Get Your Boyfriend Back After A Fight

Getting your ex boyfriend back after a fight isn’t as impossible a task as people make it out to be. Now, I don’t want to mislead you here. It is going to take hard work, good timing and the right strategy to position yourself in a place where you have a chance of winning your ex boyfriends back. Luckily, I put this page together for you to break down the overall strategy that you should use if you had a big blowout with your ex. I also feel it is important to point out that no matter what anyone says there are no guarantees when it comes to this kind of stuff. Anyone who says they can promise you that they can get your ex back 100% of the time is a scam artist and I would say you are better off moving on then listening to their advice.

Speaking of advice, everything I talk about on this page, every strategy, tactic and idea I have derived from the foremost experts in the relationship world, stories I have found online and my own personal experience. So, you can rest easy knowing that I am being up front and honest with you. I know this may sound a little goofy but I honestly want to become the number one authority in the world on helping women get back with their boyfriends (if they choose to.) I work on this site every day and will respond to every single comment so feel free to ask a question if you have one.

What This Page Is About

Well, in a nutshell it is about fighting. Using this page it is my goal to help you understand what you need to do to get your boyfriend back after a monster fight. I am going to be talking about the following things.

  • What causes couples to fight the most.
  • How to approach a fight (there is a good way and a bad way to fight.)
  • What to do after the fight (and breakup) to get your ex back.

Now, before I move on to the next section on this page I do want to point out that this page WILL NOT tell you everything you need to know about getting an ex boyfriend back. I know, I know but don’t fret I have a couple of solutions for you. Yes, this page is an epic page. However, that’s all it is, just a page on this site. If you want more in-depth instructions on what you need to do to get your boyfriend back I recommend reading ALL the pages of this site (there is something to be gained from all of them.)

Of course, I have also written an E-Book that is essentially a step by step guide to getting your ex back. The 20,000 words in that guide will literally lay everything out for you step by step so I recommend you check it out if you want to drastically improve your chances of getting a boyfriend back. Check out the link below:

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Let’s enter the fight club now ;).

Fighting… Good Or Bad For Ex Recovery?

fight club

This page is focusing specifically on women (who broke up/have been broken up) with their boyfriends because of a big fight. Nothing can get your emotions out of whack like a good ole fight can. All of a sudden you become angry, frustrated and say some very hurtful things to someone you really care deeply about. This brings up a few interesting questions. What do couples fight about the most? Is fighting normal? Do you even have a chance of getting back with your ex?

Hmm… lets take things one question at a time.

What Do Couples Fight About The Most?

I am going to go ahead and raise my hand here and say that I have fought about some pretty silly things with my exes before. I am sure most people can relate on some level. However, I naturally go curious and decided to look up what the average couple will fight about. Here is what I found:

  • Free Time- Girls tend to want their boyfriends to spend more time with them. Guys don’t want to be with their girlfriends, they want to be with their friends and have a guys night out.
  • Money- This is for our our more mature couples out there that live together. The boyfriend will usually complain that the girl spends too much while the girl will complain that the boyfriend doesn’t spend enough. No joke!
  • Politics- This is for a select group of couples who have two differing political parties. Democrat girl, republican guy. Independent girl, republican guy. You get the idea.
  • Sex- What a racy topic huh? Haha, no couples fight about whether to have sex before marriage or after. Sometimes a guy will want to do something a girl will not. Of course, sometimes a girl will want to do something a guy will not.
  • Jealousy- Ahh… the most famous relationship killer. Guys can get jealous of girls just as much as girls can get jealous of guys. Either way, a lot of fights are caused because jealousy plays a central role.

Is Fighting Normal?couple fight

Fighting is absolutely normal duhh. Can you imagine how boring the world would be if everyone agreed about everything and there were no arguments? This may be a little controversial but I say, embrace the conflict. As long as you fight in a healthy way (where you don’t horribly demean the other person) you can actually have a healthy discussion that strengthens the relationship. What is an example of a healthy “fight?”

  • Make sure you address the issue. So many couples choose to call each other hurtful names rather than work together to communicate their real issues.
  • Yelling is a bad thing. There is no need to yell. Just talk softly. Sure, you may be so angry that you could punch a hole in the wall but there is no need to yell about it. Talk softly and slowly so you can calmly address the issue.
  • Be as specific as possible when addressing an issue or if ask for specifics if you are unsure. Specifics are good!
  • Eventually you are going to have to cooperate with this person to fix whatever problem you may be fighting about it. Make sure you resolve the problem.

Unfortunately, I have yet to meet a couple that fights in the “preferred” way. Most fights end up being nothing but who can call who the worse name or who can hurt each other the most. Ironically, that leads us to our next question.

Do You Have A Chance Of Getting Your Ex Back After A Fight?

I am going to be honest with you here. If I were to help someone get their ex boyfriend back the ideal “student” would be someone who broke up with their ex boyfriend because of a big fight. So, yes you have a pretty darn good shot at getting your ex back if you broke up directly because of a fight.

One of the first pages I wrote when I created this site was having a legitimate reason for getting back together. On that page I basically state the importance of having a real reason for getting back with your ex. In my opinion a good legitimate reason for getting back together with your ex is if you were broken up because of a fight. Don’t you owe it to yourself to give the relationship a try, enduring the fights in a healthy way?

No Contact Is A MUST

no eye contact

If you aren’t familiar with the infamous no contact rule then I suggest you get familiar with it. In short, the no contact rule is something you implement immediately after a breakup. You can’t call, text, email or facebook your ex at all. To take things a step further, you can’t even respond if your ex contacts you. I know this may seem a little harsh but trust me when I say it is vital for your particular situation. Lets take a moment to break down why the no contact rule will work especially well in your case.

You had a big fight with your ex boyfriend that ultimately ended in a breakup. Things were said on both sides, hurtful things. Emotions are running high and your first instinct is to call up your ex boyfriend and apologize hoping that you can somehow save the relationship. Maybe you already tried this tactic but had no success at all.

The reason this doesn’t work (most of the time) is that your boyfriend is expecting you to do this. As sick as I think it is, there is a part of all men (myself included) that enjoys being “in control” of things. Every time a girl calls us up and asks to hang out or to patch things up we immediately pull the “oh yea, I definitely got her!”

It’s human nature to shun what we have and to want what we don’t have.

This is why the no contact rule works so well. By successfully implementing it you go from being the girl that he had to the girl that he can’t have and that makes you so much more attractive in his eyes. Let me put it to you this way, have you ever liked someone so much that you texted but they never texted back? You spent all day double checking your phone wondering why they haven’t texted back? Surely there must be something wrong with them so you logged on to their Facebook account only to see that they have been posting updates all day long. Sure, you are angry but the next day you always text them back hoping you still have a shot.

Sound familiar?

Now, can you imagine having your ex boyfriend doing that type of stuff over you? That is exactly what the no contact rule, if implemented correctly, will do for you. It turns the tables and gives you the power in the relationship. Now, there is actually quite a bit more to the no contact rule than just cutting yourself off from your ex (like what you are supposed to do during it and how long you have to implement it for) but I don’t want you to worry about it because I created a very long and in-depth guide detailing everything you could possibly want to know about the no contact rule here.

Ok, But How Do You Get Them Back?

im back

If you are able to successfully make it through the No Contact period one of three things is going to happen.

  1. Your ex will have contacted you asking to see you.
  2. Your ex will have contacted you asking how you are or asking some other general question.
  3. Your ex will have not contacted you at all.

I am going to use this section to advise you on how to approach all of the situations above.

Your Ex Contacts You Asking To See You

Obviously, this is the most positive outcome of the no contact period. While I will admit it is the best thing that can happen it is also very very rare. The goal of this page is to help you get your ex back but I need you to understand that even though your boyfriend contacting you like this is really good you can’t get too overconfident. You have to make sure every step you take is on your terms and not his. Remember, you have to be the “unattainable” and there is nothing unattainable about running back to his arms the first time he shows you a little attention. My advice is to follow the strategies laid out here. Know, that you have him hooked but in order to reel him in you are going to have to doing everything just right.

Your Ex Just Generally Contacts You

This is another really good outcome. The most common one actually. It isn’t as good as (option one) above but the fact that he contacted you means you are on his mind, a lot. Take solace in the fact that he is thinking about you and there are clearly some unresolved feelings from his side. The question now becomes how do you proceed? Well, your best play is to take things really slowly and make sure you check out my step by step guide on how to get him back here. The whole thing is my masterpiece. No joke, I spent a month writing it and it is by far the most popular page on this website. It will take you through every step of the process. Yup, every single step!

You Ex Doesn’t Contact You At All

Oh my gosh, the world is ending…. sike! I can’t tell you how many questions I get from women whose exes didn’t contact them during the no contact period and seem to think they have no chance winning him back. The truth of the matter is that it isn’t an ideal situation but your chances are hardly over. Again, I want you to reference my how to get your ex back guide. There you will find an exact step by step guide on what to do.

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
Put your email address in the box to the right to follow along day by day as I show two women (Sarah and Kai) exactly what they need to do to get their ex boyfriends back.
132 Responses to Get Your Boyfriend Back After A Fight
  1. Nan
    March 6, 2015 | 4:35 am

    Your posts are a very helpful wake up call! Does your advice change if we fought AFTER the break up? I initiated the break up but it was mutual, no crazy emotions, pretty amicable. We were only dating 6 months and we had been drifting apart (fought 3 times last 2 weeks of dating so it could have led to us drifting apart) although I regretted breaking up too soon because I did want to make it work. Rather than doing no contact, I messaged him a couple days later and boy was I insecure! I was very accusatory and jealous. We got into a big fight and we both said really crazy, hurtful things. In the end I had said sorry for hurting him and said I’d work on my anger/trust issues and wished him well. The next day I started no contact. You had said when a person breaks up over one fight, he/she has a good chance of getting their ex back. But what if you had some fights before the break up and then a big ass fight right after the break up? Are chances gone/extremely slim now? I also read your post, “When Should You Stop Trying To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?”…Thank you!

    • admin
      March 7, 2015 | 5:47 pm

      Depends on how bad it got after the breakup here.

      How bad are we talking?

      • Nan
        March 7, 2015 | 9:35 pm

        Hi Chris. 2 days after ending it I accused him of cheating, lashed out on text and email. We fought on text for hours and said that we never wanted to see each other again. He said, “I’m glad you showed me your true colors, we are never going to work out.” And I reciprocated with the same. In the end, I apologized for accusing him and he accepted (probably half heartedly). He told me I always blow up at him when we fight (we didn’t fight much, but 2 weeks before the end of the relationship we fought 3 times). I told him I need to sort my anger issues and will work on it bc I surprised myself with how angry I became. Then I said goodbye, wished him well and started no contact after that. He hasn’t tried to contact me either. Right now I’m taking time to heal and deal with my anger/insecurity regardless if we get back or not. But I’m wondering if you think I should just let the idea of getting him back go after this? Is the chance gone?

        • Nan
          March 7, 2015 | 11:39 pm

          Hi Chris, I just read your other post about the Male Mind After the no contact rule. The “guilty kitten meme” made me laugh. The “Extreme Guilt” section was basically me and the guy. You’re a genius at this! Gave me good perspective. Thanks!

          • admin
            March 8, 2015 | 2:56 pm

            Thanks Nan!

            You should also read the male mind during the no contact rule.

        • admin
          March 8, 2015 | 2:55 pm

          What made you accuse him like that though?

          • Nan
            March 8, 2015 | 9:49 pm

            Hi Chris, I read the Male Mind During the No Contact rule and the Extreme Guilt hypo you had put forth was kind of like us. I had seen him be a little flirty with a girl on social media just days after we ended it but then saw that he had told her to text him a couple weeks before on another picture. I guess it could’ve been innocent and they could’ve been friends but it seems a bit off. Anyways, I accused him without proof so that’s not good. But in the end, I really thought the questions you asked at the end of your post on “When you should stop trying to get your ex boyfriend back” were really honest. It lets me know that even though you’re in this business, you’re being straight up honest with us and asking us to be honest with ourselves and I really appreciate that. I’m probably a little more sensitive now because it seems like he moved on quickly, but if he comes back, he’s going to have to figure out how he’s going to fit into my improved life. I realize my angry insecurities also probably came about because I was frustrated by the waning attention, which is why I decided to end it in the first place. Should’ve held true to what I am at the core, an UG. I’m improving myself because your advice reminded me of that and I really appreciate it. Thanks Chris!

            • admin
              March 13, 2015 | 3:40 pm

              Well I am all for helping women get their exes back but I don’t want to mislead people.

              Glad you enjoyed my writing.

  2. Kristin
    February 26, 2015 | 4:11 am

    Hello! I am in need of some good advice here :( My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months now. Our relationship overall i think is good but could be bettter too. We dont really see each other often and when I try and make plans with him (he never really asks me to hangout) something always seems to happen most of the time and we can’t see each other. We have never fought or disagreed over anything yet. But I simply texted him asking if he can come over after my race over the weekend so we can talk about some stuff, and all he said was “uh oh” and i replied “Are you nervous about something?” and he replied back “are you breaking up with me?” I thought it was kinda odd how that was the first thing he thought of. When I replied back i wasnt rude to him by any means, but I told him about how we never see each other (we saw each other twice in the whole month of january and its been over a month now since we’ve seen eaach other, it was january 18) and how he never asks me to hangout and whatnot. He answered saying that he works alot and hes sorry and that I was well aware when he asked me to commit to this relationship. I replied saying I understand and that I am not mad about that and that I’m just sad at the fact that he never wants to see me and its starting to make me feel like you dont really like me anymore. And he came back saying “Maybe we shouldnt continue this then. I mean your always working, i’m always working. Its not like you offer to come see me and if i dont text you first 90% of the time i wont hear from you. its a 2 way street” and I replied to his message very nicley saying i think this escalated very quickely and lets calm down for a second. And I asked him if he was breaking up with me and I really want to try and work things out and i dont think it would be fair to just end everything without even trying to fix not seeing each other more. Well he never answered that message. I texted him a few days after that just saying hey, and no answer after that either. I just texted him now, a week after that, saying “hey babe hope your having a good day. Im still kind of confused on our conversation last week can we please talk so we can clarify everything?” and i still have not yet had a response to that. Do I just need to give him more time? But he only texted me back twice about the issue and he wants to break up? I just dont understand how that would make you want to breakup with someone so fast, especially when we have not had ANY other problems or disagreements before. And this is the first time I was even bringing this up to him. I still keep thinking its not an actual breakup because he did say maybe and the rest of his message doesnt really sound like a break up text, and I asked him directly right after that if he was breaking up with me and he never answered to that. I’m just not sure what to do anymore:( Overall I guess is that im not really sure if we did break up or not. And I asked a couple times and he didnt answer. I dont know what else I need to do,

    • admin
      March 1, 2015 | 6:08 pm

      Have you tried the NC rule yet?

  3. Sofia
    February 5, 2015 | 5:12 am

    Hi, Chris. I am actually involved in an interracial relationship with a black guy. Both of us have a lot of things in common. So we clicked off really well. I love him so much and I also know that he loves me very much. To love someone is to accept someone with his o her strengths and weaknesses. Unfortunately, my guy drinks on most nights while I’m a teetotaler. So when he goes out with his friends for drinks, I get real mad. I wish I could get all my hurtful words but I know I can’t. Well, the last argument was a night ago. And I miss him very much. After apologizing to him, he didn’t respond much to me. Do I do the NCP?

    • admin
      February 5, 2015 | 3:41 pm

      Would you consider him an alcoholic?

      • Sofia
        February 8, 2015 | 5:32 am

        No, I dont think so. He has too much time on his side. He is currently doing his degree full-time. So he hangs out with his friends a lot. Although the argument has already being resolved, I kept quiet the next few days because I was still feeling hurt from the argument. I replied whenever he called or texted me. When I sent messages, he replied later. I was thinking of doing the NCP of 2 weeks or lesser because I want him to chase after me.

        • Sofia
          February 8, 2015 | 8:10 am

          What is the best approach to act/behave after a heated argument?

          • admin
            February 9, 2015 | 4:24 pm

            Kill him with kindness…

            Don’t bring up the argument anymore.

            • Sofia
              February 11, 2015 | 12:36 pm

              Sometimes I feel like doing a 1-2 week of NCP because of the angst and frustration. That gives ample time to give each other a breathing space. Will that help with the situation?

  4. Susan
    February 4, 2015 | 3:55 am

    I was dating a guy for a month and a half, and things were going perfect – we did new years together, he was the sweetest most attentive, appreciative guy. He cooked me dinner, introduced me to a couple of his friends, told me he was crazy about me, complimented me in every way possible. He’d say that he told his mom I’m his main girl, and would tell her where we got dinner etc. Great chemistry, but I have not given up sex yet, but we did everything else. Then, I got too eager, and started texting first, offered for him to join gym with me, and go shopping together cause he needed winter clothes. I was not clingy, just too available / eager to spend time. He did mention that he wanted me to date only him. Week later I told him I want him to date only me, and that I am looking for something more serious. He said he wants to continue getting to know me but wasnt ready to be anyone’s bf. He keeps bringing up his career being priority at the moment, his recent break up with his ex (6mo ago), but that he also does not want to waste my time. I understand its a bit too soon. Then I offered to cook him dinner, but had to cancel cause I got sick (he offered to bring soup/food instead, I did not take him up on that). He asked me out to lunch later, but cancelled last minute due to work. Then offered to bring lunch on Saturday (i was still sick), but at 11:30am, not hearing from him, I called. He did not respond until 12:30, again canceling due to work, but saying he wanted to see me later in the day once he is free, and asking if we are still on for Sunday plans. I said I wasn’t sure, and canceled on him telling him I did not feel things were right. He said he’d call, but instead texted with a big apology for not letting me know in advance. It was suspicious to me why he did not call. I did not respond to that text that weekend, and on Monday texted that it wasnt cool to do that. He apologized again, but stopped responding after I said it was my biggest pet peeve and inconsiderate. After 2 days of not talking (even though he texted me almost every morning previously), I said “not Isis… lets do happy hour”. We did, and things were cool, he seemed into me, kissed me couple of times, asked about my exes, talked about if I was not planning to get married in the next year or so, again brought up vacation, meeting his parents, and following up – oh nm thats too soon. Although it felt like it was the same lines over and over again. And I had this giant feeling/intuition he is a smooth talker who is playing me, and that he might be dating someone else. He said this weekend his cousin was in town Fri-sat, but he was free sunday for superbowl and wanted to watch with me and my friends; and that he needs to plan a date for us early this week. But then he said he will be gone back home the weekend after, and that his parents may be in town at some point later in the month as well. This made made me suspicious that he plans to be gone so much. It sounded way too unbelievable for someone to be this busy, and I got a feeling he found another girl. Later he said he will call, but he did not. Saturday he texted “hey lovely how are you, how was last night”, I responded much later in the day about my previous night. He asked about my plans for the night, and I responded “I am going out for dinner and drinks.” I hear nothing that night, or on sunday in regards to superbowl (this time i did not inquire if our plans were still on), nothing monday, and today he sends a snapchat of him getting coffee. I have not responded. I can’t tell if the guy is playing me while seeing another chick who is now his main girl. My intuition says he is, but I could be wrong. Am I playing too hard to get? Are these typical player moves? His birthday is in 2 days, and a month ago I was invited. I have not heard anything about it. What to do? Do I let it go? Or am I being too evasive (I assumed he’d try harder if I did that, but he did not.)

    • admin
      February 4, 2015 | 2:24 pm

      I think if you want him back you should give it a try.

      • Susan
        February 4, 2015 | 5:44 pm

        But how? He is the one who is telling me he will call, will plan a date, wants to spend time, but when the time comes I hear nothing… I don’t want to chase him, and I am not sure if he is serious because he isn’t doing what he says he will.

      • Susan
        February 9, 2015 | 5:54 pm

        Chris, could you please suggest what to do about this whole thing? He tells me he wants to see me 3 times over text, but doesn’t make any solid plans. I can’t tell if he is just leading me on, or thats just how he runs things where I have to initiate?

        • admin
          February 10, 2015 | 3:25 pm

          Actions speak louder than words.

          So, its not good that he keeps standing you up.

          Was he always like that though?

          • Susan
            February 10, 2015 | 7:19 pm

            No, he was good about it before. I did have to at times bring up and ask him before if plans are still on, and usually yes. If I didn’t ask then he sometimes would not follow up with final plans. Recently he started doing this after I got upset at him and cancelled on him after he cancelled on me at the last minute without forewarning. After this he still texts me he misses me and wants to see me, but won’t make a solid plan and disappears. The only explanation I can find is that he is dating someone else and put me on the backburner. But if so, why text me he misses me and wants to see me on a number of occasions. I have not contacted him first at all over last few weeks.

  5. Caitlynn
    January 25, 2015 | 3:15 pm

    Okay so… My boyfriend and I haven’t been dating for very long like about a month today, but he wanted to take a break. He said “I need some space I just want time with my friends and I want to do things that I haven’t had time to do.” I replied with a simple i understand… then I got a snapchat of him and another girl holding hands and i kinda flipped out… what does a break meen to you… cause to me it means time away from eachother but your still dating. I don’t kn own what to do i love him and when we are together I’m so happy I don’t know if we are still dating he won’t answer me. I sent him a text saying things about our relationship like how he asked me to be his girlfriend on christmas and on new years how we kissed and how much fun I had at winter formal… and I just want my relationship to work out with him I’ve never felt this way towards any of my ex’s I love him we have been talking for about 3 months in all but he js everything j could ever ask for….

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 3:53 pm

      Would you be willing to enter into a NC rule?

  6. kate
    December 11, 2014 | 11:41 pm

    PLEASE HELP!! I met a guy 3 weeks ago, he asked me out on a dinner date, but i said no..(silly me) instead i texted him saying we should me up for drinks, and we did. This happened twice in 2 weeks. We went back to his place and got very intimate, (but i would not have sex with him) and i told him i dont put out unless im in a relationship. After about a week, i texted him to meet up to play tennis as we both agreed we should try and get to know eachother sober. But when we organised tennis, we had to cancel due to rain, so i offered to watch movies at his place instead. And he said that it would not be a good idea to come over, because he wont be able to help himself and he would just want to bed me. I tried to convince him that we could control ourselves, but he was adamant that it wasnt a good idea. i still pushed the situation. But he was adamant that i shouldnt. So i left it at that. But i did something really stupid, later that night i got drunk and wanted some company, so at 1030pm at night, i went over to his house, i texted him to say im coming over, but go no response. When i rocked up at his house, he wasnt to impressed, to see me drunk, although he still let me in, after questioning again about where this is going, he got annoyed and said best that i leave because he has to get up early for work the next day. He said he felt like i was interogating him, and basically escorted me out. The next day i had a massive hang over and felt like the biggest, desperate, needy idiot. I like this guy alot, so i sent him a text to say how embarrassed i was and how pathetic i felt for my actions and prefusley apologized. 5 hours later i got this response from him “i appreciate your text. glad you got home safe, peace and goodluck.” i freaked out at this, and sent a text back “can i call you after work?” i got no response so i called him after work anyway, he didnt answer (which i expected) so i just left a message on his voicemail, saying “hey look, im not here to hassle you, just hoping we can be friends and you can find it in your heart to forgive me” got no response to that either. OMG this guy probably thinks im the biggest pysco, but i just want a companion and im soooooo attracted to him. PLEASE HELP, desperate. Should i leave it for a week, and then just send a friendly text saying, “hey how are you, you up for a chat?” and if no response to that, then just realise that ive lost this one. And delete his number?? Please please give me some advice. I really like this guy.

    • admin
      December 15, 2014 | 5:29 am

      Ok first off, men need to be romanced a bit too at times and you were putting the pressure on big time.

  7. L Davies
    December 11, 2014 | 9:23 pm

    So, my boyfriend and I had a fight last night which, I will hold my hands up here, was my fault mostly. Tired, with 3 babies and a partner is quite demanding work. Especially when said partner offers help then other stuff comes up, leaving said housewife in the ditch. Anyway, it was a calm argument, I took myself away, thought better of what I was saying and apologized for being a cowbag. He accepted my apology, said sorry too, then we kissed and made up. End of argument? I wish!
    Well, I message him this morning asking about his day and general chitchat. No response but he has read my message. This man is a serial texter. So, I text him an hour later (we are still living together at this point) apologizing again and thanking him for leaving some brekkie out for the kids. Still no response. That us the one thing he knows I can’t stand is the silent treatment. To me it is controlling and manipulative, not to mention immature. Anywho, I message him calling him out on it. And, huzzah, he’s alive!!! He tells me that he doesn’t know what to say that he’s still upset but he doesn’t want to break up. A few texts later, me apologizing more, he then says he can’t see us working. End of me texting him. I did your nc before with him about 2 months ago, worked a treat, will it work again. And, if you think it does, is he even worth another shot? I am an adult who discusses things through rationally, but can have my wobbly moments under enough stress. Help me, I am at a loss, sitting here waiting for him to collect his belongings which I have lovingly packed up. All yours, unlucky in love (always wanted to say that)

    • admin
      December 15, 2014 | 5:21 am

      3 babies is a lot for anyone. But your partner should be helpoing you right.

  8. Judie
    December 1, 2014 | 9:36 am

    I dated my boyfriend for 6 months, broke up more than 10 times and got back together again.At first he did tell me that he had a problem with his moods he can just be quiet for a while without a reason, so i tried to be understanding.then things started changing he didn’t bother to call or text me but when we were together most of his time he will be on the phone calling other people but when um away he wouldn’t do that.i am too emotional and short tempered so most of the time i was the one to tell him i want us to break up because i thought i was forcing him to love me even to call me. but at the end i was the one again to apologize and then get back together. then the cycle of not calling begins leading to breaking up and getting back together again. this lead to nagging and he started giving me a hard shoulder, he will just keep quiet when i ask him something.nowadays he doesnt have time for me but when we are at church he flirts with me and that’s it….no calling or replying my messages.

    he just sent me this message…I dnt c this relationship working.lets jst cut it off.

    man thats hurts big time. but to tell u the truth he is a good man when were together i felt like a princess.just the thought of another woman having him is killing me.i just read your blog hope the NC will help me get my man back

    • admin
      December 1, 2014 | 3:40 pm

      10 breakups???

      Are you serious?

      NC will definitely help I think.

  9. shivangi
    November 25, 2014 | 4:43 am

    Hi chris,went through the article and found it to be and my boyfriend were in a 2 year long erelationship.we loved each other a july i decided to shift back to my hometown and in august because of my mistakes ( lets say i acted like a 3 year kid asking for a chocolate) we had a huge fight for an extremely stupid i decided to break up but the next day i realized my mistake and called him upto say my boyfriend did not want to get back together telling mr that he needs some time out.i was angry,the love of my life wanted time out.the only thing i could think of was visiting.i visited him and stayed with him but he still wanted the time we decided not to talk before October but i like a needy prson ended up calling him up once in every 15 days .so oct came and went but he still did not call me…so i called him up on 1st nov…asking whats going on???he said that he misses me and is lonely and unhappy but thinks thatif we get back together we will fight again…rathr we are two diff ppl who want diff things…now i am one stubborn person.i called him up again in 15 days..he was out with his friends.i called him because he had blocked me everywhere…i asked him why..he said he did it to stop himself from checking my activity i have told him i will come to meet him on 27th dec and from 15 nov to 27th dec i am trying to practice nc…now i know the post is really long…but i dont know what to do

    • admin
      November 25, 2014 | 3:11 pm

      This isn’t that long at all.

      First off, how far have you made it in NC?

      • shivangi
        November 26, 2014 | 3:33 am

        Hey…this is my third attempt at nc..
        we broke up on aug 28 and i started nc for 15 days and called him back in sept then we started it again i called him back in early days of oct.then i called him up on 1st nov and he said that he does not want time to think but wants to breakup…the last i called him was on 10 th nov and since then i am following NC

        • admin
          November 26, 2014 | 3:17 pm

          Man, you are just having trouble with that NC rule huh?

          • shivangi
            November 26, 2014 | 6:01 pm

            Yes….tell me about it…i have been impulsively calling him ….my feeling overpower any logic…
            what should i do now…could you help boyfriend means a lot to me.

            • admin
              November 28, 2014 | 3:00 pm

              I think you need to let your logic come back.

              • shivangi
                November 28, 2014 | 4:23 pm

                Do you think i have a chance of getting him back after a successful NC?? I am already 20 days into my current NC attempr…without calling.

  10. mandy
    October 27, 2014 | 5:20 pm

    hii admin,
    i must say great article.well,i and my guy are in relationship from 1year.we are each other’s best friend but things have changed now.there is no confusion that he still loves me but i am involved in work all the day and he expect me to talk to him which i try all day.things have now gone worst.he is always like pissed off.we have fights after every 3 days.but i really love this guy.i always gets angry and decides to break up but i cnt live a hour without him.i am just helpless.always i come forward because i know he will never come following me his pain is much bigger

    • admin
      October 28, 2014 | 4:21 pm

      Why do you guys fight so much?

      3 days for a fight is a lot.

  11. Tess
    October 16, 2014 | 3:24 pm

    Hi, I was recently in a 5 month relationship with my bf. We do not know if we are still together or if we are on a pause? We have been talking to each other but just a simple hi/bye conversation. I really love him since he is my first boyfriend I actually feel loved by.I guess I want to know how do I get him back from this pause/relationship fiasco. I really have been super happy with him, but now I have been moody and depressed.

    • admin
      October 27, 2014 | 2:51 pm

      Why not just talk to him to see where you stand.

  12. kaitlyn roman
    August 28, 2014 | 11:34 pm

    Hi there okay so my bf and I dated for about a year we were long distance but moved in with eachother and then we had a pretty bad fallout I confessef I kissed somebody and he was so cold and upset after that even cried he broke up with me then for me to find out he as well cheated on me so at this point I told him I didn’t care that we both made mistakes and I wanted to work on things we agreed but we decided I should move back home so I did amd we were working on things but he was so unaffectionate it was hahard for me so I broke up with him he started crying and I immediately took it bacm begged him to stay with me for days texting and calling like crazy just found out I might be pregnant called and told him that while I was being really mmean to him he said he couldn’t take the way I treated him he said I act like I need him so I called him and left a voicemail saying ill let you know the results tomorrow then ill leave you alone for good. I know this is all messed up but is there anyway this can still work? He says he still loves me its just so hard to talk to me because I’m always mad at him that it is unhealthy to be like this

    • admin
      August 29, 2014 | 12:09 pm

      Man I wish you hadn’t of kissed some other guy. The problems stemmed from there (though he cheated on you as well.) Was it before or after he found out you kissed someone?

  13. gennie
    August 28, 2014 | 9:07 pm

    Well I have been dating this guy for 3 months now and apparently I got pregnant he wanted me to keep the baby so much but then I couldn’t cause of fear of parents and I’m still in school so I told him so he was mad but we still were communicated then last Thursday he posted a picture of this gal and him and I wasn’t pleased so I told him and when he tried explaining himself I ignored his text on whatsapp in like two days I was very pissed so I fuel he waited after seeing the ignorance he blocked me and we haven’t talked since…I really miss him and want to fix things so what should I do?

    • gennie
      August 28, 2014 | 9:18 pm

      It’s been five days since he blocked and I haven’t checked on him at all

    • admin
      August 29, 2014 | 12:02 pm

      Have you read my guide on what to do if he blocks you?

      • gennie
        September 2, 2014 | 9:41 pm

        Thanks it worked :-)

  14. Anonymous
    August 25, 2014 | 8:23 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My “ex” is a coworker that I’ve been casually seeing off-and-on for the past 3 years. We have been back “on” for the past 4 months and about a week ago, we got into a fight and now he’s ignoring me. In fact, whenever I mention any commitment, he shuts off. I’m now doing NC and I’m not sure if we’ll get back together. I haven’t decided if I even want that. But in case he reaches out, how do I act when together? Is it even possible to get him to commit like your article “how to get your ex to commit”? Do I tell him how annoying he is being or am I supposed to act NOT emotional, dramatic, and crazy aka ungettable girl? Or do I realize that he’ll never change and I should just read your “when to stop getting your ex back”? He’s 38 by the way. Sorry – there are 100 questions in this post. thanks so much for any advice!

    • admin
      August 26, 2014 | 1:43 pm

      What was the fight over?

      • Anonymous
        August 26, 2014 | 2:17 pm

        I was very drunk and asked if he was dating other girls at work event, and he was mad obviously because it was not the right time or place. However, I was very embarrassed and apologized profusely and even wished him a happy birthday the following weekend…with no reply from him.

  15. Faith
    July 3, 2014 | 1:11 am

    Me and my boyfriend have been fighting the last week because I have been more emotional than usual and have been nagging a lot. Well we were fighting last night over that he invited ex gfs to a party bes having so I got super mad and mean and he saw it was no big deal and that I over react. Well I told him I don’t want to be with him anymore and other hurtful stuff and to leave my apt so he did which was a hr drive back home so he was so mad I tried begging him to stay but he wouldn’t then.. Then he changed his relationship status on fb and deleted me. I’ve been trying to talk to him and he’s ignored me all day and he’s never done that. Does this mean his feelings weren’t real or they’ve gone away? Will he always just think I’m crazy

    • admin
      July 7, 2014 | 5:13 pm

      Well, why would he need to invite them to the party? I feel you have a right to be mad. That’s kind of weird.

      I think you just need to put some distance between him and you for a little bit.

  16. Sophie
    June 18, 2014 | 12:41 am

    I may not be looking on ways to get my “ex” boyfriend back… I’m more so looking for the appropriate way to communicate and not have it lead to the point of breaking up. I know, I know… there’s no crystal ball or magic wand to be waved that will allow the inevitable from happening because whatever happens, happens but I feel like my boyfriend and I just had our first very big fight and we can work through it together. We’ve been dating for a year & a half and have most recently moved in together, which could be the exact stress that has allowed us to find ourselves in such a bind. We’ve both taken a week off from each other to get space but now we are back in our apartment and he has agreed to talk to me tonight. I occasionally texted him to just let him know that “I hope he has a good night at work” or “I appreciate you for working so hard and putting in as many hours as you do”. I also got him a little gift to show my appreciation for his recent hard work that I’m going to give him tonight. I wrote him a letter while I was away for a week and am excited to read it to him because I feel it pours out all the inner workings of my love for him that I wasn’t able to communicate before but what else can I do to make sure he understands that we can work through this first argument together instead of just calling it quits.

    • admin
      June 18, 2014 | 1:44 pm

      Well, texting is really good b/c you can’t raise your voice and he can’t raise your voice.

  17. Gina
    June 14, 2014 | 3:05 pm

    Hey Chris, I just discovered your page about how to get your ex back and I think it’s great. Me and my boyfriend been together for 2 years and it’s been more of a rocky 2 years than lovely. We brake up and get back together very often but, this time his broken up with me and it’s for good. He broke up with me on Sunday night while we were on the phone. In our relationship I found it hard to talk him about how I feel most of the times because, I felt like he wouldn’t understand. Also when he ask me certain things I panic and lie to him. This is what lead to him breakin up with me and he says how we argue too much. So, like I said he broke up wiv me on Sunday night I then deactivated my fb for space but, it didn’t work. I ended up on Tuesday reactive ting it and tellin him how the while thing is killing me but, he simply told me it doesn’t mean anything to him anymore because, it’s the same thing everyone we get back together. I know right hurtful much, so that convo ended. I’m considering doing the NC rule for 30days but, am afraid that if I do it and try to hit up at my ex which is the boy am talking about right now, he might feel like it’s been a month and now u hit me up because that’s the kind of guy my ex is. Please Chris I need your help ASAP

    • admin
      June 15, 2014 | 6:05 pm

      I think you should do it (I bet you knew I would say that.)

  18. nama
    April 9, 2014 | 7:13 pm

    Hi Chris.
    u are amazing. After ignoring my boyfriend. doin the NC and following how to contact my ex after NC. We got bak togeda 2 weeks ago.
    We decided to try it again.
    We spent the weekend together and unfortunately ended up having sex and spending the weekend together.
    I love him more for the fact that he takes care of me.

    When I was leaving o was expecting to get money, maybe my mistake. All o got was my transportation money though I told him I was broke. He said he doesn’t have and I should take just the transportation money.
    I got mad and started saying a whole lot of things. He got extremely pissed. called me after few hours and said if I think he is just goin to give me money because I asked then I made a wrong choice of coming back. and that he wil give me only when he has it. He was really mad. We fought.

    I tried calling him after. For a lot of times. He just blocked my numbers and decided not to reply the messages I sent him. N I’ve not heard from him since. my numbers are still blocked.
    hez the kind of person that is soo busy that he doesn’t mind if we don’t speak for days because he sees it normal.

    I know it was too soon to have sex. n getting intimate without really talking about what we want from the relationship.
    now I don’t knw what to do. I’m confused.

    • admin
      April 10, 2014 | 2:17 am

      Ya… asking for money may not have been the best move….

  19. Isabell
    March 13, 2014 | 12:42 am

    My boyfriend of 2 yrs packed up pretty much everything in our apt while I was at work and broke up with me. We just moved in together after he got back from deployment in Dec. Since he’d been back we had some huge arguments but the last 2 weeks were great, so I thought. I tried to explain that it would take time to get adjusted to each other. I was controlling and jealous and I started going to counseling. My last marriage was a mess and left me scarred. He called to tell me that it was over and that he had packed up and left while I was at work. He told me he’d call me later. I sent several text and he responded with how sorry he was. The next day I texted and called. He answered my phone call and told me to move on but let me know I could still call and text him because he’s not a mean person. He said he needed space, he wanted to get closer to God and focus on his kids who he had partial custody of. I rented the house for him an his kids and waited for him through the deployment. I will admit I was controlling and jealous but I was working on it and he didn’t seem to try and help. I’m so confused and hurt. I want him back. I texted him 2 days later and told him I wish we could start all over like when we first met and he responded with “I feel the same”. He also told me I could call him when I got back from being out of town to see where he was. I’ know I should just move on but I want to know if there is a chance we can get back together. I really love him.

  20. Reena
    March 12, 2014 | 10:14 pm

    I need help.

    I recently hooked up with a guy after being friends with him for 6 months. It’s a Long distance relationship. I actually proposed to him myself. He is my 3rd bf but I am his first. We used to contact all the time. Via Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp. In short, I was everywhere! (However, I was never the clingy, needy GF who would keep messaging the entire day. Most of the time, he would initiate conversations with me himself). Lately, however, he started paying less attention to me. Would make excuses and get away from me. Wouldn’t text at all! One day he was talking to his buddy from another country and kept me waiting for replies. After sometime when I asked if he was busy because I was waiting, he said he was talking to a friend. I got pissed and told him off. In response, he said, “if that makes you feel secondary, what can I say? Bye”. Now it’s been 3 days and there is no contact from either side! What do I do? :(

  21. Hannah trahan
    March 9, 2014 | 3:18 pm

    I need your help badly. Me and my boyfriend broke up because I asked a boy a question on snap chat and he wasn’t mad about it at first until I said that I was gonna delete all the boys contacts outta my phone and delete my snap chat to cut the drama and he said no it’ll make me look like a controlling bf. which he is nowhere close to. The next day we broke up, two days ago. I wake up and cry all day I miss him the simple fact of him not being my boyfriend anymore hurts my feelings and mainly my heart. Can you please help me on like what to say

    • admin
      March 10, 2014 | 5:42 pm

      Have you finished your NC?

  22. too funny
    February 11, 2014 | 3:40 am

    Looking over the comments – it quickly becomes apparent that many women are missing something crucial – the thinking process of men.

    Do you want to know what guys are told after a breakup? Go No contact. What are women told here to do after a breakup – go no contact. Meaning that both sides are engaged in a game of poker that kills a relationship for good.

    Let me give you a hint ladies – after 2 weeks – if you haven’t heard from him – its over. Why? Because after 2 weeks, and definitely after 4, he’s learned to live without you. Out of sight, out of mind. So after 2 weeks, you really have a decision to make – cave in and call him or just walk away for good. I know its not what you want to hear, but frankly, thats why relationships have short lifespans now.

  23. marsha
    February 11, 2014 | 3:21 am

    hi, chris. good day.

    i will ask you to the point.
    after NC and he didn’t reach out during NC, what to do?
    he starts fight right now (yes, he wants fight me rather than being friends with me) but i don’t hooked because you said i have to be in zen mode. He said to the whole world that he is so angry with me and would never forgive me in his life. is this somekind of man’s self defense issue?
    are my chance is over?

    our issue in here is
    1. i don’t have much time for him
    2. i upset him/let him down.
    we’ve been together for 1,5 year

    • marsha
      February 11, 2014 | 3:36 am

      i’m sorry, i’m forget to add this
      after NC, the text reply was negatively like: i hate you, you sucks, you hurt my feelings, i don’t want you in my life, i can’t forgive you, etc.
      after NC, i usually wait 10day before messaging him again.

    • admin
      February 11, 2014 | 6:14 pm

      I have something coming up this week that should help give insight.

      • marsha
        February 14, 2014 | 9:28 am

        THANK YOU CHRIS. :) wish me luck

  24. anu
    January 23, 2014 | 10:34 am

    Hi chris,
    I.m a regular reader of ur guides. I read dem agn n agn. I can fit in ur example “u cant hv dat cookie” :(
    See my bf is very stubborn. He loves doing things his way. I mean he always do dis. Never ever try to think wht i want. We alwz fight over dis. He dont love me and den very nxt day he starts contacting me. Its his usual routine. I m really fed up with his behaviour. He nvr replies to my texts but expects i reply to his msg/call. I m vry uncomfortable now.
    I sent him a msg today dat i knw he does live me anymore othrws he Wud nvr hv treated me like dis, so i m leaving frm his life. To whch he replied dat he cant live witjout me and wants to meet. I m so unconfortable frm his behaviour dat i said meet me somewhere outside so dat i can b a bit comfortable (u also recommended dis in one of ur guide to meet somewhere out). He refused n said he wants me to meet him at home. I said dat u told me dat “u cant live witjout me. i want to feel comfrtble so plz meet me out once and later on we will meet at home.”
    Den he said dat “i dont want to be wid u. Do not msg me now.”
    I mean wht d hell .. 1 min he said he cant live without me and second min he said dont msg i dont want to b wid u.its so confusing. It all happened today.

    U said once dat if u want him back, den behave dat u dont want him back. Irony!!! But if it can work on him, m ready to do it.
    If i do NC on him now, will it change his behaviour or he gets more angry??? Will he gets afraid that he z loosing me because of his behaviour??? Will i go NC?
    Plz suggest.

    • anu
      January 23, 2014 | 10:38 am

      Sorry by mistake clicked send button…

      I just want u to knw dat from 2 months we hvnt seen each other. Is he loosing interest in me. Y is he confusing me with his behaviours dat he loves me 1 minute and second minute he dont want me…. :'(
      Will NC work on him??

      • anu
        January 23, 2014 | 3:12 pm

        I just sent him 3 msgs… Not vry long… I said dat “i donno y i kept trying to get u back whn u treated me so badly. If u hv loved me, u wud hv never done dis. U knw dis dat i hv alwz been very true to u. But i knw now dat u dont love me. Soi m leaving from ur life. I hvnt met u frm last 1 month. U dont knw how i hv spent dis time.”

        These r 3 msgs.

        I told u i can pretent to him dat i dont want him just to get him bqck.
        If i start my NC period now, Will he come back and think dat he has lost me and my love because of his bad and careless behaviour?

        • anu
          January 23, 2014 | 5:30 pm

          I saw him just now. I was walking after dinner. He crossed me… Was real close. But i ignored him. I think he will get angry :(
          He didnt replied to any of my msgs till now. I m really losing hope now. I think he will not b back even after NC. Wht do u suggest??? i hv already started nc. But Will he miss me ever and think dat he lost me coz of his behaviour. Will he come bck to me?? :'(

  25. Mary
    January 20, 2014 | 7:01 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me because he’s depressed and said he has to focus on himself and his career. He just can’t have a relationship :(

    I am devastated. I couldn’t do the no-contact because I felt bad for him and I wanted to help him through his depression. But yesterday we talked again and he said he’s moving on and can never go back to the past (even though it was great). He said he needs at least a year to work on himself.

    What should I do? I want him back so bad? he was the best I’ve ever had :(

    • admin
      January 21, 2014 | 5:55 pm

      Are you going to do NC?

  26. Laura
    January 14, 2014 | 4:18 am

    My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 months and he is simply amazing and treats me like a princess. While in the relationship I’ve started to become very insecure and I’m not sure why, but I’m taking it all out on him. He’s always made it better by reassuring me and telling me how much he loves me which “words of affirmation” is one of my love languages and he tries to use it. I recently lost my job (career), his daughter is 11 and is a roller coaster and my relationship with my brother has been on the rocks for a year. I think I just got over whelmed. Long story short, I made some horrible and in true accusations about him out of my own insecurity and he flipped saying to handle my insecurities somewhere else, he can’t handle his daughters ups and downs and mine too. We didn’t talk the rest of the day. Then that night I posted a pic with guys and girls (friends) and he texted me saying “I knew you would do that, it’s over, were done, piss off, I don’t deserve that, it’s disrespectful and if I did it to you, you’d have a break down”. Then I tried to explain it was just friends, he barely spoke to me and then said “we will see, this was a huge red flag to what the future would hold, you accusing me of things I’ve never given you a reason to” after that he didn’t talk to me for 4 days and I have him that time. I apologized 4 days later and he accepted my appology and that he doesn’t want to live a life having to apologize for what he does or doesn’t do and he can only be the best man he knows how to be. I him I love him and he said he loved me too. I told him I missed him and he said the same. I went to his house for his daughters slumber party and things seemed better. Then the next day he got cold. And had been cold since. Our parents are meeting this weekend and he asked me when I showed up for the first time if we were all still going and I said yes. So what happened? Where’s the affection, I love you, good nights and good morning Princess’? I’ve had to say good night and good morning and his response is so vague. It’s starting to hurt my feelings. It’s been going on for one day now. Help? He did ask me to text him when I got home
    And he went to the store to get my Advil without him even asking. I’m just confused with the behavior. What do I do?

  27. Suzane Daniel
    January 14, 2014 | 1:17 am

    My name is Suzanne Daniel and me and my guy were together for 1yr i had a amazing time with him, we work in the same office i love him a alot but in past i did a mistake talking to another guy on messages, and he found out and we had a big fight and we broke up he didn’t spoke to me for a long time i convinced him to forgive me and promised him not to do all this again, but just like 2 days back we again had a fight over a MSG which went by mistake which stated “if someone sees us then what” i was thinking something and typed something and sent to him by mistake i tried explaining the same to him but he wouldn’t believe me.. and messaged me saying leave me alone don’t message or call me.. its really getting so hard for me to be without him as we work together.. and i know even he loves me so much.. he even texted saying i hate you.. just over that message the thinks i am talking again to some other guy. which is not true. my Jesus knows it..
    please advice me something to get him back in my life.. cause i love him alot.

    • admin
      January 14, 2014 | 5:50 pm

      ARe you doing NC?

      • Suzane Daniel
        January 15, 2014 | 12:24 am

        I didn’t understand what do you mean by NC

    • admin
      January 14, 2014 | 5:50 pm

      ARe you doing NC?

      • Suzane Daniel
        January 15, 2014 | 12:44 am

        my choice would be him. cause i love him and i want him in my life any one

        • Suzane Daniel
          January 15, 2014 | 3:06 am

          its getting so hard for me to be without him.. we work in the same office and its so hard i love him alot i guess i am sounding to desperate. but i need him back in my life, he never initiate any messaging but yes he dose reply to all my msgs But he says i have cheated on him over that message (but i haven’t cheated him) please advice need help to get him back.

          • marsha
            February 11, 2014 | 3:02 am

            hi suzane, the admin want you to do NC (no contact rule that he invent). Have you done it?

  28. rebeca
    January 13, 2014 | 8:09 pm

    Hi, I’ve been with my boyfriend only four months but I’m 28 single mother of 3 and he is 40. He seems like the type of man I want to settle down with. we had been having some trouble because I worked at his business and couldn’t separate the business from our relationship,I’m a real jealous person and possesive too. I know I can drive a man nuts and push him away. So I did … and he fired me. We stayed together for a few days but I was really bothered by his action of leaving me without a job knowing I have my kids. Just because he could separate things. I think he is a good man but we both messed up. Me and my jealousy and him firing me. So eventually like a week later I said goodbye and wished him the best. . . This was three days ago and now that I think about it I’m so scared he will find somebody else. I haven’t texted him nor called him. . . Oh and he has always said that when it’s over, it’s over. But I know he cares about me. Do u think he’ll call.

    • admin
      January 14, 2014 | 5:35 pm

      If you do NC he might.

  29. natalie
    January 10, 2014 | 1:56 am

    Me and my boyfriend had been together for a year 1 1/2 and have known each other for 7. in the end we was living together. we had our little petty fights and brokeup but within a few hours we would get back together after we had cooled off. we had only been living with each other for about 5 months. 2 months ago he started a business and i helped him build it from the ground up. When we broke up it was really bad we had slept through the alarm and was running late for work. One part of our fight was that he said that im a totally different person when i have my kids. It didnt help the fact that we was slightly hungover, lol it was New Years after all. We was stressed because we was under a deadline and we started snapping at each other and it got out of control, you know the usual yelling and saying hurtful things like i hate you and calling each other names. i had pushed him and i actually hit him because i had tripped and i thought he did it on purpose (which he didnt) i just wasnt paying attention because i was so angry. My ex before him was abussive that way and when something like happenes in a fight its like my mind automatically wants to think hes the same, which i know that he is not and will not ever hurt me that way. We loved each other very much, i still do, of course. its been a week so far and i have talked to him once and that was today. Do i still have a chance to get him back or is he gone for good, i feel likehe hates me which who could blame him for what i did. i told him that i was sorry. we have always made up before and have other serious fights just not to this extent.

  30. lindsey
    January 5, 2014 | 9:17 pm

    I had a boyfriend who I felt safe and loved been with him. But I treated him bad, I didnt meant to I just didnt knew how to handle my self. I used to get very jealous and got mad when he talk to girls…he stop doing that. We had got in a big fight when he was talking to this girl I got really jealous when he sent her a winky face and he still wanted to talk to her because supposly they were bestfriends. He left her for I would be happier. We fought because I used to get mad at little things too, but I really love him. He made me realize after my break up that things arent always going to be my way. He gaved me a second chance I messed it up by giving an attitude because he didnt knew if he was going to come to my house for my birthday and that same we were going to make 9 months or if he to go to his cousins 15. I got mad and he started to say how I have manipulated him, yes I get that I had cut my self once because I didnt knew what to do, I promised him I wouldnt do it again a long time ago but he still mention it he said that I will always be a jealous type and how he wants to talk to other girls because he told me that back then girls were who got along with he said that the guys he were friends with were assholes. And he kept blamming things on me…he said how if we were to stay friends if it would be weird…when he said that I started crying…he told me a story of his life that I never knew..then he broke up with me…i wanted to change his mind so I kept saying dont or I love you please dont do this…. now he deleted me and my family from social media such as facebook and he deleted all of our mom had called him on new years eve saying why …and since I hadnt stop crying and I was outside all day and was getting sick…he said what he told me to my mom and how he didnt loved me anymore ,how he had snap out and didnt love me. My mom left him alone sister in law called him because of me..i was getting highly depressed and same thing…he said to her that only spoiled people cry and trow tantrums..i thought to my self not spoiled if I rarely can even eat everyday..and such…after that I been searching here on google trying to know how to get him back..i love him and I had told him that I regret treating him like that and so on and I told his brother that I love his brother and how I was going to not bother non ofthem and for his brother to just have time to think . But that was it. After that I deactivated my facebook. I now woken up since he’s gone of how I did things and now I have cleared my mind and now know how and what I should change because yes I was a pain in the ass, but now I know and I am changing because I think its necessary and I told him I was going to change and everything but I dont think he believes it. I want to win his heart back ,but I dont know how I love him dearly I always told him I love his and I always told him how I aprecciated what he has done for me I said thank you. Please help me how to win him back. Ive been searching for reverse pshycology ,but I dont have the money to afford it…please help me. It’ll mean soo much too me, I really do love him.i havent talk to him.. no contact (NC),
    ever since he left me which was on dec 31st its been almost a week (about to be 5 days) and my birthday is almost here jan 8th might be depressing since in that same day we would of made 9 months. I want him back..i havent put pressure on him last message i had sent him was of me changing and how i thank him for telling me what i did wrong and i was going to change, and i know i shouldnt change for anybody but he is not just anyone to me. He i smore than that. Have any tips on how to win his heart back? Please help. He hasnt talk to me at all..

    • admin
      January 6, 2014 | 6:21 pm

      Actually my best tip is to spend some time reading this site. There is so much information that it is definitely worth it.

    • La
      March 17, 2014 | 5:05 am

      Hey Lindsey,
      How are you doing? I share parts of your story but I think you need to stop blaming yourself because that’s what I did in my past relationships. I have anger management issues and all my relationships have ended because of it. I recently had a breakup with a person who was my friend for a long period of time. I kept on getting angry and upset at little things he would do. My anger was so bad that I was constantly breaking up and then I would feel bad and ask him to be with me. I really liked him even though we dated like 2 months or so. I regret that I hurt him but at the same time glad because I know I needed to focus on myself. See I have always hated myself and I love to blame everything on myself but now I am trying to make myself happy and try to better myself for me. I am not resolving my anger management to show him that it wouldn’t happen; but instead, I am doing it for myself and I am figuring out why I react to things in that way. Don’t get me wrong, I miss him a lot and that’s the reason, I am on the site but its only to stop myself from contacting him. Its hard, really hard. because I am in the midst of my last finals of my undergraduate year, and got offered a job after graduation and instead all I want to do is weep. I only eat to stop my acid reflux or else I would have starved. Even though, I want to weep, I don’t ever want to look back on life where I tell myself that I could have accomplished something instead at that moment instead of staying bummed over him. I keep moving forward, maybe he’ll be back in my life and then I would feel foolish about crying in the first place or maybe I will find a better awesome more caring person, and also feel foolish because I cried over someone that was no longer part of my life. I am reading a lot of self help books as well, for the longest time I thought htey were pathethic but they help. I hope at this point you are happy, and remember you are not in at it alone. Don’t make him feel sorry for you because that will drive him away. You need to love and respect yourself first <3

  31. lily
    December 30, 2013 | 6:15 am

    hi chris. since me and my bf broke up, i searched ways on how to get him back in the internet and i found your site the most authentic/ no bs of them all. anyways, here is my story.

    we’ve been together for 1yr and 6mos. the rel is doing pretty well. we’ve given each other enough space and just from time to time, i commit little jealousies but it doesn’t turn into fights. anyways when we fight, we are not mean to each other. most of our fights are through chat. we hadn’t yelled at each other or called each other names. when we fight, we usually won’t talk for 3-4days. i’d let him cool down for awhile and let him initiate the conversation again. we had many mock break ups in the past but this one right now feels real. during our last fight, i got so pissed of with him that i deleted our facebook relationship status. then when i calmed down, i added it again but he wont accept it. he said that maybe it’s better for us to be separate from each other in the mean time. i told him if he doesnt want a relationship with me anymore. he said that he don’t know and he’s confused and he doesn’t have any answers right now. the reason of our last fight is that bec i felt taken for granted for the past month and i just kept it to myself, then when he took me for granted again, i am not able to hold back my self and emotions anymore, i nagged him and told him what he should /should not do. so that’s the start of our last fight and the reason of the break up.

    i am in no contact with him for already 6days and i think i am managing well, i can maintain no contact for 30days but i am worrying that he might move on and not care for me anymore. :( during christmas, he didn’t greet me, and during my bday, i didn’t get any greeting from him either. now it is his bday and i didn’t greet him in return LOL.

    i just wanted for us to get back together and improve our relationship. i hope that there’s still a chance between us

  32. cynthia
    December 29, 2013 | 9:29 pm

    well my problem is big: my boyfriend and i met by coincidence and then we started to date we stayed together for about 1 month and a half before we break up and all that time before breaking up he showed me he was a very good boyfriend one day i went to see a movie with him alone. after the movie finished i asked him to drive me home he was realy nice but someone called him then he started to change when i looked at him i felt he was annoyed.the second day i sended him a message asking to see him but no reply the other day the same thing !! we stayed about 4 days without talking,i felt so sad and mad!!! & boom he talked to me after 5 days at midnight i thought i was going to be happy but it was the opposite he wrote me hey sory for this but i need to tell you our relationship isn’t working out we need to break up and besides that i am going on a trip to jordan ( this was true he was going on a trip ) .once i opened facebook and saw this i wanted to cry very bad and once he saw me online he wrote me we only see each other once every year i want my girlfriend to be with me every night!!like are you kiding me before these 5 days i sended you 2 messages asking to see you! i closed my account and never answered him the next day he sended me another message saying good luck in your life i also didn’t answer
    2 months passed when it was summer and he was at jordan with his family and i was here falling apart because of him and his attitude because at this time every single moment i tried to erase him from my memory but he tries speaking with me first on facebook then on viber but i never answered.
    when he came back from jordan my school has already started and then one night he sended me a msg saying hi at this moment i said helo he asked how r u before i answer he called me by my name he said r u in a relationship with somebody i said not yet then he said i need to see u cz there is something good i want to tell you so i laughed he said why r u laughing i said because of u lies then he told me do you know why we broke up i told him i don’t want to know he started lying and said because i didn’t want to hurt you i was leaving to jordan … ilaughed another time and said see you also lied to me at the begining of the reason you broke up with me !all he started saying was please forgive me and give me only this chance,i didn’t answer him.after 2 days we had a party that my school organised i talked to him and asked him to come ! he came like a wind once he saw me there was a big smile on his face he moved closer to me and kissed me on my cheek and why should i lie i felt the same thing once i saw him i wanted to run and hug me till forever but no i stayed simple.(and here i need to point out to something danger : he told that he started a relationship with a girl in jordan which means each 2 months he can’t stay with the same girl he always needs to change )
    after this party 2 days ago i went to see him in a restaurant with my friend (girl) he brought with him his friend and so she did but there was one thing i didn’t know about it that he challenged my friend in the party while i was dancing with a boy that my friend (girl)can’t make my cousin (who was at the party)dance with her anyway before we go to the restaurant i told him to stay away from her and don’t try talk with her very much but instead when we all sat together he asked my cousin to move from next to her and went and sat right next to her i tried to stay cool and didn’t say anything although he know i will be very upset ( the point is once i started to talk to him again he thought i forgot everything that happened before)
    beacuse of my severe exams it passed a month without seeing him but i was talking to him always on viber or facebook or even calling him and one day he toold me there is agirl who talked to me and said she would do anything for me if i accept to see her .itold him simply :good .after a week there was another party that my school organised so i asked him if he would like to come with me he said yes so i bought him a ticket ( after a huge fight about wanting him to pay for both of tickets).i had to go to the party before him with this girl cz i didn’t know where was the place this girl when she entered she directly went toward a couple of guys so i went with her one of those guys i think i likded him he asked me r u in a relationship i said yes then he said is ur boy coming i said also yes .so i told my friend come on lets go and sit somewhere else she said no so i turned my back and started to leave to another table this guy told “u made like u and now u r going to leave me ” i said nothing i just left .he asked my friend if i realy have a boyfriend she told him yes she does and she told him his name .the surprise was that my boyfriend was his neighboor and they are bestfriends i talked to my boy and asked him to come very quickly and then he came and saw his friend . while we were at the party my friend and whispered in my ear bcz of the loud noise and sais come sit with us i told her i won’t and besides that i don’t know anyone of ur friends she said bring your boy with you and u also know that new guy so i just mocked her and said nooo why won’t he come and sit with us ( i was mocking her so i can make her understand that my answer is no )
    3 seconds and boom that new guy came and sat right next to me and not right next to his friend (bcz this girl told him that i told her to tell him to come and sit next to me so i can make my boy jealous !! like why did she do that i never asked her to do such thing so i said nothing and each time my boy moved his face away from me his friend starts pinching me and say i’m better than him i swear . when this guy left i told my boyfriend that his friend is annoying me but there was no reaction from him !!!! after a while this guy came and said to my boy i want to dance with her my boy didn’t try to say no he said sure why not i looked at him and i was very angry cz i just told him his friend is annoying me anyway i just went there and danced with him but this guy he was trying to get very near from me so i just tried t stay away then told him i need to go and check on my boy (although my boy was every single minute watching me )this guy said to me ok but i’m waiting for you to come back or i will get sad i told him i don’t care my boy is important. at the party my boy went to the bathroom for 1 min so this guy came hold ed my hand and took me next to his friend and said give me ur number i told him no then he looked at me surprised and replied ok i will bring it my way and we never spoked to each other at the party cz i left me and my boy and my friend with her boy also.the next day i told my cousin everything that happened with me all he said don’t try talking to him and don’t give him ur number and he also said that he will talk to my boy bcz he have shouldn’t treat me like that at the party and say nothing to that guy. the same old story started to happen again with me aftar the party i talked to him and asked to see him he didn’t answer the other day the same thing but meanwhile this guy took my number and talked to me i was shocked so i told my cousin and he said block him so i did then he tried calling me but i didn’t answer and then sended me a msg saying thanks for the block but i was just trying to help u and ur boy .
    i took screenshots of everything he said to me and sended them to my cousin and then my cousin said does ur boy knows anything of these i told him if ur asking about what happened at the party then yes i told him everything at the party but he didn’t do anything about it and if u r asking about what this guy said to me now then no because he is not answering me .
    my cousin talked to my boy and explained for him the situation then my boy talked to me and said why u didn’t say he was talking to u i said if u have answered me u have would known
    at the same night my cousin and my boy went to that guy and had a big argument with him and all what that guy said was i asked him to come and sit right next to me and that ianswered him when he called me !!!!!!!!!!! like what the hell is wrong with him why every body is lying and saying something i never said whats wrong with u people??? the big surprise for me was that both my boy and cousin believed that guy and not me!! the other day i went with my friends to have launch and then go shopping this girl that made me this problem came with me while i was choosing a gift for my boy for his birthday and since it was christmas also so i choosed a gift for him and prepared everything (although it has been over 3 days and he didn’t speak to me )on christmas eve i’ve sended him a msg saying merry christmas for u and ur family ..(he didn’t answer).at 8 pm he talked to me i was happy (just like before it happening the same)he talked to me and said hey where r u i am at the restaurant with my exgirlfriend and her friend . i was very shocked from his attitude so he said ok atleast i told you. my friend asked me did u break up with him i told her why then she said cz he is in the restaurant with his ex i told her i know he just told me . she said i will ask her maybe he is lying i told her no don’t but nooo she called my boy’s ex and humiliated her infront of my boy then here my boy got angrier from me and he thought that i asked her to do that and called my cousin immediately and told him what happened then my cousin called me and said what is going on r u still talking to that girl i explained the situation but he still refused to believe me like the first time i talked to my boy at that moment he was shouting and saying we don’t need to talk and there’s nothing to talk about it so i didn’t continue talking to him and i said to my cousin that i will send him my boy’s gift and i want him to give it to him and he find him so upset from me to tell him that i want to break up . and it’s been about 4 days that i haven’t opened whatsapp and haven’t speak to neither one of them and besides that i’ve send my cousin more than 3 messages asking him if he gave my boy his gift and if he told him i want to break up with him.but no answer till now !!!!
    i don’t know what i should do i am realy mad of them bcz they trusted the wrong person and not me and atleast my boy (if we r still in a relationship together)should send me atleast a message thanking me for the gift and besides that i believe he did that because he doesn’t want to bring me a gift for christmas
    so what should i do i don’t want to lose him another time it’s hard for me to stay away from him i need a big helpp !!!!!!!!i don’t know wether i’m still with him in a relationship or no :(

    • admin
      December 30, 2013 | 8:19 pm

      Well, are you doing NC?

      What have you done? Have you read this sites guides?

  33. Charlotte
    December 26, 2013 | 7:41 am

    Hi Chris

    My boyfriend and I broke up two months ago. i did a month of NC and then we were slowly dating again and working on getting back together, until XMAS eve happened.
    His friends and their parents were coming around for dinner and he wanted me to come. When I got there, he said that they were going to Mass and that I would have to go. I’m not against religion at all and have my own beliefs and he knows this. I said that I would be able to go as I don’t believe in it. He got upset and said he didn’t want to make them feel awkward, he doesn’t believe in religion but is going just to make it an easy night. We had a few words and in the end I gave up.
    Mass time comes and he said that were going to stay behind and clean up while they go. They were fine with it, no problem at all.
    Anyways, they come back we have wine and a sing song, they leave and i just got so upset. Everything from our relationship that I was upset came out. He said to go to sleep which got me more upset, because that was always his answer when this happened. Never deal with anything, just go to sleep, or go for a walk. So i kept my mouth running and it ended up being a yelling match, we pushed each other and I just let everything out, what I knew he had done with another girl while we were dating, all the problems that had built up over our 18 month relationship it came out of my mouth. We eventually went to sleep. In the morning I apologised for my disgraceful disrespectful behaviour. We hugged and he said there is no way we are ever getting back together, you need to go and do some soul searching. We had an eight hour journey to our home city for xmas. It was a peaceful lovely journey, we talked calmly, he asked me what was going in my head why i exploded. I told him. He still stuck by his words of us not getting back together. I didn’t argue with him, REALISTICALLY knew it was the right thing, but IDEALLY want us to work through this and become one and better.
    His mother has a very influential stand in his life. He can do no wrong in his mothers eyes and she always takes his side, so I know he told his mum about the fight and asked what she said and he said that she said not to get back together with me.
    Am i a delusional idiot to think in due time, we can be together again?
    It was a massive fight. I am going NC again. Will this work?

    • admin
      December 26, 2013 | 6:27 pm

      It can work yes.

  34. Nicole
    November 26, 2013 | 5:32 pm

    When I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday, I broke up with him first & then I started verbally fighting with him. I started questioning him about why he did/didn’t do certain things. He of course didn’t answer because I had already broken up with him. I don’t know what I feel for him anymore. I want to be with him, but after I ended it I started to feel this weight lift off of my shoulders. Why do I feel this way? Is it possible to slightly want someone, but not want them at the same time? I’m so confused right now, but I’m also happy that I don’t have to go through various mood swings every day. I hopefully did all of my crying yesterday. I talked to my best friend about everything last night & she told me to give him some space. I’m honestly scared that I’ll give him space, but then I won’t want to try to fix the situation because I’ll have moved on. I know we both have to want to fix the relationship, but I know my ex so well. I know he’s not going to make the first move because I was the one who got upset, so he’ll be waiting on me to calm down & contact him. At least I hope so. (Out of all the times we had a fight, only one time did he contact me first, but I still had to tell him that we could fix this.) (I think he only wants to fix things if I want to, otherwise he’ll just stay quiet.)
    My plan was to wait until next monday to talk to him. I was going to call his house, ask if he’s home, alright, & if I can come over. If things don’t go well then I guess I’ll just leave the relationship in the past.

    What really upset me was that he spent his time on Facebook talking to another girl, right in front of me! He never texted me back after 6pm on sunday. Before he stopped texting me, he told me that he had posted something on Facebook that was for me. I hadn’t been on in a few hours, so I thought he had posted something new. Sure enough it was the post that I had already seen. The post was: “I have a crush on her & she doesn’t even know it.” I replied about 30 minutes after he texted me because I was busy with something. So maybe he thought I wasn’t too invested in the conversation. I don’t know, I don’t want to make excuses for his actions. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or what. I just don’t believe he should be neglecting me to have a silly conversation with someone else. Also a few weeks ago, this girl texted him while he was showing me something on his phone. I asked him who is she & he told me, she’s just a friend, you can go on her Facebook & see she has a boyfriend. It makes me wonder why he had to tell me she has a boyfriend. I didn’t get upset with him, I just asked a harmless question. Why did he jump that far ahead? The fact that he had tell me she had a boyfriend, just makes me think there’s something more between them. I also saw that he tagged her in two posts: one was last week & the other was yesterday.
    The first post was about her not calling him. (This happened when we were still together.) The second post was this video that showed these texts saying “I really like you! Do you like me back?” The second post occurred after I had broken up with him. So I can’t really be upset about that. Anyways do you think he had this girl waiting on the sideline? Do you think this is who he’s been texting/talking to when he’s not texting/talking to me?

    I also wanted to say that I previously followed your no contact rule & was able to get back together with my ex after 2 months. I thought we got back together too soon, but I was hoping that he would be a better boyfriend this time around. I know that I can let him go, but I want to try to resolve the issues first if possible.

    I really believe we can make things work, but we both have a lot of growing to do. Our ages really mess things up, I’m 19 & he’s 20. I’m turning 20 next month & he’ll be 21 in february. I think I’ve slightly outgrown the relationship & that really scares. I’m just so unsure of everything right now & it’s really scary. Sometimes I want him back, but then I think about how normal I feel again. I think I just need to be free of him & find out by myself if I want him back.

    What do you think I should do? Is he possibly emotionally cheating? Should I even try to fix things? Should I do no contact? (I really don’t want to.) Thanks, sorry that I’m so confused right now.

    • admin
      November 26, 2013 | 8:25 pm

      May I ask why you want him back if you think he is cheating?

      • Nicole
        November 26, 2013 | 10:06 pm

        It’s just a thought that runs across my mind. I slightly want him back because I think we can work this out. Every time I have accused him or thought he was cheating, I have been wrong. So I believe I’m wrong once again. Because I’ve accused him of cheating in the past, he might be doing it now. I’m not saying he’s cheating, I’m just thinking about the bad possibilities. Yesterday when I broke up with him, I thought I was doing the right thing. I still think I made a good decision for right now, but that could change over time. I think we both need space from each other.

        • admin
          November 27, 2013 | 7:26 pm

          Well give eachother some space then.

          • Nicole
            November 28, 2013 | 5:57 am

            Would it be too early to talk to him on Monday?

            • admin
              November 28, 2013 | 5:58 am

              Up to you completely!

  35. Tanisha
    November 9, 2013 | 5:51 am

    I had a horrible fight with my boyfriend…both of us did certain mistakes but I don’t think that he will come back..I really truly love him and want him back in my life….it was a 6 month of relationship!! We had 3 times break up but it was all his mistakes in those…and after sometimes he realises it and apologise to me!! but this time this one is a terrific fight between us and it was of no such reason please help me what to do….how to get my love back to me again?

    • admin
      November 10, 2013 | 1:03 am

      Sorry about the fight. Are you doing a NC?

      • Tanisha
        November 10, 2013 | 5:43 am

        yess im trying to do..but im afrain that he’ll find a new girlfriend in these 30 days..what to do im very depressed!!

        • admin
          November 10, 2013 | 9:56 pm

          Just remain calm and trust in the NC rule!

  36. Emily
    November 4, 2013 | 11:29 am

    Hi Chris! I’m desperate for your help! My ex and I just broke up not to long ago. We lived together and were always around each other. This caused us to fight a lot, about little things like “you don’t give me enough attention” or anything a simple as figuring out what to have for dinner that night. He was always busy because he is a music producer, and I never really had anything to do so I would bug him and I felt bad because I thought he wasn’t giving me any attention, but the truth is I just had nothing to do! We still fought and eventually it got to a point where we broke up. About a week after we broke up I moved out and back home to live with my family. Now we live a state away, but he is moving back to our hometown (where I currently live) within this month. He told me we can’t be together because we are on “different wavelengths”. Before I left he told me he still loved me and cared about me. We left on good terms, and the time we were broken up and still living together we were perfectly fine and getting along. We talked the first few nights when I moved back home but after that I used your no contact rule, but only stopped speaking to him for two weeks (darn me). The only reason I talked to him was because I owed him money for rent and wanted to let him know the money was on it’s way. We ended up chatting about food and how each others Halloween’s went. I really want him back. I was convinced he was the love of my life. I was going through a deep depression my whole life, and when I met him I became soo happy. Not just because I was with him, but because he is the smartest man I’ve ever known, and has given me so much advice on life and how to view things. I had such a negative view on the world and my life while he had a beautiful view on everything. He was my inspiration. He is so smart and charming and I can’t seem to give up on him. He is my dream man. He has made my life so much better by helping me make my own life better. He has given me some of the best advice in the world and I don’t want to lose him. Being with him gave me more of an advantage to take his advice. He is such an extraordinary human being and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He makes me happy, even when we’re not together. But I’m afraid, because I was happier when I was with him. I’m happy today, but something’s missing, and it’s not just love. I’ve tried to talk to other men who seemed interested but nothing could compare to him. He is the only man I’m attracted to. How can I fix this?! I feel so empty, like something is missing, like he’s missing. I would appreciate it so much if you could help, I’m honestly desperate for your opinion and help!

    • admin
      November 4, 2013 | 6:14 pm

      Have you tried NC yet?

  37. DZ
    November 2, 2013 | 11:08 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I have a very short question. I apologized to my ex and he accepted my apology. What is the next step?

    • admin
      November 3, 2013 | 5:36 pm

      Well, are you pre-NC, in-NC or post NC?

      • DZ
        November 3, 2013 | 10:07 pm

        Well, I actually don’t know. I tried NC and completed it, but after that it wasn’t working out like I expected. We got into a fight and didn’t talk anymore. I didn’t count the days, but I think we didn’t talk for more than 30 days. Yesterday he start talking to me and I saw it as the right moment to apologize. I really want him back and don’t know what to do next.

        • admin
          November 4, 2013 | 5:16 pm

          Hmmm… well, have you read any of the general get your ex back guides on this site?

  38. kpcj
    October 18, 2013 | 12:26 pm

    Hi chris just love this site.Well anyway me n my son father have been together 4 yrs n have been going through hell n back lately.we had a big fight bc I spoke to one of friends on fb.The fact of the thing is i gave him my password to look at my stuff bc I had nothing to hide.then all of a sudden he tells me he needs time to his self which just left me all upset.Want to try the nc rule bc it hurts to talk to someone i love but dont KNOW how to when our son is do i do that n do u think we will get back together.

  39. melashnie
    September 28, 2013 | 12:34 pm

    Hi Chris
    I an in desperate need of some advice please. My bf and I have been dating for 2 and a half years. With the last year and a half being long distance. We had such a perfect relationship. We handled fights well. We talk every day through instant msging. We also gave each other time to do other things like hanging with friends etc. A few weeks ago he moved to a new house and he also had lots of tests that week (we both are at varsity). So we hardly spoke due to moving and tests and then his aunt came from uncle so he was spending time with him. So we went through over a week without having a proper convo. I wanted more. He didn’t see that he wasn’t giving me time coz he said he spoke when he can. Then from that time onwards, he started putting less effort. And I started nagging coz things are changing. Then it kept going on and on like this for 3 weeks. And then, he suddenly exploded when I got upset and it was the first time he told me he was feeling pushed away. And we had a huge fight. We both said hurtful stuff. Broke it off last night. And now the whole day he didn’t contact me. So I phoned him. Then he started calling me baby and saying it was just a fight. What do I do? Is it possible to bounce back from everything if he feels he can’t tell me things anymore? Thanks.

    • admin
      September 29, 2013 | 11:49 pm

      It is very possible. You might want to check out my long distance post. You might get more out of that.

  40. Carmen
    September 15, 2013 | 7:07 pm

    Hi Chris. Thanks for putting this site together. It’s obvious you’ve put a lot of work into it. Here’s my situation – hoping you can tell me if you think it’s hopeless and what I should do from here. My ex boyfriend and I were together for 4 years, lived together for three. We each have a kid, and they bonded and got along well. My ex and I were madly in love for most of our time together. We were very compatible, had great chemistry and energy between us, spent every day together, had the same tastes, same values, made each other laugh, had a great sex life and were best friends. We rarely fought. We endured a lot if stressful situations that wore us down an brought out the worst in us. He became distraught and distant the last few months of our relationship. Which made me insecure. But still, just before he dumped me, we were making plans for the future. It was always our dream to grow old together and retire in Hawaii. But then we had a huge fight. It escalated until he blew up and said we were done and I had to move out. It was a huge shock to me, to my friends
    and family. I wanted no other man, and believed he was the one, my soul mate. He had been so loving and sweet to me… and now he was filled with rage at me. SO hard to understand or deal with. He couldn’t deal with my drama, my insecurity, my threats to leave (which I never meant but he took it seriously). I spent the first weeks hanging around hoping he would come to his senses, but it seemed only to annoy him. He avoided and ignored me and my kid. Then one night, a few weeks after he dumped me, I found him in our bed with another woman he claimed to meet online a couple days prior. He was so cruel and cold blooded towards me. It’s been the worst time of my life. (We had also been remodeling a house that was going to be our house for the next 15 years…). I moved out the next day, and it was a scene. An ugly scene that only made my ex angrier. He insisted we’d never get together again. He was cruel and spiteful. My kid and I lived in a hotel until we could find an apartment. Since our break up, which was 4 months ago, we have stayed in contact but he hardly ever initiates contact. I tried NC but I can’t do it!! I’m still a wreck… Lost a ton of weight, can’t eat can’t sleep, am in therapy… Anyway he and I went on a date a couple weeks after I moved out. I slept over of course. In fact we’ve had sex about 5 times since breaking up. Each time though, he says he doesn’t want to give me false hope of reconciliation. I tried the ‘friends’ approach but it wa too painful, since he is dating now and it hurts to be with him without being ‘with’ him. The thought of him with another woman makes me nuts!! :(. We are in our 40s btw. He seems to be adamant about pushing me away, but then he almost always responds to my texts and agrees to see me. I know he loved me completely when we were together. Even after dumping me he said we’d never find another partner who is as compatible as we were. He also says we screwed up a good thing. I think he is afraid to get back with me only to break up again or be hurt. He also is very angry at my family (who went nuts on him after I found him with that woman). And he’s pissed at me because I went on a Facebook rampage after that incident and aired all our dirty laundry. I’m not sure he can go back… but I have been trying to work on my emotions and relationship skills. I have come up with a way we can start a new relationship slowly. I sent him a love letter type email a week or so ago. He didn’t reply, but later when I asked him, he said it was all true, that it hurts to think about how great thing were. I don’t know what to do. I worry that he is just using me or stringing me along, although it is always me contacting him. I think if I backed off he would never contact me. He is very stubborn and determined and persistent. I doubt he would abandon his mission to get over me and move on… Please help!!’

    • admin
      September 16, 2013 | 5:07 am

      Airing the dirty laundry wasn’t the best for your situation obviously.

      I do think you need to back off though. You don’t want to be put in the bad territory for seeming “crazy.” You will talk to him eventually don’t worry.

  41. Jasmin
    September 12, 2013 | 3:57 pm

    Hi my name is jasmin my boyfriend has not been giving me any time and has been acting strange so last Saturday I looked through his phone so now he is mad and feels low bc looked around..I trust him but it’s how he was acting we just moved in together two months ago and lived with his mom for a year and been dating for 3 years..I have been crying trying to talk to him and he want talk to me plz help me I don’t want to lose the man of my dreams

    • admin
      September 13, 2013 | 3:58 am

      So are you two broken up now? Kind of confused sorry.

      • Jasmin
        September 13, 2013 | 1:59 pm

        No we are not broken up…he want talk to me bc I have asked if we were still together but he never said anything..

        • admin
          September 13, 2013 | 6:26 pm

          Well, I would say work this out first before you try anything on this site. Figure out where you and him stand.

  42. Isabella
    September 7, 2013 | 4:15 pm

    My ex and I were really good friends for about three or four months before we started dating. A week before he left on a trip that would put him halfway across the world, he started a relationship with me. When he got there he wasn’t treating me very well, and it always felt like he wanted to end our Skype calls quickly. I called him out on it. We fought over it. One of the girls on the trip with him took his phone, read through our fight, and replied to it. He defended her at the time. He ended the Skype call where I confronted him about it promising to call me back, and never did. I flipped out in messages. I wanted to fix things, though, because I knew him before the relationship and I knew that wasn’t how he acted, EVER.

    He got home in late July, and called me and dumped me over the phone. He did say he wanted to stay friends, though. I gave him space, as he requested, and demanded answers to some of my questions I had about our relationship. I got them over a Skype call, and I discovered he was as hurt and confused by our relationship as I had been. I essentially told him any friendship was in his hands, and I told him he had to show me if he wanted me in his life.

    Well, the last time we had a conversation was over three weeks ago, and it was over a stupid book. I sat, texting him and crying. I can’t be ‘just friends’ with him. I texted him something dumb and trivial about cats or something on the 19th of august, and didn’t get a reply. I decided to not try anymore, and accidentally implemented the no contact rule. We’re not facebook friends anymore(I did this on my own) or skype contacts. I’m not talking to him right now.

    I’m hearing from his friends that he wants to stay friends, and has complained about me “moving on”(HA), and has also had a rebound hookup that went wrong. However, I’m also hearing them say that he’ll never date me again(the last time I heard this was a week ago).

    I have a theory that he’s scared to pursue a relationship with me. We both got hurt,and as friends had never fought like that. I feel like he believes that I act like a different person when we stick a label on our feelings for each other and act upon them.

    I really want him back in my life and for me to be back in his arms. I miss him like hell. We made each other better. We could tell when the other one wasn’t okay based on texting patterns(also, he broke his phone this summer, from what i’ve heard). We could make each other laugh with bad puns and jokes no one else found funny. I don’t want a few weeks of miscommunication and 13 hour time differences and fighting to ruin months of friendship and a blooming relationship.

    I haven’t seen him since before he left on this trip he was on. I don’t know when I’ll see him next, but it’s not within the next two weeks. That’s all I know. I will have to see him, though, as we do volunteer work on the same crew. Please, help. It’s been over a month since he dumped me, two since I’ve seen him, and the absence has only made my heart grow fonder.

    • admin
      September 7, 2013 | 11:59 pm

      Yea, what you hear from friends you can’t always rely on. There are things I tell my friends about how I am feeling that aren’t really true. You don’t want to seem weak by telling your friends that you would date your ex again.

      • Isabella
        September 8, 2013 | 12:07 am

        Yeah, I’ve stopped talking to our mutual friends about him.

        What do I do the next time I see him?

        • admin
          September 8, 2013 | 4:24 pm

          Do you mean if you see him in person again?

          Act confident, have no fear, be really happy and calm. Just be the best version of yourself.

          • Isabella
            September 8, 2013 | 11:34 pm

            Thank you!

  43. vanessa
    July 18, 2013 | 5:02 am

    haha. a lot of people find it funny, at this point im just terrified. i havent had any contact with him in about 4 weeks.. almost 5.well thats a lie. i txted him on satuday, about a hot air ballon ride we have had schedule for about a year now, and when we spoke about it last he said he was going to give me the tickets back.. then i showed up at his house and he mentioned it but didnt really say much about it, i was trying to keep it very giggly and light, but the next day he had the chance to give them back and didnt. anyways i txted him asking him to please change everything ot my name unless he was planning on going with me, and instead he just said id be more than happy to do that for you.. about half an hour later, he txted me saying “whose the man! i changed it for october, that wya youll have some room to adjust any dates, have a blessed day” i responded thanks you too and that was it. his tone was very nonchalant, specially bc hes not the kind to be saying have a blessed day. SO as happy as i am to hear that you think that he is interested, he hasnt made any attempt to contact me at all. :( isnt that a sign? or doesnt really matter? so no. im not really txting him at all, that was it.. hes going on a family vacation next sunday for a week and will have no phone access… obviously, i think hes resistant on hanging out and having contact bc if he do he knows well get back together. he even told me that when i saw him and was trying to get some questions answered.. he also mentioned that he realized he had an amazing woman and a great future but also felt like he was 24 and wanted and needed to focus on himself and meet people.. what do you think is my best next step?

    • admin
      July 19, 2013 | 1:43 am

      Well, I think you should stay in NC for a little bit longer.

      • van
        July 19, 2013 | 2:02 am

        how much longer do you suggest?

        • admin
          July 19, 2013 | 2:13 am

          Try another month

          • van
            July 19, 2013 | 2:25 am

            ughhh!! i guess it cant hurt? I just dont like thinking of the possibility of him loosing feelings because of the time that has gone by..

          • van
            July 22, 2013 | 10:39 pm

            help! he txted me this morning, asking me to put all our pictures on a usb because last night he wanted to look at them and didnt find any.. how do i handle this? am i nice and just say ok? or do i ask why it is relevant?

            • admin
              July 23, 2013 | 3:16 am

              If you are in NC don’t reply to him. Otherwise, I think it is ok to give em to him.

  44. vanessa
    July 17, 2013 | 4:06 am

    Hi chris,

    can i just say your site is amazing!!

    ok. so i was with my boyfriend for 3 years, it was a serious relationship, we knew the next step was basically getting engaged. we didnt live together but we live a mile from each other and we were together every weekend and saw each other every day. we were happy, didnt really have fights or argued, always tried new things. our only issue seemed to be that i always wanted to be with him and basically coddled him, which made me seem very dependent of him. one day we had a bit of a discussion about space, and him wanting to have time to himself and see friends. ultimately i gave in and he went out with his friend. that night i had this terrible feeling, and i went a bit crazy and followed my instinct. well i found him leaving a strip club with his friend at mid night. we had had an issue about it previously involving the same friend. i felt so disrespected, and betrayed that i over reacted and slapped him, right away he told me it was over and that was it. keep in mind he was a bit intoxicated. it has been about 3 and a half months since our break up. we had a no contact period which made me appreciate him more and clear my thoughts and mind, and im sure it did the same for him. i have seen him about 3 times in the past month and a half. the first time i was trying to get some closure, answers to help me more forward with my life, it turned into going to get dinner, singing, and playing pool i spent the night at his place, hung out, had a great time. he told me he was still in love with me bla bla bla but two days later he tells me he has no intentions of getting back together with me. that next weekend i saw him, more like showed up at his house at 6 am.. i know not good. but it could have been worse, he was very nice i figured he would just let me sleep and kick me out as soon as i woke up. that did not happen, he actually invited me to go the gym with him, and we flirted, and joked, very relaxed environment which amazing because i wanted to show him that we can still have fun together. it has been a month since this last meeting and i know nothing about him. he has not contacted me or vise versa. honestly, i have begun to lose some hope, i feel as if someone misses you and wants to be with you they will come to you, yet again, even though he messed up so did i, big time, i realize that there are going to be many issues we will have to work through but i believe it is worth it. i read your blog and it gave me hope to try one more time. what are your thoughts? is it too late?


    • admin
      July 17, 2013 | 6:58 am

      You slapped him hahahahaha (I am sorry I have a horrible sense of humor)

      Well, first off I can tell that you have worked hard to be independent. Your NC period is up and youve met him three total times. I would say that he is definitely interested. I always say if you can get three one on one dates you are on the right track and you have done that (though don’t show up at his door again that’s bad form.)

      Are you texting him at all?

Leave a Reply

Wanting to leave an <em>phasis on your comment?

Trackback URL