to live with each other, but now everything I built was collapsed. Maybe all of these things are totally my fault and I will never have any chance to bring it back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2016 at 5:53 pm
Hi Meg,
you would gain money and provide for the both of you? Shouldn’t it be equal.. yes, he’s younger, but he’s old enough to be of equal help in the relationship. You’re all for blaming for yourself but honestly, it just looks like you’re being abused emotionally. It’s like you’re subdominant to him. And also, I think you’re relying too much on him for your happiness..
Anyways, do you want to try what’s advised above?
Djt
October 8, 2016 at 9:09 am
3 days ago my bf of 9 years broke up with me. We got into a stupid argument about something I can’t even remember and he eventually came out with ‘I don’t think we should do this anymore’ naturally I begged and pleaded for him to reconsider, that it would be silly to throw 9 years away over a couple of months rough patch (he said he’d been feeling like this for a few months but never told me) eventually he stayed over and in the morning said we were fine. He came back that next night and said he still felt the same. He said we’re constantly bickering with each other and he doesn’t think we bring out the best in each other. I disagreed and he said ‘well this is how I’m feeling don’t try and change my mind’ I asked if we could just go on a break and he said no that it would be too hard to have to go through this again. I asked him to hide his Facebook relationship status to private and without me prompting him he said ‘I promise I won’t change it to single’ I asked when you walk out that door is that us single? And he said don’t think of it so symbolically as that. And I asked if he was still in love with me and he said of course and I asked if he felt he would be unhappy and lonely without me and he said probably yes. He then started to say he isn’t dead, he wants to still be a part of my life and I in his as he doesn’t want to lose me completely. I said to him I don’t think I can go a month or even weeks without speak to you and he said you won’t have to, I’ll still message you, and I’ll answer you if you message me, we can even still meet up. As he left I asked if he could just stay a bit longer and said no as he’s finding this hard enough and he wants to do what he wants for once as he usually finds it hard to go with his feelings. As of yesterday I messaged a family member of hers congratulating her on her new house and she replied and said ‘can’t wait for you all to come and see it!’ So to me this says he hasn’t told his mum as she definitely would of passed on this information. What do I do? I want him back desperately and he does make me so happy. The way he’s done this seems very confusing and unofficial. As I also said to him the thought of him being with another girl makes me sick and another man touching me makes me feel sick and he said ‘same! That’s not even on my radar’. I don’t know what to do. Please help.
Djt
October 8, 2016 at 9:28 am
I also asked him, so when you walk out hat door is that is done forever, there’s no hope for us? And he said ‘I don’t know I can’t answer that. I don’t know what the future holds’
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2016 at 3:33 pm
Hi Djt,
well, do you want to try what’s advised above?
Kate
October 7, 2016 at 6:01 pm
I met my ex boyfriend online this July when we were in two time zones and we talked every day for one month (he even chatted during his work). Then I moved to his city and we began dating (already more than a month now not including talking online month). We met once a week or every other week. I sensed something the other day such as he did not initiate contacts anymore and whenever I asked when we hang out he said he is not sure because he is extremely busy. When I asked why he was different he simply answered “well I work 70 hours a week what would you expect?” When I asked why he ignored some of messages he said that I was expecting too much and he could not reply every min of the day. This Monday I directly cut to the point asking if we are going to see each other again ever (havent met for two weeks already). He sent me some strange icon with a mouth covered up. Then I asked how come you do not know. He told me that he was too busy with work (70 hours a week) and he is simply constrained and has no time nor energy for our relationship. He said he felt guilty for not being able to make time for me or doing things for me. After breakup I asked him if he still likes me, he said the answer does not really matter but would only make things more complicated. Then I asked for his email address. Then he said he really likes me and this is the least thing he could do and this decision is better for both’s futures. I asked to meet up to end face to face. He said meet up is okay but do not know when though. I also stupidly asked if there is a chance of getting back. Then he said he cannot say but do not count on it. He also said we wont like each other in the future as we wont talk a lot anymore (he used to delete his ex’s contact as soon as they were done according to him but he still keeps me on his contact list this time and he said if i still like him till the high season is off he would feel worse and cut the contact off). Also, I asked after breakup if he would still go out to see a movie with me. He said maybe and I asked if it is a rejection. He said “haha no we will see”. I am afraid that his feelings will finally die out after I adopt “30 days no contact” strategy since we are in a short-term relationship. I seriously want to get him back. What should I do really? or am I definitely losing him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 10, 2016 at 11:56 am
Hi Kate,
Even if there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but, I honestly think you don’t have a better choice but to do no contact.. because he doesn’t have time to talk, let along see you.. So, if you don’t do no contact, what other choice is there that you won’t look like you’re chasing him?
Harma
October 7, 2016 at 5:26 pm
Q
Kate
October 11, 2016 at 6:37 am
I am just afraid that he would forget me and his feelings will fade because it is a short – term relationship anyway..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 4:46 pm
check this one:
Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule
Harry
October 7, 2016 at 5:25 pm
A
Ems
October 7, 2016 at 12:15 am
Me and my ex have been broken up for a month now. He broke up with me a week after being a couple states apart and we lived together and had plans for me to move up there with him once he for sure got his job and he’s staying with his mom in the meantime and me with my parents. Well, he broke up with me because he needed a break. Said that everything was going to go back to normal that we just had to work on ourselves because we both gain weight and were slowly forgetting about our passions and he wanted to see other people. Well, literally the night he broke up with me he messed around with an old friend. He said it wouldnt turn to anything that it was just attraction. Well, we still talked almost everyday and I would beg and cry and he would just say he didn’t know what he wanted but was always nice to me. He said he was starting to feel something for this girl and honestly she’s not better looking than me. I know he only likes her because she can sing which was bothering him that I couldnt. One day I kept pushing and got him mad, he just said he was done and just didn’t want to be with me. Then I asked him if I could just see him and he said he really didn’t want to but he was going to allow it. I felt super dumb and said never mind. Then days later he posts a snapchat with that girl and i LOST it (it was exactly a week ago). Me and him didn’t really fight but I was so mad that I texted him cussing him out and telling him that I was going to burn his stuff. He told me that he was going to give me time to process all this and that he would later come get his stuff. Then I asked him if they were official and he said not technically, that he wanted to make sure that we were completely done before pursuing but that it was heading in that direction. He called me and I ignored it. A week later I sent him this “Hey! I know this is a bit random but I just wanted to say thanks for all the great times we spent together. I’ve learned a lot from our relationship and I’m moving on. I hope we can still be friends down the road, though. Anyway, hope all is well with you. =)” I saw that this was a clean slate message on another dating site. And then he responded this “I’m so glad you feel that way. I know for sure that we could have had a great life and a fulfilling relationship together, but I guess that just isn’t what I wanted. I know you’re going to make someone extremely happy. You’re so loyal and beautiful and honest. I will forever cherish the time we spent together, but I hope that we both completely move on.” Which is kind of confusing to me. Im now starting the NC rule for sure. Its only been 2 days and we have been broken up for a month. He hasn’t contacted me whatsoever but everything he owns is at my place, documents, passport, clothes, guitars, everything. But if he does contact me about his stuff I’m going to tell him to wait a month because thats when I’ll have time and honestly, I’m not emotional stable yet to see him. Ive lost 13 pounds though and I show that Im super happy and outgoing on my fb and snapchat. I just want to know, do you think I still have a chance to get him back even if they do become official and he’s in another state?
Mikayla
October 6, 2016 at 11:43 pm
Hi,
Me and my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up. He broke up with me but I still love him. He has been in a bad place recently but is getting counseling. He broke up with because he said he didn’t know if he could be happy again and that it wasn’t fair to and that I deserved better. I broke down and tried to make him realize that he wasn’t making sense. I have already broken the no contact rule, texting him multiple time but I’m trying to do that now. He says he still wants to be a part of my life and that he still cares about me. How can I fix this. I still love him so much please help me!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 9, 2016 at 4:09 pm
Hi Mikayla,
stick to no contact and make the most of it.. be active in improving yourself and aim to be independent