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Kristina
November 8, 2016 at 12:24 am
My boyfriend of 2 years and 4 months decided to leave me in September. During those years he proposed and stated several times that I was the only one he sees in the future. He told me on many occasions that he wanted to grow old together. He left because he said he has been unhappy for months. We have an apartment together but he stays with friends and parents now. He does have a new girlfriend, and they started talking in October, 2 weeks after the breakup. He stated that he no longer loves me and doesn’t want to go back down the same road again. He also stated that he doesn’t go back to exes. What we had i believe to be real. Now he posts their happiness on facebook. I do love him like crazy and several times he has stated that he wanted to be my husband. Now he seems to be mad, at me. Is there still hope to get back with him. He pays the rent and I pay the other bills. I really miss him and feel incomplete.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 10, 2016 at 7:14 pm
Hi Kristina,
why did he lose feelings? And are you getting your own place?
Jennifer Smith
November 6, 2016 at 2:55 pm
I left the home my ex (of 7 years) and I shared this past Feb. We had such a long history together and I did not leave because I didn’t love him. I’d just call it poor communication over an extended period of time on both our parts. I had an amazing summer, got back into fantastic shape and dated lots of men. I am now, 10 month later, missing him dearly and I want him back. He began dating a co-worker within only a couple of weeks of our break-up and they are still dating from what I can tell. (not officially, no social media posts together or anything like that) I only know because I have to pick up my mail from the house from time to time and I see female headbands next to the bed and her toothbrush in the bathroom. (same headbands I saw right after our break-up) So good assumption it’s the same woman. I believe she is his co-worker. For the record I do not think he was with her prior to our breaking up.
We do not talk on a daily basis, but we are in communication at least every few weeks and our interactions are friendly but very business like. I’m assuming for him, like me, it’s because there is still so many emotions and feelings between us. Relationships aren’t perfect. I know he’s hurting, but he also never came for me. The break-up resulted after a period of loss of physical intimacy between us and he also told me he didn’t know if he could ever commit to marriage. So I left, but not because I stopped loving him. I don’t know if those are deal breakers. Certainly all relationships have hills to climb. I think I mentioned seeing a couples therapist to him once, but he shot that down. So I guess at the time, I felt I didn’t have a choice. Maybe I’m just lonely now, but enough time has passed that I think I may want him back for the right reasons. He does not know this.
Should I reveal my feelings to him or leave him to move on with his life. Do I believe he still loves me? Yes. Because a woman knows these things.
Heartbroken in New York
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 4:31 pm
Hi Jennifer,
so now you’re friendzoned? Because you kept talking to each other even after the breakup right? If he was not willing to commit before, I think it didnt help that you kept talking because he didnt really had a chance to think he is losing you for real because you were just there. I admit, it might be too late to start a no contact period but confessing after a long time apart and him having a gf will probably just make the situation worse for you..
So, you can still try doing the 30 day no contact rule and then after it slowly build rapport and attraction..
Jennifer Smith
November 6, 2016 at 2:28 pm
I left the home my ex (of 7 years) and I shared this past Feb. We had such a long history together and I did not leave because I didn’t love him. I’d just call it poor communication over an extended period of time on both our parts. I had an amazing summer, got back into fantastic shape and dated lots of men. I am now, 10 month later, missing him dearly and I want him back. He began dating a co-worker within only a couple of weeks of our break-up and they are still dating from what I can tell. (not officially, no social media posts together or anything like that) I only know because I have to pick up my mail from the house from time to time and I see female headbands next to the bed and her toothbrush in the bathroom. (same headbands I saw right after our break-up) So good assumption it’s the same woman. I believe she is his co-worker. For the record I do not think he was with her prior to our breaking up.
We do not talk on a daily basis, but we are in communication at least every few weeks and our interactions are friendly but very business like. I’m assuming for him, like me, it’s because there is still so many emotions and feelings between us. Relationships aren’t perfect. I know he’s hurting, but he also never came for me. The break-up resulted after a period of loss of physical intimacy between us and he also totem me he didn’t know if he could ever commit to marriage. So I left, but not because I stopped loving him. I don’t know if those are deal breakers. Certainly all relationships have hills to climb. I think I mentioned seeing a couples therapist to him once, but he shot that down. So I guess at the time, I felt I didn’t have a choice. Maybe I’m just lonely now, but enough time has passed that I think I may want him back for the right reasons. He does not know this.
Should I reveal my feelings to him or leave him to move on with his life. Do I believe he still loves me? Yes. Because a woman knows these things.
Heartbroken in New York
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 4:31 pm
Hi Jennifer,
so now you’re friendzoned? Because you kept talking to each other even after the breakup right? If he was not willing to commit before, I think it didnt help that you kept talking because he didnt really had a chance to think he is losing you for real because you were just there. I admit, it might be too late to start a no contact period but confessing after a long time apart and him having a gf will probably just make the situation worse for you..
So, you can still try doing the 30 day no contact rule and then after it slowly build rapport and attraction..
Kat
November 2, 2016 at 10:42 pm
A guy I wasn’t seriously dating but had serious feelings for completely surprised me when I found out that he was seeing someone else. We had an open casual relationship, both agreed not to get serious but were saying I love you within 2 months of the relationship. The connection was there, we were so open with each other, like we’d been friends for years. Open casual relationship meant that we were free to date and be with other people, which is what I needed after being married (I’m going through a divorce). However he continually told me that he just couldn’t be with more than one woman at a time, not even dating, though he did go on a few dates. Things got weird between us after I had a meltdown in the middle of the night at his place, I forced him to take me home at 3 in the morning. He started becoming distant but we were still talking and having fun, seeing each other at least 2 times a week (before the weird bit it was 3-4 times a week, with me staying over there). I was dating other guys at the time and he would always get a little upset about it but I straight out told him that if he wanted to date me exclusively then he needed to say so and until then he didn’t have room to talk. Well to make a long story short I went over to see him one weekend morning only to find out that he had another girl there and that he was sleeping with her, when just 2 days before I had been with him and he never said anything about seriously seeing another girl, he mentioned dates but nothing that would have prepared me for what I saw. Later that day he told me to leave him alone, for just one month because he wanted to see how things went with this other girl. I did, sorta, I made him give me back all the stuff I’d ever written, bought or made for him a week after he said this to me. Now a month has gone by and we saw each other, I thought we had a blast but we also ended up hooking up that night, he’s still in a relationship with this other girl. After that he again became distant and moody, saying that girls and guys can’t be friends, and even though we did hook up all I want is to be his friend (for now). What makes me mad is that he’s letting this girl he’s known for 7 weeks live with him for the next two weeks and he’s getting her a job at the company that he works for, and yet he tells me that they aren’t serious. What I want to know is what am I suppose to do here? I don’t want him with that girl, but I can’t force him to be with me. I just want the guy back that I first fell in love with, even if we’re only friends, I’d rather us be friends then to never talk to him again. I was purely devastated when I found him with that other girl, but since then I’ve sort of moved on, I don’t want to date him anymore, I just want to be around him. He did make me a better person and in a way helped me through some bad stuff, how can I convince him to stay friends with me? How can I keep him in my life?
Kat
November 5, 2016 at 8:00 pm
He’s told me that he can’t get serious with anyone, his family want him to marry within his religion/race and he’ll do what he’s told (or at least that’s what he’s said to me), and yet this girl is moving in with him and taking a job at the company he works for. Isn’t that a serious move? I don’t want to be friends with her, I don’t like her at all, she’s bad news. He hasn’t told her that we saw each other recently and asked that I don’t speak to him while she’s staying with him. I just don’t get it, we were really close and then he was just gone, pulled away emotionally and physically. I miss him, a lot, but I don’t want more then a friendship. I’ve got a guy that I’m seeing, which just became exclusive, so I really don’t want my ex back. All I want to do is maintain a friendship with him. Are you sure the only way to do that is become friends with that woman?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 1:18 am
right now, yes, because it would seem like you’re trying to get his bf if you’re being friendly with him.. If you really want to be friends with yiur ex, now is.not the right time.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 3, 2016 at 11:45 pm
Hi Kat,
if he gets serious with the other girl, you cant stay friends with him, especially with your history. That would be disrespectful for the girl, unless you really moved on and befriend her also..
Nieka
November 1, 2016 at 8:49 pm
Last weekend, I surprise visited my boyfriend at his college. He was acting distant and strange for the first day I was there, then he broke up with me and said that long distance wasn’t working for him and that he also has feelings for another girl. I flew back home the next day. Since then we have talked for closure purposes and he said that he still wants to be good friends and he would still do anything for me- he just can’t be my boyfriend. I was caught so off guard by the breakup and I am still shocked that he would ever have feelings for another girl and she likes him back. He was never that type of guy and he genuinely loved me for the past 2 years we have been dating. He seems serious about the new girl, telling his friends that he is “wants to do this one right and take it slow.” I’m not sure if this is just a phase or if their potential relationship will be long term, but I still want to get back together with him. I think the long distance made him just want someone to be there with him, but I am transferring to a school near his next year. I thought he would be able to hold out even though long distance is rough and not give up on us. We are currently messaging back and forth a bit because we are trying to be “friends” but should I not do that if I want to get him back? The next time I will see him is Thanksgiving, so about one month.
Nieka
November 28, 2016 at 11:26 pm
Hi Amor, I’m back with an update. I’ve been attempting to finish my no contact after he was finally able to contact me after 2 weeks of no contact through a friend’s phone. He continued to attempt to contact me several times a day. When I finally picked up after a few days, he and I had yet another closure talk and he tried again to convince me to be friends with him and said that we shouldn’t stop being there for each other just because we are no longer dating. He says that the new girl he likes is physically there for him since they go to the same school, which I cannot be because we a 6 hour car ride away from each other. But he said that he didnt realize how much our friendship meant to him AFTER we broke up and he wants us to still be there for each other on a daily basis. Last week he called me very upset because the girl he is pursuing called him clingy and he was so desperate that he asked me advice on it… A few hours later his roommate told me that he was telling his roommate how I was a better girlfriend than the new girl, that i was prettier, smarter, didnt do drugs, etc, which confused me.
We met for about an hour when he came home for Thanksgiving break and he said that not knowing whether I wanted to be friends is really hard for him and has caused him to start abusing substances, which is negatively impacting his relationship with the new girl. So he wanted to know what I wanted before he went back to school. I still couldnt give him an answer so he said he would wait. Today (3 days later) he asked me about it again. I said I can’t answer his question still because I don’t know if he will just bail on me again if his new girl asks him to stop talking to me, and that I wouldn’t be able to handle that. He said he promises that will not happen so I said okay then I guess we can be friends. And that is where we are right now…
So basically I don’t know how I should proceed at this point. He supposedly is so troubled that he doesn’t know where he and I stand that he turned to drugs/alcohol. He said that the new girl didn’t like his substance abuse so he needed an answer from me so he could get his life back together and be who the new girl wants him to be because “she isn’t going to wait around forever.” Furthermore, I do not understand why he is so obsessed with chasing this new girl when he thinks that I am better than her in many aspects… I’m very confused by this. He will do anything to make their relationship work, but at the same time NEEDS me to be in his life. What does this mean? I still want to get back together with him but now that I agreed to be friends does this mean I am friendzoned for good? Please help Amor, thanks.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 29, 2016 at 7:21 pm
It looks like you’re about to head that way if he gets everything he wants with being friends with you while being a boyfriend to her.. She fulfills the physical aspect.. But I think if you keep building rapport and you’re not being too available, there’s a chance..
Like always having good conversions whenever you talk but not always talking and keeping on improving yourself, aiming to be the ungettable girl.
Nieka
November 15, 2016 at 9:49 pm
Thank you for all your help Amor and for continuously replying to my updates. I broke NC after 13 days because he was calling me from other peoples phones and we ended up having another closure talk (more for him than for me). Then he called me several times two days later to “check up on me.” I didn’t pick up until the 8th time he called which was at night and he didn’t have anything specific to say to me besides that he was just checking up. Not sure why he is worried about me taking his calls when he is so obsessed with the new girl. I am doing well with moving on, I no longer really care about him and the new girl and am doing well with improving/focusing on my own life. Should I restart NC? Or just be friendly and occasionally reply (not be TOO available to him) to build attraction and rapport again. I am in no rush to get back together with him because I know it will take some time for him and the new girl to run their course.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 11:00 pm
You’re welcome! I don’t think you need to restart the nc, but I think you need to finish the current one and do a 30 day
Nieka
November 13, 2016 at 3:08 am
Also, he is making a lot of future plans with her even though she hasn’t committed, such as getting a house for their next year of college with her and their friends and going on vacation with them.
Since he is regularly trying to reach me, he will probably be first to contact me once I finish 21 or 30 days of no contact. If he asks to meet up/call off the bat should I accept? Or still start with texting only…
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 9:50 am
she’s more of a rebound. If he asks for a meet up after nc, go ahead
Nieka
November 13, 2016 at 1:33 am
Okay well I am on day 12 of no contact. He keeps trying to contact me and our mutual friends say he’s really distraught that I have been ignoring him because we have been best friends for so long. They tell him that I just need my space and that I don’t want to be friends with him at the moment, but he insists on hearing it from me and he won’t stop calling me until I tell him myself. I also found that that he is not actually dating the girl that he broke up with me for, but is actively pursuing her. She doesn’t want to commit to him. So I don’t know if this counts as a rebound or not… They say that he is either obsessed with pursuing her/what she is doing or obsessed with the fact that I am not picking up the phone when he tries to contact me… I’m not sure what is going through his mind and how I should proceed.
Nieka
November 8, 2016 at 1:54 am
Okay thanks for all your help. However i thought I don’t want to be friendzoned… so I am unsure of how to proceed as being friends without getting friendzoned
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 10, 2016 at 7:19 pm
you’re just starting out as friends.. The difference from starting out as friends now instead of right after the break up is the distance and time for yourself. He has to think you’ve moved or at least starting to. So, you need to continue improving yourself even after nc, you need to continue having your own life andbin goung out with your friends..That way, you’ll have a higher chance to do the push pull theory on him..
Nieka
November 7, 2016 at 4:37 pm
Okay Amor. Thanks. After the 30 days are up and I make first contact, what should I do if he brings up where we stand as friends?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 11:17 pm
you mean if he asks if your friends?, just agree. Because you are starting out as friends and then you’re slowly building rapport and attraction on the way
Nieka
November 6, 2016 at 12:55 am
Okay. I have been staying with the no contact rule and am almost to the end of day 5. The night of day 3 and 4 he was calling me nonstop and calling my friends to ask if they’ve heard from me or if I pick up when they call me. He told one of our mutual friends that he just needs to talk to me, but when asked what for, he said “I don’t know. I just need to talk to her.” Things with him and his new girlfriend seem to still be going good. I don’t know what he would be calling me for, but he also told our mutual friend that he wants to know where he and I stand because he thought we were “friends”/ on good terms but then I started ignoring him because of NC. Eventually he told her that he will just leave me be until I come to him. I have been a lot better these past few days, focusing on myself more and less and less on him. He comes back for Thanksgiving on 11/23, should I contact him a few days prior (after 21 days of NC)??
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 10:20 am
actually it looks like you should do 30 days..
Nieka
November 3, 2016 at 4:03 pm
We see each other about every three weeks. However, it has only been 6 weeks into the school year. He told me he likes the new life he built for himself at his college- his new friends and excessive partying. I just heard that he is planning to bring his new girl back home during the winter break, so it seems like they are getting serious very quickly… I am on day 3 of the no contact rule. He texted/called me yesterday but I did not respond to either because I have reason to believe he is calling to just cancel on some plans for winter break we had made previously. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 5, 2016 at 4:36 pm
I know it hurts, but you really have to step back.. follow the advice in the grass is greener post. Be active in improving yourself.. If he cancels, just agree
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 2, 2016 at 9:02 pm
Hi Nieka,
yup, you’re probably friendzoned and she looks like a grass is greener case.. how often do you see each other in a month? check this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Courtney
October 31, 2016 at 3:05 pm
My bf and I broke up two week ago. We got into an argument one morning over something so small that I don’t even remember what we argued about. He blocked me on social media and on the phone so I can’t call or text him. I was out and he was with another girl. We didn’t speak. I miss him and want to know what went wrong. Help?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 1, 2016 at 12:30 pm
Hi Courtney,
what do you mean that he was out with another girl? do you want to try the no contact rule?
Cristina
October 30, 2016 at 3:15 pm
Hi everyone, I’m extremely lost right now, I have no idea what to do, so I would truly appreciate any help you guys can provide me. My story: 2-and-a-half-year relationship. I’m 24 and he is 25. Very close couple, had fights now and then but we always figured out how to resolved everything. We went to LDR on August, he moved out to another country because of his work, I couldn’t move with him right away, and we had plans of seeing each other again in December, when I was supposed to move in with him permanently. I believe he was too stressful about everything because he was acting very distance to me, so I told him, we fought, he ended up breaking up with me. I went NC right away. Like 4 days after our break up I found out he was seeing another girl, a rebound of course, she is the very opposite of me, they immediately posted on Facebook that they were dating, uploading pictures of “how happy and in love they were” after a week he introduced her to his family (his mom and sister traveled to his new city to visit him) so this new “relationship” has all the sings of a rebound. I followed NC very well, I entered the gym, start talking to other people, I got a new haircut (very long hair to short hair) and after about 32 days of NC I sent my first text. I’m using MICHAEL FIORE TEXT YOUR EX BACK. I sent a very casual across the bow text about a TV show that we used to watch together…. He replied to me in like seconds with a sad emoji and saying “I’m so sorry for everything, I never wanted to hurt you” and I replied “hey, its ok, I just thought of you because of the TV show and it made me smile, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad” … then he said things to me like “I’m not happy, I know you will find a man how will respect you and love you like I couldn’t do it”.. and stuff like that. We texted almost all day and the 2 days after that. He complained about his new girlfriend, that he wasn’t happy, that she was kind of an alcoholic party girl and he wasn’t used to that kind of woman, (she is older than him I think she is 26 or 27) and that he doesn’t see a future in this relationship and I was like “why are you with her then?” and he replied “I don’t know, because I’m crazy) – He kind of had a very difficult childhood so he and his sister both because of family issues they kind of have self-esteem troubles and they don’t like to be alone so HE feels I abandoned him by not moving with him at the same time – But he is an amazing man and we just clicked.
So… he texts me that he misses me, and good mornings texts, he even sent me a picture with a crying emoji of a handwritten letter I gave him when he moved out, stuff like that. Sometimes he texts me very flirty texts and when I replied he stops texting and I don’t text back before he starts the conversation again which drives me insane haha. And he also texted me the other day complaining about his girlfriend because she yelled at him and she was very disrespectful to him she even yelled at him stuff like son of a bitch (which to me is insane they have been dating for only a month now) and they had a fight. And he was very mad about it he t old me everything with details and I didn’t know what to do so I was very supportive I guess. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to go to the FRIENDZONE obviously and sometimes I feel that when he complains about his GF to me, or any kind of trouble he has. Obviously he trusts me a lot we had like a – lovers, brother-sister (take care of each other), best friends – kind of relationship so we trust each other at the point that we can talk about EVERYTHING.
I don’t know what to do, I want HIM to see ME as a potential partner again, with a new and better relationship.
Please, can you give me advices in what steps I can follow to achieve that? Why is he complaining so much about his GF but he doesn’t leave her?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 31, 2016 at 10:41 pm
Hi Cristina,
Looks like you are friendzoned. Well, if you really want a chance for him to see you in a different light, have space, try doing the no contact rule and check this one:
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend
Sam
October 28, 2016 at 7:53 am
Okay so my ex broke up with me a few weeks ago, i tried to contact him but he blocked me. Finally today i said “hey since like now we are friends again, wanna hang out?” he said yea but after i texted him that, he said “im with my girl” I was soo heartbroken i don’t know what to do now
Please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 29, 2016 at 1:41 am
Hi Sam,
he blocked you in social media? How many weeks has it been since you broke up? Do you want to try the no contact rule?
Tammy
October 26, 2016 at 6:44 am
It’s been another one month didn’t hear a word from him. He is with this girl for like 2months. He seems to be very happy with this new relationship and moved on. I see the pictures of him taking her out for family dinner. I want to move on, but I can’t stop thinking of him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 11:11 am
Hi Tammy,
Moving on is really a process.. and it doesn’t mean you will stop thinking of him just after months.. but right now, did you maintain the routine you started with no contact? Do you still do things that has progress? Like a class or volunteering?
Stephanie
October 26, 2016 at 12:56 am
So, my ex fiancé and I broke up on Oct 7, 2016 over something stupid. He left and come to find out few days later he was already talking to another girl but yet he said he never cheated. He’s now dating her but her and her BF just broke up as well. She lives 2500 miles away. Him and I have a 21 month old daughter together and now unfortunately another baby on the way as well in 2017. I’ve been so torn up about this break up. I can’t go without contact because of our daughter but i miss him so much! Our break up hasn’t been the nicest. He said if I’m willing to be civil with him, he’s willing to still help with rent but not live here even when he gets into his own place until our lease is up in March 2017. Idk what to think what to do, I can’t eat, sleep nothing. His new gf thinks she’s in love with him but they haven’t seen each other in 8 years, she plans on moving down here in 2-5 months if that happens I think I might lose my mind. Any advice?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 27, 2016 at 7:07 pm
Hi Stephanie,
What do you mean they haven’t seen each other in 8 years, did you mean days or was just that an expression? If you’re going to do no contact, it will be limited. You can talk to him but only about your pregnancy and child.. nothing else.. no relationship, blaming, no feelings talk..Just focus in healing up, being healthy for your baby and yourself. THe girl is probably a rebound.. check this one too:
Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together
vicky
October 23, 2016 at 9:13 am
My ex broke up with me one month ago. he was rude and horribly disrespectful to me, i wanted to follow the no contact rule but unfortunately we go to the same college and we have our seats next to one another. so we still saw each other at school all the time and still do. after constant fighting we decided to be civil with one another. after a few weeks we started talking again and we started skipping each other and having decent conversations. he then started to flirt with me and we started the whole secret touching and making out at school, he then asked me to go to his house the one day and i thought maybe he missed me and wanted to get back together. which made me super happy, later that week i get a message from him saying “don’t come over, i have a new girlfriend sorry” i didn’t understand since for a few weeks we were so close again, talking and having an intimate relationship with each other. I really thought he liked me again and that he missed me. My friends say he was just messing with me but i just want him back but now theres this new girl in the picture. i really need advice on this whole thing.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 24, 2016 at 11:12 pm
Hi Vicky,
you can still do the no contact rule but in your case, it would be limited.. just be civil with him at school.. I know you’re angry and hurt but be civil and calm as best you can. if he initiates a conversation, be short and polite with your reply.. Dont be engaging.. be active in improving yourself..join new clubs or groups, short courses, or volunteer, make new friends, have a makeover, work out, do better in school..
Do it for at least for 30 days and then continue that routine when slowly rebuilding rapport with him..
Kirsty Hert
October 21, 2016 at 1:41 pm
So me and my boyfriend broke up 4 days ago. Monday 17th October 2016 around 10pm. It basically started when we hadn’t seen each other for 8 days. He missed me. He asked me if I could come round and I said yes. I cancelled an appointment to be with him. A few hours later, I got a message to say that I didn’t have to get him at 3:30 from somewhere. Instead, he wanted me to pick him up at 5:00. I said no because it was messing me around. We had a bit of an argument, as he was with a friend called Alex and a girl called Shannon. They stayed at her place. After hours of no contact since his phone died, we eventually heard from him (he charged his phone) but it was around 8:30 at night. I met up with him at Lidl’s and his friends were there. Shannon had her arm round his back (near his bottom) and I got wound up. After I gave him a hug and picked him up, I took him to mine for a little while. We had a disagreement in the back garden. He seemed alright when he left. I said “love you” and he said “love you” back. He left but then about 40 minutes later, he said he didn’t love me anymore. Shannon likes him and he likes her back. He suddenly liked her a day after breaking up with me. I haven’t slept well or eaten much. I want him back and I’m gutted. He sent all of my stuff back and I sent his back pretending I didn’t care. He said he only wants to be friends now and that he’s moving on. How can I change that?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 22, 2016 at 9:27 pm
hi kirsty,
check this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Megan
October 21, 2016 at 3:42 am
How about we not try and break up people’s relationships?
Amanda
October 19, 2016 at 11:32 pm
So I was married for a year and half when my husband told me he had to leave. He said that he had to go fulfill his purpose and that he had to go in order to do so. He said he loved me too much and wanted to get everything I wanted out of my marriage and that he couldn’t give it to me right now and his mission is bigger than what I am supposed to bear. I was obviously devastated and didn’t see it coming. We had been together for 5 1/2 years and we hurdled through a lot of obstacles together. We are very opposite but have this deep, profound connection and love. He went through a big life change shortly after we got married and that was a really hard adjustment for me. He changed his appearance, beliefs, I was no longer first I came second to all of these new things he was discovering which is where he found his mission in life. We battled through our first year of marriage and tried to just love each other but he really struggled with the feeling that we weren’t supposed to be together but I fought hard for us. We were in a really good place and then out of no where is when he said he had to leave. The energy felt different and I knew I couldn’t fight for him I knew he was going this time. He moved out and I filed for divorce right away, I didn’t want the process to linger longer than it had to. I was really angry and hurt and we had many conversations and he even asked if I would take him back but this made me angry because he chose to leave and start this process and it was painful and I didn’t want him toying with my feelings like that so we proceeded. After 3 months of separation we tried to “date” again, we were still married and hadn’t gone through the final stage of the divorce yet because we wanted to see how the dating period would go. It was after several weeks of dating that I came to a point where I said I can’t do this and I want someone who wants to put me first and wants the same things as me. I had felt like he wasn’t trying to save our marriage and I just felt it was time to walk away and at this point I felt I had some closure and I was ready to take on the journey of healing and that some other man was out there that would be perfect for me. We finalized our divorced. During this process we were able to stay friendly and very peaceful. We never had it out with harsh words or anything and was able to help each other through each step of this painful process so that was a blessing but I was sure that this was the right thing for us even though I didn’t want it and don’t believe in divorce. I got into the dating world and went on a couple dates and felt fine. It wasn’t until I got into a new relationship things were going good and my ex had let me know he was in a new relationship as well and so that was all good, we were both moving forward. After a couple of weeks of dating my new boyfriend I started to have feelings for my ex husband of missing him and wishing it was him and not my new boyfriend. I suppressed these feelings as people said this was normal to miss your ex but it was happening more and more and I didn’t feel like it was fair to have those feelings and date someone so I broke off the relationship. I felt like maybe I wasn’t ready for a new relationship if I was feeling these feelings after months of not having any feelings like that for my ex. My ex and I started conversing some. It was casual at first and then we got into talking about our feelings and he expressed he was having mixed feelings too but he wanted to see where this new relationship would go and let it run it’s course. He even asked what would I change about our relationship and I asked in reciprocation. He said exactly what I was missing from him and I told him if he wanted to to go back to the way things were he had all the capabilities to do so but he had to do them for him, I couldn’t make him. We talked on the phone a couple nights for hours, it felt like old times and we were both feeling the same feelings. I wouldn’t text him first because I wanted to give him respect for his relationship but he would text me and some days we would flirt a lot and some days he would be just friendly. All of our conversing really made my feelings develop more for him. This was surprising because like I said before I had put him out of my mind that we would never have a future together. But now I feel like I can’t ignore these feelings and I truly feel like we are meant to be together. This time apart from him, I have found my confidence and I know I am worthy. There was things I was not prepared for when I married him and I have discovered those things and I am more ready than ever for it! I do believe that this time a part has given us what we needed for him and I to know what was missing and what we would do differently. What I am struggling with is he still says he can’t be with me , that he’s come this far and he can’t come back. But I sense and feel that he wants to and he says he does but he can’t. He is also in this new relationship with someone younger who is in college and lives states away. He says she makes him feel like a King and I did what your not supposed to and asked what was so different between her and I and he said who said their was a difference? He says she reminds him of me in so many ways and he said he’s thought of me when he’s been with her and at times wished it was me. To me this tells me he’s with her because she reminds him of me but he’s still missing me because she’s not me. He’s posted their picture a lot on social media which kills me every time but I just can’t shake this feeling that we are meant to be together and that our relationship is not over. I feel like this time a part has given us the time to prepare for each other (not consciously knowing this) and that the best versions of us are being prepared for each other and that just maybe this new relationship he’s in is preparing him for me too, as painful as it is. I am trying to take each day as it comes and try to stay focused that it will happen but it might take a little time. I just want an outside view point, do you think I am far off here or is does it seem like it’s never going to happen?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 21, 2016 at 5:59 pm
Hi Amanda,
what was the purpose that he cant fulfill it with you? Has he fulfilled it now? I do think there’s a chance but do you want to try doing the no contact rule?
Emily
October 19, 2016 at 3:01 am
My ex an I dated for 3 years. I broke up with him 9 months ago to get my life together. He has dated 2 girls since then each for a month. Now he is in a relationship with a girl who was my best friend. They have been together for a week now but it’s been awhile since we have been apart so I’m worried it’s serious. He tried to get me back twice since we broke up but the first time I wasn’t ready and the second time we made plans to see each other and he blew me off. I mistakenly lashed out at his new girlfriend and don’t know what to do next. I really want him back. Please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 20, 2016 at 10:10 pm
Hi Emily,
What do you think about the advice above? I think you should check this two too:
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)
The Guide To Getting Him Back After A Year (Or More) Apart
Even if you have only been apart less than a year, I think you should still consider checking the last link..
Amy
October 17, 2016 at 4:10 pm
My relationship of 6 years has recently ended and I am devastated. It was full of ups and downs (mostly due to me suffering from depression/anxiety) and after buying a house together last year things became strained again this year for a number of reasons. My now ex-boyfriend grew close to someone he works with and developed feelings for her, they kissed once. After becoming suspiscious that he was keeping something from me, he eventually told me the truth and that he didn’t love me anymore.
He still works with this girl, and i feel it is inevitable that something will happen between them. I am trying to move on but am finding it extremely hard as i am still so in love with him. I am trying my best at no contact, but it is difficult as we own a house which we are now trying to sell so i have to speak to him. He doesn’t seem to miss me in the slightest, and has told me he is happy and enjoying being single. He has been supportive and tells me he still cares about me. Is there any hope of us getting back together?
Amy
October 26, 2016 at 11:28 am
We have now sold our house so no contact is more doable. I have been doing this for nearly a week now and only communicating when absolutely necessary about the house. I am also having some therapy to try and help me improve myself.
My friends feel he is having some sort of crisis, this has all happened at the same time as him turning 30. In addition to this new girl (who is considerably younger!) he has also been drinking a lot and using drugs. GIGS does seem likely, but should i take him back if he realises the error of his ways? He has treated me so badly.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 12:07 pm
well not right away.. let him prove to you if he’s serious..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 18, 2016 at 5:39 pm
Hi Amy,
I think you should read this.
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
paula
October 17, 2016 at 1:03 pm
Firstly I would like to say thank you for this website it has some really good advice on here. My partner broke up with me four months ago after eighteen years together .I’m 46 he is 48. I was completely floored by his decision. He told me one Saturday evening that he wasn’t happy and an hour later he was gone. Three weeks later he phoned me drunk to say that he had feelings for the woman that works in his office (he has his own business).She is 38. I was devastated as we seemed happy togehter and spent lots of time together. I have since found out that he was texting her on weekends etc even before we split up. He has also been confiding in her about how unhappy he was with me. Initially he used to contact me to sort out finances and things to do with the house. He would then text me every week or so to see how I was doing. At the beginning of September I told him that he shouldn’t contact me any more as it was too painful for me to deal with all the emotion that his contact was creating. I didn’t here from him for three weeks, nor did I make any attempt to contact him, then he text me late one Friday night to say he was feeling out of sorts and good he crash at mine. Although he said I wasnt to ask him any questions as to why he wanted to stay. Stupidly I let him stay in the spare room, as as much as he’s hurt me, I cant switch my feeling off for him yet. The next evening he asked me to come over for dinner, then text again to say he shouldn’t have sent it and he was being silly. When I bump in to him its like he never sent those messages or stayed at my place.I am wondering if he even mentioned to his new woman that he stayed. I try not to read anything in to what he says, but it does make me confused as to what he wants. Every time I am starting to move on there is some reason he pops up in my life. I also think that because of my feelings for him that he is, and I am allowing him to use me as he is playing on my feelings. No contact is the best way as it makes you stronger, less emotional and enables you to make the right decisions at the right time.
Paula
October 18, 2016 at 7:44 pm
Hi,
Yes I’ve reset with the NC and I’m determined to not let him weaken my emotionally . I feel that if I weaken my resolve I will always end up being his go to girl in times of need.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 18, 2016 at 5:03 pm
Hi Paula,
So, do you mean you’re continuing no contact?
Leanne
October 15, 2016 at 8:08 pm
I was going out with my partner for about 16 months. I started having doubts about our relationship because I couldn’t see a long term future with him. I am a full tie mature student with a young son and I didn’t want to move in together. He said he would respect that and be patient. I felt that our relationship should have a natural progression and that I was holding back and not moving forward. I told him I thought it wasn’t fair on him – that I saw it as controlling on my part. As the same time I found our I was pregnant and my “walls” went up and I pushed hi away. I said I loved him but couldn’t see a future for us. It was devastating for me to say as I loved him and he was just a wonderful partner. I couldn’t understand how I could feel this way. I ended the relationship as I couldn’t keep him hanging in limbo any longer. It was awful. I missed him and when he came over the next day to get some of his things, we ended up sleeping together. It just felt so right and yet I was so confused. We were I contact over the next eek, mainly I was asking how he was doing and asked if I felt I had made the right decision. I sad I thought it was a terrible decision but the only one I could make. I visited him on the weekend with my son and we had coffee. I wanted to reach out to him and hold him, but I just couldn’t. We talked a few days later on the phone and he told me he had met someone online and that they’d had dinner together. I was shocked but understood. He said he was lonely. Our conversation became intimate and I asked him over. We had a wonderful night together but again I was left confused, and so was he. I asked him more about this woman and he said he had spent some time with her and they had even kissed but nothing more. I was horrified as I didn’t realize how far it had gone. Now he had a connection with this woman and he could see a potential future with her. The next day he messaged me to ask me how I felt. I said I was confounded and admitted that over the last week, I had come to regret my decision and upon learning about the new woman in his life, I had decided to be honest with him about my feelings. This turned his world upside down. He was wrestling with the potential of this new relationship an where it could lead, with he feelings he still ha for me but the hurt I caused him. He was frustrated and said he wished that I had told him before he met her. I was in such turmoil and anguish t the thought I might loose. In the meantime we were messaging a little bit about our feelings and confusion over the situation. I said I had so much to say and he offered to come over to talk about it. I laid all my feelings out in front of him. He said if he hadn’t met this new woman, it would be a no-brainer and he would come back to me even though he had been terribly hurt and it would take time before he could have confidence in my feelings for him and our future. We started to kiss and I said please don’t do it if you don’t mean it. I don’t want o be the other woman. We had an amazing night with incredible conversation and he decided that he would come back to me. I was elated but at the same time had feelings of guilt for coming between him and this new woman, Jo. The next morning he left to tell her about his decision. He rang later and said he was so sorry but he just couldn’t tell her because he didn’t want to have regrets and didn’t know which way to go. This was yesterday. I told him that he knew how I felt and that he had to make the decision that would make him happy. Jo asked him if we kissed and he said yes, but didn’t say that we made love the night before and earlier in the wee. I want him to tell her but haven’t articulated that. He text me last night to say how confused he is and he doesn’t know what to do. I can’t eat or sleep. I’ve lost weight and at 12 weeks pregnant, I’m in a complete state of flux. This is the biggest regret of my life. I want to message him and keep in contact but I feel like I’m pestering him. I fell sick about the whole thing. Loosing him, coming between him and someone new, the baby. It’s just awful.
Leanne
October 17, 2016 at 5:45 am
Oh, he found out at the same time I did, which was about 4 weeks before I ended the relationship.. So he knows about the baby. It was hard for him that I wanted to break it off initially because he wanted to be completely involved.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 18, 2016 at 3:35 pm
ok..for now, try doing the no contact rule for you and your baby..it’s ok to talk to him about your appointment and the baby but other than that focus in healing and nourishing your baby.. do that for at least 30 days.. that way you can give him space too
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 16, 2016 at 7:55 pm
Hi Leanne,
when do you plan on telling him about the baby? I’m not saying that it could be the reason for him to go back to you but, I think before anything else, he should know..
Davina
October 15, 2016 at 1:20 am
I had a boyfriend for 10 months. We both said we wanted to be together forever. And I broke up with him due to personal problems, and he has a new girlfriend. We talk now, and he started asking me questions about our relationship, for example, he asked What I miss about him. And just things like that. And I really do want him back, I went I’m pretty sure 3 weeks without talking to him. But of course I still saw him, and he would ask my friends about me. And of course I’m respecting his relationship. I told him I still had feelings, and that I would wait for him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 15, 2016 at 4:16 am
Hi Davina,
you’re schoolmates? how old are you both?
Ashley
October 12, 2016 at 4:32 pm
My ex broke up with me 3 months ago because I got mad when he didnt text me back.I didnt make any drama when he broke up with me.I did 30 days no contact and then texted him.We had coffee together, laugh, talk…After we were texting for month.I didnt talk about our break up, nor about our relationship.There was one party and he knew I will be there, we both were invited.When i came there he was with new girlfriend.He said he met het her 10 days ago.I was shocked because we were texting last months and also few days beforw that, he was helping me to buy some furniture. He didnt say anything about her.I was kind of rude to him that night, I couldnt hid my reaction so i just kind of raised my voice and said 10 days ago you met her and he told me dont mke drama please.So i just left him and went to dance with another guy. Should i just gave up?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 13, 2016 at 6:31 am
Hi Ashley,
Oh no, you should have just acted cool.. Hmm, if you want to move on that’s ok.. but if you want to try more, you have to lay low for a while and focus in being busy again.. maybe a week and then when you initiate contact don’t ever blame him or ask him about his relationship.