Breakups are tough. Everyone involved is affected on some personal level. However, have you ever stopped to consider how your children would be affected? I am going to tell you a secret. Out of everyone who visits my site it is the women who have children that I cheer for the most. It’s not that I want them to succeed because I like them more than everyone else. No, it’s because I want them to succeed so their kids have a father figure in their lives, a father figure that is actually their father.
I have thought a lot about how I was going to approach this page. I could take the easy way out and give you a general outlook of how to get an ex back who is the father of your children. That is what everyone else seems to be doing, writing a little lead up and then giving you five very general bullet points telling you the “secrets” to making him want you back. But I think I am going to take a different approach. I want to do things the hard way. The page that you see here today is going to be one of the best resources ever created for getting your ex boyfriend back if you have kids together. Lets dive right in.
An Important Announcement Before We Start
I want you succeed.
No seriously, I REALLY want you to succeed. Above I talked about how out of everyone who visits this site you are the ones who I most want to see win out in the end. My heart really goes out to all the single mothers out there because you really have to be strong for yourself and for your children.
Looking around this site I am sure you have noticed my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. I am really proud of this thing. It took me two whole months to write and I honestly feel that it is the best resource online right now for raising your chances at getting an ex back (of course, I am a little biased haha ;).)
In addition to that I have also written a book called, The Texting Bible.
Imagine a bible that is full of text messages deconstructing everything you need to say through texts to get your ex boyfriend back.
Lets get started, whatdya say?
Your Set Of Rules Are Different
If you are an avid reader of this site then you have probably already realized that there is a certain framework that I use for getting your ex back. Usually, it goes something like this:
While this framework has been wildly successful for many of the women have used it the rules are a little different if you have children with the person you are trying to get get back. It is important that you understand this fact. Accept that an entirely different set of rules has to be applied. Now, I don’t want you to get too disappointed because the framework you see above will still work to a certain extent but there are bits and pieces that have to be modified. Lets look at our first major change.
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The No Contact Rule Becomes The Minimal Contact Rule
I am sure you have heard of the no contact rule. You know, the one where you are supposed to essentially freeze your ex out for around 30 days. I am a big believer in this for a very long list of reasons that I frankly don’t have the patience to list here. You can check them out on my no contact rule page.
Anyways, no contact isn’t exactly possible if kids are involved. You are going to be forced to have a face to face with your ex at some point (to exchange kids.) The question now becomes “how can you implement the no contact rule in this case?” The answer is actually quite simple, you don’t. This is one of those rare cases where no contact cannot be done so you have to modify the rules a little bit. Below I am going to list the major changes that you have to implement with regards to the NC rule.
- No contact for 30 days becomes MINIMAL texting, calling or emailing for 30 days.
- No face to face confrontations for 30 days becomes minimal face to face contact for 30 days.
So, I am going to take a moment to dissect the changes we just made to the no contact rule.
MINIMAL Texting, Calling, Emailing or Facebooking For 30 Days
The original no contact rule clearly states that you should have no contact with your ex at all for at least 30 days. However, since there are kids involved this really won’t work. Unless your ex is a total deadbeat he is going to want to see his children. Maybe the kids will get sick while they are with him and he doesn’t know what to do so he calls you. The possibilities are endless when there are kids involved so the no contact rules have to change. Here is what I want you to do.
- DO NOT initiate any friendly, casual chats with your ex.
- The ONLY time that you should initiate a texting conversation or call is if there is an important discussion that has to happen because of your kids.
- If he texts you but it’s not about the children DO NOT engage with him.
- If he texts you and IT IS about the children then and only then can you engage with him.
- If he steers the conversation towards you or your relationship after asking about the children do not fall into that trap.
MINIMAL Face To Face Contact For 30 Days
Originally in the no contact rule there is to be no face to face contact for at least 30 days. However, again since you have kids the rules are a little bit different. Usually with regular, kidless couples, I get inquiries about what to do if you have to pick up your stuff from your exes place. However, with couples that had children I get inquiries about what to do if you have to see your ex while exchanging kids. Well, in the case that you have to come face to face with your ex for the kids you should follow the rules below:
- DO NOT get into an argument or fight with your ex. You are there to drop off your kids and that is it.
- When you have to talk to your ex make sure that you smile and are as attractive as possible.
- Keep your conversations short, to the point but in a very pleasant and nice tone.
- The ultimate goal is for him not to be able to tell that you are bothered by seeing him.
- You want him to think that you are unaffected by the breakup.
Time To Improve
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizI am just going to tell you this up front. Successfully completing a MCP (Minimal Contact Period) like I explained above probably won’t be enough to get your ex boyfriend to come back. Don’t let this fool you though as it is an integral part of the ex recovery process. Now, I am going to ask you a question: “what do you think most people do when they enter into a NC or MC period?”
Right now, I probably get close to 50 emails a day all asking me for my help. While each person has a unique story I am starting to see an alarming trend, and it’s not good. The women who tend to fail time and time again at getting their exes back do absolutely nothing during their no contact/minimal contact periods.
This is bad for five reasons:
- Doing nothing allows you time to dwell on any mistakes you have made.
- You will literally live every day in stress.
- You are more likely to break NC/MC.
- You get too overemotional so when it is time to finally make your move things don’t tend to go well.
- You are no different from the girl you were before.
So, the question now becomes, “what do I do during MC?”
The answer is actually quite simple, it’s time for you to evolve! I am a big believer in the fact that if a relationship you were in failed before you need to change something in order to ensure success in the future. Now, our main goal here is to get your ex back. The previous version of you may not have been good enough for him in his eyes. So, you may need to evolve into something that is.
What Should You Evolve Into?
I was at a local bar the other day with my buddy. It’s a pretty popular place around where I live and the two of us usually meet up there when we want to catch up. Anyways, the waitress who waited on us this particular day was one of those girls who both my buddy and I found very attractive.
The owner eventually came over to say hi to us and to talk our waitress up as “a beautiful girl but one of the nicest people you will ever meet.”
While rave reviews from other people always help in dictating how “hot” a girl is I was more interested in how other people reacted to her. I am a little weird like that. Anyways, it became evident to me that this waitress held a spell over every single man in that bar after watching her interact with other customers. So, while all the other guys were picturing themselves with her I began to think about this site! I began to think, “what is this waitress doing that can cast a spell over men like that.”
She was obviously very pretty but there was more to it than that. It was the way she carried herself, the way she would play hard to get and the way she could confidently look any man in the eye and make HIM go weak in the knees. She was the ultimate “ungettable girl.”
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Becoming An Ungettable Girl
During your MC period you need to focus on becoming an ungettable girl. A word of warning, this is not going to be easy to accomplish. It is going to require you to make sacrifices you don’t want to make and do things that are way outside the box. In the section above I talked about a beautiful waitress who waited on a friend and me. I classified her as an “ungettable girl” for a number of reasons. I am going to go through those reasons. This should provide you with some insight to the male mind and what we find attractive. I am hoping you can use these thoughts to formulate your own game plan on how you, yourself can re-attract your ex by becoming “ungettable.”
- The waitresses was obviously very beautiful so that caught my eye right away.
- Nothing I said would phase her. For example, I got the vibe that nothing I could have said would have been able to seduce her. (Men always want what they can’t have.)
- She would walk very confidently.
- She had a great body but interestingly she wasn’t overly well endowed (if you catch my meaning.)
- She had social proof from the room. Other men would hit on her which in turn raised her value to me. Men seeing other men admire their girl is a good thing!
- She didn’t come to our table and stay for very long. She knew how to play hard to get.
So, what I am going to do is go through each of the bullet points above, one by one and dissect them for you so you get a better idea of how to evolve and become “ungettable.”
She was very beautiful!
Obviously, a lot of this has to do with genetics. I am not trying to sound rude or insensitive here but some women are prettier than others (physically.) However, don’t lose your confidence yet. If you don’t feel you are drop dead gorgeous or feel like there is no way that you can become that you can make up for it with the other qualities. Trust me!
She was un-seducable!
Seducing a woman is a very gratifying feeling for a man. He likes to go back to his buddies and brag about his success. It strokes his ego a little bit. However, there is something incredibly appealing about the woman who can’t be seduced. Now, it is important to understand the difference between a flat out &*%$ and a woman who can’t be seduced. An unseducable woman will tease a little bit and make a man feel like he has a chance. A flat out &*^% will say mean things and leave no doors open. Men like a chase, so give them one!
Confidence!
I feel this one is common sense. What would be more attractive to you:
A man who slouches over, shakes a lot and displays no confidence?
or
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizA confident man who is charming, has good posture and can string a sentence together without shaking?
Yup, confidence is sexy. Even to men! So, if you want any chance of reuniting your family then you need to make sure you display it in spades.
A sexy body is key!
As a “get your ex back” authority I am not afraid to admit that I have a little bit of a pet peeve. If you have gained wait since you had your child and were too lazy to get your body back to tip top shape then you are on my bad side. Nothing is more unattractive to a man than a girl who has grown a little pudgy. Now, if you have “let yourself go a little” don’t despair because you can do something about it. While facial beauty is genetic and there is nothing you can do about it, there is something you can do about having a sexy body. Hit the gym!
Social Proof!
Social proof is a concept that I learned from probably the sleaziest of men, pickup artists. Now, I don’t hate men who are “pickup artists” I just hate how they can sometimes use women and have no care for their feelings. Nevertheless, when I read about social proof I actually kind of dug it and applied it to the “ungettable girl” qualities.
The best way I could describe social proof would be to take the example of that waitress going around talking to other guys in the bar. I would see these men hit on her and knew that if other men found her attractive than she is definitely attractive. Essentially, it raised her value in my eyes.
If you can find a way to get social proof from other men and show it to your ex in a non confrontational way then you can bet that your value will raise in his eyes.
Playing hard to get!
Ungettable girls are masters at this! Essentially they create a real life game of cat and mouse. The UG (ungettable girl) dangles herself in front of a man tempting him to take a chance on her. When he does, she pulls away at the last minute and he misses. Right after he misses she dangles herself in front of him again. If you get in this position then you are in a fantastic spot.
The Rules For Contacting Your Ex After MC
Alright, so lets do a quick recap of what we have discussed so far so that we make sure we are all on the same page here.
- You are going to enter into MC.
- During MC you will evolve into an UG.
What now? What are you supposed to do after minimal contact ends?
Well, now it is time to make your move. You are going to do so through texting. However, before you send anything we need to set up some parameters to give you the best chance of success.
Mistakes With Opening The Conversation
The mistake I see time and time again when it comes to opening the conversation with an ex boyfriend is the temptation to use your kids to do so. DO NOT DO THIS. While it is almost 100% guaranteed to get a response talking about your children does nothing for repairing YOUR relationship with your boyfriend.
Another common mistake I see is the failure to realize that just getting a response from an ex at the beginning isn’t good enough. You need to get a positive response. There are four outcomes that can ultimately occur when you send a text message.
You can get no response:
You can get a negative response:
You can get a neutral response:
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(For more text messages like this please check out my Texting Bible.)
How To Get Positive Responses
There are a lot of factors that go into getting a positive response from a text message you send. Some of the factors you do have control over and some you do not. I do think it is important to mention that the way your ex responds to you via text message is a way of determining how good you are doing in your quest to get him, you and the kids back together. Allow me to expand on this idea a bit further….
Usually, (though not all the time) if your ex is responding in a positive way to all of your text messages that means he is very interested in what you are saying and it could be a way of determining that he is thinking about reuniting with you or the idea is at least in his mind. On the flipside though, if you are constantly getting a lot of neutral, negative or no responses from him it does not bode well for your chances.
What to do if you are constantly getting neutral, negative or no responses
If you are getting too many of these types of responses I want you to STOP EVERYTHING FOR A MINUTE. You ex is clearly trying to tell you something here. While it may be hard the only thing that can help you in this case is giving him some more time to calm down a little bit and get less angry with you. I would say the safest play is to wait another full month of MC.
Ways To Get Positive Responses
I am not going to lie to you. Getting a positive response from an ex boyfriend who is probably very angry with you is not going to be the easiest thing to do in the world. However, it is important that you tell yourself that it can be done. Because it totally can! What you need to do is send him a text that is so interesting or intriguing that he would have no choice but to respond to it in a positive way. Yes, this will require some outside the box thinking and maybe some inspiration from around the internet. I suggest you start working on this text during your minimal contact time frame.
Erin
April 30, 2022 at 9:42 am
Hi, I have a unique situation. I would like to have a one to one coaching but I haven’t any money for that.
My ex and I have never been in a committed relationship. We were seeing each other for 5 years. We have a child together, almost 3. He has not been in our sons life until last year and then he asked to move in but he asked for what I expected of him and I had a few boundaries which are all reasonable but he suddenly said no and suddenly moved away. Our dynamic is anxious (me) avoidant (him). He withdrew and I went to his house, cried, begged him back, everything!! He shit down which always happens and now he’s moved away and won’t talk to me. This has been a few months. I lashed out saying he’s abandoning our son. He’s moved out of our city.
I have spent time reading about attachment and we are typical anxious and avoident. I chase and he runs and he’s very scared.
I’ve followed the ex boyfriend program and I am spending lots of time working on areas of my life that I’d like to improve and my main goal is shifting myself to a more secure position because this will help
Me in all areas of my life and being a mum and friendships and any future relationship. My goal was to get my ex back but it’s a huge challenge because he says he won’t commit to anyone ever! Though we had a close connection that neither of us had had we also hurt each other a lot. I am not safe to him anymore and on my side I feel angry that he’d leave our son.
I am doing a 45 day no contact. I like it! It was hard at first because all I wanted to do was re connect and fix things! However now I’m not sure I want him back, not how it was anyway but I do want positive communication between us for our son and for him to start seeing our son again.
In no contact advice for getting a baby daddy back Chris says some useful things but I’m not sure what or if to text at all after no contact?
My ex will not respond to how are you or asking how he is as he finds this intrusive. He sees any questions as control (he’s hard work, fears any thing in his freedom, massively fearful and anxious though also avoidant and withdraws at the smallest conflict). I know him well and he needs space and a lot of it but he also needs an olive branch to feel safer to be in touch otherwise he gets stuck. I think!
He will not reply to any text that is being funny or hey look at this one guess what? He will see right through it as me trying to be in touch I think.
Chris wrote don’t talk about the kids first, let him do it. So what on earth do I say!!?
It’s not so much about getting him back anymore (that would only happen with committing and he says no with anyone) and I am enjoying focusing on being more secure and my own goals in that I’m weirdly okay on my own!!! So my main goal is getting my baby daddy back for my little boy. So what text do I say for this?
Thanks so much for any advice xx
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 2, 2022 at 8:17 pm
Hey Erin, so the work you are doing and have done is great and it is realist goal that you want him to be in your sons life knowing you are not going to get the commitment relationship that you would like. Knowing that you do not want him back means that you can reach out to him telling him that if he wants to be in touch with your son that he can but it needs to be consistent and regular where he does not let your son down – if he chooses not to be in your sons life that tells you everything about him that you needed to know and your child is better off without someone who is not willing to make an effort to see their child.
Charlene
July 27, 2021 at 7:09 am
Hey so heads up this is a lengthy one. My ex and i had a child 4 years ago and split 3years ago. I was battling stuff from my past and have had help in the last 6 months. He would message saying about us trying again but i did not feel strong enough to. We had lost loved ones whilst we were together my grandad and his 5yo whilst i was pregnant. After losing his son he seemed less affectionate to me. I tried so hard to let him off due to such a loss i could not even dare to imagine. At the end of last year and start of this year we were talking loads face timing. His mum had covid his dad passed from covid. It didnt seem a right time to start working on us. We have only spoke about our son the last few months. My son mentioned some people i queried with him. He didnt say if there was anything going on but they had met up. I have sorted myself wanting to try again and now he seems frustrated and possibly angry saying he lost interest as he tried for so long and i showed no interest he thought it was never going to happen. I am messaging trying to explain where my heads at and the stuff i have had to deal with the emotions i have felt in hopes he can understand and forgive me. He tends to only respond about our son. Please help. Im hoping its not the end of the road for us.
Jazzy Miller
October 9, 2020 at 4:55 pm
The father of my child told me he was cheating on me for a year. We broke up last month on the 16th. I’ve begged him to try again but he said he couldn’t. He told me to move on. He told me he was physically attracted to me but not emotionally. I lied to him about something small and he never truly forgave me. For over a year and half I was depressed still am actually. I’m seeing a therapist so I’m getting help. When we first got together I was happy we were best friends for months before we started dating. After I hurt him he wasn’t the same. For about two weeks I’ve had minimum contact with him. Talked only about our daughter through text. When I see him I do ask how he is and stuff. I don’t go into anything about our relationship. I’m smiling and I try to be somewhat put together somtimes he drops by to see our daughter and I’m a mess. Ha. So Im sure he is already sleeping with another girl or the same ones he cheated on me with. Is there any hope for us? I’ve prayed to God to show me how to forgive and during one of the texts about our daughter I got angry and told him that he wasn’t putting her in daycare that doesn’t care much about their own kids let alone a stranger’s. I told him this was his decision that he caused he is going to find a different solution. Told him he lied to me for a year he could have continued for a few more. He replied “no justification I shouldn’t have done it but there is no going back”. For some reason I forgave him right then (didn’t tell him). I’m not angry that he cheated I’m angry that he doesn’t want to try to work it out (I haven’t let him know this). I’m not sure what to do. I do want to try but I don’t know if he’ll ever want to. I’m trying my hardest to take steps forward to moving on but I’m dragging my feet.
Xo
September 16, 2020 at 8:50 pm
Hello,
My sons father broke up with me two weeks ago on August 28th and he packed up and moved back in with his parents. He left because he would get mad that I would always ask what time he would be home when he would go out. Our son just turned one this past weekend and we are coparenting. He would text me everyday asking about him and even talk about other stuff besides our son. We’ve since slept together twice and now we got into an argument since he blocked me on social media I have friends who tell me what he does and I asked him about it so he said to stay outta his business and that we’re done with whatever we where doing and it’s only going to be strictly conversations about our son. I’m just confused on what to do and how to get us back together
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 18, 2020 at 3:18 pm
Hey there, so to start you need to stop asking your friends what he is posting and doing online as this is currently none of your business. You are broken up you need to give the impression that you are doing great and not bothered by what he is doing. You need to follow a limited no contact where you only speak to him about your child, nothing else. Read some more articles so that you can understand hat it is you need to do.
Hayley
August 21, 2020 at 4:38 am
My ex bf left two months ago he text me everyday to ask about my daughter and I but it seems he is just trying to be coool with me as friends. He has me blocked on SOcial media except fb. He is 10 years younger then I , he is 21 and it seems he wants to meet other women. My daughter is just a year old. When we text I try to be short as an we are doing good and that’s it. I don’t know how else I can show him that I’m not desperate anymore as when I contacted him a month ago to give it another shot. We were together for only 2 years
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 27, 2020 at 1:28 pm
Hi Hayley, I am assuming from length of relationship that your daughter is his, not confirmed. So you would need to follow a limited no contact and speak about your shared child (If it is not his child then you need to do a full no contact). This needs to be at least for 30 days where you show him you are carrying on with your life and not struggling because he has left. Read the articles about being Ungettable this will help you understand what moves to make
Mac-D
August 16, 2020 at 6:29 am
So my boyfriend n i broke up few months ago n we have been in no contact for 3 months. N i tried contacting him but he is still angry n saying i need to move on. But he says he still love me just that he doesn’t want to be hurt so he wanna try something new but i still want him back wat should I do…
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 17, 2020 at 11:24 pm
Go back into another NC for 45 days and do not break it. Work on yourself in that time and show on social media how you are living life positively and happy
Tasha
August 10, 2020 at 8:44 pm
So what if I left my ex?& He has a drinking problem and I thought having a baby would help him be stronger. Sometimes mean when drinks and he must stop. He is not mad at me and understands his problem, but has not gotten help yet. I haven’t gotten him for child support, so I really don’t have to let him see our baby. But I have. Our son is only 5M, should I let him see him? Where should we meet with Covid? I have so many more questions but I really do miss him.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 11, 2020 at 2:18 pm
Hey Tasha, honestly from the outside looking in it is easy for me to say no do not let him see the baby. But I would suggest that you give him the ultimatum of getting help or he does not get to have a relationship with your child. Him acknowledging the problem doesn’t matter. You need him to seek help and work on being sober with him understanding that he will be sober for the rest of his life if he wants to survive and be healthy enough to be in his sons life.
Mimi
August 5, 2020 at 7:59 pm
Hi
My kids father and I have been together for 10yrs we have 3 kids together our youngest is 3 months old. We have days when we are really good together at co parenting and he treats me as if we are going to get back together then other days he says how he doesn’t want to be with me. he is over me and is at peace. I know we have had problems before and we have never tried to work them out. I have cried and begged him to try and work things out for the past 4 months and nothing he won’t even talk to me and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I just want him back and to be a family again. What am I doing wrong?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 5, 2020 at 11:36 pm
Hey Mimi, so the issue is that you are begging him to work things out. It is going to seem backwards, but you are going to have to give him the taste of how things will be if you are apart full time. Do not make things easy for him with the kids, let him have them on his own and you go do your own thing during his visits, or when he takes them to his place. Work on yourself so that you are becoming “you” again as you know it takes a lot out of people having a baby. Appear to be doing great with out him is going to make him worried that he is losing his chance to come back
Z
August 3, 2020 at 1:33 pm
Hi so my child’s father left me 3 months ago because he went through my phone and see I was talking to another ex who was mentally manipulating me into talking to him I have then since the split up called the police and I have a injunction on that ex to prove to my child’s dad I want no one but him and our baby is about to turn one I have done as much MC as possible but now I’m starting to feel this will never end and I’ll never get him back.
We talk mutually when we do see each other and we still mess around and we are still having sex I’m very confused.
He says he forgives me and will always love me but can’t be with me because the trust has been broken.
I don’t know if it’s just women but there must be some kind of trust to still be having sex with me.
I just need a little bit of advice because I’m in love with this man.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 5, 2020 at 11:55 pm
Hi Z, so it sounds as if you need to allow him time to get over the fact you were talking to this other ex. However if you are still sleeping with him and talking when he comes to see the baby, then you have not followed a No Contact at all. You need to take a step back and stop sleeping with him and being emotional with him. Do not talk about your relationship or getting back together. You need to give him some time. You have already apologised and asked him to get back and he said no. So if you want to try this program then you need to follow the rules of limited no contact
Bri
August 1, 2020 at 2:25 pm
I was cheated on and left while I was pregnant. I just had the child 3 weeks ago and we have not had any contact since he told me he would not be at the birth a month ago. I found out he took his new girlfriend on a trip at the time of our child’s birth. Is it a lost cause considering the fact that he said he didn’t want a child and I had one anyways? And the fact that he moved on so quickly and doesn’t contact me at all and doesn’t want to see his newborn child?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 1, 2020 at 2:38 pm
Hey Bri, congratulations on your baby! When I say this, I hope you understand where I am coming from as a mother to mother. If the man is walking away from his child and telling you he does not want the child. Then this is not a man you want to be with. It took the two of you to make that child so he knows damn well what would happen if he didnt take the precautions to make sure he didnt become a dad that is on him.
If you want this guy back, then you need to complete a 45 day No Contact, focusing on yourself and enjoy being with your child. Then you can start reaching out after the 45 days following the information about the being there method, because of the new girl.
N
June 25, 2020 at 8:42 pm
Father of my child left 3 weeks ago and want to try get him back. I begged him to come back and have had no contact with him in 5 days now. He left saying we had no spark, I was cruel and controlling. I have had issues in my previous relationship which makes me think the way I am. I really want to get him back. Can you please help or think he will take me back? I am currently going to counciling to talk about my anger and controlling issues.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 27, 2020 at 9:08 pm
Hey N when you have worked on your issues through counselling then I would suggest reaching out to your ex but in the mean time follow a No Contact
NA
June 25, 2020 at 8:37 pm
Father of my child left 3 weeks ago and finding it so hard. I really want him back. I started of begging him to come back from the very start and I went into no contact since 5 days ago. He left telling me the spark was gone, I was cruel and controlling which I was due to previous relationship which I had a barrier up and let it ruin this one. I would love some advice on how and of I can get my ex back? I am currently seen a counciler in relation to my anger and controling issues.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 27, 2020 at 9:11 pm
Hey NA i would suggest that you seek out some help if you were controlling and having issues because of a previous relationship. This would help you in any and all future relationships you have, this includes children and your friends as it can affect all people around you. Then when you are seeking counselling you need to leave it at least 45 days before you start the texting phase. As you share a child you are going to have to have limited contact, this is where you only speak to your ex about the child and nothing else for the time being
Stacey
November 28, 2019 at 7:00 pm
Hi,
What if you ex and yourself were forced into complete no contact due to a court order that was put in place because of his behaviour. It will not end until January 27th 2020 and it was issued on October 27tb 2019, so do far have been in this for 1 month and it’s killing me. I have to schedule our kids with either his sister or a solicitor.
I really though after this amount of time I would have heard that he was done with his rebound, not the case he is still with her.
I wish that the long period of no contact would have helped me move on but it has only made me want him back more. I generally believe he is my other half and I don’t know how to get him back.
His sister has mentioned nothing of him missing me or nothing so I fear that he doesn’t even care for me anymore, especially after all the court stuff.
I just really love him and would do anything to get him back I really would but it seems pointless.
He is a great dad to our kids and I would love us to be a family unit again but he told me he isn’t interested and that he doesn’t love me anymore. Im just so lost and hurt and I fear I’ll never be happy again.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 28, 2019 at 9:26 pm
Hi Stacey, so from the fact you have reached a point of needing a court order it may be a better idea on how to get over the negative things that have happened and work on yourself so that you can become great at coparenting rather than working on getting him back for now. I am not going to lie and say yes you can get him back, I am going to be truthful and say that if you want to get him back, it is going to take some work on your part as all that he is going to have right now is a negative mindset towards you. It make take some time of being friends and doing the being there method to get him even open to thinking about you in that way again.
Elizabeth
November 24, 2019 at 12:56 pm
I’m not trying to get my ex back anymore, but I wanted to thank Chris for his help :-). I was pregnant and abandoned when I found his website. His tips helped me get my daughter’s dad back. I think that as women sometimes we need that male perspective. Anyway this post is just to congratulate Chris and to thank him for his hard work. Thank you for being there when I didn’t know what else to do and had no one to turn to.
Ps. I’m not with my ex now since he’s one of those exceptions where he was not a good person. Choose which ex you want to get back wisely 😀
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 24, 2019 at 6:16 pm
This is awesome new Elizabeth Ill send your thanks to Chris 🙂
J
September 30, 2019 at 10:05 pm
Me and daughter father did the Mc for 2 months we argued every time we talked all because he talk to someone I didn’t want him talking to. After I found out I kicked him out he blamed me for him becoming homeless untill he found a place . My daughter got sick the other day and we both saw each other at the hospital and finally talked. I told him I missed him as he told me . But he told me he wants the relationship back but think am out to get him. He don’t want to be hurt again . Even tho he the one that disrespect me . He also started talking to the chick that we got into about but he said she was their for him , when he needed a place to shower and stuff . He said am his heart and the mother of his child but he care about the other chick and he don’t want to do her wrong by leaving and she said I told you so if we get into it again.I told him well I at least told you how I felt the rest is up on you if you want this . What should I do now .
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 1, 2019 at 8:14 pm
Hi J, so if you have told your ex you’re open to getting back together but it means that the other woman cant be in the situation anymore than it is up to him to prove to you he means what he says. I would not sleep with him unless he has left her and is back with you. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Erica
June 25, 2019 at 12:45 am
I don’t know what to do just recently I found out that My boyfriend of 8 years has been cheating on me since January/ February this year we have a two year old son together he says he loves me but isn’t In love with me because of the things I’ve done in the past he says I left him broke with no money/food an went off to be with my family but can you blame me he didn’t help me with our son I was struggling I could barely do for us at the time being on maternity leave an he also has a drinking problem he can’t communicate an dosent show his emotions even if I wanna talk he dosent wanna hear it ever smh an it’s sick because I’m still in love with him I’m not saying I’m perfect either but still not to justify cheating , I need help an I literally don’t know what to do
mya
March 24, 2019 at 12:26 pm
Can I still ask a question? I am unsure how old this post is… helppp!
Natalie
March 11, 2019 at 9:38 pm
Was with my daughters father for almost 6yrs. He left me for another women at his job almost 2 months ago. He hid the cheating for about almost 3 months. When it came out into the light he told me how he didn’t love me and didn’t wanna be with me. That he didn’t wanna fix us anymore. I still love him and wanna fix us for us and our daughter. He is still with this women but tells me he isn’t dating her or isn’t in love. That he just likes her. He still looks for me for his man needs and that’s the only reason he wants to talk to me. We share a daughter and sadly has to go through me to talk to her or see her but it hurts every time he comes around. Would the MC help to get him to see that he belong with us? that his place is at home with his daughter and me?
Brittany
February 2, 2019 at 6:19 am
Hi,
My daughters and I split up back in May and honestly I want to try and make it work because it was real but I dont if it’s going to happen and need some opinions. We were together 5 years, planned our daughter, planned our future, had a home together,got together a few times in high school and were neighbors when we were kids. I was his first serious girlfriend ever in his life. Firstly the reason for our break up is because I was an alcoholic , I drank every day all day long as I am in recovery and almost sober a year. Because of my alcoholism I had an incindent with my daughter and it was dangerous. I am not happy in any way or form about it very disappointed in myself and have to live with knowing what I did and what could of happened ever day from that day for the rest of my life. With that being said he has never gave me the chance to actually apologize he broke up with me through a no contact/restraining order. Then to find out he started dating a new girl 2 to 3 weeks after that. The only time we have contact is at exchanges because that part was lifted from the restraining order along that him and I could message about our daughter. Other than that we dont talk at all. With the new girlfriend she is moved in already and it’s only been 8 months. It makes me feel like there is no chance. When I do message him I get rude messages as it doesnt pertain to my daughter he turns it to be about it girlfriend only making me assume she is the one messaging. I just dont get how this girl is moved in already and he got in a new relationship so fast as it took us forever to be a couple and as I stated before I was his 1st serious relationship. This girl makes sure she is at exchanges/ present as so I can not get a word out to my daughters father. I was the one who initiated meeting her because she was around my daughter all the time and that first time meeting she just glared at me said nothing. The second meeting she told me she was going to spend the rest of her life with him and now she is completely moved in. As for my daughters father and I we are in a custody battle as if the girlfriend wasnt in the picture things wouldnt be so bad. Kinda seems like shes controling the situation. My daughter is my priority and emphasize that all the time. I want him and I to work out because I believe our love was / is true and i really do love him and know i messed up but is it too late or did I really mess it up that bad? Is he serious about this girl?My daughter always say I want mommy daddy and, i want mommy and daddy together. Its heart breaking. I would just like some advice on what to do or opinions please.
Ann
January 2, 2019 at 3:14 pm
Hi, my husband left me 5 months ago, we had been together 20 years, married 15. We have 3 children together. At first he said he still loved me, then 2 months ago he said he didn’t love me anymore and there’s no chance at all we will get back together. I’ve just started minimal contact, my issue is he’s not moved on with anyone else, he’s living in a small caravan and acting depressed, his pers9nality has changed and he says he’s empty and if he came back he would still feel empty so there’s no point. He says eventually he wants a divorce. I still love him very much, do you think minimal contact could help in this situation or do u think I should give up.